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Stop Dating Your Issues
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- Опубликовано: 2 дек 2020
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thank you for your support! / annaakana
starring -
Melissa Macedo
/ melissamacedom
Michelle Macedo
/ michellemacedom
connect
Instagram: / annaakana
Twitter: / annaakana
Facebook: / annaakana
Spotify: spoti.fi/2MvmYjE
shot by Eric Lombart
/ ericlombart
grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee
sound - John Lee
edited by Timothy Hautekiet
/ @timh
gfx by Bethany Radloff
/ bethberad
“You’re addicted to emotional chaos and your subconscious is trying to right the wrongs of your past by seeking out similar dynamics and rewriting history”
Psychologists say we date someone who emulates are most difficult parent because we subconsciously want to fix our parents’ relationship by acting different from our less difficult parent.
I'm tempted to cross stitch this and send it to my biomom. And then make one for me, lol.
That explains my ex so much. I have my issues, but that was definitely theirs.
i feel attacked
damn.
that came for me SO HARD.
You're doing something a little different with your makeup. I like it.
lol
are you the younger son of Kate Winslet? he is Bear and you named yourself THE Bear....sooo?? Are you? :D
thanks, going for a more natural look
@@AnnaAkana, I’ve never seen make-up work so well with tears! How did you do it? Usually, of course, crying is a disaster for style. It’s as if you MEANT for it to run down your face!
XD
“I’m a philosophy major drop out dressed as a f*cking clown”
-Anna Akana, an absolute queen
my absolute favorite quote of the year
As a philosophy major this revelation made me so happy
stop simping. remain pure
@@ToaZarayna as a fellow philosophy major, i second this
She's truly an inspiration 😁
"Just re-home the baby; make another one! It's easy; it's fun!" 😂
honestly, i was sold
The logic was solid.
I can’t come up with a compelling counterargument
So full of logic.
People have too much irrational, emotional ties to their babies.
If you can spend 20 years to build a career, you can spend 10 months to make another baby.
11 years, man. 11 years. That cat stood by her.....
I thought Melissa and Michelle are the same person, I was so used seeing Anna doubled so I never thought about that they are twins
Wait they're not the same person?
I literally thought she had just filmed herself multiple times and appeared twice in the same shot through editing magic or something! Mind blown!!
I guess that's what made hiring twins so beneficial to her style haha
Lol
I am so used to of RUclipsrs putting themselves in the frame several times I didn't even think they are different person.
Lol
My whole life was a lie😂😂😂😂
Anna's channel has become "Therapy time with Anna"
That's sooo true😂😂😂
lol its always been
@@AnnaAkana they must be new here
She's our RUclips therapist ❤️
@@AnnaAkana Word.
I feel the need to come into someones life and "save them" much like I needed a hero when I was young and went through lots of racism and bullying. I project this and decide to jump head first into relationships early on and show them how dedicated I am, only asking what they need to be happy, without asking for anything back, until I inevitable am fed up about never having my wants and needs satisfied.
wow, that felt great getting off my chest
I very much relate to you.
Amazing & courageous! I'm wishing you the best, cause that's what you deserve.
I relate.
yep! same here. here’s to making better decisions now that we have the awareness 💪🏼
Same for me. It's hard to see the beginning stage as a red flag cause it feels good to make someone happy because of you. I think right now I'm trying to not repeat my mistake. Good luck to you ;)
The one thing that I’m getting out of the pandemic is self improvement. It’s a great time for self improvement.
I agree... Me too... I've like discovered so many things about my personality....
I’m so happy and proud of you both ❤️
Same here ❤️
True. So many people got really fit or learned a new language and I thought I should do that too, but I didn't. Instead I learned to be patient and that it is my choice alone what stress I want to confront myself with and which I avoid. I didn't really learn that on purpose, but sometimes the best lessons are not the ones we choose to learn, but the ones that we discover along the way.
How do you do that ? I don’t really know where to start ? Or how ?
“You’re addicted to emotional chaos and your subconscious is trying to right the wrongs of your past by seeking our similar dynamics.”
Stop attacking me pls👁💧👄💧👁
This is loaded with truth. When I started learning about trauma bonds, and realize who those bonds were associated with, it opened and broke down huge emotional barriers, that otherwise contributed to a series of unhealthy relationships. Friends and lovers, alike.
So true.... When you learn about it you realise it's your own choices and your past traumas that coerce you to choose what you choose....
@@HARU.7243 Hmmm
@@HARU.7243 Right, and only then will you start making the choices to change your attitude, and not make those mistakes again. It is not easy, and no timeframe should be put on to it, but you will know it when you feel the healing taking place. Then you will do everything in your power to cultivate and defend it.
@@psylentknight yes... I totally agree...👍
@@PriyankaGupta-ew1li 😀🙏👍
This is scary. You kinda echoed my conversation with myself last night.
Cheers to our drunk Asian moms.
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else. Gets me frustrated. Just admit that you love the videos I make, my dear ma3
@@AxxLAfriku Life's like this. That's the way it is.
wasn't her dad the asian?
@@elessal they're both asian. Her dad is japanese her mom is filipino
Facts! I was just thinking last night “why do I keep dating the same guy?” And then this pops up. I’m dating my issues 😭
I have recognized I am addicted to the chaos / emotionally unavailable people just because I have been used to that dynamic since childhood and now it's so familiar and "safe" even though I know it really isn't
same!!! same! And its once again always soooo painful.
"Anna, don't have children. Have a career. Don't make the mistake I made, be ambitious" did she just tell her literal child that she regrets having children?
She did say "Anak", Tagalog for child but yeah she did just tell her child that she regrets having children lol
My mom also said this to me a few times growing up! I quickly developed a vicious adversity to the thought of getting married or having kids
My mom did this too I thought it was normal...
Broken people often break people, especially their kids. It's my broken people theory of crime fighting! If we break less people, and repair those that are already broken, then we will have less people breaking windows.
Oh yeah.. My mom repeated me that as much as She can that her life was destroyed because She had children with my dad blablabla.. She even said I should have aborted you.. Anyway....
I love how real she is! You don't have to look illuminated or always "in peace" to show people that you're growing and doing the work. Oftentimes you have lots of ups and downs and many times you repeat old patterns even when you've been in therapy for a while. We have to normalize that this happens, people specially influencers that always seem happy are not realistic and create unnecessary expectations for people that want to start the work! Ana, Congrats on reminding us that this process has so many gray areas and that is never lineal :)
"Through pain I find strength,
Through strength I find resolve,
Through resolve I find purpose,
Through purpose I find happiness."
That scene with the mom telling her daughter not to have children was intense. Poor mom, poor children. All she needed was a little help back then.
4:23 aaaaall right for someone who has recently broken up with the same person for, like, the 5th time, that was pretty much a punch in the face. Loved it and hated it. Thank you Anna!
OMG... I broke up with the same person twice...
I'm still in a relationship with someone I already broke up with 4 times now... Why do you call me out like this! 😅
Lol wow felt this
So true, we don't have to keep having dysfunctional relationships, we can actively work on ourselves and choose more conscious and healthy relationships
That story about Anna"s moms breakdown explains so much about why Anna is who she is and the choices shes made
You almost persuaded me to rehome my non-existent baby for the sake of my non-existent cat...the power you hold omg
"She was at home raising 3 kids alone while my father was overseas fighting in a war or something - which I'm sure we can all agree is the easier of the two situations" LOL
I wish I also have a "squarespace" who supports my existential crisis....
Work for it then. She's been at it for years before she got the sponsor. You can do it too.
“You’re addicted to emotional chaos and your subconscious is trying to right the wrongs of your past by seeking out similar dynamics and rewriting history”
i love your videos, life lessons but in the most interesting way
"if you're not a clown but an entire circus" LMAO
One time, I talked with my now ex and told him "I don't know why, but you remind me of my dad"
And then he did what my dad did to my mom, a.k.a. belittling me a lot of time
me: *surprise pikachu*
Pets are being with you until they end their lives but husband, friends and kids will leave you one day. I wish cats and dogs can live longer like 30 years.
Yep. Apart from my amazing grandmother, no other living being has been with me as long as my cat.
Get a horse, treat it well, you'll have a friend for 25-30 years. Those sweetlings get old
@@creativedesignation7880 I meant those ppl will leave you for many reasons but not death. Pets will spend their whole life with you if you don’t abandon them.
get a bird! my family had the same bird for 60 years
Cats can run away and find new families as well, guys. If they don't like their owners or don't get enough attention. If a cat for example is alone a lot because of work, it will find a second family.
This is literally something I've been trying to work through with therapy. thanks for the reminder!
“i don’t play the games. i play the players.” 😂😂
The fear of commitment is actually really relatable so thanks for opening my eyes Anna
"Stop Dating Your Issues"? Joke's on you! I'm too scared of men to date them!
Then you are dating yourself, so you are still dating your issues :P
She said, "You have underestimated my power, you're 100 years too soon to date me!"
Me, who never has been in a relationship watching this: hmm interesting, I can relate
hahaha same what am i doing here
anna: *uploads anything related to dating*
me, a minor with no dating experience whatsoever: *furiously takes down notes*
I'm really beginning to appreciate the twins!
I.... thank you. It makes a lot of sence. As someone that came from a toxic family moving to the other side of the world and no longer being entrenched in them really opened up my eyes to how bad they really were and how much so many of my issues developed with them. Then 2016 happened and I found myself drawn into someones fold that over the course of 4 years mentally broke me to the point of self harm and reverting back to wanting to be a shut in again because clearly I was the worst and not worthy to be around people just like my family said. Worse yet people who knew me outside of his community kept trying to tell me how he and his associates were treating me wasn't right, but being around them felt so familure I guess my mind tricked me into thinking I had come home in a sence.
Does my general avoidance of relationships mean I have a fear of commitment, or just a fear of vulnerability?
it could also be fear of engulfment or fear of intimacy (i'm like that too when it comes to relationships lol)
Can be multiple things, like layers
@@venus8525 that's a scary thought
Dismissive Avoidant attachment style can be because of our past... For me it's fear of vulnerability....
@@ubiquitousflow :/ well on a better note, when you work on one it translates into the others and you improve as a whole
I'm so terrified of commitment that i only had long distance relationships and one-sided love for others, because those relationships (in my case, living in the other side of the continent) are doomed. But the good thing is that i'm starting to get more and more comfortable with the idea of settling down and emotional connection.
“addicted to emotional chaos” resonated so hard
Someone once told me people don’t go for what’s best for them. They go for what’s familiar.
Dude ACTUALLY just rehome the baby the cat is SO much more precious
Facts!
Ikr🤣
That rehome the baby bit was beautiful
YOOOOO! "Re-home the baby!"👶 🤣🤣🤣
RE HOME THE BABY~
I thought the delivery of the message was on point. I have the hardest time believing relationships and happiness eludes you, as you shown so much talent, creativity, ability, emotion and intelligence. Perhaps patience and acceptance are directions that needs to be reviewed. The right person is probably there in plain sight and overlooked.
“You’re addicted to emotional chaos and your subconscious is trying to write the wrongs of your past by seeking out similar dynamics and rewriting history.”
Everytime I come here, I come for this sentence alone.
Hi Anna. Just wanted to thank you, you've helped me through so many of my darkest years and you always make me smile when I'm feeling like crying. Absolutely love your videos 😊♥️
man.. i never thought about rehoming the baby. It does make sense the way you put it.
" you don't know them like i do" sounds familiar. But yeah, imo self awareness is the best solution to these patterns. Many people may be addicted to the feeling.
To whomever needs this.
Your friends may want your best but they may end up having varying opinions and you'll just agree with the one friend who says the thing that you want them to say. So at the end of the day follow your heart and if you make a mistake remember it and learn from it. I personally would only use therapy as a last resort. If i've at least helped one person then i'm happy. Geat vid :)
I really love how you are talking about such important and personal topics in such entertaining, light-hearted and creative ways. Selflove and Selfworth are so important for everyone. Last year I had a datingexperience that made me realise that I had selfesteem issues and tried to escape this feeling of worthlessness by being of importance for someone. In the past 1 1/2 years I worked a lot on myself, even did a therapy and now I'm able to give myself what I wanted others to give me. Now all the attention and affection that I receive feels so much better, because now I know that I don't need it. I also get so much positive feedback from friends, family, my therapist and the woman I dated this year who even told me that after we seperated she is seeking out a therapist to work on her topics and that I gave her the courage to do so. People are mirrors and the one's you get the closest to reflect the clearest. Really appreciate your videos and hope that you keep doing them!
'Find what I want' , THAT!!! is the question. What do YOU WANT! If you don't know this, don't go forward with any relationships.
Its literally so funny that ive heard all of these things in therapy for so long and yet when i watch your videos i still feel so exposed😂😂
wow i realized in all my relationships i am the one to start it but when the guys say “I love you” i deep inside tell myself “well i don’t love you” and after a long period of relationship time( jk 1-2years) i am the one to say let’s break up, but in my mind there is supposed to be a hero who will love me more than i love him and he will make sure that i am loved in every possible way. so being in these relationships feels like waiting for the right guy. also, if my partner unintentionally hurt me in any way, i always bring up that mistake over and over again until he apologizes so many times that he gets tired of it. Thanks Anna i know need a therapy )
i am kinda scared how accurate this is
I really love what you are doing and how you are able to see through the chaos inside you. Yeah it's hard and you've said so many times but your videos are inspiring me to do the same thing! Thank you for that❤
What if you never dared to ben in a relationship before ? what kind of issues do I have ? omfg, I feel attacked ! Why?!
That's me! Also, why do I mostly get interested in guys already in a relationship? I never get with them, but I swear all the good ones are taken :(
@@renatamarques8610 Maybe because you perceive them as good enough and safe enough to date. I.e. them having a partner makes them "verifiable" boyfriend material. It's good that you don't engage, the karma of stealing someones partner is bitter bitter and bland. Know your worth, get to know yourself the ugly and the good, forgive your not so good and lovingly and patently work on that. It might help to first start off with building platonic relationships and making yourself comfortable in being yourself, sharing and understanding others as a friend.
You deserve love and the joys of a relationship.
But I'm not a trained psychologist or some love guru. I just came to some realisation because of trying to get to know myself and love myself better (still working on it) and maybe something I wrote will resonate with you?
@@rene3759 It actually makes a lot of sense. I always push people away as well, and it got me thinking that I like unavailable men because I don't make myself available for any relationship.
That's something I'm working on, I used to be afraid of being intimate with people because I had some self-esteem issues, but I'm in a process of loving myself, and it has been helping to let some of my guard down and let people in, but I still gotta work on my commitment issues 😬.
Thanks for responding!
Final Fantasy dialogue boxes. Awesome.
I love how you address real but very difficult issues in such a simple way - thank you!
Anna wants to say that:
You already have those issues,
You don't need to Date them as well!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You Need to FIX your issues,
NOT Date them! 🤣😒👍🏻
*is saying
😂 yikes ! You are right
@@captainkrishna7144 Thankyou 💜🤣👻🤗
I guess fixing issues will be a life long jounery
🤔
Did you know
You can marry someone without bearing children
Crazy, I know.
I love the heart shape neon light in the background 💗
Why ya gotta come for me with this relatable content? ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“this terrible disease called humanity”
“Just rehome the baby”
Perfect
As a person that’s beginning her journey on self improvement and always feeling the need to bash myself so someone else doesn’t have to do it, it’s nice to know that slip up’s along the way. Still trying to understand not everything’s going to be perfect. It’s a marathon not a race.
Thanks to anyone that reads this.
I needed this right now. I had loved someone who is unavailable and mean and for a long time i couldn’t see an alternative because i never felt like that with anybody else. But then it’s not like I’m turning down good matches either - i don’t get a lot to begin with.
5:12 realest thing you've ever said
"some of those lessons are so obvious that everyone we love wants to eyeroll into oblivion" OH MY GOD CALL ME OUT (also the clown makeup is absolute genius)
let me widen-up your message: everytime you feel sad/mad/unsatisfied/unconfortable in any area of life or any moment, try to uncover it to the root... The more you understand how you tick the less of a slave you are of yourself... By giving what your inner child trully need instead of avoiding with quick fixes or denying. Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Make the most out of every experience, make them all count by enjoying the present whattever's happening.(even pain)
I dont know how I did it, but when I started loving and takig care of myself, I became pretty posessive of my time and love. So all of a sudden, I could see when someone was dementoring my emotions. I used to be atttracted to friends and lovers who where very demanding, because it made me feel needed. But they just discard you once you're empty. You can change!
I used to date girls that were fatherless “daddy issues” . I never had a relationship with my own father till I was an adult.
Does anyone want to donate me some trusted friends 😦, because at this point I'd rather have a good friend than a dating partner 🥺
Literally same
Ikr🤣🙄 the struggle is real😂😂😭😭😭Also if you get it,Plz send a dozen to me as well😌🤗
I feel A good friend 😭💓is Precious.. More than a dating partner🙄😒
@@PriyankaGupta-ew1li A dozen 😱 if only I could be so lucky to have one :p
Don't worry be happy
Guys, we can be each others friends.
Someone start a discord server.
I am so proud you are baring you vulnerabilities! That is a bold sassy badass move!
I always think that Anna comes out with videos just when we need them . Thank you
Well I wasn't expecting to see my recent relationship displayed on the internet by a clown that absolutely nails it, but here we are.
the ultimate solution : DONT DATE ANYONE ! Hence you have no couple fighting , no kids , no family obligations and no commitment required. All problem are now resolved :)
Ultimate solutions: dont have friends, dont talk to your family and dont leave your home. Then no one can hurt you
Um.. Loneliness?
@@yaramuallem5260 do other things that release oxytocin.
Die alone.
Sis you don’t even know how much you help us ... thank you Anna you are awesome ❤️
I can agree... Like I am Dismissive Avoidant... Recently discovered it and yep it is deeply rooted to my childhood traumas.... I have a Marriage Phobia... It scares me to an extent that I don't attend other marriages... I've never seen a marriage in real life... It's a scary situation for me...I am trying...My only realtionship broke up because of my attachment style and now because of your help I'm learning about how to be better... And I totally agree... I am not dating anyone and just focusing on improving myself... Addressing my drawbacks and treating them... Thank you Anna❤️
I just feel good that I am not the only one who has gone back to the emotionally unavailable one and avoided the actual ones. I feel less critical towards myself 😂
I thought that I was the only one I kept on dating my issues .
Anna, your great.. I think you're 1 of the best crestors on RUclips.
Anna, thanks as always for your helpful videos. I know it sounds cliché but sometimes it just takes age and experience and time. People really can find their soul mate. Call me a romantic, but I do believe in fate. Just see every relationship as a learning experience and preparation for the awesome person you will eventually meet. In my 20s, trust me I was the first to roll my eyes at this kind of talk, but meeting my wife made me a believer, it only took time. Best luck Anna, love your channel!
Ah fear of commitment. It's been a lifelong struggle for most.
Me beeing a clown for Dean and Cas' relationship
Me watching Anna in a clown mask: *interesting*
Remember remember the 5th of November (2020)
@@kevindasilva3790 do you think I can forget ?
@@anavancouver1879 hahahaha if only it was possible.
Well, I think the most important precondition to stop dating your issues, is to actually identify your issues, and not to be mislead by all the issues others project on you. So, know your self, is, as so often, paramount.
I’m currently seeing a genuinely lovely guy and I shared that with my therapist a few weeks ago - that I’m seeing someone who is legitimately nice and it’s difficult to process because I’ve just dated emotionally unavailable assholes in the past. She explained that our amygdala actively seeks out situations/experiences that feel familiar (even if they’re dangerous/negative) because it’s your brain’s way of processing something that is “safe” - your brain just can’t discern which is which, so you find yourself going back to situations that don’t serve you because you recognise them as “comfortable” even if it brought you pain and sadness. The anxiety that is stemming from this situation I’m currently in is the fact that my brain recognises that it’s “foreign” and is thereby “protecting” myself from it! Just something I thought I’d share :) be kind to yourself!!
i spit out a gasp reading that title in my recommendations feed. danke akana-san :')
One of your greatest vids so far. hope it helps some people out there. could have used it myself 20y ago.
Dang..... Just at the right time again. Anna you're a wizard.
I’ve been watching Anna for years and I didn’t know she was half filipino until she said “anak” LOL
I thought you would be sponsored by a make-up remover company and at the end you would clean the clown in you
🤣 LMAO
No make up remover can ever remove the clown in us. Only through self-improvement and self-awareness do we cleanse ourselves of the inner clown.
@@cookiesyruplover that’s a great comment
I wish you well. And thanks Anna.
I don’t know if it’s as much that our subconscious is truly seeking out these dynamics to finally fix them, that might be an element but it can feel harder for a person to fix. I think the bigger truth is that we normalize and are comfortable with the toxic dynamics we’ve known, and poor boundaries and standards from not truly believing we deserve better or even not being able imagine better could be real, keep us in the cycle of returning to it.
If you date your issues and fall in love with them, maybe they'll leave you too 🥺
I’ve never been in love . I don’t even get dating opportunities.. welll that’s a lie but not opportunity with the guys I like
I am so happy I found your channel
My goodness!
I have never done that much overthinking nor ruminated over past regrets.
Fascinating listening to you.
Free therapy, yay! :>
So being a single mom is harder than fighting a war!
I thought the same thing ....
Nah its less dangerous
But you get more ptsd from the mom
Pretty sure it was just sarcasm guys.....
Sarcasm lol
Thank you, Kefkanna
my mum figured this out when i was 14 and as such i got to also figure all this out by the time i was 20ish. doesn't matter if you learn this stuff - you still have to actually go through things, defs helps allow the ability to do it different a lot quicker though - thanks mum :)
I will be saving this as a reminder when I start dating again. Thank you beautiful rodeo clown. (Didn't know you were a philosophy major that's interesting)