Let's make a universal rule, if we are at a wedding and someone proposes to a girl and we see that the newlyweds are uncomfortable (which means that they didn’t first agree with the newlyweds about the proposal), we give the proposal a "side eye" and completely ignore them.
100%. No one pull out your phone to record them (they don't deserve the free videos/photography), don't clap, don't congratulate them. Just ignore it or otherwise loudly whisper how embarrassing it must be fore the person being proposed too, how tacky it is, or otherwise how shameful it is to do it at some else's wedding. The person proposing should instantly know they screwed up instead of everyone just pretending like its a totally okay thing to do and clapping along. Even if you're happy for the couple to get engaged in general, don't encourage people USING a bride and groom for a free engagement party.
I love that the exgirlfriend in the first story is still invited and super supportive of the fiancée enough to be a bridesmaid. Sounds like she dodged a bullet when the brother decided to be a super ass.
Right? But also wow huge red flag that he not only blatantly ignored his brother and future sister in laws boundaries but tried to lie and manipulate the situation to get his family on his side. That ex definitely got away from a bad person
The fact that he admitted he wanted to propose to her out of revenge for OP "hijacking" the family event and not because he...you know...loved her? Probably turned her off pretty bad lol. On top of all the other things wrong with him.
My cousin was mauled by a dog when she was 10. It left her with many scars and she did have a few reconstructive procedures then. In her mid 30s she had one on her face that was not aging well and you could see her shrinking away from life. She finally got two small procedures that have made it barely noticeable even without makeup. She came back to life. She was bright and happy again. 20 years later she still is. I cannot fathom being cruel to someone that endured the trauma of being scarred for life.
Oh ye gods.. she was a poor sausage and now she is just being herself. Absolutely yay. Good on her. Absolutely good on her. She sounds like a real stickler. Love your cus.
This poor girl just wanted the damage repaired! It's not like she had a boob job, facelift, or BBL! And even if she did, it's no-one's freaking business but her's and hubby's! You can have an opinion, but keep it to your judgemental self... Stay in your lane mommy inlaw.
Gosh, that plastic surgery story reminded me of a totally opposite situation.... A distant aunt of mine had been in a terrible accident as a teenager and had scars that she didn't like. They were pretty visible. In our country, back then, marriages were mostly arranged and due to her scars, she had no proposals until very late in her 20's she finally got proposed to by a young man from her office who had grown very fond of her but she was worried that his family wouldnt accept her with her scars so she used her savings to get them taken care of as best as she could back then (about 20yrs ago) before she met them. They had been told about her accident and her surgery to help with the scars. The first time they met her, they were warm, comforting and loving... A few weeks after knowing her, the guy's mom broached the subject of her scars and things got awkward... The lady just held her face in her hands and said, you are lovely, scars or not... What your face looks like is less important than who you are on the inside. Future MiL then confesed that she had seen her pictures from before but she didn't care about the scars because of how happy she made her son and how warmly he spoke of her. She said, I wish you hadnt gone through the surgery just to please us... but I just hope that it helps her feel as beautiful as she actually is... I think my aunt fell in love with that whole family after that...
Last one is my favourite. I love how he not only helped pay for his fiancés scars to be removed, but defended her to his family. We need more men like him!!
I agree! It reminded me of one of Mom’s friends from college. I saw him as an uncle growing up. He got plastic surgery for facial and chest scarring. When I first saw his ‘new face’ (I was two) I screamed and hid behind Mom. Because I didn’t recognize him. Eventually, I did understand that the face I knew was not his correct face, and he finally had the scars removed (how else do you explain reconstructive surgery to a toddler?) He’s a really great guy, even if I don’t see him as often these days
I love how it’s always on the family members getting screwed over to “keep the peace” by taking it…..but it’s never on the person causing the problems to “keep the peace” by not treating people like trash. SML
Yeah, I never understood that. If someone is constantly starting drama and creating trouble, it doesn't make sense to keep encouraging that behavior. Keeping the peace should be placed on the person who is deliberately trying to stir up trouble.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 My older brother bullied the shit out of me when we were kids going through school and my mom always told me I had to be the bigger person and after a while I got fucking sick of it like why do I have to be the bigger person when I'm the one getting bullied she didn't give a shit
@@alyssat7809 In other words he was the favorite? I've seen such behavior from certain parents and they always do that with their favorite kids. If their favorite is behaving badly they don't address it and the other kid(s) have to "be the bigger person".
I can’t believe the mother who called her daughter in law “indecent” for having plastic surgery, after a life changing accident. What an unforgivable thing to say! Why can’t she be supportive?
Probably one of two things; Religion (eg. Jehovahs) or maybe its a same sex marriage and the mother is old-school and trying to find any way to stop the wedding.
It's the mindset of the generation. I asked my dad about it and he explained to me that iconic figures like Michael Jackson blew up social media with his massive plastic work that changed not only his facial structure but his skin color. Unfortunately being in that kind of spotlight and crowned as "that black guy who used plastic surgery to become white" did him no favors, all the paparazzi were on him and blasted out everything he did in secret, and tbf he also did a number of questionable things in public as well i.e. dangling his baby over a balcony so fans below could get a picture. And that was just one guy, many celebs who were open about having plastic surgery were similarly targeted, though not as extremely. What started out as a big joke about all celebs get plastic because they can't make it as natural surely and steadily grew and became "plastic means you disrespect your natural body" and then "plastic means you're a narcissistic hooker who would rather be pretty than value anything truly beautiful". It was a whole ugly hot mess that carries on to this day.
@ RandomGeneration Really? I'm 53 and grew up hearing and watching Michael Jackson. I've never heard of what you talk about. Strange that. It must depend on what country you are from. I'm guessing you're from the United States of America, where politics and religion are huge. Where I'm from, not so much. I have never paid attention to politics, don't know anything about it and frankly don't care. In regards to Michael Jackson. I only cared about his music.
For the plastic surgery story : I find it interesting that it's called this way when there is two different cases. In french (my language) there's two way to name it : esthetic surgery (opperation to modify something for the looks of it, for exemple you don't like your nose and it makes you feel bad about yourself) and repare surgery (opperation that is often mandatory for people victim of accidents, for exemple someone with a lot of burn scars after their house caught fire) There's a big difference between the two and the mother seems to think that the wife is a superficial one that only thinks of her looks. In my opinion it's just an excuse to bitch about the wife because she dislikes her x)
True that. Plastic surgery is an umbrella term in the United States. We even call an ear drum or eyeball replacement a plastic surgery. I got my hand crushed by a wild wolf as a child and had to have it completely rebuilt. But you can’t tell because it was plastic surgery. And I was 7. People are ignorant and especially in America, they think they are right over something because they believe some false narrative that has been propagandized so much it’s now practically a fear. It’s gross.
@@erikarussell1142 Wow what a dreadful experience to live, glad you're fina now the word "plastic" is also misleading, kinda makes me think of plastic dolls yk like a barbie. it adds to the supperficial and taboo image of it
Reconstructive surgery is completely different than having a face lift or a tummy tuck. I have seen people so distraught by scars that it made them distant and even suicidal. Kudos to the husband for supporting his now wife to do this and if someone has a problem with what helps her mental stability the Hell with them!
Scars are also a constant reminder of the accident or trauma that caused them.... Even other reasons for surgeries, is a personal decision that involves that person's body & they have the right to decide what they do regarding it .... Babies can leave huge changes to moms and can cause serious self esteem issues, even effecting intimacy ect..... I think everyone should be totally comfortable with their bodies but that's just not the case all the time.... It's unfortunate to see women that get carried away and can look like a halloween character or freak show but again their decision ❤
Side note: when a person "pretends" youre joking when uou say no to them, that is a manipulation tactic. They're not as delusional as they may seem. They know exactly what theyre doing,whuch is goading you into either giving in to avoid a fight, or "being the one to start the fight" if you dig in your heels. Its a lose-lose situation, but stay firm anyway, and shut them down when they do this ❤
Yup my use to be friend did this, told people I abused her when I didn't when she was the one who cried wolf for me to help her and I wasted 2 grand on her just for her to have a schizophrenia meltdown in front of walmart and she went back home with who she claims were abusing her and misusing her money so now her parents can't be her payee for her ssi benefits she screwed herself over and I'm not sorry for calling her a terrible friend, she truly thought she could just lie to the police and I wouldn't know, and I took myself to post her fake ass online with actual proof, and I'm still battling this bs I still have to go to ssi to find out why my uncle is her damn payee again when we told them no
Can I just say how proud I am of all these guys having their brides backs no matter what. Even when it is their own mother causing the problem they booted the mom and had their brides back. I just want to hug them all. This is what a true partner should be like.
the mothers are ALWAYS the issue. lol... even MY OWN mother was told that if she doesnt step back, id not speak to her........ welp, its been 7 months and i havent. im 50. they never stop treating you this way unless you force it. this has occured many times throughout my life. she oversteps, i remind her she doesnt get to tell me how to behave or act anymore as i havent lived with her for 33 years and i dont CARE how she feels about it. shes a narcissist and i want nothing to do with it.
@@Giveuponyourdreamsanddie2 Indeed, as a international fan and not having English as my native was very confusing when it started to become popular lol
Fun fact, as someone who takes xrays as a job... sometimes people have their xray results sent to plastic surgeons. And it's not even for the general stuff plastics do. For some hand fractures that goes straight to plastics. The surgeons are meticulous and you need that detail to rebuild hands. Like I get that some people don't like plastic surgery, but not all surgeries done by plastic surgeons are for superficial things either.
That last one about plastic surgery is just insane! A previous coworker of mine had a similar problem. His fiancé had to have what was effectively a mastectomy on one breast because of a severe injury. Years later after things had sufficiently healed, she decided to get implants. They recommended that she get both done so they would be symmetrical. (I'm repeating what he said, I'm not a doctor, so no corrections to the medical side please!) She was very excited because she had been very self-conscious about this ever since it happened. She got the surgery and looked great afterword, very naturally looking. His mom and grandma found out somehow about the surgery, and they were very upset with him, because "only a certain kind of girl" gets a boob job, so she was probably a "loose woman" who would cheat on him. (They got far more explicit.) He got very upset with them and told them they were no longer welcome at his wedding. His family went completely against him and fiancé not over the surgery, but his "disrespect" of his elders (cultural thing). They ended up eloping and completely cut his family off. The family tried to worm their way back in after they had kids, but he kept them NC.
Wow 😮 that’s just cruel! I’d use their own twisted logic against them. I’d tell them that wanting to have 2 breasts instead of 1 does make you a loose woman and if these 2 old cackling witches won’t get a mastectomy done I’ll call them whore-ific floozie harlots for the rest of their lives.
@wanderer7956 good for your former coworker and I’m glad he stood up for his wife and was supportive of her decision. Since I too want to get some cosmetic surgery done on me one day, my boyfriend feels like I don’t need it but he understands and supports why I want to have it done. Is there anyway to fix myself? Yes, but I don’t have the finances to do it and the motivation to perk myself up to do so
100% good for him. 1. not anyone else's business. 2. Who are these people who act like they never try to enhance/change the way they look. These judgemental AHs are really going to tell me they never wear makeup, dye their hair, use shape wear, whiten their teeth etc etc etc. They can all piss right off with their sanctimonious attitudes.
I have a GOOD engagement during a wedding story. At my wedding when it was time to throw the bouquet, I turned around and handed it to my now DIL. She looked at me like whaaa? And then saw my son getting on his knee to propose. Of course this was all preplanned and I came up with the idea. I was so happy that the whole family was there to celebrate even more...
And that’s perfectly fine because you were happy to have this happen during your wedding. It’s just not appropriate if the bride and groom aren’t cool with the proposal. It’s their wedding, their choice.
If it's planned ahead of time and the bride and groom is okay with it then there is nothing wrong with it. Also, if the bride and groom is not okay with it, respect that and do it somewhere else. Don't be upset with it! By the way, great story!
Wedding rules for everyone : 1. Do not propose to someone. 2. Do not announce pregnancies/engagements/other major life changes. 3. Do not wear white or light colours or a wedding dress, unless you are the bride. 4. Don't be a pillock, drink too much, cause a scene or embarrass yourself and be obnoxious in general. 5. Be nice, behave well and be respectful. That's it. It really is this simple.
The first three especially you don’t do without express permission from the bride and groom. It irks me that so many never even ask if it’s okay. Most will probably say no, some may say yes and be supportive. But if they say yes then you have to leave it at that singular moment of proposing and then go back to everything being about the wedded couple.
@@harleyrobb3034 I can see your point, maybe if it's been discussed or even suggested by the couple to a dear friend or family member then I suppose, it's weird to me is all. The proposal I mean, I think many people forget they are the guests and not the two marrying.
Oh lordie, hope the wedding won't be a shitshow. May the force be with you indeed! (My partner is in the industry as well so I've heard my fair share of stories, props to you yall get the most flack in all sectors of photography) 😂
I stand by anyone who needs to remove the toxic people in their lives to have peace, even if those people are family. I stopped talking to my family because I realized they will always manipulate me and drag me down and I wont let it happen again.
Here’s something people in this situation could try: “Sure! As long as you’re willing to pay half the cost for the reception and photographer. Since you want it to become your engagement party too.”
First story: if a guy proposes to you at someone ELSES wedding you have to assume its all about him wanting an audience and probably knowing you'll say no in private. It's a dick move and manipulative of the woman he's show-proposing to.Ewww. Glad the new bridesmaid made the right choice and dumped him. Second story: Definitely let the much-loved-cheater-bastard brother pay for the wedding if he's now more important than the real father. Honestly girl, get your priorities straight. You want your dad there. Should dad let it go after all these years? Yes, but he doesn't have to.
yea, it seems VERY niche for couples to actually want public proposals (reminds me of prom proposals in school, ha.) It seems sus or really awkward to do it in public. Its a fairly personal moment, imo
I would literally say no even if I was planning to say yes if someone proposed to me at someone else's wedding. That would make me rage quit a relationship.
Also means he has no planning skills. Instead of planning a romantic dinner or trip he’d rather drag you to someone else’s special day and cash in on their experience. Dick move and shows how incompetent he is.
I know twin sisters and one got engaged at the other's wedding. It was clearly planned though as the sister caught the bouquet and was proposed too right after. It was adorable and the bride was just as excited lol. Explicit permission is the ONLY acceptable time.
It's the same as with wearing white or making a big announcement at a wedding... Just don't, unless the bride and groom ask you to/ are 1000% good and in the loop and on board with it.
I actually said this 😂 it's the same with those people who make pregnancy announcements after a sibling proposes to their significant other. Omw... I didn't scream, I scrumpt. 😭
3rd story: something people also don’t realize is that when you have scars from a traumatizing injury, they’re reminders every day of what you went through. You’re never really able to move on from that memory. Plastic surgery clearly gave her more confidence AND will help her heal from the car accident trauma.
I feel so bad for Sarah, she went through something awful and the scars obviously bothered her, poor girls gone through enough. He stuck up for her, what a good guy.
The guy who defended his fiancé to his mother is going to be a great husband. Protecting her and supporting her like a good husband should. Kudos to this guy 👏
I completely agree. Was.thinkkng the same thing. And that he loves her like she is and looks, but still still support her wanting to get most of her scars from the accident removed, coz they made her self aware and made her sad about them. So she did the right thing for herself and with the support of her husband to be is just the best. His mom can just stay home, then she can't see it. Love this for the couple ❤
Yeassssss! MOG totally out of line with her delusional judgment......its not her call......and she should be happy for DIL And yes, Charlotte....Marilyn Monroe did have plastic surgery.....of which only a handful of people knew about.....until her autopsy after her death....then it came out!!!
I think, Sarah’s confidence grew stronger and she feels more comfortable and the MIL didn’t like that. She probably, wanted ah dying flower for her son to better manipulate.
Easy fix for the proposal issue is to make a short speech before the reception starts. Thank everyone for coming and say something like "If you are one of those tacky people who think proposing at a wedding is a good idea, please wait until after we are all too drunk to remember you making a fool of yourself. NOW LET'S PARTY!!"
I would hire some clowns, keep them waiting secretly, and have them do their unrelated number when he proposed. 🤡 Really drown the proposal. And get everyone really confused for a few minutes.
My thing is, I never hold the children responsible for the actions of their parents, with that in mind, I have no problem with the one OP wanting her cousin to the flower girl.
Same! And she should get to have that relationship with her uncle and aunt too as well- she's her father's child and is innocent and therefore should be excluded from the beef he has with his brother. His brother never did anything bad to her, only to her father before she was born (most likely) about like 20 years ago or so. If the daughter wants her cousin there, she should get it, and if she wants a relationship with her aunt and uncle, she should also get it. She also should just not invite either of them if it's such a big problem, and only have her cousin there as a flower girl. That would be the best solution to all this drama, for me at least.
@@Manj_J Idk, the father doesn't have an obligation to attend, but in my opinion, a good father would be able to just suck it up for at least few hours to be there for his daughter's wedding. He doesn't seem to care if he's willing to completely ruin his relationship with her for something his brother did decades ago. Again, he doesn't have to be there if he doesn't want to, but being there doesn't automatically mean he needs to interact with these people, he can just avoid them all day and still have fun. It's obvious he never got over that, if he still thinks of his ex. He doesn't even have to be there for a whole day, he can just be present for the wedding ceremony, let his daughter down the aisle, have a father-daughter dance and then excuse himself and leave. If I was the daughter, I wouldn't be sure if he even loves me or not, if he's willing to just throw me away because of things that happened so long ago. Ultimately it's also her wedding, so if she wants her aunt and uncle and cousin there, I think she should be allowed to.. But then again, with the dad's attitude, she probably can't expect him to pay for anything, he's not even obligated to. I still think he's a bit of an asshole.
It's very hard to cut out toxic people when it's your entire immediate family. Ever since I set boundaries with consequences and started fighting back against their attempts at abuse (like pointing out their abusive behavior), I became the "bad child/sibling" of the family since I'm no longer giving in to their demands, bending over backwards or sacrificing my mental/physical health for them. It's hard, but if you're in a similar situation with a friend or loved one, stick to your boundaries. Your health is more important than their demands.
Sibling betrayal and putting up with constant emotional abuse isn't the same thing. In your case, I support low contact or no contact at all. Mental health is DEFINITELY more important than making the people around you happy. The father's story is a bit different, though. His brother betrayed his trust and whether or not he chooses to forgive and move past it is up to him. But to demand the rest of your family and child cut him out of the family or deal with your absence is unfair. Especially with the child. She wants to be surrounded by family and the uncle didn't hurt her, or I'm sure the OP would have said so. Why should she have to miss out on a relationship with her uncle and cousin simply because her father doesn't like them?
YES CHARLOTTE!! Everything you said about that poor woman Sarah who got surgery to fix her scars. His mom is so disgusting for thinking and saying something like that. I had breast reduction surgery for my crippling back, shoulder, and neck pain and still get judgment from old coots sometimes for "altering my natural body". So ridiculous. Love you so much Charlotte, people can do whatever they want to their own bodies, whether superficial or not, and it's no one else's business!!
They’re just upset that you dare change what God have you. First of all, mind ya business, before I hurt your old feelings… respectfully, a Christian who cares about humans.
My stepmother had breast reduction because of the pain of carrying them around. How dare anyone criticize a person for wanting to be more comfortable in their body.
@@GrandmaLoves2Scuba Lmao I always tell them to go clean up the crap in their own yard, or I say exactly “minding your own business is a full time job, and you’re out here acting straight unemployed! Good day!”
It’s funny how when people set boundaries, they guilt trip you with the cutting you off……..but they always have excuses for not cutting off the people treating the family like trash.
Right because the father's 20 year old one sided beef is more important than his daughter having everyone she loves at her wedding on the most important day of HER life
It’s not like it’s a friend he could more easily cut off. It’s his brother that betrayed him. Cheating stings and that hurt may or may not ever leave the person that was cheating on. It leaves a lasting effect, you could have issues trusting because of it, etc. The daughter most likely was told about why she didn’t get to see her uncle so it makes this even worse. You don’t go behind someone’s back when they don’t want anything to do with that person who hurt them. Especially if they don’t want to reconcile. I don’t speak to my siblings due to the hurt they caused so I can relate on the sibling betrayal(no cheating cause I don’t date and well technically my brother is a cheater himself anyway)
@@harleyrobb3034 Your children shouldn't be deprived of having more people around who love, support, and care for them simply because that person hurt you. Imagine the number of women who use this daily to keep fathers away from their children. As long as that person poses no physical, emotional, or mental health risk to your child, put your feelings aside to be there for your child. Demanding that his child and family have no relationship with an his brother because HE was betrayed by them just makes him sound petty. He still, after 20 years, wants his brother to pay for the betrayal even though he is in a new relationship. At some point, he's just aiding in his own unhappiness.
If she's so "immoral" and "indecent", then why is she upset about being uninvited to the wedding? Are they not sparing her the pain of witnessing such an unholy union?
I think she is jealous of his bride. Her insecurity was soothed as long as the heavy scarring was there. (There was nothing indecent about her surgery.)
The brother sucks, but that is still her uncle. Isolating her for having a relationship with her is unfair. What if I imposed the same requirements on my child simply because I don't like her father for what he did to me? Short of physical abuse and a potential danger to my children, there is no reason to demand a child not have a relationship or be mad that they have a relationship with someone who is their family.
@Trinigmatic he never put such requirements on them that they can't have a relationship - never got the chance because she kept it a secret for years - just that he didn't want them to come to the wedding. I still fail to see why he should pay for something (a very large amount) that makes him very uncomfortable, it's not his fault what they did, if anyone should be blamed and if I was the daughter I'd blame the mum and uncle for creating the issue in the first place
My first wedding (well ex-wedding?) my mom was still upset about my refusal to connect with my older brother. He'd been in jail, heavy drug use, and a sex offender prior to this event. She eventually got over it because legally everyone had to accept his presence there and no one did. My sweet mother was so blind towards his issues for far too long. Drama aside, these people who start such drama are like energy vampires that ruin so many important events.
Yikes, I'm sorry you went through that! If a sex offender assaulted minors, in many areas they legally can't be near any kids. If there were any kids going to be at the wedding, morally and legally, your brother should not be there or other important events. Even if there weren't any kids, I personally would not want a sex offender at my wedding and it doesn't matter who it is.
The first story reminded me of my ex because he proposed to me immediately after finding out that our friends were engaged. I initially laughed, and said no because it felt performative. I explained to him that it felt like he only proposed for attention and that it was wrong to propose at that time. He guilt tripped me for embarrassing him, and got our friends to talk to me. I finally agreed after our engaged friends assured me that it was OK. He soon ended up proving me right about his little stunt because I found out that he had been denying our engagement behind my back and claimed that I was the one who insisted on marrying him which was crazy because I told him that we didn't need to get married if he didn't want to. Tangent over, the guy in the first story reminded me of my ex because his proposal would've been done out of spite. He might not have even been thinking about proposing to her before he found out about his brother's engagement. I may be projecting, but seeing how narcissists act, it doesn't sound too far fetched to me.
What a POS to propose for attention and then say YOU were the one begging HIM to marry you and denying the engagement when he made such a big deal about you two being engaged anyways. Glad he's an EX
@NekoKuro-il8rz Yeah, he was a textbook narcissist. I was codependent, had low self-esteem, and was a major pushover. I wish I could say that I left him, but he actually broke up with me. Him refusing to take me back actually forced me to reevaluate my life/self. I'm in a better place now.
The dude at 10:27 is entirely in the right. I understand why his daughter is upset, but she must respect her father's boundaries. Demanding that loved one's respect boundaries is not asshole behavior!
parents should learn to bend for their children for important occasions. In this case the dad's fight is with his brother but what would happen if it was his her mom? he's making her pay for the a fight she has nothing to do. his anger is more important for him than his daughter's happiness.
@@lunatynaty Yeah, big NO. She knew that was the hill her father was dying on for the past twenty years. She chose to lie to him for four years and establish a relationship with literally his mortal enemy. Some adult children need to put through their thick skulls that parents are people too and not everything revolves around their children's happiness. The father was actually pretty generous and still agreed to pay for her wedding even knowing that. He only asked that his enemy would not be at the wedding. The father-daughter bond was irreparably damaged regardless.
@@Mimino55-y5k Children don't own ANYTHING to their parents for their "generosity". Also children are not guilty in any way anything happening in their parents life too. I'm divorced myself and I will never forgive her dad for what happened between us but I was very clear from very early that my daughter doesn't have anything to do with any of that. She has a good relationship with him, it's her dad and I don't have the right to remove that from her. I keep my boundaries and I don't talk to him but also I've told to my daughter any important events like graduations or weddings I'll get a long with him because of her. Because she's more important than whatever happened in the past. In this case it's not a wife but an uncle, so yes it's his choice not to participate and not to pay but also he should understand his daughter doesn't own him "loyalty" for something that happened before she was born. It's not his life but hers, he should love his daughter more than he hates his brother.
As the child of a narcissist, I talked to my therapist about the issues with my narcissist parent and they said that I should just accept that this person isn't my parent and that I should grieve the relationship that technically didn't exist. After what felt kind of like grieving a deceased loved one, things were much easier for me emotionally. Once you separate the familiar role from the narcissist, it's easier to deal with them in my personal experience. When the person goes from parent to *just a family member* or *just someone I have to be on good terms with* it's a weight off your shoulders. This is obviously anecdotal and may not work for everyone.
Absolutely! Once you go NC, you grieve then your life is beyond fabulous! No walking on eggshells, cringing when the phone rings, getting stabbed in the back when you least expect it. Live your beautiful life and pick your own family! ❤
I can totally understand where you're coming from. My mom used to have me ask myself, "If certain relative (put their role) wasn't your family member, would you be friends with them?". This helped me cut off my older sister from my life. (She was my father's daughter, not my mom's) She would NOT be someone I would be friends with and after all the horrible things she did to me. When I cut her off, I felt so relieved and wished I had done it sooner. I'm totally okay with the fact that my mom still stays in touch with her as she was her stepdaughter for many years before our parents divorced.
This is what I did too. With a lot of inner work.... I now consider that my mother is just the woman who gave birth to me... and I love her because of that. BUT she is not my "Mother". She did not nurture me, encourage me, empower me, accept me, or love me unconditionally.... I did that for myself!! ❤❤❤ There is such freedom in that inner work and realization. It makes dealing with her so much easier because I have no emotional investment in that relationship.
My therapist: You have to learn to accept the lifestyle the person chooses for themselves. You can't force them to change, even if they could. This applies to nearly everything. It doesn't mean you have to keep said person in your life or to what degree, just that you cant make people change, but you can do something about how you choose to handle them. I've distanced myself from some family, cutoff others, and accepted my mom couldn't be a 'normal mom'. other women raised me, my mom kept me alive till i was 13. i do love her, but not in the 'traditional' way, i don't see her as my mother.
@@slaternapier1640 Yes, Slater. Completely understand you. As a highly sensitive empath I always felt like I never belonged in my family. My mother was not the type of mother I personally needed to grow and thrive. Non-maternal, she often said that if she were young again ... she wouldn't get married or have children. Many years of personal work... I finally realized... no matter how well, or how often I explained myself... it was never going to make a difference to her and thus her behaviour wouldn't change. I did finally accept that she is on her own path that she has chosen, for reasons of her own... even if she is unaware of it. Like you said. I can choose how I act/react, and what I think. I don't have to buy into her BS anymore. I'm sorry your mom passed. Unfortunately I often think... when my mother passes... I'll finally be free. However... I also know that this is not the truth unless I do the inner work to let go of her hold over me.
My middle sister is a narcissist! My mother finally accepted this and it was heartbreaking. My eldest sister passed in 2019 and now she is quasi-mourning her second child due to what did to her and my father. She committed psychological elder abuse by confusing them and making them believe I was stealing because we took her Power of Attorney away. She invited them to her house and had them so upset and confused that they believed her. I’m their primary care giver and have stopped my life to help them and have put easily $50,000 into their home, medical care, bills etc. When she brought them home, she stayed in the car and was about to make a grand entrance but not before my mother asked where some insurance money was to which I quickly pulled out of an envelope and placed in front of her. Her eyes were the size of saucers because she was told money was being taken out for the screening and pool. My mother realized my sister had been playing them for two days. (So many other horrendous things she did but TMI) My father walked outside a screamed at her to leave. She was so hellbent to have power she emotionally and psychologically messed up my parents. I need to put this on Reddit. Narcissists will destroy everything and everyone including themselves in the end.
@@indeeditiscirro She’s not dead, but she’s not the same daughter in her heart. She broke my mother’s heart by abusing them. My parents have zero plans to stay with her again.
@@HandyMind Thanks. I’m upset she hurt them so deeply. They thought she wanted to spend time with them because she loved them, instead it was all about her trying to get the Power of Attorney back. She drove them to the bank to put herself on on their account. This insurance money in one account, must be used on the house. Why would I take that money?! We had to then go back into the bank and change that old account because we knew she would never willingly go into the bank and have herself be removed. The banker was confused and remarked, “You say she’s sick but she was capable of walking into the bank”. We replied “there’s a difference between being physically sick and mentally sick”. It took my mother 4 days to get back to normal. She was walking around in a haze. My father is done with her completely. She had the audacity to scream at him on the phone and he just hung up on her. I’m sorry I started going off again. We all are just disgusted with her. This is so heartbreaking. She even went out to dinner with her alcoholic boyfriend and left them at her house! They never invited them to dinner! Now that’s CRAZY! Invite your parents over and then go out to dinner with your boyfriend who you live with.
@@AimeeAimee444 my heart aches for your parents. My grandma passed away few days ago and she was abused and taken advantage of! My mom and aunt tried and did all they could to help her and get back at the abuser... thank god, we were there for her and supported them, but I get it : it is mentally challenging and tiring to have to defend a loved one from someone of your own family. Hope your parents will get better. XO
With the daughter story I absolute love that reddit comment. Really in the end it matters what OP wants. He is absolutely justified in not going and paying for the wedding, but just the same as his daughter would have to deal with that consequence for inviting her uncle and aunt, he also has the outcomes of that situation. It's all about seeing what you want, if you are okay with that (which is ultimately really healthy and what I would do as much as it would hurt) then do it, OP should be aware of the doors that he is closing too.
That's a pretty big day to not show up for your child just because she wants a relationship with an uncle who did nothing to her. Expecting her to play a part in his disowning of his brother is unfair and completely disregards the fact that it's still her uncle no matter which way you cut it. He can feel how he wants to feel, but taking out his feud with his brother on her has no consequences for the uncle. Just his relationship with his daughter.
If by going the daughters logic, when she gets a kid, then the kid is allowed to have a relationship with their grandpa since it should have been soooooo long and she should be able to move on.
@Trinigmatic Absolutely not. Everyone has boundaries and should be respected. His trust of his own brother was broken when he and his wife decided to cheat so logically he doesn't want anything to do with them. There are alot of things that happen that you can't just "forgive and forget, haha." Her having a relationship with them is one thing but forcing her dad to is another. Cutting someone out of your life is CUTTING someone out forever, if she wants a relationship with her daddy uncle so much they can both can pay for the wedding OR even her biological mom. It's so upsetting that the daughter is forcing her dad to choose between violating his boundaries or having her stay in his life, JUST BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE AROUND HIS BROTHER. Imagine how insane she would be if her husband cheated on her with someone in her family. Then be told "get over it, that's ancient news. I talked to them and they are nice people. So you are clearly overreacting" Like BFFR
After hurting from a recent break up from a guy I saw a future with, Charlotte and her content always helps me feel a bit better about things, life is hard but there’s people like charlotte who make the world a little brighter 😊
that last one is so sad. that bride was in a horrible traumatic accident and she had the opportunity to remove a reminder of something so terrible. her husband is a damn good man for how he handled her scars and being so supportive of her throughout all that bs with his mother. i hope they stay happy for their whole lives.
My heart goes out to the bride in the last story. It's so very sad that she wasn't supported by her future MIL. My husband's family are very devout Christians. We got married when I was four months pregnant. Everyone knew I was pregnant. Not one said anything mean to me or my husband, and I could see how that would be considered indecent. This bride isn't even doing anything indecent. Just doing something for herself that hurts no one else.
I love the way the grooms-to-be stood up for their future brides, the one who wouldn't allow his brother to propose at the wedding against his bride's wishes, and the one who understood his bride's unease about her scars. Both of those guys sound like total keepers!! 💜💖🙌👏
Never give someone who is demanding part of your life and your celebrations in life any wiggle room. Just Say No! It’s one word and stick to it. As soon as you start to “explain” and “justify” you’ve lost. Especially when you’re 100% in the right and someone is gaslighting you. Just say NO! As for Narcs like the brother, and the mother sadly, outting them is the BEST way to finish it. They can’t gaslight you and others when you just put the truth out there. Love it! 👏🏻👏🏻
What parents sometimes fail to understand is that when your child grows up and decides to get married, they are not joining another family and their spouse is not joining yours. The couple is starting their own family. If they decide to include you and show respect, that is a gift to you, the parents, and extended family.
Yeah in my culture almost every wedding they have this speech about how its not two people joining together but two families, like I get what they're saying but still
They can expect all they want but that doesn't mean they have to receive that which is expected. I set firm boundaries with my narcissistic father all the time and I teach him how to treat me, I intend to teach my kids the same skills. ❤
In a perfect world, marriage should join two families together by that union. Unless the married couples leave their families behind, they are still joining into each others families. The problem is with parents whom don’t respect boundaries, that the couple is now their own little family, and their need to control the marriage, (and also child rearing) is not their place.
I had to pause and applaud when you spoke about people not being okay with others changing their body but being okay that the persons body was changed from an accident. Well said.
I know my comment probably won't get seen, but I just wanted to say that your videos are the highlight of my day. I've been going through some issues lately and I saw one of your videos on Facebook. I watched some on there, but since then have popped over here to RUclips and am happily subscribed. You truly brighten up any foul mood I've ever been in. I love how you have been consistent in your personality--there's not much difference between the 'you' in videos from two years ago to the 'you' now. The little voices (my favorite is "RESEARCH!!!") and the "absolutely nots" and how you can laugh at yourself and everything else is spot on. (That's not to say that you're boring and always the same--you really only just get better.) To me, the fact that you are the same person whenever you're recording tells me that you're really that amazing person, on-camera and off, and it makes you a top-notch content creator. So, basically, thank you for being you and for creating the videos that you do. You're an amazing positive influence.
the thing i find interesting about the brother cheating with the girlfriend story is that the family was unwilling to cut off or punish the brother in any way for having an affair with the guy's girlfriend, but they can't wait to cut him off for not paying for the daughter's wedding. i guess the brother is the favourite son and gets whatever he wants.
I think he needs to get therapy to work out his feelings or try to forgive. I wonder if the brother apologized and he just does not want to forgive him. Holding a grudge for 20+ years is ridiculous to me. My mom was cheated on by my biological and doesn't hold a grudge it has been 30+ years since their divorce and both have been remarried.
@@loveeeliiie maybe - we don't have any information other than that the brother had an affair and then married a girl the dad was seeing. We don't know how serious that relationship was, if the dad was an abusive partner, if they were maybe, like, eighteen years old, etc etc... Yes cheating is horrible but real life often isn't black and white (I still think the dad is definitely entitled to choose to never speak to his brother again, wedding or no wedding, unrelated to what the rest of the family chooses)
I loved all the NTA men in these wedding dramas. The first for standing up to his narcissist brother (and unintentionally showing the brother's girlfriend what a red flag he was, and subsequently involving her in the wedding party because she is a decent person). Also, clearly the mother favours the narcissist brother, so no loss not having her at the wedding, either. The second, because he's standing up for his morals, beliefs and boundaries. How awful would it be to have to see the woman who cheated on you at every single family event with your brother? Clearly the family favoured that brother, as well, and if the daughter can't appreciate how uncomfortable that makes her father and values the brother's attendance more... well, really, do you want/need a relationship with someone like that, daughter or no? And the final story, because he clearly adores his fiancee/wife however she looks, but was eager to give her the bonus so she could feel better in herself. If the mother can't see that, who wants someone like that at the wedding?
@@7614Kids why does her wedding have to involve daddy’s money? No one’s stopping her from having a wedding. Get another job if you have to. You can scrape up money for yourself. This was a clear betrayal of trust, and the daughter was being super entitled. Like one of the comments said, if she loves her uncle/aunt so much, she can ask them for money. She doesn’t get to have her cake and eat it too. Edit: just cuz it’s her wedding, doesn’t mean she gets to actively make other people uncomfortable by willingly inflicting pain on them with her actions.
I saw a video of a wedding reception where the bride set up her sister at the bouquet toss, walked over and just handed to her, then turned her around to see her boyfriend down on one knee!! It was really BEAUTIFUL ❤️❤️❤️ I cried instantly! I must be just totally odd, because I would absolutely LOVE to share my happy wedding day with a good friend or family member who wants to propose to their lover! If they're down, so am I! Spreading the love with MORE LOVE!❤️
@@AllyBubblesSpriggs right?! He was just being an absolute a-hole! Refused to respect the couples wishes is just selfish AF!!! Nobody wants to be proposed to under THOSE circumstances!!! You can't start an engagement like THAT, and have any hope at all for a healthy, respectful and communicative marriage!
I’m with you!! However it is a very taboo topic. And even suggesting so could lose you a relationship. Unfortunately. But I love sharing. I have 15 siblings and many kids and nieces and nephews myself. ❤
The one with the dad not paying for the wedding, I agree with him in this case. At first I thought well it’s been 20 years but they both moved on and married other women and had kids and such, so maybe he should let it go for that one day. Then they said the brother married that ex and she’d be there and that totally changed everything. No way should he have to deal with being with his cheating ex and the brother that betrayed him. I honestly can’t believe the daughter is not on his side. If it were my dad, I would totally be behind him in this matter.
Last story, I'd have asked the mom if her son was in a horrible accident and was disfigured but then had plastic surgery to remove excess scar tissue. Would she have a problem? Watch her change her tune because it's her son and not the fiancé. Stay safe and stay awesome 💜
@@tamarafisher1552 even if you believe that for yourself for religious reasons it doesn’t give you an excuse to judge someone else for doing what they want to their body so they can feel more confident and be happy if other people being happy makes you that upset you have issues calling someone who was in a horrible accident that left them with scars they chose to remove “immoral” and trying to convince someone to not marry them because of it is disgusting religious or not
Medical plastic surgery is 100% in a different category from cosmetic surgery. WTF!? My mom had breast reconstruction after her mastectomy. Not having her breasts honestly set her into a depression because she didn’t look like herself, but it was a life saving operation. Having her reconstruction, while it isn’t the same, made her feel more herself and helped her self esteem.
Why is it that in these stories... people only ever think of taking revenge on only the one side getting married, but never think of what they're doing to the other person getting married?
The story with the Father of bride and traitorous daughter: One of the comments read said that as long as he was ok not being invited to all the future events. Etc. Etc. But, by the daughters logic. Surely simply not paying nor attending an event wouldn't measure to the cheating that took place. So, by that, after a year or so it'll be the "past" and she should let it go.
This is for the story with the Dad and his daughter / his brother: He should just say to her that he won't pay for the wedding but the money he was going to pay will instead go towards a down payment for their first home. It means she will still get the money, he sticks to his boundaries and he's still supporting his daughter. His daughter can't say he took that money from her and it's another form of parenting because OP is doing what he said he was going to if she chooses to disregard her Dad's feelings.
Exactly, not that I have an issue with plastic surgery, but this would be more reconstructive surgery if anything as she is putting herself back to how she was before a traumatic car crash. What is wrong with some people?
Oh wow, that last one though!!! I was born with a cleft lip and my mom encouraged me and told me I was still beautiful, but I never felt it, because at school I was always made fun of cause of it and it hurt my heart and I've cried so many years of my life away!! And yes, I did get surgery to fix it a little, and I HAD TO get my nose done because of sinus problems!!! Now I'm 36, HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A BEAUTIFUL 3YO DAUGHTER and I cannot even put into words how happy I am now!! Love you, Charlotte and thank you do much for these girl, you have me so weak!!!😂
My daughter, 4, was born with a cleft. She's had all the needed surgeries so far, is gorgeous, bright and so fun! I do worry about self esteem issues in the future. I worry that I'll do something wrong! Is there anything you wish your mom did/didn't do? Any way you could have been more supported? Were you ever teased by uncles/aunts/grandparents? My brother can be a bit dense in social situations and my family can occasionally take teasing just that little bit too far. Should I preempt any of that? She had a bilateral cleft, so I keep hoping that maybe, since it is symmetrical, people will just generally think her nose is a little flat and not tease her. I don't know. I guess I'd just love some advice if you have any! Also, now all I can think of is this monster-in-law from the video calling my daughter immoral for having plastic surgery 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Like, yeah, this girl started her surgeries at 5 months old. She's crazy indecent!!
@@Ottermamapoeia aawww, thank you so much, and my mom and dad did the total best they could, I am the baby of 4, I got 2 older brothers and an older sister, and they ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL special, and have NEVER made fun of my looks or my lip and I've appreciated that over the years!!!! People can be so mean nowadays, and when I went to school, yes, I got made fun of A LOT and yes, it hurt my heart to its deepest, but that's life!! My mom taught me the whole sticks and stones thing, ya know, lol, but it still hurt me when people used to stare and as I got older, I realize beauty is only skin deep, and God, Jesus, my family are all going to love me no matter what I look like, and looks are gonna fade as you get older, but keeping a GOOD HEART is the most important thing!!! I'm happily married and gotta 4yo daughter of my own, and it scares me too about her future!! She is so beautiful and I don't want her to cover that beauty up with makeup either!!! The world we live in now, is NOT the world we grew up in, in the 80s and 90s!! It's a whole different ballgame out there!!! But when and if she gets bullied and comes home crying, just comfort her and be there for her and tell her she's so amazingly beautiful no matter what anybody Says!!!!!
My mother always said "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. That said you can choose who you spend your time with. Those people are your real family."
As someone who had plastic surgery years ago, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m happy for that woman, and good on her now husband for standing up for her.
Thank you for standing up for people who want to change their bodies. I had a nose job 10+ years ago. It was something that always made me self-conscious (classmates literally made fun of my nose) and it's not something I could change with makeup or exercise. I wish I had done it 10 years sooner!
When my twins were born in 1995 they were sideways so the C-section had to be vertical & was quite large (unlike the typical smaller horizontal incisions) after all the dieting & exercise in the world I was still left with a substantial "pouch" of skin mothers of twins will often have + a vertical scar so I looked like a had a "butt in front". My husband was always wonderful just saying how beautiful I am. Several years later I was invited to a Girl's spa weekend in Napa Valley by some new friends & I was so excited to go until I found out it was a naked spa. This typically wouldn't bother me & even I was surprised by how upset I became by the realization that others were going to see me. I had been in denial about how much this had been affecting my self esteem & confidence. Me & my "2nd butt" ended up going, and sharing that I would be having a tummy tuck later that month. That was in 2001, and over 20 years later I can still say it was the best decision ever. Me & my "forever flat" stomach are very happy.
13:29 plastic surgery for reconstruction or scar removal is the ENTIRE point of it... it's not like she's having it done to 'enhance' something or trying to recapture her 'youth'... it's to restore her natural look after an accident.. IF ANYTHING, this is the most MORAL reason to have it done in the first place.... the mother is just insane and doesn't need to be anywhere near you or your S.O. or any children you end up having... and if your father sides with her on this, you need to get out of business with him and cut him out of your life as well....
Charlotte, I’m so happy to see you! I’ve had an awful few days sick in bed waiting for an operation and you have cheered me up so much. Love from England ❤
My husband has a narcissistic, manipulative brother who is 15 and 13 years younger than he and his sister and the entire family dances to his tune. My husband and I met and married in our late 50’s. My husband wanted to wear a tux and asked his brother to be best man. His brother agreed and when we went to the tux shop with him, he already informed us that he had picked out the one he wanted and chose the color of the tie. My husband was upset, feeling that he should be able to have first pick, but I told him, it was fine, we can find one that works best for him, which we did. The brother was arguing with the shop because he refused the advice on the size and I shrugged. I knew that he would be in an ill-fitting tux and didn’t care. The ONLY thing that my husband asked was for his brother give a speech. His brother did not do that, nor did he sign the marriage certificate. Their dad officiated as he is an ordained minister. In the last 8 years my husband and his dad have both realized that they don’t have to accept the narcissist’s terms and realize that they can accept or reject his demands when he is being manipulativev. My husband accepts that his brother is only concerned about himself and is happier when he limits his time with him. They would get together and spend time to watch a game but my husband would always be so upset when he got home, I just pointed out that his brother wasn’t going to change and that one can only change your own reaction and behavior with that type of people. They make plans to meet at a restaurant of his brother’s choice, at a time his brother chooses, but always arrives 30-45 minutes or more late. The brother wants a drink and appetizers, but you can’t order the main course even if one requests the server to hold off submitting the order. The brother flies into a rage if you suggest that. While ordering, he tells you what you should order and criticizes you if you choose differently. The entire ordeal is not enjoyable and compromise is not in the brother’s life for any shared experience. The sister and her husband get frustrated but continue to meet his demands. We once waited 45 minutes in the heat in a Wal-mart parking lot (dictated by the brother)because the brother refused to tell us where we were going to eat. I told my husband to call his brother and cancel and we could eat somewhere on our own. I don’t dislike his brother, but I don’t have to subject myself to ridiculous demands. Once my husband took a step back and realized that he wouldn’t have friends who treat him like this, he was able to realize that it wasn’t friendship as much as control.
You have far more patience than I would have I would be upset if my husband's brother treated him this way. I understand it's his brother and wants a relationship with him but that doesn't justify his actions. I'm glad he realized and that you are there to support him
@@JINXIENG I called him out once for his behavior in front of the family and he avoids me ever since. The brother and his dad lived 3 hours away and the sister lived 3 hours away in a distant city. The brother was bringing dad to the sister’s house and we were bringing dad home with us. The brother had been given tickets to a basketball game in our city and had planned on coming to our city and the 4 of us attend. He said that he changed his mind and wasn’t going to go but that we still could attend. The tickets? Oh, he hadn’t brought them. Nobody said anything. I then stated the obvious and said how could we go without the tickets? The look on his face as he was trying to process being called out and coming up with an answer that would be civil was priceless. I broke the family rule by never mentioning the elephant in the room. Several months after that his brother made arrangements for a family get together and my husband was painting a room for a friend and wanted a quick shower but would be 5-10 minutes late so he called to let him know. He had him on speakerphone and his brother started cursing him out and told him ‘I don’t need no effing brother’. I took the phone and told him that was inappropriate and I wasn’t going to allow him to speak to him that way and his response was ‘I don’t have to talk to you.’ I just said, no you don’t and promptly hung up. Their dad was with us so he would have missed out on the planned outing. I had previously chosen not to go since supposedly it was for a local school football game. My husband went as is splattered in paint and they made it exactly on time but his brother said that my husband ruined it and decided that they would go to a bar instead. My FIL is a pastor who had never been to a bar and doesn’t drink so was a totally inappropriate place. The sister and her husband were there and they and the brother enjoyed themselves. My FIL later told me he was uncomfortable the entire time I and I shared the encounter and it was punishment because he knew my husband would be upset by it but wouldn’t say anything to him directly. I think that the 2 of them finally realized that he had no consideration for their feelings and that they don’t have to be victims. I know that the brother resents me but it doesn’t bother me because I don’t have to deal with him so consider it a win. My husband has learned to set limits and does miss spending time with him but understands that his brother enjoyed the manipulation more than the time together. My SIL complains about the behavior and I said that she has a choice, but she doesn’t want to upset the brother. One of her daughters is the same way so always is trying to please them both. Luckily, they all live 3 hours away so can remain detached. I really don’t have much patience and as I told my husband that I had gotten fine without his brother for 57 years at the time, that I was sure to get along without him. It’s his brother’s choice to avoid me and once the family was gathering at my house and he called my BIL from outside and asked him to be out front because he wouldn’t come inside. I guess he expected everyone to stand next to his car the entire evening. I didn’t comment and didn’t do anything because I just don’t care. Come inside or not, not my problem and only my BIL went outside. My non reaction allowed everyone else to do the same, so the brother finally decided to come inside since he didn’t get his audience.
@@tastx3142 sounds exhausting and like you said its good that he didn't get an audience since attention is all he craves. He acts like a child. I hope your husband is no longer conflicted about hanging out with his brother and I hope you don't budge and keep doing what you are doing
The last one about the plastic surgery made me want to flip a table. I've had plastic surgery twice. Like Sarah, it was corrective surgery. I was born with a lazy eye. While I don't really have much vision in the eye, my family had it corrected when I was very young. Fast forward to when I was a high school senior, I broke my nose very badly. Once again, it was corrected because...yanno...being able to breathe properly is a thing. If it is immoral to fix things that we perceive as 'broken', why else do we do things like setting a broken arm, having surgery to remove a gallbladder, or any other surgery? That mother is batshit.
That first story was a doozy, I LOVED IT. OP’s brother is insane What I’m curious about is what did the brother say that got people on his side. He either left stuff out or twisted up the details cause OP did get apologies from members that got the other side of the story Also found it funny that the brothers girlfriend dumped him over this and then became a bridesmaid. I love that for them
10:56 I understand the dad not wanting to pay for the wedding that he can't attend but also… Do you want to be right or do you wanna be happy? If he doesn't change his mind about the wedding he will never be able to reclaim that relationship.
In the story about the fiance who got plastic surgery, it seems to me that his mother was just fishing for a reason not to "allow" her son to marry this girl. She probably didn't like her in the first place, but didn't have a good reason. She also knows that her son can think for himself and she doesn't like that.
10:18 The girl clearly has absolutely no respect for her father but still expects him to pay for the wedding? No sweetie, it doesn’t work like that. Time to decide whose presence you’d value more at your wedding, your father or your cheating uncle, because you clearly can’t have both! If your loyalty lies with your a**hole of an uncle then that makes you an a**hole too 🤷🏻♀️
I just felt I need to leave a comment here. I have been a LONG time subscriber & NEVER miss an episode. I'm also old enough to be your mother & am a proud Texan. Rarely have I ever come across someone who has as much common sense & great sense of humor as you do. I only had sons, who thankfully also have common sense & humor, but if I had had a daughter, I'd definitely want her to be a whole lot like you. Common sense, as you know, isn't so common. Neither is a good sense of humor, the ability to navigate this crazy world, or bring so much joy into the lives of others. You, my dear, handle it all with grace & ease. Thank you for all that you do & all that you bring to us. Please never stop. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
I did a wedding where the SIL got engaged at the wedding. The bride and groom were in on it, and it was awesome. They had such a celebration. If the bride and groom are in on it and in agreement, it can be very memorable.
0:35 I’ve seen some videos of couples having fun, celebrating when the girl says yes, and even participating in the whole thing. Some people are really really cool with it, so I think it’s fine, as long as both parties are *100%* aware and okay with it, but nothing less.
For the first story, if the brother had made SUCH a fuss and then actually proposed?!? She would have been so uncomfortable, and then she would have to realize everyone else already knew, and not only did everyone know but they were all already pissed about it? Now through no fault of her own, even people on the internet are invested enough to plan to ruin HER wedding with an announcement?! Her breaking up with him was the ONLY option that made any sense 🤦♀️
I have become addicted to your videos Charlotte. They have helped me so much. I’ve been happily married for over 15 years. We had a very small ceremony. Of course, I had always dreamed of having a fairytale wedding but my husband is very shy. This was also his second wedding. I didn’t want to push because his first marriage was a disaster and at 38, I just wanted to marry the love of my life. So we compromised. I got my white dress, veil with tiara and bouquet. He wore dress clothes. My bridesmaids were his daughters. We had a lovely backyard ceremony by the pool and my father walked me down the “aisle”. No other guests and my aunt-in-law performed the ceremony as she has for all my cousins. Every once in awhile, I regret it. Not getting married, the small ceremony. That is, until I started watching your videos. I am so GLAD now that we just did a small one. It’s about the marriage anyway and not the ceremony. Love you! Keep up tue fantastic work calling out entitled ppl. ❤
I might be the only 1 but I think it's a lovely idea for the brothers to share that memory. It could be done once all the speeches, cake cutting, 1st dances etc are over.
Dude refusing to pay for his daughters wedding didn’t make him an ah, but telling her he would not attend, did. You can’t control your child’s desire to want to know their family, including those who have caused you harm, that’s life. She shouldn’t have invited the uncle, that made her the ah…. But he will never get a redo to walk his daughter down the aisle.
For the gentleman who paid for how wife to be plastic surgery I give you a standing ovation. She has her confidence and self assurance taken from her and you were helping her get it back. Women are always trying to enhance or change their actual looks with make up so I really don't see the difference. Hope his mother doesn't wear any makeup or false nails or dye her hair.
OK, so this was a good video because I actually have thoughts on every single story. Story 1: not the a-hole. Sounds like his mother has a favorite child, and it is not OP. Sounds like it is well consider your brother’s feelings he has to be the center of attention. It’s not all about you you know on your wedding day. That mother and brother, and go ride into the sunsets together. Story 2: while I think not the a-hole for not wanting to pay. I do think that not attending your daughters wedding is going to be something that he will regret. Hopefully your daughter only gets married once. That’s one chance to walk your daughter down the aisle, & share in one of the biggest moments in her life. Something that happened 20+ years ago shouldn’t stop you from that. You don’t have to like your brother or want anything to do with your ex, but if those two were actually still together 20 years now- you and that girl were meant to be. I’m not saying have a relationship with your brother who did that to you because that’s a pretty shitty thing to do but don’t let that ruin father daughter dance moment. That’s just my thoughts. Story3: if anyone said what his mother said for any. Reason in that situation there would be some heated words exchanged with a big FU. Oh, does she think burn victims who have skin graphs which is plastic surgery is indecent? It’s not like she had a facelift or a boob job. How can people be so dense? There would need to be major, apologies and kissing butt to have her anywhere near my significant other.
Re: Reconstructive Surgery: As someone who has had significant scarring. It hurts your self image and it's a constant reminder of the accident/injury. Having that no longer be apart of your mind is so wonderful. She deserved to be uninvited and deserves to have zero contact until she can give Sarah a true apology.
Let's make a universal rule, if we are at a wedding and someone proposes to a girl and we see that the newlyweds are uncomfortable (which means that they didn’t first agree with the newlyweds about the proposal), we give the proposal a "side eye" and completely ignore them.
100%. No one pull out your phone to record them (they don't deserve the free videos/photography), don't clap, don't congratulate them. Just ignore it or otherwise loudly whisper how embarrassing it must be fore the person being proposed too, how tacky it is, or otherwise how shameful it is to do it at some else's wedding. The person proposing should instantly know they screwed up instead of everyone just pretending like its a totally okay thing to do and clapping along.
Even if you're happy for the couple to get engaged in general, don't encourage people USING a bride and groom for a free engagement party.
Love love love this idea
I say it’s okay to throw food at them and boo.
@@felicianomiko5659 lol..YES!
Done and done 👏 👏
I love that the exgirlfriend in the first story is still invited and super supportive of the fiancée enough to be a bridesmaid. Sounds like she dodged a bullet when the brother decided to be a super ass.
And in the wedding party!! That's flipping him the bird.
Right? But also wow huge red flag that he not only blatantly ignored his brother and future sister in laws boundaries but tried to lie and manipulate the situation to get his family on his side. That ex definitely got away from a bad person
Yup don't blame hee I would to and befriend his sister just to anger him more
The fact that he admitted he wanted to propose to her out of revenge for OP "hijacking" the family event and not because he...you know...loved her? Probably turned her off pretty bad lol. On top of all the other things wrong with him.
@@SilverMichi ❤😊😊😂😊zz,os👍😊😊👫👫
My cousin was mauled by a dog when she was 10. It left her with many scars and she did have a few reconstructive procedures then. In her mid 30s she had one on her face that was not aging well and you could see her shrinking away from life. She finally got two small procedures that have made it barely noticeable even without makeup. She came back to life. She was bright and happy again. 20 years later she still is.
I cannot fathom being cruel to someone that endured the trauma of being scarred for life.
Reconstructed surgery!! That’s the word
Oh ye gods.. she was a poor sausage and now she is just being herself. Absolutely yay. Good on her. Absolutely good on her. She sounds like a real stickler. Love your cus.
@@lexamarie9507 Reconstructive. Yes, I was thinking the same, it's not for a trout pout or anything.
@@UsandEveryoneWeKnow Literally snorted like a pig at that one.
This poor girl just wanted the damage repaired! It's not like she had a boob job, facelift, or BBL! And even if she did, it's no-one's freaking business but her's and hubby's! You can have an opinion, but keep it to your judgemental self... Stay in your lane mommy inlaw.
Gosh, that plastic surgery story reminded me of a totally opposite situation.... A distant aunt of mine had been in a terrible accident as a teenager and had scars that she didn't like. They were pretty visible. In our country, back then, marriages were mostly arranged and due to her scars, she had no proposals until very late in her 20's she finally got proposed to by a young man from her office who had grown very fond of her but she was worried that his family wouldnt accept her with her scars so she used her savings to get them taken care of as best as she could back then (about 20yrs ago) before she met them. They had been told about her accident and her surgery to help with the scars. The first time they met her, they were warm, comforting and loving... A few weeks after knowing her, the guy's mom broached the subject of her scars and things got awkward... The lady just held her face in her hands and said, you are lovely, scars or not... What your face looks like is less important than who you are on the inside. Future MiL then confesed that she had seen her pictures from before but she didn't care about the scars because of how happy she made her son and how warmly he spoke of her. She said, I wish you hadnt gone through the surgery just to please us... but I just hope that it helps her feel as beautiful as she actually is... I think my aunt fell in love with that whole family after that...
Heartwarming stories like that is exactly what I need after a dose of toxicity in those AITA posts.
This is so heartwarming 💕
This is how it should be. The outside doesn’t matter nearly as much as the inside
Oh, my. Tears in my eyes.
That's SO NICE 😢 it's not that hard people
Last one is my favourite. I love how he not only helped pay for his fiancés scars to be removed, but defended her to his family. We need more men like him!!
I agree! It reminded me of one of Mom’s friends from college. I saw him as an uncle growing up. He got plastic surgery for facial and chest scarring. When I first saw his ‘new face’ (I was two) I screamed and hid behind Mom. Because I didn’t recognize him. Eventually, I did understand that the face I knew was not his correct face, and he finally had the scars removed (how else do you explain reconstructive surgery to a toddler?)
He’s a really great guy, even if I don’t see him as often these days
I love how it’s always on the family members getting screwed over to “keep the peace” by taking it…..but it’s never on the person causing the problems to “keep the peace” by not treating people like trash. SML
Yeah, I never understood that. If someone is constantly starting drama and creating trouble, it doesn't make sense to keep encouraging that behavior. Keeping the peace should be placed on the person who is deliberately trying to stir up trouble.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 It's like when someone's getting bullied and the person bullied has to be the bigger person it's bullshit
@@alyssat7809 Yeah, that's even worse! Bullying is abusive behavior. Why do some people support abusive people and call it "keeping the peace"?
@@dragonfliesnh4204 My older brother bullied the shit out of me when we were kids going through school and my mom always told me I had to be the bigger person and after a while I got fucking sick of it like why do I have to be the bigger person when I'm the one getting bullied she didn't give a shit
@@alyssat7809 In other words he was the favorite? I've seen such behavior from certain parents and they always do that with their favorite kids. If their favorite is behaving badly they don't address it and the other kid(s) have to "be the bigger person".
I can’t believe the mother who called her daughter in law “indecent” for having plastic surgery, after a life changing accident. What an unforgivable thing to say! Why can’t she be supportive?
I mean its a scar even of your against changing the way you look naturally, she wasnt born with it let her remove it.
Probably narcisim
Probably one of two things; Religion (eg. Jehovahs) or maybe its a same sex marriage and the mother is old-school and trying to find any way to stop the wedding.
It's the mindset of the generation. I asked my dad about it and he explained to me that iconic figures like Michael Jackson blew up social media with his massive plastic work that changed not only his facial structure but his skin color. Unfortunately being in that kind of spotlight and crowned as "that black guy who used plastic surgery to become white" did him no favors, all the paparazzi were on him and blasted out everything he did in secret, and tbf he also did a number of questionable things in public as well i.e. dangling his baby over a balcony so fans below could get a picture. And that was just one guy, many celebs who were open about having plastic surgery were similarly targeted, though not as extremely. What started out as a big joke about all celebs get plastic because they can't make it as natural surely and steadily grew and became "plastic means you disrespect your natural body" and then "plastic means you're a narcissistic hooker who would rather be pretty than value anything truly beautiful". It was a whole ugly hot mess that carries on to this day.
@ RandomGeneration
Really? I'm 53 and grew up hearing and watching Michael Jackson. I've never heard of what you talk about. Strange that. It must depend on what country you are from. I'm guessing you're from the United States of America, where politics and religion are huge. Where I'm from, not so much. I have never paid attention to politics, don't know anything about it and frankly don't care. In regards to Michael Jackson. I only cared about his music.
For the plastic surgery story : I find it interesting that it's called this way when there is two different cases. In french (my language) there's two way to name it : esthetic surgery (opperation to modify something for the looks of it, for exemple you don't like your nose and it makes you feel bad about yourself) and repare surgery (opperation that is often mandatory for people victim of accidents, for exemple someone with a lot of burn scars after their house caught fire)
There's a big difference between the two and the mother seems to think that the wife is a superficial one that only thinks of her looks. In my opinion it's just an excuse to bitch about the wife because she dislikes her x)
True that. Plastic surgery is an umbrella term in the United States. We even call an ear drum or eyeball replacement a plastic surgery. I got my hand crushed by a wild wolf as a child and had to have it completely rebuilt. But you can’t tell because it was plastic surgery. And I was 7. People are ignorant and especially in America, they think they are right over something because they believe some false narrative that has been propagandized so much it’s now practically a fear. It’s gross.
@@erikarussell1142 Wow what a dreadful experience to live, glad you're fina now
the word "plastic" is also misleading, kinda makes me think of plastic dolls yk like a barbie. it adds to the supperficial and taboo image of it
The term we often use for this is "reconstructive surgery". Plastic surgeons can do both aesthetic and reconstructive surgery.
@@agatheagaesse8933 that it does! It has a very negative connotation to it.
@@eustacia03 that's the way it's called ! thank you. can't remember all my vocab sometimes :')
Reconstructive surgery is completely different than having a face lift or a tummy tuck. I have seen people so distraught by scars that it made them distant and even suicidal. Kudos to the husband for supporting his now wife to do this and if someone has a problem with what helps her mental stability the Hell with them!
Plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery are not synonymous, right.
I was going to say the same thing
Scars are also a constant reminder of the accident or trauma that caused them.... Even other reasons for surgeries, is a personal decision that involves that person's body & they have the right to decide what they do regarding it .... Babies can leave huge changes to moms and can cause serious self esteem issues, even effecting intimacy ect..... I think everyone should be totally comfortable with their bodies but that's just not the case all the time.... It's unfortunate to see women that get carried away and can look like a halloween character or freak show but again their decision ❤
"everyone is mad at me for upsetting them when i called them on being an awful person" is a vibe where everyone in that scenario can exit my life
Yup
Side note: when a person "pretends" youre joking when uou say no to them, that is a manipulation tactic. They're not as delusional as they may seem. They know exactly what theyre doing,whuch is goading you into either giving in to avoid a fight, or "being the one to start the fight" if you dig in your heels.
Its a lose-lose situation, but stay firm anyway, and shut them down when they do this ❤
was just thinking that. whenever ppl "pretend youre joking", theyre definitely trying to manipulate you
Yup my use to be friend did this, told people I abused her when I didn't when she was the one who cried wolf for me to help her and I wasted 2 grand on her just for her to have a schizophrenia meltdown in front of walmart and she went back home with who she claims were abusing her and misusing her money so now her parents can't be her payee for her ssi benefits she screwed herself over and I'm not sorry for calling her a terrible friend, she truly thought she could just lie to the police and I wouldn't know, and I took myself to post her fake ass online with actual proof, and I'm still battling this bs I still have to go to ssi to find out why my uncle is her damn payee again when we told them no
@@LyraPyxisVT This is such a long mess of a sentence I can't even read it. Stick a period in there once in a while.
Can I just say how proud I am of all these guys having their brides backs no matter what. Even when it is their own mother causing the problem they booted the mom and had their brides back. I just want to hug them all. This is what a true partner should be like.
the mothers are ALWAYS the issue. lol... even MY OWN mother was told that if she doesnt step back, id not speak to her........ welp, its been 7 months and i havent. im 50. they never stop treating you this way unless you force it. this has occured many times throughout my life. she oversteps, i remind her she doesnt get to tell me how to behave or act anymore as i havent lived with her for 33 years and i dont CARE how she feels about it. shes a narcissist and i want nothing to do with it.
Tbh, I just love how "delulu" is now a word. As in, "you are still delusional, but not enough to be taken seriously."
It's a word mainly used by K-Pop stand
Delulu merch needed
@@Giveuponyourdreamsanddie2 Indeed, as a international fan and not having English as my native was very confusing when it started to become popular lol
@@aldergreen it feels weird whenever I hear or see it used outside of K-Pop
@@Giveuponyourdreamsanddie2 I was taken aback hear her say it. Felt good though lol
Fun fact, as someone who takes xrays as a job... sometimes people have their xray results sent to plastic surgeons. And it's not even for the general stuff plastics do. For some hand fractures that goes straight to plastics. The surgeons are meticulous and you need that detail to rebuild hands. Like I get that some people don't like plastic surgery, but not all surgeries done by plastic surgeons are for superficial things either.
That last one about plastic surgery is just insane! A previous coworker of mine had a similar problem. His fiancé had to have what was effectively a mastectomy on one breast because of a severe injury. Years later after things had sufficiently healed, she decided to get implants. They recommended that she get both done so they would be symmetrical. (I'm repeating what he said, I'm not a doctor, so no corrections to the medical side please!) She was very excited because she had been very self-conscious about this ever since it happened. She got the surgery and looked great afterword, very naturally looking. His mom and grandma found out somehow about the surgery, and they were very upset with him, because "only a certain kind of girl" gets a boob job, so she was probably a "loose woman" who would cheat on him. (They got far more explicit.) He got very upset with them and told them they were no longer welcome at his wedding. His family went completely against him and fiancé not over the surgery, but his "disrespect" of his elders (cultural thing). They ended up eloping and completely cut his family off. The family tried to worm their way back in after they had kids, but he kept them NC.
Wow 😮 that’s just cruel! I’d use their own twisted logic against them. I’d tell them that wanting to have 2 breasts instead of 1 does make you a loose woman and if these 2 old cackling witches won’t get a mastectomy done I’ll call them whore-ific floozie harlots for the rest of their lives.
@wanderer7956 good for your former coworker and I’m glad he stood up for his wife and was supportive of her decision.
Since I too want to get some cosmetic surgery done on me one day, my boyfriend feels like I don’t need it but he understands and supports why I want to have it done. Is there anyway to fix myself? Yes, but I don’t have the finances to do it and the motivation to perk myself up to do so
Good for him.
100% good for him. 1. not anyone else's business. 2. Who are these people who act like they never try to enhance/change the way they look. These judgemental AHs are really going to tell me they never wear makeup, dye their hair, use shape wear, whiten their teeth etc etc etc. They can all piss right off with their sanctimonious attitudes.
I have a GOOD engagement during a wedding story. At my wedding when it was time to throw the bouquet, I turned around and handed it to my now DIL. She looked at me like whaaa? And then saw my son getting on his knee to propose. Of course this was all preplanned and I came up with the idea. I was so happy that the whole family was there to celebrate even more...
Proposing at a wedding is ONLY ok if the wedding couple are in on it, if they plan it, etc. That's an adorable story.
Aww that's such a sweet story
And that’s perfectly fine because you were happy to have this happen during your wedding.
It’s just not appropriate if the bride and groom aren’t cool with the proposal. It’s their wedding, their choice.
If it's planned ahead of time and the bride and groom is okay with it then there is nothing wrong with it. Also, if the bride and groom is not okay with it, respect that and do it somewhere else. Don't be upset with it! By the way, great story!
That's incredibly sweet 🥹💖
Wedding rules for everyone :
1. Do not propose to someone.
2. Do not announce pregnancies/engagements/other major life changes.
3. Do not wear white or light colours or a wedding dress, unless you are the bride.
4. Don't be a pillock, drink too much, cause a scene or embarrass yourself and be obnoxious in general.
5. Be nice, behave well and be respectful.
That's it. It really is this simple.
The first three especially you don’t do without express permission from the bride and groom. It irks me that so many never even ask if it’s okay. Most will probably say no, some may say yes and be supportive. But if they say yes then you have to leave it at that singular moment of proposing and then go back to everything being about the wedded couple.
@@harleyrobb3034 I can see your point, maybe if it's been discussed or even suggested by the couple to a dear friend or family member then I suppose, it's weird to me is all. The proposal I mean, I think many people forget they are the guests and not the two marrying.
Have fun and sincerely congratulate the couple
Number four! Definitely number 4. I’m the worsty pillock you’d find. I end up looking at silly cat videos ..
Forgive my ignorance what's a pillock?😊
As a wedding photographer, these wedding videos keep me ALIVE
Literally going to shoot a wedding in 2 hours, I need these videos like coffee.
I LOVE this comment! 😂 Have fun! 📷👀🫣
May the force be with you 😂❤
@@CharlotteDobre 😄
Oh lordie, hope the wedding won't be a shitshow. May the force be with you indeed! (My partner is in the industry as well so I've heard my fair share of stories, props to you yall get the most flack in all sectors of photography) 😂
May the Odds be ever in your favor. 😘💖😉👍
I stand by anyone who needs to remove the toxic people in their lives to have peace, even if those people are family. I stopped talking to my family because I realized they will always manipulate me and drag me down and I wont let it happen again.
Here’s something people in this situation could try: “Sure! As long as you’re willing to pay half the cost for the reception and photographer. Since you want it to become your engagement party too.”
First story: if a guy proposes to you at someone ELSES wedding you have to assume its all about him wanting an audience and probably knowing you'll say no in private. It's a dick move and manipulative of the woman he's show-proposing to.Ewww. Glad the new bridesmaid made the right choice and dumped him. Second story: Definitely let the much-loved-cheater-bastard brother pay for the wedding if he's now more important than the real father. Honestly girl, get your priorities straight. You want your dad there. Should dad let it go after all these years? Yes, but he doesn't have to.
yea, it seems VERY niche for couples to actually want public proposals (reminds me of prom proposals in school, ha.) It seems sus or really awkward to do it in public. Its a fairly personal moment, imo
I would literally say no even if I was planning to say yes if someone proposed to me at someone else's wedding. That would make me rage quit a relationship.
Also means he has no planning skills. Instead of planning a romantic dinner or trip he’d rather drag you to someone else’s special day and cash in on their experience. Dick move and shows how incompetent he is.
SAY IT WITH ME, DONT. PROPOSE. AT. OTHER. PEOPLES. WEDDING
I know twin sisters and one got engaged at the other's wedding. It was clearly planned though as the sister caught the bouquet and was proposed too right after. It was adorable and the bride was just as excited lol. Explicit permission is the ONLY acceptable time.
It's the same as with wearing white or making a big announcement at a wedding... Just don't, unless the bride and groom ask you to/ are 1000% good and in the loop and on board with it.
FR IF THE COUPLE SAYS NO THEN NO IT AINT UR WEDDING
Who cares its not a big deal. Calm your ass down.
I actually said this 😂 it's the same with those people who make pregnancy announcements after a sibling proposes to their significant other. Omw... I didn't scream, I scrumpt. 😭
3rd story: something people also don’t realize is that when you have scars from a traumatizing injury, they’re reminders every day of what you went through. You’re never really able to move on from that memory. Plastic surgery clearly gave her more confidence AND will help her heal from the car accident trauma.
I feel so bad for Sarah, she went through something awful and the scars obviously bothered her, poor girls gone through enough. He stuck up for her, what a good guy.
The guy who defended his fiancé to his mother is going to be a great husband. Protecting her and supporting her like a good husband should. Kudos to this guy 👏
Last story: standing up for your fiancé is a hero moment for her.
👏👏👏👏👏
I completely agree.
Was.thinkkng the same thing.
And that he loves her like she is and looks, but still still support her wanting to get most of her scars from the accident removed, coz they made her self aware and made her sad about them.
So she did the right thing for herself and with the support of her husband to be is just the best.
His mom can just stay home, then she can't see it.
Love this for the couple ❤
Yeassssss! MOG totally out of line with her delusional judgment......its not her call......and she should be happy for DIL
And yes, Charlotte....Marilyn Monroe did have plastic surgery.....of which only a handful of people knew about.....until her autopsy after her death....then it came out!!!
I think, Sarah’s confidence grew stronger and she feels more comfortable and the MIL didn’t like that. She probably, wanted ah dying flower for her son to better manipulate.
Tell the family members that are calling you selfish they don’t have to attend the wedding.
Put security at the door to keep him out.
Having the groomsmen toss them out is an added bonus we did that at our wedding and they loved it!
Easy fix for the proposal issue is to make a short speech before the reception starts. Thank everyone for coming and say something like "If you are one of those tacky people who think proposing at a wedding is a good idea, please wait until after we are all too drunk to remember you making a fool of yourself. NOW LET'S PARTY!!"
OR just tell the GF he's going to do it and ruin the surprise.
I would hire some clowns, keep them waiting secretly, and have them do their unrelated number when he proposed. 🤡 Really drown the proposal. And get everyone really confused for a few minutes.
@@neliaferreira9983 I love that 🤣
My thing is, I never hold the children responsible for the actions of their parents, with that in mind, I have no problem with the one OP wanting her cousin to the flower girl.
Same! And she should get to have that relationship with her uncle and aunt too as well- she's her father's child and is innocent and therefore should be excluded from the beef he has with his brother. His brother never did anything bad to her, only to her father before she was born (most likely) about like 20 years ago or so. If the daughter wants her cousin there, she should get it, and if she wants a relationship with her aunt and uncle, she should also get it. She also should just not invite either of them if it's such a big problem, and only have her cousin there as a flower girl. That would be the best solution to all this drama, for me at least.
@@Manj_J Idk, the father doesn't have an obligation to attend, but in my opinion, a good father would be able to just suck it up for at least few hours to be there for his daughter's wedding. He doesn't seem to care if he's willing to completely ruin his relationship with her for something his brother did decades ago. Again, he doesn't have to be there if he doesn't want to, but being there doesn't automatically mean he needs to interact with these people, he can just avoid them all day and still have fun. It's obvious he never got over that, if he still thinks of his ex. He doesn't even have to be there for a whole day, he can just be present for the wedding ceremony, let his daughter down the aisle, have a father-daughter dance and then excuse himself and leave. If I was the daughter, I wouldn't be sure if he even loves me or not, if he's willing to just throw me away because of things that happened so long ago. Ultimately it's also her wedding, so if she wants her aunt and uncle and cousin there, I think she should be allowed to.. But then again, with the dad's attitude, she probably can't expect him to pay for anything, he's not even obligated to.
I still think he's a bit of an asshole.
It's very hard to cut out toxic people when it's your entire immediate family. Ever since I set boundaries with consequences and started fighting back against their attempts at abuse (like pointing out their abusive behavior), I became the "bad child/sibling" of the family since I'm no longer giving in to their demands, bending over backwards or sacrificing my mental/physical health for them. It's hard, but if you're in a similar situation with a friend or loved one, stick to your boundaries. Your health is more important than their demands.
Sibling betrayal and putting up with constant emotional abuse isn't the same thing. In your case, I support low contact or no contact at all. Mental health is DEFINITELY more important than making the people around you happy. The father's story is a bit different, though. His brother betrayed his trust and whether or not he chooses to forgive and move past it is up to him. But to demand the rest of your family and child cut him out of the family or deal with your absence is unfair. Especially with the child. She wants to be surrounded by family and the uncle didn't hurt her, or I'm sure the OP would have said so. Why should she have to miss out on a relationship with her uncle and cousin simply because her father doesn't like them?
YES CHARLOTTE!! Everything you said about that poor woman Sarah who got surgery to fix her scars. His mom is so disgusting for thinking and saying something like that. I had breast reduction surgery for my crippling back, shoulder, and neck pain and still get judgment from old coots sometimes for "altering my natural body". So ridiculous.
Love you so much Charlotte, people can do whatever they want to their own bodies, whether superficial or not, and it's no one else's business!!
They’re just upset that you dare change what God have you. First of all, mind ya business, before I hurt your old feelings… respectfully, a Christian who cares about humans.
Some of the surgeries are a must need sanario, your breast can literally damage your spine from being to heavy
My stepmother had breast reduction because of the pain of carrying them around. How dare anyone criticize a person for wanting to be more comfortable in their body.
@@erikarussell1142When I need to tell someone to mind their business I tell them, " Go do your dishes!" LOL, the look on their faces...
@@GrandmaLoves2Scuba Lmao I always tell them to go clean up the crap in their own yard, or I say exactly “minding your own business is a full time job, and you’re out here acting straight unemployed! Good day!”
It’s funny how when people set boundaries, they guilt trip you with the cutting you off……..but they always have excuses for not cutting off the people treating the family like trash.
This!
Right because the father's 20 year old one sided beef is more important than his daughter having everyone she loves at her wedding on the most important day of HER life
It’s not like it’s a friend he could more easily cut off. It’s his brother that betrayed him. Cheating stings and that hurt may or may not ever leave the person that was cheating on. It leaves a lasting effect, you could have issues trusting because of it, etc. The daughter most likely was told about why she didn’t get to see her uncle so it makes this even worse. You don’t go behind someone’s back when they don’t want anything to do with that person who hurt them. Especially if they don’t want to reconcile. I don’t speak to my siblings due to the hurt they caused so I can relate on the sibling betrayal(no cheating cause I don’t date and well technically my brother is a cheater himself anyway)
@@harleyrobb3034 Your children shouldn't be deprived of having more people around who love, support, and care for them simply because that person hurt you. Imagine the number of women who use this daily to keep fathers away from their children. As long as that person poses no physical, emotional, or mental health risk to your child, put your feelings aside to be there for your child. Demanding that his child and family have no relationship with an his brother because HE was betrayed by them just makes him sound petty. He still, after 20 years, wants his brother to pay for the betrayal even though he is in a new relationship. At some point, he's just aiding in his own unhappiness.
Speaking from personal experience.. Exactly.. 👏👏
If she's so "immoral" and "indecent", then why is she upset about being uninvited to the wedding? Are they not sparing her the pain of witnessing such an unholy union?
Touche lol
👏👏
Lmao, so true!!!!
I think she is jealous of his bride.
Her insecurity was soothed as long as the heavy scarring was there.
(There was nothing indecent about her surgery.)
Hey, I'm getting married today (June 3) thought I'd watch this to make me feel better cause my families aren't crazy!
Then why do you need to feel better? 😂
The daughter clearly knows her father boundaries that she shouldn't cross. The man definitely is NTA, and she can fund her own wedding.
Better yet, let the low life brother and the cheating ex-wife pony up for the wedding.
The brother sucks, but that is still her uncle. Isolating her for having a relationship with her is unfair. What if I imposed the same requirements on my child simply because I don't like her father for what he did to me? Short of physical abuse and a potential danger to my children, there is no reason to demand a child not have a relationship or be mad that they have a relationship with someone who is their family.
@Trinigmatic he never put such requirements on them that they can't have a relationship - never got the chance because she kept it a secret for years - just that he didn't want them to come to the wedding. I still fail to see why he should pay for something (a very large amount) that makes him very uncomfortable, it's not his fault what they did, if anyone should be blamed and if I was the daughter I'd blame the mum and uncle for creating the issue in the first place
Am I the only one that thinks the dad is wrong here?
@@Jap2675Yes.
Can we just give a round of applause for Charlotte’s editor?? I LOVE the little images on the corners and little clips and shit, so funny❤
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
👏👏👏👏👏
(Standing ovation) 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
OH MAN ALIVE!! I laughed so hard at the Silly Fight clip!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
My first wedding (well ex-wedding?) my mom was still upset about my refusal to connect with my older brother. He'd been in jail, heavy drug use, and a sex offender prior to this event. She eventually got over it because legally everyone had to accept his presence there and no one did. My sweet mother was so blind towards his issues for far too long. Drama aside, these people who start such drama are like energy vampires that ruin so many important events.
Yikes, I'm sorry you went through that! If a sex offender assaulted minors, in many areas they legally can't be near any kids. If there were any kids going to be at the wedding, morally and legally, your brother should not be there or other important events. Even if there weren't any kids, I personally would not want a sex offender at my wedding and it doesn't matter who it is.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 exactly how I felt. I don't have much of a relationship with him. Thank you
@@CursedRose200 You're welcome! You're definitely not alone with this mindset
The first story reminded me of my ex because he proposed to me immediately after finding out that our friends were engaged. I initially laughed, and said no because it felt performative. I explained to him that it felt like he only proposed for attention and that it was wrong to propose at that time. He guilt tripped me for embarrassing him, and got our friends to talk to me. I finally agreed after our engaged friends assured me that it was OK. He soon ended up proving me right about his little stunt because I found out that he had been denying our engagement behind my back and claimed that I was the one who insisted on marrying him which was crazy because I told him that we didn't need to get married if he didn't want to. Tangent over, the guy in the first story reminded me of my ex because his proposal would've been done out of spite. He might not have even been thinking about proposing to her before he found out about his brother's engagement. I may be projecting, but seeing how narcissists act, it doesn't sound too far fetched to me.
Glad that turd is now your ex! 👏👏👏
What a POS to propose for attention and then say YOU were the one begging HIM to marry you and denying the engagement when he made such a big deal about you two being engaged anyways. Glad he's an EX
@NekoKuro-il8rz Yeah, he was a textbook narcissist. I was codependent, had low self-esteem, and was a major pushover. I wish I could say that I left him, but he actually broke up with me. Him refusing to take me back actually forced me to reevaluate my life/self. I'm in a better place now.
Girlll ,I hope you are okkkk!!!!!
@@80_mehaupadhyay80 I'm good. I had to go through the motions, but I'm definitely better now.
Thanks!
You're the best! Thank you so much for the Super Thanks!!!
The dude at 10:27 is entirely in the right. I understand why his daughter is upset, but she must respect her father's boundaries. Demanding that loved one's respect boundaries is not asshole behavior!
All The family members who are angry can pay his share
I just want to know why the daughter would be so thick to even build a relationship with her cheating, low-life, shady uncle?
Who does that?
parents should learn to bend for their children for important occasions. In this case the dad's fight is with his brother but what would happen if it was his her mom? he's making her pay for the a fight she has nothing to do. his anger is more important for him than his daughter's happiness.
@@lunatynaty Yeah, big NO. She knew that was the hill her father was dying on for the past twenty years. She chose to lie to him for four years and establish a relationship with literally his mortal enemy. Some adult children need to put through their thick skulls that parents are people too and not everything revolves around their children's happiness. The father was actually pretty generous and still agreed to pay for her wedding even knowing that. He only asked that his enemy would not be at the wedding. The father-daughter bond was irreparably damaged regardless.
@@Mimino55-y5k Children don't own ANYTHING to their parents for their "generosity". Also children are not guilty in any way anything happening in their parents life too. I'm divorced myself and I will never forgive her dad for what happened between us but I was very clear from very early that my daughter doesn't have anything to do with any of that. She has a good relationship with him, it's her dad and I don't have the right to remove that from her. I keep my boundaries and I don't talk to him but also I've told to my daughter any important events like graduations or weddings I'll get a long with him because of her. Because she's more important than whatever happened in the past. In this case it's not a wife but an uncle, so yes it's his choice not to participate and not to pay but also he should understand his daughter doesn't own him "loyalty" for something that happened before she was born. It's not his life but hers, he should love his daughter more than he hates his brother.
As the child of a narcissist, I talked to my therapist about the issues with my narcissist parent and they said that I should just accept that this person isn't my parent and that I should grieve the relationship that technically didn't exist. After what felt kind of like grieving a deceased loved one, things were much easier for me emotionally. Once you separate the familiar role from the narcissist, it's easier to deal with them in my personal experience. When the person goes from parent to *just a family member* or *just someone I have to be on good terms with* it's a weight off your shoulders. This is obviously anecdotal and may not work for everyone.
Absolutely! Once you go NC, you grieve then your life is beyond fabulous! No walking on eggshells, cringing when the phone rings, getting stabbed in the back when you least expect it. Live your beautiful life and pick your own family! ❤
I can totally understand where you're coming from. My mom used to have me ask myself, "If certain relative (put their role) wasn't your family member, would you be friends with them?". This helped me cut off my older sister from my life. (She was my father's daughter, not my mom's) She would NOT be someone I would be friends with and after all the horrible things she did to me. When I cut her off, I felt so relieved and wished I had done it sooner. I'm totally okay with the fact that my mom still stays in touch with her as she was her stepdaughter for many years before our parents divorced.
This is what I did too. With a lot of inner work.... I now consider that my mother is just the woman who gave birth to me... and I love her because of that. BUT she is not my "Mother". She did not nurture me, encourage me, empower me, accept me, or love me unconditionally.... I did that for myself!! ❤❤❤ There is such freedom in that inner work and realization. It makes dealing with her so much easier because I have no emotional investment in that relationship.
My therapist: You have to learn to accept the lifestyle the person chooses for themselves. You can't force them to change, even if they could.
This applies to nearly everything. It doesn't mean you have to keep said person in your life or to what degree, just that you cant make people change, but you can do something about how you choose to handle them. I've distanced myself from some family, cutoff others, and accepted my mom couldn't be a 'normal mom'. other women raised me, my mom kept me alive till i was 13. i do love her, but not in the 'traditional' way, i don't see her as my mother.
@@slaternapier1640 Yes, Slater. Completely understand you. As a highly sensitive empath I always felt like I never belonged in my family. My mother was not the type of mother I personally needed to grow and thrive. Non-maternal, she often said that if she were young again ... she wouldn't get married or have children. Many years of personal work... I finally realized... no matter how well, or how often I explained myself... it was never going to make a difference to her and thus her behaviour wouldn't change. I did finally accept that she is on her own path that she has chosen, for reasons of her own... even if she is unaware of it. Like you said. I can choose how I act/react, and what I think. I don't have to buy into her BS anymore. I'm sorry your mom passed. Unfortunately I often think... when my mother passes... I'll finally be free. However... I also know that this is not the truth unless I do the inner work to let go of her hold over me.
My middle sister is a narcissist! My mother finally accepted this and it was heartbreaking.
My eldest sister passed in 2019 and now she is quasi-mourning her second child due to what did to her and my father.
She committed psychological elder abuse by confusing them and making them believe I was stealing because we took her Power of Attorney away. She invited them to her house and had them so upset and confused that they believed her.
I’m their primary care giver and have stopped my life to help them and have put easily $50,000 into their home, medical care, bills etc.
When she brought them home, she stayed in the car and was about to make a grand entrance but not before my mother asked where some insurance money was to which I quickly pulled out of an envelope and placed in front of her. Her eyes were the size of saucers because she was told money was being taken out for the screening and pool. My mother realized my sister had been playing them for two days. (So many other horrendous things she did but TMI)
My father walked outside a screamed at her to leave.
She was so hellbent to have power she emotionally and psychologically messed up my parents.
I need to put this on Reddit.
Narcissists will destroy everything and everyone including themselves in the end.
Okay but wth is quasi-mourning?
@@indeeditiscirro She’s not dead, but she’s not the same daughter in her heart. She broke my mother’s heart by abusing them.
My parents have zero plans to stay with her again.
Sorry you have to go through this... especially for your parents !
@@HandyMind Thanks. I’m upset she hurt them so deeply. They thought she wanted to spend time with them because she loved them, instead it was all about her trying to get the Power of Attorney back. She drove them to the bank to put herself on on their account.
This insurance money in one account, must be used on the house. Why would I take that money?!
We had to then go back into the bank and change that old account because we knew she would never willingly go into the bank and have herself be removed. The banker was confused and remarked, “You say she’s sick but she was capable of walking into the bank”. We replied “there’s a difference between being physically sick and mentally sick”.
It took my mother 4 days to get back to normal. She was walking around in a haze.
My father is done with her completely. She had the audacity to scream at him on the phone and he just hung up on her.
I’m sorry I started going off again. We all are just disgusted with her.
This is so heartbreaking.
She even went out to dinner with her alcoholic boyfriend and left them at her house! They never invited them to dinner!
Now that’s CRAZY! Invite your parents over and then go out to dinner with your boyfriend who you live with.
@@AimeeAimee444 my heart aches for your parents. My grandma passed away few days ago and she was abused and taken advantage of! My mom and aunt tried and did all they could to help her and get back at the abuser... thank god, we were there for her and supported them, but I get it : it is mentally challenging and tiring to have to defend a loved one from someone of your own family.
Hope your parents will get better. XO
The moment my sister gets her wedding next year, these crash course lessons from Judge Charlotte shall come in handy.
With the daughter story I absolute love that reddit comment. Really in the end it matters what OP wants. He is absolutely justified in not going and paying for the wedding, but just the same as his daughter would have to deal with that consequence for inviting her uncle and aunt, he also has the outcomes of that situation. It's all about seeing what you want, if you are okay with that (which is ultimately really healthy and what I would do as much as it would hurt) then do it, OP should be aware of the doors that he is closing too.
That's a pretty big day to not show up for your child just because she wants a relationship with an uncle who did nothing to her. Expecting her to play a part in his disowning of his brother is unfair and completely disregards the fact that it's still her uncle no matter which way you cut it. He can feel how he wants to feel, but taking out his feud with his brother on her has no consequences for the uncle. Just his relationship with his daughter.
If by going the daughters logic, when she gets a kid, then the kid is allowed to have a relationship with their grandpa since it should have been soooooo long and she should be able to move on.
@@Trinigmatic❤totally agree !!!
@@sonnetsoftheapocalypsewhen the kid is grown. No fun cute years for pop pop that’s what he deserves
@Trinigmatic Absolutely not. Everyone has boundaries and should be respected. His trust of his own brother was broken when he and his wife decided to cheat so logically he doesn't want anything to do with them. There are alot of things that happen that you can't just "forgive and forget, haha." Her having a relationship with them is one thing but forcing her dad to is another. Cutting someone out of your life is CUTTING someone out forever, if she wants a relationship with her daddy uncle so much they can both can pay for the wedding OR even her biological mom.
It's so upsetting that the daughter is forcing her dad to choose between violating his boundaries or having her stay in his life, JUST BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE AROUND HIS BROTHER. Imagine how insane she would be if her husband cheated on her with someone in her family. Then be told "get over it, that's ancient news. I talked to them and they are nice people. So you are clearly overreacting" Like BFFR
After hurting from a recent break up from a guy I saw a future with, Charlotte and her content always helps me feel a bit better about things, life is hard but there’s people like charlotte who make the world a little brighter 😊
Sorry to hear. Youll find the right fit one day
that last one is so sad. that bride was in a horrible traumatic accident and she had the opportunity to remove a reminder of something so terrible. her husband is a damn good man for how he handled her scars and being so supportive of her throughout all that bs with his mother. i hope they stay happy for their whole lives.
My heart goes out to the bride in the last story. It's so very sad that she wasn't supported by her future MIL. My husband's family are very devout Christians. We got married when I was four months pregnant. Everyone knew I was pregnant. Not one said anything mean to me or my husband, and I could see how that would be considered indecent. This bride isn't even doing anything indecent. Just doing something for herself that hurts no one else.
I love the way the grooms-to-be stood up for their future brides, the one who wouldn't allow his brother to propose at the wedding against his bride's wishes, and the one who understood his bride's unease about her scars. Both of those guys sound like total keepers!! 💜💖🙌👏
Douche
Canoe!!!
I LOVE IMAGINATIVE FUN INSULTS!!!
That trumps someone being called a Rat On Acid 😂🤣😂🤣
Never give someone who is demanding part of your life and your celebrations in life any wiggle room. Just Say No! It’s one word and stick to it. As soon as you start to “explain” and “justify” you’ve lost. Especially when you’re 100% in the right and someone is gaslighting you. Just say NO!
As for Narcs like the brother, and the mother sadly, outting them is the BEST way to finish it. They can’t gaslight you and others when you just put the truth out there. Love it! 👏🏻👏🏻
Sarah, wherever you are, I'm so happy you were able to have reconstructive surgery and I hope you felt as beautiful as you are during your wedding.
What parents sometimes fail to understand is that when your child grows up and decides to get married, they are not joining another family and their spouse is not joining yours. The couple is starting their own family. If they decide to include you and show respect, that is a gift to you, the parents, and extended family.
That depends on the culture I believe
@@chrisdu4107 Agreed. Many cultures still expect married children to care for and live with the in laws
Yeah in my culture almost every wedding they have this speech about how its not two people joining together but two families, like I get what they're saying but still
They can expect all they want but that doesn't mean they have to receive that which is expected. I set firm boundaries with my narcissistic father all the time and I teach him how to treat me, I intend to teach my kids the same skills. ❤
In a perfect world, marriage should join two families together by that union. Unless the married couples leave their families behind, they are still joining into each others families.
The problem is with parents whom don’t respect boundaries, that the couple is now their own little family, and their need to control the marriage, (and also child rearing) is not their place.
I had to pause and applaud when you spoke about people not being okay with others changing their body but being okay that the persons body was changed from an accident. Well said.
I know my comment probably won't get seen, but I just wanted to say that your videos are the highlight of my day. I've been going through some issues lately and I saw one of your videos on Facebook. I watched some on there, but since then have popped over here to RUclips and am happily subscribed. You truly brighten up any foul mood I've ever been in. I love how you have been consistent in your personality--there's not much difference between the 'you' in videos from two years ago to the 'you' now. The little voices (my favorite is "RESEARCH!!!") and the "absolutely nots" and how you can laugh at yourself and everything else is spot on. (That's not to say that you're boring and always the same--you really only just get better.) To me, the fact that you are the same person whenever you're recording tells me that you're really that amazing person, on-camera and off, and it makes you a top-notch content creator. So, basically, thank you for being you and for creating the videos that you do. You're an amazing positive influence.
The last story warmed my heart, because this man truly cares about his fiancé & has stood by her
the thing i find interesting about the brother cheating with the girlfriend story is that the family was unwilling to cut off or punish the brother in any way for having an affair with the guy's girlfriend, but they can't wait to cut him off for not paying for the daughter's wedding. i guess the brother is the favourite son and gets whatever he wants.
Expecting your family to cut your brother off over cheating is wild tbh. It's a shitty thing to do, but that's an insane expectation.
In their culture, the father is expected to pay for half of the wedding. If he doesn’t, of course the whole family will be angry/embarrassed, upset.
@@chadmaison4220 why is that wild? it was not just cheating, it was betrayal and broke a member of the family.
I think he needs to get therapy to work out his feelings or try to forgive. I wonder if the brother apologized and he just does not want to forgive him. Holding a grudge for 20+ years is ridiculous to me. My mom was cheated on by my biological and doesn't hold a grudge it has been 30+ years since their divorce and both have been remarried.
@@loveeeliiie maybe - we don't have any information other than that the brother had an affair and then married a girl the dad was seeing. We don't know how serious that relationship was, if the dad was an abusive partner, if they were maybe, like, eighteen years old, etc etc... Yes cheating is horrible but real life often isn't black and white (I still think the dad is definitely entitled to choose to never speak to his brother again, wedding or no wedding, unrelated to what the rest of the family chooses)
I loved all the NTA men in these wedding dramas. The first for standing up to his narcissist brother (and unintentionally showing the brother's girlfriend what a red flag he was, and subsequently involving her in the wedding party because she is a decent person). Also, clearly the mother favours the narcissist brother, so no loss not having her at the wedding, either. The second, because he's standing up for his morals, beliefs and boundaries. How awful would it be to have to see the woman who cheated on you at every single family event with your brother? Clearly the family favoured that brother, as well, and if the daughter can't appreciate how uncomfortable that makes her father and values the brother's attendance more... well, really, do you want/need a relationship with someone like that, daughter or no? And the final story, because he clearly adores his fiancee/wife however she looks, but was eager to give her the bonus so she could feel better in herself. If the mother can't see that, who wants someone like that at the wedding?
But did his daughter have anything to do with her uncle doing that? No. It's about her wedding. Not so someone doesn't like.
She could have the uncle attend via zoom. 😊
@@7614Kids why does her wedding have to involve daddy’s money? No one’s stopping her from having a wedding. Get another job if you have to. You can scrape up money for yourself. This was a clear betrayal of trust, and the daughter was being super entitled. Like one of the comments said, if she loves her uncle/aunt so much, she can ask them for money. She doesn’t get to have her cake and eat it too.
Edit: just cuz it’s her wedding, doesn’t mean she gets to actively make other people uncomfortable by willingly inflicting pain on them with her actions.
Agreed!! It was a breath of fresh air seeing all these good supportive men out here, and it did help with my faith in men lolol.
I saw a video of a wedding reception where the bride set up her sister at the bouquet toss, walked over and just handed to her, then turned her around to see her boyfriend down on one knee!!
It was really BEAUTIFUL ❤️❤️❤️
I cried instantly!
I must be just totally odd, because I would absolutely LOVE to share my happy wedding day with a good friend or family member who wants to propose to their lover!
If they're down, so am I!
Spreading the love with MORE LOVE!❤️
Yeah, but he was doing it out of spite and not love. If it's love, I'm down!!
Saw that video also!
@@AllyBubblesSpriggs right?!
He was just being an absolute a-hole!
Refused to respect the couples wishes is just selfish AF!!!
Nobody wants to be proposed to under THOSE circumstances!!!
You can't start an engagement like THAT, and have any hope at all for a healthy, respectful and communicative marriage!
I’m with you!! However it is a very taboo topic. And even suggesting so could lose you a relationship. Unfortunately. But I love sharing. I have 15 siblings and many kids and nieces and nephews myself. ❤
I love children and animals and proposals anytime.
The more the merrier 😊
Yeah, I would definitely be down and at that point hopefully, I will be too drunk on champagne to care lol
The one with the dad not paying for the wedding, I agree with him in this case. At first I thought well it’s been 20 years but they both moved on and married other women and had kids and such, so maybe he should let it go for that one day. Then they said the brother married that ex and she’d be there and that totally changed everything. No way should he have to deal with being with his cheating ex and the brother that betrayed him. I honestly can’t believe the daughter is not on his side. If it were my dad, I would totally be behind him in this matter.
My toxic family tried to say that the word boundaries is a "therapy term" (it's not) because they don't like the fact that I have boundaries. 😂😂😂
Last story, I'd have asked the mom if her son was in a horrible accident and was disfigured but then had plastic surgery to remove excess scar tissue. Would she have a problem? Watch her change her tune because it's her son and not the fiancé. Stay safe and stay awesome 💜
Let me be clear, I don't condone the mother's behavior, but there are some religions that believe it's wrong to alter your body no matter the reason.
@@tamarafisher1552 even if you believe that for yourself for religious reasons it doesn’t give you an excuse to judge someone else for doing what they want to their body so they can feel more confident and be happy if other people being happy makes you that upset you have issues calling someone who was in a horrible accident that left them with scars they chose to remove “immoral” and trying to convince someone to not marry them because of it is disgusting religious or not
Medical plastic surgery is 100% in a different category from cosmetic surgery.
WTF!? My mom had breast reconstruction after her mastectomy. Not having her breasts honestly set her into a depression because she didn’t look like herself, but it was a life saving operation. Having her reconstruction, while it isn’t the same, made her feel more herself and helped her self esteem.
🩷🩷🩷
Why is it that in these stories... people only ever think of taking revenge on only the one side getting married, but never think of what they're doing to the other person getting married?
The story with the Father of bride and traitorous daughter:
One of the comments read said that as long as he was ok not being invited to all the future events. Etc. Etc.
But, by the daughters logic. Surely simply not paying nor attending an event wouldn't measure to the cheating that took place. So, by that, after a year or so it'll be the "past" and she should let it go.
This is for the story with the Dad and his daughter / his brother: He should just say to her that he won't pay for the wedding but the money he was going to pay will instead go towards a down payment for their first home. It means she will still get the money, he sticks to his boundaries and he's still supporting his daughter. His daughter can't say he took that money from her and it's another form of parenting because OP is doing what he said he was going to if she chooses to disregard her Dad's feelings.
The thing about that plastic surgery is not about changing her appearance, it’s about going back to the way she naturally looked!
Exactly, not that I have an issue with plastic surgery, but this would be more reconstructive surgery if anything as she is putting herself back to how she was before a traumatic car crash. What is wrong with some people?
Oh wow, that last one though!!! I was born with a cleft lip and my mom encouraged me and told me I was still beautiful, but I never felt it, because at school I was always made fun of cause of it and it hurt my heart and I've cried so many years of my life away!! And yes, I did get surgery to fix it a little, and I HAD TO get my nose done because of sinus problems!!! Now I'm 36, HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A BEAUTIFUL 3YO DAUGHTER and I cannot even put into words how happy I am now!! Love you, Charlotte and thank you do much for these girl, you have me so weak!!!😂
My daughter, 4, was born with a cleft. She's had all the needed surgeries so far, is gorgeous, bright and so fun! I do worry about self esteem issues in the future. I worry that I'll do something wrong! Is there anything you wish your mom did/didn't do? Any way you could have been more supported? Were you ever teased by uncles/aunts/grandparents? My brother can be a bit dense in social situations and my family can occasionally take teasing just that little bit too far. Should I preempt any of that? She had a bilateral cleft, so I keep hoping that maybe, since it is symmetrical, people will just generally think her nose is a little flat and not tease her. I don't know. I guess I'd just love some advice if you have any!
Also, now all I can think of is this monster-in-law from the video calling my daughter immoral for having plastic surgery 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Like, yeah, this girl started her surgeries at 5 months old. She's crazy indecent!!
@@Ottermamapoeia aawww, thank you so much, and my mom and dad did the total best they could, I am the baby of 4, I got 2 older brothers and an older sister, and they ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL special, and have NEVER made fun of my looks or my lip and I've appreciated that over the years!!!! People can be so mean nowadays, and when I went to school, yes, I got made fun of A LOT and yes, it hurt my heart to its deepest, but that's life!! My mom taught me the whole sticks and stones thing, ya know, lol, but it still hurt me when people used to stare and as I got older, I realize beauty is only skin deep, and God, Jesus, my family are all going to love me no matter what I look like, and looks are gonna fade as you get older, but keeping a GOOD HEART is the most important thing!!! I'm happily married and gotta 4yo daughter of my own, and it scares me too about her future!! She is so beautiful and I don't want her to cover that beauty up with makeup either!!! The world we live in now, is NOT the world we grew up in, in the 80s and 90s!! It's a whole different ballgame out there!!! But when and if she gets bullied and comes home crying, just comfort her and be there for her and tell her she's so amazingly beautiful no matter what anybody Says!!!!!
Only Charlotte can make wedding drama so funny to watch. I swear she deserves an award just for that. 😂❤️
Agreed😂
I swear she's the only react RUclipsr that I watch
@@azure5273Same. I'm subscribed to her and Mr. Ballen. That's it.
My mother always said "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. That said you can choose who you spend your time with. Those people are your real family."
As someone who had plastic surgery years ago, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m happy for that woman, and good on her now husband for standing up for her.
Hearing some of these wedding stories makes me appreciate the bond I have with my in-laws even more!
Thank you for standing up for people who want to change their bodies. I had a nose job 10+ years ago. It was something that always made me self-conscious (classmates literally made fun of my nose) and it's not something I could change with makeup or exercise. I wish I had done it 10 years sooner!
When my twins were born in 1995 they were sideways so the C-section had to be vertical & was quite large (unlike the typical smaller horizontal incisions) after all the dieting & exercise in the world I was still left with a substantial "pouch" of skin mothers of twins will often have + a vertical scar so I looked like a had a "butt in front". My husband was always wonderful just saying how beautiful I am. Several years later I was invited to a Girl's spa weekend in Napa Valley by some new friends & I was so excited to go until I found out it was a naked spa. This typically wouldn't bother me & even I was surprised by how upset I became by the realization that others were going to see me. I had been in denial about how much this had been affecting my self esteem & confidence.
Me & my "2nd butt" ended up going, and sharing that I would be having a tummy tuck later that month. That was in 2001, and over 20 years later I can still say it was the best decision ever. Me & my "forever flat" stomach are very happy.
13:29
plastic surgery for reconstruction or scar removal is the ENTIRE point of it... it's not like she's having it done to 'enhance' something or trying to recapture her 'youth'... it's to restore her natural look after an accident.. IF ANYTHING, this is the most MORAL reason to have it done in the first place.... the mother is just insane and doesn't need to be anywhere near you or your S.O. or any children you end up having... and if your father sides with her on this, you need to get out of business with him and cut him out of your life as well....
Charlotte, I’m so happy to see you! I’ve had an awful few days sick in bed waiting for an operation and you have cheered me up so much. Love from England ❤
My husband has a narcissistic, manipulative brother who is 15 and 13 years younger than he and his sister and the entire family dances to his tune. My husband and I met and married in our late 50’s. My husband wanted to wear a tux and asked his brother to be best man. His brother agreed and when we went to the tux shop with him, he already informed us that he had picked out the one he wanted and chose the color of the tie. My husband was upset, feeling that he should be able to have first pick, but I told him, it was fine, we can find one that works best for him, which we did. The brother was arguing with the shop because he refused the advice on the size and I shrugged. I knew that he would be in an ill-fitting tux and didn’t care. The ONLY thing that my husband asked was for his brother give a speech. His brother did not do that, nor did he sign the marriage certificate. Their dad officiated as he is an ordained minister. In the last 8 years my husband and his dad have both realized that they don’t have to accept the narcissist’s terms and realize that they can accept or reject his demands when he is being manipulativev. My husband accepts that his brother is only concerned about himself and is happier when he limits his time with him. They would get together and spend time to watch a game but my husband would always be so upset when he got home, I just pointed out that his brother wasn’t going to change and that one can only change your own reaction and behavior with that type of people. They make plans to meet at a restaurant of his brother’s choice, at a time his brother chooses, but always arrives 30-45 minutes or more late. The brother wants a drink and appetizers, but you can’t order the main course even if one requests the server to hold off submitting the order. The brother flies into a rage if you suggest that. While ordering, he tells you what you should order and criticizes you if you choose differently. The entire ordeal is not enjoyable and compromise is not in the brother’s life for any shared experience. The sister and her husband get frustrated but continue to meet his demands. We once waited 45 minutes in the heat in a Wal-mart parking lot (dictated by the brother)because the brother refused to tell us where we were going to eat. I told my husband to call his brother and cancel and we could eat somewhere on our own. I don’t dislike his brother, but I don’t have to subject myself to ridiculous demands. Once my husband took a step back and realized that he wouldn’t have friends who treat him like this, he was able to realize that it wasn’t friendship as much as control.
You have far more patience than I would have I would be upset if my husband's brother treated him this way. I understand it's his brother and wants a relationship with him but that doesn't justify his actions. I'm glad he realized and that you are there to support him
@@JINXIENG I called him out once for his behavior in front of the family and he avoids me ever since. The brother and his dad lived 3 hours away and the sister lived 3 hours away in a distant city. The brother was bringing dad to the sister’s house and we were bringing dad home with us. The brother had been given tickets to a basketball game in our city and had planned on coming to our city and the 4 of us attend. He said that he changed his mind and wasn’t going to go but that we still could attend. The tickets? Oh, he hadn’t brought them. Nobody said anything. I then stated the obvious and said how could we go without the tickets? The look on his face as he was trying to process being called out and coming up with an answer that would be civil was priceless. I broke the family rule by never mentioning the elephant in the room. Several months after that his brother made arrangements for a family get together and my husband was painting a room for a friend and wanted a quick shower but would be 5-10 minutes late so he called to let him know. He had him on speakerphone and his brother started cursing him out and told him ‘I don’t need no effing brother’. I took the phone and told him that was inappropriate and I wasn’t going to allow him to speak to him that way and his response was ‘I don’t have to talk to you.’ I just said, no you don’t and promptly hung up. Their dad was with us so he would have missed out on the planned outing. I had previously chosen not to go since supposedly it was for a local school football game. My husband went as is splattered in paint and they made it exactly on time but his brother said that my husband ruined it and decided that they would go to a bar instead. My FIL is a pastor who had never been to a bar and doesn’t drink so was a totally inappropriate place. The sister and her husband were there and they and the brother enjoyed themselves. My FIL later told me he was uncomfortable the entire time I and I shared the encounter and it was punishment because he knew my husband would be upset by it but wouldn’t say anything to him directly. I think that the 2 of them finally realized that he had no consideration for their feelings and that they don’t have to be victims. I know that the brother resents me but it doesn’t bother me because I don’t have to deal with him so consider it a win. My husband has learned to set limits and does miss spending time with him but understands that his brother enjoyed the manipulation more than the time together. My SIL complains about the behavior and I said that she has a choice, but she doesn’t want to upset the brother. One of her daughters is the same way so always is trying to please them both. Luckily, they all live 3 hours away so can remain detached. I really don’t have much patience and as I told my husband that I had gotten fine without his brother for 57 years at the time, that I was sure to get along without him. It’s his brother’s choice to avoid me and once the family was gathering at my house and he called my BIL from outside and asked him to be out front because he wouldn’t come inside. I guess he expected everyone to stand next to his car the entire evening. I didn’t comment and didn’t do anything because I just don’t care. Come inside or not, not my problem and only my BIL went outside. My non reaction allowed everyone else to do the same, so the brother finally decided to come inside since he didn’t get his audience.
@@tastx3142 sounds exhausting and like you said its good that he didn't get an audience since attention is all he craves. He acts like a child. I hope your husband is no longer conflicted about hanging out with his brother and I hope you don't budge and keep doing what you are doing
The last one about the plastic surgery made me want to flip a table. I've had plastic surgery twice. Like Sarah, it was corrective surgery.
I was born with a lazy eye. While I don't really have much vision in the eye, my family had it corrected when I was very young.
Fast forward to when I was a high school senior, I broke my nose very badly. Once again, it was corrected because...yanno...being able to breathe properly is a thing.
If it is immoral to fix things that we perceive as 'broken', why else do we do things like setting a broken arm, having surgery to remove a gallbladder, or any other surgery?
That mother is batshit.
That first story was a doozy, I LOVED IT. OP’s brother is insane
What I’m curious about is what did the brother say that got people on his side. He either left stuff out or twisted up the details cause OP did get apologies from members that got the other side of the story
Also found it funny that the brothers girlfriend dumped him over this and then became a bridesmaid. I love that for them
0:05 every time i go back to this video. this part never fails to make me burst in laughter. i love Sharklotte! and Judge Charlotte. 😂😂😂
5:36 the fact that his brother keeps blaming him shows what a narcissist his brother truly is
Good Morning Petty Potatoes! ❤
Good morning fellow potato! 🩷
Time to get out petty potato on!! 😂
Good morning ❤☺️
Good morning ❤❤❤
Good morning! Let’s gooooo!
10:56 I understand the dad not wanting to pay for the wedding that he can't attend but also… Do you want to be right or do you wanna be happy? If he doesn't change his mind about the wedding he will never be able to reclaim that relationship.
These edits were hilarious today! ⭐⭐GREAT JOB, EDITORS!!!!⭐⭐
In the story about the fiance who got plastic surgery, it seems to me that his mother was just fishing for a reason not to "allow" her son to marry this girl. She probably didn't like her in the first place, but didn't have a good reason. She also knows that her son can think for himself and she doesn't like that.
10:18 The girl clearly has absolutely no respect for her father but still expects him to pay for the wedding? No sweetie, it doesn’t work like that.
Time to decide whose presence you’d value more at your wedding, your father or your cheating uncle, because you clearly can’t have both! If your loyalty lies with your a**hole of an uncle then that makes you an a**hole too 🤷🏻♀️
I just felt I need to leave a comment here. I have been a LONG time subscriber & NEVER miss an episode. I'm also old enough to be your mother & am a proud Texan. Rarely have I ever come across someone who has as much common sense & great sense of humor as you do. I only had sons, who thankfully also have common sense & humor, but if I had had a daughter, I'd definitely want her to be a whole lot like you. Common sense, as you know, isn't so common. Neither is a good sense of humor, the ability to navigate this crazy world, or bring so much joy into the lives of others. You, my dear, handle it all with grace & ease. Thank you for all that you do & all that you bring to us. Please never stop. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
This is such a lovely comment 💕💕💕
That last story made my blood pressure touched the sky. OMG people like the mother were never taught to be respectful of others.
THE PETTY POTATO QUEEN STRIKES AGAIN WITH TOP NOTCH FRIDAY FAMILY DRAMA!!! YAAAAAAS QUEEN!!!
thank you for my daily dopamine & serotonin ❤❤❤❤
IM OBSESSED😍
I did a wedding where the SIL got engaged at the wedding. The bride and groom were in on it, and it was awesome. They had such a celebration. If the bride and groom are in on it and in agreement, it can be very memorable.
0:35 I’ve seen some videos of couples having fun, celebrating when the girl says yes, and even participating in the whole thing. Some people are really really cool with it, so I think it’s fine, as long as both parties are *100%* aware and okay with it, but nothing less.
For the first story, if the brother had made SUCH a fuss and then actually proposed?!? She would have been so uncomfortable, and then she would have to realize everyone else already knew, and not only did everyone know but they were all already pissed about it? Now through no fault of her own, even people on the internet are invested enough to plan to ruin HER wedding with an announcement?! Her breaking up with him was the ONLY option that made any sense 🤦♀️
@@KonekoPurrrfection A lot of times, that is EXACTLY what is going on.
I'm getting married tomorrow and have binged your channel all week. Lucky for us, no drama
Congratulations! 🍾🎊🎉
I have become addicted to your videos Charlotte. They have helped me so much. I’ve been happily married for over 15 years. We had a very small ceremony. Of course, I had always dreamed of having a fairytale wedding but my husband is very shy. This was also his second wedding. I didn’t want to push because his first marriage was a disaster and at 38, I just wanted to marry the love of my life. So we compromised. I got my white dress, veil with tiara and bouquet. He wore dress clothes. My bridesmaids were his daughters. We had a lovely backyard ceremony by the pool and my father walked me down the “aisle”. No other guests and my aunt-in-law performed the ceremony as she has for all my cousins. Every once in awhile, I regret it. Not getting married, the small ceremony. That is, until I started watching your videos. I am so GLAD now that we just did a small one. It’s about the marriage anyway and not the ceremony. Love you! Keep up tue fantastic work calling out entitled ppl. ❤
I might be the only 1 but I think it's a lovely idea for the brothers to share that memory. It could be done once all the speeches, cake cutting, 1st dances etc are over.
Dude refusing to pay for his daughters wedding didn’t make him an ah, but telling her he would not attend, did. You can’t control your child’s desire to want to know their family, including those who have caused you harm, that’s life. She shouldn’t have invited the uncle, that made her the ah…. But he will never get a redo to walk his daughter down the aisle.
For the gentleman who paid for how wife to be plastic surgery I give you a standing ovation. She has her confidence and self assurance taken from her and you were helping her get it back. Women are always trying to enhance or change their actual looks with make up so I really don't see the difference. Hope his mother doesn't wear any makeup or false nails or dye her hair.
People who don't respect boundaries HATE when you stand by boundaries you've clearly set 11:34 !
OK, so this was a good video because I actually have thoughts on every single story.
Story 1: not the a-hole. Sounds like his mother has a favorite child, and it is not OP. Sounds like it is well consider your brother’s feelings he has to be the center of attention. It’s not all about you you know on your wedding day. That mother and brother, and go ride into the sunsets together.
Story 2: while I think not the a-hole for not wanting to pay. I do think that not attending your daughters wedding is going to be something that he will regret. Hopefully your daughter only gets married once. That’s one chance to walk your daughter down the aisle, & share in one of the biggest moments in her life. Something that happened 20+ years ago shouldn’t stop you from that. You don’t have to like your brother or want anything to do with your ex, but if those two were actually still together 20 years now- you and that girl were meant to be. I’m not saying have a relationship with your brother who did that to you because that’s a pretty shitty thing to do but don’t let that ruin father daughter dance moment. That’s just my thoughts.
Story3: if anyone said what his mother said for any. Reason in that situation there would be some heated words exchanged with a big FU. Oh, does she think burn victims who have skin graphs which is plastic surgery is indecent? It’s not like she had a facelift or a boob job. How can people be so dense? There would need to be major, apologies and kissing butt to have her anywhere near my significant other.
Re: Reconstructive Surgery: As someone who has had significant scarring. It hurts your self image and it's a constant reminder of the accident/injury. Having that no longer be apart of your mind is so wonderful.
She deserved to be uninvited and deserves to have zero contact until she can give Sarah a true apology.
@ that last one - it was also to cover the scar from the accident