You can see the steam storming out their ears when they're trying to work their little pea-brain into coming up with the next LIE to cover up the LIE they came up with before
Just realized i was involved with yet another Narc business partner. I caught it quicker. Not investing 1 more second in that BS artist, pipe dream talker. 😂 oh lord i learned my lesson. Belive in myself and don't belive anyone. Let their actions speak for them.
I think 'Hurt people hurt people' is just an excuse abusers use to abuse. Alot of people who get hurt choose the better way and become kind and loving people just like you.
@TheHelenhunter Yes and if you try criticise their awful behaviour you are criticised for being judgemental etc etc I guess it’s part of the DARVO technique
I actually had a counselor tell me that I should go back around the people that were toxic and pretend that they weren't doing it and that they would eventually stop. it was the worst chunk of piece of s*** advice I've ever heard in my life
I have complex PTSD from years of narcissist abuse that began in early childhood. When I asked my abusers to stop their behavior toward me, as it was causing extreme distress, I was not only accused of making this up, but they doubled down on their abuse. I have slammed the door in all of them. Now their story is that I am mentally ill beyond help. They are truly evil, and some are your own children doing the abusing.
same. And counseling doesn't work. They have their own version of reality. They believe their own gaslighting that absolves them of any responsibility or accountability for their actions. THey believe their own lies and think you are the one not remembering things correctly. Just gotta stop hoping they will stop hurting you.
Same. I can’t have any contact with any member of my family and extended family because my mother and fake therapist older sister triangulated with anyone who would listen that I am mentally ill ( punishment for going no contact with them 3 years ago).
@gertrudewest4535 So defensive he is. He wants to bring on an argument via text from the other room . He always told me he couldn't type fast. When he started to have rage fits over text that guy typed like the secretary of the year so fast blowing up with texts. I said who the hell is writing for you cause you supposedly can't text fast. Another lie to the hundreds and going into the 1000's.
When my abuser raged at me, he came back later blaming his actions on having childhood anger issues and on having a bad day. He had no regard for the impact he had on me, was solely concerned with avoiding accountability and invalidating my feelings by saying that 'if he hurt me, there was no malice intended'.
I was told " not to take it personal". that it was my lack of spirituality that I couldnt, wouldn't take it. I basically said no thankyou with my feet as I ran.
This sure hits the nail on the head! My late husband used to be a pastor and that was part of what attracted me to him in the beginning--thinking he'd be a nice person. After a few years into it I couldn't believe the sin and hypocrisy I saw...I ended up thinking if THIS was a Christian then I want NOTHING to do with Christianity. He'd Bible thump me to no end and then call me a selfish bitch, as an example. Then when I try to counsel him about being more democratic and sensitive to people he'd say things like, "I ain't into that psychobabble, touchy feely stuff, I'm a realist". Well thank you Kevin for showing that this is a real thing...I was feeling pretty alone in it.
My narcissistic mother uses all of those excuses including her age now that she is 86. Although she is annoying to be around nothing she says hurts me anymore because my identity is in Christ Jesus. The minister of the church I attend gave a series of sermons titled “ Give the devil his pew” which addressed those narcissistic wolves in sheep’s clothing (my mother included) that he knows go to our church. The sermons helped those dealing with narcissistic abuse since the Godless abusers are unwilling to do any type of self reflection in order to see themselves as they truly are. My experiences with family narcissists, as painful as they once were, drove me closer to God and He gives me a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. I pray for those who suffer as I once did.
thank you for your clear words. I was baptized at 69 years old on the anniversary of my marraige. I ran at 10 months. so my abuser drove me TO GOD. that was his gift.
The vibrations you feel, the actions they portray, and the words they say, is proof of how they are. Not everyone who goes to church or is with Christ, a good person. A good person is dependent on their heart, not if they’re a Christian or not. I have met atheists and non Christians who were more right with the spirit than some Christians who were self righteous
One day, I asked my mother why she never said something nice, but kept criticising me all the time. She replied that it was her duty as a mother to make me become a better person. By criticising me, she was forcing me to make more efforts to improve myself, while if she had praised me, I would certainly have stopped making any efforts. In her eyes, it was all my fault, because I was such a "bad daughter".
Same here my mom just neglects and abandons me, in 2020 she said I could die don't you understand that? Not realizing in my country we were on lockdown too. Not 1 person asked I was o.k. during 2020. That was crazy but they take dto everyone else in the family. My mom won't even speak to me for a decade for admitting my abuser step-dad was a danger. Just for telling the truth, she said to me he is a good person even though he SAed me and my step-sister.
Same. I lost my job, horse, dog and home during the horrific lockdown and my family ( living alone in 3 bedroom homes could care less). Not that I would move in with these people. I am struggling with homelessness, but am free.
I really needed to hear this, my ex has no remorse for harming me and believes I am the bad guy for bringing it up. You are right though he is NOT worth it!
Hurt people understand how it feels so they don’t do it. That’s what has drawn me to narcissists…my heart bled for their hurts and I fell for their shit.
"if they were 'telling it like it is' then they would say, 'i don't love you'." That is where I knew it was a dangerous word game I kept falling into. Kevin, thanks for this channel in YESHUA MESSIAH!!!!
But it is the truth - at least it would be the truth: They don´t love anybody. So instead lying it just would be the best to simple tell the truth (but narcissists won´t because you are a good source of using for them. So they stay till YOU say stop...).
I have seen my abusers come to the defense of their abusers and now I understand that they don't believe what they are doing is abusive to me because they are in denial that they were abused by their abusers. Abusers are excuses. Excusers are abusers. Narcissists idealize and idolize the people who abused them the most and abuse and discard and villify the people who try to love and care for them and empathize with them the most.
Yup, I've watched my abuser put a whole bunch of expensive flowers on the grave of their abuser and the grave of the man who put clothes on her back and food in her belly for years when she wasn't even his, his grave, we didn't even go to it, it was in the same graveyard. I met the guy, he seemed nice and I didn't see any reticence on her behalf like he abused her. The scumbag father got the respect though, stepfather, nothing.
When I as an adult when I visited her with my husband and our baby asked my narcissistic abusive mother why she treats me like a child she answered it is because you are, and you are rude and shameless. So I went no contact and I am proud of it.
I concur wholeheartedly with the sentiments shared in your videos. The prevalence of narcissism is indeed troubling, and the church ought to be a sanctuary where individuals renounce their transgressions and seek redemption to truly follow Christ. However, the presence of enablers, coupled with narcissistic tendencies, distorts the church's mission, making it appear more worldly than it should be.
I’ve heard “ that was in the past!” One particular twisted one was “ I felt so bad about that incident, so you have nothing to complain about “ with that logic you could shoot someone and say that your so called “guilt” was punishment enough.
Ignore him… don’t ask him anything, do not share the same space in the house,don’t offer anything, keep yourself busy. And most importantly avoid eye contact. Save money secrectly just in case .😊
I’m sitting here, laughing, at the first few things you have said, because it was me all over again. I’ve been away from the narcissist for over 30 years now, but it’s still haunts me from time to time. His excuses were, “you’re my wife you should understand.” here’s another one that he used. “I’m the man and I’m supposed to make the decisions.” The best one was, “you have to accept me for the way I am.” To that I would say, “and you have to accept me for who I am and I find you unacceptable.”
You're right about the saying "Hurt people hurt people". I see it all over FB and every time I read it I think to myself "I'm hurting but I don't want to hurt anyone else." but it's a popular meme nowadays. It's just saying "It's OK to hurt others because you're hurting. Make them feel as bad as you do!" That's what I see.
The thing one of my narc’s does is when you say STOP they take that as a challenge and dig in until they bury you into submission. Who are you to tell me to stop? Who do you think you are? Aren’t you being all big and assertive. (Insert sneering laughter) telling me to stop! Stop what? You’re the one who needs to stop, not me! What am I doing wrong? Ami not allowed to tell you how I feel? Why are you always telling me to stop? I don’t have to listen to you, you need to listen to me! Etc, etc. Enough already. 🤢
Never realised how huge a service my parents did me by pounding into my head the importance of a good attitude and never making excuses and that we alone are responsible for our reactions no matter how nasty the stimuli that prompted a reaction
The segment on Christians using their salvation as justification to continue sinning because they aren't "perfect" kills me. I have a close friend that says "I'm not perfect and God forgives me when I slip up" ALL THE TIME.
You provided an aha moment for me. I am a fixer. I still don't hate my parents and ex husband, just couldn't figure out why I was never good enough. They wanted me aound and then punished and rejected me for being in their way. They have no power over me now.
@@nicholecornes1915 My plan is to keep improving myself until the time I can limit contact. The timing of limiting contact doesn’t work right now. All the best and stay strong!
I told one narcissist that it upsets me when I take a vacation day because we have plans that are canceled at the last minute. His comment….”Well, I don’t get vacation days.” He was retired but was contracted with a company AND set his own hours.
At 5:20 yes!!! That’s what he used to say when I called him out on his belittling and bullying behavior towards myself and others. He would also mock me and fake cry and say “you’re such a victim “. Ugh disgusting
I quit having time for 2 narcissists who were trying to push me off the cliff. I was finally able to go no contact with 1, over 4 years ago. Then, another, 1 year ago. I now have more time for myself and the people in my life who matter the most.
There are two types of people in this world. There are those who inflict pain on others because they have been hurt. Those are the villians. A hero takes their pain and says "I want to make sure that this never happens to anybody else ever again."
He could not remember when that was convenient. He also could remember amazing things. Like, heow someone gave offense, clear back to grade school. And even things that did not even happen.
I told him that he would never find anyone to tolerate him like I have. He said he wouldn’t have to treat others like he goes me because they are better people than I am. So basically his excuse was it’s all my fault.
4:56 "I just tell it like it is" as an excuse. Might as well be screaming, "You can't handle the truth!" I'm so glad that Kevin brings up this last ditch excuse that these wannabe controllers bring up trying to knock us to our knees out of nowhere
The worst part is that the VICTIMS tend to make up excuses for them after a while. Surely, they're just "going through a rough patch", or "they've been like this since forever".
Their excuses are not important. Every expert on narc Ive listened to says they the narc is unhappy and full of self loathing and will try be mean as an attempt to try to make themselves feel better than. They will also often time project their own flaws onto you so pay attention to their criticism, its how they feel about themselves.
I agree 100%! I have been eliminating all of the narcs out of my life which is leaving me without hardly any friends but much more peace and I don't mind being alone so it's a win win. But I have hardly ever taken crap from people and always put narcs in their place. Something I've been good at most of my life with overt narcs but I just recently learned about covert narcs and they do that a lot. They won't be direct. They'll resent you for things and you don't even know about it and then you think damn, if you'd just told me I would have apologized and corrected my behavior accordingly, even if I thought they were too sensitive I'd try to go along to get along within reason but they don't even give you a chance. Very frustrating. They should just speak up but I think they get off on the chaos and drama even when it works against their own interests. I guess the narc supply is just too alluring for them to pass up like a crack addict to a crack pipe.
Oh my. People. Kevins words when he says they say. . " I didnt know i was saying such harsh words. I didnt know this was hard for you to conversate about.... ❤
Frustrating to deal with. They brown nose the dominant person and devalue me to save their pride. Consistently saying they are not putting me down, when they are.
Gosh this is so true. I’ve heard, “Thats just me” and “I didn’t know because you never sat me down and told me how you felt”. All I did was beg him to listen and to get help. To him, the worst thing was leaving him, even thou he was abusing me. So he guilted me for leaving, telling me I should be like his mom and wait and stay (even tho she was not physically abused and was just as toxic as his father was). That I should be like some other Christian women who stay and are strong. I am not that strong. I don’t think there was anything more I could have done. That all the horrible things he said and did was out of anger and he didn’t mean them. Yes he did mean them, at least at the time. Truth is, he saw this growing up and instead of saying he would never do that or be that way, he chose to repeat the cycle.
They have had the audacity to say things like see were helping you by hacking your phone. That was the dumbest statement ive ever read in my entire life.
One of the last ones I heard was "I'm just speaking my mind". 🙄 There are those passive aggressive narcissists whose main thing is acting dumb. Weaponized incompetence. Asked this person to do something for me & he kept putting it on me to figure out every move he had to make until I told him to forget about it. That's how you get out of doing something without saying no.
Sometimes tho, normal people break. Lots of these, and other lists of narc things, are hum9n behaviours. It's difficult to split hairs with someone who is actually struggling with their emotions from traumatic events like narc abuse. So much can be flipped around, as reactive abuse. The reactive abuse concept is basically the narc must illicit the feelings THEY have but through YOU. They will do whatever they must to get you, to act the way THEY feel inside. And then the projection. This narrative flip is real and is possibly the most scary aspect of narcisms. If you don't act badly, they will be abusing. Until you enact their darkness. 🎉
Yeah, I am very confused rn. I know the worst has been brought out of me. Things I spent years working on. To be told that my experiences aren't valid and that I am the selfish one and I never take responsibility makes me insane. I understand I have had some selfish qualities in the past, especially as a teen. I did fasting and prayer and read books all throughout my 20s to work on myself. Now, I feel like all of that is out the window, and I am a shell of myself.
@@rawkingkong My ex would concoct huge fabricated stories using various facts and my reactions totally out of context. The timeline of events is always chopped and changed to paint a picture of you as this monster. The monster THEY are deep inside. Then my ex would call me a narc because I refused to be accountable to this Frankenstory of falsehoods he fabricated. Always told these stories in front of people. Then told everyone I'm a narc because I won't be accountable. Then when I got angry about his lies, I got labelled 'narcissistic rage.' It's really important for survivors to understand this twistedness, or you can just hate yourself like they hated you.
My ex hubby would tell me.....If your parents had disciplined you correctly when you were a child, I wouldn't be forced to hit you and disciplined you now.
They wont deny it. Theyll start off with "THATS BECAUSE..." If they know how they got there, they know they are doing it, they are aware of thier behavior. They know exactly what they are doing to you. They feel you deserve this behavior.
Years ago my narcissistic sister would bait me and antagonize me until I would break and retaliate with reactive abuse and physically hit her so then my parents took me to anger management classes and they all said, "No hitting, use your WORDS" so I started using my words to tell my sister she was a mean bully and she violates my boundaries then she called me "an emotional terrorist"🤣 I told my therapist I told my parents they are narcissistic abusers and my therapist accused me of "elder abuse" and said my parents could file a restraining order against me for saying that!🤣 You can't make this stuff up it's too absurd!!!
Guess they didn't like me using my words any more than my fists!!! Then I went no contact with my sister as an adult and refused to be her maid of honor and refused to attend her wedding and then I was accused of being petty and bitter living in the past!!! They don't like anything you do or what you have to say AND they hate when you try to walk away!!!!
Oh, today this video totally describes my narc to a tee. I've FINALLY found a way to move out of a 51 year marriage and these things you describe help me know it's him and not me. Now the thought and prospect of leaving and moving is terrifying. How narcs can use Christianity against you. How they control and manipulate with other things is just pure evil. thank you for the work you do.
It’s so crazy how accurate you are with these videos. I’ve watched several videos and booked a one on one call with you and God is just using you to help set the captives free. I read a book many years ago that scared me with that title and I finally feel free. You are freeing so many spirits, souls, minds, and helping a lot of people. God bless you! ❤
I am so happy I found you today and will say it again. I love you, your work, your authentic voice, sharing your life, love and joy in serving the lives of others. ❤
Religious narcissist always say when they don't like being abandoned "love conquers all" or "love never fails" as a way of saying your "no contact" is biblically wrong! Lol 😂 yah ok!
My husband says I deserve the abuse because he has PTSD & I trigger him by asking questions or not doing what he wants. A grown man, stupidity personified.
I did cry and beg...the mocked me for it. I went "stiff upper lip" then, and they just kept on going. No contact for 14 years now, and loving it. I just wish I had done it sooner!
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Every abuser has an excuse. They always find a way to justify what they do, but it never adds up.
💯 Exactly
You can see the steam storming out their ears when they're trying to work their little pea-brain into coming up with the next LIE to cover up the LIE they came up with before
Just realized i was involved with yet another Narc business partner. I caught it quicker. Not investing 1 more second in that BS artist, pipe dream talker. 😂 oh lord i learned my lesson. Belive in myself and don't belive anyone. Let their actions speak for them.
1,000 thumbs up 👍
Circular conversations. Word salads. Gaslighting. Emotional manipulation. They are full of BS!
💯💯💯
Triangulation 🤑
Professional liars.
Preach!
Saw this somewhere...
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect!
My mom asked my dad a few times why he was mean to her. He said, "Because I enjoy it."
They also accuse you of holding grudges against them when you call out their history of abuse and cruelty. Cruel weak cowards.
This is after they have given you a word salad list of mostly lies of all the times you hurt them. Your comment is spot on.
Yess...when you're healing you remember.
So true! Manipulation at it's best. They know all the tricks.
That is projection because it is exactly what they do...
I am so annoyed by "hurt people hurt people" I'm gonna throw up if I hear it one more time. I was hurt and guess how I treat my son: the OPPOSITE.
You worked on your self that's why you are good to others now
thank you.
I think 'Hurt people hurt people' is just an excuse abusers use to abuse. Alot of people who get hurt choose the better way and become kind and loving people just like you.
@TheHelenhunter
Yes and if you try criticise their awful behaviour you are criticised for being judgemental etc etc
I guess it’s part of the DARVO technique
Same with the excuse "they grew up that way, they don't know any better". I will never agree with that.
I actually had a counselor tell me that I should go back around the people that were toxic and pretend that they weren't doing it and that they would eventually stop. it was the worst chunk of piece of s*** advice I've ever heard in my life
Gawd, where did THAT person get their degree? Total whack
amen. I was told by I counselor once " you have too many problems" I answered back " pick one!"
That counsellor should be sacked
There are many good therapists, but there are for sure, as many bad ones.
Absolute BS.
My narcissist husband when i say "stop" is "you stop" it's all just a game to him
Hope you leave him. You deserve better treatment.
They have no right to your life, your phone,or your time
theirs always a bottomless bucket of endless narcissistic abuse excuses..
I have complex PTSD from years of narcissist abuse that began in early childhood. When I asked my abusers to stop their behavior toward me, as it was causing extreme distress, I was not only accused of making this up, but they doubled down on their abuse. I have slammed the door in all of them. Now their story is that I am mentally ill beyond help. They are truly evil, and some are your own children doing the abusing.
same. And counseling doesn't work. They have their own version of reality. They believe their own gaslighting that absolves them of any responsibility or accountability for their actions. THey believe their own lies and think you are the one not remembering things correctly. Just gotta stop hoping they will stop hurting you.
Same. I can’t have any contact with any member of my family and extended family because my mother and fake therapist older sister triangulated with anyone who would listen that I am mentally ill ( punishment for going no contact with them 3 years ago).
The audacity of someone offering a defensive excuse instead of a humble apology is the hallmark of narcissism.
@gertrudewest4535
So defensive he is.
He wants to bring on an argument via text from the other room . He always told me he couldn't type fast. When he started to have rage fits over text that guy typed like the secretary of the year so fast blowing up with texts. I said who the hell is writing for you cause you supposedly can't text fast. Another lie to the hundreds and going into the 1000's.
Narcissists are only telling it from their perspective, and that’s it, and their perspective always makes them the victim.
When my abuser raged at me, he came back later blaming his actions on having childhood anger issues and on having a bad day. He had no regard for the impact he had on me, was solely concerned with avoiding accountability and invalidating my feelings by saying that 'if he hurt me, there was no malice intended'.
"had no regard for the impact he had on you." well said!
I was told " not to take it personal". that it was my lack of spirituality that I couldnt, wouldn't take it. I basically said no thankyou with my feet as I ran.
My mom n dad both are narcissist it's my fault that his mom died at 12 they say ..help why
Yep, “ it was not my intention “. A flat out, LIE! They love bully supply. They get a small dopamine hit off of that.
@@life-rethoughtyeah usually abusers always say “don’t take it personal”
It’s so painful makes me need a hug.
Hugs. ❤
"Wow, words really hurt you don't they. I didn't realize they hurt you that much" Followed by two years of escalation of hurtful words.
I've finally stopped making excuses for people. They show and tell you who they are. I've got no time for bullsh**.
"nobody's perfect"
(The ultimate response that narcissists love to use)
Narcissistic abusers seem to think that they are perfect. They always seem to shift the blame for their disgusting behaviour onto their victims.
Yeah, no one is. Thier lack of perfection shouldn't be your misery.
This sure hits the nail on the head! My late husband used to be a pastor and that was part of what attracted me to him in the beginning--thinking he'd be a nice person. After a few years into it I couldn't believe the sin and hypocrisy I saw...I ended up thinking if THIS was a Christian then I want NOTHING to do with Christianity. He'd Bible thump me to no end and then call me a selfish bitch, as an example. Then when I try to counsel him about being more democratic and sensitive to people he'd say things like, "I ain't into that psychobabble, touchy feely stuff, I'm a realist". Well thank you Kevin for showing that this is a real thing...I was feeling pretty alone in it.
My husband says I never did that. I never said that and I was standing right there
Yes and when you've been told that enough and record them.. it's, "I didn't mean it in that sense".
Yup
"she had a crush on me at highschool" when caught spending time with another woman. He is 58.
Even cheating was someone elses fault.
My narcissistic mother uses all of those excuses including her age now that she is 86. Although she is annoying to be around nothing she says hurts me anymore because my identity is in Christ Jesus. The minister of the church I attend gave a series of sermons titled “ Give the devil his pew” which addressed those narcissistic wolves in sheep’s clothing (my mother included) that he knows go to our church. The sermons helped those dealing with narcissistic abuse since the Godless abusers are unwilling to do any type of self reflection in order to see themselves as they truly are. My experiences with family narcissists, as painful as they once were, drove me closer to God and He gives me a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. I pray for those who suffer as I once did.
thank you for your clear words. I was baptized at 69 years old on the anniversary of my marraige. I ran at 10 months. so my abuser drove me TO GOD. that was his gift.
The vibrations you feel, the actions they portray, and the words they say, is proof of how they are. Not everyone who goes to church or is with Christ, a good person. A good person is dependent on their heart, not if they’re a Christian or not. I have met atheists and non Christians who were more right with the spirit than some Christians who were self righteous
I hear what you say.
this whole narc experience is a hard lesson in human nature no matter what label they put on themselves. @@homiesenatep
I am also hurt..but I do not hurt others..to the contrary...I try as much as possible to help them
One day, I asked my mother why she never said something nice, but kept criticising me all the time. She replied that it was her duty as a mother to make me become a better person. By criticising me, she was forcing me to make more efforts to improve myself, while if she had praised me, I would certainly have stopped making any efforts. In her eyes, it was all my fault, because I was such a "bad daughter".
Same here my mom just neglects and abandons me, in 2020 she said I could die don't you understand that? Not realizing in my country we were on lockdown too. Not 1 person asked I was o.k. during 2020. That was crazy but they take dto everyone else in the family. My mom won't even speak to me for a decade for admitting my abuser step-dad was a danger. Just for telling the truth, she said to me he is a good person even though he SAed me and my step-sister.
Same. I lost my job, horse, dog and home during the horrific lockdown and my family ( living alone in 3 bedroom homes could care less). Not that I would move in with these people. I am struggling with homelessness, but am free.
Yep to all of them. I remember the first one my ex said "you knew who I was from the beginning and you chose to stay, that's on you" uggg
DJ Mandyland on the 1s and 2s 🎶🎧🎛
I really needed to hear this, my ex has no remorse for harming me and believes I am the bad guy for bringing it up. You are right though he is NOT worth it!
keep listening to all the narcissist vids you can!
Gaslighting, wooo, I thought I was the only one!
Hurt people understand how it feels so they don’t do it. That’s what has drawn me to narcissists…my heart bled for their hurts and I fell for their shit.
"if they were 'telling it like it is' then they would say, 'i don't love you'."
That is where I knew it was a dangerous word game I kept falling into.
Kevin, thanks for this channel in YESHUA MESSIAH!!!!
But it is the truth - at least it would be the truth: They don´t love anybody. So instead lying it just would be the best to simple tell the truth (but narcissists won´t because you are a good source of using for them. So they stay till YOU say stop...).
That video is very good!
They pretend to be dis functional. But they enjoy what they are doing and WANT TO DO IT!
I have seen my abusers come to the defense of their abusers and now I understand that they don't believe what they are doing is abusive to me because they are in denial that they were abused by their abusers.
Abusers are excuses.
Excusers are abusers.
Narcissists idealize and idolize the people who abused them the most and abuse and discard and villify the people who try to love and care for them and empathize with them the most.
yes! I heard my ex husband re write his mother's character.!!!!!!! and his fathers relationship to her. the stories and patterns didnt add up.
Yup, I've watched my abuser put a whole bunch of expensive flowers on the grave of their abuser and the grave of the man who put clothes on her back and food in her belly for years when she wasn't even his, his grave, we didn't even go to it, it was in the same graveyard. I met the guy, he seemed nice and I didn't see any reticence on her behalf like he abused her. The scumbag father got the respect though, stepfather, nothing.
When I as an adult when I visited her with my husband and our baby asked my narcissistic abusive mother why she treats me like a child she answered it is because you are, and you are rude and shameless. So I went no contact and I am proud of it.
Good for you, that sense of guilt they try to install in you will mess with you. All the best to you.
I never again beg or cry for someone to see my worth
I concur wholeheartedly with the sentiments shared in your videos. The prevalence of narcissism is indeed troubling, and the church ought to be a sanctuary where individuals renounce their transgressions and seek redemption to truly follow Christ. However, the presence of enablers, coupled with narcissistic tendencies, distorts the church's mission, making it appear more worldly than it should be.
I’ve heard “ that was in the past!” One particular twisted one was “ I felt so bad about that incident, so you have nothing to complain about “ with that logic you could shoot someone and say that your so called “guilt” was punishment enough.
I am dealing with my husband being narcissistic. He is cruel, wicked, cold hearted, disrespectful, just hell on wheels.
Ignore him… don’t ask him anything, do not share the same space in the house,don’t offer anything, keep yourself busy. And most importantly avoid eye contact. Save money secrectly just in case .😊
I’m sitting here, laughing, at the first few things you have said, because it was me all over again. I’ve been away from the narcissist for over 30 years now, but it’s still haunts me from time to time. His excuses were, “you’re my wife you should understand.” here’s another one that he used. “I’m the man and I’m supposed to make the decisions.”
The best one was, “you have to accept me for the way I am.” To that I would say, “and you have to accept me for who I am and I find you unacceptable.”
I walked away from my husband and NEVER went back.
You're right about the saying "Hurt people hurt people". I see it all over FB and every time I read it I think to myself "I'm hurting but I don't want to hurt anyone else." but it's a popular meme nowadays. It's just saying "It's OK to hurt others because you're hurting. Make them feel as bad as you do!" That's what I see.
If you're hurt, you have two choices. Hurt people or not hurt people because of it.
The thing one of my narc’s does is when you say STOP they take that as a challenge and dig in until they bury you into submission.
Who are you to tell me to stop?
Who do you think you are?
Aren’t you being all big and assertive. (Insert sneering laughter) telling me to stop!
Stop what? You’re the one who needs to stop, not me!
What am I doing wrong? Ami not allowed to tell you how I feel? Why are you always telling me to stop? I don’t have to listen to you, you need to listen to me! Etc, etc.
Enough already. 🤢
ugly little petulant toddlers.... who do enormous damage. and refuse to take ownership.. the answer " let go , Let God" and walk away.
“ The fixer mentality “ …
thank you !
I just had a breakthrough.
yes that was the piece of this that clicked for me.
Never realised how huge a service my parents did me by pounding into my head the importance of a good attitude and never making excuses and that we alone are responsible for our reactions no matter how nasty the stimuli that prompted a reaction
I was told, when I called this person out " that's your perception, that's not what I meant" as if having a perception made me wrong...
"I have been hurt" ... yeah, he said it not only once ...
The segment on Christians using their salvation as justification to continue sinning because they aren't "perfect" kills me. I have a close friend that says "I'm not perfect and God forgives me when I slip up" ALL THE TIME.
Yup! Right on the money Kevin, my ex got shocked when I told him straight up, “you’re not my god!” 😡
You provided an aha moment for me. I am a fixer. I still don't hate my parents and ex husband, just couldn't figure out why I was never good enough. They wanted me aound and then punished and rejected me for being in their way. They have no power over me now.
I get the “oh boo hoo” when I complain or argue back. That’s why I just keep quiet now, let them say whatever.
Same 😊
@@nicholecornes1915 My plan is to keep improving myself until the time I can limit contact. The timing of limiting contact doesn’t work right now. All the best and stay strong!
They're experts at mockery
I told one narcissist that it upsets me when I take a vacation day because we have plans that are canceled at the last minute. His comment….”Well, I don’t get vacation days.” He was retired but was contracted with a company AND set his own hours.
Do you know how many people your helping? Theres something special about you.
At 5:20 yes!!! That’s what he used to say when I called him out on his belittling and bullying behavior towards myself and others. He would also mock me and fake cry and say “you’re such a victim “. Ugh disgusting
I quit having time for 2 narcissists who were trying to push me off the cliff. I was finally able to go no contact with 1, over 4 years ago. Then, another, 1 year ago. I now have more time for myself and the people in my life who matter the most.
Your daily program helped me to over come my situation.
You deserve everything. It is not my fault - it is yours.
There are two types of people in this world. There are those who inflict pain on others because they have been hurt. Those are the villians. A hero takes their pain and says "I want to make sure that this never happens to anybody else ever again."
He could not remember when that was convenient. He also could remember amazing things. Like, heow someone gave offense, clear back to grade school. And even things that did not even happen.
Mine says I can't remember all the time!! I finally realized it's so he doesn't have to keep all his stories, lies and secret cheating straight.
I was accused of rejecting him . . . Despite how much I stood by him 2500% . . . Or he would trivialize my concerns and invalidate my feelings . . .
Same
Forgiveness= Release and Heal
🙌
Kevin ive told him this very thing. Hurt people dont hurt people we BRING OURSELVES UP.
I told him that he would never find anyone to tolerate him like I have. He said he wouldn’t have to treat others like he goes me because they are better people than I am. So basically his excuse was it’s all my fault.
When we are born again we aren't sinners anymore we are saints!
4:56 "I just tell it like it is" as an excuse. Might as well be screaming, "You can't handle the truth!" I'm so glad that Kevin brings up this last ditch excuse that these wannabe controllers bring up trying to knock us to our knees out of nowhere
The worst part is that the VICTIMS tend to make up excuses for them after a while. Surely, they're just "going through a rough patch", or "they've been like this since forever".
Exactly: they tell you that you - the survivor - is too sensitive 🎉🎉😂
Best coach on narcisstic abuse!!
Their excuses are not important. Every expert on narc Ive listened to says they the narc is unhappy and full of self loathing and will try be mean as an attempt to try to make themselves feel better than. They will also often time project their own flaws onto you
so pay attention to their criticism, its how they feel about themselves.
"It was YOUR fault because.....blah, blah, blah"
I agree 100%! I have been eliminating all of the narcs out of my life which is leaving me without hardly any friends but much more peace and I don't mind being alone so it's a win win. But I have hardly ever taken crap from people and always put narcs in their place. Something I've been good at most of my life with overt narcs but I just recently learned about covert narcs and they do that a lot. They won't be direct. They'll resent you for things and you don't even know about it and then you think damn, if you'd just told me I would have apologized and corrected my behavior accordingly, even if I thought they were too sensitive I'd try to go along to get along within reason but they don't even give you a chance. Very frustrating. They should just speak up but I think they get off on the chaos and drama even when it works against their own interests. I guess the narc supply is just too alluring for them to pass up like a crack addict to a crack pipe.
Oh my. People. Kevins words when he says they say. . " I didnt know i was saying such harsh words. I didnt know this was hard for you to conversate about.... ❤
Frustrating to deal with. They brown nose the dominant person and devalue me to save their pride. Consistently saying they are not putting me down, when they are.
You forgot the most important one "YOU MADE ME DO IT"
Gosh this is so true. I’ve heard, “Thats just me” and “I didn’t know because you never sat me down and told me how you felt”. All I did was beg him to listen and to get help. To him, the worst thing was leaving him, even thou he was abusing me. So he guilted me for leaving, telling me I should be like his mom and wait and stay (even tho she was not physically abused and was just as toxic as his father was). That I should be like some other Christian women who stay and are strong. I am not that strong. I don’t think there was anything more I could have done. That all the horrible things he said and did was out of anger and he didn’t mean them. Yes he did mean them, at least at the time. Truth is, he saw this growing up and instead of saying he would never do that or be that way, he chose to repeat the cycle.
They have had the audacity to say things like see were helping you by hacking your phone. That was the dumbest statement ive ever read in my entire life.
OMG! That's terrible.
One of the last ones I heard was "I'm just speaking my mind". 🙄 There are those passive aggressive narcissists whose main thing is acting dumb. Weaponized incompetence. Asked this person to do something for me & he kept putting it on me to figure out every move he had to make until I told him to forget about it. That's how you get out of doing something without saying no.
Sooooooooooooo much truth in this video.
Lol, I heard that before they tell it how it is. One I us d to hear alot was" I'm just a straight shooter!"
"I wasn't given the proper tools..."
Sometimes tho, normal people break. Lots of these, and other lists of narc things, are hum9n behaviours. It's difficult to split hairs with someone who is actually struggling with their emotions from traumatic events like narc abuse. So much can be flipped around, as reactive abuse. The reactive abuse concept is basically the narc must illicit the feelings THEY have but through YOU. They will do whatever they must to get you, to act the way THEY feel inside. And then the projection. This narrative flip is real and is possibly the most scary aspect of narcisms. If you don't act badly, they will be abusing. Until you enact their darkness. 🎉
This is the knife's edge of narcisms. The pointy end.
Yeah, I am very confused rn. I know the worst has been brought out of me. Things I spent years working on. To be told that my experiences aren't valid and that I am the selfish one and I never take responsibility makes me insane. I understand I have had some selfish qualities in the past, especially as a teen. I did fasting and prayer and read books all throughout my 20s to work on myself. Now, I feel like all of that is out the window, and I am a shell of myself.
@@rawkingkong My ex would concoct huge fabricated stories using various facts and my reactions totally out of context. The timeline of events is always chopped and changed to paint a picture of you as this monster. The monster THEY are deep inside. Then my ex would call me a narc because I refused to be accountable to this Frankenstory of falsehoods he fabricated. Always told these stories in front of people. Then told everyone I'm a narc because I won't be accountable. Then when I got angry about his lies, I got labelled 'narcissistic rage.' It's really important for survivors to understand this twistedness, or you can just hate yourself like they hated you.
My ex hubby would tell me.....If your parents had disciplined you correctly when you were a child, I wouldn't be forced to hit you and disciplined you now.
I’m sorry 😞 you experienced that it’s just a very poor excuse, hopefully you have a better life now.
Wow what a pos. So glad you got away 💜
They wont deny it. Theyll start off with "THATS BECAUSE..." If they know how they got there, they know they are doing it, they are aware of thier behavior. They know exactly what they are doing to you. They feel you deserve this behavior.
Years ago my narcissistic sister would bait me and antagonize me until I would break and retaliate with reactive abuse and physically hit her so then my parents took me to anger management classes and they all said, "No hitting, use your WORDS" so I started using my words to tell my sister she was a mean bully and she violates my boundaries then she called me "an emotional terrorist"🤣
I told my therapist I told my parents they are narcissistic abusers and my therapist accused me of "elder abuse" and said my parents could file a restraining order against me for saying that!🤣
You can't make this stuff up it's too absurd!!!
Guess they didn't like me using my words any more than my fists!!!
Then I went no contact with my sister as an adult and refused to be her maid of honor and refused to attend her wedding and then I was accused of being petty and bitter living in the past!!!
They don't like anything you do or what you have to say AND they hate when you try to walk away!!!!
criminal....
Oh, today this video totally describes my narc to a tee. I've FINALLY found a way to move out of a 51 year marriage and these things you describe help me know it's him and not me. Now the thought and prospect of leaving and moving is terrifying. How narcs can use Christianity against you. How they control and manipulate with other things is just pure evil. thank you for the work you do.
I really needed to hear this.. I can really relate to this.. thank you...
I hear this everyday. " Just saying how I see it" silly
Sometimes.... you can see them smirk 🎉 blessings, and thank you ❤
Yes, many years ago when still confused about who/what they were, I caught glimpse of the smirk and knew.
She straight up smiled and laughed at me while I was getting worked up multiple times. I guess I am just a sucker
The narcissist in my life prays for me every day. 😇
Great topic. Thank you for your continued commitment to helping others.
I don't remember. "What? Are you a gold fish?" LOL
It’s so crazy how accurate you are with these videos. I’ve watched several videos and booked a one on one call with you and God is just using you to help set the captives free. I read a book many years ago that scared me with that title and I finally feel free. You are freeing so many spirits, souls, minds, and helping a lot of people. God bless you! ❤
Kevin. SPOT ON. ❤ THANK YOU SIR.
WE WILL KEEP OUR SILENTS. ❤❤ KEVIN TRUTH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
So true! The excuse I always heard was, “I don’t know how to be a husband or a father, growing up all I seen was men advising my mom.”
Resist the devil and he will flee
I am so happy I found you today and will say it again. I love you, your work, your authentic voice, sharing your life, love and joy in serving the lives of others. ❤
I don't remember.. ive heard this so many times. It's a lie
Religious narcissist always say when they don't like being abandoned "love conquers all" or "love never fails" as a way of saying your "no contact" is biblically wrong! Lol 😂 yah ok!
My husband says I deserve the abuse because he has PTSD & I trigger him by asking questions or not doing what he wants. A grown man, stupidity personified.
The narcissist knows what they are doing so they know they are predestined for hell
The phrase I hear is "I'm blunt, every that knows me know that's how I am".
I did cry and beg...the mocked me for it. I went "stiff upper lip" then, and they just kept on going. No contact for 14 years now, and loving it. I just wish I had done it sooner!
Sometimes you need to tell people like it is. Sometimes they want more than friends and you just want to stay friends. Relationships can be difficult.
My dad says “only God is perfect” .. crazy.. i love this channel. It all makes sense