What’s the big deal? Ramsey didn’t even ask what interest rate they have on their house. The husband is the only smart one and he’s not even on that call. They probably have a 2.5% interest rate below inflation rate so he’s smart not to dump that into a mortgage payoff. He plays golf and works leave the man alone. Probably helps a lot around the house and this wife needs to either let husband plan investments or be glad he lets her buy the risky rentals. The govt didn’t even let you evict renters while they didn’t pay rent. Huge risk to owning rentals. Husband is smart he better off without this dumb broad and her friends on Ramsey show.
bro she’s incredible, nurse who sells real estate on the side with her own rental properties and bought a house for her daughter in law who had cancer… what a woman.
I always tell people to count the cost. What’s the cost for keeping him. What’s the cost for leaving him. Which price are you willing to pay. Cost is not just financial.
@@scrapykat3028Not necessarily. Depends on the state. She also specifically said he was not involved with her property investments. Unfortunately she may need to sell them to pay off the home they jointly own as that will be split 50/50.
@@durayenterprisesllc4440What? That’s not even realistic. At best it’s idealistic and I wish you the best. What if the wife or husband becomes abusive? Abuse isn’t always physical violence. There are other forms of intolerable abuse that you cannot always predict before marriage. In fact due to our innate ability to mask more often than not you can’t predict it at all.
I can relate, I married a nurse and she has such a big heart( to a fault sometimes). I guess that why I married her :-) We only have so many resources(money, housing-space, time, etc), and sometimes it tough to tell her that we just don' have the resources to help as much as she wants. It always hurts me inside a little bit each time and the disappointment on her face doesn't help either.
Many healthcare workers are caretakers..its a disorder. And that's what you do for a living, especially if you have kids, you don't realize what's happening. She allowed her husband to be her child, by letting him get away with his childish behavior, now she's replacing her son and escalating him, just like she did her husband.
He gets half of the houses & half of her retirement. I just went through this! My husband never paid for anything, he worked on & off, for 25 years I finally decided if I wanted peace I had to leave. He is disabled & also got 80% of the sale of the house. I am starting over financially at 63 & I make a third of your income & have no house. I have peace.
@@karabrodsky2852 they were obviously not from California. We have a saying here: "It's cheaper to keep her." Unless there's a prenup, everything is divided 50/50.
@@DawnKellyMedia Right, oh boy. Cheaper to keep her. I mean that come be the case where I am from, New York. Better to stay and keep the person to avoid paying alimony or child support or splitting everything. 😬🤔
My brother married a nurse. She made at least 4x what he did. He had no savings. All his money went to his hobbies and his share of household expenses. Four kids, all doing well. He got insanity and cheated . She called him out and he lost his mind and said he did not feel like being married. So she divorced him. She kept her 401K. She kept her savings, she got the house. He died a broke man. Could barely pay his bills. Borrowed to keep.his truck running. Complained about how broke he was whole his ex had $500K for her retirement.
My dad used to tell my mom, "I'll make the living; you make the living worthwhile". It can be a great balance if one partner is business-minded and the other is stop-and-smell-the-roses minded...they each bring a gift to the table. But if it goes awry, there's a huge potential for resentment.
And you can still work toward the same goals even if you have different roles. This lady is trying to work and progress through life and the dude wants to golf
One time i was broke and in debt. Then i started driving a garbage truck. Its not glamourus but i make about 65k a year i lived on nothing and now i have benefits, and a company pension too. Ive got a good amount of savings and ill keep wirking until im 60 and then retire.
This woman has been taking care of everyone else but herself. I hope she finds the strength and courage to take care of herself and move on from a marriage that is literally sucking the life out of her. 🙏🏻
@M.Campbell usually you know someone before you get married.. she's the ambitious one . He wasn't into it or got tired of it . She kept going . She knows. I have been married myself a long time . Yep I'm psychic with age comes knowledge
@@dougtheviking6503 You weren't there You don't know what she was like 29 years ago. Maybe she was ambitious but she also could have been innocent and naive but her ambition is what pulled her out of it. I can't believe you made such a stupid comment.
I quit listening after the young guy said she's just in a roommate situation. If that were true she could walk away with every dime she has earned and saved.
My husband and I just celebrated our 50th anniversary. Before we married we discussed our views on finances, family ,children, faith, religion etc. Marriage is hard work, times that are difficult, times that are wonderful. We feel blessed.
This was painful to hear and hit home because this WAS me. Notice I said WAS, because after 10 years, I ended my marriage. I did everything financially, mentally, and emotionally to propel us forward, and he just wanted his low-level, mediocre, nonconfrontational, and avoidant life. Someone is doing all the work while the other enjoys your hard work. 🤷🏾♀️
I feel for this woman and have to say, it will never get better. I’ve had the same experience for 35 yrs. A marriage councilor won’t help because HE is happy just the way things are. He won’t change and he won’t leave. Her only choices are to stay the same in a loveless marriage or leave. He’s a very spoiled selfish child.
Let's give context before calling him a child. Women have a delusional mindset that they can be fat argumentative, be single mothers, and be bossy. The problem with all those things is the guy who chooses to deal with a woman's negative traits is generally a weak male. A strong man avoids strong, independent women because they don't know how to be wives.
Yep….. I know a man who is married to a woman just like that. He told me he’s there til the kids go to college because they have no other relationship but what revolves around the children. It’s sad. The children are the buffers and that’s so sad for the kids. His 16 yr old daughter asked him if she could see a counselor to talk about how she’s sad that she can’t help enough people. Her mother and father both use her as an emotional crutch. The son is older and he doesnt have that same compassionate disposition, so the daughter absorbs it all. She doesn’t cook, shop for groceries, take care of the kids, not the contact for the children’s schools, etc. he said once that he can’t trust her to make any decisions either, not even about discipline, or money. He said she feels like another child to him. His youngest is 17…. We shall see if he really leaves or he just stays because it’s easier than losing half his stuff.
I haven’t prayed in a while but I’m gonna pray for this lady tonight. For clarity, for strength, for random strangers to come up to her and just give love and opportunities. She’s clearly a smart woman with how much she does and properties owned and managed but you can be the best mom or wife in the entire world and still not be able to do it ALL. She needs some stuff taken off her plate! I understand why she feels that things are hers vs his…. She’s really alone in all of this and I think that’s worse than being single…. Being in a relationship and FEELING alone is WORSE than being single because you’re legally bound to them.
Well said, and I want to encourage you to pray more cuz you obviously care for others. I’ll pray for you as well to hear Him more and find comfort in knowing He’s always listening and knows.
@@furiogiunta556 😂😂😂kinda like you wasting time with this negative reply that helps no one other than making yourself be center of attention. You do you, but don’t down people of faith…regardless of what that faith is.
when John said "if I say what I need out loud, he might leave. and my response is always well good", it reminds me of my last marriage. since my divorce, I realize that sometimes LIFE makes decisions for me and now I got rid of the guy who loved me but not love me anymore. Some people are stuck in miserable marriages and don't' have the courage or never thought about counselling or leaving the marriage if the counselling not work. We didn't try any counselling because he made up his mind. I'm Chinese and l heard this quote "you cannot change people, but yourself" when I was young, but never got the real meaning of this quote until recently: I cannot change people, but I can leave them alone and be myself
My wife is Chinese, born in Malaysia. We are now both retired, in our early 70's, and have been married for 42 years. She is an ex ITU sister. I first met her in my mid 20's when I was a patient where she worked. I had an amputation of my right leg following an injury in the military. We dated on and off for 6 years (thanks to my PTSD) but eventually married when she became pregnant with our only son. She is Buddhist and I am Christian. She is money orientated and I am not. We have zero debts as we have paid off our mortgage and never use credit cards or other personal loans. We rarely eat out and once every 3 years we visit family in Malaysia. We argue over most things especially due to her forays in the stock market. 15 years ago she lost £50,000 in the financial markets and now retired she is again "playing the game" racking up losses. Our sex life dwindled out 20 plus years ago. She always demonises me saying I'm stupid, my pension is peanuts, and so on. I feel I owe her because she was there for me following the amputation. If I left her now she is elderly, I would be riddled with guilt. I feel trapped in a relationship I hate. I have even contemplated suicide but our son and our two grandsons give me the reason to carry on. I am so unhappy. If we ever did divorce, I would be be willing to give her everything just to set myself free BUT the feeling of guilt prevents me from taking that step.
@@billymabum3514 Correct. We'd change the pronouns and say "HE needs to make sure he's financially protected." And I'm a woman. Being a woman, man, 2-spirit penguin, whatever, is no excuse to take advantage of people.
I've been on the same boat I've been used by guys and got me broke financially I think we as nurse are very vulnerable and was being seen as money maker I am currently single and happy just praising God I got into watching Dave Ramsey and trying to get my self back again ❤
Exactly my thoughts! I’m in healthcare working in geriatrics , that used to be me. We’re natural care givers / nurturers. Take care of everyone else except us most times. Gladly that’s not me today.
I am so thankful my husband heard about Financial Peace before we got married. He introduced the concepts to me and we hashed out not only money but also kids, in laws, discipline, and religion. I didn't allow myself to fall in love until I felt comfortable being with this man in all those areas. We've been married 8yr now, blessed with 4 kids and debt free except our house and life is hard but we're doing it TOGETHER and we dream TOGETHER ❤
I understand what he's trying to say. Falling in love with someone & feeling connected certainly doesn't have rules of allowing nor disallowing. I think what you're referencing is some form of disciplined action and it has worked out for you. 👍
In a divorce, he would get half the value of the house, the rental properties, and half her 401k. Then she would pay him palimony monthly. Divorce is not an option unless she wants to lose half of what she's worked for and give up 30-45% of her salary. I know men who have gone through this.
It's because we rescue people. We save them, come hell or high water. We can't help ourselves until we become conscious of how we enable crazy and support it. Lots of people besides us nurses do this. Many men do this and then end up supporting crazy wives for many years. This woman has to decide if she is okay with her husband as he is. He is not going to change and that is fine. She can divorce him, but then what? If she was not getting something out of this, she would not have stayed for 29 years. So find his value and love it. Because he has value. Now she suddenly realizes she is at retirement age and she has been so busy and unaware that she panics. So it is easy to blame him. But it takes two to tango, and he has been dancing too, just not doing the steps she suddenly demands.
This isn't IN ANY WAY what I see with the nurses I've worked with. It is true of the women I know who decided a long time ago to stay in a marriage that has been DOA for decades.
I caused a ruckus in my marriage when I was in a similar situation, and it made him start making changes real quick to become my partner instead of my other child. It only took me 10 years to get to the ruckus point. 🤦🏻♀️ (Please read that last sentence with the sarcasm it is spoken with.) The catalyst to make a ruckus was a conversation with my financial advisor about what I thought was a business issue… thankfully, he also opened my eyes by telling me it was a marriage issue, not a business or money issue. I feel blessed that he was willing to tell me the hard, honest truth.
The roles are reversed for once. Usually the men are the ones avoiding divorce and dealing with unhappy marriages to avoid losing half of everything bahahaha
This guy is so comfortable living like this because she is a doer. And one day he will get half of everything. It is sad! Plus, he might get older and sick and this poor lady would take care of him still. I don’t know if she is younger than him but I’ve seen this kind of problem with couples with a big age gap. One wants to retire and the other one is full of energy, so they end up growing apart. It would be easier if she said she had one million dollars in debt because she could make a plan and pay it off. But, changing someone's mindset it’s very hard. So, either she walks away and gives him half of what she has or gets stuck with him forever.
This sounds like my marriage, except that my ex-husband RefUsEd to let me put any money in an IRA or 401k. When I left, finally after 26 years, I downsized into a cheap rental room and saved almost $100k in the 10 years before I retired while paying off my $40k student loan and @$10k in credit cards. Her situation sounds nearly impossible. I lived my life in angst, as Dave said, as alcohol and *legal* drugs were major factors in the marriage as well. Good luck to the caller!!!❤😢🙏🏻
@@stickerlady1774 he wanted to spend every penny for a lifestyle that was up to his standards. We declared bankruptcy twice and lost our house to foreclosure. When I left I had no savings and about $55k in debt (mostly my student loan).
He doesn't want to pay off the house and split the proceeds with her when she divorces him. He isn't going to do anything with his salary and she will end up having to pay alimony to him. She has a ball and chain of a husband and he knows it. That old saying, "It's cheaper to Keep her" applies to this situation.
oh they would bro, and they would call her a gold digger, be serious now... men always freak out when they suspect a women is only with them to finance their lives, but most of the time the money is going towards running or operating the household they collectively want to create. In this case, he's making no effort, which is unlike most women who tend to give up their careers to raise children and maintain homes... and he's going to... golf like a clown contributing nothing @@Tunechi65
I'm in deep shit. I'm nearly 40, I've been a SAHM with a few odd jobs in between for 12 years. My husband has never included me in his financial decisions because he earns the money. He is also quite the accomplished adulterer. It's time for a change but I am overwhelmed with all the things I have to do and catch up on. The obvious answer is that I have to start right away. Any other advice will be appreciated. Fyi, I'm not American. Jobs aren't easy to come by in my country, and the courts will not enforce child support.
For the sake of your children, it seems best to end the marriage. A deep conversation with your husband, letting him know how you feel. Keep it civil without judgement or anger. If you are able to, speak with a lawyer. I know they’re costly but you’ll know what options you have. Ask family members for financial help, if you’re able. Scout available jobs as you’re going to need one. You won’t believe how big the World is once you go it on your own. It won’t be easy, however, in the end you’ll have a beautiful new, exciting future. When you realize how much time you wasted, you’ll be even more dedicated to finding your interests. It will all work out. Change is rough. If you approach change knowing the best is yet to come, you’ll be able to embrace it as something that had to happen in order to have your new life. You have lovely children and a life experience from your married life. Much more is coming when you’re able to think clearly. After every disaster, there’s triumph. I have a feeling you’ll be that rising Phoenix. You and your children are going to make it. 🙏🪷❤️
You don't need to have deep conversation with your husband. Start stacking money you can and silently get some skills - RUclips or however. Then you will be able to make some money and go
Start hiding money NOW for yourself. Even if you stay married a while longer, hide money regularly so you're ready. He could even decide to leave you and he will clean out the bank accounts,taking it all with him. Now is the time to take care of yourself by hiding as much money for yourself as fast as possible. Don't tell anyone you have a stash of money hidden away. When my father left, he cleaned out the checking account leaving my mother only a few dollars, not even enough for groceries the next week. Don't wait for him to do that to you. You deserve a life.
@chrissyh3270 It may be dangerous to have a conversation with your husband and he will probably prevent you from leaving. If you get money for household and groceries and such pull out some money to be able to leave. If he needs a receipt to compare what you spent just work on lying and say any money you set aside is for gifts for family or the children. If you have relatives you can TRULY trust ask for their help. Just be VERY careful. I would suggest moving to another country unless you can stay with a family member. God bless you. Don't forget to pray.
In spite of all this sadness, I laughed at “and then there’s this lump on the couch getting his golf shoes on” lol good one John, he is indeed. I hope this lady is guided down the right path
I just love Dave. He is so introspective. He gives wise counsel. Although he is about finances he ultimately delves into personal issues in a compassionate way. What a blessing to be living to witness his life calling.
His bad takes are like half the reason he has a following: he's entertaining. In between firing a woman for getting pregnant and pulling a gun on his staff, he's made some entertaining and questionable decisions.
He had always sucked the life out of her. She is trying to do everything right, and he is just there with his hand out. It's obvious that she really loves that loser. I feel so bad for her. I hope she opens her eyes before she gets too old to enjoy her golden years. God bless this kind lady.
The sad part is the sound in her voice as she realizes he is never gonna change! She has to sell her assets to pay off the house cuz that dude is gonna fleece her if she threatens divorce! He’s no dummy! He knows she will continue to work and bring in that high salary as long as there’s a balance on the house!
She loves money more than the man she married? Most women live ten years longer than men. Buy plenty of life insurance. She will have 100% of everything. Trying to find love the second time around could be difficult. Most single men have reasons for living that style.
She’s the one complaining about the relationship I bet you the guy is happy. Why would you assume he doesn’t love her? Because of his finances? I hope you would insinuate that
Thank God my late ex-husband, who was like this caller’s husband, had an affair and left when I was 56. This gave me more time to start over financially and in every other way, and to win.
Soon woman will be like "wait, I earned all the money, but he gets half!!! And I have to pay him spousal support?? And he is the one the cheated on me?" Yes ladies, men have been doing this for decades, leading to their misery and high suicide rates
Poor lady! She needs to get rid of this bum and live the rest of her life doing what makes her happy.. I'm so happy that I got out of my situation. I bought a property on my own as he was against it all just like this person. I'm now single and very close to paying it off and have several hundred thousand dollars in equity while he's bouncing from couch to couch. Life is too short to be held back by people without ambition.
Ive lived this life. I thought I wS helping us as a whole...helping my husband/family. He wouldnt start a savings or emergency funds. He handledthe bills. Addicted to plastic. When he died he left me with a credit card debt he said he was paying off. I was in trouble financially. God has seen me through this . His debtor forgave the debt. The debtor dealized he wasnt truthful with me. He cashed in our life insurance policies. Our daughter paid forhis funeral because there wasnt money to do that with. The trust was broken...I even took out of my 401k twice. I agree with you 100% Mr. Ramsey!!!
@djkenny1202 because it is most of the time. Look at Britney Spears marrying below her...how well did that work? Mel B, Kelly Clarkson, MacKenzie Scott, all the calls coming into Dave ramsey of people with huge social class gaps.
@@dbdb4962 they are a Team. Theres no social class gap.all I am seeing is really shallow people, here. Wealthy famous people are an entirely different Trip. Often more problems arise because they are both at same level creating pressure. I have friends with varied jobs in relationships like, married. People I hang out with that are everything from Nurses, to DJ, Bike Shop Mechanics, Professors, Realtors, big investors. Many with wife being the bigging earning party. That’s not real these days. My wife and I are happily married and she is a middle school teacher, I raise kids, DJ, and manage our Airbnb. Plenty of dads doing the same or less than I do in terms of financial gain. It’s participating in making it all work.
When my wife and I first started dating, she was financially illiterate. I basically carried us through the rough years after we married, fast forward almost 20 years, she is now the boss lady, lol. When someone in a marriage has a wise idea it plan, listen. I listen to her now but we both agree on a way forward. And because of my Wife’s new found motivation and education, we’re on track to have a net worth of $1mil plus before we’re 40. We did enter the real estate game and it was not for us.
My Gosh! This WAS MY LIFE! Please listen to what they are saying ! I was married for 37 years! In such fear of being alone! I’m am sixty SINGLE AND THE HAPPIEST I HAVE BEEN IN MY LIFE! The RUCKUS IS WORTH IT! It took time …. What you just her I have been thru ALL THEY SAID !
It is so nice to hear Dave have empathy for people who call in. I have great respect for his knowledge, yet the sparky, sarcastic and demeaning way he often responds to people who come for his advice really hurts my heart. Dave is a Christian, but when he does this while operating on the huge platform the Lord has so graciously blessed him with after his own financial mistakes, it strikes me as a poor witness.
He is definitely not a therapist nor should he act like one. That is John’s job. When you call people stupid and they should have know better you are not acting as a mentor. If we all had wisdom we wouldn’t make some of our choices and that is the point of life, to learn. Teach with compassion.
This is my favorite episode! I’m currently dealing with something like this!!! Thank God I left before it was too late. “Throw your shoulders back and serve your family.” That’s powerful
The thing I don't like about these calls is that we often assume that the other person who is not on the call is the one to blame. We're only hearing one side of this story. Maybe there's a good reason why he doesn't want to do what she wants. Maybe he's just a dead beat. The point is we don't know. Regardless, the 2 of them need to have a deep conversation and some counseling if they want to get ahead.
That's very true. We don't know the whole story, could be she just has to be the boss babe and he values his peace so he's going at his pace and she's outpacing him. Like they have different values
As someone who has been married 40 years the information at the end about a marriage is correct. Additional if you are aligned and run into problems, the problems do not seems near as big and you can more easily work through them.
Outstanding. This took you 25 minutes to teach young folks something that is something that should be taught in our schools. THE most important planning and decisions they will make in their entire lives. Marriage is the only financial contract we enter into with NO disclosure… and roughly a 78% failure rate. Who in their right mind would enter any other financial contract with those kind of traps!? Great advice!
It cannot be taught in schools. Teachers really are not that smart. I know I was a teacher as a 3rd career and was surprised at how little real education is being taught.
In a no-fault divorce state, everything would get split down the middle. She’d lose, and he would win. She has to either accept that, or stay in the bad situation. She has choices, but sometimes none of the options are good.
Someone suggested she pay off a rental and go live there and leave him with their current home he can't afford. I think that's a good option. I'm assuming he doesn't have a thing to do with her rentals.
@@ashleenicole71: Great! When bank reposses the house, buy it back. Get a third party to “buy” the house if necessary. Girl you got more ways to get out of this. Don’t stay with him. Just snooker him. When I made this decision, I felt like a ton was lifted. I was happy and giddy.
She’s on 115k & he’s on 45k. What’s the bet they split all costs equally, so he’s always short of money. There’s no incentive for him to pay out more as this will always leave him in a worse financial position. Surprised they didn’t consider this.
I bet they do not split anything involving expenses equally. He peaked at $45,000 a year income. The man was not about to try for equality. He was enjoying his golf fees.
She has two jobs , that's why she makes more money. He plays golf...which takes hours. He knows that she will eventually pay off the house on her own...
She seems like a very ambitious lady. And he seems happy just coasting along. Not that there is anything wrong in that. Just wondering how they ended up together. Also, there is so much resentment in her voice, tone and language. Just break it, should have been done 29 years ago.
I would imagine when they got married young, there was some sexual attraction that brought them together. At their ages is probably all evaporated and there's nothing left to hold a marriage together.
“Just break it” they are 29 years invested. Do the world a favor and never date to marry, considering when times get tough after 29 years your the type to walk out.
Drop him and move on. There isn’t love in this relationship period. Now, you will lose some $ in the divorce, but you’ll gain it back and you’ll be freer!
Best thing to happen to my marriage was the baby steps. We were in the same spot at Linda, married and having separate accounts living like roommates. A friend who is also a Ramsey financial advisor told me that my husband and I are not two bank accounts and two sets of debt. We are one. I can honestly say that getting a joint account and getting out of debt together has allowed us to be able to talk money in a positive way and made us richer in life and in our account.
I could never do the joint account thing. I did it one time and it eroded all of my trust in women. I'll never get married, but if I ever get into another committed, live together type relationship with a woman then it will be separate accounts. At no point will she have access to my money, nor me hers.
@@oldscratch3535myself and my husband have a joint account, all the big bills come out of it, I have my account and I buy all the food shopping and anything I need. We’ve paid the mortgage off and have a 20 year old at home. It’s worked for us because I worked , not earn a lot but kept us in our home etc. some woman or men just want to be kept, I think nowadays few can get by on one wage
I doubt you and your husband were exactly like this couple. This woman in one word is overwhelming. She has all the qualities of a man with the unaccountable nature of a woman. Meaning she wanted to be in charge and her husband let her take control of the relationship. However here is where the unaccountable part comes in unlike a man she wanted to be a boss without paying the bills. Men understand in relationships they have to pay the bills so naturally they take charge. If a woman wants to take charge pay the bills and keep it moving.
Omg .He's just made me realize I've been in a "toxic" relationship my entire life..😞100% true.Ive just been so determined to take it to.the finish I need to
3 months ago my ex broke up with me. We’re young, I’m older but we had agreed to help each other through everything, we spoke on finances, children, religion, everything under the sun. She was down for it. 3 years of planning, her family was from a Muslim background, but she started to see herself as Christian, as myself, how true that was I have no clue. Needless to say parents didn’t agree with it. But, she wanted it. She clearly didn’t want it enough, she then threw the whole relationship away, despite being ready to move in with me. What I learned is you should never believe what people say and only believe half of what people do. Just when you think everything is perfect, it’s not.
@@carlaritchie331 oh yeah they exposed themselves. That said I believe they made one of the worst decisions of their life by abandoning what we had but that’s their problem not mine.
This is where Dave, like so often, is WRONG. For all we know, the interest on the house may be 2.5%. I have 2.65 on my mortgage and I know people in the 2.5 or lower, and this us in a 30 year fixed. I know Dave is anti-debt at all cost, but with raging inflation the money may be better invested elsewhere than paying off the primary house mortgage. Dave and the other guy criticize the husband, but most men are in the same situations as this woman with their wives earning substantially more, and I've never heard Dave say divorce your wife of 29 years. This is isane.
The salary discrepancy may be the cause. They are not sharing their money. She may be asking him to contribute more of his income to get the house paid off. We don’t know his reasons for not wanting to.
@@alexisjankowski3281I think you’re on to something. They have separate finances. He’s spent 29 years doing what he wants with his, and what she wants with her. And now she wants them to team up and pay off the house? Which means he might have to give up something he enjoys, like golfing. And if that’s the only thing he does… I can see his not wanting to give that up. Where was the togetherness in the start of the marriage?
10:44 oh I'm listening, im 25 and im learning the hard way picking the right person is important. Been stuck in an abusive relationship for years with a narcissist.
Amen! Amen! Amen! I lived that exact life and the Lord has been gracious and rescued my marriage, but let me tell you we are clawing our way out of a financial hole! The hole is deep and we are not young. Listen to these two men. They are not exaggerating.
"You self-centered twerp" made me LOL. Thank you Dave Ramsey for telling it like it is. Great advice and perspectives on this show from all the co-hosts. A lot of great life wisdom here.
The 4 pillars of a solid marital foundation MUST be aligned in the following: 1. Faith : Same belief system and active practice in your life. 2. Family: Same roles, goals and purpose of family 3. Finances: Dave Ramsey... always. 4 Political: Same Political ideology ROOTED in pillar 1.
I thought the same thing @Neddie2k. She already went and bought 2 houses that he wasn’t on board with - they could’ve already paid the house off. She just does whatever she wants.
Thank you. This sounds like my marriage. We’ve been married 47 years. I’ve never been happy in our marriage. I stayed with him because I didn’t want to disappoint MY family again and I didn’t leave him because, unbelievably, in the end he’d be better off than me. Your saying that her husband is like a lump on the couch is a great description. I’ve gotten to the point that I asked my Mom if I was wrong wanting him to die before me so I can breathe.
I love the way you speak the truth. You are right. Men have been wussified!! It IS time for them to step up to the plate and hit a home run, to accept their responsibilities and act like real men: providers, leaders, good and strong husbands and fathers, spiritual leaders of the family, etc., without being bullies or lazy-asses. May God have mercy on us all!
But she didn,t marry a Man...she fell in love with CHAD..!! Good looks ..probably tall...and ignored what a loser he really was... a Lesson to all you females that go for the Chads and Tyrones...
@@christinebutler7630false. You can only have 1 leader. Doesn't mean that 1 leader isn't heavily influenced by the wife. When a major decision has to be made for a family, One person must pull that trigger
@@christinebutler7630great comment! In Europe the big majority of women and/or mothers work full time, which man still can provide on his own for his wife, her retirement (and kid/s)?? My mother & my aunt were still able to stay at home when my cousins & i were toddlers in the 1970s, but even then, it was their modest life period. They went back to work when we entered Kindergarten. I learned from them to try and become less bossy than my personality would allow 😂, but i'm my own boss and my husband is his. I like strong men who who do not fear independant women, and they're also smart not to work their ... off for 2-5 people and die early 😊
@@davidcolletti7136if this is your way or telling the world you're short, unattractive, and bitter, you're doing a helluva job. Maybe if you worked on your personality and hit the gym, you'd have a woman to focus on. I've dated guys who are 6'3" and guys who are 5'6". And I've known many men of different ages, races, income brackets, and educational attainment. But at the end of the day it comes down to personality and values and my estimation is that about 1% of men are suitable partners. You guys think too highly of yourselves and don't understand that self-sufficient women with high self-esteem have VERY high standards that very few men can meet.
I am so blessed with my husband because our values and beliefs align. We have conflict here and there but nothing major like that. Thank you God for blessing me with an amazing husband. Best gift ❤️
She went and bought 2 houses and went deep in debt with out being in agreement with him.. Then expects him to be on board with her other plans.. His side of story needs to be heard before judgment is cast. He coulda payed to put her through nursing school and cheated on him for all we know. I got 2 friends this happened too.. Now hes checked out doing what makes him happy and she wont leave him cause she knows he'll get half..
Oh brother. She’s trying to set up their future by investing and sadly she’s tied to dead donkey. Women tend to plan for both themselves and their husband because men never seem to plan for anything.
Well, she could have left him earlier before she bought those properties or earned a lot of money. I also see this all the time. The fact that she did not leave him earlier in her life means there is another narrative about their relationship. Plus, he could have divorced her then had she cheated on him when he was the one who funded her studies.
Its not worth just staying. You have one life and everyone deserves to be happy and heard. Also as someone who has gone through an unwanted divorce beibg single is not that bad. I refound God and myself. I am recently in a relationship after 3 years alone. It honestly feels like I went through all of that so I could find my perfect happiness. I really just wabt everyone to find their perfect match and let go of anythibg that isnt for you.
You’re doing such an important service with these videos. “Room mate you don’t like” made me laugh out loud with how much it spoke to me!! I’m almost 5 years free now so I can laugh but I lived a kind of hell for 15 years!! I wish I’d had someone to guide me like this back then.
Sounds like most nurses. We take care of everyone else but ourselves. Oh Lord Jesus I thank you for my deliverance from that! 🙌🏾 And come on Dave you better preach about alignment!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 ❤❤
It's a wrong call. She married her husband because she loved him. Most women live longer than men by ten years. She get 100% of everything. Buy plenty of life insurance on him. Continue to love him and be happy. What makes her think she can find love the second time around? Most single men are by themselves for a reason. 🤔🤑❤
Lots of commenters here pointing out that there's more to this story. I was married to a man like this. He kind of went through life thinking "Live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself". I also see this in those with a family history of early deaths. They think, "What's the point?". If this lady has been making all the decisions, then I totally understand why he sits back and does nothing. I hope that he agrees to counselling.
After following this show for about 4 years, most of these problems arise from the fact that couples dont do proper maintenance on their relationship and just go to the damn counselor from early on. Why do you need a talk show to help you realize that you need counseling???
Some, if not most people, need confirmation from a third party before they make certain life changes because others around them, even that voice in their head, is telling them they may be wrong.
For the people considering marriage ,have the hard conversations about kids ,mony ,who looks after the kids etc, lifstyle choices etc . Dont just do it coz you love them take this advice as itl tie u up for years !!
I paid off my mortgage at 37 and im debt free my best friend is in over his head 100k in car loans 160k mortgage 80000 heloc 20k cc debt 40k student loans we make almost the same salaries when i talk to him about money he just says my opinion on money doesnt matter in his life ok i tried
I have learned not to offer any advice because people think you are a fool and they know better. They always have some stupid math to prove their point.
I had a marriage like that. I went to a counselor. She asked why I was still with him. I said that I believed that marriage is sacred. She said she agreed, but that what I was describing is NOT a marriage! She was so right.
I lived thru that...I was married but felt alone most of the time...I finally left the marriage he kept everything and I had to learn to live on 1 thousand dollars a month....
@belgicahernandez Wow. You have an interesting story. I am glad that you got out of a situation where you were with someone, but still felt alone. Good on you for leaving the marriage since you felt that way. How did you manage to find a place to live on getting just $1,000.00 a month? Just curious.
@@robertatkins272 In the baby steps, you are supposed to pay off your primary home before you start investing in real estate. Why didn't Dave call her out on that?
Yes it’s about values. I married quickly to someone I am so misaligned with. I did a values clarification about 20 yrs into the marriage and a lightbulb went off when I realized that we were so far off -misery and suffering ensues if you abandon yourself for the sake of another’s comfort
She wants her husband to be something he's not. She's extremely ambitious and he just wants a simple life. He's probably always been that way and has given up since she is pretty much taking over. My brother married a nurse who was quite driven and he said she was always at him.
Wanting a simple life is fine, but the man hasn’t saved a single penny in 30 years! Even most simple folk with meager earnings know the value of saving at least something for the future and paying off their home. And a team has to be in agreement for each person’s role and lifestyle and it sounds like these people are definitely not.
@@kristy1653just to play devil’s advocate, she said they’ve had separate finances the entire marriage. How does she know he doesn’t have retirement? Or a retirement plan? Maybe he doesn’t plan on retiring?
Extremely ambitious? It's not as though she's running for office or has developed a multi-million dollar business or gone back to medical school and become a doctor!
She is a nurse, she takes care of everyone and everything. And she works hard. Prayers for her!!
What’s the big deal? Ramsey didn’t even ask what interest rate they have on their house. The husband is the only smart one and he’s not even on that call. They probably have a 2.5% interest rate below inflation rate so he’s smart not to dump that into a mortgage payoff. He plays golf and works leave the man alone. Probably helps a lot around the house and this wife needs to either let husband plan investments or be glad he lets her buy the risky rentals. The govt didn’t even let you evict renters while they didn’t pay rent. Huge risk to owning rentals. Husband is smart he better off without this dumb broad and her friends on Ramsey show.
Yeah I agree but when she makes 150 and he makes 45 they can't keep sepetate accounts and expect to split expenses and he will have money left
The marriage isnt together,we need to be onboard together.Rosie.
115 and 45@@jasonchampagne8958
If she die he has everything,if he dies she gets nothing.
bro she’s incredible, nurse who sells real estate on the side with her own rental properties and bought a house for her daughter in law who had cancer… what a woman.
And she was also helping care for her!
👏
Meanwhile her Husband wants to go to his job and play golf.
What a guy!
Now she need to kick her husband in the butt bc enabling isn’t helping him or their marriage
Sounds like she is a strong woman whereas the husband sounds like a lazy bafoon
This is what happens when you marry below you. Winners stop marrying losers.
@@Lauren-i8iWhat a Selfish BUM!!
Avoid hard conversations early on and you deal with hard circumstances forever
Wise words
Beautifully spoken. Adding that to what an older father figure of our family says often, “Look at confrontation as discovery.”
Wisdom!
Great advice!!! I wish I had heard that in my 20's!!!
Very simple yet elegantly well-written comment. I think because it has proven itself to be true at least once for all of us, even if something minor.
She said she bought a house to take care of a daughter in-law that had cancer. What a kind lady. I want her to be my MIL.
I think you are forgetting an 'F'
@@siva47931 HAHAHA either that or Mother In Law. but I did think the same thing at first.
Savage
@@siva47931 Hopefully she doesn’t land on bankrupt before she can spin again to choose another letter.
My question was where is daughter in law's husband? I'm thinking her son???
She's a rare gem and her husband doesnt see it.
They never do
He sees his sugar momma he married up
@@kibblenbitsso you 69 and watching ramsey show on youtube? What a boring life!!!
Always remember you only hear one side of the story
Nah it’s called codependency
Nursing field is filled with codependents
I know I woke up to that
I always tell people to count the cost. What’s the cost for keeping him. What’s the cost for leaving him. Which price are you willing to pay. Cost is not just financial.
Sooooooooo true♥️
Divorce-he gets half including her retirement!
A wedding vow means I don't wake up and debate whether my wife is worth staying married to.
@@scrapykat3028Not necessarily. Depends on the state. She also specifically said he was not involved with her property investments. Unfortunately she may need to sell them to pay off the home they jointly own as that will be split 50/50.
@@durayenterprisesllc4440What? That’s not even realistic. At best it’s idealistic and I wish you the best. What if the wife or husband becomes abusive? Abuse isn’t always physical violence. There are other forms of intolerable abuse that you cannot always predict before marriage. In fact due to our innate ability to mask more often than not you can’t predict it at all.
When she threw the “Nurse” in there I was like ohhhhhh. She takes care of everyone. God help the Nurse.
I can relate, I married a nurse and she has such a big heart( to a fault sometimes). I guess that why I married her :-)
We only have so many resources(money, housing-space, time, etc), and sometimes it tough to tell her that we just don' have the resources to help as much as she wants. It always hurts me inside a little bit each time and the disappointment on her face doesn't help either.
They sure do take care of everyone. Its one of the professions most likely to cheat.
@@Pinoyguitarist5❤️🩹
Many healthcare workers are caretakers..its a disorder. And that's what you do for a living, especially if you have kids, you don't realize what's happening. She allowed her husband to be her child, by letting him get away with his childish behavior, now she's replacing her son and escalating him, just like she did her husband.
Nurses are one of the most important professions on the planet, don't believe me? Just ask one.
He gets half of the houses & half of her retirement. I just went through this! My husband never paid for anything, he worked on & off, for 25 years I finally decided if I wanted peace I had to leave. He is disabled & also got 80% of the sale of the house.
I am starting over financially at 63 & I make a third of your income & have no house. I have peace.
Peace is far more valuable than money. Thankful you found it.
How did he get 80%??? 😱 That's crazy.
@@DawnKellyMediaI thought the same thing.
@@karabrodsky2852 they were obviously not from California. We have a saying here: "It's cheaper to keep her." Unless there's a prenup, everything is divided 50/50.
@@DawnKellyMedia Right, oh boy. Cheaper to keep her. I mean that come be the case where I am from, New York. Better to stay and keep the person to avoid paying alimony or child support or splitting everything. 😬🤔
I am a nurse and it’s common for nurses to marry this type of partner but you deserve so much better! My prayers are with you
I’m a nurse, I married a 25 year my senior man. I worked so hard. He was so lazy…😢😢😢
@@CynthiaSteele-o2ghe probably seem so lazy because you work so hard. Not everyone is a working horse.
Statistically nurses have the highest rate of indefinitely amongst women.
My brother married a nurse. She made at least 4x what he did. He had no savings. All his money went to his hobbies and his share of household expenses. Four kids, all doing well. He got insanity and cheated . She called him out and he lost his mind and said he did not feel like being married. So she divorced him. She kept her 401K. She kept her savings, she got the house. He died a broke man. Could barely pay his bills. Borrowed to keep.his truck running. Complained about how broke he was whole his ex had $500K for her retirement.
Amen!
My dad used to tell my mom, "I'll make the living; you make the living worthwhile". It can be a great balance if one partner is business-minded and the other is stop-and-smell-the-roses minded...they each bring a gift to the table. But if it goes awry, there's a huge potential for resentment.
And you can still work toward the same goals even if you have different roles. This lady is trying to work and progress through life and the dude wants to golf
One time i was broke and in debt. Then i started driving a garbage truck. Its not glamourus but i make about 65k a year i lived on nothing and now i have benefits, and a company pension too. Ive got a good amount of savings and ill keep wirking until im 60 and then retire.
@@leadnsteel1428thats not terrible depending on where you live.
@@kyzerw381665k in Arkansas let’s you live like a king
love that !
This woman has been taking care of everyone else but herself. I hope she finds the strength and courage to take care of herself and move on from a marriage that is literally sucking the life out of her. 🙏🏻
She knew it going in .. She wanted it all ..
@@dougtheviking6503 Exactly how did she know going in? You think she's psychic?
@M.Campbell usually you know someone before you get married.. she's the ambitious one . He wasn't into it or got tired of it . She kept going . She knows. I have been married myself a long time . Yep I'm psychic with age comes knowledge
She moves on..He Gets half...Different when the shoes on the other foot...Huh Ladies..??
@@dougtheviking6503
You weren't there You don't know what she was like 29 years ago.
Maybe she was ambitious but she also could have been innocent and naive but her ambition is what pulled her out of it.
I can't believe you made such a stupid comment.
These calls just make me so grateful for my amazing husband!! ❤
Me too, mine is beyond fantastic & choc a bloc full of horse sense…!!
I’ve never seen Dave & John lost and not know what to say. What a sad situation.
I quit listening after the young guy said she's just in a roommate situation. If that were true she could walk away with every dime she has earned and saved.
They didn’t want to tell her to divorce the guy lol
@@_CPerkSo that the entire internet community will come for them and say they are promoting worldly values? C'mon, they are smarter than that.
@@_CPerkThey did. In a kind way.
@@kerrynight3271yeah it’s worse. It’s a roommate you can’t leave so easiley.
My husband and I just celebrated our 50th anniversary. Before we married we discussed our views on finances, family ,children, faith, religion etc. Marriage is hard work, times that are difficult, times that are wonderful. We feel blessed.
Dude that’s like 5th date conversation. Not 30 years later smh
That's nice. But life has changed drastically for a lot of people in 50 years, and i'm sure what you wanted 50 yrs ago is not what you want now.
Congratulation to you both. Many more blessed & happy yrs ahead! 🥰
Congrats. It’s a lot of work. You rock
@@lovette7684 Can you be any more "passive/aggressive"?
This was painful to hear and hit home because this WAS me. Notice I said WAS, because after 10 years, I ended my marriage. I did everything financially, mentally, and emotionally to propel us forward, and he just wanted his low-level, mediocre, nonconfrontational, and avoidant life. Someone is doing all the work while the other enjoys your hard work. 🤷🏾♀️
I feel for this woman and have to say, it will never get better. I’ve had the same experience for 35 yrs. A marriage councilor won’t help because HE is happy just the way things are. He won’t change and he won’t leave. Her only choices are to stay the same in a loveless marriage or leave. He’s a very spoiled selfish child.
Let's give context before calling him a child. Women have a delusional mindset that they can be fat argumentative, be single mothers, and be bossy. The problem with all those things is the guy who chooses to deal with a woman's negative traits is generally a weak male. A strong man avoids strong, independent women because they don't know how to be wives.
I wonder if you swap the genders would people say the same thing.
@andrewbradley3305 If the genders were swapped no one would have an issue.
Yes. Dead weight is dead weight, regardless of which side of the equation it is on.
Yep….. I know a man who is married to a woman just like that. He told me he’s there til the kids go to college because they have no other relationship but what revolves around the children. It’s sad. The children are the buffers and that’s so sad for the kids. His 16 yr old daughter asked him if she could see a counselor to talk about how she’s sad that she can’t help enough people. Her mother and father both use her as an emotional crutch. The son is older and he doesnt have that same compassionate disposition, so the daughter absorbs it all. She doesn’t cook, shop for groceries, take care of the kids, not the contact for the children’s schools, etc. he said once that he can’t trust her to make any decisions either, not even about discipline, or money. He said she feels like another child to him. His youngest is 17…. We shall see if he really leaves or he just stays because it’s easier than losing half his stuff.
I haven’t prayed in a while but I’m gonna pray for this lady tonight. For clarity, for strength, for random strangers to come up to her and just give love and opportunities. She’s clearly a smart woman with how much she does and properties owned and managed but you can be the best mom or wife in the entire world and still not be able to do it ALL. She needs some stuff taken off her plate! I understand why she feels that things are hers vs his…. She’s really alone in all of this and I think that’s worse than being single…. Being in a relationship and FEELING alone is WORSE than being single because you’re legally bound to them.
Well said, and I want to encourage you to pray more cuz you obviously care for others. I’ll pray for you as well to hear Him more and find comfort in knowing He’s always listening and knows.
Prayer is a waste of time, it’s just a way for you to feel good about yourself for doing -something- nothing.
@@furiogiunta556 😂😂😂kinda like you wasting time with this negative reply that helps no one other than making yourself be center of attention. You do you, but don’t down people of faith…regardless of what that faith is.
@@everydayman3497 Stop wasting time and get out there and help people, arguing with me or praying to a fairy tale does nothing.
Being single is a blessing
when John said "if I say what I need out loud, he might leave. and my response is always well good", it reminds me of my last marriage. since my divorce, I realize that sometimes LIFE makes decisions for me and now I got rid of the guy who loved me but not love me anymore. Some people are stuck in miserable marriages and don't' have the courage or never thought about counselling or leaving the marriage if the counselling not work. We didn't try any counselling because he made up his mind. I'm Chinese and l heard this quote "you cannot change people, but yourself" when I was young, but never got the real meaning of this quote until recently: I cannot change people, but I can leave them alone and be myself
But we know he's not going anywhere.
My wife is Chinese, born in Malaysia. We are now both retired, in our early 70's, and have been married for 42 years.
She is an ex ITU sister. I first met her in my mid 20's when I was a patient where she worked. I had an amputation of my right leg following an injury in the military. We dated on and off for 6 years (thanks to my PTSD) but eventually married when she became pregnant with our only son.
She is Buddhist and I am Christian. She is money orientated and I am not. We have zero debts as we have paid off our mortgage and never use credit cards or other personal loans. We rarely eat out and once every 3 years we visit family in Malaysia.
We argue over most things especially due to her forays in the stock market. 15 years ago she lost £50,000 in the financial markets and now retired she is again "playing the game" racking up losses.
Our sex life dwindled out 20 plus years ago. She always demonises me saying I'm stupid, my pension is peanuts, and so on.
I feel I owe her because she was there for me following the amputation. If I left her now she is elderly, I would be riddled with guilt. I feel trapped in a relationship I hate. I have even contemplated suicide but our son and our two grandsons give me the reason to carry on. I am so unhappy. If we ever did divorce, I would be be willing to give her everything just to set myself free BUT the feeling of guilt prevents me from taking that step.
She needs to speak to a divorce lawyer and a financial advisor to make sure SHE is financially protected
😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆. She is screwed.
She is by far better off married than she would be losing half in a divorce.
Lmao . You wouldn’t say that if the male earning 3x more money than her
@@billymabum3514 Correct. We'd change the pronouns and say "HE needs to make sure he's financially protected." And I'm a woman.
Being a woman, man, 2-spirit penguin, whatever, is no excuse to take advantage of people.
@@billymabum3514I can’t stand parasitic “partners”, men or women.
I've been on the same boat I've been used by guys and got me broke financially I think we as nurse are very vulnerable and was being seen as money maker I am currently single and happy just praising God I got into watching Dave Ramsey and trying to get my self back again ❤
Exactly my thoughts! I’m in healthcare working in geriatrics , that used to be me. We’re natural care givers / nurturers. Take care of everyone else except us most times. Gladly that’s not me today.
I wonder if it's all in her name ?,
He has a sugar mama, I was married to him. Fail army. Please go! You got this momma !!!!
Love you
I am so thankful my husband heard about Financial Peace before we got married. He introduced the concepts to me and we hashed out not only money but also kids, in laws, discipline, and religion. I didn't allow myself to fall in love until I felt comfortable being with this man in all those areas. We've been married 8yr now, blessed with 4 kids and debt free except our house and life is hard but we're doing it TOGETHER and we dream TOGETHER ❤
It’s pretty apparent you don’t know how wacky your comment sounds.
@@michaelfleming8490
How? Insane to me that you would marry someone you don’t align with
@@michaelfleming8490What's wacky about it?
@@michaelfleming8490 You're weird
I understand what he's trying to say. Falling in love with someone & feeling connected certainly doesn't have rules of allowing nor disallowing. I think what you're referencing is some form of disciplined action and it has worked out for you. 👍
In a divorce, he would get half the value of the house, the rental properties, and half her 401k. Then she would pay him palimony monthly. Divorce is not an option unless she wants to lose half of what she's worked for and give up 30-45% of her salary. I know men who have gone through this.
So true. It's hard to walk away from people she learned her lesson but still loves him. So a go getter. The court system is broken.
This why I don't get married!!!
And I walked away anyway. Doing fine without him. Rebuilt.
Amen to every word. We have not been in alignment for eight years and it has been hard beyond words.
She's NOT equally yoked with the husband.
I’ve been a nurse for 45 years and I am amazed at what nurses get themselves into in marriage relationships it’s amazing
I have heard crazy nurse stories lately too, why is this??
It's because we rescue people. We save them, come hell or high water. We can't help ourselves until we become conscious of how we enable crazy and support it. Lots of people besides us nurses do this. Many men do this and then end up supporting crazy wives for many years.
This woman has to decide if she is okay with her husband as he is. He is not going to change and that is fine. She can divorce him, but then what? If she was not getting something out of this, she would not have stayed for 29 years. So find his value and love it. Because he has value. Now she suddenly realizes she is at retirement age and she has been so busy and unaware that she panics. So it is easy to blame him. But it takes two to tango, and he has been dancing too, just not doing the steps she suddenly demands.
43 years RN here! Yeah I've seen so many nurses marry deadbeats. I think lazy guys target female nurses 'cuz they know they will always have a job.
Bingo! Sadly, too many nurses in a similar situation! 😔🙏🏼
This isn't IN ANY WAY what I see with the nurses I've worked with. It is true of the women I know who decided a long time ago to stay in a marriage that has been DOA for decades.
I caused a ruckus in my marriage when I was in a similar situation, and it made him start making changes real quick to become my partner instead of my other child. It only took me 10 years to get to the ruckus point. 🤦🏻♀️ (Please read that last sentence with the sarcasm it is spoken with.) The catalyst to make a ruckus was a conversation with my financial advisor about what I thought was a business issue… thankfully, he also opened my eyes by telling me it was a marriage issue, not a business or money issue. I feel blessed that he was willing to tell me the hard, honest truth.
I knew there was a problem when I heard the salaries.
My heart goes out to this caller. She's stuck.
Omg same !!!
i thought the same thing. minute she said she makes 100k plus and he makes 40ish i knew it would be downhill from there.
what is good for the goose is good for the gander.
The roles are reversed for once. Usually the men are the ones avoiding divorce and dealing with unhappy marriages to avoid losing half of everything bahahaha
It’s completely normal for me to be in this situation all the time. Do you feel sorry for them also?
I watched this video and when it ended, I went to my wife and gave her a hug and a kiss.
Thank you for that. From a wife that feels appreciated- it matters!
He won't know what he's got til she's gone.
Ru the callers husband ?
@@pammy5260 Nope... just a guy who's been married to a good woman for 45 years.
This guy is so comfortable living like this because she is a doer. And one day he will get half of everything. It is sad! Plus, he might get older and sick and this poor lady would take care of him still. I don’t know if she is younger than him but I’ve seen this kind of problem with couples with a big age gap. One wants to retire and the other one is full of energy, so they end up growing apart. It would be easier if she said she had one million dollars in debt because she could make a plan and pay it off. But, changing someone's mindset it’s very hard. So, either she walks away and gives him half of what she has or gets stuck with him forever.
They’re both 65
This sounds like my marriage, except that my ex-husband RefUsEd to let me put any money in an IRA or 401k. When I left, finally after 26 years, I downsized into a cheap rental room and saved almost $100k in the 10 years before I retired while paying off my $40k student loan and @$10k in credit cards. Her situation sounds nearly impossible. I lived my life in angst, as Dave said, as alcohol and *legal* drugs were major factors in the marriage as well. Good luck to the caller!!!❤😢🙏🏻
Congratulations on your getting out and on with your life without him!
Why he didn’t allow you to save in 401/ira?
@@stickerlady1774 he wanted to spend every penny for a lifestyle that was up to his standards. We declared bankruptcy twice and lost our house to foreclosure. When I left I had no savings and about $55k in debt (mostly my student loan).
I don’t understand what you mean by let you? Were you in a domestic violence situation?
@@SimplySania something like that. It was a complete financial power-control abuse situation.
He doesn't want to pay off the house and split the proceeds with her when she divorces him. He isn't going to do anything with his salary and she will end up having to pay alimony to him. She has a ball and chain of a husband and he knows it. That old saying, "It's cheaper to Keep her" applies to this situation.
Hahaha, so usually the roles are flipped 9/10 times. Enjoy it. Women always complain but have no empathy for men. 😂
Look how everyone is freaking out cause she makes more..if it was the other way nobody would blink 😂😂
oh they would bro, and they would call her a gold digger, be serious now... men always freak out when they suspect a women is only with them to finance their lives, but most of the time the money is going towards running or operating the household they collectively want to create. In this case, he's making no effort, which is unlike most women who tend to give up their careers to raise children and maintain homes... and he's going to... golf like a clown contributing nothing @@Tunechi65
@@Tunechi65Right, but it get it, nobody should be surprised by the double standard.
@@Tunechi65because this is a rare relationship
I'm in deep shit. I'm nearly 40, I've been a SAHM with a few odd jobs in between for 12 years. My husband has never included me in his financial decisions because he earns the money. He is also quite the accomplished adulterer. It's time for a change but I am overwhelmed with all the things I have to do and catch up on. The obvious answer is that I have to start right away. Any other advice will be appreciated. Fyi, I'm not American. Jobs aren't easy to come by in my country, and the courts will not enforce child support.
For the sake of your children, it seems best to end the marriage. A deep conversation with your husband, letting him know how you feel. Keep it civil without judgement or anger. If you are able to, speak with a lawyer. I know they’re costly but you’ll know what options you have. Ask family members for financial help, if you’re able. Scout available jobs as you’re going to need one. You won’t believe how big the World is once you go it on your own. It won’t be easy, however, in the end you’ll have a beautiful new, exciting future. When you realize how much time you wasted, you’ll be even more dedicated to finding your interests. It will all work out. Change is rough. If you approach change knowing the best is yet to come, you’ll be able to embrace it as something that had to happen in order to have your new life. You have lovely children and a life experience from your married life. Much more is coming when you’re able to think clearly. After every disaster, there’s triumph. I have a feeling you’ll be that rising Phoenix. You and your children are going to make it. 🙏🪷❤️
I would recommend a remote job. Coding and networking are your new best friends and they can be very good ways to make a living.
You don't need to have deep conversation with your husband. Start stacking money you can and silently get some skills - RUclips or however. Then you will be able to make some money and go
Start hiding money NOW for yourself. Even if you stay married a while longer, hide money regularly so you're ready. He could even decide to leave you and he will clean out the bank accounts,taking it all with him. Now is the time to take care of yourself by hiding as much money for yourself as fast as possible. Don't tell anyone you have a stash of money hidden away. When my father left, he cleaned out the checking account leaving my mother only a few dollars, not even enough for groceries the next week. Don't wait for him to do that to you. You deserve a life.
@chrissyh3270
It may be dangerous to have a conversation with your husband and he will probably prevent you from leaving. If you get money for household and groceries and such pull out some money to be able to leave. If he needs a receipt to compare what you spent just work on lying and say any money you set aside is for gifts for family or the children.
If you have relatives you can TRULY trust ask for their help.
Just be VERY careful. I would suggest moving to another country unless you can stay with a family member.
God bless you. Don't forget to pray.
In spite of all this sadness, I laughed at “and then there’s this lump on the couch getting his golf shoes on” lol good one John, he is indeed. I hope this lady is guided down the right path
He’d never say that about a female doing the same thing. Most households in America men make far more and women spend far more
I just love Dave. He is so introspective. He gives wise counsel. Although he is about finances he ultimately delves into personal issues in a compassionate way. What a blessing to be living to witness his life calling.
His bad takes are like half the reason he has a following: he's entertaining.
In between firing a woman for getting pregnant and pulling a gun on his staff, he's made some entertaining and questionable decisions.
He ruins marriages.
@@miketheyunggod2534How?
@@miketheyunggod2534he doesn’t ruin marriages, they are already ruined when the caller calls. He just points it out.
I was in a situation like this once. When you are the one doing all the work, you don’t have time to worry about what he isn’t helping with.
He had always sucked the life out of her. She is trying to do everything right, and he is just there with his hand out. It's obvious that she really loves that loser. I feel so bad for her. I hope she opens her eyes before she gets too old to enjoy her golden years. God bless this kind lady.
I don't think she loves him. You can't love somebody you don't respect.
Like 99% of women
The sad part is the sound in her voice as she realizes he is never gonna change! She has to sell her assets to pay off the house cuz that dude is gonna fleece her if she threatens divorce! He’s no dummy! He knows she will continue to work and bring in that high salary as long as there’s a balance on the house!
@@Coupal1I totally agree !
Hand Out?! He WORKs! FT!
DEAR GOD. This woman deserves true love.
She loves money more than the man she married?
Most women live ten years longer than men.
Buy plenty of life insurance.
She will have 100% of everything.
Trying to find love the second time around could be difficult. Most single men have reasons for living that style.
Where did you get that they don’t love each other? She never said that!
She sounds like a controlling battle axe.
She’s the one complaining about the relationship I bet you the guy is happy. Why would you assume he doesn’t love her? Because of his finances? I hope you would insinuate that
Wouldnt*
Thank God my late ex-husband, who was like this caller’s husband, had an affair and left when I was 56. This gave me more time to start over financially and in every other way, and to win.
Divorce gonna cost her big time. He’ll get half of whatever she’s got. He’s got her between rock and hard place
LoL, role is reversed for one out of ten situations boo hoo
@@Goat1229 I thought it was the daughter-in-law.
Soon woman will be like "wait, I earned all the money, but he gets half!!! And I have to pay him spousal support?? And he is the one the cheated on me?" Yes ladies, men have been doing this for decades, leading to their misery and high suicide rates
It ain’t no fun we the rabbit has the gun.
Poor lady! She needs to get rid of this bum and live the rest of her life doing what makes her happy.. I'm so happy that I got out of my situation. I bought a property on my own as he was against it all just like this person. I'm now single and very close to paying it off and have several hundred thousand dollars in equity while he's bouncing from couch to couch. Life is too short to be held back by people without ambition.
She deserves a medal. She doesn't deserve this. Prayers.
Ive lived this life. I thought I wS helping us as a whole...helping my husband/family. He wouldnt start a savings or emergency funds. He handledthe bills. Addicted to plastic. When he died he left me with a credit card debt he said he was paying off. I was in trouble financially. God has seen me through this . His debtor forgave the debt. The debtor dealized he wasnt truthful with me. He cashed in our life insurance policies. Our daughter paid forhis funeral because there wasnt money to do that with. The trust was broken...I even took out of my 401k twice. I agree with you 100% Mr. Ramsey!!!
The moral values are the most important things in the relationship. You just need to find that right person who has the same values as yours.
That and a similar social class.
@@dbdb4962 why? They are in this together. Why is pay rate an issue?
@djkenny1202 because it is most of the time. Look at Britney Spears marrying below her...how well did that work? Mel B, Kelly Clarkson, MacKenzie Scott, all the calls coming into Dave ramsey of people with huge social class gaps.
@@dbdb4962 they are a Team. Theres no social class gap.all I am seeing is really shallow people, here. Wealthy famous people are an entirely different Trip. Often more problems arise because they are both at same level creating pressure. I have friends with varied jobs in relationships like, married. People I hang out with that are everything from Nurses, to DJ, Bike Shop Mechanics, Professors, Realtors, big investors. Many with wife being the bigging earning party. That’s not real these days. My wife and I are happily married and she is a middle school teacher, I raise kids, DJ, and manage our Airbnb. Plenty of dads doing the same or less than I do in terms of financial gain. It’s participating in making it all work.
When my wife and I first started dating, she was financially illiterate. I basically carried us through the rough years after we married, fast forward almost 20 years, she is now the boss lady, lol. When someone in a marriage has a wise idea it plan, listen. I listen to her now but we both agree on a way forward.
And because of my Wife’s new found motivation and education, we’re on track to have a net worth of $1mil plus before we’re 40.
We did enter the real estate game and it was not for us.
Okay dude
@@dungeonmaster6292 you’re welcome
My Gosh! This WAS MY LIFE! Please listen to what they are saying ! I was married for 37 years! In such fear of being alone! I’m am sixty SINGLE AND THE HAPPIEST I HAVE BEEN IN MY LIFE! The RUCKUS IS WORTH IT! It took time …. What you just her I have been thru ALL THEY SAID !
Im going to hear Dave's voice yelling those last few sentences at me every time I feel like im being less than I should be. Brilliant words - thanks.
It is so nice to hear Dave have empathy for people who call in. I have great respect for his knowledge, yet the sparky, sarcastic and demeaning way he often responds to people who come for his advice really hurts my heart. Dave is a Christian, but when he does this while operating on the huge platform the Lord has so graciously blessed him with after his own financial mistakes, it strikes me as a poor witness.
He is definitely not a therapist nor should he act like one. That is John’s job. When you call people stupid and they should have know better you are not acting as a mentor. If we all had wisdom we wouldn’t make some of our choices and that is the point of life, to learn. Teach with compassion.
Don't blame him. You get to a certain age and you just don't suffer fools gladly anymore
He keeps his composure 90% of the time.
Sorry to say, most them need to hear it. Harsh but fair advice.
This is my favorite episode! I’m currently dealing with something like this!!! Thank God I left before it was too late. “Throw your shoulders back and serve your family.” That’s powerful
I’m sorry but when Dave said the part about sharing mustard I lost it 😂😅
The thing I don't like about these calls is that we often assume that the other person who is not on the call is the one to blame. We're only hearing one side of this story. Maybe there's a good reason why he doesn't want to do what she wants. Maybe he's just a dead beat. The point is we don't know. Regardless, the 2 of them need to have a deep conversation and some counseling if they want to get ahead.
That's very true. We don't know the whole story, could be she just has to be the boss babe and he values his peace so he's going at his pace and she's outpacing him. Like they have different values
Much quicker on a TV segment to just take the one side.
There could be more than one side to this story. Hard to judge without hearing the other side. We don't really know why he is so checked out.
She definitely gave off the boss babe vibe the moment she said she made such a major financial decision like buying rentals without his support.
I say if you’re in your 60s with zero retirement and you use extra money to golf you are the problem.
Dave just described my family... "not in agreement about anything" 😢 Love ya, Dave! Thanks for the eye-opener! ❤❤
As someone who has been married 40 years the information at the end about a marriage is correct. Additional if you are aligned and run into problems, the problems do not seems near as big and you can more easily work through them.
I wish I'd found Dave 28 years ago...
I wish 12 years ago
I wish 7 years ago
I knew about him since I was 10.
Should've followed him 5 years before I did.
I wish a year ago
"When's the best time to plant a tree? 28 years ago.
When's the next best time to do it? Right now."
I would pay off the rental properties. Move into one of the properties and give him the 180,000 dollar house that he can’t afford.
They owe $180,000 on the house it’s worth over $400,000
Yes, I agree with that.
Exactly
Give him 50% if you bought it together, if not take your share
@@scrapykat3028yeah he would just lose the house and that $220k that they’ve already paid would go down the toilet 😢
100% agree! I was in a toxic relationship & kicked my roommate out. We were not aligned.
Outstanding. This took you 25 minutes to teach young folks something that is something that should be taught in our schools. THE most important planning and decisions they will make in their entire lives. Marriage is the only financial contract we enter into with NO disclosure… and roughly a 78% failure rate. Who in their right mind would enter any other financial contract with those kind of traps!? Great advice!
It cannot be taught in schools. Teachers really are not that smart. I know I was a teacher as a 3rd career and was surprised at how little real education is being taught.
This sounds like something the divorce attorney James Sexton said.
In a no-fault divorce state, everything would get split down the middle. She’d lose, and he would win. She has to either accept that, or stay in the bad situation. She has choices, but sometimes none of the options are good.
Someone suggested she pay off a rental and go live there and leave him with their current home he can't afford.
I think that's a good option.
I'm assuming he doesn't have a thing to do with her rentals.
Move into apt. Stop making house payments. When bank foreclosed on the house, buy it. Dont let the bastard get you down.
@@ashleenicole71: Great! When bank reposses the house, buy it back. Get a third party to “buy” the house if necessary. Girl you got more ways to get out of this. Don’t stay with him. Just snooker him. When I made this decision, I felt like a ton was lifted. I was happy and giddy.
Actually assets only get split down the middle in community property states. And there are only 9 of those.
She’s on 115k & he’s on 45k. What’s the bet they split all costs equally, so he’s always short of money. There’s no incentive for him to pay out more as this will always leave him in a worse financial position. Surprised they didn’t consider this.
Fair point.
Well he doesn't want to downsize also. What about that?
I bet they do not split anything involving expenses equally. He peaked at $45,000 a year income. The man was not about to try for equality. He was enjoying his golf fees.
She has two jobs , that's why she makes more money.
He plays golf...which takes hours. He knows that she will eventually pay off the house on her own...
Her nurses salary is probably more than his 45K.
She seems like a very ambitious lady. And he seems happy just coasting along. Not that there is anything wrong in that. Just wondering how they ended up together. Also, there is so much resentment in her voice, tone and language. Just break it, should have been done 29 years ago.
I would imagine when they got married young, there was some sexual attraction that brought them together. At their ages is probably all evaporated and there's nothing left to hold a marriage together.
“Just break it” they are 29 years invested.
Do the world a favor and never date to marry, considering when times get tough after 29 years your the type to walk out.
Im with the last statements. Raise a ruckus. Make everybody really uncomfortable, and dont let up until the problem is resolved.
This lesson is for anyone not just 24/25!im 29! It’s never to late ⏰ when you know better you DO BETTER‼️🎯💯
This lady is snowballing property debt and Im snowballing credit card debt 😢😢😢
GOALS!!!!!!
Drop him and move on. There isn’t love in this relationship period. Now, you will lose some $ in the divorce, but you’ll gain it back and you’ll be freer!
Marriage isn’t based in love. It’s a commitment. If you’re a Christian, how do you drop him? You may not be and therefore I understand leaving him.
With peace of mind.
Best thing to happen to my marriage was the baby steps. We were in the same spot at Linda, married and having separate accounts living like roommates. A friend who is also a Ramsey financial advisor told me that my husband and I are not two bank accounts and two sets of debt. We are one. I can honestly say that getting a joint account and getting out of debt together has allowed us to be able to talk money in a positive way and made us richer in life and in our account.
I could never do the joint account thing. I did it one time and it eroded all of my trust in women. I'll never get married, but if I ever get into another committed, live together type relationship with a woman then it will be separate accounts. At no point will she have access to my money, nor me hers.
@@oldscratch3535myself and my husband have a joint account, all the big bills come out of it, I have my account and I buy all the food shopping and anything I need. We’ve paid the mortgage off and have a 20 year old at home. It’s worked for us because I worked , not earn a lot but kept us in our home etc. some woman or men just want to be kept, I think nowadays few can get by on one wage
I doubt you and your husband were exactly like this couple. This woman in one word is overwhelming. She has all the qualities of a man with the unaccountable nature of a woman. Meaning she wanted to be in charge and her husband let her take control of the relationship. However here is where the unaccountable part comes in unlike a man she wanted to be a boss without paying the bills. Men understand in relationships they have to pay the bills so naturally they take charge. If a woman wants to take charge pay the bills and keep it moving.
Omg .He's just made me realize I've been in a "toxic" relationship my entire life..😞100% true.Ive just been so determined to take it to.the finish I need to
Hard to do at 65 years old.
Scared of being alone..
"Throw your shoulders back and serve your family... you self-centered twerp." Words to live by! Thanks Dave.
3 months ago my ex broke up with me. We’re young, I’m older but we had agreed to help each other through everything, we spoke on finances, children, religion, everything under the sun. She was down for it. 3 years of planning, her family was from a Muslim background, but she started to see herself as Christian, as myself, how true that was I have no clue. Needless to say parents didn’t agree with it. But, she wanted it. She clearly didn’t want it enough, she then threw the whole relationship away, despite being ready to move in with me. What I learned is you should never believe what people say and only believe half of what people do. Just when you think everything is perfect, it’s not.
There are never guarantees. Only odds that are in favor or not favorable. As painful as it seems, better it happened before marriage and children.
@@carlaritchie331 oh yeah they exposed themselves. That said I believe they made one of the worst decisions of their life by abandoning what we had but that’s their problem not mine.
actions speak louder than words
I think this is one of those calls where there is a lot more to the story than what the caller is saying.
This is where Dave, like so often, is WRONG. For all we know, the interest on the house may be 2.5%. I have 2.65 on my mortgage and I know people in the 2.5 or lower, and this us in a 30 year fixed. I know Dave is anti-debt at all cost, but with raging inflation the money may be better invested elsewhere than paying off the primary house mortgage. Dave and the other guy criticize the husband, but most men are in the same situations as this woman with their wives earning substantially more, and I've never heard Dave say divorce your wife of 29 years. This is isane.
Yes, I agree.
The salary discrepancy may be the cause. They are not sharing their money. She may be asking him to contribute more of his income to get the house paid off. We don’t know his reasons for not wanting to.
@@_m_K_.Agreed.
@@alexisjankowski3281I think you’re on to something. They have separate finances. He’s spent 29 years doing what he wants with his, and what she wants with her. And now she wants them to team up and pay off the house? Which means he might have to give up something he enjoys, like golfing. And if that’s the only thing he does… I can see his not wanting to give that up.
Where was the togetherness in the start of the marriage?
10:44 oh I'm listening, im 25 and im learning the hard way picking the right person is important. Been stuck in an abusive relationship for years with a narcissist.
Amen! Amen! Amen! I lived that exact life and the Lord has been gracious and rescued my marriage, but let me tell you we are clawing our way out of a financial hole! The hole is deep and we are not young. Listen to these two men. They are not exaggerating.
"You self-centered twerp" made me LOL. Thank you Dave Ramsey for telling it like it is. Great advice and perspectives on this show from all the co-hosts. A lot of great life wisdom here.
The 4 pillars of a solid marital foundation MUST be aligned in the following:
1. Faith : Same belief system and active practice in your life.
2. Family: Same roles, goals and purpose of family
3. Finances: Dave Ramsey... always.
4 Political: Same Political ideology ROOTED in pillar 1.
A lot of people say politics and religion doesn't matter because you can agree to disagree
I am 22 now and have no family for help. It’s clear that if it’s not about survival you’ll never learn those lessons that you need to budget properly.
He hasn't got the money to be onboard, I bet they go 50/50 on the bills and the guy has no savings.
Then wouldn’t it just be a verbal thing to be in support on?? Such a sad situation either way
I thought the same thing @Neddie2k. She already went and bought 2 houses that he wasn’t on board with - they could’ve already paid the house off. She just does whatever she wants.
She st a Ted he didn't want to pay their home off.
@@amandalee714And it was that way for 30 years. Why is he going to get on board now?
Thank you. This sounds like my marriage. We’ve been married 47 years. I’ve never been happy in our marriage. I stayed with him because I didn’t want to disappoint MY family again and I didn’t leave him because, unbelievably, in the end he’d be better off than me. Your saying that her husband is like a lump on the couch is a great description. I’ve gotten to the point that I asked my Mom if I was wrong wanting him to die before me so I can breathe.
I love the way you speak the truth. You are right. Men have been wussified!! It IS time for them to step up to the plate and hit a home run, to accept their responsibilities and act like real men: providers, leaders, good and strong husbands and fathers, spiritual leaders of the family, etc., without being bullies or lazy-asses. May God have mercy on us all!
But she didn,t marry a Man...she fell in love with CHAD..!! Good looks ..probably tall...and ignored what a loser he really was... a Lesson to all you females that go for the Chads and Tyrones...
Two people can be equal partners and co-providers, without either one being lazy or being "the boss".
@@christinebutler7630false. You can only have 1 leader. Doesn't mean that 1 leader isn't heavily influenced by the wife. When a major decision has to be made for a family, One person must pull that trigger
@@christinebutler7630great comment! In Europe the big majority of women and/or mothers work full time, which man still can provide on his own for his wife, her retirement (and kid/s)?? My mother & my aunt were still able to stay at home when my cousins & i were toddlers in the 1970s, but even then, it was their modest life period. They went back to work when we entered Kindergarten. I learned from them to try and become less bossy than my personality would allow 😂, but i'm my own boss and my husband is his. I like strong men who who do not fear independant women, and they're also smart not to work their ... off for 2-5 people and die early 😊
@@davidcolletti7136if this is your way or telling the world you're short, unattractive, and bitter, you're doing a helluva job. Maybe if you worked on your personality and hit the gym, you'd have a woman to focus on. I've dated guys who are 6'3" and guys who are 5'6". And I've known many men of different ages, races, income brackets, and educational attainment. But at the end of the day it comes down to personality and values and my estimation is that about 1% of men are suitable partners. You guys think too highly of yourselves and don't understand that self-sufficient women with high self-esteem have VERY high standards that very few men can meet.
This woman is has a net worth of 200k at 64. Paying off the house is the least of her problems.
How can he have no pension or 401k?
@@michaelplunkett8059easy, most people don't.
I am so blessed with my husband because our values and beliefs align. We have conflict here and there but nothing major like that. Thank you God for blessing me with an amazing husband. Best gift ❤️
This is deep. Parents please teach your kids.
She went and bought 2 houses and went deep in debt with out being in agreement with him.. Then expects him to be on board with her other plans.. His side of story needs to be heard before judgment is cast. He coulda payed to put her through nursing school and cheated on him for all we know. I got 2 friends this happened too.. Now hes checked out doing what makes him happy and she wont leave him cause she knows he'll get half..
thats what I am hearing here. She seems like she was always going to implement her plans. And didn't need him to sign off on them.
Oh brother. She’s trying to set up their future by investing and sadly she’s tied to dead donkey. Women tend to plan for both themselves and their husband because men never seem to plan for anything.
I think that's a good assessment.
Well, she could have left him earlier before she bought those properties or earned a lot of money. I also see this all the time. The fact that she did not leave him earlier in her life means there is another narrative about their relationship. Plus, he could have divorced her then had she cheated on him when he was the one who funded her studies.
I heard nurses have the highest infidelity rates of all professions so it could be the case. There’s always two sides.
Resentment was dripping.
I feel like absolutely everyone should watch this clip. Sage advice. Wish I’d acted on it about 5 years ago. Better late than never though
Its not worth just staying. You have one life and everyone deserves to be happy and heard. Also as someone who has gone through an unwanted divorce beibg single is not that bad. I refound God and myself. I am recently in a relationship after 3 years alone. It honestly feels like I went through all of that so I could find my perfect happiness. I really just wabt everyone to find their perfect match and let go of anythibg that isnt for you.
You’re doing such an important service with these videos. “Room mate you don’t like” made me laugh out loud with how much it spoke to me!! I’m almost 5 years free now so I can laugh but I lived a kind of hell for 15 years!! I wish I’d had someone to guide me like this back then.
Sounds like most nurses. We take care of everyone else but ourselves. Oh Lord Jesus I thank you for my deliverance from that! 🙌🏾
And come on Dave you better preach about alignment!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾 ❤❤
That was one of the greatest husband roasts of all time 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's a wrong call. She married her husband because she loved him.
Most women live longer than men by ten years. She get 100% of everything. Buy plenty of life insurance on him.
Continue to love him and be happy. What makes her think she can find love the second time around? Most single men are by themselves for a reason. 🤔🤑❤
"A lump sat on the sofa, getting his golf shoes on" 😅
Some men don’t want to be involved! Because he knows that she will do it and he benefits on every level.
Lots of commenters here pointing out that there's more to this story. I was married to a man like this. He kind of went through life thinking "Live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself". I also see this in those with a family history of early deaths. They think, "What's the point?". If this lady has been making all the decisions, then I totally understand why he sits back and does nothing. I hope that he agrees to counselling.
After following this show for about 4 years, most of these problems arise from the fact that couples dont do proper maintenance on their relationship and just go to the damn counselor from early on. Why do you need a talk show to help you realize that you need counseling???
Some, if not most people, need confirmation from a third party before they make certain life changes because others around them, even that voice in their head, is telling them they may be wrong.
@@Kneekneee most people can't think for them selfs......
For the people considering marriage ,have the hard conversations about kids ,mony ,who looks after the kids etc, lifstyle choices etc .
Dont just do it coz you love them take this advice as itl tie u up for years !!
I paid off my mortgage at 37 and im debt free my best friend is in over his head 100k in car loans 160k mortgage 80000 heloc 20k cc debt 40k student loans we make almost the same salaries when i talk to him about money he just says my opinion on money doesnt matter in his life ok i tried
I have learned not to offer any advice because people think you are a fool and they know better. They always have some stupid math to prove their point.
When you're 50 and your net worth is a million higher than his, it might affect him then. 😂
@@SnifferSock at 37 its already 1 million higher lol im worth around 800 he worth around -100k
It doesn’t matter because he’s going to have a long way to even.
She's accomplished quite a bit without him. This is NOT a case of " I can do badly all by myself " . This is a case of - I can do BETTER without you.
Yes.
Wow!! She is an amazing woman!! IMO, nurses are angels here on earth. God bless you, ma'am.
This is sad to me because this was my parent’s relationship while I was growing up. My mom did leave my dad once my youngest sister turned 18.
She hung because she gave just a few bits of information and they went straight to the dramatics. Lol
I had a marriage like that. I went to a counselor. She asked why I was still with him.
I said that I believed that marriage is sacred.
She said she agreed, but that what I was describing is NOT a marriage! She was so right.
I lived thru that...I was married but felt alone most of the time...I finally left the marriage he kept everything and I had to learn to live on 1 thousand dollars a month....
@belgicahernandez Wow. You have an interesting story. I am glad that you got out of a situation where you were with someone, but still felt alone. Good on you for leaving the marriage since you felt that way. How did you manage to find a place to live on getting just $1,000.00 a month? Just curious.
You needed a lawyer
When I hear men say that women have taken all their money, I roll my eyes as I see that women get the short straw in these situations.
@@jet4415 those men had no money in the first place. I bet their exes propped them up.
She bought two investment houses without her husband's consent! What about that?
And without her primary residence secured.
Well dirty Dave is a simp, so obviously women can do no wrong and men are always 10000% responsible for every wrong thing ever
@@robertatkins272 In the baby steps, you are supposed to pay off your primary home before you start investing in real estate. Why didn't Dave call her out on that?
They are investments. She is literally making sure they have retirement. Investing is a job like nursing is a job
I think it’s not the nineteenth century.
Yes it’s about values. I married quickly to someone I am so misaligned with. I did a values clarification about 20 yrs into the marriage and a lightbulb went off when I realized that we were so far off -misery and suffering ensues if you abandon yourself for the sake of another’s comfort
She wants her husband to be something he's not. She's extremely ambitious and he just wants a simple life. He's probably always been that way and has given up since she is pretty much taking over. My brother married a nurse who was quite driven and he said she was always at him.
Simple life or lazy life?
Wanting a simple life is fine, but the man hasn’t saved a single penny in 30 years! Even most simple folk with meager earnings know the value of saving at least something for the future and paying off their home. And a team has to be in agreement for each person’s role and lifestyle and it sounds like these people are definitely not.
@@kristy1653 They are definitely not on the same page. Many women think they can change a man but it's highly unlikely.
@@kristy1653just to play devil’s advocate, she said they’ve had separate finances the entire marriage. How does she know he doesn’t have retirement? Or a retirement plan? Maybe he doesn’t plan on retiring?
Extremely ambitious? It's not as though she's running for office or has developed a multi-million dollar business or gone back to medical school and become a doctor!