My Mom couldn’t buy food after Dad passed. At least she called me and I made sure she was taken care of. She moved in with me and I cared for her for 14 years. Families must step up. No regrets. She passed away at 96.
One of my worst fears is for me to pass away and my wife and children are left to struggle financially due to one reason or another. I am the breadwinner of my family and I sat my wife down and discuss everything with her from my business down to the insurance policies. She knows exactly what to do when that day finally comes.
My husband did the same for me. He died in August. We were married for 41 years. I’ve had deep sorrow, but no debt or financial worries. My beloved husband was the best gift God ever gave me.
My husband and I sat down and went over all our finances and came up with a game plan if one of us dies. He’s the bread winner but we both have life insurance and everything in a living trust. My worst fear is if both of us dies together while our children are still minors. We have family that will take them but I still prefer for that to not happen.
My husband made me sit down on a monthly basis throughout our marriage and go over finances. I hated those monthly sessions. However, when he died suddenly at age 59, I was so thankful he had made me do this. He had also prepared a special file with all the key information I would need. When one faces the most devastating loss of your life, you can't even think straight. No one knows when they may lose a spouse, and everyone should know the basic facts of the family finances.
I did the same thing with my wife and she divorced me. She just couldn't bear the thought of living within our means. Thank God I no longer have that burden.
My hubby has been doing the same thing with me on a weekly basis after we retired to make sure I know what to do with our finances if he passes suddenly. I have been learning a lot from him.
Well. Sorry for You'r empathy. 🥹 I do hope you learn it some day. 😘 He is within microstep 8+, and take an active desession, to affort it ! A greatful help, for those in need. ❤ Please listen to the psalm " Amazing grace. " Please listen again, this time not with your brain, but with your heart. ❤
@@farzana6676 yes this also. What I’ve noticed is that some people are scared to do the monthly math for their bills because their budget makes them depressed. I couldn’t do that. It would keep me up at night.
My house is paid off free and clear cars are paid off minor credit card debt if something were to happen to either one of us we will be taken care of. We both have pensions and ss income we are better off $ wise than we were when we were working. I hope someone helps this poor lady.
this is why mortgage loans are haram in Islam mortgages and loans are literally the easiest ways for you to be trapped for life It is as if I put a 100-pound dumbell on your neck and i tell you every time you slave off and walk with it the lower it gets
She's a part of the generation of women who's husbands took care of everything, and didn't want to "burden" the wife with bills, finances etc. This is sad. Bless her heart
Not always. My grandmother took care of all the bills/money and when she passed away my grandfather was clueless. Make sure you and your spouse both know all the details of your finances.
I think you may have your generations mixed up. I'm 75 and part of the same baby boomer generation as this woman caller. In the '60s, we women advocated for the right to open a bank account. (Can you imagine? We actually didn't have that right before.) We specifically didn't want to be dependent on husbands, and so many of us also made the decision to work outside the home, which previously was more unusual. This was the beginning of the women's liberation movement. Of course, broad generalizations are useless, but I just wanted to make a point. For many of us, egalitarian relationships have been very important in our lives, which includes equal involvement in financial planning.
I’m 65 also a baby boomer. Not all husbands take control of the finances. Mine didn’t and doesn’t have a clue. I handle everything but I’m slowly getting him used to getting more involved. He should have been years ago but better late than never
I wish I knew where she is. I'm in Columbia too, right by the VA hospital and I'd love to take her some meals, help her around her house, have her yard taken care of or whatever she needs. Love thy neighbor. 😭💔
"MY Bible says to take care of the widows" Mr. Ramsey, this sentence pierced through my heart. I have to thank you and God bless you. I don't know you or your show. America is great because of good people like you.
When my husband died there was a life insurance policy and it saved me. My sister had to help me for one month and then I paid her back and my father died and it left me enough to pay off my house. So now my house is free and clear, which is a blessing.
Yep. I fell when I was 45 and missed up my hip where it still bothers me to this day. I can't imagine falling at 85. Most people that die when they are old like that seem to die from falls more than from natural causes. People need to watch the elderly better to make sure they don't take a stumble cause most of them ultimately die from just a small fall. Their bodies just can't handle that impact when they are older like that.
@@vickieclark5931 They don't usually die from the fall itself. It's mostly from the collateral damage and ancillary problems that arise from the fall. Just saying.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@Boy_Buildn_A_Bus She's saying that they were polite and very helpful to this caller, but she used the word "handled", which was the wrong word to use. Well not the WRONG word, but she should have chosen a better one to express her thoughts. It's all good because most of know what she is saying. The fact that she said "Praying" for her is the answer.
The fastest-growing group of homeless people in the U.S. is senior women. They're not drug addicts, they're not drinkers, they're not irresponsible. They're responsible people who raised children while their husbands worked and handled the money, then fell through the cracks when their breadwinner died -- often after a long, financially crippling illness. I know a woman who said to me "every day I push my shopping cart past the house I raised my children in." It's heartbreaking. They and the U.S. veterans living on the street just break your heart.
@@scarletj.salazar6706 bro it's not india where children care about parents it's america where most population doesn't even give dam about parents after certain age
There is something terribly wrong with the US. It's impossible to imagine a such scenario in Europe today. A 100-200 years ago yes, but not in the XXI century!
My Gran fell at 84 and went into hospital and developed something called Delirium. It’s really common in people older than 65 who have injuries who end up in hospital, have lots of medical intervention. My Gran didn’t die but it did induce dementia. That started 2 years ago, now she can’t do anything for herself. But I would say her husband definitely had Delirium, what she described sound so like my Gran. Bless this lady, I hope she is doing ok now.
This is a much more common problem than you’d think. Please everyone have a plan and have a heavy hand in your finances - don’t leave it to just one person in the relationship. Know where the money is, know what expenses you have, know the accounts and passwords etc. I really hope all her children come to help. I would never let my mother turn to a stranger for help before I jumped in.
@@sobeliever1638 yes- exactly. She’s not thinking well- couldn’t give a straight answer when asked if she had money for food. Widow fog, shock & the sudden onset of grief overwhelms the brain & you can’t think straight. I also hope that her kids jump in to walk beside her through this.
Sadly, many American families are torn apart or are spread out across the nation. They're too busy to keep in touch or they have some resentment issues.
🙏🏻for this sweet lady. I work in a dental office and have dealt with many people over the years. It always amazes me the number of ladies from her generation that don’t even know how to write a check when their husband passes. No matter what your age, please learn how to handle finances on your own. God bless the Ramsey team for all they do to help people.
Granted, this was eons ago (1970) but my grandmother's name was not even on my grandfather's bank account... she was able to spend money by signing MRS. grandpa's name - thankfully they were in a small town and the banker contacted us about transferring all the money into a new account so that it would not be tied up unneccessarily and she could eat! His will was also set up so that she had "life estate" of the property and everything got distributed to the kids after her death. Mom used that as a huge teaching opportunity for me to be independent
Yep definitely agree. This also goes for coddling grown children that never leave the nest. I've literally had grown 50 yr old men break out in tears bcse their mothers handled everything then they pass away. Suddenly they are becoming responsible adults at 50+.
@Eve of Sapience Your hubby needs a wakeup call ... maybe ask him if he wants a guardian when you die or (heaven forbid) you become disabled. Dave Ramsey (and any financial advisor worth anything) is ALL ABOUT both spouses knowing what goes on with finances and having a voice in the decisions made!
A college friend of mine had a dad who was a CPA. One of his first "jobs" was going to the houses after clients died and trying to help the widows get the papers in order. Sometimes it was her showing up with a shoe box full of statements and receipts. Some women were millionaires and didn't know it. Some were paupers and didn't know it either. People need to be involved even if they are are not the primary person on the finances.
One of the saddest things I ever saw on Phil Donahue: A widow found out her husband had cashed out his life insurance years before to sustain a higher standard of living than they could afford.
‘It was totally unexpected’ My heart goes out to this lady but people have to plan and prepare better. It should never be a total shock when someone past the age of 80 dies suddenly. That’s very normal. I hope she was able to manage after this, what a horrible situation.
Whew this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Dave for helping this widow. This makes me beyond thankful that both sets of my parents have their homes paid off (they’re in their 70’s). You don’t want to have a mortgage when you’re older. Praying so hard for her. This call truly hurt my heart❤️
Unless it was an adjustable rate, I’m perplexed how the payment went up $1000? If fixed rate, that tells me her assessment was raised obscenely high causing tax burden to go up huge. What else could it be? I hope she finds the help she needs. Thanks to Dave for helping…
She is a boomer most likely. In that generation women rarely went to higher education after high school or paid attention to finances. They stayed home and raised kids and watched over the house. Nothing wrong with that if course but women now a days need to pay attention to bills and finances and know how much is coming in, set up investments, pay off debt, wills, mortgages and if spouse died are you liable? And they need their kids to help them. Save up for assisted living because it ain't cheap.
@@jesussaves89 whoa whoa whoa! you're a bit off on the boomer label....born between 1946 and 1965....you're talking about the prior generation...maybe women born in the 30s
Dave, I know you will probably not see this but…THANK you both for being so kind, considerate and the gracious way you have offered help. You did all this while retaining her dignity.
@flylogan2954 They typically dislike his advice, ie: "All debt is bad, Get out of debt at all costs and forego saving and buying a house..." And sometimes he can talk like a know-it-all dad. But for the most part they're just miserable people who live pay check to pay check and are uncomfortable hearing that they need to take responsibility for themselves
I've been in this lady's position so i completely understand her pain. My young husband of 57 years passed suddenly one night after work. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it was heartbreaking to hear her as it brought back memories for me. It's a very tough place to be. I really wish everyone had a heart like Dave Ramsey, he's helped so many. Thank you Dave from a widow that figured it out with God's and your help, things i already knew, but just like this widow, had to do all the searching myself. We need to do a better job as people in general in helping Widows and Orphans the Bible commands that of us. Take it from a widow who is grateful for God and Dave Ramsey
Did you think you all were immortal? Anyone can die at any second, especially you older people. You need to be planning for emergencies and your retirement from the day you begin working at age 16. That is the time to set yourself up for success. If you wait until death, it's way way too late
The amount of people you have helped like this is insane. Thank you Dave for your service to our society. Regardless of how people might disagree with you on certain things, they must realize this before they come after you with their pettiness.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@mosesking2923 I have to say though, that I am sooo sorry for her loss. I agree with you, however I do not put ALL the blame on him. Even as another woman, I have to say that she had a responsibility as well. And that was to make sure that she, herself, would not be left out to dry if something like that ever happened. Now is not the time for me to place blame, so I don't really want to say it, but it does all boil down to being accountable for yourself as well. So sorry but true. I'm so glad they are willing to help her. She deserves it because this is a terrible position to be in.
@@mosesking2923 I have to say though, that I am sooo sorry for her loss. I agree with you, however I do not put ALL the blame on him. Even as another woman, I have to say that she had a responsibility as well. And that was to make sure that she, herself, would not be left out to dry if something like that ever happened. Now is not the time for me to place blame, so I don't really want to say it, but it does all boil down to being accountable for yourself as well. So sorry but true. I'm so glad they are willing to help her. She deserves it because this is a terrible position to be in.
@@mosesking2923 I must add to my comment that your comment says a lot about your character as far as responsibility goes and you have great character. Still good stuff you said. Thank you.
@@teenyverse7707 that was not what I was trying to do. I commiserated with her. I feel sad for her. I just feel that I am blessed. You did have to be so nasty yourself.
These guys should have been on this when she said he went to a VA hospital. To be fair, though....if he was S/C, the VA would probably not transfer him to a civilian hospital...
By "unexpected", I guess she means that people of that age would normally develop an age related disease, and thus she would have time to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable during the course of the illness. She didn't expect (or consider) a scenario where he would fall over and then be deceased a week later. As we age, we also don't realise just how fragile our bodies really are. So yeah, in that sense, it was unexpected. When my 76yr old mum passed away, I classed it as unexpected because she wasn't sick and she has (or had) longevity in her family. Her parents lived until their late 90s. And she still has siblings who are alive today in their 80s. She was a strong & independent 76yr old. None of us envisaged that she would just go into cardiac arrest one day and be found dead on her kitchen floor. So to us, that was unexpected. However, it didn't mean that we thought she would live forever, and obviously had arrangements in place beforehand.
I’m only 31 and my husband 25. Dreading the day one of us is without the other. Yet, we have a full succession plan for either scenario drafted. Plan it now. Till death do us part. Sadly one day we will be apart. Plan people plan. Prayers for this lovely lady. My heart reaching out to her from Australia.
This is why it is so important to become debt free as early as possible! Also, if you are married or have people who dependent on you financially, then you need some life insurance for them!
Amen. Debt free is possible. We paid cash for this house and then my husband got his diagnosis with terminal cancer. It's been a struggle emotionally still with things I'm unable to do. But I'm blessed otherwise 🥰
My mother in law was in the same boat. Her husband did not care about his wife as far as money goes. When he died she couldn’t pay the bills or buy food. Luckily she has children who helped her out. She had taken out a $5000 life insurance policy on him and he thought that was sufficient for her to live on after he died. It was a joke and very heartbreaking. The $5000 went to purchase his casket. She was left penniless with no assets whatsoever. She died 6 years later a broken sad human being. No one who loves their spouse would do this to them.
Why do you completely put that on him tho? Maybe he wasn't good with money and neither was she obviously. Why didn't she work and save money throughout her life? Sorry but even if he worked and she didn't she could have took the reigns and saved and budgeted their money too.
@@Naturefan354 You sound like a modern young man or woman who unserstands nothing about the times in which they were living. If you are 35 years old or younger, you cant understand, because, during that era, men back then preferred their wives be stay at home wives, men wanted and were, mostly, the bread winners. Even in situations where wives worked, men made the decisions. Its obvious, being that it was his father in law, that it was not just that he was ignorant in financial matters, but had personality, character flaws as well
@kimdawcatgirl Sorry the words narcissism and empathy are snowflake buzzwords that I typically refuse to further engage with, but I'll make an exception. And FYI you don't even know these people or anything about them so it's weird that we're supposed to have empathy for a person who I know nothing about and neither do you.? Seriously it's weird
When my dad worked at a bank, he told me that on some Mondays, a new widow would come in and ask if her husband had any accounts in the bank. They had no idea of the family finances or how much many they had.
Working at a bank made me realize that I needed to make sure we had money for our retirement. I have 2 friends whose mother in laws were destitute when their husbands passed away. So sad 😢
One of the things that my Mom always always said was "do not make any major financial decisions in the first year after a loss. Don't sell your home or do anything. She always said that you are not in your right mind after a loss and making sound major decisions at that time is very difficult if not impossible
My husband and I have had these discussions. We live comfortably in our older age because we planned in our younger age. My husband created a folder with everything we need such as documents, passwords, etc. We made our wills, prepaid for our funerals, reserved burial plots at Veterans cemetery and any other incidental costs. I know the only thing I will have to do if he predeceases me is to learn how to handle the void that was always filled with him and his love.
It's so sad to hear someone in their mid 70s completely in the dark about their own financial situation. Shows how important it is for both people in a relationship to be informed about their finances.
I am surprised also.....most females in their 70's today have had careers & should know about finances ..Hers...His & a combined "Theirs" that is just plain stupidity
@maddscientist3170 Since was her a third marriage you would think that she would have a backup plan. I have been a widow 2x. I lost my first husband to orange agent caused cancer from Vietnam..second one to an accident .
I’m 70 & I just can’t imagine being so clueless. It would frighten me. I just hope & pray my husband passes before me because he has never really wanted to know about the finances. Problem now is he has memory loss so wouldn’t be able to begin to know how to pay a bill online. He’s so clueless I’ve had to get our oldest daughter involved…just in case. Next time she comes home I need to show her a lot more.
@@lindylou3519 Sounds like you probably need to get a plan in place for your kid(s) to have control of finances and power of attorney if you do pass before him. It's a difficult conversation, but it's going to be even harder if you're not there.
A friend just posted on our church prayer list that she doesn’t have groceries or gas money. Ty Dave for financial sanity. Because I have no debt & have savings, I can help her.
I can hear the sorrow in her voice. But she's in a great place with Dave Ramsey. I don't agree with everything he teaches but Im glad your provided help to this very sweet lady.
Time to take over paying the insurance and taxes herself instead of the escrow account. The bank doesn't need a slush fund that big for the account. Glad she reached out and that Ramsey Coaches will help her.
I completely agree. I've had escrow changes on my mortgage a few times throughout the years and it usually only affects it by 10 or 20 dollars. Sometimes it even goes down. But $1000?? There is something fishy there unless she meant to say $100. And even that would be a bit high of an increase.
This is a year old, but I just now saw and listened. Dave, I was amazed at your genuine, tender, loving care you gave this lady. You were so compassionate to her and was genuinely heartfelt. I hope she got the help she needed. God bless you, Dave...you said your bible says to take care of widows. You were wonderful to her.
I'm glad that Dave has offered Ann one of his Coaches for free. She needs someone to walk her through this. I looked on the web and there are food bank and seniors resources in the area she says she is in. That would help her so much, as well. All the best to her and I hope she does call her daughter to get help.
@@rogers5622 No , but it is crazy to vilify the daughter without knowing her or the caller’s family dynamics. You simply heard one story and made an assumption. You don’t have enough info to assume the daughter NEVER reached out to her.
You don’t have to be independent. You need to just be knowledgeable. My husband is the breadwinner and takes care of the bills. I make sure how the bills work, have the passwords to our accounts, etc. I’m not financially independent but I’m neither clueless
@@alqoshgirl Hi, out of interest if your husband dies or becomes permanently disabled; do you have a back up plan. Especially if he can't work. I'm not disrespecting your situation, but I've heard that in the USA (and I'm being presumptuous here) that insurance companies never pay 100 percent of costs
@@alqoshgirl The hard truth is that your husband may not die but, rather, become disabled at a younger age or become totally dependent for physical care. Death is heartbreaking. So are the other possibilities. I would ask you to consider you and your partners financial future based on those situations. It’s daunting to face years of caregiving on a tight budget.
My mom was TERRIBLE with money. Lost everything. Even the million bucks my grandpa left her. She just always bought stuff. Properties, stuff, whatever. She now lives in some little piece of land in Brasil she bought. If it wasn’t for social security she’d be screwed. And thankfully because of where she lives the money goes about five times as far as it would be in the states.
Haven’t had a mortgage since my hubby and I sold our house 10 years ago in our 40’s. And we bought some land out in the country and my husband has been building our house. No loans! We’re in our late 50’s now. Can’t imagine heading into retirement with ANY debt
My husband died recently and I sat down with our son and gamed out what could happen in different scenarios. We have a clear picture of how to go forward and are on the same page. I feel so lucky to have this loving, caring young man in my life. Talk to your children. You'll feel better.
My mom didn't know how to write a check or use the atm after my dad passed away. My sis and I stepped in but somehow my mom never stressed about it. She knew we would help. Meanwhile, I check my bank accounts twice a day and do a zero based budget and watch everything like a hawk!
Praying for her and everyone who’s going through this! This is why it’s important to know your neighbors and loved ones. I’m on bs3b and bs4. If She were my neighbor I’d help her with groceries utilities and help her with her budget. I wanna be THAT person to help, thanks to Dave I can do this if I were in a position to help someone I know.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@mosesking2923 I agree. That's why Dave always talks about setting up all the wills and getting life insurance even when your young. He emphasizes that a lot on this show. And this call proves why what Dave says is important. Listening to this poor woman makes you realize why we need to make our plans BEFORE we die.
@@mosesking2923 You can also have this problem if you have a adult child living with you. My middle aged child lives with me and he knows where my will and life insurance policies are. I've showed him where I have all the monthly, yearly bills wrote and when they're due. Really if you're a older person you should let someone know this or really everyone should let someone know. I've seen the problems hunting needed papers when my brother died and I don't want my son to have to go thru that.
@@genxx2724 Agreed! 💯💯💯 Also...it's her third marriage. His as well. Both of them are to blame for not planning better. She took no interest in their finance (probably been that way her whole married life), so it's not all the husband's fault. It takes two in a marriage.
@@genxx2724 Yeah, we don't want to kick this poor woman when she's down, but did she think her 80 year old husband would never die? She did contribute to putting herself in this situation through willful ignorance of her own financial situation. Hopefully this is a life lesson for some here.
My husband died in 2018 and he made certain I would be okay after he left. I am so grateful and blessed. He was an amazing man and I miss him everyday 🥰🥰🥰
thanks Dave for being such a great example to follow and helping this widow. Unfortunately when my father passed away people swooped into to take advantage of my family, so I really appreciate hearing someone doing the right thing.
You all are spot on! I lost my husband in 2014. My husband paid the Bill's. I had been a single mother before I married and knew how to make ends meet. But, you are lost for a while, like you said in a fog. Thank you guys for caring for this woman, that was such an honorable thing you're doing. May God bless you both.💞💞
She definitely sounds like she needs help. My mom just moved back home to help care for my grandma who has been diagnosed with dementia. I hope her daughter is close to her to help her. This breaks my heart.
I just lost both of my parents last month. Mom was 87. My dad was 85. They did not have burial and my sister had to put the cremation on a credit card. Please people get your affairs in order your will and your burial please it should not be up to the children to take care of that.
My mother just died and had pre-planned her funeral etc. But my siblings the executors banned me from her funeral, and they've told the estate lawyer all the items I was to inherit, vanished. I can't f8ght them legally. So yes planning, and preparing is part of it, but if there is something you want your child to have and you are over 90, perhaps you pass them to that child while you are living.
I am so sorry. This happened to me too. My stepdad borrowed against the whole life policy my mother had taken out years before to pay for her final expenses, so when it came time to pay, he basically turned his pockets inside out and said oops, he had no money to "put her away." He knew this was coming, but told no one, so when the undertaker came to the house to remove her body we all kind of looked at each other like, who's covering this? and I had to pull out my credit card because no one was prepared. In retrospect, he probably planned it that way, knowing I would step up. I should not have been overly surprised, as he pretty much borrowed from Peter to pay Paul his whole life. But I was so angry at the indignity. She would have been mortified.
This is what my husband did to me after we got married 17 years ago especially I grew up in the Philippines and not familiar with bank statements, bank reconciliation, writing checks, insurance, paying bills, etc. He taught me how to do all these stuff right after we got married. Today, I know more about details of our finances than him and he likes it that I'm always looking for ways to lower our expenses and our bills which to him would take too much research time and effort.
This illustrates Dave's wisodom of couples working TOGETHER on finances. Expect the unexpected, folks. It happens every day. Bless Dave and his team for not only teaching from of Biblical perspective, but LIVING from one as well. May God be with the advisor and his new client.
I took care of my mom and helped her when my Dad died, my dad provided for his family his whole life and we had a beautiful life growing up so I thought that he was providing through his work for my mom after he died, what I found out was No, first I was angry at him cause it didn’t have to be this way I’m the oldest I gave her money and when she needed me to help her in her home I did, I learnt that and my sister learnt too , we won’t end up that way It’s so hard seeing this happen to my mom and it’s frightening for them , I loved helping my mom till she died, we had wonderful talks and moments we laughed about and looking at photos, it was the best! My mom was the best person,
Always the daughters ❤ Bless her heart, she sounded terrified. Loved the way Dave and John carried the conversation, showing empathy while comforting her through advise. If there is one RUclips channel that gives me the confidence and optimism on a given day, it will be this. I appreciate you all for the work you guys are carrying out. You have no idea how many lives you are changing. ❤❤
Let’s hope u have a strong daughter. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I lost my dad who was living from day to day. He would only ask for help when he absolutely needed it. When I would do anything for him when he asked. Don’t be to proud to ask for help. U will get it.
I have tremendous difficulty relating to this kind of situation. I took care of 100% of household management. My husband did nothing other than his job and hobbies. I worked full time too, but did everything financial, bought and sold our houses, paid all bills, managed the bank accounts, did the taxes, obtained insurance policies and processed all claims, vehicle registrations - if it was any kind of business I did it all. I can't imagine being totally blind to my financial footing and being okay with that.
So could your situation be reversed? If something were to happen to you wouldn’t it be wise to make sure your husband understands these things as well? Both spouses should know how to operate and it’s important to not be so controlling over these things that we miss the point. Just my opinion
That was my parents situation in a nutshell. My Mum did all the financials and household management and after 64 years of marriage my mother passed and my father was just clueless. He was getting notices for property taxes and decided to send a cheque and the city called him up and asked if he wanted to stop with the automated withdrawals. She had set up so many things with the city, utilities, insurance companies and the bank and he had no clue. All his life he had just given her his paycheque and was happy with the "allowance" he received to indulge in his hobbies. At 86 years old he had to try to figure out how a house runs. One lucky aspect, was that he was a psychologist with the school board so he made good money whilst working, and had an above average workplace pension, the house had been paid off for years, and still had good income from investments that my mother had set up. It all worked out well with my sister and I stepping in and helping with various aspects of the day to day running of a house, but we just couldn't fathom how out of touch he was with his financial situation.
@@norton750commando I suspect this used to be very common. While working and before direct deposit many wives picked up their husbands checks. Great to hear it worked just fine in your parents life.
I've seen this scenario before where the spouse is financially clueless because the other handled everything. Even if a spouse has no hands on the financial aspects they need to know the information so when a tragedy occurs they have one less problem to deal with. Thank you Dave for helping this lady.
I can't imagine just letting someone else handle finances because it would really bug me to not know what is going on. I had questions for my ex when he was withdrawing hundreds of dollars suddenly. Turns out he was paying a mistresses mortgage.
My niece is going through the same thing!! My nephew took care of all the bills and when he died she was lost and is still dealing with the mess over a year later!!
Life can be so brutal at times I went through this yrs ago my husband passed away n I had a disabled son to care for n it was stressful. Thank you for helping this woman
That woman's situation is almost identical to what happened to me a few months ago, down to the 3rd marriage and number of children for each of us. Unexpected death, spouse did all the finances, and I was lost. Thankfully, my son came up from out of state and sorted a few things out, and got some sense of what I needed to do to be able to pay the mortgage. Still so much I am learning and sorting through. It is easier now, but still not close to being settled. I can totally relate to where her head is at right now. It will get better but it's a day by day process. Thank you gentlemen for helping this woman. Bless you.
My daughter is my next of kin. Some time ago, I wrote up a "when I die" info sheet and sent her a copy electronically as well as physically with instructions to put it in her "important papers" pile. It starts with basics--call (name of lawyer, phone number). She will help you with everything. It goes on to list all the various accounts, insurance policies, name of my accountant, etc. The idea was to not leave her in the lurch with no direction. I even went as far as, "If (name of lawyer) has retired, her younger partner will be able to handle things. You don't know partner, but that's OK--you can trust him. Obviously, all the estate planning documents, etc. are in place.
This happened to someone close to me and the first thing we did after the funeral was go home get everything in order and in one place. We both feel better knowing this so if this happens to us we know what to do. We also informed our kids to our plan. Feel for this woman!
My dads wife passed away on St. Patrick’s day a few days ago and he is in the same position. I am his sounding board and will help him in any way I can. I am certain her daughter would love to be there for her and help her.
Sorry for your and your sister's loss. Please apply for foodstamps, look into going to a foodbank. Do not be ashamed ! This is why these programs exist to help people. I hope your sister gets help as well. Prayers
This is what happens folks when you live pay check to pay check and in debt. Anything unexpected can happen and it will turn your world upside down, and sometimes there nothing anyone can do, you just get to suffer.
Good point. But to use this at this time is now so wise. People can see your point without making it at this time. But I do get your point. Hope it doesn’t hurt u.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
Carrying a loan against your home at 86 is ridiculous. This lady has a though situation, but everyone doing the same thing should see this as a cautionary tale
@@mosesking2923 I am a real estate broker and am in escrow with a seller wife and the husband left her in the same situation. I get your point but sometimes people : human error thinks death is so far out. It could be other underlining issues too but now we band together to help widows. I do see your pint. And husband must do better. U are right.
@@cherylbroadenax1006 If this is not the right time to warn others and use this lady's story as a cautionary tale, then I don't know when is the right time. Also...Dave and John literally said the same thing as the original post, but they just said it in a nicer way, but still used her story as a cautionary tale. Plan ahead, plan for old age, plan for death, don't be living paycheck to paycheck at 70 or 80 years old. Everyone needs to learn how to handle money, don't just leave it to one spouse to handle the finance.
That’s why I will keep working until I’m not able to. Through my work, I have a 401k and medical insurance that will help me. As much as I love my hubby, I’ve learned to protect myself and him, if ever he would become incapacitated. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank goodness you have your daughter.
I just don't get it. There's no such thing as an "unexpected death" when you're 85 years old. I'm 39 and I already think about my wife if I were gone and plan for that. How are you 85 and don't have a plan!? This is a cautionary tale.
A will takes months to sort out after death. He had a will but she had no idea how he managed day to day expenses. In Australia if you have a joint bank account with a spouse who dies you might loose access to that account temporarily- this is scary af if you don't have an account solely in your name. You need to in the midst of your grief transfer money or draw out cash while you wait for the death certificate and all of the stuff that happens around death. If you have a relative or friend in this situation please check that they have access to money as soon as you hear of the spouse death
My husband refused to let me in on the financial aspects 3 months after we got married, finally planning now to leave. He took every penny my mom left me and claims it is gone. Intimidated me into putting my paycheck in with his and spent every penny. Just took back my paycheck for myself. Have to wait a couple of months until I can leave and he is suddenly telling me he will change, but having been through 3 other times of this, I no longer care if he changes or not. Besides my father is 85 and though I don't care whether I inherit or not, (there is a newer wife), I am not staying around to see if that is my husband's endgame...
People, it's unacceptable to not know if you have any money or if there is a life insurance policy on your spouse. Furthermore, it's not unexpected for an 85 year old man to die. This is all a lack of responsibility and accountability. Wake up, people.
I have struggled since my husband passed away. On SS and have had a hard time. Raised a grandson...his father, my son, passed away as well. I have successfully raised my grandson. The one thing that really make it a struggle is not having a vehicle. Living in Alaska it is especially hard. I made it this far.... and at 70, I am wanting to just be able to quilt and go get a few groceries sometimes. . Have so far been isolated almost a year. Anyway, this happens to a lot of people my age. I have managed better than most. Pretty stubborn I guess! God bless this lady. I hope you find good comfort!
![Jack Harlow - Hello Miss Johnson [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q86_nlRoIGw/mqdefault.jpg)
My Mom couldn’t buy food after Dad passed. At least she called me and I made sure she was taken care of. She moved in with me and I cared for her for 14 years. Families must step up. No regrets. She passed away at 96.
That was very kind of you to be there for your mom. So many do not do that any more.
Your mom was blessed to have a wonderful daughter like you. Not too many kids will do like you did. God bless you !
Amen
Great for you. Not all children will do that.
She was blessed to have you as a daughter.
One of my worst fears is for me to pass away and my wife and children are left to struggle financially due to one reason or another. I am the breadwinner of my family and I sat my wife down and discuss everything with her from my business down to the insurance policies. She knows exactly what to do when that day finally comes.
Amazing. Good for you💯💯💯 every spouse should do that.
My husband did the same for me. He died in August. We were married for 41 years. I’ve had deep sorrow, but no debt or financial worries. My beloved husband was the best gift God ever gave me.
God is greater.
My husband and I sat down and went over all our finances and came up with a game plan if one of us dies. He’s the bread winner but we both have life insurance and everything in a living trust. My worst fear is if both of us dies together while our children are still minors. We have family that will take them but I still prefer for that to not happen.
Lol me too, but I hope she go first. IJS
My husband made me sit down on a monthly basis throughout our marriage and go over finances. I hated those monthly sessions. However, when he died suddenly at age 59, I was so thankful he had made me do this. He had also prepared a special file with all the key information I would need. When one faces the most devastating loss of your life, you can't even think straight. No one knows when they may lose a spouse, and everyone should know the basic facts of the family finances.
I did the same thing with my wife and she divorced me. She just couldn't bear the thought of living within our means. Thank God I no longer have that burden.
God bless your husband for doing this.
My mom has done the same thing. She says one must be prepared for all eventualities.
My hubby has been doing the same thing with me on a weekly basis after we retired to make sure I know what to do with our finances if he passes suddenly. I have been learning a lot from him.
Wow, 59 is young, I'm very sorry for your loss.
I love how Dave helps to take care of widows without charge.
I couldn’t be a host on this show. I probably would’ve given up half my income to some of these callers.
Well. Sorry for You'r empathy. 🥹
I do hope you learn it some day. 😘
He is within microstep 8+, and take an active desession, to affort it !
A greatful help, for those in need. ❤
Please listen to the psalm " Amazing grace. "
Please listen again, this time not with your brain, but with your heart. ❤
Yep. It’s a command for believers in the Bible
This is EXTREMELY FRIGHTENING to me that people have mortgage payments in their 70s and 80s!!
It’s because people are getting divorced and remarried 2 or 3 times.
Can’t have a nest egg if you keep dismantling the nest.
@DipsyMum29 Correct. Also poor financial discipline and poor financial management.
Living above your means.
@@farzana6676 yes this also.
What I’ve noticed is that some people are scared to do the monthly math for their bills because their budget makes them depressed.
I couldn’t do that. It would keep me up at night.
My house is paid off free and clear cars are paid off minor credit card debt if something were to happen to either one of us we will be taken care of. We both have pensions and ss income we are better off $ wise than we were when we were working. I hope someone helps this poor lady.
this is why mortgage loans are haram in Islam mortgages and loans are literally the easiest ways for you to be trapped for life It is as if I put a 100-pound dumbell on your neck and i tell you every time you slave off and walk with it the lower it gets
She's a part of the generation of women who's husbands took care of everything, and didn't want to "burden" the wife with bills, finances etc. This is sad. Bless her heart
A true shame the new generation of women aren't like this. What gems they were.
If the man was 85 with a mortgage, he was very irresponsible in life.
Not always. My grandmother took care of all the bills/money and when she passed away my grandfather was clueless. Make sure you and your spouse both know all the details of your finances.
I think you may have your generations mixed up. I'm 75 and part of the same baby boomer generation as this woman caller. In the '60s, we women advocated for the right to open a bank account. (Can you imagine? We actually didn't have that right before.) We specifically didn't want to be dependent on husbands, and so many of us also made the decision to work outside the home, which previously was more unusual. This was the beginning of the women's liberation movement. Of course, broad generalizations are useless, but I just wanted to make a point. For many of us, egalitarian relationships have been very important in our lives, which includes equal involvement in financial planning.
I’m 65 also a baby boomer. Not all husbands take control of the finances. Mine didn’t and doesn’t have a clue. I handle everything but I’m slowly getting him used to getting more involved. He should have been years ago but better late than never
I wish I knew where she is. I'm in Columbia too, right by the VA hospital and I'd love to take her some meals, help her around her house, have her yard taken care of or whatever she needs. Love thy neighbor. 😭💔
God bless you. I wish I could help her, too
So kind 🥰
I bet you could ask around or email this show and someone would know her. You could always look at obituaries too and figure it out.
Same here. I wish there was a way to directly connect and provide resources to callers like this.
Check your local obituaries around the time her husband passed away and you can find her that way.
"MY Bible says to take care of the widows" Mr. Ramsey, this sentence pierced through my heart. I have to thank you and God bless you. I don't know you or your show. America is great because of good people like you.
Absolutely correct. What an incredible blessing this man is. God bless him.
Most people forget that the Bible does say to care for widows.
True
Taking care of a widow is just common decency.
The Bible also says that slaves should obey their masters, so I’m not sure that’s a good standard to follow.
I like how Dr. John talks to her like a normal person and not an old lady that doesn’t understand anything! ❤
When my husband died there was a life insurance policy and it saved me. My sister had to help me for one month and then I paid her back and my father died and it left me enough to pay off my house. So now my house is free and clear, which is a blessing.
Falling at 85 is a lot different than falling at 25.
Yep. I fell when I was 45 and missed up my hip where it still bothers me to this day. I can't imagine falling at 85. Most people that die when they are old like that seem to die from falls more than from natural causes. People need to watch the elderly better to make sure they don't take a stumble cause most of them ultimately die from just a small fall. Their bodies just can't handle that impact when they are older like that.
I work on the rehab floor in the hospital I see this everyday it’s sad
Agree 100% I’m in my 50s and fell and my knee is still messed up
@@vickieclark5931 They don't usually die from the fall itself. It's mostly from the collateral damage and ancillary problems that arise from the fall. Just saying.
Falling is a natural cause...
Praying for her. You both handled this caller very well.
I'm praying for her now....
@@Boy_Buildn_A_Bus Are you JOKING?
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@Boy_Buildn_A_Bus She's saying that they were polite and very helpful to this caller, but she used the word "handled", which was the wrong word to use. Well not the WRONG word, but she should have chosen a better one to express her thoughts. It's all good because most of know what she is saying. The fact that she said "Praying" for her is the answer.
Me, too.
The fastest-growing group of homeless people in the U.S. is senior women. They're not drug addicts, they're not drinkers, they're not irresponsible. They're responsible people who raised children while their husbands worked and handled the money, then fell through the cracks when their breadwinner died -- often after a long, financially crippling illness. I know a woman who said to me "every day I push my shopping cart past the house I raised my children in." It's heartbreaking. They and the U.S. veterans living on the street just break your heart.
What happened to the children? How can someone raise children and be homeless, so unusual
I and my wifes siblings pay our mother in laws property tax every year
@@scarletj.salazar6706 bro it's not india where children care about parents it's america where most population doesn't even give dam about parents after certain age
People still voting liberal ! Look at California!!!! Is a 🗑️
There is something terribly wrong with the US. It's impossible to imagine a such scenario in Europe today. A 100-200 years ago yes, but not in the XXI century!
Dave is so thoughtful and kind when he needs to be. He is tough when he needs to be too. What a great man to have in your corner.
My Gran fell at 84 and went into hospital and developed something called Delirium. It’s really common in people older than 65 who have injuries who end up in hospital, have lots of medical intervention. My Gran didn’t die but it did induce dementia. That started 2 years ago, now she can’t do anything for herself. But I would say her husband definitely had Delirium, what she described sound so like my Gran.
Bless this lady, I hope she is doing ok now.
Please do update us on this poor widow. I hope she's OK. I'm sorry for her beloved husband's loss.
Yes! 🙏Praying for her. I love how Dave handled this call🙏
Yes, please. I hope her daughter has helped her and she can take care of everything she needs.
This is a much more common problem than you’d think. Please everyone have a plan and have a heavy hand in your finances - don’t leave it to just one person in the relationship. Know where the money is, know what expenses you have, know the accounts and passwords etc. I really hope all her children come to help. I would never let my mother turn to a stranger for help before I jumped in.
She could be telling them she is fine.
@@sobeliever1638 yes- exactly. She’s not thinking well- couldn’t give a straight answer when asked if she had money for food. Widow fog, shock & the sudden onset of grief overwhelms the brain & you can’t think straight. I also hope that her kids jump in to walk beside her through this.
Sadly, many American families are torn apart or are spread out across the nation. They're too busy to keep in touch or they have some resentment issues.
@@sagatuppercut2960 you have to go where the job’s are.
Don’t have a mortgage when you’re in your 70s.
🙏🏻for this sweet lady. I work in a dental office and have dealt with many people over the years. It always amazes me the number of ladies from her generation that don’t even know how to write a check when their husband passes. No matter what your age, please learn how to handle finances on your own. God bless the Ramsey team for all they do to help people.
Yes. Some of my grandfather's friends widows came to my grandmother asking how to do that type of stuff.
Wow
Granted, this was eons ago (1970) but my grandmother's name was not even on my grandfather's bank account... she was able to spend money by signing MRS. grandpa's name - thankfully they were in a small town and the banker contacted us about transferring all the money into a new account so that it would not be tied up unneccessarily and she could eat! His will was also set up so that she had "life estate" of the property and everything got distributed to the kids after her death.
Mom used that as a huge teaching opportunity for me to be independent
Yep definitely agree. This also goes for coddling grown children that never leave the nest. I've literally had grown 50 yr old men break out in tears bcse their mothers handled everything then they pass away. Suddenly they are becoming responsible adults at 50+.
@Eve of Sapience Your hubby needs a wakeup call ... maybe ask him if he wants a guardian when you die or (heaven forbid) you become disabled.
Dave Ramsey (and any financial advisor worth anything) is ALL ABOUT both spouses knowing what goes on with finances and having a voice in the decisions made!
A college friend of mine had a dad who was a CPA. One of his first "jobs" was going to the houses after clients died and trying to help the widows get the papers in order. Sometimes it was her showing up with a shoe box full of statements and receipts. Some women were millionaires and didn't know it. Some were paupers and didn't know it either. People need to be involved even if they are are not the primary person on the finances.
One of the saddest things I ever saw on Phil Donahue: A widow found out her husband had cashed out his life insurance years before to sustain a higher standard of living than they could afford.
Most likely sge never was able to take NO as the answer
@@Rccrdawgsmore likely he had mistresses he had to pay.
Millionaires n weren’t allowed to have money
Lovely husbands
‘It was totally unexpected’
My heart goes out to this lady but people have to plan and prepare better. It should never be a total shock when someone past the age of 80 dies suddenly. That’s very normal. I hope she was able to manage after this, what a horrible situation.
The best time to plant that tree was 50 years ago
Whew this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you Dave for helping this widow. This makes me beyond thankful that both sets of my parents have their homes paid off (they’re in their 70’s). You don’t want to have a mortgage when you’re older. Praying so hard for her. This call truly hurt my heart❤️
Unless it was an adjustable rate, I’m perplexed how the payment went up $1000? If fixed rate, that tells me her assessment was raised obscenely high causing tax burden to go up huge. What else could it be? I hope she finds the help she needs. Thanks to Dave for helping…
I'm curious why at 75/85 on their 3rd marriage they still had a mortgage.
@@eckankar7756 sometimes they help their kids...too much.
This call is very sad. It's terrible that her kids didn't think that they needed to step up and assist their mother .
@@MmeO or not
This is the tragedy of relying on people to take care of you your entire life. This poor lady sounds completely helpless.
She is a boomer most likely. In that generation women rarely went to higher education after high school or paid attention to finances. They stayed home and raised kids and watched over the house. Nothing wrong with that if course but women now a days need to pay attention to bills and finances and know how much is coming in, set up investments, pay off debt, wills, mortgages and if spouse died are you liable? And they need their kids to help them. Save up for assisted living because it ain't cheap.
@@jesussaves89 whoa whoa whoa! you're a bit off on the boomer label....born between 1946 and 1965....you're talking about the prior generation...maybe women born in the 30s
@@beecee921 women born in the 40's up to the 60's most still a homemaker. Only thr husband's handles the finances. Not just in the 30's.
@@beecee921 I think the woman might technically be a 1946 boomer, but it's weird for me to consider her that when my parents were 1963 boomers.
Yeah well don't believe enjoying on the Internet
Dave, I know you will probably not see this but…THANK you both for being so kind, considerate and the gracious way you have offered help. You did all this while retaining her dignity.
I don't understand why people hate on him, he has been so kind to those in distress
@@flylogan2954Because he speaks the truth.
@flylogan2954
They typically dislike his advice, ie:
"All debt is bad, Get out of debt at all costs and forego saving and buying a house..."
And sometimes he can talk like a know-it-all dad.
But for the most part they're just miserable people who live pay check to pay check and are uncomfortable hearing that they need to take responsibility for themselves
And asked her what happened bcs he knew she didn't have anyone to talk to ❤❤❤
I've been in this lady's position so i completely understand her pain. My young husband of 57 years passed suddenly one night after work. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it was heartbreaking to hear her as it brought back memories for me. It's a very tough place to be. I really wish everyone had a heart like Dave Ramsey, he's helped so many. Thank you Dave from a widow that figured it out with God's and your help, things i already knew, but just like this widow, had to do all the searching myself. We need to do a better job as people in general in helping Widows and Orphans the Bible commands that of us. Take it from a widow who is grateful for God and Dave Ramsey
Thank you, you just reminded me to check on a widow I know in the Philippines.
Was there life insurance
And I'm thankful that you kept on holding on those difficult times. Please know that you are a strong woman. God be with you always.
I’m sorry for your loss
And I’m happy that God was able to guide you to the other side
Did you think you all were immortal? Anyone can die at any second, especially you older people. You need to be planning for emergencies and your retirement from the day you begin working at age 16. That is the time to set yourself up for success. If you wait until death, it's way way too late
My husband passed in 2013. We were both fully aware of our finances. I can’t imagine how lost this poor woman feels. Bless you for helping her.
It tugged at my heart strings when this old dear said "I think I have money" 😢
The amount of people you have helped like this is insane. Thank you Dave for your service to our society. Regardless of how people might disagree with you on certain things, they must realize this before they come after you with their pettiness.
very very very well said. Thank you for saying that. Blessings.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@mosesking2923 I have to say though, that I am sooo sorry for her loss. I agree with you, however I do not put ALL the blame on him. Even as another woman, I have to say that she had a responsibility as well. And that was to make sure that she, herself, would not be left out to dry if something like that ever happened. Now is not the time for me to place blame, so I don't really want to say it, but it does all boil down to being accountable for yourself as well. So sorry but true. I'm so glad they are willing to help her. She deserves it because this is a terrible position to be in.
@@mosesking2923 I have to say though, that I am sooo sorry for her loss. I agree with you, however I do not put ALL the blame on him. Even as another woman, I have to say that she had a responsibility as well. And that was to make sure that she, herself, would not be left out to dry if something like that ever happened. Now is not the time for me to place blame, so I don't really want to say it, but it does all boil down to being accountable for yourself as well. So sorry but true. I'm so glad they are willing to help her. She deserves it because this is a terrible position to be in.
@@mosesking2923 I must add to my comment that your comment says a lot about your character as far as responsibility goes and you have great character. Still good stuff you said. Thank you.
Oh, my heart ❤️ goes out to this woman. I am 76 and my husband also passed away. He left me pretty well financially set. So I am blessed.
Sorry for your loss! What a loving husband!
rub it in Eileen. LOL
@@teenyverse7707 that was not what I was trying to do. I commiserated with her. I feel sad for her. I just feel that I am blessed. You did have to be so nasty yourself.
Maybe you were just kidding, cuz you signed off LOL! If so, I am sorry I made that comment to you! 🥰
@@eileenalholinna5310 You sound like a lovely person
She needs to see a veteran services rep to see if she could qualify for VA DIC benefits
These guys should have been on this when she said he went to a VA hospital.
To be fair, though....if he was S/C, the VA would probably not transfer him to a civilian hospital...
It is really awesome that she knew she could call the Ramsey Show and get advice and help.
85 years old and death is totally unexpected? I'm 40 and wonder every day if I'm going to live through the night.
Why? What is wrong with your health?
I was looking for this comments.
Absolutely. I'm 49 and while I don't expect to die soon, I know it could happen.
By "unexpected", I guess she means that people of that age would normally develop an age related disease, and thus she would have time to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable during the course of the illness. She didn't expect (or consider) a scenario where he would fall over and then be deceased a week later. As we age, we also don't realise just how fragile our bodies really are.
So yeah, in that sense, it was unexpected.
When my 76yr old mum passed away, I classed it as unexpected because she wasn't sick and she has (or had) longevity in her family. Her parents lived until their late 90s. And she still has siblings who are alive today in their 80s. She was a strong & independent 76yr old. None of us envisaged that she would just go into cardiac arrest one day and be found dead on her kitchen floor. So to us, that was unexpected. However, it didn't mean that we thought she would live forever, and obviously had arrangements in place beforehand.
I’m only 31 and my husband 25. Dreading the day one of us is without the other. Yet, we have a full succession plan for either scenario drafted. Plan it now. Till death do us part. Sadly one day we will be apart. Plan people plan. Prayers for this lovely lady. My heart reaching out to her from Australia.
Excellent advice. PAY ATTENTION, PEOPLE!
Good luck but its till DEBT do us apart for most marriages.
It's possible you can both die together in a car crash, so it's not as bleak as you think.
Thank you for taking care of this widow! I am also widowed and have walked in her shoes. Prayers for her as she grieves this heavy loss!!!
She is in my prayers. Bless her
This is why it is so important to become debt free as early as possible! Also, if you are married or have people who dependent on you financially, then you need some life insurance for them!
Amen. Debt free is possible. We paid cash for this house and then my husband got his diagnosis with terminal cancer. It's been a struggle emotionally still with things I'm unable to do. But I'm blessed otherwise 🥰
Heartbreaking. I love that Dave stands so strongly behind his values and one of those is helping widows. ❤️ A basic value we should all get behind
I’m in tears for this lady. Thank THE LORD FOR YOU DAVE
My mother in law was in the same boat. Her husband did not care about his wife as far as money goes. When he died she couldn’t pay the bills or buy food. Luckily she has children who helped her out. She had taken out a $5000 life insurance policy on him and he thought that was sufficient for her to live on after he died. It was a joke and very heartbreaking. The $5000 went to purchase his casket. She was left penniless with no assets whatsoever. She died 6 years later a broken sad human being. No one who loves their spouse would do this to them.
Why do you completely put that on him tho? Maybe he wasn't good with money and neither was she obviously. Why didn't she work and save money throughout her life? Sorry but even if he worked and she didn't she could have took the reigns and saved and budgeted their money too.
This makes me so angry. What a sorry piece of a man.
@@Naturefan354 You sound like a modern young man or woman who unserstands nothing about the times in which they were living. If you are 35 years old or younger, you cant understand, because, during that era, men back then preferred their wives be stay at home wives, men wanted and were, mostly, the bread winners. Even in situations where wives worked, men made the decisions. Its obvious, being that it was his father in law, that it was not just that he was ignorant in financial matters, but had personality, character flaws as well
@@Naturefan354Because not every husband allows their wife to work. It's called control. Narcissism. They lack empathy, like you.
@kimdawcatgirl Sorry the words narcissism and empathy are snowflake buzzwords that I typically refuse to further engage with, but I'll make an exception. And FYI you don't even know these people or anything about them so it's weird that we're supposed to have empathy for a person who I know nothing about and neither do you.? Seriously it's weird
When my dad worked at a bank, he told me that on some Mondays, a new widow would come in and ask if her husband had any accounts in the bank. They had no idea of the family finances or how much many they had.
Working at a bank made me realize that I needed to make sure we had money for our retirement. I have 2 friends whose mother in laws were destitute when their husbands passed away. So sad 😢
One of the things that my Mom always always said was "do not make any major financial decisions in the first year after a loss. Don't sell your home or do anything. She always said that you are not in your right mind after a loss and making sound major decisions at that time is very difficult if not impossible
My husband and I have had these discussions. We live comfortably in our older age because we planned in our younger age. My husband created a folder with everything we need such as documents, passwords, etc. We made our wills, prepaid for our funerals, reserved burial plots at Veterans cemetery and any other incidental costs. I know the only thing I will have to do if he predeceases me is to learn how to handle the void that was always filled with him and his love.
It's so sad to hear someone in their mid 70s completely in the dark about their own financial situation. Shows how important it is for both people in a relationship to be informed about their finances.
I am surprised also.....most females in their 70's today have had careers & should know about finances ..Hers...His & a combined "Theirs" that is just plain stupidity
@maddscientist3170 Since was her a third marriage you would think that she would have a backup plan. I have been a widow 2x. I lost my first husband to orange agent caused cancer from Vietnam..second one to an accident .
I’m 70 & I just can’t imagine being so clueless. It would frighten me. I just hope & pray my husband passes before me because he has never really wanted to know about the finances. Problem now is he has memory loss so wouldn’t be able to begin to know how to pay a bill online.
He’s so clueless I’ve had to get our oldest daughter involved…just in case. Next time she comes home I need to show her a lot more.
@@lindylou3519 Sounds like you probably need to get a plan in place for your kid(s) to have control of finances and power of attorney if you do pass before him. It's a difficult conversation, but it's going to be even harder if you're not there.
@@cooleobradPOA definitely.
A friend just posted on our church prayer list that she doesn’t have groceries or gas money. Ty Dave for financial sanity. Because I have no debt & have savings, I can help her.
What age is your friend
OK but how long can you "help" her? Are you going to become her source of support entirely? Will this be ongoing?
Show where to go for help. Don’t let use you.
Your Kindness to this Caller is What This World Needs More Of - - - I Won't Be Forgetting This One Anytime Soon...
I was crying. Dave thank you for being a man of God!!
I can hear the sorrow in her voice. But she's in a great place with Dave Ramsey. I don't agree with everything he teaches but Im glad your provided help to this very sweet lady.
$1000 a month escrow increase? That doesn't sound right. That needs to be questioned and looked into.
Time to take over paying the insurance and taxes herself instead of the escrow account. The bank doesn't need a slush fund that big for the account. Glad she reached out and that Ramsey Coaches will help her.
It’s total BS.
I'd suspect it was that she could pay a lump sum of $1k to get escrow back on track, or her mortgage would actually go up by $40/mo or something.
I completely agree. I've had escrow changes on my mortgage a few times throughout the years and it usually only affects it by 10 or 20 dollars. Sometimes it even goes down. But $1000?? There is something fishy there unless she meant to say $100. And even that would be a bit high of an increase.
Taxes don’t go up after a certain age. Maybe insurance went up.
Dave is the G O A T.
Stepping up to ensure the caller is going to be taken care of.
Oh sheesh, goat? C'mon now
This is a year old, but I just now saw and listened. Dave, I was amazed at your genuine, tender, loving care you gave this lady. You were so compassionate to her and was genuinely heartfelt. I hope she got the help she needed. God bless you, Dave...you said your bible says to take care of widows. You were wonderful to her.
I'm glad that Dave has offered Ann one of his Coaches for free. She needs someone to walk her through this. I looked on the web and there are food bank and seniors resources in the area she says she is in. That would help her so much, as well. All the best to her and I hope she does call her daughter to get help.
It's crazy that her daughter never thought to reach out to her 😳hope she helps her .
@@rogers5622 No , but it is crazy to vilify the daughter without knowing her or the caller’s family dynamics. You simply heard one story and made an assumption. You don’t have enough info to assume the daughter NEVER reached out to her.
@@rogers5622 she said he had just passed away within the week, give the daughter some time.
maybe the daughters grieving too🤧
@@rogers5622 Daughter may have reached out for emotional support, but not thought to ask financial questions.
Dave , you can tell, is a sympathetic person. He gives great advice.
As a woman, stories like these are the reason why I choose to be financially independent and free.
Yes maam
Amen to that, I need to know my bills are going to be paid
You don’t have to be independent. You need to just be knowledgeable. My husband is the breadwinner and takes care of the bills. I make sure how the bills work, have the passwords to our accounts, etc. I’m not financially independent but I’m neither clueless
@@alqoshgirl Hi, out of interest if your husband dies or becomes permanently disabled; do you have a back up plan. Especially if he can't work. I'm not disrespecting your situation, but I've heard that in the USA (and I'm being presumptuous here) that insurance companies never pay 100 percent of costs
@@alqoshgirl The hard truth is that your husband may not die but, rather, become disabled at a younger age or become totally dependent for physical care. Death is heartbreaking. So are the other possibilities. I would ask you to consider you and your partners financial future based on those situations. It’s daunting to face years of caregiving on a tight budget.
Heartbreaking, this was hard to watch. Dave is a really out here saving people.
This one hurts...
How?
@@greenearthblueskies8556 well if you don't no them don't worry about it because apparently you don't have enough empathy to understand
@@beverlyallen8493 😂ok
My mom was TERRIBLE with money. Lost everything. Even the million bucks my grandpa left her. She just always bought stuff. Properties, stuff, whatever. She now lives in some little piece of land in Brasil she bought. If it wasn’t for social security she’d be screwed. And thankfully because of where she lives the money goes about five times as far as it would be in the states.
Haven’t had a mortgage since my hubby and I sold our house 10 years ago in our 40’s. And we bought some land out in the country and my husband has been building our house. No loans! We’re in our late 50’s now. Can’t imagine heading into retirement with ANY debt
My husband died recently and I sat down with our son and gamed out what could happen in different scenarios. We have a clear picture of how to go forward and are on the same page. I feel so lucky to have this loving, caring young man in my life. Talk to your children. You'll feel better.
My mom didn't know how to write a check or use the atm after my dad passed away. My sis and I stepped in but somehow my mom never stressed about it. She knew we would help. Meanwhile, I check my bank accounts twice a day and do a zero based budget and watch everything like a hawk!
Praying for her and everyone who’s going through this! This is why it’s important to know your neighbors and loved ones. I’m on bs3b and bs4. If She were my neighbor I’d help her with groceries utilities and help her with her budget. I wanna be THAT person to help, thanks to Dave I can do this if I were in a position to help someone I know.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
@@mosesking2923 I agree. That's why Dave always talks about setting up all the wills and getting life insurance even when your young. He emphasizes that a lot on this show. And this call proves why what Dave says is important. Listening to this poor woman makes you realize why we need to make our plans BEFORE we die.
@@mosesking2923 You can also have this problem if you have a adult child living with you. My middle aged child lives with me and he knows where my will and life insurance policies are. I've showed him where I have all the monthly, yearly bills wrote and when they're due. Really if you're a older person you should let someone know this or really everyone should let someone know. I've seen the problems hunting needed papers when my brother died and I don't want my son to have to go thru that.
@@genxx2724
Agreed! 💯💯💯
Also...it's her third marriage. His as well. Both of them are to blame for not planning better. She took no interest in their finance (probably been that way her whole married life), so it's not all the husband's fault. It takes two in a marriage.
@@genxx2724 Yeah, we don't want to kick this poor woman when she's down, but did she think her 80 year old husband would never die? She did contribute to putting herself in this situation through willful ignorance of her own financial situation. Hopefully this is a life lesson for some here.
My husband died in 2018 and he made certain I would be okay after he left. I am so grateful and blessed. He was an amazing man and I miss him everyday 🥰🥰🥰
Thank you Dave. This lady needed you. I am a recent widow and wept at you response. I'm okay because of you.... I appreciate it.
That's so nice of Dave to help this woman.
Oh my goodness you both had me in tears for helping this lady! You all are a blessing!!
thanks Dave for being such a great example to follow and helping this widow. Unfortunately when my father passed away people swooped into to take advantage of my family, so I really appreciate hearing someone doing the right thing.
Honey, 85 years old is not out of the blue. God bless you and much luck. I pray your children come through for you.
It is the suddenness of it all, that's what she means. After all, it was 'just' a fall when he went in, and did not come back out. She is in shock.
My dad is 87 and in great health and shape, if he were to pass tomorrow it would be totally unexpected.
You all are spot on! I lost my husband in 2014. My husband paid the Bill's. I had been a single mother before I married and knew how to make ends meet. But, you are lost for a while, like you said in a fog. Thank you guys for caring for this woman, that was such an honorable thing you're doing. May God bless you both.💞💞
So sorry for your loss I can’t imagine what that’s like having to think about finances when grieving like that ❤️🩹 my prayers go out to you
The world needs more decent people like Dave Ramsey! God bless him and all the people he helps!
She definitely sounds like she needs help. My mom just moved back home to help care for my grandma who has been diagnosed with dementia. I hope her daughter is close to her to help her. This breaks my heart.
You both are amazing. Thank you for preaching the Bible's Good Deeds and helping this precious soul.
I just lost both of my parents last month. Mom was 87. My dad was 85. They did not have burial and my sister had to put the cremation on a credit card. Please people get your affairs in order your will and your burial please it should not be up to the children to take care of that.
Sorry for your loss. Tough to mourn like that in addition to the financial part. My goodness. I’m really sorry.
My mother just died and had pre-planned her funeral etc. But my siblings the executors banned me from her funeral, and they've told the estate lawyer all the items I was to inherit, vanished. I can't f8ght them legally. So yes planning, and preparing is part of it, but if there is something you want your child to have and you are over 90, perhaps you pass them to that child while you are living.
I am so sorry. This happened to me too. My stepdad borrowed against the whole life policy my mother had taken out years before to pay for her final expenses, so when it came time to pay, he basically turned his pockets inside out and said oops, he had no money to "put her away." He knew this was coming, but told no one, so when the undertaker came to the house to remove her body we all kind of looked at each other like, who's covering this? and I had to pull out my credit card because no one was prepared. In retrospect, he probably planned it that way, knowing I would step up. I should not have been overly surprised, as he pretty much borrowed from Peter to pay Paul his whole life. But I was so angry at the indignity. She would have been mortified.
The grind. Chasing the bucks, this is what it comes to. You raise your children and they even object to your funeral costs.
😢@@joywebster2678
Thank you so much for helping her Dave, exactly how we should help our widows and orphans
When my Husband's health
Started to fail i took over the Finance's so when he passed on i knew what to do.
This is one of many reasons why married people need to have these types of conversations…
This is what my husband did to me after we got married 17 years ago especially I grew up in the Philippines and not familiar with bank statements, bank reconciliation, writing checks, insurance, paying bills, etc. He taught me how to do all these stuff right after we got married. Today, I know more about details of our finances than him and he likes it that I'm always looking for ways to lower our expenses and our bills which to him would take too much research time and effort.
@@maretvilla1531 You have an amazing husband
Yes, I try all the time with my hubby and it’s like crickets so I save $ aside.
I talked with my guy regarding money. He rarely listened to me. Then he left me for a girl named Rose from our circle of friends. Jerk.
Food banks, food pantries, nearest church, food stamps
This illustrates Dave's wisodom of couples working TOGETHER on finances. Expect the unexpected, folks. It happens every day. Bless Dave and his team for not only teaching from of Biblical perspective, but LIVING from one as well. May God be with the advisor and his new client.
Awesome
I took care of my mom and helped her when my Dad died, my dad provided for his family his whole life and we had a beautiful life growing up so I thought that he was providing through his work for my mom after he died, what I found out was No, first I was angry at him cause it didn’t have to be this way
I’m the oldest I gave her money and when she needed me to help her in her home I did, I learnt that and my sister learnt too , we won’t end up that way
It’s so hard seeing this happen to my mom and it’s frightening for them , I loved helping my mom till she died, we had wonderful talks and moments we laughed about and looking at photos, it was the best! My mom was the best person,
Always the daughters ❤
Bless her heart, she sounded terrified.
Loved the way Dave and John carried the conversation, showing empathy while comforting her through advise.
If there is one RUclips channel that gives me the confidence and optimism on a given day, it will be this.
I appreciate you all for the work you guys are carrying out.
You have no idea how many lives you are changing. ❤❤
Praying for her strength here and for others to rally around her
Thank you for the kindness shown to this woman.❤🙏
I’m praying for her. God give her the strength to get through this.
Let’s hope u have a strong daughter. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I lost my dad who was living from day to day. He would only ask for help when he absolutely needed it. When I would do anything for him when he asked. Don’t be to proud to ask for help. U will get it.
Yes, parents have trouble making that shift to the kid caring for them, but most are happy to do it as their parents become elderly.
I have tremendous difficulty relating to this kind of situation. I took care of 100% of household management. My husband did nothing other than his job and hobbies. I worked full time too, but did everything financial, bought and sold our houses, paid all bills, managed the bank accounts, did the taxes, obtained insurance policies and processed all claims, vehicle registrations - if it was any kind of business I did it all. I can't imagine being totally blind to my financial footing and being okay with that.
So could your situation be reversed? If something were to happen to you wouldn’t it be wise to make sure your husband understands these things as well? Both spouses should know how to operate and it’s important to not be so controlling over these things that we miss the point. Just my opinion
@@futuristicvibes2643 Good point.
" I took care" Not I take care. She may be divorced or widowed
That was my parents situation in a nutshell. My Mum did all the financials and household management and after 64 years of marriage my mother passed and my father was just clueless. He was getting notices for property taxes and decided to send a cheque and the city called him up and asked if he wanted to stop with the automated withdrawals. She had set up so many things with the city, utilities, insurance companies and the bank and he had no clue. All his life he had just given her his paycheque and was happy with the "allowance" he received to indulge in his hobbies. At 86 years old he had to try to figure out how a house runs. One lucky aspect, was that he was a psychologist with the school board so he made good money whilst working, and had an above average workplace pension, the house had been paid off for years, and still had good income from investments that my mother had set up. It all worked out well with my sister and I stepping in and helping with various aspects of the day to day running of a house, but we just couldn't fathom how out of touch he was with his financial situation.
@@norton750commando I suspect this used to be very common. While working and before direct deposit many wives picked up their husbands checks. Great to hear it worked just fine in your parents life.
I've seen this scenario before where the spouse is financially clueless because the other handled everything.
Even if a spouse has no hands on the financial aspects they need to know the information so when a tragedy occurs they have one less problem to deal with.
Thank you Dave for helping this lady.
She is her own worst enemy. It’s her fault she never learned how to take care of money. This makes me so mad. Not prepared and clueless
No one is perfect. It's sad but it is what it is. I didnt listen to all of this but did Dave tell her she had to work? Heusually tells people that.
I can't imagine just letting someone else handle finances because it would really bug me to not know what is going on. I had questions for my ex when he was withdrawing hundreds of dollars suddenly. Turns out he was paying a mistresses mortgage.
@@melb2734 That is how I caught my Ex...charges on the mastercard that were not making 'sense"
Poor woman. Good for Dave helping her out.
My niece is going through the same thing!! My nephew took care of all the bills and when he died she was lost and is still dealing with the mess over a year later!!
The act of kindness made me a little tearful. I hope she's ok. On behalf of her, thank you Dave Ramsey for helping her out.
Life can be so brutal at times I went through this yrs ago my husband passed away n I had a disabled son to care for n it was stressful. Thank you for helping this woman
Awesome effort Dave and team. That's what needy people need to hear and feel.
I wish I could be one of your wonderful team.
God bless you all.
That woman's situation is almost identical to what happened to me a few months ago, down to the 3rd marriage and number of children for each of us. Unexpected death, spouse did all the finances, and I was lost. Thankfully, my son came up from out of state and sorted a few things out, and got some sense of what I needed to do to be able to pay the mortgage. Still so much I am learning and sorting through. It is easier now, but still not close to being settled. I can totally relate to where her head is at right now. It will get better but it's a day by day process. Thank you gentlemen for helping this woman. Bless you.
My condolences. Glad to hear you’re working through things as pushing forward.
So glad you have kids and family can help, cuz many have no one
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad your son helped you.
Bless your heart for helping the widows. 😇🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
God bless you Dave and your staff. You are a beautiful soul. You don’t hesitate to help when someone needs it.
My daughter is my next of kin. Some time ago, I wrote up a "when I die" info sheet and sent her a copy electronically as well as physically with instructions to put it in her "important papers" pile. It starts with basics--call (name of lawyer, phone number). She will help you with everything. It goes on to list all the various accounts, insurance policies, name of my accountant, etc. The idea was to not leave her in the lurch with no direction. I even went as far as, "If (name of lawyer) has retired, her younger partner will be able to handle things. You don't know partner, but that's OK--you can trust him. Obviously, all the estate planning documents, etc. are in place.
This happened to someone close to me and the first thing we did after the funeral was go home get everything in order and in one place. We both feel better knowing this so if this happens to us we know what to do. We also informed our kids to our plan. Feel for this woman!
My dads wife passed away on St. Patrick’s day a few days ago and he is in the same position. I am his sounding board and will help him in any way I can. I am certain her daughter would love to be there for her and help her.
Third marriages for each of them is likely a huge factor for their financial situation. Money losses with each divorce
Sorry for your and your sister's loss. Please apply for foodstamps, look into going to a foodbank. Do not be ashamed ! This is why these programs exist to help people. I hope your sister gets help as well.
Prayers
This broke my heart. Thanks Dave for stepping up. You are a blessing!
This is what happens folks when you live pay check to pay check and in debt. Anything unexpected can happen and it will turn your world upside down, and sometimes there nothing anyone can do, you just get to suffer.
Good point. But to use this at this time is now so wise. People can see your point without making it at this time. But I do get your point. Hope it doesn’t hurt u.
Unfortunately, the problem is due to the husband and his irresponsibility. A man in his 80’s should have talked to his wife about life insurance and property management prior to his death. A man should be responsible and makes sure his plans are arranged, so his family will know how to pick up the pieces. This husband fell short and his poor wife is suffering because of it.
Carrying a loan against your home at 86 is ridiculous. This lady has a though situation, but everyone doing the same thing should see this as a cautionary tale
@@mosesking2923 I am a real estate broker and am in escrow with a seller wife and the husband left her in the same situation. I get your point but sometimes people : human error thinks death is so far out. It could be other underlining issues too but now we band together to help widows. I do see your pint. And husband must do better. U are right.
@@cherylbroadenax1006
If this is not the right time to warn others and use this lady's story as a cautionary tale, then I don't know when is the right time.
Also...Dave and John literally said the same thing as the original post, but they just said it in a nicer way, but still used her story as a cautionary tale.
Plan ahead, plan for old age, plan for death, don't be living paycheck to paycheck at 70 or 80 years old. Everyone needs to learn how to handle money, don't just leave it to one spouse to handle the finance.
That’s why I will keep working until I’m not able to. Through my work, I have a 401k and medical insurance that will help me. As much as I love my hubby, I’ve learned to protect myself and him, if ever he would become incapacitated. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank goodness you have your daughter.
Amen to this. Working forever...nothing will stop when my husband does....
I'm single and thinking about working for as long as possible, too in a part time capacity.
Sorry not me. I have 401k as well and I manage my savings too. So I don't have to work until I can't.
I just don't get it. There's no such thing as an "unexpected death" when you're 85 years old. I'm 39 and I already think about my wife if I were gone and plan for that. How are you 85 and don't have a plan!? This is a cautionary tale.
People live and carry on in different ways. Sounds clique, but sometimes….some just don’t “think of it.”
It happens.
A will takes months to sort out after death. He had a will but she had no idea how he managed day to day expenses.
In Australia if you have a joint bank account with a spouse who dies you might loose access to that account temporarily- this is scary af if you don't have an account solely in your name. You need to in the midst of your grief transfer money or draw out cash while you wait for the death certificate and all of the stuff that happens around death.
If you have a relative or friend in this situation please check that they have access to money as soon as you hear of the spouse death
My husband refused to let me in on the financial aspects 3 months after we got married, finally planning now to leave. He took every penny my mom left me and claims it is gone. Intimidated me into putting my paycheck in with his and spent every penny. Just took back my paycheck for myself. Have to wait a couple of months until I can leave and he is suddenly telling me he will change, but having been through 3 other times of this, I no longer care if he changes or not. Besides my father is 85 and though I don't care whether I inherit or not, (there is a newer wife), I am not staying around to see if that is my husband's endgame...
Be very careful. Men kill when women leave @@tbacon2784
Many people can’t face (& never face), the idea that they will inevitably die one day
People, it's unacceptable to not know if you have any money or if there is a life insurance policy on your spouse. Furthermore, it's not unexpected for an 85 year old man to die. This is all a lack of responsibility and accountability. Wake up, people.
Yup. Had 70+ years to prepare but did nothing. Who's fault is that
As soon as you’re married you need life insurance, a will, and an emergency plan of action.
I have struggled since my husband passed away. On SS and have had a hard time. Raised a grandson...his father, my son, passed away as well. I have successfully raised my grandson. The one thing that really make it a struggle is not having a vehicle. Living in Alaska it is especially hard. I made it this far.... and at 70, I am wanting to just be able to quilt and go get a few groceries sometimes. . Have so far been isolated almost a year. Anyway, this happens to a lot of people my age. I have managed better than most. Pretty stubborn I guess! God bless this lady. I hope you find good comfort!
Loretta how did your son pass away?
God bless you.
It is certainly not an easy situation. My heart goes out to you.