Parental Alienation - Reunification and treating alienated children
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- Опубликовано: 29 янв 2020
- Linda Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW, has had 40-plus years education and experience providing clinical treatment services to families of all compositions, orientations, and in all developmental stages. She has treated the wide spectrum of problems, issues, and dysfunctional family interactional patterns that are challenging for families. She has expertise in emergency services that included intensive, home-based, crisis-intervention to prevent the psychiatric hospitalization of a child.
Since 2003, Linda has focused her clinical practice on families undergoing parental separation/divorce with the goal of facilitating the parents to develop a civil and respectful co-parenting relationship. This focus includes the highly specialized area of diagnosing for and treating parental alienation. She is the author of The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration.
In this video Linda talks about treating parental alienation using traditional reunification models often presents professionals and the courts with significant challenges. Effective treatment is further complicated by the frequent pattern of false allegations of child harm or abuse that are typically alleged in alienation cases.
The interview was filmed on location at the PASG 2019 International Conference (Parental Alienation Study Group) in Philadelphia, USA, in September 2019. The video is produced by Equal Parenting Rights Association, Iceland, www.foreldrajafnretti.is.
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Other specialists who talked about Parental Alienation at the PASG 2019 International Conference:
In the Eyes of the Specialists: • Parental Alienation - ...
Amy Baker - The Four-Factor Model: • Parental Alienation - ...
William Bernet - Historical Highlights: • Parental Alienation - ...
Ben Burgess - Crazy Making Issues: • Parental Alienation - ...
Linda Gottlieb - Reunification and treating alienated children: • Parental Alienation - ...
Jennifer Harman - Targeted parents and the effects: • Parental Alienation - ...
Steven Miller - Evidence Based Science: • Parental Alienation - ...
Karen Woodall - A Trans-Generational Trauma: • Parental Alienation - ...
Nick Woodall - A Splitting of the Self: • Parental Alienation - ...
Shawn Wygant - Third Party Alienation: • Parental Alienation - ...
"Profound phycological child abuse" "This is criminal behavior." Yup, that is exactly what it is.
Once it becomes generational it's a perpetuation of a crime against humanity from my point of view.
And the State is so often complicit.
Exactly. Go ahead and emotionally abuse the child all day long. Physically strike a child once and you may never have custody again. This must be the logic of those who have never experienced or witnessed psychological abuse.
@ Emily Fleming : Exactly.
EXACTLY!!!
I mean, you shouldn't do either of those things.
I have been through this with my 2 children of my first marriage. I was completely disqualified as a parent. I must say it destroyed me completely. The level of ignorence of child therapists and authorities is stunning. They are not scientifically informed and malpractice is the exact term to describe this.
Children don't hate unless you give them a very good reason
If you have to have your kids go through reunification
You probably fucked up
same here, alienated for 7 years. No im not an abuser and no i dont do drugs etc.The father was bitter and still is bitter. The gave him sole and legal custody
I wish I was taken away from my alienating mother. In 1971 The divorce caused my mother to whisper horrible things about my father over and over.
The worst one that i can stull hear is " your father doesn't love you. He only wants you because he needs you to vook clean and take care of my little brother" It caused me to run away from home treat my siblings like crap. I sought love in all the wrong places quit school doing drugs. It was horrible for me. Nobody cane after me nobody helped me. No family intervention nothing.
I never did that when i divorced my daughters father. I have told many to not use your children as ammunition to hurt the other parent its wrong...
Thank you for your work 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤
Abusive people deserve to be alienated for the protection of the child. Ultimately, it should be the child's decision if they want to be near that parent. If they don't want to be near them, they shouldn't be forced to be.
If you read the book "divorce poison" you might gain another prospective. If your open mind and not be confused by the facts What you say I would've agree until i did the research.
This is to miss the entire point of this video and others like it.
The child's mind has been colonised by the narcissistic or borderline parent. They are a zombie. They are in a cult. So doing what the child 'wants' is to enable and participate in the abuse.
I agree. I do agree that sometimes parents may unfairly paint the other in a bad light, but no one is entitled to force themselves into another person’s life.
17:03 'Talk doesn't change people. The corrective actions change people. Actions speak louder than words. When children age out, it's heartbreaking because there is then no way to have pressure to stop alienating behavior.'
This is why i don't go to court, I have been telling them about the abuse, the alienation, and they have done NOTHING.. and I am SUPER SUPER AFFRAID of taking it more to the court and cause more serious damage to my kids.
The most toxic thing about family court is how they robotically push for both parents to be in the kids lives, which usually ends up with the cluster b getting more parental time, and they have free reign to commit alienation. All because if this “it’s always in the best interest of the child to have both parents in their life.” Due to location and education, GALs usually give custody to the cluster B.
Usually narcissists have money too.
Very true, nothing fair or equal. One parent becomes just a visitor in their child’s life.
I agree. This lady is a scary bch
Well let me tell you I had been given sole custody he had weekends and kidnapped them. 2 years I tried to get help no one would help me as he was in the same province. It destroyed me, and the children. It's been 17 years. Still no reunifaction. It's too late for me.. But maybe some of you listening will learn.
@@colleenmitchell5208 How do you cope with that fate?
What happens when cries of alienation are abused? I’ve seen actual abuse be covered up anytime the other parent tries to protect the kids by the other parent crying alienation
She's enforcing a very evil system that protects children
Well then get a therapist like this and get to the bottom of it
Amen!! Assault is a crime, including assaults on memory, thinking, feeling, and relationship with the targeted parent.
A child cant assault a parent. Period. The power isn’t there for them to do so, you’re perceiving it as an attack because of your own insecurities. But don’t listen to me, clearly I don’t mean what I’m saying
@@sophiecatto1867 has your child ever tried lighting your house on fire? Locking your new partner and full sibling out int the freezing cold? You do not know what you are talking about.
Thank you so much!! The suffering is tormenting.. but I'm finally healing from it all.. I pray for my son all the time!! He's a young adult now.. but I still pray and reach out to let him know I care.. 🙏🏽💕
This lady has made very profound statements
Yes!
Especially the point made at 13:00. "Reason backwards."
Thank you Linda for helping me , but my Ex was to Evil and ran the clock out so my daughter would turn 18 and the family courts for over 2 years did nothing to help me.
YOU ARE THE BEST
THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR SHARING THESE VIDEOS. This is my life. You have given me hope again. Words cannot express 💌
Alienated grandparents suffer too, big time!
We certainly do!!!
Absolutely true. One parent gets to alienate the entire other side of the child’s family. No communication with uncles, aunties, grandparents, cousins etc. how can this ever be allowed.
thank you so much you spoke for my children and I seen everything very clear I am a dad in England , the mother of my 2 daughters just been found guilty of alienation , I have a court order with a penal attachment ,if she stops contact as she was a serial contact stopper , but she is continuing with alienation , My next step is to try and get support for her to over come her reason for alienation , but thank you so much I can not tell you how much your talk lifted me and gave me strength well I can tell you , it was an answer and a part of the puzzle that I never knew existed
Linda Gottlieb is excellent. I hired her 5 years ago to evaluate emails sent to me by the mother of my 3 sons. Ms Gottlieb's evaluation was spot on. Here it is 5 years later and everything Ms Gottlieb predicted has sadly come to pass. I highly recommend her.
You were really blessed to have her in your life. I wish I knew her before my son aged out, now my son is in an bad situation. I knew this was real but no one would listen to me.
@@jewleneb8970 it's very real. It is mind bendingly real. Ive found that no one Can appreciate the magnitude of the illness that causes a parent mother or father to behave as they do... Linda gets it and Amy Baker gets it. Friends and family have no conception.
Thank you so much for this im going through this i feel no one believes me I've told dcs caseworker,supervisor, ombudsman ,lawyer nobody's doing nothing about it
Very well articulated
Thank you - so many kids need your work.
No, they fucking don’t. I want to save kids from her because I got her work and it was absolutely horrible. I have actually been abused and she told me I was just alienated and these memories have been implanted on me.
Spot on! Especially regarding the law too!
In our case, the grandparents are telling the little boy that his mother doesn't care about him and no body agrees that they are damaging his life. Is there nothing I can do?
Thank you, Linda.
This kind of specialized therapy paired with a specialized legal strategy can reverse alienation. But it is two pronged. Her recommendations are spot on.
Learning alot
This is so perfectly said.
4:05 “Judges are there to enforce social norms, and the laws.” Really? The laws, yes, but social norms?
Hi this is exactly what my children and I experienced via the alienating mum. The courts simply did not understand even when they said " my mum does not like me having a good time with my dad..." both children' said this independently of each other to the so called expert but ignored it. The kids gave trivial reasons for not wanting to see me...I've not seen my kids for 8 years now. They are 19 and 14 years old now.
Just Brilliant.
What does a parent do when the alienated children are all adults? This goes into the next generation because I wasn't invited to my grandson's 1st birthday party. I mention PAS in my memoir, among other issues that need to change for the protection of children. www.raisinghope.ca
I'm in the same place.
I was flushed down the ------
It has been 17 years.
I was married to a covert narcissist
I barely escaped with my own sanity and I'm sure if I was still there I would not longer be alive.
I can't think of anything mean I ever did to my children.
I always tried to teach individuality and self sustainably.
I never told them they couldn't do anything. But told them they could do anything.
I supported them in any endeavor.
I was there in their failure and success.
They were the most important to me.
Then devorce.
I was then hated.
I , along with my whole family was shut out forever.
I was always hanging on to hope by a thread.
This week I asked God what I should do.
It was the first week I woke up and I had to go look at my girls pictures to remember what they looked like.
Every day I woke up to the feeling that I'm going to a double funeral for 17 years.
I've missed out on 4 grandchildren.
2 weddings of which I only heard through the grapevine.
It has been devastating.
I'm sure that God's answer was to me was"let go"
Last night I had a dream for the first time in a very long time.
A weight has been lifted.
And all the good memories filled my soul.
They flooded in.
I cried for the last time I'm sure.
The thread broke.
I'm free.
Ts.
Do you guys have programs and workshops to teach the parents??????
#JUSTICEFORTYANDBRYNLEE
Great video she spoke very well.
She didn’t speak very well when I saw her
Is there ever an age of the child l when there is no going back in a situation where a patent is alienated? Like a child raised in an alienating situation for 15+ years, and almost adults when the alienation is understood? By this time the "children" are adults. And then a couple more decades they continue to reject the parent. By this time they are late 30s/early 40s. When is it too late to recover/help the relationship?
God bless for exposing this abuse. I experienced it through my daughter who was making progress because the courts at least did not give her ex full custody as he wanted and convinced the kids that they wanted it. Tragically she died of an aggressive cancer and now they are completely alienated from her family. The thing that gets me is that now they loved their mummy so much and we are the bad guys for suggesting otherwise. My daughter was loved by many so maybe he doesn’t want to look bad? I know I should be happy that they are free to express their love of her but they should be doing that with us. It adds a layer of pain that is almost unbearable.
8:59.. God bless you!
This is wonderful! Do you have advice for alienated parents of teenagers?
I am being rejected by my 14 yr old due to my birth mother
This has been happening to our family for year and this year came to my 18 year old completely rejecting me, his mother. He refuses to talk completely, doesn’t pick up, respond to my texts, doesn’t return calls. My son moved in with his father, dropped out of college and is pretty isolated now. His father is now playing a hero after years of brainwashing and all kind of tricks. My ex spent years bullying myself and my husband using the court system causing a great deal of trauma to us and the kids. I am afraid to back to court and my son is now 18 and I don’t even have access to his new therapist. I noticed signed of brainwashing but my kids don’t believe it’s possible and think all of the ideas and changed memories are true and weren’t influenced. Don’t know what to do to help my son and restore our relationship. Please help.
I'm in same boat
Same here. It is mind blowing how powerful the manipulation of the other parent is. My heart goes out to you
Sounds like you're the problem and you're just coping by projecting
I really hope you are actually talking to your children and listening to them. Ask them why they don't want to see you. And don't judge the answer they give.
This video was outstanding 👏 love it. This is my situation now.
Thank you. This lady is great!
From experience with her, I can tell you she’s not fucking great
Wish I had known you years ago. 15:04 was the start of my problems. What about a Ex which remarried only a year and a half out of a Divorce? Her new husband had joined her at the hip in the PA telling me how things were going to go. WTH? Now I'm dealing with both of them, It was a GD nightmare.
She brainwashed him, too. He has no idea. I saw this with a friend of mine. We were ALL FOOLED, including my friend (the new wife) that the first wife was the DEVIL. The first wife died, then he turned on my friend. She felt so sorry for the first wife, and we all did.
I wish I had this lady as a therapist 😢
No, you fucking don’t she was my therapist. She was absolutely horrible.
linda is a champion for children
Alot of small minor children, such as toddlers, preschool, and elementary school aged children, do not show the targeted parent love and affection, because these children are being physically, emotionally, mentally abused. The children are intimidated and are living in constant fear of the alienator parent, caregiver, legal guardian. If the children show the targeted parent, parents, or noncustodial parents love, this is a complete rejection and disloyalty to the alienator parent who has been abusing the child/children, who are selfish, dominate, abuse their legal guardian powers, and only wish to have custody if they can continue to have complete control. Also, this issue does not just exist in CPS courts. There are all types of family court cases, where legal guardians, guardianships, and consovetors have been abusing children and those who are classified as the disabled.
Your years of experience speak for themselves, I love your clear cut, no nonsense approach to the often obscured topic of parental alienation. Please keep educating others, it does so much good.
I live in CT. I am not a therapist or MD. My mother. in my opinion, is a Sociopath if not Psychopath. My daughter is presently 20 years old. Her grandmother (my mother) has been able to con and manipulate her therapist if this clinician has NOT been able to diagnose properly the mental instability of her grandmother!!!! My daughter basically hates me because of decades of teaching her hate. Teaching her I was worthless. I WAS NEVER ALLOWED ONE SAY IN HER ENTIRE LIFE!!! The undermining was daily. My mother stood there and helped my daughter bully me as I cried my eyes out... begging them to stop. My mother condoned abuse of me! My mother also abandoned me and lied to the local court to evict me from my childhood home(I am on SSDI for Panic Attacks and couldn't work because of the trauma constantly being triggered)- I couldn't afford to go anywhere but back home. My mother would come home after her day and adamantly tell us at dinner how her therapist claimed that "I am the Narcissist" " I am the one who caused my daughter to form an opinion of me at a very early age regarding how bad her mother is and not wanting to spend time with my daughter". My absolutely POOR CHILD!!! 😢 I cry for the mess and complete disdain her grandmother made her feel about me. It feels like I am grieving the loss of a child who is still alive! Unbearable pain!!! I repeatedly told my mother that the true victim of her abuse and targeting WAS NOT ME. My mother has no empathy or desire to be honest. My DAUGHTER is being used as a pawn, being coerced into doing her bidding against me. No kid should hear " her mother deserves abuse!" This happened twice. My daughter is the most precious thing in the world to me. However. I don't know how to reach that very hurt child inside of her. She is angry and cares less about seeing me at all. I am a subordinate to my child whom actually will punish me if I say anything she doesn't agree with. My mother knows this and has supported this nonsense of my daughter having authority over me! That has taught her hate and is abuse so severe I know my daughter is in danger from depression and doesn't take proper care of herself. I would please appreciate ANY information on how to hold my mother's therapist for completely missing a Sociopath (I don't know- it's an educated guess) diagnosis. I can't for the life of me, understand how such blatantly obvious sickness and behavior was missed! I love my mother. I want my daughter to hopefully form some type of bond with me so she knows how much I do love her ❤ I don't know where to begin.to turn to hold this therapist responsible for watching my beloved daughter crumble - I am scared for her. To also witness the destruction of my entire immediate family due to my mother's inability to see within or care how her actions ruined our lives and love for each other. I don't have family... I have enablers who bow to my mother and believe all her false truths 😢😢 Please direct me in the right direction to hold a therapist clearly not properly trained in Parental Alienation(done by grandmother) or Narcissistic Abuse/Sociopathy responsible for a COMPLETE CLINICAL MISDIAGNOSIS. I don't know where to turn and have lost everyone close to me from this abuse.
Thank you, kindly. Regards~ Wendy W
Amazing information. Thank you. We have been dealing with this for 12 years. The Mother was finally successful in alienating the child at age 14 and causing her to want to commit suicide and kill her father and 5 year old sister. She is now "sometimes" "rememebering" the false memories of sexual abuse that the mother has been claiming for 12 years. My husband has gone through 2 lie detector tests, 2 psychological evaluation, been questions by police and child services in 2 different states. Been found to be innocent in all wrong doing and the mother still continues. She told the judge just last week that she doesn't say anything about her ex to her daughter because she has nothing good to say. Though she did manage to lie to her daughter that he beat me to the point of losing our baby and that he molested her. She's so evil and we are fighting to protect his daughter from it. We are praying the courts will follow the advice of the experts on alienation. We have had always had a strong and positive relationship with our daughter until this point. It is so sad to watch her through social media deteriorate and then claim she is fine to a counselor so that she can please her mother.
Where do I even start?! I have so much evidence and so much Ironclad proof that my children are being alienated in such a severe and dysfunctional way but I don't have any money for an attorney and the judges here, in my opinion, actually contributed to the situation. What can I even do?
Spot on
Yes me too. I’d be very interested in at least a consultation session. How can I contact her?
I wish I had this woman to help me with my situation.
Willingly??
I don’t doubt that this is true for some. But I just watched a video of two kids being forcibly dragged in the middle of the night into a car to go to one of her programs screaming and crying the whole way. I’m not sure if that’s any better .
I find most people are unable to spot manipulators.
Yes, there are some therapists who are uneducated. There are also some therapists who are also manipulative. If your guestimate of 90% of the professionals "don't get it" is accurate, HOLY SMOKES!! (I guess the same (maybe 75%) just from my observation of the general population.)
What if the child is abused? What if that parents raped them? And they’re just supposed to be with that abusive parent?
I need your help with my 12 year old daughter. I’m in NYC/NJ. 1 yr 4 mos. I have lost my daughter….
If the man hating wasn't so strong in social services and the court system this would be much more readily recognized
Legend 🙏🏾🌈☮️
She’s not a fucking legend you dumb ass I’ve seen her and she’s a complete bitch
life saving
Great american psychologists! I live in Italy, so much malpractice! Blessings to all of you!
Can this not also be considered spousal abuse? To alienate children from their parent?
It is considered domestic abuse/violence.
Thank you!
It's like munchousen by proxy only instèad of using the medical professionals they use the court system and CPS to get their kudos.
How do you fight the personality disordered parent and win your kids back , either adult or young kids ??? I finally got away from him ( waited until the kids were adults and last one leaving for college and my ex is still is controlling things and hurting me by turning them against me .. I feel so tired and down .. feels like you can’t beat them :( and come out ahead
I need help of my relationship to my daughter we are in good relationship until couple of years ago we got a problem.i have not see her in person for a while. Help me pls
"let's not and say we did" seems a comment someone who is willing to implant false memories in their stepchildren's minds would make.
thank you , in my opinon you are probaably the best , most logical ,emphatic and highly experieced
therapist i have come across , i am one millions of these targeted parents , you definatley hit a nerve but thank you
God with us! Dealing with “Parental Alienation” now two years and still fighting to see my two teens ❤️✝️🤘
Brilliant! Thank you so much Dr Gotlieb
thank you so so much Mme , please keep doing videos and tell the world so the message is spread. bless you
Both my daughters. All this. It is happening right how.😢
So I had a general family counselor, tell my wife that my leadership was a family was oppressive, because I did not let her lead the family, and he totally ignored her trauma issues outside of the scope of his training which she admitted he did not have trauma focused training. So in light of the false context where she alienated me to him, and he bought the story, should I report him for practicing outside of his expertise?
Social workers CPS workers, the foster parents, the school board members, and the counselors, child care workers, doctors at the hospitals are involved in this,besides the other parents that have been in this children's life,and don't let me leave out the juvenile courts,County courts,social workers, ministers every body that hold some type of a degree to make a dollar off some body's children.That doesn't care about no one else's feelings.
I wish...I'm in idaho
How can I contact this lovely , brilliant woman It sounds like she is from NY , my hometown I would be thankful for any contact info Thank you
If only this were watched by every judge. Understanding the law is nothing to do with understanding psychology. It’s like a plumber saying he’s a builder.
11:24 PTSD caused by false allegations. It's a crime that should be punished instead of allowed by fe minist judges.
I need you for my case!...San Bernardino family court is corrupt!...
So after many suicide attempts, how do I get my life back??
15:35 'The only way they will comply is real consequences from the court' 'There isn't a single case that documents trauma of the child being taken away from the alienator. The research shows the opposite - they are being freed from the loyalty conflict.' Weak response by therapists and judges fails the child.
You shouldn't force someone to be near a person just because they lost a court case
What about if this has been going on since 2009, and the child is now 20, and complletely cutoff from the alienated parent, and still lives with the abusive parent?
This is sick! If a child doesnt want to be near a parent there is a real reason
9 and 11 huh??? That’s interesting you live in nyc
The face of pure evil 🤬