I almost equate it to like seeing a loved ones body at a funeral. It's painful and agonizing when you look at them because you miss them but they literally aren't there anymore, they've passed and its just their body laying there but your heart has a hard time fathoming it. Its wild.
Yes!!! I have had very similar thoughts about the relationship and also him. Another part of me feels like the other parts were a fictional story I was confused about being real because my part was genuine.
@KoreaMojo Same! It really does just set you into a spiral of wondering what's reality and what's not. I guess just realizing they are overly complex in a distorted way we can't understand and even they don't fully understand it helps to slowly let go. I'm in that process of detaching myself. It feels never ending but day by day I feel more sane again.
Ffs! Are you serious? That’s not an analogy, that’s some next level narcissism! You poor victims, your grief is so deep that it feels to you as if someone you love has died? Please, get your head out of your phone, go outside and see what reality looks like!
Sometimes I believe u don't miss the narcissist. U just don't want to be alone. I used to be that person until I realized I am never alone. JESUS is always with me & u!!!
It's good to take pictures, make videos, record what they say and do, for the record. When I miss him - I just watch how he really was. What I miss is my own fantasy. 😢
Same. I fell in love with him. Every bit of him. It's a true shame he's unable to heal and love me back in a healthy way, but I can't keep letting him drag me down. My/our children need me. ....I need me.
@Venesa Taylor OMG. Missing your friend. You have that right. I know they are experts at reflecting us as we are told. So it it was legit she was the lady in my dreams from being an abused kid. Every few years this wonderful lady would be in my dream not sexual. But incredible chemistry (it’s funny as a kid I didn’t realize a bit of an age difference lol). Luckily haven’t had this dream since I met her 10 years ago. I pray I never ever do again. From palpitations to heart break.
Until that someone else sees the person you saw. The toxic person is love bombing that person. Do not reed more into it . They don’t change. Be there for You. 🌷
Good point - “if you fall in love with what the narcissist is mirroring you, who did you fall in live with? You love that part of yourself.” Thank You ~ that was very eye opening. Wow.
Yeah he was so good to me in so many ways and it never crossed my mind that he would leave me for someone else. But he did. I'm still shocked after 2 years of no contact. And he's still with her. He had flaws yes, but he really did so much for me while we were together. I became disabled and for a long time he helped me so much. I'm still crushed.
The narc never mirrors us. We're not the ones neglecting them, they are not putting in the same efforts, they are not trying to fulfill our needs but we keep on to being the same person we were in the beginning only a little more cautious. We do not mirror each other. One keeps giving and the other keeps taking. Why do we stay? Because you know they are products of wounded children in adult bodies and good hearts are compassionate by nature.
Relationship with a narcissist is a trauma bond relationship. We miss adrenalin/beta endorphin that our bodies produce reacting to danger/narcissist which we mistake for love. We have withdrawals when we don't get a dose of adrenalin/beta endorphin and we mistakenly think we miss them.
Yesssss it’s not love for me I realized that my parents set me up for this because they always made promises they never kept even when I did all the things they asked and their love was just a carrot on a stick
Yep, I made a list of 56 things…fifty-six…..things that I allowed a grown “man” to tell me I should/could not do. Yes, should and could not do. Every time I start to idealize the relationship (never idealize him, I’m past that) I look at that list. And I shake my head, take a breath, give it to God, forgive myself again and move on!
This is where Narcissism and Inception collide. In the beginning they are you and you are you. Then they slowly morph back into themselves, but their real self... and they beat on you for not being a perfect mirror/vessel for them to dump their self into... and when it's over you aren't you and they are them.
I miss how he made me feel at home. But he was living in my apartment and with my money. I had this before. He doesn't have his own space to feel safe or at home. I have it! He broke two of my doors and nearly my neck! Thank you man. I felt like shit before I saw your video. You reminded me of my worth! 😊
This is exactly what I needed to hear this evening. Grateful I saw the video and watched it. Currently divorcing a covert narcissist and I was feeling emotional today thinking about who he used to be. It’s crazy how much this video resonated with me. I don’t actually miss him, I miss who he portrayed himself to be and was devastated when he took that mask off. It is like mourning a death.
I miss the good parts, when I felt he was genuine, I told him so many personal things about myself bec. I thought he was someone I could trust! When I realized he wasn't that person I stopped telling him anything I thought he would throw back in my face!
I can't deal with it anymore! why do these type people repeat everything that is said by you and why do they put the blame on you this shit is getting on my nerve I don't with this crazy man🎉
@@marthatoran1521 You better run...get out of there for your own good. It is a pattern that they don't break. I just breakup with mine a week ago after find out he is been lying all the time since the very beginning of our relationship, almost 4 years. He is been contacting different women that he said are his friends...yeah right. He blame me for everything and once he got mad he take me home with the excuse that he don't want to talk to me when I started to ask what I did wrong, why he get mad for nothing. I was even quiet seating in the sofa watching TV when he started an argument for nothing....it was crazy, this guy suck my energy, and make me nervous every time he do that,, was intimidating me all the time and he knows that once I am home I don't contact him for 2 weeks and that's when he take the opportunity to go out with his women's. He always start to fight when he wanted to go out with them and it was a pattern. I was physically and mentally abuse by him and I couldn't take it anymore and knowing that is hard to break with this freak people I have to do it for my own sake. Now I feel tired of all this bullshit and having better understanding that he never really love me. It was just a mask he use to seduce me. And like he explain in this video I miss myself not him. I hope God give you the strength to get out of the life of that evil. Good luck and be safe.
@@marthatoran1521 hang in there. Watch LH talk about the shame monster. They have to blame you because they cannot face up to the fact that they are a broken and hurtful person. It's necessary for them to blame you. But as LH says, do not argue the truth with a toxic person. They KNOW the truth. ❤
No we don’t miss them. What we miss is the person presented themselves to be and the future faking they brought to you. What we are missing is that fantasy we were in-raveled in. When that happens I always remember that what I am missing is all that. It’s not real. Sure there were good times, laughs and what wonderful moments but then I quickly remember that all that was done because he was using me as his supply. I made him feel good and he knew that I was a great supply mentally, emotionally and physically for them. All along it was full fledge mirroring me. I remember him saying I was his best friend ever but then lol I remember that’s not how you treat your best friend in the world when I would say no to something or I tried to set a boundary. I mean the backlash, the devaluing words and actions were hatred. So no when I have those moments I remember really quickly he was never real. Let’s not forget this was all about a con game and not real.
I heard a video that said something like, "When you're missing them, it's not because you loved them, or need to get back together with them - those feelings are PTSD flashbacks." Yup. 😵💫
Radical acceptance. Let it GO. They lied, cheated, you weren't the only person they were with. Accept it. If you love and respect yourself, accept it. Radical acceptance. ☮
Thank you Lee. I don’t miss the narcissist. I miss who I thought he was. You speak the truth. After the love bombing, it went downhill since then. Thank you for the message. I appreciate what you do to help everyone heal.
I fell in love with the potential. But once I actually figured out my ex was a narcissist ever thing just clicked. I think a lot of people miss a narcissist in whatever situation they're in because they're being brainwashed and they see that potential of who they could be but they don't really fully know that person is a narcissist yet. It took me many years to figure it out. And people that have never been in that kind of situation with a narcissist will never understand. I Respect you so much for sharing your information and your journey and for getting help in doing better. Thins helps so many people with their healing journey including myself. ❤
I miss being who I thought he was. He was so kind and respectful. He met me 8 months after my husband died. He was the 1st man I dated and slept with. We dated 1.5 years. He just went cold on me and during the entire dating, he claims how he was into me and held me in high regard. I really thought he was genuine. I refuse to run behind him though...
It cannot be overstated enough that for the vast majority, we had no idea what we just stepped into, most have no idea what NPD really means and dealing with it is the most horrible experience of my life - Again, it is Lee's honesty that helped me unravel this god awful mess and I could finally give myself permission to heal and move on, instead of trying to fix the relationship. No, I don't miss him at all. I understand that nothing can be done and have moved on...thanks again Lee
Yes Ma’am. You got it. You understand it now. There is so much more to learn about these sick Personality. Don’t for a minute put your guard down. Thee will be more of the same coming for you. I have done some serious work on myself. And still I see this type coming for me. Just means I need to go deeper in my therapeutic awareness
It's ironic that you compared them to a skin of the person you knew, I was just thinking today that he's like an empty shell of the man I thought I knew.
Lee, I literally come back to this video sometimes. I am 10 months no contact, but I still need this reminder and it still upsets me, but I know it's true.
In an intimate relationship it's not just the person involved that mourns. When that mask drops family and friends who believed in the charm and appeal of that person also mourn the loss of who they thought was such a great person that was so perfect for you.
My family were devastated but they try to keep a cool face for me bc they know I’m BEYOUND upset and in tears day n night and it’s been close to a month of the absolute total blocking she did to me and the day before it was as regular as usual. I love u I love u too and the next day she blocked me and I haven’t heard a single word from her It’s BEYOUND unreal
@@edgardiaz2361 She is a coward and it's not you. The most self destructive thing you can do right now is question yourself so DON'T. You cannot make sense of the twilight zone that these people operate in. She could have ended it a million different ways but she chose this because it gives her the ability to just turn up again whenever she feels like it having spent time on an excuse that will be all about how "confused" she was and that she was "in a bad place" or that you were "pressuring" her. This is going to sound crazy but my mum literally said this to me this afternoon. It is not personal. Its not about you, literally everything for these people is about themselves. DO NOT INTERNALISE. Keep watching LH, he is amazing. ❤
You're right. It's how I would explain it to others who didn't understand. I grieved because it was like a death. Who I cried over didn't exist. Last night, I was high and missing the good times. An image popped into my mind of myself and him. He had his arms and legs wrapped around me and his mouth attached to my forehead. My skin color paled. I lost my smile and energy. He almost sucked me dry, nearly destroyed me. It was such a powerful image that I think it'll be with me for good.
@joycefiore2721 9 plus months later and im still not divorced, as far as my husband, as far as I know, he's been shacked up with his coworker but I've been zero contact, he had changed his number early on (while he groomed her) and then he text me from his new number 3 months after he left because he wanted to come move his belongings. I guess he was done testing the waters at his new residence 😈 Cowards
I only miss the when he love bombs me... You are right- I only miss the " pretend nice" and then I remember what a jerk he is and I am ok again. I look at his photo and his recordings with voice and I fall in love again- BUT then I read the horrible text messages or he calls me and starts to complaint and all that love goes away. I am just ghosting him or go no contact and every day it feels better- your vids have helped me so much all thru out- he wont go I leave and he just stays there and reels me back in with love bomb. He does say he is so used to me he cant leave me or wants me to leave.
To answer the question: Do I miss the narcissist, the answer would be no. That would mean that I miss myself. I am right here. I figured this out when I hung out with my covert narcissistic ex 7 years later. I realized that he had nothing of me to reference anymore so he was boring and uninteresting. It also made me realize how much of me that he mirrored when we were together.
Reading that makes me sad, not for you, although only because I can't tell how that made you feel. However for me, it reminds me part of what is hardest to deal with is not wanting to feel differently towards someone I loved so much. As well as, the prospect that I loved a fictitious character in large part, or a composite of many other people, unprocessed and regurgitated.
My husband of nine years has always been SUCH a back and forth, not so much a "in the beginning" and "in the end", rather a constant back and forth. It was like going through that cycle almost on a daily basis. Be sweet, abuse in some form, empty threats, reconciliation. Over and over a million times over the years, and THAT is exhausting. Right now we've been separated for six weeks (again, we've had numerous separations over the years), and I'm trying to make it the final one for my sons' sake and my sanity.
I miss myself more I have wasted my time and happiness 10years ago Now I learned to love myself more than I could... Thank you sir....thank god that I don't have his child... Am single... Hopefully I got better man who love more than me
So true about missing the narc. At the end of the relationship i was sad, then i realized there's absolutely nothing to miss because the him that i would miss dont exist. Never did.
I’m just learning about NPD and I know I have a lot to learn. My ex does all of the things narcissists do. Where do they find all the energy to study their partner so much? Why do they force you to say you did something you didn’t do? Why do they blame their partner for doing what they’re the ones who actually doing what they say you’re doing? It’s a nightmare. And now he’s destroying my life making false accusations through the courts. He always wanted me to sit up under him at all times. He says he’s possessive but not controlling. He says he was terminated but not fired and can get his previous job back. I’ve been battered and the man who beat me daily for months was nothing compared to narcissistic abuse…why is this? Not all abusers are narcissists and now I’m able to see the difference. I’m still learning. He filed a protection order on me with multiple lies just for breaking up with him in March. I can prove they’re lies because I have documentation. He always told me I’m “no going anywhere” and he’s asked me “how can he be in love with 2 women at the same time?” He kept going back and forth between me and her. I’m done with him for good hopefully. I just have court this week. I wish I knew about narcissists and narcissistic abuse beforehand. It feels worse than domestic violence and I’m a survivor of that. Hopefully some of my questions can be answered. It’s hard and scary because I never know what’s next
Lee, this has probably been the most informative video I've seen from you since subscribing to your channel. I've noticed that narcissist love using spirituality as a form of manipulation against you. They will mirror you and then claim to be your "Twin flame" or "Soul mate" they will also mirror alot of your insecurities so you will empathize with them and make excuses for them for the stuff they do. The hot and cold, chase, run away, game that is played by narcissist usually gets covered up by terms such as "Runner" "Chaser" twin flame journey. If anyone claims to be your Twin flame or Soul mate early on please run because 9/10 they are a narcissist.
After the narc of 20 years and therapy twice a week for a year, my number 1 mantra is ***ACTIONS NOT WORDS*** I now live by that. Also, DO NOT HURRY a relationship. Red Flag 🚩 I used to always say I missed who I wanted them to be, not who they REALLY were.
I have so much shame for loving him and holding on, this helped thank you Totally get the you start missing them in the relationship. I felt like lost everything and couldn’t understand why or what happened. My self esteem tanked and became raw nerve and emotions all over the place and have them telling me I’m hard work and crazy
I mis him so much, I’m fighting alone but I keep strong. After 14 years of marriage and 3 kids. 4 months of being alone. But when he was here I hate him. Now he is gone I miss him. Trauma bond is reall. 😢 but because I’m educated myself I know it is a lie. The first time in my life I’m setting boundaries. And keep them. The person was so bad at moments weekends and drugs and just disappearing for nights. Humiliation and no communication because he blow up. May god lead us to strength and heal us from this toxicity
I am currently reading "The body keeps the score".📙 Started from Part 5. Paths to Recovery. Completed the chapters on EMDR, Yoga yesterday. I am awestruck with detailed healing techniques. 👩🎓🌄
You are brilliant. And absolutely right. Narcissistic discard- or being set free. And now this video. Dead on correct. You're right, I don't miss the narcissist. I miss my image of the fantasy person I was shown. Love your stuff, man.
When I realized who he really was and that the one I fell in love with was actually a version of myself I was able to grieve for my loss and own my reality. We delude ourselves so much chasing a fantasy.
Lee you are speaking truth!!!!! I only miss the “shell” he even told me once because “you don’t love me you love the idea of you”…. He told me before he left me “im not super cool like you “ he wanted to be me so bad that I think he started hating me. Thank you Lee I appreciate you friend ❤💪🏾
My brother this is the realist shit I've ever heard in my life. Thank you for what you do. I know she'll never give me closure. You're giving it to me. I'm sincerely greatfull. Thank you!
He told me he was”just mirroring” me the entire time! Narcissists will admit a lot if you just pay attention the clues. I definitely fell in love with myself, and when I heal, I will fall for myself again ❤
I miss the person I always wanted each of them to be. I wanted so badly for them to love me just as siblings and parents should. Now I find my peace knowing my children will never have to experience this ❤️🙌🏼
I needed this!! I’m 34 years old and have a 20 year history with my legal husband who is a narcissist,Soon to be ex husband, assuming he doesn’t drag out this divorce, considering he filed back in June of 2023. I’m coming to terms that what I “miss” is the potential. And my heart misses someone who was never truly there. My heart longs for the Man GOD intended him to be. Looking back he fed me only False Hope and Empty Promises. The only thing consistent about him was his inconsistency. His words bear no weight. Thank you for this video!! I needed to hear this!! 💯
Loved this video. Their skin suit…good way to describe. It’s like you fell in love with yourself. They made a version of you after they mined information out of you. Got the scoop! Then started the, “I love that too” bullshit. 😩
You miss the mask in many ways. And you won't see it for what it truly is until you stop looking through the lense of what you wish it could be. You're in love with an illusion. We do fall in love with ourselves, all the love we to give, like sunlight on a mirror, we are truly blinded by it... By the very love we give. This is amazing Lee! 🙏❤️
I couldn't agree more! Plus, I MISS HAVING HOPE for finally finding joy, happiness and love.... As someone raised by the narc. I felt greatly unloved, judged... and suddenly someone finally accepted me for who I was. No one ever before did it. Luckily, I have a gfreat friend now (however living in a different country), so I know how it's like to be liked for who you are. But I still don't know how it's like to be loved, how it's like to feel pretty, desired, feminine... . There are no men here, where I live, which are single and interesting. :-/ It's kinda heartbreaking.
Been viewing these educational videos for a few weeks now and Lee is phenomenal!! He is spot on with all points.....to the letter. It's almost like Lee is standing in the room observing us.
I’m new to this entire thing. As of October of this year, I had to leave my Narcissistic ex. I know a lot of people have had it far worse than I, but it still hurts. I was with her for a year and nine months. I’ve known her since second grade. We’ve always been school friends but we’ve never hung out outside of school all the way up until a year after graduation (class of 2022) it shocked me how in all of those years, I never saw her true colors until I was with her after high school. I want to say I’m grieving her, but I am grieving what I thought she was. I’m grieving the person she pretended to be for ten years. It was so easy for her to put on this front because it was only a small time out of her day being around me since we were little. Tbh I’m devastated. I never knew people like this existed.
Your realness is refreshing and it helps slap the sense back into me when I second guess myself. You’re absolutely right… I poured into a person who couldn’t pour back into me. I was left a shell of a person but now, I’m pouring into myself. I find it harder to do it for me, but I’m doing it one day at a time!!
So This is why I now have the ability to seek what I really want and deserve . He showed me the guy that I really love and that’s myself if that’s makes sense
I told him what music i liked and he was so interested. He said tell me more. He said he secretly like country music as well but supposed to be this hard core rap and hip hop music lover. Just pretended he liked country a little to mirror me. Wow. I had to think back bc i didnt hear him ever listen to it after some years in to our relationship.
I used to say i miss how we used to be. The fun we had the carefree attitude the you are my everything. Turned into devalue and ur not worth talking to.
He's exactly right ✅️ it feels weird it's almost like we fell in love ❤️ with ourselves. No wonder we thought they were the ONE. 😆 they were perfect until we saw the acting skills were up!
Yea. Still miss her. I miss the voice. I miss having to work for her affection. Think she made me strive and want to be a better person. I admired her. A professional Bjj fighter and a yogi. Yes I miss the dream as well. Moving to Rio and staying in nyc. Nyc to Rio commute. Saddens me because I adored her and would have protected her Althou she can protect me. Lol. She’s still missed.
I can not believe you have helped me so much n in my moments if weakness you save me from not calling him....I remember the lies n the abuse n I waited like an insane person for him to get out of prison for domestic abuse. N he had been to prison 3 times for 3 different girls n I thought I could b the one to change him. Now I miss him but the thought of him being around me makes me panic....
A great visual and audio message, made so much sense. I love the part when you said, get a piece of paper and write down your thoughts on what in the hell would you want back from hell💯💯💯💯💯💯💃🏽
I miss his soft lips, his cuteness, his eyes cuz he always kept looking at me deeply, his touch..but..i don't miss how he was in the end. Playing me, discarding me for the 3rd time and not caring at all. I literally begged him to love me the right way and that was the saddest thing I ever done in my life. To beg someone to love you..The vessel is indeed the same but the inside is all different. Now he's getting his attention from everyone who thinks he's innocent and always kind. 😅
Listening to this channel has been a means by which I got better day by day. It's like a salve. Nursed me clean back to where I needed to be. Thank you, Mr. Lee.
I think it's more so ppl still being hooked on the representative the Narc sent at the beginning of the relationship. And once the Narc realized they had their hooks in you really good and had you sold, they sent the representative away and appeared. 😂😂 But it's no way you could miss someone lying to you, mistreating you, abusing you, cheating on you, gaslighting you, playing manipulative mind games, and making you feel less than the wonderful person you are. I'm always amazed at how the short time you are love bombed, far outweighs the super lengthy time you were abused and mistreated.
I've watched hundreds of episodes and this is one of the best. @mentalhealness thank you so much for what you do. I literally can't get through most days without listening to your episodes.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
I DON'T BELIEVE I MISS MY COMPANION..I BELIEVE I MISS THE COMPANIONSHIP..🤔💯✌🏾
Big Ass Facts!!!!
I almost equate it to like seeing a loved ones body at a funeral. It's painful and agonizing when you look at them because you miss them but they literally aren't there anymore, they've passed and its just their body laying there but your heart has a hard time fathoming it. Its wild.
Yes!!! I have had very similar thoughts about the relationship and also him. Another part of me feels like the other parts were a fictional story I was confused about being real because my part was genuine.
@KoreaMojo Same! It really does just set you into a spiral of wondering what's reality and what's not. I guess just realizing they are overly complex in a distorted way we can't understand and even they don't fully understand it helps to slowly let go. I'm in that process of detaching myself. It feels never ending but day by day I feel more sane again.
@Manderland EXCELLENT analogy/example!
Ffs! Are you serious? That’s not an analogy, that’s some next level narcissism!
You poor victims, your grief is so deep that it feels to you as if someone you love has died?
Please, get your head out of your phone, go outside and see what reality looks like!
Yup great analogy that is so true 👏🏾
Sometimes I believe u don't miss the narcissist. U just don't want to be alone. I used to be that person until I realized I am never alone. JESUS is always with me & u!!!
Yes but you don't have same physical contact with Jesus...have faith is good, but not the same
@@bridgettehollie1499 Amen.🙏
Yesss
It's good to take pictures, make videos, record what they say and do, for the record. When I miss him - I just watch how he really was. What I miss is my own fantasy. 😢
😞😞
Same.... The fantasy is what we fall for, because the real them sucks.
Yes!! That’s exactly what I realized and how I’ve been able to stay away from him!
Yeah, they mimic you, so you fall in love with yourself 😮 or a fake person, they never really exist
💯💯💯
So true. You start missing them while you're with them
💯
Amen
🎯🎯🎯💯
Yes!!!!!!!!
Especially when they’re giving the silent treatment
Crying yourself to sleep every night cause you miss the happier version of yourself. Thank you for helping with my healing Lee
‼️💯
@@shaywilson1530 😢 Hugs 🙏
Yes. I miss the facade, the illusion. THE LIE!
That’s a hard thing to come to grips with.
Yup🎯🎯
..What could’ve been
I loved his beautiful body, his laugh, his smile.....his heart when he showed small kindnesses....even after all the trauma, lies and abuse.
Same. I miss hearing his voice. 😢
Your not alone. I can’t be as bitter as so many here. Just feel sad for her.
Same. I fell in love with him. Every bit of him. It's a true shame he's unable to heal and love me back in a healthy way, but I can't keep letting him drag me down. My/our children need me. ....I need me.
@Venesa Taylor OMG. Missing your friend. You have that right. I know they are experts at reflecting us as we are told. So it it was legit she was the lady in my dreams from being an abused kid. Every few years this wonderful lady would be in my dream not sexual. But incredible chemistry (it’s funny as a kid I didn’t realize a bit of an age difference lol). Luckily haven’t had this dream since I met her 10 years ago. I pray I never ever do again. From palpitations to heart break.
This!!!
It hurts seeing them be the person you needed but for someone else .
Until that someone else sees the person you saw. The toxic person is love bombing that person. Do not reed more into it . They don’t change. Be there for You. 🌷
Yea they done trust me they done I’m dealing w this now and I know for sure at the age of 39 he won’t change it’s the same cycle.
I miss the person that I met at the beginning. I miss the thought and chance to have a love story ... happily ever after.
It can still happen with a good man
Were in the same boat...
@@aimeegabon301 be brave, stay strong...
@@Trpmanne May the good Lord hear your words.
@@ioelisasili i am...
Good point - “if you fall in love with what the narcissist is mirroring you, who did you fall in live with? You love that part of yourself.” Thank You ~ that was very eye opening. Wow.
Yeah he was so good to me in so many ways and it never crossed my mind that he would leave me for someone else. But he did. I'm still shocked after 2 years of no contact. And he's still with her. He had flaws yes, but he really did so much for me while we were together. I became disabled and for a long time he helped me so much. I'm still crushed.
The narc never mirrors us. We're not the ones neglecting them, they are not putting in the same efforts, they are not trying to fulfill our needs but we keep on to being the same person we were in the beginning only a little more cautious. We do not mirror each other. One keeps giving and the other keeps taking. Why do we stay? Because you know they are products of wounded children in adult bodies and good hearts are compassionate by nature.
100%…
That’s deep Lee! Thank u
@@karladuncan6764exactly… same. What happend?!! It’s such a mind F🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Relationship with a narcissist is a trauma bond relationship. We miss adrenalin/beta endorphin that our bodies produce reacting to danger/narcissist which we mistake for love. We have withdrawals when we don't get a dose of adrenalin/beta endorphin and we mistakenly think we miss them.
bang on!!!
@@3timesacharm586I’m
ALL FACTS.
Yesssss it’s not love for me I realized that my parents set me up for this because they always made promises they never kept even when I did all the things they asked and their love was just a carrot on a stick
Yep, I made a list of 56 things…fifty-six…..things that I allowed a grown “man” to tell me I should/could not do. Yes, should and could not do. Every time I start to idealize the relationship (never idealize him, I’m past that) I look at that list. And I shake my head, take a breath, give it to God, forgive myself again and move on!
This is where Narcissism and Inception collide. In the beginning they are you and you are you. Then they slowly morph back into themselves, but their real self... and they beat on you for not being a perfect mirror/vessel for them to dump their self into... and when it's over you aren't you and they are them.
In truth, I do miss who I used to be in the beginning. I'm working on it tho.
Perfectly said.
This is profound!
You said the words that I’ve been trying to figure out from what’s happening in my mind and heart. ❤
On point.
We lose our self in the relationship so what we actually miss is who we were don’t get it twisted. You said it perfectly!
🙏🏽♥️
Helloo!!!
I miss how he made me feel at home. But he was living in my apartment and with my money. I had this before. He doesn't have his own space to feel safe or at home. I have it! He broke two of my doors and nearly my neck! Thank you man. I felt like shit before I saw your video. You reminded me of my worth! 😊
There is nothing to be missed with a narcissist. Except for “missed opportunities” but can you move forward and heal/grow. ❤
Amen
I miss the person I thought he was.
💯
100%
This is exactly what I needed to hear this evening. Grateful I saw the video and watched it. Currently divorcing a covert narcissist and I was feeling emotional today thinking about who he used to be. It’s crazy how much this video resonated with me. I don’t actually miss him, I miss who he portrayed himself to be and was devastated when he took that mask off. It is like mourning a death.
I miss the good parts, when I felt he was genuine, I told him so many personal things about myself bec. I thought he was someone I could trust! When I realized he wasn't that person I stopped telling him anything I thought he would throw back in my face!
Jeannettamccain
Yes, is the same as when you lost someone close to you. We going to a grieving process...exactly the same😒.
I can't deal with it anymore! why do these type people repeat everything that is said by you and why do they put the blame on you this shit is getting on my nerve I don't with this crazy man🎉
@@marthatoran1521 You better run...get out of there for your own good. It is a pattern that they don't break. I just breakup with mine a week ago after find out he is been lying all the time since the very beginning of our relationship, almost 4 years. He is been contacting different women that he said are his friends...yeah right. He blame me for everything and once he got mad he take me home with the excuse that he don't want to talk to me when I started to ask what I did wrong, why he get mad for nothing. I was even quiet seating in the sofa watching TV when he started an argument for nothing....it was crazy, this guy suck my energy, and make me nervous every time he do that,, was intimidating me all the time and he knows that once I am home I don't contact him for 2 weeks and that's when he take the opportunity to go out with his women's. He always start to fight when he wanted to go out with them and it was a pattern. I was physically and mentally abuse by him and I couldn't take it anymore and knowing that is hard to break with this freak people I have to do it for my own sake. Now I feel tired of all this bullshit and having better understanding that he never really love me. It was just a mask he use to seduce me. And like he explain in this video I miss myself not him. I hope God give you the strength to get out of the life of that evil. Good luck and be safe.
@@marthatoran1521 hang in there. Watch LH talk about the shame monster. They have to blame you because they cannot face up to the fact that they are a broken and hurtful person. It's necessary for them to blame you. But as LH says, do not argue the truth with a toxic person. They KNOW the truth. ❤
No we don’t miss them. What we miss is the person presented themselves to be and the future faking they brought to you. What we are missing is that fantasy we were in-raveled in. When that happens I always remember that what I am missing is all that. It’s not real. Sure there were good times, laughs and what wonderful moments but then I quickly remember that all that was done because he was using me as his supply. I made him feel good and he knew that I was a great supply mentally, emotionally and physically for them. All along it was full fledge mirroring me. I remember him saying I was his best friend ever but then lol I remember that’s not how you treat your best friend in the world when I would say no to something or I tried to set a boundary. I mean the backlash, the devaluing words and actions were hatred. So no when I have those moments I remember really quickly he was never real. Let’s not forget this was all about a con game and not real.
I heard a video that said something like, "When you're missing them, it's not because you loved them, or need to get back together with them - those feelings are PTSD flashbacks." Yup. 😵💫
I miss his charm, his smel, his external beauty....
But,nothing else...
And yes, a miss a real deep communication that i never had with this person...
Exactly
Radical acceptance. Let it GO. They lied, cheated, you weren't the only person they were with. Accept it. If you love and respect yourself, accept it. Radical acceptance. ☮
Thank you Lee. I don’t miss the narcissist. I miss who I thought he was. You speak the truth. After the love bombing, it went downhill since then.
Thank you for the message. I appreciate what you do to help everyone heal.
We miss *nothing* about them. We think we miss them. It's just a trauma-bond.
Exactly
"You miss them while you're still with them".
...DAMN.
I fell in love with the potential. But once I actually figured out my ex was a narcissist ever thing just clicked. I think a lot of people miss a narcissist in whatever situation they're in because they're being brainwashed and they see that potential of who they could be but they don't really fully know that person is a narcissist yet. It took me many years to figure it out. And people that have never been in that kind of situation with a narcissist will never understand. I Respect you so much for sharing your information and your journey and for getting help in doing better. Thins helps so many people with their healing journey including myself. ❤
I miss being who I thought he was. He was so kind and respectful. He met me 8 months after my husband died. He was the 1st man I dated and slept with. We dated 1.5 years. He just went cold on me and during the entire dating, he claims how he was into me and held me in high regard. I really thought he was genuine. I refuse to run behind him though...
It cannot be overstated enough that for the vast majority, we had no idea what we just stepped into, most have no idea what NPD really means and dealing with it is the most horrible experience of my life - Again, it is Lee's honesty that helped me unravel this god awful mess and I could finally give myself permission to heal and move on, instead of trying to fix the relationship. No, I don't miss him at all. I understand that nothing can be done and have moved on...thanks again Lee
Thanks for this , it is great advice !
Yes Ma’am. You got it. You understand it now. There is so much more to learn about these sick Personality. Don’t for a minute put your guard down. Thee will be more of the same coming for you. I have done some serious work on myself. And still I see this type coming for me. Just means I need to go deeper in my therapeutic awareness
It's ironic that you compared them to a skin of the person you knew, I was just thinking today that he's like an empty shell of the man I thought I knew.
Lee, I literally come back to this video sometimes. I am 10 months no contact, but I still need this reminder and it still upsets me, but I know it's true.
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 stay strong
@@MentalHealness Thank you. 🙏
@@kitkatherine0177 hi how are you now? I see this was posted a year ago. Has it gone away?
I have reminders as well, cuz I need to realize that the bad was the norm, and the good was merely a fluke.
In an intimate relationship it's not just the person involved that mourns. When that mask drops family and friends who believed in the charm and appeal of that person also mourn the loss of who they thought was such a great person that was so perfect for you.
My family were devastated but they try to keep a cool face for me bc they know I’m BEYOUND upset and in tears day n night and it’s been close to a month of the absolute total blocking she did to me and the day before it was as regular as usual. I love u I love u too and the next day she blocked me and I haven’t heard a single word from her It’s BEYOUND unreal
@@edgardiaz2361 She is a coward and it's not you. The most self destructive thing you can do right now is question yourself so DON'T. You cannot make sense of the twilight zone that these people operate in. She could have ended it a million different ways but she chose this because it gives her the ability to just turn up again whenever she feels like it having spent time on an excuse that will be all about how "confused" she was and that she was "in a bad place" or that you were "pressuring" her. This is going to sound crazy but my mum literally said this to me this afternoon. It is not personal. Its not about you, literally everything for these people is about themselves. DO NOT INTERNALISE. Keep watching LH, he is amazing. ❤
U r right! I miss the fake her, the one i fell in ❤️ with the first 2-3 mos of the relationship. I kept saying it will get better. LOL
You're right. It's how I would explain it to others who didn't understand. I grieved because it was like a death. Who I cried over didn't exist.
Last night, I was high and missing the good times. An image popped into my mind of myself and him. He had his arms and legs wrapped around me and his mouth attached to my forehead. My skin color paled. I lost my smile and energy. He almost sucked me dry, nearly destroyed me. It was such a powerful image that I think it'll be with me for good.
This is the one of your videos, where I cry.
stay strong 🙏🏽🙌🏾
100% this! I'm grieving my husband who wasn't real. 12 years,I was discarded 4 weeks ago. So painful.
This is a powerful message
I was discarded too girl but Gods got us.. Stay strong 💪
Me 3 but God definitely will work it out in our favor.
So sorry! How are ya'll doing? ❤️🙏
@joycefiore2721 9 plus months later and im still not divorced, as far as my husband, as far as I know, he's been shacked up with his coworker but I've been zero contact, he had changed his number early on (while he groomed her) and then he text me from his new number 3 months after he left because he wanted to come move his belongings. I guess he was done testing the waters at his new residence 😈 Cowards
I only miss the when he love bombs me... You are right- I only miss the " pretend nice" and then I remember what a jerk he is and I am ok again. I look at his photo and his recordings with voice and I fall in love again- BUT then I read the horrible text messages or he calls me and starts to complaint and all that love goes away. I am just ghosting him or go no contact and every day it feels better- your vids have helped me so much all thru out- he wont go I leave and he just stays there and reels me back in with love bomb. He does say he is so used to me he cant leave me or wants me to leave.
Me myself and I that's who! 😊Ur amazing Lee u have helped me heal so much Thanks 🙏 Blessed Be! ❤
Dam man when you said you start missing them during the relationship that shit hit me.
I remember telling a friend that it seemed like there were 2 of him.
To answer the question: Do I miss the narcissist, the answer would be no. That would mean that I miss myself. I am right here. I figured this out when I hung out with my covert narcissistic ex 7 years later. I realized that he had nothing of me to reference anymore so he was boring and uninteresting. It also made me realize how much of me that he mirrored when we were together.
Reading that makes me sad, not for you, although only because I can't tell how that made you feel. However for me, it reminds me part of what is hardest to deal with is not wanting to feel differently towards someone I loved so much. As well as, the prospect that I loved a fictitious character in large part, or a composite of many other people, unprocessed and regurgitated.
My husband of nine years has always been SUCH a back and forth, not so much a "in the beginning" and "in the end", rather a constant back and forth. It was like going through that cycle almost on a daily basis. Be sweet, abuse in some form, empty threats, reconciliation. Over and over a million times over the years, and THAT is exhausting. Right now we've been separated for six weeks (again, we've had numerous separations over the years), and I'm trying to make it the final one for my sons' sake and my sanity.
😫😫🙏🏽
You said they mirror us. So we truly just miss ourselves. So true. Thanks!
I miss myself more
I have wasted my time and happiness 10years ago
Now I learned to love myself more than I could... Thank you sir....thank god that I don't have his child... Am single... Hopefully I got better man who love more than me
You're welcome 😊 stay strong
So true about missing the narc. At the end of the relationship i was sad, then i realized there's absolutely nothing to miss because the him that i would miss dont exist. Never did.
I’m just learning about NPD and I know I have a lot to learn. My ex does all of the things narcissists do. Where do they find all the energy to study their partner so much? Why do they force you to say you did something you didn’t do? Why do they blame their partner for doing what they’re the ones who actually doing what they say you’re doing? It’s a nightmare. And now he’s destroying my life making false accusations through the courts. He always wanted me to sit up under him at all times. He says he’s possessive but not controlling. He says he was terminated but not fired and can get his previous job back. I’ve been battered and the man who beat me daily for months was nothing compared to narcissistic abuse…why is this? Not all abusers are narcissists and now I’m able to see the difference. I’m still learning. He filed a protection order on me with multiple lies just for breaking up with him in March. I can prove they’re lies because I have documentation. He always told me I’m “no going anywhere” and he’s asked me “how can he be in love with 2 women at the same time?” He kept going back and forth between me and her. I’m done with him for good hopefully. I just have court this week. I wish I knew about narcissists and narcissistic abuse beforehand. It feels worse than domestic violence and I’m a survivor of that. Hopefully some of my questions can be answered. It’s hard and scary because I never know what’s next
Lee, this has probably been the most informative video I've seen from you since subscribing to your channel. I've noticed that narcissist love using spirituality as a form of manipulation against you. They will mirror you and then claim to be your "Twin flame" or "Soul mate" they will also mirror alot of your insecurities so you will empathize with them and make excuses for them for the stuff they do. The hot and cold, chase, run away, game that is played by narcissist usually gets covered up by terms such as "Runner" "Chaser" twin flame journey. If anyone claims to be your Twin flame or Soul mate early on please run because 9/10 they are a narcissist.
Thiiiisssssssssss. Ugh, the amount of messages I found just months before he and I git together of him telling other women this is sickening.
After the narc of 20 years and therapy twice a week for a year, my number 1 mantra is ***ACTIONS NOT WORDS*** I now live by that. Also, DO NOT HURRY a relationship. Red Flag 🚩 I used to always say I missed who I wanted them to be, not who they REALLY were.
I would always start missing him when we were getting along, because I knew it wouldn't last long.😢
'tell me who i need to be to get you to fall in love with me' 💥
Make people earn that information! 💯
💯💯
I have so much shame for loving him and holding on, this helped thank you
Totally get the you start missing them in the relationship. I felt like lost everything and couldn’t understand why or what happened. My self esteem tanked and became raw nerve and emotions all over the place and have them telling me I’m hard work and crazy
I was in that phase, hard as hell. Have to taught myself to be happy just myself
I mis him so much, I’m fighting alone but I keep strong. After 14 years of marriage and 3 kids. 4 months of being alone. But when he was here I hate him. Now he is gone I miss him. Trauma bond is reall. 😢 but because I’m educated myself I know it is a lie. The first time in my life I’m setting boundaries. And keep them. The person was so bad at moments weekends and drugs and just disappearing for nights. Humiliation and no communication because he blow up. May god lead us to strength and heal us from this toxicity
I am currently reading "The body keeps the score".📙
Started from Part 5. Paths to Recovery.
Completed the chapters on EMDR, Yoga yesterday.
I am awestruck with detailed healing techniques. 👩🎓🌄
The narc I just left asked me, “What do I need to do to make us whole?” Doesn’t matter how they phrase it - same intent!
You are brilliant. And absolutely right. Narcissistic discard- or being set free. And now this video. Dead on correct. You're right, I don't miss the narcissist. I miss my image of the fantasy person I was shown. Love your stuff, man.
I really appreciate it. stay strong
I went through the mourning and grieving stage. I mourned for a year almost two. 2022-2023 . I still miss him.
When I realized who he really was and that the one I fell in love with was actually a version of myself I was able to grieve for my loss and own my reality. We delude ourselves so much chasing a fantasy.
A house with no furniture, a door with no knob‼️ Spot on again Lee 🎯🎯🎯
🎯🎯
It's true. I miss the man I thought he was.
🙏🏽💯
What you said! Like they died but you can still see them. It’s like having to live in a nightmare where the person you loved turns into a monster
Lee you are speaking truth!!!!! I only miss the “shell” he even told me once because “you don’t love me you love the idea of you”…. He told me before he left me “im not super cool like you “ he wanted to be me so bad that I think he started hating me. Thank you Lee I appreciate you friend ❤💪🏾
🙌🏾💪🏽
Same 😢
My brother this is the realist shit I've ever heard in my life. Thank you for what you do. I know she'll never give me closure. You're giving it to me. I'm sincerely greatfull. Thank you!
you’re welcome
We fell in love with their mask!
💯💯
He told me he was”just mirroring” me the entire time!
Narcissists will admit a lot if you just pay attention the clues.
I definitely fell in love with myself, and when I heal, I will fall for myself again ❤
I miss the person I always wanted each of them to be. I wanted so badly for them to love me just as siblings and parents should. Now I find my peace knowing my children will never have to experience this ❤️🙌🏼
This is a perfect video for when you are missing them. I don’t miss who he is, just who I hoped he was. Remember that!
🙏
Another important and real one. I yelled “testify!” In my shower
AWESOME!! 😂
In reality it’s a death, you go through the five stages of grief. It’s really painful and hard to get over, only prayer can get you through. 🙏 ❤
This is 💯! Especially the part about starting to miss them DURING the relationship.
I needed this!! I’m 34 years old and have a 20 year history with my legal husband who is a narcissist,Soon to be ex husband, assuming he doesn’t drag out this divorce, considering he filed back in June of 2023. I’m coming to terms that what I “miss” is the potential. And my heart misses someone who was never truly there. My heart longs for the Man GOD intended him to be. Looking back he fed me only False Hope and Empty Promises. The only thing consistent about him was his inconsistency. His words bear no weight.
Thank you for this video!! I needed to hear this!! 💯
Loved this video. Their skin suit…good way to describe. It’s like you fell in love with yourself. They made a version of you after they mined information out of you. Got the scoop! Then started the, “I love that too” bullshit. 😩
Never ever miss the mean people.
You miss the mask in many ways. And you won't see it for what it truly is until you stop looking through the lense of what you wish it could be. You're in love with an illusion.
We do fall in love with ourselves, all the love we to give, like sunlight on a mirror, we are truly blinded by it... By the very love we give.
This is amazing Lee! 🙏❤️
Omg Lee when you said ‘you start missing them DURING THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP’ - absolutely!!
I couldn't agree more! Plus, I MISS HAVING HOPE for finally finding joy, happiness and love.... As someone raised by the narc. I felt greatly unloved, judged... and suddenly someone finally accepted me for who I was. No one ever before did it. Luckily, I have a gfreat friend now (however living in a different country), so I know how it's like to be liked for who you are. But I still don't know how it's like to be loved, how it's like to feel pretty, desired, feminine... . There are no men here, where I live, which are single and interesting. :-/ It's kinda heartbreaking.
Wow. You’re right. I was falling in love with myself without my flaws. It was easier than working on my issues
‼️💯
Been viewing these educational videos for a few weeks now and Lee is phenomenal!! He is spot on with all points.....to the letter. It's almost like Lee is standing in the room observing us.
I’m new to this entire thing. As of October of this year, I had to leave my Narcissistic ex. I know a lot of people have had it far worse than I, but it still hurts. I was with her for a year and nine months. I’ve known her since second grade. We’ve always been school friends but we’ve never hung out outside of school all the way up until a year after graduation (class of 2022) it shocked me how in all of those years, I never saw her true colors until I was with her after high school. I want to say I’m grieving her, but I am grieving what I thought she was. I’m grieving the person she pretended to be for ten years. It was so easy for her to put on this front because it was only a small time out of her day being around me since we were little. Tbh I’m devastated. I never knew people like this existed.
Your realness is refreshing and it helps slap the sense back into me when I second guess myself. You’re absolutely right… I poured into a person who couldn’t pour back into me. I was left a shell of a person but now, I’m pouring into myself. I find it harder to do it for me, but I’m doing it one day at a time!!
stay strong
I definitely miss the love bombing guy, but I don't know how to get over that loss.
This is an excellent one to revisit whenever I think I miss him.
you got it
So This is why I now have the ability to seek what I really want and deserve . He showed me the guy that I really love and that’s myself if that’s makes sense
Sometimes I do miss the relationship . Great episode!
💯💯
I told him what music i liked and he was so interested. He said tell me more. He said he secretly like country music as well but supposed to be this hard core rap and hip hop music lover. Just pretended he liked country a little to mirror me. Wow. I had to think back bc i didnt hear him ever listen to it after some years in to our relationship.
WOW! So powerful to know you actually fell inlove with yourself, yet it's so hard naturally to love yourself 🎉 this is so inspiration 💖
Dude, you rock. You have no idea how much you've helped me.
This video is just perfect!! That's exactly what is happening to me Lee. Thanks a lot !! I miss a version of me...oh boy!!!
I used to say i miss how we used to be. The fun we had the carefree attitude the you are my everything. Turned into devalue and ur not worth talking to.
He's exactly right ✅️ it feels weird it's almost like we fell in love ❤️ with ourselves. No wonder we thought they were the ONE. 😆 they were perfect until we saw the acting skills were up!
I’ve been saying it fir about a month. I miss who I thought he was and yes it’s so very sad
Yea. Still miss her. I miss the voice. I miss having to work for her affection. Think she made me strive and want to be a better person. I admired her. A professional Bjj fighter and a yogi. Yes I miss the dream as well. Moving to Rio and staying in nyc. Nyc to Rio commute. Saddens me because I adored her and would have protected her Althou she can protect me. Lol. She’s still missed.
I can not believe you have helped me so much n in my moments if weakness you save me from not calling him....I remember the lies n the abuse n I waited like an insane person for him to get out of prison for domestic abuse. N he had been to prison 3 times for 3 different girls n I thought I could b the one to change him. Now I miss him but the thought of him being around me makes me panic....
A great visual and audio message, made so much sense. I love the part when you said, get a piece of paper and write down your thoughts on what in the hell would you want back from hell💯💯💯💯💯💯💃🏽
💯💯💯
I miss his soft lips, his cuteness, his eyes cuz he always kept looking at me deeply, his touch..but..i don't miss how he was in the end. Playing me, discarding me for the 3rd time and not caring at all. I literally begged him to love me the right way and that was the saddest thing I ever done in my life. To beg someone to love you..The vessel is indeed the same but the inside is all different. Now he's getting his attention from everyone who thinks he's innocent and always kind. 😅
Listening to this channel has been a means by which I got better day by day. It's like a salve. Nursed me clean back to where I needed to be. Thank you, Mr. Lee.
I think it's more so ppl still being hooked on the representative the Narc sent at the beginning of the relationship. And once the Narc realized they had their hooks in you really good and had you sold, they sent the representative away and appeared. 😂😂 But it's no way you could miss someone lying to you, mistreating you, abusing you, cheating on you, gaslighting you, playing manipulative mind games, and making you feel less than the wonderful person you are. I'm always amazed at how the short time you are love bombed, far outweighs the super lengthy time you were abused and mistreated.
Yes.. love bomb is super strong
your best episode yet! this really made me think, and realize I'm missing myself and what I strive to be.
I miss his beautiful face and body, his voice, his style of talking and his strong energy. 😢❤
I've watched hundreds of episodes and this is one of the best. @mentalhealness thank you so much for what you do. I literally can't get through most days without listening to your episodes.
I missed the out of town trips,the going out to eat,the jewelry he brought me that's all