How to set BOUNDARIES with a Toxic Person!
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
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Thank you for your love and support! Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
Loving isn't a weakness. Being sympathetic isn't a weakness. Being empathetic isn't a weakness. The person who is taking advantage of others isn't strong. The world is so backward.
It's pretty backwards to position being empathetic as weak, and narcissistic as strong.
@@kellybullock8660 Yes, I agree 100%.💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️
This comment! It takes strength to heal and overcome all of this. We are not weak.
@@LibertyCairde Yes, I completely agree. 💕❤️💕❤️💕💕💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕
@Luvr Much Love to you. 💕❤️💕💕💕💕💕❤️
I have less and less people in my life, to the point where i have been forced to be happy with just myself and you know what its an amazing feeling to not need anyone and to be happy with just you improving and focusing on just you!
Yeah it's sad, people just don't get it. I'm right there with you.👍😊
Absolutely
Good for you. I need out!
It's our turn when we say so
Yep! Narrowing your own circle down to the real ones only.
When it comes to toxic people, I make my boundaries with concrete and mortar. I escaped a toxic marriage, barely with my life, only to end up in a few friendships that were no different. The friends DID destroy my life, as I knew it.
Zero tolerance. No patience, whatsoever.
Oh, you were "just joking," eh? Get out of my house. Now.
Love it
You go.
did you really kick someone out? that's awesome lol what did they say?
Savage mode activated!
Feels good to have standards.
💪💪💪
Change ur pattern
Toxic/Narcissistic people dislike(but respect) forced boundaries and limited access to you. I think building yourself and obtaining success will build your confidence in naturally setting boundaries. But don't just love yourself, build yourself.
Robert Lee James Welch 7184880208
Robert Lee James Welch thank you for this light turned on in my life!!! Yes that is soooo incredibly true!!!!
Exactely
Thank you
But what is the goals of limiting contact?
In my experience, narcissists do not respect boundaries. They actually take it as you are insulting or attacking them in some way. Cutting toxic people loose is the only way!!!
Why don't they teach us this in school?! 😭😂
It will make the Narcs to evolve better...so it's good that they don't teach such. Most people who've never experienced narcs will never understand your trauma, now take that to kids in high school to make them try understand these Narcs.
narcissitic parents would complain, and onto the junk pile along with evolution and racism
They do.... it’s called the road to hard knocks!
Let's all make a commitment to learn from this day forward. Some things can't be taught in school, we have to learn as we go, grow through what we go through. This is an awaking video.
When she says "abandoning yourself" that was so amazing. That was me for so many years.
I have been putting my feelings, needs, and passions aside since birth and I am 43 now...so much wasted time and energy dealing with this kind of crap. Don't spend another minute on these kinds of people. They will use your trust and loyalty against you. Take care and keep on doing what makes you happy. 🙂
Amanda Sligar I’m 62 & recently realized 2 of my female friends are narcissists🕷🕷......sooo I’ve been backing off & going underground....thank you Covid‼️🌺🌺I’ve been used & manipulated by many!
Read Brene Brown's "gifts of imperfection" she really covers abandoning yourself and focusing on your authenticity and how to do that. Loved loved loved this book
When you start loving yourself you do not take on protection , guilt tripping, shaming etc. This feels so great. It is time to stop down- playing our standards and letting other people violate our boundaries. Cleaning house is great:) it is important to make room for good, kind, loving supporting people. We will never be able to meet our good people if we let toxic people take up our time and space. Self protection and high standards are Keys to happiness. If we accept for people who they are we can let them go with peace. It is painful to let people go but it is absolutely vital to create space for amazing people to arrive. Thank you . Every sentence is golden!
When another person can't respect your boundaries this is a person that you really don't need them in your life.Toxic parents and people that won't respect your boundaries,✂ ✂ ✂ them off life is too short....
..
Thank you !!
One of my parents :( ill still visit but it's draining.
I came to a belief that God sends us crazy people so we become prepared for the crazier !
and learn how to stand up for ourselves and learn how to love ourselves! YES i agree with you..
Stephanie Lyn Coaching it is my honor that you replied I am so happy ❤️🌸👯♀️
😂
Maryoom God, I hope not. I don’t want any crazier than I already have.
hhhhhhh lol u r strong girrl !
The term weak is very limiting. Many of us are extremely strong and have survived hell. I tend to be co-dependent because I have vulnerable areas and in fact, we all have vulnerable areas. Some of us weren't allowed to have boundaries when we were children because our parents felt threatened. Please do not use the term weak and by the way, narcissists tend to be "weaker" than people with codependent tendencies.
Thank you this has helped me tremendously and I truly appreciate the work you are doing.
Yes you‘re right in everything you write. We are not weak!
The message is for gulliver 7
True,true so true
Totally agree with this
This video was oxygen for me. The validation that it really is ok to have standards was something i needed to hear. Thank you for this wonderful empowering advice. I enjoyed this video- I’m adding it to my favorites. Thank you for all that you do!
Amelia Lee thank you so much! All the best to you! 💜
This message was very inspiring..I have set two boundaries and it was done in a loving way. I feel good enough to allow them to go. They left. It is painful, but I know this is the best for me and them.
yeyyy!!! curious who were they to you? Looking for inspiration, new to setting boundaries and its paralyzing
I’ve been told I’m difficult to deal with because of my high standards because I won’t settle for less.
Also when one has received so little love one tends to suck up any 'love' one can get and the concept of 'love' is largely unknown.
Helen Bright I agree.. self love is about giving yourself that love and self parenting is about self soothing the feeling of abandonment or someone not being able to love you in return because of their own wounds/programming.
What does love feel like?
This is what I've been talking about for this past year, I've had this revelation myself. I've concluded that's a reason that ppl are also so cruel to others, because of the abuse they've endured, they do not know how to love because they weren't given love themselves.
@@Angel-ni2yn then if this the case those same people should not bring children into this world,,,narcissist parents ruins kids lives
@@gangstalkersarecowardslose1017 ;-; true, it's depressing. I also think a lot of ppl have kids bc they're expected too and they picture it as part of the "American Dream" or whatever. Doesn't make sense to me, but ig that's societal pressure and expectations for some reason. So there's also that factor too. Society rlly messed up tbh. It just reinforces harmful cycles, passing down to generation upon generation. Or teach ppl to do things for all the wrong reasons n follow the crowd, etc.
The light bulb in my soul just lit up watching the first five minutes in this video. I never had boundaries was taught that was just a woman thing and men don’t set boundaries, now I know thank you 🙏
Meeting my husband at 17 I’m now heartbroken for the person he became. 5yrs hell on earth with him. 3rd party his mental health.
I stayd out of not knowing who I was but who I had to b. He broke me to the point I’m not letting him back to live with me. Shadowing his wants/needs for 30yrs. I’m stepping out of his shadow and finding the me that I need/want to b.
He dosent own me. I’m not obligated to what he wants. One chance at life No more giving him chances. The stage is now mine to preform And live one day at a time. I’ll do it with the strength and guidance u hav just given me and a role model of who I’m not going to b
☺️🤗👍🧚♀️🦄🌈✌🏻🙏
Mumma bear Cuddles He will be either enraged or act like he doesn't care about your new attitude. Don't let any reaction from him, verbal, physical, mental effect you. Stay safe and limit your contact with him. Learn for yourself and use everything to help yourself. He won't get any of this. If he loses you, that's what He Needs, in order to perhaps learn and possibly change his ways.
Mumma bear Cuddles Your first step is watching these videos. Accepting your role is important. You will be fine!
Mind, heart, soul, eternity... moments at a time... survival,growth, effort,rest, evaluation,continuation... loves intelligence exploration and advancement to return to self... acceptance to forgiveness to joy... after ALL... Our neverending stories...😊💓💞😇
Took me a long time to realize my parents never taught me boundaries or respected them as a kid and it led to me being abused in relationships
Ditto
Same here
One lesson I have learned that dont fall for words..pay attention to their action..action speaks louder than words..
Omg this reminds me of my previous relationship. It was a very toxic relationship. He was very disrespectful and manipulative and I tried numerous of times to set boundaries with him but he just would not stop pushing them to the point where I was so fed up that I finally broke up with him. You are so right that it does feel like a death having to let go of someone forever. I had to block him off of everything because he would still try to contact me. I am in a healthier relationship now and I am taking what I have learned from my past relationship into my present relationship. I have definitely learned and am still learning self love and how to not be so codependent. Your videos have really helped me identify toxic behaviors and how to eliminate those people out of my life. You are so awesome!! Thank you!
ashley ware thank you so much for watching and commenting! I am so glad you are enjoying the videos 💜
I’m an Aquarius/Sagittarius I actually don’t understand what this video is about or what you mean by boundaries.
That could have been me. But I jumped straight into another toxic relationship with a covert narcissist. It’s been two years and I finally let him go. I am still in that place where I hope he will reach out to validate me, and show that he was genuine and make things better. But I know that it will be another trick to lure me back into that trap again. It’s been going on for 2 years and nothing has changed.
I have removed him from the equation of my future. My dreams. My hopes and goals in life. He is slowly but steadily being wiped out from the equation, and I am detaching hard now. I cannot wait to look back at this 1-2 months ahead in time. I hope I will be free and feel happy again.
Same
@Ashley Ware: It may seem hard but after a week or two, you have already forgotten them and wondered why you put in all that effort in the first place!!!
I'm dealing with difficulties with people 🙄 and Instead of running my mouth about it on RUclips. I went on RUclips to learn how to grow from it. Thank you!
I'm currently in a very toxic relationship, but planning to move away from it. Your videos have helped me so much and have given me the strength to move on. A million thanks and god bless you x
How it's going?
Any update?
J Heintre my biggest problem is that I cannot change the other person but I could change way how are yet maybe I am maybe me M the Tat toxic person. Through the power of the Lord‘s help I can change the way I actBecause I am not a perfect person I have a hard time spelling and I drive people nuts. Are used to blame the other person from my problems but the bottom line is I called my old problems.
OMG I’ve listen to it 5 times today thanks
Masullo Masullo I love it! Repeat videos over and over again.. it allows the message to stink in! Always fill your mind with good stuff! 💜
Great idea🔥🔥🎃
making space for the good ones.
Can’t help hearing too much narcissism
LCostello Sometimes it's really frustrating to hear this kind of "loving yourself" advice from therapists, because you CAN love yourself, but when you try to stand up for yourself an abusive person can retaliate, especially by mobbing and using other bullies to try to control you.
I’m glad that God had this video to show up last week Friday for me, because I must learn to set standards in my relationships and need help with setting consequences for my boundaries. My toxic relatives taught me how to be passive, and have always treated me badly since I have narcissists on both sides. I know that they don’t belong in my life anymore.
Let them see you are happy and not affected by their drama and evil works.so amazing to see them struggling and mesirable!!!hahaha!set boundaries because they hate it.
Thank you so much Stephanie Lyn. I have just recently gotten out of a very tough toxic relationship with a narcissist. We lived together for two years and he has managed to take all the trust I ever had away. I lost my spouse of 39 years to Cancer. Then I guess I went Looney. I was scammed out of my retirement and more by online dating and then find I thought to be Mr. Right. I miss my husband so much and at 65 thinking I might have to stay single. Can't do anymore of the last two years. WOW, what a ride. Like living in a spook house at a carnival. Never know what to expect next. Something scary around every turn. Great video.
After a traumatic childhood, filled with sexual and physical abuse, I finally learned boundaries as an adult. What a blessing! I love me, and now that I do, everything is so much better. Thanks Stephanie for sharing your gifts
We are all simultaneously teachers and students. We all have valuable, hard earned insights and also pain induced areas needing growth. To recognize this helps to cultivate a state of empathy and love for ourself and others, we are allsacred beings, doing the best we are able in the moment. This state of love for all-that-is is ultimately where the path of suffering shall end!
❤❤❤❤
Thank you, I accepted red flags from my ex because he love bombed me in the beginning. He didnt have his life together and that kept bothering me. I now know how to layout boundaries. I felt like I did, more as an ultimatum and he would get really upset, which upset me. I broke up with him, but I am still hurting at times because I did become emotionally dependent on him. Now I have to find myself again.
Thanks for making this video Stephanie. I used to be a people pleaser and was without good boundaries. You are right by saying it comes from lack of self love, self acceptance and self respect. I am actively working through the root causes of these and I've been seeing the benefits. It's not an overnight thing and is going to be a challenging journey but it is very rewarding and pleases the soul and spirit. Thanks again for the reminder!
mstaichi12 , hey I don't know u , but I am in the same situation , maybe we can team up and be friends and help each other ,we can call this a class meeting , hope to be your , Tricia
mstaichi12 , Amen , keep moving forward , you will be just fine
I Agree too thank u so much techer
Yep
Hey! I believe lot of us are on the similar vibration! Are we too empathetic to feel others more than we feel ourselves?!! Can you share the boundaries that you have set up! I don't understand how and where should I begin with!
Yeah, I've learned don't just blindly except people as friends.
Your videos are exactly what I needed in my life! I have been surrounded by toxic people my whole life. Every time I try to set boundaries to protect myself those people judge me as if I were a notorious criminal, Accusing me of being sensitive when the only thing I wanted from them is showing some respect, As long as I am respectful.
I'm seeing this 2 years after you posted, but it couldn't be more relevant to me right now.
Best video yet. I set boundaries, didn’t feed into the games and left when I saw he was toxic.
This all reminds me of how my “friends” treated me in high school. The very few times we’ve gotten together over the past 30 some years has proved to me they still treat me the same. I now keep them at a distance and rarely speak with them if at all.
I finally am able to hear the last part of the process that I was never hearing before....I always heard you have to be willing to let people go and be ok being without them, or be ok being alone....but we are not meant to be alone! It is unhealthy for us! So I would hang on to relationships I knew were unhealthy for me, then when I couldn't take any more I'd end it & isolate for extensive periods of time,...years, then end up back with new unhealthy people & the cycle would continue. Now I'm finally hearing the piece I had not been able to hear before,...to let the unhealthy people go, and then let healthy people into your life. That can happen in an instant. You don't have to spend years in isolation only to be damaged again. In one day you can let go of unhealthy people, & open up to getting out there & meeting new people & only letting in the healthy ones. That by recognizing the signs of an unhealthy vs. healthy person, & setting healthy boundaries, you can learn to spot the unhealthy vs. healthy & only let in the healthy ones. Finally! Yes!
Thank you for your comment. I saw so much of myself. I am self isolating right now. I am so wounded. I can't meet new people right now. Maybe in time.....
I used to do the same exact thing. Ending relationships with unhealthy people but then self-isolating for periods of time, often years in between and then getting stuck in more unhealthy relationships. However, last year, early this year, I've been starting to understand that there is nothing wrong with enforcing healthy boundaries and that anyone who wont respect our boundaries is not a person who needs to be in our life. And then also not feeling bad about doing what I need to do for my happiness. Nice to know I'm not alone in having experienced this or lived this way before.
How can you spot the healthy ones? Other than seeing how they handle “No” ^_^
I don't know who you are lol, but for some reason I decided to read through the comments of others, and when I read yours, it's exactly the process I'm going through at the moment, letting go of unhealthy people is sometimes very hard. But anyways thanks.
I set boundaries with people in 2019. I started massively holding them steady in 2020 and now I'm causing consequences for the ones who still won't stop into the beginning of 2021. Best.....thing.....ive....ever......done!
Thank you! I had strong standards, but I haven't been telling people where my boundaries are. When the boundary is crossed, it makes me mad. I was doing the responding emotionally to what I didn't want,not communicating what I do want This gives me the guideline I was looking for.
I just like her, she is very calm and precise. My daughter is 16 and I start teaching her these things because they raised me to be codependent, people pleasure. Sometimes I accept BS from people and feel just guilty to think about cutting them from my life. When you have boundaries, you don’t harbor resentment. I don’t want for that for my kids. Million 💕 ❤ ❤
I am at the point where I am beginning to love myself and have started to set clear boundaries and enforce them. As a result I am losing the few people that have been in my life for a long time. I am not angry at them. My sadness is that I want healthy people in my life and am having trouble finding them. I am not afraid to be alone and am trying to be patient. It's just hard when you realize were you to get sick, there's no one in your life that would look after you. I do hope that I can have couple of people in my life that I love that love and respect me back.
I am going to have my minor child watch this with me. This is fundamental! I was a people pleaser and didn't know standards, boundaries, or how to command respect. I truly regret not standing up for myself, it has resulted in many failed relationships from intimate to family/friends and work. Yet, I did love myself (maybe not enough?)and was truly confident. My mother was abused in front of me and all she did was take the abuse, she did nothing. Bless her beautiful heart. I always pray that she gets to do what she wants, with whom she wants on the other side❣️
❤ I had boundaries but the narc not only crashed them repeatedly but was horrifically abusive. This video really clarified a lot for me. ❤
Diana Boughner I’m so glad that you bought some clarity from the video!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching 💖 perfect timing for me to work with boundary crasher in the safest way. ⚘
Diana Boughner that sounds like the situation that I am in ,and trying like heck to run , thankful he lives next door and I don't have to live with him ,and being alone is not really a bad thing , I can listen to these videos and I can learn how to be a better person ,did I mention that I have 3 cats that keep me busy, I am looking for someone who will not use me, please keep the videos coming , I am new and I really want to learn all I can on how to be a better person
Diana Boughner ,me to , most definitely gives you your freedom ,and I can't speak for all the women who have been through this , but when I get to thinking about everything that Jesus Christ has carried me through ,makes me want to just dance and rejoice knowing Jesus Christ is watching over me ,and angels to , great to be alive and free , I know that I am thankful that I don't have to be with him or in his presence , I pray my x husband gets to know our Lord Jesus Christ , like I did , I quit smoking cigarettes ,our Lord Jesus Christ is wonderful , I give him all the glory
I am not looking for a relationship anymore , I have a relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ ,start a relationship ship with him , you will never regret it , I sure don't
Sometimes a beautiful person does come into your life for a reason. One of the beautiful souls I've met came and helped me with my struggle with anxiety at its worst, at the time, and once helped, and I feel their compassion and love I find it hard to let these people go because they've just come into my life and touched my heart
So encouraging words! The beginning of your self love journey. Understanding that there is nothing wrong with you when you set boundaries...This sounds like freedom to me🙏
Love what Stephanie says beginning at 6:18 "You love yourself enough to know..." 'til 7:18. (And after is all great too. It's all great.) This is a KEY point! If I had a dime for every time someone threw shade at me for expressing feelings, thoughts, preferences, etc...
I've heard everything Stephanie says here; the "too sensitive" slam, the shaming, the "you're imagining things." The classic: "I'll be the one who decides how YOU feel..." The people who call whatever it is you're saying that THEY don't like a "rant," or they tell you to stop seeing things in such a naive, black & white way, and that the world is "gray" and complex. Yes, it is, but in this case, this is their code for saying they can say and do whatever they want and you're naive to have hard and fast codes of honor, integrity, loyalty, self-respect, etc. Boundaries! I've even been called a "Boy Scout" or "Dudley Do-Right." More shaming. Don't let them emotionally blackmail you. And if you feel you need to excise those people from your life, do it! DO IT! You'll be doing yourself a huge solid. And maybe you'll be helping them in a way. Not your job to do that, but if someone's truly toxic, they will, at some point, perhaps start to see the obvious: their narcissistic supply, or whatever, is all going away. No one sticks around in their life. Consequences. Maybe they won't care. But, again, not our concern. Care about you! And watch more healthy people come into your life when you practice what Stephanie is espousing.
David, thank you for your comment!⭐💯
I need to listen to this everyday. Thank you so much for being so clear about what toxic dynamics involve.
I am using your videos to try and understand my wife more. You’ve been very insightful to me. My wife is an introverted agreeable personality that gets exploited sometimes even by me. It’s important for me to understand where she’s coming from and you’re doing a great job of showing me that.
This is such a breath of fresh air! I really like how you have steps to take. I really struggle with my narccisstic mother in law and after being abused by her I created what i believe are healthy boundaries, but the backlash i got from her was so hard i doubted that I did the right thing. It feels great to have the reassurance that i did the right thing and continue to not involve myself in her crap.
I honestly appreciate these videos because not only do they help me identify other people's character flaws, they help me identify my own which is even more important to me. I was in a 7 year relaltionship that ended badly and all i did was point my finger which is why a year later I am still hurting. By learning to look at myself it's really helping me to take responsibility for my part and moving forward, Im learning how to be a mentally healthy and stable woman. I have some really great qualities that I have let go by the wayside trying to be somebody I was never meant to be. The information here is very powerful, inspiring and just plain old facts. Thank you lady. Please don't stop.
Thank you!
Ohmigosh you are so welcome.
swright4twenty yes!!!
Thank you. It's amazing how important it is to me to hear your words over and over. Your conclusion is becoming so true for me as well. Lovely human beings are starting to fill the space once held by non supportive others.
why I have separated my life away from my sister in law. My life is now 100% better...
I really needed to hear this. always on point Stephanie, good job... keep it up!!!
Peach thank you.. and thank you for watching!
Thanks you for such content! God bless! I am trying to reshape myself. I am in my mid thirties. It’s very hard to come out from default mode of being overly nice to people. Always been a target of gaslight.
You're so awesome! Thank you for your videos. I had to go no-contact with my whole family of origin because I could not take the abuse any longer. I didn't know who I WAS anymore. You're videos have helped me build up my self-esteem and made me feel that I did the right thing. Thanks so much!!
I struggled my whole life. especially with girl friends.
Thanks. This is what i have basically come to fully realize; one ultimately must choose to respond, rather than just simply react.
Thanks! Great presentation.
Why do Narcissist/Impossible People/Toxic People/Emotional Vampires constantly distort events to suit their needs while discarding other people...”throwing a person under a bus.”. This is painful to experience on a routine basis.
It is a painful experience and they do this to ease their own internal suffer. You have to understand they are extremely fragile and insecure so by throwing someone under the bus it makes them feel better. When they discard someone it is actually a compliment to the person being discarded because it means they could not break you and you would not put up with their crap. You held them accountable and they do not like that.
@@StephanieLynCoaching Wow!
Like you Stephanie I have been cleaning house with friendships and some family members. It feels good but different. The friends I have now are real and true. I hope to find a healthy lady to share life with but am enjoying everyday in a new way now. Thanks
Capricorn Man awesome! All the best to you!
How does one find these friends?
Stephanie, oh, at 16.15 I had to giggle: "Cleaning house", as it applies to cleaning out people, ha ha! What a great comparison. Resonates with me, being a confirmed Minimalist anyhow, I never hang on to stuff, there's nothing better than a good chucking out of stuff, feels great! There are millions of people in cities, thousands in villages, so why hang on to a few bad apples? Great video! Thank you!
If you really aren't quick enough on your feet or brave enough to go toe to toe with the toxic person, I find that sending them the appropriate video from this channel that explains their behavior is also effective.
healthy relationships are very important. survivor of abuse in all forms.
Thank you for your thoughts and support🤗💗🥰Have a peaceful day🌻
I am a nurse...like to help and make people feel better and good. Makes me a people pleaser by nature. I love myself and did set boundaries just felt like I had to make people comfy with their situation, stepson, mother in law and the mother of his child. Big mistake for the past seven years. Thank you very much for this and other vids. I appreciate you. May the creator bless you and your future endeavors. 😊
Statistically nurses are a high target group for these types and are more likely than the average to be in an abusive relationship. Yes, the nature of the job and the people drawn to it are often so tender and caring. Lovely traits. Just be sure to be so lovely and tender and caring to yourself as well. 💝
So true. This has been a life long challenge for me, I am actively making changes for the better. The mind and heart take time to change old ways
This video has been very informative about how to enforce boundaries. I’ve always struggled with it because mine have been extremely violated and it’s been difficult to even know what that means for me. I don’t think I was ever taught what a boundary even was. I can even admit that I haven’t been respectful of people’s boundaries before as well. I’m learning how to do that too because it’s extremely important. So thank you Stephanie for all of your wonderful advice.
I always knew one thing even as a seven year old, I would never be sworn at. And one of the ways was just to distance myself. I used to distance myself away from trouble makers at school's. I got told, about a year ago, I visited someone in hospital who was going through the emotions because he was putting it all via the Internet and he was so shocked to see me, said I was his biggest surprise . Anyway, we got chatting and one of the things we brought up was school and he said he thought I was one of the most strongest people. I shook my head, not thinking so, but I understand now, that I had standards, I had morals and if someone was going to abuse or Bully me I just kept away. They can't do that if I'm no where near them and perhaps he saw that as a sign of strength. I don't think it was that I didn't fit in I just didn't want to be associated with certain people whereas he, had a temper problem but I never saw him as a bad kid, misled, I felt was the word and he used to have a crush on me. I did develop feelings for him eventually but he fitted in with troublemakers very easily so I couldn't really hang around with him, he was alright on his own.
I love how you say, everyone is a teacher or a learner! It's so true! I believe God puts people in your life to teach you something or for you to teach them! Sometimes they are really awesome easy things and somethings they are hard things but in the end, it's great to look back and see how much you've grown and got through the situation! I was just dealing with a difficult person recently and it helped me realized how much of a pushover I am and how I need to stand up for myself! Thanks for your tips!!!
When I put standards up I get told "I wish you well, and won't bother you again" as though I'm the one who is the narcissist. I feel discarded but somehow they all think I'm the narc? I've only ever tried to establish that I want respect, and would not allow their behaviour in my life anymore. I'm the mean horrible abusive one for trying to love myself and respect myself more??
Really helpful video stephanie. I'm 4 years into having cut ties with my entire family, as they all behave in really disrespectful ways towards me, with gaslighting a common tactic, and the silent treatment being my mothers favourite...and it's really tough to keep going and not give into the doubts and guilt I feel, like maybe it's the wrong thing, because it feels so wrong to walk away from family, but a voice in my head tells me I did the right thing.
Definitely so helpful to have people who understand out there. Thankyou.
Luci Bloom Absolutely! One of the biggest things towards healing and recovery is knowing that you’re not alone in what it is you’re feeling and what you have experienced in your life. Because for so long you were made out to be the crazy person when in reality it had nothing to do with you and intuitively you always knew this but because you’re the only healthy person around you doubted yourself.
It's become much less painful now and easier, but I still have my days where it's hard not to go running back and pretend it was all a bad dream. I can't though...I've invested too much in healing and gone through so much pain that it would be all for nothing if I went back now. It's such an impossible and unfair decision to have to make and it was not how I ever thought things would turn out. And yes, true. My parents issues were there long before I came into the picture. It has nothing to do with me...I'm just the dumpster for their disowned stuff. But I address my issues and have for 20 years. They don't. I'm the healthy one.
I would have done anything for them, but it's become more and more apparent that they just don't care about my best interests or me as a person at all, and they aren't interested in hearing anything I have to say or respecting me as a person? How can people call themselves 'family' and be this way? I got more compassion from strangers?? It's not the way it's meant to be. :(
Thankyou again for the support. I feel so grateful to have such a good network of people around me. I'm really lucky. I just wish things were different. I wanted so much for us to be able to work through the communication issues and just be a family at one point...now I don't even want them around me! It's sad. I'm not the problem, and I never was. I just wish they'd be more honest, with themselves and with me. It'll never happen though.
Luci, you will find friends who deserve to be in your life!
I’m looking forward to putting this into practice intentionally. Thanks for these helpful insights.
I apreciate all you do for us Stephanie.
Thank you for you videos. It has change my relationship with myself and others in only week 1. I am currently setting boundaries with my emotionally abusive husband. Unfortunately we have a long way to go. He is very unhappy with my personal growth. I may lose my relationship which will sadden me. However I will have found myself. Thank you! Thankyou! Thank you!
vicki diaz You sound so empowered!
vicki diaz he’s unhappy with your growth because he is scared of losing you, and not in the healthy way. Abusers hate having to search for a new victim because it’s very tiring for them to put up the facade that they are something that they’re not. That’s why these types are so quick to get into a relationship and are so charming and “perfect” in the beginning. Once they have you nailed down, it is a HUGE relief for them to take off the mask.
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Stephanie Lyn Coaching musiqueevangeligue
Thank you for bringing the light to the darkness for freedom!!
These videos have truly enlightened me and my understanding of my relationship(s). Thank you Stephanie!
Yup I cut off everyone who is secretly hating on me pretending to love/like me . Boundaries are essential.
Aww wow great stuff coach standards and long distance love relationships right on coach beautiful love Grace n peace
"If you had to loose people in your life you'd be ok" YES!! I flourish from the narcs discard, it was a breath of relief when they left.
I try to set boundaries with my ex gf about our daughter that I have full time. We can never get through the conversation because she gets upset.
Oh man. That's rough because your daughter is involved. You dont want your daughter to learn bad habits from her mom. I hope you have convos with mom away from your daughter?
I'd say just stick to your boundaries. Let mom get defensive all she wants. And vent to a good friend, obviously not around your daughter. I'm sure you know that already.
I had two close family members who chose to repeatedly cross two reasonable boundaries I had set (don't shout at me, and don't accuse me of causing someone's illness).
Enforcing those boundaries by going no contact was one of the more easy decisions I've made in life.
No regrets, and goodbye toxicity!
Well- said, & very positive info. 👍
Your words are so wise !
We do justify people all the time like if we didn’t want to accept that they can be hurting or just not fair to us.
This is an excellent discussion. Thank you.
My counselor had me practice for a week saying no to everything. Absolutely everything. Not at work, but my partner, my mom, etc. Just decline, resist the urge to explain, apologize or "prove," and just know that my no is enough. "That doesn't work for me" is a complete statement. If I genuinely did want to say yes during this time, I could wait a little bit and come back and say, "Ya know, I gave it some more thought and decided that would be fine." Or something like that, but not if they tantrumed at my initial no. The purpose was not only to get me comfortable with saying no, but also to get the people in my life used to hearing no from me. And seeing that tantrums won't work anymore. It was pretty amazing how effective it was. I've gone back to it a few times since, in different situations with new people, and I've always been impressed by the results.
That’s amazing good for you!
Excellent video 💯😘
This video clearly explained why we need boundaries but not how.
Good information. Thank you young woman.
If they can’t respect your boundaries then it is abuse, after that you need to walk away, you don’t keep updating your boundaries for a new brand of abuse.
That was amazing, thank you!
Thank you Stephanie. Watching your videos again, as I usually do as part of my healing journey between therapy sessions. But tomorrow I have arranged a meet up in a public cafe with my 85yr narc mother and golden child brother. I feel through your videos I am more comfortable in myself and saying NO without over explaining and ready for the “drink of choice” for my mum and the rage that she throws when in the past I’ve tried to put a boundary in. This time, thanks to your information, I feel ready to test myself and see how it goes. Hopefully I will get more right than wrong 🙏
Thank you so much, really needed to hear this right now. Much Love to you & thank you for sharing
Thankful that these videos are available.
I'm ready to create healthy boundaries.
Perfect..Need to hear this
My son Dane Dahl said keep up the good work this is the hard part they will get really abusive like you said im listening to these shows 3 days now
High maintenance people are never worth the effort. They're not thinking of you!
Well recently I realized I have setting boundaries issues, and actually it's a hard thing to fix it. Since I have never learned how to do it correctly, I should teach myself everything from zero. I was so confused till I found your videos. Your words are a great help for me. Thank you ♥️
Powerfully inspiring and hope-inducing 😊 thank you so much for what you do and how you do it, your passion to educate is a gift 💝 I am receiving and it’s been a huge spiritual awakening that I am so grateful for. Yes you are one of my spiritual guides and I love 💕 you for it
Heidi Schweichler thank you SO MUCH! What a lovely comment. 💜
The first time I learnt about boundaries was o this page and it wasn’t till my mid 30 s and yes I have received backlash lots of it . Respecting yourself is really important. Ive experienced a lot of emotional abuse and I had to put a stop to it . Which turned into my mother trying to isolate me from everyone so I have no friends so I will only trust her . When I don’t trust her at all she needs to earn my trust back . I know what it feels like to not be understood. Yes there has to be consequences for bad behaviours.
Not ‘weak’ per se.
NPDs actually seek out strong individuals, often independent, bc its their pleasure to break down all of that and make them into a weak, dependent person.
Also, I would offer that toxic people don't seek out "weak people" but they do seek out people with weak boundaries.
Toxic people they don't pay for recovery and healing time. And the process takes very long time .
These shows work like a charm