wild AITA family drama that's got me fired up - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- wild AITA family drama that's got me fired up - REACTION
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Oh, dear viewers, you are in for a treat today! Charlotte Dobre is back, and she's diving headfirst into some epic AITA (Am I The A**hole) family drama that'll have you doubled over in laughter and disbelief! 😂👀
In this rollercoaster of a video, Charlotte takes you on a wild journey through some of the most jaw-dropping and side-splitting AITA family stories on the internet. From the uncle who tried to borrow money to invest in a time-traveling Delorean to the cousin who thought they were the next Picasso, these tales are absolute gold! 💰🕰️🎨
Get ready to gasp, giggle, and guffaw as Charlotte dissects these uproarious family conflicts like the pro she is! Her reactions are priceless, and her commentary is pure comedy gold. 🤣🌟
So grab your favorite snack, hit that subscribe button, and let's spill the family drama tea together with Charlotte Dobre. It's like a soap opera, but with more laughter and fewer commercial breaks! ☕🍿💥
Don't forget to drop your thoughts and stories in the comments below. We know you've got some wild family tales too, and we want to hear them! Make sure to ring that notification bell, because more AITA hilarity is coming your way soon. 🛎️🤪👏
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If you want to submit a story anonymously, you can do so using the following links:
*DISCLAIMER* Due to a high volume of submissions, there is no guarantee that we will feature your story in a video. By submitting your story, you give me, Charlotte Dobre, the right to feature it in a video.
AITA - Where I decide if you're the AH or not ;) - bit.ly/3Wds7w6
Petty Revenge ! - bit.ly/3PwAUHl
Entitled People Stories - bit.ly/3FtDB83
Crazy Wedding Stories ! - bit.ly/3j1Xonu
Caught A Cheater ? - bit.ly/3FTyFuI
In-Laws From HELL ! - bit.ly/3YqjReg
Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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As a long term cancer patient, I wouldn't care if she was helping because she "smelled the money". She helped during the most horrific time. She deserved it. A young lady, who is now my best friend even though she's 25 and I'm 42, was here for us. She worked for me when she was in high school and I became good friends with her parents. She was here all the time. She even took me to chemo. When she got into college, she took a light course load twice so she could do school, work, and be here at night to help with dinner and the kids. She did this all for free. I'm now 4 years out from my last treatment and she's so important to us. I clean her house once a week because she's a new mom and doing her masters. I keep her baby, 8 months old, for free. I was a highly qualified teacher specializing in early childhood. She did this out of the goodness of her heart and I will be here to do for her as long as I can
Wow. That's awesome. Glad you recovered and are able to help her, too.
How lucky that you both found each other! Treasure relationships like that -- there are good people in this world. And congrats on kicking cancer!
Beautiful story ❤️
You two are each other’s blessings. ✨🤍✨
Now this story REALLY put a big smile on my face! I'm so glad the Universe brought the to of you together! Most times the BEST Family aren't the ones we are biologically related to!🥰
The last story is so triggering for me! My dad was one of 6 children adopted by my grandparents. The youngest girl C was the favorite. She is also a train wreck. She's been married 8 times, been in and out of jail for drugs and prostitution. She always got bailed out when she got herself in a mess. So when my grandparents died they left instructions for my dad who was the eldest and executor of their will. C's money was put in his care because she would blow it and his instructions were to use it for her care for as long as he could and not tell her how much there was. He managed it and invested it when she was in jail for several years and made the money go much farther than it could have. I was brought up knowing the situation and dad prepared me take care of C's money should anything happen to him. He passed from cancer a few years ago and I have been the one dealing with C because dad didnt want her bugging my mom. She gets a weekly allowance that as far as she knows comes out of my moms pocket and shes ok with this. In fact she is constantly asking for more. Little does she know the money runs out next year and I will go down fighting that she does not get a penny of my moms. Her entitlement angers me daily!
The story with the entitled son. My brother was and is still like this. He works but still likes to take vacations and spend beyond his means. When my parents were alive they gladly paid off his bills so he could go on vacations or buy cool stuff with his money. Now that they are deceased he expects his sisters to give him money. At 58 he is learning they no one will give you money, even family. Anything inherited went into Disneyland, new cars and other vacations. A year later he has nothing left and needs money to live again. Mommies money doesn’t last forever
I’m 33 and on a fixed income. Sometimes there’s an unexpected expense and I have to borrow money from my parents, but I ALWAYS pay back and can’t fathom borrowing money and then use it on something it wasn’t intended for. People have no shame.
She can’t expect them to miss half their day for her.
Story 3: NTA, if you need help covering your bills, you should not be giving money to anyone else while accepting help. Also how old are these parents? Assuming they had both of you before they turned 30, they can't be older than like 60, and should still be working, provided they are not disabled.
I agree w/ the mother and the pumpkin patch w/ the DIL. She needed it put to her that way. If her daughters already addressed then it needed to be put bluntly. I'm a bit overweight, something I've struggled w/ my whole life. I've also been thin, but no matter what weight I am I've never had an issue walking all day if needed. I would never expect anyone to wait for me if I did. It's inconsiderate to ruin everyone else's time.
I think the woman and aunt had a miscommunication. The aunt thought that she refused to help her parents because they gave money to her brother in the past, and she can't let go of it and help them now. She did not mention that she was willing to help them out if they agree to be accountable for it in that convo.
Have her heart checked...I was getting tired all the time. Walk several miles a day with my dog. Got rid of a lot of weight too. Something screwed up and my heart was failing and I now can't do what I use to do, takes all day to do what I used to do all day.
I'm 330lbs.. I walk .. run.. hike.. climb.. etc...I eat healthy and my only health issue is my cortisol levels. I could have a stress free weekend.. do nothing.. eat lots .. and I'll be down 20 pounds. I'm strong .. I'm never winded.. I'm just one of those fit fat people.. oh oh and not one person will think I'm 330.. they think 200-230 at most
Her wording "because of your weight" was insulting. She could've said that she isn't fit enough. Maybe that would motivate her to be more active and get healthier despite her weight.
My daughter got up over 300 lbs. She had always been active, had two young sons to chase after, yet she kept gaining weight. It took several years and went through several doctors who just said to eat healthy and exercise. That she had been doing for years. She's always been health conscious and raised her boys to eat healthy as well. After many years we finally found out that she had a condition that caused her body to think it was in starvation mode along with a rare form of leukemia. Part of her weight was do to all the ulcers they found in her stomach. They removed over 20 ulcers and a large part of her stomach and intestines. She's now down to a size 16 and after they remove all the excess skin, she'll likely be a size 12-14. She still fights fatigue but feels so much better. Never judge someone overweight, you don't know what may be the reason for their weight. I need to say though that the overweight woman in the article sounds rude and demanding. Maybe they can do something once in a while to accommodate her, but if she still complains, then she can just stay home
Exactly this
AMEN!!!! I live w hypothyroidism, so I understand the DIL. I also have other medical problems that sometimes causes Charlie horses/muscle spasms, so sometimes I really can’t walk. My sister used to have a fluid retention problem that would cause her legs to swell and couldn’t walk a lot. It’s better now, but OP seriously doesn’t seem to know the DIL’s medical history or just doesn’t care.
In this story though if the DIL wouldn’t just take her own rests instead of needing everyone to wait with her they might not be so bitter. I have autoimmune diseases and just cannot keep up with my grown children and their kids, I have no problem just taking a seat and letting them roam on. I don’t think it’s so much weight shaming as how the DIL acted. I also wondered if she was seeking medical advice, this would be extremely important.
Thank you, I was so disappointed in Charlotte's response.
That is rare though
When my sister became engaged i was excited to stand up with her as a bridesmaid. I knew her best friend would be her MOH and didn't expect that. I just wanted to be there for my "little" sister.
I got a call at work from my Mom letting me know that I wasn't going to be invited to be a bridesmaid. When I asked why, Mom told me "Well the dresses she wants wouldn't really look good on you because of your weight" . (I was 222lbs at 5'2.5") I said I could lose the weight and she pooh pooh'd that, basically acting like I was just a lazy blob, blah blah blah.
That Saturday, I started WWers. It was late October, early November. As I said, my first weigh-in I was 222lbs. 2 weeks before the June wedding I was 135lbs. Not quite 100lbs gone but, I was 2 sizes smaller than the MOH. I absolutely enjoyed the "neener neener" feeling. 😊
Woo! Good for you! I’m letting myself live vicariously through your story and revel in the moment they realized they effed up!
Congratulations 🙌
I mean, good for you and all that, but you basically let people bully you into changing your appearance. I'm sure they feel justified in their abuse because it got you to change yourself. I'm not against losing weight, but I am against it when it isn't 100 percent because of the person doing it and not anybody else.
@@sjsimom2she clearly stated that she absolutely enjoyed the “neener neener” feeling. Surely she did it in the very least so that SHE could have that feeling. How is that not doing it for herself?! 🤷♀️
Spite is a wonderful motivator! I lost 30+ pounds last year, and have kept almost all of it off (still want to lose another 40) because I was so pissed at the ortho who told me the only reason my knee hurt as much as it did was because I was fat and lazy (not those words, but you could hear them, iykyk). So I started exercising and walking regularly and watching my food intake, and funny thing, after six months and all that weight loss, my knee hurt more than when I started.
I also started seeing a new ortho who actually listens to me and is treating the actual problems, rather than just making a snap decision and ignoring everything I tell him that doesn't fit with his preconceived diagnosis. (I've since found that the original ortho does that with many patients, especially women.)
The parents are mad at the daughter because admitting it's the son requires admitting "they" fucked up.
The son is the golden child.
Yeah, mid to late 30s for my sister and I and Mom is still making excuses for my sister's bad behavior.
yep lmao, it requires them to say "Our son is stupid and we were wrong", both things they absolutely DO NOT want to even imply, since the son is the golden child, and "wE'rE ThE PaReNTs, wE KnoW BeTTeR!"
True.
parents despise accountability
For the last story: I recently read a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and it blew my entire world open. Those parents will never see their daughter as good enough because she is independent and doesn’t rely upon them. The son is the golden child because they can enmesh with his emotional immaturity and lack of stability. If you even relate a little bit, read that book. It validated everything and made my last family reunion way smoother.
I'm going to find and read that book. Thank you so much, Internet stranger ❤️
Can you explain more regarding why they like the son?
@@Cat-hr9xp Feeling of power I guess, or look more like an actual child.
@@Cat-hr9xp according to the book, emotionally immature parents tend to bond better with emotionally immature children. They like that he needs them, they like that he's still their baby, they relate to him and understand him more than their other child.
Maybe I should give that book a read... I'm pretty much stuck in this double standard type family where my older "hypersensitive" brother is always forgiven for being verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative with my parents and myself because of his history of depression and suicidal thoughts (which he has never done anything to help himself with and get better). Me on the other end, because I'm mentally stable and have a happy life, I'm upheld to much higher standards - I should NOT get angry when my brother gets disrespectful with ME, and I'm the bad guy when I threaten to cut him out of my life. My emotional maturity means I should "forgive and forget" because I can "take it" and he can't. Yeah, it's hella unfair, and that unfairness can really eat at me whenever he's concerned.
PS: I'm fairly certain my brother is a vulnerable/covert narcissist.
As someone who is obese and also needs breaks because walking hurts my back (though usually it’s just for no more than a minute or two, genuinely), I feel for this woman. HOWEVER, I would not expect anyone to invite me to something where there is loads of walking and I wouldn’t want them to. I know it holds me back and I am trying to work on myself, but it’s a bit complicated. If someone said this to me then yes, it would hurt…but I wouldn’t blame them. She needs to have some self awareness.
I think good friends would be more than happy to encourage activity even with breaks because friendship is about valuing the person and wanting to spend time with them. Sure, maybe they don't need a break as often, but at least they can't say their friend isn't trying their best, trying to be included and spend time with them while also exercising. It's just selfishness because they don't want to make time for their friends needs.
Yes that’s why it’s about her attitude. If she was like “sorry guys I feel really bad but is it ok if I rest a few times?” Or if it’s an outing where there are other things to do and she needs to stay back on the active ones she can do so graciously. But she’s a brat about it and it can definitely be obnoxious.
Also what a stupid family to be mad because she allowed to only want to do things with her own kids sometimes! How can you be mad at that? Not everyone has to always be included.
I wonder if it's because she's only more recently gained the weight, and some denial on her part. As someone who has been overweight since 12, I know my limits and I don't try to deter anyone from enjoying their life or their outings. But maybe because it's recent, she doesn't think of herself as having limitations. It can be a hard adjustment to think of yourself as changing or different than you've always been.
@@decay6516 It depends on the attitude, somebody who always demands others to adjust everything to them, no matter the reason (like when they need to rest, every time demand from others to keep them company), will quickly be rejected and avoided. In contrast, somebody trying to find the middle ground or tries to adjust to them, like, in the example of the story, walks in the mall, goes on for coffee, while the rest of them, go their own way for half an hour, is appreciated and more welcomed than the first example.
I can appreciate what you are saying. However, I feel like they're missing what is important here, which is to spend quality time with each other. You can have perfectly fit children/friends/DIL and STILL not have enough time to squeeze in everything that you want to accomplish. I think that both the MIL and DIL ATA, because neither of them is willing to understand where the other is coming from. Maybe the MIL should suggest that they, her and the DIL, spend time together specifically catered to what she is able to do. It just seems like a cop out and validation of her being the AH. Just saying
As a woman who is disabled due to a connective tissue disorder and currently in a wheelchair, I do miss being able to participate in hikes and more active gatherings with my siblings. However, I also want my siblings and their girlfriends to have fun and experience all those things. It makes me happy to get the pictures and be remembered/ considered when they come up for a visit and we plan a mix of things I can do and things I will have to sit out. It’s all about balance. Also as the person with the most limits I try to research and find fun things we can all do or try to creatively brainstorm modifications. For example most apple picking places have a small fruit/ veggie stand or picnic tables where it’s possible to hang out while everyone else goes and picks apples. Or if getting to the farm is too much, I could ask/ give them funds to pick some apples for me too and we could all bake some apple treats together later.
In this case I think a little more self awareness from the mobility limited DIL would be very helpful AND it would be awesome if everyone could be a little more creative to come up with some ideas they could all do together.
This makes me incredibly sad. Have you told them that you miss the hikes? I'm asking because my 98 yr old grandmother who never "wants to be a bother", 🙄 she never is but has gotten it in her head she is, made a comment of "remember when we used to go this specific park and feed the ducks and walk this trail"... She is not wheelchair bound, but is very unsteady. After she made this comment, we have made it our mission to "kidnap" her once a month at a random time with her wheelchair and push her through the hiking path to feed the ducks at the end. These are some of my favorite memories. My kids will run ahead and throw sticks off the path and my husband carries a little garden shovel for if we get stuck.
Anyway, my point is, we would have never known that was something she was missing until she voiced it. To be unclear is to be unkind.
I sort of agree but also sort of disagree. We don't know why that DIL is so super overweight. There are likely multiple reasons. However, she is not able to even come along to the mall without shaming others (Yeah, sheee is allowed to do that) into staying with her and not going and enjoy themselves.
So in this case, it's a combination: There are ways for her to become mobile again, unlike a medical wheelchair user, most obese people can remedy their mobility problems by taking care of what is literally weighing them down. She decides that this is not important enough for her, has other priorities, considers it no bother, whatever. She is obviously not trying to change it. No effort. And then - combination time - she also shames others for not being as obese / mobility impaired as she is and 'flaunting' it, apparently. Giving them a bad conscience.
This is toxic and also rather self-projecting.
To be fair, even if she was slim, this behaviour wouldn't go, but obesity is a 'disability' with nuance. A lot of it. And a fair amount of that is effort. Not always, but most of the time.
@@RiesenWuschel This. For all we know, the weight is because of the issues causing her mobility problems, not the other way around. But whether the weight is a cause or a symptom, she should be interested in finding the cause and treating it, and in the meantime, not expect the entire world to rotate around her desires. If the OP and her daughters don't exclude her from everything, just the outings she is physically unable to participate in, she should get over herself.
I suspect OP and her family would be a lot more sympathetic and supportive if it appeared that the DIL was trying to find the cause and treat it, whether it is the weight or something else. It's hard to keep supporting someone with medical issues if they refuse to even see them as issues, never mind try to find ways to fix or work around them.
This was my exact suggestion when I made a comment. They need to sit down with dil before any trips get planned and explain that they want to spend quality time with her, and have it be as comfortable/accessible for her as possible and so that the others don't miss out on stuff they paid for or are trying to enjoy while trying to accommodate her needs and emotions. My thought was that they could plan almost entirely seperate trips/activities that are specifically geared towards being accommodating for her, while still having their other trips as usual. It sucks that she would miss out on the other stuff. As someone who is obese and have bone cancer in my leg I get the feeling of fomo and feeling left behind or left out, and I feel for her, but there's no sense in everyone missing out and being sad/disappointed when it's just better to make different plans that do involve her that she can enjoy with them all and not go on the other trips.
@@junoantaresofficial That is also unfair. So for her accomodations... (and we don't know if her obesity is medical) ... they have to plan twice as many trips? They do cost time and money. Why doesn't she plan outings? That smells like laziness on her part?
I used to work on a cancer floor and the family fights over money in the hallway as the person was actively dying in their room were just ridiculous.
Ugh...
Oh, not just cancer patients I'm afraid. The amount of people who blatantly disregard and to be honest in some cases you could even call it abuse their parents, only to suddenly remember them after they die and there is some sort of inheritance..... Mind boggling. I have had sooo many patients with families that really only want to toss them in the hospital and pretend like they care over the phone and say they 'can't take them home because there is no one to care for them'. Bitch, you are the one who should care for them.
That is heartbreaking.
That’s so gross
That is so sad. I love my parents so much, I can’t imagine the thought of them leaving me money even crossing my mind. Like, I will be absolutely devastated, and so will all my siblings. All of my brothers-in-law adore my mom and have a great relationship with her. They are always very generous and giving though. When I was born they didn’t even have health insurance and we’re paying my medical bills for years after. It just really sucks when families get messed up 😢
There is no shame in going to food banks when you need help. Thats literally what they exist for.
Edit; and mom needs to stop enabling her precious golden baby. Saying no would have saved everyone the headache
Food banks exist because companies don't pay a proper wage, and governments don't pay proper pensions, or supply affordable healthcare.
No shame of course, but could have been prevented if the brother didn't spend the money, and save that food to other ppl who needed it
Exactly!
@@imhelensakura mom has to learn to say no to her "golden baby" (barf)
The food banks I have gone to were pretty much picked clean by workers beforehand, were giving expired items, or had extremely bad workers. I've gotten food snatched out of my hands and put into a worker's bag because "I didn't look like I needed a can of peaches" and they claimed dibs
Here’s an idea. If you’re giving money to your parents and they’re having to go to a foodbank because they’re actually giving all the money to your brother, why not pay a company to get a weekly shop delivered to them that’s just enough for the two of them? That way, they’re not able to give him any money and then the aunt can’t have a go at you for the fact they’re ending up at a food bank…
That's actually a really good idea!
Absolutely! Pay whatever bills you wish directly. The rest is on them.
I do this with my brother. When I give him money he spends it all in his girlfriend instead of using it to buy food, now I send food via Amazon or grocery guy cards
I first thought that she should ask what ghey meeded and buy it herself (if she lived locally), but, if she couldn’t, this is a great way to do it. I’m guessing much of the money she gave them went directly to the brother. What a waste of space he is.
My thoughts exactly. I didn't consider that she might not live in the same town as them so I was thinking she could buy them groceries or give them a monthly or weekly gift card for the grocery store.
I had a sibling struggling and needing money. My parents agreed to help. She was to tell them what bills she needed help with and they paid the bills, stocked up her grocery a bit, etc. But, NEVER handed out cash
This. This is the way.
That's what I was thinking. Just have some essential groceries delivered and walk away.
That's what I was about to post. It's what I did for friends or family in need. I shopped online for their grocer or paid a bill directly to whom it was owed.. And when I was in difficulty I gave people account numbers and they could pay towards a bill directly. It worked out perfectly.
so much less messy! REally respectful of all involved.
@@CurlyCrowie
OP should just buy groceries and never trust his parents with cash ever again. If deadbeat brother needs help, he can get a job.
I had a friend who was obese and couldn't follow us in dances and outings. We knew it affected her and got together for a brainstorming session. We came up with the idea of all the group registering for weekly aquafitness lessons--knowing moving in water is easier than fighting gravity. We had great fun as a group --and in the end, our friend started enjoying moving, and got into exercising more and more. She gradually started feeling better, lost weight, and joining the group in some of our activities. She never became a slim woman, but she was certainly healthier and happier-- and if we planned something that was not possible for her to do, she would comfortably tell us "I'll sit this one out." All in all, a happy ending for all of us until she passed away.
Bro that's great, You probably already know but You are an amazing friend 💕
i’m sorry for your loss, i’m glad you and your other friends were able to share your lives, and enjoy all that you did, God bless you🙏❤️❤️🙏
That was a roller coaster. I'm not sure it's true.
Tragic to hear she passed away. You have my condolences. But I'm glad to hear that you and your friends found a solution. You sound like a good group.
Woah. How did it escalate so quickly. Is noone going to ask how she passed? I feel like a story like that needs an ending.
We used to have a neighbor who was quite well off, and I know of at least one young lady who was working as a waitress in a cafe to put herself through Nursing school at our local University. That man paid for her entire education because he admired her work ethic and positive outlook. One more! My husband worked with a guy who would mow his elderly neighbor’s yard because the man was not in good enough shape to do it himself. Well, the man died, and had no family to give his wealth to. He left his entire estate, millions of $$, to the kind man who helped him with his yard! You never know who might be your benefactor. By the way, the man with the lawnmower never knew this gentleman was wealthy.
That's a great story. Thanks!
wtf, is your post related to this?
@@JahwobblyTheir post is related to the first story in the video.
AITA for ignoring incoming calls so I can watch Charlotte’s video first? 🤭🤭🤭
U R NOT
Can confirm! You are NOT the a-hole!
Haha, we the potatos are always by her side. Charlotte FOREVER😂♥️
@@dinasilva9263👑👩🏻🦰🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔💜
Absolutely Not (Charlotte's tone)!!!!
1. I'm disabled and don't expect my friends to work around that. I do appreciate being invited, but I always make sure they fully understand my limitations. I am always happy to sit on the sidelines and watch.
Last one: she could help her parents in other ways. She could pay bills for them directly to the bank, mortgage, doctors, and utilities. If they then give Bozo money and can't buy food, NOBODY can blame her.
Except that's what they did, and she is getting blamed.
Definitely, whenever my parents need help paying for something they don't ask for cash. They ask me to pay gor the thing directly. Whether its a bill or groceries.
Yeah, I dunno about that. As a non-disabled person, my friend is included otherwise we don't do it. You don't deserve to sit on the sidelines because someone hasn't put in enough work to ensure it's accessible for you.
As an older person with serious physical limitations my sister and I jut had a driving vacation that she planned around my issues (and even then I managed to fall twice, neither requireing medical help). My health issues have meant that I've had to adapt activities and accept invitations to events based on my physical abilities, but don't expect others to adapt their activities based on my issues. I wouldn't see it as fair. I think everyone has to realze that there are limits to what they are capable of participating in and be cool with that. Not everyone is meant to be a rocket scientist, which is why my husband lets me fold the fitted sheets.
As another disabled person, I agree. They also deserve to have some fun without me dragging them down. They already include me on so many events, having 1 or 2 just for them is totally fine!
15:42 Saw something once, where the rich son in the family was expected to pay for everything, then shamed when he didn't pay. A family expense came up, and he told his family that he would match whatever everyone else put in. No one put any money in, so he didnt either, and they couldn't whine, because they didnt bother to offer a dollar either
For the overweight girl. Go see the doc make sure there isn’t something else at work for her symptoms. She may be just deconditioned from lack of exercise. I’m fat but I made a six mile high with my kids they didn’t complain when I had to stop a couple of times. I did all I could do to keep up and not be a problem.
Yes! Many people have under active or not active thyroids! Getting that cheap and non problematic medicine will set a lot of people right. I’m glad you said this, not enough people that need to, know about it.
Yeah she could have an undiagnosed medical condition or something
Or she could have a condition that makes her less mobile and contributes to her weight. It may be deconditioning and obesity, but that's not always the case and it's horrible when people jump to conclusions that result in judgement of someone who may be struggling with not only their weight but health issues that may be caused by or resulted in her being medically obese.
At 300 lbs, I set school track records, did a 50+ mile scout hike, operated speedboats, motorcycles - very active. 2 kids & single momhood later, 400 lbs and kept up with them too. Gastro issues cost me 220 lbs. Now down to 180, heart HAS taken a beating, just started thyroid meds. Let's see what happens next!
Could be PoTS when it happend after/through her pregnancy. She seemed to be aktive before if they say she hasn't lost the pregnancy weight.
I started working at a cemetery after I lost my husband 7 years ago. And I could tell you so many sad and disgusting stories of how families act after someone passed away. Many times I have sat an pondered over these scenarios and it truly breaks my heart some of the things I have seen and heard. From the time we found out my husband had cancer until the time he passed was a little over 5 months. During this time I worked full time and took care of my husband. He wanted to be home and we knew that no treatment would work because he was to weak, he had been in the hospital for 3 weeks with 3 aeortic aneurisms and we almost lost him then. I never left the hospital during that 3 weeks. Once we got him home I was lucky enough that I lived literally 3 minutes from my job and go home at the drop if he needed me. But during this time he became very upset because his siblings would not come and see him in oerson, they would call periodically. When I finally lost my crap after he sat and cried about his sister not coming to see him knowing he was dying. She said she couldn't see him that way and I told her I didn't care, I saw him deteriorate daily and it wasn't easy but I would do it again. Then on Christmas Day we ended up at the ER. My sister in law came in screaming about how bad he looked and how I wasn't taking care of him. I lost it and told her if she would have bothered coming around then she would have seen it happening. We lost him the next day. Let me tell you that the entitlement didn't stop, they tried to tell me how to plan his funeral and all that. I told them I was making these decisions based on the very hard conversation he and I had about his wishes. The lady in this story is NOT the the Ahole. Her stepkids certainly are, can't come and see your FATHER as he is dying but certainly show up for the money! Disgusting!
Dayum am not reading all that
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the happiness in the world 💖
I’m sorry for your loss hun and sorry you had to deal with all of that during your toughest time ❣️
Ignore the troll - I read your comment in full and it was well worth reading 💕 The fact that s/he was too lazy to read for 30 seconds but was happy to still butt in and talk says it all... An embodiment of the entitlement that was a feature throughout the video...
I'm truly sorry for your loss and proud of you for standing your ground with his problematic relatives. I also imagine that your husband was incredibly proud and grateful to have someone so devoted by his side. You did everything you possibly could for him - never forget that 💖
Thank you all for the kind words. I just wish that poor guy in the video had his family with him at such a time.
We all gather today to listen to Charlotte, all hail the potato queen 👸 ❤
Absolutely not!
ALL HAIL
It’s our daily coven gathering! 🧙
ALL HAIL
All Hail!
I was the second wife/stepmother and together we amassed a low-7-figures estate. It bypassed probate and went to me, as per my husband's wishes. Because we always lived frugally, none of his 4 kids had any idea of how much the estate was. When I go, it will go to charity (as per BOTH of our wishes). All his kids are doing well financially.
That's nice that the money can go to charity and the children will still be okay. Personally, I don't think it should be expected for children to receive an inheritance. If they get it, yeah for extra money. If not, oh well, it wasn't there to begin with. Either way, grieve the loss of the loved one and don't dwell on money.
Watching the first story was tortuous! Being a disabled woman, I miss out on a lot of events/outings because I can't keep up! The story really brought me back to a time when my disease was the worst, and the doctor put me on a TON of prednisone. I gained 55lbs, and was already having a hard time with stamina/walking due to severe joint pain and extremely low red blood cell count. I didn't want anyone to know how sick I was, or that I was even sick at all. As far as most people could tell, I had just gained an obscene amount of weight. It was stupid to try to hide my disability, and I ended up passing out in a Wal Mart before I admitted to my friends/family that I was sick. I hope this lady isn't hiding a secret like me, and can gain some stamina and be able to attend all the family events her heart desires! ❤
I’m in a similar boat. Misdiagnosed for over twenty years, now sick and having a hard time medicating it so I’m on a ton of prednisone and am 25 lbs over weight. I am sometimes in so much pain I can’t even walk a few blocks to sit with my friends. That’s less common these days but I’m in a flare up right now and quite ill. That sister in law likely has some other medical condition that is exacerbating her pain (and weight.) But to be in a mall and take a break on a bench, why not let the group go shopping in the meantime and meet back up in a few? Tough situation. I hope your health improves!! Best of luck.
Same I no longer go on trips that expect a lot of walking and use my wheelchair when I can
The first story is so frustrating because the problem isn't the woman's weight; it's her behaviour. Needing breaks is understandable, but guilt-tripping everyone to stay there every time isn't fair either. There should be more activities planned where things are accommodating for everyone, and maybe there are activities that aren't. I need a few extra moments to catch my breath after an incline hike, but I wouldn't be guilting my friends if they wanted to walk off and do something else for a bit while I recover.
OP targeting the woman's weight as the problem reeks of fatphobia and doesn't actually solve the conflict that's going on.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm going through the same judgements due to sudden weight gain from Hashimotos. My body is literally trying to kill my thyroid. It's an incurable immune disorder. People assume my weight gain and lymphodema are from overeating and there should be some magic diet to fix it. There isn't. The irony is that in my youth my hyperthyroidism made me so thin dome thought I was anorexic. They were fine with that unless they thought I looked thinner and better than them. I hope you are doing better.
I am so sorry this happened to you :( I hope you are doing better today and can enjoy your days how you want them without any disabilities hindering you
She needs to see a doctor, especially if her ankles are swelling.
All this fighting over 25,000, you’d think it was million.
No joke. They were fighting over 25k divided 2 or 3 ways.
Not even speaking of taxes also involved.
@@ericwilliams1659 I know. At first I thought that was a typo.
25k would change my life. Just because it's not a lot of money to you doesn't mean it isn't for someone else
When the dad didn’t pay for his kids’ college and abandoned them while they were teens, I can see from their POV that he really sucks and they have student debt which he could have helped with, but didn’t. But yeah if the dad really has a lot of money, $25k is not a large inheritance.
Where to it say he abandoned his children? I’m missing something. All it said was he was divorced, got remarried, kids were disrespectful to the point he did not financially help them as adults going to college, and they did not visit him even when he was such and kids (new wife’s own daughter included) did not get inheritance. I heard Nothing about abandonment. I will Re listen.
First, I am overweight. It's really old hearing about fat shaming. I am FAT, and I know my limitations. When my friends are doing things that I know that I can't keep up, I bow out. If you're overweight, own up to it and don't expect everyone to cater to you.
That sounds fair if you are overweight because you choose to overeat. However, what do you expect the people who have gained huge amounts of weight due to chemo, prednisone therapy, MS, thyroid disease, lymphodema, or Hashimotos to do? They didn't ask for it. They didn't cause it. Why should they have to spend their lives apologizing for it to make others comfortable? What upsets me with OP's post is that not one of them cared about her possible health issues beyond how it inconvenienced them.
They don't gain 'huge amounts' of weight due to those diseases. It just causes you to overeat more thus a caloric surplus... and makes it more difficult to burn off. Causes depression and a proclivity to binge. The weight is from putting too much in and not enough out. I train a lot and track my macros but last month I knew something was really wrong when I couldn't stop eating and went to the dr. (I had horrible BED most of my life but haven't had problems for the last 10 years until now and never want to feel like that again) Turns out my thyroid decided to take a dump right before my Spartan race. I started the meds last week stayed away from any triggers and slayed the race 3rd in my age group. I guess what I'm trying to say without being a huge jerk is that is rude for the DIL to feel like she has to go even if it slows everyone down, but I also feel really bad for her because I know what it's like to feel like you can't do normal people stuff but you want to. It's a bad situation all around. I hope she gets healthy enough to participate more in things.
@@melinawright5350 I worked in the acute/surgical/cancer unit of our hospital for many years. Yes, they DO!
As a plus sized woman, at the beginning of the first story I was ready to be pissed, but after listening until the end, I understand and I love your take on the subject. I’ve been watching your videos for about a week now but I haven’t committed (subscribed 🤣). That changes now!
The first story really struck me. Thank God my family is not like that. I am overweight and for a long time was out of shape. I was left out of a couple of cruises and family trips arranged by my sisters. What I was told was there was going to be a lot of walking, etc., and even though they would have loved to have me there, they felt it would be too much for me and I would not be able to enjoy it. And at the time I knew it was true. That was much more tactful plus I was honest enough with myself to recognize the truth,
Exactly this. If people could learn to communicate with tact and empathy, instead of letting frustration and resentment build, situations like the first story could be avoided. I've been in and out of various levels of health due to my weight and other factors, and am smart enough to know when I can or can't do long walks, etc. Expecting to be included in everything and forcing others to accommodate isn't fair to them or ourselves.
Charlotte inspires me.. My parents said if i get 60K followers They'd buy me a professional camera for recording..begging u guys , literally
Begging.
So you was overweight and didn’t want to exercise aka walk about so they didn’t invite you, that’s not very encouraging. You should want the people you love to be healthy and look after themselves. Sounds like you needed it the most.
A long walk won't put me off a cruise. Most cruises have elderly, young, middle age, everyone attending & they are not all fit. Lots of walking doesn't sound like a valid excuse....
@@Vee-wz3bbI agree. They could’ve invited her and just gone on some things without her. They were too embarrassed to be honest and have to tell her while on vacation she can’t participate
My father would sit back after a family loss and would say, “Now, let’s just do a little vulture watching and see who shows up.” Boy! Was he spot on.
There's always at least one!
I saw this when my uncle passed.his new wife's family showed up even though they'd been separated for over two years,in the house he lived in with his two daughters who took care of him.They took everything of any value and everything they wanted while we sat in total shock and watched.Like vultures,they where just like vultures .They left my cousins NOTHING of their fathers n there was nothing they could do about because legally ,she was still his wife .Older folks ,write a will n keep it current.There be vultures at the deathbed fr fr
@@susannana6729 Seriously, if you are a senior and have much of an estate, write that will TODAY. I have seen what happens when there is no will. So ugly...
@@susannana6729 Why weren't they stopped before they took everything?!?!? I just don't get why they were even allowed to get inside the house in the first place.
The family vultures on both sides of my family made themselves known right after the deaths occurred.Unfortunately,the vulture revealing wasn’t surprising to me.😒
The fact that the parents lied about what they did with the money shows they knew they did wrong
If the (well-to-do) daughter wants to benefit her parents (without her brother getting it) she should give them Walmart gift cards, or pay on one of their bills for them.
@@mindimartian9821This! There are ways to help without just giving cash. It’s even possible with groceries. I have ordered groceries to be delivered to my parents and we live in different states. And if the parents really want the help for themselves, they will cooperate. But I would expect an apology and made sure everyone was clear on the expectations.
2:05. NTA. I honestly wouldn’t invite her either if she’s going to complain and constant breaks while walking. But def could’ve worded it better
“We’re worried about how tired you get on these outings, and there will be a LOT of walking.” I’m torn on this too, but leaning to toward NTA if it interferes with her family activities.
I am no longer invited to outings with my friends, they canoe and hike and go out on bar crawls, and ride bikes… but I have EDS, fibromyalgia, a broken and deteriorating spine, and so much arthritis. I’m sad I can’t keep up, but it’s not fair to tell them I feel left out, when they do stuff I cannot do. I’m not even fat, just a lil thick. I’d be able to keep up if it weren’t for my slew of problems. I just live vicariously through them and their pictures they send. I tend to be ignored for the most part, but I live 100 mi away as well. So I can’t be that into my feels. It is what it is… and that is ok.
@@erikarussell1142ok that's great for you but OP never mentioned DIL having any disabilities, which would be more understandable. DIL at least tries to spend time with the family and makes an effort for these trips. If they really cared about DIL they could plan to do things they think she could actually do or help her get acclimated to the walking, which takes patience and understanding. DIL so far has only been referred to as having obesity. I too have disabilities that prevent me from doing many things, but my friends at least invite me. OP didn't even tell DIL there was a trip. She had to find out through social media.
@@erikarussell1142 soory not my place to speak at all, but did you try to arrange smth that you can do and they might enjoy? a little get together without a stress
@@GalinaEv we do hang out, it’s like every few months or so. No where as much as they do, but it’s ok. I know I’m so far away, and I used to be super active and do all those things before my illnesses kicked into over drive. I’m old now. We’ve been friends for sooo long. Lol we’re all in our 40s now. So yes, we do hang out. Just not as much as my needy ass wants or is used to. Also, they live pretty close together. Within 10 miles of each other… and the city isn’t so big it’s a problem to get around. But I live in bfe clear across the state, in the middle of nowhere. I like the quiet. And I came from a really small town in Southern California. So I like the small town vibe. But the point is, my problems are my problems.. I can’t expect them to completely change around their lives just to cater to me and my feels. That sounds a bit selfish of me to ask of them. Especially now that we’re all grannies. 😂
@erikarussell1142 lol 40s arent that old) you got it still
When my mother found out she was dying of bone cancer, she went on what she called a SKI holiday,
Spend
Kids
Inheritance
And I'm so glad she got the chance to visit her closest family before she passed ❤ after all it was her money.
The only big problem is that you have a lot of boomers spending generational wealth like water. I mean, yes, go on that cruise, but maybe don't sell the house that has been in your family for three generations just to cruise nonstop for six years before you die. That is unless your kids are awful.
@@robertgronewold3326but it's not the kids money !!!! Even if they aren't horrible no kid should be expecting a payout.
I worked at a casino. A dying guy came in using six machines and putting hundred dollar bills in all of them.
His kids were apparently putting labels on his belongings etc. He said, " my kids think they're getting my money. They're not. "
My Aunt sold everything she had, including her home... and spent the rest of her time in Vegas. With our blessing! The casino knew she was ill and treated her to a high roller suite.
@@robertgronewold3326 I mean, if that's how you think, I hope your parents 100% do just that. Children are not entitled to their parent's possessions until they're dead.
I worked for an attorney for 10 years, he did primarily criminal defens, and there was another attorney who did estate work. The estate clients (or their adult children, really) were worse than most of our criminal defense clients. And it seemed like the more money involved, the worse the behavior.
It was kind of disgusting.
And the lengths they will go to even before their parent died (theft, manipulation, lies, estranged children coming out of the woodwork...)
Side note: have a will and living will. Especially if you have kids. It's one of the best things you can do for your family in the event something were to happen.
There's your unsolicited advice for the day. You're welcome)
My father deals with Living Trust. Some clients can be a bit difficult. Especially the spouses.
As an attorney who has done both criminal defense and wills, I agree that the family fights surrounding wills are awful.
You think estate issues are bad? Try family law. Those folks become completely irrational.
A living trust is far safer than a will or living will
After going through my FIL's improperly planned estate post death hubby and I went to the estate attorney ASAP bc we aren't having that drama for our nuclear family to deal with. It was relatively simple for us bc we had a great attorney who was real with us in explanation and she told us where to file and upload/file the final docs to so even if those left behind get wonky the papers are on file and out of their control.
Attorney was great, she gave us examples of what she had seen and what could happen and what her opinion was for our choices.
Best money, we didn't really have, spent!
Story 1: if her legs are THAT “swollen”, it might be more than just weight related. Especially with the constant need for breaks due to shortness of breath. Heart failure comes to mind. It’s not always caused by obesity!
Just because you are sharing blood doesnt mean you are family, it means you are related
Love from Sweden 💖
so disagreeing from france.
@@flirtinggracefullplatypus8496 we can different opinions and that is ok However I know this for a fact considering the fact that I have broken with a few so called family members They are not my family anymore, we are just related
But again: just my opinion ☺️👍
Agree from Oklahoma. My brother's like that. We're not family.
Agree from Austria!
Hej! Agree 100% from Australia. Blood means nothing if people are disrespectful, abusive, and toxic.
As someone who would be considered overweight but is quite active the first story would drive me crazy. Also, if you want to go but it might be too much then let others go do stuff without you and don't cry about being abandoned
Agreed! I'm bigger now than Ive ever been and I recently was critically ill. During that time and even now if my very active, very healthy family members wanted to go do stuff I could not do I wouldn't want to go and be the buzz kill or the squeaky wheel.
Don't be absurd. Doing that invalides her and her love. If you want to have a relationship with you DIL, you need to be inclusive of her, not exclusive. Her kids see you treating her in this manner, those kids will eventually cut you from their lives.
@@catlady443 BS. There is no reason for other people not to enjoy an activity to the fullest because an obese person is incapable demands to be invited and can't keep up. The selfish person is the one who demands other people not have the full experience every time just to accommodate them.
@@catlady443 if you are too fat than you are too fat.. dont cry and get youre arse up
@@catlady443 What you are describing is being an enabler and making your life revolve around enabling a loved one's self destruction. No, obese people NEED the reality check, desperately, before it's too late. If they choose to isolate themselves by not addressing their issues, that is sad but you can't help someone who doesn't want to change, and you shouldn't ruin your own life by letting them pull you down with them.
I used to work at a bank and it always disgusted me when I would see some family member come in wanting to settle the estate THE DAY their family member died. Like they left the hospital and came directly to the bank to cash out their loved one's accounts. Most of the time these people had no claim to begin with and I would have to direct them to probate court to settle the issues. That never went over well.
Ugh...
Hahaha! At least you weren't the teller that asked me if I won the lottery when I cashed my dad's estate check. 😅😅😅
@@Stopthisrightnow560 wtf is wrong with humanity
@@SandorSopteiMany of them have stopped being human or humane!
@@Stopthisrightnow560 I'm so sorry for your loss, and the teller must have been so aghast at her mistake (hopefully).
The parents enabling the dysfunctional brother will not change their ways until reality hits them hard. I have seem family members go through this for decades. Everyone is expected to make up for the lack of responsibility of one person. Draw your boundaries and maintain them or they will take all you have.
I recently became disabled and realized that there are certain things I can no longer do. Walking long distances or for a prolonged time are one of them. I have great friends who always invite me along. Several times, I have said no thanks because I know I would slow everyone down. It's okay not to always be included in every activity. As for the parents and the deadbeat brother. It is time to stop giving money. My parents did the same thing. For years, I paid their utility bills, thinking they couldn't afford it. When I found out they couldn't afford it because they were paying my sister's bills, my checkbook closed. As soon as my sister realized there wasn't any more money my parents saw her true colors.
My mom is the same, she has long problems and has turned down things I invited her to because she cant handle it.(like a city trip to Berlin) But we do other things all the time.
There is SO MUCH difference between "I'm disabled, and would only slow you down, so I politely decline your invitation," and "We're not even going to invite you, because you're not as fit as we are, and we don't want to accommodate you."
You can say, "Hey, we want to do this active thing. Do you think you're up for it? No? Well, how about we plan a more restful activity next time? See you then!"
But it doesn't sound like the OP is doing this.
@AuntLoopy123 I think a big part of her story is that she is not necessarily disabled. She has let herself become rather large, and it's causing stress that prohibits her from participating. She also gets upset when she needs to stop, and the rest of the group continues on. Even though they come back for her, she gets upset. There are times when I will stop and sit in a coffee shop while others continue shopping. We agree on a time, and they circle back to meet me. We recently went apple picking. I participated for as long as I could and then went for a seat and a cider. When the kids were finished, we went to dinner and headed home. I did not stop their fun or pout because of my own limitations.
Girl right? I can’t do long distances and I hate being hot, but I went to the Grand Canyon with my friends and they hiked down while I stayed at the gift shop. 😂 That lady was unwilling to make her own accommodations so they could all enjoy the day.
I too just became disabled...long story...but now I too can't walk far or even stand long time...or sit too long...it's a very chaotic situation that I maneuver all on my own and NEVER hinder my very outdoorsy family or pout...I do what I can and carry my kindle and I love taking pictures of nature...so I'm completely content to stop on a trail and just sit and just enjoy it 1000% while they continue on and come back for me...honestly it's a great mama break for me...just peace quiet and some pretty scenery. I learned growing up how to entertain myself and be content and it has worked in my favor now...silver lining 💯 and I try to teach my children the same...that being alone is a gift sometimes and that if you're bored, then you are missing the world around you because there is always something you can be doing/seeing.
I am morbidly obese and arthritic. I certainly don't expect any of my family to make exceptions for trips or outings. I will certainly tell them what I can and can't do. Mostly, I'm the purse holder, stroller guard or jacket keeper. I'm okay with that because I still go out and enjoy my family and friends good times.
That sounds like a great outcome for everyone -- I'm sure it means a lot to them to know that you're there for them as much as you can be, while each person gets to enjoy things to their own ability! You sound like you have good people around you, and you treat them well, too. And of course, I hope you have any mobility aids you might need to give you as much access to things as possible -- joint pain is brutal.
This is what I usually do. I have a few issues that can make too much walking without stops an actual dangerous activity for me, and I've experienced friends who get mad when I'm okay with waiting for them while they go off.
It sounds like both you and your family are very understanding of each other. It points to the fact that it goes both ways. I think OP’s issue was that if they tried to include her but wanted to go ahead, the DIL would complain and guilt trip. If it’s an outing where you are trying to do specific activities, then of course, it makes sense to say “here’s the schedule” and rather than not inviting, say “can you keep up?” My husband and I have both (within the last year) changed our lifestyle to be more active and we love going hiking at the many trails near where we live and just being outside. When our parents come (late 70s), because we want to spend time with them, more than participate in a specific activity, we plan to go places where we can rest, bathrooms are close and pace isn’t an issue.
I can't fathom how some people can only think of what they can get vs mourning the loss of someone so loved. My late mother in law has been gone for 5 years now and hubby and I haven't had the heart to even go through her jewelry to divide it up for my step daughters and myself. It breaks my heart thinking about it. I'd give anything to have her back over gaining anything.
As a fat person the idea of not being able to walk for 20 minutes is mind blowing. I love going for walks.
My dad died of cancer almost a year ago, and my sisters and I argued over who would pay for and arrange things so my mom wouldn't have to while she was grieving the love of her life. He spent the last two months of his life almost exclusively in the hospital and I can't imagine never going to see him and the behavior of these grown adults is disgusting. Since his family and friends couldn't all visit at once since he spent his last birthday in the hospital, we arranged with the nursing staff for them to throw a small party with a small forbidden cake and a handful of presents from us and some of the staff. I absolutely believe that having even small things like that helped him at his worst
idk maybe just maybe he was a shit dad
I'm only 1:06 and it kind of sounds like the DIL's thyroid is not doing great post birth. And it has spiraled into a full blown health issue over a couple of years. Underactive thyroid can make you very tired as well. Of course, it doesn't help to have a bad attitude about things.
If it had been really important to the cousin for the brother to attend the wedding I could see a case for the parents ASKING op for a contribution or setting up a loan. The fact the mother LIED to op tells me they knew this would be a boundary. They chose deceit on purpose, they can live with the consequences.
The audacity and entitlement of both the parents and the brother.
Story 2. My friend was suid by her step kids for their share of their dads estate. He only owned a broken down car when they married. My sister had all the money which they used to start a business. The kids both recieved $50,000 from his life insurance, which they blew in a matter of weeks. They lost the case and then had the audacity to ask my friend to pay their legal expences because they had no money.
She declined.
Ok so I'm not crazy right 25,000 left found an estate sound super small right? And also I'm putting in a clause in my will that at anytime if my kids fight over my money when they should be grieving all of it will go to a foster or adoption charity lol
@@ashleyvanzanden1184 Frankly, when inheritance was first mentioned and vulture children I expected a huge estate., $25,000 is not something to get worked up about and is super small. It's a nice little sum to help someone out (like the girl who helped them at the end of his life) but any time the legal cost would not be worth fighting to get a piece of it, it's small. If we didn't know before, the children are horrible people.
Giving money to family and friends is like feeding the ducks at the park. Little by little more come up wanting something and they show up every day expecting more
This is such a good analogy
I was morbidly obese, I was hugely active. However, I also excused myself from things and didn’t expect people to not do things because I couldn’t.
I was triggered about the post regarding helping the brother. My mom spent her whole life sending money to her brother who could afford to get a job. He lived in a way better state than we did. Two weeks before she died she asked him to visit her and his response was who’s going to take care of my family now financially. This was her only sibling and she at this moment heartbroken decided she doesn’t need to see him and chose to go to hospice. In the end she was heartbroken. I completely cut off my relationship with this man. The reason for this post about a few months before her passing she asked me to help my brother out financially. I told her no. I said I spent my whole life watching her brother mooch of her and I have no desire to continue the cycle. This led into some drama but she eventually apologized. My brother eventually cleaned up his act and did what he needed to get financially stable. So to the person who said to her parents to provide receipts I applaud you. Do not let anyone take advantage of you.
Honestly the fact that sister helped him so much was enabling. He never grew up because he didn't have too.
@@kellharris2491 100%
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. It sounds like such a struggle
money once in a while aka bday/a 50 or 100$ is different from "please pay my bills mommy while im an adult"
My mother let us know last week she changed her will to give the bulk of her estate to our two brothers who both refuse to be gainfully employed. She said she knew we girls would be “fine” since we’ve all worked all our lives. Even though only the daughters have provided her with grandchildren. And now she’s hurt and surprised that we’re unhappy with that decision and distancing ourselves. Well, Mom, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
First one was phrased badly. It isnt about her weight, its about her complaining.
The lady is also being mean about it not letting the others leave her to rest while they do something else.
It is about the weight, she claims it is not, she tries to claim it is about the behavior but in ever word she clearly states it's about the weight. Before she was average, but then it got even worse and she did not lose the weight.... And telling her it's about your weight instead of its about you stopping us all the time.... She was tired of lying.... So yeah, she totaly is the ahole and probably exegerating for sympathy
@@Dove96neither sounds nice but that does not change that it was an ahole move from op
That's it.
You nailed it.
That's what was bothering me about that story but I couldn't put my finger on it.
As someone who has serious painful knee issues with osteoarthritis yet who still loves to go out, travel, shop with friends ...
...when I do know there is going to lot of walking I Tiger Balm myself up and take a half a pain pill which will usually get me through whatever we are doing.
However, most importantly, I keep the complaining to NONE! If in the event the pain gets too bad while I'm out with friends, I play it off by going to sit in the restroom or food court and catch up to them. Most of my friends even often forget that I am always in pain (which has it's pros and cons😅)because it's a very
blue moon for them to hear me talk about it!
I feel you spoil other people's fun with the constant whining and complaining about pain. If it's that bad I just don't go!
@@SingingSealRiana agreed. I was hoping i wasnt the only one who felt like OP was the ahole? i mean god forbid they do activities this lady can join in on. and the fact that she's being excluded BECAUSE OF HER WEIGHT which is what was stated several times by OP cinches it. OP is weightphobic and that's not ok. Maybe DIL could've been more active but here's the problem with that. "Lets not take any more trips with DIL that would help her be more active" even if she's stopping to rest she's still being more active in the long run. OR again do activities that she can participate in. This woman is just mean spirited and doesn't like her DIL I swear thats what it is. Wicked Stepfamily anyone?
First story: She needs to get to a doctor and have a complete metabolic panel. It almost sounds like she has a thyroid problem. Or she could have developed diabetes or a cardiac conditionas a result of her oregnancy. She could have rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, or any number of other health related co ditions. Her frequent backaches could indicate kidney problems.
Instead of fat shaming her, get her to a doctor to find out what's going on.
PS - The OP needs to remember that she will be old one day and will not be able to walk very far without hetting tired. Her daughters sound like they aren't going to be available.
Completely agree. So many things are off about her symptoms and there are so many things that can go wrong with your health during pregnancy. You don’t just go from being healthy and able to not even being able to walk around just from gaining weight, there’s more to this. Have they even asked her how she’s feeling?
I think people don't need to act like they're already old and disabled when they are young and not disabled. Being as inclusive as possible is great, but some sports are not very inclusive and you can really only do them while you are physically able. Physically capable young people should be allowed to participate in sports they enjoy while they can as long as they also show up to be with their friends and relatives for activities that are in line with their capabilities and interests.
It sounds like DIL needs medical help, but some people need a slap in the face to wake up and get themselves to a doctor. Adults can't just kidnap another adult, cart them to appointments, and get medical testing done against their will. They can't force feed them their medication or pressure them through physical rehab or therapy. This would be equally as annoying as having a normal weight DIL who refuses to take asthma medication correctly and therefore is always out of breath and incapable of walking around.
@@tiryaclearsong421 THANK YOU. This saying of 'Well one day you'll be like that-' as if it's justification to force someone to yield to someone else, like in this scenario. Sorry but they're a grown ass adult who makes their own decisions, and so am I.
Treat others how you want to be treated, but don't let anyone shame or guilt you into doing something you don't want to- like missing out on life BEFORE you get too old and frail.
I agree, Monica. The DIL isnt just fat, she has some health issues happening. When the OP described her ankles, I immediately thought of diabetes. I'm obese and ha e asthma, but I'm also the one who is usually pushing my (skinny) family members to just keep walking.
Exactly! Also, muscle and joint issues (very common in autistic women, who're notoriously underdiagnosed) and heaps of other untreated medical conditions, including arthritis, contribute to excercise intolerance.
For a lot of ppl struggling with excercise intolerance and/or low stamina is the underlying cause behind their obesity.
14:00 If she wants to help her parents, she could instead pay bills directly instead of giving them money. She could put their utility bills on her card and maybe occasionally bring them groceries. That should be more than enough for them to live off their means. She should definitely stop giving them an allowance.
The first story resonated with me. I was over 300 pounds and had become more and more sedentary for about 10 years. The first week of this summer, my family went on a favorite hike and I couldn't do it in addition to injuring myself for about a month and a half. It was a huge wake up call that I couldn't continue down this path and I did a lot of soul searching. I committed to make serious changes in my life because walking a half mile would wind me. Well last month I finished my first half marathon and I'm down 40 pounds. It takes recommitting to your goal everyday and a lot of hard work and portion planning. Obesity is no joke, by 2030 50% of Americans will be obese. I'm not sure what the solution is, but I really feel for anyone struggling with it too. Back to that first story, I was bothered that her daughter-in-law would tell people they couldn't leave her to rest, that she was being abandoned. That is weirdly codependent, just rest on your own then catch up with the others later.
In USA... the solution is pretty simple... make good food cheaper and have a hard cap on sugar (the biggest cause of obesity) products... unfortunately, that means companies lose $$$ and they will complain about "government interference"... so it won't happen.
Damn, way to go girl!
Wow, great job! I wish you the best in your pursuit of happiness and health and that you may go on the prettiest hikes with your family again.
The attitude of the woman in the story was weird indeed. My dad is also obese, partly due to medical reasons, and his ankles get so swollen that it hurts him to walk too much. I feel bad for him, but also for my mom because he hardly goes anywhere with her anymore 😔 Luckily, he does let her do her own thing and on the rare occasion he does go to family outings, he just tells us to go our own way. Which is nice, but we also want to spend time with him, so it also sucks a little bit.
So, while I feel like the person telling the story was definitely a little fatphobic, I did understand their point of how that woman's weight and inactivity was affecting the people around her as well.
Congrats!!!! I just started working out again and though I can't do as much as I used to, I'm doing something, and hoping to lose some weight and feel better.
Way to go! All the best ❤
When my grandmother passed away she had always told me years beforehand that her elephants would go to me. The day she passed I was not concerned on material things, however the rest of my family was. The reason my grandmother told me that her elephants were to be left to me when she passed is because I am the only member of the family who also independently loved elephants my entire life as well. This was something me and my grandmother shared between us and none of the other grandkids or her own children and I was raised by my grandparents as one of their children as well, which has never sat well with my other cousins as well as some of my aunts and uncles. However my parents were only 14 and 16 when I was born so of course I was going to be raced around my grandparents. By the time I had come back home, because I lived with and took care of my grandma in her last days, everyone in the family had laid claim on all of the elephants in the house. I didn't say anything to my grandfather for days and when he finally found out the situation he demanded that I at least get one elephant. I was begrudgingly given one of my grandmother's elephants that she had intended for me, but I did not argue because in that day I learned so much more about the rest of my family that I ever cared to. Now my grandfather has set up my father as an executor of his will when the time for him to pass has come because he is the only one of my grandfather's children who did not turn into something selfish and grotesque when my grandmother passed
I’m still tired, maybe it’s me, but does elephants = inheritance?
I’m reading it once again, I think y’all have real elephants.
Okay, maybe figurines. Imma go with that.
@@modelchictoyalol I was actually envisioning real elephants. Maybe the OP is Thai 🤷🏻♀️
@@modelchictoyaI think it might be real elephants coz there's some families in South India who keep elephants for festivals and stuff
I am overweight and I am someone with CRPS/RSD who has it in an ankle. I LOVE walking and shopping and honestly if I need a break, I either suggest like a coffee break (my friends and I always plan to go to a coffee shop) or if I see a bench nearby a shop they want to go in I tell them I'll sit down but for them to take their time and not feel the need to rush. So while the person in the first story isn't an AH for wanting to not go out with the DIL they are an AH for how they phrased it because it is about her behaviour and not the weight.
I am the same as you when I do activities with my friends if we’re going to do a lot of walking, I use walking sticks and it helps but I think they should have use their words carefully and phrase it, so it wasn’t hurtful, but I guess I do understand their frustration in a way, but that’s just my opinion.
Exactly, how she frased the whole post makes her the ahole, that shè makes It about her weight and not the fact, that shè disrupts their trips until they never get anything done.... That would have been a valid reason.... I hate going shopping with my mom since she is impatient and she hates waiting for me or anyone who likes to take a proper look.... So if we do something together we shose something different so we both enjoy it, easy as that
@@Hdhyhddnkxucunderstandable frustration and making is outright very hurtful fatshaming are two very different things....
I have CRPS in my left arm. If I need a break, I will say go and do what you want to do. I am obese but I am going to lose weight now
Not to defend how OP handled it because her post does sound bad, but given the fact that DIL guilt trips them when they do invite her, is it possible that OP was just trying to avoid DIL from trying to convince her it wouldn’t be problem or guilting her, by stating a fact? I have quite a few narcissists in my family, one who was overweight for decades by her own choice and I could see that being the case. They’ll find anything to argue that you are wrong and that they should be there and love being the center of attention, controlling everyone else’s time.
first story-this resonates with me for my struggle with weight, and having MS! conditions can make people have the issues she is having.
You could take Fenbendazole for your MS. Fenbendazole aka dog dewormer is an anti parasitic that some people have successfully used to reverse MS. It doesn’t require a prescription and is relatively cheap.
Doctors are claiming that MS is a build up of plaque in the spine as a defence mechanism against parasites. When you take fenben, you clear out the parasites, leaving the body to heal itself and remove the plaque.
Hope this helps!
Coming back to comment, because I am so triggered right now. In 2021 unfortunately we lost my mother, and almost immediately there after we needed to sell her home and divide her stayed up between the four children as soon as the estate was cashed out, and everybody received their funds, my sister took her amount of money and completely disappeared. She moved out of town without saying goodbye to any of us and has completely blocked us out of her life. It was so sad to see that in the end it really came down to the lump sum that she got, I feel like I lost my mother and my sister. money really makes you see who is your actual family and who is just a cash vampire waiting for their time to strike.
😢I'm sorry!
But her loss!!❤
Or sometimes family is horrible to one person over and over and over again. The scapegoat. And s/he only " stays for the parents". Once the estate is settled it is hasta la vista and the person can finally rid themselves of a toxic and cruel family. I've seen both sides.
Yup. Lost mine in 2014. Long story short my brother made my mom change her executors to just be him. While she was very ill. So he’s been in charge of my inheritance and has blocked me from getting any for a long time even when the will explicitly stated I can have some for the reason I was asking (going back to school). And I was having a hard time affording groceries for my family. No money allowed. It was disgusting. He’s not a nice person. More to say but I won’t go into it. It took me until this year, at 41, to be done with him. Minimal contact and only if I have no choice. I’m not a greedy person and I’m disgusted that I’ve been treated like I am.
Also triggered if you can’t tell 😢.
So sorry for your loss. It’s so hard. And it’s so hard to see family for who they are when it’s not who we thought they were.
Huge hugs my dear.
@@Mama_Bear524
I understand and feel every word you are saying.
First, my condolences on your loss.
Secondly, I too keep minimal, almost no, contact with most my two younger siblings, especially my brother who acts like he is ready and waiting for my mother to pass. Not that she has much anyway but that's not the point. I'd much rather have my mother than money. His attitude is morbid and gross.
I recently told them both whenever
my mother transitions whatever she has split it between themselves and leave me alone forever.
I'd rather starve than to fight and haggle with them over her belongings and money.
@@Mama_Bear524 I am about to be in the same boat. Why our parents would asign rhe greediest kids who have shown consistently that it is all about them to be executors is astonishing. I've always been good and kind and am also the eldest. Also have already done an estate well and honourably. But because I think we have serious cause to question experimental drugs being forced on us, I am considered a wacko. Wills changed. Even though my warnings are starting to come true in our own family and those of our friends. So pathetic and sad. So many bereaved parents now to support.
People need to realise that obesity is a medical term . Fatphobic means making fun of body positive people for our own amusement . Calling out or trying to help people ( those who are closest to you not some random stranger on the street ) by positive reinforcement to a healthy lifestyle is NOT fatphobic in any way . The first OP intentions were right but he went about it in the wrong way .
Horrible wording for SURE! But I completely agree.
She also could've left it at the family thing. Said that it was just a day for her and her girls. Like a DIL doesn't need to go everywhere with anything you do.
Fatphobic is a fear of fat people..really not the correct term.
@@phillyphan1225the overuse of the “phobic/phobia” suffix is beyond irritating. One is allowed to disagree with another’s opinion without being afraid of them or even wishing them harm.
Ppl need to realize that “calling out” or “trying to help” when nobody asked you is called fatphobia! Op gives a shit about Dil’s health, she called her out because it was in her interst, not the other way around. Stop using “health” to cover up fatphobia and stop giving “advices” when nobody asked for it
That last family was like "how DARE you leave us to suffer the consequences of our own actions!" 😂
also the parents sound like they OWN their house..... could always sell it if they're that cashed strapped
When my great aunt and great uncle died, my mom (their niece) got more from their estate than their actual daughter. My mom spoke to her aunt nearly every day for around 20 years, while their daughter had basically cut contact. When my great uncle got very sick (his wife passed away years prior), their daughter suddenly reappeared into his life.
When he died, she was STUNNED that my mom had been left more. They knew how their daughter was and that she would blow all of the money so they set it up for her to have to ask for parts of it, like an allowance. The cherry on top is that the person in charge of giving her her allowance? Is my mom!
I'm fat. There have been times where my mobility was impacted. (I also have a connective tissue disorder that makes my joints unstable, which is part of the mobility issues.) There have been times where I personally bowed out of an activity because I knew it was too much for me on that day. The OP could have worded that SO much better. "This activity had a lot of walking and not many places to easily take a rest. I didn't want you to be in pain the whole time." That would have been so much kinder than essentially saying "you were too fat to enjoy it."
I think the OP with the trash brother should buy groceries and take it to her parents. I couldn't let my parents starve but I'd definitely make sure they get exactly what they need.
I think that’s what I’d do too. And if they complained about OP buying things they don’t/didn’t like then they’re just showing everyone that they didn’t need food they wanted more money to spoil the shitty brother.
That's a good idea buy the food instead of giving them the money
The food bank thing was probably a lie made to make the daughter feel bad and fork over the money. My grifter mother did that to my brother to squeeze money out of him so that she could hand it over to her junkie grandson.
Or she can give them a gift card for their fave grocery store. But she deserves a break!!!
@@PlanetC64 that's also a good idea
My cousin was the caretaker of an elderly woman, who left her the estate when she died. Her deceased’s husband’s children from a prior marriage (who had received their inheritance when their father passed) challenged the will. It took several years to sort out, but she got to keep the beachfront home.
As someone with physical disabilities I feel for the MIL and the girls, if you know that you can’t keep up you need to either not go or accept that you need breaks and let them go on without you. I’ve gone to activities that I knew I couldn’t participate in but I sat out and watched and hung out. I never complain though or expect people to accommodate me. It’s the behavior that’s the issue
Around 9:00, I definitely agree! I’m 19 and just lost my father. My dad had a life insurance and my own grandparents (I don’t consider them my grandparents anymore) made everything so difficult. Along with my aunt physically yelling at my just 24-48 hours after finding out my dad passed. They never did anything for my dad. Only sometimes taking us out on their boat, but other than that, nothing. The night my father died, my grandfather verbally told everyone (mind you it’s only been a few hours since we found him dead) “he owed me 500 and 200 to my friend.” Told them straight up that I’m the beneficiary and I’m not giving them a penny.
Edit to add: I’m the next of kin since my parents were divorced and I got to do everything. I went for my fathers wishes, not theirs. They wanted to do a service with the body (which my dad never wanted) and I’m being accused of robbing everyone of the chance to say goodbye. The night my father died, my grandparents said “whatever is left of the life insurance, you’ll get.” I put a stop to that and get it all. They all deleted me because of it. I’m using the life insurance money to put together a decent celebration of life and going sort of all out with it. Only spending a decent amount of money for a nice urn, that my dad deserves, and also a nice book for everyone to sign and put memories.
Omg. I relate to this so much. I was 20, had no grandparents but his sister was something else entirely, and MY aunt started a fight the day after by yelling at my sister. Shit was wild.
His sister tried to fuck us over with the will despite her daughter working for the company that wrote it up- they literally gave us some bullshit typed up note saying my dad was giving her husband things. It was dated before his second will was finalised.
I hope you're doing okay. Reach out if you ever wanna talk or need advice. I'm 10 years on now so I'm doing much better and figured my way out. ❤
@@Stopthisrightnow560 Thank you! It’s definitely been hard, but I’ve come to terms with everything that has happened. Starting my healing journey or at least trying to while still grieving my father. 🤍 Appreciate you, thank you!
I come from a large family, his, hers and theirs. I think there will be quite a lot of contention when they pass. So I told them to write me out of the Wills, they have nothing I want or need. I told them this when I went no contact a number of years ago. I have no desire to be in the middle of that hornet’s nest!!!
I think the lady with the awful brother should make a point of keeping in touch with and visiting her parents but she should definitely NOT be giving them any more money. Just buy them things they really need and send or take it to them. End of problem.
After my son was born 12 1/2 years ago, I gained a LOT of weight. My heaviest was over 300 lbs, I was very obese. It however NEVER stopped my family and me from going everywhere and walking everywhere. I lost over 120 about 4 years ago and have kept it off. But I would never let my weight stop me from having fun!!
Exactly. DIL just wanted attention.
Maybe because she wasn't getting any normally? There's always that.@@tuttyfat
That first story sounds like there could be more going on than just her being overweight. I have several morbidly obese friends who do all kinds of active stuff without much issue. Meanwhile, I'm pretty avg weight but used to be CONSTANTLY EXHAUSTED. Turns out it was hypothyroidism and POTs. Her weight gain and exhaustion may just be a symptom of an underlying condition like hypothyroidism. It's definitely worth getting tested just to be sure. I tell ya, my quality of life is considerably better now that I have a diagnosis and medicine!
$2k is A LOT of money and the fact that she can just give it to them with no problem, speaks to how hard she works and how generous she is. The parents are disgusting for using her then scolding her when she questioned what a large sum was for. The brother is trash because the parents are.
as someone who deals with extreme weight issues due to my health (I have hernia's in both of my lower legs so walking is excruciating) I do feel for the first girl, however, I have never accused anyone of abandoning me when I have to sit, and will instead insist they go on and I'll catch up when I am good to go again
Never heard of a hernia in the legs...
@@WaningGibbous yep! I had to go to too many specialists before one of them finally figured out what it is. And I can't get them removed because the muscle will just tear again as it's in my legs. It's really unfortunate and super uncomfortable
When my grandad died my aunt had the audacity to continually ask about his "will" turned out he never did one 😂 something I was so grateful for as most of the family knew she'd be the 1 hanging around expecting the most if not all, my nan & grandad have 5 kids & numerous grandchildren (like over 25) and tbh out if the children 0 of them helped them out whilst my grandad was alive let alone help my nan once he passed away, it was a handful of us grandchildren that took on the task of arranging AND paying for my grandad's funeral and then helping my nan after getting diagnosed with cancer not 2 weeks after he passed, where were their kids then 👀🤷♀️ again... no where!!... thankfully my nanny is fully recovered from her cancer after a major op to remove the cancerous cells and is doing well, of course the kids are still no where to be seen and as usual its still the usual handful of grandkids helping nanny out if she needs to go shopping or helping with her gardening etc.
I love helping her, she's my last nan standing and she's always been like a mother to me.
I dread the day she passes as I know them kids will be right on the door looking for anything she's left & tbh I hope she leaves it all to my brother as he lives with her and helps her the most, even helped her sort out funeral arrangements so we don't have to worry about it like we did with my grandad.
Love them both so much & miss my grandad more than I ever realised I would. ❤
R.I.P gramps 25.04.2016
(UK date way! 😂)
Why have your parents not helped?
the 2nd story: omgsh I can relate.my dad was terminally ill from liver failure when I was little and for some odd reason I shall never understand, they were so adamant about bringing him to their home country. they went against all medical advice and he ended up getting a heart attack on flight and ended up passing away a few weeks later at a local hospice. when my mom was on the phone one time there, they left the phone on and she heard them discussing how to split his will and how they shouldn't give it to his family (my mom and us). while he was alive.
but I digress 😅
In regards to the first story. As someone who has a disablity that is not visible it has a huge impact on my ability to lose weight. Before I had sepsis I was overweight but I worked full time, went to the gym 4 times a week and led an active lifestyle. Now I have M.E/ chronic fatigue which means when I do something simple like showering, housework I get exhausted. I think op wasn't wrong about not inviting her if it was something she couldn't manage, but she should have checked in and asked if she was ok to see if something else was going on.
Thank you!!!! So many people think this is just because she's had a baby and is lazy. Women in general put on about 10kg when pregnant and will lose that within a year if they maintain their normal routines.
There's definitely something else that's impacting the DIL's ability to lose weight and there's no empathy for that.
I think the annoyance grew by her "you're abandoning me" if they left her resting in the mall while they did a wing and returned. I too had M.E. and I just didn't accept those kind of invitations that exceeded my ability, OR if I wanted to go to the orchard I'd be up front and say, I'd love to come, but I'm not picking, but I'll be fine enjoying the trees and the views at my own pace, and the group cuppa tea after. But she wanted handholding whatever her true issue, and that's the breaking point. The weight is the excuse to leave her out.
@@joywebster2678 I agree. If the DIL let them go and do their thing, there wouldn't be such a problem, right?
My question is, WHY does the DIL fear abandonment from them? Have they ditched her before? It happens. And if it did happen, and it happened WITH THE OP AND HER DAUGHTERS, then the DIL has every right to insist that they not leave her, ever again. Because abandoning someone REALLY SUCKS. And having to stay with her would be their penance for that.
Maybe she's just afraid of abandonment, in general. But considering the way the OP talks, I would not be surprised if she ditched the DIL, at some point earlier in their relationship.
Unfortunately, we can't ask the OP questions and get an answer, in this format.
As someone who is chronically ill and overweight because of it (and constantly trying to get it under control), I DO think everyone needs to remember that not everyone’s weight is within their own control. Like right now I have something growing on my thyroid and doctors have me on medication trying to control my weight while they figure out how to get this removed and stop my constant weight gain.
So maybe she could have approached this situation with a little more compassion and explained why she didn’t invite her and ask how she’s doing and feeling. Has she tried connecting with her before? Does she know if she has medical problems? Or maybe it’s emotional eating and is having a hard time? Maybe she needs to see a therapist. They are family and just being like, “You’re too fat to come on family outings anymore” will never be helpful. I hope she’s able to get the help she needs ❤
If you are disabled, people need to be more accommodating.
@@susannairisastarte5192 for sure! And people tend to forget that not all disabilities are visible, so leading with questions and compassion is always the best course of action!
I do have health issues and am overweight. But I would feel terrible if I was holding back my family. Regardless of the reason, we can be encouraged without being coddled
@@jaelinpalmerAs someone with a sh*t ton of "invisible illnesses" I honestly wish that made people more accommodating, but it doesn't. Especially if they're family. You're the dysfunctional family "problem" and nothing is going to change how they see or treat you, and they usually treat you like trash.
Absolutely! Do they even know if she has other health issues? So many things can happen during pregnancy and with all those symptoms I’d be pretty worried she’s sick and encourage her to see a doctor. Not even mentioning any of that in the post just goes to show that op is definitely the a-hole.
Charlotte, the last story included a clear lack of understanding when it comes to working poor. I understand the situation was ridiculous; the parents should have been honest about the purpose of the extra cash. As we heard in the earlier story of the waitress, people can work two and three jobs -- usually without benefits -- and still live month-to-month. Most of the working poor cannot afford a $300 emergency, little lone a $2,000 destination wedding.
Last story reminded me of my cousin. My aunt would borrow money for me, my dad, grandparents while they were alive, etc and give to my cousin. My husband was even falling for his stories about needing grocery or rent money for awhile when we were first dating until I told him the truth: he was an addict. An addict who could have gotten help but enjoyed the high too much (as my husband had struggled with physical dependency after an accident but got better this was really hard for him). I told my aunt that if she loved him she’d stop believing his lies, stop enabling him, and let him suffer a bit and/or only help in the form of detox, therapy, etc. In the end, I became the bad guy for cutting off support (mine and husband’s) as well as not feeding into the lies. I genuinely love my family and helped til it hurt but I knew this was going to end badly and after multiple close calls, he ultimately overdosed for the last time in my aunt’s house a month after his 2nd baby mama overdosed in front of their kids… This is what happens when you enable your grown children’s bad habits. I still mourn over my cousin. I took the news very badly and a song or memory can send me to a very dark place but I have to hope he’s in a better one now. Still, I did warn her of this years ago… No one wanted to believe it would happen but we all knew it was a possibility. If you love your kids, let them learn how to pick themselves up and support themselves before you help them into the ground.
True. I don’t know why everyone believes support has to come in the form of money, especially when that often does more harm than good. Emotional support is way more important. You can treat someone with love and help them out without giving them money to kill themselves with.
Girl! I was 80kg before I had my son. I unfortunately gained 26kg during pregnancy and my son is 5 and I’m on weight loss medication and finally creeping down to 92kg 🥲 losing weight while parenting? Isn’t always easy. Some women magically bounce back. Some don’t.
I also have spinal arthritis so I exercise the best I can.
But do you force your friends/family to miss out on fun to accommodate what you can't do?
@@niasare7224 well there’s a lot of things I can’t do. I usually just sit it out or push through it and suffer the pain later. Depending on the situation.
@@mikmak2102but are u mad at them for leaving u ? Like if u went to 6 flags and had to rest for an hour or two would u be mad if people left I to get on rides ?
Staying healthy with kids is hard AF, so I don’t want to diminish your struggle .
having spinal arthritis doesnt mean you cant walk and do things like diet. My 70 year old mother has osteoarthritis in her hands and feet and somehow manages to walk a ton daily (while being in pain). cutting out sugar from drinks alone will make you lose a ton of weight. What do you put in your coffee? most westerners have coffees with calories that are enough for 2 meals in a day.
@@SandorSoptei I don’t drink coffee for one, two shut the fuck up. My arthritis was caused by people trying to kill me. People who have osteoarthritis aren’t the goddamn same thing. My injury was at 15 and has caused extreme constant pain. I don’t care what your grandma can do. Try have calcifying bones before you’re 30. I also have had multiple broken bones that were not properly treated so I have bone grinding on goddamn bone. No one can sit there and tell me that just cause someone else can doesn’t mean I should be able to.
She’s got it in her feet and hands. I have it already in my hands, hips, knees and all along my spine. I’ve seen multiple doctors and specialists who were ALL unable to do anything as the only option was surgery to scrape parts off the bones but they can’t do it as it has too many complications and risks that they won’t even attempt it.
Next time you think you know something about someone else’s pain and life; sit down and keep it to yourself.
I absolutely adore you!! My Dad passed away 3 months ago and before he died, I used to watch your videos on an IPad with him. It's a beautiful memory I have now and some of the last times he laughed 😊
16:09- The mother put them in that situation because her "baby" needed to attend the destination wedding and he didn't even attend the wedding because he was trying to make another baby mama
For the inheritance drama. I actually think the motivation of the other girl doesn't matter. Having someone extra there to help and allow you to take breaks is a godsend. Even if she "smelled" the money, so what, she was there. If I was dying of cancer I'd be glad of a friendly face there, no matter their motivation.
i think the sister that visited whn she could should get some
I hear ya and maybe as a single mom she saw them as parent figures who cared about her. I would guess they were pleasant to be around. Maybe she didn’t have an adult support system as a single mom and she actually enjoyed their company too.
The inheritance one I think could be handled as in a story I once heard from Reddit (so take it with a grain of salt). Grandpa tallied all the time and money spent by his relatives visiting him and being family. When he passed, he divvied up his money based on this, by percentage. I found it hilarious, petty and perfect all at the same time.
I have been dealing with my weight all my life, and am now 66. Although I think I’ve lost, at least 75 lbs in the last few years, and haven’t weighed this little for decades, I’m still extremely self conscious about it. Thank you so much for not body shaming us “big girls”, with just encouraging us to be healthy. I’m working on incorporating more activities in my life, but it is still a challenge. There’s a Planet Fitness being built within walking distance this winter, and I may just join 😊
stop drinking juices, drink water ONLY. Dont put creamers in your coffee. dont put sugar, drink black coffee, or use sweatners(yes i know they are bad). So many little things you can do daily that will cut calories. Cutting soda alone may make u lose 20 pounds in a month.
I hope this goes well for you. When it comes to exercise, I often recommend that a person does what they enjoy. Put some music on that you like and dance like a crazy woman! Footnote. Just don't get caught by anyone, especially if they have a phone and a Facebook account...
@@kerryhorwitz4093 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
😊😊😊
Congratulations and I hope things keep getting better! Don't give up!
I'm in a similar boat, but I think fear of shame is bad for us. In cases where we aren't trying or are being delusional about our problems, the kindest thing people can do is call us out on it. You don't need that, but unless MIL is lying, it really sounds like DIL needs that wake up call no matter how much it hurts at first. The sooner the better because it only gets harder to manage and worsens our health with age. I wish I had stopped making excuses and being insecure about my weight and health problems much earlier in life, but I'm glad the harsh truth did get through to me before it was too late.
What you said for the first story is so true. I'm technically morbidly obese, but I go hiking with my friends, I go to the mall and I've even climbed all the steps at Mont St. Michele. If I think there's something I can't do, I don't do it and if my friends ask me, I tell them to go without me. I won't hold anyone back from having fun and I'm not going to have an attitude about it and say it's fat shaming if they do something without me because I know I have limits.
I feel like you should start a "dear Charlotte " series where people send in their questions asking for you advice.
There's responsibility in giving advice, and Charlotte's opinions/reactions are routinely well grounded. She might be busy enough already, but that's just a guess. Cheers.
She would be amazeballs!!
My mom and my grandmother were both overweight, but they were both very active. If we were at the zoo and Gram needed a break more than likely one or more of the littles needed a break as well. She would sit with the baby, tell us to go on, and set up a time and place where we would meet up again. She never made us feel badly about leaving her or the fact that she was asthmatic. My mother had trouble losing the baby weight as well as a couple of my sisters, but they are all active and love to do things like shop, go to pumpkin patches, go to the park, and other such things. My mom is currently losing the extra weight and I hope my sisters will as well simply because I believe it is a healthier lifestyle.
Preach! A lot are getting stuck on how OP addressed it with DIL and totally glossing over the fact that DIL clearly is an emotional terrorist (“you’re abandoning me!”). I think that may be why OP didn’t address it as a behavior but more factual issue. She couldn’t argue that she was overweight but might’ve tried to argue that she’d keep up or wouldn’t interfere. I have had an overweight narcissist in my family for decades and it is very “woe is me” “cater to me” and it is exhausting.
@TheBaumcm If they are narcissistic there is no nice way to deal with them. Everything is your fault, everyone hates them(except their flying monkeys), and nothing is good enough.
@@TheBaumcmOP acted like a dick. DIL is also a dick for insisting everyone needs to cater to her. This is 100% an everyone sucks here scenario.
I was overweight and it was miserable. I’m 5’ 2” and weighed 186lbs. I did needed more breaks, I was in pain, etc… I understand why that could be a problem for fit people.
Having to change plans or modify them for someone that can’t keep up is a problem, people should do activities that suit their body types.
I got healthy 7 years ago, I walk almost every day. I’m 65 and can keep up with my daughter all day long, I feel like I gained 10 years by losing 50 lbs.
I feel so much better.
I'm so happy for you and frankly proud of you even though I don't know you. I wish I started addressing my weight and health so much sooner than in my 30's and at the cusp of morbid obesity, but my god, it's better late than ever and I hope DIL in the story takes it as the wake up call she needs that she is literally dying. The relatives who are siding with her are frankly enablers and that is so much more heartbreaking than the harsh truths blurted out by MIL.
"I already don't like where this is going." YES. "A lot worse?" Like you say, plenty of obese people don't need constant breaks and are active , including myself, so who knows? There might be something else going on, but it sounds like she's kind of sitting in the misery. Ouch!
Ooh... that first story was triggering... I've lost count of how many times well-meaning people have told me that if I ate less and exercised more, I'd lose weight and feel better. Due to my health condition, I have chronic pain, fatigue, weak muscles, constant nausea, and brain fog. This was triggered by pregnancy. Most days, I have to force myself to eat one 'meal', even if just a yoghurt, each day. If I exercise more, the pain, fatigue, brain fog, and nausea increase, I can't sleep or eat, and takes 2-3 days of resting to recover (assuming my back doesn't go into spasm, then I can't move!)
I can't help but wonder if the daughter-in-law has an undiagnosed health condition. It took 9 years for me to find a doctor who took me seriously and sent me to a specialist for diagnosis.
Also, much of my weight gain has been since diagnosis due to medications.
chronic pain, fatigue, weak muscles, constant nausea, and brain fog - can all be fixed with exercise. also CICO. Calories in and calories out. its literally IMPOSSIBLE to keep gaining weight in a calorie deficit. . You are in denial. Eating one meal a day drastically lowers your metabolism. People who get to single digit body fat % eat over 10 meals a day. Couple that with never moving I can clearly see that this may be a behaviour issue.
I sympathize with that. I have struggled with my health before, and it sucks when people get tired of being around you for it. But the difference here is that the DIL is expecting everyone to rest with her. I’ve been to the mall with friends where we would split up to go to different stores or one person would chill in the food court to rest for a bit. There’s nothing wrong with going off in your own directions for a little bit. DIL shouldn’t expect to hold everyone back. That’s the main issue. Health issues aren’t an excuse to treat others poorly.
@@time2livelife yea….we only hear one side of this story. I sensing she doesn’t really like her anyway and even more so cause she’s fat.
Yes many medications cause weight gain, and weight retention, even the drugs that help with lowering cholesterol, and blood pressure. I because of gealth and the economy have been reduced to one meal a day for 4 yrs. I've lost 10 lbs in 4yrs.....ridiculous, but my Dr shrugs. So yes i don't eat, I keep up activity best I can, I'm not young, but metabolism don't cooperate. And no I'm not large enough to qualify for surgery. So be honest about the behaviour you don't enjoy in the DIL vs her weight.
That woman wasn't even well meaning. She was being a rude B*tch. I definitely thought she was an a hole. She didn't even have to mention her weight. She just could have said it would be too tiring. She even admitted it felt good to fat shame her. Complete arse hole
Yeah, the kids who only came to the funeral to press for inheritance struck a nerve with me. Recently both grandparents passed away on my dad's side of the family. My dad was one of three kids. Because he was military our branch of the family has always been a bit distant as visiting was hard for us financially, but we had a history of holiday gatherings and all us cousins got along well. To make a long story short, when my grandmother started to decline with dementia years ago my aunt began to manipulate her parents. Grandfather wasn't doing so great himself, so eventually it became this whole thing where my aunt got legal power over everything involving my grandparents, including wills/inheritance. She didn't even put them in a nursing home as they had previously wished, insisting on taking care of them (to save inheritance money.) My dad did what he could to frequently drive over (2+ day trip) to help with my grandparents, their estate, and generally visit, but my aunt always made it difficult to visit and began spreading rumors about my dad and the rest of the family to turn my grandfather against us. She claimed we stole blankets and said this or that.. really petty stuff. Fast forward to my grandmother's funeral she demanded her uncle remove/move his plot that had been purchased decades ago (by my grandmother). Didn't even say hi, just "you can't be buried with your family.". The worst thing is she still tried to put on airs as if she cared about us cousins.. a thin veil we could see through. No, actually what's worse it that either her kids (my cousins) either knew what was happening and looked the other way (because they inherit) or they really were manipulated as well. By the end of all of this aunt and her kids got everything with her two brothers (and families) getting almost nothing. And it's not like either brother were trying to money or heriloom grab at any point. No happy ending here. Just greed, confusion, and a lot of hurt. Screw those kinds of people.
When family is toxic, have limited contact and strong boundaries. If they break those boundaries, then go no contact. They are unwilling to get the help they REALLY need.
My weight went wild when I started working very random hours in software development in 2011. Lots of fast food and beer Fridays, late hours, little private life. The more weight I gained, the more health issues I got, high blood pressure, asthma, hardy able to walk even 10 minutes. This year I reached 116kg at 1.70m! I changed my eating behaviour and started walking daily. Now I'm at 88kg and walking about 10miles a day, most health issues resolved and I'm so happy!
Yep, sometimes it’s just a lack of routine. My husband started working really long hours about 2 years ago. Our kitchen wasn’t the most functional and it was often easier to just get takeout. About a year and a half ago, I threw out my back shifting in my seat and he was tired of going to work, come home, eat, sleep and repeat. Neither of us was in bad health but we could see where we might starting having problems. So, we started taking walks at night. We could talk and process our day together, feel like we actually got to spend time together and get a little more active. Weight started dropping so we started increasing intensity. Then we joined a gym. Combined, we’re down over 130 pounds, we are stronger than we have ever been, healthier too (many fewer illnesses), and we can enjoy our lives so much more (we both love being outdoors and hiking).
I'm glad that worked for you.
Charlotte new hairstyle is also 🔥 so gorgeous.
Charlotte is all we need to deal with daily drama. Daily tea with Charlotte will make you happy. 😂♥️
New? Am I missing something 😅
@@maepicnic2460 she usually has curly hair
My stepfather did everything he could to drive a wedge between me and my mother. He was a wildly dysfunctional alcoholic and didn’t want me pointing that out to my mom. For her part, my mom refused to acknowledge what her husband was up to. She left me half of the estate but to hear my stepfather tell it he tolerated me the entire time and bent over backwards trying to deal with me. He might actually even believe that himself. after she died, he changed the will and left everything to my “golden child” brother.
Before believing what the stepmother says, we should consider that there’s probably another side to that story. I wouldn’t have come to see my mother in the hospital because it would have meant her getting upset over my stepfather picking a fight, which he 100% would have done.
You could have contested the will using your mothers will as proof.