Narcissists think they can treat you bad and love you at the same time | The Narcissists' Code Ep809
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
- why do narcissists think they can treat you bad and love you at the same time? Narcissistic people become really good at compartmentalization and think they can love you while treating you badly.
Channel Memberships For More perks- / @mentalhealness
Official- www.mentalheal...
Self Love Journal - a.co/d/70L3zKb
Brand Shop - i-am-self-love...
Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
1 on 1's and all my links - beacons.page/m...
Weekly Newsletter - subscribepage.io/mentalhealness
Thank you so much
I've told someone this before, and I realized I don't love them either. I loved the person I thought they were, but that's not them. They loved the person they planned to make me, but that's not me. We were loving lies.
We love a person who doesn't exist, we mourn a future that was just a green screen, we grieve a relationship that never truly happened. We were WITH them. But they weren't TRULY with us. Because they're not a real, genuine person.
@@southerncatlady Very true words, I got a bit teary reading that. Thank you for sharing.
@@strawberrysangria1474 oh, bless your heart! And my pleasure! I'm humbled that what I said touched you 🤗
True
Wow so true ! You’ve got this figured out ! Wish I had much earlier . Thanks for this comment
"I was there for you." No, they were THERE. Doesn't mean they were there FOR you.
Omg!!! This is spot on
I don’t understand why she abused me yet expected me to stay. I don’t think it’s a reasonable expectation
it's not to a person functioning normally
That's crazy it's definitely not
Yes, as my ‘husband’ .. is currently sitting in the home of a women he cheated on me with in 2022 (lived w her for two mths- telling me he was w some guy) .. after twelve women and now this- HE IS ANGRY I WONT GIVE HIM A CHANCE ??
Ya he wasn’t to happy to see my car (HE IS STILL DRIVING AROUND) - I didn’t ruin it- but having cheater and poster boards all over it- reminding him he is married and that he must me lost- cuz that wasn’t his home
(( he said he drank to much at a bar and couldn’t drive- he was sleeping in his car)) so I had to add in there how if he was sleeping in his car - he wouldn’t have had any of this happen..
Getting my car ..
RUNNING AWAY
Hubby doing that now and stating he’s staying with two people (one his guy friend)
Agree...its never a reasonable expectation. Also know, it's a profound violation of boundaries...its pathological
I divorced a narc this week (🎉🥂🥂🍾🎊) after being treated like trash for YEARS. After a 12 hour divorce mediation with papers SIGNED at the end of the night , sent me texts at 12 and 4am about how much he loves me. What a friGGin joke. literally mad.
The peace is going to be unbelievable. The healing journey. The self love. Congrats to you.
@@saxyg1876 I am looking forward to my new life. Thank you!!
My husband told me point blank today I should forgive and forget everything he does to me, no matter what. He was awful to me last night, stormed out, scared my son and I -chewed me out again this morning, stormed out again saying he wanted a divorce. I got back from work this afternoon and he was acting like nothing happened, gave me the speech I should just forgive and get over it because that’s what his mom did with his dad. My head exploded!
Run 🏃♀️… and don’t look back… or you will regret it
Typical!
I been through this exact situation except without children.. which threw me🤦🏽♀️
yea they expect you to get over it
Hope your exit strategy is ON
My father sometimes punctuated his abusive rants with “you know what? I think you just LIKE to be miserable!” when he noticed I was crying my eyes out. I was *literally just a kid* and the main reason I was crying was because of how he was screaming at me.
And yet he always expected me to take the words “I love you” at face value when he tacked them on to the end of those episodes, as if robotically stating those words with a fake lovey-dovey voice somehow made it all okay. If I didn’t stop crying immediately, that was just proof I enjoyed being miserable and therefore it wasn’t his fault I was upset.
Fucking insane 🙄.
Your father sounds like the type to say “sorry YOU FEEL that way” instead of sorry that I did something that made you feel that way. Your emotions are always your fault and a choice according to them… Sorry you had to deal with that foolishness.
@@Sketches99 that’s exactly the kind of guy he is. I’d call it childish, but that would be unfairly insulting to children!
@vee1267 OMG Vee!!!! It’s bad enough to hear that as a grown woman from your spouse, but from your father? My heart hurts for you!
@vee1267 our experience with our father is totally the same, and I am also so sorry u were put through the same thing 😢💔
"we both make mistakes. We both forgive each other. We both this ...we both that"
Spot on! Happened all the time and confused tf outta me.
This is a Pure Narcissistic Classic Move, which is part of the NPD Disorder, the abusive treatment of the Narc, they are blinded to how they treat you rather is love or hate. No empathy so if that is not there? You are just an object they use, IF There are any love emotions shown ???? I guarantee you the love is gone as soon as it lands on you. Treating you abusively, with a teaspoon of love, is truly the Love of a Narcissist. If you are with one, just know this treatment that comes with the territory of being in a relationship with a Narcissistic person
Thank you for this comment. U save me a lifetime of frustration and misery
This is so spot on. Toxic people have a way of compartmentalizing everything they do. That's why someone can cheat on you and swear they love you. They try so hard to convince you of this as well as themselves.
That's part of the entitlement and emotional immaturity.. they think their actions shouldn't affect you because you ultimately don't affect them.. but truly.. so they naturally think that you think like they do AND if you don't there's something wrong with you, and if you do, there's something right with the narcissist.. the epitome of narcissim.
Proud of the work you do!
Keep holding the line in yourself! Your content helps folks to realize they're not crazy or alone. It can be very validating, especially since a lot of the antics that are used are psychological and isolating the victim somehow.. if even in the mind.
Thank you 🙏🏼
@kellierush3651 oh I send you all kinds of encouragement!!
Trust me when I say that as the love for myself grew inside me, through intentional actions, through safe communities, through safe support..
Even the DV hotline, which is completely anonymous and safe and free..
Eventually, I loved myself more than him.. and he was not the only abusive narcissist in my life but he was the last...
I wept leaving that man.. and yet, I loved myself enough to go ahead and break my own heart so that I could have my life back..
I will never go against myself again...
My heart is full today..
❤️
Sending you love! And encouragement! 🙏🏼 and tenacity!
So when narcissists gaslight themselves it’s often to make themselves feel like they’re better people than they really are, as opposed to those of us who self-gaslight ourselves that we’re worse people than we actually are.
That makes so much sense. Appreciate the information and revelation, thank you so much!
They just deny that they treat you badly
Some definitely do
@@MentalHealness some one-on-one would be great
it's worth money to me.
And counter-charge you leaving you feeling like dirt because nobody's perfect and some poor f****** like me have a f****** hellacious guilt complex
“If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t even be following you! That’s how much I care!” -Direct quote of my narc 😭😂😂😂
But the good things done, though few and far between are done with ulterior motives so imo they don’t actually count . When they have to do something really beneficial to you and not self-serving for them , they turn it into a whole negative thing and ruin the joy of it . For me , both jars are filled with lead (negative stuff). For years even decades they had me questioning my sanity but thanks to you Lee , all the silent treatments, the gaslighting , the stonewalling , the mindset is being exposed in your videos . I’m eternally grateful . I’m on my road to recovery .
I have been told many times by my husband that he thought I wanted to be treated badly... regardless of me telling him, "Hey, I don't want to be treated the way you treat me".
I broke free from the narc I was dating. He put his hands on me yet couldn't understand that if he put his hands on me again that I would call the police and get him arrested. THE NERVE! That made me the enemy. He made it seem as if I was somehow taking an unalienable right away from him and he resented my boundary.
Yup, mine did that when I was pregnant with his child and then threatened me as well. Wish I had called the police though, now I'm dealing with authorities not believing me !
Oh I heard that one..."you weren't perfect either"...when he was trying to gaslight me and hoover me back in after I found out he was cheating and had been for most of our marriage. 🙄 It didn't work at all. He would've been much wiser to focus on what he had done, but wisdom isn't something you can get without self-reflection. He's incapable of that. So, he lost that round.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
yeah they will beat you up, than help you heal so they can beat you up again each time it is worst, life is to short for that kind of love xp
H came home with a burger for me. Two days later he wants to start a fight. Nope. But I got you a burger!
Folks, they will weaponize anything. Even a burger.
No more burgers for me. I’ll just take care of myself, thanks.
Next he got me a $400 headset. Trying to fix the burger mess? Who knows. I made him send it back. If he will weaponize a burger no way will I set myself up for the uptown craziness a headset would unleash.
Constant awareness and vigilance. Yeeing freaking haw
Yup. The set up is real. It gets to the point where you don’t want to accept anything from them
That's true but it's sad though
Agree
You can't put treat you bad and love in the same sentence. Narcs dont love. They love sex service and supply
This!!
They love the 3 S's!
Sex, Service & Supply!
This is EXACTLY how it goes!
!!!
I am the survivor of a domestic violence narcissist marriage and I developed Stockholm syndrome and even picked up his traits and realised I've become a narcissistic parent because of mimicking his behaviour. I THANK YOU SO MUCH for your vlog approach. I live in the UK 🇬🇧 and I'd like to do 1 to 1 but there is a time difference in our countries, do you do 1 to 1 sessions with people overseas..Once again thank you for the content and once again hats off to your AMAZING WIFE..
Gold medalists at the Olympics of mental gymnastics 😂 So true! That entire metaphor made me laugh. Then I sobbed.
Yea I like that one too 😂
This is a very self-aware and intelligent clip. The bit about jars with different weights is useful, I feel sure this is helping some people out there. Thank you sir.
I think narcs treats you bad because you remind them that they never deserve you
Good point
Very good video. I heard all of these things. . The delusion is the only thing real about a narcissist..
💯💯💯
I've had some truly bizarre conversations with people with narc tendencies - but I think you may have just explained the most bizarre thing ever said to me - I was trying to escape out of a car window ( I'd destroyed the engine from the passenger seat) we were eighty on the wrong side of the road at the time - and he drags me back into the car saying ' your gonna hurt yourself - I don't want to hurt you - I want to kill you' - won't say I dwell on it but it's always puzzled me - how can you care if I hurt myself and plan to kill me?.....
💯💯 ex narc got paid for taking care of me i got disabled when i was pregnant with our child. I told him once....thank for staying around and taking care of me and the baby. ..other guys wouldve left!! Whyd i say that!!...when he treated me badly which was often he would bring up what i said to him....all the time!😡
💯
Yes my ex had put a card in my mailbox that stated we had more good times than bad times. 😂😂😂😂 The bad times that he feels aren't significant were awful!! His Rage is terrible!! That's why his is an ex and I ended up having to get a PTO. I have had No Contact for over a year. But I still worry about my safety.
My ex used to tell me he loved me and hate me ALL in the same sentence. 😢😢😢😢😢😢
😔
Am literally going through this right now I don't get it
Mine would say "i want to be loved and I want to be hated"
Lmaoo
Boredom is @ the root of it all.
I just want to say thank you because your videos have helped me understand how to help my narcissistic person im the correct way, how to behave and it’s made such a difference. He’s made effort, im not yelled at, he’s trying because i knew how to approach it correctly finally. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏
One of your best videos yet. 👏
Thank you
❤Thank you for all the important work! You get the inside of narcs visible so we can make the right choices for ourselves;
Stay away!
You’re welcome
My husband orchestrated a horrible argument last night and i did loose my temper as well. Then act like its all ok. Even wanted a divorce last night, until I walked in with divorce papers. Then im the most horrible person and he attacked my looks and everything
Sometimes they call treating you bad, love…
You should be thankful for it!!
😯
OMG!!! He told me he was driving past my house every night to be sure I was safe. This video was so on target I had to stop the video and comment. 3 years of No Contact and I'm pretty sure he still does it sometimes. I thought I was overreacting to it and I had NO CLUE that it wasn't just me. Thank You. I wasn't sure but you made it crystal clear. Thank you!! So many things you tell us make me realize it's exactly the behavior I witnessed. Thank you!
And then there's the whole "it takes two to tango" speech. Then there's "it's still all your fault" speech.
I've been wondering and wondering if I was somehow the narc. *Everything* in this video are things that are spot on - confusing things that were done and said to me. Thank you Lee. Thank you so much. You have cleared the fog from my brain with this video!!
Let's see... he left me because I wasn't attractive to him anymore. But when I started to get back on my feet, he claimed that he left me so that I would go back to being what he fell in love with, "and it worked!" When he told me my karaoke performance "sucked", it was just to get me to "do better" because he thinks I'm fabulous, but I "could still do better". I was at fault for not seeing his insults as beneficial. In another instance, he asked me to sing straight to him, but I had to look at the words periodically because I didn't know the song that well. Later, he screamed at me that he had "only asked one F🤬 thing, sing directly to me!!!" I said, "but if I messed up the lyrics, you'd have said I sucked!" He then circles back and says that his insults should be seen as constructive criticism. He finished by saying that I was taking my "inferiority issues" out on him. 😒
He says me I love you but his actions doesn't match his words I gave him many chances but he don't want to change himself finally I left him forever.now I am in peace thank God
🙏🏽🙌🏾
"I bought her that bracelet she wanted that time."😅🤣
😂
Got a girl at work that is way manipulative and talks about everyone that treats her nice like that. Hope some day she stops that nonsense.
😮
Schizotypal people think this too kinda... Thing is... Schizotypal people feel like they love people but they are super suspicious of other people's love.
😆 🤣 omg you are on specific with your description. I need to buy the journal. You're amazing with what you do. I appreciate your work. Thank you.❤
You’re welcome ☺️
Hi Lee can you please do a video on how narcissist switch intimacy on and off? For ex: my ex was mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive. But he was able to get intimate and could be really lovey dovey before and after s*x. Was that an act? Idk how they can do a switch on and off. He also enjoyed cuddling.
He was highly delusional that did horrific things, so I left quietly , while he was at work.
He cheated so often, was a pathological habitual liar, extremely compulsive, betrayed me, smeared me, and was always daydreamin! He would take me on a wonderful date, then go into the men's room and stay a half an hour on the phone with another woman...duh! What a fool he is, like I didn't know what he was doing!
He took me on trips, but he would disappear to contact his other women. He bought me diamond earrings and the diamond necklace for Christmas and thought that I would stay with him because he bought me trinkets.🥺
No, dumb dumb...I will not tolerate the extremely emotional and mental abuse!
So, I returned his trinkets to him, went no contact and got a protective order....
Almost finished with the divorce!🎉
He's contesting everything, but the judge see straight through his ignorance.
Yep
💯💯
My ex really thought even though he being inconsistent, blowing up all the time, always accusing me of cheating or interrogating me when he felt i was being sneaky or lying, no date nights after 5 months of our relationship, never met his family after almost 2 years and thought i was gonna stay 😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂
Thanks 4 all u do to helping all
Thanks for being here
My ex was supposed to hang out with me this weekend but I had to go to the ER. He cancelled plans, was extremely mean to me through text as I waited to get into a room. He said I was a bad person, said I deserved to be treated badly while I felt like I was dying. He said his exes were good people and I wasn’t. He didn’t offer to come see me and made sure to tell me he was making plans to go on a week long vacation without me. When the nurses gave me meds I got mean and said a very few but damaging words (that I didn’t even mean…) words that I felt really wasn’t really from my heart but I was so angry and hurt he would treat me this way. I got mean…He blocked me right away.
He would say if I didn't love you I wouldn't pick up your calls, I would just ignore you. When I refused to pretend I believe him that the other newER supply left, he proceeded to ignore all my contact and not reach out. My family tells me he kept me on the back burner because I didn't just roll over and wasn't as easy to control. I don't think I wasn't easy to control but I didn't just roll over. All the bad he did to me he did and lingers on himself. If image is everything, he's his own worst enemy. He can find thousands of people to tell him the poison he's serving isn't rotting him and doesn't hurt, but his internal state and life circumstances will crush him slowly. Only a true enemy could cosign denying a negative reality being renewed and maintained daily. Feeling bad is often a sign like physical pain, until we get into immutable and inborn ideas of badness. Ask people who can't feel physical pain how scary life is and why. I hope your healing, thinking different would be nice but acting different is everything. Inspire some narcissist PLEASE.
Within the first few sentences alone-the red pill community needs to hear this lol
Narcissism isn’t exclusively a gender specific based topic. Also, therapy can help us understand why we would select certain partners.
@@LuckyPo-o2f I agree but I hope I didn’t come across like I was only talking about men cause that was not my intention. There are also women in the red pill community too. I do think there are a lot of unhealed people tryna coach others on how to live life…and it’s causing too much destruction.
@@Hope4Life26 Agreed 💪🏿
Narcissistic are incapable of love well my father and the one I married don't know what love is and will never know what it is to truly love or be happy they are miserable creatures with demons I'm divorcing the one I was married to for almost 4 years everything was a problem misery loves company well mine is gone forever no contact 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
THIS part irritates the living F*** outta me!@#?* Thank you SO much for letting me know he meant all of that blasphemous BS! Oh, I'm a cheating, lying, user who has ZERO entegrity. It set me free, so it didn't hurt me ONE bit-blew up in his face, instant no-contact, didn't say why because he KNOWS. And he IS stalking me. Big footprints at foundation right outside my living room window-NOBODY is getting THAT close to my house. He messed up my rocks.
Stay empowered
he really try to manipulate me I came to a point that I think I'm the problem in our relationship,always doing the silent treatment on me and plays victim when he do something wrong...
Exactly I said this and this and that he said back go count how many 👗 you have …
When he said that I felt I was wasting my energy .
😫😫
Yes my narc cheated on me and says he stills love me. How? He deflect and blamed me for him cheating so I didn’t speak to him for days he is now giving me the silent treatment for abandoning him. They are crazy.
Well my hubby left, but wants me to come stay with him when he gets his mind together🤔But still brings up what I do against him,not what he did against me. So why do he wants me there with him, since I done him so wrong? I just don’t get it🤦🏾
It’s all so weird to me I don’t have time for the games like this husband of mine is ready for me to flip tables because he’s crazy and he takes my kindness for weakness that’s why I had to leave it’s all about power and control
🎉🎉🎉🎉 thank you Lee you know when you put those faces expressions you look so Stern I like that thank you so much sleep you know I'm proud of you that you did the 6 years that use on therapy for narcissism not a lot of people they don't want to admit they wrongs and you know what those are disgrace and disgusting people I stay away if God willing that God gave me that strength and God gave you that strength to change your life and now and now you change my life to do the best and I'm proud of you and thank you again for helping me and a lot of others that we going through this as well because life is rough but at the end of the day I have God in my side and I'm not saying life is perfect or life is not perfect but I'm working very hard to😊 me and myself and I ❤
They DO NOT LOVE you,, they see you as a possession thats why your opinion doesn't matter. 😅
I’m sick he mad cause he want intimacy couldn’t care less about my health. Says he cares but actions tell a different story. Not a relationship. Feeling horribly cheated out of a relationship. I didn’t know these type of people existed. Its terrible
😞😞
No!
If they do not want feel like bad people. Then why do they do bad stuff?
sometimes they can't control it
@@MentalHealnessthat's scary
Like I caught her cheating, messages clear as day ,and looked me in my face and said ,those Messages are not what you think....I couldn't believe it, on top of that,when I sent the messages to her ,meaning my wife soon Tobe ex wife....only thing she said was where's my phone,,
That shot crushed me,,however definitely working on self-love,,it's a must...the way these crazy women coming
Yes Lee my husband does this gives me anything i want and still treats me like garbage. He hates that i stand up for myself because my mouth is crazy. I go in on him everytime he says im to aggressive im to strong headed. I say i sure am you not gonna talk to me like shit and expect me not to say anything to you gtfoh not me.
True, until they meet an a hole (watch full metal jacket for reference) We sense bs and act accordingly.
She´s in debt
lost her job
lost her apartment
Play with fire you get lit up and the beauty..she has no clue it was me.
Amen
🙏
He says he is protecting me
With no explanation?
They lie all the time. Abuse isn't protecting.
Popaprańcy są naszymi uzdrowicielami traum.
Imagine ... the army of narcs...facing off the King drenched in his enemies blood.
Theres a reason narcs population is high as hell. cruel no feeling soldiers.. that angel of light a liar from the start is highy ..highly-qualified and preparing.
We have won already tho. Helmet of salvation. Put it on
Another great one. Are you going to have any work shops in NC next week? I traveling to Des Moines and NC from Los Angeles
That's my husband!
☹️
Or is it possible to change this dynamic?
You can’t change their mind without them working on it
Yes.
💯
This was 💯 my ex
🙏🏽🙏🏽
This one was good
Thank you
No Contact SWELL🎉🎉🎉🎉
🙏
My question to all narcs and you: how would you HONESTLY describe yourself to yourself: selfish a... mofo????
That's extremely rude and disrespectful. Unlike most narcissists, Lee has gone to psychotherapy for going on 6 years. He has apologized to ppl he's harmed. He has restored his relationship with his children and wife and is doing what he can to be a better father and husband. Don't be nasty and hateful.
@@tranquility9325Absolutely. He deserves respect for helping others cope. I'm positive he has well surpassed those hes helped to those he has hurt. Thanks for calling rude comments out ❤❤❤
You are obviously NOT listening.
Probably the same way you'd describe yourself. There's a person living within that mental disorder, and narcissism is only one piece of a person. My aunt is a narcissist, but she's also a loving mother, a broken-hearted widow, and a lover of cats and nature's beauty. Most people aren't born narcissists, something happens that makes them insecure and self-sustaining to the extreme
🏅 🏅 🎖 ✨️ ✨️ ✨️
Winners of the gold 😅 🏆 🏆 🏆
💯💯
Triangulation is used by them to make it seem like their opinion carries more weight because these imaginary other people sre on his side against you.
The We BOTH made mistakes, seems like the same thing. Rather than take full accountability for what they did, they include you to lessen their responsibility.
They can't ever be in the spotlight for the abuse they choose to dish out
It’s my opinion:
Great video
Thank you
M ine said... im like the nicest. Thats why everyone love m3
. Little 5.1. Cutie.. GOT BE OFF.GAURD...GOD FORGIVE ME
..AND HELP US
Im here aren't I sounds so familiar in my situation. This guy I like said that to me. An he say he loves me while living with another girl everytime I bring up the situation he will say I'm here aren't I what that means smh the whole time I think he loves me. Smh I'm boo boo the dam fool. I always thought it's werid to be with two people at the same time. He will also flatter you an take you on the best dinner dates. New supply get showered old supply has no idea they are getting devalued and used he never going to leave that girl especially if he's getting supply from the person. The hook them self when they see the supply they In love with the supply not us. That's why as soon as you stop giving they find someone else n if your the better supply they will stay or come back. It's not because of love you guys stay careful
How do you navigate this??
Yep it’s may fault I make him treat me bad. I’m the nut job not the actual nut job. It’s my fault it’s Thursday, my fault it rained last week. Everything my fault. Never accountability. Then mad cause don’t nobody wanna be intimate w you. 🙃
😵💫😵💫😵💫
Yo !! Best narc ..most healed.. hahaha jk much love
❤️🧡
I promised you treat yo lady a lil bad she gone love you more and want to knock boots fasho. Just put a shield of true protection and love around y’all thrill of a life! Keep GOD in the mix tho