I experienced a breakdown and will never be the same again
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- Breaking the pattern of you. From 14:55 I stopped myself saying something. I think I didn't want to mention death but this process is a death..... the death of illusion and the acceptance of reality.
animacontact@protonmail.com
Just discovered you Sam and so happy I have because everything you say really really helps. It’s uncanny that I saw a short video yesterday that resonated about eagles. Don’t know anything here but it explained that eagles can live to 80 years. At 40 years they have the most difficult decision…. Their beaks are too curved, claws weakened feathers worn. They either die or fly to the mountain where they spend 150 days breaking off their beak so a new one grows, same with claws and shedding feathers. After his process they survive. It was a stark story but if true, why should people expect a smooth journey? You have left me with so much to think about on my journey through inter generational terror.
Alexandra, I shall pin this comment to the top. I think it will help a lot of people. Bless you and welcome .
@@Call-Me-Samthanks for pinning
I. may be doing the talking but the channel is made by everyone that participates . Including you.
Wow. I did not know that.
This info about eagles is very profound and apropos for those of us going through mid-life crises. Thank you! 🦅
"The pain is not yours. You don’t need to carry it, you can put it down." Thank you for those words.
I want to put it down. So far I'm failing at that.
@@websurfer5772 hugs
That is so true, it's other people's pain that is passed on.
We must keep reminding ourselves to let it go 💚
It only occurred to me a few years ago that all I had to do was give myself permission.. something that I never did. It's pretty powerful when you do don't you think?
You're an extraordinary person Sam and I suspect you have no idea of how remarkable you are. Its a rare person that can stand in the crucible of their trauma and let it shift them so powerfully. Im glad to hear that you're in calmer waters for the time being. You should write, you have a lovely way with words x
Thank you. I think I reach more people by speaking and hopefully as I speak more clearly I will reach those that need support.
What a lovely message, and oh how I agree 🩵
You are extraordinary Sam. Your words made me cry. I hope things get better for you. I wish I could give you a hug. 💜
Thanks for verbalising all of our collected grief xx
❤
The language you use probably sounds very strange to anyone who has not experienced a breakdown but you’ve managed to articulate what I’ve never managed to. When you speak with your beautiful voice it sounds like poetry to me and it makes perfect sense.
Thank you. I'm happy that this helped
Sam I was sexually abused as a boy and it destroyed my life. I am now 65 and just survive daily. I had many relationships over the years, but have never been able to heal that little boy inside. I am healing slowly. Thanks for sharing your story.
ONLY JESUS CAN HEAL YOUR PAIN AND FORGIVENESS OF THE ABUSER OR ABUSERS ❤
So awful. 💚 so sorry
There is an old Celtic legend about a bird, which sings only once in its life.It sings that single song more sweetly than any other creature on the face of this earth. From the moment it leaves its nest, this bird searches for a thorn tree and does not rest until it has found one. Having found the thorn tree the bird sings among the tree’s savage branches and impales itself on the longest, sharpest spine. Then, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. The whole world stills to listen and God in his heaven smiles. The best is accomplished at the cost of the greatest pain, so says the legend.
I have never been able to put words to my suffering so I find such beauty in yours. May God continue to Bless you.
🙏🏻💜🙏🏻
This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing it and thank you for you lovely words of support.
Read the book or watch the tv series Thon Bird.
My favorite.
Thorn Birds by Colleen Mc Cullogh (written in 1980’s and later tv series)
I had a breakdown 7 years ago after years of abuse in intimate relationships, I have been in therapy and healing in nature and with animals I live in Stirling it’s a beautiful city I live below Stirling castle, Sam I love your vides, I just joined gym and I’m doing somatic exercises to release the trauma, I love my life now it’s a journey but so worth it, I respect me and care what happens to me. Xx
Thank you. Wonderful... grounding yourself in your body is such a good thing to do and is so helpful as we gradually learn to inhabit ourselves with greater presence . I shall be swimming again soon. Can't wait!
The Natural world is a healer, it’s where we’re supposed to be
I had a breakdown in 1994. It was work related. I felt I had lost all control of what was going on around me even on a moment to moment basis. Feelings of complete despair and helplessness had taken over. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but that isn't true. You carry a wound for the rest of your life and if anything it's a sounding board for everything you do. You never want to go there again. No victimhood whatsoever but an evaluation tool that causes you to know you have the knowledge to rise up above it but you're also more humble and your spirituality is deepened.
Yes, humility comes at the cost of the certainty of our ego and the illusion of control. So true, thank you for commenting
When you say you “felt as if you had lost control of what was around you”, have you realized yet that your sense of control was an illusion the whole time, and although you may have felt you had control at one point in time, that the truth is you never had, don’t now have, and never will have control of anything during the human experience? The illusion of control in any manor is exactly that, there is no control, and that should feel freeing, at least it feels that way to me after I made the realization about 7 years ago.
@@jimmcd5660 I lost my grip on the job I was doing making it impossible to function or even think straight. I became completely ineffective. I think you are talking about control in a much more general sense. I was literally unable to function from moment to moment. It was the strangest feeling I ever had.
Yep I agree.
Never have I felt the need to hug another man quite as much.
Sending peace.
The birds chirping with you really spoke to me. We're in natures conversation. Youre a beat, a rhythm, a song. Have you tried humming and singing your pain, or music as therapy? I feel like your primal need to scream at the sky was the beginning... Music really moves these feelings and energy. I just wrote my first song, no experience or instrument, and it helped me humor much of what i was struggling. I send you much love Sam! Thank you for sharing 💜🤝
It's good to see you here. I just try to be still and silent and let the world with all its noises and sensations find me. This is as close to peace as I have found.. Best wishes and love to you and your family . X
@Call-Me-Sam You said it perfectly. Just allow the stillness and silence to be. You articulated the process of healing and becoming present very well. The old conditioned patterns will continue to unravel and dissipate. Again, beautifully said.
Thank you.
I was touched by your video. I prayed for you and felt led to send you this, hope it gives some hope and comfort...
Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV) Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Peace and good wishes.
God bless you ❤
@@Iamthepossum
Thank you. :)
@@Iamthepossum
The Lord used you to encourage me, thanks.
Amen 🙏
Thank you for sharing the intimate details of your life. I had a breakdown 12 years ago. I was forced into a 72 hour psych hold. I realized I wasn’t crazy, just fed up with the world and everyone in it. The solution from the doctors was medication. I tried it and it did nothing to make the world seem any better. I feel like it’s hard to be alive at times. I just take every day one day at a time and try not to worry about tomorrow. I won’t take medicine ever again. Being in nature helps me to feel a little better. Away from people and the nastiness of the world. One day our pain will end. I just try to look for any good in the world I can find in the meantime. It’s not always easy to find though. But I realize there is good if you know where to look. Sending a big hug and lots of love your way ❤
Bless you. Thank you for my HUG. Your experience , I've heard a lot, the psych wards do far more damage than the actual breakdown. We break because the world is broken and we just can't normalise that brokenness .
" it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society " krishnamurti
I resonate with this !! Similar experience in my late teens early 20s. It was the darkest time of my life . I had to reinvent myself from nothing. Thanks for sharing ❤️❤️
@@Brooklynbaby47 I wish you all the best friend ❤️
The little birds kept chirping. Poet
I feel horrible pain all of a sudden and then it goes away. Ive been mostly house bound for over a year. I was depressed and on top of that i lost someone in my family. Im just numb, i watch youtube all day. Nothing makes sense. Take care everyone ❤❤❤
When we are stuck, only we can unstick ourselves ....I know it feels impossible but we need to be in motion for change to happen . Motion invites change. We need to do something different , As I said in this video ... " break the pattern".
There is a part of us that doesn't want change. Where we are, even though we feel empty and numb and alone, it is familiar and change means the unknown.
Be brave, use your will to create movement in your life, just start small and build from there..... good things will happen.
Love
Sam
@@Call-Me-Sam thanks. I know it. I feel better when im out of the house. But i have no reason to be out of the house. I lost my will. Im ashamed of my actions, how my life turned out, my body, my sickness. Its been going on for 10 years. I was made to hide my sickness and i became really good at hiding it. It became too much and i lost everything in about months time. Became like a child because of trauma triggers and i guess ADHD. Only woke up now to my losses: relationship, trying for a child, my dad, my relationship with my sisters fam and my elderly mum, starting my company, my fitness, my body connection.
@@klik-klik28 I understand... but you do have will, you chose to comment, you chose to be honest and be visible. We have to forgive ourself and be here now.
You’re not alone in this feeling, I feel horrendous grief/shame/fear/sadness like I’m being physically attacked and then switch to feel like it’s okay and I can cope and I think it’s the body’s way of dealing with the pain otherwise it would be all too much at once, we’d die or feeling like we’re dying. Thanks Sam for replying, I’ve just found your videos now. It’s pretty scary to watch bc it’s very accurate to what I’ve been experiencing and I’m scared because I don’t know how I’ll truly get out of it so find myself ignoring it them scrabbling at solutions unsure of who to tell what to do where to seek support - so thank you thank you for your videos❤
@@lizziewalsh275 i think you are right about the pain, the body tries to regulate and thats why the pain comes in waves. I also feel like its hard to know where to turn to. Ive lost my trust towards so many people and institutions that i find it really hard to talk to anyone. Im hoping to find a more healthy living environment for myself in the future, somewhere where movement comes more naturally.
You didn't break down Dear Sam, you broke open. ❤️ So much love to you.
Thank you
That's how the light gets in.....oh, God, yes, yes. Truth. It's so good, isn't it? All of it.
Oh, wow, yes! To break open, I love that analogy.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you~ Rumi ❤
I had a breakdown about five years ago and my whole body shut down I've been fighting ever since to get myself back little by little I'm coming back...and I'm winning this fight but have too be very careful with my nervous system and triggers...but I'll get there...keep fighting we only get one go at this life and I'm not going to let the demons who tried to destroy me win..❤
Well done . Me too, we need to be aware of what supports us and what hinders us.
This was absolutely incredible. You just described, word for word, exactly what I have been going through over the last few years. Hearing this was affirmation that I am not alone, that there is order in the chaos, that there is hope. I can keep going now. Thankyou, your words have been a light in the darkness that I won’t forget ❤
I think the process is universal.... though our experiences are different , the human journey is very similar for us all.
I had a very similar breakdown to yours at the end of 2021, it has been the hardest two years of my life. Your thoughts and realisation’s make so much sense, very helpful.
Thank you
I'm happy this video helped. Keep going, keep opening to what you feel and it will get easier. Don't ever doubt that there will come a time when you can view this pain as a vital teacher in the process of becoming who you really are .
Did you have physical pain symptoms
Let the birdsong awaken-re energise , this crystallised version of you.
You had a breakdown of your sense of self, your identity. In this respect, “breakdown” is a good word. I ended up there myself four years back. I know what you mean. Your description of it all resonates with me. This is an opportunity, as you implied, to build better. These opportunities don’t come often in life. I hope your rebuilding goes well.
You articulated the experience well. Thank you.
Thank you. Yes, gently moving into discovery.
“There is something good in you that you can give”
When we learn this and start to live this we are discovering who we really are.
Beautiful. True words indeed .
Amazing testimony, and truth, and vulnerability here Sam! Thank you! I believe your authenticity can be so helpful to so many who have faced this type of trying process and are yet to do so! Many blessings for you and your life and the revealing of the beauty and peace within, as you come thru the pain.
Thank you.
I went nuts a few decades ago. I gradually recovered on my own, but made Really bad decisions during my recovery. Recovery is possible and even makes you stronger. The main thing is to avoid my mistake of making really bad decisions while I was unbalanced.
I hear you.... I did the same . Just trying to find stability by repeating old patterns and methods .. It doesn't work ... we need to do something else... change !
This is the first time that I have seen your channel. I wanted to say that I relate to everything you said. The trauma, coping patterns, breakdowns, etc... I have been on a path toward healing for many years. I tried the fake it till you make it method, thus my name. I am at a point now in life where I wobble between detachment and fear. I loved what you talked about today. I am looking forward to hearing all of your other videos. TC
Thank you. I'm not sure those fluctuations go away , we just notice them as offerings that we don't accept.
“I could only make sense of myself in desperation” and “without the cope there was only the pain” hit home for me. I resonate deeply with the shift you’re describing. The shift from creating endless narratives about our past to actually being brave to exist in relationships here and now. But first, our “self” with all its stories and explanations has to shatter to pieces. This video is such a moving testimony, Sam! Brilliant and honest, as always.
Thank you Margett. I'm glad this resonated with you.
Yes, this is it exactly. The pain is overwhelming. The journey is almost indescribable, yet Sam has managed to describe it so well. What a gift.
@@Call-Me-Sam happy to see this particular video blow up. From what I can tell, it gained more engagement than usual, and this is wonderful. So many are starving to hear this particular message. Let’s trust it will reach many more ❤
@@margett__ Thank you. It is humbling to read the comments and a little scary to feel so exposed. The channel usually feels so personal and intimate . As I was making the video I had a very strange feeling. The night before I prayed and asked for clarity so I could help others. As soon as I stopped recording the title came to me and I knew that this would be seen by a lot of people. The purpose is to help others and nothing I do I do alone, all healing and discovery is through relationship with God and those seen and unseen helpers. I claim no other role than being a willing participant in the process.
Thanks for your support Margett.
@@Call-Me-Sam I hear you. I remember this one time my channel got a shoutout from a bigger artist with almost a million followers, and all of a sudden the numbers grew. And they kept growing and growing for a couple of days. As it was happening, I felt so exposed and vulnerable. The feeling of not being able to catch up with yourself is scary, and it's difficult to compare it with anything else in this world. The unpredictable nature of the Internet makes it even worse, especially for people like myself who might need an extra ounce of bravery each time there's an opportunity to be seen. No one is prepared to be mirrored by so many at once, let alone those who've been hiding most of their lives. But in your case the whole thing has been divinely guided, no doubt. Parts of my history make me extremely cautious about resorting to the sacred language, and skepticism has saved me on multiple occasions. My own delusions and false narratives all had a portion of religious trauma in them, and I'm still struggling to find an appropriate language to speak about my own spiritual evolution. But even someone as skeptical and stubborn as myself can sense an extraordinary presence in this particular case. All your videos are wonderfully helpful and full of wisdom, but I remember clicking on this one and feeling straight away that you'd managed to speak from a place that maybe you yourself couldn't expect to reach. You were held and supported while filming, and have been all the years prior to that, and it shows in how your words find their way to become sentences and produce meaning. That's why I'm delighted to see this particular one gaining traction. Seeing you being so humble about it is a blessing in itself, but also, credit where credit's due. To become a vessel for the divine and a tool for God, you've had to have completed at least a couple of rounds of going through hell and back. Other people who've been there can recognize this in you straight away. As a result, all the birds of a feather are now in your comments section finding their way to flock together. Something in me also wants to say that the timing is perfect, although I'm not entirely sure where I'm getting this message from. But somehow I have so much trust in everything that's going on here on your channel right now. When divine magic finds a brave soul like yourself, the perfect momentum is born. Who you are and all the details of how you choose to be are crucial for our collective journey. You are so so important, Sam! Please, never forget that.
Thank you for sharing. Peace and gratitude. ❤🙏
And to you too Rhonda
"The spite, fuck this I'm not giving in". Resonated. My breakdown was 3 years ago. The most terrifying process of my life because I couldn't tell if i would make it out alive. Thats what terrified me the most. Thankfully I am still here. I have more compassion for myself and others stories and journeys. Thank you for being so open.
Hi, what you wrote completely reflects how I felt too. Nothing changed quickly either, its a long , ongoing process of change . Thanks for your comment
Oh dear. Thank you, I totally relate, what a gift you are.
I am in that space, lucky to have made it this far, 67, maybe now I will see and find who I am.
Still, from time to time I regurgitate such pain…a wonder I carried that and so much more for so very long. Generations of pain are being healed through us and our kids……..many blessings to you!
This person's light survived hell, I hope he's seen in all of his gentle strength, he's now capable of guiding so many, Sam's a sun🌸
Profound and beautifully painful to watch. So many broken people around us. All we can do is watch while we suffer our own brokenness. My heart goes out to you Sam.
I have BPD and ABSOLUTELY relate with nearly everything you're saying. Your video is inspiring me to want to make a video as well describing what I've been through. You're helping others by revealing and expressing the visceral rawness of experiences.
The shattering of our perceived identity is overwhelming, like ribbons that hold us together yet is torn to shreds, losing the grip that once gave us form and awareness, ego... it is devastating. It is honest. What's left behind is a pure consciousness that is connected to the totality, where we are in wholeness at last- against all odds.
Your speakings of corruption and pain, how we are learned to latch onto the pain and utter desperation, the tormenting comfort of burning yet remaining in our monotonous pits of dire stagnation. Where we chase what we can to feel but a touch of safety. We keep trying to protect ourselves in unhealing ways. On the other hand, we might thirst for punishments and the torrents of misery because we haven't forgave ourselves, for we have yet to free ourselves from the tyrannical weights which seemingly spell, define and dictate us... our identity... our lives. Your video speaks clearly of the release, the truest form of acceptance, the breath of awareness that finally understands that those patterns are in our hands to rewrite. And they are in our hands to let go of. We can become so attached to those patterns, the suffering which has trained and adapted us - yet has actually crushed us so we exist in stubborn fragile ruins. We can see them as our eternity, our forever selves, our stains, our living burdens, our inspirational forces, our consequential truth, our deserved hell. Yet it needn't be so. It takes so much to realize, we don't have to cradle our torment and allow it to own us. It doesn't need to be a permanent aspect, an attachment worn as crown, as ball and chain, as noose, as a veil of devastation... or even as a rose.
Ehh I'm not making sense now lol I've trailed off into my own explanations, but I genuinely appreciated your words and candid authenticity, you speak as a poet gracefully flowing and creating a path of healing which others can recognize and embrace as well. You're a wonderful being, and I wish you all the best - that is - for ataraxia and solace, peace, and the resilience to be exactly as you are, Sam.
You write beautifully !
I believe your channel is a gold mine, you speak very clear and with substance
What a beautiful person.
Sam, you are amazing. I’ve come close to breakdown several times. Each time I evolved into a better, stronger person who could help others. You’ve done similar. God Bless you! Thank you for speaking. People need to listen to you!
I LOVE YOU SAM...AND JESUS DOES TOO...
GIVE IT TO HIM FOR HE WILL RELEASE YOU OF EVERYTHING YOU ARE TROUBLED WITH❤❤❤❤
I KNOW YOU ARE HURTING BUT HE WILL GIVE YOU THE PEACE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.
I AS A HUMAN UNDERSTAND THE HURT YOU FEEL...I MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH THE EXACT THING YOU DID BUT I GET IT...MUCH LOVE ...GOD (JESUS IS THE ANSWER) ALWAYS AND FOREVER...NO OTHER WAY EXCEPT HIM...TRUST ME!!! CRY OUT TO HIM HE WILL REMOVE THE PAIN AND ANGUISH!!!❤❤❤❤
I stumbled onto this a few hours ago, watched about half but I had to stop because it upset me terribly and I had to go for a walk. I just now finished the whole video. The depth of your thoughts is well articulated and the message is clear, to the point. It evokes precise imagery in me. I’m blown away really.
Hi Nancy. Thank you. I do try and be as clear and as truthful as I can. Work in progress of course , as are we all. I hope you find some value here on my channel.
Take care
Sam
Psychosis is the pain coming on too quickly, like a tidal wave of unconscious energy crashing through and into consciousness---of course one will begin to hallucinate as a coping mechanism.
You are in my prayers. Back in '96 I had a mental breakdown and was hospitalised. I was working 3 jobs to keep a money hungry wife happy. I was so,so exhausted. One morning I woke up terribly frightened. Of what I had no idea. I was so scared and began crying uncontrolably. In time, with medication I recovered only to face a terrible depression. Now that took years to get over. I'm ok now, but never forgot that experience.
I'm glad you're doing well now. Being human is hard but worth it .
I watch you and cherish your courage and depth, and the generosity you offer in sharing it. I watch because you inspire me to be courageous in my own syruggles. Thank you for the gift you give us.
Brilliant!…and the clarity, I am in awe of you Sam!
Thank you so much for sharing…
Sam you are such a remarkable human being. Thank you for sharing this. I sent you love and light from germany.
Its an awakening and a seperation from the man made world that tried to shut down your inner light. We are connected to every living thing on this planet. But remember, your vibe is your tribe.
Hi Sam, So glad you found me… When you said “It’s a beginning”, I totally understood that, I too am now, “Who I really am” and it’s beautiful. Grateful always… 😊
Thanks. You have a great gift to speak articulately and compelling about such deep matters. I had a breakdown 30 years ago and don't or can't talk about it. Yes, it is a slow process to put the pieces together again because as you say, it is a different being that comes out the other side that you have to get to know and figure out how that being is going to be in this world.
Beautiful and thank you. I had a breakdown 23 years ago. You have helped me understand today
Thank you for letting me know . Your comment and others like it are really what keeps me committed to sharing as openly as I can .
I can hear in voice that life has given you something very difficult to deal with. I pray that God may help those who are experiencing such pains and experiences that have uprooted their entire lives and all the good they once were and all they know. I have lost so much and I do t seem to be getting any better. By the blood of Jesus I pray that there is some change now, today that shows me a way, the right people who will help me and guide me to get back to a life of joy, prosperity,peace, protection from evil and love for my family, my loved ones and myself. I ask for the intercession of the blessed mother to help me NOW, to protect me and my family from the forces of evil in this world and keep us safe from it for all of our lives.I pray I find the right people to grow with and become a loving family with and enjoy our lives protected and living a life of good and love in Jesus mighty name. Amen
Sam thank u so much for your beautiful eloquence. U have a staggering ability to describe depths that few of us have experienced. As a fellow human on a path of discovery I’d like to say that the truths that u speak, although incredibly difficult due to your past trauma, can be shared and appreciated by anyone willing to strip away the ego and perceived self. The truth u speak is truth for us all no matter our past 🙏🏻🙏🏻
it's funny, I've been experiencing the same shift in tandem with you recently. the shift from a long period of experiencing pain I'd been protecting myself from into truly participating in life. it's strange. and difficult to sustain sometimes, the patterning does want to come back. the identity I'd constructed out of justifying pain wants to come back. it's funny how consciously freedom has to be maintained.
I think that stabilising within a new pattern takes time. I'm being mindful of the familiarity of old habits and that takes a little effort. But, at the same time as that effort, there is a feeling of peace and ease in letting go of those habits ...... if thats not a contradiction.
I was trying to say in this video that there is a foundational pattern that welcomes us and I think eventually becomes effortless, it is where we find our real self in acceptance, truth .... not really a pattern, just reality.
I’m getting closer to that experience and I find actual real peace in listening to you talk about your experience. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you Rebecca.
Hello Sam. Came upon your channel today. We've had very different life journeys but I can resonate so much with what you say about breakdown, the crisis that brings opportunity. I'll be catching up with your previous videos. You live in a beautiful part of the world.
Welcome .
Jesus can and will forgive you IF/WHEN you humbly surrender your heart and life to him. Repent or perish, the choice is yours.
The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Jesus said…
Come to Me, all you who labor and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
Jesus is the ONLY one who can come in and save you. Cry out 🕊💟
Hi Sam. I'm so grateful for this video. It strikes me as a kind of capstone to the ones you've done to date, as it is so profoundly weaves together the themes of so many of your other videos. Watching this a few times in particular with 'The Golden Repair of Boundless Self' has forced me to admit to myself that I've really only had a number of 'quasi-breakdowns'. At times of great stress, I've experienced a sense of loss of self, or heart-wrenching realizations about the true nature of my family (that I was never loved), or how my character consists of just a series of defense mechanisms. Then when 'I' so to speak 'survive' these episodes and become 'productive' again, I have imagined that I have grown. But now I see these recoveries were really only a reconfiguration of my false self ('the fighter', who must 'overcome' my circumstances of familial abuse and profound emotional neglect and family dysfunction). Having wept through many of your installments, I can fully appreciate that I am still resisting the grieving process. I haven't been able to find a good therapist who is knowledgeable about CPTSD. And as you point out, therapy alone does not help us heal. (As you say, it provides the 'why' of what resulted in the formation of my false self.) I find listening to music helps me pursue the grieving process. In fact, your description of the death of the false self-reminds me of the climax of the final movement of this Mahler's 2nd performance (51:52): the first female soloist is singing: 'O believe, my heart, O believe, nothing of you will be lost! What you longed for is yours, yours what you loved'---that is what you call the 'boundless self', the desire to love and be loved---that is, what is *truly* our own. The chorus continues: 'What was created that must pass away! Cease to tremble! Prepare yourself to live!...Die I shall, so as to live!' ruclips.net/video/wgtSa6XYWdE/видео.html
These insights you share are profound and very painful and will help in your own process. You'll know the real grief when it happens. Each agonising tear brings the acceptance of how heartbroken you have been for so long.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful music.
I know breakdowns are so painful but there is a reason for them. To face the fears, grief and pain of this suffering human nature
Wow. So many nuggets of raw wisdom right here. Thank you. New subscriber. 🙏
Just reading the comments and seeing how much people resonate with your words and get comfort. It's amazing. Had a week of feeling a little hopeless and then your video pops up, I watch and I'm suddenly back with myself, my heart, out of my head and back in my body again. Now just enjoying looking out at the early evening sunshine. As always, thank you so much for sharing, Sam.
Glad to help. May your weekend be sunny .
Sam.
Of course you aren't the same person but you will become a stronger version of you.
Part of what you're going through is grief(some think grief is about death but it's about change). If you accept the changes life won't seem so bleak. And you are not alone
Your very smart Sam. Don't let the nightmares get to you. Always write your dreams down.
This is one long truth poem, a generous, gently spoken song. To have captured such a flawless flow on video is a historic event. If only every wounded, seeking soul could have a transcript of these shining words on a page, this document of healing to refer to. . . .
Your story of awakening is beautiful! The journey is not what you expect… you just can’t imagine what it is. “Reduction” is profoundly accurate! Thank you for sharing this! ❤
Now I know: I was headed to the pit of despair when the Lord rescued me. My Savior, my story. There's all different kinds of pain, aren't there. But maybe?... the worst is 'mental, the mind'.
No escaping that, is there. For me, in Christ, I haven't had any of that for decades.
Many people here are resonating with you. 8:17
The Monks and the Boulder.
An old monk and his two disciples were walking through a field when they came across a giant boulder.
The old monk asked the two disciples, “Is this boulder heavy?”
“What?” They replied, not sure if the monk was serious.
Again he asked, “Is this boulder heavy?”
The two monks looked at each other then looked back at the old monk and said, “Yeah. It’s very, very heavy.”
The old monk smiled and replied, “Only if you pick it up.”
"The brittle grasping certainty shatters" that was strikingly accurate for me.
Hi Sam
Just come across you as I prepare to go to church
Was meant to I think
Only time to listen up to where you mentioned acceptance
May I share my journey also took me through acceptance but asking Christ to be with me led to not only acceptance but forgiveness of others and myself
My value is in him
There are no short-cuts but dare to invite him into your journey
Maybe you will be surprised
I am even able now to love my enemies, I love God and others AS myself
Blessings
Sam - no need to suffer any longer. Please read: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I’m 52 years old and it’s the most important book I’ve ever read in my life. I’d read it today. You’ll feel so much better.
such a wonderful book
Randomly was suggested this. Thank you for your vulnerability. This helped me immensely.
I'm glad this helped
I'm 62 and I still have the scars from my childhood. Around the age 12 my mom married her 3rd husband and that was the start of a childhood I really don't remember much of but the worst horror's. She of course reached for religion and got sucked into a cult (all religion is a cult but some are worse). For us kids that just made school and home even worse than it already was. As I read about the effects of childhood trauma I'm the Poster Boy. I can't say I've had a real breakdown just a lot of deep depression episodes. I was lucky, as I aged the triggers are easier to manage now. If you have a breakdown it does make the next time softer and easier. I live alone, have few friends, ruined all my relationships but I was able to afford to live alone and have control over my life. It is so nice to be able to pickup and move on when things get tough. Many times things always turned out better when I started over even thought it was my fault for over reacting.
I'm sorry for what you've been through. We find a way to continue but that longing for intimacy eventually needs answering. As I said in this video, we belong in relationship and that is what is taken from us as children..... our sense of belonging. It's never too late to begin opening ourselves. The vulnerability of it is beyond painful but gradually we can become more present , more available in that essential vulnerability.
No one can find us, no can see us unless we show ourself.
I wish you well.
@@Call-Me-Samwhat a good person, a caring person you are
Fantastic content and you Sam are brilliant at delivery.
Sam!
Just got out of hospital myself, so glad I located your channel again, as I've lost my old one.
Sam not your pattern. Projected pattern from parents and there parents etc. We must break the trauma cycle. A process indeed.
Isn't it weird I feel the same way .I'm a million miles away in a big city. But I understand everything your saying.
You were there all along - you just didn't realise it at the time. Think of "breakdown" like a snake, shedding an old skin it no longer needs so the new, fresh version can emerge. It's you, fighting to get out. It takes a long time to realise the truth - you define yourself. So many people hold tightly to the past and define themselves through what has been and can't be changed without ever realising that they can just as easily define themselves by their actions in the now and what is yet to come. All it takes is the decision.
Thank you so much for sharing what you have been going through. There has been so much excruciating drama. You have been so brave and lovely to the desperate boy inside of you and better understand what behaviors were coping mechanisms. You are so brave, skilled at understanding what you need to do and to allow time to process your feelings. What a journey you have been on. You an inspiration for the healing journey that I have been on.
Thank you Carol
Just found your channel - it just popped in my feed. I’ve only seen this video so far and I don’t know so much yet about your story, but clearly I can relate as I too have suffered as a child and have carried along this ball and chain called PTSD for many, many years.
I always knew God, ever since I was young (I don’t know how I knew Him as my family were firm atheists). It is only recently that I have TRULY stepped into a real relationship with Jesus Christ. I was ready to leave this earth and He saved me from myself and from eternal death. Every morning He is who I turn to, in conversation and prayer and heavy, heavy weeping. It has been a blessing to me to finally let my old self die and my new self be lifted up! I am FINALLY at peace - truly. I weep with joy knowing I have no more shame, knowing my life is filled with peace. No more fear. No more anxiety. I try to find joy in every circumstance.
I hope only the best for your life. May you find peace. ❤️✝️🙏🫶🏻
Thank you
i had a breakdown over a year ago. It was very very painful but also transformative. Changed who I am.
The level of profoundness in your words & the level of courage says it all. well done 🎉
Thank you Sam for such poignant insight.
The result of deep, deep introspection, and soul searching…
Sending heaps of hugs to you.
Thank you Michelle
Like imagine if you had such a powerful imagination that you could imagine an apple and you imagined it so strongly that it would physically materialize right in front of you. That's literally what is happening. The floor you're sitting on is literally that.
Yes ma'am the change will come once you realize it's not done to you but for you so that you can heal from past lives .
Aho, Amen and Selah
Sam you came to mind several days back out of nowhere and thought maybe I should pray on your behalf. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you
I truly appreciated you and everything you shared. Thank you.
I also had a breakdown 10 years ago and it was totally terrifying , as my whole self fragmented, and I lost what sense of self i had . [ I was adopted , and never really had a sense of who I was,] The therapy's I attended when i able to at least function was ,Gestalt therapy, and Transactional Analysis , but the techniques they use were more damaging to me, as they fragment the self into different parts. I will somehow have to reinvent myself , how long that will take I have no idea but it is the only way as the fear and anxiety is overwhelming . Many thanks Sam for your videos and sharing your journey with us .
I hear you. No need to reinvent anything, you are already somebody .
Looking back, I tried so hard to become somebody , when the real becoming was actually accepting what and who I already was, pain , unworthiness, fragmentation, brokenness , coping strategies and all.... Then, from that place of acceptance I could see that I had been trying to escape myself . We need to discard the ideas of who we think we should be and start radically accepting who we are and where we are ... then, compassion and kindness for ourself can really begin. Nothing good comes from fear. From kindness comes real change and eventually , peace.
Love
Sam
It’s so sad that you bring up therapy. No one ever warns how harmful therapy can be, especially for complex and severe issues(most therapists seem to lack the empathy and skill to work with people who have these issues). And The whole dynamic of it is humiliating and destabilizing and sent me into my worse breakdown ever. It was only until months and months and never attending again that I was able to be somewhat emotionally steady again, but even so something about me feels off. Therapy morphed me a bit.
@@Call-Me-Sam Thank you so much for your reply , compassion and kindness for myself is very hard for me at the moment , but yet I can feel it deeply for others , especially animals who have no voice when abused .
xx
@@highlyunderstated9908 How right you are in stating that therapy can be harmful . There are some excellent therapists out there but very hard to find, as most therapists now seem interested in pushing certain theories.
I am glad you were able to somewhat get to a place of being emotionly steady again , and I wish you all the best in your journey to self healing .
For me , caring for animals was a huge part of gradually learning that same compassion and kindness for myself. I think the reason it is easier to care for animals is because we perceive them as innocent and we think of ourselves as corrupt or unworthy. We are not at all. If you feel it for others , be they animals or humans, then consider yourself in the same way. ... innocent .
I was kundalini attacked all at once taken to the he birth canal _ almost died. Its real people _ dont disconnect from Jesus.
We were abused on purpose so the Satanist parts people can put u in their Trumen Show _ Hang on to Jesus hand when u go through this _ or into the lake of fire u go. 🗡️ Jesus Rules
The birds singing calms my mind and gives me some respite from my turmoil.
Nature provides soothing sounds and sensations. I wish you well.
Hi Sam, I thank you for sharing your heart, so selfless of you. I'd like to share Psalm 139 with you. You can read who your creator says you are in His holy Scriptures. More TRUTH. Thank you again for loving others.
Great to see and hear you again Sam. Thanks for the wisdom and insights 😊
Good to see you see you too. I hope you're doing well. ❤️
Hi Sam, not too bad. Bit of an empty feeling day today but going through it...I'm looking or at least trying to find my North star. My purpose. We all need one don't we?
We do indeed. I think we have to maybe stop searching and just gently move forward with a feeling of openness and see what is offered . Recently I read something to the affect of ...... our purpose is just to be us.
@@Call-Me-Sam Maybe that's true. I think it's hard wired into my psyche that I must be doing something useful because if I'm not then I'm not of any intrinsic value xx
I'm the same . To be of use to others is maybe the key lesson in life. Thats happiness , the role we play in the happiness of others . X
Just found your channel. Binge listening while i do my chores. Wonderful content, Sam. Really, just wonderful. Keep blooming!!!!
Me on breakdown number 25:
WOW! What an inspiring story. Sam, the way you communicate this journey of becoming is poetic mastery. Your words reflect deeply embodied wisdom. I love and appreciate you sharing your story. So real, so raw. Thank you!
Do you mind me asking if you had a helper, healer, or guide on this journey of yours? You speak as if you know (like KNOW know) deep spiritual wisdom teachings. Or did you discover these hidden truths for yourself through your own contemplation?
We are EVER evolving creatures, in this species we call 'Human'. The Journey is in the lessons learned for the understanding of what is to come. We cannot change the past, only direct and flow for the future! Is Love a given? A goal? Or is it a discovery for the experience? Love can hurt. Love can have you on the highest high or lowest low. The frequency of the vibration lets you know which is correct. Positive or negative, you walk in knowing the truth, of which you choose. Rising above of the lower frequency, is key in the process of leveling up, to the higher frequency. Level up, level up, level up! Picture yourself and allow detail for your dream home, your dream existence and lead your dream and imagination to become reality. We are in control of our destiny. The paths we choose is not always in stone, sometimes the path is gravel, brick, grass or mud! Try staying out of the muck and if you are barefoot, off the gravel! Set yourself to float, where your feet don't even touch the ground. That is an experience wild and wonderful. Purpose, strength, determination, patience, brings intentions to fruition. Allow for the entrance of the Divine to direct your course. Be accepting, watch with wonder and behold the miracles!
Incredibly well communicated…. Thank you so much. The chaos of the lack of clarity and ability to express these things is so painful in itself. It’s near impossible to get to a point of enough space around this process to ever actually be able to see and understand it. I try but end up just mired in chaotic dead-end thought loops that overwhelm until I seek relief in unhealthy distraction. It’s very helpful to hear you so eloquently and plainly express this process. Well done.
Glad to help.
Words of the Holy Spirit of Truth, our Creator. All glory him ❤
He baptises us with His Spirit and fire. Burn off that chaff, so painful but so worth it. To be able to love, finally free
Thank you for sharing brother ❤
very grey area you live in, hope you're topping up your vitamin d3 levels. most people need 8000 international units per day, get tested.
Its not always grey and yes, I take D3+ K2
I also ran until I humbled myself to our Creator, then I was forgiven and became free and could see. Some call it breakdown, I like to call it break through. God has taken you out of heII into the the light, the kingdom of God. Believe ❤
Nice to see, and hear you again, Sam. Thanks as always for your authenticity, and its lovely expression. In the world of ‘woke’, you are a veritable oasis. Do know that you touch many hearts, and help to manifest a healing spirit for all of us. Sam, you da goods.
Carol ! where have you been ? it's good to see you here again. Thank you very much for your support.
@@Call-Me-Sam well, silly me forgetting RUclips is pretty bad for notifications! Duh. So glad this vid came up in my feed. I’ll check my subs more frequently from now on. LOL
The Sage wisdom of your insights - it’s all tumbling out of your mouth faster than I can hear it … need to slow it down to catch it all- so many metaphors here for so many people who cope through adaptation to avoid pain.. thank you for always being real! You are you and you’ve always been you. Welcome home❤
Hiya Sam, that was beautiful. I just realised the single cause of who I thought I was. I got upset when my parents divorced and I didn't know who to tell. Took me 38yrs of confusion alcoholism n self loathing to get there. I'm a 48 year old 10 year old boy in a way. I don't know your story n you don't know mine, it's the first video of yours I've seen and ill happily move forwards with you. The past has been the present to long. Thank you
Liberation ! sounds like you're on the path of discovering who you really are . Wonderful.
@@Call-Me-Sam dis covering, the vail has been lifted indeed. I’m not used to feeling good but I’ll get there…
I’ve always felt like I was being looked after I just didn’t understand it was me doing it. The simplicity is to difficult for me to explain so I love it when I hear it!
Welcome to the Call-Me-Sam “community”, where we encourage each other to face the difficult truths and to become our truest selves. I pray you will find meaning in your life that will transform your suffering into compassion, for yourself as well as others.
@@iymspartacus7089 I was looking for you but I had to stand up myself 😁 glad to meet you Spartacus I appreciate your wishes and accept them with gratitude. The energy is finding its way back through me and I’m glad it brought me here. An abundance of prosperity and love has been my mantra for the last 4 years and peeling away the layers is starting to reveal it has always been there! Much love to you ya Warrior ✌️
Sorry to butt in here.... just wanted to say, I loved reading this exchange . Lovely .
I could appreciate and get along with someone like Sam more than most people in the world.... It's hard to love ourselves.🙏❤️🩹🫂 You're a beautiful person ✌️
I am so sorry for your sorrows. I had some problems, but I had a passion and obsession in my craft which healed me. Without it, I am left with very little.
Lovely. What is your craft
My break down is that it's a spiritual awakening.
I agree
I like your perspective!
@@Fido-vm9zi yup, ya wake up and see what's going on and then the government and big pharma and all the other industries work at trying to kill ya so they can claim the life insurance they had out on ya... of course, it has to look like an accident or the insurance won't pay out to them!
Thank you Sam, you explain your own, mine and so many other peoples experience so beautifully. I know what you re saying because ive been through the shift, i just didnt have the right words to really even explain it to myself so again, thank you and keep speaking because youre right, it is an initiation and it is a call to live a life larger than yourself, cant believe i just stumbled over your video the way that i did 😂❤
Sam. Thank you for this video. The words of emptiness and coming to know the raw truth that must be met internally. I wish to shed light and thanks for your ability to identify and share very complex aspects of the inner workings of the soul's journey. The description of your breakdown and the healing that sprouted forth from that are very powerful.
Sending love and gratitude to you Sam. Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thats a lot of hearts ... Thank you