Parental Alienation - Targeted parents and the effects - Research
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- Опубликовано: 29 янв 2020
- Prevalence of Adults Who Are the Targets of Parental Alienating Behaviors and Their Impact: Results from Three National Polls.
Estimating the prevalence of parental alienation is challenging because not all children who
are exposed to parental alienating behaviors become alienated. The purpose of the current study was to determine the proportion of adults who indicate being alienated from a child using three national online panels that are representative of adults from the United States (two polls) and Canada (one poll) and to determine the mental health impact of parental alienating behaviors. Results from the first two polls indicate that the prevalence of parents who feel they are being alienated from their children is higher than originally estimated: 35.5% (of 273) in the U.S. and 32% (of 397) in Canada. Using another means of assessment for the third poll, we found that 39.1% (of 594) of parents in the U.S. are the nonreciprocating targets of parental alienating behaviors, which is over 22 million parents and confirms previous estimates that did not differentiate between reciprocating and non-reciprocating parents. Of these, 6.7% of the parents had children who were moderately to severely alienated, which is at least 1.3% of the U.S. population of children. We also found alienated parents had greater levels of depression, trauma symptoms, and risk for suicide. Discussion will center on the ramifications of these findings for research-ers and practitioners, and the need to differentiate between families in which parental alienating behaviors are reciprocal (typically resulting in loyalty conflicts) versus non-reciprocal (typically resulting in parental alienation).
Jennifer Harman, Ph.D., is an associate professor of psychology, Colorado State University. Dr. Harman earned her doctorate in social psychology from the University of Connecticut in 2005. She also has a master’s degree in psychological counseling from Teachers College, Columbia University. Her primary research is in the area of intimate and family relationships, most specifically, on how interpersonal and social factors such as power affect families after separation and divorce. She has published numerous peer-reviewed articles on parental alienating behaviors, with a focus on how it is a form of family violence.
The interview was filmed on location at the PASG 2019 International Conference (Parental Alienation Study Group) in Philadelphia, USA, in September 2019. The video is produced by Equal Parenting Rights Association, Iceland, www.foreldrajafnretti.is.
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Other specialists who talked about Parental Alienation at the PASG 2019 International Conference:
In the Eyes of the Specialists: • Parental Alienation - ...
Amy Baker - The Four-Factor Model: • Parental Alienation - ...
William Bernet - Historical Highlights: • Parental Alienation - ...
Ben Burgess - Crazy Making Issues: • Parental Alienation - ...
Linda Gottlieb - Reunification and treating alienated children: • Parental Alienation - ...
Jennifer Harman - Targeted parents and the effects: • Parental Alienation - ...
Steven Miller - Evidence Based Science: • Parental Alienation - ...
Karen Woodall - A Trans-Generational Trauma: • Parental Alienation - ...
Nick Woodall - A Splitting of the Self: • Parental Alienation - ...
Shawn Wygant - Third Party Alienation: • Parental Alienation - ...
We must get parental alienation recognised as domestic abuse in law. To not do so is a grave error.
in Wisconsin there is a state statute regarding "Causing mental harm to a child" which is a FELONY. Now getting the state to charge someone with it is a whole new challenge.
948.04 Causing mental harm to a child.
(1) Whoever is exercising temporary or permanent control of a child and causes mental harm to that child by conduct which demonstrates substantial disregard for the mental well-being of the child is guilty of a Class F felony.
(2) A person responsible for the child's welfare is guilty of a Class F felony if that person has knowledge that another person has caused, is causing or will cause mental harm to that child, is physically and emotionally capable of taking action which will prevent the harm, fails to take that action and the failure to act exposes the child to an unreasonable risk of mental harm by the other person or facilitates the mental harm to the child that is caused by the other person
@@lackumzs thats US law. Not UK law
@@lackumzs LOL where was that law when I supplied ample evidence of that very abuse in court during my custody hearing? Instead, the judge told me I was “being petty” for presenting that evidence, the GAL told me I was “playing victim” (even though I was not acting as victim, I was showing them my KIDS are victims so 🙄…. and he and GAL Kari Hoel then proceeded to hand the narcissist custody of my kids, knowing he was abusive. The judge and GAL even called the narc an “adult bully….” Yet, here we are! Am I shocked? Not really. The GAL in my case turns out to have been a former paralegal of the narc’s attorney, and she still shared office space with her former employer. Yet, somehow there was no conflict of interest there 🤔. This was in Chippewa Falls, WI. Judge Stephen Cray. Today my son doesn’t want to visit me anymore.The alienation has only gotten much, much worse, because those “authorities” made it possible. I don’t even blame the narc anymore. I blame the judicial system that gave him this power to abuse my kids.
Shove the laws. They don’t work. They’re a load of bs. Those laws are always used to take away innocent peoples liberties, not to actually protect abuse victims.
@@ElliottRecommends don’t worry… this “law” is completely bogus. The judges will act like it doesn’t exist, no matter what evidence you supply. UK or US, it doesn’t matter. It’s a totally useless “law.”
It’s been 2.5 years since my children left my life and I have to come back and watch this every so often because it is refreshing to hear someone that gets my situation and how I feel. This has been just an unbelievable situation. I’m a mother that adored my children and one day they just decided to hate me out of literal nowhere. I thought love would win over hate. I don’t think I can ever fully recover from this
there are millions of us. Its all social engineering. It will end soon.
After 8 months, I am back again today. ❤ Don’t lose hope. ❤️
Many othesr are in the exact situation Itsa i demonic manifestation, What you are dealing with is not human God is going to fix this. His timing is very difficult to bear, but its coming!
Thank you!!! My son’s hatred to me isn’t even normal for an abused child, which is what I’ve been telling people. My son is 23 and I just found out.
Mine are young adults,too.
My son’s 24 and I think he was abused but he won’t tell me! HIS FATHER HAS MADE HIM HATE ME and now he abuses me. I’ve lost my son.
@@Leokat334 same. I’ve lost my son,too and he abuses me also. I’m so sad.
This woman is amazing. As a father going through this right now, I feel like she is describing my situation with my children verbatim. Thank you for sharing this information and I pray for all the targeted parents and children out there. We need peace.
Same here
Yes, live this horror as well.
@@ulisestorres9641 Try to keep your head up. I know it's hard, and hurts like hell.
@@kimparke6653 I pray for all alienated parents out there. I'm sorry you are going through this as well.
Same here and live with my wife, but If you get in touch I have a solution to help you fight back
I knew it was happening within the first month. I havent seen or spoken with my kids in 2 years now. Its absolutely devastating.
It’s been six years for me. I had no access to my children. He threw away birthday and Christmas gifts from me. My now adult children think I abandoned them. I asked so many times for visitation and he wouldn’t respond!
8 years for me, and my kids are in their 40s! Wife walked out after I got sick! Was married 42 years!
You are absolutely right. My two children seldom ever came to visit me. My ex said they didn't want to and he wasn't going to make them. Over the years, I have been forgotten on Mothers Day, my birthday and Christmas. They make a big deal out of their dad's birthday and Father's Day. And now, my daughter is 30 years and suddenly will not let me see my grandchildren and wants nothing to do with me. From what I can gather from her social media posts, she says I am toxic and she doesn't want to end up like me. Her father always said her temper tantrums were just like me. So, now she is living in his town and he sees those babies every day. 17 years after the divorce, and this is the end result of alienation.
My DIL will not let me see my grandchildren either. She's jealous.
I'm a divorced father and I totally agree with what this lady says.
I’m so sorry you had to go through it.
I feel your pain. Been there.
I truly feel like she is talking about my exact situation.
It is disturbing how precise this is to what I have lived this past year.
This is terrifying how accurate it is... My hear is broken... I have twin daughters I haven't seen in 8 months... On March 3rd at 650 pm after a typical 30 second weekly bedtime skype call... I realized I couldn't tell them apart anymore.
My soul is crushed and I'm helpless.
This is also my situation. My ex is making contact with my son very difficult. She manipulates him mentally to make him believe everything I want to do with and for him is damaging to him.
@@christianfarina3056 it is a nightmare
I am a mother that has been alienated from my daughter for many, many years. She is now 26 and pregnant with her first child. I pray one day she will recognize the abuse she has suffered at the hands of her father. I struggle daily to fight through the cruelty of the abuse. I hold onto my faith that God will bring us back together.
faith is all we have
Amen
Let your faith birth agency
Sorry for you. Move on with your life and try and reciprocate against the other parent some how. Fight dirty.
@@DTM45 , her best friend is coming next weekend to pick up all her things from childhood. I am very tempted to turn her on to the “Anti Alienation Project” here on YT.
I picked up my 10 year old son for Christmas holidays. He was aloof and distant. I asked what was bothering him on the trip home. He said he told his mother he wanted to kill himself because of the way he's treated by her and her new husband. I have experienced every form of alienation as has my son for his entire 10 years of life. Alienation isn't recognised by the courts of course. The legal 'system' requires the chaos to continue exactly as planned. The madness of parental alienation, false accusations, children separated from loving parents and much more can all be made good. This exactly how the psychopaths want it to be. The first change should be mandatory jail time of at least 6 months for each lie on an affidavit. Lies and alienation should be recognised and acted upon.
Hear here... Youre exactly right. It is a recipe for repeat business, rampant corruption, its serving bad interests.. I appreciate you expressing this. I hope your son is with you, a good and decent parent who pays attention, parenting with insight
Going through this right now. It’s much harder when the child is 15 and the parent alienated. I haven’t seen my daughter in almost a month and she has completely shut me out. We had a loving and healthy relationship prior to my filing for a separation from her father. I can’t explain the emptiness . It feels hopeless .
I haven't seen my daughter for 2.5 years.. totally feeling your pain
Be patient. Keep reaching out. She will come back.
@@sviatayavoda 😟
@@sunset9729 I’m sorry. 😔
I’m am too going through this with my 15 year old son. He hasn’t completely shut me out however I feel it getting worse as the phone calls are few and nearly no visits in over a month.
Dr Jennifer Harman is a member of a small group of the best kind of experts. She has been there, done it, bought the T-shirt and emerged from the other side of the trauma. Anyone who has experienced parental alienation will instantly identify with her descriptions and research based conclusions. Many profess expertise but very few can talk about PA with such passion or fluency unless they have lived it and learned from bitter experience. There are too many 'experts' jumping aboard the PA gravy train and too many PA commentators have merely recycled the same tired text book.
The sections on prevalence, PA as domestic violence and intimate terrorism especially are an innovative breath of fresh air. It is so refreshing not to hear yet another mischaracterisation of PA being about children getting caught up in mutual conflict. The worst and most painful experiences emerge from situations where there is no reciprocity and an imbalance of power and control. Taboo subjects such as the correlation between PA, mental illness and suicide are illuminated and brought out into the open. The gender myths of conventional wisdom are also exploded.
Dr Harman is part of an elite that break new ground and articulate a complex dynamic fluently and adeptly. If you want a masterclass in PA and what it really is then watch this film clip and when you are done then watch it again.
I agree. She total understands our pain. She gets it.
I’m going through this now with one of my 2 boys. It’s been almost 6 months of no communication with my oldest 14 year old. It was joint custody for almost 8 years but during that time I have gone through hell dealing with constant alienating tendencies. It’s not easy to deal with. Dealt with children being taken away 3 times and always got them back but this last time had been a bit harder. It’s a game now of stalling and how much money do I have to fight because when you run with them it’s not easy to get them back. Section 30 done in my favour and reunification therapy started and stopped by the other parent but that early report is in my favour as well. I’ll refinance my house to win this final battle but I want everyone to know that at this point it’s a game and you need to be strong/have great support in family and never ever stop pushing forward. After this I will be Asian the news about this child abuse because it needs to be more mainstream
To everyone dealing with this let’s all pull together for each other and share all our strength and let’s get the laws changed to protect the children.
I am going through the same thing. I AM NOT GIVING UP I WILL SELL MY FAMILY HOMESTEAD TO FIGHT FOR MY CHILDREN. DO NOT EVER GIVE UP BUDDY... keep fighting for your kids!
same but im pro say, shes the one with the attorney. im only paying for psychologist testimony and court apperances at this point which is around 500 a hearing. the mother doesnt try to give me time with my son, we have no order in place yet...stalling and keeping my son away from me. I ask every day to see him to which she ignores or gives excuses not to. ive petitioned for fully custody
I hope you all win!! I agree..there need to be an organized movement to catch the attention of the public and bring awareness to stop this madness. Sickening.
Yes Moss, hope you are getting victories with your child. I get the rationale behind the encouragement for the alienated parent to not be confrontational. But what they don't get is that some people who are obsessed will take non-aggression as a greenlight to sustain harassment and abuse. I do hate I have to 'go to war' against his mother, but she chose the rules not me. I want him to love his mother and wish for them the very best relationship there could be, but this can't come at the expense of me being excluded or diminished as a parent.
Ready to take wamans right away?
No, then you ask for everything you get.
Thank you! My heart goes out to all of us experiencing the evil “Parental Alienation” (I am dealing with it still and it’s been two years, trying to fight for my two teens even though they are brainwashed by my ex wife still) God with us ❤️🤘✝️
The challenge is once a person alleges any of the 'big 4'; domestic violence, sexual assault, drug/alcohol abuse and mental illness. The family court will not deal with facts or evidence of fact, they will side with the allegations until a final hearing. This can take years and lawyers know it. Therefore, the accused parent is more or less guilty until proven innocent. They are treated by police, the court and the alienating parent according to the allegations. Interim orders are made that facilitate the parental alienation, family members begin to question the accused due to the actions of police and judges with interim orders.......
The system supports alienation and during the years of false allegations and parental alienation the relationship with the children is eroded.......I know this is my life. Very sad and very abusive, however the alienator has switched the script and appears as the victim. I agree with what was said, they are terrorists
Here as well.
Exactly what happened to my family
@@yeahok2790 its fucked.
@@yeahok2790 be the parent or person you wanted your parents to be. detatch from the narcissist. bury your veangence deep inside and your kids will find you. i have a 100 page folder when they are adults they will be able to answer their own questions.....i send them love and never quit within the stupid confines of family law
Exactly how was done to me and my kids. Social services helped big time. I got 30 cancelations of the first 35 meetings. They would wait until my flight from Spain to see my kids in Sweden would depart. Then cancel. Never once it appeared on the "official" documents. It's a mafia
This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It has caused major depression. The unique part of my story is that my daughter has autism and minor cerebral palsy. My ex has completely destroyed my character and made the worst imaginable accusation when seeing a court appointed Psychologist. My daughter can not speak for herself due to the special needs issues. Resulting in the total loss of having any access to my daughter. I pick up my son at my Ex's home and see my daughter dancing at the glass door window excited to see me. I have no options, it feels like an open wound I cannot heal. I ask to see her and am always denied. My son will call me from another room away from my ex and her new husband; my daughter will say Dad, Dad, Dad when can I see you, can I come over repeating herself multiple times. All I can say is I love you, miss you and not right now. She does not understand any of this. I am very grateful she has not forgotten me.
I finally understand where my thoughts of suicide came from. I love life and my children and when the reality of being alienated finally hit me, I was in a deep depression and thought it was only because of my inability to cope with the vitriol. This video has helped me realize that it had a lot to do with my inability to stop what was happening. The helplessness is deeply painful and yet it helps me to see what happened and to continue my recovery. Thankful for videos and advocates that help explain what parental alienation is.
This woman has absolutely nailed it down to a T
You are spot on. PA is most definitely child abuse. My ex is a pastor and has his masters in counselling. He is very manipulative and was able to convince the lawyers, psychologists and my children that I was a horrible parent. My children are adults now and have very little to do with me. The brainwashing my ex was able to conduct is still in effect. I have often contemplated suicide. Even now, 15 years later and after many therapy sessions, I am not doing much better. Please continue your work. Hopefully, others can be helped.
She was 11 years old when they left the country while she was under my custody. She is 44 years old. My situation is hopeless. I am 73 years old, suffering a psychological trauma.
@@elisabethdakak878 happens to men routinely. And waman fight to make it worse for fathers every day.
Poetic justice....
They can easily con most people. It takes a real expert with at least a PHd, like this woman, to really get it and not be so easily manipulated. These narcissistic people are smarter than people think. Way smarter.
@@josmith1815 this is not a gender issue at all. Not even close.
@@joanndavid3406 tell that the MANY men that either CANT see thier kids or are treated as wage slave (often both) so the mum can have an easy life living off his hard work.
You like most waman are happy to ignore this as your a heartless ass.. .le
Definitely happened to me, still effecting my relationship with two of my three adult children. Excruciating
Me too excruciating painful all the sacrifices made and for them to hate you
I want to start an organization in Minnesota. I’ve been going through this for many years and I want to live the rest of my life helping others who are in it and have no where to turn. Most people can’t explain it and a lot of family members don’t understand it. 🤍
I’m going through it right now it’s devastating your whole world is turned upside down I want to Connect with others I feel so hopeless /helpless I’m giving it everything I’ve got for my son and others that can relate god bless all of us and thank you so much for this wonderful lady that is bringing all of this to light ! hopefully more people will be more attuned to what’s really going on so we all can happily be reunited with our families Angela jacobitz SC
I am a targeted parent. This has been going on for 8 years. I was the main caregiver prior to that. My ex partner who displays a high level of Narcisistic traits has destroyed the relationship between my self and my children. My children are suffering immensely and it has been extremely frustrating to not have any support and not being able to support my children. I know my children are being mistreated and this saddens me to a level I cannot explain in words. I know my children will require lots of support and counselling going forward. I believe much of this abuse is irreversible. of this is irreversible. I have noticed that I
Other countries have the same issues. It's a traumatic position that I would not wish this on anyone. Lack of specialists in the area. More understanding and education for teachers, doctors and care givers. It is not seen as child abuse as it rightfully is and domestic violence on a different level.. Many years of work by specialists and parents has had little impact. Please I pray that something will change soon .
I too am a targeted Mom, severely alienated from my children for 10 years. Four attorneys later, (none of which were science-minded/educated), and I'm no closer than before. My oldest son is now trapped in his father's full conservatorship as of 2020, and I feel desperate, hopeless, and helpless. I've fought, prayed, begged, read, ran, hid, yelled, cried, self-destructed, etc, and still nothing. My only reason for carrying on in this life is FOR MY CHILDREN, and I will continue to pray that a change will come and help us and our babies SOON.
@@cheriemillsdunn7227 I hear you. 🙏❤️
❤ I’m right there with you.
I always built the "step-father" up to my sons. Never a negative word. Today I still have no relationship with my own biological children - and stepfather does. To this day im being abused - and ive been away from the abuser - Keith Andrew Hinton in Belleville,Il since 2006. He doesn't even lift a finger any more to abuse my sons and myself.i had no clue what was going on. I don't think I can bear the pain any more. It's worse as time goes on, not better.
Well-intentioned people say "wait until they grow up, they'll see what's happening and they'll come back to you". This isn't necessarily the case .. serious long-term/permanent damage is done to the relationship. We actually quite often lose our relationship tie with our children .. and quite often, we sadly end up needing to 'give up' and go our own way.
Too rite
Time only heals things that want to be healed
Yes, unfortunately
@@paultheetchetchells3256 There is no closure in grief for a child who is still living. There is no healing.
U have to live the nightmare, and even then I can't understand it, but yeah there's no peace, ever, so therefore you have to fill your life with things that block it all
This is the best breakdown of parental alienation I’ve seen. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for taking the time to research PA. This is exactly what my ex and his wife are doing. The abuse is so severe. It’s been almost 9 months since I’ve seen my 17 year old daughter. I’ve only seen my 14 year old son once in 9 months. I still have 50% legal custody. I’ve been the primary caretaker and have had 85% custody. My ex moved to CO (we lived in southern CA and that’s where our divorce jurisdiction is. he took the kids for what was supposed to be Father’s Day weekend and they’ve been there since. Made horrific false accusations against me. No evidence and he has arrest record and multiple DUI’s and has been caught lying. My daughter completely cut off communication due to the horrific lies he and his wife told. He isolated my children away from all their friends, their mother, community, school, sports etc. it is a form of terrorism. He tried to sabotage my one only visit with my son. Kept me up all night he was going to cancel my flight. Told me I couldn’t see him etc. he does not have one family member or friend who will take his side or support him and his evil wife. Who can do something like this to their own children. I’m suffering from severe PTSD. My purpose for brink is my children. This is hell. I can’t continue to live this way. I’ve spent $50,000 to try to save my kids. I just lost my job because I cannot concentrate. I wake up and just want to die. That’s how it feels. It’s hell. He can get away with this and my kids are still there. he’s destroying them and I can do nothing. My daughter had been to rehab and relapsed since she’s been there. She’s failing out of school and had 146 school absences and 84 tardies. Not playing sports. She was a varsity track and varsity rugby athlete. She was in AVID program making straight A’s. Now she don’t graduate and is using drugs even at school. Her father allows it and is alcoholic and drug addict himself. I’m
Worried she will harm herself. But no one will listen! She still won’t talk to me. He has great attorney and I cannot afford one. Repressing myself. I’m
No match. I’ve literally killed my self trying to fight for my kids. This video at least gave me some hope. Thank You. Im sorry for all who are also going through this. 💔
Best Ive seen too. This woman definitely knows her stuff.
Colorado courts allow this to happen! I have been going through this for about 8 years now. It's destroyed, my mental and physical health and can't get anyone to stop it or help. He has a good job and can afford to fight. I've been so mentally broken that being in the same room as him makes me shut down and cry, which he uses against me saying I have mental health issues! There has to be a way to stop this, and it has to be more than a slap on the hand. I've been tortured by this man for long enough. The only thing keeping me from giving up completely is the fact that 1 of our 3 children still has contact with me and wants me to keep fighting. I'm drowning and the courts won't even throw me a rope!
Oh my gosh, your story is just like my daughter's. He Ex and his wife are doing the same. You do know your Ex's wife is the instigator due to her jealousy of you.
It's also possible for a custodial parent to be alienated and then the alienated parent ends up losing or giving up custody because the children become out of control and too combative within the home. I've seen that happen. It breaks the custodial parent's heart especially when feeling forced to turn over custody to the alienator due to the children's rejection.
Dr. Harman is a valuable resource for alienated parents. Thank you for all that you do. Truly abused children still desire relationships with their children. This phenomenon shows how counter-intuitive this is.
i was alienated from my 2 kids . so heartbreaking. i spent everything i had to fight it and now left with nothing. just aweful
I decided to go against common wisdom and not waste my little resources and little energy on lawyers and... maybe end up with the same result. I am trying stoic and existentialism philosophy. Hope I will hang in there but I definitely have no energy for a lifelong fight at this stage
@@last_samurai6690 I give little of my story.
I had been falsely accused of 5 in dv case, of course without my knowledge.
I lost my daughter for over 4 years .
Maybe 15 courts hearing against army of organisations involve in dv.
The lies that been said about me without verification, many cancelled hearing for stupid reasons and rejection of any contact to my child ( letters, phone calls or any form of reminder about me) was dismissed by court.
After I learn what is really happening in courts , what's the dynamic to destroy healthy relationship. I desperately forced myself to see my daughter and secretly recorded my visitation.
I wasn't able to presents my evidence for nearly 3 years as the court doesn't want to acknowledge the above nor PA and treated me like a dirt.
I never gave up. Attended all the hearings , tried to be as calm as possible ( but not always )
I lost both parents in the meantime and had no support from anybody.
What I learned , the plan was simple... 1.everything they say it's a lie,
2. I love my daughter,
3. if I cannot handle the situation always be there anyway , stand strong with what I want and who I am
and the most important "
4.as long as the proceedings continue eventually they'll get caught in their own lies ( they'll try to change the facts , dates or add new stuff) " Let them talk"
Unfortunately, the war never ends but I can admit: I'm finally able to smile to my daughter and touch her hand even if I meet with constant rejection from her.
Sorry for the language, the reminder of it gives me chills and aches to my heart
@@y.a.p8951 wow you are a strong and patient man. Cannot handle that much.
@@last_samurai6690 I cannot , I think I'm loosing my sanity but what scares me more is how this whole situation will destroy my daughter emotionally.
Family break ups was never easy for the kids , they become adults and won't figure it out why they're so damaged.
I had seen that too many times.
I go as far as I can.
Sometimes I keep forgetting why I do that , sometimes I think I don't know any better.
Fight back! It is worse once your child becomes a damaged adult. OLM
Thank god for this lady.i really thought i was alone in this living nightmare.
You are not alone. Victims are all over social media speaking out and its about time.
God bless you and your work! 💖
She is a great scientist working on our behalf !
1:19 The most alienation of children happens if the target parent takes the HIGH ROAD - not revealing the facts to children about the alienator, and not communicating defensively.
Jennifer Harman is so important to this issue. Thank you for all of your efforts! Your work is the most important work concerning children and our society in the century.
The incentives for a parent to Alienate a child need to go away. When the Alienating Parent realizes they have nothing to gain by engaging in this form of child abuse the numbers may dramatically decrease. We must eliminate the rewards, enforce perjury laws, and provide accountability for this behavior and false allegations. If the counter argument to PA is that it isn't a scientifically proven behavior, then all the more reason to enforce accountability and provide repercussions because it cannot now be explained as a mental illness. Mental illness is still no excuse, but the perception can be that a parent simply can't help it.
Well at the very least this gives me hope to hear that with therapy a child can thrive once away from the controlling parent.
After experiencing what you described and unfortunately losing all contact with my kids due to parental alienation I admire how you managed to sum this all up in one video. You are spot on with your findings and research. One of the best videos I’ve come across on the subject. Thank you for your work and sharing
Dr. Harman has well said everything. I have been alienated for almost 4 years. I was the prime carer for nearly 8 years until the mother vanished with them and made malicious accusations against me.
I have been through the nightmare which has been discussed here. From a naive person, I am now very familiar with this sick environment. For the other, I am the perpetrator and the other side is the victim; but in fact, I have been a victim for many years. I wish all the social workers, judges, doctors and politicians watched this interview because it is 100% percent spot on.
They are too busy counting the dollars we are being drained. And that's all that it matters for them. It's not their kids and it's their job.
That part about children being cognitively damaged by the abuse was interesting. I had a hard time functioning in school and was later diagnosed with ADHD. I do believe I have ADHD but also that the stress and trauma added to my inability to function like other kids.
I just found out I have ADHD at 46 years old. OMG Reach out to me if you want to talk.
While you were in the womb you were exposed to the abuse. The egg that created you had experienced all the abuse and trauma your mother ever had to deal with.. and her mother affected her.
The parent who alienated children and still do must be put in prison, charged with abuse!!!!!!!
Its like she saw my life and what I am living day by day before and after divorce.
I feel the exact same way... It's a nightmare. You are not alone.
"Judicial Parental Alienation"
court child abduction
The ultimate covert predator
what about a narcissistic parent that uses the court as a weapon?
Exactly I’m so scared.
This video is everything to me at the moment. I’ve always had my criticisms of my husband’s lack of help with the care of our first born boy 17 years ago, as well as noticing here and there what a terrible role model he could be to both of our boys 17 years later. I’ve been in a sleepy depressed state for so long but always had to jump in to counteract what he was showing them was wrong! It wasn’t until the pandemic lockdown that I actually woke up and saw the pathological patterns of manipulation he was using to control me... and only noticing now because these patterns that took place over a long period of time are now condensed in a stressful manner. The very night I started sleeping on the couch (almost 2 months ago) absolutely everything has come to light about how disordered this man is, along with his mother and sister and possible other family members). First playing the victim, then the super nice attentive father/husband, to triangulating the boys (pitting oldest boy against youngest) to hurt me, then having oldest boy attacking me after I confronted the father. Then I really saw the light and remembered how when my oldest son was a toddler would go from normal loving child one day, to doing insidious acts against me personally and completely avoiding me the next day for quite some time. It never made sense to me until now! I need the best help I can find
Keep up the good work, this is the lowest form of control and manipulation that to many suffer from.
My ex husband said he would take everything from me…he did. The only thing I value is my relationship with my kids.
Jennifer is one of the most intelligent, and logical professionals in this field and I appreciate her dedication, and continued efforts spent making these presentations and videos to share. They provide a vehicle for parents whom are sitting silently suffering to finally gain some understanding of what has been going on, and to also find some relief to learn this important information from such a well regarded, respected and renown professional such as Ms. Harman. please keep sharing this information and getting the word out because you have the level of creditability and credentials at such an astute level that you bring affirmation and belief to this subject when others tend to discount the possibility of this type of situation is taking place.
Thank you for voicing your words. Those words hold value coming from someone in your position. Eighteen years later... both my daughters and I have suffered anxiety/depression, self image distortions, & low-self esteem. Drug use and suicide attempts. My youngest daughter just died in May from a drug overdose and I read her journals... She felt horrible about herself and the more I pushed for the truth to be acknowledged, the more pain it was adding on her. The guilt... The shame... I was so busy fighting for my motherhood and it was causing them more harm. My other daughter resents me for trying to get the truth out. I do believe the guilt would eat her too, so I don't bring it up anymore. Our relationship is strained as she still blames me for how her life has turned out. All I can say to any parent feeling that alienation where they once had a good relationship with their children... find help immediately, even contact the school counselor. It doesn't take long for a line to be crossed that is very hard to come back from. It took years for me to put the pieces together because no one told me what he was going around saying and it never occured to me that he might do something like that. I've been broken for years and now that Joni is dead, my life is forever altered. I exist until my death, and I welcome that. With my luck, I'll outlive my other daughter and my ex.
Thank you for this video. This is very real and this is an excruciating situation to navigate through. I don’t wish this situation on anybody.
Very useful information. I have been a tragetted parent since one year, im experiencing these incidents and details to the pin point. Courts must use these expertise consultation.
I have no rights. All my income, I mean, all is given to someone who refuses to work, despite degree and earning capacity and I am being blocked from my kids.
Thank you Dr. Harman. Please continue your work on PA. This is devastating! This is not a child's free will. This is purposeful abuse done by the alienating parent.
Yes please do Dr. Harmon we need you!
Divorce is the real problem. It is very difficult/impossible for children to stay equally loyal to both parents after a divorce.
One day I realized that I probably had PTSD. I wondered if, after all these years, I should shift my focus from trying to fix the circumstance (an non-endeavor for the most part, despite my more-or-less constant consideration of the problem), to trying to fix myself. I know the grief wiring in my brain got stuck in the “ON” position, and there are people who have gotten help for that. I just can’t bear having to spend such a huge part of the first few hours trying to convince my therapist that I didn’t somehow deserve this. I just can’t. Not when I am part of such a large, easy to delineate population. Parents for whom their own loss pales compared to the crush of the knowledge of the ongoing abuse, adding up, compounding interest, to their most beloved. I just can’t try and teach medicine to the doctor. WTF, DSM-5?!!
Well said
I’m a woman and I’ve been alienated from my children. I am devoted to my children. But he use alienation in court to strip me of custody and severe my relationship to my child.
hang in there.. we'll raise awareness in the world about PA
So he was saying you were alienating him and he got custody and alienated you?
Thank you so very much for bringing this horrendous situation more and more to public awareness. I have been without my adult children for 7 years (they were mid-teens when the alienation started) and it is the most painful and grief-stricken situation. Please never stop your amazing work. Best wishes.
So, what do targeted parents do? What do we do when the psychological professions and courts have failed our kids? When our alienated children become adults and become parents themselves? When your grandson turns 21 and you have never been introduced? For targeted parents the pain never goes away. PA has not only caused brain damage to the child, but brain damage to the targeted parents.
Maybe the solution to this is that were approaching the solution from the wrong direction. If this is domestic terrorism, and your child won't wake up at the age of 44 and a parent himself, why couldn't the targeted parents press charges for domestic abuse even at this late date because the violent abuse still continues. It not only caused brain damage to the child, but to the target parent. I've been through cPTSD, which I will live with the rest of my life. I've not only considered suicide everyday, but wished for death and wished I was never born.
Why can't I sue him for damages and win a big reward that will make national headlines? Headlines that would condemn this behavior and get the world talking about the evils of PA.
My step kids were alienated from me the step mom. My son now 23 has told me how they would be punished if she heard them say anything about me or if she caught them hugging me. At 15 my stepdaughter wanted to move in- however she grew up under this mum and has tried to have my husband divorce me. I have bowed out- I have other children in the house, which she alienated also.
Four years of the most severe alienation has almost destroyed me.
I'm sorry for.you.
I'm 2 years in and don't low if I can cope long term
Excellent video clip , and spot on .
The only problem is , the family court system in Australia obviously doesn't listen to these kinds of experts .I wanted to have 1 extra night during the week with my kids and a 10 day holiday at Xmas time .So far it has cost me $55000 and still climbing .I haven't seen my kids since August 2019 .The mother throws all sorts of allegations at me . She can't prove any of them , as they didn't happen. My kids have thrown me under a bus to professional counselors .I go in and tell the truth and no professional believes me .My kids have turned there backs on all my side of the family as well as myself .The mother can do no wrong in there eyes .She has been alienating me for years , and the kids believe everything she says . My kids have a father that loves them and wants to be in there lives , and has since they were born . The family court doesn't recognize PA .Or they would of taken the kids away from the mother years ago .My kids are going to grow up with serious mental health issues. Because the so called experts can't see through a master manipulater
The system in Australia is absolutely shameful.
My ex wife would say "the only person who is committed to his relationship with the kids is me".
Me "ok good - so when can I see them"?
Her: "never".
And remarkably the court decided her behaviour was too difficult to correct, that they just gave her what she wanted.
There is a problem when the court has less resolve than the alienating parent. The answer: send alienating parents to prison and switch custody. Nobody would do it if it guaranteed they were the one who lost their relationship with the kids.
I want to hug this woman!!!! So F-ing grateful for this research!
I’m still dealing with the affects of this. My son’s stepfather turned my 13 year old against me. My son has somewhat realized the stepfather is not who he claims to be but the damage is so deep my son is sadly still broken. He’s not the same kid from before this happened. He was so kind, honest, open, loving and protective of me and his little sisters. He’s now just full of anger and has no patience for anyone. I pray that in time God will restore him. This is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. To see contempt in your child’s eyes towards you and favor a stepparent over the biological parent is crazy. My ex is an abuser. I too was targeted by him when I was a minor and my family protected him rather than me. I was called crazy for speaking up about the abuse and that’s when him, along with my family turned him against me. So that my claims of abuse are not believed . I’ve surrendered it all to God.
My youngest (10) was at my house for the first time in a month yesterday. Right around bedtime, she tells me she wants to go back to her moms house. When I question why, she states "Mom says its my choice where I want to go" I am supposed to have 50/50 custody of my kids. How does someone think it is okay to give a 10 year old the choice of where they want to stay?
Had this with my grandkids too
Everything the Dr. explains "hits the nail on the head" - explained perfectly. My son was alienated from me starting at age 7 when the evil Stepmonster moved into his father's house and began grooming my son to think of HER as the "real mother" and that his father, her, and HER family members were all his "real family" over and over and over. It got VERY VERY BAD. A once healthy co-parenting relationship between me and his father was destroyed. Thank God her control got so bad , she started trying to control my son's father when my son grew up, over age 18. A couple of years later they divorced, hurray! My son got better after she left. Our relationship will NEVER be the same, normal, loving relationship, as he was mentally damaged, but he will text me back; meet up along with his girlfriend, a few times a year, and we casually talk. There is never any mention of Stepmonster. His girlfriend knows that "something" happened to my son as a child, having to do with Stepmonster, but he won't talk about it with her. I have not gone into details with her, and I hope someday he will open up to her, or to someone.
Wow. So true. My SS’s mother has ALL control. She’s also moved SS to every school she thought at since kindergarten. 6 schools so far. Me and dad literally have lived about 10 min from the bio mom’s house. It’s sad!
I am doomed. Might as well, wash my hands and walk away.
Right there with you. Never give up thou. You ARE the healthier soul and you children need you !!!
Wow that is 100 what I’m going though Very well explained Thank you
I was severely abused by my father as child. I never cut him off and refused contact with him even into my adulthood.
My 15 year old daughter has refused contact with me even though I was a good dad.
Seems so unfair
all it takes is one narcissist and this can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.
Wish we knew how or where to find a real specialist before this all goes on another 5 years and more damage is done.
This would be a really good video to introduce Parental alienation to people new to the idea.
I lost both of my children. They tried as adults to contact me and their father retaliate. I couldn’t get near my children without this person doing something about it. After 15 years after divorce last year came to my house to stalked me. There’s legally nothing that I can do to really get rid of this guy. There’s not laws to protect you from such continuous abuse. Nothing! Divorce was not enough, loosing my family was not enough , I often wonder would he ever leave me alone? I don’t have contact since 2008 and I never react to his antics. It’s totally madness!!!
The thing that blew my mind was when if both parents abused the child no alienation occurred, but if only one participated and the other did not, they alienated the good parent. How is this just and right?
I just found this video - I am so very happy to hear someone has been researching and gaining knowledge about this kind of abuse. I am a 63 year old 🇨🇦 and my oldest son was alienated from me back in the early mid nineties when my ex and I separated. I rarely saw him from when he was 9-17 years and last saw him at the funeral of my youngest son (who was in my custody) in 2004 and have not seen or spoken to him since. I’ve reached out but he refuses to talk to me or see me. Will this ever end? I don’t see it ending…. He has 2 little boys (my grandchildren) I’ve never met. From what I hear, his dad does not choose to associate much with him now. I’ve had thoughts of suicide for all these years but I stay alive for my other children.
They do this to in laws during divorces causing kids to hate a parent. They also do this to adult kids when a kid speaks up. This is definitely narcissistic behavior. Patterns are clear to some but most people can only see whats immediately in front of them. 10:31
Wow, very informative, educational and powerful content! Thank you! My current husband is going through this and hope this video will help and give him some support/insight.
Your contribution is such a great resource. This is a healing and empowering resource that allow alienated parents to feel seen.
This is being done to me, but more importantly to our child. Attempts to get help from the health, social services, and justice services have been turned back on me. I deemed to be the problem because of my reactions to mistreatment.
It is a tragedy that the courts are failing so badly in this area.
100%its a miracle I am still alive.
@Thomas Greg I am just waiting for them to come to understanding , peace and forgiveness
Amazing presentation thankyou, so much knowledge, I haven't seen my daughter for an excruciating year and a half, I will never give up. I have watched many videos on PA and this was incredible.
Just found out there is a term for what I went through in the 90s. My kid only seemed to come around once I had totally given up on a relationship with her and stopped trying and later her Mom passed away. I wish my relationship with my adult child was much closer but at the same time, I'm grateful that we have a relationship.
My husband's ex took the children to a psychologist to drum up a case that the father was unfit so she would get total custody. From what the children told the psychologist it was total exaggeration and not what truly happened. How do I know? We were dating at the time and I was in the room when these things occurred. Thankfully, her scheme backfired and she lost in the court but it left repercussions even felt today. She was alienating but I also blame the court system to allow this to go on and take the side of the parent who they know will not rest and come back again and again to court. Follow the money.
Yes to all of this...
I am so grateful to hear this about reciprocity.. My mother, who alienated three husband's children from them, and her grandchildren from me, her daughter, was always saying, "It takes two to quarrel," and, "You have to earn your children's respect," and "It takes two to tango," while slandering parents behind their backs and undermining them in front of the children. My husband and I tried so hard to be good parents and good to our parents and the estrangement has been agonising and traumatic.
@@gingerfellah5665 yes
It is such a sad situation. A close friend of mine has been going through severe alienation for the past 9 years. She recently reunited with her children as the ex-partner was removed from the home
I am in Manchester New Hampshire and I am in a very bad State of mind. I felt every word of this. Unfortunately I do believe the odds are stacked up against me. I believe now deteriorating in dying inside and if it weren't for my faith I would have killed myself already. I believe I'm the saddest person on the face of the Earth and if I'm not please show me someone sadder. Because that's the only strength I would gain is from that person. My God the injustices that have taken place make you question if there is a God.
You are amongst the saddest, most frustrated, confused on earth, indeed. I know what you're feeling and have been there. It's a bit better now and I'm sorry for your pain. If you are a person of faith, you then have to also realize that you are worthy of being alive and loved, too.
Oh my gosh, my daughter is going through this as a targeted parent, and I am the only one in our family that supports her. Her siblings have supported her Ex helping to spread his ridiculous lies, which I know are not true. It is the new wife of her Ex and her jealousy that started the parental alienation. What this lady is saying is all true. All of it. First time I've heard such accuracy on the subject of Parental alienation.
Oh, ouch. I'm so glad you're supporting her. It's the most painful thing I've ever gone (am going) through. Support is the only thing keeping me here.
Me too and it hurts like hell. Thank you for doing something
Thank you for this. Thank you so much for this.
I lost my daughters to a restraining order in 2011. It happened because I fought my wife telling my children “ daddy doesn’t love you, be careful around him, he’s trying to kill you.” Being caught cost me a a life sentence of a restraining order to never see my child again. They where 10 and 6. I had no idea what was being planned around me.
The system is protecting this crime from being exposed.
I’ve never been heard anywhere. Old friends, family, parents, cousins refuse to talk to me or even tell me what’s being said. My children now want nothing to do with me.
Doesn’t matter how good of person you are in America. Anyone can do anything they want to you and the government will Protect the crime from being exposed.
I’VE NEVER BEEN HEARD!!!!! I hate America and it’s supporters for this
I hear you!
I hear you mate
Good morning Dr. Jennifer. Am Carol from kenya and very interested with this topic. Am a counselor and dealing with children a lot. Am glad i found this coz am learning a lot and am n the journey of campaigning against Parental Alienation in my Country. I feel its my responsibility to create awareness on the topic because i have the knowledge and i believe its a wrong thing for a parent to do this. Am using my youtube channel for starters because its not costly.
This is brilliant and very thorough :)
My aunt got custody of my son when he was 4 months old because my relatives were calling CPS the day after I gave birth to him. She doesn't call me at all and told my son I'm a bad person and I never loved him telling lies on me.
Thank you Jennifer you hit the nail on the head I have been a targeted parent for 12 years and yes had all the thoughts that you talk about... PAS = cult
Thank you to Jennifer Harman and for sharing this video
When the courts give the power to the narc, then alienation will be all the more harder to prove. In my experience, the narc hasn’t followed the custody order, and I’ve spoken to attorneys and those attorneys tell me nothing can be done, they advise me to simply file a complaint with the court, but after seeing how little attorneys can or want to get involved, tells me the court will not help me. I know the court won’t because the reason my kids are being alienated is due to the court enabling the abuser, whom they knew was abusive, but they still handed him most of the parental responsibility such as school, parenting time etc. My son is becoming more convinced I’m a bad guy. He now refuses to visit me most of the time. Nothing can be done about alienated children. Nobody in the judicial system cares about it and nobody in he judicial system ever will.
Thank you!
What are the long term effects? I am afraid for my children. I feel helpless.
Thank you for you!
We are suffering this - and the mum is a social worker🤬 all because her ex has moved onto a happy life with me
I would desperately like to speak to this woman.
At 42, a totally stupid and entirely unnecessary escalated family event jarred my vision so acutely that I understood in a blink for the first time exactly who my mother is. And, after months of research and study in order to have a reasonably firm grasp on my situation, what I've come to suspect is that my mother suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her behavior ticks most every agreed upon symptom that are considered to be reasonably reliable indicators.
What I know is that this concise summary of parental alienation fits the destruction of my relationship with both my biological father and firstborn daughter, of whom I was present from birth, to a 'T'. She's now 22, and the alienation is all but complete. I reached out to family, I reached out to her mother. My attorneys, my counselor of seven years, and my psychiatrist helped me to understand I hadn't lost my conkers. Everyone else thinks it's totally cool. I don't understand. I think it's morally repugnant.
All of my immediate family, save two cousins, have chosen to be complicit, complacent and otherwise culpable. They can't be blamed, though. From the time I was old enough to talk back my mom used me as a vehicle to get attention. She's lazy, and thus has always reached for the low hanging fruit that is sympathy. She is addicted to attention. So, obviously, when your family has been hearing for more than thirty years that you are an aspiring tyrant who keeps his mother in a perpetual state of fear, it becomes a 'don't believe your lying eyes' kind of extreme dismissal of a member sounding the alarm. I meditated on the action for months beforehand. Prior to that, I had become so desperate to convince my daughter's grandmother to deprogram her that I finally threatened injunction and subsequent suit. That just made it worse, and so it was I turned to my extended family. Which, as I previously outlined, ultimately culminated in a frustrating, utterly ineffective and humiliating non result.
She alienated affection between my wife and children's mother from the time we learned we were having our daughter, and my daughter's mother was only sixteen at that time. After a lot of very careful and diligent communication, she finally saw it. I begged her to not let our daughter be okay with taking our relationship out back to shoot it. Like the expert points out, all efforts made by anyone who might actually be helping to intervene, including myself and my own last ditch attempts to dissuade her from notions burned into her brain, have proven to have been in vain. All I can hope for is that she figures it out before my grandkids are in their teens and twenties. Or, at least before I die.
My mother sees, and has always seen it, as her inaliable right to use my family as her playground. Unfortunately for her she doesn't recognize or appreciate, not only the harm she caused my daughter and I, but also the harm she has caused herself. For her sake I hope she never has to find out.
When a mother thinks it's a good idea to teach her elite gaslighting and other greatest hits of manipulative persuasion to her daughter in-law and her granddaughter, there might be a price to pay for it. Perhaps the loss of her firstborn son.
I'm so thankful I reconciled with my dad before it was too late.
Based on my personal experience the brainwashing and hate will last the kids the rest of their life...mine are in their twenties and early 30s and both are very angry, bitter hateful people.
Would be great if we could have an equal 50/50 starting point when it comes to custody so the alienating parent doesn’t get all the power the moment they step in court. The turn into Thanos from day one and is so difficult to deal with, let alone go parent with
They will use the silver bullet and accuse you of anything and they very easily will get the social services on their side. Then it's just a game of keep acting while you become so desperate that you start making mistakes and then they use that. You can't win.
@@pablomartin8911 well , you're right but the process is long for both and I remind you....
Everyone make mistakes not only " you"
Then why only me should be standing with no clothes on me. The sooner you acknowledge that the easier will be to fight them.
No. If one parent is an abusive alienator they'll use that time to turn the child against the good parent and end up with full custody. Exactly what is being spoken about here. They can flip your child 180° in a month. Since they are incapable of love and only cause harm, the best thing for the children is zero contact with them. They don't have any good intentions only want to cause harm to the good parent.