Tom Segura - Scared Straight

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  • Опубликовано: 4 янв 2025

Комментарии • 6 тыс.

  • @thishollowhill
    @thishollowhill 5 лет назад +23097

    Whoever cut this together is a legend

    • @clay_freespirit
      @clay_freespirit 5 лет назад +126

      I think you are a legend, Kyle

    • @AMillsOnRS
      @AMillsOnRS 5 лет назад +315

      Whoever cut this together is in jail

    • @NoRushin
      @NoRushin 5 лет назад +89

      First time huh

    • @samuelwoods164
      @samuelwoods164 5 лет назад +52

      I think they mostly do Bill Burr videos and may actually work for Bill now but yeah, he is very good.

    • @Idontwannahandl
      @Idontwannahandl 4 года назад +73

      Allenpalin?

  • @eileenmaher2101
    @eileenmaher2101 5 лет назад +3971

    "What's up? I run sixth grade!" Cracks me up every time.

    • @angeofdeth6552
      @angeofdeth6552 5 лет назад +28

      Sad thing is first dude wasn't scared at all he's a real thug, he going to be running a gang later if he doesn't change.

    • @ChaudharyAakarsh
      @ChaudharyAakarsh 5 лет назад +17

      He got that from Joey Diaz, who said "I run Burbank airport several times on podcast and with Bert"

    • @barryreichert
      @barryreichert 4 года назад +5

      it just cracked me up again when I read your quote

    • @marcywiththegoodhair4365
      @marcywiththegoodhair4365 4 года назад +10

      'I HATE BREAKFAST' 😂😂😂

    • @RichV20
      @RichV20 3 года назад +6

      American History X seemed a bit too old to be there. He was probably old enough to be going to Cornell.

  • @mikelobes3659
    @mikelobes3659 5 лет назад +4865

    "HO...MA....POCKET!!!"
    Absolutely nailed that voice 😂😂😂

  • @h.donnellgrayiii4276
    @h.donnellgrayiii4276 2 года назад +212

    THANK YOU WHOEVER DECIDED TO DIG UP THE ORIGINAL FOOTAGE AND DO THE EDITING FOR TOM'S NARRATIVE. WE NEED MORE OF THIS

    • @TheRealCaptainFreedom
      @TheRealCaptainFreedom 8 месяцев назад +3

      Allen Palin is in prison right now.

    • @numbers9696
      @numbers9696 Месяц назад

      @@TheRealCaptainFreedomwat

    • @TheRealCaptainFreedom
      @TheRealCaptainFreedom Месяц назад

      @@numbers9696 Allen Palin, the guy who made this video, murdered his girlfriend.

    • @ohsoloco5113
      @ohsoloco5113 24 дня назад

      ​@@TheRealCaptainFreedom for stealing???

    • @Shiestey
      @Shiestey 8 дней назад +2

      Seriously I’ve seen the Tom segura skit like 10 times but didn’t actually see the episode he was talking about until right now and it makes it 10x funnier

  • @WadeWilsonDP
    @WadeWilsonDP 3 года назад +9807

    I once yelled "HOLD MY POCKET" at someone during a drunken discussion and they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Thank you, Tom Segura.

    • @TheGodfather441
      @TheGodfather441 3 года назад +113

      just like me with "get your fucking shinebox" i use it constantly lol

    • @dudebro5527
      @dudebro5527 3 года назад +31

      Yeahhh, see it depends on who you know because there are people, like myself and my friends, who know what that means without Seguras hilarity... its hella disrespectful

    • @lkerygma
      @lkerygma 3 года назад +5

      @@dudebro5527 lmao why would it be disrespectful? if you know inherently what that means i feel like it wouldnt be disrespectful. if youre a dude in prison telling another dude to hold onto your pocket. youre probably the piece of shit.

    • @KidA712
      @KidA712 3 года назад +8

      @@lkerygma big fucking facts dude.

    • @mikehamer1091
      @mikehamer1091 3 года назад +19

      Careful who you say that to

  • @bradjones1449
    @bradjones1449 4 года назад +5968

    Tom's "THE FUCK YOU TOOK?" was dead on balls accurate

  • @strictlybizb7791
    @strictlybizb7791 5 лет назад +1968

    Bowl cut was like "Nope, no more crime for me. This is the last time I'll ever have to hold a pocket."🤣

    • @WTC7
      @WTC7 5 лет назад +108

      He probably hated all blacks after that

    • @gypseetim
      @gypseetim 5 лет назад +43

      no mo BIKES!!?! neither xD

    • @AhYesIndeedItsFunTime
      @AhYesIndeedItsFunTime 5 лет назад +39

      he's currently in prison actually

    • @scootaymildo1070
      @scootaymildo1070 5 лет назад +57

      I guess dick for breakfast didn't sound all that appealing...

    • @Magneticitist
      @Magneticitist 5 лет назад +42

      Yea they all laughed and punked his lil bitch ass but somewhere in there was a genuine grown man desire to scare these kids out of the path they were on. Bowl cut should have listened, but then again he seemed way too willing to hold those pockets.

  • @cpmow831
    @cpmow831 Год назад +579

    The kids who go in acting the toughest come out in tears. I love it

    • @alexb2351
      @alexb2351 Год назад +21

      So many young people need an experience like this today in 2023.

    • @GrgAProduction
      @GrgAProduction Год назад +7

      @@alexb2351100%. More than ever. Even more than then.

    • @mopnem
      @mopnem Год назад +2

      @@alexb2351 The kdis are the kids that were "scared straight" but go off for some easy likes.

    • @Dad-lu1oi
      @Dad-lu1oi Год назад +4

      @@alexb2351 No they don't

    • @alexb2351
      @alexb2351 Год назад

      @@GrgAProduction true!

  • @sofakingtired9839
    @sofakingtired9839 5 лет назад +5786

    Little did people know is that the kid with the Cornell university Sweater, turned his life around went to Cornell, joined a accapelle group and later became a manager at a paper company called Dunder Mifflin

    • @CYFL79
      @CYFL79 5 лет назад +53

      LMAO, i had to research it and oh man what i found

    • @milksteak6831
      @milksteak6831 5 лет назад +44

      Is this broccoli Rob?

    • @brettpid6416
      @brettpid6416 5 лет назад +23

      andyyyyy!

    • @sepulcher8263
      @sepulcher8263 5 лет назад +7

      Really?

    • @milksteak6831
      @milksteak6831 5 лет назад +61

      @@sepulcher8263 no it's references from the show the office

  • @FalloutPlays
    @FalloutPlays 5 лет назад +1570

    BIKES

    • @gcp-starchump
      @gcp-starchump 4 года назад +20

      what the heck.. are you doing here lol.

    • @gcp-starchump
      @gcp-starchump 4 года назад +5

      what i mean is i enjoy your videos and thanks for all the tips!

    • @jones9309
      @jones9309 4 года назад

      And that's why I yell BIKES!!

    • @blessedera8810
      @blessedera8810 4 года назад +4

      Lol. Just came here after watching your Xur vid. I don't know what's funnier, this or Skyburner's oath...

    • @rrod7958
      @rrod7958 4 года назад +1

      I’m just gonna stand up from my desk at work this week and yell bikes lol

  • @edwardjr9232
    @edwardjr9232 3 года назад +1833

    Im in my mid 30s. This joint dropped live and uncut in my 11th grade year on MTV. The level of disrespect will never be matched again.

    • @robertprince2651
      @robertprince2651 3 года назад +49

      This was a regular airing; I couldn't wait to talk about it in school afterwards.

    • @kameeI
      @kameeI 3 года назад +2

      hi ed 🥸

    • @setsers1
      @setsers1 3 года назад +3

      DAMN

    • @ultimatesunrise
      @ultimatesunrise 3 года назад +42

      I remember watching it at like 1 AM just like Holy shit this is nuts

    • @kameeI
      @kameeI 3 года назад +2

      hi 🥺

  • @drunkenmmamaster419
    @drunkenmmamaster419 Год назад +90

    The way Tom delivers the “it’s gonna be a ROUGH day “ fucking kills me every time 😂😂

  • @HoratioVelveteen-nl5kw
    @HoratioVelveteen-nl5kw 5 лет назад +5708

    "when he dies and is reincarnated, that guy is also doing life in prison" 😂

    • @aaronking287
      @aaronking287 5 лет назад +66

      Epic now hold my pocket LMAO!

    • @Lucy-vk1el
      @Lucy-vk1el 5 лет назад +125

      Reincarcerated*

    • @-Trauma.
      @-Trauma. 5 лет назад +24

      @@Lucy-vk1el you scumbag. Lmao.

    • @ballaking1000
      @ballaking1000 5 лет назад +9

      Lucy uhh, the op got it right the first time...

    • @hlysnan6418
      @hlysnan6418 5 лет назад +74

      Richard Pryor had a joke like that, too.

  • @casemods
    @casemods 5 лет назад +7057

    If they try to send me to jail ima just roll my sleeves up and the inmates wont allow me in, checkmate CO's

    • @giggityeffyou
      @giggityeffyou 4 года назад +236

      That kid is in the later clips without the sweater lol. Sleeves gone

    • @MF-LXRD
      @MF-LXRD 4 года назад +80

      Yeah okay tough guy your prison wallet will be packed full of man milk.

    • @AlexiasPlaylist
      @AlexiasPlaylist 4 года назад +190

      @@MF-LXRD because he said he wouldn't roll his sleeves up as a joke? What is it that you're trying to prove that you don't understand jokes?

    • @anime_cyko
      @anime_cyko 4 года назад +4

      Kappa Emote for real, clearly an idiot cause we don’t know what happened later. According to this he got sent back to the bus and that’s that. That’s probably not what really but that’s what they show us

    • @20FreeWill
      @20FreeWill 4 года назад +25

      That kid was lucky . Shows kids arrogance in front of cameras even back then . He would have been tore to pieces.
      Those inmates really showed something a bit special at times . They spoke.with more pride and purpose than alot of people these days . They probably all dead now

  • @TheHehe1223
    @TheHehe1223 5 лет назад +3246

    The legend Allen hitting us with that portfolio diversification

    • @unitedwestunt
      @unitedwestunt 5 лет назад +85

      He knows you gotta diversify your bonds.
      Wu Tang Clan ain't nothin to fuck with!

    • @killer4real1
      @killer4real1 5 лет назад +2

      Haha!

    • @jayhernandez9395
      @jayhernandez9395 5 лет назад +15

      Diverse your bonds, Ninja.

    • @olli3n
      @olli3n 5 лет назад +1

      TheHehe1223 YES! More please!

    • @kingpin6989
      @kingpin6989 5 лет назад +10

      You gotta diversify your bonds nigga.

  • @Gunbudder
    @Gunbudder 2 года назад +341

    the "hold my pocket" episode aired on cable, and my dad made me watch the entire thing. it burned a fear of jail into my mind lol

    • @GameToyBrickMan
      @GameToyBrickMan 11 месяцев назад +1

      All of us

    • @Matthew-qq9nx
      @Matthew-qq9nx 8 месяцев назад +2

      My mother and I watched it and got hysterical it's so over the top

  • @megadethmofo2035
    @megadethmofo2035 5 лет назад +1476

    "uuuh, I hate breakfast."
    Best line..

  • @sadboylara
    @sadboylara 5 лет назад +913

    "I don't know what you know about prison, but if you're holding on to another dude's pocket, it's gonna be a *rough* day." 😂

  • @randymarsh3478
    @randymarsh3478 4 года назад +182

    Can we all just give a moment of appreciation to whoever edited this? You’re the real MVP

  • @ricso31
    @ricso31 Год назад +100

    Holy shit. I have heard Tom tell the story of this episode so many times. I never thought it would be exactly as he tells it.
    Outstanding and hilarious

  • @RumbleFish69
    @RumbleFish69 4 года назад +2321

    Tom's Segura's black dude voice is on point!

    • @qwopiretyu
      @qwopiretyu 4 года назад +70

      BIKES!

    • @TJCutts
      @TJCutts 4 года назад +51

      He’s secretly black. *The More You Know*

    • @blackdynamite5016
      @blackdynamite5016 4 года назад +21

      Listen to his stand up on the first 48! That shit is hilarious

    • @justicechase9261
      @justicechase9261 4 года назад +40

      SUP KANE !

    • @ktvbeatz5560
      @ktvbeatz5560 4 года назад +10

      Him and von kill it everytime lol throws me off as a black man haha

  • @malcomdryer5001
    @malcomdryer5001 3 года назад +2150

    I wonder if 'Crazy Chris' and 'Hold my pocket' are still around. I'd like to send them some commissary or something. This shit is absolute gold.

    • @youtube4bums876
      @youtube4bums876 3 года назад +23

      Crazy Chris would love if you'd send yo mouth instead, he has some breakfast for you

    • @Erin-vu1tt
      @Erin-vu1tt 3 года назад +53

      @@youtube4bums876 I think it was Hold My Pocket that said that.

    • @chrisfrank8413
      @chrisfrank8413 2 года назад +10

      I'm gona guess probably not, but, what do i know?

    • @matthewgabbard6415
      @matthewgabbard6415 2 года назад +137

      @@Erin-vu1tt Pocket dude is out and has been awhile I'm pretty sure. He's actually a good dude. He was playing a character to scare the kids.

    • @datadavis
      @datadavis 2 года назад +304

      Crazy chris is serving his second life sentence now. Old Chris died peacefully in his sleep in the shower covered in blood with multiple puncture wounds and lacerations. Young Chris is five years old and meaner than Old chris ever was.

  • @parkesc7832
    @parkesc7832 5 лет назад +1165

    Segura's version is better than the original
    BBBIKES!!

    • @chimrichalds3418
      @chimrichalds3418 5 лет назад +41

      @Jim A Clearly your jeans are too loose and low my friend

    • @romancastro_
      @romancastro_ 5 лет назад +9

      Jim A wrong

    • @anthonysundberg6861
      @anthonysundberg6861 5 лет назад +15

      @Jim A your opinion isnt even remotely important enough to give a shit about.

    • @davefarlow
      @davefarlow 5 лет назад +6

      @Jim A Out of all walks of existence in the history of time your opinion matters the least just for making that comment. You don't deserve to watch the greatness that is Tom Segura.

    • @no_tread_
      @no_tread_ 5 лет назад +4

      Now come on guys, Jimmy is entitled to his opinion of Tom Segura. Jimmy also ate a bag-o-diks for breakfast.

  • @seansherrod8725
    @seansherrod8725 2 года назад +53

    I can't stop playing this clip! Whoever put this together God bless you always!

  • @mattnichols4592
    @mattnichols4592 4 года назад +167

    "If you're holding another man's pocket it's gonna be a rough day"
    Dude I lost it! 😂

  • @nicholasparker7697
    @nicholasparker7697 4 года назад +572

    "This man is serving a double life sentence. Which means when he dies and comes back reincarnated......that guy is doing life also." Best part. Lmfao

  • @jackthemaniac1
    @jackthemaniac1 4 года назад +3499

    Just imagine your serving double life for killing six people but you're still trying to get those kids on the right track so they won't end up like you. That's respectable I think.

    • @SuperPeterok
      @SuperPeterok 4 года назад +163

      Nothing respectable about taking human lives

    • @noahwilson1641
      @noahwilson1641 4 года назад +341

      @@SuperPeterok wow. That's deep

    • @SuperPeterok
      @SuperPeterok 4 года назад +25

      @@noahwilson1641 nice bra lol

    • @vhs1978
      @vhs1978 4 года назад +39

      Don’t preach to me ur the one in prison pusssy

    • @mmm6325
      @mmm6325 4 года назад +189

      He got something out of it no doubt. You really think Crazy Chris gives a single fuck about these kids lol

  • @jonathanlane6130
    @jonathanlane6130 Год назад +15

    As much as I love the bit and the mash-up of the video behind it(kudos), the best part was the ending interview where bowl cut was like, '...now I get home at 7...before 7...just to get off the streets."

  • @ziggamon
    @ziggamon 5 лет назад +2726

    Today that kid is a pastor at his local church.
    He pays his taxes on time
    He always does the speed limit with his hands on the ten and two.
    .....He also avoids eating sausage links for breakfast..

    • @alitlweird
      @alitlweird 5 лет назад +57

      ziggamon
      His taxes are done the day after he receives his W-2s

    • @psychologicalsigma9917
      @psychologicalsigma9917 5 лет назад +68

      Now he visits schools pretending to be a reformed convict and makes scared smaller people hold his pocket. Circle of prison life :)

    • @b3yonddr1v3n
      @b3yonddr1v3n 5 лет назад +26

      maybe for lunch though.. *pulls on gimp mask (with bowl-cut cutout)

    • @daltonyates758
      @daltonyates758 5 лет назад +14

      He also has 3 kids locked in his basement

    • @ellewis817
      @ellewis817 5 лет назад +2

      @@b3yonddr1v3n very stylish

  • @the1only467
    @the1only467 2 года назад +632

    The 90’s were something else all together, a whole different beast. And thank you my guy for editing this! You rock!

    • @michaelhammond9459
      @michaelhammond9459 2 года назад

      I just want to know where you found the footage

    • @peterclarke7240
      @peterclarke7240 2 года назад +8

      It's tragic that the 90s is considered something to look back on through rose-tinted spectacles.
      Nostalgia sure isn't what it used to be when I were a lad 😂

    • @MrNinja543
      @MrNinja543 2 года назад +3

      Nah the black plague times were a different beast all together you kids are too soft in the 90s

    • @peterclarke7240
      @peterclarke7240 2 года назад +7

      @photag216 Well, to be fair, they (and many of us) are facing a life with constricted horizons due to the exponential increase in cost of living, housing, university fees, increased spreadsheetification of education, scarcity of worthwhile jobs, reduced pensions, a retirement age that seems to be constantly moving goalposts, and the threat of a planet about to implode.
      So I can, to an extent, understand their chagrin.
      All we had to worry about in the 90s was dropping dead from a dodgy pill.

    • @virtualcynical8515
      @virtualcynical8515 2 года назад +5

      @@peterclarke7240 Yeah that Photag guy definitely sounds like a "Kids these day" kinda guy when he's complaining about people being "Soft" for daring to talk about mental health

  • @JEP-Tech
    @JEP-Tech 3 года назад +1502

    I love how accurate the comedian was about this one episode. He must have recorded it and watched it a bunch of times, or just has a really good episodic memory.

    • @user-lr7fv6td5y
      @user-lr7fv6td5y 2 года назад +116

      if he liked it enough to write jokes about it, it’s safe to say he probably watched it again before writing them

    • @GarrettPDGA
      @GarrettPDGA 2 года назад +86

      "The Comedian"?!? His name is Tom. Now hold his pocket!

    • @jazzymichael
      @jazzymichael 2 года назад +1

      Not everyone has memory loss like you, idiot

    • @jonathanshields7414
      @jonathanshields7414 2 года назад +9

      @@user-lr7fv6td5y I didn't hear a single joke. Just a recap. Pretty weak if you ask me

    • @user-lr7fv6td5y
      @user-lr7fv6td5y 2 года назад +46

      @@jonathanshields7414 Tom Segura is a standup comedian i’m not here to debate the legitimacy of his material

  • @SallySockPuppet
    @SallySockPuppet Год назад +8

    I could watch that everyday and it wouldn't get old

  • @AngelicNoose
    @AngelicNoose 5 лет назад +572

    Used to come home at 1 in the morning, now I come home at 7, even a little before 7, LMAO

    • @Antlover420
      @Antlover420 4 года назад +5

      Rd you legend

    • @handfulmousefly
      @handfulmousefly 4 года назад +67

      You can hear the terror in his voice, like if he doesn't get home before sunset Crazy Chris will eat his face while pocket guy stuffs him like a Thanksgiving turkey

    • @SEEYAIAYE
      @SEEYAIAYE 4 года назад +7

      Lucky kid, if we weren't home by 6, we'd get boomerang shoe'd like Eddie Murphy used to get.

    • @20FreeWill
      @20FreeWill 4 года назад +2

      @@SEEYAIAYE chh chh:boom -whoop whoop whoop whoop /ptchhhh (ahhh) whoop whoop whoop whoo: Cch cch

    • @SEEYAIAYE
      @SEEYAIAYE 4 года назад +1

      @@20FreeWill GO

  • @borismuller86
    @borismuller86 5 лет назад +374

    Holy hell I never realised he got passed onto a second pocket too at 4:46!

    • @Kafkaesque3
      @Kafkaesque3 4 года назад +6

      Looool 🤣

    • @IceKoldKilla
      @IceKoldKilla 4 года назад +6

      You can see some inmates laughing. In reality it'd be pedophilia and some get raped and killed for that so I can see most inmates not getting into that. Word on the street... 🤣

    • @jampacc
      @jampacc 4 года назад +1

      @@IceKoldKilla it was with the presumption that they would be back in jail for real.

    • @idklol4197
      @idklol4197 4 года назад +1

      They turned that boy out

    • @sasogorelick
      @sasogorelick 4 года назад

      😂😂

  • @lostsoul2184
    @lostsoul2184 5 лет назад +90

    This is gold on so many levels.
    Dark comedy
    Critic of media
    Critic of power relations
    Critics of verbal abuse
    Critic of show
    Irony and Unirony ...

    • @Ynotnow9900
      @Ynotnow9900 5 лет назад +7

      The way you break it down, it's not funny anymore

    • @gusgrau3594
      @gusgrau3594 5 лет назад

      Milad Moatamed Dezfully I used wring definition of dictionary. Re-checked. My bad

    • @Sport4Life
      @Sport4Life 5 лет назад +3

      Ebony and Unirony

    • @elonobama4807
      @elonobama4807 5 лет назад

      @@Ynotnow9900 the reason its funny cuz its not funny

    • @McBB-Ray
      @McBB-Ray 5 лет назад

      Thanks Professor Comedy.

  • @SaraBai85
    @SaraBai85 Месяц назад +1

    Whoever edited this...pure gold! 😂😂😂❤ Thank you! He's my favorite comedian!!! 🤣 BIKES!!!

  • @Llamalamp26
    @Llamalamp26 3 года назад +2546

    i love how the premise of scared straight is traumatizing children into behaving
    edit: i also love how 90% of the replies to this are “YoU’rE sOfT” when all i did was make an observation

    • @FlexYourFreedoms
      @FlexYourFreedoms 3 года назад +132

      It's proven to work on some. And it's good they see the nice place they will end up if they continue being dumb and unlawful

    • @szalary
      @szalary 3 года назад +90

      I grew up Catholic, same premise

    • @FlexYourFreedoms
      @FlexYourFreedoms 3 года назад +32

      @Kamatari Honjo you must not have seen the many videos that show what happened to the kids after the program.

    • @mattkennedy6115
      @mattkennedy6115 3 года назад +51

      @Kamatari Honjo in the absence of a fixed home life where the father isn’t coming home and the mother isn’t gonna stop partying off dem fat gubmint checks scared straight is a more realistic and practical alternative

    • @jisunator4880
      @jisunator4880 3 года назад +35

      @Kamatari Honjo I don’t think it’s traumatizing so much as showing them firsthand where they’ll end up if they don’t get their shit together. If that doesn’t get them to stop their ways & at least improve enough to not go to jail then they probably won’t change tbh. A lot of the parents & families do try their hardest to help their kids & improve their behavior & this is the last resort

  • @Viewer2715
    @Viewer2715 5 лет назад +250

    Man I love when tom segura does the black guy voice 😂😂😂😂 "THE F**K YOU TOOK?!!!"
    "BIKES!!!!" Hilarious

    • @MrDavital1
      @MrDavital1 5 лет назад +4

      Do you know cricket!!

    • @wumboqwark
      @wumboqwark 5 лет назад +4

      @@MrDavital1 I BEEN KNOWIN CRICKET FO A MINUTE

    • @timferris1478
      @timferris1478 5 лет назад +2

      Bra I swear that shit be having me rollin 🤦🏾‍♂️😂😂😂

    • @fynsul4113
      @fynsul4113 5 лет назад

      ​ Tim Ferris tom or black is great too check it out

  • @CoolPandaTheMovieNerd
    @CoolPandaTheMovieNerd 4 года назад +1381

    That kid looks like Ben Stiller's Simple Jack character in Tropic Thunder.

  • @aaronwest1055
    @aaronwest1055 2 года назад +1

    Men who are in a real life approximation of hell, put on the role and image of the demons of that hell. They use this appearance to scare children from making mistakes that would lead them to the same type of hell. This is an incredibly noble action coming from who we otherwise have discarded from our world.
    The beautiful thing is that it is most likely fatherless sons trying to scare straight other fatherless sons.

  • @MichaelL502
    @MichaelL502 5 лет назад +229

    Tom Segura needs to breakdown EVERY episode lmao

  • @kimberlyrobinson1978
    @kimberlyrobinson1978 3 года назад +378

    He said “I run sixth grade”. 🤣

    • @Anubis7169
      @Anubis7169 3 года назад +8

      "Grade 9 was easy. Gettin grade 10 is f*ked"

    • @bigounce4293
      @bigounce4293 3 года назад +1

      New languages and shit.

  • @RareVideosByJavierVargasTV
    @RareVideosByJavierVargasTV 4 года назад +1476

    5:19 the absolute best

    • @goodkatt
      @goodkatt 3 года назад +24

      Hold ma pocket !!!

    • @neegahranger
      @neegahranger 3 года назад +17

      BIKES 🚲😤

    • @Info255
      @Info255 3 года назад +22

      "THA FUCK YOU TOOK?"

    • @rhyno8644
      @rhyno8644 3 года назад +7

      This is the most degrading show. They should do the white women version of the show to as a deterrent to prison. Id watch that.

    • @devora4809
      @devora4809 3 года назад

      @@rhyno8644 lol

  • @rostinrostai
    @rostinrostai Год назад +4

    He said BIKES so powerfully that he have himself whiplash

  • @sashabakhshi3586
    @sashabakhshi3586 4 года назад +770

    They call him Crazy Chris because he doesn’t even have sleeves

    • @rachelc586
      @rachelc586 3 года назад +20

      Only cause he didn't roll them up so they got cut off

    • @albundy7493
      @albundy7493 3 года назад +5

      Overrated comment

  • @benares180
    @benares180 4 года назад +40

    I remember watching this. Me and my best friend in high school would yell, "HOLD MY POCKET", to each other every now and again all throughout our years in school. Man. The good ol' days.

  • @TechMetalRules
    @TechMetalRules 3 года назад +262

    I love that the sleeves were the first thing they went after, because it was really bugging me too.

    • @russBwright
      @russBwright 3 года назад +2

      He ought to have made up an excuse
      "But my pits are sweating!"

    • @Deer_Space117
      @Deer_Space117 3 года назад +22

      Bruh they sent that kid back on the bus becuz he was to aggressive he woulda fought the inmates and that would have been a lawsuit real quick. They'll see that fool in a few years anyway ..

    • @bigfan9805
      @bigfan9805 3 года назад +11

      @@Deer_Space117 "they'll see that fool in a few years anyway", same thing i was think'n

    • @andreingramakadjscrewrip7372
      @andreingramakadjscrewrip7372 2 года назад

      @@Deer_Space117 Who? He was with the rest of the group up in the auditorium later on

    • @christopherstruble8856
      @christopherstruble8856 11 месяцев назад

      Bet they don't tell Crazy Chris to roll his sleeves down

  • @thenose007
    @thenose007 2 года назад +20

    I happen to tape this on VCR when it aired.. Had the whole thing memorized and laughing so hard reciting it!

  • @tmass1
    @tmass1 4 года назад +485

    i occasionally watch this to remind myself to stay out of prison

    • @moonrunnin-_
      @moonrunnin-_ 3 года назад +10

      dont wanna meat krazy chris

    • @OvertheHIL524
      @OvertheHIL524 3 года назад +2

      What are you talking about? It sounds like a blast.

    • @jozen5384
      @jozen5384 3 года назад +4

      prison sounds funny as hell man

    • @robertemery8660
      @robertemery8660 3 года назад +8

      If you do go to prison just keep your sleeves rolled up they won't allow you in

    • @taylorjohnson7593
      @taylorjohnson7593 3 года назад

      I had a dad and am a normal person. I already knew prison is for degenerate scum losers. But i guess we aren’t all made equal

  • @michael2305
    @michael2305 5 лет назад +112

    lmao "I run 6th grade, I ain't scared of you" I'm dying here 😂😂😂

  • @Jonbombs
    @Jonbombs 5 лет назад +551

    Don't blow it
    Keep it simple
    Roll your sleeves down

    • @toddadams8420
      @toddadams8420 5 лет назад +4

      Hah! Good one!

    • @michaelbryant8757
      @michaelbryant8757 5 лет назад

      Hahahhaha Clevah

    • @mrfreeman1763
      @mrfreeman1763 5 лет назад +37

      "I said roll ya muthafuckin' sleeves down! "
      That will be no problem at all sir, and if you wanted me to piss my pants, I'm way ahead of you.

    • @bigstunna2049
      @bigstunna2049 5 лет назад +1

      @@mrfreeman1763 😂😂😂

    • @TheRealCaptainFreedom
      @TheRealCaptainFreedom 5 лет назад +2

      Just as I was reading your comment I saw that kid strutting up to the gate with his sleeves up.

  • @farbeyond37
    @farbeyond37 2 года назад +125

    I remember seeing this when it came on TV when I was a kid. I remember it being on really late and I was supposed to be asleep but somehow ended up watching this on tv and laughing my ass off. Nobody at school believed me the next day.

  • @810Metalworks
    @810Metalworks 3 года назад +78

    I remember watching this episode. I was absolutely shocked that it was uncensored. That was unheard of back then.

  • @mrrodriguez2947
    @mrrodriguez2947 5 лет назад +598

    "It aired in 1999"
    Me: 👀 oh this gonna be good

    • @omairsh8
      @omairsh8 4 года назад +11

      I know right! Not softened down or anything

    • @JordanPerrier
      @JordanPerrier 4 года назад

      Why?

    • @lawnside82
      @lawnside82 4 года назад +1

      The mom got a mullet..smh

    • @kevinjunior8441
      @kevinjunior8441 3 года назад

      "Uncensored" .. oh this going to be Reeally good. Hahaha

  • @KokoRicky
    @KokoRicky 5 лет назад +169

    Kudos to you for interspersing the bit with actual footage from the special. Thanks!

    • @borismuller86
      @borismuller86 5 лет назад +2

      Pretty Normal Media BACK ON THE BUS WISEGUY!

  • @jacebrogden3490
    @jacebrogden3490 Год назад +7

    When you watch the full episode... holy cow. At one point when the bowl cut kid is holding the second dudes pocket there’s a guy that yells in the background just loud enough something like “I like his haircut”. I lost it so bad lol

  • @hungarian1
    @hungarian1 5 лет назад +138

    “Crazy Chris the nightmare man” Jesus that’s tough he a legend

  • @masonlee5866
    @masonlee5866 3 года назад +311

    “Ughh i hate breakfast” lol

  • @mysteradio
    @mysteradio Год назад +3

    i have always been curious about this episode since i heard Tom's bit. thank you!

  • @tstan9713
    @tstan9713 5 лет назад +278

    OOoOooOoOohHH moving onto ol Tom now, eh. Man of the arts i see

  • @adamspivey
    @adamspivey 3 года назад +90

    This is pure gold!! Thanks for cutting this together, the internet owes you a debt of gratitude!! 🙏🙏

  • @miura25yearsago52
    @miura25yearsago52 3 года назад +147

    The phrase "hold my beer" now has an alternate form known as "hold my pocket" lmfao.

    • @swanclipper
      @swanclipper 3 года назад

      I will gladly join the early bird crew of "hold my pocket" when it comes to one-ups-manship. lets start the countdown from 2021 knowing fullwell in 5 years time this will be standard and nobody will know truly why and where it began.... sure, "from tom" but we'll know the truth.
      BIKES!

    • @sp0ngeb0b8
      @sp0ngeb0b8 3 года назад +4

      I don’t think you understand the pocket 😂

    • @ushireborn
      @ushireborn 3 года назад +1

      actually it's completely unrelated. it means ... "you're my bitch"

    • @JustAFriendlySatanWorshipper
      @JustAFriendlySatanWorshipper 2 года назад +1

      @@ushireborn yup kinda like your forced to wear a leash & walk yourself but instead your holding his pocket

  • @oliverholmes-gunning5372
    @oliverholmes-gunning5372 10 месяцев назад +1

    Every time I hear this routine I always think "shit, I'm gonna have to try and find that exact episode online somewhere one of these days". So thx a lot for this, it's awesome!

  • @DragoX7
    @DragoX7 4 года назад +39

    Ever since hearing Tom segura's joke I wanted to actually see that episode this is was amazing and like some other commenters had said, whoever put this together is a legend.

  • @kronosx7
    @kronosx7 5 лет назад +1492

    Dude's wearing a Cornell hoodie with the sleeves rolled up.

    • @justint2723
      @justint2723 5 лет назад +203

      That kid is likely holding on to someone's pocket right now.

    • @soppingwetburgers6493
      @soppingwetburgers6493 5 лет назад +56

      @@justint2723 more like handling multiple pockets, hes a banker now

    • @tylerw.5458
      @tylerw.5458 5 лет назад +42

      Soppingwet Burgers : yeah, and the kid with a bowl is an astronaut.

    • @MrUndersolo
      @MrUndersolo 5 лет назад +9

      And he’s dead...

    • @shaunmichaelchase
      @shaunmichaelchase 5 лет назад +18

      I doubt he knows what Cornell is. "Sure...it's the community college my dad attended".

  • @darvin567
    @darvin567 3 года назад +27

    That 1999 scared straight episode was and still is legendary.

  • @ninjason57
    @ninjason57 2 года назад +18

    This proves the loving discipline of a father is essential

    • @Jbeaming1
      @Jbeaming1 Год назад +5

      @@Crusader_MET You don't have no friends stop lying lol

  • @YoungTCash
    @YoungTCash 5 лет назад +273

    Lmao Tupac “changes” at the end tho

    • @rickDArula
      @rickDArula 4 года назад +11

      Lmao that was golden, I died laughing

    • @bluespy4050
      @bluespy4050 4 года назад +3

      There ain’t no such thing as half way crooks

    • @stephengrigg5988
      @stephengrigg5988 4 года назад +5

      It's ironic that the dude that cut this video is now in prison for 35 years on a sex crime. He's probably holding a pocket right now.
      Life comes at you fast

    • @kurtis4026
      @kurtis4026 4 года назад +1

      the fact it was censored

    • @benbernard-jardine3384
      @benbernard-jardine3384 4 года назад

      "BIKES"

  • @RickyMackie
    @RickyMackie 3 года назад +90

    I’ve been wanting to see this for like 5 years ever since I heard this standup. Whomever edited this, you’re dope, thank you! BIKES!

  • @Gabagool93
    @Gabagool93 3 года назад +418

    The fact he’s wearing a Cornell jacket is so damn funny to me 😂

    • @RayTeerlink
      @RayTeerlink 2 года назад +46

      “Cornell? Ever heard of it?” -Andy

    • @YazzFlute
      @YazzFlute 2 года назад +23

      Take that sweater off! - Andy

    • @harrydavey9884
      @harrydavey9884 2 года назад +8

      Yeah, I thought that was fuckin hilarious.

    • @publius9350
      @publius9350 2 года назад +3

      """Ivy League'''"

    • @Dirt_McGirt_Osirus
      @Dirt_McGirt_Osirus 2 года назад +8

      Bowl cut is wearing a Goldberg shirt which I think is funny for some reason

  • @rexrocker1268
    @rexrocker1268 Год назад +2

    This video is so superbly done it should have more upvotes than views.

  • @ryanjeanes5253
    @ryanjeanes5253 5 лет назад +134

    "I run 6th grade, I ain't scared of you man!"

  • @Jus10Giraffney
    @Jus10Giraffney 5 лет назад +505

    Allen, you have impeccable taste with comedians. It's great to see your name popping up frequently again. You're doing the lord's work

    • @juggerswood
      @juggerswood 5 лет назад +1

      Bill and Tom are friends dickweed

    • @Jus10Giraffney
      @Jus10Giraffney 5 лет назад +1

      @@juggerswood Tom has no real friends, he is a demented psychopath, and Bill has made that clear

    • @juggerswood
      @juggerswood 5 лет назад

      @@Jus10Giraffney yeah his friend said that about him

    • @Jus10Giraffney
      @Jus10Giraffney 5 лет назад

      @@juggerswood no shit, man.

    • @JimmyTurner
      @JimmyTurner 5 лет назад

      Where is his name coming up at?

  • @tomking5047
    @tomking5047 5 лет назад +100

    My life has been building toward this moment, thank you.
    BIKES!!

  • @anthonyrozada1980
    @anthonyrozada1980 2 года назад +2

    Thank you for posting the footage.

  • @astarte66
    @astarte66 2 года назад +296

    I remember when this episode aired. It literally only showed Once where I lived. I think it was on MTV or ran live. It was and still is the best episode on that show.
    Whoever put this video together…..YOU LEGEND! THANK YOU! It makes the story Tom Segura is telling infinitely better.
    HOLD MY POCKET!
    Seeing the kid with the Alfalfa style hair bowl cut oddly parted was priceless.
    BIKES!

    • @gregatron4528
      @gregatron4528 2 года назад

      HBO or one of them channels because of the foul language

    • @sabrinamoore1218
      @sabrinamoore1218 2 года назад

      Hbo

    • @SegaGenesis92
      @SegaGenesis92 Год назад +3

      @@sabrinamoore1218 It was on mtv and unedited. I remember it was on late sunday nights at like 3 am, in early '99

    • @astarte66
      @astarte66 Год назад +1

      @@SegaGenesis92 you are absolutely correct.

    • @nachomansandyravage2346
      @nachomansandyravage2346 Год назад

      Relax

  • @aliensarereal_4556
    @aliensarereal_4556 3 года назад +64

    Tom Seguras description of this is like a master guitar solo that no one could ever replicate.

    • @Beelzebubba2823
      @Beelzebubba2823 Год назад

      Bro for real. Lmao. Like a solo better than Eruption and Cemetary Gates.

  • @bluestripetiger
    @bluestripetiger 2 года назад +42

    The absolute best episode of Scared Straight was the ep where the prisoner had a small comb and he gave the comb to a kid and asked the kid to comb his chest hair. When the kid refused, the prisoner went totally ballistic on this kid and the kid was intimidated by all the yelling to actually comb the prisoner's chest hair and the kid was crying as he was combing. It was a moment that was supposed to be terrifying but it unintentionally wound up being one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. 🤣🤣😂😂

  • @simple_beys
    @simple_beys 9 месяцев назад +1

    This resin deserves an Oscar for best performance editing.

  • @MrJollotta1981
    @MrJollotta1981 3 года назад +19

    I can’t count the number of times I heard this story on Pandora, thank you for cutting this together. Priceless.

  • @WordUnheard
    @WordUnheard 5 лет назад +127

    Today's been a bummer. This is the pick-me-up I needed.
    Thank you, Allen Palin!

    • @CaliforniaCarpenter7
      @CaliforniaCarpenter7 5 лет назад +6

      Must be something in the air, worst day I've had in quite some time.

    • @pabster13
      @pabster13 5 лет назад

      @@CaliforniaCarpenter7 what happened bro?

    • @-PAHANA-
      @-PAHANA- 5 лет назад +2

      Pablo Molina
      Women are whores?

    • @grungical
      @grungical 5 лет назад +1

      Wow a youtube video made your day? What a life

    • @CaliforniaCarpenter7
      @CaliforniaCarpenter7 5 лет назад

      Pablo, my motorcycle broke down. Right in front of a group of females, one of which I've been into for a while. I had to walk the bike home in 100 degree heat, only about two miles, but still a bitch. Got home and opened my email to find out that PayPal closed my account with $640 in it and rent is due. Not a fun day bro.

  • @underscorejojo
    @underscorejojo 4 года назад +95

    ”DAFUQ U TUK??”

  • @kimratcliff4660
    @kimratcliff4660 Год назад +11

    😂😂 I remember that episode- I will never forget "HOLD MY POCKET"❤

  • @Nunya_Bidz
    @Nunya_Bidz 5 лет назад +106

    Tom Segura should be the host of a Scared Straight re-boot😂

    • @superass113
      @superass113 4 года назад +2

      it should be like impractical jokers, where he's in a box in the corner of the screen the whole time. so you can watch him lose his mind giggling like a pschyco

  • @bbbluff9473
    @bbbluff9473 5 лет назад +367

    I’m happy to see that the bowl cut kid turned his life around

    • @aaronc1080
      @aaronc1080 5 лет назад +8

      Alyssa Hart I hear how Tom says "bowl cut" in my head all the time

    • @jeremyc9593
      @jeremyc9593 4 года назад +15

      Still had that same haircut though, so it wasn't completely turned around

    • @JohnBehrens118
      @JohnBehrens118 4 года назад +1

      @@jeremyc9593 I mean if you got a bowl cut that usually means you're way too much of a dweeb to be hanging with the gangsta kids anyway. It should be a sign that your kid isn't a part of the wanna-be badass crowd.

    • @wrcz
      @wrcz 4 года назад +8

      @@JohnBehrens118 those were 90s. bowl cuts were the shit buddy. remember Backstreet Boys?

    • @noahwilson1641
      @noahwilson1641 4 года назад +4

      @@wrcz ya, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

  • @servetheflesh1709
    @servetheflesh1709 5 лет назад +75

    I LOVE that you uploaded this.
    Like a bouse

  • @michaelhartman851
    @michaelhartman851 2 года назад +15

    I absolutely love scared straight it's the best thing to do to smart ass kids, you know these inmates are all extremely excited when they hear they're gonna send in some kids to talk too...😂

  • @dwdw182
    @dwdw182 5 лет назад +318

    'OL FRECKLES GOT SOME COMPETITION 'OVAHHEEEERE

    • @Misty8097
      @Misty8097 5 лет назад +4

      Never!

    • @Robotshadow
      @Robotshadow 5 лет назад +2

      Still like ol Billy blue balls more

  • @shototodoroki5275
    @shototodoroki5275 3 года назад +57

    "Talk yo shit G" 4:38😂😂😂 everytime I hear this no matter who's mouth it comes out just got say it funny

  • @Pulpy-OrangeJuice
    @Pulpy-OrangeJuice 3 года назад +1359

    Feel bad for the bike stealing kid. Judging by the mother, seems like he might have not been surrounded with positivity. Hope he's doing well these days.

    • @Winteramen
      @Winteramen 3 года назад +156

      Yeah that mother was weird

    • @wesleybrown6974
      @wesleybrown6974 3 года назад +55

      You don’t have to have street smarts to see where the kids issues started. That mother needs clean herself up and lead by example.

    • @adamrocks19
      @adamrocks19 3 года назад +144

      That and most likely doesn’t have a father in the home. Something like 90% of male inmates come from single mom homes.

    • @JackTheripper911
      @JackTheripper911 3 года назад +46

      @@oatmealshoes to be fair that was basically the entire 90's style for white women.

    • @putler965
      @putler965 3 года назад +117

      His mother is very disappointed in him. She sent him there to learn how to steal bikes better, and it was a complete waste of time.

  • @Technically_Fashionable
    @Technically_Fashionable 2 года назад +7

    I found Tom by accident flipping through Netflix ( HAF ) looking for something to watch. I’d never heard of him before so NGL I was a bit skeptical when I started his special “ Mostly Stories.” His delivery, facial expressions and stories had me crying laughing so hard that my brain was confused. With each joke getting progressively funnier then the last one. Although I didn’t do any crunches my abs had been hurting as if I’d did them continuously until failure.

  • @RickySpanish-
    @RickySpanish- 5 лет назад +716

    That kid doesn’t quite seem like Cornell material.

    • @henrydouberly3950
      @henrydouberly3950 5 лет назад

      What have it away?

    • @rakim2730
      @rakim2730 5 лет назад +7

      @@henrydouberly3950 his sleeves were rolled up!

    • @nicke1903
      @nicke1903 5 лет назад +1

      My Ortho Suregon Played Baskeball at Cornell lmao I'm imagining him acting like that kid.

    • @frankbourassa2456
      @frankbourassa2456 5 лет назад +3

      Found Andy Bernards RUclips account

    • @shrapnel77
      @shrapnel77 5 лет назад +1

      Cornell material? That kid is not even Target material.

  • @RockoJerome
    @RockoJerome 5 лет назад +168

    1999 Scared Straight on MTV has nothing at all on 1978 Scared Straight, which was more brutal and aired unedited on network TV one night instead of Welcome Back Kotter. Look that up.

    • @RockoJerome
      @RockoJerome 5 лет назад +11

      Mm Mmm Yeah, Ali! “I have knots, bumps, stitches and everything!” I had a group of friends who would watch that like once a month and quote it non stop. It’s my Rocky Horror.

    • @maxdembo2029
      @maxdembo2029 5 лет назад +2

      That was Small Eyes. A film not a documentary.

    • @RockoJerome
      @RockoJerome 5 лет назад +3

      @@maxdembo2029 Uh, no, dude. Scared Straight was definitely a documentary.

    • @calibomber209
      @calibomber209 5 лет назад +7

      99’ is more comedic especially with the influence of hiphop culture and suburbia

    • @RockoJerome
      @RockoJerome 5 лет назад +15

      calibomber209 I totally disagree, I think that’s what kinda ruins 99. Those kids were all raised on Tupac gangsta bullshit and seemed to know the convicts weren’t allowed to really hurt them, but the 70’s kids had only ever seen Beretta and shit like that and were ill equipped. Plus, the convicts got in their faces a lot more in the first one.

  • @twodumbcats390
    @twodumbcats390 3 года назад +46

    This might be my favorite five minutes (ok a tiny bit over) of stand up ever. It's flawless.

  • @karendeterra2498
    @karendeterra2498 3 месяца назад

    I have watched this so many times and it's still absolutely hysterical.

  • @Wombats-1
    @Wombats-1 3 года назад +43

    I'd love to shake hands of everyone involved in allowing this to be aired. And give Tom a kiss for his input on everything. One of the greatest things I've ever witnessed

  • @osamabad3597
    @osamabad3597 3 года назад +68

    When he says “the fuck you took?”, he actually sounded a lot like the actual guy

  • @0412lennon
    @0412lennon 5 лет назад +793

    Is Ol freckles on vacation or what

    • @dyoung1998
      @dyoung1998 5 лет назад +2

      Definitely not down south!

    • @herpallday1284
      @herpallday1284 5 лет назад +11

      nigga this is from his first special YEARS ago

    • @dyoung1998
      @dyoung1998 5 лет назад +1

      @@herpallday1284 we know that. Thanks ol Captain Obvious

    • @FlexBeanbag
      @FlexBeanbag 5 лет назад

      ruclips.net/channel/UC-VY81cp3P3vWVxT5o-MTxA

    • @benancona3242
      @benancona3242 5 лет назад +7

      His wife is making him clean the house for a few weeks

  • @justtrolling9370
    @justtrolling9370 2 года назад +6

    My whole goal in life is to not be in a position where I have to hold another man's pocket💯💯

  • @geezjunior
    @geezjunior 2 года назад +29

    I’m actually happy rob got his life together, that pocket holding must’ve been traumatizing