Also, depending on how the marriage is and has been since you have been together, do you get along ,do you share anything? ,in my house we have been together for over 42 years, my husband is bipolar, on the light end but it affects his moods, I am Italian, and have a temper when pushed too far.We really don’t like each other, we are completely different ppl than what we were in the early part of our relationship, through the years there have been ruined holidays,vacations, birthdays ,it builds up like plague, now we are 67 we sleep in different rooms, we are on opposing sides of the political spectrum, we have not been involved in many years, If money ,wasn’t an issue, we probably would be separated! There is no passion, I could care less!
Younger here but similar situation. We are allowed to restart. You are allowed to restart. I am on the path of turning over the apple cart. It's a waste of time to live in misery.
If this was me, I would not remain in such a relationship, regardless of the money. Life is too short. I would rather be single. That's my two cents worth.
If you want it to be different, do something different. Find something he's interested in that you're also interested in and plan a date. If you don't share anything, you will never have intimacy.
Marriage is a thing of the past. Devices have taken over and spouses are married to them, family events are a thing of the past, Devices have become the Parent. For 2yrs now I've been a stranger in my own dam home!
Of course at the end he dodges the question about wives who decide to only be a mom and abandon her husband romantically. They always do. Never any accountability for women.
I wouldn't throw the blame entirely on the woman. Often it's the wife that feels abandoned and alone first for her to hyperfocus on the kids as a safe object to invest her love in. Not to mention the men who chose to be more selfish and less husbands or dads. In today's world the family doesn't work in the most healthiest way - the whole support system and extended family and the entire "village" that's it takes to raise a child is missing. Dumping everything on the mum. Maybe take notes from a fellow dad and what he does to not lose the romance.
@@BlueBlossomsBlues Remember, nothing can ever be a woman's fault. They are so hard done by having to sit at home and do light chores while men endure high stress, hard labour and destroy their health and youth. Good thing we equalized that!
@@halcyonzenith4411 you might be the case where I would suggest - do the manly thing of deserting and swaping the "faulty" woman but I don't know what with... the new one would still be a woman and since you like to generalise - all women - bad... Maybe look into other sexes... :)
After years of living like roommates, why would any man want her like that anymore? She has already proven that she doesn't love you, respect you or even cares about your needs. Better off taking the hit, getting the divorce, and moving on. Learning to never marry again.
I feel like eroticism is just another word for novelty/newness; which can be achieved in a long term monogamous relationship. Yet people find it easier to dump someone for grass is greener or cheat. There is comfort in someone being predictable (healthy not toxic way); people want a whole new partner level of novelty because of low attention span, instant gratification addiction and lazy selfishness. Knowing someone deeply is a blessing I feel many people do not know how to effectively execute logistically or romantically.
They want that high school feeling! You know, the feeling where you got tired of the one you were dating in high school, saw another that attracted you, so you just "broke up" with the one you were tired of and went on to your next attractive conquest! Over and over again until you matured more and decided to marry someone. No one seems to recognize how juvenile their limerant feelings are. It's like high school all over again! 😢
Sorry. I don’t know of what you’re talking about. I never tired of anyone in high school. Never had the luxury. I had plenty of crushes but lacked the nerve to approach them. Must have been nice to be you.
My one ex after we broke up was always looking for the next best guy. Always chasing some Instagram model and then finally I lost all contact with her when she kept getting rejected by dudes wayyyy out of her league. Really nice girl but she was never ever satisfied with living in the present moment and I struggle to live in the present but not because I want the next best thing. She'd make promises and then break them because of irrational worries and nothing ever being good enough. I definitely could have made things better by being more emotionally available but it was so hard at times with her. Definitely a trauma response
Seems not uncommon for couples to fall into each contributing to the household but neither having the energy or other resources to contribute to the marriage.
I challenge your wording only here - if you don’t have energy to contribute to your spouse and your relationship, it is because you have chosen to place that energy elsewhere. We all have 24 hours a day, and we all choose where and how we spend that time.
This only happens when you find out you married the wrong person and you don't want to interact that way because that person is not a source of romance and happiness anymore. People stay because of other reasons but many times they're not happy. I don't think it's possible for this to be avoided for most people.
Female? Not in my case my wife is distant sleeps in our room; and I sleep in the living room sofa. She's going thru pre menopause. I see her changes but it seems to me more she's going thru midlife crisis 😢
All stages of Menopause can be VERY DIFFICULT for many women! Believe me it is NOT a "midlife crisis" it is the radical change in ALL her hormones which she has no control over. It can be such a horrible thing struggling to feel like one's self again. She needs the help of a physician specializing in menopause and they are hard to find. OB/GYN doctors have little training in this. Estrogen supplementation can cause more harm than good, which is why she needs that specialty doctor. Although there are herbal supplements out there, they are hit and miss, meaning EACH seems to help some women, but not others. If she can't find a doctor specializing in menopause, you two may be able to get a TeleDoc online and/or by phone. Being on the outside of her Menopause looking in, since you can't actually FEEL just what she's going through, both her body and mind, you won't be able to understand. Menopausal stages have broken up many marriages when a husband decides he can't take it anymore, OR even on the wife's part when her personality has changed so much, she herself just decides she just doesn't want to be married anymore! And these have been the most loving marriages up until the menopause symptoms! 😢
Yes menopause is so real my wife went through all that be there for her but don’t smother her hopefully she eats a healthy diet to get through it …like a lot of probiotic foods for her gut health that help my wife👊🥑
When you have horrid atrophy and he’s taking meds and has sexuality you weren’t aware of when you married, roommates are all you can be. We don’t share children so why do we stay together?
That whole thing about I married my best friend is kind of absurd. One should never know how the other thinks 24/7. If someone is ever learning & growing they will stay exciting hence the passion stays alive
I like what you said in the last sentence. If someone is growing…they stay exciting. Yes! What people choose to do has more to do with them than it ever has to do with their partner. But as long as we’re working on ourselves…we will always be growing in good ways that will be naturally enticing and it lessens the need for a conscious effort every other month.
Women need to be more careful not to become a roommate after the kids are born. It requires intentional work to keep the husband sexually interested. The more his interested, the more "romantic" he will be. If his wife makes no effort, eventually he will see no point and even he will assume she doesn't want him anymore.
@@rochellea9652I don’t think it’s foolish taking some of the household burden off your spouse and doing something nice for them goes a long way it shows that you care
I'm a man in a long running men's Bible study group. Unlike women's Bible study groups that we know of, none of us will write in workbooks or split into groups and discuss how we feel about the chapter or topic. It generally works with women but genearally not with men. We enjoy talking about the meanings of the writings but not how they make us feel. And me writing down three things to surprise my spouse with this month isn't going to happen.
A dating guru from the 1990s said a very profound saying which I have followed with beneficial results - 'A woman will never truly respect her man, unless, on some level, she knows her man will leave her for good'. With my first relationship several years earlier, when I said to my first GF, if you ever nag me, I am out the door. She never did nag me. I ended the relationship several years later for other reasons. We wanted different things in life. I did not know at the time that I had made it clear that she could lose me if she did not respect me. It was only when I heard the dating guru on a talk back tv show that I realised I had unknowingly made it clear to my GF that she could lose me as he had explained. The warning to my then GF came about cos of the nagging my mom had employed with my Dad, and as a teen, I vowed I would never put up with a nagging wife.
@@thorie79 I agree, especially the respectful part. When I spoke with my then GF, it was in a low volume voice, sincere and respectful. I realised later, that stating this boundary was not necessary as she was not a woman who was inclined to nag. though the chat did set up a situation where she believed I was prepared to walk away and many years later, i realised this is necessary if a woman is going to respect her man. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
You can respect a man and still want to get away from him and be relieved when he left you for good. I know, it happened for me and I’ve stayed single ever since.
That sounds like you have no genuine relationship. Life is too short to suffer such nonsense. if it was me, I would move out instantly. lock on the door - she has no interest in you. That's what it sounds like to me.
Yes, but I have love and commitment to her no matter what. It's a promise, and I'm not stepping down without a fight; not a fight with her a fight with the idea.
How do you guys feel about that? My partner stays the whole night on the phone and when I address that we are distant and disconnected, he dismisses it by saying I’m making it bigger than what it is and he is just relaxing. It always makes me question reality.
@@BQ900 Oh! That's not the way to go. To have some time together alone from time to time and have them babysit is good and will do you both well. MONTHS at a time is too much though!
Thing is, there are many different kinds of love. Read the Bible. It’s impossible and unnecessary to try to maintain intense “physical love” for more than a few years, if that long. And that’s okay. Everywhere we turn we are made to believe that sexuality, dating, and romance are very important, and if you don’t buy into it, something is wrong with you.
@@jasonsamuel6601 In your mean-spirited comment, you didn't show me any "love"--proving just how tenuous even the smallest amount of common courtesy can be with strangers. Thanks for illustrating my point!
People were never ment to be connected to just one person. It goes against our basic wiring. Religion made it a thing as a level of control and ruined humanity. Relationships are only based on convenience.
I hate to say it but there is love after the big M and so many women who married thier nice guy or second choice walk away with the social understanding that they have a good "reason". Blame menopause and walk away. Happening alot. I'm telling you many menopause inflicted women still look at " hot" guys. Lol, men are catching on.
"What if your spouse prioritizes the kids over you? " short term, it's ok, necessary even. Long term, everyone suffers. Don't neglect the foundation.
Also, depending on how the marriage is and has been since you have been together, do you get along ,do you share anything? ,in my house we have been together for over 42 years, my husband is bipolar, on the light end but it affects his moods, I am Italian, and have a temper when pushed too far.We really don’t like each other, we are completely different ppl than what we were in the early part of our relationship, through the years there have been ruined holidays,vacations, birthdays ,it builds up like plague, now we are 67 we sleep in different rooms, we are on opposing sides of the political spectrum, we have not been involved in many years, If money ,wasn’t an issue, we probably would be separated! There is no passion, I could care less!
Younger here but similar situation. We are allowed to restart. You are allowed to restart. I am on the path of turning over the apple cart. It's a waste of time to live in misery.
Not caring is a superpower.
If this was me, I would not remain in such a relationship, regardless of the money. Life is too short. I would rather be single. That's my two cents worth.
If you want it to be different, do something different. Find something he's interested in that you're also interested in and plan a date. If you don't share anything, you will never have intimacy.
Marriage is a thing of the past. Devices have taken over and spouses are married to them, family events are a thing of the past, Devices have become the Parent. For 2yrs now I've been a stranger in my own dam home!
Leave, now. Life is too short to put up with nonsense from women.
🎉If I wanted a roommate I would of never got married.
Of course at the end he dodges the question about wives who decide to only be a mom and abandon her husband romantically. They always do. Never any accountability for women.
Accountability is misogyny
I wouldn't throw the blame entirely on the woman. Often it's the wife that feels abandoned and alone first for her to hyperfocus on the kids as a safe object to invest her love in. Not to mention the men who chose to be more selfish and less husbands or dads. In today's world the family doesn't work in the most healthiest way - the whole support system and extended family and the entire "village" that's it takes to raise a child is missing. Dumping everything on the mum. Maybe take notes from a fellow dad and what he does to not lose the romance.
@@BlueBlossomsBlues Remember, nothing can ever be a woman's fault. They are so hard done by having to sit at home and do light chores while men endure high stress, hard labour and destroy their health and youth. Good thing we equalized that!
@@halcyonzenith4411 you might be the case where I would suggest - do the manly thing of deserting and swaping the "faulty" woman but I don't know what with... the new one would still be a woman and since you like to generalise - all women - bad... Maybe look into other sexes... :)
@@BlueBlossomsBlues Way ahead of you my dear.
After years of living like roommates, why would any man want her like that anymore? She has already proven that she doesn't love you, respect you or even cares about your needs. Better off taking the hit, getting the divorce, and moving on. Learning to never marry again.
Not in my case either. I, the male, is seeking more but don’t feel the reciprocation.
Same, but she says that she could never love me the way I love her.
I feel like eroticism is just another word for novelty/newness; which can be achieved in a long term monogamous relationship. Yet people find it easier to dump someone for grass is greener or cheat. There is comfort in someone being predictable (healthy not toxic way); people want a whole new partner level of novelty because of low attention span, instant gratification addiction and lazy selfishness. Knowing someone deeply is a blessing I feel many people do not know how to effectively execute logistically or romantically.
Very good comment. Your last sentence is spot on.
They want that high school feeling!
You know, the feeling where you got tired of the one you were dating in high school, saw another that attracted you, so you just "broke up" with the one you were tired of and went on to your next attractive conquest! Over and over again until you matured more and decided to marry someone.
No one seems to recognize how juvenile their limerant feelings are. It's like high school all over again! 😢
Sorry. I don’t know of what you’re talking about. I never tired of anyone in high school. Never had the luxury. I had plenty of crushes but lacked the nerve to approach them. Must have been nice to be you.
@@deborahrouse5644see comment from @daviddunn1923
My one ex after we broke up was always looking for the next best guy. Always chasing some Instagram model and then finally I lost all contact with her when she kept getting rejected by dudes wayyyy out of her league. Really nice girl but she was never ever satisfied with living in the present moment and I struggle to live in the present but not because I want the next best thing. She'd make promises and then break them because of irrational worries and nothing ever being good enough. I definitely could have made things better by being more emotionally available but it was so hard at times with her. Definitely a trauma response
Thank you for making the video. It helps me so much
Thank you. This was enlightening.
Seems not uncommon for couples to fall into each contributing to the household but neither having the energy or other resources to contribute to the marriage.
I challenge your wording only here - if you don’t have energy to contribute to your spouse and your relationship, it is because you have chosen to place that energy elsewhere. We all have 24 hours a day, and we all choose where and how we spend that time.
This only happens when you find out you married the wrong person and you don't want to interact that way because that person is not a source of romance and happiness anymore. People stay because of other reasons but many times they're not happy. I don't think it's possible for this to be avoided for most people.
Thinking back, it’s too much work. I was disconnected so bad. I’m better off single.
Female? Not in my case my wife is distant sleeps in our room; and I sleep in the living room sofa. She's going thru pre menopause. I see her changes but it seems to me more she's going thru midlife crisis 😢
Be the man and take charge. Help around the house. Romance her. Surprise her.
All stages of Menopause can be VERY DIFFICULT for many women!
Believe me it is NOT a "midlife crisis" it is the radical change in ALL her hormones which she has no control over. It can be such a horrible thing struggling to feel like one's self again. She needs the help of a physician specializing in menopause and they are hard to find. OB/GYN doctors have little training in this. Estrogen supplementation can cause more harm than good, which is why she needs that specialty doctor. Although there are herbal supplements out there, they are hit and miss, meaning EACH seems to help some women, but not others. If she can't find a doctor specializing in menopause, you two may be able to get a TeleDoc online and/or by phone.
Being on the outside of her Menopause looking in, since you can't actually FEEL just what she's going through, both her body and mind, you won't be able to understand.
Menopausal stages have broken up many marriages when a husband decides he can't take it anymore, OR even on the wife's part when her personality has changed so much, she herself just decides she just doesn't want to be married anymore! And these have been the most loving marriages up until the menopause symptoms! 😢
Yes menopause is so real my wife went through all that be there for her but don’t smother her hopefully she eats a healthy diet to get through it …like a lot of probiotic foods for her gut health that help my wife👊🥑
@@GenRN😂
@@miketaylor7305
Thank you 🙏🏼
When you have horrid atrophy and he’s taking meds and has sexuality you weren’t aware of when you married, roommates are all you can be. We don’t share children so why do we stay together?
Finances ?
Hmmmm..... very informative, thanks
That whole thing about I married my best friend is kind of absurd.
One should never know how the other thinks 24/7. If someone is ever learning & growing they will stay exciting hence the passion stays alive
I like what you said in the last sentence. If someone is growing…they stay exciting. Yes! What people choose to do has more to do with them than it ever has to do with their partner. But as long as we’re working on ourselves…we will always be growing in good ways that will be naturally enticing and it lessens the need for a conscious effort every other month.
@@kim_possible1974 thank you for your kind words and I think you are spot on!
Women need to be more careful not to become a roommate after the kids are born.
It requires intentional work to keep the husband sexually interested. The more his interested, the more "romantic" he will be.
If his wife makes no effort, eventually he will see no point and even he will assume she doesn't want him anymore.
All he had to do is share in the housework. Biggest turn on for most women.
That is a foolish remark.
@@rochellea9652I don’t think it’s foolish taking some of the household burden off your spouse and doing something nice for them goes a long way it shows that you care
Thanks
I'm a man in a long running men's Bible study group. Unlike women's Bible study groups that we know of, none of us will write in workbooks or split into groups and discuss how we feel about the chapter or topic. It generally works with women but genearally not with men. We enjoy talking about the meanings of the writings but not how they make us feel. And
me writing down three things to surprise my spouse with this month isn't going to happen.
Why is your book 'Rekindling Desire' not available as a kindle edition?
A dating guru from the 1990s said a very profound saying which I have followed with beneficial results - 'A woman will never truly respect her man, unless, on some level, she knows her man will leave her for good'. With my first relationship several years earlier, when I said to my first GF, if you ever nag me, I am out the door. She never did nag me. I ended the relationship several years later for other reasons. We wanted different things in life.
I did not know at the time that I had made it clear that she could lose me if she did not respect me. It was only when I heard the dating guru on a talk back tv show that I realised I had unknowingly made it clear to my GF that she could lose me as he had explained. The warning to my then GF came about cos of the nagging my mom had employed with my Dad, and as a teen, I vowed I would never put up with a nagging wife.
It's crucial to have boundaries around respectful communication.
@@thorie79 I agree, especially the respectful part. When I spoke with my then GF, it was in a low volume voice, sincere and respectful. I realised later, that stating this boundary was not necessary as she was not a woman who was inclined to nag. though the chat did set up a situation where she believed I was prepared to walk away and many years later, i realised this is necessary if a woman is going to respect her man. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
You can respect a man and still want to get away from him and be relieved when he left you for good. I know, it happened for me and I’ve stayed single ever since.
That's us.
Double mastectomy, and my wife tells me she no longer feels like a woman. 14 years now.
What if wife locks you out and no passion no conversation
great question! (I hope someone can answer that). It can be like prison for that person (with no options other than divorce)!
@@nute742Or 50 years of pure frustration and misery!
That sounds like you have no genuine relationship. Life is too short to suffer such nonsense. if it was me, I would move out instantly. lock on the door - she has no interest in you. That's what it sounds like to me.
Yes, but I have love and commitment to her no matter what. It's a promise, and I'm not stepping down without a fight; not a fight with her a fight with the idea.
Ester Perel says emotional intimacy kills passion
I choose to avoid Ester Perel; her advice is bad advice at best, IMO. I have zero respect for her person.
Passion by definition involves Struggle, Suffering, Longing for....it is possible to have it all however it requires alot of effort.
Hogwash! Buffalo cookies!! The more intimacy, the deeper the love, the greater the passion! Otherwise, it’s just lust.
@@ggrace1133 " just lust"...hmmm. nothing wrong with that
@@debratoofamoustomention8996 truth from BOTH
We are on our phones at night
That’s the truth that’s all my wife wants to do is be on her phone
How do you guys feel about that? My partner stays the whole night on the phone and when I address that we are distant and disconnected, he dismisses it by saying I’m making it bigger than what it is and he is just relaxing. It always makes me question reality.
How I feel 😢
Sick of the word “that is what women want bla bla bla” can we have a video to discuss what men want
Mmm, hmm...
Went to swingers party and got stranger pregnant..now everything is ruined
No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Women stop the passion long before the men. You are fundamentally wrong.
Have kids ?
Say goodbye to passion.
My husband is so worried about us losing the marriage that he leaves our child with the extended family for months!
@@BQ900
Oh! That's not the way to go. To have some time together alone from time to time and have them babysit is good and will do you both well. MONTHS at a time is too much though!
Went to a swingers party 30 years ago saved our marriage!!!
Gross.
This is me. 😢
Me two been married for 47 years
Doesn't sound real
Thing is, there are many different kinds of love. Read the Bible. It’s impossible and unnecessary to try to maintain intense “physical love” for more than a few years, if that long. And that’s okay. Everywhere we turn we are made to believe that sexuality, dating, and romance are very important, and if you don’t buy into it, something is wrong with you.
You don't know what you are talking about
@@jasonsamuel6601 In your mean-spirited comment, you didn't show me any "love"--proving just how tenuous even the smallest amount of common courtesy can be with strangers. Thanks for illustrating my point!
Roommates make for better lovers❤
I wish
This guy always blames the man.
Nope!
People change.
People were never ment to be connected to just one person. It goes against our basic wiring. Religion made it a thing as a level of control and ruined humanity. Relationships are only based on convenience.
Menopause did it for me factory closed out of business 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
That’s the true challenge…can’t be spontaneous. Growing old together takes love
I hate to say it but there is love after the big M and so many women who married thier nice guy or second choice walk away with the social understanding that they have a good "reason". Blame menopause and walk away. Happening alot. I'm telling you many menopause inflicted women still look at " hot" guys. Lol, men are catching on.