6 signs you're a "nice girl" in relationships
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- Опубликовано: 18 май 2022
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starring -
Melissa Macedo
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Michelle Macedo
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shot by Eric Lombart
grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee
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edited by Ben Chinapen
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gfx by Bethany Radloff
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Being kind is not a flaw. Having no self respect is.
Be kind not nice! Being kind includes treating yourself with respect!
Also being kind is not being weak and unkindness and bullying to look tough is not hiding weakness
Setting boundaries helps!
I will be quoting you in the future.
Kindness does not equal nice. All of the examples she gave are unhealthy. Thus the reason not to do it
"There you go, go to therapy" hit me somewhere I didn't think I needed this morning, especially after all the points were so relatable for me
The human body male or female is not naturally ethletically pleasing. Pns in movies are taken care of and cleaned girl when realizing they aren't ethletically pleasing go straight to hanging themselves. We know amen aren't ethletically pleasing .but don't ☠️ themselves . On that issue. Maybe we both men women can give advice on how to handle those issues of beauty or feeling like have no purpose.
Hahahaha it was so forward yet much needed. Love Anna
I've been looking into it recently as well.. good push
As a guy I need to point out, Nice Girls are equally crazy compare to Nice Guys. Among guys we call them "Crazy ex girlfriend" and "psycho girlfriend"
"You think femininity = passivity" OOF this one hits hard, thank you for calling me out sister 🙏 when I was in high school I was very assertive and unafraid to voice my opinions, but when I got told I was scaring away boys because I was too intimidating, I started to worry and modify my persona (which I guess is the manipulation you talked about). In college, I adopted a much more passive, conciliatory persona around guys and, lo and behold, I finally made male friends for the first time. Except that, as it turned out, a few of them ended up trying to manipulate me into getting with them, because they thought I was "sweet and innocent" (i.e. that I was a push over who would flatter their male ego without realizing I was being used). This year I nearly lost my life because I entered an abusive relationship with a narcissist who saw these insecurities about my "lack of femininity" and exploited them. Never again will I change who I am to try to please men. I will go back to being assertive. I will no longer pretend to be dumber than I am in order to appeal to the men around me who do not possess my level of intelligence. And if it scares the majority of them off, so be it.
You put MY OWN FEELINGS IN ANECDOTES SOMEHOW IN THIS COMMENT. BAFFLED
Yessss!!! Nev
It's important to be assertive at certain time, and it's important to be passive at other times. You have to know when to be assertive and when to be passive. It's not always just black and white all the way. Just like how you have people that you don't have interest in speaking to, but you don't hate them either. They are just acquaintances that you deal with because of social conventions.
Sometime in a relationship, it's not always good to be right for that moment just to prove your point of view, because overtime you're damaging the relationship itself. You can be either happy or be right. Depending on the person you're speaking to and the situation you're in, this all varies. If you find someone that actually appreciates and challenge you out of your comfort zone, I think that's a good thing because a healthy relationship is meant for both people to grow together. But if the relationship is toxic, then that's when you have to ask yourself if it's worth it long term or not. And if the answer is no, then you need to get the hell out of there.
I think being assertive is good at certain situation, but it's not a good idea to be assertive all the time, because then it makes people very hard to approach you and open up to you about their personal things. You have to adapt and change depending on the situation you're in and who you're speaking to. For example, it's probably not a good idea to headbutt against everyone just to prove your point of view on something, especially if it's in a work environment. What does that really accomplish aside from starting off from wrong side of shoes with multiple coworkers, you know? Sometime, silence can say a lot of things about a person too. Other times, you have to be assertive or people will take advantage of you. Knowing when to speak up and when not to is the key to success.
Understand that the difference between humans and animals are not because humans can think for themselves as a higher intellect, but it's the fact that humans have the ability to adapt to their environment and change accordingly. Human evolution has survived and continue to evolve this long because of it. Hence, Survival of the Fittest.
Being assertive and "intimidating" is actually sexy. Passive girl is a burden
As John Green said, "The Venn diagram of guys who think you're too smart for them and guys you don't want to date - is a circle."
Me being a manipulative liar and projecting a false image of being a nice girl made my partner act selfish because he thought I would accept everything he does... I had been blaming him for changing his attitude instead of blaming myself until I watched this. Thanks for calling me out and stopping me from repeating the same mistake. Love your videos!
oooffff, this hit me hard! thanks for sharing :)
big yes to this... me too honestly
This is a really negative way to look at it... you should not explain somebodys bad behaviour towards you by blaming yourself for being nice
Perhaps, but also someone who loves you truly won't take advantage of you. So it's both.
Please don’t take all the blame for your partner taking advantage of your agreeable nature
*6 Signs You're a Nice Girl in Relationships*
1. You Don't Feel Safe Expressing Your True Feelings 0:22
2. You Don't Speak Up For What You Want 0:50
3. You Think Femininity = Passivity 1:19
4. You're Prone to Obsessive Thinking And Fantasizing 1:55
5. You Self-Abandon To Make Others Happy 2:42
6. You Try To Control Others' Experiences Of You So You Feel Safe 2:53
Thanks for this! It makes it easier to revisit the main points in the future .. :)
@@tiff8346 thank you for the comment! and that's exactly why i made the list haha :D
One thing I always tell my god kids is “be kind, not nice”. Being nice is often transactional, whereas being kind means putting your empathy and compassion into action. One example I give is in setting boundaries. it’s nice not to set boundaries because you don’t want to inconvenience someone with an awkward conversation, timing or upset them, but on the flip side when your boundaries are encroached on the other person is often blamed or you throw a self indulgent pity party by chastising yourself for being such a ‘nice’ person. Setting boundaries requires you to actively understand yourself and learn interpersonal communication skills so the other person doesn’t have to psychically guess them, and also allows you to determine the other persons respect for your boundaries (assuming they’re healthy ones lol), based on who they are as a person rather than who you want them to be.
Hi, to everyone in the comments feeling bad: there is societal pressure, trauma, and/or survival instincts that cause us to act this way. It's okay, you're not a terrible person. It is better for everyone in the long run if we start voicing our needs, but just do your best. It's okay to take baby steps.
Thanks for saying this!
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU WRITING THIS AND REMINDING ME THERE'S CONTEXT FOR BEING "NICE"
THANK YOU 💜
OMG when it come's to women's problems it's always society fault or some kind of past trauma. However, when it comes to men like creeps or simps it's always the mans fault. Never society or whatever past trauma he might have.
@@RiseUpToYourAbility Who said that it wasn't society fault that boys turn into simps/creeps? It literally is a product of society not teaching children about consent, accountability and other stuff. Its okay to want to feel heard. But the way you are trying to get heard by this comment, is not productive and frankly quite rude.
Anna, after 3 years of watching your videos on RUclips and feeling called out most of the time I finally started going to therapy. Thank you!
Same! The Anna Akana to therapy pipeline lol
I love how much of an advocate she is for mental health, I’d honestly say some of her videos helped me work on myself outside of therapy.
I also started going to therapy recently. It felt like I was going through a second puberty for a while to be honest but has also been eye opening.
@@j.o.w.4099 Same here, also, I was not sure that I would be able to be frank and honest to an unknown person, because needing to be 'nice' was/is such a habit and it was a surprise that I am open to talk to a therapist about things I avoid.
Better late than never
i think an aspect of this could also be masking* if youre neurodivergent and used to being rejected and corrected constantly to be more palatable (and, as a result, be conditioned to have very little self-worth and/or self-respect). in which case, yeah, you also would still need therapy to help learn to unpack
*masking is hiding your personality, emotions, stims, etc. in order to conform to societal expectations to avoid getting harassed or abused. it's most commonly associated with ADHD and autism, but is prevelant in other forms of neurodivergence
Thank you for this note.
I love that Anna still stays true to her content even as her life gets busier and has a full crew to help produce videos. I’ve been watching her since she was doing it all solo in her apartment and talking to clones of herself, yet her current videos still give that same satire vibe. Love the clones and the twins the same 🤍
I've been working on honesty with my partner AND friends and it feels way better. I always tried to be "sweet" and "easy going" but now I think I'm funnier and my partner has expressed how happy he is that I've found my confidence. Plus I don't stew about how people can't read my mind.
Thank goodness we have an influencer who actually advocate the need for people to go to therapy. The more we voice about this, the more it could be normalized on the future.
Ive been a nice girl in both my ex and my current relationship, and its really awful. And now that Anna has mentioned it, I do agree that in its purest form, nice girls are just manipulative. And so I was as well. I may have been nice but deep inside, I couldnt bring myself to express my thoughts and opinions, in hopes to achieve a certain reaction from my partner. I cannot say for sure that I am not a nice girl anymore as Im still trying to take some helpful steps to avoid myself from going in that direction again. I hope Ill change soon.
Wishing you the best!
@@andras.8193 Thank you! I wish you a nice day btw! 😊
I think that we do have to realize the shear amount of social pressures that go into this behavior though…. it may not be being honest but I think calling it manipulative puts so much responsibility on the individual rather than the societal pressures and perceptions that push women to be passive. Anna talks like these pressures don’t exist, but they do…
I’ve been the nice girl the majority of my life. I’m very happy and so much less depressed now that I can express myself :D
Selfishness is easy but giving (in right amount) is rare. I don’t take my kindness for weakness but yes, there were times when I didn’t feel safe expressing myself in certain relationships. I have also noticed how freely I express myself in some others, took me years to try to “fix myself” to fit in those places but then I quit. Now, I only have relationships where I can be honest to myself and others, it’s a game changer. Life feels SO MUCH better! ALSO, some places and people are just not right for your nervous system, and you can’t just relax around them no matter how much you force yourself- don’t take the burden of being the one to “fix” things by teaching them how to treat you, and by unnecessarily continuing to confront. You gut knows best, leave if it makes your insides clam up. That energy can be used to build more beautiful things. Confrontation being the big theme in therapy often overlooks this fact.
it can be hard to navigate when you grow up with a narcissist and there is no way of expressing yourself without everything ending in a huge fight, so you learn to keep silent and not push out of self preservation and keeping people happy. while I agree that in the long run it can cause issues, I think people getting used to someone being nice and taking advantage of it is the bigger problem here. I’ve had similar convos with friends where I asked them about looking through projects but their answer was simply not yet, sorry and then they completely forgot about it, no follow up questions like here about how it was making me feel. and while it stings you don’t really want to make a big fight every time someone acts inconsiderate.
very true. growing up with a narcissist sets people up for failure. it basically teaches you that you need to be passive or you don’t deserve love.
Yes, so true. I am an assertive person, but when I'm around narcissists, they become angry when they realize you aren't putting up with their lies and manipulation. Thanks to the pandemic, I realized it actually brought me more peace to be alone. It's like I'm lonely, but it's because I don't like living in my generation. It's like everyone is obsessed with technology and doesn't know how to communicate or treat people with respect anymore.
5 out of 6 of these are also the result of being in an emotionally abusive family. You would always be expected to "play nice" in order to keep the peace. Only assholes make their own children responsible for keeping the peace in a household.
this this this! but I think this is also what she meant by the therapy bit. I saw this as someone in the trenches of trying to find a viable one. but what you said is so SO true!
My narcissist parents
Emotionally abusive parents and relatives
Bully ex frnds
That couch segment was so much even the girls started laughing… miss you on Node, Anna!
I literally made this revelation a couple days ago. My ex and I broke up a month ago over an issue on his end. Something I always did in the relationship was check with him if I was "chill" and he would always agree that I was super "chill". All the while I was stressed tf out because our future was so uncertain and we didn't really want the same things. Now I see that I was completely manipulating the situation so that I got what I want which was a committed relationship leading to marriage (which he in the end did not want) o_o I am shame.
This hit home lol
Oh I did the same thing!! I was codependent too. I'm in therapy now and watching these videos, I feel attacked, in a good way 😅
I don't know how you both kept straight faces during the passive skit. Great work!
"There you go. Go to therapy." 😂😂 got damn she's the bestie we ALL needed. Love you and most importantly I truly appreciate you and every effort y'all put into these videos. They're making a difference, and yours help ne the most. You're genuine and genuinely relatable. With the right amounts of semi dark and light hearted humor to ease me through some of the things I NEED to hear but for some reason can't hear from anyone else.
ive been triggered by my first ever relationship to become this again!! because it woke up childhood patterns in me... in the first few weeks i got to know him i was fine but then things started to go downhill when my insecurities started flowing out and i pretty much lost control over who i was snd my adult self went out the window... looking back i was/am definitely manipulative because of my fears and insecurities and because i was terrified of being abandoned. which leads to me not being able to speak up because i dont want to say the wrong thing to the other person but then i get frustrated at the other person because they dont recognize my needs, and then i voice them in a way that sounds like I'm blaming the other person for not being this perfect human being which eventually leads to them feeling bad... idk if this even makes sense
I relate to everything you just said! 😭
@@nightkingxx it depends on the girl you talk to lol not all girls are the same
@@nightkingxx there is no general thing that they want. You have to treat people as individuals to connect w/ them.
@@tkygixdo 😞
@@nightkingxx it really depends on the person, it could be emotional needs, like wanting to be understood all the time... but there's so many different things!
Being kind and nice Is something wonderful but being a doormat without boundaries is a serious complete flaw
“There you go, go to therapy.” Perfect line
I don't know how to feel about this. I just like being called sweet and nice and pretty. I like being affectionate and making others smile. I like when people hold me gently. I recognize I'm controlling others perception of me by being sweet, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like a lie. I do care too much about what others think and I'm somewhat soft spoken and anxious. Until I accepted that I like being nice, and I like when people treat me gently, I wasn't able to make any friends. Everything felt like a lie... So honestly I don't know . I've kinda accepted it as a personality trait instead of seeing it as me being manipulative, and that has changed interactions w/ people to be way more fulfilling.
There's a part of me thats sweet and warm and loving, and there's a part of me that's cold and and rational and very very sad. That voice is useful, but it I don't like being that person. I don't like the way I feel or the way people see me when that part of me is in control.
@@selainx We are all multifaceted like diamonds. Everyone is a little bit manipulative, everyone has some parts of them that they are hiding. Don't make yourself feel bad for being a multidimensional human being.
Maybe being sweet and caring is just who you are❤️ My bf says thats what he loves about me, and I think we do need more people that are genuinly sweet and kind.. i believe the issue with “nice girls” is not having boundries and confidence to speak up when something is wrong
@@selainx Just wanted to let you know that you're really great and that you're an absolutely beautiful person in every way. Yourself and all the other beautiful people out there are perfect and more than good enough as we are. Xxxx
I always like it when you leave the giggles in 🤣
*FRIENDLY REMINDER* | Laugh whenever possible. Be willing to apologize when you've made a mistake. Recognize when it's not possible to change a situation, and let go of the things that aren't within your power to change. Live your life happily.
I know this is not relevant to the episode, but congrats on the success of Amphibia and the hardwork u did on voicing Sasha :)
"Now we cuddle" killed me🤣🤣
It felt so strange seeing a dog in Anna's house😅
1:45 😂😂😂 I couldn’t stop laughing and the cuddling so real 😂❤️
Not being able yo make decisions is not manipulative. We went through so much trauma we can't make a simple decision and it's horrible for us too. And yes, we go to therapy most of the times.
Anna, please don't stop talking about daddy squarespace in your videos its what I wait for, you're a riot🙏 😆😆
I love the acting and editing in these videos so much. 🤣
I loved the backgrounds in this! (Great skits all around)
ohh, anna.. please never stop making these kinds of videos, communicating those kind of issues, making us feel understood and helping us to get help or find a start to even uderstand what is happening by helping us reflect certain behavious. everyone should worship you!! please never leave us and deprive us of ur high quality, self,reflecting content!!
Just wanna applaud you for doing less than 5 min vids. Its so refreshing to watch short videos on youtube again
1:55 the 4 is just the most amazing 4 to ever exist
Also loving the backgrounds in these
2 things:
1. #2 is actually what misogynistic people think would happen if a female became president.
2. I'm REAL uncomfy about the fact that SquareSpace is your biological father after all this time of you calling them Daddy SquareSpace. So thanks for THAT nightmare!
Love your stuff!
It’s her fathers invention?
love the ending
i relate to this so much... yes, it doesnt feel good but its not too late to change
I was never nice!! I was just anxious!!!
These videos makes our days better
This is a big mood. I've had a bunch of trouble lately because I feel like because I'm supposed to be nice to everyone and I can't express when I just plain don't like someone or how they treat me. I don't think it helps me or them to desperately try to be friendly and nice and lovely to people who make mean comments and insult me then pretend it's a joke and demand I help them with their life. It just leads to being taken advantage of and tells the people around me that it's okay for them to be taken advantage of by that person also.
I have NEVER felt so called out in my life Anna. NEVER. THANK YOU.
I very much needed to hear this. Thanks.
Thanks for these amazingly insightful videos, Anna.
#3 was gold
1:54 thank you so much for leaving that laugh in coz I was literally waiting for it 🤣
Tbh I used to be like this I have changed it all to the opposite but XD it made the other person leave 🤷🏻♀️I mean I spoke my mind (with love ) and I don't date guys to save me anymore nor I try to fix ppl anymore I finally put boundaries 🙌🏻
Love it, Thanks as always Anna
Anna, that top is too perfect huhu I love it 💖
Wow, Anna, you look gorgeous. I must congratulate your mother and also your biological father, Squarespace.
I'm laughing and crying at the same time, Anna calls me out in the best ways lmao 🖤
That top is incredibly cute.
ANNA. So well said.
Anna, I know this is off-topic, but I wanted to say I love your work on Amphibia, Sasha Waybright was my favorite character and you were a big part of that :)
Well this was eye opening
Awesome job anna.
I've been watching your videos for nearly a decade, and yet, after binging Amphibia season 3 in 2 days, I'm imagining this as Sasha helping her patients.
I don't think this is how we colloquially use the term "nice girl."
EDIT: I think "6 signs you're being too 'nice' " might be a more accurate title.
only if you know, THIS is my therapy, thankyou anna
Anna is like the big sister that we all need
thank you.
Number 3 was hilarious 😂😂😂
the scoundrel part omfg
Lovin the satire.
so relatable
I always find it weird how people who get so wrapped up in how their perceived that they fail to notice everyone seeing what they are doing and thinking it's ridiculous.
Wow. So called out rn
I really luv how she always say this....go to therapy....🌌thnku Anna for always making it seemed to be so simple 💜😍
Damn that ending got me
i have the same top it's so cute !!
Anna😍😍😍😍😍♥️🧡💛💚💙💜
This was very helpful as you always are❣️❣️❣️❣️ Love your videos 💯😍
🤩 funny, relatable and educational💗
You seem even happier and more energetic then normal - I'm happy for you =) 🙂
Found this channel through Amphibia weirdly and now I love it
Me too
Excellent skits
Thanks sis
im actually so happy i dont resonate with this at all bc usually i do to some extent w annas videos 😭
I Feel you Anna I've been manipulated many times. Even recently when I was giving a private class.
🤣 "there you go, Go to therapy" the best dialogue here.
You literally just described my mother
That last point… ouch!
I missed you
Knowing what you want is important.
I related a little too hard to this. I'll have a good story for my therapist next session lol
THE PUPPER DREAMSIES 😭💖
2:02, I love those accents so much XD
"my biological father, squarespace" I'm dying
This girl is funny. Great videos!
Yup, definitely not me lol. Voicing what's on my mind is my thing!
Well, I know what my next therapy appointment will be about now. Thank you, (I mean wow that hurts,) but thank you.
It comes back to the whole argument of "good" vs "nice". Being "nice" is a transactive behavior; you act that way so you can get something in return.
2:30 had me ROLLIN'
I thought that painting in the background was three stacked Venus razors...
So, not only are “nice guys” not any good, now we got to watch out for “nice girls.” Also, on #3, that dog was just as confused as us as to what just happened as well
We’re caught up playing the impassioned protagonist in our Subjective Narrative of Self🎈
oof these hit home!