Why some narcissist want you to fail
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- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
- Narcissists typically don't root for you to succeed and progress in life. A lot of narcissists are jealous of you and are always competing with you. The main reason why is because of jealousy and they don't want you to move forward and outdo them. A jealous narcissist will make sure your life is a little more difficult than necessary just because it holds you back and makes them feel better about themselves.
Episode 1007 of the Narcissists Code digs deep into the mind of a narcissist and how they dont want you to succeed or go past them in life.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
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Thank you so much
This was a phenomenon that I never understood. I cheered for him, but he had to put me down and compete with me.😮
yea, it can be wild
It helps seeing this here in black and white.
Steve told me my job was to cheer for him
Period.
Any question about my accomplishments, interests were to get material to discredit or dismiss!!
To literally say, “ No, that’s nothing. Not comparable to my better stuff”
This is helping me.
To write it.
It’s SO OBVIOUS, that I got a relax reaction.
My shoulders released.
Belly untended just writing the above b.s. log.
TY
You can really feel their contempt. It’s confusing because you know you’ve never shown them anything but kindness, love, and understanding. You almost do mental gymnastics to justify it because the truth is hard to swallow. They never truly cared about you or had your best interests at heart. You were in love with a lie.
You can’t ever really understand it because you’re wired differently
I think people whose sense of self relies on external validation just see the world very differently to those who have high self-esteem. I spent 17 years with someone who was extremely competitive, and who constantly dragged others down, doing anything so that he could “win”. Whereas I am not competitive, I only compete against myself. He could be very interested in an activity, but if I ever did better than him we never did that activity again. It was incredibly sad to see how much he sabotaged aspects of my life, and his own life, because his ego couldn’t stand the notion of him not being the best at something.
I never understood this. He would say that I was competing with him. I wasn't. Really, he was competing with me because I completed college and got my degree. He did not. He went to college; but, never finished. I wish I had k ew how he actually hated me, how jealous he was, I would have never married him in the first place.
You will never get a congratulations from them because deep down they hate anything good that comes your way .!! 💯
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They also seem to become jealous & resentful for our good fortune. They're. So. Im-ma-ture
Every time i made any progress with my PhD, mine would cheat and dump me. He almost cost me passing my comprehensive exams. Then when I passed, he came back. Then he derailed my dissertation for two years by doing the same thing. When I defended my proposal, he started the devaluing and discard cycle. He had asked me to marry him, called off our engagement, and canceled our wedding. This is in the middle of actually conducting the research. Now, I am supposed to be graduating in May, but this is causing so much stress and he knows it. I don't understand why he is doing this. This benefits him too, especially if we get married..which we won't because I am certain I will not go back this time. I can't keep doing this.
You being successful doesn’t benefit him. It actually amplifies his insecurities, so he’s been intentionally trying to sabotage you
Don’t waste your time on people who put in the conscious effort to destroy you. They are all the same. Concentrate on your studies!❤
He even calls himself supporting by saying whatever I succeed at was his idea first and I would not have succeeded if it wasn't for him
This is very common.
I never understood this. I was like you are a GROWN A** MAN, WHY are you competing with a woman? I could never say Im tired without him being exhausted, sick without him dying, and god forbid I want to do good for myself. I did more pushpups than him in the gym and he refused to sleep with me for weeks after. I am so glad I left. I have my week moments where I miss him but I just pull up those old texts and read them and Im good again. Stay strong yall, we got this!
stay strong 💪🏽💪🏽
I'd go bowling with my ex, and he'd act like his life and ego depended on winning. It was repulsive. He was mean, rude, aggressive and he kept looking around to see if anybody was checking him out. While he flat-out ignored me. I had to repeat everything I said to him several times...🤦🏾♀️ Also, this same ex sighed and "blew raspberries" after I announced to him I had finally found a job. Never once congratulated me on anything while I was his loudest cheerleader. Thank the good Lord that it is OVER!
Freedom!
You're right. My husband convinced me to start my own homecare business, and when I and I started making more money than him. He felt a certain way bc his business was very slow, and he wasn't making much money. He would always say i hate to lose. He was constantly jumping from one business to another and never completing anything
Same here
They don’t want you making more than them! The only time you are equal to them in their mind is when you are beneath them. ITS REALLY SICK!!!!
Sounds like my dad
There were so many times when I noticed he was either jealous or was in competition with me. The one that really stuck out to me was the one when his mom had told me I was losing weight ..I had been working out for quite some time and when she said that I felt so good about myself. Anyways , when we got back in the car out of no where he says “I have to start back working out because she hasn’t told me that in a while!” He never congratulated me for anything , I MEAN NOTHING!!
It feels like a competition when in a relationship with them. It was weird like you had to keep up with whatever they were doing.
You very famous in Berlin, so your truth will find everybody on that Planet. You knows both site and decide for good. Thank you Mister Lee
Thank you
Day 28 of no contact with my best friend. For years I always felt like he was in a competition with me that I never understood.
“Why would he think I wanted to compete with him? I just want to support him.”
This 100% makes sense. Thank you for your perspective.
Loving and digesting so much of your content.
Thank you. I never could understand the competition part since I don't think like this.
you’re welcome
You explain things in a simple way, it all makes sense. Happy Valentines to you & wifey.
Same to you!
Facts. My ex used to tell me she liked to see me fail if she saw me struggle with something or do something wrong. I never understood it and it hurt me deeply. I always wanted the best for her but my hard times were her enjoyment.
This is one that you can say, but I'll never get. I always feel like I'm winning when the people around me win... Because I am. I benefit from their happiness. I benefit from their success. Plus, I'm just happy for them. Because it feels good to win, and I know they feel good. When they feel good, I think about feeling good. Which makes me feel good.
I like to win. I like my loved ones to win. we all win when winning is happening.
It makes no sense to watch people be excellent and sulk. I even feel good when talented musicians or athletes do nice things on TV. I feel like I win alongside 'em.
I like to feel good and watch other people feel good. A good win is a delicious thing.
Why, They Have To Win, Hate🎯”Yes “Yes 😬Jealousy 🤔 And The List Goes On Horrible !!!!!!!!!👺
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Hey Lee omg that is so true they set people up to fail too and are hater's my narcissist ex is older than me and there for has had more cars than I've had but is jealous of the car I currently have now we both love cars he would post pictures of my cars on his page like they were his I don't post pictures of my car online it's noone business what I drive
Thank you for another reminder why I shall remain no contact with them. I was tempted to unblock lol.
Keep shining Lee 🌞
You're the Best and they know it. The hating on you is proof of this.
Your videos are informative and VERY helpful to us so we understand why the narcissist or toxic person treats us like garbage.
This is CRAZY! Yes....I experienced it before I left. Don't they know you can't have a successful, relationship competing with your significant other? It's CRAZY!😖
Crabs in a barrel.
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There were crabs, but not in a barrel....
Lee , I never thought I'd say this but boonk them , be yourself. You are amazing, your helping a lot . The people need a you , a you to be you in comparison. Thank you 🙏🏽
It’s absolutely insane 🙃
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Excellent video Lee.
Thank you
It’s crazy when it’s a parent doing this. Making sure you don’t succeed because they’re unfulfilled.
I had done my hair very nicely with my burgundy red bun on top of my head and the very next day the narcissist female I know had the nerve to do her hair exactly the same way like mine with the same color now ain't that something that's some competition stuff there 😂😂😂😂
Women who mimic are the WORST
My ex has a business and I helped him w it and once he told me I’m better than you and I said why would you say that and I told him if putting me down makes u feel better about yourself and it’s ok cause I’m not jealous of anyone’s success or what anyone has I’m grateful for what I have so that never bothers me period
It is so aggravating too because you are trying to pull for the narcissist too when for reasons unknown to you they have just decided you are against them and they need to be the other side. Like you are playing a game of team sports and they are playing combat sports.
Sitting for this! 🙌🏾🙌🏾♥️
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Ruined every birthday for four years… starting issues, forgetting any getting caught cheating… would cause distress before my exams, not cheer me on once I started to rise… it’s been crazy. I got a raise… after congratulating me over the phone he hung up and made plans to cheat again with a woman he claims knew about his family. Toooooooo through
I really appreciate you for being vulnerable and putting yourself out there to talk about narcissistic behaviors and even admitting that you've done the stuff that you are talking about. It's really helped me take accountability for my actions and how I've impacted everyone that I've used for my benefit. I want to change and this process would be more difficult than it is without you being honest. Thank you. Seriously.
When our mother passed away, my older brother arranged with a woman working at the bank where my mother's account was to mention in front of us during a meeting about my mother's account that my brother "was her favorite." I found it so odd that she would say this in front of me, that after we finished our business there with the employee, I stayed at the bank and went to speak with her after this happened, and she told me that he actually paid her in advance to say that in front of me (to make me feel as if my mother didn't love me, or love me as much as she loved my older brother). The really sick thing about this was he was trying to get into my head that I wasn't loved, because he didn't want to split our mother's money with me as per her Will. We had to wait two weeks after her death as per her instructions, and I think he was hoping I'd become so depressed, particularly about not feeling loved, that I would hurt myself. He was so wrong. He has no idea how strong I am. He also tried to get me to swim in the ocean during riptide season hoping I would drown during that same period of time by telling me that he swam at the beach by her house every morning after she passed away, and it made him feel better. I am convinced he hoped I would do something to myself so he alone would get her money.
That is horrible! This is so my Sister, that’s real demonic.
Love you bro thanks for your videos Happy Valentines to everyone ❤🎉 Never Give Up
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Yeah.. he talks shit about my job all the time. He says i act better than everyone else all the time and i didn't understand why or how. I just do my own thing now i realize thank you
😫😫 stay strong
SMH!!! I work from home and mine told me “anybody can sit down and answer a phone” after he lost his job he said “I wish I had your skills to do computer work” LIKE OMG😂😂🙄
@@NakylaSmith are we with the same person. He lost his job two weeks ago and said the same thing to me yesterday. He’s an alcoholic that sleeps 16 hours of the day, drink and plays video games. When he’s awake he’s terrorizing me
It’s funny because my ex-husband once accused me of being in competition. I consistently worked throughout our marriage with the exception of a 3-month temporary layoff in 2020. Meanwhile, he couldn’t keep a job and had 2-3 month periods of time where he didn’t work. I mentioned it to him how I feel like it wasn’t fair that I was consistently working while he was at home playing video games, sleeping, doing whatever he wanted. He said “I didn’t know it was a competition” 😂😂😂 I wasn’t making it a competition. I just wanted him to help out with more cleaning around the place since he was at home more.
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I don't see all your videos. But this one vídeo that scratch open a wound of mine and I thank you for that. Oh you remind me a lot of things.
Thank you for sharing this information with me!
Thank you Lee. You’ve helped so much
Happy to help
I am a collaborative person and just don't get the competitiveness. The constant competition and one-upmanship is so exhausting.
Are you American?
@@Patricia_Stewart337 I don't see why this is relevant to this discussion.
My narc sis isn't collaborative and she's also competitive. Reading your post is the first time I realized that being non-collaborative and competitive are two sides of the same coin. Thank you! 🌷
Good video Lee
Glad you enjoyed it
I don’t know how to get tf out completely 😢I went back after no contact and I am getting so much information from the outside looking in! I won’t be defeated by this narcissist!! The devil is a liar frfr
I think my ex was with me because he felt I was poor and “pitiful” which boosted his self esteem. When I got my associates degree that look of envy first appeared. We broke up and started working on us when He sabotaged my physical exam for the police department. After that I was dead set on leaving the relationship alone for good because I can date a man who is envious of me.
When I bought my home he was REALLY pissed! Waiting several months before coming by to see the home. When he finally did he looked around and said he won’t be coming by here like his kids don’t live here.
He knows I have a Bachelor’s degree now and his family been acting funny. I know it’s another smear campaign and I don’t have time for it because I’m working on my Masters. I choose to put energy into things that benefit my life and my family’s lives. I used to be sad but now I don’t care.
The saga continues 😂😂😂
So it is really unbelievable... They can´t lose. You have to learn to lose in life because life is not always sunshine. I personally am very impressed of people who can things better than myself. (Really I am). Some people are also very helpful and you can manage great things if willing. But yeah narcissists always want to be better and just never make the mistake and critizise them (f. e.g. if they build a cupboard...). And never give advices - they get very angry (no I don´t read that stupid instruction for that stupid cupboard - I can do it myself blabla). Really it was always action at home. They are like small children - you have to always tell them you are the best - otherwise they are very pissed and angry (whatoever). But sorry I am not such a person who praises people if they don´t earn that. (I am straightforward but I am honest and I always will be). But a narcissist can´t deal with that. AND: I also like to win - but I can also lose.
I ended up having to leave a great job because of our fallout. I remember seeing the satisfaction on his face. Now trying to navigate coparenting is another monster .
Please do more videos on coparenting 🙏🏾
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This timing is great just 20 minutes ago thjs happened
Husband: hey babe! The kids have Vday parties tomorrow did you get anything for them to take
Me: holds up goodies. Bags of candy and pencils for 2 class
Husband: oh thats it? I would have done more....like goodie bags
I do 90 percent of household chores (and feed him and child care. I kept it simple.
Question: I understand everyone is different, so the answer will vary! So, what would you say about toxic people who compete, think they are better but will not put in the work to actually achieve more and be more? This is for the broke toxic ppl, the ones who think everyone else should help them etc.
After seeing all your content and purchasing you and your wife's book what is really love to see is your perspective on the impact on the child. Like how you do your shorts but narc vs kid I'd love some perspective on how to validate console and heal my young child as a result of the narc parent in his life. He's too young to understand what's happening but old enough to feel it's wrong. How do we explain that and deal with it? Sounds like another bestseller from you because you have great perspective
@sarcasticcat4982 sorry for that but I would say that narcissists are super envious of you and they are paranoid that you'll defeat them either physically or mentally or spiritually or financially
He always remarked he didnt need a master degree on his career everytime I mentioned my current academic status. He sabotaged many events where I wanted to go dancing, bc I was beginning to gain more and more experience and praises from the people around me. When I met him he was in a higher level than me. He made comments like "yeah, if they dont know how to dance they will praise anybody" or "your teacher is saying that to everyone, she wants your money". We both dance the same style, we went to a workshop together and he barely talked to me. He said mean things about my new investors in my business. No Wonder why he always pics his closest friends that are emotional unstable, involved in drama, alcoholic or very popular to clinge like a parasite from their reputation and triangulate. Pathetic.
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. My son and his father think they are God. but neither are productive cites of society.
I do not understand a Grown Man acting like a Jealous Woman, I have a Sister who is a Jealous spirit so why would I need the Man that I shared so much of my life with and have Children with to Compete with me! I really don't get it, I used to think I was overthinking but nope, being in a relationship with a narcissist is so draining! It is also a web of complexities that just couldn't be normal. I always say this is not right, this is not normal, this dude is Crazy! The things he says and does puzzle me so much. This man is just a straight hater, you should see the face he makes he really isn't someone you want to share dreams with. Because says and he does things that show me he rather me fail. Shoot down my ideas or visions or anything that I bring to the Table. He still paints this picture of me like I am a Bum, just because he wants to be ...projection. That is some kind of Evil, to be so hateful that you deliberately sabotage the other person from having any success with anything! He knows that I am capable of doing great things but instead of standing behind me and even giving me some support that I truly need. He makes things more difficult and It is sad that I cannot depend on him for much and am afraid he will mess up any opportunities I have.
Secretly backstabbing SABOTAGE
Why can't they see their amazing, unique qualities that their (Hopefully, former empath) saw? I swear it's comparable to body dysmorphia, that when they look in the mirror, they don't see what other people see. Is it because they don't really know who they are?
Narc took another woman out on my 55th birthday. Didn't wish me Happy bday, not one word to me. I mean he was clean when he stepped out. Waited til I left that day. Divorcing soon as possible. Oh, he had to go, and is gone.
Thank you for your valuable information. Demonizing the narcisist is also not correct. Which is hard not to do because of the chaos that narcisists thrive on but actual insight from a greater nacisist is important.
you’re welcome
Why a members only though !? Anyway just wanted more.
I reckon it came from a place of deep insecurity they had with themselves. Even if they kinda sorta were cool in their own way, they couldnt get past their mental blockages.
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Put God 🙏 #1 🙏💋💋🥰ty all ppl in comments have blessed day everyone 💯💯💯💯
Definitely true!
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Change your cell phone number changed your 🏠 phone number if you don't things will not 🚫 go right 4 you in life ! Have blessed day everyone 💯💙 in comments ☺️ God blessed 🙏!
2nd time togetber the narc was like how much you make!🤑 That was based on the first kiss no lie!!
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It's annoying as hell!
firstly I would like to say a big thank you for all your videos, you help me get through my breakup of the last 25 years with a narcissistic personality.😞 I have a question: my ex NPD has been in a relationship for almost 2 years with his new partner and he takes such good care of her, he has never been happier than he says. I left him for good in 2022 for a third time. he is an alcoholic and really likes women. he buys lots of gifts for his new partner including a car, trips, furniture and he has difficulty helping our 2 children pay for their studies, our children are 23 and 19 years old. I wonder if I was the problem?? 😥 everyone tells me no but seeing how he is with her. and yet he never put anything on social media about his new relationship. Thanks Lee 😞
People who post a lot about their relationships are not happy whatsoever.
I had a friend who posted almost all of one relationship, and next to none of the one after.
Guess which one she was happy in?
The one where she didn't feel she had to prove anything, so she didn't share anything.
She married guy two, got her dream job, had a baby, lost some weight. Guy two would show up on some posts. But they were posts about making eggs. not posts about how happyyyyuu she was
The looks of things on the outside... That's only looks.
I worked with guy number ones new lady for a while. she was super proud. She felt she "won." I thought to myself... Being what's leftover when the meal is all eaten is not winning.
Anyway, long story short.... If he really does have NPD, my first instinct is to feel sorry for her. Being the woman a man picks because he can't be alone is basically a curse. A shiny little damnation
I thought they all ultimately want you to fail?
A lot do
Go check that sound out Lee!😅🤣😂
Lee ,but why do you stay in my house to see and hear all this?
I didn't tell u to say it loud,
Now if my narc hears you,you will get it from him😂😂
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So true
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They can't compete with me. LOL they aren't me.
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I don't go through this at all.
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@@MentalHealness 💯💯
Lee to the rescue just in time.
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This man is just mean and evil for no reason. If you don’t like me then just leave. He is my biggest hater. It makes no sense to be so hateful. So I just mind my own business so his hate doesn’t rub off on me. I can’t have a conversation with him without him having a temper tantrum.
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OMG!!! U just repeated my ex word for word! 😂
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But aren't most men on a constant competitive streak? I know this from competitive sports and as an instrumental musician when I was younger. Of course you always want to be among the best, but you have to be in these industries because the competitive pressure is so extreme. But is that narcissistic, I mean our whole society works according to the principle of “winners and losers”, whether at work or privately?
True, but I think it's about the competitiveness that comes when the other person doesn't know they're in a competition, especially over things that aren't Even considered competition.
That's not the same as actual competition where everyone participating understands the end goal, and that only one person/team can win. Your spouse, child, friend are supposed to be on your team. When they win, you win.
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Yes sir. Over 3 months.
1. Buy galaxy watch. She gets apple one.
2. Competition for shoes.
3. Completion for knowledge. Hahahah not even fair how she lost.
4. Clothing.
5. Trips. She wins I don't care.
Gets annoying.
If you're amused by her losing, are you sure she's the narcissist? lol
@@blahbloop6310 Bad joke. Took me 3 months to break of trauma bond. Now i am just studying narc antics since no contact is no possible.
I am pretty sure i will never love a woman again. That is how much fun i am having.
It is because you are jealous and deeply insecure.
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You didn’t say one bad word not even one word that come in your mouth is WRONG 😑
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