I have never believed that man's freedom consisted in doing what he wants, but rather in never doing what he does not want to do. - Rousseau. The scenery fits the subject beautifully, the distance all around. Thank you. ❤
Thats a great quote . Thank you. Yes, this video was made during a time of beautiful weather and also beautiful solitude , just me and the dogs and wild Scotland.
"There are no shortcuts - only deferments." My body held on till I was safe. Then the feelings, memories, and process surfaced. It seemed ironic at the time. Peace now. Years later. Thank you Sam for it all -
You are such a beautiful soul Sam. I resonate with your message so deeply. Thank you for putting this out there for the world that is in such need of deep healing, your words help.
Thank you. ❤ Stability & "certainty" entraps up, hides us from the world. It's fear. To decide to love ourselves; to me, loving me felt & still sometimes feels like a revolutionary thing, a forbidden fruit. To love myself, consists of a lot of trying & failing & trying again. Multi-month, multi-year habits to build.
Thank you ❤️ I relate so much. I am now 42 two grown children - they have me so much purpose and drive. My childhood was horrific. I managed to push it all away for so long. But now I am just entering into menopause and my children have left, it’s all come to the surface! It’s massive… I have crippling anxiety, dissociating and I can feelThe trapped emotions all in my chest/ribs… they are holding on tightly. I have tried so many therapies to access the pain… but I dissociate so much I can’t access it! I don’t even know what memory it is there are so many. Anyway- sending so much love your way! We are not alone ❤️
Hi Lorna, in the the next video I'll talk about a couple of people that have helped me greatly, one of which I still have sessions with. Working with her is incredibly difficult but if we need to get to the pain where it is so deeply locked away, it's going to be a painful process...... but ultimately, liberating. At this time it is so important to be kind to your self and to be compassionate to yourself . Love Sam
Thanks Sam ❤️ 5 years in to this now… but it’s got more painful… my thoughts are it’s because I am getting close (and obviously focusing on it all too) The last couple of years I attempted to just reinvent myself needless to say I failed miserably and soon realised everything was still underneath the new persona! Came out very depressed indeed! Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. We didn’t sign up for this! But we sure can help each other. One thing this journey has helped me with for sure… sincere Empathy! 🙏🏻 Look forward to your next video x
@@lornaelizabeth6290 may I suggest that your increasing pain is a sign that you are ready to heal. The more pain the better, ironically. It means you’re busting through but the pain isn’t the busting through - the pain is you throwing in all your energy to stop the busting through. The more pain you’re in is not the worst, the more pain you’re in all the more immediate and permanent will be your healing. I advise against seeing pain as a negative in this case. It should make you feel excited. The key now is to learn how to dissolve that automated defence mechanism which is consuming volumes of your psychic energy in its misguided attempts to ‘protect you.’ Only the very strongest of us allow ourselves to feel pain - that’s what that is. Be proud of it, but then deal with it.
I'm not the narrative, I'm not those experiences, I'm not my 'plans''----drop the 'narrative'. YES. I wept at that---but also at 26:21 after you've said 'The moments are so rich now. I don't want anything'....here I am'. Quite spontaneously, you turn into the sun and close your eyes---like a flower in the chill that turns toward the sun. It's like watching you heal before my eyes. It gives me hope I can do the same.
Hi Carrie, I am very lucky I live where I do and have such supportive friends and dogs of course. The context is very important, how can we begin to heal if we are not supported and nourished by where we live, the friends we have , the works we do... it's possible but very difficult. We flourish and grow and love and are loved ...... in relationship. Our path is a life process, there are thresholds of befores and afters , where miraculous changes can be felt but mostly it is slow, gradual and painful and liberating as we begin to inhabit ourself, effortlessly . Work in progress of course ! Thank you, you saw something beautiful in this video. Love Sam
Hi Sam. I am 26 years old and I have been on a journey of letting go of this false identity I have made to survive and feel safe from childhood. Being an adult now, living with complex PTSD, I feel a lot of hurt, sadness, anger, etc. I feel a lot of betrayal from my past by people who were supposed to raise me on unconditional love and acceptance. Instead, I endured two decades of abuse. Now, I am on the journey to find the true self buried under all of the trauma. I want my God given identity, not this contorted, deformed identity given to me by this world. Thank you for sharing your experiences, as you are not alone. Thank you so much. Myself, you, and others who relate to this are putting in the work. We will get through this. Much love to you Sam.
Yes. I've found that we are our Soul - this other- worlldly thing that is US... burried derply under layers & layers of muck- the emotional wounds. Congratulations, Sam, on the realisations you're coming to. Many people live their entire life and never find the deprhs of their being that you have already found. I love your videos. I'm SO happy for you that you're Healing👏😊🩷
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you Sam for being here through this pain. It’s extremely difficult and honestly I thought I was walking all alone. You’re cool. Good people!💞
It’s interesting when you speak about innocence. Experiencing childhood trauma steals away that innocence. It’s something that I will be writing about in my journal. I’m in a rough space at the moment and I’m working through what is actually coming up for me. I mostly just allow myself to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. I’m better at that now. I like your voice and thank you for sharing your journey. ❤
There is a return to innocence that really does cleanse the feeling of corruption. Feeling without attachment to our story is really helpful . The story is what keeps the wound open . If we can just feel, let the pain come , let it go without the retelling of the why of it all, it really does help a lot. I talk about returning to innocence here. ruclips.net/video/fhQRrfGxbO4/видео.html I wish you peace
@@Call-Me-Sam thank you. Releasing the story is what I need to do. I’m holding on to something that was truly frightening from childhood. And that’s what it is a story about something that happened to me but it’s not happening to me now so I don’t need to relive it anymore. I can allow the feelings to come through and then let it go. Then the peace will return. I have some journaling to do. Have a beautiful day. ☀️❤️
Hi Sam I am not a Dr. or Therapist. I am a Reverend and an Empath , and recovering Alcoholic. I want to say to you that I think and feel your life healing journey is coming along well. I am in my 60's and living with much abuse in my life and finding recovery and also people who have lived what I've lived, My journey mirrors yours. I have screamed, become so angry that I almost took someone innocent life. I knew then I needed help. I don't regret my journey. I would not be able to help others. Keep going. You have courage to RUclips your path. I don't. I still have some fears to work on. I too am not or ever will be fully 100% recovered until I die. So keep going. And I will keep watching ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I can't let go of my abuse. Listening to your videos helps me work through things. I have pushed so many good people out of my life and shut down. I won't let people get close.
Hi, Sam. Thank you for your videos. I'm confused and lost, I have been struggling with my identity for some time now. Considering HRT. Now I am thinking, that I have to first learn to love me, just the way as I am now, and maybe I don't need no hormones. I don't know who I am, but I don't want to mask my pain. Your videos are hard to watch for me, because of the feelings I get. The doubt, and pain in me resurface. Thank you for speaking about important stuff.
Its ok to not know who you are .... no one does really, they just pretend because they are scared of the uncertainty in not knowing. Life is a mystery, accepting that is a relief . We are all here for a reason, everyone has a purpose . The discovery of your purpose requires you to look outside yourself and do your best to build relationships, there you'll begin to discover your gift. Thats why you're here. There is something that only you can do, in the way that you do it. thats the gift you have been given so that you will share it with others. Because of trauma we get trapped in self focused attention, we become consumed with our needs and trying to fix ourselves, trying to become something acceptable..... look outside self and you will begin to shift that focus and the trauma will become a part of the background and not so consuming. I wish you well brave soul.
I'm 54 ....have massive pain in the body and feel like I've been living a wasted life. Recently (3 years ago)....after another terrible relationship ended I just broke the fuck down. Now all I hear around me is constant noise.....noise from this planet and everything that is on it. I want to get away from it all. I just sit around quietly and just be and let things just go by. I can no longer go at the pace that I'm expected to. I'm sick of being a human doing. For once in my life it would be nice to get a chance to pause for awhile and connect with myself.....like a human being. I've been brainwashed with unrealistic values and beliefs ALL my life. When do I get a chance to be me? Lately I've been realizing that I have to make the landscape in my mind peaceful. Make the unconscious conscious and accept that life has a lot of suffering in it. Thank you for this video. Subscribed 😊
I hear you. I lived with physical and emotional pain... they are connected and will change as we come into balance ( takes a while ) The truth is that no time is actually wasted. We did what we did, lived how we did, made the decisions and responded to life's ups and downs they way that we did , because thats what needed to happen to get us to the point of change. Or as you say, break the fuck down. We only change when we absolutely have to. Those patterns are rigid and we use them until we realise they don't actually work. You're at that point... this is good. Painful and isolating but still good. Sorrow is a huge part of awakening. The sorrow of the world , the horror right in front of our faces that most people ignore . When we are numb to our own pain, we are numb to the worldpain and the pain of others. People choose not to see and live partial lives because of this. Seeing ourselves clearly and seeing the pain we feel and have caused others really is the driver of change. When we begin to see, we have to change so much..... Often, job, friends, location, how we live, the things we do. It isn't easy but as we begin to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, stability emerges quite naturally. Relationships with others on the path develop and fear subsides as we become more and more truthful. You're on the path, embrace it and all will be well. It won't be easy but is it easy now ? 😊
@@Call-Me-Sam i feel like everything doesn't matter anymore and there is a comfort in that feeling. I also feel so alone because I watch people in their everyday lives being consumed by everything that truly doesn't matter and have no chance in connecting with them because of it. It's kinda funny when I was trying to learn to heal nothing was actually happening but after the breakdown I just started to do it automatically. When you said that there are incremental stages to the breakdown it made perfect sense and I took a moment to realize those stages. At this point I'm just starting to learn about the noise that I choose or not to choose to listen to......trying to sort out whats helpfull or what is hindering. One way of doing that is listening to ambient music and just connecting with the tones and how my body responds to them. Also....I play guitar and I try to fish out new chords all the time that make me feel an emotion. It's a tough thing to swallow when you see both parts of the iceberg and fully see what you are up against but now I feel like there is nothing more important than finally valuing myself no matter what was lost, never was, or how far behind. I'm new to your channel and I'm wondering how long has it been since you first saw the entire iceberg? Again....thank you for the opportunity to learn ....grow ...and share. Hope the day treats you well 😊
The music and guitar playing sound like a great practice. Often I get emails from people who also feel that sense of aloneness . The aloneness and the sorrow are part of waking up and becoming real but when we find fellowship with others of a similar understanding, that pain eases a lot. My next video is going to be about intimacy, this is really what waking up is about. Real intimacy isn't possible until we let go of the strategies and stories that are in the way and radically accept who we are, who have been, the pain, the horrors of our selfishness and then forgive it all. Then what .... we are here, naked but becoming more truthful as we let go of grasping ways, let go of the past and as you rightly say, begin to value the gift of our life. Esteeming ourselves really is life changing. Hmmm, the iceberg. If I'm understanding you.... becoming aware of the previously unseen. That awareness has taken a while but began catastrophically in 2017 . Thats really when I began to realise I wasn't real and there was an almost unbearable pain within me that I had to start dealing with. For me, the process of seeing clearly what was hidden had to take time, there was a lot and honestly, the work will take a lifetime. Grief enables the clear seeing of it and then as the protection of self delusion gradually falls away, the detail becomes clearer and clearer. Why I became who I was , what happened , what that did to my mind and on and on understanding goes. We face our shame and self hate and selfishness, all of which need to be faced before we see how vital it is to take responsibility for our lives and stop blaming our past or the pain we feel right now. Everything we do matters, our thoughts and actions ripple out into the lives of others so we need to tread softly and with consideration. Until we realise what we have hidden from ourselves, are we even here, do we understand why we make certain choices if we are not truly aware of that hidden mass of pain. I think not. When it becomes clear, the way we conduct ourselves changes and matters more than anything else . Sorry if that was a bit of a ramble. .
@@Call-Me-Sam not a ramble at all Sam. Like you said "it is comforting talking to others about this". The lonely part feels lonely but good and healthy. 😊 I will be looking out for your next video for sure 😊 After my last comment a few hours ago.....I kept on think about what you said about the pain going away as you do the work. It sounded so foreign but delicious at the same time. I would be very interested in what you experienced personally .....if you care to share. Or have you already made a video on the topic? Were you focused on a specific trama for a period of time and that gave you pain relief or were you just shedding your fake self gradually over time and thats how you got relief? I'm assuming probably both over a 7 year period. Sorry, I know the questions seem a little specific and over the top but for the last few hours all I've been thinking about is the possibility of feeling somewhat pain free......even a little. Thanks again.
Physical pain comes and goes still. When I experience clarity in understanding a loop or mechanism of behaviour and see what I need to change, my body and mind let go a little. Sometimes that letting go is dramatically transformative. My body releases and I stand up straight, pain free. Not focused on an episode of past trauma , more focused on how it affected my mind and body, how I coped. We have to stop coping or we cannot change. Letting go is a choice. An obvious disclaimer...... I am not a counsellor or Dr but some people who watch my videos and would rather not comment publicly do reach out and we talk on zoom. We just compare insights and experiences and share the healing and awakening process. My contact address is on my blog linked under each video
Your a true blessing I promise you from this speech you spoke from the tension you had from the body tighting up my shoulders was so tight up to my neck for so long it's slowing untighting and learning to heal your mind thoughts over ,,,,,I swear too you believe it or not I can relate to you 💯 ❤😢 ,,,and the dog my angel ,,, had saved me as well ,,walks energy nature they are a true healer ,,,im so dam proud of us to come this far and keep going Our minds we had to reboot it re program it to heal Our believe is Incredible ❤ Thank you for this video I'm.proud of you Knowing ,,,self love is powerful Long journey I just found you ,,and I'm happy to be apart of your journey now ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I'm still in my spiritual healing
Hi Karen, I have read a few times that BPD is frequently a misdiagnoses of CPTSD. Truth is, they're just ways of describing behaviour........ YOU ARE NOT A DIAGNOSES !. Love Sam
That's exactly how I felt..no longer Karen but borderline Karen. It's like a second shame from the childhood Shame of even existing. Yes I've read that it is CPTSD. To be honest that makes more sense x
@@karentonks7581 Depending on which era we were born in , we would be labelled differently. The medical INDUSTRY requires a diagnoses so you can be customer for their pills. CPTSD/PTSD just describes what happens to a person who lives in fear and stress for a long time. We can change ! .
Please don't be down about the label. It's very treatable if you do the work. (And it could not be entirely accurate). My own abuse was due to a mom with untreated bpd but I'm here to tell you that it was the untreated part that was the problem, not the bpd label. If you get help and try to keep reaching for wellness you could get to a stable healthy state. You deserve it!
I desperately want to die. I notice, in my life, all I do is navigate my way through the world... Doing my best, moment-to-moment, to endure the least amount of suffering as possible... And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die. There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life. It's just pain and trauma and survival. I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life. Rage and grief consume every cell of my being. I MUST DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER: When I am feeling/being victimized, I am over-valuating what I don't have, and under-valuating what I do have! 😊
I just wrote this under your first comment . My life is only just beginning to change and I'm in my mid 50s. You have faith and you have the strength to survive so you also have the strength to heal. Healing means change, change that feels impossible but it isn't. Just keep going, keep trying to make small changes that build into gradual and meaningful movement in your life. We need to be in motion, physically, mentally, emotionally. Over the last year, every time I faced the same agonising loop of painful repetition ... self harm, self hate , despair that nothing could ever change..... I quietly said to my self... " do something different " just a small change, a choice, a response, a different thought, all are a use of our will that provides evidence that we can create bigger change... just keep going and very quickly, movement begins. Best wishes Sam
@@GodHelpMe369 For all of my life I believed that the life I wanted was beyond my reach. I felt so broken and unworthy , incapable of anything good. I felt that only corruption could come form my presence. It isn't true, we are all already enough, already what and who we need to be and the life that seems so unreachable is already here, all around us, we just can't see it, we don't think we deserve it so we miss the tiny details and clues and the relationships waiting for us to participate within. In the persistent cruelty of self talk, we program our world view and self image , we withhold ourself from even believing that goodness is possible and that goodness comes from us and through us. Never doubt that you are loved, you just need to start to know this. These are not simply hollow words. Love is the source of our being, it can be no other way, you are made in love, to share that love..... embody this knowing by being kind to yourself. Things will change, life is waiting for you and actually needs you to participate...... you are a vital, important, essential part of Gods plan, made for a reason that ONLY YOU can fulfil.... think about that . You and only you can do what God has made you to do. Begin that discovery of purpose by radically accepting your self , flaws and all... then kindness and self compassion will come naturally . We can't change if we are cruel to our selves ... BE kind. Your purpose will reveal itself. I have lived a tortured life but not anymore, what I write here is just my experience, but that experience of love and kindness and self compassion is real and in my life now I see the material evidence everyday . Take care. Love Sam,
When observing and accompanying you in nature and with those absolutely divine dogs, I am blessed to see and experience the peaceful, vulnerable, comforted, gentle, tender, curious, playful, compassionate, kind, calm, warm, contemplative, joyful, unscarred, innocent love child emerging from one’s healing adult self. Life, the vast journey of traveling full circle back to one’s original God conceived state and born pure core, Love. Keep whistling grace, hope, forgiveness, fortitude and faith while you work in nature with your perfect puppy apostles! Infinite gratitude, Layne
-10 degrees!! Sam, you are resilient!! Here, in Niagara Falls, Canada, -10 = 2 hats, hoodie, scarf around the face, 20 min outside before running home for a hot bath!! The dogs too Thank you for sharing your thoughts, especially in such an articulate and poetic way.
I'm 72yo las March, about then cut back to 1 8cup pot a day, for years i made two 8 cup pots and drank it all . Retired truck driver w/no savings. But relate to your story in many ways. Keep on keeping on Sam
Thank you, Sam. I get so much strength from you! I'm facing a little eh...situation...at work. Nothing compared with your trauma, but something I need to walk through as calm and stable as possible. Here I feel I can do it. I also got a wonderful feeling that I'm a space woman, a creature composed of mysterious dust (dust to dust, you know). Nothing to worry about really. Just walk your path and you will be ok. And how I love your Scottish landscapes! The sky is always amazing too. Nice to meet some surprise animals too. Little everyday things, but so precious.
I love this " I'm a space woman, a creature composed of mysterious dust (dust to dust, you know). " Yes, the little everyday things are just so damn precious. Take care xx
Thank you for this! I relate so deeply to you and feel so much love for you. IFS has freed me from so much of my life long (65 years,) CPTSD! I pray you investigate it if you should ever find you reach a plateau and can’t quite get free yet. But wow do I ever love the healing place you describe and you’ve been taken to! I compltely get it! ❤
Taken me 65 years to get through. "Three score years and ten". 6 the number of man. 60 years to get through our human stuff. Takes patience. God has the faith to bring you through. No matter what form you take, at any point along the way. All it takes is willingness (intention/heart/passion/desire) and to "work out your salvation in fear and trembling" (I do not come from an institutional perspective AT ALL, but from a metaphysical, metaphorical way of thinking) - these words are ours to make sense of, for ourselves, if we so desire. In fact, each letter holds meaning and can help us understand). He does the healing. "Malachi 4:2 ...unto you that revere my name shall the Sun of clarity arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall." Thanks, Sam.
I’m trying to figure out who I really am as I let go of my trauma. Complex trauma has owned so much of my life, and now that I have no choice but to take it head on, to heal it to save my own life. How do you find the true self? Thank you for your beautiful courage Sam.
Let your heart break, grieve the loss you were too scared to feel and gradually you will become present . I talk about this in my more recent videos. I wish you well.
How the actual fuck is this my life at 44? - Forever perpetually alone and single (never ever been in a real relationship) - Never ever had a real friend - Poverty - Failure - Fat - Diabetic - Lonely and alone - Frumpty-dumpty (everyone thinks I'm so old) - Child-less - No family of my own I'm in hell and there's no escape. I'm drowning in grief and rage. My soul is raped. I am traumatized and paralyzed. PRAYER: Lord, I pray for healing: physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually, In JESUS' name: break every chain, stronghold, yoke, every generational curse, and all witchcraft, and spell work. Holy Spirit, anoint me: from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Release me, completely, from every darkness looming around me, in Jesus' name. Shine your light, your healing, your saving grace, and power over me. And FILL me with YOUR AGAPE LOVE and grace. I speak peace over my heart and mind and soul and body, in JESUS' name. So be it. So it is. Praise be to God. Hallelujah! 🧡🙌 Thank you, God, for Guiding me with your love and light! Thank you, God, for Surrounding me with your love and light! Thank you, God, for Protecting me with your love and light! Thank you, God, for Imbuing me with your love and light! Thank you, God, for Cloaking me with your love and light! I am loyal to Love, I am not loyal to abuse... *This is Gospel If there's a Goliath in front of you - there's a David inside of you! Hallelujah!!! Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
My life is only just beginning to change and I'm in my mid 50s. You have faith and you have the strength to survive so you also have the strength to heal. Healing means change, change that feels impossible but it isn't. Just keep going, keep trying to make small changes that build into gradual and meaningful movement in your life. We need to be in motion, physically, mentally, emotionally. Over the last year, every time I faced the same agonising loop of painful repetition ... self harm, self hate , despair that nothing could ever change..... I quietly said to my self... " do something different " just a small change, a choice, a response, a different thought, all are a use of our will that provides evidence that we can create bigger change... just keep going and very quickly, movement begins. Best wishes Sam
I think we have to, to survive..... I don't consider it a " disorder " just a response. So we can break down those inner walls and begin to free ourselves form, our refuge.
Sam, good video, can i just say one thing to you, you give good advice to those who watch you and suffer too, that i will say do it with all your heart and the soul in you, but when you say that you are all over the place because that you had too much coffee, this is only my view on this and no other, but i felt when i drank coffee back in the day about 10yrs ago, it increased my anxiety attacks, so i tried orange juice, but that had chemical's in the mix, so i tried just boiled water and just water, and i feel much better, for our bodies need real minerals to keep us going and not chemical's in foods or drinks or our water, it is just a thought and i am no expert in this matter but just knowing that to repair that is lost in us we must find the right keys to mend us as we walk this path in life.
this is second video I watched, I don't know your full story but I can see the pain you have been through and I can't even imagine what it was... I have my own 'issues/trauma' that I am healing from and next to yours they are nothing but they destroyed me for long time. Anyway I took action, I'm in therapy and I'm in process of healing. I want to ask you, what can parents do to protect their children? God bless you 🙏
Thank you. I don't think we can protect from all harm but we can prepare by being truthful, bring children into understanding of what truth means. In my experience most people are terrified of truth. We want to hold onto stories and illusions of how the world is and who we are, stories and illusions help us deal with fear and keep us in self centredness. Better to see clearly and be prepared. A spiritual context for our lives is, I think , essential. Life is a spiritual journey where we gradually see clearly the horror of our own self centredness and learn to move past our fear and into relationship with Source.... God. Its a huge question you ask. This is a small answer but a good start. God bless you too.
I have multiple acquiantances and friends, all under 30, identifying as the opposite sex or as non-binary. I can't claim to be all knowing, and I for sure have all kinds of masks that eventually need to be shed, but I can't help but see their new gender identities as performances made to save them for vulnerability, from being really seen. Like it's so painful to meet oneself and this thrilling "new me" takes one as far as possible from that place. One has recently started to identify as a trans woman and started HRT. She has since been hyped up and celebrated, all the while publicly announcing that she hates herself and these hype ups are the thing that keeps her going. It just seems so tragic. What would you have liked to hear when you were just starting your transition? What could have been helpful? Maybe there is no point in saying anything, as this is their journey, and if they at some point start to feel differently they will come to the conclusions on their own. I don't want to be a pushover but celebrating the identities feels wrong to me personally.
I would have needed multiple people saying the same thing.... " don't do this, it's a mistake " In my day it was different, people who transitioned were rare oddities. Now, there are so many transitioners, there is also real push back and those that can see clearly what is at the root of it. As you said, it is performance , coping, transformation rather than acceptance and real inner transformation.
@@Call-Me-Sam Yeah... I just feel like they will not be able to take that in while in the midst of the beliefs they have about themselves. Most people probably know about detrans by now and some dismiss them completely by thinking of them as dangerous transphobes... Very black and white, lazy thinking, that makes me boil inside. It gets really argumentative, even hostile, really fast. But I shall do my best and plant seeds they can explore should they feel any inkling to do so. At least I can refrain from celebrating - nobody can force me to celebrate beliefs that totally counter mine.
@@parus_1671 Planting seeds is pretty much all we can do... as you you said, concerned conversation can so easily become defensive and the person then holds on more tightly to the idea. We all have to work it out in our own time , at our own pace .
@@karentonks7581 Thanks Karen, just doing my best to work it all out. The weather here has been pretty challenging over the last week or so.... as soon as I get a break I'll be making another video
This video popped out of nowhere. I know exactly what you meant about needing to scream in the faces of our abusers. I wrote a letter to my mum telling her what I've had to go through in order to heal because i need her to fucking know what she did and what I've had to endure to fix her bullshit
Hurt people, hurt others.... and so it goes, down through the generations. The world can be a terrifying , horrific place but our work in healing ourselves transmutes that horror into something meaningful that changes not only our lives but the lives of others ... now that is something we can do for each other.
Hi Karen, personally I think I've been pretty lucky with my local health care. I have a good counsellor that I can call anytime and we speak regularly , He's been super supportive on a very personal level. My main " therapy " is private, not NHS, I pay out of my own pocket whatever I can afford. We're unconventional people so we need unconventional methods. Your question is timed perfectly as in the next video I'm going to mention the two people who have helped me most. If you ask this question under my next video, I'll pin it to the top and I'm sure you'll get a long thread underneath it !
@@Call-Me-Sam Well kind of, yes. I’ll explain in detail. We can be even massively overwhelmed by a feeling but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s to be taken as credible. The feeling can be created from a flawed perspective and give bad results. For example, have you seen the Bushman pranks on RUclips? A guy scares the bejeezus out of passersby who leap into the air. Before their feet touch the ground they’re already laughing at how their instincts were tricked. Same thing with trauma-based feelings. Sure the emotions can be extreme and create even physical complications but that doesn’t mean they’re actually credible feelings. Mind - I’m not saying ‘these aren’t feelings’, I’m saying that the strength of the feeling has no automatic connection to them being credible. A very tiny, back of the neck feeling can be taken as completely credible and you’ll be right. So with that explained, my important question is; do you have a mechanism to decide, like the pranked people, to categorize your feelings as credible as opposed to non-credible? Just to be extra-careful and clear, I’m not suggesting your feelings aren’t real or even hurtful. Do they arise out of the child mind or the adult mind? In my prank example, you can see toddlers remain hiding behind their parents legs long after the adults are shaking hands and laughing. They just don’t get it, they’re still wondering, “Good gravy what just happened to my world and is this what it is all going to be like, I can’t trust my senses?” My point is that us traumatized adults can still be having thoughts and feelings being fed to us from that child mind. They’re not credible thoughts, resulting in extreme but still, non-credible feelings. Can you consciously perform the exercise to categorize between credible and non-credible feelings even while you’re right in the middle of these?
Thank you, I think you explain the essence of being trapped in the loop of reliving past traumatic events as though they are still happening, hyper vigilance. Every day I deal with this and live with varying intensity of fear. I go through the exercise of discerning whether my physical and emotional response is appropriate . Over the last year I have actually made miraculous progress and this has really provided hope .... evidence based hope, that I can continue to very gradually refine my discernment and as you say, differentiate between child mind and adult mind. I think the process is really one of integration as the childlike emotional range expands and matures. this takes time of course and I do have help.
@@Call-Me-Sam Hey that’s great. I have another perspective to share. We have a child mind, and an adult mind. Healing consists of taking what’s in the child mind and handing it over to our adult mind for proper, long-overdue processing from the appropriate perspective. Our adult minds can understand practically everything and make sense of it all and achieve peace. In fact, anything (and I mean anything) your child mind hands over to the adult mind will be gobbled up in short order. Your adult mind is standing right there ready, willing and able to feed on it, lick it’s lips and ask for more. Your adult mind has zero fear and I mean absolute zero, therefore any fear you’re experiencing you can reliably relegate solely to the non-credible, child perspective. After that process, whatever that problem was will be gone forever. It’s practically instantaneous and permanent; no backsliding possible. So your powerful adult mind which already exists and is right there on standby begging you to give over that childish stuff for processing, is the standard to compare your feelings to. Here’s where it gets really extreme. All the way out of range anxiety, fear, hyper awareness - all of that is non-credible. You will be tortured for as long as it takes to hand that child-mind stuff all over to your adult mind but here’s how to help with it - you must consciously tell yourself “these feelings are completely not credible and would take hardly any time to disappear forever.” That doesn’t make the feelings go away of course, but it starts the incredibly important process of categorization which nobody taught us. Plus, it will start making the feelings easier to bear as you start taking charge. The phrase is also good because it provides not just long-range but immediate hope. Try it, because in the very moment of consciousness when you’re saying that phrase, you will be occupying the adult mind and the child mind will be relegated to the background. When you stop your programming takes over and the problems return. So what you do is, the more you say it, the more the adult comes to the fore and with enough repetition, the phrase starts to stick and become a program of it’s own. This time, a helpful program from the powerful adult perspective.
This is the second of your videos I'm watching. I want desperately to turn away from what you'resaying. I feel sick to my stomach listening to your story because I think it might be my story too.
Once we begin to see clearly there is no turning away. Be brave and all will be well, you will be supported in ways that will seem mysterious . The world wants us in it, wants our participation and we cannot truly do that if we are held within the protection and isolation of illusion. This is why I call it initiation into life, into presence ....... becoming real. Love Sam
SAM you really need to write a book to help others understand themselves and loved ones to help understand those who are still suffering from toxic shame and self annihilation. I have always been told I should write a book. It’s title will be Behind or Beneath The Mask 🫣 ✨🙏🏼✨
I have never believed that man's freedom consisted in doing what he wants, but rather in never doing what he does not want to do. - Rousseau. The scenery fits the subject beautifully, the distance all around. Thank you. ❤
Thats a great quote . Thank you. Yes, this video was made during a time of beautiful weather and also beautiful solitude , just me and the dogs and wild Scotland.
@@Call-Me-Sam It's stunning. Very much part of the message. So glad to join you on the path to healing!
@@Call-Me-Samaww that’s so cool.❤ I love going with you to take your dogs out! They’re both so good. Well trained Sam.
That's a great quote!
"There are no shortcuts - only deferments." My body held on till I was safe. Then the feelings, memories, and process surfaced. It seemed ironic at the time. Peace now. Years later. Thank you Sam for it all -
You are acknowledged!❤ I understand where you’re coming from. You are Not alone.💞
At 63, resently saw a glimpse of myself on a video. Walking hunched and smal. Oh what a realisation. Walking taller and taking up space.
Well done !
You are such a beautiful soul Sam. I resonate with your message so deeply. Thank you for putting this out there for the world that is in such need of deep healing, your words help.
thank you for making this video, hugs and love from the Netherlands
Love you too.
Thank you. ❤
Stability & "certainty" entraps up, hides us from the world. It's fear.
To decide to love ourselves; to me, loving me felt & still sometimes feels like a revolutionary thing, a forbidden fruit.
To love myself, consists of a lot of trying & failing & trying again. Multi-month, multi-year habits to build.
Indeed, a life time of gradual change .
I could listen to you all day long. It is so soothing. By allowing yourself to be seen, I feel seen.
Thank you for letting me know. It matters to me that this thing I do here actually means something in the lives of others.
Back soon. X
Thank you ❤️ I relate so much. I am now 42 two grown children - they have me so much purpose and drive. My childhood was horrific. I managed to push it all away for so long. But now I am just entering into menopause and my children have left, it’s all come to the surface! It’s massive… I have crippling anxiety, dissociating and I can feelThe trapped emotions all in my chest/ribs… they are holding on tightly. I have tried so many therapies to access the pain… but I dissociate so much I can’t access it! I don’t even know what memory it is there are so many.
Anyway- sending so much love your way!
We are not alone ❤️
Hi Lorna, in the the next video I'll talk about a couple of people that have helped me greatly, one of which I still have sessions with. Working with her is incredibly difficult but if we need to get to the pain where it is so deeply locked away, it's going to be a painful process...... but ultimately, liberating.
At this time it is so important to be kind to your self and to be compassionate to yourself .
Love
Sam
Thanks Sam ❤️
5 years in to this now… but it’s got more painful… my thoughts are it’s because I am getting close (and obviously focusing on it all too)
The last couple of years I attempted to just reinvent myself needless to say I failed miserably and soon realised everything was still underneath the new persona! Came out very depressed indeed!
Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. We didn’t sign up for this! But we sure can help each other.
One thing this journey has helped me with for sure… sincere Empathy! 🙏🏻
Look forward to your next video x
A lady just recommended this channel. It loks helpful. Watching now.
ruclips.net/video/1eVzl5HA3S8/видео.html
@@lornaelizabeth6290 may I suggest that your increasing pain is a sign that you are ready to heal. The more pain the better, ironically. It means you’re busting through but the pain isn’t the busting through - the pain is you throwing in all your energy to stop the busting through. The more pain you’re in is not the worst, the more pain you’re in all the more immediate and permanent will be your healing. I advise against seeing pain as a negative in this case. It should make you feel excited. The key now is to learn how to dissolve that automated defence mechanism which is consuming volumes of your psychic energy in its misguided attempts to ‘protect you.’
Only the very strongest of us allow ourselves to feel pain - that’s what that is. Be proud of it, but then deal with it.
Same! When my kids left that’s when it really hit me
So articulate, so beautifully put. Thank you Sam.
I'm not the narrative, I'm not those experiences, I'm not my 'plans''----drop the 'narrative'. YES. I wept at that---but also at 26:21 after you've said 'The moments are so rich now. I don't want anything'....here I am'. Quite spontaneously, you turn into the sun and close your eyes---like a flower in the chill that turns toward the sun. It's like watching you heal before my eyes. It gives me hope I can do the same.
Hi Carrie, I am very lucky I live where I do and have such supportive friends and dogs of course. The context is very important, how can we begin to heal if we are not supported and nourished by where we live, the friends we have , the works we do... it's possible but very difficult.
We flourish and grow and love and are loved ...... in relationship.
Our path is a life process, there are thresholds of befores and afters , where miraculous changes can be felt but mostly it is slow, gradual and painful and liberating as we begin to inhabit ourself, effortlessly .
Work in progress of course !
Thank you, you saw something beautiful in this video.
Love
Sam
***tears
Beautiful Sam. This gave me goosebumps. Scenery and dogs too. Thank You !
Hi Sam. I am 26 years old and I have been on a journey of letting go of this false identity I have made to survive and feel safe from childhood. Being an adult now, living with complex PTSD, I feel a lot of hurt, sadness, anger, etc. I feel a lot of betrayal from my past by people who were supposed to raise me on unconditional love and acceptance. Instead, I endured two decades of abuse. Now, I am on the journey to find the true self buried under all of the trauma. I want my God given identity, not this contorted, deformed identity given to me by this world.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, as you are not alone. Thank you so much. Myself, you, and others who relate to this are putting in the work. We will get through this. Much love to you Sam.
Thank you Jean. Reading your words I felt your sincerity and yes... "God given " is the key.... Love, Sam
Wow what beautiful scenary. God Bless you Sam
Yes. I've found that we are our Soul - this other- worlldly thing that is US... burried derply under layers & layers of muck- the emotional wounds.
Congratulations, Sam, on the realisations you're coming to.
Many people live their entire life and never find the deprhs of their being that you have already found.
I love your videos. I'm SO happy for you that you're Healing👏😊🩷
your videos are so brave and beautiful
I'm glad for whatever algorithmic randomness brought these to me
thank you
Good Work Sam!❤
Thanks Cindy and thank you for all your comment this morning.
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you Sam for being here through this pain. It’s extremely difficult and honestly I thought I was walking all alone. You’re cool. Good people!💞
It’s interesting when you speak about innocence. Experiencing childhood trauma steals away that innocence. It’s something that I will be writing about in my journal. I’m in a rough space at the moment and I’m working through what is actually coming up for me. I mostly just allow myself to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. I’m better at that now. I like your voice and thank you for sharing your journey. ❤
There is a return to innocence that really does cleanse the feeling of corruption. Feeling without attachment to our story is really helpful . The story is what keeps the wound open . If we can just feel, let the pain come , let it go without the retelling of the why of it all, it really does help a lot.
I talk about returning to innocence here. ruclips.net/video/fhQRrfGxbO4/видео.html
I wish you peace
@@Call-Me-Sam thank you. Releasing the story is what I need to do. I’m holding on to something that was truly frightening from childhood. And that’s what it is a story about something that happened to me but it’s not happening to me now so I don’t need to relive it anymore. I can allow the feelings to come through and then let it go. Then the peace will return. I have some journaling to do. Have a beautiful day. ☀️❤️
Hi Sam
I am not a Dr. or Therapist.
I am a Reverend and an Empath , and recovering Alcoholic.
I want to say to you that I think and feel your life healing journey is coming along well.
I am in my 60's and living with much abuse in my life and finding recovery and also people who have lived what I've lived, My journey mirrors yours.
I have screamed, become so angry that I almost took someone innocent life.
I knew then I needed help.
I don't regret my journey.
I would not be able to help others. Keep going. You have courage to RUclips your path. I don't. I still have some fears to work on. I too am not or ever will be fully 100% recovered until I die. So keep going. And I will keep watching
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you
I can't let go of my abuse. Listening to your videos helps me work through things. I have pushed so many good people out of my life and shut down. I won't let people get close.
I'm so jealous of your whistle. I always wanted to be able to whistle like that but alas!!!
Me too :)
Such a beautiful video.💛 Wow. Xxx.
Loved those quiet moments at the end.✨💛 beautiful. :')
Hi, Sam.
Thank you for your videos. I'm confused and lost, I have been struggling with my identity for some time now. Considering HRT. Now I am thinking, that I have to first learn to love me, just the way as I am now, and maybe I don't need no hormones. I don't know who I am, but I don't want to mask my pain. Your videos are hard to watch for me, because of the feelings I get. The doubt, and pain in me resurface. Thank you for speaking about important stuff.
Its ok to not know who you are .... no one does really, they just pretend because they are scared of the uncertainty in not knowing. Life is a mystery, accepting that is a relief .
We are all here for a reason, everyone has a purpose . The discovery of your purpose requires you to look outside yourself and do your best to build relationships, there you'll begin to discover your gift.
Thats why you're here. There is something that only you can do, in the way that you do it. thats the gift you have been given so that you will share it with others.
Because of trauma we get trapped in self focused attention, we become consumed with our needs and trying to fix ourselves, trying to become something acceptable..... look outside self and you will begin to shift that focus and the trauma will become a part of the background and not so consuming.
I wish you well brave soul.
you are so inspiring Sam ....thankyou for your candid video's and laying yourself bare love as always xxx
Thank you Anita . XX
To hear the truth you speak is a remedy - like cures like. Thank you, Sam!
I'm 54 ....have massive pain in the body and feel like I've been living a wasted life.
Recently (3 years ago)....after another terrible relationship ended I just broke the fuck down.
Now all I hear around me is constant noise.....noise from this planet and everything that is on it.
I want to get away from it all.
I just sit around quietly and just be and let things just go by.
I can no longer go at the pace that I'm expected to.
I'm sick of being a human doing. For once in my life it would be nice to get a chance to pause for awhile and connect with myself.....like a human being.
I've been brainwashed with unrealistic values and beliefs ALL my life.
When do I get a chance to be me?
Lately I've been realizing that I have to make the landscape in my mind peaceful. Make the unconscious conscious and accept that life has a lot of suffering in it.
Thank you for this video.
Subscribed 😊
I hear you. I lived with physical and emotional pain... they are connected and will change as we come into balance ( takes a while )
The truth is that no time is actually wasted. We did what we did, lived how we did, made the decisions and responded to life's ups and downs they way that we did , because thats what needed to happen to get us to the point of change. Or as you say, break the fuck down.
We only change when we absolutely have to. Those patterns are rigid and we use them until we realise they don't actually work.
You're at that point... this is good. Painful and isolating but still good.
Sorrow is a huge part of awakening. The sorrow of the world , the horror right in front of our faces that most people ignore . When we are numb to our own pain, we are numb to the worldpain and the pain of others. People choose not to see and live partial lives because of this.
Seeing ourselves clearly and seeing the pain we feel and have caused others really is the driver of change.
When we begin to see, we have to change so much..... Often, job, friends, location, how we live, the things we do. It isn't easy but as we begin to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, stability emerges quite naturally.
Relationships with others on the path develop and fear subsides as we become more and more truthful.
You're on the path, embrace it and all will be well. It won't be easy but is it easy now ? 😊
@@Call-Me-Sam i feel like everything doesn't matter anymore and there is a comfort in that feeling. I also feel so alone because I watch people in their everyday lives being consumed by everything that truly doesn't matter and have no chance in connecting with them because of it. It's kinda funny when I was trying to learn to heal nothing was actually happening but after the breakdown I just started to do it automatically. When you said that there are incremental stages to the breakdown it made perfect sense and I took a moment to realize those stages. At this point I'm just starting to learn about the noise that I choose or not to choose to listen to......trying to sort out whats helpfull or what is hindering. One way of doing that is listening to ambient music and just connecting with the tones and how my body responds to them. Also....I play guitar and I try to fish out new chords all the time that make me feel an emotion. It's a tough thing to swallow when you see both parts of the iceberg and fully see what you are up against but now I feel like there is nothing more important than finally valuing myself no matter what was lost, never was, or how far behind.
I'm new to your channel and I'm wondering how long has it been since you first saw the entire iceberg?
Again....thank you for the opportunity to learn ....grow ...and share.
Hope the day treats you well 😊
The music and guitar playing sound like a great practice.
Often I get emails from people who also feel that sense of aloneness . The aloneness and the sorrow are part of waking up and becoming real but when we find fellowship with others of a similar understanding, that pain eases a lot.
My next video is going to be about intimacy, this is really what waking up is about. Real intimacy isn't possible until we let go of the strategies and stories that are in the way and radically accept who we are, who have been, the pain, the horrors of our selfishness and then forgive it all.
Then what .... we are here, naked but becoming more truthful as we let go of grasping ways, let go of the past and as you rightly say, begin to value the gift of our life.
Esteeming ourselves really is life changing.
Hmmm, the iceberg. If I'm understanding you.... becoming aware of the previously unseen.
That awareness has taken a while but began catastrophically in 2017 . Thats really when I began to realise I wasn't real and there was an almost unbearable pain within me that I had to start dealing with.
For me, the process of seeing clearly what was hidden had to take time, there was a lot and honestly, the work will take a lifetime. Grief enables the clear seeing of it and then as the protection of self delusion gradually falls away, the detail becomes clearer and clearer. Why I became who I was , what happened , what that did to my mind and on and on understanding goes. We face our shame and self hate and selfishness, all of which need to be faced before we see how vital it is to take responsibility for our lives and stop blaming our past or the pain we feel right now. Everything we do matters, our thoughts and actions ripple out into the lives of others so we need to tread softly and with consideration.
Until we realise what we have hidden from ourselves, are we even here, do we understand why we make certain choices if we are not truly aware of that hidden mass of pain. I think not.
When it becomes clear, the way we conduct ourselves changes and matters more than anything else .
Sorry if that was a bit of a ramble. .
@@Call-Me-Sam not a ramble at all Sam. Like you said "it is comforting talking to others about this".
The lonely part feels lonely but good and healthy. 😊
I will be looking out for your next video for sure 😊
After my last comment a few hours ago.....I kept on think about what you said about the pain going away as you do the work.
It sounded so foreign but delicious at the same time.
I would be very interested in what you experienced personally
.....if you care to share.
Or have you already made a video on the topic?
Were you focused on a specific trama for a period of time and that gave you pain relief or were you just shedding your fake self gradually over time and thats how you got relief?
I'm assuming probably both over a 7 year period.
Sorry, I know the questions seem a little specific and over the top but for the last few hours all I've been thinking about is the possibility of feeling somewhat pain free......even a little.
Thanks again.
Physical pain comes and goes still. When I experience clarity in understanding a loop or mechanism of behaviour and see what I need to change, my body and mind let go a little. Sometimes that letting go is dramatically transformative. My body releases and I stand up straight, pain free.
Not focused on an episode of past trauma , more focused on how it affected my mind and body, how I coped.
We have to stop coping or we cannot change.
Letting go is a choice.
An obvious disclaimer...... I am not a counsellor or Dr but some people who watch my videos and would rather not comment publicly do reach out and we talk on zoom. We just compare insights and experiences and share the healing and awakening process.
My contact address is on my blog linked under each video
Your a true blessing
I promise you from this speech you spoke from the tension you had from the body tighting up my shoulders was so tight up to my neck for so long it's slowing untighting
and learning to heal your mind thoughts over ,,,,,I swear too you believe it or not I can relate to you 💯 ❤😢 ,,,and the dog my angel ,,, had saved me as well ,,walks energy nature they are a true healer ,,,im so dam proud of us to come this far and keep going
Our minds we had to reboot it re program it to heal
Our believe is Incredible ❤
Thank you for this video
I'm.proud of you
Knowing ,,,self love is powerful
Long journey
I just found you ,,and I'm happy to be apart of your journey now ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I'm still in my spiritual healing
Bless you, thank you
Thank you for sharing. Peace and gratitude.❤🙏
Thank you
I'm 50 and last year was diagnosed with BPD. The diagnosis and label alone has spiralled me into isolation.
Hi Karen, I have read a few times that BPD is frequently a misdiagnoses of CPTSD.
Truth is, they're just ways of describing behaviour........ YOU ARE NOT A DIAGNOSES !.
Love
Sam
Always good to hear and see you on here sam x
That's exactly how I felt..no longer Karen but borderline Karen. It's like a second shame from the childhood Shame of even existing. Yes I've read that it is CPTSD. To be honest that makes more sense x
@@karentonks7581 Depending on which era we were born in , we would be labelled differently. The medical INDUSTRY requires a diagnoses so you can be customer for their pills.
CPTSD/PTSD just describes what happens to a person who lives in fear and stress for a long time.
We can change ! .
Please don't be down about the label. It's very treatable if you do the work. (And it could not be entirely accurate).
My own abuse was due to a mom with untreated bpd but I'm here to tell you that it was the untreated part that was the problem, not the bpd label. If you get help and try to keep reaching for wellness you could get to a stable healthy state. You deserve it!
I desperately want to die.
I notice, in my life, all I do is navigate my way through the world...
Doing my best, moment-to-moment,
to endure the least amount of suffering as possible...
And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die.
There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life.
It's just pain and trauma and survival.
I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life.
Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.
I MUST DO MY BEST TO REMEMBER:
When I am feeling/being victimized,
I am over-valuating what I don't have,
and under-valuating what I do have! 😊
I just wrote this under your first comment .
My life is only just beginning to change and I'm in my mid 50s.
You have faith and you have the strength to survive so you also have the strength to heal.
Healing means change, change that feels impossible but it isn't.
Just keep going, keep trying to make small changes that build into gradual and meaningful movement in your life. We need to be in motion, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Over the last year, every time I faced the same agonising loop of painful repetition ... self harm, self hate , despair that nothing could ever change..... I quietly said to my self... " do something different " just a small change, a choice, a response, a different thought, all are a use of our will that provides evidence that we can create bigger change... just keep going and very quickly, movement begins.
Best wishes
Sam
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you so much, Sam. God bless you!
@@GodHelpMe369 For all of my life I believed that the life I wanted was beyond my reach. I felt so broken and unworthy , incapable of anything good.
I felt that only corruption could come form my presence.
It isn't true, we are all already enough, already what and who we need to be and the life that seems so unreachable is already here, all around us, we just can't see it, we don't think we deserve it so we miss the tiny details and clues and the relationships waiting for us to participate within.
In the persistent cruelty of self talk, we program our world view and self image , we withhold ourself from even believing that goodness is possible and that goodness comes from us and through us.
Never doubt that you are loved, you just need to start to know this. These are not simply hollow words. Love is the source of our being, it can be no other way, you are made in love, to share that love..... embody this knowing by being kind to yourself.
Things will change, life is waiting for you and actually needs you to participate...... you are a vital, important, essential part of Gods plan, made for a reason that ONLY YOU can fulfil.... think about that . You and only you can do what God has made you to do.
Begin that discovery of purpose by radically accepting your self , flaws and all... then kindness and self compassion will come naturally . We can't change if we are cruel to our selves ... BE kind.
Your purpose will reveal itself.
I have lived a tortured life but not anymore, what I write here is just my experience, but that experience of love and kindness and self compassion is real and in my life now I see the material evidence everyday .
Take care.
Love
Sam,
@@Call-Me-Sam wow! beautiful! thank you so much!
Awww 🥰 Yes you have an animal too.😊
When observing and accompanying you in nature and with those absolutely divine dogs, I am blessed to see and experience the peaceful, vulnerable, comforted, gentle, tender, curious, playful, compassionate, kind, calm, warm, contemplative, joyful, unscarred, innocent love child emerging from one’s healing adult self.
Life, the vast journey of traveling full circle back to one’s original God conceived state and born pure core, Love.
Keep whistling grace, hope, forgiveness, fortitude and faith while you work in nature with your perfect puppy apostles!
Infinite gratitude, Layne
Thank you Layne. XX
Again, thank you, from my heart for sharing your journey and raw personal experiences... especially from 20:00 onward.
Thank you I'm glad this made sense to you.
-10 degrees!! Sam, you are resilient!! Here, in Niagara Falls, Canada, -10 = 2 hats, hoodie, scarf around the face, 20 min outside before running home for a hot bath!! The dogs too
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, especially in such an articulate and poetic way.
Thanks Karen. I do love the winter
I’d rather that than 40c 🥵 like here hate it. Love cold. 🥶
I'm 72yo las March, about then cut back to 1 8cup pot a day, for years i made two 8 cup pots and drank it all . Retired truck driver w/no savings. But relate to your story in many ways. Keep on keeping on Sam
Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I'm not alone❤ thank you for sharing and helping me with this internal external chaos of a brain that is doing its best
As you heal yourself, you help to heal the world. Sending you healing love, Sam.❤
Thank you Rita
Thank you, Sam. I get so much strength from you! I'm facing a little eh...situation...at work. Nothing compared with your trauma, but something I need to walk through as calm and stable as possible. Here I feel I can do it. I also got a wonderful feeling that I'm a space woman, a creature composed of mysterious dust (dust to dust, you know). Nothing to worry about really. Just walk your path and you will be ok.
And how I love your Scottish landscapes! The sky is always amazing too. Nice to meet some surprise animals too. Little everyday things, but so precious.
I love this " I'm a space woman, a creature composed of mysterious dust (dust to dust, you know). "
Yes, the little everyday things are just so damn precious. Take care xx
💋❤️🌹I love you Sam, you are beautiful.
So beautiful, so rich in spirit💎💎
Thank you for this! I relate so deeply to you and feel so much love for you. IFS has freed me from so much of my life long (65 years,) CPTSD! I pray you investigate it if you should ever find you reach a plateau and can’t quite get free yet. But wow do I ever love the healing place you describe and you’ve been taken to! I compltely get it! ❤
Thank you
Thank you for sharing your story, how you describe what you experience, going through the pain. I understand better.
Take care!
Thank you
this walk this scenery unreal i absolutely have to visit Scotland
Taken me 65 years to get through. "Three score years and ten". 6 the number of man. 60 years to get through our human stuff. Takes patience. God has the faith to bring you through. No matter what form you take, at any point along the way. All it takes is willingness (intention/heart/passion/desire) and to "work out your salvation in fear and trembling" (I do not come from an institutional perspective AT ALL, but from a metaphysical, metaphorical way of thinking) - these words are ours to make sense of, for ourselves, if we so desire. In fact, each letter holds meaning and can help us understand). He does the healing. "Malachi 4:2 ...unto you that revere my name shall the Sun of clarity arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall." Thanks, Sam.
Wonderful scenery! Lovely to see you. ❤
Thank you for talking it out. Thank you for letting me see you, you beautiful man!
Thank you for all your comments and support
@@Call-Me-Sam yw, Sam. Thank you for responding so kindly💖
Thank you. I resonate with your perspective. God bless you 💜
Thank you. It took me a long while but yes, God is the key.
Stunning human. ✨Wow. Xxx.
I’m trying to figure out who I really am as I let go of my trauma. Complex trauma has owned so much of my life, and now that I have no choice but to take it head on, to heal it to save my own life. How do you find the true self? Thank you for your beautiful courage Sam.
Let your heart break, grieve the loss you were too scared to feel and gradually you will become present . I talk about this in my more recent videos. I wish you well.
Animals heal us through relationship, thank God ❤
They really do, beautiful innocence .
How the actual fuck is this my life at 44?
- Forever perpetually alone and single (never ever been in a real relationship)
- Never ever had a real friend
- Poverty
- Failure
- Fat
- Diabetic
- Lonely and alone
- Frumpty-dumpty (everyone thinks I'm so old)
- Child-less
- No family of my own
I'm in hell and there's no escape.
I'm drowning in grief and rage.
My soul is raped.
I am traumatized and paralyzed.
PRAYER:
Lord, I pray for healing:
physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually,
In JESUS' name: break every chain, stronghold, yoke,
every generational curse, and all witchcraft, and spell work.
Holy Spirit, anoint me: from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.
Release me, completely, from every darkness looming around me, in Jesus' name.
Shine your light, your healing, your saving grace, and power over me.
And FILL me with YOUR AGAPE LOVE and grace.
I speak peace over my heart and mind and soul and body, in JESUS' name.
So be it. So it is. Praise be to God. Hallelujah!
🧡🙌
Thank you, God, for Guiding me with your love and light!
Thank you, God, for Surrounding me with your love and light!
Thank you, God, for Protecting me with your love and light!
Thank you, God, for Imbuing me with your love and light!
Thank you, God, for Cloaking me with your love and light!
I am loyal to Love, I am not loyal to abuse... *This is Gospel
If there's a Goliath in front of you -
there's a David inside of you!
Hallelujah!!!
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
My life is only just beginning to change and I'm in my mid 50s.
You have faith and you have the strength to survive so you also have the strength to heal.
Healing means change, change that feels impossible but it isn't.
Just keep going, keep trying to make small changes that build into gradual and meaningful movement in your life. We need to be in motion, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Over the last year, every time I faced the same agonising loop of painful repetition ... self harm, self hate , despair that nothing could ever change..... I quietly said to my self... " do something different " just a small change, a choice, a response, a different thought, all are a use of our will that provides evidence that we can create bigger change... just keep going and very quickly, movement begins.
Best wishes
Sam
Such a beautiful place for a video.
Thank u .I'm a ex child counselor.yes I've experienced abuse also.. I'm one who compartmentalized it all.
I think we have to, to survive..... I don't consider it a " disorder " just a response. So we can break down those inner walls and begin to free ourselves form, our refuge.
The Light Becomes you, my friend
Sam, good video, can i just say one thing to you, you give good advice to those who watch you and suffer too, that i will say do it with all your heart and the soul in you, but when you say that you are all over the place because that you had too much coffee, this is only my view on this and no other, but i felt when i drank coffee back in the day about 10yrs ago, it increased my anxiety attacks, so i tried orange juice, but that had chemical's in the mix, so i tried just boiled water and just water, and i feel much better, for our bodies need real minerals to keep us going and not chemical's in foods or drinks or our water, it is just a thought and i am no expert in this matter but just knowing that to repair that is lost in us we must find the right keys to mend us as we walk this path in life.
I hear you and do monitor my coffee consumption, cutting down when I feel its necessary. Thank you
God I need my ☕️ 😂
this is second video I watched, I don't know your full story but I can see the pain you have been through and I can't even imagine what it was... I have my own 'issues/trauma' that I am healing from and next to yours they are nothing but they destroyed me for long time. Anyway I took action, I'm in therapy and I'm in process of healing.
I want to ask you, what can parents do to protect their children?
God bless you 🙏
Thank you. I don't think we can protect from all harm but we can prepare by being truthful, bring children into understanding of what truth means. In my experience most people are terrified of truth.
We want to hold onto stories and illusions of how the world is and who we are, stories and illusions help us deal with fear and keep us in self centredness.
Better to see clearly and be prepared.
A spiritual context for our lives is, I think , essential.
Life is a spiritual journey where we gradually see clearly the horror of our own self centredness and learn to move past our fear and into relationship with Source.... God.
Its a huge question you ask. This is a small answer but a good start.
God bless you too.
You are very much loved ❤
Thank you Violet
I have multiple acquiantances and friends, all under 30, identifying as the opposite sex or as non-binary. I can't claim to be all knowing, and I for sure have all kinds of masks that eventually need to be shed, but I can't help but see their new gender identities as performances made to save them for vulnerability, from being really seen. Like it's so painful to meet oneself and this thrilling "new me" takes one as far as possible from that place.
One has recently started to identify as a trans woman and started HRT. She has since been hyped up and celebrated, all the while publicly announcing that she hates herself and these hype ups are the thing that keeps her going. It just seems so tragic.
What would you have liked to hear when you were just starting your transition? What could have been helpful? Maybe there is no point in saying anything, as this is their journey, and if they at some point start to feel differently they will come to the conclusions on their own. I don't want to be a pushover but celebrating the identities feels wrong to me personally.
I would have needed multiple people saying the same thing.... " don't do this, it's a mistake "
In my day it was different, people who transitioned were rare oddities. Now, there are so many transitioners, there is also real push back and those that can see clearly what is at the root of it.
As you said, it is performance , coping, transformation rather than acceptance and real inner transformation.
@@Call-Me-Sam Yeah... I just feel like they will not be able to take that in while in the midst of the beliefs they have about themselves. Most people probably know about detrans by now and some dismiss them completely by thinking of them as dangerous transphobes... Very black and white, lazy thinking, that makes me boil inside. It gets really argumentative, even hostile, really fast. But I shall do my best and plant seeds they can explore should they feel any inkling to do so. At least I can refrain from celebrating - nobody can force me to celebrate beliefs that totally counter mine.
@@parus_1671 Planting seeds is pretty much all we can do... as you you said, concerned conversation can so easily become defensive and the person then holds on more tightly to the idea. We all have to work it out in our own time , at our own pace .
Your dogs are beautiful ❤
My friends dogs. I'm lucky that I have friends with dogs, the dogs have really helped me begin to feel self worth and love.
@@Call-Me-Sam yesss I'm so happy they have dogs for you to have around you ,,,your gift of love that protected you in self love
makes me smile 😊
good vid
Thank you
Wren aves.. psychiatry is driving me mad...interesting read ..xx
Shit ! just read a few sentences of a post . What f****d up times we live in.
I've booked marked it. Thank you. x
Crazy x
@@karentonks7581 A lady who commented just put me onto this channel.... ruclips.net/channel/UCBkXgr0E9ZWUg4iSDEUKqVA. Looks really interesting .x
Thanks Sam. I really enjoy listening to you. I find you very raw and real about it all x
@@karentonks7581 Thanks Karen, just doing my best to work it all out. The weather here has been pretty challenging over the last week or so.... as soon as I get a break I'll be making another video
This video popped out of nowhere. I know exactly what you meant about needing to scream in the faces of our abusers. I wrote a letter to my mum telling her what I've had to go through in order to heal because i need her to fucking know what she did and what I've had to endure to fix her bullshit
I hear you. As I aged I came to know more of what both my parents endured in their own childhood, forgiveness came more easily then.
@Call-Me-Sam they had a choice though and for me I can't forgive. I can still love them though
@@willd6215 Agreed.
x X ❤ X x
WTF HAVE WE DONE TO EACH OTHER.
Hurt people, hurt others.... and so it goes, down through the generations. The world can be a terrifying , horrific place but our work in healing ourselves transmutes that horror into something meaningful that changes not only our lives but the lives of others ... now that is something we can do for each other.
Hi Sam.. I just wondered if any of your audience including yourself had any bad experiences whilst under the mental health care system?.xx
Hi Karen, personally I think I've been pretty lucky with my local health care. I have a good counsellor that I can call anytime and we speak regularly , He's been super supportive on a very personal level.
My main " therapy " is private, not NHS, I pay out of my own pocket whatever I can afford.
We're unconventional people so we need unconventional methods.
Your question is timed perfectly as in the next video I'm going to mention the two people who have helped me most.
If you ask this question under my next video, I'll pin it to the top and I'm sure you'll get a long thread underneath it !
Look forwards to listening to the next one dam.. Thanks
Sam I mean 😄
@@karentonks7581 😊
What is EMDR..?
www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/eye-movement-reprocessing
Here’s my question; to what degree can you categorize between credible and non-credible feelings?
Credible in what context ? Are you asking how does one know what is real ?
@@Call-Me-Sam Well kind of, yes. I’ll explain in detail. We can be even massively overwhelmed by a feeling but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s to be taken as credible. The feeling can be created from a flawed perspective and give bad results. For example, have you seen the Bushman pranks on RUclips? A guy scares the bejeezus out of passersby who leap into the air. Before their feet touch the ground they’re already laughing at how their instincts were tricked. Same thing with trauma-based feelings. Sure the emotions can be extreme and create even physical complications but that doesn’t mean they’re actually credible feelings. Mind - I’m not saying ‘these aren’t feelings’, I’m saying that the strength of the feeling has no automatic connection to them being credible. A very tiny, back of the neck feeling can be taken as completely credible and you’ll be right. So with that explained, my important question is; do you have a mechanism to decide, like the pranked people, to categorize your feelings as credible as opposed to non-credible? Just to be extra-careful and clear, I’m not suggesting your feelings aren’t real or even hurtful. Do they arise out of the child mind or the adult mind? In my prank example, you can see toddlers remain hiding behind their parents legs long after the adults are shaking hands and laughing. They just don’t get it, they’re still wondering, “Good gravy what just happened to my world and is this what it is all going to be like, I can’t trust my senses?” My point is that us traumatized adults can still be having thoughts and feelings being fed to us from that child mind. They’re not credible thoughts, resulting in extreme but still, non-credible feelings. Can you consciously perform the exercise to categorize between credible and non-credible feelings even while you’re right in the middle of these?
Thank you, I think you explain the essence of being trapped in the loop of reliving past traumatic events as though they are still happening, hyper vigilance. Every day I deal with this and live with varying intensity of fear. I go through the exercise of discerning whether my physical and emotional response is appropriate .
Over the last year I have actually made miraculous progress and this has really provided hope .... evidence based hope, that I can continue to very gradually refine my discernment and as you say, differentiate between child mind and adult mind.
I think the process is really one of integration as the childlike emotional range expands and matures.
this takes time of course and I do have help.
@@Call-Me-Sam Hey that’s great. I have another perspective to share. We have a child mind, and an adult mind. Healing consists of taking what’s in the child mind and handing it over to our adult mind for proper, long-overdue processing from the appropriate perspective. Our adult minds can understand practically everything and make sense of it all and achieve peace. In fact, anything (and I mean anything) your child mind hands over to the adult mind will be gobbled up in short order. Your adult mind is standing right there ready, willing and able to feed on it, lick it’s lips and ask for more. Your adult mind has zero fear and I mean absolute zero, therefore any fear you’re experiencing you can reliably relegate solely to the non-credible, child perspective. After that process, whatever that problem was will be gone forever. It’s practically instantaneous and permanent; no backsliding possible.
So your powerful adult mind which already exists and is right there on standby begging you to give over that childish stuff for processing, is the standard to compare your feelings to. Here’s where it gets really extreme. All the way out of range anxiety, fear, hyper awareness - all of that is non-credible. You will be tortured for as long as it takes to hand that child-mind stuff all over to your adult mind but here’s how to help with it - you must consciously tell yourself “these feelings are completely not credible and would take hardly any time to disappear forever.” That doesn’t make the feelings go away of course, but it starts the incredibly important process of categorization which nobody taught us. Plus, it will start making the feelings easier to bear as you start taking charge. The phrase is also good because it provides not just long-range but immediate hope.
Try it, because in the very moment of consciousness when you’re saying that phrase, you will be occupying the adult mind and the child mind will be relegated to the background. When you stop your programming takes over and the problems return. So what you do is, the more you say it, the more the adult comes to the fore and with enough repetition, the phrase starts to stick and become a program of it’s own. This time, a helpful program from the powerful adult perspective.
Thank you very much. This is really helpful and I will do it and we shall see results in future videos !
Thanks again.
This is the second of your videos I'm watching. I want desperately to turn away from what you'resaying. I feel sick to my stomach listening to your story because I think it might be my story too.
Once we begin to see clearly there is no turning away. Be brave and all will be well, you will be supported in ways that will seem mysterious . The world wants us in it, wants our participation and we cannot truly do that if we are held within the protection and isolation of illusion.
This is why I call it initiation into life, into presence ....... becoming real.
Love
Sam
I do have one thing against you, Sam: your whistle woke up my 9 year old kitten!
😊
-10 whew 😰
Yeah, it's cold but very beautiful thjis time of year
can*t understand -what is your trauma ?
I don't think it matters
@@We_Are_All_Vultures 😋
Extreme neglect and sexual abuse...
@@danimal118 sorry for you - we are all connected -will try to help you !
SAM you really need to write a book to help others understand themselves and loved ones to help understand those who are still suffering from toxic shame and self annihilation.
I have always been told I should write a book. It’s title will be
Behind or Beneath The Mask 🫣
✨🙏🏼✨