Worst Russian Self Defense Fails Ever (Systema Chi Bullshido)
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- Опубликовано: 19 июл 2024
- Russians are some tough creatures, according to most martial artists. These guys though, might prove to be the exception. When Wing Chun and Tai Chi and all that mystical stuff goes to Russia to combine with Systema, this is what we get. Watch for some epically hilarious fails and some epically palpable techniques. Note, this video is meant to be funny, so please don't be too offended by it. Russians are awesome (the non-bullshido ones, at least). Enjoy the video (and my chain-mail joke if you watched that far)! Also, if any of you want more of this type of commentary, please send us more clips.
Sequel to this involving more Systema hilarity: • Video
First hilarious blooper [0:00]
Ivan Chi energy? [0:34]
Systema promotional fail [1:38]
Final thoughts [5:05]
What do you guys want to see next? Let us know in the comments.
More martial arts humor and comedy commentary here: • Martial Arts Humor And...
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Приколы
Thank you all for your hilarious comments! Glad you were entertained by this comedic critique ;) Feel free to send us more clips or meme this or make fun of us back.
To see more hilarious videos critiquing funny techniques, please go here: ruclips.net/p/PLtdbPxlsaM_mrpN75fQtCa3lUO5DM4Py5
Fight Commentary Breakdowns chainmail armor? What yoy think you're a Medieval knight or something? Relax there a bit bud life ain't that serious.
Wtf man who are you????what do you even know about martial arts??what do you even know about system a?? You are the biggest bullshito guy I have ever seen on you tube..
Fight Commentary Breakdowns that shit had me fucking dying! Looked like movie corriography. But some techniques are familiar from krav maga
I wish I could find one of those chi schools.
@@Shinobi33
Until it is.
"Empty your mind, be formless,be shapeless, like vodka. Put vodka into cup, becomes cup..... Be vodka my friend." ~Bruce leebrewski.
Jujujugesh Jujujugesh you left out the most important part of the quote! It is: "Now, vodka can flow...or it can crash. Be vodka, my friend."
😂 😂 😂
Jujujugesh Jujujugesh That is funny. Great humor.
James TheDoctor Duncan These crack me up every time I read them.
😄😄
More like Brucevich Leerov
The number 1 defense against a Mass Attack is, and always will be: The Hurti-cane.
I am currently working with master ken to develop the ultimate technique: The fully automatic kill face.
don,t forget the wind mill spinning arms
No you are all wrong... Best way against mass attacks is get on your knees and blow everyone of them for mercy
And never forget to restomp the groin.
You better be hook fist punching throats or you're in serious trouble.
I cracked up at the asking for a raise part😂😂😂
That's the result of late nights making Fight Commentary Breakdowns videos. This channel was a hobby when it first started. I would let loose on here after a full day of work at a day job ;) Thanks for tuning in!
Lmao. Give me a raise boss. No I'll give your medical bills a raise instead.
I once saw a Systema master destroying a Krav Maga expert in 10 seconds. With his hands in his pockets.
Deusdat Saw the same thing. Was on a tightrope 10 feet above, with his hands and feet bound, and a gag in his mouth. Took down JKD man, MMA beltholder, and the same Krav guy you saw, in 20 seconds, without leaving the rope. (Said he was a little slower that day cause his wife bitch slapped him for not taking his shoes off when he came into house). Da, is truth.
Yeah, no you didn't.
As a Korean....
I must say that I do not know about these 'chi' that the neighboring country has and us Koreans are not involved in thus business.
...I hope
I' m going to take my 10 th degree Bullshito Black Belt :)
Jude Law
Good luck!
just buy it on walmart
*Bul Shit Do. It's the Way of the Intercepting Cow Party.
😂 😂 😂
Russian self-defense instructors favorite snack: 'chi-toes'
Couldn't resist, and okay, I'll leave now :)
Amazing ;)
It was such a purposely terrible joke, but I do my best to delight and entertain.
I'm Polish and I can sleep well after watching this
Patryk Pyrzanowski Then watch some actual russian martial arts
Patryk Pyrzanowski DONT SLEEP TO SOON
haha, cześć from Russia! Russia's like the Japan of Europe in terms of weird videos.
Giro Lamo or maybe like in 1772-1795
Спи спокойно дорогой товарищ, Россия первой не нападает...
Emp: "Boss, give me a raise"
Boss: "No" *kung fus the shit out of the emp*
Just saw your comment. Good one ;)
the orange gun demonstrations is that if you and friend are playing time crisis and he decides to turn the gun on you from rage quit lol
Btw, Time Crisis is an awesome series!
"you're not gona be able to re-invade Poland with this type of bull shit" you got me 🤣😂🤣😂
How is wearing chainmail every day working out for you ? ;)
I'm upgrading soon to bulletproof vests ;)
Man do you know that when someone who really knows how to use the weapon is going to attack you, he's gonna stab you in your thigh and then he's gonna follow up to abdomen through your groin or he'll attack the neck when strikin from your back, so chainmail isn't really gonna help you?
You may as well not consider any strategies against firearms, then, since anyone who knows what they're doing would just shoot you from a distance.
It's also worth pointing out that, no, no one familiar with knives would attack your thighs. All systems that use blades prioritize the torso and neck areas. Other parts of the body are secondary targets.
its best to wear juggernaut clothes well going to school or going out
Thats some grade A paranoia needed. Just wear a dapper 3 piece suit and you will be so stylish nobody will want to hurt you
You guy's are some clowns...the first video has nothing to do with the rest. I invite anyone of you to come to a Systema seminar with either Mikhail Ryabko or Vladimir Vasiliev and try to leave unimpressed.
HATCHERS House of SYSTEMA Tell Ryabko to go fight Jon Jones and get his fatass knocked out
this video reminds me of every action movie I've ever seen the enemy being so polite as to wait for you to turn your attention to them.
Yep :)
The dude started contracting his muscles before he was touched smh🤔
Yeah :)
*Why would you go back for more,mongolian dude?*
My love life in a nutshell
Yeah, there's a type of Moe type of girl that will always make me like the Mongolian dude ;)
I'm starting to think there's a conspiracy.... These guys are making videos for fight commentary. This is the new reality TV haha.
The more I weigh. The more chi I absorb from the air around us.
I dont leave the house without my custom made kevlar catchers gear, mask, and leg guards. Although I do sometimes switch it up with my goalie gear and pads for formal occasions, weddings, funerals, gang fights, covert assassinations, that kind of thing.
I will meditate on this and see where the force takes me.....
Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless like *VODKA* .
Now you put *VODKA* in a cup, it becomes the cup
You put *VODKA* into a bottle it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot.
Now *VODKA* can flow or it can crash. Be *VODKA* , my friend.
_Bruce Bylat Lee_
🤣🤣🤣
That second looks like a warm up for secret tickle time.
I trained under Vladimir and he is the real deal and is actually a really good person. Find a school near you with a student who has trained seriously with Vladimir and let them punch you in the chest or go see Vlad personally. Let him punch you in the chest and you will 100 % see that you don't know what you are talking about. He was also honored on the front of black belt magazine.
Black Belt Mag? The one that was in love with Frank The Fraud Dux? Pass. If I need to learn how to punch unsuspecting, compliant people in the chest I guess I know where to look.
This is where indian movies get their action scene inspiration from.
He literally throw his knee to the blade to "disarm" it, at 03:22 that's some hardcore techniques right there.
Russian systems has some Very good stuff, but unfortunately this Non contact BS is ruining the rest of it.
What people dont understand is that the so called "no-contact" stuff is not a fighting style.. they're merely sensitivity exercises.. no one does that stuff in real combat..
Do u think there contact stuff is helpful?
@@thelastgeneration1926 yes
But like everything- take practice to be actually useful
okay so thats the reason why soviets lost in Afghanistan 😂😂
but why russia can still win
can still win in other wars
@@sieunyeon7098 but still cant win in Afghanistan!
@@zarakkhan5361 i mean in other wars not only Afghanistan
If someone asked for a raise. Systema his ass. Hahaha. Noted. Hahahaha
I defend myself like this against children, which makes me super cool in my mind.
"WTF is all of this" LMAO.
The chair defense killed me 😹
Imagine how deadly Jon Jones could be if he learnt this stuff!
He'd be taking more steroids ;)
Luckily I have a Karate Detector to help me navigate to safety.
"you're not gonna be able to re invade Poland with this bullshit" -jerry
I can feel the vodka flowing through them, it's seeping out of my monitor. oh no, I feel sleepy... like plywood?!? :-D Brilliant man, just brilliant. Thank you for these compilations :-)
Thank you for watching and laughing along!
I once asked a Systema instructor to do a "Russian drunk punch" (3:01) on my body. It is more painful than a cross punch to the stomach. But I do think the video may exaggerate it.
There's a Systema school kind of near me. I go check them out soon.
Fight Commentary Breakdowns mykhial ryobko is a joke if you want real systemma check out val raizanov
Do that. Systema is a good martial art, it's literally all about body positioning and applying force on hit rather than throwing a punch. Mikhail Ryabko is a bit weird, but he is the founder of Systema. It's not chi bullshit, it's just weird shit, like throwing someone's stance off, ruining their balance. However most Systema practitioners won't be that good.
It's based on Old Ancient Cossack Sword fighting techniques.
The Major. Incorrect ryabko is a joke and systemma was rediscovered by a two men named
Alexey Kadochnikov and Alexander Retuinskih ryobko is just a piss poor copy cat
The Major. And in the video series from ryobko he specifically states that his chi stuff is psychic manipulation developed by russian Scientists
4:51
I call this move -
"Drunk snake tries to eneter cave, then pass's out"
Hahahahaha
"I wear chainmail" did not expect that
LMMFAO "when his coworkers ask for a raise"
I am a US Naval veteran and student of Seattle Systema. I've been studying martial arts for some time now. This is a wonderful system for conditioning and tactical training. It's head instructor is Cheif Instructor Kwan Lee. Awesome guy and very skilled in the art of close quarters combat. #Respect for the beauty of martial arts 🥋 ✌🏿
Can he make some tutorials to show some real stuff?
Jarris Alexander Stop with the bs and go train BJJ and Muay Thai like the best american troops.
Its Not Important
what Kind of mma/ all u Need : cojonnes
Kwan is awesome ! Hello from Toronto !
Why did you preface it with a "US Naval Veteran" like what does that do to help your case.
Hey bro I operated cranes on a ship, let me tell you about how to fight people.
Omg, the comments are stupid.
Sorry :) This was from 2017.
With You and your Videos i can hold my RAGE everyday a little longer haha
Thanks! That means a lot to me. Stay positive man!!
"Give me a raise boss! NO! I will give your medical bill a raise!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!
This guy's laugh is contagious
I just love these Drunk vids! You have me feeling slightly embarrassed that my culture is related to theirs. It's all good we only drink on special occasions, like nightly (jk). But, as we all know, it's in the talent of the Instructor, and the Fighter. And towards all styles there's what we call HIDEN. "Any style is a foundation to grow on, and to spread branches". Uncle Ouch 1963-????
"if your co worker asks for a raise" 😂😂😂
And this is why we subscribe! Thanks dude. Great content.
I really like you dude,your vids are always fun to watch😂😂😂😂😂
Systema works
systema is great but everythign in this video is mostly trash
I will give your medical bills a raise lmbo 😂 lol 😂 had me rolling
I don't think you understand how systema works. When practicing your body must be very loose otherwise the blows are more painful, and you're taught to always go in the path of the pain and force
I've seen almost all of these guys before and apparently they are highly regarded in Russian Martial arts
4:26 it's a Royal Rumble Match!
Laughing so hard, nurses thot i was faking my sickness in the hospital! Ur funny dude!!
I laugh so hard hahahahaha pls continue and feed me with your commentaries :D
Hahahaha I want more of this hahaha
The fat guy is Mikhail Ryabko and also Systema.
Dude you are actually funny, you had me snort laughing
Glad you like it!
Oh fuck, my face hurts from laughing, the first gun attack was priceless!
I like vodka, you do not remember anything from last night.
To be honest, these instructors could be used for directing action movie fight scenes.
systema is legit. your fitness level determines whether these techniques work for you or not.
Like that obviously very fit, I mean fat, instructor?
lmfao😂 you guys are hilarious!!!
Youre actually so funny
Thanks!
uncle sarcastic as always XD
Some of that defence is effective only in 2× speed
3:28...
Funniest bullshido matrix stuff ever😆😂😆😂😆😂
I like the way in the first video that no one helps the dude who has just been kicked in the face falling everywhere but rush to pin down the guy who kicked him
If you guys want to see real stuff like this. Go watch sifu leo au yeung. He lives in England. But he traveled to Russia to see how they use martial arts in the military in Russia
I've met Vladimir and he is no BSer. It does look like it though. It would also help if you understood what was the goal of those drills. It isn't always what you think.
Doctor Octagon I think I understand you. .no matter what system you practice, without full contact sparring you will never know what works and what doesn't. that's why basic boxing, kick boxing, wrestling and so on are so effective. is how they train. boxer's on the street don't fight like they're in the ring, believe me. nor do wrestlers. muay Thai the same. I stay far away from trouble knowing the damage a man can do with just his hands.
Doctor Octagon I agree.your boxing, kickboxing and grappling experience allows you the ability to apply some of what you know from kenpo .because you have the feel of real uncooperative combative, in a life or death situation you will be willing to chop someone in the throat or stomp, gauge or stab ,ect.due to actually striking and being struck.your brain has developed more of a real sense of fighting
Gayyyyy!
He just did no touch techniques so yeah its bullshit,he can control ki but can't control his eating..sounds like a true master..
Doctor Octagon you sound like a real expert and i would like to ask you something if you wanna read my story.
I practice kudo since 6 years ago, did sparring in every lesson and some full power fights, i also fought some times in the street.
i have a friend that told me he practices systema, he talked about it and i said him it is total bullshit and they are stealing his money.
we did sparring and he was good for a 4 months practitioner, he still "lost" the sparring but 4 months are few so i wanted to go to his dojo and meet the "higher ranks".
they knocked me out with a nothing many times, i couldnt believe it but it was true, so i decided to ignore how idiot it sounds and sign up for training systema.
it is 1 month i train it. physical and mobility trainings are amazing, but the fighting stance and tactic still looks useless and weird.
maybe i did the opposite error! if i can't consider the sparring with a 4 months practitioner, i shouldnt even consider being instaknocked out by the "supermasters".
do you think i got razzle dazzled somehow? is it maybe giving me the wrong instincts for face punches just focusing on chest?
did Vlad try hitting you and taking your punches or did you just talk?
thank you in advance!
I LOVE your videos , man i cant stop laughing my side hurts keep them coming
Glad you enjoyed!
I subbed, I love this.
The commentary it's perfect
Russians. Drink more vodka so at least you can blame it on being drunk.
+N English hahahHaha
Chain mail every day. Doesn't it slow down your running ?
Wait, my mistake. it's like wearing a weighted vest to build speed and endurance.
Damnit. Makes sense.
Fat dude is Yoda’s cousin. He has the “Force” as it is called in Russia. Watching him, we call it the” Farce”. Seriously, these guys had to be making a comedy film.
PLEASE WATCH MARTIN WHEELER AND KEVIN SECOURSE SYSTEMA DEMOS
Will do!
Fight Commentary Breakdowns BOSS
Your Russian accent is too funny man xD
Spesba
Whenever there is a knife involved...run.
Ask for a raise?!! 😂
I'd love to see you take a hit from one of these Gentlemen and get folded up like a
lawn chair lol ...That's Realty!
you cant spell Systema without "Cringe"
0:37 now that guy has lots of Energy hidden in his stomach :)
ahhahaha " if your coworkers asking for a raise" ahahah
Yeah ;)
Nothing good was ever going to happen in that first video😂
Exactly :)
😂😂😂😂😂 last so lol
That guy at the end who was waking up from a chi-induced coma looked like Paul Bearer if he hit the iron jungle a bit.
Nice!
I don't know what's funnier, the video or the fact that you wear chainmail everyday. I hope you were kidding.
This could be considered extremely offensive to Russians
yeah. this dude should mind his words.
DX Master 6199 fuck no, stop being a bitch
They second guy is very famous and is a systema instructor. I mean he train special forces and has many good videos and figthing tips but this... wtf was that? I hope it was a joke form him... But i dont understand why he is making fun of the clips after they first two i mean the first two are funny and bullshit but later they are pretty normal systema clips.
No man, im russian and what they show in those so called Self Defense videos is pure bullshit.
Nay. There is no offence toward Systems, but the author says right thing - someones shoud ease up on vodka.
the guy starting in 1:39 is not a bullshido bro... he is legit. He teaches real defensive skills
Do you think that the attacker will slowdown so the victim will do that bullshit?
Lol. These videos...... I subscribed.😂😂😂😁
in slow motion anyone can dodge a stab. but in real life dodging is much harder to do
this why russian lost in afganistan :D
Hahahahahaha
They lost everywhere.
the run out of vodka for there drunken style combat.
You are delusional
@@jackalshine660 just like US and Westerns lost in Vietnam and Afghanistan
this was some of the best commentary. remember, russia has some of the highest alcohol consumption in the world so these techniques could actually work on them lol
Notice at 1:28 to 1:29 that the magic stiffness wore off long enough for Mongolian Fever to wear off in order to break his fall. Amazingly, the powerful Russia Chi is merciful enough to allow the stiffness to break momentarily while falling to save yourself. How kind of the Chi!
Ryabko does some funny stuff really but don't talk about Vasiliev if you don't even know what he's doing
Chi wiz
Bro you are savage 😂😂😂😂 so fecking funny.....this is the second video I've watched of yours and your a funny guy...I LOVE your commentary lol...your funny bro
+MrHoleemolee thanks for your support! If you ever see funny clips, please send them to this channel. We’ll make some fun together :)
I don't know where do you get that shit from.. ! But, it's so fucking funny 😂😂😂