best friend cat fights that made it to AITA - REACTION
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- best friend cat fights that made it to AITA - REACTION
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Hey Squaddies! 👋 Charlotte Dobre here, and let me tell ya, today's AITA saga is an absolute rollercoaster! 🎢 Grab your popcorn, because we're diving headfirst into the juicy world of Best Friend Drama! 😲🍿
🔍 In this episode, we dissect a mind-boggling AITA post that'll leave you questioning friendship dynamics like never before! 💔 From secrets spilled to epic betrayals, this story has it all. Can you believe the audacity of some people? 😱
🤔 Join me as we unravel the tangled web of emotions, trust issues, and jaw-dropping revelations that unfold in this AITA masterpiece. Is it a case of miscommunication, or is there something deeper at play? 🕵️♀️ Let's break it down together!
👯♀️ Have you ever experienced BFF drama that left you shook? Share your thoughts and spill the tea in the comments below! ☕️👇 Don't forget to hit that like button if you've ever had to navigate tricky friendship waters. 👍
🚨 WARNING: Dramatic plot twists and shocking confessions ahead! Viewer discretion advised. 🚨 You won't want to miss a minute of this wild ride.
🌈 Stay tuned for the most candid, unfiltered reactions as we explore the AITA community's wildest stories. If you love a good dose of friendship drama, you're in for a treat! 💖
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Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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Having kids doesn’t mean you can’t do ANYTHING EVER AGAIN but it sure as hell means you have to be really lucky to be able to be away for an entire week!
Ok, but not ONE of her friends could be present for ANY of her milestones, whereas she was present for each and every one of them.. I don’t buy it, it sounds like they all just want to phase her out.
@@indybrim675 Then again, maybe Mary's comments about their being tied down--along with the ridiculous anger about the destination wedding--just made them realize that they no longer really liked her. We have different friends during different seasons of our lives. Mary needs to make new friends, who are in the same stage of life and family.
@@pixie_the_rabbit6833 then sounds like they should have communicated that with her either as a “please stop” or as a “why do you say that?” Or at the VERY least a “I don’t think we can be friends anymore, I don’t think our values or goals align” Usually shit like that comes from insecurity. Don’t stoop to her level and just ignore it and talk about her and be immature about it; grow up and say something, maybe she’s just waiting to get called out and has an apology or explanation ready. Not talking about things before they get bad and just phasing the friend out once they’ve reached the point of no return? Yeah you’ll always be the asshole for that.
A whole week, during Covid, to an expensive destination wedding.
I don’t use the term “childless” to describe myself. I prefer “child free! LOL!
For the second story, it's also important to note that the wedding wasn't just destination + child free but also DURING COVID.
YES. I was looking for this,
yes and depending on your job and your partner it is difficult to get one week of.. for example me and my husband struggle to get all the school vacation in our vacation time so we would not have the luxury to get one week of
Yeah, had to rewind just to be sure. I know I heard a few things that made going to a wedding potentially a no-go.
I would also say OP is NTA depending on how she and her friend group delivered the news they couldn't attend the wedding, if they were nice about it's definitely NTA. Especially if the main reason is financial or they were worried about the virus. If you could afford just one holiday an year (like the girl in the first story) don't you prioritize your own kids in that case and ensure they get a vacation? Also if money is tight and you get sick during the destination wedding and you need to be quarantined, this puts additional financial burden on your household or the person watching the kids cannot accommodate the additional stay? A destination wedding is a huge financial burden on anyone who is not wealthy - time off work, travel, accommodations, gift, wedding attire, etc., this could come up to thousands of dollars. I suspect there was some preexisting resentment or tension in the fiend group. I am the person washout kids and most of my close friends have kids (some had them younger, some a bit older) I would never tell my mom friends how great it is without kids and they would never say they pity me for not experiencing the joys of motherhood. If other people's life choices are not treated with respect and are used to belittle them, then the relationships may end up broken like in this case.
Yeah, if it wasn't for the covid thing there wouldn't be a reason for them to refuse
No matter how good a friend someone is, I would not have flown to their destination wedding in the midst of Covid. I would have sent my well wishes and celebrated them at a later occasion.
I find it WILD she had a child free destination wedding DURING COVID and called them bad friends. Last I checked there were MAJOR travel registrations. Not to mention I'm sure they didn't want to potentially get exposed and pass it on to the MULTIPLE children involved.
exactly or like the family or friends watching said children could have turned positive
the ignoring of this being during Covid was my issue with Charlottes take here
Add on that Charlotte was basically saying that it's possible to drive 6+ hours with MULTIPLE children, oldest 12 max, during the HOLIDAYS. Which people with kids generally organise/ make plans for MONTHS, sometimes a YEAR in advance. Find accommodation in HOTELS, which, again, get fully booked for the holidays MONTHS/YEARS in advance. Take a WEEK+ off work, which, depending on your job, again, needs plenty of advance notice and sometimes isn't possible as you are only allowed a certain amount of holiday time per year ( the holidays being when majority of people use what little holiday time they have left, if any, that isn't mandatory due to job/s that close during the holidays). Not mentioning jobs that are still working during the holidays.Cancle any plans that, more than likely, have already been made, well in advance, with family. Finally, it is 2024, and there are STILL people who are recovering, financially, or otherwise from lock down/ covid. All when being DEMANDED to do so with, by the sounds of it, not that much notice.
or when land find out the shut the area down and all the sudden they not allowed to leave in weeks. that also happened in areas
THIS
Wasn’t the friend putting Op and her friends down bc they chose to start families with their husbands early? I don’t think they have isssues now that she’s a mom- but it’s called reality. Your priorities change and you have little humans depending on you and a partner who have built a system with. It’s not just easy to move everything around and she doesn’t understand that bc she. Didn’t have kids. Resources also matter- my parents are elderly and my sisters don’t have the attentiveness to their own kids that I’d like them to have with mine. Friendships are important however meeting ppl where they are is also. Some things aren’t forever they’re at different stages in life. Distance doesn’t mean beef or lack of support, ppl need to her their heads outta their a$$
The wedding dress story has an update apparently. The friend came to the sister’s wedding and caused a scene (she was an invited guest though) and it came out that she was really into buying and selling vintage clothing. Because it was a wedding dress she hoped it would fetch a bigger price so she basically stole it with the intention to sell it on like she was the one who owned it. The audacity!!!
I thought I remembered that!
I never read/heard this story before, but that makes a lot of sense to me. No way she was just too lazy to find it, I knew there was malicious intent
NOOOOOOOO! Holy crap. And then had the BALLS to cause a scene because she wasn't able to STEAL her friend's mother's vintage wedding dress and sell it? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH! The hands I would have thrown once I found out this plot twist!
😱😱😱
What the heck???
Whoa, she's different type of demon🎉
Thank you! That's what I predicted in my comment above!! Wild!!
for the second story: destination weddings are expensive and everybody should understand, that that's not affordable for everyone. Especially when you have kids
I have lost so many friends over destination weddings. Like I get 14 days off a year, no not for a wedding. Congratulations, but if I can't drive there in 8 hours or less I'm not attending. It's just not happening. I'm responsible to more people than just myself. My immediate family comes first, financially and with my time.
YUP! You have to pay for a plane ticket, passport, room, 3meals a day for a week, etc. Plus why do they have to be there for a full week??? Why not give the option to just be there for the wedding?
@@arkhamxsiren I've seen videos of weddings during covid that were live events through Zoom or whatever. I know that's not ideal, but it was a way to share their wedding day with all their family and friends who wanted to attend. Most seemed lovely, and a heckuva lot safer and stress-free! They did well receiving gifts, too, because many sent $$ through a link on the video.
Not everyone can afford a week off from work. We even work when not feeling well,( not really sick but with female troubles ect) Leaving kids is not like putting your pet in kennel while you're away.Depending on the child's age especially. Small children don't do so well without mommy for a week even if it's grandma watching them. Or Daddy for that matter .What ?Dad takes off work for a week to look after the little ones . NTA
exactly. I never understood the point of destination weddings. If you want to go somewhere tropical just do that for your honeymoon. Do a simple wedding and save up money for the exotic honeymoon. 🤷♀️
When you have kids getting a babysitter for a week straight is wildly unheard of. It's actually comical.
Agreed. You have to:
Take off work (lost money or days that could be needed for family)
Find someone willing to watch them. Rarely will it be for free. Not everyone has family or a partner that can also take off work.
Have money to fund all this (while covering food, bills, etc.)
It’s possible if you are really well to do, I suppose. 🤔
@@hellogoodbyeandallinbetween You mean, OP leave her husband at home to watch the kid? Really?
You're assuming they have the leave to take off work for a WHOLE week to watch the kids. That to me is insane.
@@megan2478why shouldn’t the husband be able to watch the kid? It’s his child as well or are men just incapable of taking care of their own children? 😂
My aunt left my cousins with us for a week and it was not a problem... OP could also go by herself. My dad usually takes 2 weeks off every year to go to Morocco with his friends and as kids we stayed with our mom. Grandparents are also a good option... I'm not saying it would not be hard but it's not impossible. Honestly from a logistics standpoint it would be easier if they turned it into a weekend visit where the friends hung out together and the dads stayed home watching the kids. I don't know the full story and I don't like that this was framed as a demand but also OP's answer was not very kind. But yeah that friend asked for a big favor, and I completely understand why they would say no but I don't understand why they didn't negotiate a more reasonable idea...
To be fair, a week away from kids during Covid would have been EXTREMELY difficult considering most kids were home from school during that time.
Ok Charlotte usually i agree with you. But yhe story about the friend group and having a baby in her 30s i do not agree with. Not everyone can afford to take a week off of work and pay to go to someone destination wedding. 80% of the country literally lives pay check to pay check and one missed week would ruin them. So asking someone to not work and lose an entire pay check and also pay to travel hoyels gas food and everything other necessity just isnt fair or kind. I have a best friend that lives on the other side of the country and we cant always make it to each other's " milestone" events but we wre always there via phone or facetime. Being supportive of your friend doesn't mean breaking yourself financially
also during covid, many were completely brokr
she said it would be difficult and agreed it might not be feasible, everyone is talking aboutthe wedding like that's was the only problem and ignore te rest of the story.
@@Luceroluna_3but she also wanted them to come down to help her during the holidays. Even if you don’t have kids, a lot of people spend the holidays with their families and prioritize that. And seeing as these women do have kids and families of their own, they have to worry about preparing for the holidays, buying presents and even hosting dinners and the family gathering. It’s unfair to ask a friend to completely pause their life particularly during very busy parts of their life for support that can’t be readily given. If she’s really struggling with motherhood, she needs to start making connections with people in her city so she can rely on them for emergencies or tough times.
@@melissaherrera940not to mention, she is the one who chose to move away from her friend group during a potentially difficult time. I don’t even have kids but have worked with them most of my life. There is a good reason people over the age of 35 really generally don’t have kids, and it has nothing to do with fertility or risk. It is really tiring.
A SIX HOUR CAR RIDE WITH KIDS TO SEE A WOMAN WHOS SPENT HER LIFE RESENTING AND BASHING YOUR CHOICES SOUNDS LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE
But they clearly resent her choices too. I think they should all just stop being “friends” with each other.
That.
@@witchykittyyi think they resent her choice because of how entitled she acted, like it isn’t like a ‘hey I would really appreciate if you are able to attend my wedding’, no she demand her friend to attend her destination wedding during covid that they can’t attend, not to mention her attitude before and after that.
Maybe they just weren't meant to hang on to this friendship this long ,and yes being a mom is tough , but she chose to do it when she did and she can't ask for acceptance she just has to be happy about her life and the ones her friends have had ....
@@witchykittyywhen someone basically bashes you at every milestone and brags about their freedoms, then moves to a isolated area after having an expensive, child-free wedding... and THEN expects you to ditch YOUR kids to help with her's... I'm sorry, but no. You bash me and my life, don't expect me to help you out when you only make it harder to.
My biggest gripe with the girl claiming to have fake friends is that she chose a destination wedding during COVID and child-free at that
It’s crazy how charlotte never mentioned, oh i don’t know, how they would be putting their kids LIVES in danger! They could easily, easily bring back Covid and everyone with kids knows how hard it is to keep a cold from running through the family much less Covid!
Not even about the kids lives, honestly the logistics of that would be almost impossible unless you made 200k plus a year... And then you would have to leave your husband at home to watch the kids and not work for a week while you went off to a destination. She wanted a child-free wedding and she got it, the consequences were that that also meant her friends couldn't come. Also a lot of destination weddings people can't go to because they're expensive. That's what you have to consider when weighing pros and cons of your wedding venue. I've known a couple people that did destination weddings and they always held a ceremony at home where everybody else could come and see them exchange bows and have a party together. And honestly if she really wanted to have her village of supporters around her she should not be living 6 hours away from said village. At that point you need to make a new village. 😶
Charlotte, I usually agree with you on the AITA stories, but I couldn't disagree with you more on that second story. My husband and I are childless by choice, and we would never expect our friends to leave their kids for a week and shell out thousands of dollars for a destination wedding. That's a ridiculous expectation. My friend's kids and spouses should absolutely come first in their lives, and it doesn't make them not love me or my husband any less.
I've been waiting for this comment! 😊
True. And the her wedding was during COVID-19.
Yeah, Charlotte seemed pretty immature with that whole thing NGL
Yeah... they were supposed to shell out for flights/hotel and a babysitter for a week during a pandemic??? nah
@@rouka120i think she just had one of those moments where you miss somthing you read, then focused on the wrong things.
In Story #2 the friend could have:
1) not had a child-free wedding, so they can bring their children too
2) waited until the pandemic settled down before getting married
0r 3) have a local wedding instead of a destination wedding
She chose none of these, making it super unrealistic/difficult for her friends to attend the wedding
Also why is a wedding lasting a whole week? Isn't it just supposed to be a ceremony, a photoshoot and a reception?
It’s two separate events. The wedding was first. Which is understandable to not show up as childfree and destination.
Her friend had a child was second and the friend asked them to come up during the holidays (prob as it was a time everyone had off) to come up for a week, as she was struggling with her 6 month old baby that they had never visited or meet the baby.
I don't think the wedding itself lasted a whole week really. I've been to a destination wedding before and it was just a few hours, but we still stayed there the entire week simply because it makes very little sense to spend all that money to go to a destination and then leave after a few hours, at that point there would be no reason to have a destination wedding. I guess they could not stay the whole week but that's still a huge waste of money
I so agree on this one! Though I do find it odd they did not visit her at all in 6 month, even though she tried to make them. I mean the husband could have taken the kids for that what 24 hours, right? If only only friend visits, they could have borrowed a bed, a sofa or an air madras, there should be possibilities. And they could share the gas/transport expenses. BUT we do know know if any of these approaches was tried.. We need the story a little deeper...
As someone who had her first child abroad and moves a lot, it's hard to not have my friends and family around to support me when I need them. However, that is a result of MY decision to live far away from my friends and family. I needed support, so I chose to move closer to home. Isolating yourself by moving away is a choice, and it's up to the individual to take on the consequences.
Yeah, i agree. It's cause she didn't have children, and maybe her friend group all had week long destination weddings - before they were married!
I’m not a parent and am currently single and I think expecting people to leave their children for an entire week to go to a destination wedding is asking a bit much. And it was during COVID. Nah. That’s asking a lot. I had so many issues trying to get my dog taken care of to go on vacation for less than a week, I can’t even imagine trying to find care for an actual child let alone children. Maybe they could’ve tried to make the trip to go see her after she had the baby but even that’s a lot of she’s expecting them to come that long of a way. They’d most likely have to have to find someone to watch their kids then too if they were gonna stay to help for a while. I’m sure any new mother isn’t going to want a bunch of kids running around a newborn.
I’m single without kids and I still wouldn’t go to the destination wedding. The cost of the trip and during Covid, nope. I have pre-existing conditions and their children may as well.
Single childless people can still have a family members or roommates they live with. No one wants to risk themselves or others being infected, especially without a vaccine at the time. That was inconsiderate on the friend’s part.
The mom story is wild. Absolutely not the AH. This is a moment when you can really see her bias in her opinion on this one. No way in hell are people booking child care for weeks at a time to go on expensive vacations to support a friend who has a decade long history belittling everyone else’s choices.
And all this would be a huge ask without it having been during a pandemic.
Hang on, remind me which part said that Mary belittled OP for decades...? I remember hearing she said something that vav be deemed as offensive, but I guess I missed the part where it said she did this for decades... especially considering this friend group seemed to only know each other for about 2 decades, and most of them didn't get married until the decade prior...
Nah got to disagree, I'm thinking its more an ESH situation. This is from OP's perspective and there were classic signs of defensive justification. That's a bit of a flag that there might be more going on. For all we know, OP was jealous of her single life and projected insults into normal life updates. Happens all the time. But, the friend didn't make choices to help either - destination weddings are a lot of ask of anyone imo, and it is a huge logistical challenge if kids are involved.
@@ashl2115 ya I see what you can be saying. Maybe the treatment of her friends over the years doesn’t justify them not wanting to be more involved but I still think the reality of life with kids make the requests unreasonable. But you might be right. Maybe everyone’s the AH 🤷🏻♀️
and the groups age tell us their can´t even leave kids with grandparents becouse they still working to. and the partner can´t jsut take time off eith to have the kids all day
I’ve been on both ends. When my friends started having kids and I was still out living life I could stop by and help with a load of laundry or snuggle a baby while mom showered but by the time I had my first, one of my best friends was pregnant with her 3rd. I didn’t expect her to ever be able to show up for me the same way I did. I had other friends that were able to do that. One of those being the same friend who I recently had to miss both bridal showers for due to my child’s schedule and needs. No one is mad. I understand that you want your friends to be by your side and witness all your milestones but true and long lasting friendships are about much more than that and they can see you through the darkest of times. When my cousin died EVERYONE showed their support the best way they could under their life circumstances. From daily texts to homemade dinners and that’s what love is made of.
Yep, reciprocity in a relationship doesn’t always mean equal, and it was clear in the way she planned her wedding that clearly excluded her “friends” that for her it was transactional. My husband and I are the no kids people. We go to our friends and we have relationships with them because we put the effort in, as do they, just in different ways. I just recently flew across the country to visit with my family on my aunt and uncle’s 70th wedding anniversary. My husband took care of our senior animals (boarding or traveling is too stressful for them these days). It was off holiday so not as expensive and I knew all of my family would be there. They were pleasantly surprised, as they had never expected me to show up, and it was nice to be able to catch up with everyone. A true gift of friendship is see a need, fill a need, not give to get. If any person cannot be the same, they are not a friend and you simply act accordingly.
❤ Well said ❤
Could not agree more
Totally agree
@@TheBaumcm This, absolutely this. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
A week straight for a destination wedding during COVID, where you either have to pay to bring your kids and have a babysitter for the wedding, or you have to be away from your kids and pay for a WEEK STRAIGHT of babysitting for your children. That’s crazy to ask of SEVERAL of your friends. What happened to “it’s your day, not your week” Charlotte?
Amen! She also moved 6 hours away and to a remote area!!
Yeah I thought her kid take was a bad take. Like did she not read during covid!?! Lol. No babysitters or day cares. Grandparents (elderly) were the most easily to get sick with covid... like what? I can't leave my kids alone for a week and I have preteens. I could get the weekend but a whole fricking week! Come on now lol
Yes! It sounds to me like there is also a big difference in financial brackets among the friend group. "It'll only cost you several thousand dollars minimum, a lot of hassle. And a HUGE headache. Why can't you just support me?!" Not everyone has that money lying around, with or without kids. Especially during covid while so many were out of work... if the situation was different, and she was eloping and then demanding that each guest gifts her $2,000+, people would react MUCH differently, even though that is basically what destination weddings ask of guests. Plus, they still expect a wedding gift.
I hate the people who choose to have destination weddings, then get mad when less people are able to attend. If your guest list is the most important thing to you, get married where it is most accessible to the majority of your guests! Or don't get upset when a lot of people that are important to you can't attend.
In the second story, the OP of the Reddit story DID SAY THAT when her and all the other friends were getting married and having kids the "friend" that is now complaining about the other friends not "being her village" for her NOW that she's the Mom BASHED OP AND THE OTHER FRIENDS ABOUT GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING KIDS! OP IS NTA CHARLOTTE!
Was looking for this comment. Not a mom myself, but people have lives outside of your 24 hr wedding day period. After the wedding, they still have bills, families, etc. On your wedding day, you have final say on the procedure of things and who is allowed to come. But invited guests are not required to attend, especially where health, safety, and financial concerns come into play. If you prioritize the destination/timing of your wedding over concern for your guests, expect them to act accordingly.
Also, regardless of your history, people who live six hours away are not going to be an active village. Period. For many reasons, sounds like Mary needs new friends.
She knew her friends had kids when she invited them to her kid free destination wedding. No one is dropping their kids off anywhere for an entire week. That’s a wild idea. Who is watching them? Your parents? They’ll have to take off work. Your partner? They’ll also have to take off work. So everyone in either situation has to lose out on probably much needed income so you can hang out for a week? Even if someone agreed to watch them no way I’d want to leave my children for a week. A weekend maybe but that’s it. Maybe she should have considered that when she was planning her wedding and knew her friends all had kids to take care of. Not the a**hole. Kids come before friends.
Exactly!
YES YES and YES!!!! The only people who don't understand this, don't have kids. Single people will get it when they do.
Dropping their kids off for an entire week????? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE????????????? Does family not exist????? Do grandparents die outside the country I live in when their kids get married??????????? I'm confused and dumbfounded by this fkn statement???? Like MY FRIEND with her 8 kids USE TO take on her families or friends kids for a week if they wanted to go on vacation.... you and everyone these days MAKE THINGS AND LIFE COMPLICATED! MY god... god help the future of this world.
ANd then when your kids grow up and go through that stage where they HATE YOU and NEVER want to talk to you... you'll have NO FRIENDS to talk too about it.
@@xoselhketnot everyone has this luxury or support when it comes to having an available babysitter.
Charlotte, Mary is the AH. She spent so much time telling her friend group how they were missing out because she chose a certain path. She belittled everyone then expected them to show up for her. She burned her bridge. As a mom of 2, I’m not gonna jump through hoops for someone who belittled me for my life choices. OP is NTA.
So true. I'm the childless unmarried one in my thirties among my friends and family, so I understand how much it hurts Mary that she is no longer a priority in her friends' lives. But it's just a fact that their lives have changed A LOT in the years since college, so she can't possibly expect things to be like they were in college just because her life hasn't changed or has taken longer to change.
Personally, I can't imagine having a child-free wedding because those little people are such an important part of the lives of the people I love (and I love the children too) that I would WANT them there to be part of the celebrations. (Plus I loved weddings as a kid and hate them as an adult, so in my mind, the kids are the fun part of the wedding.) Obviously, people are free to choose to have child-free weddings, but they need to understand that child-free will mean that many parents will not be able to come, especially to a destination wedding.
Finally, she moved away. The friends have already drifted apart because they have such different lives, but add in a six-hour drive distance, she may as well have moved to the moon. It's ridiculous to expect the "village" to help her raise her kid when SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE IN THE "VILLAGE" ANYMORE.
Yeah, I don’t understand her take on this. I do understand that the friend feels abandoned, but it sounds like she spent a lot of time tearing them down 😕
Eh, I think they all are. Mary shouldn't have acted the way she did, and they shouldn't have acted the way they did. I mean, it did sound like the OP was criticizing her just because she didn't have multiple children in her 20s.
Maybe that's OP's perception and not the truth. Maybe Mary DID choose to use her twenties to travel and experiment and enjoy her single life, and maybe she tried to share her experiences with her friends, who then decided to take it as her bragging; maybe she put effort in maintaining the friendships, showing up for big events, likely offering gifts for the babies and also an emotional support that wasn't valued since "she doesn't know what it's like". And now she's realizing that the friends who didn't support her when she took her time before settling, aren't supporting her either now that she has; and that she put a lot of investment in friendships that have been essentially one-sided for quite some time.
@@MeyaRoseGirl Summed it up perfectly!!
The wedding dress story: I 1000% believe the 'friend' had no intention of giving that dress back. It honestly feels like she was hanging on to it to either eventually sell or give to someone.
If it is the same story I heard before on a different channel, I believe the friend is a vintage clothes seller and was going to sell the dress.
I believe this is the same wedding dress story, she was planning on selling it
Exactly. Why was it tucked behind all kinds of stuff if she was just holding it for a bit. And with the comments from tamisum, and A Rose she is not a friend, she's a thief.
She was definitely stealing it, and hiding it. That's why she stalled and that's why she was mad when the dress was "found"
Yep! Otherwise why was she mad? Lol I have clutter and if I was in the opposite situation, I would be so relieved they found it, unless I was hiding it…😂
I usually agree with Charlotte, however, not this time. She looks at the story as a single, ready-to-mingle woman without children, money in the bank, and a job where a week off is no big deal, the job pays her regularly, and she can basically work from anywhere in the world as long as there is internet service available, she and she doesn't have any other responsibilities to care for those kids. So, looking from the married with children point of view, who is going to keep the kids for a week, will they need to use their vacation time to do so, who's paying the babysitter for a week of 24-hour care, who is paying the folks whose jobs are NOT salary, and if they don't work, they don't get paid? Who pays for airfare, hotel, food, and clothing required for the destination wedding? Do all the people she is talking about have a week's vacation coming to them in the first place? In today's world, do people all have jobs, and if so, are they being paid enough to do all the things the woman is complaining about? I think she is being unreasonable in assuming all her friends can afford all she wants them to do.
I agree, and plus it was covid time. It was pretty scary to fly then. Especially then going to hotel. And if you have Covid, you can’t actually go back home. You have to wait two weeks or more.
This!
100% where my head is at.
Totally agree. Destination wedding during COVID? If you have limited vacation time then a week off it tough for something like this.
Yep, this is exactly what I was thinking. You really are in a different place in your life when you have a family compared to single folks.
For the second story, too many things were overlooked. This friend, throughout the years, made constant comments basically saying she was super lucky to not have made the same decisions as Mary and the rest of the friend group (which already sounds like a friend I wouldn't like to have), and then when she gets married, expects her friends who all have kids to basically and magically take a week off of their lives (children, jobs, appointments, etc) to go to a destination wedding (cost of loooots of money), throws a temper tantrum when they can't and tries to guilt trip them with "I made it to your wedding". Then moves to a super remote location where you can only get there by driving for 6 whole damn hours (which breaks in between and eating should be 8 hours), has a kid, and again expects all of her friends to magically take a week off during the holidays, get there pay for their own accommodations, miss the time of the holidays to spend with their own kids and family, and basically help her raise her kid... and nowhere in the post does it say that she did that for them, cause lets remember that she kept saying she was so lucky for not being tied down by the same responsibilities as the rest of them. I honestly would say wake up and realize that the world does not revolve around you.
I couldn't agree more with you! also the friend it was always traveling, so I guess like you said she was never for OP and the other friends when they struggle being a new mom. Because if I dont rembember wrong OP said that her and the other friends got closer because they were for each other in the first steps of motherhood.
This!!! I’m 21 so I’m not married and don’t have kids but even I was thinking this while she was reading!!! Mary’s friend is so self centered
Yeah, OP would have been the AH without all that, but mocking your friends for their life choices and then expecting them to forgive you when you do the same choice you mocked? No wonder the group didn't wanted to make the extra effort.
Absolutely agree. Kids also need their parents the kid free destination wedding would be a hell no! As if I'd fly to another country without my children. What if something happened to them. If the person wanted her friends with her. she should have invited the kids too! Then she moves to the middle of nowhere and goes hey friends come visit me and my kid but leave yours at home... like what? The holidays atr so busy we have had 8 events in the last 14 days you can't just up and leave. This is the one time Charlotte shouldn't be saying anything if you don't have kids you just don't know what it would be like to leave them and then miss all their Christmas events or the hurt that would then cause the kids!
Absolutely agree
I have 3 toddlers and I can’t think of a single person I would be comfortable with watching my kids overnight, let alone a full week.
Yea this! People are mentioning it would be so expensive to hire a babysitter for a whole week - excuse me do y’all do this, leaving your kids for days at a babysitters? I never heard of that before
And you letting your kids with someone else for a week 🤪 impossible
the friends could come and leave the kids with their fathers...
And that would have been during Covid.
@@anna-rashelpoleva3124I think the thing with that is, the fathers would still have to work during that time. Otherwise I agree. But if it was during COVID, it would be too risky.
I’m in my 20s and childfree but have a lot of siblings. Kids are a full time job that is very hard to “take a week off” from, especially during Covid times. There is absolutely no way I would have wanted my siblings left alone with someone for a week when there is a pandemic going on. I love you Charlotte and normally 100% agree with you on these but our opinions were definitely conflicting this time.
Absolutely. Honestly, anyone who plans a destination wedding should just be aware that not everyone can be there. If you raise the price of access, some people will be priced out. I invited lots of relatives to my wedding who lived across the country, but I assumed they wouldn't be able to make it and that was fine.
I felt the same way as you, I'm in my 20's and childfree, but it wasnt difficult for me to sympathise with OP 😕
Yeah, that and the friend moved 6h away when she had the kid. As OP said, if she lived close by that would be different, but she's placed herself out of reach in both situations for these friends she wants support from then complains
The last story actually has an update. It turns out the “friend” was planning to sell the dress without OP’s permission. I’m pretty sure OP ended the friendship when they found out. I don’t really remember the details
See I was thinking that the "friend" really liked the dress and was going to keep it to give to her daughter/daughter-in-law when they got married to be able to say she passed something down as well. But selling the dress is also another horrible reason for keeping it.
WHOA! I sure hope so!
She should have taken the dress, not told the friend and taken the money the friend offered
Wow, that's crazy I guess they were not that good of friends as OP thought, especially for a friend to do that to another friend. Yeah, I would have definitely ended that friendship
Yes the “friend” even showed up to the sisters ceremony demanding the dress back, but had no proof she owned the dress. And the relative who MADE the dress stood up and vouch for OP being the real owner.
As someone who's childfree, I have to say NTA for Story #2. Mary expected her friends to go to a destination wedding for a week during COVID. Even taking COVID out of the equation, destination weddings can be expensive, something not always feasible for families with multiple children.
I have to agree too. I'm childfree so I'll never know what it's like having kids but at the same time, I don't have the financial means to for something like a Destination Wedding. Plus, even if you don't have a kid, a 6-hour car ride? Call me cheap but man that's a lot even for me!
I concur. I’ve been a parent for 17 years & can’t think of anyone who would have watched my kids for a whole week (in any circumstance, but certainly not to attend a child free destination wedding during a pandemic) 🧐 seems unreasonable to expect multiple friends to do so.
I agree! I do think they should take the time to visit her even if she's 6 hours away though. They might even be able to just bring the kids for that.
Seems everyone is against Charlotte on this one.
Yeah I agree with this, we also don’t know the financial circumstances of the people. I just went to an destination wedding with my husband and child and it very nearly bankrupted us
Its incredibly privileged to assume that people can afford a week vacation/childcare. Not everyone has the means or family support to make that happen. I normally adore charlotte and her takes but this is so delusional influencer coded.
I'm so glad most of the comments are in agreement here. I've never commented on her videos but I was really upset with her take on this story, I have a close friend group some like sisters, but I can't afford to go to a destination wedding. Something very expensive even if you don't have kids. If you want a DW you need to accept that some people can't afford to come.
@@singit76 Yes to all of this!! Also, for what it's worth-- I think in a recent video she kind of changed her tune! She was saying how it isn't realistic to go to destination weddings and you have to accept that it isn't possible for everyone. I think the vibe in this comment section definitely got her attention and I think it's great that she's changing her mind. This is one of the only things I have really disagreed with her on, and it made me feel like she had lost touch with reality.
I've seen the original post on reddit. Yes, there were some people saying YTA like Charlotte, but the general consensus was that "Mary" is delusional to expect things to be just like they were in college and for her friends to be there for her the way the rest of the friends were there for each other in the early days of their marriages and children when their lives are now in a totally different place, literally and figuratively. Charlotte either didn't read any of those posts or conveniently edited them out.
@khadijahgabiola funny, I thought the same thing when that came up again.
Looks like she got the message lol.
Married women are the worst my friends keep in contact once a month, and it takes flipped weeks to make plans.
Kids just do that to you.
For the third story, a detail that people commonly miss, but I've seen pointed out is that, how did the friend know OP looked in the closet? Op simply texted "I found the dress" and didn't make any mention of where they looked, but the "friend" somehow knew where OP looked, almost as if she knew where it was the whole time.
Also, there was apparently an update where it was discovered that the "friend" was planning on selling the dress.
You're absolutely right. That was the friend's guilty conscious talking.
I'm shook reading this!! Man, the better part would've been she could've taken the money the friend offered, find the dress anyway and take it home, say nothing about finding it, then use the money to her discretion. Maybe a little evil or amoral, but so it selling off someone's family heirloom. 🤭🤭🤭
She was definitely not a friend and I really hope OP knows this now & has cut contact with that thief. Fancy doing that to your ‘friend’, what a horrible person she is!
Oooh, good catch!
I saw an update that the “friend” has a side business of selling vintage dresses. She was planning to steal the dress and sell it. At the sister’s wedding the “friend” crashed it and tried to say that OP and her sister stole the dress from her. I think OP called the cops on her.
No, Charlotte. You actually can't take a week off from being a parent. Unlike pretty much anything else in life, kids are something you can't put aside. They are incomplete humans and depending on your care. Nothing trumps the importance of that. Not even friendship.
That sucks for people who decide to postpone or completely sign out of having children. I get that. But it is what it is. Kids take priority. Always. Period.
This really needed to be said. This was the most enraging segment ever.
I don't have kids, but even I get that. All my friends have 1-3 kids and I see and am full of admiration of just what they have to juggle on a daily. It feels so childish to expect anyone to prioritize you over their kids. That's just not how the world works.
Yes this!! Even if I could take a whole week off work and afford to go to a destination wedding, I don’t have family that can watch my kids for a week. Not everyone has a village. So is my husband supposed to lose a weeks with of wages to watch them too? No thanks. My kids are my priority.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling perplexed over this part. Because it’s not like they’re choosing not to see that friend out of spite. Their reasons for not being there are valid, imho. It’s not just some dick move to show how they don’t “value the friendship” enough.
I agree.. i will never take a vacation without my kids until they are grown enough to be able to speak their minds. Until then, my kids are with me. I went on a 8 hour drive with my two kids for my cousins wedding, while my inlaws were available to babysit. I said no, they are coming with me for this 4 day trip. I cannot even imagine taking a plane.. what if an accident is to happen and I am so far away? Nop... i do not agree with charlotte on this one.
Story #3; OP's friend "claimed she couldn't find [the wedding dress]". But when OP let her know she found it, the response was, "Why did you rummage through my closet?" Strange how, all of a sudden, she knew where it was 🤦♀️
Insight on the wedding dress story, turns out OP's friend works (or owns, I don't remember which) a secondhand clothing store. Take from that what you will.
For story 2 there are logistics considerations. If she wanted her friends with kids to attend her wedding, making it a destination wedding really increased the price. While people with kids, could probably manage a weekend childfree wedding nearby, having to cover the cost of a week of child care or even find it is hard. Also, if you moved to live in a place that is a 6 hour car ride away from your friends, then even if you friends want to help you, you have made it logistically hard and cost prohibitive. Also, if she has a baby and your friends have children that are 5-10 years old, you child and their children can't really play together. So join a local community center/ church and make friends with people that have a child the age of your baby. So it would be nice if your friends show up for you, but you also can't create huge barriers that make it logistically and financially difficult for them to do so.
Exactly! If your friends have kids they need to take care of, your child is not their priority, whereas when they didn’t all have kids it was much easier to help. You have to understand that your friend’s priority’s are their children not yours.
@@TwiDashFTW and with the age they are in their parents most likely still work so they can´t babysit either
As a mother. I totally get where they are coming from. Its extremely hard to just take a random week off from being a mother. The friend of OP will notice soon enough. I’ll most likely have to miss out on my close cousins wedding because they have a no kids wedding that we would need to travel to, and the whole family is invited so no one is available to help with childcare.. and there is no way in hell my kid is staying with a stranger for a whole weekend Nevermind a week!! I could not do that to her. People have a serious misconception about what having children means. Never mind what it does to your “social” life. I live 5min away from one of my best friends, our kids are the same age.. we probably see each other once every couple of months because our families are now the priority, and kids are just like sick all the time.😅 but we’re adults and we know and understands this. So its not that our friendship is over, its just in an odd phase. OP and her friends all sound like they need to grow up.
@@hellogoodbyeandallinbetween it can be, but we also know that when the kids get older it will get better. We still prioritize seeing each other but its impossible to do it on a more regular basis. Becoming responsible for people, be that your kids or whom ever is a lonely job. I’m sure there are people able to keep their social life going some way but its difficult to be a caretaker of a whole human and maintain relationships in general. There is a reason having kids is one of the major marital stressors.
"I would not do that to her." The definition of a helicopter mom.
@@Wendylovespittiesnot leaving your kids for a week with a random babysitter is not helicopter!
@@Wendylovespitties shes 3years old.. and 60% of kids who are sexually abused are abused by “trusted family members” I’m glad you have freedom in your life from the fact that a shit ton of kids get sexually abused. I’m not taking chances with her safety. If that makes me a helicopter parent then so be it.
I don't have anyone to watch my kids for a week. It would be impossible for me to attend.
What I think is important about the second story is that her wedding was DURING covid. I would also not attend a wedding and leave my kids somewhere tbh... everything beyond that.... feels resentful tbh
This. I agree. Sorry, but while it’s not her fault, it’s unrealistic to expect anything like that.
i think having all her friends drive 6 hours with kids for christmas when they have their own families is a little absurd, but i think i need more context
Getting a babysitter for a week straight is comical.
@@Bayloy IJS. I don’t even know what going rates are but it has to be a couple hundred a day, easy. If someone has a bag of holding they are pulling bank out of, let me know and I’ll consider a week vacay lol
And that’s if you can find non psychos to watch your kids.
People without kids do not get how deep of a thing this is. I honor their process in not having them, but they don’t get it.
1000% agree
She’s definitely not the AH
spoiler alert:not everyone has extra money to attend a destination wedding when you have responsibilities at home charlotte…if she really wanted her friends their she would have told them to bring the kids - YOU can drop everything you do and go out of town/country because no one is dependent on you to eat
that lady sounds selfish and privileged to expect a group of mothers to leave their children on the holidays,travel 6+ hours to take care of her and her child…that’s asinine behavior!!
she’s almost 40 bro!! 😂
Exactly!
You're right, but it doesn't seem like the friends tried to be part of her life anyway. I see no intentions of compromising or suggesting more reasonable options.
Yes she was asking too much and being ridiculous/entitled but also her "friends" let her go on and complain about it behind her back for validation.
The friend never mention money trouble or anything else than children and responsibilities too, my guess is the friendship was long dead before all this but none of them know how/when tu cut ties.
Like seriously we really need to normalize cutting ties with people that make us unhappy.
I honestly think the friend group was tired of her..because she's single with no kids and she still wanted to live like it was college and that's impossible!!!
she's acting entitled to their time when they don't owe her anything AT ALL!! @@keerya4179
@@keerya4179I agree with you 100%, it really seems like when the majority of the group got married/had kids, they started excluding the single friend. They should've just kicked her out then instead of letting things drag out to the situation now, where she feels her friends aren't there for her. It's sad that it had to happen but not uncommon when you're the only person not having kids in a friend group.
@@kag3inu4 @keerya4179 that's super selfish..it's just 1 single and solo lady that moved across the state/country and she expects a group of MOTHERS to leave their children and families on CHRISTMAS to drive however far to take care of her and her needs..that's absolutely ridiculous!!
that's the equivalent to someone complaining about their friends not coming to a destination wedding...my life doesn't revolve around serving you and your silly request!!
Having kids doesn't mean you can't do ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, but it DOES mean you are more fincancially restricted, and finding a babysitting for a whole week, especially if your husband works, is not only expensive but in a lot of cases, entirely impossible. Moms can't drop everything and leave, and even if she could, theres probably no way they could afford it.
and they are in a age with their own parents still working so thats not even a solution
"you couldnt just take a week off?!"
Ah yes, spoken like someone with enough money to do what they want, when they want...
Cant just toss my kids at a pet sitter for the cost of a months pay.
Very entitled ❤ily Chartlette, but dang 😂
Agree, i love charlotte! ❤ but this was super out of touch. Clearly she is banking because as a poor person this is unbelievably unreasonable both the wedding & the missing holiday with family for a friend..
100%, Charlotte was way off the mark here. Usually love her takes, but this one was a major fail
I hate to admit it but you’re so right. A lot of people don’t have their parents in their lives due to them passing or other problems. We can’t all afford sitters AND the cost of going on a vacation. I don’t even have kids but it’s a struggle to just get by nowadays so I don’t get how she was so out of touch on that one.
Exactly, Charlotte has no clue what kind of lives these friends lead. Not everyone can just pay for babysitting , take a week off for vacation., …like, come on guys it’s no big deal. Love to hear how she feels when she has kids. I think she was empathizing more with the person, because she sees herself in that person, maybe….She’s going to be an older mom and is hoping that her friends will be there for her. I’m sure they will be Charlotte, you seem to have a good friends.
it felt salty and entitled. As if she expects her friends to do the same when her time comes as well. She says she loves to spend money on her friends and expects nothing but doesn't seem that way anymore smh
For the first story, I love how aware and honest that friend is… she knows that kind of trip would not make her happy, she deserves to be happy. So does her friend! Her friend probably would of felt bad and awkward at some point if they went together
I agree
"deserves"?
@@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh Don't we all deserve to be happy? Well, maybe not murderers and child abusers, but this is a young woman hurting from a bad relationship who wants to feel good about herself. If doing a "hot girl Summer" does that for her, who are we to judge?
This is what happens when you weren't raised to please everyone at the cost of your own self. Also, wow, NTA, what a mean friend. Calling her a ton of names when she mentioned she didn't wanna be her influencer assistant.
Her friend has codependency issues for sure.
Yeah, in the second story, Mary had absolutely no point. I'm a single woman in my thirties with no kids but I don't need to have a husband or children to understand why traveling to a destination wedding DURING COVID for a week would be a hassle for a lot of families, even those with the means to just go on a week long out of state/country trip. And she wants them to come help her during the holidays. Like, I don't celebrate and I still understand that would be difficult. I mean, that's typically time people spend with *their* families.
I dunno, I feel like Charlotte wasn't really paying attention to the details on that one. Only reason I can think of for her having such a bad take. That or she's projecting, which would be weird as that's not typically the case.
I do think it's projection. She sounds like she's taking Mary's side too personal. The fact is, the friend group doesn't like Mary enough to make the effort. The OP was trying to justify it, which kind of makes her an AH, because she should acknowledge it and move on from the friendship which doesn't really exist anymore.
@@SpotofTeaGirl tbf, sounds like Mary doesn't like her friends all to much because who insults their friends for not having the lifestyle she had. Or having a childfree destination wedding during covid when every one of her friends had more then one kid. Or moving 6 hours away and expecting everyone to come to you...
@@LA-mz1ddright. It is the demanding challenging things that makes Mary an A-hole more than OP. A 6 hour drive is no easy feat and I would only do it once or twice a year if it was my very close friend. A 6- person friend group where you have had years to drift apart because of different lifestyles…. I don’t think they are that close anymore.
Charlotte always gave this type of response everytime stories about an older single woman is brought up, it's like she suddenly can't see things objectively 😅
I'm thinking Charlotte was feeling her own life decisions in that story. Maybe she has a friend or few who had children in their 20s and are bonding in a way she hasn't been able to and won't be able to when she does finally decide to get married and have children.
Taking a week off with children is an incredibly insane request. A weekend would be really hard but a week?? Absolutely NTA. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone listening to this. Like everyone has disposable income and can just take a week off of work, spend a shit ton of money on a trip and have someone that can watch their children which includes school, homework, sports, after school activities, etc...what??
On the second story, the girl who got married later in life, I think they’re less likely to help her because she made snarky comments about them being married with kids younger. It’s hard to want to help someone who is so critical of your own life. It makes her sound like a hypocrite.
they were also very critical of her life choices too, so they're even on that front
Even if they want to help, the help the older mom is requesting isn't reasonable. Asking people to abandon their children and in-laws on Christmas morning just isn't gonna happen, they can come up to visit some other time. They can do zoom hangouts and let her vent, they can send diaper care packages. She doesn't not "have a village" because of her age, it's because she moved to the middle of nowhere where she doesn't know anyone. Maybe it was for her husband's job and she got no say, but it's certainly no the friends' fault.
The older mom sounds really selfish tbh, she has no problem demanding that everyone abandon their families to go to a destination wedding they can't afford. If you throw a very expensive destination wedding, you should expect your middle class friends to politely decline.
I honestly think this people are not really friends. Just pretending to be friends.
Couldn't agree more!
As far as the story about the group of friends with the destination wedding - I could easily see how it might not be financially possible. Maybe they don't have a week of vacation time left. Maybe they literally can't afford a trip anywhere because they're on a budget. Those types of trips plus a wedding gift and hotel room for a week is a huge expense. A lot of people barely have any spending money at all after bills each month. Many have none.
Totally disagree with Charlotte on the friends later in life thing. She wants the friends and their husbands to travel out of the country for a whole week to vacation with her and do bridal stuff, which would involve childcare, taking kids back and forth to school and activities, and then take the holidays too, when these are moms who are pretty much entirely responsible for all Christmas activities in the home, not to mention taking them away from extended family and in laws, who would not understand why they were gone. We’re also assuming the husbands are able to take off work to care for the kids on holidays, or that they’re financially stable enough to hire Nannies or babysitters. If the friends were able to just fly in for the wedding without husbands, if the friends were able to visit on a non-holiday week with possible help from grandparents, then yeah, the friends are being disrespectful. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Single lady is expecting a bunch of moms with multiple kids to act like single ladies again. Op was a jerk in her reply but the friend is entitled.
OP is still the asshole because of shaming Mary for making the choice to have kids and marriage late, not for not being able to go. It's not cool to make someone feel like shit for waiting. Like yall say, it's A LOT of responsibility. I'd not be mad if my friends couldn't go, but I'd feel like shit if I waited till I was comfortable to have a family and got shamed for it OP even said something about how she should have had kids and got married when everyone else did so they would have had time for her.
@@HighAsHeckPriestessShe is the AH for saying that, but at what point do you get sick and tired of the petty comments because you chose to have a family when YOU were comfortable and you get judged for it? “Thank god I don’t have kids”???? Like good for you??? For YEARS, getting judged because your family is number 1 priority, you can’t hang out as often, you can’t just drop everything and go out of country for a whole week, things like that. So yeah OP is an AH for that but I don’t really blame her. I also don’t think the friend should be viewed as innocent because she was doing the SAME THING for YEARS
I'm agreeing with you here. OP even said she wasn't initially shaming her friend for choosing to do things later in life, she said that they all supported her. However, even when you support a friend, if they whine and complain about the same things all the time, that can get tiring and your patience can really just vanish. I'm the last of my friend group to be getting married (I'm in my 30s) and I do not expect my friends to suddenly abandon their responsibilities to give me the whole shebang (make single friends, seriously. Priorities change when you get married, and I understood that when my friends became less available). I think everyone is too focused on the "oh she's shaming her for doing things later" and not seeing the whole message which is "We don't have the time that we used to have and she's mad at us for it"
But didn't Mary also kind of shame them for getting married and having kids young as well?? Saying how she's so "lucky" because she isn't tied down like the rest of them. Like???? @@HighAsHeckPriestess
Totally agree with Charlotte.
Story two got me. I am glad Charlotte at least acknowledged she has no kids, but I think this was a case that her bias/lived experience shows. I am a married, childless adult with friends who are both single, with kids, and without. One of the realities of being an adult is understanding that not everyone’s life circumstances are the same. I know that there are some things that each type of friend will have relatability and limitations on. I could likely not afford a week destination wedding now without kids, so I can only imagine having children. I feel that if the bride/older mom really cares for her friends, she would care for their kids too. I would never expect my parent-friends to push their own families aside to meet my needs, and that is what I feel this bride was asking. She planned her wedding as she wanted, but she has to understand that with those choices, some people may not be able to make it. No one is wrong for that, and she is not wrong for choosing to hold her wedding how she wants it. But she has to get over that offense, because ultimately both parties are adults making decisions that are best for them and their responsibilities. Then, after having her kid, I would think she would be more understanding of where her friends were coming from. I think her expectations were too high, and quite frankly selfish. She could have just expressed that she felt hurt that her friends couldn’t make it to the wedding (even though I ultimately believe no one is in the wrong for that, given the circumstance in this scenario) and as a new mom she needs help. And the friends can arrange a way to help that works for them, instead of her making demands. To me I think this new mom is hurting her own self by having unrealistic expectations and is not even being willing to hear out her friends. Frankly, she sounds just like a selfish person. So I don’t think OP was the A-hole because what she said was true. I think she was angry and probably could have spoken more kindly, but this friend can’t demand her friends to drop everything for her. Once you have kids/family, that is always your number one priority.
Sorry Charlotte. As the oldest of five, I had to plan a lot around my younger siblings....once I was old enough to do the babysitting on my own my dad would take my mom out occasionally but never for a week, and driving six hours to help a friend take care of their newborn sounds nuts to me. I think that part got glossed over a little too much. If she's living 6 hours away in a place that can only be reached by car, she's asking too much from her friends who have to drive kids to school, possibly practice and clubs.....I live 2 and 1/2 hours away from home and that's excluding gas stops, eating and bathroom breaks....and kids don't like traveling that long, that's where some horror stories of being stuck on planes with children come from. I'm glad you can understand not being able to attend a destination no-children wedding Charlotte, but you missed what OP said about driving to her friend.
Yes! i am the oldest pf 8 and know exacyly what you mean. i couldnt go anywhere or do anything unless i took a sibling. they are both the A Hole here
Mary wanted the village but she no longer lives in it.
Yeah, living 6 hours away means the friends would have to make a 12-hour round trip, so they'd likely be staying a couple days, and either having their kids come with them (which is hard to have kids in a new place out of their routine) or they'd have to find childcare (which is difficult and likely expensive).
It seems completely unreasonable to be like "Well we're friends, so you should be able to drive 6 hours to help me out." My sister lives 2 hours away and will ask me to come out and help with stuff, and that often seems pretty unreasonable given my kids' schedules and needs, gas, time, energy to do all that, etc.
@elizabethtrudgill3567 Some couples have their lives worked out to be able to work properly with both parents there. Work schedules to always have a parent home (if you do not do daycare), dropff and pickup times for school and practices, dr appts, etc. A lot of times couples don't bail for days on one another unless it is an emergency. For example, my husband left our children and I for a week to visit his mother after she was diagnosed with cancer. That's an emergency situation. He would never leave us for anything that wasn't major, so why would I do that to him?
Yes, and I also think she missed the fact that she wanted them to make that drive to come help her during the holidays. That time of year is crazy busy for everyone.
Second story : As a mother of 4 it is hard to ask someone to take over responsibilities for your children for a week. Particularly during covid when most kids where home doing online classes. It was difficult to make sure everyone was doing what they needed in multiple locations of the house. When you have multiple kids your day is pulled in so many different directions that by the end of the day you don't know where the day has gone, where the week has gone or where the year has gone. Taking the destination in to account you jave to expect that a large portion of your guests would not be able to go for various reasons. If she had a wedding closer and it was child free having a one evening sitter would probably be doable for most if not all. I also think that asking your friends to leave their family on the holidays is unrealistic. I could understand her trouble adjusting but ask for another weekend a different month not the holidays. While I think that op could have possible choosen her words better she did live for years listening to the friend say how lucky she was to not have kids and how great her life was traveling all over that the friends probably don't want to hear her complain now. It is hard t nsay not knowing the tone but it is wildly unfair to be upset for not being able to drop a household to take off for a week and wildly unfair to ask that your families traditions and holidays be put on the back burner.
With 4 kids I didn't even get date night. Lol
I love watching these videos and usually agree with Charlotte's rulings, but this first story is definitely not the A-hole. While it is certainly difficult and frustrating for the friend who got married later in life to not have the support she gave to her friends, the fact of the matter is that people with children are responsible for their children and, therefore, cannot just leave them for a week at a time, especially to help look after other people's kids. Nevermind the financial part of what that may entail, assuming OP's children are under 18 years of age, those children cannot be left with a babysitter or grandparents or anyone for extended periods of time - nevermind around the holidays which is family time - so that they can be cool aunties for the friend. When people are single, they have the freedom to allocate their time and money as they wish, but the same is not true in the same way when children are involved. Speaking from experience, a week away from kids is impossible and if not impossible, not ideal. Children need routine and consistency and I could never justify leaving my kids for a week, nevermind a day to go play mommy for someone else's kids. If she was struggling that much, I would have offered for her to come and stay with me so at least she wouldn't be alone, but OP is right. She made decisions to have children later in life and doesn't live close to her friends. So, if she is asking that her friends pretend to be like she was when she was single and to come and play the cool auntie, it doesn't work like that. And a trip abroad? During COVID? Delulu.
I normally agree with her as well, but yeah, even though my daughter is already 12, leaving for a week at a time isn't that feasible.
A lot of comments say 'leaving the children with babysitters' without thinking there are fathers around.
Fr I never normally comment but I came here feeling kinda mad about her reaction to that one- no way in hell the people in their mid thirties with kids and families are Assholes for not dropping everything and going to do whatever this one friend asks, like no friends are not more important than any of that stuff, I was baffled by how quickly and strongly Charlotte just went "youre an asshole for not leaving your kids in childcare for the holidays" 💀💀 like what??
she wasn't an AH for not attending her friend's milestones but she was an AH for that comment
Never mind it was a DESTINATION wedding. She talks like it's easier for some families to just pay for these kinds of things. Unless she gave her friends 1 or 2 years to prepare and save the money for this (travelling, hotels and etc), it's unrealistic to expect your friend that has kids, healthy insurance, probably a mortgage and etc, to just expend this money to attend your wedding.
Regarding the second story, while I understand both sides and know from personal experience how hard it can be to adjust to mom life, as a mom you can't put your kids on pause for a week. Taking a week off only works when your spouse or someone in the family is willing and able to take over all your duties for that time. No babysitter will ever agree to that.
Even most family members wont agree to that. That’s basically full on parenting. Some could handle 24hrs but a week? Hell no and for free?
Haven't you heard of family and commom sense arrangements? What you need is someone to watch out when the babysitter time is up for the day. Like... Many families with both parents working? Gosh, it's like you all have been brainwashed. I cannot even get it for most single moms, I was raised by one, and my grandma would help out in those cases. I still think a whole week is a lot... but my god, you all really talk and act as it was a blasfemy to expect support in raising children and keeping up your own life. Girl, really, pause 2 seconds and think about it. Do you really think you don't deserve your people raising up to the occassion when you need it?
Bad take, @aylenvillarreal5439 . Baaad take.
The family and common sense arrangement is not to go to a weeklong luxury wedding. Most people don't have family who can support them that long - I'm not foisting a kid onto their grandparents for a week, or onto a babysitter for A WHOLE WEEK. You can do this with pets, but a child is not a pet. Even when someone has that kind of resource, they are keeping those resources in the wings for, say, an actual emergency. A friend's wedding is not an emergency
If a friend was pushing me to make an enormous sacrifice of this nature to "support her"... well, that's not a friend. If you want support in the form of attendance, don't make a destination wedding. A one day, maybe two day event? I can do that. I can have a sitter for one day, maybe even a whole 24 hours... but nah, fam, no one these days can afford to take that kind of time off of work, and no one is taking that kind of time away from kids.
@aylenvillarreal5439 I know this is a month later, but you were very privileged to still have your grandmother around to help your mom. Not everyone has grandparents when they're young, not everyone has family in the same state or country let alone town. Some people have no family at all. Try walking in someone else's shoes that aren't the same size as yours before you expect them to fit.
@@aylenvillarreal5439 Not everyone wants to help parents out even if you do have family. Many parents go through this things where friends and family grow distant because you become "too busy" with parenting duties and cannot do fun adult things. You as a parent can't just expect that everybody will drop everything for you for a week and help you for free. People have jobs, parents live far away, grandparents are dead or not physically available, parents may not want to leave their children for a week. There are so many factors and it's diff for everybody. (the partner would also have a job so that is also not viable).
Charlotte dead wrong on the second story. She has no kids she doesnt understand what it takes to get away for a week. 1)finding a babysitter you can trust 2)being able to enjoy any of it while youre away bc you’ll be constantly worried about the children 3)moneyyyyyyyyyyy
Yeah, I could probably swing traveling for a wedding and taking a week off, but leaving my kids at home while I do that? That requires probably grandparents taking time off from work to watch my kids, which is a BIG ask, and not everyone has even that as an option! Who else would I trust? Who would I be able to pay to do that? It's absolutely crazy. Childfree events are fine, but you got to assume that some people who have kids just won't be able to make it and you have to make your peace with that.
That’s the thing.
MONEY.
You don’t know how hard it is to pay for vacations once you have kids, and how EXPENSIVE and NEEDY kids are.
Always choose your kids over friends, k.
@@rouka120heck, I DON'T have kids and I wouldn't be able to attend a destination wedding. I can't even fathom trying to do it with kids.
I 100% agree it is so difficult for all those reasons and even then I could never enjoy myself knowing that my child is at the hands of someone who could harm them in this day and timez.
Why are you guys missing the fact that they have HUSBANDS
Usually I agree with Charlotte, but school, babysitting, clothing for a wedding, airfare, hotels, meals and entertainment for a week for a wedding is kind of crazy. I myself have no kids and it’s a crazy expense I couldn’t imagine for a family with multiple kids. I would opted for going only for a 3 days if possible
ya, but they didn't even try that. For the whole period of around 3 years from the advance notice for the wedding all the way up to her 6 month old child they didn't make time for her.
The wedding is something I definitely can understand not being able to attend. It was a destination wedding during Covid. She also didn’t want any kids and she knew her friend group all had multiple kids. So to be upset about the wedding is ridiculous. I will say that the OP is a slight AH for not even trying to see her friend for even a few days for support. But we also don’t know if there was family plans for said holidays that prevented this from happening, if so then OP isn’t the AH
and it was during covid... I'm so disappointed with charlotte's response. the op literally have to risk getting covid and passing it on to her kids just to attend that wedding, which would make her a very irresponsible mother
Yep. Anything following the phrase ‘I don’t have kids so I don’t know…but’ is usually bullshit. Not her fault, but sometimes you literally have NO idea until after kids.
Came here to say this. As a single parent, it is frickin HARD to do things. I think the OP and group could have done more, but there is a lot of context missing and if these women don't have the extra $ for a week of childcare, it's not possible for her to go. I left for work, years ago, and got a good orice from a friend who watched all 3 24/7 to the tune of $110 CDN / day. Kids are expensive. Normal life things take a back seat. And a 12 hour return drive with kids is no picnic.
Second story: in my childfree days, i would probably have also called the woman not showing up for her friend with a new baby an ahole. But seriously, leaving your kids for a week isn't easy or cheap. It wasn't cool to age-shame her friend who had kids late but I believe her that it may really not be feasible to travel to spend a week with her friend (away from her own kids) during the holidays.
I mean it's a double cost with the destination wedding 1. Cost of childcare even if they stay with family 2. The wedding during COVID which can go from 1 week to 3 very quickly
The wedding definitely not the ah but when a friend is struggling and asked for a week you don’t t have to go for a week. You can compromise come up short amount of time. I had people come visit postpartum with my second, once a month and they d stay for like 2 hrs and had a 1 1/2 hrs drive there and back. Because they wanted to show up for me and was true friends. I will forever try and show up for people like that.
If having 4 day weekend coming up leave the Thursday after work and car pool save gas and be a fun mom trip. Come back Sunday night or Monday morning. Even 2 days be better than nothing.
I m sure if they have partners they can help watch theirs kids. If some one doesn’t maybe they can have a sleep over at another friends house. Men are very capable of watching their kids.
Facts
This. Why would anyone miss a holidays with own kids? Why don't she find a sitter for 2hours and clean or prepair something? Especialy when she taught that is no big deal to find a sitter for a whole week 🤷♀️
@@SweetHeart-lifeduring COVID, even a couple of days could become weeks off.
Could not agree less with the destination wedding story
Re, the woman in the group that got married last: Some people have jobs they simply cannot take time off from. And when you have kids, not everyone has easy access to baby sitters, or someone that will take on that responsibility for a week, let alone a weekend. Especially for toddlers or special needs children. Then there's finances. When kids need braces or something for an event, that's where the extra money goes, and sometimes having a destination wedding, without considering all of this, means you won't have some people at your wedding. I know I could never afford to attend a destination wedding, and the job I had, would never be able to schedule time off for anything but my own vacation. Having children changes everything in your life.
There are five of them... living in close proximity... surely, _one_ friend can take a week off to show their friend the ropes of how to care for her infant? All that is required is for the other 4 friends to pitch in to care for the children of the visiting friend.
YES! Charlotte got that one wrong! Some families just don't have the time, resources, support or FUNDS to do this kinda stuff! Our Petty Potat Queen needs a reality check.
@@ajsmellypiratehooker1019 she just has no idea. And I was never shown the ropes, as it were. Every baby is soooo different. It’s learn as you go for all of us.
@aralornwolf3140 I moved 8 hours away from all of my friends and family. I would NEVER expect them to come to me because I am struggling. We are in different phases of life. I am the one with kids, they are the ones traveling. Even still, money can be tight and I was the one that chose to move away. If I need them. I find a way to go to them, even with little children. In the 6 years I have lived here. I can count on one hand the number of times my friends have each came to visit. I do not blame them or resent them for it. It was my choice to leave. This friend sounds incredibly entitled and selfish. If she needs help so badly, she should go to them. It's a lot easier for one person with one child to get time off of work and travel than 5 people with families and jobs all at the same time.
This! There are so many factors in life that make something like this completely unfeasible, even if you DON'T have kids!
No, Charlotte, you can't take off for a week to go to a party when you have kids. Especially if you have very young children. I've blown off like 3 destination weddings and I never thought I would be like that, but there's nobody to take them for a week. You're usually right, disagree this time. Honestly though, she shouldn't have planned a destination wedding if she wanted her friends with kids there.
yeah i agree, and during covid i think it would be even harder to find someone to babysit your kids
If it’s a friend that has done for you, you can. I live 2500 miles away from any family and have done this. You plan accordingly. But, agree during COVID I would not. I would however make time to visit. Leave the kids with the husband for the day or weekend. This cost nothing but time and gas if they all go together.
I had kids much later than all my friends. I was always there for all of them because I was child free and I can tell you right now only 1 childhood friend has ever made the effort to visit me. It meant the world to me and I’ve made sure to take care of her whenever she has needed it financially if I could. If you care you will find a way to make it happen. Stop blaming everything on kids.
Her friends didn’t have them in interest . True friends will always accommodate
I also feel differently about people that choose to move very far from everyone. It was HER choice to move that far. You don’t now get to inconvenience everyone you know by demanding they come visit you. YOU moved. The burden of commuting is on you.
Your life isn’t everyone else’s lives. Your shoes don’t fit on everyone else’s feet. Don’t assume everyone has the time, spouse (or other babysitter), working car, money, etc., to do a huge trip like that. It’s rude and privileged to make assumptions like you have.
She planned a destination wedding, and it was a "childless" wedding at that.... and then was upset that her friends couldn't attend. How laughable! If you plan a destination wedding, expect that some friends will not be able to come. If you plan a "childless" wedding, that's a shortsighted, narrow view of life, and expect some of your friends who are parents to not attend. I have five children and tried to find a babysitter for my toddler for two hours last week. The babysitter fell ill at the last minute, so no childcare for me. Being a mother is an extremely vital role that is sadly underestimated in our society. If we moms try to take a 5 minute break our children end up in some crazy near-death situation. Seriously, many days we are just trying to keep everyone alive and at the end of the day we are exhausted. It doesn't stop after infancy. One of my hardest years was last year, dealing with a my graduating senior. It was so tough just to get through each day. No way would I have the time or resources to travel 6 hours to support a friend. If everyone in our house is fed and we all have clean underwear, it's a good day-- forget about traveling somewhere to see someone! Parents have a very serious responsibility to be there for their children, and it is a 24/7 job. And I should add that as hard as it is, parenthood is the most fulfilling and beautiful role ever. Children are precious. I love my friends, but my children are the priority. The best I can do is have friends over for dinner once in a while. In about 15 years we can go somewhere. Sorry, but I understand the woman in story #2 who didn't go to her friend's wedding and hasn't traveled 6 hours to visit her. I say she's NTA.
Yes! I'm right there with you. Though my oldest is only 11. They grow up too fast.😢
You are spot on. 🙌
Very well said.
First time I've had to skip a story cause Charlotte missed the mark - and those comments on the original post missed things too. A covid time wedding at an expensive destination that they can't afford to go to, and it can be a struggle to get child care for a whole week. I say this as someone without kids and most likely never going to have any - but take away the kids from the equation and it's still not doable
Charlotte is usually right about these AITA stories but for the second story I felt she was projecting. Being a child free woman wirh friends who have kids, she maybe seeing herself in Mary's shoes.
But the OP is NTA. It is not possible to leave kids with baby sitters for a whole week to attend a destination wedding. Similarly people with kids and jobs can't abandon all those and take 6 hour drive to help someone with their kids.
Especially during the holidays, even if they were to take their children with. Holidays in my house, child free, but there are nieces and nephews to be planned around, are planned months or even a year in advance in my household.
100% agree
Agreed 100%. I'm a 30 something woman without kids, and I can relate to feeling a bit sad that your friends can't continue girls trips and brunch and everything they used to pre-children. It's normal to mourn the closeness those friendships used to have, but nothing she's asking for is realistic here. The older mom just sounds extremely selfish. If she's struggling to care for her own kid, shouldn't she be able to empathize with the fact that her friends are also swamped with their own kids, and can't just abandon them on Christmas?
100% agree! Sorry Charlotte, you are projecting. Lets talk about this when you have kids!
She so tend to project money wise in her videos too. She completely skip over the part of the post very clearly saying they can’t afford it.
Most household NEED to be double income now especially with kids. Not only that, but paying a week of childcare during COVID AND paying a whole ass vacation dress and all is crazzyyyy.
A week?????!
Also, the friends should maybe call her family if she needs helps during Christmas. Even Charlotte as a women with no kid would probably not want to abandon her family on Christmas to be with someone else’s.
She’s a bit out of touch now with the price of life for regular people. How can you expect someone to drop so much money for you and then call them an ass when they explain they just can’t afford it??
As a mom of 3, I’ve never been away from my kids for a week straight. Id have to find a sitter I trust & who is even willing to watch them all for a week, pay them an arm and a leg to do it, buy a plane ticket, get a hotel, and get a gift for the couple getting married. I wish I could afford or have time for all that lmao What if you only get a weeks vacation at your job, now your kids are upset that you’re using all your vacation time for yourself and by yourself. Having kids makes life SO much harder, especially if you’re not lucky enough to have amazing family support. Still, I’d make that drive to see my friends new baby and I’d take all my kids with me. I think that’s where she is the AH in my book. The friend is an AH for expecting everyone to drop their busy lives for a whole week for her wedding too tho
The 5 friends live very close to one another... it's not hard for one of them to drop their kids off with the other 4 and spend a week with the one who is 6 hours away.
@@aralornwolf3140True but I’m wondering are their kids in school? Mine are in 3 different schools. Drop off takes 2 hours, and pick up takes 3 hours, that’s 5 hours a day for 5 days every week. And that friend would likely have to juggle transportation for their own kids to/from school. I can’t even pay my own family to do drop off/pickup for my kids because it’s soo ridiculous how long it takes lol
@@aralornwolf3140let me give you a different example, my husband and I got married when we were 20 and 19 respectively. Our friends and us where at college at the time we had an amazing wedding but when we became parents months afterwards our lives, schedules and ways of life became completely different from theirs every time they invited us to go out we had to decline. With time they stopped inviting us but the difference is that we understood that our paths were different we never held it against them because it was our choices in life what led us there. Now we all are married with children ours the oldest of all we now can go out when ever we want, they can’t they have to get sitters so when they tell us “sorry we can’t go on the trip” or “sorry we can’t go to dinner” we don’t get mad because there is actual real friendship. To me this woman sounds like is a “me, me, me” type of person.
My parents flew me out for a destination wedding that was child free. Literally only needed a babysitter for one day during the event then I got to enjoy the vacation with them lol. Not that hard
@@aralornwolf3140I could never spend a week away from my kid. That’s insane to me.
Charlotte 's perception tends to not be fully informed when it comes to parenthood
Facts
Well, she's not a parent so we need to give her some grace. I always say, "Yup, I was going to be a perfect parent - until I became a parent." We all change and evolve; that's the beauty of humanity.
@@erinvasconcellos1grace can be given but she hard focused too much on the side and feelings of the now married and new mom. She was child free for almost 10 years while her friends started their lives and families. Then once she became a mom she seemed to forget that they all have multiple kids and have to prioritize them, especially during the holidays
@@erinvasconcellos1agreed, however in reading down the comments there are many women who don’t have children that disagree with her on this one. Saying they don’t have kids but they completely see why having kids would make it near impossible to go to a child free destination wedding for a week
@@erinvasconcellos1it doesn’t take rocket science though. I’m not a mom but her opinion is insane
A babysiter for 1 week??? Gas and vacation time from work, pay for food and drinks, makeup and hair. Very expensive
On the wedding one. Absolutely NTA. During Covid, taking a week off could very much be a lot more. Destination weddings means going to an entirely different locale, likely via plane or boat. Either of which, if this was in the height of Covid, would've meant being at a higher risk of catching something, or being detained on getting back. A lot of families were also struggling during that time, and a destination wedding is very expensive. Especially for a week. If they couldn't afford to do it because of the financial costs, they shouldn't be shamed. They didn't say they couldn't be emotionally there for her and happy for her. But they couldn't afford the expenses. She moved away from her support group, each of which have their own responsibilities and lives, and expects nothing to have changed. Would it be nice if they could stop by? Yeah. Is it feasible? Not really. And anyone with children, especially if they're at the age where child care is necessary, would agree. I think there's way too much energy being spent on feeling bad for the person for being alone, when her important milestones are at a time in life and in the world where things aren't as easy to plan around as they once were. Family, especially children, has to come first. And a good friend would understand that. And it doesn't sound like the friend ever did.
My thoughts exactly. NTA!
Yes, thank you for saying it. Even during a not COVID time, destination weddings are expensive, and when you have kids, kids take money. Leaving them with someone takes money unless you have willing family. It's a lot to expect from someone.
I agree! Anything like that during Covid is a big ask. And with kids who can’t even come to the wedding!?
Couldn't have said this better than myself! Multiple kids, likely some at school age, with extra activities takes up a lot of time. Kids also need routines. Ditching multiple kids for a week is expensive and would be hard not only to be away from them for that long, but to find someone who would look after them for that time that you could trust. Having a destination wedding you have to accept that not a lot of people will be able to attend
Thank you for mentioning this. I haven’t gotten through the rest of the story yet, but it seemed like Charlotte had forgotten that it was during Covid. NTA
Story 2- Yeah, because it’s cheap and reasonable to travel six hours from home, get a sitter for a week and stay in a hotel for a week!!!! SERIOUSLY?!?! 😂😂😂
The second story gave me so much anxiety listening to the expectations Mary had for her friends. Mom of 3, husband and I run our own business that is VERY tightly scheduled, not to mention school, activities, and just making time for your spouse...
You make your bed, you lie in it.
If you get married/have kids young, it means you probably miss out on all the fun activities your single friends are doing. If you marry/have kids later in life, your friends will probably not be able to show up because now they are in the thick of surviving their own lives.
I'm really glad you said "surviving their own lives" because that is literally how it is... I have 3 elementary-aged kids. That anxiety listening was crazy! I don't even have someone I could ask for 5 hours, let alone a week!!! Yea right!!
Very well said.
This 💯
plus, i'm sure there are other ways to show love & support. i have an aunt who literally lives across the world from me & my family. & for most special occasions, she will video call my family & we would talk all day. examples include birthdays & Chinese New Year :) we're also very active in our group chats, sending photos, videos etc. almost everyday there's like 100+ messages from that chat 😂
Perfectly ssid!
8:40 child care is insanely expensive for a day, let alone an entire weekend + the cost of traveling to where ever the destination is + food for the entire weekend, so I have to disagree with Charlotte on this one, I think it is entirely reasonable for them to not drop everything and wisk off to some remote location requiring a 6+ hour oneway car ride after flying to another state.
Second store massively disagree with you. She’s NTA. A child-free destination wedding in the middle of covid is not always feasible. Not to mention demanding your friends come see you out of state to take care of your kid because you can’t adjust to mom life, during the holidays when they all have families of their own is selfish. She made her choice and they made theirs. Mary is VERY entitled and this is coming from someone who had a destination wedding and will never have kids. I could not have DREAMED of being angry if anyone with children couldn’t come. Sorry Charlotte you’re wrong with that judgment.
agree...
Agree 100%
I agree.
100%. Who has money for a destination wedding with or without your kids??
Thank goodness I'm not the only one. I don't have kids either, but being a mother is a full-time job regardless of what anyone says. Taking a week off isn't easy to do. Some people don't have grandparents to dump their kids on. And with covid around, parents would be weary of getting babysitters. You don't just dump your kids during a global crisis and run to a destination wedding. You just don't. Family always comes first.
I've been watching Charlotte since covid and honestly it's crazy but this is the first time I've disagreed with an AITA judgement.
I'm currently child-free and a lot of the friends that I grew up with and current coworkers have young children now and I've seen firsthand how crazy life gets with kids. If/when I do have a kid in the future, I would never expect those friends to just drop their responsibilities just because I ask them to or because I helped them out when they needed it.
To specifically reference the story, yes, Mary may have been there for her friends' big events, but did she have a life-changing responsibility called a child at that time? It's easy to just say "I was there for you, so you should be there for me" and ignore how different the situations are for the individuals being asked to provide help.
Also, a 6 hour drive is NOT easy to do frequently. From my understanding of what was described in the story, Mary provided help to her friends when she was A). young and child-free. B). Wasn't tied down in a dedicated relationship and C). lived closer to her friends. but now she thinks it's unfair to ask her friends to give her the same help who are A). Busy with children. B). Married with responsibilities and C). live 6 hours away.
Quick side note about the wedding too: during covid and a destination wedding? Yeah, I can definitely understand why the friends either wouldn't want to or wouldn't be able to find a babysitter for that time, pay for the travel, and risk getting themselves or their children sick during a pandemic.
I love you Charlotte, but I respectfully disagree with your judgement on this one
The other thing about her asking them to come down to see her was that it was during the holidays. People plan for the holidays 2-3 months in advance at the minimum and since they all have kids they have to consider their families first
There have been other times I haven't been completely on board with Charlotte but this is one of the times that I completely disagreed with her entire position. Definitely off on this one.
I can completely imagine One day when Charlotte has kids…. She’ll look back on these videos and burst into hysterical laughter over how beautifully and blissfully naive she was back in the day 😅😅
Right?? 🤣🤣🤣
@@fiveangrybunnies1470yup. Bless her lil heart
"can't you just take a break" 😂😂😂 No worries,just drop the kids somewhere for a week. Who cares if they miss you and crave a hug.....As a father i can take care of my children for a week/month/as long as i breath,but if your children are used having 2 parents it only make sense if you have to be gone for a week. If you have a choice.....Big no for me.
Completely agree. She is like the people that say "my kids will never eat sugar or watch TV"
@@RaveDaverYour children are used to two parents all the time because they do not know anything else. One week with just one of the two parents is not a punishment and is definitely not going to traumatise them. Bond with that parent, do fun stuff together, do some father-daughter or father-son dates. It will not be possible for all parents to be there all the time forever and it is also healthy for children to get some alone time with parents. I dare say, fathers have been going away for days / weeks and left mothers alone with the kids for generations and nobody ever batted an eyelid, but if a mother does the same she is traumatising her children?
Charlotte doesn’t get it just like the friend that had kids late. Babysitting isn’t cheap and a week worth is completely unheard of. It’s not like you can put children in boarding like pets. Finding time for yourself is almost impossible with kids and finding time to go spend money on someone else for a destination wedding is wildly insane to even do.
Came to point out the thing that has already been said by everyone who actually is a parent, and knows how laughable it is to take a week vacation without kids. The late-bloomer friend got married during Covid, but expected her whole friend group to be able to find extra childcare during Covid, and risk traveling and getting sick themselves. Then she couldn’t see how her friends with elementary and junior high aged kids couldn’t drop everything (just kid school and activities alone are enough reason) and come see HER during the holidays instead of being with their own families. Late-bloomer is one-hundo the AH for not realizing that when you have a family with kids they become the number one priority, and that is really ok. (Cue singing “The cirrrcle of liiife...”
I'm not even a parent and I'm with ya'll.
I’m not even a parent (I have two senior animals that are like permanent toddlers/teenagers) but I can see Mary is the AH. Her wedding was a test. She planned is so it would exclude her “friends” and then wailed about them not supporting her (COVID protocols following out of country travel were out of control) and then dropping holiday plans, which might’ve included travel and extended family, because she CHOSE to move 6 hours away. Sorry but friendship should be reciprocal, not transactional, meaning you each give but it isn’t always going to be equal.
She got that memo, she expects HER kid to be the number one priority for everyone else! Her family is important, no one else's families are. She's just self centered as hell.
I get picking a Weekend (2-3 days), not a week at a time, or something to go see her friend and help a bit, but not around the holidays. Family should come first around that time of year.
I'm single af and agree wholeheartedly that Mary was the problem in that story, lol.
Second story: as a parent of 3 I can say taking time off work can very difficult. I also feel anxious about leaving my children anywhere for any extended periods of time. I don’t like to bother people and my kids are not the easiest to watch. My oldest is 13 and is autistic. My 12 year old is ok maybe moody as he’s starting to go through changes and my youngest (oopsie baby) is 1 and very much spoiled being the literal baby of the family. My 13 year old is high functioning but still has his quirks and is very uncomfortable in new places even feels uncomfortable eating at grandmas. I’ve never liked to ask people for child care unless 100% necessary. Eg. going to the hospital a dr appt. Otherwise I’d grind my teeth and take my kids with me. My daughter is easier as the baby if two teen or almost teen boys they love to play and spend time with her so things are a bit easier like when I have to clean. However all this attention has made her a little spoiled and demanding of attention and would really tiring for someone not used to it. So I would never ask if I can avoid it.
No such thing as an oopsie baby. Pregnancy lasts months. Getting pregnant takes effort. Not a single person in existence has sex by accident. Plenty of time to make a decision about having & keeping them. Not planning on getting pregnant/having a kid while doing everything that results in pregnancy/having a kid isn’t a lack of planning, it’s a lack of responsibility.
@@kissit012literally what are you talking about 😂 She made one comment referring to why the kids have such a large age gap
So glad to see the comment section is also feeling how I feel. The destination wedding story, OP is not the a-hole. I don’t understand charlotte’s take at all
10:04 Charlotte, babe, the 38 year old new mother had a no child wedding when all her friends have kids, that’s strike 1. She kept putting down their lives and acted like hers was so much better, that’s strike 2. Then she has a baby and decide to go live in fcknowhereville and wants her friends who have kids to DRIVE 6 HOURS TO HELP HER??!!? That’s strike 3 she’s out. That was a p/ss take from you on that one.
A BABYSITTER? In THIS ECONOMY?? I'm sorry, Charlotte but yes... once you have kids you just don't do things anymore unless you have money or family close by. Or, you (gasp) bring the kid. Which it doesn't sound like she was providing child care at the child free wedding.
I have to post about the second story. The OP is NTAH. If the bride wanted her friends to attend, then she could have waited until COVID wasn' t so rampant. If she wanted her friends to attend, then she could have had a second ceremony close to home. Moving 6 hours away and expecting people to travel to her is an extraordinary ask. This looks like a set up to fail with her friend group not being able to "win". There are a lot of ways compensations can occur (live stream the ceremony, zoom "cocktail" hours) that can make everyone feel supported and loved. I hope these gals choose to be creative and find some great ways to remain friends.
Charlotte, I am sad to hear your opinion on the second story, honestly, and this is me saying as a childless person who has friends and siblings who are parents. It's super super hard! A week? Hell no. We are not super rich but ur bias is showing.
I don’t have kids. But I have a bunch of nieces and nephews and kid cousins. Let me tell you, even leaving kids alone with grandparents (or single aunties 🥰) for a week is very difficult! Not just for the adults watching the kids but the kids themselves. They NEED their parents. My oldest nephew stayed with me and my parents for 3 days while his mother had struggles with the birth of her next child and it was hard on us all. A full week is a big ask.
Charlotte I usually agree with you but as a mom with only one child. Sometimes depending on the age if the child you can't abandon them for a week and put your responsibilities on another party. Plus it is the new mom's choice to have a child free wedding knowing that her entire friend group has multiple children. Childcare for 1 child is roughly $50 to $100 and that's only for a day. For a week and multiple children is a lot of money and responsibility for her friends. Then she decided to move away from her village once she got married. We have to take into account that she is asking her friend group to put up maybe $3000 or close to $5000 for her wedding alone since she wants them to be available for an entire week. That's taking off work, and if the kids are in school which I assume they are that's a lot of responsibility for anyone they ask.
Leaving my kids to go to a week long destination wedding is absolutely unheard of thats rich people shit 😂 and during a pandemic! Absolutely not! Also a 6 hour drive and leaving my kids to help you with your kids during the holidays is insane. I pray you don’t think this is acceptable to expect these outrageous things of friends with kids. Yikes
CORRECT!!!!🎉❤ lol some people are absolutely ridiculous… & unbelievably self-entitled…
My thoughts exactly 👍
@@achildofgodsanchez9608 sooo self entitled! I wouldn’t even feel comfortable asking that from people. Where are these peoples pride?
@@gabrielakalkerup2469 I would have been soooo offended. Even if I didn’t have kids I’d be offended. I don’t even see how people have the balls to even ask things from people like that. I’d be embarrassed
That's literally what I thought listening to this whole thing. Can't even believe this actually happened.
I feel like the one with Mary, with the wedding part, you're missing that it was also during covid and a destination wedding. They could potentially not afford it plus having to find childcare for a week can't be easy and would he really expensive for some. Also Mary needs to realise if she moves, these people can't just uproot their lives for her, they have kids and it's not easy to try and travel with them. She's NTA, Mary isn't either but she can't expect people to drop everything for her
The entitled 38-year-old new mom story: Charlotte, did you not see the part where the OP said the destination wedding was not affordable and was happening during COVID? So the OP was supposed to what, take out a loan and fly in a giant germ factory and risk taking COVID home to the spouse and kids? And now the woman is demanding that they come to her remote location during the holidays, which are supposed to be spent with family and offspring. She wants the friend group to give up time with their loved ones to come help her out because she had a baby. That is not their responsibility. Charlotte, you are so wrong on this one.
EXACTLY!!! I came to the comments for this one!! The OP is definitely NTA, cause it said on the post that it was during Covid!
I don’t understand having a destination wedding that is also child-free (let’s not even go into the topic of having a large event during a pandemic) when MOST of your friends have kids. Having a child free-wedding in a closeby location is already one thing, but okay people can get a babysitter for the day / evening or go home at a given time, but a destination childfree wedding is a whole other thing. Aside from the fact of needing someone to watch the kids, a destination wedding is also a bit of a holiday (just logically because of time and money spent) and people probably want to take the kids with them on holiday even just because holiday = fun but also time and money.
I do not have kids but to me a childfree destination holiday when one has a large amount of friends with children is just rude and means that the couple do not really value (the majority of) their friends. Yes it is your day, but do you not want your friends and loved ones to feel valued and appreciated for making the time to be there??
Her friend had a baby they couldn't even plan to visit her. The baby is 6 months they had more than a year to plan so they could take turns supporting her. They are awful.
Nah. They always have an excuse even now.
Some of us don't have a village to help raise kids. A baby sitter for three kids for one week would cost the same as a destination trip.
The friend group situation with different lifestyles ages/kids ect, nah, not the ahole, that's actual life. My best friend of 25 years and I live in different states. I didn't meet her youngest child till he was three. It's just life. We support each other in other ways, because physically being there isn't always possible. If the rest of the friends who were married "younger" are at least sending gifts and reassurance and comfort then that's great support. They can't be there physically as they could have been. My sister didn't get married until 38 and had her child at 39. She had been the aunt who came to everything. But once the baby came, she just couldn't. And that's life, it's nothing personal. Physically being there isn't the only way to "be there" for someone
Yeah sorry charlotte i luv ya but you’re WAY OFF on the first one. I have 3 kids and that’s crazy. I have friends from school we keep up with in multiple states, none of us wealthy, and we work out all kinds of things when we are ABLE. A 6 hour drive is not a day trip that’s an overnight which is a huge ask. Did she offer for them to sleepover in a guest room even? Idk what happened with the wedding I bet there’s more to that story than none of them came just to be “mean”.
There was an update on the wedding story. Turns out the dress was valuable vintage/ handmade, and the “friend” was waiting for OP to stop asking for it so she could sell it. $$$ Needless to say, OP has ended that friendship.
Omg wow
For that story about the women who had kids later in life than her friends: I understand why they couldn't go to her wedding during COVID but I do think they could put a little more effort into that friendship, especially if Mary has shown up for them. Mary is being kinda rude but I think the other friends are too.
The 5 friends live very close to one another... it's not hard for one of them to drop their kids off with the other 4 and spend a week with the one who is 6 hours away...
@@aralornwolf3140the way i saw it was she wanted all of her friends to drop everything and go to her.
Rotating out would still be a lot with a 6 hour drive though. 12 hours potentially by themselves isn’t a vibe. Doing that and then trying to jump back in taking care of your own kids? Sounds draining af. It’s a huge ask
@@aralornwolf3140but she didn’t ask ‘hey I’m adjusting to being a new mom can you guys drop by when you are free to help me?’, no, she demanded all 5 to drive there to help her during vacation.
Mary was probably nothing but rude and condescending to her friends when you consider how she looked at their lifestyle. If she is (based on my extensive familial experience), as I suspect, a narcissist, based in her need for tit for tat, scorekeeping, and demands around times for families, not to mention complete lack of understanding during COVID protocol that traveling out of country might have been a no go regardless of expense, she only did those things to leverage them later and Charlotte has fallen right into her emotional manipulation/triangulation tactics. Don’t forget that Mary CHOSE to move away from her friend group at a potentially difficult time.
She's asking them to leave their kids for an entire week DURING THE HOLIDAYS. That's not a little effort, that's literally giving up Christmas with their kids and husbands. It's a 6 hour drive each way too. If anything she should be traveling to see all of them instead of expecting them to travel to see her. She always expects them not to bring their kids with them too, what's with that? If she got her way here, she'd get to spend Christmas with her baby and husband AND all 5 friends, while meanwhile none of those 5 friends would get to spend Christmas with their children & husbands. That's crazy.
Respectfully Charlotte, I think you missed the ball with the early parents not 'supporting' the later parent friend. In my opinion the OP's point was that their friend still wanted the single life while they were all doing the young families life. Now when she is at the young family stage, she wants them all to be in that stage with her, while they are along the road at 'older families'. Friend wants them all to join her where she is and they can't because their lives have moved on. We have no idea if she 'supported' them with babysitting etc. Maybe she was having a hot girl summers while they were nursing newborns and was never a good single Aunty. It's just guessing.
My friends came to none of my stuff, not one, they made excuses. It is what it is!
@@ReillyRanch That's a shame. You seem at peace with it. Well done. It's all about effort imo. Some people will put in minimal effort whereas others with movie heaven and earth. I would go to any friends event if it was relatively local at a reasonable time of day. I wouldn't go away for a week or drive 6 hours over festival time. Everyone has limits.
Charlotte, it's a little insensitive of you to say what you did about parents with kids. Some of us are living paycheck to paycheck and unable to stretch the budget any further, and spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars for a destination wedding is just simply not possible.
Right like bold to assume we can afford a babysitter or destination wedding
And it was during Covid! They can’t afford it, might not be able to get time off, would have to pay for childcare, probably couldn’t bring their SO’s (more expensive, and they would have to have someone there in case something happened with the kids) on top of also risking their health, their husband’s health AND their kids health! It’s so messed up!
Re: the second story. If you move 6 hours away from your "village" you can't be mad when the village isn't around to help. She moved away and is expecting her friends to leave their families to spend the holidays with her? If anyone asked me to leave my husband and kids behind to spend Christmas elsewhere, then that person wouldn't be a friend anymore.
100%
I feel like they could've maybe visited her with the kids but not for a full holiday - just for like a day like a roadtrip kinda thing. Anything beyond that is a no from me. From my understanding she just didn't want the kids at the wedding due to COVID which is fair but she also shouldn't except women with children to just up and leave for a week without them.
A 6 hour drive ( 12 hours total) is NOT a day road trip!
@@beachgirl9304 Then maybe they sleep there for one day idk? I’m just saying it shouldn’t be impossible to see her ever
@GubbiGap I see your point, but the thing is, we only have 2 examples. Both times it sounded like she didn't want her friends to bring their children. I'm not even 100% sure op could spend the night at her friend's house with her kids.
I can’t wait for Charlotte to have kids. I usually never disagree with Charlotte, I even sport my Petty swag. But I feel like she doesn’t understand the pressures of being a mom, extra curriculars, spouse families, etc. I have literally no time, much less time to go to another state to help someone else with their holiday.
So its ok for the friend to be throwing it in their faces how great it was she didnt have kids and could travel unlike them, which in her own assessment she understood that its harder for women with families to travel. Also if it was important for her friends to go to her wedding maybe she shouldve done one that more people could go to.
That’s another irony I noticed as well. She made it a point to say “I’m lucky I don’t have to be tied down like you guys”. Then once she was she couldn’t seem to understand that they couldn’t drop everything all because she wanted them to
I disagree with Charolette. The friend that waited to have kids is obviously able to do that but having kids change everything and when she wanted her friends to go to a destination wedding during Covid without children? That’s insane. Absolutely insane.
I have to say as someone with two kids, it would absolutely 100% not be possible to leave them for a week. Especially my 7 month old who is nursing. You don’t know the ages of the children in question or the financial circumstances of the families. She chose to have a destination wedding, which is fine. But if you’re going to have a destination wedding then you have to be ok with the fact that a lot of people probably won’t be able to attend.
A CHILD FREE destination wedding so if they do want to go the options become either:
A. Leave your kids behind for the entirety of your trip
B. Trust a literal stranger that lives in the area to watch them for a few hours
C. Pay the travel expenses to have someone like a grandparent come and stay with the kids
Or D. None of the above
Only weddings I’ve been expected to travel for included my child on the invitation.
@@rina37789 Exactly! For some parents that sort of thing is no big deal. I know my stepsister and her husband left their young daughter with her mom for a good week while they went to a wedding abroad. They live in the same area as her, make a good amount of money, and are comfortable leaving their daughter. But my husband and I are a very different family than theirs. We don’t make as much, don’t live in the same area as the grandparents, and don’t feel comfortable leaving our children for such an extended period! (And definitely not with strangers for a few hours.)
Second story clearly shows how little understanding Charlotte has of children and finances when it comes to babysitters, travel and accommodation with kids.
Yep. Agree
Yeah I felt like she sided easily with the other friend because she doesn't have kids lol
This was one of the few times I disagreed heavily with Charlotte. Kids are expensive and being able to just freely do things isn’t possible. It requires even more planning
Just 5 days alone at full time daycare can be anything from $900 a week per child, depending on the country you live in. Then flights, accommodation, food and wedding accessories.
Exactly. Last year me my husband and our two teenagers went to a wedding just a 4.5 hour drive away for two nights and that alone was hellish expensive. I could literally never put my kids somewhere for a week and afford to fly to a destination wedding for a week. Charlotte is so wrong on this one
Story #2: I (52f) am the childless and unmarried one in my group, by choice, and I Totally disagree with you on this one. First kids are expensive and you might not be able to afford to go to a destination wedding and second it was during Covid. As for visiting for a week over the holidays without your family, that’s nuts. It’s the holidays, you are supposed to spend it with family🤦♀️. Additionally 6 hours is a long a$$ drive. I’m 4 hours from my bestie and when we visit each other it’s for at least an entire weekend. She can’t move away and expect to have the same help she would get if she hadn’t moved. NTA.
Same here. Forgetting the cost of the wedding, COVID protocols for traveling out of country alone might’ve put paid to that. She actively made fun of their choice, playing superior, planned a wedding she knew they couldn’t possibly attend, cried victim, then moved away, made unreasonable demands and cried victim again. That’s not a friend, that’s a frenemy. She treated everything as a transaction and kept score. Friendships are based in reciprocity in kind not equal tit for tat.
She has almost made it impossible for her friends to be there for her. She had a destination wedding and than moved to a remote place that is dificult to get there
for the second story, unfortunately, it shows that Charlotte is definitive out of touch in certain ways. i know Charlotte grew up with some money, hearing what she's said about her parents careers.
For most people's income today, for people married with kids, that destination wedding is literally taking away money for their family birthdays, Christmas/holiday gifts, money for their family vacations. I'm sorry, but when you get married and have children, they are your priority over friends.
i have a group of close friends from high school that I still hang out with, most of us are married with children, but even our friends that don't have kids or aren't married understand that our family is our priority. We all acknowledge that phone, text, and online gaming or chatting is how we spend time with each other.
Genuine question, why would you even have a kid if you can’t afford it without enough money to spare on other things freely? Like, what if an emergency comes up? Do you, like, have a savings account for emergencies? Cause if not, why even have a child? There’s so many people that do that and so many people in comments mention that and it seems so selfish.
@@justmilkcat6274so people should only have kids if they have money for the kids, money set aside for emergencies AND a few thousand set aside to spare at your wedding? :) are you rich? I'm sorry but if only people with that amount of money had kids, humans would go extinct
@@justmilkcat6274 Yes, generally, you do have savings for emergencies and the like. But if your budget is carefully planned out to cover family holidays/gifts/etc., food, housing, other necessities, and going into the emergency fund, and then someone you know decides to have a destination wedding, where is that money going to come from? The emergency fund? The necessities? Or the family holidays/gifts/etc.? Not everyone has the spare income to set aside just in case they're invited to a destination wedding.
completely agree with you . people would def be happier if they could take care of their basic need instead of having kids and not having enough money. but she just has a different opinion and if childfree so I guess it is why she has a different opnion she also missed some point in the story that's it@@justmilkcat6274
@@justmilkcat6274when people have kids it’s always going to be expensive, simply cause babies are expensive. Unless you’re filthy rich or have undying support to the point you don’t have to worry about anything, you’re always gonna have to worry about funds when kids are involved especially. I’m currently pregnant with both mine and my husbands first child and the prices for the basic necessities are insane. Formula, crib, stroller, car seat, clothes, etc. I don’t even know much it is total for the things I listed but it’s $400 for the crib we found alone, and it doesn’t even include the mattress/sheets. Granted it also has storage and a changing table attached so it’s a not terrible. All this to say, if we as a society waited to all have kids when it was financially feasible with no worries about anything, only the rich could have kids and our population wouldn’t repopulate properly
I'm a childcare professional and people are literally fighting over us these days lol and the prices I would have to charge for something like that would be unreasonably expensive. Plus its not like the friends were allowed to bring their children, saving that cost and having someone to watch them. That friend sounds pretty selfish and no offense Charlotte but you dont understand what shes asking of these friends, they cannot give her what she needs because of their own commitments and she doesnt want to accept that. I really dont think you got this situation lol
Yeah, she (the new mom) will understand when her kids are bigger. Having kids is the best! But, trying to get time away from them is a financial/logistical nightmare -NIGHTMARE! Charlotte mentioned that the friends weren’t making the new mom friend a priority. They aren’t. …because she isn’t their priority. Their children and their financial responsibilities are. As they should be. Charlotte is so cute talking about standard tired vs mom level tired. It simply isn’t something that can be described until one experiences it for themselves. 🤭
honestly, it isn't even just "mom level tired", it's "responsible for the care and survival of another human being level tired". I know people claim that parents love to make out like they're special exceptions, and to an extent that's true, but it isn't that being a parent makes you special, it's that if you're responsible for the life of another person, you're using more resources than anyone who is only looking after themselves can be using - and that's even taking into account people who do hard jobs and long hours, because they still get to finish a shift.
Maybe people would feel less grumpy and petty about parents asking for accomodation and being unable to prioritise other people's needs above that of their dependents if they themselves weren't putting parents in a special category and instead thought about them the same way they would a person with full time care responsibilities for another adult.
"Charlotte mentioned that the friends weren’t making the new mom friend a priority. They aren’t. …because she isn’t their priority. "
Omg THIS. That made me so mad lol Like...if you think you should take priority over my kids you are truly CERTIFIABLE. Nothing is more important. Sorry you wanted a destination wedding and then had a hard time postpartum but...No. My kids will always come first. 🤷🏻♀
Something tells me that Mary of the child-free destination wedding has not been the supportive single auntie to her friends' kids all these years that she thinks she is
Good Morning Petty Potatoes! ❤
Good morning Nichole!❤
Morning fellow petty potate
Good morning 🥔
Good morning Petty Potato
Buenos Dias. 👑 🥔
Well, to be fair, Mary made it a point to let them know she was better than them because she had no baggage tying her down and could hop, skip and flounce anywhere her heart desired. I don't feel bad for her at all. I don't think the other friend or friends are aholes one bit. They have children and a family. That becomes your priority when you have a family. Mary could be there for everyone because she chose to stay single and childfree. That is not their fault. Obviously, only people without kids and families wouldn't understand how difficult it can be to arrange child care, get time off work, maybe your spouse isn't ok with it...there are so many reasons. Mary moved away. That is not their fault either. And then a grown, nearly 40 yr old woman and now mother is going on Facebook to passive aggressively talk shit. Nope, nope, nope. Mary is a headcase who isn't happy unless it's going her way. Sounds like she might wanna find new friends. If i were the other five i woulda nixed Mary when she was runnin' her trap years ago about how lucky she was. Good Mary....Go be Lucky somewhere else.
nailed it 100%
Even more, I find it hypocritical. So you can choose yourself when you want to, you can choose to live your life where you want to, you can choose to have a kid and then get mad about the fact that your friends did the exact same thing - they have chosen their familys (and common sense)
Exactly! She lives six hours away. Even asking them to come ONE day is asking a bit much. Not like she lives down the road and is just asking them over for brunch. As for them not seeing the baby yet. Again, six hours by car. I’m not driving six hours just to see someone’s baby. Unless it is like a grandchild. They’d have to pack THEIR children in a car for the drive up then the drive back. Oh hell no! Why can’t Mary pack her baby in a car and go see them?? Right, right, because she is Mary and she shouldn’t be inconvenienced. But let’s hate on others aren’t willing to do the same thing.
I adore Charlotte but this time, so wrong!! This makes OP and the friends good parents and spouses. They are putting their family first, as they should.
Also did Mary call the friends up and ask: Hey, I’m ready to be a Mom now. You’ll be there whenever I need something, right?? This is called Karma!! Mary bragged about not being tied down etc etc. Well now she knows how it feels to have responsibilities and having to grow the F up.
I'm divorced no children.
I don't do anything, no obligations.
I still don't want to drive to see my sister, brother 20 or 30 minutes away.
I don't make plans or promise anything to anyone because 9.9% of the time, I don't want to.
Don't judge people who chose family over "friends".
@@joettebaumann-cr2xl 🤣🤣🤣this sounds so much like me!! My kids live on the same 12 acres as me and their dad does(we're spread out some tho) and gettin me to either one of em house to just visit n hang out for a lil bit is like pullin hens teeth🤣🤣. I am a hermit. I ain't never had nobody except my kids, my husband, my grantaters, my Mawmaw and my dawgies that I'd drive hours away for and stay for a week. But that's only if it's something happenin, not just 'cuz. I am ashamed of myself if anyone is thinkin how awful I am but it is the truth. I think it's insane once someone has kids-no matter how good o friends y'all were- once you have kids and a family, friends drop waaaay down the priority list for most people. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Ya fit each other in where ya can and keep it movin and if they're a true friend, they'll understand and won't throw a lil hissy fit over it all over Facebook. So yes, I completely agree with you.😁😁❣️