Hi Sam! Thought I’d share a verse of Scripture with you. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. Praying for you. ❤️
Hi! Curious, what does that mean to you? It is common that christians say such things without even had begun to heal their inner wounds, believing they are 'saved' by just having a belief and saying words. In orthodox christianity, where they have deep mystical knowledge of Christ, it is considered a rare thing to become sanctified in full theosis.
40:27 "You know, the culture that we live in is a control system that completely dislocates us from being in the world." Sam, there is so much to appreciate in this video, the beauty of the poems you selected to read, your comments and observations about life, which are often so poetic as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your hard-earned wisdom. Best wishes for success with your event in May.
Oh god - me again! The last moments of your video describe an experience that I have felt too. It is often said by hikers that 'i found a place all to myself'...one day, years ago, i saw a picture of a lake surrounded by trees with the caption, "What if nature has you all to itself?" That feeling - that nature enjoys you enjoying it is very special. I will have to watch this video again as the poems really worked on me with closed eyes - listening.🥀💗
Yes, we are seen by each moment and the more real and the more present we become, the more intimately we experience that relationship. the world wants us in it !.
There are two other MTFTM previously trans identified people on RUclips, ShapeShifter and Isaac Uncooked that both also have damaged voices and have struggle to have volume. I wonder if it has to do with their time on synthetic estrogen. Thanks for what you share here, your voice is valuable. Best of speedy healing on your surgery.
Wow, the poem Still Possible is 100% you. I can understand why you love David Whyte’s work so much. God IS love and truth and goodness like you said but He is so much more than that. I think the presence you felt surrounding you was the Holy Spirit who is the Comforter. Jesus said He would send the Comforter when He ascended. The Holy Spirit came at Pentecost and He seals every believer in Christ for eternity. Thank you for sharing. We all identify with you in some way. You just express it so well.
Your transformation in just the last few months has been nothing short of miraculous, just extraordinary. Your countenance, how you speak, carry yourself....all exude a confidence and comfort that seem a long time coming. The payoff for all your hard work and introspection is finally arriving. Very inspiring.
Thank you Rose. It is all still there, the CPTSD seems hard wired but placing my attention in more nourishing areas fills my senses and takes me out of myself, into the mystery that surrounds us and lives within us. Returning feels like returning to an innocence, a magical world view that tends to be masked and explained away with cynicism and the material reality of our lives replaces it . I'm reclaiming it as a necessary part of healing the traumatised child. Thank you for your lovely comment.
i used to listen to 3 -hour long philosophy and theology livestreams/podcasts at my old factory jobs, so this video here was perfect 😁 haha thanks so much for sharing such realness and beauty ❤️
who am i what am i what is this place. indeed. i had no good reason to go down that vortex myself but i certainly have, in my own way with my own particular story, and i'll never be the same but im glad i did because i think i finally found a way to weave reality back together and a way to heal thru all of it.
❤️ you are amazing. im hoping this is the era where we will be seeing more stories like this, in this current space of liberal politics allowing us to talk about all this stuff but the at the same time it allows for ppl to talk about the other side of it all and coming back to truth and embodying the complexity that is human experience and being proof of God's love and patience and grace no matter who we are
“The word suffer in its original sense means “to allow,” such as in one of Shakespeare’s dramas when a courtier says, “I suffer you to speak before the king.” So to suffer creatively is simply to allow what is, to stop fighting it, and instead to affirm your life. Creative suffering is allowing what is and saying “yes!” Such experience is redemptive in that it leads to healing and self-knowledge. If you can honestly assess what is true in your life, looking at it with objectivity and intelligence, you are getting closer to enlightenment, as your escape mechanism is diminished. By stating what is at any moment, with complete honesty and sincerity, you become conscious of it." ― Robert A. Johnson, Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life Johnson was a Jungian psychologist. Only just found Johnson, but I have been aware of Jungian thinking for a long time.
Thank you for sharing this. What a surprise when we discover that the ways we survived are no longer keeping us alive, but rather keeping us from life, water, food. Gaining enough trust within ourselves to let those protective parts know they won’t die if they let go- this is hard work later in life….
I feel so incredibly disheartened, at times, when I think of society and of the structures imposed on us from a systemic level which are meant to keep us perpetually small and fragmented, at odds with not only others, but most importantly, with ourselves. I still haven’t quite figured this out for myself yet, how to make sense of this all. I find I seem to oscillate wildly between crushing cynicism and near-debilitating grief, again and again, as I grapple with feeling so on the fringes of a society that seems to only want to abuse us as much as possible. Maybe you talk about this more in your video, but how do you make sense of this? How does one not become thoroughly hopeless at the oppressive state of society? How does one not explode with fury at their fellow man, who seems so unthinkingly entrenched in the grips of the mainstream, mind-numbing noise? How does one even begin to carve out a fulfilling life for themselves when nearly everything in one’s vicinity is tainted by the poisonous perversions of greed, gluttony, and an evidently insatiable appetite for employing increasingly tyrannical power structures? Perhaps in moments of feeling such a harsh despair seated upon my sagging shoulders, you would take care to remind us to first and foremost seek to control and embody what which we most readily can- ourselves. Perhaps feeling the reverberations of such a sharp despair is a calling to return home, to be present in my body now more than ever before, to really embrace the fullness of this most fickle flesh. I guess I just wonder how you or others deal with feeling like you don’t fit in nor wish to fit in to society, yet whom also feel a sort of ceaseless grief which arises alongside this realization.
Hi Amber. I was going to delete this , it felt a bit bleak but I do think it's true. I think that the world of ideas displayed in all forms of media and education etc are theatre and behind that theatre is a reality far worse. It can been seen in the more extreme areas where normalisation of horror is dressed up as progress. The goal , I think is multi layered..... we don't know for sure what is true or real, it is destabilising, we feel powerless, confused, scared as we witness the mindlessness of those who don't want to see, who actually willingly embrace and further the horror. They cannot afford to see it . The system has treated us as chattel for a very long time. We are seen as less than livestock... even a farmer loves his cows. The system seeks to invert morality and truth... up is down, wrong is right, evil is good and on it goes....hence the chaos . " He who hath knowledge hath sorrow " or grief as you so accurately put it. How do I deal with this ? The nature of the war is spiritual. This is clear and because it is so clear what we must do is also clear. Nothing else matters apart from how we conduct ourselves. Loving truth above all else is at the core of how we deal with it. In a world of lies this means we will suffer more. At this point in my life I am more concerned than ever before that I live in accordance with what is right. This is the spiritual work that IS our life. The fact that we cannot normalise means our path is clear.
@@Call-Me-Sam I don’t find your words too bleak Sam, at least, they aren’t bleak in some falsely exaggerated way. I agree with a lot of the thoughts you wrote here. I think all of this can easily be quite depressing to sift through, frankly because it is depressing, intrinsically so. I do agree that ultimately how we choose to conduct ourselves is what matters most, to an extent, but my god, is it an incredibly lonely road to take, for eventually you find you have next to no company the further and further down this path you descend. Maybe I just haven’t truly come to a place of reveling in my own company yet, but I admittedly grow rather tired of being by myself day in and day out, finding myself fragmented from others… it is excruciatingly painful to live so isolated, I have found. After all, what is the point of being human if we do not seek to be a part of something greater than the sum of ourself? None of what I just said is necessarily in opposition to anything that you’ve said; rather, it’s mostly me just thinking aloud. There is genuine grief here for me, when I consider the loneliness of this particular path, in seeking what is true, even if that truth is breathtakingly sharp. Maybe though it is my perception of this “loneliness” which is misinformed, for maybe there is more camaraderie to be found out there, in this physical reality, than I often think there to be. Perhaps even if I cannot find others as devoted to truth as I, I (and others like me) can still find moments of good company, of fulfilling social connections. Maybe this cannot simply be framed from an “all or nothing” perspective, which my mind is prone to defaulting to. Anyways, I do very much appreciate your thoughts on this, as they more or less mirror my own. It is comforting to find a thread of commonality, of shared experience with others, even if that shared experience is fraught with uncertainty and some degree of inevitable suffering. Your videos, especially as of late, have provided me with an invaluable space of solace, in knowing there is at least one other person out there, committed to leaning into the intensity and ultimately, the sheer unpredictability, of the human experience.
I hear you. Our need for fellowship is one that is difficult to meet, we do need to " find the others " . Compromising our selves simply to have intimacy and fellowship becomes much more difficult as you progress on the path of awakening. In my experience I found the others at Neil Kramer workshops a few years ago, though we are scattered , we still talk. Proximity is also vital, physical closeness is very important..... thats why there is such an effort by the system to keep us apart . We do belong to something greater than ourselves , that is the love of truth and for me Love, God , Truth, Morality , Goodness, all naturally and effortlessly correlate. Yes, grief is a part of the process and lasts a long time. " Truth destroys the world you used to live in " ( Kramer quote ) and the passing away of illusion is very painful, we grieve the loss for a long time but when that grief eases, there is a clarity and understanding of the true nature of what this place is and what our lives are for. Of course , I cannot know for certain but I can trust an understanding that has transformed my life in a positive way. As you've seen , this channel has recorded a gentle transformation and will continue to do so. In time and hopefully not too much time, I will begin to speak with a greater clarity that draws those also with the same hunger for truth. Maybe the channel comments can be a meeting place or I can add something to my blog where people can exchange ideas and talk privately., or I could just set up a facebook page . Though the near term future is very likely to get much worse, I am more positive than ever, don't lose heart, the grief you feel speaks of your sensitivity and humanity. If you ever want to speak privately you can message me and we can zoom or skype. My contact email is linked under each video.
@@Call-Me-Sam I apologize that I wasn’t able to respond to this sooner, but I really appreciate everything you’ve said here. I think I will definitely consider reaching out to you via email. Admittedly, I have been incredibly reclusive for the past couple of years, and to my own detriment, and yet, I have found it immensely difficult to break free from this, even though the isolation is somewhat crushing and miserable at times. I suppose though that I am like any other creature, too used to my “familiar misery” that I have inadvertently become attached to it, in spite of all of the pain and dysfunction it has brought my way… but that pain is predictable, or at least “seems” predictable, though in actuality it is likely nothing more than yet another comfortable illusion. I am just so glad that you are willing to have these conversations with others here- I feel very grateful, for it often seems that such acutely honest conversations are challenging to have out in the “real”, physical world, where most people are unable to entertain such discussions at this level of depth because they threaten the very fabric of this dystopian reality we’ve each had to mentally resign ourselves to, in some way or another. And yet, you are also right in that finding in-person connections which align with us and who we are is perhaps one of the most important pieces in connecting to that which exists outside of ourselves.
When I read your comment and others where people are feeling isolated and feeling pain, of course I feel it too and want to be there in support, even if that is just acknowledgment of what we feel. Our shared experience is the only truth really. To know that we feel what we feel and that is real and understood by another is the fellowship that makes any suffering bearable. Don't feel you have to email , just know that if you ever do need to reach out, I am here. Love Sam
Read battle field of the mind by joyce Meyer I think you would enjoy it,but also will help you deal with trauma and negative thoughts through scripture and practice … I respect your honesty in all your videos god bless❤️🙏🏽
You said it (about the self): Any comfort or safety is temporary or illusion. Oh boy, I just watched a philosophy video that touches the problem of a true self using the film American Psycho as an example. I haven't seen the film or read the book, but it was interesting. I'm not going to recommend the video, because it can appear creepy. Just mentioning it as a personal coincidence. American Psycho, Baudrillard and the Postmodern Condition
@@Call-Me-Sam The Baudrillard video treats the film as revealing of the modern worldview where people are commodified to each others copies. I feel that to be true in many ways.
Ha! My first comment was to do with the first poem in this video. When you read the Rilke poem.... "when the earthly no longer knows your name...." i was stunned because i'd read it earlier today. I only came across your channel because Shapeshifter (who was talking about deep pain) mentioned your name as someone who was/is helpful in dealing with their trauma. I just love the way you read poetry.
Yes, poetry really has helped me. I think we are passengers to our own healing journey and are offered pathways of possibilities that lead us to what we need. From shapeshifter to me and I also learn from. those who comment and participate in this conversation we are all having. Welcome.
I will repost this, as I don't think the first time I did it went. I want to share this youtube video as Jeffery has a powerful testimony as you and although you may have seen it others who view this may not, I pray it will be an encouragement and God continue to use you to help many others, as I believe He is using Jeffery as well. youtube channel is nhcornerstone video entitled Jeffery's Story: Ex-transgender Regret. In Joy
Hi Sam @CallMeSam after watching some of your videos, I am not clear as to why you wanted to de-transition? You are very brave to trust G-d after all you’ve gone through. I can say without G-d I would go insane every day. He keeps me stable! ❤
You don't owe anyone anything. Why not take the comfort for the rest of your life, to get angry and condemn what has been done to you as often as you want. (Both the act and the person). (I don't mean you should take revenge). Forgiveness is often seen as a value by definition, while the perpetrators in question have not even asked for forgiveness or do not even feel that they have caused harm. I think forgiveness stands in the way of complete healing. Ex-therapist Daniel Mackler's channel teaches great insights on this topic.
I agree. For a while I tried to force forgiveness but as I heal and see more clearly how profoundly affected I have been, justified anger ebbs and flows. On one level I do forgive but also need to acknowledge anger. Just had a look at Daniel Mackler's channel.... I didn't realise, I have actually seen some of his content. He is helpful, thank you for reminding me .
@@sdewijk6034 You too ! always healing , never healed, it's a life journey of gradually inhabiting ourselves in acceptance and truth . Work in progress. ! I'm watching Daniel Mackler now... Thanks again for the reminder 😊
This is a surprising exchange. I need to meditate on it. Anger can so easily tip into bitterness and a stony vengeful heart. But I’m guessing what you both are discussing is how our angry part is real, loves us, wants to appropriately defend and protect us and needs to be allowed to speak. I guess I easily shush my anger and am tempted to throw him/her out with the bath water.
@@michellegardiner1424 I don't why this exchange is date a couple of weeks ago, it was quite a long time ago. I do feel angry, very angry at times, but as I allow myself to feel it, over time it subsides. Anger really is a kind of mask for profound sadness and loss. When I realised this, I began to feel it more intimately and understand it from a different perspective, more mature . My opinion on Daniel Mackler has shifted a little too.
An honest question Sam, and you can answer from your own perspective, I'm not asking as an end all be all. What would YOU specifically do if someone was coming to kill you? Or worse, put you in chains of slavery? Would you fight then? What if someone was coming to de-home you? Would you let them do it? You said that it's about just letting it all go. To what degree? Edit: I ask because these are the questions I contend with. How much can you allow someone to take from you before you're depleted? Every animal and plant in nature has a defense mechanism. Should we not have one also?
In this context "Let it all go" means attachment to the defining period of wounding that then we carry with us, repeating it over and over in. our lives. .Easier said than done, it took me 50 years. In answer to the questions you asked, I'd fight if I had no other choice. " How much can you allow someone to take from you before you're depleted? " There are times you have to walk away. All we can do is make the best decision we are capable of at the time .
If I remember from what you've written before , you are younger than me and I understand you are in the midst of a difficult situation. Remember I am in my fifties, I'm at a different place in my life and I have actually been fighting for most of my life. Sometimes that was physical, most of the time it was desperately trying to deal with the effects of trauma. So , I'm just beginning to experience meaningful change and a huge part of that is letting go of the past and allowing a new life to emerge. It is a difficult , long and painful process that always seemed impossible but it isn't. Looking back I faced many times , years when I thought nothing would ever or could ever change , only now do I realise that change comes from us. It's difficult to have a conversation here in the comments but if you want to talk theres a contact link under each video. I'm not a therapist or counsellor or trained in anyway but I can listen.
@@Call-Me-Sam you are the sweetest 😭 just on the fact that you remember people from comments. Yes I am younger than you, 30 now. I asked about the fighting back because too many people in real life tell me to just roll over and take it. Call it "victim mentality" completely negating that people can and are victimized. For me, things are coming to a head, feel rapid emotional growth is upon me but I'm resisting it. Cptsd really does fuck you up. It's been hard to accept that most if not all of my "personality" has been one long coping mechanism. Your videos are genuinely balm for the soul. Very few people speak so openly because it's a terribly difficult thing to do. I want to get to the place where I just have no fucks left to give and can speak from my heart. It's a journey I guess. ❤🙏
Thank you. Knowing that. my videos help really is what keeps me sharing. Yes, resistance also takes the form of our drive to change.... to heal...." I cannot be me , this fucked up person " " I must change " This is resistance of accepting ourselves as we are right now.. We cannot build anything stable until we stop resisting what is. We must accept ourselves before change can happen within a new identity that is larger and compassionate to our former self. The new identity literally lives in a new reality. One where there are possibilities that the old one was not capable of seeing or experiencing. From this point , we parent ourselves and over a long time, gently bring that wounded child into maturity. I got to a point and just said , " this is me " , and in that acceptance change began. Still, not a day goes by when I don't feel heartbreak and sorrow for what I experienced but it isn't immediate and controlling, it is the passing grief of letting go. I've over shared already but part of me wants to go into the gruesome detail of my life and share it openly, just so those who benefit from my videos have a stronger belief that change is possible, healing is possible, it really is and when it begins , the quality of our life is transformed. I get the feeling that like me, the only world you've known is one of pain but this will become the past. Take care X
@@Call-Me-Sam Sam I feel so much love in this message of yours. I am emanating love right back at you ❤️. Anything you share with us is valuable to all of us who watch and listen to you. I don't remember the last time I sat through a 1.5 hour video on youtube and I did yours with no hesitation. Your voice and what you have to say touches something deep, something true. I wish you so much peace and joy 🙏
I'm struggling with motorbike noise too. I have never understood what right do those bikers have to pollute our peace with their noise and why is it allowed.
Agreed. Enjoying the scenery on a motorbike is one thing but revelling in the noise and brute force of the machine belongs on a track, not narrow public roads.
Love ❤ There are a lot of broken things & beings in this world… Are we one of them? 🤔❤️ As far as I’ve seen, none in this world are beyond redemption/ repair. 🏆❤️ With the right tools/ virtues applied & the right amount of time dedicated 🌺
@@Call-Me-Sam Are we willing to choose (it)? ❤❤ Are we willing to listen; even though what we might hear, we (maybe) won't like? ^^ I find It's easy to say "I'm willing to listen". It's hard to actually listen/ attempt to see it from another perspective. You are great at "seeing it" from another perspective. 🏆 You help me refine that skill in me, a lot. I'm extremely grateful for it. ❤
@@elektrotehnik94 Bless you. Learning to listen is THE most important aspect of awakening. Giving our attention to another , quietening our own narrative and stopping the need to focus purely on ourself , really invites the world to come alive and then we start the painful process toward humility.
@ it’s a beautiful poem, speaks a thousand words….. thanks for sharing. I’m familiar with David Whyte from a group I follow, but I didn’t know the poem…. ☺️
Hi Sam I wanted to share with you some words I sent to a young friend of mine yesterday who was struggling with her life...As we do.... Thank you sooo much for who you are here when I listen! ❤. Hey dear one, sounds like your being Human in all its layers - feelings, doubts, etc. I'm leaning the hard way that I need to Be my own Best Friend! That I am meant to Be Here! That the God of my understanding is accessible on the inside where I've run from all my life.... That NO ONE ELSE can love me as deeply as I Need to Love Myself.. That my life is a journey of travelling back to myself through All the Crap of Childhood and Adulthood past that's in the way and healing the Pain of lostness, separateness, not belonging and a mistake... That when I am still, I know the answer and there in lays Peace... To put myself first, centred in myself, not self centered.... That NO ONE ELSE can full my inner Void, only me.... Coming Home inward in each moment.... Gathering up all the little me's along the way into my heart and holding her, telling her-I'm Here for you, you are with me my whole life. I will awake and awake to coming home - I Promise.
Thank you Jo, self acceptance is such a long journey and when we really begin feel it , then the inevitable gentle letting go of it all and the beginning of humility . X
Any comfort is a temporary illusion… CUTS things TOGETHER not apart👌🏻to love is to bring hurt in to your heart ❤️ hiding within our own pain/mind….I’m so glad I found You. The path is made by walking♥️🔂 I see the synchronicity’s that are being offered to me at least most of the time😅. Thank YOU SAM
I think it is beautiful the poetry and the entire video! And it is different then the past videos🙏🏻 I had to break it up into parts but very much always worth my time 😁❤️
Hi Sam! Thought I’d share a verse of Scripture with you. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. Praying for you. ❤️
Beautiful, thank you Terry.
Amen.
What a stunning story you are sharing. Thank you. May Christ lead you the rest of the way home ❤️🌹
Hi! Curious, what does that mean to you? It is common that christians say such things without even had begun to heal their inner wounds, believing they are 'saved' by just having a belief and saying words.
In orthodox christianity, where they have deep mystical knowledge of Christ, it is considered a rare thing to become sanctified in full theosis.
40:27 "You know, the culture that we live in is a control system that completely dislocates us from being in the world." Sam, there is so much to appreciate in this video, the beauty of the poems you selected to read, your comments and observations about life, which are often so poetic as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your hard-earned wisdom. Best wishes for success with your event in May.
Thank you so much.
Oh god - me again! The last moments of your video describe an experience that I have felt too. It is often said by hikers that 'i found a place all to myself'...one day, years ago, i saw a picture of a lake surrounded by trees with the caption, "What if nature has you all to itself?" That feeling - that nature enjoys you enjoying it is very special. I will have to watch this video again as the poems really worked on me with closed eyes - listening.🥀💗
Yes, we are seen by each moment and the more real and the more present we become, the more intimately we experience that relationship. the world wants us in it !.
There are two other MTFTM previously trans identified people on RUclips, ShapeShifter and Isaac Uncooked that both also have damaged voices and have struggle to have volume. I wonder if it has to do with their time on synthetic estrogen. Thanks for what you share here, your voice is valuable. Best of speedy healing on your surgery.
Thank you
So much profound wisdom as always Sam, thank you x
I could listen to you all day... very calming but vitally important and deeply wise words.
your blowing my mind with these poems and i love it
Wow, the poem Still Possible is 100% you. I can understand why you love David Whyte’s work so much. God IS love and truth and goodness like you said but He is so much more than that. I think the presence you felt surrounding you was the Holy Spirit who is the Comforter. Jesus said He would send the Comforter when He ascended. The Holy Spirit came at Pentecost and He seals every believer in Christ for eternity. Thank you for sharing. We all identify with you in some way. You just express it so well.
Your transformation in just the last few months has been nothing short of miraculous, just extraordinary. Your countenance, how you speak, carry yourself....all exude a confidence and comfort that seem a long time coming. The payoff for all your hard work and introspection is finally arriving. Very inspiring.
Beautifully said!
Thank you Rose. It is all still there, the CPTSD seems hard wired but placing my attention in more nourishing areas fills my senses and takes me out of myself, into the mystery that surrounds us and lives within us. Returning feels like returning to an innocence, a magical world view that tends to be masked and explained away with cynicism and the material reality of our lives replaces it . I'm reclaiming it as a necessary part of healing the traumatised child.
Thank you for your lovely comment.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🙏🏼❤
i used to listen to 3 -hour long philosophy and theology livestreams/podcasts at my old factory jobs, so this video here was perfect 😁 haha thanks so much for sharing such realness and beauty ❤️
That poem - incredible - I really appreciate hearing it twice. I also appreciate your thoughts and self-reflection. Thank you.
Thanks Anna
Thank you Sam. 💖 You're a gem. So happy to know you
Ah thanks Karin. I hope you're doing well. You've been in my thoughts.
I love the tone of your communication, your poetry sharings, questions and insight…
I am so happy for you Sam. Life understood through poetry is poetry to my ears. I wish you all the greatness of your enlightenment.
who am i what am i what is this place. indeed. i had no good reason to go down that vortex myself but i certainly have, in my own way with my own particular story, and i'll never be the same but im glad i did because i think i finally found a way to weave reality back together and a way to heal thru all of it.
some of this is reminding me of your fellow Britt Jeff Foster. i always liked some of his refreshing reflections
❤️ you are amazing. im hoping this is the era where we will be seeing more stories like this, in this current space of liberal politics allowing us to talk about all this stuff but the at the same time it allows for ppl to talk about the other side of it all and coming back to truth and embodying the complexity that is human experience and being proof of God's love and patience and grace no matter who we are
I find your voice so soothing , it helps me sleep . 🙏🙏
😊
My middle brother loves poetry...as do I...
I look forward to you reading some..
I recommend any poetry of George MacDonald. The reformers formally removed him.
Thank you, I have read some of his work and he is definitely been helpful in my education.
“The word suffer in its original sense means “to allow,” such as in one of Shakespeare’s dramas when a courtier says, “I suffer you to speak before the king.” So to suffer creatively is simply to allow what is, to stop fighting it, and instead to affirm your life. Creative suffering is allowing what is and saying “yes!” Such experience is redemptive in that it leads to healing and self-knowledge. If you can honestly assess what is true in your life, looking at it with objectivity and intelligence, you are getting closer to enlightenment, as your escape mechanism is diminished. By stating what is at any moment, with complete honesty and sincerity, you become conscious of it."
― Robert A. Johnson, Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life
Johnson was a Jungian psychologist. Only just found Johnson, but I have been aware of Jungian thinking for a long time.
Thank you Liisa, you put it so beautifully.
Thank you for sharing this. What a surprise when we discover that the ways we survived are no longer keeping us alive, but rather keeping us from life, water, food. Gaining enough trust within ourselves to let those protective parts know they won’t die if they let go- this is hard work later in life….
I feel so incredibly disheartened, at times, when I think of society and of the structures imposed on us from a systemic level which are meant to keep us perpetually small and fragmented, at odds with not only others, but most importantly, with ourselves.
I still haven’t quite figured this out for myself yet, how to make sense of this all. I find I seem to oscillate wildly between crushing cynicism and near-debilitating grief, again and again, as I grapple with feeling so on the fringes of a society that seems to only want to abuse us as much as possible.
Maybe you talk about this more in your video, but how do you make sense of this? How does one not become thoroughly hopeless at the oppressive state of society? How does one not explode with fury at their fellow man, who seems so unthinkingly entrenched in the grips of the mainstream, mind-numbing noise? How does one even begin to carve out a fulfilling life for themselves when nearly everything in one’s vicinity is tainted by the poisonous perversions of greed, gluttony, and an evidently insatiable appetite for employing increasingly tyrannical power structures?
Perhaps in moments of feeling such a harsh despair seated upon my sagging shoulders, you would take care to remind us to first and foremost seek to control and embody what which we most readily can- ourselves. Perhaps feeling the reverberations of such a sharp despair is a calling to return home, to be present in my body now more than ever before, to really embrace the fullness of this most fickle flesh.
I guess I just wonder how you or others deal with feeling like you don’t fit in nor wish to fit in to society, yet whom also feel a sort of ceaseless grief which arises alongside this realization.
Hi Amber. I was going to delete this , it felt a bit bleak but I do think it's true.
I think that the world of ideas displayed in all forms of media and education etc are theatre and behind that theatre is a reality far worse. It can been seen in the more extreme areas where normalisation of horror is dressed up as progress. The goal , I think is multi layered..... we don't know for sure what is true or real, it is destabilising, we feel powerless, confused, scared as we witness the mindlessness of those who don't want to see, who actually willingly embrace and further the horror. They cannot afford to see it .
The system has treated us as chattel for a very long time. We are seen as less than livestock... even a farmer loves his cows.
The system seeks to invert morality and truth... up is down, wrong is right, evil is good and on it goes....hence the chaos .
" He who hath knowledge hath sorrow " or grief as you so accurately put it.
How do I deal with this ?
The nature of the war is spiritual. This is clear and because it is so clear what we must do is also clear. Nothing else matters apart from how we conduct ourselves.
Loving truth above all else is at the core of how we deal with it. In a world of lies this means we will suffer more.
At this point in my life I am more concerned than ever before that I live in accordance with what is right. This is the spiritual work that IS our life.
The fact that we cannot normalise means our path is clear.
@@Call-Me-Sam I don’t find your words too bleak Sam, at least, they aren’t bleak in some falsely exaggerated way. I agree with a lot of the thoughts you wrote here.
I think all of this can easily be quite depressing to sift through, frankly because it is depressing, intrinsically so. I do agree that ultimately how we choose to conduct ourselves is what matters most, to an extent, but my god, is it an incredibly lonely road to take, for eventually you find you have next to no company the further and further down this path you descend.
Maybe I just haven’t truly come to a place of reveling in my own company yet, but I admittedly grow rather tired of being by myself day in and day out, finding myself fragmented from others… it is excruciatingly painful to live so isolated, I have found. After all, what is the point of being human if we do not seek to be a part of something greater than the sum of ourself?
None of what I just said is necessarily in opposition to anything that you’ve said; rather, it’s mostly me just thinking aloud. There is genuine grief here for me, when I consider the loneliness of this particular path, in seeking what is true, even if that truth is breathtakingly sharp.
Maybe though it is my perception of this “loneliness” which is misinformed, for maybe there is more camaraderie to be found out there, in this physical reality, than I often think there to be. Perhaps even if I cannot find others as devoted to truth as I, I (and others like me) can still find moments of good company, of fulfilling social connections. Maybe this cannot simply be framed from an “all or nothing” perspective, which my mind is prone to defaulting to.
Anyways, I do very much appreciate your thoughts on this, as they more or less mirror my own. It is comforting to find a thread of commonality, of shared experience with others, even if that shared experience is fraught with uncertainty and some degree of inevitable suffering.
Your videos, especially as of late, have provided me with an invaluable space of solace, in knowing there is at least one other person out there, committed to leaning into the intensity and ultimately, the sheer unpredictability, of the human experience.
I hear you. Our need for fellowship is one that is difficult to meet, we do need to " find the others " . Compromising our selves simply to have intimacy and fellowship becomes much more difficult as you progress on the path of awakening. In my experience I found the others at Neil Kramer workshops a few years ago, though we are scattered , we still talk. Proximity is also vital, physical closeness is very important..... thats why there is such an effort by the system to keep us apart . We do belong to something greater than ourselves , that is the love of truth and for me Love, God , Truth, Morality , Goodness, all naturally and effortlessly correlate.
Yes, grief is a part of the process and lasts a long time. " Truth destroys the world you used to live in " ( Kramer quote ) and the passing away of illusion is very painful, we grieve the loss for a long time but when that grief eases, there is a clarity and understanding of the true nature of what this place is and what our lives are for.
Of course , I cannot know for certain but I can trust an understanding that has transformed my life in a positive way.
As you've seen , this channel has recorded a gentle transformation and will continue to do so. In time and hopefully not too much time, I will begin to speak with a greater clarity that draws those also with the same hunger for truth. Maybe the channel comments can be a meeting place or I can add something to my blog where people can exchange ideas and talk privately., or I could just set up a facebook page .
Though the near term future is very likely to get much worse, I am more positive than ever, don't lose heart, the grief you feel speaks of your sensitivity and humanity.
If you ever want to speak privately you can message me and we can zoom or skype. My contact email is linked under each video.
@@Call-Me-Sam I apologize that I wasn’t able to respond to this sooner, but I really appreciate everything you’ve said here. I think I will definitely consider reaching out to you via email. Admittedly, I have been incredibly reclusive for the past couple of years, and to my own detriment, and yet, I have found it immensely difficult to break free from this, even though the isolation is somewhat crushing and miserable at times.
I suppose though that I am like any other creature, too used to my “familiar misery” that I have inadvertently become attached to it, in spite of all of the pain and dysfunction it has brought my way… but that pain is predictable, or at least “seems” predictable, though in actuality it is likely nothing more than yet another comfortable illusion.
I am just so glad that you are willing to have these conversations with others here- I feel very grateful, for it often seems that such acutely honest conversations are challenging to have out in the “real”, physical world, where most people are unable to entertain such discussions at this level of depth because they threaten the very fabric of this dystopian reality we’ve each had to mentally resign ourselves to, in some way or another.
And yet, you are also right in that finding in-person connections which align with us and who we are is perhaps one of the most important pieces in connecting to that which exists outside of ourselves.
When I read your comment and others where people are feeling isolated and feeling pain, of course I feel it too and want to be there in support, even if that is just acknowledgment of what we feel. Our shared experience is the only truth really. To know that we feel what we feel and that is real and understood by another is the fellowship that makes any suffering bearable.
Don't feel you have to email , just know that if you ever do need to reach out, I am here.
Love
Sam
Oh!!Have not yet listened to the video of you reading poetry. Looking forward 🎉🎉❤❤
Beautiful poetry Sam. Thank you.
Read battle field of the mind by joyce Meyer I think you would enjoy it,but also will help you deal with trauma and negative thoughts through scripture and practice … I respect your honesty in all your videos god bless❤️🙏🏽
You said it (about the self): Any comfort or safety is temporary or illusion.
Oh boy, I just watched a philosophy video that touches the problem of a true self using the film American Psycho as an example. I haven't seen the film or read the book, but it was interesting. I'm not going to recommend the video, because it can appear creepy. Just mentioning it as a personal coincidence.
American Psycho, Baudrillard and the Postmodern Condition
I've seen the film, with Christian Bale . I remember the narrative was his psychopathic self talk. The awful selfishness of ego
@@Call-Me-Sam The Baudrillard video treats the film as revealing of the modern worldview where people are commodified to each others copies. I feel that to be true in many ways.
I think I understand and agree. Social media, selfies and emulating " personalities and influencers " ..... caractures of a human life
trying to hold onto my form, thinking its the message or maybe im god remembering myself
Ha! My first comment was to do with the first poem in this video. When you read the Rilke poem.... "when the earthly no longer knows your name...." i was stunned because i'd read it earlier today. I only came across your channel because Shapeshifter (who was talking about deep pain) mentioned your name as someone who was/is helpful in dealing with their trauma. I just love the way you read poetry.
Yes, poetry really has helped me. I think we are passengers to our own healing journey and are offered pathways of possibilities that lead us to what we need. From shapeshifter to me and I also learn from. those who comment and participate in this conversation we are all having.
Welcome.
I will repost this, as I don't think the first time I did it went. I want to share this youtube video as Jeffery has a powerful testimony as you and although you may have seen it others who view this may not, I pray it will be an encouragement and God continue to use you to help many others, as I believe He is using Jeffery as well. youtube channel is
nhcornerstone video entitled Jeffery's Story: Ex-transgender Regret. In Joy
helps to understand, accept
Hi Sam @CallMeSam after watching some of your videos, I am not clear as to why you wanted to de-transition? You are very brave to trust G-d after all you’ve gone through. I can say without G-d I would go insane every day. He keeps me stable! ❤
You don't owe anyone anything. Why not take the comfort for the rest of your life, to get angry and condemn what has been done to you as often as you want. (Both the act and the person). (I don't mean you should take revenge). Forgiveness is often seen as a value by definition, while the perpetrators in question have not even asked for forgiveness or do not even feel that they have caused harm. I think forgiveness stands in the way of complete healing. Ex-therapist Daniel Mackler's channel teaches great insights on this topic.
I agree. For a while I tried to force forgiveness but as I heal and see more clearly how profoundly affected I have been, justified anger ebbs and flows. On one level I do forgive but also need to acknowledge anger.
Just had a look at Daniel Mackler's channel.... I didn't realise, I have actually seen some of his content. He is helpful, thank you for reminding me .
@@Call-Me-Sam Your answer gives me the impression that you are really far along in your healing process. Wishing you all the happiness in the world!
@@sdewijk6034 You too ! always healing , never healed, it's a life journey of gradually inhabiting ourselves in acceptance and truth . Work in progress. !
I'm watching Daniel Mackler now... Thanks again for the reminder 😊
This is a surprising exchange. I need to meditate on it. Anger can so easily tip into bitterness and a stony vengeful heart. But I’m guessing what you both are discussing is how our angry part is real, loves us, wants to appropriately defend and protect us and needs to be allowed to speak. I guess I easily shush my anger and am tempted to throw him/her out with the bath water.
@@michellegardiner1424 I don't why this exchange is date a couple of weeks ago, it was quite a long time ago. I do feel angry, very angry at times, but as I allow myself to feel it, over time it subsides.
Anger really is a kind of mask for profound sadness and loss. When I realised this, I began to feel it more intimately and understand it from a different perspective, more mature .
My opinion on Daniel Mackler has shifted a little too.
Sam, new suscriber here, please, more poetry. And please let us know if you read for Audible
At some point I'll do some more videos where I read may favourites. Right now I need to be in motion.... with dogs !
An honest question Sam, and you can answer from your own perspective, I'm not asking as an end all be all.
What would YOU specifically do if someone was coming to kill you? Or worse, put you in chains of slavery? Would you fight then? What if someone was coming to de-home you? Would you let them do it? You said that it's about just letting it all go. To what degree?
Edit: I ask because these are the questions I contend with. How much can you allow someone to take from you before you're depleted? Every animal and plant in nature has a defense mechanism. Should we not have one also?
In this context "Let it all go" means attachment to the defining period of wounding that then we carry with us, repeating it over and over in. our lives. .Easier said than done, it took me 50 years.
In answer to the questions you asked, I'd fight if I had no other choice.
" How much can you allow someone to take from you before you're depleted? " There are times you have to walk away. All we can do is make the best decision we are capable of at the time .
If I remember from what you've written before , you are younger than me and I understand you are in the midst of a difficult situation.
Remember I am in my fifties, I'm at a different place in my life and I have actually been fighting for most of my life.
Sometimes that was physical, most of the time it was desperately trying to deal with the effects of trauma. So , I'm just beginning to experience meaningful change and a huge part of that is letting go of the past and allowing a new life to emerge. It is a difficult , long and painful process that always seemed impossible but it isn't.
Looking back I faced many times , years when I thought nothing would ever or could ever change , only now do I realise that change comes from us.
It's difficult to have a conversation here in the comments but if you want to talk theres a contact link under each video.
I'm not a therapist or counsellor or trained in anyway but I can listen.
@@Call-Me-Sam you are the sweetest 😭 just on the fact that you remember people from comments. Yes I am younger than you, 30 now. I asked about the fighting back because too many people in real life tell me to just roll over and take it. Call it "victim mentality" completely negating that people can and are victimized.
For me, things are coming to a head, feel rapid emotional growth is upon me but I'm resisting it. Cptsd really does fuck you up. It's been hard to accept that most if not all of my "personality" has been one long coping mechanism. Your videos are genuinely balm for the soul. Very few people speak so openly because it's a terribly difficult thing to do. I want to get to the place where I just have no fucks left to give and can speak from my heart. It's a journey I guess. ❤🙏
Thank you. Knowing that. my videos help really is what keeps me sharing.
Yes, resistance also takes the form of our drive to change.... to heal...." I cannot be me , this fucked up person " " I must change " This is resistance of accepting ourselves as we are right now.. We cannot build anything stable until we stop resisting what is. We must accept ourselves before change can happen within a new identity that is larger and compassionate to our former self.
The new identity literally lives in a new reality. One where there are possibilities that the old one was not capable of seeing or experiencing. From this point , we parent ourselves and over a long time, gently bring that wounded child into maturity.
I got to a point and just said , " this is me " , and in that acceptance change began.
Still, not a day goes by when I don't feel heartbreak and sorrow for what I experienced but it isn't immediate and controlling, it is the passing grief of letting go.
I've over shared already but part of me wants to go into the gruesome detail of my life and share it openly, just so those who benefit from my videos have a stronger belief that change is possible, healing is possible, it really is and when it begins , the quality of our life is transformed.
I get the feeling that like me, the only world you've known is one of pain but this will become the past.
Take care
X
@@Call-Me-Sam Sam I feel so much love in this message of yours. I am emanating love right back at you ❤️. Anything you share with us is valuable to all of us who watch and listen to you. I don't remember the last time I sat through a 1.5 hour video on youtube and I did yours with no hesitation. Your voice and what you have to say touches something deep, something true. I wish you so much peace and joy 🙏
I'm struggling with motorbike noise too. I have never understood what right do those bikers have to pollute our peace with their noise and why is it allowed.
Agreed. Enjoying the scenery on a motorbike is one thing but revelling in the noise and brute force of the machine belongs on a track, not narrow public roads.
Love ❤
There are a lot of broken things & beings in this world… Are we one of them? 🤔❤️
As far as I’ve seen, none in this world are beyond redemption/ repair. 🏆❤️
With the right tools/ virtues applied & the right amount of time dedicated 🌺
Agreed but it also must be a willing choice
@@Call-Me-Sam Are we willing to choose (it)? ❤❤
Are we willing to listen; even though what we might hear, we (maybe) won't like? ^^
I find It's easy to say "I'm willing to listen".
It's hard to actually listen/ attempt to see it from another perspective.
You are great at "seeing it" from another perspective. 🏆
You help me refine that skill in me, a lot. I'm extremely grateful for it.
❤
@@elektrotehnik94 Bless you. Learning to listen is THE most important aspect of awakening. Giving our attention to another , quietening our own narrative and stopping the need to focus purely on ourself , really invites the world to come alive and then we start the painful process toward humility.
What is the poem name of the poem of David whyte at 8.45
at 7/45 " No one told me " there wasn't a poem at 845😊
@ thanks ☺️
It's a fierce poem !
@ it’s a beautiful poem, speaks a thousand words….. thanks for sharing. I’m familiar with David Whyte from a group I follow, but I didn’t know the poem…. ☺️
Beautiful! Thank you!❤
Bless you. Thanks Liz x
Hi Sam I wanted to share with you some words I sent to a young friend of mine yesterday who was struggling with her life...As we do.... Thank you sooo much for who you are here when I listen! ❤. Hey dear one, sounds like your being Human in all its layers - feelings, doubts, etc. I'm leaning the hard way that I need to Be my own Best Friend! That I am meant to Be Here! That the God of my understanding is accessible on the inside where I've run from all my life.... That NO ONE ELSE can love me as deeply as I Need to Love Myself.. That my life is a journey of travelling back to myself through All the Crap of Childhood and Adulthood past that's in the way and healing the Pain of lostness, separateness, not belonging and a mistake... That when I am still, I know the answer and there in lays Peace... To put myself first, centred in myself, not self centered.... That NO ONE ELSE can full my inner Void, only me.... Coming Home inward in each moment.... Gathering up all the little me's along the way into my heart and holding her, telling her-I'm Here for you, you are with me my whole life. I will awake and awake to coming home - I Promise.
Thank you Jo, self acceptance is such a long journey and when we really begin feel it , then the inevitable gentle letting go of it all and the beginning of humility . X
Any comfort is a temporary illusion… CUTS things TOGETHER not apart👌🏻to love is to bring hurt in to your heart ❤️ hiding within our own pain/mind….I’m so glad I found You. The path is made by walking♥️🔂 I see the synchronicity’s that are being offered to me at least most of the time😅. Thank YOU SAM
Lovely, I'm glad you found something here. X
I think it is beautiful the poetry and the entire video! And it is different then the past videos🙏🏻 I had to break it up into parts but very much always worth my time 😁❤️
@@kriss_lynn I doubt I will make another one so long. It just kind of happened... Helped by coffee no doubt.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Back soon X
Once again I'm glad I watched and listened ❤🩹Thank you for the poems too. Enjoy it ever so much!