When EMPATHY meets ENTITLEMENT
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 янв 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
I believe that 2024 is the year of justice for the Empath.
Agreed ❤ I was JUST saying this last week to a friend. I really feel like 2024 is our year for a lot of reasons, and things are going to shift in a pretty dramatic way, tipped on our favor for a change. 🎉🥂💃🎉💖
@@dreamscape405 It's already started with the Meghan Markle situation and Katt Williams exposing Hollywood. People are catching on to the con. I also work with many narcs and their lives are falling apart.
@@dreamscape405 Do you have inside info?. Unfortunately, there are lots of narcs in this world, and the world now operates in a completely narcissistic way. So hope you are right. though.
Yes!
Lol dont think so
The early onset of the pandemic I witnessed a stark contrast of empathy and entitlement . While waiting in a line for several minutes in a fast casual restaurant, an inpatient customer berated a young cashier for having to wait for a pick up order. He went on and on until an elderly man politely interrupted him. “ Sir, this girl could be your daughter or my granddaughter, there is a pandemic and a labor shortage, we all have to wait, please save your impatience for a life threatening situation. BOOM. Served.
Covid is when my ex revealed his true nature. He couldn’t get his narcissistic supply by going out in public and creating situations where people would faun over him. So he came home and was extra terrible to me and the children. It was horrible, but it was also the thing that set me free.
I worked in a restaurant during covid and I love this story
They demand respect but don't give it.
And then when you return it they feel like they are justified in getting revenge.
'Empathy doesn't go away, it just depletes'
This hurts. It feels like you're abandoned, just left holding the bag.
It does hurt. A lot. I'm sorry you're going through it. Empathy isn't always an easy thing. Actually, sometimes it seems like it's never an easy thing and it does deplete us. We feel pain and depletion. The tears that come...
@@erinward2983 thank you Erin.
agree
Or one day you just snap, and put yourself first for once
I call it a learning experience.
My narc husband moved out on Tuesday and I have so much peace in my head, heart and life! So grateful I stood my ground! 2024 is my year! woot woot. 🎉❤🎉
I filed for divorce in August and narc moved out. I feel exactly the same! Peace in my very soul. Best move I ever made after 17 years. He had me tied in knots and I never even knew it.
@@sandrajayne congratulations 🎉🎊🙏🏼🫶🏻‼️
Change the locks asap!!!
@@rubberbiscuit99 you said it! I was afraid to change the locks and he came back and stole from me.
@@rubberbiscuit99 locks are changed!😎
They don't have common sense, no sense of humor, no honesty and the list goes on... they do have sense of entitlement, vengeful nature, immaturity jealousy and the list goes on
No sense of humor, at all. That is so true. I live in a European country known for chocolate, watches, and humourless people!
I noticed that they always have holes in their logic. That their train of reasoning doesn't line up. I think that is why they always seem to be riding on someone else's coattails. Their own ways don't work. Nothing is ever genuine with them. They don't create, they imitate.
@@mountainmama9209And tax haven bank accounts?
@@qua7771 I have come to believe that many of the holes in my ex’s logic were placed there on purpose to bait me into engaging with him.
You just described a, "grandiso narcissist" that I know. It pretty much sums up their whole persona. The SOB stole from me too. But when confronted with proof, they put themselves on a high pedestal, and said non of what I said is true because they are doing soo well for themselves. They had the nerve to say to me, "If wanted to steal from you I would, but I don't." I say that is a admission of guilt. I have kept my distance and I want nothing to do with them.
My late father a sweet empath used to say all his life "bad people do well" and I think he was so right.
ya…
there are 2 types of ppl really…
those who let their deep rooted insecurities get the better of their perception of things
and others who screw ppl over nonstop due to entitlement karma
lots of it is generational
in our culture we view it as 2 forces of nature: Team SkyOF and Team Ego
Team Ego manipulates Team SkyOF to allow them to cannibalize them energetically
it’s like a Stockholm Syndrome thing
both teams really hate us but Team Ego more so cause they’re impressed with our abilities
#2Spirit #indigenous
edit: our culture is indigenous to Europe we have a relationship with the Void of space others don’t quite have
you want to talk entitlement: white folk feel they have the right to hide behind the legal definition of indigenous to excuse their abuse
they get offended cause they can only perceive race and to atheists and monotheists we can’t actually exist so…
ya
Basically our society calls entitlement "self confidence", especially on the workplace: the more you're entitled, the more you get rewarded.
entitlement has nothing to do with confidence
This! I get so fedup with this sometimes, it's just so unfair how ridiculous behavior gets rewarded again and again!
“In a million small ways, they get enabled.”
OMG, yes. This keeps them going and able to outlive the rest of us.
Exactly. My MIL is 92 and every expense of hers has been paid for either by her parents, husband, boyfriend (all now passed away) and now her kids. She has never worked. Her sense of entitlement is beyond my comprehension. She will live several more years since she is in perfect health. They were/are all enablers. She expects nothing less, and if she gets less, watch out.
It's never one big thing, it's a lot of little things.
@@Stephen_A. Stories like this are why I (currently) plan to do as little as possible, preferably nothing, for my parents when they are dying. Every person I have ever heard who cared for a dying narcissist parent, their stories all boil down to one thing: the abused child emptying out their soul, their spirit, and their bank account all so their abuser can get in a few more years of abuse. I'm not setting any more years of my life on fire just so my unrepentant abusers can slide into the grave comfortably; I'm worth more than that, anyone is worth more than that.
@@linussutherland6624 😢
Many years ago I worked for a boss who did not suffer narcissists at all, to the point that he would even threaten them to shut them down. As a result it was a wonderful place to work, because the spoiled people would just leave and never come back. Sadly, the world has changed and now that approach is no longer available. Today I’m trying to master the gray rock approach (with limited success) and I’m trying to be very careful who I associate with.
But I do miss that old guy.
Yeah, I have trouble with grey rock, too. I’m very open and empathetic. I believe we can get there tho. Keep trying.
You will get there. My (ex)MIL was nasty. She had her whole family shivering in their shoes. The first time she openly attacked me, I “grey rocked” her. This was 50 years ago ….before I knew a term for it. She stayed on the attack and her family (including my husband) just watched. I just kept looking at her like she had 4 heads. She escalated, I didn’t react. It was a beautiful thing to behold. She never did it again and I was very selective about when/where/why I was ever around her again. She never pulled that stunt again and she never liked me. I didn’t care and she knew it.
@@sfc5774Good for you! How did your ex react? Did he take her side & make excuses or listen to your perspective? It's so frustrating to deal with flying monkeys who get fooled by the narcissist (or just have selective memory).
Unfortunately, i find that I'm tired of being tired and making allowances for others constantly. I find myself getting grouchy and angry and then I end up looking like the "bad" guy. Compassion fatigue is a "real" thing.
The more you give in, the more they become entitled. 😮 Never give in to them even if it's a small thing. 🚩⚠
And the more you give in, the more you are depleted. 😮💨
I’ve been listening to you for years now. I’ve never thought, ‘hey, I’ve heard her say that before’. You do seem to say things so many different ways and I appreciate that. Sometimes I don’t get it right away, but I always get it with you Dr.Ramani. Thanks for helping me.
I know I love listening to her
@@scottrawlins8165 she must be the Worlds Leading Specialist on Narcissists/ism , NPD by now eh.
Dr. Ramani saved my life. I have a morning routine that includes listening to her. You're right, she has her lovely way of delivering new messages every day. I can't wait to get my book!
Dr. Ramani is very articulate. Some of these descriptions of behaviors can be very difficult to parse through if you don't have a rather wide ranging vocabulary.
@@notagain779 uh….I may not be smart, but it sounds like you’re calling me dumb.
Entitlement is often the camouflage for chronic envy
👋😀You may have touched on something which I have not thought of before. Maybe there really is such thing as womb envy while some big ego professionals in the past starting with a Dr. Freud who were projecting that envy onto all women while looking for some of us to fault with that envy instead while labelling people with penis envy and/or with Hysteria too so they can throw them into an institution where they would be getting paid to further terrorize them with threats that if they don't listen their accomodations will become far worse. Now as result all young adults (both women and men) continue to have to pay the price for their legacy.
Yes!
Thank you. That’s useful regarding someone I care about who is being treated badly. I did wonder if it was something to do with envy but I couldn’t quite figure it out.
So true, they want what others have so they get bu**hurt about it.
EXACTLY!
I stand firm. I've heard "Do you know who I am?" a few times and now days I say back "Unless you sign my paycheck or pay my bills, guess you are no one to me."
Had a Top Manager ask me if I "knew who he was!", then quickly turned to those standing around us (employees) asking them "if I knew who he is!"
Retort: "I couldn't care LESS who YOU are, you WILL WAIT!!"
Carried on in that job for years, same as in any other job where people try acting entitled.
Empathy doesn't equal naivety of the narcissist's true nature. Nor does it mean you can't establish and enforce personal boundaries. It's okay to put your sanity before people's ego. Compassion and respect starts with yourself.
When I dealt with my mom and childhood friend i gave out so much empathy to them that at one point I felt so drained. I fell into depression. And never got any empathy back. After setting boundaries and distancing and cutting them off respectively, I eventually found other empathetic friends. And by god, it's such a huge difference when you have reciprocating empathy. I have energy and feel so much better.
One strategy I’m mindful of is to not feel so rushed or anxious. I’m not afraid to see what their true intentions are because I’m willing to deal with the consequences. I’m more likely to confront someone with a better approach when I forgive them and I’m doing what I think is best. Doing what is best can mean to walk away or give them space because remember that your own life also matters.
Watch for authenticity, and don’t project empathy when their emotions are constrained to a trickle or nothing at all. That’s being real in the moment. Sometimes people react slower to emotions or delay them when they sense they are being tested or put under pressure, so that is also something to look for.
Sometimes there’s a lot of information to process, so it’s important to reflect on what happened during the day.
“The squeaky wheel gets all the oil” not just the amount it needs
True..I also like this one....the empty can rattles the loudest. When I started looking at it this way, it made it much easier to say no to these people ❤
Narc husband went to the store and didn't want to go to the back of the line when asked by the grocery clerk, he left a cart full of food and walked out. Then had the gall to brag to me about it. I was not impressed. Yep, he and his kids are like this... entitled.
Did he expect you to go back to finish grocery shopping or was he okay with going hungry or going without those I'm guessing necessary groceries?
He probably lied about going.
He probably ate at the bar in the same area.
Don't think all men would do that. Most men would watch the kids, and let you go.
He used it as an excuse to get out. He wouldn't have invested time carefully shopping only to leave.
Yes, all of the narcissists feel entitled to special treatment and attention and every one doing things their way. Simply because they know best. Thank you dr Ramani ❤
7:40 “if we held them responsible…. It would be a full time job… and it already feels like one…” A MILLION TIMES YES.
I felt like I was being smothered and I was on the clock to make sure the narcissists didn’t wake up other narcissists to yell at me.
Thank you for making those, I feel less alone and a lot more understood. Healing a lot faster thanks to your insight.
If you just happen to find this channel congratulations. I would highly recommend that you check out her backlog of videos she is amazing she's helped me through so much and again the exact same sentiment to help me understand what went wrong on their end why they can't change and so on.
The lack of perspective can be actively dangerous for others. Whilst the victims are left having to maintain perspective in their wake.
Direct that empathy inwards to yourself for having to put up with someone’s entitled behaviour.
I feel I've been surrounded by an entitled family and always cared about how everyone was feeling, not expressing myself and hiding anything that could make them accountable for what they did to me even in childhood. Since the pandemic, I've had health problems and asked for help even to my parent. I've been ignored, blamed, all sorts of mean attitudes, cruel even, and now they act like nothing happened when I meet them. I mean you didn't care about my life and never held my hand or took me to the doctor and now you're acting normal. How could I forgive people who don't give a damn about my survival and didn't even know if I was OK ? They didn't even say they were sorry.
I’m having health problems too and my narc family doesn’t give a shit. I feel you ❤
So sorry! I'm sure they tried to make you feel like you were being entitled or selfish (for simply asking for help, kindness & consideration), when it was actually them behaving that way all along. 😢 Hope you find health & healing.
I've always been empathic and obviously that's what the covert narc man I married saw that he could use to his advantage. At the time I didn't know he was a narc. Over the past 20 years my empathy completely faded, but only with HIM. I have lots of empathy for others and my kids. But when it comes to HIM, I've grown calloused. He accuses me of "not caring" because I don't respond favorably to all his manipulative guilt trips and sob stories anymore. I learned only 3 months ago that he's a covert narc and I see him in a complete contrast to what I used to. He's not worth my time or energy. And I don't care if that bothers him, because I was never worth HIS time or energy. I only play the bare minimum of his dirty game so I can carefully navigate my way out of this toxic marriage.
I married a covert Narc Women...smh
@@organicalchemist5416 I'm so sorry. I hope you break free from that toxicity too. *Hugs*
I made a promise to God folks. Something I don't want to do is break my promise to our father.
Old testament vs new testament I just need prayers and God's words to guide me.
@dawn7733 I married a woman who thought I was her golden ticket to citizenship and was going to pay for all her adult children's living expenses and her living expenses while they all have full-time jobs also and refuse to get a driver's license while driving around under my insurance and carrying my last name. Catching talk to other men and being told it's my fault she talks to other men as a married women.
We all work 6 days a week, but I'm the only one responsible because I am a man, and I Shoup pay for everything, no exceptions.
I only learned this about 1.5 years into this marriage. We are going on 3 years now..smh
In the 2nd year, I paid and joined our church Annual Marriage Conferences.
This only lasted two times, but she didn't want to progress. So, I dropped it and got focused on business.
This year, nothing improved. Everything is always my fault. She hasn't gone to English class after quitting 2x and can't understand anything I say and just dismisses me at this point, won't get her driver's license and drives daily, tells me I am nothing and not a man.
Tells me I don't come 1st that adult kids will always take priority over me just another man.
This year, I found a marriage counselor...think I'm the only one try to hard.
We will be discussing all this and make financial budgets and if she spouts the attitude towards the counselor about money then I'll know she is truly this character
My empathy is depleted now. Time to retire!! X❤ I 100 % agree, especially about struggling to disengage from these relationships. We always accept people as they are without judgement. Tired now
I’m a recent retired nurse the entitled attitude is off the charts!! I couldn’t take the drama and dealing with the staff just doing whatever they wanted or try to do nothing while some others taking all the brunt of what they weren’t doing. I enjoy staying home very much
@@Mrgreenjeans578 I know the feeling, same Job here. Enjoy being at home more 😀, I will be joining you soon x
@@Mizzie888 it’s wonderful not having to go out in the cold to go work 12 or more hours depending on weather anybody coming in to replace you at the end of your shift etc. I’m cleaning organizing etc and cooking oh lord I’ve been cooking everything lol!!
I value empathy so much! Hurray for Empaths. I've come through a lot and feel so much peace today.
It was always my father’s way no matter what and his favorite phrase was:”This is not a democracy.” He bought a window air conditioner for the spare bedroom,where he always slept,because he needed to sleep comfortably so he could go to work. The rest of us suffered through those hot summers.
My guess is that when your father took something away from you for no reason at all he always said something like, "That is your income tax (or rent) due"
I feel you. Once there was an earthquake and my father felt it right away, he ran out, literally, never looked back, never cared to protect my younger siblings who were small children at the time. His wife said "lucky he is no captain in a sinking boat, we would all be dead", he laughed but then became enraged and told us how stupid we were and how low survival instinct we have. Man, living with him sucked all the survival instinct we had 😂 there was nothing left!
@@S4bK that’s so sad..glad you made it through
@@S4bK I’m sure my father would’ve done the same,and,yes it was exhausting!
@@francesbernard2445 hit the nail on the head with that but it was more on the lines of “you deserve nothing”
My sister (now deceased) was “off the charts” with her entitlement in any public setting. She would boss restaurant servers around for hours… then leave a tip of 75 cents on the table. It was so embarrassing to be with her. She only had a few casual acquaintances (no true friends). Her face was always in a scowl… a mean, bitter, entitled, vengeful narcissist. There was no memorial service when she passed away… literally no one to invite.
My condolences. I never heard a story quite like yours. I mean, no one to invite? I would think family would show up just for each other sake. It sounds like you just let go.
I wish you well.
@@qua7771 I suspect that her family was "fresh out of latitude"....they had wasted all of it on Miss Entitled when she was alive, so there was non to spare at the time of her memorial service.
I lived with someone who was so entitled that he snuck around and did whatever he wanted and didn't even give me the benefit of realizing how entitled he was!
OMG this needs to be a video. WE and our needs and rights don't even matter to them, so they secretly do what they feel entitled to and don't think it's necessary for the people around them to know. Like 5-year-olds in adult bodies!
I was born with a major disability, working a job is so hard. My narc family actually told me it was mean for me not staying on disability and taking care of her all day living with her. They called me entitled. Despite them all having six figure jobs in a family company they refused to include me in…. Because “grandma needs someone to be around her so we can work”.
10:25 At 45, this INFJ has learned the value of a brutally high-functioning IDGAF switch. I can in fact turn my empathy off, after I've determined (rather quickly these days) who's trying to abuse it. And I am a master of a good door slam.
Wish I'd had this skill at sixteen. Would have saved me a lifetime of grief and abuse.
Same here, my Meyer Briggs also comes back infj and I have the same capability. I am autistic though so I wonder how many ‘“infjs” are actually autistic.
You are correct, we are living in a dangerous world and time. Discernment in these the situations is an understatement, and we have to learn how to do it. Thank you Dr. Ramani. These free videos are more help than you know. From Southaven Mississippi
I found that a lot of people in medical fields, in the military and police force are narcist. These professions are very important. I hope one day there will be a personality test before they get certain position.
I sometimes have to argue with doctors because they push me to take more medications instead of using other natural alternatives or life style changes. Do what I tell you to do.
They do perform personality tests for military and law enforcement.
Best advice from my CBT coach, "I notice you're really understanding & compassionate w/others. What would it be like to pretend you're listening to a friend & turn that compassion inwards?" Instant puddle of tears that I could even be deserving of such. This technique changed my life.
I feel I enabled my son to behave like his father who is a full blown narcissist. I've put up with it for so long until recently. Now we have no relationship. Part of me has accepted this and the other part of me feels so much pain its unfathomable. I've dealt with so much pain and suffering in my life, but not to the degree that I feel with the loss of my child. Yet, I know I just cant be around him. I pray he one day finds his way.
This must be so tough for you. Stay strong and take care of YOU.
After a 20+ year marriage, she discarded me. She moved in with her sister for 2 years. Of course, she started fighting with her sister and was kicked out. She couldn't find an acceptable, affordable apartment. Helped her get a place in my building. Acted like she liked me again for awhile then discarded me again. Good times.
Wow, I am trying to get rid of my ex, I hope I won’t end up the 2nd round.
You have heard that age old saying "Just say no." Just say no. Its like tough love but with an adult.
@@jokendrick2124 that would make sense but I'm an idiot
Sometimes we do the "cleaning" of toxicity from our lives, sometimes the toxicity cleanses itself. However it happens lessons are learned and your path clears for much, much better days! Peace and Blessings!
Hopefully, you're done with her and not going back for a 3rd round.
This (emboldening to misbehaviour) is what most people don't get - it's not an ungracious moment or some horrific emotional pain, it's just "do A, get B" for them, hence it emboldens not soothes.
What a lightbulb moment this provided. My isolation, loneliness, hopelessness make more sense now. Thank you for offering hope for a way out.
We often end up enabling them just to get along, and it's belittling. I practice radical acceptance, but it still cuts me deeply each time I am belittled by an entitled loved one. I then have to be alone to soothe my spirit and regain my balance. Thanks always, Dr Ramani. I am extremely grateful for your videos.
My father has autism. and for that very empathic, and my mother is a vulnerable narcissist .she makes him literally walk on egg shell.i even started documenting their interactions. And if I tell u I had a million "bingo" moments. My dad is now 60 and my mother 46.i see how it's not gonna end well for him.and I constantly ask myself how he didn't divorce her yet after 25 years of marriage.
That is a really bad age gap too. I was married to my evil narc for almost 19 years, I was the younger, with the exact same age gap. I feel so sorry for your dad. It must have been a miserable life for him.
@denisedevoto5703 yah, that's a big age gap.i think it shouldn't be more than 7 to 8 years
I suspect your Dad will be discarded when he stops earning money, retires.
@margaretgrace5902 me too,sadly. But I will never let him go to any care house
Thank goodness your father has you for a daughter. What a blessing you are to him and to others too.
You are right Emphathy is a limited ressource and having narcissistic friends depleds it very fast.
It is hard to exclude people out of your life when you basically build it around them, ''for them''
but it is certainly better.
Empathy should be a two way street..I wish I had realized this a long time ago, that empathy should be a two way street.
“Trying to keep two lane traffic going on a one-lane road.” So true! That’s exactly what I experienced. Once again, spot on.
Wow, Brilliant. Just when I start to think these videos couldn't get any better. I'm having trouble finding the words for how fantastic this video is. Each of us is, knowingly or unknowingly, enabling Entitlement, and it is so powerful to have this expert breakdown of the different faces of Entitlement and of the many ways we enable. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do for this community!
‘They have to wait in line with the unwashed masses’ 😂
I'm so grateful for your helpful video! I have a narcissist daughter.
She also has a severe substance abuse problem. This last year, I've chosen to go, NO CONTACT, in order to guard my heart and regain a healthier life. I did not realize how much the abuse affected me. 😢 I have not seen any videos addressing dealing with a adult narsasist child. If you have any, please let me know. I find everything you say to be relevant, and I appreciate appreciate you.
try searching “ narcissist child “
I was just watching "what narcissists hear" video😂 loved it ❤
They act that way because it works!
Been watching this channel for a while and this is an exceptionally good video!
another instant-classic helpful video! 👏👏
Great video on Empathy vs. Entitlement, Dr. Ramani! Empathy always prevails❤ I'm harnessing my empathy for those that deserve it & reciprocate it. I'm very discerning & careful now. So thankful I've been out of the Narcissstic intimate relationship 9mos. ago. Broke the unbelievably difficult trauma-bond & all the ties with the ex-narcissist. I'm glad I got the wisdom & made it out alive. I see the world 🌎 so different now and the way narcississtic people are. Having a Narcissistic father all my life has been challenging, to say the least 🙄 Then, having a bi-polar & highly Narcissistic boyfriend, has really opened up my eyes & changed me for the rest of my life. I truly consider myself an Empath & always will. Good against evil, good always wins. God Bless all the survivors! ✝️🤍🤍✨ Please, stay strong. YOU, depend on it!
You are making me feel better every day especially when I feel guilty because of setting boundaries. I have been struggling for 10 months to heal. Wish it could just disappear.
My soon to be ex-husband is an extremely entitled person... I remember that he wanted to eat his supper around 5-5:30 because he would eat and want to go lay in bed to watch TV and be asleep by 7 PM.... Didn't matter if it was summer or winter..... I wanted to eat around 4 so I had time after eating to do things before dark .. I'm an active person and don't care to get in bed before 9:30-10... I can't tell you how many times I caught hell because I didn't want to go to bed and he wanted to get up at 1 AM I used to go without sleep for days because because of all the confusion and rumination about the way he treated me. Everything has to be HIS WAY or else
A surviving empath here... its exhausting
Empathy can make you dysfunctional
Thank you so much for this DR Ramani, You're absolutely beautiful and a brilliant pyschologist, Happy new year to you, This was absolutely stupendous, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🌹😇☘🦄🕊♘👽🌝🌲🐉👁🌷🐎🐶😊🌌🌈💚💛💜💙❤😃
Just make sure you aren't a group of people making assumptions about someone. During the ending height of COVID, I had gotten the stupid virus, and stayed home well past the time I was feeling better, but when I went back to the YMCA pool finally, there was someone swimming in my lane, and we only get 45 minute sessions. I was already a little late, so it was 5+ minutes past my lane starting time, and I gently said "Uhm I think someone's in my lane". I was ignored. I called to the front desk to check which lane number I had, and told the woman in my lane it was my turn. The lifeguard told me I had to wait until she was finished up. I said she should have been finished up over 5 minutes ago. We all have to sign up for a turn and it's not okay someone is taking up the little amount of time in my turn. The four people in the four lane pool stopped and stared at me like I was in the wrong for asking for something which if the roles had been reversed, they would have been in an uproar that a young person was taking over their pool time. I chided them on that fact and they at least had the decency to look a bit guilty, all except for the one woman who must have felt ENTITLED to using the lane, because she smiled at me and said we could share. I said no we could not, I'd just had COVID and there's a reason we're doing lanes. The people in the pool, all except the lifeguard and myself, were elderly.
This is not the first time I've experienced elderly entitlement and I'm getting very sick of it.
You are my elder, but that does not entitle you to crap all over me. I was taught to respect my elders, but I put that down when I'm being disrespected.
Agree. I had an elderly, known narcissistic woman, try to put me in my place when I didn't kowtow to her entitlement; she warbled with great feeling how out-of-line I was to challenge her behavior because I'm supposed to respect my elders. It's a misused term that assumes an elder is wiser because healthy people learn and grow and become better humans as time goes on. ALL of us deserve a degree of respect out of basic human dignity. When any of us prove unworthy of respect, that's on us, and getting a free pass doesn't seem to ever help anyone become a better person.
It's absolutely sickening. They think they have a right to peoples lives that they don't even know. They think they have a right to harass someone through a hacked phone. They don't have any right.
I'm disabled and I've had huge arguments with entitled people over such things as seats on the bus and whether I put my money in their hand when paying them
@@krisrhood2127 I've let many of them know you aren't s and your not above me
Love that smile.
I struggled, for too many years, with that feeling. If I didn't do everything their way, I was a bad person. Then, feeling I was selfish in my people pleasing, and overwhelmed, I got information. I had to step into what seamed like selfishness to me. I began no contact and putting myself first in my thoughts. It was a healing path. Thanks for the lifeline you share here, Dr. Ramani. ❤
Both of our adult children are narcissists. Daughter from my first marriage and stepson from husband's first marriage. I am depleted from the lack of any reciprocity..especially from step son and his wife. So difficult because there are grandchildren involved.
Yes, peace-at-any-price with a narcissist has its bankrupting price. Thank you Dr. Ramani for helping hold onto some of our hard-earned soul-cake pennies. You are so rich in your generosity of spirit…Thank you again.
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her
LOOK UP SHELLY RENEE WHITE ONLINE, YOU WILL FINE ALL YOU NEED. THANK YOU.
Thank you for such wise words and for your generosity Dr Ramani. Your videos and podcasts are life-saving tools for navigating this narcissist-riddled world of ours.
Entitlement doesn't take accountability and lie. I've seen it in "short man" syndrome.
It's weird that beyond the surface level I can't relate to that mindset at all anymore. As an empath to some degree, I purposely keep on guard now to make absolutely sure I give 0 empathy to them.
Oh man. Reading these posts and listening about the “entitled person” again, just brings back tons of memories about my Mother. I’m the eldest daughter of a very sick narcissistic mother. I was cut off several times for no reason and that was probably a good thing. It really cut me to the bone. But, when I was in her good graces and she let me back “in” I tried my best to Never go in public with her. It was not uncommon for her to “lead us” to 3 or 4 restaurants as each restaurant had Something she didn’t like. And none of us adult kids said anything because we were scared to death of her. 🤯😞
Great video. This is it exactly. Thank you
Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏💖 perfect pick me up for right now. I hate to think where my life would be at right now without discovering you and your videos for free. These mean so much to me. Thank you, endlessly
I can't express how much your videos are helping me go through a difficult situation.
This RUclips channel has saved my life ❤
Ppl need to distinguish who is toxic based on toxic intentions & deeds. Empaths who STAND UP & r frusturated & r trying to share their pain & they can be looked like an intitled when they r not.
Not every1 has a support system & ppl who struggle with these cluster b creatures everywhere (workplaces, family who some1went no contact with them & they continue to call, landlord, roomates, neighbors ) we live in toxic times, & there r ppl who experience more tough situations becoz of no support system & they like screaming 4 help (in the current selfish narcissistic mentality which is the current consensus) thru sharing their pain & its not to scream: "u all listen to what 1self is experiencing" but its to say with frusturation to more ppl to wake up & not to cooperate nor to enable the cluster b arround.
Realised being an empath makes you think people deserve better treatment than . I am grateful for the knowledge you have been sharing it's shown me the true value of rediscovering myself. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
I've been married to a narcisist for over 20 years. Unfortunately, the circumstances are that I am stuck in this marriage. I lately I became aware of all this narcissist stuff, and this awareness leaves me horrified and despairing how deep in this shit I am. Every single thing beibg said in the narcissist subject is in place in my relationship. With entitlement and knowing better on top. And I am not sure this whole knowledge helps me as it makes me despise myself even more for knowing but not having enough balls to point out all the unfairness when he demands his requests to be fulfilled immediately and all my requests get rejected with an explanation how it is more convenient for me to do it myself. There are thousands of small irrelevant matters, each one of which is not worth fighting for and enduring his aggressive tone and words which appear the second after. But when there are so many of those matters, I just feel like howling. And there is no hope for me to improve the situation as he is getting only more radical in his behaviour with time. Sorry for this long post, but I think I just needed to share it with someone, and there is no one here for me.
Ugh so frustrating. I’ve been there and it’s awful. Perhaps one day you’ll be able to unstick yourself. It’s not easy and always terrifying but so worth it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙏
It's not the immediate screaming that discourages me but the prolonged effect of vindictive behaviour that follows up. Like taking it out on children, stopping performing some chores that are always voluntary for him (he really puts a lot of effort into keeping those that so that he would never feel subject to who or whatever) but somehow obligatory for me. And what never seizes to amaze me and gets me stunned every time he does that - he presents himself as a victim without any rights in this household who no one listens to. He also gets furious when I point out that he again got pissed off, lost it and caused a row without any reason as he tries to burden me with the responsibility for infuriating him and therefore being responsible for the row.
One of the most empathetic things we can do is to let people experience the natural consequences of their own actions.
My mom talks to waiters and waitresses snappy and I correct her every time. I tell her,
“Hey! These are people and they have names.” Snapping your fingers and yelling is so rude to me.
This was a very helpful video. Thank you! 💕
Thank you Dr Ramani,this came at the right time for support a bit,i almost turned against myself by not engaging,bc the loneliness got to me a bit,thank You❤
Very eye opening
Thank you
I can admit that I can have narcissistic tendencies (no more than the next person)
But I try to keep in check
I feel like I’m also an empath because I feel so deeply and want the best for others
You are good therapy 👍
I learned a lot about my dad when I got into special education and worked with development disabilities.
He needs a development program!!!
What causes a person to become this way? My father was like this and so were all three of my siblings... I was always put down my whole life so I stay away.
Wowww Dr Ramani calling me out yet again….. it’s almost like she was a cat whisker on the counter in my house this morning 🥹🫠🤣 I say that with so much thankfulness in my heart. Thank you for helping me feel less crazy because this shit is crazy.
Have a beautiful new year Dr Ramani. I am so grateful for your birth and your shining light in this chaos. You are a literal Gem of a woman. Thank you so much. My goodness.💕
A lot of us feel drained, exhausted, and empty 💔
Thank you very much Dr Ramani your work is world changing❣💜 🥰 🙏🏼
You look so nice! Glasses suit you. I really needed to hear the last bit to fortify my boundaries with someone, thank you!
Omg the description of the coffee order. 😂 you’re awesome
Thank you for this! I feel that depletion and did wonder if I was changing for the worse. I am someone who never gets it back and never thought of it that way. I am starting to realize more; just yesterday in a hurtful situation I had to keep telling myself to let go because there is nothing I can do to change it.
As an empathetic person, I am aware of all the horrible suffering of the past and present. Slavery, raping, cruelty, racism, war, oppressed, genocides, vulnerable, poor, homeless, hungry, cold, unloved, trapped, and suffering animals too, etc... As an Empath, I cannot seem to feel happy knowing all of the suffering of the world. Is it possible to be aware of all the suffering of the world and still be happy? I Usually feel so guilty if i am happy knowing there is so much injustice and suffering. ❤❤❤👍 any thoughts?
This is very common amongst good, kind people like you. There are ways to help these kinds of horrors without sacrificing your own happiness in life. Here are a few suggestions: donate some time/money to helping the bad situation. For example, writing letters to the editor, your state and federal representatives, make posts on social media, volunteering to help You Tube creators who speak out against injustice, volunteering at local homeless shelters and soup kitchens, and voting at every election. Each voice counts and each of us can make a difference!
I find that we do need to dissociate a little bit. Choose one or a few issues you can act upon, spend most of your empathy and energy on those, and minimize your exposition and rumination on things beyond your control. Find your own way of contributing to your community, and then fill the rest of your time with things you like to do. Work on experiencing fun and lightness. No single person is going to fix all of the world’s injustices, and if you are miserable all the time, you are only adding to the world’s misery.
@@ludmilamaiolini6811 TY 4 sharing this wisdom. I know you replied to someone else, but I wrote that last sentence down as an inspirational quote. I've struggled w/depression & anxiety for years & your words really hit me in the feels. TY again.
Check out the book "The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World " by the Dalai Llama
This is not from the book i recommended, but here are some insights that help me:
1. Understand that your everyday empathetic acts are making the world a better place. We are all connected. As a result, small, everyday actions taken by people create ripple effects that shape the world. That means, the little things that we do, even as minor as helping a struggling person with their bags, can end up changing the world in a way that is greater than you may realize. Become conscious of the small ways you are already actively creating a better world as well as new opportunities to do so.
2. The bad of the world has always and will always exist. Your mission is to contribute to a better world, even if thru your small everyday acts. Part of that requirement is to do the work of staying empowered so that you have it in you to continue contributing. That means knowing when to unplug from the negative and things that overwhelm you, not giving your needed energy to entitled narcissistic people who are competing against those who are really in need, and recognizing / giving priorities to the different needs that you witness around you.
You have helped me so much over the few years I have been watching you. Thank You for your continued support and understanding. You keep me going and feeling good about myself. 💝
My narcissistic ex husband was not entitled when out in company, restaurants etc, as he didn’t want anyone to see that side of him. The entitlement was mainly at home.
That's my experience.
I'm glad you commented.
Thanks.
I have a question about the book: Can you please publish your book in other languages (maybe German, Spanish, Russian, Arabic) because I'm not an English native speaker? But love your content. Best regards ❤️
Thanks for all that you do, thanks to you I was able to comprehend and let go of the toxic relationship I was in few years ago so may God Almighty keep blessing u and ur work 🙏
Giving to them leaves less for people that need and deserve it, good people.
A couple years ago I was in a pharmacy line and saw a neighbor waiting for her Rx. She recognized me and immediately began to loudly complain - even screaming - that she’d been waiting for over 30 minutes and it’s ridiculous, they’re inept, blah blah blah. All the while the pharmacists/techs were silent and serving a long line of people. She was behaving so grotesquely abusing the people. I was embarrassed to know her. I had no idea she is that way.
Your content lights up switches in my mind non-stop, driving me to challenge my perceptions and all the excuses I made in order to keep the harmony in my family. There is a part of me that hoped for a change for a looooong time and the grieving process doesn't go in a straight line, I am surprised by the emotions that still rise, even after years of therapy. I thought that identifying and trusting when I felt used and disregarded would free me, but it was just the beginning of learning new ways to set boundaries or just leave. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with your whole heart, you empower people, one video at a time.
My empathy doesn't extend to people who yell at wait staff or can't wait in a line. I'm empathetic for whatever made them that way, but there is no reason to complain about standing in a line for 10 minutes for a fancy coffee when people are literally starving.
👏🏻 Excellent video! 🔥🔥🔥Truth 🙌🏼💯💯
I like it when you say "Oil and Watter" cause when I have finished a long relationship with a narc - that is exactlly the fraze I have been using
"I can't believe how long this line is!!" ... "Yeah, but at least I'm ahead of you." 😁