I totally believe in What you are saying. it happened to me, I was in a very committed relationship with someone, when Someone from his past who was married contacted him Behind my back and mate stoled him. It came as a complete surprise to me. One week we we're planning a house together the next week he ended it and started dating her. She moved in with him 2 weeks later, still being married. How do people do that. If someone is in a relationship or marriage, you should walk away. NO, THERE WERE NO SIGNS LEADING UP TO THIS. A COMPLETE SHOCK TO ME.
I believe that what you are saying is the truth . And those types of relationships end ugly because they hurt people who loved them and what goes around comes around , we reep what we sew . Karma is coming for them one way or the other . Those types of relationships are based on fakeness , low self-esteems, a lack of true love for each other . We shouldn't wish nothing bad on people like that . The same way we get with a person is how that relationship might end sometimes . Some cheaters gone cheat untill they get hurt badly , The rebound seems like the stupid one mostly if they knew that they took and helped messed up some else relationships and that relationship had kids , the kids get hurt to . Rebounds are just messy trashy , people with no love or self respect for themselves and others . I believe that they suffer from some type of mental illness . But not all people with mental illness go around braking up other people's homes . Some people call cheaters and rebounds hoes . Oh well. Be blessed and safe. Miss . Linda 😊❤
Interesting topic that overlaps with more serious abuse. From my years working for a service for survivors of domestic violence, I learned that cheating is almost a given in battering relationships to the point many of us suspected the root of domestic abuse might simply be the brutal enforcement of one-sided monogamy. The idea is that abusers-- usually due to severe attachment disorder and chronic anger internalized from childhood trauma-- want the freedom to play the field while also ensuring their victims are too broken and beaten down to do the same. It's anyone's guess why batterers typically cheat since peer reviewed research hasn't yet tackled this question. Is it that feelings of "love" tend to trigger paranoid fears of abandonment in abusers leading to a need to "punish" partners because everyone the abuser relied on in childhood ended up betraying them? Is cheating a way to hedge bets against abusers' (scientifically established) pathological fears of abandonment? Do feelings of emotional dependency trigger rage in people who feel shame over such a "weak" and "vulnerable" emotion as love"? Who knows. In any case, we used to say that, "While not all cheaters beat, all beaters cheat." Furthermore, most cheaters -- whether male or female and whether overtly violent or not-- tend to employ coercive control in intimate relationships. In short, it seems cheating is rarely "just cheating" and often involves progressive campaigns to reduce victims' social independence and self esteem. In that case, what the abusive cheater may be looking for in an affair partner or so-called "mate poacher" is an "abuse enabler" who will "exonerate" them from their role as abuser. The "exoneration" is achieved through triangulating against the victim with the abuser, basically helping the abuser to reverse blame and externalize the guilt and shame caused by their own behavior by "demonizing" victims. Being attractive isn't really required for the enabling role as much as being competitive, disordered and somewhat sadistic. I've always thought this could be why Buss and other social researchers concluded that "mate poachers" tend to be high in "dark triad" traits (narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy) or "dark tetrad" traits (all the above coupled with sadism). Consequently, we started viewing witting "affair partners" as an intrinsic part of the system of domestic violence, not much different from other types of bullying/abuse-enabling participants that many abusers rely on in order to corner and control their prey. Maybe in their attempt to "dilute" their attachment to and dependency on victims, abusers might form stronger dependency on affair partners and end up "discarding" their original victims. But the caveat is that they will tend to repeat the destructive pattern with any subsequent intimate partners. As a side note, I've also often wondered if the above dynamic doesn't have a parallel to racism and racial injustice in the sense that, historically, the dominant paradigm (generally white people but this can also be applied to hierarchical caste and class systems) often depends for survival on the exploitative extraction of labor by minorities. Theoretically, first come the feelings of dependency, then the deep shame over that dependency, then the paranoid resentment of those upon whom the dominant depend and need to degrade, disparage and "beat down" the latter lest the latter rebel. In that analogy, "mate poachers" are equivalent to those who capitalize on these dynamics for their own dark agendas.
Very interesting and insightful! People really do not take this study of victims seriously (unfortunately)! It’s important work. Another comorbidity is addiction. Not all addicts but I was interested to read and find out when researching addiction that gambling addiction has the same high level (75%) of abuse in the household (either wife or children) as alcoholism and drug addiction. Now, that will probably surprise people who don’t know how serious any addiction can get or had assumed what made addicts “lash out” was their inhibited chemical state; not so. It’s clear that anyone *filling a void* is not able to love or care for another human in a functional way. Definitely needs more study!!
Well. The secretary from my husbanbs work can drown in the mess they both created. I should have NEVER been just an option to him,i was a great wife for 12 years,although im hurt,i will heal,them on the other hand,they will both reap what they've done. Hes currently still married to me yet hes been shacked up with her since May....
This disgusts me- those percentages for people admitting to poaching are way too high. I have never done this because I know what it’s like to be blindsided by this. Three guys I dated now have been poached - one ended up in a horribly emotionally abusive relationship, the other fizzled out after a while, and the last one I’m sure will turn out just the same
The poetry can very much be a downgrade because a lot of times people that allow themselves to be poached are seeking validation as was the case with my ex-wife who had somebody ready to pounce and my ex-wife's initial response to this person was repulsion. When I decided that divorce was imminent separate and apart from anything having to do with this third party, her inability to deal with the grief allowed her to be poached. And yes, I used the word poached because this asshole really wanted me to badly hurry up and file divorce papers.
What do you think about someone leaving an open/polyamorous relationship to be in a monogamous one, staying 7-8 months, then leaving and ending up in a rebound with a different gal 2 months later? 😅 i never would have considered entertaining someone in a relationship, but the lingering open relationship was a special trap. He told me he never considered how that might appear to someone outside the relationship and that she was the polyamorous one. He hadn't tried dating other gals in their connection besides me. So confusing, but imma stay away from those for the rest of my life haha
I've done a lot of terrible things where I done made poaching a lot of you girls and other who is part relationship or married I decided my poach on these two girls are two lesbians but I decided mate poaching one of them soon after that happened her wife exposed me about how I was made poaching girl to girl and after that I got hacked ever since and now I don't do it anymore after that happened I learned my lesson
My husbands single coworker certainly poached my husband, they began an emotional affair, he monkey branched to her and dumped me. It has certainly turned physical with her now (not sure if it began before i left him) but he is now ghosting me. He was always a cheater at heart. Poor morals and egotistical. It's like she is rubbing it in my face that she stole my husband. At the end of the day, their relationship was built on infidelity and i can't see it lasting. I won't be around for him to circle back. I will never be betrayed or abandoned like that again.
I totally believe in What you are saying. it happened to me, I was in a very committed relationship with someone, when Someone from his past who was married contacted him Behind my back and mate stoled him. It came as a complete surprise to me. One week we we're planning a house together the next week he ended it and started dating her. She moved in with him 2 weeks later, still being married. How do people do that. If someone is in a relationship or marriage, you should walk away. NO, THERE WERE NO SIGNS LEADING UP TO THIS. A COMPLETE SHOCK TO ME.
Very similar to happened to me. I can feel your pain, very sorry for that you should go through that😢
I believe that what you are saying is the truth . And those types of relationships end ugly because they hurt people who loved them and what goes around comes around , we reep what we sew . Karma is coming for them one way or the other . Those types of relationships are based on fakeness , low self-esteems, a lack of true love for each other . We shouldn't wish nothing bad on people like that . The same way we get with a person is how that relationship might end sometimes . Some cheaters gone cheat untill they get hurt badly , The rebound seems like the stupid one mostly if they knew that they took and helped messed up some else relationships and that relationship had kids , the kids get hurt to . Rebounds are just messy trashy , people with no love or self respect for themselves and others . I believe that they suffer from some type of mental illness . But not all people with mental illness go around braking up other people's homes . Some people call cheaters and rebounds hoes . Oh well. Be blessed and safe. Miss . Linda 😊❤
🙏🏾🙏🏾
Interesting topic that overlaps with more serious abuse. From my years working for a service for survivors of domestic violence, I learned that cheating is almost a given in battering relationships to the point many of us suspected the root of domestic abuse might simply be the brutal enforcement of one-sided monogamy. The idea is that abusers-- usually due to severe attachment disorder and chronic anger internalized from childhood trauma-- want the freedom to play the field while also ensuring their victims are too broken and beaten down to do the same.
It's anyone's guess why batterers typically cheat since peer reviewed research hasn't yet tackled this question. Is it that feelings of "love" tend to trigger paranoid fears of abandonment in abusers leading to a need to "punish" partners because everyone the abuser relied on in childhood ended up betraying them? Is cheating a way to hedge bets against abusers' (scientifically established) pathological fears of abandonment? Do feelings of emotional dependency trigger rage in people who feel shame over such a "weak" and "vulnerable" emotion as love"? Who knows. In any case, we used to say that, "While not all cheaters beat, all beaters cheat." Furthermore, most cheaters -- whether male or female and whether overtly violent or not-- tend to employ coercive control in intimate relationships.
In short, it seems cheating is rarely "just cheating" and often involves progressive campaigns to reduce victims' social independence and self esteem. In that case, what the abusive cheater may be looking for in an affair partner or so-called "mate poacher" is an "abuse enabler" who will "exonerate" them from their role as abuser. The "exoneration" is achieved through triangulating against the victim with the abuser, basically helping the abuser to reverse blame and externalize the guilt and shame caused by their own behavior by "demonizing" victims.
Being attractive isn't really required for the enabling role as much as being competitive, disordered and somewhat sadistic. I've always thought this could be why Buss and other social researchers concluded that "mate poachers" tend to be high in "dark triad" traits (narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy) or "dark tetrad" traits (all the above coupled with sadism). Consequently, we started viewing witting "affair partners" as an intrinsic part of the system of domestic violence, not much different from other types of bullying/abuse-enabling participants that many abusers rely on in order to corner and control their prey. Maybe in their attempt to "dilute" their attachment to and dependency on victims, abusers might form stronger dependency on affair partners and end up "discarding" their original victims. But the caveat is that they will tend to repeat the destructive pattern with any subsequent intimate partners.
As a side note, I've also often wondered if the above dynamic doesn't have a parallel to racism and racial injustice in the sense that, historically, the dominant paradigm (generally white people but this can also be applied to hierarchical caste and class systems) often depends for survival on the exploitative extraction of labor by minorities. Theoretically, first come the feelings of dependency, then the deep shame over that dependency, then the paranoid resentment of those upon whom the dominant depend and need to degrade, disparage and "beat down" the latter lest the latter rebel. In that analogy, "mate poachers" are equivalent to those who capitalize on these dynamics for their own dark agendas.
Very interesting and insightful! People really do not take this study of victims seriously (unfortunately)! It’s important work. Another comorbidity is addiction. Not all addicts but I was interested to read and find out when researching addiction that gambling addiction has the same high level (75%) of abuse in the household (either wife or children) as alcoholism and drug addiction. Now, that will probably surprise people who don’t know how serious any addiction can get or had assumed what made addicts “lash out” was their inhibited chemical state; not so. It’s clear that anyone *filling a void* is not able to love or care for another human in a functional way. Definitely needs more study!!
Well. The secretary from my husbanbs work can drown in the mess they both created. I should have NEVER been just an option to him,i was a great wife for 12 years,although im hurt,i will heal,them on the other hand,they will both reap what they've done. Hes currently still married to me yet hes been shacked up with her since May....
This disgusts me- those percentages for people admitting to poaching are way too high. I have never done this because I know what it’s like to be blindsided by this. Three guys I dated now have been poached - one ended up in a horribly emotionally abusive relationship, the other fizzled out after a while, and the last one I’m sure will turn out just the same
Very interesting topic with valuable insights coach.
Thanks Tim!
The poetry can very much be a downgrade because a lot of times people that allow themselves to be poached are seeking validation as was the case with my ex-wife who had somebody ready to pounce and my ex-wife's initial response to this person was repulsion. When I decided that divorce was imminent separate and apart from anything having to do with this third party, her inability to deal with the grief allowed her to be poached. And yes, I used the word poached because this asshole really wanted me to badly hurry up and file divorce papers.
Project pat - Dont save her
That’s my jam lol
This just reminds me of Tyler Perry’s “Temptations - Confessions of a marriage Counselor”… chills!
oh wow
Never saw it coming 😢
* I do think a man poaching a woman has to be more attractive/stable than the current partner but women can poach a man just being “sexier” or easier
What do you think about someone leaving an open/polyamorous relationship to be in a monogamous one, staying 7-8 months, then leaving and ending up in a rebound with a different gal 2 months later? 😅 i never would have considered entertaining someone in a relationship, but the lingering open relationship was a special trap. He told me he never considered how that might appear to someone outside the relationship and that she was the polyamorous one. He hadn't tried dating other gals in their connection besides me. So confusing, but imma stay away from those for the rest of my life haha
I've done a lot of terrible things where I done made poaching a lot of you girls and other who is part relationship or married I decided my poach on these two girls are two lesbians but I decided mate poaching one of them soon after that happened her wife exposed me about how I was made poaching girl to girl and after that I got hacked ever since and now I don't do it anymore after that happened I learned my lesson
❤
🙏🏾 stay strong
My husbands single coworker certainly poached my husband, they began an emotional affair, he monkey branched to her and dumped me. It has certainly turned physical with her now (not sure if it began before i left him) but he is now ghosting me. He was always a cheater at heart. Poor morals and egotistical. It's like she is rubbing it in my face that she stole my husband. At the end of the day, their relationship was built on infidelity and i can't see it lasting. I won't be around for him to circle back. I will never be betrayed or abandoned like that again.
I’m sorry that happened to you