Just ending 7 years of relationship where there was no intimacy not even sex as my ex-partner probably is cerebral narcissist, we were living together for 6 years like strangers
Amen! 👏 💯 Spot on accurately.. ... "🤔 who is this person"...(or is it just that he forgot to put ON one of his many masks 🎭?? 🤷♀️) 😞 If only I had a dime for each time that thought surpasses my mind 😥... "Are yóu actually HUMAN??"... I would have been a gasilionaire 😔
It’s crazy when it feels that way sometimes and then other nights I feel like I’m with my souls mate. And it’s crazy how polar opposite it can get. Even within the same night
In my twenty years with the narcissist, I felt I was sitting at a banquet table, laden with food, and my hands were tied. ‘Starving’ for any connection, I finally realized I was valued only for taking care of the house and the children. I was a housekeeper with benefits for him. That was the saddest realization I’ve ever had.
Wow, you just described my 26 years of marriage as well as well kept secret affairs all through my it and he was very good at covering hiding his tracks till I found him out.
Oh do I relate to that analogy! Now to stop dating them…! Aye carumbah! Just when I see possibility, he reveals the secret person inside or that doesn’t exist inside…? Ouch!
They ARE the vampires written about throughout history..it's all a comparison on a symbolic/spiritual/ metaphorical/energetic & also literal way. Vampires exsist. And it's not the light of the sun but the light of God's word & Holy Spirit that they shrink away from...but it needs to be harnessed and burning bright..if you're just carrying your inherent light & have no relationship with God/ his word, it actually attracts them to you and leaves you open to their "charming" ,manipulation (which is witchcraft), feeding...ECT. The Bible actually describes Narsissits without using that specific term. It's alot deeper than the psychiatric sphere has/can reveal. It's Spiritual before anything. Everything is... We've simply lost touch with Spiritual Discernment and wisdoms in this modern materialistic Matrix.
@@mikebott6940 You can heal if you focus on healing & understanding how to vet ppl in a healthy manner..but I have yet to find a better healer than Christ and His word. Understand, you're not the only good intentioned person on the planet, and your lack of healing and developing healthy emotional boundaries will be a big stumbling block in finding those good additions/ relationships. Sometimes being alone is a great opportunity to find peace and become centered. I know how it is, I deal with the aftermath myself, but have faith in God first, then yourself...and that will lead you to the right ppl for you..use wisdom. I suggest reading Proverbs in depth, study it..it's very beneficial. I've come to realize, some of our being alone is ordained to be a protection for us, as we heal...but it's for a season..we just can't allow it to be a permanence & we turn into beat down hermits. I get it man..but get this. Focus on God and a peace will come..acceptance of what is, is important. Be realistic.. Shed false perceptions..of self & others. Quality ppl are in low #s...I don't exspect a crowd, just a few good ppl in my lifetime.. Many others will be associates. And counting your blessings over what you lack, will turn a bad mood faster than anything.
This messed me up for months. I had a mental breakdown sobbing while at my ex girlfriends place. She gave me a blank stare and cuddles her cat instead of comforting me. It was a weird traumatic experience.
@@travis6694 I am so sorry. I hate to say this, but she will not change and just get out. It’s so much easier said than done well I still am pining over my ex husband who was cold as hell and still is cold and callous as hell. Practice what I preach at all. I know that’s a problem. Even though you and I know what to do.
@@behindcloseddoors2027 we broke up shortly after. I’m sorry for your hardship that you went through. But all the traumatizing experiences affected my mental state greatly. Always wondered why I felt so anxious around them and just felt terrible. Also looking back, she had such a dark aura about her. She also got a demon face tattoo on her arm after we broke up. And then matching tattoos with her new victim.
I fell and busted my knees up the night we broke up. I was bleeding and horrible pain she didn’t even attempt to help me. Barely wanted to get out of bed. Telling me I was being erratic about it. I just wanted some help. All she gave me was some napkins to dap the blood but it didn’t help. I tried to just get in bed and sleep the pain off. My blood ran on her sheets and started complaining as if I could help it. So I ended up going to sleep on the floor. I had to put my legs in my hoodie so my blood wouldn’t get on her rug. She threw me a blanket and huffed and puffed as I cried from the pain. Which made me start balling even more it was the pain of my knees being hurt and realizing that this girl really doesn’t care for me. She asked if I wanted her to take me to the hospital and all I really wanted was to be cleaned held and loved on. She brokeup with me as I was expressing myself while crying on the floor to her. Cried myself to sleep and the next day I realized my legs were really really bad I hopped around the room to gather my things while she was sleeping. She woke up as I was grabbing my charger and asked why I was leaving as if nothing happened last night. Sees me struggling with my things to get down the stairs and asks if I need help instead of just clearly helping. Waits for my Uber with me and says nothing but condescending remarks as I give her no responses. Saying I Do Love You even doh you think I don’t. Then text me saying you better tell ppl the right story. As if this wasn’t real life. I had to lay on my couch in my room for 2 weeks and couldn’t walk she never checked on me. I had to make myself walk again and I went to see my family and they were asking about her the whole time and if she was helping nurse me. I didn’t want to say anything about it to them she ended up contacting me when a friend told her how bad I was and coming to family’s house to save face. Claiming she wanted to talk but had nothing to say because she doesn’t talk. I started to doze off and she woke me up by saying she was dating someone just to awaken me then to retract the statement. As if she couldn’t say anything else everything was reaction based. Ugh so much fuckery. I thought my ex before this one was a Narc but Nope this one is the Narc of the century.
There is NO intimacy ... Yes they may initiate a passing kiss when they are about to gain ... If you try to discuss why they hardly ever approach you they simply stay silent or at best deny with venom in their voice like they are the victim
Never finding the right person is way better than keeping the wrong one. Don't worry if you'll ever find someone, love yourself and get out of this situation.
Me too. It's like... You know you are being manipulated, but you let them because you realize that they need to do so because of their own issues and you try to love them unconditionally. When you actually take a step back and connect all the dots you realize how f-ing sick they are. Frightening.
You just described my whole relationship! I’m sick and tired of feeling like I am not enough! I’m tired of being shut down left starving for affection and intimacy from the person who is suppose to be my partner! Never in my life have I ever experienced this kind of mental circus of Abuse with anyone in my life!
You will find love, first love yourself and know your worth then you won’t be blinded by the lies of Narc or people that don’t have value GOD bless and know you are worth true love.
I told my husband I feel like we're just roommates who fight all the time. It's taken over a decade to open my eyes to everything in my life. Patterns, patterns, patterns, and too much trauma
@@arroscinpollo it's tough, but it's healthier to have the space & time to focus on ourselves, with the lowered expectations on us, I believe. My stepson lives with us, and he is absolutely cool with the situation, but he's also 19 now, which makes a difference
I went through the same thing for the last ten years, no intimacy, affection, he made me feel we were roommates, he had giving me his silent treatment way too many times. We just went through our divorce, I started breathing and feeling lighter again, not walking on eggshells any longer. I am 64 years old, I have a beautiful big family, 4 grandchildren which I will enjoy so very much spending time with them.
The saddest thing for me is that I had no idea what narcissism was, or that these people existed. I could never understand why I was always sucked into the same kind of situation. I couldn't understand that I was an empath, and a narcissist magnet! It's only been in the last 2 year (and I'm 57) that I've learned any of this stuff. My entire life has been one recurring pattern after another. So sad.
By the time I realized what happened to me it was too late. I’m like you I’m an empath and we have a target on our head. Thanks for this comment 🙏 Hugs💖
This is the story of my life. Analyzing my relationships, i now understand I have dated about 10 narcissists; leaving a relationship and dating the same person i a diferent body.
I also wished I would have known many years ago. I figure at least it is now good to make sense of things. Empaths have to be very cautious about who they attract.
"Intimacy has left the room". Spot on! He was so shut down as soon as our Friday night friends left. Dead silence and nasty glares from across the room. I used to say to his friends,' as soon as you leave,he stops talking,laughing,being charming'. They would just not believe me! I have one picture of him glaring at me. Like I needed proof. That was year 1 of our marriage. I was there 22 years! I stayed to fix him,to love him back to health, to understand him...I wanted us to break free of our bad family traumas and live a great life. What I learned was that you can't make anyone live up to their potential... No matter how much good you see in them. I should have been living up to mine. :/
It could be my life you are describing. Twenty years after my divorce I discovered Dr Ramani’s videos. How I wish I had known about narcissism sooner. It is such a relief to know there are people out there who understand.
Yes, exactly. I don't think it's an unwillingness to be intimate. It's just that they're shallow. That surface person is all there is. They're just enjoying getting what they want and having power trips. And, that's life. They don't actually care about anyone else. That's why narcissistic alliances break down and re-form all the time. They're all just doing what's in their interest in that moment all the time.
Bingo! The whole 20 years I was with my ex husband we never had a conversation. I was there to listen to him and all his stories. There was no connection , and definitely no intimacy. There was sex ,but it felt so empty and unfulfilling without intimacy .
They can have deep conversation, just not with you. It is deliberately done, because the person wants you to feel rejected. It makes them happy to see you deprived of something, especially attention. From themselves or others. Self esteem is out of the question. Its 1 thing in a relationship, cause a person can get out of it. When it's parents to young children,,, all I can say is,,, it takes a village...🤷🏽♀️
@@theunityofthejust-justifyi7951 I totally agree with you. I don't even think it's a choice to shallow or deep, they're just shallow like a and ant chooses to be tiny, or a fish cannot fly. When you gradually open your eyes, get educated, and become very aware of this fact, you must give in to the reality of the situation and make some decisions you didn't anticipate ever having to make. I am not happy to have to do this after investing 32 years into this person and so many countless times of frustration, anger, disappointment, and loneliness. It can't ever be recovered. Gone.
@@christinasofly8122 Ramani only cares about that big pay check...just like every other doctor. What ever keeps her behind the wheel of that Range Rover. The health care industry is littered with Narcs
Withholding, starving, blaming, shaming, depriving, denying, dismissing, demeaning, devoid of any and all true connection. What you see is not what you get, bait and switch. The public persona is to benefit others only. Behind closed doors you are devalued, invisible, denied, punished and alienated. Intimacy avoidance is synonymous with a narcissist.
Phoenix Rising this is exactly how mine treats me too. I never understood it till now. During the lovebomb stage it wasn’t like this but everything turn like a switch went off. I cry out of loneliness all the time
Yes it’s about always coming from an authentic place. But in close relationships yes total honesty 💯 I couldn’t be or have anything but. Of course to strangers or acquaintances then there is always some guard! But to not expect and have 💯 honesty in your intimate relationships is not respectful or helpful.
That was my narcissistic mother, and I felt guilty as a child for wanting her to spend time with me because she was "so busy"! It turns out, she worked a normal 9-5 job, was never given anything to do outside of work, and didn't have a social life. However, my dad who worked way more hours than she did still found time to speak and have fun with me. Seriously, I still remember us having a family dinner, and without warning, 10 minutes in, my mom runs off to the other room to fool around on the PC. Why didn't she come back? Because she was too busy to spend time with us. I now understand my dad's anger. I'm not excusing it, but I definitely understand why he was angry about the love of his life, and the mother of his child, being so emotionally distant.
I heard for 2 years that he was soooooo busy working and had no time..... I mean who the hell is that busy????!!!!! Ughhhh RED FLAG!!! So happy to hear someone else experienced it 😩
For 30 years my ex narc was so “busy”with work he could never do anything like pick up child at school, go anywhere with us, go to store for things. Then he met a 25 year old girl and somehow how so much time he developed a full blown relationship with her. Funny huh- glad he’s gone!
After the initial love bombing phase of mind bending sex, you can stand naked in front of the narcissistic partner and they will likely not even glance in your direction. Their avoidance of intimacy of any kind leaves you feeling like a ghost, wandering the halls of your home invisible and unacknowledged in even the most fundamental ways. Intimacy for narcissists is literally terrifying as it threatens to connect them with their core vulnerable selves. They will pretend to offer and enjoy intimacy - but in reality their plan is to have you as a function and nothing more and they have disdain for your own intimate needs.
They don't like kissing either because it challenges their vulnerable self. On the first date with my narc she wanted to kiss me, but it was act to hook me. After that she always rejected it unless I really pushed for it. Sad.
I understand. I was with my boys father for 24 years. I am 5' 1" and was never bigger than a size 2 jeans or XS top, dress, etc... I worked full time+. Taking care of our boys, our home, twisted myself into a knot to make him smile.... In front of family and friends, he was prince charming when we were alone... There was always another woman, always something and someone better than me. It's taken me years to even like myself after being with someone like that for so many years. And I still struggle. I'm now 49, single, I have my doggos... And to be 💯 % HONEST, my life is drama free, quiet, boring.... And I am realizing how peaceful and happy I've been.
@Stephanie You are absolutely right. I actually wonder..are these men even narcissist or is it just the way men and relationships are these days? Not to discredit anyone’s experience but there is just so so much of it these days. I’m very happily single and have been for three years.
Wms72: can you clarify please: do you mean that your husband kept telling you, “you will be better alone than with me”? Or did his behaviour finally persuade you that you would be better off without him. (My narcissistic violent father during his remorse phases used to say, “you would all be better off if I wasn’t here”)
I was sadly there myself. I should really have left him at year 15,when I found out that he was cheating on me. Lying, some call it gaslighting, he told me that it was over and would never happen again. I wanted to believe him, and didn't want to be a member of the " new poor " club, a single mother with 3 young children. So I took him back, and soon it became obvious that it wasn't over. But I believed in my vows " for better or for worse " and stuck it out for another 35 years until my kids were grown and pretty much on their own. My youngest, my daughter, Was in Veterinary School. I was 64 when the divorce was final. I sadly feel that I wasted my best years on this man. I am now 71,wrinkled and suffering from some health issues. I don't even bother to be very social, because I am at the point where I never want to have to take care of another person, especially an old man. Harsh but true. I do miss having someone to share life,maybe travel and have some good times with, like you see retired couples do. But I will never sacrifice my own self, peace, independence and love again with a Narcissist. I am so afraid of being sucked in by another one and so I don't even look or participate. If I did look for just a friend to do things with, most people want more than just that. I am lonely, and I was in my marriage for the reasons that Dr Ramani explains. I will never have any grandchildren to bring light into my life. These things were all my choices in life. No one elses. I just wish that we all could see the finished product of our choices ahead of time. Wouldn't that be nice? I definitely would have made some very different ones had I known what my outcome would have been like. Hindsight is 20/20. I thought that I was doing the best that I could at the time.
Example for you all to understand this ‘ contempt towards intimacy’: I was single for many years and now walking in the city with my partner who I suspected was a Narc. It was a beautiful summer day and I remembered the many times I walked the city alone, but now I was partnered up and wanted to convey this joy and appreciation towards my partner at the time (Narc) . So I stopped walking, turned to him and said, You know Iam so happy to finally have someone special in my life. I am no longer walking alone in beautiful days like this, instead I am here with you 💕💕💕.... Narc Proceeds to look at me and starts an argument and says, “ Well that was your choice. You women choose to stay alone...etc” And I am trying to explain why I was single.. not too many options etc. and then I say, “ why are we arguing? Why can’t you just say awe, I am happy to be with you also. So he says, “ So now you want to shove words in my mouth?” So yeah, they fight intimacy. Everything is an argument. Everything is your fault. Glad I left.
Yes they do! Mine would complain to our therapist, “she won’t talk to me about some things, and I want her to talk to me, we can’t be close if she doesn’t talk”. And the therapist said “sometimes we have to look at ourselves and ask, ‘what am I doing that is causing this person to not feel safe to talk to me?’” He didn’t say anything in response, but I know he did not like hearing that. Every time I have ever tried to talk about something vulnerable, personal, or trauma I’ve been through, he gave me an ear full of criticism. And despite me telling him I didn’t want to be given criticism and explaining why what he said was criticism based on relationship books... he still was in denial and never grasped that he is mean. No one wants to talk to someone who is mean.
In a "normal" relationship the years add to intimacy getting stronger and that bond deeper. Not with a narcissist....there is a feeling of something is not right and eventually you don't feel "close" to the narcissist anymore. If you ever say "I don't feel close to you anymore" they are so shocked and surprised and take it an an insult.
Everything is an insult to them. Meanwhile they can belittle and criticize their victim into oblivion with impunity. They do not see other people. Their emotions are the only thing that exists.
I watched this to understand why my mother never hugged me growing up. Children notice a lack of affection too. I didn't get compliments as a child either. Thank goodness I had good teachers & neighbors. I get it tho...
The “I get it tho...” at the end... that’s something I’ve struggled with with my mother for a long time. I get why she was abusive and how she could say/do the things she did. I made excuses for her and explained it away. It wasn’t until my therapist recognized this that I got some closure. She told me, “you understand why/how your mother was the way she is, and that’s good, but you don’t need to make excuses for her. The way she treated you was wrong. And she didn’t get help or do something about it. She should have. And she didn’t. That’s wrong.”
I bolted from my mother at 17 and never looked back. It taught me how to be self sufficient and even though I was a people pleaser, most of my friends were and we took care of each other! Voila 😂 today on my bike ride along the ocean I realized I’ve been working my heinie off all my life and am loving this forced vacation. 💪🏼💐🐬 be well and thrive
Many narcs have had sexual abuse in their past or have had sexual experiences at a very young age. Sex to them only equates to their physical pleasure, having power and control over someone, or being victimized. It's like they feel shameful when they are vulnerable---and to them, intimacy means being vulnerable--and they're not having any part of that! After love bombing you, you will notice that narcs will rarely kiss you, hold your hand, cuddle with you, give you a loving glance, give you a hug, or show any public displays of affection toward you!
Why does my narc husbund Say he I hate sex and women And even commented on my kiss he discared me 17 days ago after projecting because I went in his phone because I wanted to know why is he devalueing me hurting pushing me smear I etc He never admits and broke up after a tex whdn he strangled me yet calls me a abuser I bedn through every abuse in the book yet he calls me out false accusation what he did i guess ?
Wow! You just described my 1st marriage! My mother is a narc and I have often wondered if she was sexually abused by her father. It makes sense from what you said. Thanks for sharing!
On the contrary mine is very public with his affection. The problem is as soon as we get home. He goes to his corner, whips out his iPad and watched movies until he falls asleep. No conversation unless I initiate it.
It is the intamacy vulnerability avoidance connection. It use to be that I was the one to always intiate, it got harder and harder over the years , after 4 decades she has shut down business in that domain. flat out refuses to do adult on any level, every act or reqeust for her to partciapate always has to be a transaction of my behviour subcoming to her conditions to make her feel sometihing. Its gross, she is self absorb with self righteousness and all of us are terrible to her and are her cause for all her problems. Lack of Trust, Vulnerability, Closeness, gone, never existied anyway, only on a superficial level via her, I laid out everytihing hoping she would find confiendence in this sharing and feel free to reciporcate, never, whenver it gets close, she turns and runs and becomes full of rage.
This is spot on! Your comment is so true. I’ve been going through this for 20 years. We meet at 15 years old. He treats me like a roommate now and we barely have sex anymore.
For years I thought my marriage was an anxious-avoidant relationship. Just after divorce I realized I was in an abusive narcissistic one, and boy that changed my view, erased most of my guilt, and overall made me able to accept and let go.
I have been having similar questions about my ex fiancé - if she was narcissistic or just dismissive avoidant. I’m curious, how were you able to discern between the two? I appreciate any advice, and thank you for your comment. It’s validating to hear from other men who have been with narcissistic/avoidant women.
@@courtlandrowles4517 Hi, I think you can never be certain. So, what you can do is get informed (I didn't know that "narcissism" was a term that fit so good to mi ex, for instance), be assertive and clear about expectations and boundaries, and if the other person can't accept or won't compromise for the greater good of the relationship, then just leave
Does the label really matter? Anxious - avoidant/narcissistic? They're both toxic and unhealthy and do tremendous damage to your self esteem. So not worth it. I'm glad that you moved on!
@@winnieamar9368 Sure. The end result is the only thing that matters. The difference was to realized that I was being abused. I always thought that we "just" had a bad relationship.
NO emotional intimacy at all. INCAPABLE of having deep conversations. LIES about his ENTIRE past, present and future. NOTHING he says is truthful & NOTHING he does is genuine. It's like we're just ACTORS playing the role of a couple.
What is difficult to get completely past is that there have been a few occasions scattered throughout the relationship when she seemed to be genuine, a few moments of intimacy...sadly those get overwritten by a total lack of moral compass. If you love them you end up hurt.
@@Daniel-cp3jw so true. And we hold onto those few moments so tight because we keep hoping we see more of it, but sadly there is more toxicity than genuine love and care...
The beginning was an explosion of intimacy and compassion. I was put on a pedestal and felt like a million dollars . But when the high wore off, I was knocked down . I was punished , treated like dirt . Denied sex , compassion and even hit with silent treatment. The only time the narcissist went back to treating me well for a couple of days was only if I gave her money or into her demands . That’s not a relationship but instead a manipulationship. I was hustled by a con artist who never had any intentions of a serious loving relationship. I was there to be used and abused until she upgraded and found something better
Pretty much, yes. They see you as some bridge to a higher status; because they feel like sh!t, they are weaklings and they have zero internal life. You are richer in emotions and principles than they could ever be in a trillion light years. Good riddance to see the suckers leave! :)
YEP!!! It's like you're simply just an actor in THEIR drama and only they know when your "character" gets killed off!!! They know exactly what they're going to do with you the minute they've met you and started love bombing for resources and intel on YOU... So frustrating!!!!
When I was in a narcissistic relationship, my grandmother died. I was upset and crying. He decided at that point to start an argument with me. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down. God had alot of grace with me by leading me out that relationship.
I once came home from a very bad day at work, upset and with no idea what to do. I had very serious concerns about direct and upper management, but I could not afford to leave. I was told that he "could not be around all this negativity." I got the same reaction every time I got upset about anything, including catching him stealing from me. Amazing.
That's brutal. No one deserves that. Last month my partner went and cheated on me with an 23 year old (he's 50) because he couldn't be arsed to comfort me being in grief over my mum having stage 4 cancer. When I confronted him about it he blamed me and told me I never showed him real love. He sold his soul to the devil I am sure of it now.
My husband of 23 years yelled at me for crying on the way home from my sons funeral. He told me that he was sick of listening to my crying and I should get on with it. He later cheated on me and blamed me for what he did because he was tired of my grieving, he never supported me through my grieving process.
This is crazy how spot on it is! As soon as I started to notice the changes in my ex partner I started to get more and more distant with him in all aspects of intimacy, even kissing was hard for me to do, he would get so upset and say you don’t even want to kiss me anymore but he refused to listen and understand that it was because of his behaviors which were abusive and abrasive. All he could acknowledge was the fact that I wouldn’t kiss him or sleep with him anymore but god forbid he would’ve been able to realize it was his fault.
This video just brings back so many memories. I split with my husband back in the 80’s. He went to a therapist hoping to get me back. She made an appointment to see me. She wanted to understand my side of the story and I told her. I pretty much told her what Dr. Ramani said here. The therapist stated that my husbands behavior was “normal” and that I was being difficult. In other words being a narcissist was normal. I was considered a weak woman because I couldn’t tolerate it. I left anyway because I could no longer stomach him, but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I learned then what I have come to learn just now.
It's like I wrote that myself! I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, I even thought about going to a therapist! Now I understand and it helps knowing I'm not the only one that felt that way! I always felt confused and he always said it was me, but Dr. Ramani hit the nail on the head - it felt like a stranger! We've been married 20 years and I feel like i don't know him at all...
The years of starvation eventually push us to seek intimacy with ourselves, which is what we, as codependents, were missing all along. 🙏 Once we've found THAT, we're immune to narcs forever!
Starvation led me to cheat. :| When I realized WHY I was seeking the outside relationship, I slammed the brakes on ALL of my sexual relationships. I basically needed to pull over and change multiple flat tires.
I wished I new this before we got married and had children. Please believe me when I say it's a very lonely relationship to be in . I'm just try to be there for our kids it's sad
I wish the same thing, he knows how much sex and closeness means to me and it seems he does it on purpose. I have not had sex with this man in so many years I have truly lost count. I stayed because of the children and now because of financial reason. How can you live with a person and suppose to be married for years and don't even desire to touch or cuddle at any time. I got so mad one night which he got his rock off from my anger of course that night, I told him as long as I live he will never touch me again and I meant that it been true he has not even tried so I wasn't saying anything big according to him. One day my change is coming until then Im staying in prayer and keeping strong. Be safe ladies and gentlemen
Please consider a exit-plan if possible, take your time to gather money/friends/whatever you need to manage it and stay sane. Yes, being in such a relationship is more lonely than being alone.
Is it for your kids money-wise or for them to have a father, if I may ask? My parents got divorced in my adult years pretty much because one of them was trying to stay together for our sake...they should have split way before that like they almost did times before. If you are not doing it because you need to slowly building money to get out of that situation, PLEASE consider creating a plan to leave as soon as possible. It is devasting not having a parent, but a whole other devastation having a narcissistic one...
I was "single" even in that "marriage". I was alone, neglected, emotionally dumped on daily. It was not a marriage at all but *slavery.* I did a piece of artwork showing me scuba diving into his heart but I was chained to the shallow end. I would attempt to ask questions to ignite deep & meaningful conversations yet he'd answer with "yes" or "no"....completely inept in having deep conversations. And I'm a really really deep person. Didn't work. After 14 years of having conversations with myself, alone in my head, I left. I finally saw my own self worth and freed myself!!!! Praise God for showing me myself and who he was and how to get out.....and that it was OK to get out.
This was me with my marriage. T 12yrs later I decided I was done and it killed me. I was done, but leaving him still hurt me so badly. I had no identity outside of my ex. He traveled for work, but even when he was home I still felt alone. I didn’t feel free for a long time because I was so used to being beneath him. He never hit me... but at times I wish he had because I would’ve left and never questioned myself the way that I did with being neglected emotionally and physically
Same with .me..I felt same lonely while living under same roof..i hate this situation. Why we don,t get separated..she is narcissistic, she is Scorpion.she is npd
My parents were married 50 years. My Mum used to tell me of how alone she was in her marriage, that it was worse than being alone. Her role was to be the driving force, and extol all of her energies, and personality qualities to see the family through - a very hard and rather invisible task. I feel my Dad coasted in the Jetstream of her labours but did not relate with my Mum, how she was or lebd her his strength and support. I saw a RUclips video last year (don't recall title/poster I'm afraid), but it was by a lady who had been married to someone for a number of years to a man who was diagnosed as autistic, and she got on the RUclips to explain what her life felt like, and when I saw it I shared it with my Mum because what she was saying was exactly how my Mum had told me she felt, and I wanted her to know she wasn't alone. But since my Mum's death I am not sure if my Dad leans towards autism (I'm autistic) or whether his relating style is more (covert) narcisistic, as I have noted that he has tried to manipulate me in the same ways. Anyway, not meaning to add more flames to a fire, I wanted to say that I am sorry that this has been your reality, and I hope you are finding a truer, deeper happiness today. Best wishes x PS people, CofE, like my Mum believed that you made a promise before God to stay together for good or bad - makes it very sad and unhappy for everyone, and I'm glad people can find a way to move on nowadays and separate themselves for the good of all.
❤ I am 100 percent there with you. I know exactly what you are talking about. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts and feelings as I read your post.
While everyone around my Dad's life thought his life was good...I witnessed my Dad's starvation by my mother who was a malignant narcissist, for 60 years of his life. The public image appeared perfect, while the private was hell. She withheld all affection from him punishing him by forcing him to live downstairs in the unfinished basement in the very house he built for her. People just don't know the truth behind closed doors. He was a gentle man and a gentleman. She took advantage of his kindness and love for her.
Yupp, that was it to a tee. I felt some intimacy in the love bombing stage. Then slowly breadcrumbed, starved and ultimately suffocated. Devoid of any human decency after a while. Physical, verbal, financial abuse, disrespect, not following through on any promises, fights out of no where, purposefully starting drama, ghosting, gaslighting, destruction of property. Could not even have an open, honest conversation about SERIOUS issues. Betrayal, rage and violence were in the mix (have a lot of video evidence). Never saw a persons' eyes go completely black before, scary. I swear on everything these people are aliens and/or demons. Had a lot of sex because that is where I felt any closeness but it felt like having sex with someone I didn't even know. I was just trying to have a normal, healthy, loving, intimate relationship. I swore I would never deal with anything close to that. I didn't know about narcissists and thought everyone has inherently good on some level. You do not know what Hell is and true evil until you are in a relationship with a Narcissist. This is flat out Spiritual warfare. If you think that it is something else, you have not been "intimately" involved with a Narcissist and stared into the abyss. Thanks Doctor Ramani for spreading the word about Narcissism. This information should be part of public health. People should not have to experience it the hard way like myself.
I sad to this narcissist Who is ex now, that maling love to him was like having sex with a dildo. He never touched me or kissed me during the intercorse. . Thanks God we were together only for a month.. Disgusting..
@@nebitnoprezime9871 sounds like my ex boyfriend. When he wanted sex the sex was amazing. When I wanted sex... Well, I finally told him I wasn't into necrophilia.
Toward the end of this experience now, albeit this ending is dragging along slowly. Absolute spiritual warfare and supremely disgusting. I really appreciate your post. Self-witnessing has become my norm, and your post gives me a sense of witness and shared experienced.
Love bombing, turned into manipulation, wanted me at home to cook and clean, no friends, but he could do what he wanted. No communication, silent treatment, never ask about me and when I ask him to do something it was like pulling teeth. After 7 years of disrespect and neglect why would I want to have sex with him. No intimacy just sex, forget that! I tried and tried to talk to him over and over, also a drinker, don't want me with him.i left I'm done with toxic relationships. Its not up to me to raise him, fix him I need a partner not a project!
If you are with someone you can't/don't want to have sex with, you are with the wrong person, punto. Physical attraction is the marker between friendship/acquaintance status and a romantic relationship. Don't believe that hype about being a "companion" to your husband/partner: if there is no sexual attraction/act you have no intimate relationship, therefore you can/should break off anytime. All the best.
@@nachannachle2706 I don't necessarily agree with that, sometimes it happens due to other reasons, psychological or organic (e.g:stress, hormonal issues, etc) and it can be really frustrating to a parter, specially to men. But in the last part of the video intimacy is described as emotional mostly, with sex or not (that's what I got)
Once again you've totally hit the nail on the head. NO intimacy at all. He witholds sex as a form of control and manipulation and to prove that he calls the shots! He never sees me, and it's all about him.
my ex wife who was definitely a narcissist used to with hold sex from me all the time. We'd go 6 to almost 12 months without sex during our 11 year marriage quite often and we always had horrible communication issues. Whenever she wanted to turn it on to get something she wanted like kids then she could turn it on like a wide open faucet. But if it didn't have anything to do with something she wanted then the sex would be very inconsistent. It was that way with everything, not just sex.
Ya Weirdo’s 🍆 I found🤔🙄 I Pray for the women w theses people!! 😢🙏🙏🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️ just getting over Covert...😭 So Evil! Ladies U R Beautiful, Enough & Perfect!!😘🙇🏻♀️
If you have depression, anxiety or/and bpd or are on a spectrum be even more aware of engaging with narcisisstic relationships, it can become a whole new level of hurt when your self-esteem is shattered that you are struggeling to keep up with your boundaries and getting out of the relationship.
Narcissists need to feel better than others,, and to rescue people who are below them in some way... They have a need to rescue others, and they want to see improvement. When the changes don't happen and the person remains insecure, depressed or dependent ...well, the narcissist didn't sign up for that and they lose all respect for that person, and all interest in that relationship.
I agree. Being mindful of such things might inadvertently lead to less of it in some form. I know I'll be teaching both of my children the fundamentals.
Now I understand why I became anxious and co-dependent which i never was because he was starving me in intimacy, the more he distance the more I wanted to be closer to him. I was really confused and thought I was the problem. Now I know why! Thanks so much Dr.Ramani.
It's also true that during sex they feel and look "mechanical", not deeply and really involved like a "normal" person should be.It's like having sex with a sex-worker or a robot.
This was my ex husband. He would weaponize all intimacy and blame me for him not kissing, holding my hand, cuddling, sex, etc. Leaving him was honestly the best decision I ever made. Now I’m in a loving healthy relationship with a great partner who supports me and understands real intimacy
My husband withheld physical touch and intimacy with me and then blamed me for it but saying he was afraid of being intimate with me… he’s planning on leaving me.
I felt like a recipient of his fluids that made me sick and worried about my body which I care about as any other part if me I try to keep healthy. Yuck!
My ex withheld sex and other forms of intimacy all the time stating she didn't feel safe. Yet the reasoning was really because I didn't do what she wanted me to do. Intimacy for me is sexual, but also intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. It was really her way of controlling me. I am so scared to try again...I don't want to be with another narcissist ever again.
I am scared too, the idea of getting "out there" again is terrifying right now, been thru to many narc relationships, including family of origin- however- learning this now with Dr. Ramani at 62, and listening to Gabor Mate and doing the work of healing with awareness I might have a chance next time around,
He kept telling me “I don’t need or want sex” going through his phone I found out he had a whole sex addiction. So it was the “with you” that was silent.
Same. Mine led me to believe he had no drive. My drive is high and he's made me go without. Come to find out his drive is HIGH for any female with a pulse, except for ME. I knew he was up to no good. Found out he's on dozens of dating sites, sneaking around talking to hundreds of women. Even a few think they're in a full-blown relationship with him...while he's still with me. He doesn't even care that I found out, and told me so. I've never been so heartbroken. Still just bewildered a human could do this to someone that loves them. I guess he's not really human, honestly.
Narcs need to be on guard all the time because they fear exposure of their vulnerability not only to others, but to themselves too. So intimacy is a taboo for them. It makes them really uncomfortable when they are pressured into the commitments in intimacy. When they try to fake it, it can get really awkward. Their ritualistic, contrived performances seem disconnected. And in typical Narc style, the disappointing outcome is always someone else’s fault.
Nelumbo Nucifera, I noticed in two of my relationships with narcissists, they really avoided any emotional topics, and one of them even said to me that she couldn't stand musicals like "South Pacific", because it caused too many emotions! The "Sound of Music" she detested! The other narcissist actually couldn't stand conjoined twins! This is true! The sight of them made her angry, she said. Zero compassion!
Jeanog They can’t bear to ‘feel’. As far as they are concerned, only weak people display positive emotions. Which is why they avoid any triggers. They are only comfortable feeling ‘powerful’ emotions like rage. I’m guessing Conjoined twins are probably a trigger too. Anything less than perfect reminds them of their own flaws. And it’s projected as anger.
My relationship with narc explained; now I know why I withdrew from sex entirely, after some time. There was no real intimacy, no real interest in me as a person. And financial control on top of that.v
Hi, that was my past experience also, they seem to lose interest after they feel you won't leave. They can't be vulnerable or open up to you it is amazing how similar our experiences have been with different people. To me narcs are like a real bad traffic accident, you want to stop looking but the degree of how dysfunctional they are kinda of makes you look back. Dr. Ramani is a God send she makes sense out of things you just can't grasp in the middle of it. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 with narcs you have to leave it to truly be able to understand it.
Tami White Bang on about completely losing interest in even trying to fake it anymore after they know you’re trapped. Mine admitted to me when he discarded me, that he knew I’d never leave so he didn’t feel he needed to make any changes. He also said I was “convenient” . For reference, he started dating someone less than 24 hours after I left him.
The older I get and the more I learn about male and female relationships, the more I understand why some live alone, or with a pet and forgetting about finding someone. It's too complicated finding love. And it will not last.
Wow, you're really lucky he actually admitted that it was him and not you. I'm told that he wants to but I'm too cold and always in a bad mood, which after years of no intimacy or sex, he is totally correct. Too busy working on my exit strategy.
One notes that the man is always supposed to be 'the sex tap', and a tap that is always meant to be turned on. A view born of institutionalised sexism and obscurantism. I had hoped that we had moved on from this hidebound and backward position: Obviously not.
This hits home. After being discarded and replaced in days with a new supply (in a quarantine, no less), I realized how malnourished I have been with him in terms of intimacy, despite the physical aspect of our relationship. I was also accused of being "needy", "codependent" and "emotional" whenever I try to communicate with him when we were still together. It is so painful but I am glad to have learned this horrible lesson.
💐 my sincere thoughts. Discard stage is so painful. Two and 1/2 years later I’m doing well but THAT will always be a very sad point in my life even with all the knowledge it brought. 💛
Samantha Hall The X withheld intimacy like flipping a switch, and before I learned what was going on with him, he once said to me that I was like a puppy cause I wanted a hug. He scowled at me and pushed me away in disdain. I will never forget that moment, it was so shocking and devastating, and revealing in hindsight. So cold and withholding empty ppl.
I’m so sorry dear. I’m currently in this phase in my marriage. Discarded, love bombed, manipulated, controlled and now withholding intimacy for the past 8-9 months. It’s super tough but Im taking one day at a time, and learning more connecting dots and understanding that it’s no longer my fault, or I’m the reason for the break up. Hang in there.
I told him a few times I felt like he was starving me. He kept avoiding talking about anything that I felt it was important we discuss. Now I see what the underlying problem was😒 The discomfort was there too, smh. It didn’t feel like he was a strange… more like I was giving pleasure to someone who was regularly giving me pain and carving away the things and people that gave me happiness.
There's none to demonstrate. They're doing you a favour by letting you serve them, and make sure you do it right or else, you will suffer abuse, silent treatment or replacement. Edit: not or, and.
It’s when somebody is in your company physically but not in mind, heart, and feeling. They there using you as a supply. In other words, the connection is not there.
After he dismissed and invalidated my feelings and brought tears to my eyes. I was told I dont like when you try to play the victim. Which is exactly who he made himself out to be. In all his discussions of exes which of course was all the time.
It's so interesting. The trajectory of the sexual part of the relationship, is starting out as seemingly deeply intimate, but devolves into being devoid of any intimacy.
In my case it was intimacy "only on paper" through the #love-bombing# phase but ultimately denying it and avoiding it like a plague which comes to me that my female narc was never really interested in anything serious... it was all a game to her where she expanded her false persona and acted like a 3-year old drama queen!
It's cuz they literally can't keep it up! I'm talking about their inability to pretend they are who they tell you they are for extended periods, silly goose.
The lack of intimacy. His inability to be open and vulnerable with me, despite me being that way with him. His evident disdain for it all. And his resentment of me when I told him what I felt was lacking. It's all coming into focus with this video.
Then he opens and is vulnerable and you lose respect and love towards him. Women cannot be happy ever. Don't believe me? Read COUNTLESS reports by guys online about what happens after they do exactly what you want...
Wow! She's perfectly describing my ex-wife. I sensed it the first time I kissed her. It was awkward. I thought it was just because we didn't know each other well and she was shy. Later I understood, it was the intimacy and closeness of the moment. At first, sex was normal, mutually satisfying and mutually desired. Later, it was a great point of conflict, only for me. We would have sex, but only the minimum and only under great amounts of control only on her terms. What she wanted to control the most was avoidance of any real intimacy. I would get the sex, coupled with heavy amounts of control, conflict, contempt and criticism. What I would never get is the intimacy, ever. She would blame me. If I were only a better husband, I'd get everything I wanted. I knew that wasn't true. She would admit it at times. In the video, I liked the mixing of avoidant attachment and the narcissism. Those were equally present and causal to all our problems. I also like the desert analogy to intimacy. As the end approached, it was a very lonely and desperate place to be.
I had this exactly wiith my ex diagnosed with PPD, when I first had sex with my ex gf, it was totally different to all the other times, she was wild and it was like I wasn't even there, so I stopped it and said let's chill out, she was triggered and then after that sex was always on her terms, when and how we did it, we only had sex three times a month, she was very sexually attractive and we were in my flat all day every day, she would not go out anywhere, would wear revealing clothes, no bra etc, but I couldn't be sexual with her or even French kiss, only meek and mild sweet kissed and cuddles if we were stood up. Never in bed or on the couch unless it was some mornings when she knew I needed to leave for work, never at weekends where it would normally turn into sex. She slept with her back to me every night even after a good evening and would never sleep facing me regardless of what side of the bed she was on. It was very harmful.
I once asked my ex “what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?” since it was written in a deck of cards for lovers, some cutesy thing to play with your partner. He looked at me blankly and said he didn’t understand the question. That marked the day when the mask came off. After he asked me to marry him in a huge display on a rooftop in Mexico, I ended up staying for years after and never once learned anything new about him. When I finally caught him cheating on me in our home 2 years later, he said he only asked me to get married because it seemed like the right thing to do and that he doesn’t really understand what commitment means. They are VAPID and HOLLOW.
I asked my ex-narc boyfriend what had happened with his previous 15 year relationship, why they broke up. His answer was always the same, a blank "I don't know". They are incapable of any self reflection.
Similarly, while trying home from vacation, I once asked my narc ex, "What's your favorite childhood Christmas memory?" and he nearly drove the car off the road, became enraged and asked, "Why do you keep trying to get into my head? Is this some kind of psychoanalysis?" This was followed by receiving 2 days of the silent treatment.
What's really weird is when they attempt to give an explanation as to why they are the way they are to pacify you and say it was some thing like as a kid they were called fat. I realize that can be hurtful but to take that and run with it for a lifetime??? lol Sorry but that just doesn't cut it.👎I mean destroying lives for that? I don't think so.
Uggh, I feel you. My "proposal" was on his business trip. We also went to Mexico and then he sat beside me on a lounger drunk, chucked a ring box at me and just expected me to know the drill and put it on myself without him even asking. I felt sick accepting it bc I knew what I was in for but in order to keep him calm I put it on. Then I flew back home, packed up our baby while he was at work, left the ring on the counter and got us on a 1 way flight to the other side of the country. I ended up being a janitor, relying on foodstamps and knowing nobody but it was seriously the best year of my life just bc I was finally in control of my own life for once. Ill never forget how strange it was to finally be making decisions for myself and it took a long time to get used to it!
With a covert narcissist, in my last relationship, intimacy (in a superficial sense), was used manipulatively and with power and control- almost like he was "rewarding" me with it. It was disgusting, now that I look back on it... Also, with the grandiose narcissist I dated prior to the covert narcissist, I can see how he very much used sex as a power and control tactic and never as true intimacy- until I was finally able to have boundaries. But, this is when he pulled away alll together. In my experience, narcissists, are often times sexual predators in this sense.
My mother did this to me from a very young age. I remember the emotional roller coaster ride of needing her and she denying me the love in all forms. Then I married one!!! I’m 54 and still working on this shit. I’m tired 😓. Nothing but empty and conditional emotions. I’m tired of feeling empty
When you get involved in a relationship, you expect it to grow and get closer with time . The narcissist stops when it looks great on paper and that’s very hard to understand. It’s true that when you decide that you can’t take it anymore and don’t want to make love to someone who’s not there, they accuse you of hating to be touched. They then move on.
A few week before we got married , I cried about something. He sat completely still, didn’t move a muscle, looked me straight in the eyes and said , ‘be a man and toughen up’. Please note, I am a woman 🤦♀️
That sounds like something toxic repeated from childhood....almost like he was back in a spot when he wasn’t attended to (and needed it) and someone said that to him. We can’t give what we’ve never received. Many of them have had attachment trauma. Many of us who have been attracted to toxic men have had attachment trauma.... it’s how we find each other. If we heal, it won’t happen anymore.
For 28 years I have always felt like something was missing. I have been on my own now for about 9 months and the fog of coercion and manipulation is finally beginning to lift. Your videos have helped me so much to gain my life back. Thank you so much for all your great knowledge and willingness to give to those that seek it!
I can't thank Dr. Ramani enough. I recently stopped seeing someone. I had amazing chemistry with this person. I would have normally just continued a relationship like that because it "felt" so good, but I was able to pragmatically see the red flags. I chose to not radically accept the red flags. I chose not to hold out hope that this amazing person or the situation would change. I think it finally showed me how much I love myself.
This is it. This is spot on. Clarity. About 3 months ago, out of nowhere this light came on in my head heart and soul. I was shocked at the sudden euphony, but realized the shallow, excluded, breadcrumbed, egg shells walking, superficial life I’d been living. I just couldn’t classify or clarify what it was besides ugly. Now I know. I gag if he kisses me. I shutter if he hugs me. He comes home from work, eats goes down to the den and watches tv until 9:00 bed time. I’m invisible. This is intimacy anorexia at its finest.
Ya I Finally had to divorce my ex of 34 years he almost destroyed me! This was my whole life I just hope I can get close to someone again . It’s really hard I am really enjoying my freedom .
Because we were taught love is something we have to earn. I realized I love and feel comfortable around the person I've been in love with for a decade because she's the only one who clearly acts bored and judgemental of me. So I feel like she is the only truthful one and everyone else are hiding something when they "pretend" to like me. Now that I'm working on myself I don't know how I will be able to maintain our friendship.. it hinged on my self abandonment.
In my experience, healthy people can also be intimacy-adverse because they've witnessed the pain when other people's relationships crash and burn, or they've been betrayed in their own relationships one time too many.
@Insidious Sid In many if not most cases, single is best, but sometimes if a partner is a so-so fit, making a go of it might be okay -- just refrain from giving your best self to the person. It's a sad, selfish commentary on relationships, I know -- a choice between the lesser of two evils.
Through a Facebook group I have learned narcissistic husbands tend to make sure to sleep in another room after a while yet putting the blame on the spouse. I found this true through multiple relationships. I think this is part of their intimacy avoidance.
Yup...my ex narc did the same thing to me for the last 5 pathetic years of our marriage. I snored, so even when he slept in the other bedroom, it was MY fault when he woke up tired. What a dick.
My experience: the narc loves/hates intimacy; Loves the attention it gives; hates the insight it gives you in their palace of mirrors. And ever present: their hollow, disinterested eyes..
Disinterested eyes. Yes. This far away look all the time. Never looked into me, would talk about himself non stop or monologue about random shit while staring off into space. Complete disinterest in me as a person, yet enjoyed having me around for comfort. It was a spooky feeling.
Oh wow. This one was uncomfortable because it got to the core of something I've needed to understand for awhile, but didn't. I'm going to need to watch this one another few times. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for naming and explaining something I struggled with for years within my relationship. I spent years trying to repair the irreparable, because what I didn't know was that my ex came into the relationship broken in this way.
Yeah, until recently I didn’t understand what was happening in my experience either. I was blamed because of my weight and my work/school schedule. Looking back, those issues were only a small piece of the situation. I was only able to stop blaming myself when I found Dr. Ramani’s videos and started hearing terms like “intimacy anorexia”. The fact there is a whole vocabulary around the behavior patterns I have been living with in my marriage has made a lot easier for me to move forward with my own life. To take a concept from Al-Anon, I’m powerless over other people. I can only control MY response to the situation.
my narc would deny sex specifically, deny physical closeness, and then blame it all on me for "approaching him wrong" ..... ok imma go approach literally any other man and they'll LOVE it good luck w your sad life, ex
He would deliberately avoid kissing me hugging me holding me basically anything that he knew that I really wanted he withheld it on purpose but yet he still stayed in the relationship smh
@kath ,it's a form of control for them,and also ignorance towards you. And To keep you wandering, what's wrong with me if he doesn't want to even kiss me, then you start doubting yourself ,then begin to bend over backwards to earn their approval and hopefully get a kiss...And so on..And I think they also dont feel like it too, cause they just don't feel anything, not capable...
Same here..no kissing, hugging, affection..he actually said that he doesn't need it...which means, if i dont need it, you ain't getting it either. Including times when ,you know..made me cry silently in the pillow after he fell asleep,satisfied..I felt so low and humiliated every time, and said to myself i ain't staying with this man( long distance relationshi). Every time he'd somehow get me back,looking back now, I was making excuses for him, for ive never came across anyone like that and couldn't understand why can't he at least kiss , so I doubted myself,thought ive overreacted, misunderstood, early days, blah blah..and decent man on surface, respected , popular etc...I did ask him why no kisses, and said it makes me feel like a working girl. Blank stare all i got back, followed by first bout of rage that came out of nowhere. All the textbook signs of a covert narcs were there too, from the start, I just didn't know then..I wasn't trying to change him, but just wanted to understand why we are having these problems ,cause there was no need or reason for any problems in the first place. And everyone said we look great together...so thenwe come home, no audience, and it's a different man..so, it must be me?? I asked once, what have i done wrong, he said, you breathe..I thought he was just making a joke... That went for 5 years, on and off, every time I walk out, he drags me back in ..why,if I was so faulty...these videos explained a lot to me. Am 54 , i guess i was lucky to have never met anyone like that before..and now all makes sence. No regrets about the past 5 years, it's a learning curve, although it destroyed me on many levels,and still trying to recover, but stronger and more clued up now. Lastly, tried therapy and counselling, but unless the practitioner is specialising in this field, it's useless, you end up questioning yourself even more. So a big thank you to Drs Ramani and Dr Carter here, for their priceless intelligent information on the subject.
@@AryaManIndia No shit.. I have a Child with one.. Love my daughter beyond infinity and have the custody. But she still try to decide everything for me.
@@matshanssen89 ooh, sounds like you are wrestling a quagmire of possibles there, some things are real hard to get to grips with. I'm 50, and i still am not certain what my childhood history and familial relationships were all about. I value having groups like this to share and ask on. I'm afraid I don't have anything to offer that can help, but I hope you find insights and more via Dr Ramani's community channel. 🙏
Oh man... Oh man... I feel understood for what's happening to me. Absolutely nobody else gets it. Not even other therapists. Dr. Ramani is the only one!
I was in a 10 year relationship and I can honestly say now that I look at things differently and I put my foot down ....I was so alone ...I felt alone all the time even in that so-called relationship ....I literally couldn’t do it any more , one day decided to say that’s it I’ve had it and I can’t do this and anymore... I’m happy that I finally made a change ... i was so miserable with him... and now since I’ve had a couple months being by myself I can honestly say I’ve never been so fucking happy without someone treating me the way that he did. If feels like a big weight lifted off of my shoulders..
Honey I'm in the same situation. F her. F my mom too. Just because someone gave birth to you does not mean you are obligated to hang out with them. Especially if that person does nothing but hurt and abuse you everytime you see them.
The amount of narcissists out there is staggering, it can be really disheartening knowing the extent of it. I don't know why but I feel a sudden urge to at least let this comment section know I'm not one of them, have never run away from anything wonderful, have never run away from anything loving, have always been loving until treated with disrespect by narcissists. With most of the world not knowing how to love in a healthy way, just thought I'd share that here, reminding people it does exist for those that have lost hope almost as I have. People like me exist, and we got a hell of a lot of love to give, you may never meet us we're that rare, but we do exist, I see it every day when I look in the mirror, the kindness, the brave and good spirit. To anyone reading this, keep educating yourself in order to protect yourself from those trying to do you harm, cause as sweet as I sound in this comment, I could still be a narcissist. Swift they are. So protect yourself, but only when you need to, educate yourself so you don't wear your suit of armor in front of someone who wants nothing but to nurture and cherish your heart. Someone like that, like me, it's the stuff you want for life.
Dead Islander, Your comment is reassuring to those of us who feel at risk for giving up on people and not being willing to trust honest gestures of friendship any more. I'm trying to avoid being so cynical after having had a number of predatory users take advantage of me.
Thanks for your comment, I was just sitting and crying in disbeliefhow a person can be so insensitive and treat us so poorly yet we still have love and trust and care and compassion to give and we forgive. Unfortunately they don't care about hurting us over and over again
Your comment is interestingly depressing & uplifting at the same time lol. It just sucks how scarce empathy & compassion is in this insane world. Maybe our soul's frequency will merge into one huge ball of loving energy after we make our inevitable exits ;)
Dr Ramini, wow...I wish I would have found this year's ago. I wish I would have KNOWN to look for it. 16 years in an intimacy deprived marriage. My whole soul was in torture in the end when trying to decide whether to go or stay. He is a pastor. I didn't want to damage everyone that our work touched over the years. But in the end I knew it was my sanity at stake. So much of this rings true of my 16 year sentence. THANK YOU for your work❤
I repeatedly wrote in my journal: does he not like sex or does he not like sex with me? Then, I grew up to understand intimacy for real and realized that it was all fake. So sad.
Omg I JUST ended things with my boyfriend 2 days ago because of this. He hasn't wanted to have sex in three years. Says it's because of anti-depressants. He hasn't touched me in 3 years, except for a hug and a peck on the lips when we greet and say goodbye, which he insists on. We don't sleep in the same bed when we're together. I finally said to him "I think we should just call this what it is, we are just friends". And he said "that's fine". Nothing else. Ugh. I couldn't help but feel rejected. Plus he has a woman "friend", an ex-girlfriend, who he communicates with every day. Platonic stuff, but still every morning noon and night. Ugh. Sorry...I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Lol
@@YoYo_Ma people will never believe in the emotional darkness and awfulness that could look so good from the outside. There are still many people that think my divorce was because I was going thru a midlife crisis and being selfish and not fighting hard enough. We want to point to shit and be like, see where it waa bananas! Kinda cant talk about these things openly without being inappropriate in regular company. It really was real.
@@queenofclovers After over a decade of my ex h lying about why we split and his disinformation campaign that he started while we were together, I've gotten RAW with what happened when people say things or treat me negatively. I'll say words like "rape," "attempted forced prostitution," "abuse," "break my nose," "stalk," etc. I also tell these people I don't care what they think because if they believe him and his lies, I can't trust them and their own decisions. Took me years to get there... but let me tell you, that stops the rumors RIGHT in their tracks.
@@YoYo_Ma that's rather vague. People do have issues with sex due to being on antidepressants.. This person sounds more like they have depression than anything.
That’s exactly the stage I’m in, in my marriage. We’ll have the most trivial disagreement where he locks himself in his room for a few weeks maybe more, and there’s no talking and zero communication between us. It feels like he punishes me every time I call him out on the truth about something so small that it really doesn’t matter. It creates such a time consuming and depressing atmosphere to be living in.
He does that to show you he is in control, and his goal is to get you to shut up and not point out any of his misdeeds. It is emotionally, spiritually and even physically debilitating. Please make plans to get out...this is no way to live your one life God gave you. I pray for your safety. You are worthy of all that is good. GOD BLESS YOU ❤
I am in a better place now but struggling financially. I asked him to leave, he’s been gone since February 19, 2021. Even though it’s harder financially, I’ve been feeling much healthier in my mind and spirit, but I also get lonely., but I’m not alone so it’s all okay.
Watching this made me realize that the last few guys who showed interest in me only showed sexual interest and I struggled to get them to emotionally connect with me. One even assumed I had no interest in them because I am abstinent and was trying to emotionally connect with them first. I fear I subconsciously attract narcissistic types as I'm an empath. I've spent most of my life alone because attracting these narcissistic types is very draining emotionally and spiritually.
My husband refuses to talk about what issues he's having. He has kept it from me over six years. I've no issues. He gets very angry when I bring it up. He doesn't have any intimacy now. You're right. The beginning was wonderful.
The more time you are together , the more you feel like you are living with a stranger because of the lack of intimacy.
This is so true.
True
Just ending 7 years of relationship where there was no intimacy not even sex as my ex-partner probably is cerebral narcissist, we were living together for 6 years like strangers
Amen! 👏 💯 Spot on accurately..
... "🤔 who is this person"...(or is it just that he forgot to put ON one of his many masks 🎭?? 🤷♀️)
😞 If only I had a dime for each time that thought surpasses my mind 😥... "Are yóu actually HUMAN??"... I would have been a gasilionaire 😔
I told him that
@@justme1425same
You robbed me of solitude but provided no companionship.
So true😔
Facts!!
Oh yeah, that's what they do
Well said!
Wow
Being next to someone and still feeling alone is not good. That was my relationship.
Describes me too
Go to the Neurotyical Site and read the testimonials.
You're very right. Now that I'm divorced, I realize that I don't feel any more alone than I did in my marriage. I just feel peace.
It’s crazy when it feels that way sometimes and then other nights I feel like I’m with my souls mate. And it’s crazy how polar opposite it can get. Even within the same night
Every relationship
In my twenty years with the narcissist, I felt I was sitting at a banquet table, laden with food, and my hands were tied. ‘Starving’ for any connection, I finally realized I was valued only for taking care of the house and the children. I was a housekeeper with benefits for him. That was the saddest realization I’ve ever had.
Wow, you just described my 26 years of marriage as well as well kept secret affairs all through my it and he was very good at covering hiding his tracks till I found him out.
Oh do I relate to that analogy! Now to stop dating them…! Aye carumbah! Just when I see possibility, he reveals the secret person inside or that doesn’t exist inside…? Ouch!
@KC Moore, what did you do?
THIS 💔💔 I came to the conclusion of this w my son's father.. saddest moment when you realize you're alone all while having "your partner" beside you.
Dr. Ramani Everything you said describes my husband. I am thankful for your videos, they have helped me to understand what is happening to me. 😢😢
The horrible feeling of having sex not only with a stranger, but with someone who hates you is spiritually damaging.
They ARE the vampires written about throughout history..it's all a comparison on a symbolic/spiritual/ metaphorical/energetic & also literal way. Vampires exsist. And it's not the light of the sun but the light of God's word & Holy Spirit that they shrink away from...but it needs to be harnessed and burning bright..if you're just carrying your inherent light & have no relationship with God/ his word, it actually attracts them to you and leaves you open to their "charming" ,manipulation (which is witchcraft), feeding...ECT. The Bible actually describes Narsissits without using that specific term. It's alot deeper than the psychiatric sphere has/can reveal. It's Spiritual before anything. Everything is... We've simply lost touch with Spiritual Discernment and wisdoms in this modern materialistic Matrix.
This.
true
The damage will stay w you. It will make you question your judgment.
@@mikebott6940 You can heal if you focus on healing & understanding how to vet ppl in a healthy manner..but I have yet to find a better healer than Christ and His word. Understand, you're not the only good intentioned person on the planet, and your lack of healing and developing healthy emotional boundaries will be a big stumbling block in finding those good additions/ relationships. Sometimes being alone is a great opportunity to find peace and become centered. I know how it is, I deal with the aftermath myself, but have faith in God first, then yourself...and that will lead you to the right ppl for you..use wisdom. I suggest reading Proverbs in depth, study it..it's very beneficial. I've come to realize, some of our being alone is ordained to be a protection for us, as we heal...but it's for a season..we just can't allow it to be a permanence & we turn into beat down hermits. I get it man..but get this. Focus on God and a peace will come..acceptance of what is, is important. Be realistic.. Shed false perceptions..of self & others. Quality ppl are in low #s...I don't exspect a crowd, just a few good ppl in my lifetime.. Many others will be associates. And counting your blessings over what you lack, will turn a bad mood faster than anything.
Only one who has lived through this really appreciates how painful it is.
Aliya Rahman Facts!
So true
That is so very true....until I found these sites I thought no one really truly understood my feelings
It’s like living in a bubble, lets break the silence. So alone. Thank you for making me feel connected.
💞
My narcissistic partner is still interested in sex, I am the one that has no interest.
If you find yourself begging for a hug when you were at your lowest, I think there may be a problem.
This messed me up for months. I had a mental breakdown sobbing while at my ex girlfriends place. She gave me a blank stare and cuddles her cat instead of comforting me. It was a weird traumatic experience.
@@travis6694 I am so sorry. I hate to say this, but she will not change and just get out. It’s so much easier said than done well I still am pining over my ex husband who was cold as hell and still is cold and callous as hell. Practice what I preach at all. I know that’s a problem. Even though you and I know what to do.
@@behindcloseddoors2027 we broke up shortly after. I’m sorry for your hardship that you went through. But all the traumatizing experiences affected my mental state greatly. Always wondered why I felt so anxious around them and just felt terrible. Also looking back, she had such a dark aura about her. She also got a demon face tattoo on her arm after we broke up. And then matching tattoos with her new victim.
Been there, done that!!! Don't understand how to go forward.
I fell and busted my knees up the night we broke up. I was bleeding and horrible pain she didn’t even attempt to help me. Barely wanted to get out of bed. Telling me I was being erratic about it. I just wanted some help. All she gave me was some napkins to dap the blood but it didn’t help. I tried to just get in bed and sleep the pain off. My blood ran on her sheets and started complaining as if I could help it. So I ended up going to sleep on the floor. I had to put my legs in my hoodie so my blood wouldn’t get on her rug. She threw me a blanket and huffed and puffed as I cried from the pain. Which made me start balling even more it was the pain of my knees being hurt and realizing that this girl really doesn’t care for me. She asked if I wanted her to take me to the hospital and all I really wanted was to be cleaned held and loved on. She brokeup with me as I was expressing myself while crying on the floor to her. Cried myself to sleep and the next day I realized my legs were really really bad I hopped around the room to gather my things while she was sleeping. She woke up as I was grabbing my charger and asked why I was leaving as if nothing happened last night. Sees me struggling with my things to get down the stairs and asks if I need help instead of just clearly helping. Waits for my Uber with me and says nothing but condescending remarks as I give her no responses. Saying I Do Love You even doh you think I don’t. Then text me saying you better tell ppl the right story. As if this wasn’t real life. I had to lay on my couch in my room for 2 weeks and couldn’t walk she never checked on me. I had to make myself walk again and I went to see my family and they were asking about her the whole time and if she was helping nurse me. I didn’t want to say anything about it to them she ended up contacting me when a friend told her how bad I was and coming to family’s house to save face. Claiming she wanted to talk but had nothing to say because she doesn’t talk. I started to doze off and she woke me up by saying she was dating someone just to awaken me then to retract the statement. As if she couldn’t say anything else everything was reaction based. Ugh so much fuckery. I thought my ex before this one was a Narc but Nope this one is the Narc of the century.
Every time I start missing my ex or doubting my feelings I return to these videos and I am very quickly reminded why I left! Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Same feeling
There is NO intimacy ...
Yes they may initiate a passing kiss when they are about to gain ...
If you try to discuss why they hardly ever approach you they simply stay silent or at best deny with venom in their voice like they are the victim
Her videos often serve as a lifeline of validation for me.
EX is Ex for a reason. be strong please
Exactly!
Never finding the right person is way better than keeping the wrong one. Don't worry if you'll ever find someone, love yourself and get out of this situation.
❤ Heartfelt moment. I'd rather be alone than in another nightmare relationship.
Yuup spoken like a true warrior stay centered & blessings to you
AMEN!! Better well & alone & progressing than w/ a dull boring banal vapid control freak whose hell bent on DESTROYING U!!😆
Amen sista!! 😇😍
.... it's better to Be Alone than Wish you were!!.... So Sad 😢 but true ...and it's so sad that people can't have Hope n Faith (in people) anymore 🥺🥴🙄
Trying to be close to a narc is like being a "working girl" who never gets paid.
hahaha ....
spot on.
Omg exectly
That is true..
Lol
The amount of insight this woman has is crazy. I'm hearing my relationship described to a T.
I know right, same here (ex-relationship).
Same here, describes my girl T_T
Same
Yessss mind blowing
Me too. It's like... You know you are being manipulated, but you let them because you realize that they need to do so because of their own issues and you try to love them unconditionally. When you actually take a step back and connect all the dots you realize how f-ing sick they are. Frightening.
You just described my whole relationship! I’m sick and tired of feeling like I am not enough! I’m tired of being shut down left starving for affection and intimacy from the person who is suppose to be my partner! Never in my life have I ever experienced this kind of mental circus of
Abuse with anyone in my life!
☝️
You just described my relationship
same
Is he doing it intentionally in order to exert his power over you? Or is it that he doesn’t want sex with you? And why not?
You will find love, first love yourself and know your worth then you won’t be blinded by the lies of Narc or people that don’t have value GOD bless and know you are worth true love.
I had that uncomfortable feeling. I begged my husband to talk to me and connect with me. He made me feel like I was crazy.
Yes. Sadly, yes.
Same.
went thru the same
Sicko people
This..... but then when they want to snuggle and touch you they get to. They "love you".....
For years I knew something was wrong and I blamed myself for my depression. I was so deprived of intimacy and didn't know it.
SAME
Same
same. I got my love and affection from our dog.
Same
Currently in this situation. It’s suffocating. I feel trapped.
I told my husband I feel like we're just roommates who fight all the time. It's taken over a decade to open my eyes to everything in my life. Patterns, patterns, patterns, and too much trauma
Yeah, it's been years since we've been intimate, and that is so not healthy
Yup! Self-love ALL the way now!! I told him to worry about himself, and I'll worry about me. I cannot do disappointment anymore, so ill depend on me 💜
I told my husband we were just room mates who coparent! 😢
@@arroscinpollo it's tough, but it's healthier to have the space & time to focus on ourselves, with the lowered expectations on us, I believe. My stepson lives with us, and he is absolutely cool with the situation, but he's also 19 now, which makes a difference
I went through the same thing for the last ten years, no intimacy, affection, he made me feel we were roommates, he had giving me his silent treatment way too many times. We just went through our divorce, I started breathing and feeling lighter again, not walking on eggshells any longer. I am 64 years old, I have a beautiful big family, 4 grandchildren which I will enjoy so very much spending time with them.
The saddest thing for me is that I had no idea what narcissism was, or that these people existed. I could never understand why I was always sucked into the same kind of situation. I couldn't understand that I was an empath, and a narcissist magnet! It's only been in the last 2 year (and I'm 57) that I've learned any of this stuff. My entire life has been one recurring pattern after another. So sad.
By the time I realized what happened to me it was too late. I’m like you I’m an empath and we have a target on our head. Thanks for this comment 🙏 Hugs💖
This is the story of my life. Analyzing my relationships, i now understand I have dated about 10 narcissists; leaving a relationship and dating the same person i a diferent body.
Me too!!!
I also wished I would have known many years ago. I figure at least it is now good to make sense of things. Empaths have to be very cautious about who they attract.
Me too. Haven't had sex in months and I'm beautiful. 6 yrs of bullshit. But I'm creating an exit plan
"Intimacy has left the room". Spot on! He was so shut down as soon as our Friday night friends left. Dead silence and nasty glares from across the room. I used to say to his friends,' as soon as you leave,he stops talking,laughing,being charming'. They would just not believe me! I have one picture of him glaring at me. Like I needed proof. That was year 1 of our marriage. I was there 22 years! I stayed to fix him,to love him back to health, to understand him...I wanted us to break free of our bad family traumas and live a great life. What I learned was that you can't make anyone live up to their potential... No matter how much good you see in them. I should have been living up to mine. :/
Same here but I tried only for 20 years couldn’t do it any longer
It could be my life you are describing. Twenty years after my divorce I discovered Dr Ramani’s videos. How I wish I had known about narcissism sooner. It is such a relief to know there are people out there who understand.
Well written
This is me! 20 years of believing him that I couldn't get 'it' correct :( Pure Exhaustion. The potential only I was going for was resisted.
This speaks so much to the situation I’m going through. This whole experience has been so eye opening to me…
They cannot have deep conversations. Everything about them is shallow. Nothing can satisfy them.
Yes, exactly. I don't think it's an unwillingness to be intimate. It's just that they're shallow. That surface person is all there is. They're just enjoying getting what they want and having power trips. And, that's life. They don't actually care about anyone else. That's why narcissistic alliances break down and re-form all the time. They're all just doing what's in their interest in that moment all the time.
Bingo! The whole 20 years I was with my ex husband we never had a conversation. I was there to listen to him and all his stories. There was no connection , and definitely no intimacy. There was sex ,but it felt so empty and unfulfilling without intimacy .
Spot on..! The warning sign is lack of depth and candor even after knowing them for a while.
They can have deep conversation, just not with you.
It is deliberately done, because the person wants you to feel rejected.
It makes them happy to see you deprived of something, especially attention.
From themselves or others. Self esteem is out of the question.
Its 1 thing in a relationship, cause a person can get out of it.
When it's parents to young children,,, all I can say is,,, it takes a village...🤷🏽♀️
@@theunityofthejust-justifyi7951 I totally agree with you. I don't even think it's a choice to shallow or deep, they're just shallow like a and ant chooses to be tiny, or a fish cannot fly. When you gradually open your eyes, get educated, and become very aware of this fact, you must give in to the reality of the situation and make some decisions you didn't anticipate ever having to make. I am not happy to have to do this after investing 32 years into this person and so many countless times of frustration, anger, disappointment, and loneliness. It can't ever be recovered. Gone.
Dr Ramani,
please know how much we value you. 🙏🏾
Amen to that! 💕
Is this supposed trigger me🤯 We didn’t go 2 dinner, 🤭
God!! TY for Helping me out of that 😢🙏 I AM Blessed!! And Grateful Now🥰
that's a very inappropriate statement to make. She's a mental heath care professional and not allowed to respond to emotion.
Like a good neighbor... N
@@christinasofly8122 Ramani only cares about that big pay check...just like every other doctor. What ever keeps her behind the wheel of that Range Rover. The health care industry is littered with Narcs
Every time I fight for more "intimacy" I just get shut down and called crazy! This makes so much sense and finally someone that gets my relationship!
Same
Oh my goodness, I told him I wanted to work on her intimacy and he told me that I needed to get some therapy. Really!?!
Same
Withholding, starving, blaming, shaming, depriving, denying, dismissing, demeaning, devoid of any and all true connection. What you see is not what you get, bait and switch. The public persona is to benefit others only. Behind closed doors you are devalued, invisible, denied, punished and alienated. Intimacy avoidance is synonymous with a narcissist.
Phoenix Rising this is exactly how mine treats me too. I never understood it till now. During the lovebomb stage it wasn’t like this but everything turn like a switch went off. I cry out of loneliness all the time
This is the clinical definition. "If a Man walks ahead of you on the street He's not a gentleman"
Phoenix Rising said perfectly
Spot on.
💯💯💯💯
INTIMACY IS ABOUT COMMUNICATION WITH TOTAL HONESTY
PERSONALITY DISORDER IS ABOUT MANIPULATION WITH WORDS
Few people are totally honest 100% of the time.
Yes it’s about always coming from an authentic place. But in close relationships yes total honesty 💯 I couldn’t be or have anything but. Of course to strangers or acquaintances then there is always some guard! But to not expect and have 💯 honesty in your intimate relationships is not respectful or helpful.
You don't need just words to manipulate someone. Remember, emotions is what really drives people.
Love this quote!! 100%
Wise words!
Always “too busy” is a huge red flag!
Hes to busy to bond with our 4 month old. He plays video games at least 30 hours out of the week🙄.
Totally couldnot sit still for 5 minutes. Had to pick up the phone yet ignore me being right there. No thanks
That was my narcissistic mother, and I felt guilty as a child for wanting her to spend time with me because she was "so busy"! It turns out, she worked a normal 9-5 job, was never given anything to do outside of work, and didn't have a social life. However, my dad who worked way more hours than she did still found time to speak and have fun with me. Seriously, I still remember us having a family dinner, and without warning, 10 minutes in, my mom runs off to the other room to fool around on the PC. Why didn't she come back? Because she was too busy to spend time with us. I now understand my dad's anger. I'm not excusing it, but I definitely understand why he was angry about the love of his life, and the mother of his child, being so emotionally distant.
I heard for 2 years that he was soooooo busy working and had no time..... I mean who the hell is that busy????!!!!! Ughhhh RED FLAG!!! So happy to hear someone else experienced it 😩
For 30 years my ex narc was so “busy”with work he could never do anything like pick up child at school, go anywhere with us, go to store for things. Then he met a 25 year old girl and somehow how so much time he developed a full blown relationship with her. Funny huh- glad he’s gone!
After the initial love bombing phase of mind bending sex, you can stand naked in front of the narcissistic partner and they will likely not even glance in your direction. Their avoidance of intimacy of any kind leaves you feeling like a ghost, wandering the halls of your home invisible and unacknowledged in even the most fundamental ways. Intimacy for narcissists is literally terrifying as it threatens to connect them with their core vulnerable selves. They will pretend to offer and enjoy intimacy - but in reality their plan is to have you as a function and nothing more and they have disdain for your own intimate needs.
100% they eventually starve u physically too
So true. I'm grateful to be out of my 20+ year narc marriage. I hope you're no longer in that kind of relationship.
They don't like kissing either because it challenges their vulnerable self. On the first date with my narc she wanted to kiss me, but it was act to hook me. After that she always rejected it unless I really pushed for it. Sad.
I understand. I was with my boys father for 24 years.
I am 5' 1" and was never bigger than a size 2 jeans or XS top, dress, etc...
I worked full time+. Taking care of our boys, our home, twisted myself into a knot to make him smile....
In front of family and friends, he was prince charming when we were alone...
There was always another woman, always something and someone better than me.
It's taken me years to even like myself after being with someone like that for so many years.
And I still struggle.
I'm now 49, single, I have my doggos... And to be 💯 % HONEST, my life is drama free, quiet, boring....
And I am realizing how peaceful and happy I've been.
When we were single, I told him, "I don't want to be alone." After 33 yrs of marriage, he convinced me it was better to be alone than with him.
I was there too. After 34 yr. Finally got out. It's never to late.
@Stephanie You are absolutely right. I actually wonder..are these men even narcissist or is it just the way men and relationships are these days? Not to discredit anyone’s experience but there is just so so much of it these days. I’m very happily single and have been for three years.
Wms72: can you clarify please: do you mean that your husband kept telling you, “you will be better alone than with me”? Or did his behaviour finally persuade you that you would be better off without him. (My narcissistic violent father during his remorse phases used to say, “you would all be better off if I wasn’t here”)
After 33 years you just now realizing it ? When you gon look in the mirror?
I was sadly there myself. I should really have left him at year 15,when I found out that he was cheating on me. Lying, some call it gaslighting, he told me that it was over and would never happen again. I wanted to believe him, and didn't want to be a member of the " new poor " club, a single mother with 3 young children. So I took him back, and soon it became obvious that it wasn't over. But I believed in my vows " for better or for worse " and stuck it out for another 35 years until my kids were grown and pretty much on their own. My youngest, my daughter,
Was in Veterinary School. I was 64 when the divorce was final. I sadly feel that I wasted my best years on this man. I am now 71,wrinkled and suffering from some health issues. I don't even bother to be very social, because I am at the point where I never want to have to take care of another person, especially an old man. Harsh but true. I do miss having someone to share life,maybe travel and have some good times with, like you see retired couples do. But I will never sacrifice my own self, peace, independence and love again with a Narcissist. I am so afraid of being sucked in by another one and so I don't even look or participate. If I did look for just a friend to do things with, most people want more than just that. I am lonely, and I was in my marriage for the reasons that Dr Ramani explains. I will never have any grandchildren to bring light into my life.
These things were all my choices in life. No one elses. I just wish that we all could see the finished product of our choices ahead of time. Wouldn't that be nice? I definitely would have made some very different ones had I known what my outcome would have been like. Hindsight is 20/20. I thought that I was doing the best that I could at the time.
Example for you all to understand this ‘ contempt towards intimacy’: I was single for many years and now walking in the city with my partner who I suspected was a Narc. It was a beautiful summer day and I remembered the many times I walked the city alone, but now I was partnered up and wanted to convey this joy and appreciation towards my partner at the time (Narc) . So I stopped walking, turned to him and said, You know Iam so happy to finally have someone special in my life. I am no longer walking alone in beautiful days like this, instead I am here with you 💕💕💕.... Narc Proceeds to look at me and starts an argument and says, “ Well that was your choice. You women choose to stay alone...etc” And I am trying to explain why I was single.. not too many options etc. and then I say, “ why are we arguing? Why can’t you just say awe, I am happy to be with you also. So he says, “ So now you want to shove words in my mouth?” So yeah, they fight intimacy. Everything is an argument. Everything is your fault. Glad I left.
Wow, looks like you dodged a bullet.
Exactly. That’s their defense mechanism.
WOW! Seems like we have dated the same person!
I felt emotionally drained just reading that. Bullet dodged.
exhausting..
Yet they blame the other person for the “lack of closeness”.
So true this is what I always get from her.
Exactly
Bullseye 🎯
Yup
Yes they do! Mine would complain to our therapist, “she won’t talk to me about some things, and I want her to talk to me, we can’t be close if she doesn’t talk”. And the therapist said “sometimes we have to look at ourselves and ask, ‘what am I doing that is causing this person to not feel safe to talk to me?’” He didn’t say anything in response, but I know he did not like hearing that. Every time I have ever tried to talk about something vulnerable, personal, or trauma I’ve been through, he gave me an ear full of criticism. And despite me telling him I didn’t want to be given criticism and explaining why what he said was criticism based on relationship books... he still was in denial and never grasped that he is mean. No one wants to talk to someone who is mean.
In a "normal" relationship the years add to intimacy getting stronger and that bond deeper. Not with a narcissist....there is a feeling of something is not right and eventually you don't feel "close" to the narcissist anymore. If you ever say "I don't feel close to you anymore" they are so shocked and surprised and take it an an insult.
Everything is an insult to them. Meanwhile they can belittle and criticize their victim into oblivion with impunity. They do not see other people. Their emotions are the only thing that exists.
I’d rather be alone and painfully lonely than in a relationship lacking intimacy and lonely.
likewise
Same here
After being with a Narcissist, being alone (single) feels good!
I watched this to understand why my mother never hugged me growing up.
Children notice a lack of affection too. I didn't get compliments as a child either. Thank goodness I had good teachers & neighbors. I get it tho...
It's an emptiness that lingers. I know.
The “I get it tho...” at the end... that’s something I’ve struggled with with my mother for a long time. I get why she was abusive and how she could say/do the things she did. I made excuses for her and explained it away. It wasn’t until my therapist recognized this that I got some closure. She told me, “you understand why/how your mother was the way she is, and that’s good, but you don’t need to make excuses for her. The way she treated you was wrong. And she didn’t get help or do something about it. She should have. And she didn’t. That’s wrong.”
I left home early, but I always wanted the good relationship with my mother as an adult.
But it never happened.
I'm so sorry..
I wish I could give you a hug!!
I bolted from my mother at 17 and never looked back. It taught me how to be self sufficient and even though I was a people pleaser, most of my friends were and we took care of each other! Voila 😂 today on my bike ride along the ocean I realized I’ve been working my heinie off all my life and am loving this forced vacation. 💪🏼💐🐬 be well and thrive
Many narcs have had sexual abuse in their past or have had sexual experiences at a very young age. Sex to them only equates to their physical pleasure, having power and control over someone, or being victimized. It's like they feel shameful when they are vulnerable---and to them, intimacy means being vulnerable--and they're not having any part of that! After love bombing you, you will notice that narcs will rarely kiss you, hold your hand, cuddle with you, give you a loving glance, give you a hug, or show any public displays of affection toward you!
Why does my narc husbund
Say he I hate sex and women
And even commented on my kiss he discared me 17 days ago after projecting because I went in his phone because I wanted to know why is he devalueing me hurting pushing me smear I etc
He never admits and broke up after a tex whdn he strangled me yet calls me a abuser
I bedn through every abuse in the book yet he calls me out false accusation what he did i guess ?
Wow! You just described my 1st marriage! My mother is a narc and I have often wondered if she was sexually abused by her father. It makes sense from what you said. Thanks for sharing!
On the contrary mine is very public with his affection. The problem is as soon as we get home. He goes to his corner, whips out his iPad and watched movies until he falls asleep. No conversation unless I initiate it.
It is the intamacy vulnerability avoidance connection. It use to be that I was the one to always intiate, it got harder and harder over the years , after 4 decades she has shut down business in that domain. flat out refuses to do adult on any level, every act or reqeust for her to partciapate always has to be a transaction of my behviour subcoming to her conditions to make her feel sometihing. Its gross, she is self absorb with self righteousness and all of us are terrible to her and are her cause for all her problems. Lack of Trust, Vulnerability, Closeness, gone, never existied anyway, only on a superficial level via her, I laid out everytihing hoping she would find confiendence in this sharing and feel free to reciporcate, never, whenver it gets close, she turns and runs and becomes full of rage.
This is spot on! Your comment is so true. I’ve been going through this for 20 years. We meet at 15 years old. He treats me like a roommate now and we barely have sex anymore.
For years I thought my marriage was an anxious-avoidant relationship. Just after divorce I realized I was in an abusive narcissistic one, and boy that changed my view, erased most of my guilt, and overall made me able to accept and let go.
I have been having similar questions about my ex fiancé - if she was narcissistic or just dismissive avoidant. I’m curious, how were you able to discern between the two? I appreciate any advice, and thank you for your comment. It’s validating to hear from other men who have been with narcissistic/avoidant women.
@@courtlandrowles4517 Hi, I think you can never be certain. So, what you can do is get informed (I didn't know that "narcissism" was a term that fit so good to mi ex, for instance), be assertive and clear about expectations and boundaries, and if the other person can't accept or won't compromise for the greater good of the relationship, then just leave
@@bicarrio makes sense. Thanks!
Does the label really matter? Anxious - avoidant/narcissistic? They're both toxic and unhealthy and do tremendous damage to your self esteem. So not worth it. I'm glad that you moved on!
@@winnieamar9368 Sure. The end result is the only thing that matters. The difference was to realized that I was being abused. I always thought that we "just" had a bad relationship.
NO emotional intimacy at all. INCAPABLE of having deep conversations. LIES about his ENTIRE past, present and future. NOTHING he says is truthful & NOTHING he does is genuine. It's like we're just ACTORS playing the role of a couple.
This makes me so sad because this is exactly my marriage
Barely every looks me.in the eyes
.. it's so painful
@@ninamarise237 same here
What is difficult to get completely past is that there have been a few occasions scattered throughout the relationship when she seemed to be genuine, a few moments of intimacy...sadly those get overwritten by a total lack of moral compass.
If you love them you end up hurt.
@@Daniel-cp3jw so true. And we hold onto those few moments so tight because we keep hoping we see more of it, but sadly there is more toxicity than genuine love and care...
Exactly!
The beginning was an explosion of intimacy and compassion. I was put on a pedestal and felt like a million dollars . But when the high wore off, I was knocked down . I was punished , treated like dirt . Denied sex , compassion and even hit with silent treatment. The only time the narcissist went back to treating me well for a couple of days was only if I gave her money or into her demands . That’s not a relationship but instead a manipulationship. I was hustled by a con artist who never had any intentions of a serious loving relationship. I was there to be used and abused until she upgraded and found something better
Pretty much, yes.
They see you as some bridge to a higher status; because they feel like sh!t, they are weaklings and they have zero internal life.
You are richer in emotions and principles than they could ever be in a trillion light years. Good riddance to see the suckers leave! :)
Why can I relate so much to this?
Your story is mine.
Our story's are so similar, ugh.
YEP!!! It's like you're simply just an actor in THEIR drama and only they know when your "character" gets killed off!!! They know exactly what they're going to do with you the minute they've met you and started love bombing for resources and intel on YOU... So frustrating!!!!
When I was in a narcissistic relationship, my grandmother died. I was upset and crying. He decided at that point to start an argument with me. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down. God had alot of grace with me by leading me out that relationship.
He probably felt destabilized by your grief, as he needs your stability to build his own upon.
I once came home from a very bad day at work, upset and with no idea what to do. I had very serious concerns about direct and upper management, but I could not afford to leave. I was told that he "could not be around all this negativity." I got the same reaction every time I got upset about anything, including catching him stealing from me. Amazing.
That's brutal. No one deserves that. Last month my partner went and cheated on me with an 23 year old (he's 50) because he couldn't be arsed to comfort me being in grief over my mum having stage 4 cancer. When I confronted him about it he blamed me and told me I never showed him real love. He sold his soul to the devil I am sure of it now.
Mine does the same. If I ever feel bad, he will definitely make everything worse
My husband of 23 years yelled at me for crying on the way home from my sons funeral. He told me that he was sick of listening to my crying and I should get on with it. He later cheated on me and blamed me for what he did because he was tired of my grieving, he never supported me through my grieving process.
This is crazy how spot on it is! As soon as I started to notice the changes in my ex partner I started to get more and more distant with him in all aspects of intimacy, even kissing was hard for me to do, he would get so upset and say you don’t even want to kiss me anymore but he refused to listen and understand that it was because of his behaviors which were abusive and abrasive. All he could acknowledge was the fact that I wouldn’t kiss him or sleep with him anymore but god forbid he would’ve been able to realize it was his fault.
What you just wrote made me feel so much better. I kept thinking I was being cruel because I didn't want to have sex with him or kiss him. Thank you.
Same exact situation. She would ask why did you not want to cuddle me last night. Deep down I did so badly but the hurt from her was immense.
This video just brings back so many memories. I split with my husband back in the 80’s. He went to a therapist hoping to get me back. She made an appointment to see me. She wanted to understand my side of the story and I told her. I pretty much told her what Dr. Ramani said here. The therapist stated that my husbands behavior was “normal” and that I was being difficult. In other words being a narcissist was normal. I was considered a weak woman because I couldn’t tolerate it.
I left anyway because I could no longer stomach him, but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I learned then what I have come to learn just now.
It's like I wrote that myself! I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, I even thought about going to a therapist! Now I understand and it helps knowing I'm not the only one that felt that way! I always felt confused and he always said it was me, but Dr. Ramani hit the nail on the head - it felt like a stranger! We've been married 20 years and I feel like i don't know him at all...
The years of starvation eventually push us to seek intimacy with ourselves, which is what we, as codependents, were missing all along. 🙏 Once we've found THAT, we're immune to narcs forever!
Starvation led me to cheat. :|
When I realized WHY I was seeking the outside relationship, I slammed the brakes on ALL of my sexual relationships. I basically needed to pull over and change multiple flat tires.
God bless you!!!! #Repost
I wished I new this before we got married and had children. Please believe me when I say it's a very lonely relationship to be in . I'm just try to be there for our kids it's sad
I wish the same thing, he knows how much sex and closeness means to me and it seems he does it on purpose. I have not had sex with this man in so many years I have truly lost count. I stayed because of the children and now because of financial reason. How can you live with a person and suppose to be married for years and don't even desire to touch or cuddle at any time. I got so mad one night which he got his rock off from my anger of course that night, I told him as long as I live he will never touch me again and I meant that it been true he has not even tried so I wasn't saying anything big according to him. One day my change is coming until then Im staying in prayer and keeping strong. Be safe ladies and gentlemen
Please consider a exit-plan if possible, take your time to gather money/friends/whatever you need to manage it and stay sane. Yes, being in such a relationship is more lonely than being alone.
If you can financially ...please run from it . .... Good luck!
Welcome to the club my dear ... I m living with him only for my kids ... I want to come out of this relationship but cannot
Is it for your kids money-wise or for them to have a father, if I may ask? My parents got divorced in my adult years pretty much because one of them was trying to stay together for our sake...they should have split way before that like they almost did times before. If you are not doing it because you need to slowly building money to get out of that situation, PLEASE consider creating a plan to leave as soon as possible. It is devasting not having a parent, but a whole other devastation having a narcissistic one...
I was "single" even in that "marriage". I was alone, neglected, emotionally dumped on daily. It was not a marriage at all but *slavery.*
I did a piece of artwork showing me scuba diving into his heart but I was chained to the shallow end. I would attempt to ask questions to ignite deep & meaningful conversations yet he'd answer with "yes" or "no"....completely inept in having deep conversations. And I'm a really really deep person.
Didn't work. After 14 years of having conversations with myself, alone in my head, I left.
I finally saw my own self worth and freed myself!!!! Praise God for showing me myself and who he was and how to get out.....and that it was OK to get out.
I feel exactly the same way. I've been going through a very similar situation for 13years. I've never felt more lonely than in this "marriage ".
This was me with my marriage. T
12yrs later I decided I was done and it killed me. I was done, but leaving him still hurt me so badly. I had no identity outside of my ex. He traveled for work, but even when he was home I still felt alone. I didn’t feel free for a long time because I was so used to being beneath him. He never hit me... but at times I wish he had because I would’ve left and never questioned myself the way that I did with being neglected emotionally and physically
Same with .me..I felt same lonely while living under same roof..i hate this situation. Why we don,t get separated..she is narcissistic, she is Scorpion.she is npd
My parents were married 50 years.
My Mum used to tell me of how alone she was in her marriage, that it was worse than being alone. Her role was to be the driving force, and extol all of her energies, and personality qualities to see the family through - a very hard and rather invisible task. I feel my Dad coasted in the Jetstream of her labours but did not relate with my Mum, how she was or lebd her his strength and support.
I saw a RUclips video last year (don't recall title/poster I'm afraid), but it was by a lady who had been married to someone for a number of years to a man who was diagnosed as autistic, and she got on the RUclips to explain what her life felt like, and when I saw it I shared it with my Mum because what she was saying was exactly how my Mum had told me she felt, and I wanted her to know she wasn't alone.
But since my Mum's death I am not sure if my Dad leans towards autism (I'm autistic) or whether his relating style is more (covert) narcisistic, as I have noted that he has tried to manipulate me in the same ways.
Anyway, not meaning to add more flames to a fire, I wanted to say that I am sorry that this has been your reality, and I hope you are finding a truer, deeper happiness today. Best wishes x
PS people, CofE, like my Mum believed that you made a promise before God to stay together for good or bad - makes it very sad and unhappy for everyone, and I'm glad people can find a way to move on nowadays and separate themselves for the good of all.
❤ I am 100 percent there with you. I know exactly what you are talking about. I felt like I was reading my own thoughts and feelings as I read your post.
While everyone around my Dad's life thought his life was good...I witnessed my Dad's starvation by my mother who was a malignant narcissist, for 60 years of his life. The public image appeared perfect, while the private was hell. She withheld all affection from him punishing him by forcing him to live downstairs in the unfinished basement in the very house he built for her. People just don't know the truth behind closed doors. He was a gentle man and a gentleman. She took advantage of his kindness and love for her.
Holy shit :/
My gosh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry . He sounds like a good man . Sadly opposites attract .
@@nataliefeldman1912 not so opposite ....as my mother was a true narcissist and excelled in being a very convincing actress.....
@@haleywiege8257 thank you, part of my own healing has been letting go of the mistakes my Dad and I both made in giving in to her cruel demands.
Yupp, that was it to a tee. I felt some intimacy in the love bombing stage. Then slowly breadcrumbed, starved and ultimately suffocated. Devoid of any human decency after a while. Physical, verbal, financial abuse, disrespect, not following through on any promises, fights out of no where, purposefully starting drama, ghosting, gaslighting, destruction of property. Could not even have an open, honest conversation about SERIOUS issues. Betrayal, rage and violence were in the mix (have a lot of video evidence). Never saw a persons' eyes go completely black before, scary. I swear on everything these people are aliens and/or demons. Had a lot of sex because that is where I felt any closeness but it felt like having sex with someone I didn't even know. I was just trying to have a normal, healthy, loving, intimate relationship. I swore I would never deal with anything close to that. I didn't know about narcissists and thought everyone has inherently good on some level. You do not know what Hell is and true evil until you are in a relationship with a Narcissist. This is flat out Spiritual warfare. If you think that it is something else, you have not been "intimately" involved with a Narcissist and stared into the abyss. Thanks Doctor Ramani for spreading the word about Narcissism. This information should be part of public health. People should not have to experience it the hard way like myself.
René
I sad to this narcissist Who is ex now, that maling love to him was like having sex with a dildo. He never touched me or kissed me during the intercorse. . Thanks God we were together only for a month..
Disgusting..
@@nebitnoprezime9871 sounds like my ex boyfriend. When he wanted sex the sex was amazing. When I wanted sex... Well, I finally told him I wasn't into necrophilia.
Bless you Patrick. So many can relate. I hope you are doing well now.
Toward the end of this experience now, albeit this ending is dragging along slowly. Absolute spiritual warfare and supremely disgusting. I really appreciate your post. Self-witnessing has become my norm, and your post gives me a sense of witness and shared experienced.
Holy hell she is describing my ex. My head is nearly falling off from nodding yes...
I’m watching this while filling out divorce papers I’m done, only 3 years and no kids thank god
@@kellyissorandom6173 i hope u find happiness i am divorcing now too its very fresh and i am so tired…😞😞😞
Love bombing, turned into manipulation, wanted me at home to cook and clean, no friends, but he could do what he wanted. No communication, silent treatment, never ask about me and when I ask him to do something it was like pulling teeth. After 7 years of disrespect and neglect why would I want to have sex with him. No intimacy just sex, forget that! I tried and tried to talk to him over and over, also a drinker, don't want me with him.i left I'm done with toxic relationships. Its not up to me to raise him, fix him I need a partner not a project!
Amen !!!
If you are with someone you can't/don't want to have sex with, you are with the wrong person, punto. Physical attraction is the marker between friendship/acquaintance status and a romantic relationship.
Don't believe that hype about being a "companion" to your husband/partner: if there is no sexual attraction/act you have no intimate relationship, therefore you can/should break off anytime.
All the best.
Awesome text... It really helped me. Thank you for sharing ♥️
@@nachannachle2706 I don't necessarily agree with that, sometimes it happens due to other reasons, psychological or organic (e.g:stress, hormonal issues, etc) and it can be really frustrating to a parter, specially to men. But in the last part of the video intimacy is described as emotional mostly, with sex or not (that's what I got)
Sounds familiar
He never tells me he loves me. I was indeed starved of intimacy and became insecure in our relationship
Once again you've totally hit the nail on the head. NO intimacy at all. He witholds sex as a form of control and manipulation and to prove that he calls the shots! He never sees me, and it's all about him.
Beverley Untiedt honestly my ex refused to have sex when I wanted it just because I asked for it. Just wanted everything to be about him
my ex wife who was definitely a narcissist used to with hold sex from me all the time. We'd go 6 to almost 12 months without sex during our 11 year marriage quite often and we always had horrible communication issues. Whenever she wanted to turn it on to get something she wanted like kids then she could turn it on like a wide open faucet. But if it didn't have anything to do with something she wanted then the sex would be very inconsistent. It was that way with everything, not just sex.
I'm afraid that because I expressed my insecurity from my previous marriage about sex, my husband Took advantage
Ya Weirdo’s 🍆
I found🤔🙄
I Pray for the women w theses people!!
😢🙏🙏🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️ just getting over Covert...😭 So Evil!
Ladies U R Beautiful, Enough & Perfect!!😘🙇🏻♀️
Leave him. No respect there.
If you have depression, anxiety or/and bpd or are on a spectrum be even more aware of engaging with narcisisstic relationships, it can become a whole new level of hurt when your self-esteem is shattered that you are struggeling to keep up with your boundaries and getting out of the relationship.
Tell me about it .. Totally Soul destroying experience!
Yasssss
Narcissists need to feel better than others,, and to rescue people who are below them in some way... They have a need to rescue others, and they want to see improvement. When the changes don't happen and the person remains insecure, depressed or dependent ...well, the narcissist didn't sign up for that and they lose all respect for that person, and all interest in that relationship.
Im so grateful I found Dr. Ramani, I'm learning as much as I can now. I wish people were taught this at a young age.
I agree. Being mindful of such things might inadvertently lead to less of it in some form. I know I'll be teaching both of my children the fundamentals.
I agree!
OOOOH if I would have only known!😢
Now I understand why I became anxious and co-dependent which i never was because he was starving me in intimacy, the more he distance the more I wanted to be closer to him. I was really confused and thought I was the problem. Now I know why! Thanks so much Dr.Ramani.
Cannot agree more!
It's also true that during sex they feel and look "mechanical", not deeply and really involved like a "normal" person should be.It's like having sex with a sex-worker or a robot.
True! Very empty experience unless they choose to be engaged.
Yes true!!!
Exactly, only performing a sex act.....no depth, warmth or emotion whatsoever.
Exactly. This has got to be the most accurate comment on here that unfortunately also has hit so close to home.
This description makes me feel physically ill because this is exactly how it feels.
This was my ex husband. He would weaponize all intimacy and blame me for him not kissing, holding my hand, cuddling, sex, etc. Leaving him was honestly the best decision I ever made. Now I’m in a loving healthy relationship with a great partner who supports me and understands real intimacy
My husband withheld physical touch and intimacy with me and then blamed me for it but saying he was afraid of being intimate with me… he’s planning on leaving me.
Pray for me, so God send me someone Who will love me as i am🙏❤️
As aweful as it sounds, I felt like an emotionless, used sex worker with my narcissistic ex husband. I thought I must terribly unattractive to him.
I’m sorry that’s your experience. I hope you’re able to find someone who’s better for you soon
I felt exactly the same. I told him that he made me feel ugly.
I felt like a recipient of his fluids that made me sick and worried about my body which I care about as any other part if me I try to keep healthy. Yuck!
I felt the same way to both my ex wives.
We all narcissists. Stop being a fucking victim.
My ex withheld sex and other forms of intimacy all the time stating she didn't feel safe. Yet the reasoning was really because I didn't do what she wanted me to do. Intimacy for me is sexual, but also intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. It was really her way of controlling me. I am so scared to try again...I don't want to be with another narcissist ever again.
I am scared too, the idea of getting "out there" again is terrifying right now, been thru to many narc relationships, including family of origin- however- learning this now with Dr. Ramani at 62, and listening to Gabor Mate and doing the work of healing with awareness I might have a chance next time around,
@@vickieevans9323 (((HUGS))) I get that! Good luck!
He kept telling me “I don’t need or want sex” going through his phone I found out he had a whole sex addiction. So it was the “with you” that was silent.
Porn power😉
Same. Mine led me to believe he had no drive. My drive is high and he's made me go without. Come to find out his drive is HIGH for any female with a pulse, except for ME. I knew he was up to no good. Found out he's on dozens of dating sites, sneaking around talking to hundreds of women. Even a few think they're in a full-blown relationship with him...while he's still with me. He doesn't even care that I found out, and told me so. I've never been so heartbroken. Still just bewildered a human could do this to someone that loves them. I guess he's not really human, honestly.
@@carri4000 Sorry for your plight. The Narc is a subhuman subspecies .... I’m not kidding.
@@carri4000 Very similar experience, here. And I'm devastated.
@@akvileakvilaite4302 He told me he had to watch porn to be able to get it up for me since I demanded sex.
Narcs need to be on guard all the time because they fear exposure of their vulnerability not only to others, but to themselves too. So intimacy is a taboo for them. It makes them really uncomfortable when they are pressured into the commitments in intimacy. When they try to fake it, it can get really awkward. Their ritualistic, contrived performances seem disconnected. And in typical Narc style, the disappointing outcome is always someone else’s fault.
Nelumbo Nucifera, I noticed in two of my relationships with narcissists, they really avoided any emotional topics, and one of them even said to me that she couldn't stand musicals like "South Pacific", because it caused too many emotions! The "Sound of Music" she detested! The other narcissist actually couldn't stand conjoined twins! This is true! The sight of them made her angry, she said. Zero compassion!
Jeanog They can’t bear to ‘feel’. As far as they are concerned, only weak people display positive emotions. Which is why they avoid any triggers. They are only comfortable feeling ‘powerful’ emotions like rage. I’m guessing Conjoined twins are probably a trigger too. Anything less than perfect reminds them of their own flaws. And it’s projected as anger.
@@nelumbonucifera148 , It's all beginning to make some kind of "sense" now .... THEIR kind of sense, anyway. Thanks for your insight on it.
Jeanog Stay safe! Love and peace to you😊
Indeed... for 21 years of marriage everything had been my fault and I believed it till recently when I discovered what I was dealing with
My relationship with narc explained; now I know why I withdrew from sex entirely, after some time. There was no real intimacy, no real interest in me as a person. And financial control on top of that.v
Same story plus the cheating with a married woman 23 years older than him including lying, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Hi, that was my past experience also, they seem to lose interest after they feel you won't leave. They can't be vulnerable or open up to you it is amazing how similar our experiences have been with different people. To me narcs are like a real bad traffic accident, you want to stop looking but the degree of how dysfunctional they are kinda of makes you look back. Dr. Ramani is a God send she makes sense out of things you just can't grasp in the middle of it. Hindsight is definitely 20/20 with narcs you have to leave it to truly be able to understand it.
Smh i was engaged to one
Tami White Bang on about completely losing interest in even trying to fake it anymore after they know you’re trapped. Mine admitted to me when he discarded me, that he knew I’d never leave so he didn’t feel he needed to make any changes. He also said I was “convenient” . For reference, he started dating someone less than 24 hours after I left him.
Same
The older I get and the more I learn about male and female relationships, the more I understand why some live alone, or with a pet and forgetting about finding someone. It's too complicated finding love. And it will not last.
He almost made me feel that I wasn't sexuality attractive, said he just wasn't interested in sex or intimacy.....thanks for this video
Wow, you're really lucky he actually admitted that it was him and not you. I'm told that he wants to but I'm too cold and always in a bad mood, which after years of no intimacy or sex, he is totally correct. Too busy working on my exit strategy.
It feels so good to finally walk away from a relationship like that! I finally asked for a divorce, and I feel like a new person. Don’t wait too long.
Mine also said sex is not important to him.
One notes that the man is always supposed to be 'the sex tap', and a tap that is always meant to be turned on. A view born of institutionalised sexism and obscurantism.
I had hoped that we had moved on from this hidebound and backward position: Obviously not.
This hits home. After being discarded and replaced in days with a new supply (in a quarantine, no less), I realized how malnourished I have been with him in terms of intimacy, despite the physical aspect of our relationship. I was also accused of being "needy", "codependent" and "emotional" whenever I try to communicate with him when we were still together.
It is so painful but I am glad to have learned this horrible lesson.
💐 my sincere thoughts. Discard stage is so painful. Two and 1/2 years later I’m doing well but THAT will always be a very sad point in my life even with all the knowledge it brought. 💛
Samantha Hall
Me too have gone through the same
Samantha Hall
The X withheld intimacy like flipping a switch, and before I learned what was going on with him, he once said to me that I was like a puppy cause I wanted a hug. He scowled at me and pushed me away in disdain. I will never forget that moment, it was so shocking and devastating, and revealing in hindsight. So cold and withholding empty ppl.
Had the same situation happen to me.
I’m so sorry dear. I’m currently in this phase in my marriage. Discarded, love bombed, manipulated, controlled and now withholding intimacy for the past 8-9 months. It’s super tough but Im taking one day at a time, and learning more connecting dots and understanding that it’s no longer my fault, or I’m the reason for the break up. Hang in there.
so true, no holding hands anymore, no hugs, making love with a stranger...all like abuse..
@Ron Price of course, gave him a whole year to change things up and then everything got even worse, so why stay?
😢😢😢
I told him a few times I felt like he was starving me. He kept avoiding talking about anything that I felt it was important we discuss. Now I see what the underlying problem was😒
The discomfort was there too, smh. It didn’t feel like he was a strange… more like I was giving pleasure to someone who was regularly giving me pain and carving away the things and people that gave me happiness.
Yep
Yup, he did starve me of intimacy and when I brought it up, he told me I was "too deep and too complicated.". You nailed this one !
Corinne M, You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, hope you are doing ok now
There's too many men out there to stay with someone who makes you feel lonely and starved for affection. Hope you're doing better now.
OMG this was my existence for 30 years.
There is no genuine affection or appreciation demonstrated in public or private.
There's none to demonstrate.
They're doing you a favour by letting you serve them, and make sure you do it right or else, you will suffer abuse, silent treatment or replacement.
Edit: not or, and.
a b absolutely right
Victoria Wilder yes to get likes and feed their supply of attention!
@@kimgordon3695 - In case You know that he/she is one, why are You still with him/her?
a b damn hit the nail on the head
It’s when somebody is in your company physically but not in mind, heart, and feeling. They there using you as a supply. In other words, the connection is not there.
Exactly!!
simply and well said
Exactly
These videos help so much. I wasn't a wife, a companion, a friend. I was supply. As painful as that is, it clears the way for me to finally heal.
My ex bf always said crying wouldnt help solve the problems.He said I was a negative person, but I just showed my emotions or told him the facts.
My husband when I cry says my tears are lies and fake... I stopped crying in front of him... stopped showing any emotion or vulnerability...
Same !!
Omg Tina this would always happen to me!
My ex told me that my crying didn’t work on him. He believed I was trying to manipulate him with my crying. But he was the manipulator.
After he dismissed and invalidated my feelings and brought tears to my eyes. I was told I dont like when you try to play the victim. Which is exactly who he made himself out to be. In all his discussions of exes which of course was all the time.
It's so interesting. The trajectory of the sexual part of the relationship, is starting out as seemingly deeply intimate, but devolves into being devoid of any intimacy.
In my case it was intimacy "only on paper" through the #love-bombing# phase but ultimately denying it and avoiding it like a plague which comes to me that my female narc was never really interested in anything serious... it was all a game to her where she expanded her false persona and acted like a 3-year old drama queen!
It's cuz they literally can't keep it up! I'm talking about their inability to pretend they are who they tell you they are for extended periods, silly goose.
The lack of intimacy. His inability to be open and vulnerable with me, despite me being that way with him. His evident disdain for it all. And his resentment of me when I told him what I felt was lacking. It's all coming into focus with this video.
I wonder y they get mad when u tell that what u requiring from them smh.
Then he opens and is vulnerable and you lose respect and love towards him. Women cannot be happy ever. Don't believe me? Read COUNTLESS reports by guys online about what happens after they do exactly what you want...
@@kubasniak Get help.
@@kubasniak i think you are in the wrong video...you may want to look up the videos called..."how to perfect my narcissistic skills"
@@scuttletheship656 hehehehehehe....well said ...hehehehehe. I dont know what got lost and why he is here looking for it
Wow! She's perfectly describing my ex-wife. I sensed it the first time I kissed her. It was awkward. I thought it was just because we didn't know each other well and she was shy. Later I understood, it was the intimacy and closeness of the moment. At first, sex was normal, mutually satisfying and mutually desired. Later, it was a great point of conflict, only for me. We would have sex, but only the minimum and only under great amounts of control only on her terms. What she wanted to control the most was avoidance of any real intimacy. I would get the sex, coupled with heavy amounts of control, conflict, contempt and criticism. What I would never get is the intimacy, ever. She would blame me. If I were only a better husband, I'd get everything I wanted. I knew that wasn't true. She would admit it at times. In the video, I liked the mixing of avoidant attachment and the narcissism. Those were equally present and causal to all our problems. I also like the desert analogy to intimacy. As the end approached, it was a very lonely and desperate place to be.
your last sentence really resonated w me :(
nothing like marring someone and ending up with a room mate.
I had this exactly wiith my ex diagnosed with PPD, when I first had sex with my ex gf, it was totally different to all the other times, she was wild and it was like I wasn't even there, so I stopped it and said let's chill out, she was triggered and then after that sex was always on her terms, when and how we did it, we only had sex three times a month, she was very sexually attractive and we were in my flat all day every day, she would not go out anywhere, would wear revealing clothes, no bra etc, but I couldn't be sexual with her or even French kiss, only meek and mild sweet kissed and cuddles if we were stood up. Never in bed or on the couch unless it was some mornings when she knew I needed to leave for work, never at weekends where it would normally turn into sex. She slept with her back to me every night even after a good evening and would never sleep facing me regardless of what side of the bed she was on. It was very harmful.
Yes your comments, "living with a stranger" and "sex with a stranger", you nailed it, parts of the relationship become so creepy!
Creepy is such a sad but true reality if this ….. A paranormal type of creepy
I once asked my ex “what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?” since it was written in a deck of cards for lovers, some cutesy thing to play with your partner. He looked at me blankly and said he didn’t understand the question. That marked the day when the mask came off.
After he asked me to marry him in a huge display on a rooftop in Mexico, I ended up staying for years after and never once learned anything new about him.
When I finally caught him cheating on me in our home 2 years later, he said he only asked me to get married because it seemed like the right thing to do and that he doesn’t really understand what commitment means.
They are VAPID and HOLLOW.
I asked my ex-narc boyfriend what had happened with his previous 15 year relationship, why they broke up. His answer was always the same, a blank "I don't know". They are incapable of any self reflection.
@@ClueSign Infuriating
Similarly, while trying home from vacation, I once asked my narc ex, "What's your favorite childhood Christmas memory?" and he nearly drove the car off the road, became enraged and asked, "Why do you keep trying to get into my head? Is this some kind of psychoanalysis?" This was followed by receiving 2 days of the silent treatment.
What's really weird is when they attempt to give an explanation as to why they are the way they are to pacify you and say it was some thing like as a kid they were called fat. I realize that can be hurtful but to take that and run with it for a lifetime??? lol Sorry but that just doesn't cut it.👎I mean destroying lives for that? I don't think so.
Uggh, I feel you. My "proposal" was on his business trip. We also went to Mexico and then he sat beside me on a lounger drunk, chucked a ring box at me and just expected me to know the drill and put it on myself without him even asking. I felt sick accepting it bc I knew what I was in for but in order to keep him calm I put it on. Then I flew back home, packed up our baby while he was at work, left the ring on the counter and got us on a 1 way flight to the other side of the country. I ended up being a janitor, relying on foodstamps and knowing nobody but it was seriously the best year of my life just bc I was finally in control of my own life for once. Ill never forget how strange it was to finally be making decisions for myself and it took a long time to get used to it!
@6:23
"...Intimacy is actually about depth consistency and valuing closeness!"
Let that sink in!
With a covert narcissist, in my last relationship, intimacy (in a superficial sense), was used manipulatively and with power and control- almost like he was "rewarding" me with it. It was disgusting, now that I look back on it... Also, with the grandiose narcissist I dated prior to the covert narcissist, I can see how he very much used sex as a power and control tactic and never as true intimacy- until I was finally able to have boundaries. But, this is when he pulled away alll together. In my experience, narcissists, are often times sexual predators in this sense.
it has been a haunting question in my mind from day one.
is this another weapon being used on me. YEP!
My mother did this to me from a very young age. I remember the emotional roller coaster ride of needing her and she denying me the love in all forms. Then I married one!!! I’m 54 and still working on this shit. I’m tired 😓. Nothing but empty and conditional emotions. I’m tired of feeling empty
💖💖💖
Here 2
Same. I’m 41.
Same story
Same here. I'll be 67 this month. Looking forward to die.
When you get involved in a relationship, you expect it to grow and get closer with time . The narcissist stops when it looks great on paper and that’s very hard to understand.
It’s true that when you decide that you can’t take it anymore and don’t want to make love to someone who’s not there, they accuse you of hating to be touched. They then move on.
Oh my god so true
So true. I was told I’m frigid. He put me off for some reason. Now I know. It was/is him. Lonely life with a true narc.
A few week before we got married , I cried about something. He sat completely still, didn’t move a muscle, looked me straight in the eyes and said , ‘be a man and toughen up’. Please note, I am a woman 🤦♀️
And did you marry him anyway ? 😕
Red flag,red flag, run as fast as you can away from him.
That sounds like something toxic repeated from childhood....almost like he was back in a spot when he wasn’t attended to (and needed it) and someone said that to him.
We can’t give what we’ve never received.
Many of them have had attachment trauma. Many of us who have been attracted to toxic men have had attachment trauma.... it’s how we find each other.
If we heal, it won’t happen anymore.
Your love blinded you
@@Alphacentauri819 Very true 🌻🌞🌈🦄🇿🇦
As my eyes pool with tears, this video has helped me in ways most people will never understand. I don’t feel so ashamed and alone anymore.
For 28 years I have always felt like something was missing. I have been on my own now for about 9 months and the fog of coercion and manipulation is finally beginning to lift. Your videos have helped me so much to gain my life back. Thank you so much for all your great knowledge and willingness to give to those that seek it!
There is NO lonelier place than being in a relationship with a Narc. PS It's because they moved on already. They were never 'there'.
I can't thank Dr. Ramani enough. I recently stopped seeing someone. I had amazing chemistry with this person. I would have normally just continued a relationship like that because it "felt" so good, but I was able to pragmatically see the red flags. I chose to not radically accept the red flags. I chose not to hold out hope that this amazing person or the situation would change. I think it finally showed me how much I love myself.
Amazing 🙏🏻💜 you are very strong for that!
Ive done the same thing very recently. Hes my neighbor 4 doors down NO CONTACT. TOTAL GRAY ROCK if he approaches me. I told him i knew.
My exhusband and I had a lot in common...we were both madly in love with him!
This is it. This is spot on. Clarity. About 3 months ago, out of nowhere this light came on in my head heart and soul. I was shocked at the sudden euphony, but realized the shallow, excluded, breadcrumbed, egg shells walking, superficial life I’d been living. I just couldn’t classify or clarify what it was besides ugly. Now I know. I gag if he kisses me. I shutter if he hugs me. He comes home from work, eats goes down to the den and watches tv until 9:00 bed time. I’m invisible. This is intimacy anorexia at its finest.
I can relate completely!
Same..😢
I am literally crying right now. I am so glad I found this channel. You have helped me so much!
Ya I Finally had to divorce my ex of 34 years he almost destroyed me! This was my whole life I just hope I can get close to someone again . It’s really hard I am really enjoying my freedom .
passes tissue
I wonder why codependents who so badly crave intimacy are attracted to narcissists who cannot give it.
Tami Witte makes sense! So that’s probably why codependents are not attracted to healthy, loving potential partners?
Bloater 46 makes sense!
Because we were taught love is something we have to earn. I realized I love and feel comfortable around the person I've been in love with for a decade because she's the only one who clearly acts bored and judgemental of me. So I feel like she is the only truthful one and everyone else are hiding something when they "pretend" to like me. Now that I'm working on myself I don't know how I will be able to maintain our friendship.. it hinged on my self abandonment.
LitcheTheArsm wow that’s deep! So glad you have come to that realization and are self aware though!
LitcheTheArsm so it’s a lot more comfortable to be around someone who doesn’t freely give love and intimacy?
In my experience, healthy people can also be intimacy-adverse because they've witnessed the pain when other people's relationships crash and burn, or they've been betrayed in their own relationships one time too many.
absolutely
🙋♀️
@Insidious Sid In many if not most cases, single is best, but sometimes if a partner is a so-so fit, making a go of it might be okay -- just refrain from giving your best self to the person. It's a sad, selfish commentary on relationships, I know -- a choice between the lesser of two evils.
You absolutely nailed it, these relationships. Living with a stranger, never improve, empty. Very good thanks.
Through a Facebook group I have learned narcissistic husbands tend to make sure to sleep in another room after a while yet putting the blame on the spouse. I found this true through multiple relationships. I think this is part of their intimacy avoidance.
Thank u for sharing this another piece to the puzzle
Yup...my ex narc did the same thing to me for the last 5 pathetic years of our marriage. I snored, so even when he slept in the other bedroom, it was MY fault when he woke up tired. What a dick.
My experience: the narc loves/hates intimacy;
Loves the attention it gives; hates the insight it gives you in their palace of mirrors.
And ever present: their hollow, disinterested eyes..
Disinterested eyes. Yes. This far away look all the time. Never looked into me, would talk about himself non stop or monologue about random shit while staring off into space. Complete disinterest in me as a person, yet enjoyed having me around for comfort. It was a spooky feeling.
@@missminti She got angry as I said to her that interest should come from both sides..
Oh wow. This one was uncomfortable because it got to the core of something I've needed to understand for awhile, but didn't. I'm going to need to watch this one another few times. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for naming and explaining something I struggled with for years within my relationship. I spent years trying to repair the irreparable, because what I didn't know was that my ex came into the relationship broken in this way.
Geneva Lawrence Same!!!
I'm with you dealing with the same.. can't just throw away 21 years of marriage and pain...so much pain... don't know how I dealt with it?
Yeah, until recently I didn’t understand what was happening in my experience either. I was blamed because of my weight and my work/school schedule. Looking back, those issues were only a small piece of the situation. I was only able to stop blaming myself when I found Dr. Ramani’s videos and started hearing terms like “intimacy anorexia”. The fact there is a whole vocabulary around the behavior patterns I have been living with in my marriage has made a lot easier for me to move forward with my own life. To take a concept from Al-Anon, I’m powerless over other people. I can only control MY response to the situation.
Geneva! Good luck.
@Goddess Flies Free God I understand. This made me listen twice..27 years of this almost drove me mad. It's so spot on as well.
What a huge service you do for us all. Thank you!
my narc would deny sex specifically, deny physical closeness, and then blame it all on me for "approaching him wrong" ..... ok imma go approach literally any other man and they'll LOVE it good luck w your sad life, ex
Yesss!!! 😆😆😆😆😆
👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
YOU GO GIRL 🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉
mine pulled this but after 5 years of marriage now i feel stuck. happy for u tho!!
This all sounds so familiar. I finally left 16 years ago, best thing I ever done.
He would deliberately avoid kissing me hugging me holding me basically anything that he knew that I really wanted he withheld it on purpose but yet he still stayed in the relationship smh
Oh my God exactly the same with me. But why would they withhold it on purpose. I think they just don't feel like it.
@@kath5018 facts but y stay in that kinda relationship tho if he’s not getting anything out of it
I’ve been going through this too. Seems like he’s doing it deliberately.
@kath ,it's a form of control for them,and also ignorance towards you. And To keep you wandering, what's wrong with me if he doesn't want to even kiss me, then you start doubting yourself ,then begin to bend over backwards to earn their approval and hopefully get a kiss...And so on..And I think they also dont feel like it too, cause they just don't feel anything, not capable...
Same here..no kissing, hugging, affection..he actually said that he doesn't need it...which means, if i dont need it, you ain't getting it either. Including times when ,you know..made me cry silently in the pillow after he fell asleep,satisfied..I felt so low and humiliated every time, and said to myself i ain't staying with this man( long distance relationshi). Every time he'd somehow get me back,looking back now, I was making excuses for him, for ive never came across anyone like that and couldn't understand why can't he at least kiss , so I doubted myself,thought ive overreacted, misunderstood, early days, blah blah..and decent man on surface, respected , popular etc...I did ask him why no kisses, and said it makes me feel like a working girl. Blank stare all i got back, followed by first bout of rage that came out of nowhere. All the textbook signs of a covert narcs were there too, from the start, I just didn't know then..I wasn't trying to change him, but just wanted to understand why we are having these problems ,cause there was no need or reason for any problems in the first place. And everyone said we look great together...so thenwe come home, no audience, and it's a different man..so, it must be me?? I asked once, what have i done wrong, he said, you breathe..I thought he was just making a joke... That went for 5 years, on and off, every time I walk out, he drags me back in ..why,if I was so faulty...these videos explained a lot to me. Am 54 , i guess i was lucky to have never met anyone like that before..and now all makes sence. No regrets about the past 5 years, it's a learning curve, although it destroyed me on many levels,and still trying to recover, but stronger and more clued up now. Lastly, tried therapy and counselling, but unless the practitioner is specialising in this field, it's useless, you end up questioning yourself even more. So a big thank you to Drs Ramani and Dr Carter here, for their priceless intelligent information on the subject.
Narcissistic men feel they can treat you anyway that they want to and you’re just still supposed to get turned on by them somehow yuck
Yuck 🤢 is right!!
Female narcissists are No better.
I felt that!
@@AryaManIndia No shit.. I have a Child with one.. Love my daughter beyond infinity and have the custody. But she still try to decide everything for me.
@@matshanssen89 ooh, sounds like you are wrestling a quagmire of possibles there, some things are real hard to get to grips with.
I'm 50, and i still am not certain what my childhood history and familial relationships were all about. I value having groups like this to share and ask on. I'm afraid I don't have anything to offer that can help, but I hope you find insights and more via Dr Ramani's community channel. 🙏
Oh man... Oh man... I feel understood for what's happening to me. Absolutely nobody else gets it. Not even other therapists. Dr. Ramani is the only one!
I was in a 10 year relationship and I can honestly say now that I look at things differently and I put my foot down ....I was so alone ...I felt alone all the time even in that so-called relationship ....I literally couldn’t do it any more , one day decided to say that’s it I’ve had it and I can’t do this and anymore... I’m happy that I finally made a change ... i was so miserable with him... and now since I’ve had a couple months being by myself I can honestly say I’ve never been so fucking happy without someone treating me the way that he did. If feels like a big weight lifted off of my shoulders..
My mom was always cold to me growing up, I just wanted to her be affectionate and now she wonders why I don't hug her anymore.
I've had similar issues. Now my parents wonder why I don't visit them often.
Honey I'm in the same situation. F her. F my mom too. Just because someone gave birth to you does not mean you are obligated to hang out with them. Especially if that person does nothing but hurt and abuse you everytime you see them.
My mom is very controlling even now 🙄 in ever way.
The amount of narcissists out there is staggering, it can be really disheartening knowing the extent of it. I don't know why but I feel a sudden urge to at least let this comment section know I'm not one of them, have never run away from anything wonderful, have never run away from anything loving, have always been loving until treated with disrespect by narcissists. With most of the world not knowing how to love in a healthy way, just thought I'd share that here, reminding people it does exist for those that have lost hope almost as I have. People like me exist, and we got a hell of a lot of love to give, you may never meet us we're that rare, but we do exist, I see it every day when I look in the mirror, the kindness, the brave and good spirit. To anyone reading this, keep educating yourself in order to protect yourself from those trying to do you harm, cause as sweet as I sound in this comment, I could still be a narcissist. Swift they are. So protect yourself, but only when you need to, educate yourself so you don't wear your suit of armor in front of someone who wants nothing but to nurture and cherish your heart. Someone like that, like me, it's the stuff you want for life.
Dead Islander, Your comment is reassuring to those of us who feel at risk for giving up on people and not being willing to trust honest gestures of friendship any more. I'm trying to avoid being so cynical after having had a number of predatory users take advantage of me.
Thanks for your comment, I was just sitting and crying in disbeliefhow a person can be so insensitive and treat us so poorly yet we still have love and trust and care and compassion to give and we forgive. Unfortunately they don't care about hurting us over and over again
So needed to hear this... needed this ray of hope...stay blessed and I hope that you find someone as loving and caring
Your comment is interestingly depressing & uplifting at the same time lol.
It just sucks how scarce empathy & compassion is in this insane world. Maybe our soul's frequency will merge into one huge ball of loving energy after we make our inevitable exits ;)
@@renatalivlove75 You should watch Dr. Ramani's video on forgiveness (and how it is not always 'divine' when it is given to narcissists.
Dr Ramini, wow...I wish I would have found this year's ago. I wish I would have KNOWN to look for it.
16 years in an intimacy deprived marriage. My whole soul was in torture in the end when trying to decide whether to go or stay. He is a pastor.
I didn't want to damage everyone that our work touched over the years. But in the end I knew it was my sanity at stake. So much of this rings true of my 16 year sentence. THANK YOU for your work❤
I repeatedly wrote in my journal: does he not like sex or does he not like sex with me? Then, I grew up to understand intimacy for real and realized that it was all fake. So sad.
Omg I JUST ended things with my boyfriend 2 days ago because of this. He hasn't wanted to have sex in three years. Says it's because of anti-depressants. He hasn't touched me in 3 years, except for a hug and a peck on the lips when we greet and say goodbye, which he insists on.
We don't sleep in the same bed when we're together.
I finally said to him "I think we should just call this what it is, we are just friends". And he said "that's fine". Nothing else.
Ugh. I couldn't help but feel rejected.
Plus he has a woman "friend", an ex-girlfriend, who he communicates with every day. Platonic stuff, but still every morning noon and night.
Ugh.
Sorry...I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Lol
@@YoYo_Ma people will never believe in the emotional darkness and awfulness that could look so good from the outside. There are still many people that think my divorce was because I was going thru a midlife crisis and being selfish and not fighting hard enough. We want to point to shit and be like, see where it waa bananas! Kinda cant talk about these things openly without being inappropriate in regular company. It really was real.
@@queenofclovers thank you.
@@queenofclovers After over a decade of my ex h lying about why we split and his disinformation campaign that he started while we were together, I've gotten RAW with what happened when people say things or treat me negatively. I'll say words like "rape," "attempted forced prostitution," "abuse," "break my nose," "stalk," etc. I also tell these people I don't care what they think because if they believe him and his lies, I can't trust them and their own decisions. Took me years to get there... but let me tell you, that stops the rumors RIGHT in their tracks.
@@YoYo_Ma that's rather vague. People do have issues with sex due to being on antidepressants.. This person sounds more like they have depression than anything.
That’s exactly the stage I’m in, in my marriage. We’ll have the most trivial disagreement where he locks himself in his room for a few weeks maybe more, and there’s no talking and zero communication between us. It feels like he punishes me every time I call him out on the truth about something so small that it really doesn’t matter. It creates such a time consuming and depressing atmosphere to be living in.
He does that to show you he is in control, and his goal is to get you to shut up and not point out any of his misdeeds. It is emotionally, spiritually and even physically debilitating.
Please make plans to get out...this is no way to live your one life God gave you. I pray for your safety. You are worthy of all that is good. GOD BLESS YOU ❤
Same
Leave him Helene. You only have one life. Why stay miserable?
I am in a better place now but struggling financially. I asked him to leave, he’s been gone since February 19, 2021. Even though it’s harder financially, I’ve been feeling much healthier in my mind and spirit, but I also get lonely., but I’m not alone so it’s all okay.
I really had to think about what’s more important and for me it was my health…
Watching this made me realize that the last few guys who showed interest in me only showed sexual interest and I struggled to get them to emotionally connect with me. One even assumed I had no interest in them because I am abstinent and was trying to emotionally connect with them first. I fear I subconsciously attract narcissistic types as I'm an empath. I've spent most of my life alone because attracting these narcissistic types is very draining emotionally and spiritually.
I also feel I attract these types because I am an empath as well. 🤦🏾♂️
I’m an Empath, & only discovered this at 40... I now realize that I’ve been attracting these people all of my life. 💜
My husband refuses to talk about what issues he's having. He has kept it from me over six years. I've no issues. He gets very angry when I bring it up. He doesn't have any intimacy now. You're right. The beginning was wonderful.
It was only acting 🎭