brides and bridesmaids that had major BEEF - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 27 фев 2023
- brides and bridesmaids that had major BEEF - REACTION
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In this video, we delve into the world of bride and bridesmaid drama. We explore the common issues that arise during wedding planning and how they can lead to tension and conflict between brides and their bridesmaids.
We discuss the pressure placed on bridesmaids to fulfill certain expectations, such as purchasing expensive dresses and attending multiple pre-wedding events, and how this can cause resentment and stress.
We also explore the role of the bride in managing these expectations and how clear communication and empathy can help to avoid drama and ensure a positive experience for all involved.
Throughout the video, we share real-life examples of bride and bridesmaid drama, as well as practical tips and advice for how to navigate these situations and maintain healthy relationships with those closest to us during the wedding planning process.
Whether you're a bride-to-be or a bridesmaid, this video provides valuable insights into the dynamics of these important relationships and offers guidance on how to handle the drama that can often arise during this emotional and exciting time.
#bridesmaids #bridezilla #wedding #bridesmaid #bridezillas #reaction #charlottedobreio #react #reactionchannel #charlottedobreio #charlottedobre
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Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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Found the update for the last story
Hi everyone, thank you for weighing in, I'm reading through all your comments and wanted to answer some of the most common questions I've seen so I'll use this as an update and to answer your questions. I was trying not to include too much information in my post but I think I should include more:
The dress was a midi length dress from David's Bridal with no tailoring. The top had adjustable spaghetti straps, and it was cinched in with a rhinestone belt. Ashley and I are very close to the same size so the dress okay for her to wear. I paid $120 for the dress, Diedre bought the accessories, and I was wearing ballet flats I already owned. I also paid for a wedding gift, bridal shower gift, and her drinks at various points, so I would estimate my costs at $500. We did our own hair and makeup at the church. The Tiffany bracelets were some of the $300 ones. I logically understand why she took mine off (they're relatively distinctive and meant to match in the photos), but it still stung.
Jenny was there for a period of time and so she should be able to send them the professional photos of us getting ready. But I personally watched her getting sweatier, so I suspect her having to leave (even though I didn't witness it) was genuine and urgent. I don't think that Diedre (whose alias I should have chosen better due to me spelling it differently every time) dismissed her. I do now think that she asked me to check around the church as a way of getting me off by myself, since Jenny had already left at that point and she'd had time to think about what to do.
Because of where the bridal suite was positioned, few people were parked over there and I have a car with a distinctive color that had been parked right up by it. So I suspect no one messaged me in alarm because they looked out and immediately realized I'd just left, and I suspect that they're not going to message me and ask if they can get the few pictures I'd already snapped either.
A lot of people are telling me to take Diedre to court, but that just isn't in my nature. I would really prefer not to stir things up with her but have been watching social media, which they haven't blocked me on. I posted here because I saw a couple of vaguely-snarky comments from Diedre's mother-in-law about how they couldn't get a photographer to stay but they made do. The only message I've gotten directly has been one of the other bridesmaids asking me if I'd gotten any pictures at all, and I just ignored it. But I've been turning this over in my mind and wondering if I'm the AH for bailing, so I posted here.
The last thing I want to clarify is that people have been comparing this to the scene in Cinderella. It certainly didn't feel good, but in the moment I was in problem-solving mode because this was being presented to me as a last-minute problem that I needed to help solve. Everyone was talking like we were collaborating on this great thing while quickly getting all of my items off and onto Ashley. I had worn a black velour track suit and a t-shirt to the church, so she wasn't literally telling me to walk around in my underwear, but still.
You could have taken her to small claims court to recoup your financial losses.
I feel like op should get that dress back or have those “friends” pay her the price of said dress and just ignore them all until they apologize. Save ur own reputation and at any moment that they might try to even suggest at anything that can potentially put any amount of dirt on op’s reputation, burn bridges.
They have absolutely no respect for op, especially since the mil got snarky at op for “bailing” and any “friends” that did contact op is only for the pictures. Burn. The. Pictures. U weren’t hired or anything so absolutely nothing is stopping op from burning what pictures she did take.
You are definitely NOT the AH!!!! They are!!!
Anyone get the impression from that update that most of them didn't even notice she was gone because they just assumed she would be going around and doing her "job" and therefore out of sight/out of mind?
RUN from this friend group and NEVER look back!
The first one: all the twin sister needed to do is GENUINELY apologize and make steps to repair that relationship. Yet, she doesn't care. She wants to be a bridesmaid to keep up appearances, because, again, all she cares about is the social clout
This! That's all I was thinking, crappy twin only wants to be a bridesmaid for appearances and gives no shits about her sister still! Barf.
The sister probably knows if she isn't part of the wedding people will be asking questions and talking badly about her.
I don't know, it kinda seems like she did try but the OP didn't give her the chance. Plus she hasn't insisted, it's her parents that have. She's genuinely hurt and is probably counting up all those years of cold indifference and trying to it.
Three sides to every story
@@MalcolmReynoldsQuotes that's exactly it
The first bride needs to show these
comments to her parents, especially the $100 dollar part, and your sister's refusal to apologize. They may not change their minds but they will have a clearer picture of why you feel as you do, and hopefully, more respect for your feelings.
I feel like if they don’t apologize, just have some kind of notice that all guest can read that says y they’re no longer invited to the wedding at all. Weddings r a happy event where u shouldn’t be forced to have ppl that make u miserable around. If ppl still have beef with that, u know who to cut out or go low contact.
Sane ppl who do still feel like un-inviting family is going too far knows to keep it to themselves because it’s not their wedding.
I agree. I does sound a little like the hurt sister never actually told her parents what was going on and instead just bottled it all up inside. Like the parents had literally no idea what was going on and that high school was such a struggle for her b/c of her sister not helping her out or standing up for her. I could see how if they had no idea, they would be perplexed now as to why she didn’t want her twin in her wedding. If you never sought help until after the negative events happened, how can you expect things to be different? Suffering in silence when you have an option to not, is not the answer.
Family can truly be the worst.
@@fourlittlebirds6166I doubt that considering how unwilling the parents are to hear her side of things. People don't uninvite family for no reason. Even if if she did keep things to herself, that would be a learned response from emotional neglect. Still the parents responsibility to pay attention to their kids.
@@jakemarie828 I am guessing that OP had made comments but gave up. When you know who is the golden child, and that it isn’t you, you stop saying anything. You stop having expectations.
I usually agree with Charlotte but I gotta step in for the new mom. It absolutely makes sense to nap at 1pm. When you have a newborn, you are literally in survival mode. You quickly get lost in a whirlwind of breastfeeding, or bottle feeding, baby crying, changing diapers, burps, you crying because you can’t make the baby stop crying, you crying because your hormones are everywhere. You’re tired,, you’re bleeding, your nipples are sore. Sometimes depression sets in. YOU NAP WHEN THE BABY NAPS because sometimes that’s the only sleep you get. I understand wedding friend is disappointed, but maybe it would be better for both for new mom to just be a bridesmaid and ask someone else to be MOH.
Being a new mom is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, and I’ve been through a lot.
Charlotte sounded like she didn’t believe the new mom, but then the next story she said “everyone else’s lives do not stop because you’re getting married.” So I think that applies to new mom as well.
To be fair, before I was a mom myself I couldn't understand how my mom friends could nap during the day.. now that I am a mom of 2, I nap every second I can.
Charlotte's response is totally the response of someone who never had kids.
@@xoxjanjounxox Exactly what I was thinking. There’s some things you just can’t understand until you’ve been there. I thought being a mom would be taking pictures and picking out cute outfits and cuddling with my baby all day. Fast forward 6 months, My hair is falling out (hormones!!) I’m still in my pajamas at 3 pm, cleaning baby $hit out of the bathtub, bawling my eyes out on the phone with MY mom while my baby cries in the background. It’s not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.
You’re exactly right, speaking as someone who suffered post partum anxiety and panic attacks which then led to insomnia, I would get NO sleep because I’d worry about my baby and everything else so much. Only times I would sleep was during the day, sometimes I would doze off. It was the only sleep I would get. And yes during that time, I would find it hard to leave the house cause sleep deprivation made my anxiety worse. People need to be more understanding to new moms.
Yes, the napping is totally normal and necessary for a new mom. I feel like we weren't getting the whole context for that story
I also understand the new mom's problem but she can at least tell her friend that she will not be able to play role properly as she is a new mom
Big Bird is the literal star of Sesame Street, and I hope Aila knows she’s also a star. I’m so proud of her for leaving that horrible situation!
The absent MOH story: If you are a new mom, you would absolutely understand why the MOH needs to nap at 1pm to wake up early the next day. Plus a new baby is way more important than planning a wedding. BUT with that said if the MOH is unable to be supportive while being a new mom then it’s probably best for all parties that she step down as MOH.
Yes -I agree... did she offer to be the MOH or was she asked? Two very different scenarios... New mums can have it rough and having energy for giggly rounds of shopping and excited girly adventures may not be the priority...whereas any increment of sleep may be...
Exactly. How new is the baby? Those first few months you're like a zombie.
I was a single mom and naps were a godsend!
This. My youngest is 8 months old and I still need naps at times. My bestie hasn't set a wedding date (engaged for a couple years, stuff with her own fam going on) but I told her when I was pregnant I couldn't commit to as many MOH duties as normal)
Agreed!! Naps are essential!!! Moms are up every 2 hours feeding the baby (even at night) and sleep is HARD to come by
For the first one, I had the opposite experience. In one of my classes, one of the "popular" kids was acting out (which he always did but was always ignored) & the teacher blamed me for disrupting the class & sent me out into the hallway. My sister saw me standing outside the classroom crying & I told her what happened. She marched right into the class & ripped the teacher a new one in front of everyone. At the end, it was found out the "popular" kid was the issue (based on comments from others in the class) & the teacher did appologize. I know my sister always has my back.
What a wonderful sister!
I have no idea what that's like
You have an awesome sister ❤️
Oooh I love this so much. ❤❤❤
What happened after between you and the popular kid? Did he still try to bother you after that?
Yeah, having a baby and being a new mom is 100 million times harder than wedding stuff. Before having my baby in August, i would've thought the new mom was out of line. From one struggling new mom, it s hard and exhausting and I can absolutely guarantee she needed that nap.
Tbh any person with a working brain and even the vagues knowledge on how babies work would be able to get that that woman is exhausted and can't think about much else. I'm not a mum and I actually got mad at the bride for whining about this, lol
This is absolutely correct but MOH is also an adult and has the capacity to vocalise a need to step down from the role
@@caseyc2497 That's tough though, she probably wants to do it all and would feel bad stepping down. Unless the bride goes to her and makes it a boundary that she either has to step up or let somebody else become the maid of honor then she likely isn't going to realize how important it is to her.
For real for real. And all of your emotional energy goes to keeping your sanity in line with all that sleep deprivation over many, many months AND showing up physically and emotionally for your newborn. And if you’re nursing, that’s an additional physically draining thing on top of needing to jump up and see to a vulnerable tiny human’s needs every few hours to every few minutes, all day and night, every day and night.
On the napping thing.
When you are a new mom and you are literally only getting 2 hours of sleep because your kid isn't feeling well, or is having a really rough go of it. Difference between crying for the rest of the day and being able to try to smile.
The reason postpartum depression is real
The last story made me cry. The Cinderella scene was exactly what popped in my head. That was awful, I'm so glad she went home
Agreed. It's one thing if she had just been asked to take some photos with her Nikon (which would have been reasonable, if that was the only change), but forcing OP to give up her dress, and her seat at the reception. .. . Way out of line.
@@t.matthies3049 yeah, and not just forcing her to give up the dress, but literally tearing it off of her! Like( that’s super messed up!
The way they kept complimenting her photography skills to get rid of her so that the other chick could replace her was brutal.
@@MalcolmReynoldsQuotesyes. It was very manipulative and condescending, too. Taking the gift of the bracelet back was just mean.
I hope the OP blocked that bride and all of the participants from social media, phone, and whatever else. She needs better friends. I agree with her actions 💯
My priest gave me great advice: "You can forgive someone without continuing a relationship with them."
For that last story: I probably would have been petty and stayed to take pictures, not of the wedding but of various details around it: trees, grass, dirt, clouds; anything other then what they wanted to have; and when it came time to take photos of the wedding party, I would’ve made sure their faces would be just out of frame. Would have loved to see the reaction of the bride getting the useless photos back. And because they thought photos were taken care of, they probably wouldn’t have made many on their own phones and stuff, so there would’ve been even less good photos of the wedding.
Haha, I was totally thinking the same way!
The bride and friends blocked her and apparently one of the mothers make a snarky comment about no photographer
The only side who can "let bygones be bygones" is the offended side. The one who has to apologize has no right to speak of bygones.
Damn well said.
*A wedding and becoming a new mom is NOT the same at all.*
Exactly 😅 I suffered second hand embarrassment when I read that lol
Exactly what i thought. Isn’t wedding kind of a party? Surely, once in a lifetime thing but still you have many people helping you. Pushing a baby out of you and taking care of it 24 hours after that is equivalent to planning a party….😂 How can planning a party and being a mother be the same? How immature does someone have to be to say that?
@@PhDincriminilogy Haha exactly! Thank you!! Planning a gender reveal party or even like setting up the nursery is similar, but actually giving birth or caring for the child? Not even comparable in the slightest.
But she can step aside . If having a kid is too much to be a maid of honor , don’t be a maid of honor . If I was a new mother I couldn’t be a maid of honor, I’m not doing sh!t with a new born.
I agree!! A MARRIAGE and a baby COULD be considered of equal importance, but they are entirely different things that shouldn’t be compared. A WEDDING is a big day, but it’s just a party for ONE day. That cannot be compared to a LIFE! I literally came looking for this comment because it hit me wrong too.
Tbh, OP saying this, made me see the MOH’s side a lot more. Only then is when I had an issue with the bride’s side. When I had my baby I would not have wanted to be a bridesmaid for anyone who said a wedding and baby were of equal importance. (Or be their friend if they are as selfish as that sound.) My guess is that the MOH feels trapped in the roll and the anxiety is causing her to not know how to back out. The solution is to have a serious conversation if it would be best for both of them to get a different MOH. It could give them both some relief.
As someone who used to be an awful older sister, the twin story really upsets me. I had a lot of mental issues growing up and, unfortunately, I took that out on my siblings a lot. I had anger management problems I didn’t know how to deal with, abandonment issues from my absent dad, and BPD that would cause me to very suddenly fly off the handle. I hate how I treated my younger siblings because I made their home an unsafe space where they should have felt comfortable. I severely mistreated them and damaged any relationship we could have had in our younger years. We’re all adults now, and I’ve since apologized so deeply to both of them separately. I called out specific behaviors that I feel so ashamed for. We’re rebuilding our bond now, but I’m following their lead as I’m the one who tore down the bond we were supposed to have. I’m so thankful both of my siblings are forgiving for my actions as a child who didn’t know better, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not feel guilt about contributing to THEIR pain in their own childhoods. For a sibling to just expect that forgiveness be given without working to earn that forgiveness is almost infuriating. I hope the OP can heal from what her twin put her through, and I hope she can live a happy life away from people who damage relationships and expect the other person to act like nothing ever happened.
Super happy that you were able to speak to them and apologize. My sister has been awful to me my entire life and if confronted she will act like she did nothing wrong and has nothing to apologize for. Even just a few months ago her behaviour was brought up by multiple family members at the same time and she got mad saying she didn't do anything. She's 43 now. And here's a kicker... she's a teacher for little kids. smh
Thank-You for sharing that...❤🙏
Thank you for this. You are obviously no kin of mine, but because that's exactly what I wished I could have heard, it felt healing to me.
as someone with BPD I am so thankful to be an only child I couldn't imagine how awful it was for yourself and your siblings growing up. I hope you can manage to heal and find meaningful relationships still.
Thank you for sharing that. Wish my family and younger sister would get this.
Ooookay the second story just changed completely for me when I heard she was a new mum! That really takes it out of you. Especially when you have post partum depression. This woman is not up to being maid of honour, but not because she doesn't care! It's really because she just doesn't have the energy. When a newborn wakes you up 10 times a night, a nap is the holy grail. There's no way I would have made myself be maid of honour when I had my babies! I hope the bride understands it's not personal and excuses the bridesmaid gently.
Wow, I didn't think it could really get any worse than the first one, but the last one literally made my sick to my stomach.
She was absolutely right to drive home without a word. I truly hope she never spoke to them again and that she has found friends that would never treat her that way.
Yeah all of these stories were sad! The first one was really heartbreaking because I have a little sister. And my little sister is my best friend and she always has been. We are the only siblings and we are still extremely close even though we have our own kids now. My sister is four years younger but even in high school we're best friends, she would go everywhere with me, anytime I would hang out with my friends she would come with me. We were always together and although we don't live physically close to each other anymore due to jobs we're still best friends. Having a sister is having a built-in best friend for life. I can't imagine living my life without my sister. And so it's just really upsetting when I hear about sisters who hate each other or one of them bullies/ treats the other one badly. It's just so heartbreaking because it's so unnecessary. A sister is a best friend and I just wish all sisters everywhere had the relationship my sister and I do.
I might have done it and then sent them a rediculous invoice and not given them any photos until it was paid.
To the absentee maid of honor story: The most diplomatic and non-confrontational way to address it would be to say you understand that being a new mom is hard and that it takes a lot of time. The duties of being a maid of honor can be pretty stressful in time-consuming and I don't want to do that to you so I'm just going to have..….... Step in. BOOM
I like that, maybe something else is going on with the MOH and the new baby and MOH doesn't want to stress out the bride to be any more than she already is.
Being a new Mom is exhausting. Sure a nap may sound odd around 1:00 PM, but I'll tell ya, I was getting up every 2 hours or so to nurse my newborn kids. A nap at any time would trump anything.
However, new Mom should take a moment to ask herself if she is really up to being a MOH. It sounds like she can't, so she should apologize for ghosting so much and step down from the role. She may even ask to be bumped down to a guest. That's not being a bad friend, that's being a good friend who is honest about what she is capable of during this time.
This story is so strange to me-how did the friend not make arrangements to offer the bride the proper support? My best friend is getting married in a month and I’m her Matron of honor (her sister is her maid of honor). I have a chronic debilitating health condition that significantly impacts what I’m capable of. We discussed how this would work IMMEDIATELY after she asked me to be in the wedding party. Her sister took the things that had hard deadlines, I supported her mother (I’m 5 minutes away, while both daughters are hours away) with technology stuff, addressing invitations, sending the save-the-dates, receiving rsvps and keeping the head count. I joined her mom to visit a couple venues, since the wedding’s closer to us. We traveled 6 hours for a weekend near the bride for dress shopping. We traveled to the bride for another weekend, when we had the bachelorette party one day and the bridal shower the next day. I was given tasks to help where I wouldn’t overdo it. We’ve had a blast planning and spending time together. It’s meant so much that I can be a significant part of all this despite my poor health and it’s meant a lot to the bride and her family that I’ve been able to help with the things that they were stressed about. (Being someone with wedding planning experience helped too, lol.) We talked through each step in detail to ensure my health was minimally impacted by doing things and that each task was taken care of.
That's what I'm saying. The mental and physical health of it all plus having a new baby is exhausting and can be kind of suffocating. So I don't think either one of them are the asshole in this case lol They both have legitimate reasons for doing what they're doing so no need to ruin a friendship over it. I wouldn't be surprised if in 6 months the friend who just had a baby reflects back and thinks about it like "man I wish I could have been there more"
at the same time it’s just an appt to watch them try on dresses. Doesn’t mean she isn’t gonna show up for other things. I wouldn’t want to leave my newborn just to watch someone try on dresses but at the same time she could have brought the child too. But I feel like ppl put MOHs through a lot of shit when honestly its just someone you want standing next to you on your big day
GOOD for the girl who drove home after being “demoted” from a bridesmaid to working for free as a photographer, and being told she doesn’t get to eat??? Absolutely terrible! How awful to be to someone. Good for her for not letting people treat her that way.
As a twin myself this blows my mind. We always have each others back against the bullies!
Exactly!
The story with the bridesmaid that had her dress taken off her to give to someone else and the bride just assumed she’d take photos instead of being in them and not sit down to eat is so beyond f-ed up! 😱🙊 I hope she has found real friends that genuinely love and appreciate her for who she is. 💗
it sounded almost like assault... they are underssing her against her will 🤢
Agreed, I would say that that's assault, but I'm not 100% what the law says. If it's worth it, she should sure in small claims court to get her $500 back. She doesn't have to get a lawyer necessarily. If she did and won, I think that bully bride would pay her sttorney's fee's, also.
I would have gone to jail if I was there and saw that. Why would they take her dress off and give it to someone else???
I would love to know how the wedding went with absolutely no photographer.
I hope it went badly for them.
I'd love to know the aftermath. Did d the bride call her to tell her she "overreacted?" 😂 So glad she got her things and left.
Bullies not wanting to pick on someone who fights back is 100% why I got into so much trouble as a kid. I was targeted by bullies an awful lot, and learnt that people were more likely to leave me alone if they believed I was too much trouble to hassle - so I ended up responding to any confrontation by going straight to 11. I'd match verbal for verbal, but the moment anything got physical, I'd deliberately choose to become 'feral'; I'd bite, pull hair, scream like a wildcat... anything I could think of to freak out whoever was attacking me enough that they'd want to avoid me in future. Little me figured the detentions were worth being left alone by all but the most determined of my bullies.
Good for you! I did the same. Fight dirty and get it over with! I never took crap from anyone. If you stand straight and fight back, the Azzhoe will never bother you again. Take care of business and move on. No bad feelings in defending yourself no matter the consequences! Best wishes.
Same though I have only experienced that once, they tried to bully me by talking about my weight and I confronted them immediately... This was on the first day of class too and he was the transferee I assume he saw me as the weakest one in class and immediately commented on my weight, I said to him "were in the first day of school do you think we're close?" and everyone in class who were pretty much my friends agreed he stopped coming to school after that... (Oh yeah when I say confronted I mean I went to him pushed him to a wall and said it)
@@animesenpai1163 Sounds familiar. Pretty much same thing except I was the new kid getting picked on about my weight and being the new kid. After a few Judo style throws (the kid charged me a few times) he got the idea I wasn't to be messed with. As this occurred in front of other classmates they got the idea to leave me alone.
I wish I could go back in time and do this. The only time I fought back was 1. When I had dirt 2. Never physical but psychological.
Sounds awful but as a young kid/teen you don't care at that age
Dead mom? Bet, dad hit you and was a drunk? Bet. Oh didn't your beloved pet just die? Huh isn't that what you said you wished would happen to me ? Just because I wore black ? Bettttt. I know this sounds awful but no one helped me back then and i felt backed into a corner and when I had enough I'd rage
My best friend got married 2 weeks after I gave birth. Thankfully she was completely understanding and really appreciated the fact that I drove an hour and a half with a newborn (and my husband for the help) to spend 20 minutes with her on her wedding day before having to leave. Just sharing since there's other ways that these stories could have gone, and I feel sorry for them that they are not so understanding...
About the mom with the 1pm nap. To be honest, when you’re a new mom, every little moment you can nap is so precious. You’re so tired all the time, I totally get it. And when she said the mom had been dealing with PPD it was even a bigger flag. She should be really concerned for her friend. It’s extremely hard to function and some women even have suicidal/homicidal thoughts. The fact she was more concerned about her dress and she compared getting married being the same as having a baby was so shocking to me. If you still want her to be the MOH then bring her pictures and show her, or ask her if she still wants to do it or rather be something else in the wedding. I wish that mom the best.
Thank you! People just don't understand,
My friend needed to leave her kid in emergency care foe a night cause she was going insane with a lack of sleep, the kid was fussy and did not let her sleep at night and she could not find a window during the day to make up for any of it
.... A lack of sleep is a major health risk!!!
I have suffered from PPA and I can tell you it sucks. It’s hard to go anywhere or do anything especially when you’re on the edge of a panic attack. It sucks when you want to be there for others but cannot because your mind sends you into fight or flight mode for no good reason.
If I was the bride, I would gently let the friend off the hook. “I know you’re struggling right now, and being maid of honor is obviously too much. As much as I would love to have you in the wedding party, your mental health is important to me. I will have someone else fill the roll so you can focus on healing. If you feel up to it, I would still love to have you at my wedding.”
And then most importantly: STAY FRIENDS! I guarantee the reason the friend is giving lame excuses for not being there is because she is embarrassed about her condition.
I came here for this. The life change can be so much more than people anticipate or even really grasp in the moment. The optimism to keep functioning like normal and plan like you can do it all can backfire and send you into dark places where words are just hard to put together about how complex it all feels. I avoided responding to texts as long as I could, I didn’t answer calls, I needed more naps because I had broken sleep from breastfeeding through the night; mentally/emotionally drained. I don’t know if I would have had the mental capacity for foresight about how my actions might be affecting others.
I like how you put it. Maybe she wanted to be a part of it, but she was just always too drained to actually follow-through. Spreading herself that thin can definitely lead to mental health issues and if Bride put it that way, with compassion and understanding, I think that might be more helpful in the long run of maintaining healthy, respectful relationships.
This is the comment I was looking for. I don’t understand how people still don’t understand this.
I came here to say the same. I had severe PPD and was almost hospitalized. I was ashamed and embarrassed, and no one knew besides my husband and mom for months. Honestly, it took about a year to get back to baseline. Once I started to open up to my friends, they said they knew something was going on because of how flaky I all of a sudden became. I was blessed to have understanding friends, and I feel like this bride can offer the same grace to the MOH. Letting her friend off easily and with understanding would be the best. The bride shouldn't have to suffer the absence of her MOH, and I feel like offering a replacement will ultimately save their friendship in the long run. And I can understand Charlotte's response to this if you've never been there or had a close friend/ family member who has gone through it.
Yh I was thinking the same i was a little disappointed with Charlotte for insisting napping is a lame excuse because it really isnt for the those struggling with mental health, especially for new parents, getting naps where they can is important. And although I do think a wedding is important, it is not equal to having a child. The consequences of failure is literally life and death for one and not the other, the burdans are different.
I think if shes able to support her friend through this, once its her time she'll appreciate having her by her side then more so than having her as a MOH.
I get that shes trying and shes also stressed, but the moment you see those red flags in your friend I think its time to do a drop by check in, then as you said let her off the hook, because she clearly is struggling to admit that she cant be there for you this time. It happens in friends 🤷🏽♀️
I think its harder for those who havent been around it intimately to fully comprehend or understand the communication struggles.
I havent had any kids yet myself and I pray I dont have to go through PPA/D myself because I dont know if I can.
My friends have all been through it, its too sad how common it is! But seeing these strong women, top of their game, career driven, super prepared and organised, be reduced to shells of themselves, and the denial before the healing but then they have to rebuild themselves back up.
You ladies are so strong, we dont descuss this enough with eachother, I feel like less kids would be jumping to have kids if they knew being a young parent made them more at risk for that.
And women need to stop insisting we can do everything because then theres so much shame when we go through moments where we physically and mentally cant..
Sorry I went off on one
Im proud of your strength Ladies and hope you're always growing and healing 💜
@@jessimarim_m9387 yes I was laughing till I heard the PPA part. As I had suffered from PPA/PPD myself normal human functions seem impossible and sleep that used to be a normal human function is out the window whatever little sleep you get is a priority. Charlotte, it is a debilitating and crippling illness and a form of depression. So my verdict for that particular story should be NAH.
Unfortunately it's all too common for parents who don't know how to deal with sibling grievances to just ask their kids to "move on". Because they haven't a clue what to do, and likely never defended you, it makes them more comfortable if you would just ignore it. They don't get that in them never standing up for you or disciplining your sibling bully, they left you to fend for yourself. Not something you can really forget, esp. without an apology.
Absolutely right. And ideally, the apology, when it comes, should be an actual one rather than a roundabout way of excusing what they did, which comes in a whole variety of flavours.
This is why I would play judge with my kids. They would stand in front of me and state their case, each one allowed to do so without commentary from the other. And then if they didn’t sit and hear how they wronged each other, I would determine a good fair punishment. But for the most part, just letting them each present their cases without the other arguing over them, often led to them being civil out of the fact that they could hear how hurt the other was. Listen to your children. No matter how old they are. Even if it’s trivial to you, it isn’t to them. Especially at that moment.
@@Inlelendri unfortunately too many… baskin robins can’t even compete with flavors to excuses for some people, ya know?
It sucks that in not wanting to choose sides they effectively punish the child that was the victim, and let’s the aggressor off.
@@erikarussell1142 That's a good idea! I don't plan to ever have kids but if I end up with friends with kids, especially pre-teens, I'd suggest this to them.
It’s funny how the stories went from “the nap excuse was not good enough, you should step up for your friend getting married regardless of having a newborn at home” to “you can’t expect your bridal party to not get pregnant because it’s your wedding and you can’t expect people to put their life on hold for one day” 😅
Yeah...
Yeah very contradicting
@@jesystarwell yes because she didn't know the details the op hid before
@@zuluesneya2109 except she did by the end of the story and still mentioned the nap was a bad reason to not go.
@@feonaro Iwe😂😂
I almost laughed when Charlotte read the comment from one of the brides that a wedding and having a child are of equal importance. Her wedding is more important to HER, her friends' baby is more important to THEM. Sure, the bride has the right to choose their bridesmaids but she should also get that parenting doesn't stop because you're pissed off that your wedding won't be perfect. If she can't find a little more empathy it's time to just have that new mom as a guest vs part of the wedding party.
The Cinderella scene immediately played in my head when Charlotte was telling the last story. So horrified for that poor woman! So glad she left and I hope she has a better group of friends now
And they had the balls to come after what ever photographs you did manage to snap? Screw all of them, I’d find an imaginary purpose for those photos that would shame them completely! See who be laughing then.
And they took back the gifts!! from TIFFANY'S!! frikkin massive neutron star aholes!!
For real my stomach churned during that part
The girl that introduced me and my husband was really tall. People use to call her big bird, but I never did bc I thought it was super rude & degrading.
Thank you for that.
I'm very tall and absolutely detest that "big bird" reference.
It's ignorant!
@@SonjaElizabethTeal
You're welcome and I agree with you. I'm 4'10 & I'm so tired of people referring to me as a midget.
@@It-is-me...Melsie
Lololol well snuffalufface was always a kind character.😇😇😇
I quit ballet when I was thirteen after over five years because all of the other girls in my new class called me giraffe girl. one day even the teacher jokingly called me an asparagus I went home crying that night and didn't come back and I haven't done ballet since (or really even danced at all) that experience completely ruined it for me.
@@elliethefuzzyturtle
Omg! How awful. I'm so sorry. I wish you would start back dancing. You truly love something if you do it for that long.
I love how open you are about being bullied and how it affected you and what you wish your friends might have done. With your reach you probably inspired a bystander friend to do something
For the 1st aita confession, I can smell favouritism from miles away. The twin whom bullied her doesn't feel remorse for what she did & even justified it as "she was immature" & expected the bride to get over it. Wow, the sheer audacity. Easy for the bully to say something like that when they weren't the one experiencing the pain of being unwanted & alone. Then again, I'm not surprised as I'm experiencing something like that as well. ☺️
being a bridesmaid used to seem like fun, now it sounds like a customer service job
I honestly thought it was showing up day-of in a pretty dress. Ofc the one time I was a bridesmaid I was 12 so that explains my perspective lol
@@alexia3552 in the 6 years since I've been married, it seems like weddings and expectations are on steroids across the board. I can't imagine being as narcissistic as many brides. Even the "it's your day" line made me 🤢 when I was getting married. It's a party about my marriage but it's everyone's day and precious time out of their finite lives. How selfish brides have become.
"Forgiveness does not mean being besties with a person that hates you." PREACH. I had a relative who was emotionally abusive. Eventually the things he said to me/what he did to me turned me into someone I didn't recognize. I was bitter and angry and heartbroken ALL THE TIME. I had to learn to forgive this person because I didn't want to be who I became anymore. I did not, and still do not, excuse his actions and what he said to me. It's for my own sanity. Forgiveness does not equal full pardon.
This. All of this.
Forgiving is good for one self, you are then able to move on. But it doesn't mean you are friends again. When trust is gone in a relationship it's very hard to trust that person again. So better keep distance from people whom have treated you bad, even if you have been able to forgive.
I agree and have dealt with this with a family member. I forgive her, but my boundaries include not speaking with someone who is toxic to me.
Yes, forgiveness is really for yourself. Once you’re ready to let go of something, you can forgive the person and breathe out. Even if you never tell the person you forgive them… it mostly helps you let go. However, if you’re not ready to forgive, don’t be forced to do so.
Just because one forgives doesn't mean they have to (or will) forget the other person's transgressions
A wedding and having a baby is not the same thing, buy far. As a mum of three I have to say the first baby is the scariest. You go through so much - all the emotions, the stress, the new things it can be terrifying. I remember not sleeping all night in fear that my little girl would suddenly stop breathing. And when you read the line "she had PPD" and OP just brushed that aside like it was a mild cold my heart sank for the MOH. PPD is very serious but it is often overlooked or dismissed. Your best friend is having a huge life change and is experiencing depression at the same time. And OP can think only if herself. That there is not a good friend. It is a selfish one. Yes, the MOH should talk to her friend, explain she can't be there for her as much but she still loves her and values her friendship. Keep in mind that most of the mothers experiencing PPD are ashamed filling this way and often they will not say anything. So the fact that OP knows and chooses to ignore it is horrible. If you want your friends support you should give them yours. If you see she is struggling don't make her feel worse by taking her that she is a bad friend and you feel abandoned. There is always a way to feel special and the center of attention, as I suspect OP wants to feel. Can't one of her bridesmaids go to these appointments instead? Can't she make photos of all the dress and the discuss them with the MOH? Don't offer help - give it. Even if the MOH is saying she's fine and doesn't need help that is clearly not the case and a true friend would go and help anyway.
Long before I had kids one of my BFFs had a baby. She was always tired, always afraid something would happen. And something did happen - her husband got deployed. For the record he came back safe and sound but she was alone with a ten day old baby. And I remember when she told me the first thing I sad was I'll come and help. And she was like "no it's fine, I'll manage. Plus you don't know anything about taking care of a baby". And she was write - I didn't know a single thing about babies I was even scared to pick him up. But I went anyway. I hold bring her crooked food, or by her groceries. I would vacume the house or dust, or fold the laundry. That much I knew how to do 😂😂😂 Years later she told me that me coming was the only thing that cept her from going insane and that there are no words to express how grateful she is. ❤
Napping for new mothers is sometimes the only good sleep you get. I remember how important naps became when in the past I would not even think about them. They allowed me to keep my sanity.
Also I have been marries and became a mom. These 2 events are no where as equal. Wedding was planning for an amazing party with an end in sight. Become a mom was fruitlessly planning for month and never being quite ready for what is coming with no end in sight.
Hi Charlotte thank you for highlighting that any traumatic experience from family in the past can still affect you in your current life, and it’s not acceptable for family to just brush it off as if nothing has happened!
Amen to that. No one should be forced to be in a toxic relationship of any kind. Blood or not, I will cut you out of my life without a second thought.
I feel this on such a base level. I have family that expect everything to just be bygones and are offended that my sister and I refuse to capitulate. We're not playing their game and it feels really good.
I once read a Tumblr post along the lines of 'the tree remembers, the axe doesn't ' which perfectly described how family, especially parents, seem to deny whatever harm they'd done to us.
100%
I'm almost 36 and I'm still in therapy. Same woman since I was 11, so she knows the tea, and just today during our appointment she remarked about my sister, "Wow, she really did lead the family around didn't she?" Yes. Still has my mom wrapped, but she's her golden child so it's not like I expected different. Mom always finds some excuse for her poor behavior and says she doesn't want to be involved. Such is life. Therapy has done me a world of good. I recommend anyone with cptsd or unresolved childhood trauma to look into EMDR therapy.
For the second bride, I would be concerned. The OP didnt specify the MOH was a new mom, having a baby is suuuper hard at first because you are tired all the time, concern, worried, every day is a challenge (at least for me it was because i was alone, my husband worked out of my city and just came in once a week) so i understand the nap thing. Doing all by yourself while caring for a baby that, (if lucky but highly unlikely) sleeps through the night, you as a mom may be able to nap duringn the day while the baby is napping.
Planning a weeding and having a baby are NOT the same thing, you are planning a party and yes we want everything to be nice.
But having a baby, man you are drained physically, mentally, emotionally and we are a mess the first couple of months. AND if this new mom may have PPD, well, no, we are not talking about the same thing.
I think the OP should cut her some slack and understand that MOH is really strugling with her mental health due to the recent baby. It can be too much sometimes.
Yeah the "wedding and having a baby are equally big events" thing from the second bride rubbed me the wrong way. Like...no they're not??? One of them is a huge party and the other is a BRAND NEW HUMAN BEING who's existence a) is entirely reliant on you, and b) has altered the entire rest of your life from here on out. These are both important events, but one is IMMENSELY more important (and exhausting) than the other.
Her saying that after for some reason leaving out the fact that her MOH is a new mom and has/had PPA gives off some nasty vibes. It set off alarm bells in my head and immediately made me suspicious of how reliable her side of the story is.
@@VeireDame Thank you! I was a little surprised Charlotte didn't mention that because one is a major medical emergency/ surgery and the other is a dinner party. If MOH is struggling with anxiety over the reliant newborn right in front of her then how on earth should she be expected to communicate about a volunteer role for a party. OP needs to step up and talk it out or respectfully and kindly demote the MOH.
THANK YOU not even a mom and was pretty surprised OP left it out and that Charlotte would still shame her about the nap after that info was revealed. Yes they’re both big events but veeeeeeery different from each other as far as what it takes out of a person. Do her wedding plans wake up in the middle of the night demanding her attention.? I think not
Dude, after my Little was born, I was soooooo exhausted. Not just recovering from birth, but the hormones, the constant breaks in your sleeping, the crying, everything; is just so exhausting. I have loved every minute of being a mother, but I'd be lying if I said it was a walk in the park in the beginning. You are literally learning how to be a parent. My wedding planning was cake compared to my new life change.
Yes I came to say the same the excuse is very valid and she sounds awful. She hid the fact she was a new mom because she knew people would come for her. And Charlotte let me down with her response here. But maybe she doesn't know anyone with kids.
As a twin, identical, it's hard when something like that happens. I personally didn't go through that in high school but I know what it's like to be pushed aside. Talk it through, she needs to be held accountable for what she did no matter the time. Though you've dealt with it doesn't mean she escapes what she has done. You do what's best for you, it's not about her. Tell her to kick rocks.
The first story was literally me, except my twin is a brother, and he didn’t just keep his head down, he contributed to the bullying. I was like GIRL do you live in my walls???
Anyway, thanks to Charlotte for acknowledging how traumatizing that was. My family thinks I should just “get over it” because my brother “has moved on.” I’m like, that’s like asking a forest to “get over it” because the forest fire “has moved on.” There’s a lot of healing that still needs to happen. But I’ve never heard someone validate my experience like that, so thanks. :)
"the wedding party will look uniform now" I. WOULD. HAVE. SWUNG. Every one of them would've had a black eye in those wedding photos.
Edit: On second thought, I would have taken the photos. Then, I would have sent them an EXORBITANT bill before delivering them. They want their wedding photos? They'll have to pay me. And THEN we will never speak again.
I had the same idea. 😂
Make sure they’re all blurry too, since they didn’t need a professional 🤙
YESS!
Gonna lose some friends, may as well make BANK to compensate for your emotional turmoil amIrite?? 👏😎
Drown those sorrows in a new Tiffany bracelet!!
@@FirstnameLastnames Ya damn right
Oh my. That last story was soooo messed up! I would be so hurt if anyone did that to me, and I'd drive home too. There's no way I would put up with that.
Post Partum Anxiety (what the OP said her maid of honor had been struggling with) might cause her to feel awful just thinking about leaving the baby out of her sight or even taking them out of the house with her for the wedding appointments. The "nap" excuse might just be the first thing running through her head when she was invited. It's sad she's experiencing mental health issues which overlap with her friend's wedding preparations, she's probably feeling bad about it too, adding to the anxiety
I resonate SOOOO much with the first story… I’m not married yet but I’m already making plans to keep my older sister out of my wedding completely because of how much she makes a point to hate me for no reason. But I don’t want people to look at me in a bad way for setting a boundary so I’m not uncomfortable and stressed by her presence when that day comes. Ugh, feel you girl!
If story 2's MoH is doing night-feedings (and especially has an unsupportive/uninvolved partner), then that nap excuse is actually legit.
Yes it's not an excuse at all! To say it is and not understand what new mums go through is just saddening
Exactly! I'm like "she's napping because the baby kept her up all night!!!" I'm not even a parent and that much seems obvious!
I agree. The kid could also have colic. And post partum depression is no joke...
I don’t know…yes she’s probably sleep deprived but something else is going on here too. She seems like one of those horrible girlfriends that always have to be #1. They take and take and take and demand full attention and admiration but they can’t be bothered to give back anything ever. Of course she’s tired but she can’t get a babysitter and make one small sacrifice for her best friend? It’s not like she’s sleep deprived at 40. These girls are in their 20’s
@@vanessazannis5523 Do you have any idea how often newborns need to be fed? Even if her tits aren't painful and the baby's latching well, that's Hell.
Set an alarm for every 2 hours, for 48 hours. See how good you feel after only two days of that mess.
Getting right into the twin story with a childhood I heavily relate to as a twin. Oh boy.
I wouldn't be able to handle a twin. Such a weird idea. But it you've always had one I guess it's normal.
I am not a twin but I have had this as an adult. Someone I gave up everything for would not stand up for me when I was verbally attacked in my own home on a number of occasions. I couls
@Pat I'm a bit confused by what you may mean, but if you mean it's normal to have a twin, twins have become more of a thing with advances in health and medicine.
I kept thinking of scenes from Daria, "um, Quinn, isn't that like your cousin, or whatever?"
Usually twins are close... Very odd that these 2 didn't get on well... My brother and I are twins and we were always close despite having different friend groups
the last one absolutely breaks my heart. poor girl :(
The twin should let her sister be in the wedding. Hear Me Out! During all the wedding planning and activities, the bride will be surrounded by her college friends, supporting her, having fun, laughing at inside jokes… Then her twin will know how it feels to be the outsider in the group and see, firsthand, that her sister is doing just fine without her
Third story resonates with me. My MIL was so angry that I decided not to attend my BIL and SIL wedding because their wedding was out of town and ONE DAY PAST MY DUE DATE. She screamed at us that we were selfish for getting pregnant when we knew their wedding's date. We had been trying for 6 months after a loss and didn't expect it to we almost right on the same date! She said I didn't know when I'd give birth, maybe I would be late (I ended up giving birth 5 days late), but one day past my due date was just too scary for us to travel so far away from my birthing center with our then 2yo and 3.5yo toddlers. She also said I might already have given birth by then since it was a day after, but no way I'm driving all that with a bloody perineum and a screaming few days old newborn. We ended up going no contact with SIL and BIL anyway and it was one of the best decisions we took.
I am especially fascinated by women who have had babies and somehow still think that you can casually decide when it's going to work out for you...and potentially expect you not to try for some months because of a wedding? Like what the actual f*ck?
Good _god_ . Some people don’t deserve the right to say words. And that MIL is one of them. I’m so sorry you had to hear all that fresh sewage come out of her mouth.
Friend I didn’t go to my brothers wedding either. It was several states away-big ones. Like, at least a 14-16 hour drive.
I had asked him when he got engaged about having a wedding and when, he said they planned to elope and wouldn’t be including family. Then he calls about 6 months later saying they’re getting married in just under a month. He really wanted us to come but we had a 6 month old. I nursed exclusively (little man was a nightmare about taking bottles) and we didn’t have anyone we felt good about leaving our BABY for for two days. Taking him wasn’t really an option because he went to bed about 7 and if you didn’t just put him to bed when it was time he screamed and was horrible. The wedding was at 7 😂😂
I mean. Our options were not great. Go and not really be at the wedding cuz we were taking turns spending time in the hotel with little man, leave him with someone knowing he prob wouldn’t eat and I’d likely get mastitis? Take him to the wedding and let him scream?
To top it off-I had asked when he got engaged because that way we could plan for a wedding financially as well as regarding my husbands vacation time (you don’t get endless amounts generally!). 3.5 weeks notice meant we didn’t have the money really to make this happen, but my husband was nearly out of leave for the year as well.
Driving to the wedding-being that it was so far away and was on a Friday night-meant at least 2 days of vacation time. Flying wasn’t even an option due to expense. The gas and hotel room and other expenses would’ve been a minimum of 500$ and prob closer to 1000$. That kind of expenditure when you are a single income family is something that needs to be planned for. Emergencies happen but this wasn’t an emergency-it was a choice. A choice that meant some family might not be there.
Luckily they weren’t too butt hurt over it and I’m on good terms with brother (marriage didn’t last).
Sometimes I think people expect this like movie type scenario where there’s loads of drama and everyone drops everything to make it happen-and of course money is no object.
In real life it generally doesn’t work that way. If you put up a lot of hoops and obstacles for people to jump through and navigate to be there for you-well-they just might not be there for you.
Lesson-don’t make things difficult when you don’t have to for others. If you have to make it difficult-understand that might mean some people can’t come.
And pregnancies happen! I missed a good friend’s wedding because it was 2 weeks after my due date. Again, far far away and I would’ve LOVED to have gone-but ain’t no way that was gonna happen with a toddler and a newborn. Not everyone has the resources to deal with all that.
Sorry. This was long 😂😂
I literally clapped at the end of the bridesmaid/photographer story. So happy she went home
The wedding photography one felt like a nightmare…. Like an actual bad anxiety dream 😰
The first story hit really close to home for me. My older sister (and only sibling) bullied me my entire life. Long story short, I cut all ties with her around the age of 40. Keep in mind that I have great parents, but it's upsetting that my mom wants me to reconnect with my sister. I really needed to watch this video to reaffirm all the reasons not to concede to my mom's desire. It is okay to not forgive someone.
3:24
while growing up, I was treated like shit by my step-mother, who prioritized her children (who were born after me) over me. intellectually, I get that, but emotionally, I was a child and didn't have much contact with my own mother and my father pretty much ignored me (he was rarely at home during the day and almost never on the weekends. at most I saw him for a few hours during major holidays when we went to family gatherings). This woman raised me since I was an infant (less than 6months old), so for all intents, she WAS my mother. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me for over a decade, (I was 12 when my father divorced her). She treated me this way in front of everyone in my family, but they all just ignored it as well. She ended up teaching my sister to treat me this way as well (by example, not instruction). So when they moved away, I was glad and promptly cut them out of my life for good.
Years later, my father's girlfriend (who moved in with us) decided to 'discipline' me (14years old) by whipping me with a belt. I shoved her away from me and warned her that no one was going to ever hit me again... (can we say: abuse trauma). That night, she lied to my father that I "attacked" her and this caused a big blowout with him as he wasn't interested in my side of the events... When he decided to grab my arm in order to "make me" apologize to her, I punched him in the face. this led to a physical fight between us and once he backed away, I left the house and walked the 15 miles to my grandmother's house. (we lived in the 'country' where our nearest neighbor was over a mile away through dense forest). I lived with my grandmother until I started working at 15 and then I got my own place (over 30 years ago. was possible back then, nobody checked id). I've lived on my own since then and paid my own way. I cut my father out of my life the night I walked away from his house.
So I KNOW what it's like to cut family out of your life when they cause bad things to happen to you. And while it does leave a hole in your heart to cut out the people you thought you could rely on in your life, it's MUCH better to have the toxic people out of your life then have to deal with their bullshit for years or even decades...
This is so horrid I hope you are doing better now and have the wonderful life you deserve
May all of those jacka$$es get karma Xs 10.
You’re strong and wonderful!
That was so brave of you to stand up for yourself like that, especially since you were so young! I hope your life has given you happiness in threefold compared to the misery you endured as a child. Be well!! ❤️❤️
Had to do that to a sibling that thought I was a doormat. Haven’t seen or spoken with them in over 15 years. It sometimes seems as if I never had one at all. Not something I wanted to do but, it was necessary to preserve my sanity. Take care.
Jesus, this reminded me of my father (he would "discipline" me too with a belt for years) and I actually decided to go no contact in 4 months when I'm 18. I hope your doing well now! ❤️
Mothers sleep when the baby sleeps. 1 pm so she can get up early actually makes sense to other mothers
The hormonal whirlwind mums go through after birth can't be described. It's like being in a manic depressive concurrent episode. Some mums can't think straight, I couldn't and it made me a sucky friend but I'm lucky most of my close friends are also mothers so they get it.
First story: I’ve got an older sister that betrayed my trust in a way that goes beyond simply being fixed with a bit of forgiveness. She never actually apologized to me, only asked that I “not make drama for her now that the news was out.” She’s been uninvited from my life and any major events since. I love her, but I won’t forget how deliberate and devastating her actions were on my life and the lack of remorse on her part after. Put yourself first sometimes, others damn sure won’t.
I was a new mom when my best friend got married and I couldn’t be her maid of honor, we both knew this so she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said yes. I wanted to me a part of her special day someway, but I knew I couldn’t take the responsibility of a MOF as much as I wanted to. She was understanding of that.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like the last story!! At this point have a drink to memorialize the friendships that have now fallen by the wayside and keep moving onward to bigger and better things with people worth your time, energy, and love!
A new mom with PPA (postpartum anxiety) is absolutely a reason to nap at 1pm. It's not a flimsy excuse, it's her grasping at the only sleep she's able to get and putting up a boundary. I'm sure the PPA is making her feel like a failure and clinging onto this position of MOH was her way of still feeling like something more than a mom losing her mind. Personally I think the bride should talk to her and offer her some other way of participation in the wedding while explaining that she wants to ease her stress by letting someone else take the responsibility of MOH. Maybe let her be a bridesmaid, or some other option. Yes, the new mom needs to let someone else be MOH, but she should still be allowed to be included. PPA isn't a choice or easily dealt with.
I came to make a similar comment about PPA/PPD. Some people truly will not understand this because they haven't gone through it yet or they're experience with it was/is different.
Well said. ❤ It's gonna be hard now for them as bfs bc their priorities & emotions are definitely different rn.
I didn’t have PPA but I still napped when my baby napped. Your body takes a long time to recover and I was breastfeeding too. Just the complete change to your way of life is exhausting. Disturbed sleep leaky boobs, heavy blood loss, pain from stitches, anxiety about doing things and fendin off advice from other people and feeling like you’re wading through custard on a foggy night is more than enough reason to nap whenever you can.
THANK YOU!!!!! you literally have the best comment on here...!
True but she should have politely informed the Bride that she was unable to fulfill the duties of a MOH.
That twin story made me want to cry as a mom of twin girls. I hope my babies never stop loving each other. Edit: To clarify, I'm totally on her side, she's not the AH, it just makes me sad to see twins have a relationship like that.
As an adult, I reached out to a girl I was less than kind to in 4th grade. I didn't bully her but I was less than kind. Thankfully, it never got back to her back then but I felt HORRIBLE after saying unkind things. I carried that feeling w me throughout high school. She said she never knew I'd said anything against her but she appreciated my reaching out and apologizing.
Paula, again.... I'M SORRY!
SHE'S HAPPILY MARRIED AND SEEMS TO BE A WONDERFUL MOTHER! I'M VERY HAPPY FOR HER!!!
I had a friend ask if I'd still apologize if I'd known she didn't know, I'd like to think I would...
I always stood up against my twin's bullies. I couldn't imagine not protecting my sister ever.
It’s a sign of a weak person.
The gaslighting from her family was sad. Time doesn’t apologize for you. I know 50 year olds who never matured. Her sister cannot acknowledge or apologize for the horrible behavior, it means she’s still immature and selfish.
IKR??!!!
About the one with the inattentive MOH - PPD is nothing to shake a stick at and it needs treatment as soon as issues are arising. It can get pretty bad without help and make people act in ways that they've never acted before. That being said, I feel for the bride too. The best outcome here is for the bride to just find a new MOH and just tell her friend something like "I see the stress you're having and I think it's best for you to take care of yourself, you should just be a guest so you can enjoy the wedding and focus on you and baby" As someone who has gone through some pretty nasty bouts of PPD (made me a completely different person at the time) and been a bride (forever ago, but I still get the sweats when I see a seating chart 😂) I feel so bad for both parties.
I had the opposite “problem” as the bride who’s maid of honor got pregnant. I did a 2 year engagement and at one point I told my wedding party (jokingly) “if any of you are getting pregnant do it now so you’ll be able to drink at the wedding 😂” well…. Two of my bridesmaids who were married used it as an excuse with the husbands to hurry up and have another baby 😆 so that’s the story of how I’m responsible for two beautiful babies being brought into this world just a few weeks apart. 😅 And yes they were both beautiful and wonderful bridesmaids and yes the babies were in attendance at the wedding.
About the nap thing... If she was pregnant at that time, I think it's understandable. Pregnancy can hit you really hard, I slept like 12 hours a day and still felt like a zombie. It is reasonable to ask her to step out of the role of MOH if she doesn't have energy to fulfill the role, but I would understand her reasons for the inactivity, even the nap.
For the second story I wanna hear the bridesmaids side. I feel triggered.
I was a bridesmaid for my then best friend. We lived in different cities 3 hours apart and I don’t have a car.
She never asked me to be a bridesmaid and instead just started talking to me as though we had already had the conversation. I had never been a bridesmaid before so I was pumped. She brought up the dress fittings and showers and I said if I could figure out a way to attend, I would. Cut to a month later, my mother in law was diagnosed with leukaemia and was undergoing chemo in a different city 5 hours away. My then partner and I would make the trip to see his mom on most weekends and our relationship was deteriorating. He was cheating on me all while emotionally abusing me. Me were also trying to sell our home and were doing daily showings so constant cleaning and yard work. I was under so much stress and I contributed to every group chat with ideas and also paid more than my share financially when one of the other bridesmaids decided she wouldn’t pay for the bachelorette.
The bride wouldn’t let me off the hook for anything. When I couldn’t go to the bachelorette because of my partners mom’s deteriorating health, her and the other bridesmaids continued to send me links for bus tickets, plane tickets, ride share groups and continuously pressured me to attend. It was an awful experience. My mother in law died later that year and needless to say, I am no longer friends with the bride.
Hugs.
1 second ago
That is messed up. It sounds like you did your best to be everywhere at once. I mean what did you really miss by skipping one bridal event? A few margaritas or some gossip? Your MIL was losing her life. I’m so sorry that happened and - hugs.
As a new mom, I was awake every 60-90 minutes breastfeeding every night for over a year. I had twins, so it would be a little different than a new mom of a singleton but still very similar (maybe every 3 hours) My boys also both had colic so they were screaming all night long. They were only calm and not crying while in the bath or one of them laying on my lap and one of them laying on my stomach and they had to be touching backs.
But yeah, I totally understand the nap thing as a new mom. If you know your baby will be sleeping from this time to this time, you sleep too. I legit don't remember chunks of time from the first three months of my twins' lives because I was so sleep deprived, I was a walking zombie. But yeah, just my two cents and I'm sure other new moms can relate 🤷♀️
Plus breastfeeding and individual babies are so different for everyone, my first baby would go three hours or so but then my second would feed a lot more frequently and with no rhyme reason or semblance of a schedule.
Yeah I couldn't handle waking up every hour to feed one baby because I was so sleep deprived and it was so unhealthy to be so sleep deprived
@@sethezrathegodofbread ugh sleep deprivation is the absolute worst. Hope things are better for you now! ❤️
Yeah… charlotte lost a lot of my respect for when she voiced her opinion on that story just because I’ve struggled so badly with being a new mom and ppd. She’s so ignorant and it’s a complete ick.
@@misssmith7686 did you fully (emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually) understand what being a new mom was like before you had a baby? I am so sorry you dealt with PPD. I had debilitating postpartum anxiety following my twins and then I got pregnant again when they were 6 months old so everything got even worse before and after I had my daughter.
I wouldn't ever hold Charlotte's lack of knowledge against her though. She just doesn't understand it (yet!)
I relate so hard to the first one. Family’s care more about “keeping the peace” aka their image than holding people accountable.
As a new mom (2 under 2 ) a nap at 1pm is totally understandable 😂 probably much needed as well!
You have no idea how hard it is being a Mother. I was totally the type that thought the same way until I got dose of reality. I was 43 and it turned my life upside down. 🙃
I’m a twin and my sister was one of my biggest bullies in elementary and middle school, but she’s SUPER remorseful about it to this day and we have a great relationship. My sister WAS young and immature - OP’s sister still is.
As a mother of two boys, I will never want to be a MOH/bridesmaid for a friend even if she is a good friend. You can simply turn down the offer and explain that you are too busy taking care of your newborn. The reason why we need to nap is because we are awake by 12 midnight to feed them milk then 3am follow by 6am, every 2-3 hours constantly. If you don't have a newborn then you wouldn't know how tiring it can get. My youngest son is already 4 years old and he still wakes up in the middle of the night for milk! I can't just ignore him and let him cry because he will keep crying until he puke. So please, don't judge us mothers when you haven't been in our shoes.
I remember being labelled as a big girl or a man because I was a little bit taller than the other girls at school and it's traumatic hearing about this. What awful people. 30 years have passed since leaving school but the bad memories will never leave me, being bullied is not funny and if you see it, say something, don't pretend it's not happening.
Woah that last one! I would disappear from their lives forever! That one just about gave me an anxiety attack just listening to it- love you girl!
the MOH napping is a perfectly valid excuse raising children is hard and if she has to wake up early it makes sense to want more sleep so she can take care of her child and herself and still attend the wedding
Story with MOH not coming to dress appt. : As a new mom I was told by the doctor to nap when the baby naps so 1:00 is not unreasonable there. Anticipating getting up early to care for my baby (5:00am) was indeed part of my daily schedule.
The second one reminds me of when my mom said “no I can’t go to the rehearsal, I’m sorting my mail that day.. sooooo…”
The twin story made me sad, not only did her sister hurt her, but she also tried to play the "good person" card, and the parents were fine with it. I can tell with the dynamic that they probably put the OP's needs last, because she was the quiet one.
That last story, wow. You know it's bad when the wedding party hasn't even checked with the kicked out person to see what happened. They know they're the assholes, and the OP has said she and Ashley wear a similar size, so her being a 'photographer' was just icing and not really needed.
But that wedding photographer worked alone? And didn't even have a friend as back-up? Sounds really unprofessional.
I suspect it could also be possible that she didn’t have a back up photographer that day or the bride dismissed her. IDK 🤷♀️
Story 1: If my twin sister hadn't sort of done a not-quite-elopement with her husband, I'm certain I'd have not been a bridesmaid. As it was, she had no bridesmaids so I'll never know, but my twin and I have never been close so....yeah.
Last Story: I've heard this one before and it STILL pisses me off. Idk what I'd have done but I'd have snatched the gift back the moment they tried to take it back and taken the dress too and told them,
"Screw you, I'm going home and never talk to me again."
The twin story is so relatable for me but it's with my mom. It's gonna be long.
Growing up with my dad who was never home and my mom who's always busy, I always missed my birthdays since I was (still am) too insecure to remind everyone myself that it's my birthday. I enjoyed baking and when I was a kid, my best friends and me used to gather at one's house and bake a cake together for each other's birthday (with an adult's supervision of course). My friends' houses are close to school so I'd just walk to their house from school. My birthday is during summer breaks so no school, and I lived the furthest away so I was always alone. But on my 12th birthday, my best friend who knew that no one in my family remembered my birthday, made a surprise and got her dad to drive her to my house just to drop off a cake. She couldn't stay so she just wished me a happy birthday and told me to celebrate it with my family. I was very happy since it's been years since I had my own birthday cake, and I showed my mom and siblings the cake and asked to cut it together. They were watching a tv show and my mom told me to wait, so I just stood on the side with the cake in my hand. After like 5 minutes, I put the cake in the fridge and locked myself in my room. It was about half an hour later after the tv show ended that my mom came knocking on my door but I was no longer in the mood to celebrate so I went to sleep.
When I was 15, I had a big exam that determined which high school I could apply to. I was very nervous since the school I was aiming was quite difficult to get into. I did my best in the exam but didn't expect much because of how poor I did in my trial exam, but surprisingly I got straight As (even teachers were surprised by my result). Our school held a ceremony to celebrate best students and invited the parents. I went there with my mom but parents and students were separated. The students went to the back stage while parents were seated in the hall, and we were supposed to meet up on the stage when the student was called up to shake hands with the principal and the parent would walk up on the stage for a picture. Everyone took pictures on the stage with their parent and the principal. Everyone, until my turn. I shook hands with the principal and the principal asked me "where's your parent?" so we could take a picture. I looked around the hall from up the stage and I didn't see my mom, so I said "I don't know", and went off the stage so the next student could come up. I still looked around for my mom until my best friend's mom offered to lend me her phone so I could call my mom. Turned out, my mom went for a dine-in breakfast at a nearby restaurant, and told me she didn't know that parents should be in attendance. I don't understand why she thought she wasn't needed, when we were literally separated by a teacher who said "students this way, parents that way [to the ceremony hall]". Since all other parents were there, they all went home early to "continue celebrate somewhere else" until I was all alone at school waiting for my mom to finish her breakfast and come pick me up. She said sorry the whole time and tried to make it up with pizza but... let's just say I ate the pizza while holding back tears.
Fast forward to when I got my bachelor's degree at 22. I graduated in 2020 and had a delayed graduation ceremony at the end of 2021 due to COVID. My university took every measure to make sure we could have a safe graduation ceremony with parents in presence, so I convinced my family to travel 8 hours to be present (my university is on an island that's famous as a tourist attraction), and booked a nice hotel for them to stay. Despite that, I once again was alone after the graduation ceremony because my family thought they weren't allowed to be there, so when I called them to come, they had been travelling too far along the beach around the hotel so they took 2 hours to drive back to my university. My uni best friend felt bad so she dragged me to tag along with her family, which I really appreciate, but it only made me feel lonelier 🥲 I kinda threw a tantrum but my family said they were late because my old mom wanted to get me a bouquet of flowers since I said the day before that I wanted it. Mind you, within the 2 hours I was waiting, I saw my siblings sharing pictures of them at the beach. So like... I was hurt but at the same time I felt bad about getting upset with my old mom, so when I ran away to return my graduation robe, I just held on the flowers while crying. Thanks to COVID, I was wearing a mask so it wasn't as obvious that I had tears streaming all over my face, but the mask sure was soaked 🥲 Now whenever it's my birthday, unless it's with my friends, I don't want to celebrate it at all. I'm also finishing my Master's degree next year and I plan to go to the graduation ceremony alone. It's better to be alone by choice, than be left alone.
The last story made me tear up, I hope OP gets real friends
As a new single mom I totally understand where she's coming from with the nap thing. You sleep when baby sleeps and who knows when that'll be
She needs to communicate more and tell her she can't do the wedding you can't just not say anything and expect people to understand.
@@empath9814 ppa/d is very real and very debilitating. And trust me. Communication is the last thing you feel capable of doing. Even if you know you should. You're reduced to a shell of your premom self all while trying to keep up the facade as best you can because most people just don't get it.
As a new mom myself you do need to respect that having a newborn is exhausting, lack of sleep constant nursing and be up round the clock can really give way to burn out. Needing a nap is understandable, she should reach out and see what times work best the new mom
She's clearly tried that the new mom needs to communicate more. It goes both ways she was trying to be understanding but if you cannot step up to plate you need to say so not feel entitled to do whatever and have everyone just understand without explaining just because you're a mom. Commutation is key
It's kinda difficult to respect how someone else is feeling if they don't tell you how they're feeling...
@@meisjeViv Actually, it is not. Basic human understanding would tell us that a new mom will be tired, plus the bride knows about the PPD, she shouldn't need a 5 page letter or an official statement to get a clue. The fact that the bride omitted all of this info in her original post leads to me to think she is entitled.
@Autheil Have you ever been a new mom? Let me tell you it's difficult to plan and communicate your needs to people who have never gone through it. Like I will tell my husband that I am tired and exhausted because of the sleep deprevation. He sympathizes but cannot empathize. So it took him a while to understand to nor ask me for things. And to give grace that certain tasks weren't going to get done.
For the last one, similar instance in that we have a cousin who is a photographer. She is happy to do our events without charge (with the exception of prints etc). But we don’t expect it unless she offers. And we include her as a bridesmaid/family of the bride/groom, and take photos of her and with her as part of the wedding party (by either someone else’s camera or her letting someone borrow hers to take it). There are specific moments of the event where photos are taken, and the rest is just a party for everyone working/non-working alike.
I’m not a mother but I had a friend who recently became one, and sometimes her little girl keeps her up all night, so her napping in the afternoon isn’t too off, it’s difficult navigating a schedule with a baby. Think both girls have to communicate their needs, whether it’s the mother stepping down to a regular maid, or the bride letting the maid of honor know how much she is needed to be present!
I can't even imagine my sister and I treating each other like the first story. We have a similar dynamic (my sister is very bubbly, was always popular) and I was the weird goth bookworm but my sister always made an effort to do things with me, find common interests, and wouldn't tolerate her friends saying anything about me. I'm sure some of them were like 'do you really want your weird older sister to come' but she always invited me.
I was 7 months pregnant and a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. We all grew up together and it was a pretty close group of friends. We all just kept talking about how sweet it was that my daughter technically got to be there lol IDK maybe it was because we were so close, but we all thought it was really special.
Oh, this is a beautiful thing to read amongst the drama 🥰 this is friendship goals for sure.. congratulations on your baby girl 🥰
I think she probably would have no problem with that this lady was already a new mom. With PPD she is tired and emotional and the friend doesn't understand that.
That second story really got me. The MOH shouldn’t have agreed to be MOH with the debilitating depression she was dealing with but i have absolutely been in a position where you agree to something optimistically but reality and depression keep you from getting out of bed sometimes. I can relate to both sides
the "big bird" one, omg no way, leave immediately! you deserve better and to have friends that value your presence❤
My partner and I have been actively talking about getting married and have started light plans. This will be their second marriage and he’s super excited about being able to actually plan the day. I’m all about teamwork and shit so the idea of us working together on everything is exciting. We got on the topic of bridezillas and groomzillas and neither of us can comprehend how or why people get so crazy about weddings. He had no say in the first wedding so I’m determined to make sure he gets what he wants and we both have the best day! Shit. I’m cool if he wants to do it all lol. I’m just excited to marry the person I want to spend my life with. He could dress up as a turtle for all I care. As long as he’s happy 🤘🏾❤️
I'm so happy for you! You are marrying your best friend, and both of you have your priorities in order. May you have many years of good health and happiness!
It sounds like the two of you will have a long, happy marriage! ❤️
@@LazyIRanch 🥹 thank you! You’re more correct than you know lol. We’ve been besties for almost 14 years now. He’s my ride or die!
@@lisamelroy2855 Thank you as well! I really hope so!
My Best Friend and Matron of Honor was 7 months pregnant at my wedding. The Bridesmaids, MOH, and I shopped for the dresses together and chose a style that all looked good in and had room in the design for baby. I had been her Maid of Honor and nothing would have made me change my choice for her to be mine. What is wrong with people's expectations now for the wedding party to commit to a year of expenses and duties? The rolls are to support the bride and be there in celebration with her and help make the favors, to help the mothers hold the shower, and bach party, not to cater to every whim and go into debt while holding off life plans. When did it get so ridiculous?
A short while ago when KARENS took over the world, and got real pushy about WTF they wanted and Phuque the rest of us!
About the bully sister story.
I almost had a similar experience.
Once my bully tried to talk to my sister and become her friend because she LOVED to talk to my friends/people that I cared about and convince them to start bullying me.
My sister was young (like 7, I was 10) and started talking and playing with this "cool" and "nice" older kid.
When my patents noticed immediately stepped in and told my sister to never speak to her ever again.
That girl was crazy btw, once she tried to talk to my mother, and started to tell her how happy she was to see her, and she was trying to be super friendly.
I've never seen my mom be so mad at someone, expecially a child, but she basically told that kid to go away because she had no intention to talk even for a second to a snake like her (I still remeber my mom calling her a snake, I was so happy because when I saw her approaching my mom I was so scared, I had lost all my friends like that. Now I know I had no reason to worry of couse but back then I was terrified)
I am currently binge watching some of your videos and on the one about the woman taking naps after having a baby... it's actually a smart thing to sleep when the baby does because there are times when you will barely get any sleep at all with a newborn. When I had mine I was told to take advantage and try to get some rest while they were napping so that I wouldn't feel exhausted
Napping when your a new mom is worth its weight in gold! That is why I didn’t let people rely on me outside the home at that time…
The twin sister story hit me (specially since I know the family is pushing and apparently don't get the fact that she is obviously traumatised)
I was bullied all of my school live and people never said sorry. Nowadays I only keep in touch with those who are still in my same class in med school.
Well, because my mother apparently knows everyone from their mothers, some work with her... Every once in a while tries to force me to be friends with those same people again and calls me spiteful if I say no.
I have friends now (who I try to keep away from my family for a loooot of reason) so I'm not exactly lonely, and the rest of my family know, but she keeps trying to bring people I don't want to see or hear again in my live.
The story about the friend making her MOH’s pregnancy all about her was mind-blowing. I’m my sister’s MOH for her wedding later this year, and when I told her I was pregnant, she was so supportive, even though my partner and I decided against being parents right now. She’s been there for me throughout the whole ordeal and assured me to take my time getting back into helping her plan. I’ll always remember her kindness and selflessness, especially once I’m feeling better to help her plan her dream wedding.
The nap was a perfectly valid excuse. I don't even have kids, I just work a lot, and even I need afternoon naps to get enough rest between days.
Charlotte in the first pregnancy story: I get that she's a new mom but that was such a lame excuse, needing to nap.
Charlotte in the second pregnancy story: do you expect everyone's lives to stop for you? What did you expect?
That nap excuse is very valid especially dealing with a newborn.
EXACTLY! I thought the same 😑
Sorry but new moms often only get a couple hours a sleep a night and caregiving is extremely exhausting. So yes, it's a valid excuse. If you've ever been a mother and went through sleep deprevation you'd understand this.
I was coming to say this. I had twins and dad doesn't have FMLA at work casue it's a small business. I had to have people come over just so I could nap. It's so bad with a newborn let alone 2 with colic. Before kids I never understood how bad it could be. You don't know untill it's you.
With a newborn baby, it's no sleep unless the baby is sleeping. I was lucky my MIL helped me with every one of my babies so I could take a nap and a shower. You don't know how much you can appreciate taking a shower and a nap until you have a baby.
I'm 6'3" and my nickname in high school was Big Bird from my volleyball coach, my partner was 5'3" and they called her Tweety, 20 years later we still use the nicknames. Lol depending on how it's given it can be good or bad tbh
Who doesn't love Big Bird? He was kind and loving, always giving big feathery hugs!
I had a "friend" in middle school who teased me because I was shy. I was 5'9" at thirteen, which was freakishly tall to other kids my age. One day, I walked in class wearing my new yellow dress, and I had developed a bad habit of hunching my shoulders to look less tall. My teacher said, "Would you PLEASE stand up tall! You look like a banana!". The kids laughed, and my "friend" called me "Banana" from then on. My name is Suzanne, so of course I also heard, "Suzanna Banana" a lot. By high school, I got used to it and noticed other students remembered me and liked my nickname.
In 1975, "Saturday Night Live" started, and I loved Gilda Radner! I wanted to be her. I especially loved Rosanna Danna. I'm shy, but have a silly side, so I came up with my character, Suzanna Banana Danna, who was Rosanna's redneck cousin from Texas. I would exaggerate my twangy drawl and tell ridiculous stories about noodling catfish and other redneck stuff (that I heard about from my country cousins but never experienced first hand). I found out I wasn't shy when I was performing. I loved getting laughs.
That nickname that was meant to be hurtful actually seemed to make me likable to my friends. All these years later, classmates have found me on Facebook who only remember me as Banana! I'm okay with that.
@Lazy I Ranch yes! That's amazing!! I got picked on for not caring about being picked on. Lol nothing infuriates a bully more than when it doesn't bother you! Good for you! I love Bananas!!
2:39 this is so relatable. Time passing doesn’t mean trauma is canceled
The second story: The one where the young lady got demoted from bridesmaid to unpaid photographer. I have a conspiracy theory about that one. I think that incident was planned WELL before the wedding day. If I was a betting man, that group didn't want her in the wedding in the first place. She never needs to speak to those people under any and every circumstance going forward.