Do you have any idea who is replying to your comment right now? It's me, the FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE! My v*deos are so extremely funny, if you don't cry tears of laughter, you are allowed to D*SLIKE my EXTREMELY FUNNY v*deos! Do you think my v*deos are funny, dear ori
My father used to say “if everyone likes you, you are a plain bagel, meaning you are not making an impact on this world if you don’t offend people or if some ppl simply dont like you. His advice: be an everything bagel!
I get the point of his message, but i think having the intent to offend other people (i say intent bc of the way he said "if you dont offend people") is not the way to be an everything bagel. I think there's a way to drive your point without the intent to offend the other person and if they decide to not like your response then call it quits and/or decide not to interact with you anymore after that or have a fight over it, then it's fine. There could be an impact there. That to me is being an everything bagel. :))
I'm okay if someone doesn't like me for no reason. I don't like many people. But I hate when someone being passive aggressive about it and giving me mixed vibes. If you wanna talk and say to me something - talk, if not - when please stop being passive aggressive and giving me signs like it's my problem.
@T but isnt that technically pretending when your being passive aggressive. It's essentially pretending with occasional "passive aggressive" acts hence why it's considered passive aggressiveness.
@T yeah. I understand. Although its complicated though because at some point it will make being civil impossible because someone is bound to get tired of the passive aggressiveness or get called out for it. Which wont end well. Interesting perspective.
Mine is "you don't matter enough (in my life, personal level) to offend me." ie., stranger or acquaintance you only know the name or talked to just once
omg I used to CONSTANTLY replay situations and conversations with someone in my head to figure out why someone didnt like me. It honestly comes from a place of being a people pleaser and Ive stopped trying to get everyone to like me because its just exhausting
For the longest time I haven’t been my true self in front of others, particularly in large groups out of fear of how they would perceive me...could defo do with some advice!
@@armi624 I'm a also a people pleaser, I still have a long way to go to get rid of this habit. If I have any advice to give you is that if you get rejected because you were yourself and the person didn't like you, accepting the fact that it feels really painful (and you're allowed to feel that way) but that it is also not your fault, might help you cope with the feeling of rejection and move on and might also lessen the fear of being yourself in front of others. Besides the people that like you the way you are will stay by your side, so it doesn't really matter if other people don't vibe with you.
@@armi624 Okay here are some things that helped me 1. Start saying no more and PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Stop automatically jumping to say "yes, I can help you." When I started doing this, I definitely felt super bad but you also have to recognize that you have a certain bandwidth and overextending yourself is going to hurt you in the long run. It's nice that you are considering the other person but DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF!! you're also part of the equation!! 2. Set boundaries AND ACTUALLY STICK TO THEM!! I used to be so so bad at boundaries both at work and personal life. So one example of a work boundary I set for myself is, stop working at 6PM (ofc there are nights where you have a pressing project but for the most part, things are NOT that serious if you delay it to the next day). The thing with setting boundaries is, you have to actually stick to them (aka stop bending it for certain people). In my past when I start bending it for someone, they sometimes would take advantage of that!! 3. Understanding where your people pleasing comes from. For me, I realize that I constantly seeked approval from my parents which I never got which developed into this people pleasing trait. There's something about understanding the root cause of where a certain trait comes from that really helped me. So now if I find myself trying to go above and beyond for someone or overextending myself, I'm like, wait what am I doing, where is this coming from? And usually it always go back to seeking that approval or validation from someone. And that leads to number 4. Learn to self-validate. This was probably the MOST crucial for me! You're more than enough and you should see yourself in a better light!! Things that I did to self-validate myself include actually acknowledging my small wins. Literally recognize all your emotions and accept. Learn your strengths, accept your weaknesses. An example of something I started off with is, like let's say I did my laundry instead of pushing it off, Id be like "wow Sam, you're getting good at this adult-ing stuff" or like when I finally said no to someone, I'll say something like "Good for you Sam. You kept your boundaries and now you're not overworking yourself." I know giving yourself compliments may sound weird but it really helped me!! Anyways this was like an essay so I hope this helps LOL
Recently my closest male friend unfollowed me everywhere and even deleted my number. We haven’t talked in months because I decided to put some limits to myself and not being the only one who starts conversations and is interested in keeping a friendship. I was sad for a few hours but then I calmed down by realizing that friendship was only possible because I was the only one working hard on it.
I'm sorry that you had to experience that, but you're absolutely right. No relationship, including friendships can survive if it's one-sided. You can only elongate the inevitable with your one-sided efforts, but it's not worth the emotional turmoil that comes with doing that. You deserve better. I'm glad that you found your peace with the end of this friendships, and hopefully, now you will have energy and time to cultivate stronger, and more balanced friendships.
Same happened to me girl (though I was the one to dumb them). Aint worth it with those kinda fools. But ofc its sad to lose a friend, bc even sometime, u though they were a friend.
Understanding that not everyone will understand you can be so empowering! As long as you understand you, & your primary circle does, you should be gtg 🙃
I can live with people not liking me. I have an issue when a person goes out of their way to get other people not to like me/ speak to me. Also, the people who pretend to have my back, pretend to understand me. Only for me to find out they have been talking about me with others behind my back. Such is life...
No beef just a general question; how can women feel like they're not going to find a husband, when dudes are so desperate. $100 for a picture of someone's feet. Lol trust me girl, you haven't run out of options yet.
But the way she said made it sound like "Yeah, I am TOTALLY at peace with dying single and alone, there are NO reservations or side feelings, WHATSOEVER! LOL!" Which while funny, does point out how hard it really is for many of us to truly get to that point, if ever.
@@shozanhanma2709 It's also a matter of giving up when you realize that being alone is better than all the relationships you've attempted in the past and no one appeals to you anymore.
Same thing. I found out a few months that a friend of a friend really disliked me. So I asked why. Turns out she was racist. Somehow that soothed my consciousness 😂
If someone doesn’t like me it’s not my business, i’m not here to trap people into being my fake friend. There are plenty of friends i have and more i can make on common ground. I want people to do what’s best for them even if it’s not having me in their life
I like your therapist’s advice, but hear me out: I think it takes the responsibility away from people who aren’t being genuinely being misunderstood, they are just being a bully, or abusive, or toxic. I feel like that gives them a pass to say, “Whoops, not everyone’s gonna like me because they misunderstand me!” When really they said hurtful things or acted viciously and need to do better. NOW. This is not the situation always. Like Anna for example, I truly believe she wasn’t any of these things, I feel like this friend just doesn’t get her and that’s okay. But I’ve had a horrible friend in the past and there is no misunderstanding, she just wasn’t nice, so I left. That’s all.
Yes. This is a good other side of the coin. I unfortunately have too frequent contact with a few people who think they're just *misunderstood* or *marginalised* or *just having a really rough patch* or whatever when actually they're just consistently narcissistic bullies whenever they feel they can get away with it.
Okay,so therapist know more about her life so obviously she knows what she's talking about. Moreover, sometimes a person should take positive critique and change, sometimes one has to let it go. It's about personal growth. When you're with yourself. What matters is YOUR thought. She's not their to blame someone or push responsibility, every thought and problem has innate origin within yourself first. So maybe your friend can be good or bad or right or wrong. What matters for you is YOUR OWN SELF.
Even if that were true, if you really were friends with them, you'd normally explain what your problem is with them before you leave - that is the right thing to do. Leaving with no explanation means you aren't giving them the chance to learn, to apologise, and to improve. In that situation, the person who has been abandoned should not spend any time thinking about why you left.
Someone’s dislike of you isn’t necessarily due to being misunderstood. Chances are you are properly understood and still disliked. Assuming the reason people don’t like you is simply “because they don’t understand you” dismisses the reality that some people don’t like you and replaces it with the idea that everybody likes you, and those who dislike you don’t really dislike you, they just don’t understand you. If they understood you, they would totally like you. That’s just not true.
It is more likely though that you are being projected upon and misunderstood. Most people dislike people because they trigger discomfort in them, whatever that may be for the person, and that's okay. It's projection though. Many people are not emotionally aware enough to understand another person, many people don't even understand themselves.
well let’s just change the question to how much can i tolerate being disliked 😳 i honestly love the formatting of this question for some reason because it takes my mind on why they dislike me
Well, personally, I think it's impossible to completely understand someone, yet dislike them. That understanding would encompass the entirety of a person's perspective, their needs and motivations and past experiences that lead to the formation of their personality. Which isn't necessarily an attainable goal or even something we need to aim for.
@@Kitty-hb3he But no. Even if you understand someone entirely, that doesn’t mean you’ll like them. You may understand yourself and dislike yourself. And you’re the only person who will ever understand you as much as you will ever be understood. It’s just simply not the same thing. Understand ≠ Like. They’re not necessarily connected.
Something I wished people touched on more when discussing this kind of thing is how being disabled completely changes the entire conversation about "other people's opinions of you" Because the problem when you're disabled and lack support structure or resources is that you only get to exist in spaces, or have resources by other people's good graces. You're forced to live with other people, whether or not it's a good fit, and their opinions of you shape how you are treated moment by moment in your own home and affect whether they take your conditions or medical requirements seriously. Being someone who's comfortable with the idea that some other people will misunderstand or dislike them is one thing, but if those people control your living space, how you're treated and what resources you have access to, you still need a better and more actionable answer than "You shouldn't care so much what other people think", because it isn't some emotional need we're placing on someone else for validation, it's our physical and safety needs literally not being met because of stigmas and how other people perceive us. We need a cultural shift in how much responsibility we think people have to understand those around them as they understand themselves that actually takes into account the circumstances of forced reliance and forced proximity that disabled people overwhelmingly face in our society. Sometimes you need an actual strategy for getting someone to understand that their perception of you is making them behave in a way that's abusive to you, and the solution can't be to just move away again for the 5th time in ten years into yet another household of strangers because you can't afford to and that's your only option even if you could afford it, or to just not care what they think when their behaviour because of it is impacting you or endangering you in your own home.
I mean this goes quite deep even for abled people, that social acceptance is necessary for survival. That's WHY it gets to us so emotionally. We're a social species and almost no one can survive completely independently of others. And differently or less abled people feel that threat to survival more poignantly than abled people.
@@spellboundstudio9946 I don't think you're understanding the distinction. An abled person in most instances has the freedom to walk away from abuse once they're an independent adult, an abled person can typically hold a job and make enough money to be able to chose who they live with. But people who are disabled enough to be on a pension do not have that. It's not just that it matters SOME what people think of you. It's that when you're disabled, what the people in your life think of you fully controls your moment by moment existence. It controls FULLY what resources you have, and whether abuse against you is excused in your own home. There is an important distinction between having legal and financial independence VS being unable, no matter what you do, your whole life to ever have control over who you are forces to interact with every single day. Different forms of oppression are different, and I'm not saying no other individual people experience something similar. I am and was pointing out that disabled people are systematically held in the unique position of not being given enough financial support for independence, even if they are legally ALLOWED independence, and are uniquely vulnerable to abuse because of their lack of legal or financial autonomy. We live stuck in those restrictions our entire lives. Because of how we were born and because of a system that doesn't want to accomodate us enough for a basic quality of life. That is NOT the same as an abled person "being effected socially by others." And while I appreciate the acknowledgement that we "feel it more", it doesn't really need stating that 'all people' are also affected by it, because that's a given. What I want people to understand is just HOW MUCH more INESCAPABLY disabled people aren't just IMPACTED but CONTROLLED UTTERLY by the opinions and judgements of the people around them, the snap judgements of doctors, the judgements of lawyers deciding if they get money to survive at all or if they get to make their own decisions as legal adults, the personal opinions of people they have no choice but to be reliant on for 'safe' food or shelter. .. All because the average person can't understand why a disabled person "deserves" to get enough money or accomodation to have the same base quality of other people or why we should have a thing like Universal Basic Income. I need people to get that. If disabled people have any hope of escaping the cycles of abuse they're often trapped in no matter how they conduct themselves in their home life, on a systemic level, we need universal basic income, or a basic living wage from our pensions. Period. And if that is ever going to happen, we need the average public to understand why and to not have the way we're impacted by issues like this downplayed. In short, it's not just the same thing but more poignant, it's a completely separate situation. The personal opinions of your roommates don't control whether you have access to food or resources you need, and they don't control whether you're outright homeless, and the opinions of the people you're forced to live with don't put you in situations where you have to choose between homelessness or living with someone who has assaulted you. That's what disabled people face, not just as individuals or exceptions but on a systematic level because we aren't given enough to afford to chose where we live or who we live with. I can't just pick up and move every time someone starts abusing me and people around me KNOW IT. When you're disabled, people KNOW you're at an extreme disadvantage to do anything to defend yourself, even just for financial reasons if not legal autonomy or your actual disability, and they do absolutely take advantage of it. And once that cycle starts, it strips your resources and leaves you more obviously vulnerable every time you try to escape it. The point being, people should be given a 'living wage', that includes minimum wage and people on disability pensions. ANY individual should be able to prioritize living alone if that's what they need for their personal safety. Any person should have enough resources to not have to rely on the good graces of others to have what they need to survive. Poverty is violence and disabled people as a class are held down to the bare minimum that the system can get away with to the point where we never have a choice, to where we can NEVER function independently at all, so if our support structure breaks down or doesn't exist, we're left with no recourse at all. The minimum rent in my area, even with roommates, was TWICE what we're given for housing allowance, on permanent disability, BEFORE corona. Do you know how that affects someone who has no CHOICE to pick up more work in order to increase their income? Can you understand the situations that forces them into? That Able bodied people are NOT systematically forced to contend with for their entire lives? There is a difference between something being a common emotional trigger because we have social brains, and something actually being a matter of IMMEDIATE survival and safety for you as an individual in every damned moment of your life.
A friend randomly ghosted me and wouldn't explain himself. It's been driving me nuts for months, I still get nightmares about it so thank you, I feel slightly less bad
i like to interact with folks who don't like me from time to time: when pressed in a right way, they actually tend to give much more honest and constructive feedback (they don't mind hurting you), so you can learn something useful about yourself.
I'm in a similar spot. A loss is still a loss. No one can tell you when the grief will pass. But emotions are temporary. Eventually it will pass. In the meantime, it's important to notice thoughts and feelings and let them go, a little bit at a time, day by day. Not all thoughts are facts. Not all feelings are facts. We get to decide what to absorb or what to bounce and move along its way. It's also important to practice self-forgiveness and self-compassion
I'm here too, I think it's because it feels like a "how could I be so blatantly misunderstood by someone who should have known me so well?" In my case they did a whole making an effigy out of me and pinning the behaviors of various abusive people in their life onto me before, well, "burning" me. Was part of a pattern of him cutting out his healthy relationships (I wasn't the only one) to pursue abusive ones.
I'm there too, and you know what? I think it's ok to be angry with someone because they didn't have the enough empathy to understand where you were coming from. I forgive my ex friend but I still get angry from time to time. And most importantly, I understand it's better for me to not hang out with someone like her, I need people with the capacity of having the empathy I deserve and that's ok.
@@ASMRHatov I didn’t expect to get emotional from a comment reply 🥺 Thank you for your kind words...The dialog in my head regarding this issue has centered around what was my fault or what wasn’t which has resulted in a lot of feelings of guilt and anger. I have made no space for self forgiveness or self compassion and I hadn’t realized. I hope you find peace from your situation if you haven’t already ✨
@@briargray2355 yeah ☹️ also if they know me so well and don’t like me... well that just hurts all the more x.x But you make a very good point there when you said they were pinning other people’s behaviors on you... most times it’s really not about you it’s about what they are going through. I’m sorry this happened to you 😣
This is something that until pretty recently, affected me a lot. I'm still working on it, but I'm learning to care less if people unfollow me/don't like me (both on and offline). Self-esteem and confidence has a lot to do with that too, and the fact that I've always been an insecure person with self-esteem and abandonment issues, didn't help. But you've explained the whole situation beautifully. Let's hope we can all move forward this year and be more self-aware and confident with who we are.
I sympathise with people who got suddenly dumbed by a friend for no apparent reason but we should also remember that sometimes it’s just the circumstances that drift people apart. It might be neither part’s fault, it’s just the fact that people change and follow different paths. I don’t think we should be bitter about these kind of friendships
yeah in an emvironment that reifies being liked & the epitome of that being followed, not liking & then unfollowing or simply unfollowing, but that action implies not liking, would seem to be an existential threat: the problem is the system itself
I don't believe that being misunderstood and disliked always mean the same thing. If it really bothers you, or if you were hoping to keep the friendship, you can always just ask her in a simple, kind message?
This is one of those moments I wish I went to therapy because you just opened my eyes to something I wish I knew growing up. Like its so simple I never would’ve come up with that on my own. Thank you Anna! 💓
This is perfect. I always struggle when someone I know doesn’t like me, but online I don’t care! So this gives a lot of perspective. Love your videos, Anna!
Sometime I feel like you're God-sent. 99% of your videos tackle issues I have faced before or I am facing at that moment. I know I am not the only one who can relate to almost all the things you share. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
we are all in this quest to free ourselves from other people's expectations aren't we.. I recommend a book called "The courage to be disliked" it helped me gain perspective on this
YESSS! I, personally, always get low-key sad and a tad offended when someone says something slighty in an annoyed tone to me. I dont act on it, but I constantly feel hurt. I cant seem to stop the emotions from arising, but maybe being aware of it will help ;-;
How could anyone not like you. Your quite an amazing person. Thanks for sharing your story with us that watch your electrifying channel. Outstanding balance of harmony and humor in a world full of turmoil.
I had that moment with an old best friend of mine. After years of feeling bad because i didn't know what went wrong i asked him what it was and he was like "this thing you like made you so childish in my eyes so i lost interest" and i reacted internally with "for real? _that_ is what drove you away? This is a part of me. I am proud of it. I ain't gonna change nor apologise and that's okay, let's part ways." So yeah. It really works out to just have your own value figured out.
I love this advice, Anna - It's hard not to take such "rejection" personally when someone doesn't like you, but as you said, not everyone like you. I find people's assumptions and judgments, which are often rooted in misunderstanding, because they never bothered to talk about it, to be much bigger concerns.
Again, I love how Anna unpacks the lessons she learns in therapy and brings us along on her mental health journey! A collective wellness levelling-up lol
Something that helps me a lot when I'm angry or sad or worried about someone's communication with me is to think "they're not bad , they just haven't walked in my shoes". It's kinda a similar vibe.
I know it's her life and even though i have a bad habit of idolizing people and then getting disappointed by them, I'm still gonna say thank you for being a free therapist on the internet.
As somebody who sometimes irrationally just doesn't like some very nice, very kind people, it both bugs me and feels a bit like vindication when somebody feels that way about me.
It's the uncertainty that gets people too. Being misunderstood is the crux of people's fears because our society is built on communication. This lifehack is amazing, thanks for breaking it down :) And please don't stop sharing personal stuff online -- the way you work through it for us helps us do it to
back in my school days I used to be bullied a lot. I went to a private school and everyone seemed to be more richer and prettier than me. ( I came from a middle class family) . Nobody seemed to like me because I was that weird crazy kid. But now I have a youtube channel , and I have rarely received any hate , thankfully till now, everything is quite positive
What a great way to frame it. I can’t STAND being misunderstood. That’s the crux of a lot of my anxiety, and I never really identified or thought about it that way.
Omg I’m 43. Thank u thank u. I knew being misunderstood was what was driving me crazy-perseveration got on specific episodes. I needed that one extra step. Thank u therapist!!
that hit home. After a year and a half of a friendship break up and me berating myself because i thought it was all my fault, I finally let go and stopped punishing myself because I distinguished myself and my identity from that person. I started looking at myself through my lens instead of hers. And the thing is right now this is exactly how I feel, that I can tolerate that person viewing me through a lens of seething or anger because I know my worth and I've made peace with my past. Thanks Anna.
One of my ex-friends unfollowed me on Twitter and I DMed her on Instagram to find out if I did anything wrong. She ended up blocking me when I told her I felt like she used me and didn’t care about me, and that the unfollowing seemed to support that.
I experienced that last 2019, we hang out etc but suddenly she unfriended me on FB unfollow on IG, I don't understand why,what did I do wrong but life goes on and I moved on. My life doesn't depend on that kind of personality.
Being misunderstood. A common theme in most tragedies, including tragecomedies You know why you post what you do, and they know why they're uncomfortable with it ✌️🕊️💜🤓
Also yes queen, be unapologetic about it! The reason you speak to us on a personal level is cos we KNOW you truly care and understand what we're going through. That's why your message is so powerful. We love you, queen! Keep winning!
I recently learnt how to make peace with people misunderstanding me and disliking me. Previously, I used to go on explaining myself to others and would notice that they still wouldn't change their opinion of me. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you can't impress everyone.
Misunderstanding is the fertilizer of relationships. When people don't like (or like) you, it's not the authentic you they feel that way about; it's the image they have of you which is based in part on what you look like, partly on their current need for a certain type of character and on several other people, most of whom you have never met. Of course there are social, sexual, financial consequences to their decisions, but ultimately what you personally did, said or thought about amounts to no more that a third of the reasons.
I agree on this totally.... There have been instances when my personality is not well received by people I personally know and it really bothered me a lot... It still does but I know that not everyone will like me but we all know it's easier said than done... But I will surely use this thing from today... Learning to know how much tolerance I have for being misunderstood sounds promising... Thanks ANNA❤️
A guy I dated said that you sharing your vulnerability and your trauma online will be your downfall to being successful. Obviously, I still watch your videos and am no longer dating him, so if we’re talking about downfalls here it sure isn’t yours. 💛 Love you!
Sometimes you're NOT being misunderstood. This whole "personal truth" thing displays ignorance of how truth works, and stubbornness to the fact that you can be wrong. People are not always right in their own ways.
I can handle dislike but I'm not so great with hostility, aggression and passive aggression. I think sometimes people think hate makes them entitled to mistreatment of others. I'm personally on the journey of learning to be empathetic but still defend myself ✌🏽
Well, if you and that friend are true friends and you are both mature enough, then it doesn’t matter if her bf doesn’t like you. Your friend will understand her but that’s about it, bc the friendship is between you two, not you and her bf.
Ps. This is a personal story: My friend A doesn’t like my friend B. I met B thanks to A, but then things went south between them. “A” told me about it, and I considered it. Once I got to hang out with B, I assessed what A told me, but while hanging out with B, I was really happy and glad we were friends. Like I said, the friendship is between B and me, so it didn’t matter one bit how A thought of B, I could still enjoy my beautiful friendship with B! :)
Thank you for sharing what you learn in therapy. I know it's not the same as an actual session, but it does help in-between sessions. Things like "Don't go looking for milk at a hardware store" have really stuck with me and helped me grow.
I don’t know when or how the RUclips algorithm showed your videos to me... but I’m glad they did... I click just about every time and never disappoint 😃
Anna this is something I've struggled with everyday and never really knew how to put it into words. Just that mantra of asking myself "Can I tolerate being misunderstood" has really helped me ask myself questions and simply exist with the unrest. Thank you for the insight!
yeah it's not always they who have a problem formed from miscommunication or any thing similar. sometimes you're your own problem and you need to fix it
I found you today by accident- and I love the awareness you are bringing!!!! This was a personal issue as well of mine where I had friends misunderstand me and it hurt me deeply. We've talked it out since but was a long long long time between then so a lot of pain. Therapy is absolutely a god-send.
a couple days ago i talked about anxiety smile in class and my experience. that was a big step for normalizing mental illness. ofc i felt a bit regret but it doesn't matter if my classmates think i'm CRAZY 'cause it's not my business what they say behind my back!
Anna, I don’t know that you’ll ever see this, but I needed this so so bad. A roommate of mine just stopped talking to me sometime last year, and it was so difficult because at some point we were so close and I was heartbroken as I gave a lot to our friendship, and would’ve gladly given more. I spent hours, in therapy and out, obsessing any thing I could’ve done wrong. She didn’t want to communicate with me at that time, and she only opened up to me on why she started ignoring me and disliking me when I told her that I would be moving out. I’m lighter now, and happier that I moved out. Thank you, because this is still a reminder I need to heal.
I would like to thank Anna’s therapist for all this content
Agreed, I'd like to thank Anna's therapist as well!
Yes 100 100!!
Same. Anna’s therapist is our collective therapist.
yea.
I would like to see Anna's hair care routine
A decade on the internet has given us more chaotic intros. Thank you, Anna
Do you have any idea who is replying to your comment right now? It's me, the FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE! My v*deos are so extremely funny, if you don't cry tears of laughter, you are allowed to D*SLIKE my EXTREMELY FUNNY v*deos! Do you think my v*deos are funny, dear ori
@@AxxLAfrikumiss girl what is u tolmbout❗❗❗
It was so chaotic I thought I wasn't gonna like this vid. Ending up kinda liking the message 🙄
Stay awesome gotham
A decade on the internet has granted you a lonely shadow filled with chaotic hatred. 😉❤️💚🖤
Honestly I thought the question was going to be: “Do you even like them?”
THISSSS
This is ALSO a really good reminder-question.
Same!
EXACTLY! I thought it would be this too!
This is a veery good quedtion to ask!!
My father used to say “if everyone likes you, you are a plain bagel, meaning you are not making an impact on this world if you don’t offend people or if some ppl simply dont like you. His advice: be an everything bagel!
I get the point of his message, but i think having the intent to offend other people (i say intent bc of the way he said "if you dont offend people") is not the way to be an everything bagel.
I think there's a way to drive your point without the intent to offend the other person and if they decide to not like your response then call it quits and/or decide not to interact with you anymore after that or have a fight over it, then it's fine. There could be an impact there.
That to me is being an everything bagel. :))
This is plain bagel slander and I won't have it
There are people who don't like everything bagels???
My father used to say "If everyone agrees with you, YOU SHOULD WORRY !"
My fav type of bagel!
I'm okay if someone doesn't like me for no reason. I don't like many people. But I hate when someone being passive aggressive about it and giving me mixed vibes. If you wanna talk and say to me something - talk, if not - when please stop being passive aggressive and giving me signs like it's my problem.
Exactly ! I hate it too !
@T but isnt that technically pretending when your being passive aggressive. It's essentially pretending with occasional "passive aggressive" acts hence why it's considered passive aggressiveness.
@T yeah. I understand. Although its complicated though because at some point it will make being civil impossible because someone is bound to get tired of the passive aggressiveness or get called out for it. Which wont end well. Interesting perspective.
Reminds me how I act towards parents.
Even if we are close, we dont suit each other and they are people who will always be in your life.
I'm going through this right now, and I hate it.
My version of this is “they don’t know me well enough to offend me”
This actually helped me a lot! Thank you so much!
Mine is "you don't matter enough (in my life, personal level) to offend me."
ie., stranger or acquaintance you only know the name or talked to just once
I couldn’t agree more
This very profound!
I like it, gonna keep that sentence in mind. Thank you so much!! :)
omg I used to CONSTANTLY replay situations and conversations with someone in my head to figure out why someone didnt like me. It honestly comes from a place of being a people pleaser and Ive stopped trying to get everyone to like me because its just exhausting
I’m a people pleaser myself, how did you manage to stop caring so much about what other people think?
i love ur videos :) surprised to see u watch anna akana too!
For the longest time I haven’t been my true self in front of others, particularly in large groups out of fear of how they would perceive me...could defo do with some advice!
@@armi624 I'm a also a people pleaser, I still have a long way to go to get rid of this habit. If I have any advice to give you is that if you get rejected because you were yourself and the person didn't like you, accepting the fact that it feels really painful (and you're allowed to feel that way) but that it is also not your fault, might help you cope with the feeling of rejection and move on and might also lessen the fear of being yourself in front of others. Besides the people that like you the way you are will stay by your side, so it doesn't really matter if other people don't vibe with you.
@@armi624 Okay here are some things that helped me
1. Start saying no more and PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Stop automatically jumping to say "yes, I can help you."
When I started doing this, I definitely felt super bad but you also have to recognize that you have a certain bandwidth and overextending yourself is going to hurt you in the long run.
It's nice that you are considering the other person but DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF!! you're also part of the equation!!
2. Set boundaries AND ACTUALLY STICK TO THEM!! I used to be so so bad at boundaries both at work and personal life. So one example of a work boundary I set for myself is, stop working at 6PM (ofc there are nights where you have a pressing project but for the most part, things are NOT that serious if you delay it to the next day).
The thing with setting boundaries is, you have to actually stick to them (aka stop bending it for certain people). In my past when I start bending it for someone, they sometimes would take advantage of that!!
3. Understanding where your people pleasing comes from. For me, I realize that I constantly seeked approval from my parents which I never got which developed into this people pleasing trait. There's something about understanding the root cause of where a certain trait comes from that really helped me. So now if I find myself trying to go above and beyond for someone or overextending myself, I'm like, wait what am I doing, where is this coming from? And usually it always go back to seeking that approval or validation from someone.
And that leads to number 4. Learn to self-validate. This was probably the MOST crucial for me! You're more than enough and you should see yourself in a better light!! Things that I did to self-validate myself include actually acknowledging my small wins. Literally recognize all your emotions and accept. Learn your strengths, accept your weaknesses.
An example of something I started off with is, like let's say I did my laundry instead of pushing it off, Id be like "wow Sam, you're getting good at this adult-ing stuff" or like when I finally said no to someone, I'll say something like "Good for you Sam. You kept your boundaries and now you're not overworking yourself."
I know giving yourself compliments may sound weird but it really helped me!!
Anyways this was like an essay so I hope this helps LOL
Recently my closest male friend unfollowed me everywhere and even deleted my number. We haven’t talked in months because I decided to put some limits to myself and not being the only one who starts conversations and is interested in keeping a friendship.
I was sad for a few hours but then I calmed down by realizing that friendship was only possible because I was the only one working hard on it.
You deserve a better person to call a friend.
I know how that feels, I hope you find better friends
Such a feel, I've been getting in the habit of doing this early on to avoid friendships that are fueled solely by me.
I'm sorry that you had to experience that, but you're absolutely right. No relationship, including friendships can survive if it's one-sided. You can only elongate the inevitable with your one-sided efforts, but it's not worth the emotional turmoil that comes with doing that. You deserve better.
I'm glad that you found your peace with the end of this friendships, and hopefully, now you will have energy and time to cultivate stronger, and more balanced friendships.
Same happened to me girl (though I was the one to dumb them). Aint worth it with those kinda fools. But ofc its sad to lose a friend, bc even sometime, u though they were a friend.
Understanding that not everyone will understand you can be so empowering! As long as you understand you, & your primary circle does, you should be gtg 🙃
What’s a primary circle?
@@moistgiraffes7302 the circle that is primary
I'm assuming it's the five closest people in your life
Lol where do I get this primary circle
@@LipSyncLover ahahahha
My father used to say "If everyone agrees with you, YOU SHOULD WORRY !"
I can live with people not liking me. I have an issue when a person goes out of their way to get other people not to like me/ speak to me. Also, the people who pretend to have my back, pretend to understand me. Only for me to find out they have been talking about me with others behind my back. Such is life...
True!
“I’ve made my peace with dying single and alone” ... Same Anna, same ;~;
That is statistically highly unlikely.
Mostly because I'm going to prevent it, I've never really trusted statistics.
No beef just a general question; how can women feel like they're not going to find a husband, when dudes are so desperate. $100 for a picture of someone's feet. Lol trust me girl, you haven't run out of options yet.
But the way she said made it sound like "Yeah, I am TOTALLY at peace with dying single and alone, there are NO reservations or side feelings, WHATSOEVER! LOL!"
Which while funny, does point out how hard it really is for many of us to truly get to that point, if ever.
@@shozanhanma2709 Dw, I know she probably doesn’t literally mean it and neither do I, all just part of the bit. Adds to the comedic flavour
@@shozanhanma2709 It's also a matter of giving up when you realize that being alone is better than all the relationships you've attempted in the past and no one appeals to you anymore.
Same thing. I found out a few months that a friend of a friend really disliked me. So I asked why. Turns out she was racist. Somehow that soothed my consciousness 😂
I feel like Anna goes to therapy to her therapist, and then I go to her for therapy.
"Everybody is NOT for Everybody!" Read that again. My mom told be this when I was at an all girls high school. One of the best advice she's given me.
If someone doesn’t like me it’s not my business, i’m not here to trap people into being my fake friend. There are plenty of friends i have and more i can make on common ground. I want people to do what’s best for them even if it’s not having me in their life
I like your therapist’s advice, but hear me out: I think it takes the responsibility away from people who aren’t being genuinely being misunderstood, they are just being a bully, or abusive, or toxic. I feel like that gives them a pass to say, “Whoops, not everyone’s gonna like me because they misunderstand me!” When really they said hurtful things or acted viciously and need to do better. NOW. This is not the situation always. Like Anna for example, I truly believe she wasn’t any of these things, I feel like this friend just doesn’t get her and that’s okay. But I’ve had a horrible friend in the past and there is no misunderstanding, she just wasn’t nice, so I left. That’s all.
I agree with you. However, Anna did say to also listen to (constructive) feedback, as not every situation indeed is one of "being misunderstood"
Yes. This is a good other side of the coin. I unfortunately have too frequent contact with a few people who think they're just *misunderstood* or *marginalised* or *just having a really rough patch* or whatever when actually they're just consistently narcissistic bullies whenever they feel they can get away with it.
Okay,so therapist know more about her life so obviously she knows what she's talking about. Moreover, sometimes a person should take positive critique and change, sometimes one has to let it go. It's about personal growth. When you're with yourself. What matters is YOUR thought. She's not their to blame someone or push responsibility, every thought and problem has innate origin within yourself first. So maybe your friend can be good or bad or right or wrong. What matters for you is YOUR OWN SELF.
Even if that were true, if you really were friends with them, you'd normally explain what your problem is with them before you leave - that is the right thing to do. Leaving with no explanation means you aren't giving them the chance to learn, to apologise, and to improve. In that situation, the person who has been abandoned should not spend any time thinking about why you left.
I was just going to say that but you said it before me, cool.
Someone’s dislike of you isn’t necessarily due to being misunderstood. Chances are you are properly understood and still disliked. Assuming the reason people don’t like you is simply “because they don’t understand you” dismisses the reality that some people don’t like you and replaces it with the idea that everybody likes you, and those who dislike you don’t really dislike you, they just don’t understand you. If they understood you, they would totally like you. That’s just not true.
Yeah, you’ll still have the same problem of wanting to people please so everyone might like you.
It is more likely though that you are being projected upon and misunderstood. Most people dislike people because they trigger discomfort in them, whatever that may be for the person, and that's okay. It's projection though. Many people are not emotionally aware enough to understand another person, many people don't even understand themselves.
well let’s just change the question to how much can i tolerate being disliked 😳 i honestly love the formatting of this question for some reason because it takes my mind on why they dislike me
Well, personally, I think it's impossible to completely understand someone, yet dislike them. That understanding would encompass the entirety of a person's perspective, their needs and motivations and past experiences that lead to the formation of their personality. Which isn't necessarily an attainable goal or even something we need to aim for.
@@Kitty-hb3he But no. Even if you understand someone entirely, that doesn’t mean you’ll like them. You may understand yourself and dislike yourself. And you’re the only person who will ever understand you as much as you will ever be understood. It’s just simply not the same thing. Understand ≠ Like. They’re not necessarily connected.
My primary circle is me, my kindle, my multitudes of paintings and my cat.
I hope my cat likes me
Something I wished people touched on more when discussing this kind of thing is how being disabled completely changes the entire conversation about "other people's opinions of you" Because the problem when you're disabled and lack support structure or resources is that you only get to exist in spaces, or have resources by other people's good graces. You're forced to live with other people, whether or not it's a good fit, and their opinions of you shape how you are treated moment by moment in your own home and affect whether they take your conditions or medical requirements seriously. Being someone who's comfortable with the idea that some other people will misunderstand or dislike them is one thing, but if those people control your living space, how you're treated and what resources you have access to, you still need a better and more actionable answer than "You shouldn't care so much what other people think", because it isn't some emotional need we're placing on someone else for validation, it's our physical and safety needs literally not being met because of stigmas and how other people perceive us. We need a cultural shift in how much responsibility we think people have to understand those around them as they understand themselves that actually takes into account the circumstances of forced reliance and forced proximity that disabled people overwhelmingly face in our society. Sometimes you need an actual strategy for getting someone to understand that their perception of you is making them behave in a way that's abusive to you, and the solution can't be to just move away again for the 5th time in ten years into yet another household of strangers because you can't afford to and that's your only option even if you could afford it, or to just not care what they think when their behaviour because of it is impacting you or endangering you in your own home.
Wish I could make this shareable! I believe I needed to hear this!
such a good comment
I feel u :(
It hurts a lot
And it s scary
But one-day we will be "independent" and unbound hopefully
Lots of love to you
I mean this goes quite deep even for abled people, that social acceptance is necessary for survival. That's WHY it gets to us so emotionally. We're a social species and almost no one can survive completely independently of others. And differently or less abled people feel that threat to survival more poignantly than abled people.
@@spellboundstudio9946 I don't think you're understanding the distinction. An abled person in most instances has the freedom to walk away from abuse once they're an independent adult, an abled person can typically hold a job and make enough money to be able to chose who they live with. But people who are disabled enough to be on a pension do not have that.
It's not just that it matters SOME what people think of you. It's that when you're disabled, what the people in your life think of you fully controls your moment by moment existence. It controls FULLY what resources you have, and whether abuse against you is excused in your own home.
There is an important distinction between having legal and financial independence VS being unable, no matter what you do, your whole life to ever have control over who you are forces to interact with every single day. Different forms of oppression are different, and I'm not saying no other individual people experience something similar. I am and was pointing out that disabled people are systematically held in the unique position of not being given enough financial support for independence, even if they are legally ALLOWED independence, and are uniquely vulnerable to abuse because of their lack of legal or financial autonomy. We live stuck in those restrictions our entire lives. Because of how we were born and because of a system that doesn't want to accomodate us enough for a basic quality of life.
That is NOT the same as an abled person "being effected socially by others." And while I appreciate the acknowledgement that we "feel it more", it doesn't really need stating that 'all people' are also affected by it, because that's a given. What I want people to understand is just HOW MUCH more INESCAPABLY disabled people aren't just IMPACTED but CONTROLLED UTTERLY by the opinions and judgements of the people around them, the snap judgements of doctors, the judgements of lawyers deciding if they get money to survive at all or if they get to make their own decisions as legal adults, the personal opinions of people they have no choice but to be reliant on for 'safe' food or shelter. .. All because the average person can't understand why a disabled person "deserves" to get enough money or accomodation to have the same base quality of other people or why we should have a thing like Universal Basic Income.
I need people to get that. If disabled people have any hope of escaping the cycles of abuse they're often trapped in no matter how they conduct themselves in their home life, on a systemic level, we need universal basic income, or a basic living wage from our pensions. Period. And if that is ever going to happen, we need the average public to understand why and to not have the way we're impacted by issues like this downplayed.
In short, it's not just the same thing but more poignant, it's a completely separate situation.
The personal opinions of your roommates don't control whether you have access to food or resources you need, and they don't control whether you're outright homeless, and the opinions of the people you're forced to live with don't put you in situations where you have to choose between homelessness or living with someone who has assaulted you. That's what disabled people face, not just as individuals or exceptions but on a systematic level because we aren't given enough to afford to chose where we live or who we live with. I can't just pick up and move every time someone starts abusing me and people around me KNOW IT. When you're disabled, people KNOW you're at an extreme disadvantage to do anything to defend yourself, even just for financial reasons if not legal autonomy or your actual disability, and they do absolutely take advantage of it. And once that cycle starts, it strips your resources and leaves you more obviously vulnerable every time you try to escape it.
The point being, people should be given a 'living wage', that includes minimum wage and people on disability pensions. ANY individual should be able to prioritize living alone if that's what they need for their personal safety. Any person should have enough resources to not have to rely on the good graces of others to have what they need to survive. Poverty is violence and disabled people as a class are held down to the bare minimum that the system can get away with to the point where we never have a choice, to where we can NEVER function independently at all, so if our support structure breaks down or doesn't exist, we're left with no recourse at all.
The minimum rent in my area, even with roommates, was TWICE what we're given for housing allowance, on permanent disability, BEFORE corona.
Do you know how that affects someone who has no CHOICE to pick up more work in order to increase their income? Can you understand the situations that forces them into? That Able bodied people are NOT systematically forced to contend with for their entire lives?
There is a difference between something being a common emotional trigger because we have social brains, and something actually being a matter of IMMEDIATE survival and safety for you as an individual in every damned moment of your life.
A friend randomly ghosted me and wouldn't explain himself. It's been driving me nuts for months, I still get nightmares about it so thank you, I feel slightly less bad
i like to interact with folks who don't like me from time to time: when pressed in a right way, they actually tend to give much more honest and constructive feedback (they don't mind hurting you), so you can learn something useful about yourself.
My lifelong best friend “dumped me” two years ago and I’m still not over it. I guess I can’t tolerate being misunderstood in this situation 😞
I'm in a similar spot. A loss is still a loss. No one can tell you when the grief will pass. But emotions are temporary. Eventually it will pass. In the meantime, it's important to notice thoughts and feelings and let them go, a little bit at a time, day by day. Not all thoughts are facts. Not all feelings are facts. We get to decide what to absorb or what to bounce and move along its way. It's also important to practice self-forgiveness and self-compassion
I'm here too, I think it's because it feels like a "how could I be so blatantly misunderstood by someone who should have known me so well?"
In my case they did a whole making an effigy out of me and pinning the behaviors of various abusive people in their life onto me before, well, "burning" me. Was part of a pattern of him cutting out his healthy relationships (I wasn't the only one) to pursue abusive ones.
I'm there too, and you know what? I think it's ok to be angry with someone because they didn't have the enough empathy to understand where you were coming from. I forgive my ex friend but I still get angry from time to time. And most importantly, I understand it's better for me to not hang out with someone like her, I need people with the capacity of having the empathy I deserve and that's ok.
@@ASMRHatov I didn’t expect to get emotional from a comment reply 🥺 Thank you for your kind words...The dialog in my head regarding this issue has centered around what was my fault or what wasn’t which has resulted in a lot of feelings of guilt and anger. I have made no space for self forgiveness or self compassion and I hadn’t realized. I hope you find peace from your situation if you haven’t already ✨
@@briargray2355 yeah ☹️ also if they know me so well and don’t like me... well that just hurts all the more x.x
But you make a very good point there when you said they were pinning other people’s behaviors on you... most times it’s really not about you it’s about what they are going through. I’m sorry this happened to you 😣
“How much can I tolerate being misunderstood?” is the best self help one-liner ever!
The amount of times I have cried for being misunderstood!! This is what I needed!
Thank you for being my therapist all these years Anna
This is something that until pretty recently, affected me a lot. I'm still working on it, but I'm learning to care less if people unfollow me/don't like me (both on and offline). Self-esteem and confidence has a lot to do with that too, and the fact that I've always been an insecure person with self-esteem and abandonment issues, didn't help. But you've explained the whole situation beautifully. Let's hope we can all move forward this year and be more self-aware and confident with who we are.
It does feel bad though, but at the end you gotta ask yourself if they really matter that much...
I sympathise with people who got suddenly dumbed by a friend for no apparent reason but we should also remember that sometimes it’s just the circumstances that drift people apart. It might be neither part’s fault, it’s just the fact that people change and follow different paths. I don’t think we should be bitter about these kind of friendships
:)
That's true
yeah in an emvironment that reifies being liked & the epitome of that being followed, not liking & then unfollowing or simply unfollowing, but that action implies not liking, would seem to be an existential threat: the problem is the system itself
I don't believe that being misunderstood and disliked always mean the same thing. If it really bothers you, or if you were hoping to keep the friendship, you can always just ask her in a simple, kind message?
This is one of those moments I wish I went to therapy because you just opened my eyes to something I wish I knew growing up. Like its so simple I never would’ve come up with that on my own. Thank you Anna! 💓
This is perfect. I always struggle when someone I know doesn’t like me, but online I don’t care! So this gives a lot of perspective. Love your videos, Anna!
'I can tolerate being misunderstood because that ain't ever gonna change' Preach!
no lie, would love this on a t-shirt 😂
Sometime I feel like you're God-sent. 99% of your videos tackle issues I have faced before or I am facing at that moment. I know I am not the only one who can relate to almost all the things you share. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
You have an entertaining personality. Looking at serious issues in a humorous way. Please continue.
we are all in this quest to free ourselves from other people's expectations aren't we.. I recommend a book called "The courage to be disliked" it helped me gain perspective on this
I just downloaded this book and I feel like this comment is a sign to get on with reading it 😅
@@allisonbaird5750 definitely hahaha :)
YESSS! I, personally, always get low-key sad and a tad offended when someone says something slighty in an annoyed tone to me. I dont act on it, but I constantly feel hurt. I cant seem to stop the emotions from arising, but maybe being aware of it will help ;-;
How could anyone not like you. Your quite an amazing person. Thanks for sharing your story with us that watch your electrifying channel. Outstanding balance of harmony and humor in a world full of turmoil.
Who is your therapist, girl? We all deserve to know.
0:08 all I hear is Sasha right here
Love you Anna!!!
Boy did I need to hear this today, you always hit it just right 💜
I had that moment with an old best friend of mine. After years of feeling bad because i didn't know what went wrong i asked him what it was and he was like "this thing you like made you so childish in my eyes so i lost interest" and i reacted internally with "for real? _that_ is what drove you away? This is a part of me. I am proud of it. I ain't gonna change nor apologise and that's okay, let's part ways."
So yeah. It really works out to just have your own value figured out.
I love this advice, Anna - It's hard not to take such "rejection" personally when someone doesn't like you, but as you said, not everyone like you. I find people's assumptions and judgments, which are often rooted in misunderstanding, because they never bothered to talk about it, to be much bigger concerns.
your therapist: how much can you tolerate it being misunderstood?
me: i literally cannot at all
welcome to my brain ✌
Happy 10th Anniversary on RUclips, Anna Akana
the editing/prod quality just keeps getting better. glad canon sponsored u guys!! can confirm the canon eosm is a bomb camera.
Again, I love how Anna unpacks the lessons she learns in therapy and brings us along on her mental health journey! A collective wellness levelling-up lol
Something that helps me a lot when I'm angry or sad or worried about someone's communication with me is to think "they're not bad , they just haven't walked in my shoes". It's kinda a similar vibe.
In such a people pleaser so when I get to know a person doesn't like me, I breakdown hehe.
People pleasing is basically people misleading! Once you release the notion that not everyone will match vibes with you, the better you're off.
this really helped me a lot thank u
I know it's her life and even though i have a bad habit of idolizing people and then getting disappointed by them, I'm still gonna say thank you for being a free therapist on the internet.
As somebody who sometimes irrationally just doesn't like some very nice, very kind people, it both bugs me and feels a bit like vindication when somebody feels that way about me.
It's the uncertainty that gets people too. Being misunderstood is the crux of people's fears because our society is built on communication. This lifehack is amazing, thanks for breaking it down :) And please don't stop sharing personal stuff online -- the way you work through it for us helps us do it to
Totally agree with this!!!
back in my school days I used to be bullied a lot. I went to a private school and everyone seemed to be more richer and prettier than me. ( I came from a middle class family) . Nobody seemed to like me because I was that weird crazy kid. But now I have a youtube channel , and I have rarely received any hate , thankfully till now, everything is quite positive
the weird crazy kids are always the coolest people to hang with. you do you :D
I'm sorry everyone was so mean to you in school. I hope you had one friend. But thankfully everyone is nicer to you!
What a great way to frame it. I can’t STAND being misunderstood. That’s the crux of a lot of my anxiety, and I never really identified or thought about it that way.
Yes, it can hurt. But it’s best to just move on. Even people who don’t like you have to deal with people not liking them.
Omg I’m 43. Thank u thank u. I knew being misunderstood was what was driving me crazy-perseveration got on specific episodes. I needed that one extra step. Thank u therapist!!
Thank you Anna, you’ve inspired me to start my own RUclips channel!🤗❤️
that hit home. After a year and a half of a friendship break up and me berating myself because i thought it was all my fault, I finally let go and stopped punishing myself because I distinguished myself and my identity from that person. I started looking at myself through my lens instead of hers. And the thing is right now this is exactly how I feel, that I can tolerate that person viewing me through a lens of seething or anger because I know my worth and I've made peace with my past. Thanks Anna.
I have only started watching her yesterday and I’m already in love with her personality
I'd marry this woman tomorrow.
One of my ex-friends unfollowed me on Twitter and I DMed her on Instagram to find out if I did anything wrong. She ended up blocking me when I told her I felt like she used me and didn’t care about me, and that the unfollowing seemed to support that.
She a chickenhead
I experienced that last 2019, we hang out etc but suddenly she unfriended me on FB unfollow on IG, I don't understand why,what did I do wrong but life goes on and I moved on. My life doesn't depend on that kind of personality.
"You too can talk about your trauma online"
I SURE CAN. THANKS ANNA.
Being misunderstood. A common theme in most tragedies, including tragecomedies
You know why you post what you do, and they know why they're uncomfortable with it ✌️🕊️💜🤓
Also yes queen, be unapologetic about it! The reason you speak to us on a personal level is cos we KNOW you truly care and understand what we're going through. That's why your message is so powerful.
We love you, queen! Keep winning!
the way I tolerate being misunderstood is to never misunderstood anyone.
I recently learnt how to make peace with people misunderstanding me and disliking me. Previously, I used to go on explaining myself to others and would notice that they still wouldn't change their opinion of me. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you can't impress everyone.
When someone as awesome as you is disliked. She’s completely jealous.
Misunderstanding is the fertilizer of relationships.
When people don't like (or like) you, it's not the authentic you they feel that way about; it's the image they have of you which is based in part on what you look like, partly on their current need for a certain type of character and on several other people, most of whom you have never met.
Of course there are social, sexual, financial consequences to their decisions, but ultimately what you personally did, said or thought about amounts to no more that a third of the reasons.
"I can tolerate being misunderstood" is now what i will say when someones an ahole for no reason
I love the ‘I’m thinking of ending things’ inspired frame
I agree on this totally.... There have been instances when my personality is not well received by people I personally know and it really bothered me a lot... It still does but I know that not everyone will like me but we all know it's easier said than done... But I will surely use this thing from today... Learning to know how much tolerance I have for being misunderstood sounds promising... Thanks ANNA❤️
I think it’s so brave that Anna discusses personal things that happen with the people in her real life online. No shame!
As I say: If someone have a problem with YOU, that is still THIER problem, not yours. so why bother?
A guy I dated said that you sharing your vulnerability and your trauma online will be your downfall to being successful. Obviously, I still watch your videos and am no longer dating him, so if we’re talking about downfalls here it sure isn’t yours. 💛 Love you!
oof what if the one thing you can’t tolerate is being misunderstood
I really love the abundance of classical music in all these videos.
Sometimes you're NOT being misunderstood. This whole "personal truth" thing displays ignorance of how truth works, and stubbornness to the fact that you can be wrong. People are not always right in their own ways.
Facts
I can handle dislike but I'm not so great with hostility, aggression and passive aggression. I think sometimes people think hate makes them entitled to mistreatment of others. I'm personally on the journey of learning to be empathetic but still defend myself ✌🏽
Ok real question: what do you do if a friend’s best friend doesn’t like you?
Accept it and put it behind you! Don't hide who you are just because someone else doesn't approve/like/enjoy you
Keep being you 100%
Well, if you and that friend are true friends and you are both mature enough, then it doesn’t matter if her bf doesn’t like you. Your friend will understand her but that’s about it, bc the friendship is between you two, not you and her bf.
Ps. This is a personal story:
My friend A doesn’t like my friend B. I met B thanks to A, but then things went south between them. “A” told me about it, and I considered it. Once I got to hang out with B, I assessed what A told me, but while hanging out with B, I was really happy and glad we were friends.
Like I said, the friendship is between B and me, so it didn’t matter one bit how A thought of B, I could still enjoy my beautiful friendship with B! :)
As long as you love yourself that's what matters. N just be friendly to everyone... the rest you shouldn't worry about.
Thank you for sharing what you learn in therapy. I know it's not the same as an actual session, but it does help in-between sessions. Things like "Don't go looking for milk at a hardware store" have really stuck with me and helped me grow.
Notification squad let's goooo
I don’t know when or how the RUclips algorithm showed your videos to me... but I’m glad they did... I click just about every time and never disappoint 😃
Hola Miss Akana and everyone ♥️
Anna this is something I've struggled with everyday and never really knew how to put it into words. Just that mantra of asking myself "Can I tolerate being misunderstood" has really helped me ask myself questions and simply exist with the unrest. Thank you for the insight!
When someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean they misunderstood you. Maybe you’re just a bad person, or they’re jealous, or anything else
yeah it's not always they who have a problem formed from miscommunication or any thing similar. sometimes you're your own problem and you need to fix it
I found you today by accident- and I love the awareness you are bringing!!!! This was a personal issue as well of mine where I had friends misunderstand me and it hurt me deeply. We've talked it out since but was a long long long time between then so a lot of pain. Therapy is absolutely a god-send.
Happy 10th YouTubiversary! 🥰
I like you very much BECAUSE you post very personal stuff online. You’re very insightful and authentic, and entertaining and funny. Thought provoking.
I'm always confused when people don't like Anna... I just don't get it lol
a couple days ago i talked about anxiety smile in class and my experience. that was a big step for normalizing mental illness. ofc i felt a bit regret but it doesn't matter if my classmates think i'm CRAZY 'cause it's not my business what they say behind my back!
The friend watching this: 👁👄👁
Anna, I don’t know that you’ll ever see this, but I needed this so so bad. A roommate of mine just stopped talking to me sometime last year, and it was so difficult because at some point we were so close and I was heartbroken as I gave a lot to our friendship, and would’ve gladly given more. I spent hours, in therapy and out, obsessing any thing I could’ve done wrong. She didn’t want to communicate with me at that time, and she only opened up to me on why she started ignoring me and disliking me when I told her that I would be moving out. I’m lighter now, and happier that I moved out. Thank you, because this is still a reminder I need to heal.
I mean seems a bit rude to unfollow. Could've easily just muted. Seems like she wanted you to know. Or I guess she might ve thought u wouldn't notice
Being misunderstood bothers me more than someone not liking me
1 min ago- IM SCREAMINGGGGJEIDJSID
Tbh i seem to notice that your vids are literally what i need in my life EVERY SINGLE TIME
Hollywood: Seeing a therapist because a friend of a friend unfollowed you on Instagram.
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.