My Husband Racked Up $700,000 Of Debt!
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- Опубликовано: 3 май 2020
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Mary never wanted to work. Her dream was to be a stay at home mom and rear her kids while trusting that her husband was being the provider. She trusted him to make good financial decisions. Now, she’s resents that not only did she have to give up her dream, but she feels let down and resentful that she had to be there for him emotionally. He wasn’t there for her emotionally. Plus, to add fuel to the flame, she’s working two jobs to clean up his mess. My heart goes out to her.
@Jimmy Bob see response below
@@candicescoby6633 she doesnt need you to feel sorry for her she's doing plenty of it for herself. Hey guess what, its my dream to not have to work either. You think im mad at my wife because i work? No.
The Dave Ramsey Show Guess what Dave you’re still MAD! It shows in every episode!
Why didn’t they file bankruptcy⁉️ That number is ridiculously high.
@@TimeisUp22 Oh man thats a good question. Maybe they already had filed? Maybe they always a had a high income through the whole process and wouldnt qualify?
I'm 14k in debt and I feel like its the end of the world. I can't imagine 700k
A Font 14k is nothing tbh, i wish you the best.stay safe
It all depends on the size of your shovel.
@@ChipZilla69 honestly I don't care what size my shovel is, 700k in debt is stupid
@@BoriPR82 agreed, but $700k in debt is different for an employee pulling in under six figures versus a business owner pulling in a million plus annually.
@@BoriPR82 Yes it's a lot of money. I think i would bury myself with that shovel of i owed that much
It doesn’t sound like she’s going to get past her resentment
@Full Tilt Boogie lol
The trust is gone. He hid a $700k debt from her. For all she knows there’s more debt he hasn’t spoke about. So now, even after the $700k is paid. She has to build all over again while keeping a close eye on the funds. If someone will hide a $700k they’ll probably hide infidelity and secret children etc.
She needs to get a divorce when the $60k is paid.
HEAT LIFER you didn't pay attention. As the person above me said, he did not hide the debt from her.
She’s soooo mad at him right now. She’s doing all she can to hold it in. If this was a Lifetime movie, old boy would be wrapped in the Persian rug and in the trunk of her car.
@Full Tilt Boogie Uncalled for. Most people in a marriage like that would have already filed for divorce by now. The fact she still stood with him says more about her character imo.
This lady is 2 tigers away from doing a Carole Baskin
Jorge Castro HA!😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
OMG 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I believe it.
😂😂
Sounds like her too 🤣🤣🤣
She’s not upset about the debt. She’s upset that she’s spent all her time, money and energy to fix a problem that her husband caused instead of being able to put her time, money and energy into her dreams. That’s completely understandable.
nah, she's cheating... she wants out
@@ed5952 Who hurt you?
@@Alex-we4th hehe come on man, you know she's about to bounce
She stuck around for the kids. I think she's about out.
@@ed5952bingo
she needs a therapist and marriage counselor not financial advice
No. They need it all: Therapy, marriage counseling, and BIG TIME financial advice.
700k in debt might get her ownn finances too if their properties are combined
so her asking for financial advice is very smart.
Maybe she could take a loan to pay for it ; )
She can't afford it. She has to pay off the debt 1s. Ths is how merciless that world is.
@TheLiving Darkness
She needs both and possibly a divorce attorney as the back up!!!!! Resentment leads to regrets, anger and sometimes hate!!!
choose your life partner carefully folks
And people wonder why no on wants to get married any more.
Yeah, I think I may be single forever.
Ya they weren't on the same page since inception of this relationship.
@Full Tilt Boogie yes :)
The problem is that most people hide their true colors until after you marry them.
Solution: Never get married. Stay single. Profit.
Have some compassion, 7 years is a long time. She’s tired. So many women would have walked away by now.
😪
No its a marriage. She's acting like a child. Its been 7 years and she's an adult
Alot of women do walk away thats why the divorce rate is so high. If men left women for poor spending habits, and bad money decisions we would rarely have marriages.
@@cortezbaylor1054 I'm not exactly a fan of the women folk, but I would be ashamed if my wife had to work two jobs.
It wasn't about the 7 years. It was about that she was never able to have the dream about being a stating at home mom. The debt was just the topping to the cake. I think she feels resentful because for the entirety of her marriage, she has been putting her husband's dreams above hers and he could never give her anything.
1:39 - "Nobody emotionally supports me." The rest of the call is irrelevant. That's the issue right there. Not the debt, nothing else. She's trying to tell them that her husband is weak and she feels like the only grown-up in the marriage with nobody having her back. The problem isn't a financial one, it's an unequal partnership issue. She's married to a child and has had enough.
Amen!
IMO - there is more to this story than is being said.
That's truth right there.
I mean that seems like a gross oversimplification of the issue. A “child” doesn’t pay off 600k worth of debt. If he was a total bum I would agree with you, but the situation seems a bit more complicated.
Boy that's how I felt with my husband. I was the only adult.
Choosing your life partner is the biggest decision you can make, so choose wisely.
So you have a crystal ball?
Everyone would like to think they chose wisely, but really you are taking a 50/50 gamble.
I choose multiple partners without commitment. Life is easier and less complicated, and for me, it’s better. And yes, I disclose that.
Ryan Weston Dunce move!
Ursula C. We all know that but what we don’t know is the ‘how’ to choose a good life partner. In my opinion, it’s only God that gives that because humans are limited we can’t even see tomorrow. People change so it’s best to ask God for your best fit. If you believe in God that is...
I think she wants permission to leave him.
Divorce is financially scary along with emotionally. If she left him, she still may have to deal with debt due to marriage combining their finances
@@EugeneTChu not if it's his business.
@@brandiphillips5775 It may be "his business", but divorce court may still combine debt depending on circumstances and judge
" I wanted to stay home and raise my kids, that WAS my dream " heartbreaking.... reminds me why I work everyday
I just cleared a $27k debt.
got some help from kat meave edard, why not he google her.
I have been working with Mrs Kat Meave Edard for about a year, the information you give has helped me move to the next level of mining and have giving me the confidence. Dave i think Mary and her husband need her.
Weird bots
Nice dude!!!!
@@dark_winter8238 you really think so?
You can just hear the exhaustion and disappointment in her voice. I hope she finds HER happiness and some support.
EcoastAngel so true
I’m in this situation right now. I feel like I’m an investment rather than a wife.
Lynetted79 hang in there and consider Dave and the other guy’s words and figure out what you want out of your future. This too shall pass :)
@@Lynetted79 please leave the relationship, not worth it if your partner hasn't listened to you about their borrowing
I hear her exasperation........and truly feel for her!
what I heard was “He didn’t hide the debt, but he made the decisions without me, and for 7+ years I’ve been stuck cleaning up his mess.” It sounded like he’s never apologized for his stupidity, and never (at least from her perspective) fully appreciated her support and what it’s cost her. That’s why she’s exhausted and boiling over with resentment. I would be.
Furthermore they are now close to the retirement age (she said they had been married for 38 years) and probably have no retirement plan and very little savings since they had to tackle a debt of this amount. I could tell that she was just sick and tired of cleaning up that whole mess-
That’s exactly what I think it is..
@Elisabeth Allen, very well put and I think that's exactly where the potential essence of the issue lies- did he express enough along the way how much he appreciated her sacrifice for him. That's a big one and a very good cause for developing resentment.
It's not all his fault. She's been along for the ride for 38 years and what causes resentment is not taking responsibility for the choice YOU made. She is blaming everything on him but I guarantee she's never actually sat down with him and talked it through. He probably doesn't even know it hurts her this way and u can't fix what u don't know. Judging from how they've tackled the debt together, he sounds like he would be willing to make it up to her somehow. What likely happened is she sacrificed her dream to make him happy thinking it would be okay and it wasn't, but that was still her choice. She had the option to stand her ground and say no, I'm staying home with our children and they would've had to work it out. But she didn't do that, and then she started holding it against him in her mind. At this point she should go to him, apologize for being angry and resentful toward him, forgive him for the things that need to be forgiven and move on. If she actually wants to fix this, she has to let it go.
@@lhughes6656 yep, that also makes sense.
They never understood her point of view. She sacrificed herself for her husband's dream but she has nothing to show for it..
Exactly.
That’s literally most men in marriages but go off lmao
@@BassProBaitShopsounds like men are making poor decisions when picking a spouse then.
I agree completely, I wouldn’t marry 99% percent of woman nowadays.
@@BassProBaitShop You're looking at the wrong dating pool.
Her dream was to be a mothering presence to her children; she sacrificed that for the debt, but she can take solace in giving her children a legacy of unrelenting strength and financial freedom.
I wish they would have said that to her. Her example will go way further than money to her kids.
She didn't have to. She could've declared bankruptcy and dealt with living very small if kids were more important.
@@WorldInspiringHusband would not have allowed that lol
@@PascualSmith Okay, if husband doesn't allow that let him deal with it and you stay home with the kids. Accept whatever he needs to do, including downgrading lifestyle. Her hands weren't tied. Her resentment should be towards herself for choosing greed over her own children. We were not put here to become wealthy. She's supposed to be a mother, he a father. She got involved in his role out of greed and now resents him for it. He let her which he shouldn't have. Her fault in the end. Get over it.
She sounds emotionally finished
Sounds like her boss has made a move on her more like 🤣
Once a woman checks out emotionally and feels isolated, the marriage is done.
This is one of the saddest phone calls on the Ramsey Show. When the debt is gone the marriage is over.
Exactly!
She's done.
They missed something. She’s working two jobs. She’s going to be resentful as long as she is working that hard and getting nothing for it. This isn’t something that is just in the past, it’s in her face everyday, now.
Exactly. Imagine sacrificing everything important to you for 7 years for someone else's stupidity and then being told to just let it go. She needs to grieve and find new meaning, not listen to these dolts
@@kailaleegibbons6143 - Right, so instead hang on to the resentment, be angry and bitter for what? However long she decides to grieve? Then what? Let it go possibly? Either way she has to let it go. She can do herself a lot of good by letting it go sooner rather than later. Divorce and lawyers and resentment isn't any way to have a better future.
She needs to get over it.
Awww....such heartache. I wanted to be a SAHM.
nocalsteve, Exactly. That's why she needs a marriage counselor instead of these two guys. And Dave doesn't seem like someone quick to apologize, so he wouldn't suggest another man might need to do so. He talked about how he had to forgive himself and Sharon had to learn to forgive him. What about apologizing to Sharon? I never heard him say that.
She said: "we both working really hard to achieve his dream, but mine ever mattered." It seems like she lost her identity and God-given purpose in the marriage. A good lesson to every husband to support and make sure his woman maintains her identity and fulfill the purpose God created her for.
They aren’t listening to her.
She is looking for the loss to be validated by her husband. Dave usually refers to vows at this point. The actions each takes in a marriage can really affect either partner for life.... and in this situation the husband's spending very much affected the wife's life.....I believe what I heard is that she would like her husband to validate and realize whole heartedly that he did not think his actions through. I don't believe that he did it intentionally. Supporting each other equally and getting the debt paid off to this point is fantastic 🎉
Watching this 3 years later and I really really hope this lady and her family have their debt problem solved and have a happy and harmonious marriage. She’s a trooper for going through all that and definitely deserves happiness
she needs to get raw dogged by another man
Yeah some of these I’d really like a follow up a few years down the line.
She’s just exhausted. Debt stinks.
Boss HisMoney Life is exhausting.
Alex Fonseca that’s true, I hope she comes out of this situation ok
Great example of why shouldn't get that far into debt.
He stinks lol
That’s what it sounds like & seems like she been carrying the heavy load & worries of paying it off and the husband let her carry it all.
She feels like she has been living her husband's dream instead of hers.
Her dream was to be a house wife. 🤣😂😅 she’s just mad she had to work
JslaysTV I don’t understand why you feel the need to trivialize her situation
Would you be 100% okay with having to change your entire career and outlook on life just to pay of debt that you didn’t contribute to?
@@hillary96renteria82 the income is hers, the debt is hers. To pay off 600k over 7 years, they are pulling in close to a quarter million easily.
@@RandomUserName92840 Its business debt. It's only tied to her through marriage, she didn't actually spend any of that money. And how much they make has little to do with the situation. At its core this is about how she can't let go of the resentment.
my comment was directed towards the people who have no empathy towards the fact that she had to give up her dream and her passion, and the people who act like she had absolutely no grounds to be upset.
@@jslaysmedia1580 sounds more like domestic abuse. And her husband is coercively controlling
"It's the only dream I've ever had, and I guess I need a new one." Wow, that's brutally sad-- I'm sad for her.
What about the life they all had in the meantime? The business provided a home, cars, school, meals - more than the business could support without that debt, too. And it bore the burden of debt the family accrued. They all ate the fruit from that tree.
She’s been working so hard for years, keeping her head down and driving and working to get results, she did it, is reaching the end, finally looked up to get a glimpse of the finish line and realized the things she never processed because she was moving so fast through the race.
What do you mean “she did it” she’s only worked for 7 years and you don’t know how much of that HE paid off! He got into debt looking after the family. Where’s his appreciation? She’s angry because she’s lazy and entitled
@@Jigbunushe obviously worked for more than 7 years. She said she worked to pay off his debt instead of staying home with the children-all of whom are grown now. She started the baby steps 7 years ago. Also sounds like all she does is work and be an emotional support dog to her husband, while he’s not there for her nor feels bad for the situation HE put them in and the life she wanted to live. She is nowhere to blame in this and you simply sound like a bitter man who probably resents a woman or two in his life.
@@JigbunuI hope your marriage got better. You commented about lazy women so many times. The bitterness in your heart towards women who stay home and take care of kids and the home is unreal. Oof.
Maybe she can get her dream by taking care of her future
grandkids.
Honestly she sounds depressed...
Kimberly Riley this.
Working through debt without support is very tough, hoping the husband would gave more than he could to her after those debts
COVID doesn’t help. Being a business owner during this time, the 22nd mile, is like getting your shins whacked. COVID, the economic side, has done a lot of widespread psychological damage. Hopefully only temporary.
Good catch
I would be too.
I truly think she wants a divorce. Thirty eight year marriage, empty nester, searching for her new purpose. It happens often after the kids are grown that the parents look at each other like strangers. Sad.
@Akash Guha Thakurata even if she's not happy?
I Am a stay home mom, my husband said he preferred to sacrifice himself not been spending too much time with us, but he prefers I stay home with kids and be available for them; drop off/ pick up from school, school programs, firld trips.. Sometimes I think what If I start working so he can spend more time with us... But other ladies advice me that is alot better I stay home with the kids. Debts we always gonna get thru kids are going to grow up and the best moments there will not be money to replace those moments.
Yerundi - She won’t be happy either way. She will never feel right whether she gets divorced or not. She’ll always blame him.
@@brentsmelser okay but which will make her happier?
Hopefully they don't. Divorce is not always the answer
This has nothing to do with the money. This is 100% that she doesn’t wanna be with him anymore
She's not happy. He has his business, his dream and piled up huge debt. She's working two jobs, kids grown, his business still facing challenges with no end in sight. I totally understand and feel bad for her. No one cared about her dream. Reminds me to Thank God I'm single.
This lady needs a hug and some napkins, I feel for her.😢
Sounds like the husband needs to express to her how much he appreciates her support. I don’t know if he could have done it without her.
There is a good chance he has and she's they type that likes to hold onto resentment. I've met people that no matter how much you change, no matter how many times you apologies, they want to keep bringing up your mistakes.
@@higg1966 Actually, we also don't know that. So there is also a good chance, he was not expressive like most men so she doesn't know if she is appreciated or not.
I also know a lot of women (I am one myself) who like being told how grateful someone is for the sacrifices they made for that someone. It can be any person and not just the husband. Even parents and children feel the same way.
He did it for 30 years while the lazy woman didn’t work. Where’s his appreciation. She only had to work for 7 years.
She did have a separate job and had to care for the kids. Because of his debt, she had to pick up an extra job! How is that lazy?!
2:30 and 8:00 for timestamp reference
They never asked if the husband acknowledged her loss. That could go a long way toward healing their relationship.
It’s about the relationship so both parties understanding each other.
This is deep. She sounds like she resents him by this point. They need counseling. I hope she finds spiritual healing because I feel she’s in a lot of pain.
There’s something more than debt. Almost at the finish line and she is realizing she didn’t want to race. She’s not happy
Yes. I feel the guys missed that. The real problem is she doesn't know if she can forgive him for overlooking her needs for 20 years.
She's realizing her kids are all grown up and she spent the entire time working all the time to get her hubby out of debt.
She's furious that her spouse forced her into the race. Totally understandable
And now she feels like she hast to stay with him, because when she helped him pay off the debt and she lost her dream of raising her children, she probably can’t have anymore kids
I couldn’t imagine being $700k in debt, but they’re almost done paying off that debt. Hang tight Mary, you’re almost finished running the race!
Millennial Wealth Building Mary should retire early and let old hub finish that one by himself.
Local Fixx would be cool if Dave could invite her back after a few months.
I don’t understand why they don’t just pay the 60k off
@@RealGalaxyGamers they will, but they are tired and their kids are going to college. She needed support.
Local Fixx she should be all about mary today. Hes been only about himself for years
investing requires good experience and knowledge to carry out a good and successful trade, I have lost a lot trying to trade all by myself May I ask which investments are good?
Thanks for the efforts you put in these. I found her and i leave her a message i await a response
Has the husband ever apologized? Apologized that he went ahead with his dreams, while hers were never acknowledged.
I know Mary probably won’t see this but, I applaud you for all of your hard work! It’s completely against society’s standard to be out of debt. Congratulations on your amazing work!!! I’m rooting for you!
Amen
Excellent job Mary, you should be proud of what you have done!
Why are you congratulating her for working 7 years whereas her husband has been working for 30 years. Where’s his applause? Not like he was spending the money on himself, he was looking after the family. She’s selfish and lazy
To say she’s lazy for being a homemaker is wild! And she worked 2 jobs to help him fix his mistake. Running his business was his job and keeping it out of debt was his job too if he needed help he could have said something before it reached over half a million dollars. She’s a bad ass for going from not working at all to working to jobs to support her husband. Great job to them both for staying and working together to have a better life. But her feelings are completely valid
Lol 44 seconds in the Dave folded the arms "been on the plan for 7 years and still on baby step 2" bahahahah!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😀
the best part
Yes! Lol he is like, "wait, what's going on here..."
Cc L that part shocked me
Cc L How long would it take you to pay off $700,000????
🤣🤣🤣
She can be a stay at home grandma! God bless her, she was a great wife. I hope she holds on to her marriage and finds a way to be happy with her husband
Yes, God bless her indeed!
She needs something to show for her hard work. I get it.
Sounds like she'd benefit from some therapy.
A little Pink Moscato and a massage every now and then will help Mary feel a little bit more relaxed. Sometimes just going swimming and putting your head under water for a short period of time relieves stress and anxiety. Hang in there Mary it’ll get better.
That's what she thinks she's doing.
The story has something to do with money, so that's her pretense to call Dave.
$700k in 7 years?! They must've been living not on beans and rice but just Rice.
We would need to know what kind of income to determine that
actually just ice imo
Taqeem Hilton2.0 fam the water is too expensive just oxygen and sometimes hydrogen.
@@daryldaix3350 She uses photosynthesis to sustain herself
Great value rice
My heart goes out to her. Bless her heart.
It’s about trust. She lost trust in her husband, even while rebuilding. He put her in a hole and she resents and distrusts him. They need to see a counselor soon.
Mary in Washington is not doing better than she deserves. 😐
Really be a human for gods sake
Think Money that’s life
Lol! Silly! 😁
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😭😭😭😭
What I heard is that back in the day she decided to be a “good wife” and stack it out for the sake of the marriage, just recently realizing how much it really cost her. I feel for her so much. The missing part of the advice is that she probably will need to grieve for good amount of time before she’s ready to forgive her husband and herself, and make the rest of their life work.
Elizabeth Baird yup, my therapist recently told me that sometimes it’s necessary to grieve the death of a dream that we had and just didn’t happen. It’s been helping me so much. Resentment is a horrible thing to live with.
@Johnny Five she, like most women, left the financials to her husband.
Sounds to me like she's mad she didn't get to live the stay at home lifestyle, and after her comment about enjoying having the kids gone, it makes it appear like she just didn't want to work.
I think it's also tough because no male can understand carrying something and not being able to do what you wanted with it all these years.. I wont understand it- but I wrote something to my mom in the commencts section about it.
@Dream Dream Serene my net worth is greater than the lady with $700,000 of debt, and I don't have a broken marriage. What exactly am I jealous of?
@Dream Dream Serene let me play a tune on the world's smallest violin for the tragedy of the woman who made over $100k per year and had to get a second job to maintain her lifestyle. Would you feel the same if I called in telling Dave I was resentful my wife ruined my dreams of plowing a different woman every night before sleeping on a mattress of gold coins? Traditional isn't bad, it's just pathetic to hear rich people complaining that all of life isn't sunshine and rainbows.
Wow! She’s amazing. She sounds like a good wife a good mum and a good person.
I am glad you are one of those people who are cheering her on instead of putting her down and saying she should move on and not resent what happened to her. She could have left her husband like many women but she stayed and even sacrificed for him. She should be allowed to feel what she is feeling and be appreciated for her choice to stick it out with him.
She sounds worn out and annoying.
Dr. Delony is such a great addition to the team. He adds such valuable insights and asks intentional questions. I can see that he pushes Dave to a new level of analysis, too. Good stuff.
I get into debt 1000$ and I freak out and pay it off. 700k?! I can't even imagine. That is beyond what my mind can compute.
Business debt is different from consumer debt. You spend a lot of money upfront, but a lot of that equipment is going to make its money back over the years. With consumer debt, when you get in debt to go to Disney, that money is gone forever. For business, eventually, if you manage it correctly and took the appropriate risk, it comes back to you.
Tldr: business debt is usually an investment, not straight expenditure
Crazy
@SARA A couple of years to pay off $6,000?!?!? what? Knock it out in a year. Idk your situation, but $6k can be cleaned up in maybe a year, not 3-4. RICE AND BEANS!! Good Luck!
Im trying to imagine what monthly payments would on 40k income
She's frustrated! She's been on baby step 2 for 7 years!!! SMH. . she sounds depressed. I'd be upset , having to work 2 jobs for his silly mistakes 🤷
Roxane John did you just LANDED from VENUS he got in Debt $700 K but they have it Almost Paid Off HE Didn’t Made Mistake she wanted to Make Mistake by NOT Working and Staying POOR and that DEFINITELY Will Affect their KIDS Future.
It’s a SACRIFICE for the KIDS Not for Her Cause She Wanted to Watch SoapOpera All Day While the Kids are In SCHOOL 🏫🤷♂️🙈
@James Marquis she said it in her call.
He didn’t make a silly mistake, she did. She decided to stay with somebody knowing she couldn’t live her stay at home dream. Now 7 years later she’s complaining about it.
@@joshhawkins2596 she sure did lol.😔
Its business as usual. He made a bad investment, it happens. If he succeeded, it would of been a high gain passive income. These are the kind of risks you make in your 20s granted, but if he stated his career intentions and you supported him, he fails...you resent him then? Comeon..
I really liked how this story turned. At first it was this lady being angry at 700k of husband debt, but then you hear how close they are to the finish line, and really she is angry at what could have been. Resentment is truly the gateway drug to a life of misery.
I think resentment is warranted if you ruined your spouses dreams
I'm so glad to have heard this conversation.
So for Mary, I feel awful. She did lay down her dreams to fix the issue. Shes amazing, dedicated, awesome. Every single emotion she has is valid and justified.
But I loved that Dave and John talked about how the mistake is the mistake, its 7 years ago and, in her own words, he has been doing everything he can do to make it right. At some point you need to forgive him. And I know if she can get through this, God has something amazing in store for her.
Those grandkids are going to be good to you! I can tell. As a parent who does not have help from my children's grandparents, I can tell you now that having that help from grandparents makes all the difference. your time with your kids is not over! You can still be their savior and build such a good relationship with them!
Mary is a wonderful woman. I wish nothing but the best for her from now on.
“Just keep swimming” -Dory
Joe Rizzo
When ever I'm feeling overwhelmed ... I always humm this song..it gets me thru! LOL 🎶🐠🎶🐠🎶🐠
“This money we paid off could have been ours”
This actually offers a lot of perspective.. if I have a future marriage, I'm going to continually consider how I can merge both our dreams into one plan and stay accountable to it
I feel so bad for this caller they completely missed her point. She has been lied to, emotionally mistreated and her dreams were never realized. Dave said you are almost there but they aren’t because her husband never took her into account when getting so much debt after all the work she put in. 😔
That was years ago, you missed their point that holding onto the resentment is destroying their marriage and her mental well-being.
I agree. And so many commenters here are blaming the wife. I doubt they would easily forgive a spouse who has the same debt. A lot of wives and husbands left their spouses for a much lower debt. However, some people can't even appreciate the years she spent helping her husband and choosing to stay with him instead of leaving him. Few even applauded what she did and kept saying she must move on. If only many cheered for her while saying she should also forgive her husband but noooo, it is now her fault for feeing resentment. People are allowed to feel emotions. That is why being emotional is not the same as being rational.
She literally said he did not hide the debt
Ladies have your own dreams and goals. Once, your kids leave home and have their own lives, what do you have? She's needs a Therapist and figure out her next journey with or without her husband.
That’s why I tell men and women stop the housewife stuff. Women aren’t raised to be housewives in this era. They will feel some sort of uselessness and worthlessness if she can’t contribute in other ways and once she’s miserable there’s little u can do
So much for death do us part.
@@ryanlowe509 I was an Housewife. And, I loved it. My Ex Husband had a home cooked meal every night.I wanted Us to get a Real Estate License together. I wanted to be a Team. To this day, I don't even own a microwave. But, a long story short. There's only so much an Housewife can do. It's important to have self value and self worth for yourself. I end up leaving due to his excessive substance abuse, and I got my Real Estate Licence.
Her dream WAS a house wife. Shes resentful that she didn't get it. She doesn't need a therapist because she was a housewife and that was her dream. It's totally legit for your dream and goal to be a mom and housewife. Mine is and was and I'm totally fulfilled.
You have the memories of all the precious time spent with your children. Other people don't get to tell women what dreams they are allowed to have.
I don’t know if they really “get” what she’s saying... I feel for her.
There's really nothing to get
I don't know if I really get it either tbh, what do you think she was saying?
Jessie NoneYaBiz I just think what she’s feeling and experiencing is very deep. She was in the eye of the storm in the beginning but after 7 long years of toiling and grinding because of his mistake, I can understand why she would feel resentment and hostility with reflection. I don’t know. I just think it’s more complicated than, “Your dream is dead, move on.” But that’s just my take!
James Sopkin Well, I disagree, but that’s just me :)
@@kellyturner4571 they never said it wasn't hard or that she shouldn't feel resentment, but that resentment and anger won't help her. It won't win her anything or fix any of what she's facing. They're right. If she really wants to be happy, she needs to figure out how to drop those feelings. I don't think we have enough information to decide whether she needs to divorce or not, but either way, she really does need to move on, no matter how hard it is.
I was in a position where it was all on me to get over resentment that I'd lost my innocence and my dreams. And it SUCKS to hear that it's just a choice. But no one has a better answer... I've looked. It is so insurmountably unfair that the only only way to work through it is to rely heavily on Jesus Christ. Only He understands what it's like to deal with something so unfair. Only He knows more about getting what you don't deserve. I found what helps is allowing yourself to mourn your loss, but working to keep the focus on what Christ can make you into. I will never get back my dreams--ever. But I can become something else strong through Christ.
Best comment! Praise God!
Beautifully said! I’ve been there too
I wonder if she ever communicated how she felt to her. H. I bet he’d be shocked she feels this way. Two become one. You have to talk to each other along the way
Her time and dream went down the drain. Whew! What she said was true. Her dream didn’t matter, so it would be great for him to help her make space for a new dream.
Missing from all of this advice was any validation of the loss of her dream. It wasn't a fantasy - it was a very simple ask from life that her husband stole from her with his thoughtless irresponsibility and ineptitude. Her loss must be validated as real and significant.
You are Do on point!
Tim Graef, so good to hear your comments from a guy. These two really should stick to financial advice.
what about his dreams ? stole her dreams ? to stay at home while he provides ? please
But, based on the timeline, she did get to raise the kids for a long time.
@@sagepegram1866 being at home does not mean you are not providing,obviosuly not financially but financial support is only a part of raising a family.
She deserves a nice, long vacation.
Amen
I pray that she gets the healing she deserve!! That’s a good women !!! I hope she find her new journey and new dreams for her and her family !!!
When Dave shut up and listens, you know he will be coming with good questions and good reasoning.
She's absolutely exhausted and defeated after all that time. I can hear the heartbreak. Missing out on your children's childhood because of stupid financial problems that you had no say in is...awful.
They need a new dream, together. I hope they can find one.
You just described the average male experience lmao
Exhausted of working 7 years. Imagine how HE feels! She’s lazy. Maybe if she worked more then they never would have needed to go into debt.
This is the one time when I'd say it may take a woman to truly understand her pain.
I'm a woman and I have a hard time understanding how one can be happy with that being their only dream. To each their own, I guess.
I agree. Everyone’s saying “she just doesn’t want to work” - that’s not what wanting to mother your children is. I work 4 full days a week, have one child and am currently pregnant with another. There are days I’ve cried driving to work, not because I can’t be bothered going to work but because I want to be the one raising my child, not the babysitters. You’re so aware of how little time you have when they’re little and you can never get that back once it’s gone. We’re at a place now where I can finish up work and be a stay at home mother when this baby is born (and I’m also studying) and I can’t even explain how happy I am to be able to do that and to be the one who raises my babies. It’s not about laziness.
@@tara26777 You have said this so well. The fact that many men in these comments see being a stay at home mom as "sitting around" goes to show how little they understand and appreciate what goes into a home and caring and raising children.
@@Jmack1lla so you acknowledge the uneven expectation that mother work AND cook dinner AND never say anything about it? Not sure what your point is, that women should just politely do more for the household than man? No, thanks
@@mystic-83_ you don't understand that different women want different things ? That different women have different visions for their lives? I don't understand why you don't understand...
the pure pain in her voice is heart breaking
I remember this lady from when the call was first posted. This has to be one of the saddest calls.
I felt this episode on a whole different level.
Great Heights or he just doesn’t appreciate her the way she wants to be.
Wow talk about assassinating a guy who's not there to defend himself.
@@ChipZilla69 I have to agree with you. She has said nothing to even insinuate that he has done anything wrong after seeing the debt issue. This is her issue. She is harboring resentment against him for her own decisions and choices over the course of the marriage.
Y’all should get out of peoples business you don’t know then therefore you don’t get to judge
Galaxy Gamers She’s the one who put her business out there. She obviously distraught and it is sad.
I'd be interested to see hear her husband's side of this. Sounds like she is getting ready to serve the papers.
Exactly
chizplayaz Yep, $640,000 over 7 years is about $7,619/month. That’s crazy.
I’m sure he feels guilty about the whole thing. He’s been working very hard to get that payment down the past 7 years.
@@Faith-un7nswith her help
Yeah, we weren’t given much about the situation. What was the business, what was the debt for? Her dream was to be a stay at home mom, maybe he took a gamble to try to get a business that would make that possible and either didn’t understand what he was getting into (restaurant) or the gamble failed. It’s kinda frustrating that these 2 just coddled her without getting some of these important points out of her. There’s a lot more to this story and it sounds like the husband has been working hard to pay back this debt and been doing a good job at that, she helped true, but she shouldn’t act like it’s all on her. I feel like she might have had more of a fantasy of being a stay at home mom then it being a dream. This isn’t the world we live in anymore.
This is one of the coolest calls I’ve heard from Dave’s show. Great raw real advice. She has a great shot at saving her marriage as long as she applies this advice
i hope she’s doing better now
This isn’t a money issue , you emotionally left your husband years ago when you had to sacrifice raising your kids hands on. You can fix the money problems and get your kid through college and it won’t make a difference with how you feel about your husband.
When you’re working 2 jobs for 7+ years to pay off the debts of your husband’s business it’s a money issue. She should have seen an attorney then about the structure of the business, her exposer and her options.
@@ericeandco so marry for better not worse eh
I agree, even when they pay off the rest of the debt she's still going to have that resentment there to work through.
@@ericeandco It's not a money issue. If it was a money issue she would've left long back. She himself admitted that he's been doing everything he can to clear his debt and she's supporting him by working two jobs. Together they managed to clear 640K. The real issue is that she feels resentful about the sacrifices she made. Her most ideal scenario is to leave him, marry someone else, have kids with the other guy and then raise them the way she wanted to, thereby living her dream. Considering that her husband has been doing everything he can to clear his debt, and that there was no deception at all, leaving him at a time like this would be perceived unethical according to her. She just wants someone else to tell her that it's okay to leave her husband and find someone else to live her dream. In short, this call was for validation which she did not receive.
@@siddheshmirjankar910, she didn’t receive said validation because it would be unethical of her to do such a thing.
She needs to let it go the resentment or talk to a counselor/therapist.
"resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"
Ursula C. It’s not easy. She definitely needs therapy. She feels likes she’s lost something she can NEVER get back
@@hillary96renteria82 you're right, I wish her the best though.
That kind of resentment doesn’t go away. The best she can do is learn to live with it.
I think asking people to "just let it go" is basically undermining the real pain and loss she is experiencing, only way out, is through it. Can't just beat feelings like that into submission, its almost like gaslighting, or at best minimizing
So glad your on the team John
How did this business not be forced into bankruptcy? Surprised how many relationship issues you guys face and help with. Glad you guys are able to help people!!
I make the money, my wife saves it and pays the bills. She’s a homemaker and loves it. We have 5 children and are 35 years old. She’s amazing and I’m a loser without her.
Very fortunate man, you are. Hard to find a woman like that anymore
Wishing you the best
Dude I'm in the same position but pleas I'm not a loser, and you need to stop trying to promote that narrative of men being losers without women. I would still function with out without my wife, she adds but she's not my whole world, only god should occupy that spot. You simps
I don't think she should be the one to get over the resentment on her own. Doing his job to help reduce HIS debt isn't good enough, he needs to make a real gesture to apologize foe forcing her to waste 7 years of her life to help him and thank her for her hard work.
Absolutely!!
Exactly, repentance
Is it his debt or their debt? If the business was successful, you wouldn't say it was his money. It would be their money.
@@Jmsadv, exactly. The debt belongs to both of them, just like the profits would belong to both of them. And she admitted they have been working together to pay off the debt, so it hasn’t been just her “doing his job.”
Bless her. What a total trooper! I bet your kids will be forever grateful for all you’ve done for them ❤️ I wouldn’t be anywhere without my super mum too as cheesy as it sounds
I think they missed her pain. It's not the debt. It's not even just the fact that she didnt get her dream. I think it must be that her husband didn't care about her dream. There is the seat of the resentment. I think she doesn't know if she can forgive him for that.
Not just the exhaustion of working 2 jobs to pay off your spouses debt but the most important realization is she can’t get that time back.
Based on my experience I would suggest to write all the resentments in a letter that you do not give to him. Hold onto the letter and read it yourself as often as you need to. At some point, you will be able to burn the letter and be friends with your husband again.
VR 0303 I second this. For years she’s been trying her best to fix their life and in the process she didn’t get to truly live her dream. It will be very hard to get over this because that’s years of her life she can never get back
@VR 0303 You got it right!
Give him the letter. He shouldn't get to stick his head in the sand about her contributions and her feelings about it.
Doubt it. It will always be a huge regret and a deep loss.
That sounds like a bunch of communist gobbledygook
Dave Ramsey is like a mind reader! He’s not only good at finances, he has the talent to see beyond what normal people can see. I would love him to be my advisor.
Step 2 on Dave's plan and stage 5 of grief: anger.
mom, I know you never read the comment section on youtube videos, but this one by ramsey got me. I want you to know I know you couldn't be there for me when my biological addict dad wasn't-- because of bills. im sorry you worked 40+ hours since I was 5 to pay all the bills when you were single. im sorry youre broke, im sorry youre tired, im sorry you didn't divorce your current husband years ago when you realized he was emotionally abusive. im sorry you couldn't be that koolaid mom you always talked about. im sorry you couldn't live the dream you wanted. I promised you when I was 12 that I would buy you 2 new cadillacs like elvis, and I hope I can do that for you... not the new ones though cuz they aren't as special as an old ones. I love you, thanks for pushing for me and being supportive when nobody was supportive to you. I love you,
kris
give me a couple more years and i'll save you.
- buddy
*there's two sides to every story and now you know mine*
That is so sweet.
Ummm I don’t think she’s going to Let this go anytime soon. They will need alot of marital couseling for years to come..... smmfh 🤦♂️
She clearly called Dave Ramsey for support, because they work through those debts without any support
yah, the resentment in her voice is palpable after this long. She's going to ruin their marriage if she doesn't change.
😂
@@whitneyw.7919 I disagree. Yes she's in a lot of pain, but if --they-- don't sit and acknowledge, discuss and work out what has been bothering her then their marriage will fail. It's not that she just has to change. But they need to work through her pain and make new plans for a brighter future. They. Not just one or the other. I wish them luck.
EXPECT THABEST Exactly!!!
This advice is magic! I've been married to my high school sweetheart for 7 years together 12 years. It takes support and patience with one another. Blaming and not sharing what you need only harms the marriage. I help him through college and he helps me while I work on my RUclips channel and consulting business! Give and take but always remind eachother of what you need. You only have one life and years fly by. Be patient as your grow your future but always be open about your dreams!!
I like Dave mentioning Grandkids! It's not over for her dream yet!! She can help full time babysit her grandkids while they work.
Best advice I heard in this show so far. 👏👏👏
Her husband has to be doing something right. They have almost paid off 700k in debt is under 7 years.
They wouldn’t have been 700k in debt if it wasn’t for her husband...
@Mr. Blow Ya Whistle Exactly! His version, her version and the truth.
That’s because she’s been working 3 jobs for more than 7 years. If he was doing something right they wouldn’t have been almost a million in debt. It certainly wouldn’t have been her job to bail out his company.
@@Itsalyssaaa13 you don’t know the full situation his business could have fallen on tough times but recovered or a number of other things do be so quick to judge without know the full story
@@Itsalyssaaa13 the business could have made millions and she would have loved it and said our money. He took a risk, it didn't work out... She is exhausted I get that but for better or worse or worst in her case... She was also there. I didn't hear in the conversation where she said stop honey anfter the first 100k
I was doing that to my wife, and I had to back down. It stopped making sense to dump money into something that a person from the outside would not agree. As a matter of fact, I looked at myself in 3rd person and realized I would not hire me or do business with my own self! I was torturing my wife for no reason.....I stepped back. Real man in NC.
How did you come to that realization?
@@NextStepsRealEstate I went to college for something that made me scrutinize myself. Also had an arrogant friend had me question if I had enough experience to make those hurtful decisions. I could not smell the roses because I was caught up trying to be right.
You backed down and stepped back, meaning what exactly?
He stopped running up debt and changed jobs.
I commend you for realizing that. I’m in the same situation from the wife’s perspective.
This 700k makes me feel much BETTER about my $2k of debt that’s left over. With that being said I’m less than two away from being debt free 😩🙏🏽❤️
You didn't hear her! She said she sacrificed her whole life for him and she feels unfulfilled!
I think she helped him enough...he can pickup from here. Life is short.
Once she figures out what she wants to do from here, he now needs to support her!
Then see where there marriage goes from there...
Raising the kids...working two jobs, I wouldn't pay another dime towards his debt!
"OUR debt"...Whatever! She has been a good wife! He needs to SPOIL her now!
This channel is for financial advice, not emotional support! She didn't need financial advice
Mary is probably not willing to share everything on the radio, but there is somethibg more serious going on. She sounds like she's on the verge of a breakdown and is having a hard time with a husband who is just not willing to change. Need for intense counseling here.
I gather that she makes personal sacrifices financially while the husband spends as much as he can. I was in a marriage like that and I felt the same way until I got a divorce and I could finally take better care of myself. Good quality food, seeing the doctor, basics that I gave up to be married to a selfish person who didn’t care about anyone but herself.
@@mylesgray3470 Please explain how they almost paid of $700k debt with the husband spending as much as he can?
This is the best segment I have ever seen from Dave’s show. Well done. There’s a lot there.
Love this call!
This is a great quality piece over here
Dave, I think it was great that you shared with the lady what you and your wife went through. Yes, she needs to make a choice to release her anger, but it is also helpful to a person to validate their feelings and let them know that their feelings are not foreign.
I think she legitimately has the right to ask her husband, "When does this marriage start being about us and not just you?" And she has to decide what she wants going forward. If they can't identify goals that meet both their needs, maybe the marriage is over.
@Full Tilt Boogie Why?
Full Tilt Boogie why? Sounds like her work has been solely for paying off this debt....
Exactly, I could never cause my spouse this much stress and pain and just expect things to go back to normal. She has a right to be angry.
People never really change, she missed out on enjoying her children and those times can never be gotten back.
That was such a powerful segment.