It's so hard. We are taught that love is supposed to stay, work, and love someone for who they are. But in this scenario, it's self destructive and so emotionally damaging.
Yess! I stayed for so long because of his parents convincing me to work it out for the kids but after having my last baby I just couldn’t take it nomore so we’re seperated and I’m working on breaking my trauma bond and etc but it’s hard but after discovering these videos and realizing what I was dealing with I can never go back despite how I feel I can never go back but you’re right it’s very self destructive and emotionally draininngggg I’ve had the worse mental breakdowns during my marriage with this man 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ and being pregnant practically the whole marriage didn’t make it any better 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Wow, this is perfect timing. In my despair dealing with my narc husband, I turned to God. In a recent talk with God he laid it in my heart saying “I will deal with him, get out of my way”. You just reminded me to get out of God’s way and let my husband hit rock bottom. Thank you for all you do.
I needed to read this comment. When I read “I will deal with him. Get out the way”. I need to get out the way and let God deal with the narc who tried to destroy me.
I wish one day my ex will see this video. Exactly the same story.I wish I had stopped being the soft pillow to keep him from hitting rock bottom e a r l i e r. I wish I knew about narcissism and emotional trauma earlier. We have to cut the trauma circle.Thank you for being so brave Lee! 🙏💫
@@SketchybrainD effective tool against them or for them? Because my narc says F the police every chance she gets but isn't above using them to make someone's life hell either. Also I don't feel too horrible about what she got away with doing to me because I was warned by her current husband so I kind of deserved it. And the guy she's with now deserves it too IMO
@1badombre82 No one deserves it!! We all were warned, but we was still sleep walking. Narcissist come in our lives for a reason. They teach you to love yourself
Preach Lee 🎯‼️He thought telling me "some" of what he was doing and going through that I was going to be there to save him ... I didn't !!! Now that I know and found out what he wasn't telling me, I went in 110% and told him I do not support his PATHETIC behavior anymore because he hurt me the WORST with his lying, drinking, cheating, etc. I let him know he has to figure it out on his own because he put himself where he is NOT me!!! I have absolutely no sympathy for his behavior. Not sure what his plan is because ACTIONS always speak louder than words but I definitely know MY plan❤❤❤‼️
Interestingly enough, I think my ex narcissist WAS my rock bottom. After I left him on read, I ran and got therapy. Started finding myself. I suffered a lot of losses, and it felt like I was losing myself while I was going through therapy. But I realized it was me shedding a skin full of low self esteem and unhealthy guilt. I’m pretty sure my low self esteem is what made me a perfect target for him. Anyway, rock bottom sucks. I’m so much better now, but being that low is a painful memory that haunts me. Good to know I’m not the only one still climbing. Thanks for all you do here, Mr. Lee.
Please understand you are not alone. The great thing about rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up. Depending on God to honor you is better than man. A man, friend, coworkers, manager will ask loyalty of you, but be the same ones crucifying your existence. They will get alot of support to nail you too. They will get those you love to close the coffin. Trust me...God saw everything these agents of evil had done and will deal with them all. Karma is real and that bite is wayyy stronger then the control they thought they had on you. May your days ahead be better then those behind you.
I've watched thousands of hours of all people on you tube about narcissistic everything ...YOU are the #1 BEST..by far ....your real ..truthful..not textbook crap ...I love your videos
"Some narcissists don't have a rock bottom." Excellent piece. Most don't hit rock bottom because their copious sources of supply/scapegoats, flying monkeys, & extreme denial & delusional thinking prevent them. Exactly! Rock bottom is a blessing for a narc.-when there is no one to blame but self, & no where to go but up, they might be able to start to heal & change.
I am at a loss Mental Healnesss, I hit my rock bottom this last week. My wife wants a divorce and it is final. I tried to change her mind but to no avail. She called me a narcissist about a year ago but I thought nothing of it. She left to visit her family and I have been thinking about everything and reflecting on it all and what I have done to her and it just eats me alive with shame and self hate. I hope to grow from this and figure myself out on this journey. I am so thankful I found your channel and I am going to therapy starting within the next week.
You said they "crowd surf!" I laughed out loud...but man if this wasn't spot on! My stbx spouse is crowd surfing right now. Hes drunk with the money she gave him, and likely not even going to the job hes two seconds from being fired from. Flying monkeys keep them in their dysfunction.
This is a good video for undiagnosed narcissists to help understand the possibility that real rock bottom is something that can happen anytime! Go to a therapist, get diagnosed, and move on slowly with your life! 😮
Some people won’t leave because they feel like they’re being run off and they have too much heart to live like cowards do and play behind computers and play puppet master
@user-xh2nk6op3s people are never as innocent as they appear. It's good to know who you're dealing with before you live with them. Hindsight is a b*, but it does help with healing, strength, and growth.
I remember telling her at the very beginning of our relationship about 9 years ago, "let's work as a team when you are down I lift you up, when I'm down you lift me up". Since then it has been "When you are down I pick you up, when I'm down I pick myself out" and it is exhausting after 10 years together and 5 children.
👏 Congratulations!!!!!! You will be SO much better off. I delayed leaving my ex husband because I hoped he might change on his own power, but he never felt the need to because I was always in the way of epiphany for him. I was always making excuses for him so with his excuses and my excuses, he lived 12 years acting like he had no responsibility to help me with the kids because I'd divorced him, even though the court ordered him to do child support. That's where he hit rock bottom last year, but he kept on going to 6 feet under. He never did anything consistently--he did a little and would then try to talk to me about getting back together and when I told him he was not showing me that he was trying to grow up and be responsible, he would go back to his "woe is me, how could you leave me and divorce me, you're a Christian, etc." He did the whole classic excusing himself to the kids: flip-flopped between "Your mom wouldn't let me see you" to "She punished me for not having any money" to "I wanted to work it out but she left me and wouldn't get back together with me." Every single day I prayed to God to not let my kids be blinded by the illusion he was trying to throw up, and eventually, yes--I made a choice to see if he'd grown up any during COVID and the answer was a huge NO. Except by then the kids were all teens, and noticed that he had a habit of getting jobs and quitting them fast, getting headaches when it was his turn to watch them, money for dip and cigarettes but nothing to take them anywhere with, and even worse, he was assaulting my daughter right under my nose and I didn't find out until--God be praised--he committed suicide when I made a report to the Child Support Office that he'd quit 3 jobs in 4 months and they decided that they'd been lenient enough with him over that 10 years. $32,768 back support is what I prayed he'd grow up and get serious about....But he never did. The court served him a body attachment to submit himself to jail, and he hung himself in his mother's front yard the night before he was due. When he died we got nothing from his death, either, but that was a big clue to the kids that he was indeed the troubled one that always did what he wanted to do, and nobody could ever tell him anything about himself. We are all recovering well--as well as they can, I suppose, I'm just glad he's not here to waste my compassion as supply anymore because I never felt like chasing him if he didn't want to be responsible for his part. I definitely am glad he ended himself for what he did to my daughter to get back at me. I personally believe he was afraid that she either would tell on him when he went away, or--more likely--when he got that attachment, his own suspicious nature and preservation paranoia had him believing that she HAD told me and the back child support was just the jail doorway that was already open, and I chose that one to get him picked up, and the child molestation charges would be made against him at a later date, once he was already locked up. 🤦🏾♀️ 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I'm not even going to lie, I am SO glad he just got out of our lives and won't be back anymore. You can do better in the rest of your years if you're not dragging around that grown sorry baggage dude around behind you like there's an umbilical cord attached to you. Even if there was, you can't pass accountability and motivation and awareness to him through it. What you CAN do is take yourself away and let karma hit him instead of hitting _you._ I'm very proud for you and hope you decide to stick to it and don't pay attention to his lies and excuses and threats or anybody else's.
Needed this!!! My ex loves to guilt trip me. Worst feeling ever because I literally would beg him to get help & change. Even out of it he still blames other people. Like noooo take accountability🤦♀️
Everytime I helped him I felt like I lost a little part of myself trying to help him. Also I felt like was losing my sanity trying to explain or defend myself. You helped me to realize how much of a people pleaser I was. I was helping him as he was breaking me down little by little until I lost myself. Now I set healthy boundaries and don’t let him coerce me into doing something I don’t want to do or not comfortable with, no matter what he says or does or threatens. It’s not easy coparenting but I try not to let him get to me
Thank you for this! I needed to hear this I blocked every number and texting app. I’ve read 3 books to help me get thru and idc what he does anymore. I wouldn’t take him back healed at this point. Too much hurt and lies.
So true I couldn't take mine back also, currently going through a divorce, but even if he does get help I hope he treats his next partner well, because no body should go through what I went through. I don't hate him, I just can't go backwards in life 20 years is enough for me thank you 😊
@@chantellmeintjies1529 good for you for leaving. It’s so hard to do in a narcissistic relationship. Think about how many women die unhappily with these men. Make the best of the rest of your life. I think about this everytime I think about the years I wasted.
Thank you for explaining your rock bottom view. All the victims from NPD are traumatized from their shameful abuse. We struggle to understand their behaviors. Proud of you that your in therapy and talk about your journey. It really is helpful for us watching your videos in our healing process.
I think one traditional factor in defining "rock bottom" for most people in the dark tetrad spectrums is based on the rock bottoms they witnessed as children. And as long as they dont reach THAT level its all good in their head. My ex and her entire family are of the crowd surfer variety, they learned the art well from their mother. She was the master of using victimhood and deception to hop from one prey to another right before hitting rock bottom at terminal velocity. She reminds me of one of those extreme adrenaline junky skydivers/building jumpers who try to hold off on pulling the shoot until the last possible second just for the thrill from a near death experience. Sadly social media is the ultimate safety net for thrill seekers, in the blink of an eye they can manifest dozens or even hundreds of white knights and flying monkeys to avoid ever getting close to the cement
My ex of over 15 years and 2 children just came to me saying he has to have surgery while 2 exes kept ringing his phone. He was telling me that he wanted somebody to take care of him when he had back surgery 😮💨… I’m still tired from all the hell he put me through. I’m not putting myself down this time. … The children he took me to court for ended up leaving him on their own as adults. My daughter is only 17. Please call her name when you pray. Jada. I have boys 21 and 12.
It's quite refreshing to see you, as a diagnosed narcissists sharing your story to help the victims that are and currently being abused by this horrific disorder. I pray you continue to do good with your experience by helping others and that good things will come your way in life. God bless 😊
Depending on how sick...they will dig deep n stay by you meanwhile stabbing you. That analogy birds of a feather flock together...if you are the good one they will be on their BEST behavior in front of you and use everything you tell them against you. They ate whores. That's what whores do to everyone. They can't see wrong because their peers are all whores and they usually whore their way to the top of their jobs n have to keep stealing shit to be relevant cuz without Intel from you . The real them shines bright. They hate to be caught, cuz they not built for silence. They will tell on everyone. Their whole operation of help goes down. They also love shadowbanning , blocking real help from helping you, they know the therapist-also helpers, can't call the police- they allowing them to hurt you. Can't tell the church- there too. It's best to tell God n let hell have its way them whores.
Your story sounds just like my exes story except he still is in denial and continues to live angry and empty. He has hit rock bottom the same ways several times during our time together but he is so stubborn and refuses to look within. I told him too he was a narcissist but told me I was crazy. I had to give up to save my life. Ps... Dogs are the best! I treat mine like a king and he appreciates it more than my ex 😅😊 ALSO, funny how you say love isn't enough. My ex used to say "love is a 4 letter word like shi* and fu*k." Never understood why he would say that. I get it now ..✌️❤️😊 thank you for sharing all your stories!
This is hands down my favorite video of yours. You hit every nail right on the head with this one. So many of us made that mistake of trying to save these ppl instead of letting them fall flat on their faces. I got a little emotional watching this flashbacking all of the times I would literally save my alcoholic narc from himself. Whether it was financially, emotional support, whatever- none of which was ever reciprocated. And each time I did, I could LITERALLY feel pieces of myself chipping away because in my spirit I knew this wasnt the right thing to do. It wasnt right for me and it wasnt helping him stop his behavior either. In fact, it got worse because he began to just expect me to bail him out of every situation that he solely created and never took responsibility for anything. I absolutely thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video because I still have some guilt sometimes over walking away the way I did. Even though in my heart I knew I was doing the right thing. I would nvr in a million yrs go back but I really needed this video today. You are doing an amazing service with these videos. Thank you! ❤
I never really agreed with the "walking on eggshells" sentiment. My toxic relationship always made me feel like I was under pressure. Your crowd surfing imagery is spot on. All that pressure from holding up the toxic person.
Thank you for keeping it real!!! You have helped me sooooo much! I'm married to a narcissist, but I left him...I'm on the verge of divorce. I always thought it was me. I did everything to help him,! Additionally, I was dealing with his addiction to drugs. I finally after 20 yrs throw in my hat! I'm freeeeeeeeeeee....
This is so on point!! Thank you for sharing this message 🙌 People are really “crowd surfing” these narcs under the guise of “helping” but it is enabling to the core 🤦🏽♀️
Your content offers some very valuable insight. So many narcissistic people never make it to a place of healing, so we don't hear genuine inside perspective very often.
I left my narcissist wife and my health has improved and I haven't had 1 anxiety attack since I left in April. She has flying Monkeys crowd surfing her but that's on them!
As a narcissistically inclined person, you are easily believable. You overweight? Nah, can’t imagine. Rock bottom to rock hard! Congrats on your incredible journey. Thank you for giving us helpful insight 🏆
There is so much truth in this video! I was wondering how you were able to take ownership of the term ‘narcissist’. I work with people who are in severe addiction…Lee is absolutely right about some not finding a rock bottom. In order to hit bottom, one must acknowledge limits to how bad they are willing to let things get. If a.narcissistic person can’t see a limit, there will be no bottom. There will be limit to how bad they are willing to treat other people in order to maintain their false self.
Thank you so much for helping me understand my enable self. I am a therapist and trauma specialist who had a delusion for 24 years that he can change. I have been making his narcissistic symptoms worse. Now, I have to leave, so he can find help on his own...
You are so adamant in protecting n educating us that are confused in loving our narcissistic lovers/or SO's. So painful. Love is love. Just hard. Thank you❤
Everything you were saying was so true about a narcissist. As long as they have their enablers they will never experience rock bottom and wanting to change their life for the better 🪨
The crowd surfing example makes PERFECT SENSE! Every time something good happens to him, I don’t get jealous but I get angry because I feel he doesn’t deserve anything good to happen to him because of all the trauma he has put me through. As hard as it is I try not to think that way anymore. And sure enough something ALWAYS goes left with him and the “good” things that come. He always feels the need to tell me when something good comes to him I have no idea why. We do share a child together so I assume it’s about my daughter but he ends up telling me something good that happened for him. But that’s a perfect example because his mom, sisters and friends always pick him up when he’s down but yet they don’t know how he REALLY acts
Trust me...people know exactly what he is doing..they learn from more experienced narcs. It's funny and they love psychologically controlling like a game. They never get caught because their support system is solid.
Great video. The biggest takeaway is going within and changing the part that is attracted and comfortable with toxicity. People aren't science-fair projects. Trying to figure out why someone is mistreating you is the wrong question to ask yourself. Having been in this boat several times attracting people who are only interested in taking advantage and give nothing in return I had to realize I was just acting out family patterns. Feeling like I had to be a doormat / over give to make other people happy. That's the pattern that needs to be fixed, not hyper fixating on someone else that doesn't even want to change.
Thank you for saying this. I have definitely been a vehicle for a narcissistic crowd surfing in the past. And I really like how you explain how you are not helping this person at all by doing it. Because you don’t want to feel like you’re just abandoning somebody, but enabling isn’t helping. This is an excellent reframe! While I can’t change the past, but I can do better in the future. And giving a narcissist space to hit rock bottom is a gift to them and you.
You have been a very precious person to me,i have a narcissistic person in my life and it has come to a very deep emotional separation and extremely painful process to be currently going through, please pray for me,as i pray for you.Thank you and may God bless you🙏
This is one of your best videos that I know brought emotions to all of us who have suffered in our marriages/relationships - bottom line is it has to be their own decision to change & we have to be strong enough to keep boundaries unless/until that decision is chosen by them AND continued to be chosen for the rest of their lives.
it is interesting how crowd surfing often looks like a help but it doesn't help anyone to heal be it narcissistic person from their traumas or the other one from people pleasing
I'll tell you what it looks like. I came home yesterday and all her (the narcissist) stuff was gone. She left me to live with an active meth addict she fell in love with. She was 9 months sober. And my soul hurts bad today.
A strong video for narcissists and for the ones who are struggling with codependency The pictures you describe are very helpful to get a deep understanding and to keep in mind the truth and to do what is necessary. You made it chrystal clear. We have to hear the lessons in this way to come out of every delusion and denial. Thank you for your passion in this mission to help other to come out of suffering and darkness.. In my healing path God set me free from the cave when I confessed my sins and opened my heart door from the inside to let Jesus in and I decide every day to obey and follow him on the narrow path.I have light because he is the light. John 8, 12 💛 God bless 🙏⚘️ John 8, 36 🌿 📖❣️
I got out of a narcissistic relationship so I know what you're talking about. And yes for some there is no rock bottom. They don't see themselves as being the problem. They see the other person or persons who don't go along with their narrative is being "the problem." On a different note, I enjoy your presentations. You are very enthusiastic about this because you know what it's like to be a narcissist. You come off sometimes as a preacher and a Protestant revival church, but you know what. That's a good thing. Those that are called to preach inspire people. It's like sticking a dynamite stick up somebody's dupa and lighting the fuse. Thank you, and keep those presentations coming! 🧨😵💫🙏
And of course I called her a narcissist back 😂😂😂 Love your authenticity and humour. Sincere congrats for finding out what was wrong and trying to change 😊
at church, they told us that we are mistaking tolerance for love and if we see someone falling down it only our job to point it out. If they keep sinning willingly it is ok to revoke our prayers from them. This was helpful bc every night before I went to bed I would pray for him. Thus putting him in the fore front of my mind. They said love is the ability to walk away. Some people's fates are fixed.... this was an interesting follow up. I usually don't comment but he said walk away.
I felt u on this one bruh. Thanks for keeping it real. You’ve helped me get past a relationship with a toxic narcissist and I am truly grateful for your ministry on your channel.
This was great, Lee. You’re helping so many people. Your message got to me. No more going back and repeating this toxic and dangerous dynamic. Need to be strong and move forward leaving past behind. Thank you and God bless.
I was married to a narcissist for 35 years and I did enable him sad to say. What you say resonates for sure.. I’m proud of you for doing the work. I’m glad you had eyes to see
Now this is a great and poignant “come to Jesus” talk! Thanks for all you do. So glad you have come this far Lee, so you could help make some sense to victims and the abusive narcissist of the craziness people are going through.
Thank you Lee!! All we're able to do is pray, get out the way and let God fight that battle! God can remove all distractions to keep a narc from hitting rock bottom. There's nothing to hard that God can't do if it's His will. Narcs can and will be dealt with one way or another. Great message Lee and keep encouraging and saving innocent people from hitting rock bottom dealing with a narc. Stay blessed! ❤💯🙏🏽
It is the same for everyone, not just the narcissists. We all have to hit the rock bottom first. Empaths are more or less OK with it. We somehow learnt it from early childhood, that you must live through every pain on your road. But narcissists and their enablers (who are pretty much narcissistic too) spend their lifetime trying to avoid pain. One must hit a rock bottom. Then get out. And carry on walking. . About picking up another human being and going down... It is very true, one goes down while pushing another person up, this is Law of physics. But one can help others by giving a hand from the upper level of empathy. But this is a totally different story. And this person has to be really strong. There are next to none of these people around.
Wow! My therapist told my to look up your youtube...shout out to my therapist for coaching me through the narcissistic trauma I experienced with "the" ex-husband. I put "the" in quotes because I refuse to use the term "my" ex-husband, it weirdly makes me feel connected to that person, and I truly despise said person. Anyway, thank you for clarifying why it seems narcissist never hits rock bottom.
Such a powerful video, makes so much sense, I had to let my ex go because he was dragging me down with him. I hope he sees the light and gets the help he needs
![YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Catch Me [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/KxwEXXFQMTY/mqdefault.jpg)
“you cant lift a narcissistic toxic person without putting yourself down” PERIODT ‼️💯🎯
🎯
Point blank.
You know that's right!! 💯☝️
Yesss they can even yelling on you about this
totally agree. best bet ive found is dont help nobody. narc, non mark, does not matter.
It's so hard. We are taught that love is supposed to stay, work, and love someone for who they are. But in this scenario, it's self destructive and so emotionally damaging.
But taught by who?…….
ANY TYPE OF ABUSE IS AN AUTOMATIC DEAL BREAKER. The ALL MIGHTY did not intend for any of his creations to be abused!!!!!.:in fact,,,, he HATES IT!!!!.
Yess! I stayed for so long because of his parents convincing me to work it out for the kids but after having my last baby I just couldn’t take it nomore so we’re seperated and I’m working on breaking my trauma bond and etc but it’s hard but after discovering these videos and realizing what I was dealing with I can never go back despite how I feel I can never go back but you’re right it’s very self destructive and emotionally draininngggg I’ve had the worse mental breakdowns during my marriage with this man 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ and being pregnant practically the whole marriage didn’t make it any better 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Wow, this is perfect timing. In my despair dealing with my narc husband, I turned to God. In a recent talk with God he laid it in my heart saying “I will deal with him, get out of my way”. You just reminded me to get out of God’s way and let my husband hit rock bottom. Thank you for all you do.
Amen 🫂
You took the words right out of my mouth. Faith makes all things possible!
I needed to read this comment. When I read “I will deal with him. Get out the way”. I need to get out the way and let God deal with the narc who tried to destroy me.
Me too. I can do nothing for him. That's hard to admit.
@@TwixnCA
Same sis! God is dealing with mine too.
I wish one day my ex will see this video. Exactly the same story.I wish I had stopped being the soft pillow to keep him from hitting rock bottom e a r l i e r. I wish I knew about narcissism and emotional trauma earlier. We have to cut the trauma circle.Thank you for being so brave Lee! 🙏💫
You know now
@@SketchybrainD effective tool against them or for them? Because my narc says F the police every chance she gets but isn't above using them to make someone's life hell either. Also I don't feel too horrible about what she got away with doing to me because I was warned by her current husband so I kind of deserved it. And the guy she's with now deserves it too IMO
@1badombre82 No one deserves it!! We all were warned, but we was still sleep walking. Narcissist come in our lives for a reason. They teach you to love yourself
@@joystratton4658 I too believe that love and acceptance is the way but this guy preys on girls and hooks them on hard drugs. He's ruined many lives
I wish people would just be honest and stop playing God
Preach Lee 🎯‼️He thought telling me "some" of what he was doing and going through that I was going to be there to save him ... I didn't !!! Now that I know and found out what he wasn't telling me, I went in 110% and told him I do not support his PATHETIC behavior anymore because he hurt me the WORST with his lying, drinking, cheating, etc. I let him know he has to figure it out on his own because he put himself where he is NOT me!!! I have absolutely no sympathy for his behavior. Not sure what his plan is because ACTIONS always speak louder than words but I definitely know MY plan❤❤❤‼️
Interestingly enough, I think my ex narcissist WAS my rock bottom. After I left him on read, I ran and got therapy. Started finding myself. I suffered a lot of losses, and it felt like I was losing myself while I was going through therapy. But I realized it was me shedding a skin full of low self esteem and unhealthy guilt. I’m pretty sure my low self esteem is what made me a perfect target for him. Anyway, rock bottom sucks. I’m so much better now, but being that low is a painful memory that haunts me. Good to know I’m not the only one still climbing. Thanks for all you do here, Mr. Lee.
Please understand you are not alone. The great thing about rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up. Depending on God to honor you is better than man. A man, friend, coworkers, manager will ask loyalty of you, but be the same ones crucifying your existence. They will get alot of support to nail you too. They will get those you love to close the coffin. Trust me...God saw everything these agents of evil had done and will deal with them all. Karma is real and that bite is wayyy stronger then the control they thought they had on you. May your days ahead be better then those behind you.
I've watched thousands of hours of all people on you tube about narcissistic everything ...YOU are the #1 BEST..by far ....your real ..truthful..not textbook crap ...I love your videos
I regret meeting, and being in love with a narcissist. I stopped seeing him and feel such better.
He is not lying
I try not to
I left my husband for the same reason i was going down very fast because of the mental abuse and he is still carrying on as normal in front of people.
"Some narcissists don't have a rock bottom."
Excellent piece. Most don't hit rock bottom because their copious sources of supply/scapegoats, flying monkeys, & extreme denial & delusional thinking prevent them.
Exactly! Rock bottom is a blessing for a narc.-when there is no one to blame but self, & no where to go but up, they might be able to start to heal & change.
I didn't realize how much he damaged me ..18 years of being gas lighted ,,,trauma bonded etc ..he broke me on purpose ...I am still healing
I am at a loss Mental Healnesss, I hit my rock bottom this last week. My wife wants a divorce and it is final. I tried to change her mind but to no avail. She called me a narcissist about a year ago but I thought nothing of it. She left to visit her family and I have been thinking about everything and reflecting on it all and what I have done to her and it just eats me alive with shame and self hate. I hope to grow from this and figure myself out on this journey. I am so thankful I found your channel and I am going to therapy starting within the next week.
Proud of you for having enough self awareness to get help
You said they "crowd surf!" I laughed out loud...but man if this wasn't spot on! My stbx spouse is crowd surfing right now. Hes drunk with the money she gave him, and likely not even going to the job hes two seconds from being fired from. Flying monkeys keep them in their dysfunction.
Oh my goodness
Then they also have a problem, its called codependancy.
This is a good video for undiagnosed narcissists to help understand the possibility that real rock bottom is something that can happen anytime! Go to a therapist, get diagnosed, and move on slowly with your life! 😮
Baby steps
Some people won’t leave because they feel like they’re being run off and they have too much heart to live like cowards do and play behind computers and play puppet master
@user-xh2nk6op3s people are never as innocent as they appear. It's good to know who you're dealing with before you live with them. Hindsight is a b*, but it does help with healing, strength, and growth.
I divorced my ex 18 years ago, and I don't think he has hit rock bottom yet.
"a yellow brick road of rock bottoms"
I'll have to steal that as a title if I ever write my biography!
😅😅🙌🏾
I remember telling her at the very beginning of our relationship about 9 years ago, "let's work as a team when you are down I lift you up, when I'm down you lift me up". Since then it has been "When you are down I pick you up, when I'm down I pick myself out" and it is exhausting after 10 years together and 5 children.
Lee. Thank you so much for your videos you have truly helped me make a decision to walk away from my 15 years of marriage with my narcissistic.
👏 Congratulations!!!!!! You will be SO much better off. I delayed leaving my ex husband because I hoped he might change on his own power, but he never felt the need to because I was always in the way of epiphany for him. I was always making excuses for him so with his excuses and my excuses, he lived 12 years acting like he had no responsibility to help me with the kids because I'd divorced him, even though the court ordered him to do child support. That's where he hit rock bottom last year, but he kept on going to 6 feet under. He never did anything consistently--he did a little and would then try to talk to me about getting back together and when I told him he was not showing me that he was trying to grow up and be responsible, he would go back to his "woe is me, how could you leave me and divorce me, you're a Christian, etc." He did the whole classic excusing himself to the kids: flip-flopped between "Your mom wouldn't let me see you" to "She punished me for not having any money" to "I wanted to work it out but she left me and wouldn't get back together with me." Every single day I prayed to God to not let my kids be blinded by the illusion he was trying to throw up, and eventually, yes--I made a choice to see if he'd grown up any during COVID and the answer was a huge NO. Except by then the kids were all teens, and noticed that he had a habit of getting jobs and quitting them fast, getting headaches when it was his turn to watch them, money for dip and cigarettes but nothing to take them anywhere with, and even worse, he was assaulting my daughter right under my nose and I didn't find out until--God be praised--he committed suicide when I made a report to the Child Support Office that he'd quit 3 jobs in 4 months and they decided that they'd been lenient enough with him over that 10 years. $32,768 back support is what I prayed he'd grow up and get serious about....But he never did. The court served him a body attachment to submit himself to jail, and he hung himself in his mother's front yard the night before he was due. When he died we got nothing from his death, either, but that was a big clue to the kids that he was indeed the troubled one that always did what he wanted to do, and nobody could ever tell him anything about himself. We are all recovering well--as well as they can, I suppose, I'm just glad he's not here to waste my compassion as supply anymore because I never felt like chasing him if he didn't want to be responsible for his part. I definitely am glad he ended himself for what he did to my daughter to get back at me. I personally believe he was afraid that she either would tell on him when he went away, or--more likely--when he got that attachment, his own suspicious nature and preservation paranoia had him believing that she HAD told me and the back child support was just the jail doorway that was already open, and I chose that one to get him picked up, and the child molestation charges would be made against him at a later date, once he was already locked up. 🤦🏾♀️ 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ I'm not even going to lie, I am SO glad he just got out of our lives and won't be back anymore. You can do better in the rest of your years if you're not dragging around that grown sorry baggage dude around behind you like there's an umbilical cord attached to you. Even if there was, you can't pass accountability and motivation and awareness to him through it. What you CAN do is take yourself away and let karma hit him instead of hitting _you._ I'm very proud for you and hope you decide to stick to it and don't pay attention to his lies and excuses and threats or anybody else's.
Wow wonderful.
Needed this!!! My ex loves to guilt trip me. Worst feeling ever because I literally would beg him to get help & change. Even out of it he still blames other people. Like noooo take accountability🤦♀️
“Me and LaLa been through a lot.”😅😂🐶
😂
Especially if they are financially well off!! He will always have people surrounding and supporting him!!
Everytime I helped him I felt like I lost a little part of myself trying to help him. Also I felt like was losing my sanity trying to explain or defend myself. You helped me to realize how much of a people pleaser I was. I was helping him as he was breaking me down little by little until I lost myself. Now I set healthy boundaries and don’t let him coerce me into doing something I don’t want to do or not comfortable with, no matter what he says or does or threatens. It’s not easy coparenting but I try not to let him get to me
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 I left my Narcissistic Husband 4 months ago and I feel so much better.. you definitely rock
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Hell yes it feels better
Thank you for this! I needed to hear this I blocked every number and texting app. I’ve read 3 books to help me get thru and idc what he does anymore. I wouldn’t take him back healed at this point. Too much hurt and lies.
So true I couldn't take mine back also, currently going through a divorce, but even if he does get help I hope he treats his next partner well, because no body should go through what I went through. I don't hate him, I just can't go backwards in life 20 years is enough for me thank you 😊
@@chantellmeintjies1529 good for you for leaving. It’s so hard to do in a narcissistic relationship. Think about how many women die unhappily with these men. Make the best of the rest of your life. I think about this everytime I think about the years I wasted.
Thank you for explaining your rock bottom view. All the victims from NPD are traumatized from their shameful abuse. We struggle to understand their behaviors. Proud of you that your in therapy and talk about your journey. It really is helpful for us watching your videos in our healing process.
I think one traditional factor in defining "rock bottom" for most people in the dark tetrad spectrums is based on the rock bottoms they witnessed as children. And as long as they dont reach THAT level its all good in their head. My ex and her entire family are of the crowd surfer variety, they learned the art well from their mother. She was the master of using victimhood and deception to hop from one prey to another right before hitting rock bottom at terminal velocity. She reminds me of one of those extreme adrenaline junky skydivers/building jumpers who try to hold off on pulling the shoot until the last possible second just for the thrill from a near death experience. Sadly social media is the ultimate safety net for thrill seekers, in the blink of an eye they can manifest dozens or even hundreds of white knights and flying monkeys to avoid ever getting close to the cement
Yes 🙌🏽
This is so important...Love is not enough. Sadly, so true. Thank you, Lee
I wish all narc people would see this.
My ex of over 15 years and 2 children just came to me saying he has to have surgery while 2 exes kept ringing his phone. He was telling me that he wanted somebody to take care of him when he had back surgery 😮💨… I’m still tired from all the hell he put me through. I’m not putting myself down this time. … The children he took me to court for ended up leaving him on their own as adults. My daughter is only 17. Please call her name when you pray. Jada. I have boys 21 and 12.
“Find a pathway to healing.”🔥🔥🔥
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Thank you Lee. This helped me the most after leaving my narcissist. I continue watching your videos. Don’t stop!
Exaktly what dr Rami say;They need to go rock bottom.Well done Lee.
Appreciate it
It's quite refreshing to see you, as a diagnosed narcissists sharing your story to help the victims that are and currently being abused by this horrific disorder. I pray you continue to do good with your experience by helping others and that good things will come your way in life. God bless 😊
That was great, bro! I love the crowd surfing analogy! Thank you! And man, you get huge kudos for climbing back out of rock bottom! That's rare!
you’re welcome
That is a perfect analogy crowd surfing!! That is exactly what it is. No contact is the only way to help them.
Crowd surfing= shallow thinking. That’s about how deep they will go into a relationship, just scratch the surface.
Depending on how sick...they will dig deep n stay by you meanwhile stabbing you. That analogy birds of a feather flock together...if you are the good one they will be on their BEST behavior in front of you and use everything you tell them against you. They ate whores. That's what whores do to everyone. They can't see wrong because their peers are all whores and they usually whore their way to the top of their jobs n have to keep stealing shit to be relevant cuz without Intel from you . The real them shines bright. They hate to be caught, cuz they not built for silence. They will tell on everyone. Their whole operation of help goes down. They also love shadowbanning , blocking real help from helping you, they know the therapist-also helpers, can't call the police- they allowing them to hurt you. Can't tell the church- there too. It's best to tell God n let hell have its way them whores.
Your story sounds just like my exes story except he still is in denial and continues to live angry and empty. He has hit rock bottom the same ways several times during our time together but he is so stubborn and refuses to look within. I told him too he was a narcissist but told me I was crazy. I had to give up to save my life.
Ps... Dogs are the best! I treat mine like a king and he appreciates it more than my ex 😅😊
ALSO, funny how you say love isn't enough. My ex used to say "love is a 4 letter word like shi* and fu*k." Never understood why he would say that. I get it now ..✌️❤️😊 thank you for sharing all your stories!
This is hands down my favorite video of yours. You hit every nail right on the head with this one. So many of us made that mistake of trying to save these ppl instead of letting them fall flat on their faces. I got a little emotional watching this flashbacking all of the times I would literally save my alcoholic narc from himself. Whether it was financially, emotional support, whatever- none of which was ever reciprocated. And each time I did, I could LITERALLY feel pieces of myself chipping away because in my spirit I knew this wasnt the right thing to do. It wasnt right for me and it wasnt helping him stop his behavior either. In fact, it got worse because he began to just expect me to bail him out of every situation that he solely created and never took responsibility for anything. I absolutely thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video because I still have some guilt sometimes over walking away the way I did. Even though in my heart I knew I was doing the right thing. I would nvr in a million yrs go back but I really needed this video today. You are doing an amazing service with these videos. Thank you! ❤
I never really agreed with the "walking on eggshells" sentiment. My toxic relationship always made me feel like I was under pressure. Your crowd surfing imagery is spot on. All that pressure from holding up the toxic person.
Wow, Lee. Incredible video, pure, raw intensity! ♥️🙏🔥
This is so powerful, Lee!! Thank you! Your emotion is so raw and real. It helps more than I can say!!
🙏🏽🙏🏽 Thank you
Thank you for keeping it real!!! You have helped me sooooo much! I'm married to a narcissist, but I left him...I'm on the verge of divorce. I always thought it was me. I did everything to help him,! Additionally, I was dealing with his addiction to drugs. I finally after 20 yrs throw in my hat! I'm freeeeeeeeeeee....
A good analogy. I completely understand better now. Rock Bottom is real.
It's not your responsibility to fix someone that's a fact you gotta want it. words of encouragement
This is so on point!! Thank you for sharing this message 🙌 People are really “crowd surfing” these narcs under the guise of “helping” but it is enabling to the core 🤦🏽♀️
Your content offers some very valuable insight. So many narcissistic people never make it to a place of healing, so we don't hear genuine inside perspective very often.
Hearing that not everyone has a rock bottom is a game changer. So much makes sense.
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The passion in this video is everything. you’re preaching 🙌🏾
Exactly. 100%. This is one of your best videos.
i really appreciate it
I’ve Hit Rock Bottom More Then Once And It’s A Hell On it’s Own!!!!God Bless You Lee And Your Family LOL💜🌟⭐️💫💛🌷
They're like the road running in coyote, Thanks always backfire! And that's just the beginning 😮
💯♥️He is absolutely right! Lee is helping so many people! I'm glad he got the nessassary help that he needed and continues to work on himself!
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I left my narcissist wife and my health has improved and I haven't had 1 anxiety attack since I left in April. She has flying Monkeys crowd surfing her but that's on them!
Leaving is not giving up.... needed that.
As a narcissistically inclined person, you are easily believable. You overweight? Nah, can’t imagine. Rock bottom to rock hard! Congrats on your incredible journey. Thank you for giving us helpful insight 🏆
i really appreciate it
This was so helpful! This definitely describes my son!! It’s so hard to let Him hit rock bottom!!!😩
🪨 loved it. So true about the crowd surfing and the ledges 😂.
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There is so much truth in this video! I was wondering how you were able to take ownership of the term ‘narcissist’. I work with people who are in severe addiction…Lee is absolutely right about some not finding a rock bottom. In order to hit bottom, one must acknowledge limits to how bad they are willing to let things get. If a.narcissistic person can’t see a limit, there will be no bottom. There will be limit to how bad they are willing to treat other people in order to maintain their false self.
Thank you so much for helping me understand my enable self. I am a therapist and trauma specialist who had a delusion for 24 years that he can change. I have been making his narcissistic symptoms worse. Now, I have to leave, so he can find help on his own...
you’re welcome 💯🙌🏾
“Ya’ll mention love one more damn time!”🤣😂
😂
Is so true he talks to his friends all the time to fill the void of his empty heart
Your rock bottom is becoming your mountain top! The learning curve is steep and it’s humbling. Keep on going! Its worth the climb! Congratulations!
You are so adamant in protecting n educating us that are confused in loving our narcissistic lovers/or SO's. So painful. Love is love. Just hard. Thank you❤
You are so welcome
Lee this is one of the realist videos thus far! As always, Thank you for your insight!!
Everything you were saying was so true about a narcissist. As long as they have their enablers they will never experience rock bottom and wanting to change their life for the better 🪨
This is the most right thing I've ever heard said out loud. Hard truth.
I love when you are getting emotional, Lee! 💯❤️ I feel you! 😊
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Get down Lee Hammick!! Thank you for your passion, compassion and support! Much love❤
The crowd surfing example makes PERFECT SENSE! Every time something good happens to him, I don’t get jealous but I get angry because I feel he doesn’t deserve anything good to happen to him because of all the trauma he has put me through. As hard as it is I try not to think that way anymore. And sure enough something ALWAYS goes left with him and the “good” things that come. He always feels the need to tell me when something good comes to him I have no idea why. We do share a child together so I assume it’s about my daughter but he ends up telling me something good that happened for him. But that’s a perfect example because his mom, sisters and friends always pick him up when he’s down but yet they don’t know how he REALLY acts
People closest to them get the worst treatment
Trust me...people know exactly what he is doing..they learn from more experienced narcs. It's funny and they love psychologically controlling like a game. They never get caught because their support system is solid.
Great video. The biggest takeaway is going within and changing the part that is attracted and comfortable with toxicity. People aren't science-fair projects. Trying to figure out why someone is mistreating you is the wrong question to ask yourself. Having been in this boat several times attracting people who are only interested in taking advantage and give nothing in return I had to realize I was just acting out family patterns. Feeling like I had to be a doormat / over give to make other people happy. That's the pattern that needs to be fixed, not hyper fixating on someone else that doesn't even want to change.
So true 🌸🌸🌸🌸🤍
Yep, narcs are on a perpetual failsafe Bungie cord. Sadly, no one around sees the humor. Thanks for your candid words.
Thank you for saying this. I have definitely been a vehicle for a narcissistic crowd surfing in the past. And I really like how you explain how you are not helping this person at all by doing it. Because you don’t want to feel like you’re just abandoning somebody, but enabling isn’t helping. This is an excellent reframe! While I can’t change the past, but I can do better in the future. And giving a narcissist space to hit rock bottom is a gift to them and you.
You have been a very precious person to me,i have a narcissistic person in my life and it has come to a very deep emotional separation and extremely painful process to be currently going through, please pray for me,as i pray for you.Thank you and may God bless you🙏
This is one of your best videos that I know brought emotions to all of us who have suffered in our marriages/relationships - bottom line is it has to be their own decision to change & we have to be strong enough to keep boundaries unless/until that decision is chosen by them AND continued to be chosen for the rest of their lives.
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it is interesting how crowd surfing often looks like a help but it doesn't help anyone to heal be it narcissistic person from their traumas or the other one from people pleasing
The narc is waiting on me to put on my cape as we speak, your keeping me strong today👍
I'll tell you what it looks like. I came home yesterday and all her (the narcissist) stuff was gone. She left me to live with an active meth addict she fell in love with. She was 9 months sober. And my soul hurts bad today.
crowd surfing is such a good analogy 😅
The realest thing I've listened to!
I solute this message!!!!! It is the realest message to the narcissist and victims.
A strong video for narcissists and for the ones who are struggling with codependency The pictures you describe are very helpful to get a deep understanding and to keep in mind the truth and to do what is necessary.
You made it chrystal clear. We have to hear the lessons in this way to come out of every delusion and denial.
Thank you for your passion in this mission to help other to come out of suffering and darkness..
In my healing path God set me free from the cave when I confessed my sins and opened my heart door from the inside to let Jesus in and I decide every day to obey and follow him on the narrow path.I have light because he is the light. John 8, 12 💛 God bless 🙏⚘️
John 8, 36 🌿 📖❣️
I got out of a narcissistic relationship so I know what you're talking about. And yes for some there is no rock bottom. They don't see themselves as being the problem. They see the other person or persons who don't go along with their narrative is being "the problem."
On a different note, I enjoy your presentations. You are very enthusiastic about this because you know what it's like to be a narcissist. You come off sometimes as a preacher and a Protestant revival church, but you know what. That's a good thing. Those that are called to preach inspire people. It's like sticking a dynamite stick up somebody's dupa and lighting the fuse. Thank you, and keep those presentations coming!
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And of course I called her a narcissist back 😂😂😂
Love your authenticity and humour. Sincere congrats for finding out what was wrong and trying to change 😊
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I wish all narcs could be here or want to be here. Ur inspiring people!
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at church, they told us that we are mistaking tolerance for love and if we see someone falling down it only our job to point it out. If they keep sinning willingly it is ok to revoke our prayers from them. This was helpful bc every night before I went to bed I would pray for him. Thus putting him in the fore front of my mind. They said love is the ability to walk away. Some people's fates are fixed.... this was an interesting follow up. I usually don't comment but he said walk away.
I felt u on this one bruh. Thanks for keeping it real. You’ve helped me get past a relationship with a toxic narcissist and I am truly grateful for your ministry on your channel.
This was great, Lee. You’re helping so many people. Your message got to me. No more going back and repeating this toxic and dangerous dynamic. Need to be strong and move forward leaving past behind. Thank you and God bless.
God bless you as well
You described it in such a simple but powerful way!! Thank you so much!! I needed this message today. God timed it perfect!!
you’re welcome
Wow, I am so amazed on how right you are I needed to hear this at this time everybody’s always covering for him, never tells him the truth❤❤
I was married to a narcissist for 35 years and I did enable him sad to say. What you say resonates for sure.. I’m proud of you for doing the work. I’m glad you had eyes to see
I watched the whole video and it is truly inspiring 💪.
Now this is a great and poignant “come to Jesus” talk! Thanks for all you do. So glad you have come this far Lee, so you could help make some sense to victims and the abusive narcissist of the craziness people are going through.
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Thank you Lee!! All we're able to do is pray, get out the way and let God fight that battle! God can remove all distractions to keep a narc from hitting rock bottom. There's nothing to hard that God can't do if it's His will. Narcs can and will be dealt with one way or another. Great message Lee and keep encouraging and saving innocent people from hitting rock bottom dealing with a narc. Stay blessed! ❤💯🙏🏽
🪨🪨🪨 Wow Lee! This is SO good! ❤️🙌🏾🙏🏾
Thank you
It is the same for everyone, not just the narcissists.
We all have to hit the rock bottom first.
Empaths are more or less OK with it. We somehow learnt it from early childhood, that you must live through every pain on your road.
But narcissists and their enablers (who are pretty much narcissistic too) spend their lifetime trying to avoid pain.
One must hit a rock bottom. Then get out. And carry on walking.
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About picking up another human being and going down...
It is very true, one goes down while pushing another person up, this is Law of physics.
But one can help others by giving a hand from the upper level of empathy.
But this is a totally different story. And this person has to be really strong. There are next to none of these people around.
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Good point they dont love themselves enough to get help.
Wow! My therapist told my to look up your youtube...shout out to my therapist for coaching me through the narcissistic trauma I experienced with "the" ex-husband. I put "the" in quotes because I refuse to use the term "my" ex-husband, it weirdly makes me feel connected to that person, and I truly despise said person. Anyway, thank you for clarifying why it seems narcissist never hits rock bottom.
The crowd surfing is willddd 😂 thanks for your videos, Peaceeee
Crowd surfing. Such a perfect analogy! 👍👍
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Such a powerful video, makes so much sense, I had to let my ex go because he was dragging me down with him. I hope he sees the light and gets the help he needs