Parental Alienation - In the eyes of the specialists
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- Опубликовано: 9 дек 2019
- Specialists talk about Parental Alienation in interviews filmed on location at the PASG 2019 International Conference (Parental Alienation Study Group) in Philadelphia, USA, in September 2019. English and Icelandic subtitles available.
Interviews with each specialist can be found here:
Amy Baker - The Four-Factor Model: • Parental Alienation - ...
William Bernet - Historical Highlights: • Parental Alienation - ...
Ben Burgess - Crazy Making Issues: • Parental Alienation - ...
Linda Gottlieb - Reunification and treating alienated children: • Parental Alienation - ...
Jennifer Harman - Targeted parents and the effects: • Parental Alienation - ...
Steven Miller - Evidence Based Science: • Parental Alienation - ...
Karen Woodall - A Trans-Generational Trauma: • Parental Alienation - ...
Nick Woodall - A Splitting of the Self: • Parental Alienation - ...
Shawn Wygant - Third Party Alienation: • Parental Alienation - ...
The video is produced by Equal Parenting Rights Association, Iceland, www.foreldrajafnretti.is.
All rights reserved ©
NOTE:
Inappropriate comments to this video will be deleted.
“Targeted parents are living in an unending grief.”
Truth.
and it's unbearable and heartbreaking.
So are the adult children trying to untangle the lies
@@wildartbyoldieOnly time will tell. I learned a long time ago that I’m not who they want to hear the truth from. I do see my minor child starting to connect dots on their own.
@@connieaceti3917It sure is and even when you accept it you can become apathetic in general. It’s hard to stuff those feelings even with knowledge and processing work.
The Alienator:
Cool
Calm
Charming
Convincing
The Targeted Parent:
Anxious
Agitated
Angry
Afraid
So freaking true….. I was always in a panic state. He like had no emotions…. Charming…. Could lie so easily…. Woe
Conniving
@@kristen9827 this is happening to me, I had all my documents to prove his lies yet he came up with charming excuses for each one of them & they just accepted it, like phoning my daughter at 1am on school days because of work, they actually sympathised with him instead of seeing that a child needs to be asleep by 9, was tired & falling asleep at school. That's just a mild one compared to the one that's so bad the child should never be allowed sleepovers but they kept forcing me & shutting me up, only letting him speak, bullied me & my daughter. He made it look like he was the victim after abusing & imprisoning me for 11 yrs. He is all of the 4c's. How could they not see that I was afraid of him. He made it look like I was alienating him when he knows that I encourage my child to love him & remind her to call him despite him being so horrible. He sometimes misses a few days calling her then calls like everything is normal.
👌🏼
Targeted parent- sad.
Targeted parent here. Thank you for this video. You say exactly what it is.
Same here. I feel your pain.
Targeted here too. I’ve had students in the past longing to see parents that were physically abusive. It’s the mental/emotional mess that keeps my child from contact. My ex is a master at this. 😣
Anyone here in the chat still having the same issues with Parental Alienation or have you reunified with your child?
A wise friend once reminded me: Someday Your children are gonna figure out who you are just like you figured out who your parents are as people. Be sure you're being that person they will be proud of when they figure you out.
I'm not sure that was a wise person who said that. And that person was definitely not familiar with the pitfalls of parental alienation. Everything they do casts you in a bad light. Your not being yourself while your being alienated from your children. Your a desperate animal trying to protect your kids. It doesn't always look good to outsiders. Especially if it is never reaches conclusion so you can explain the purpose of your desperation.
I am an adult child of parental alienation. I remember the day my eyes opened. I was 21 (had NO idea it was parental alienation or that my father had anything to do with ti.) I had an IMMEDIATE urge to go to my mother.begged my mom for forgiveness... "of course, honey".... Sounds like a fairy tale ending, right? It's NOT! here I am as a 52 year ,mother of twins who show all the sighs of attachment-based parental alienation. I may have been reunited with my mom, but I was still bonded with my abuser to pick his clone as a spouse. Married 25 years, 15 years were wonderful then.... snap. The worst part is: IGNORANCE and ARROGANCE of Psychiatrists, Social workers, school counselors, judges, attorneys.... Yes, yes, it is counter-intuitive, but it so obvious once you know the signs.
Absolutely. If your child grew up to be an adult that still wants nothing to do with you, I assure you, you deserve it
Sometimes we are so emotionally attached to people who hurt us that we forget that we can't blame ourselves for something they don't understand, there are other ways, and people who are more important for adding something to our lives.
How when my son will not see or speak to me? I do not know if he is even getting any of my letters!
This has been my life for the past 10 years. It is a nightmare. Thank you so much for your work.
Exactly! It is a nightmare for me as well, couldn’t get along with my kids
Its been 10 yrs for me also. Mothers day was hell
@@faizashireen5 is
It is a nightmare…. I’m so very sorry. I know what you’re going through.., it’s just continued abuse but they use the children and the courts…. I don’t know what was worse…. Staying and just dealing w hell…. But at least I have my child or dealing w the courts that aren’t educated regarding this issue
Targeted parent here, please continue to create this content. To say we are are helpless in this situation is an understatement.
"Murdering a parent who is still alive" - fantastic reference. Story of my life with an abusive ex. Very difficult to watch this. Had to grab the Kleenex. Caused PTSD in me.
Julias, the trauma response you are experiencing is an embodied trauma which is caused by knowing that your child has had to 'murder you and part of themselves' and knowing that this is what the child is living with. Every part of you is biologically wired to protect your child and you can't and so you are on a feedback loop of fight/flight/freeze which means that your fear based responses are on red alert. Your most urgent need is to calm the amygdala in the brain so that you can break this loop and get some rest. In resting you are not abandoning your child, you are starting the journey to becoming an alienation aware parent who is readying the self to help the child. Think of this as becoming aware that your child has a particular problem that requires a particular approach to parenting. Learn as much as you can about the brain under stress and find ways of calming your central nervous system. Know that you are part of a growing group of parents who are becoming aware of what they can do to assist their child. Even if there is no current visible route to your child returning, you can assist your child by recovering your own healthy self and living in that truth. Just like a lighthouse, your health will beam across your child's conscious and unconscious experience of the world, this is what trapped children need to ensure that their own recovery route is well lit for them.
Stepwise management of this horrendous problem requires parents to -
1. Get well and stay well by returning the focus to the self for the time being so that health can switch on the lighthouse beam.
2. Shine that beam in every possible way (look at my www.karenwoodall.blog for ideas on how to do that)
3. Get yourself into the driving seat in managing your situation, know what is possible and not possible.
4. Join with others to raise the collective beam of consciousness and bring this problem to light around the world.
5. Be ready to receive your child at any point, be integrated in your awareness of how that will look and feel.
6. Understand your child's needs in recovery and be ready to meet them.
Most of all, know that you are not alone. Around the world there is an increase in the speed at which we are bringing help to families affected by alienation, practitioners are working night and day to establish a workforce which will change the way that this problem is dealt with. Many hands make a movement which is finding as many approaches and roads to recovery as possible in as many countries as possible. In the Balkan region there is now an approach to prevention of the problem in place. In 2020 delegates from countries around the world will join together in Croatia to develop standardised practice which brings resolution to this problem. (www.eapapzagreb.com).
Sending you my very best, your suffering will not be in vain.
KW
Karen Woodall wow.. I’m in tears reading ur response to this dear mama. I am one, also.. my four babes stripped from me by our abusers. I am heading to your blog next.. 💜 Thank you.
@@montanamvk sending love, get rest, get well, get educated and aware and join with others to fight thing horrendous problem, never give up hope, never let the lighthouse beam go out, you little ones love you and always will and they will find their way home to you. When they do you must be there for them, healthy and well. Sending my best to you. Karen
@@karenwoodall3941 .. it's ironic. I am masters level clinician in psychology. Not social work - psychology. Big difference... like we are actually trained.
But when it comes to your child, all of that goes out of the window, and mentally, they've broken us.
They ruined my career.
@@JuliasGallery There are many of us in the mental health field that are not immune to this phenomenon. Perhaps some of us are prime targets for the personalities common for alienating parents and these children as well, as we tend to be rational and caring, making us soft targets for a child's displacement of their anxiety and sadness. We are also in a position to better understand what is actually going on. As for me, I have learned a lot. I guess because I know enough, and what my child is having to regulate and endure, that I cannot give up my fight for my child. Perhaps you can also channel your work into working with these families. As the video says, we need more specialized mental health professionals in the field who understand the counterintuitive dynamics that occur in these cases. All the best in your journey.
This is really good, courts need to realize this is happening a lot.
They don’t at all. I’m going on over 4 years of PA against me (Father). Ex Wife’s attorney is actually helping with PA by having our children’s mother call the police on our 10 (now 11) year old and subject him to “mental institution” to cover the child abuse inflicted upon him. He spent this last Xmas in mental ward and has been admit 3x now, with the most recent about 30 minutes ago. I have been physically abuse by her and have the hospital, surgery, and scar to show for it. Yet, somehow I’m the bad guy because I can’t even work anymore from my cervical spine injury from my ex-wife. I honestly don’t care about myself and I just want our children to be safe. I’m terrified I’ll get a call to come ID our son in the morgue.
They are beginning to! You have to track everything! Keep immaculate notes and receipts. Document, document, document!
Oh my God absolutely it’s terrible you are so right why don’t the courts know?
@@flipnotrab Oh my God in heaven I will pray for you cause she sounds sick
They know and profit from it.
My ex lost her mind on psychotropic drugs and turned our 6 children against me. 4 of them I have not seen or spoken with in over 4 years now. I was a great father and the pain is more than I can explain. The perpetrator ought to go to jail for this. It really is child abuse.
My children and I were victims 1996-2000, the children, now 31 and 36 are still unaware. The family system bears their own responsibility that they will never accept which makes it seem like social manipulation by allowing the abusive parent raise the children. The lawyers using these tactics need to have consequences.
There are serous consequences for lawyers, they have serious tax consequences from all the money they make off of legally separating you from your children with no recourse. BTW the courts totally know about PA I went to court and won it didnt matter the gaurdian and the judge knew they just did'nt care, it wasn't them so it didn't matter they all read a 14 page report that outlines everything in this video and said ok 50/50 custody despite years of brainwashing shouldn't be a problem. By then it didnt mattter anyway I sold my home to prove all this and was homeless :-).
I'm a child survivor of this syndrome. In also an alienated parent. My family is broken and I dont have resources to fix it. My youngest child is going off to college. She has no idea she's going to have a big emotional problem to work out. I am only just now coming to terms that this type of abuse exists. This is very cult like behaviour. My prayers go out to everybody affected past and present. I let myself be forced out of my daughters' lives. It's hard to morn the loss of loved ones who are still living without you. It hurts from both sides.
Pray to God and ask for forgiveness and to take your troubles from you and help you. Jesus Christ died on the Cross for us and all you have to do is believe on him and you will be saved. I love you and hope you get right with God and your family.
@@deeveevideos
Shut up. Stop pushing that false crap that's based on fear and guilt.
@@fightingtosurvive6527 why would it make you feel guilty? you would only feel that way if you knew it was true.
@@deeveevideos
Stupid remark.... BWAHAHAHA 😂
You can't even read.
This spoke to me, it hurts so much to mourn your children especially when they are out there and you want to just be able to talk to them and hug them
To other parents enduring this..don't let go of hope and love for your child. It happened to me and my children. My children did wake up eventually. The children hurt inside just as much as we do. When the children wake up it is unconditional love for each otherthat promotes healing for both of you. 🙏💞
OMG 😱 Every one but every one of these experts are chillingly dead 💀 on point
Yeah, I know. I was really impressed with how smart they were here. And that is how I feel. I feel anxious, afraid, and angry. It seems like the judge I had just wasn't seeing it. Probably didn't know what it is (parental alienation).
This whole video gave me chills.
Yes they are. Parental alienation is the worst form of torture. If you’re going through this, my prayers are with you. We need to get this to stop.
A grandparent can also be targeted. The very same process occurs.
Parental alienation extends to the targeted parent's family as well.
I agree. Unfortunately grandparents can also influence/support the abusive behaviour. So always check your own intentions when talking to children. They are very sensitive and ill-equipped to seperate fact from fiction -- memories can be coached to suit a malicious abuser. It's heartbreaking. Alienated parents whose limited resources don't support a legal fight to free their kids from the situation have a bitter pill to swallow: accept it and move on. The guilt and grief are hard to subdue for me.
Grandparents can also Cause the abusive behavior.
Targeted or the alienator. Its can work in all ways between any family members threw the child or children . Insane that people can feel okay with them selves doing this to a child . If your okay speaking that way about a child's loved family member in the way your speaking about them when trying to alienate, you should not be a parent . Or grandparent wich ever it may be . 🤬🤬🤬🤬
@@shopscott1735 Well said.
Thank you for your work on PA. This exists and it is devastating. Murdering a parent that is still alive...gives me chills. Unending grief. I have felt as if I was erased.
Not to mention the night Mica and Jeremiah came into this world and how. D
@@tamekkaknuth9612 Say what?
Erased is a good way of putting it or invisible heart broken
and no one understands and will ask what you did to make your child not speak to you. Its unbelievable.
all Judges should be forced to watch these types of video.
Please keep working to expose this. My granddaughters are going through this right now and I feel so helpless so does my son .
I'm going through this too as a grandma. My son's ex has defied countless court orders. Now she's blocked all of us on social media platforms so theres zero contact. I saw my grandsons almost daily and now haven't seen them since July.. Its destroying me and my son, their dad.
@@christysbutterfly1612 i hope you are seeing your grandbabies now. Have seen my Poppet 3 times since May and I saw her many times a week over the last 5 years. I am praying for you ❤
I too am dealing with this as a grandparent , my Son is being denied his court ordered visitation and her excuse is the boys don't want to see him. It's crazy that law enforcement will not enforce court orders and leave fathers who can't afford an attorney with no help.
Also me with my grandchildren and son.
I wish children could watch this and understand the truth
Share it send it to them on the phone. Nothing to lose.
I did that worse thing I ever did ,the loyalty and denial of my daughter to her dad, I am the villian in the narrative . brainwashed the more you try to enlighten the more she dug her heels in attacking me for saying it ,what you think lightbulb moment .
I know this comment was from 3 years ago. I am curious, did you send the video?
Great video, but Amy Baker please do not refer to the alienator as the favored parent. The should be called what they are -- the alienating parent.
After being in family court over 26 times and Child support court 6 times in 12 years with my ex who was determined to be borderline personality disorder and a narcissist.... I finally walked away as the court allowed the consistent attacks on me and my family. The psychologist we had was removed by my ex because she informed the court of alienation. The next one hand picked attacked me with the ridiculous lies and believed the lies as why would anyone make that up? I love my daughter but just wanted peace as it was ruining my life and creating a lot of hatred. I was basically a check for a deadbeat fighting to see my special girl. I have a huge whole now in my life but I could not go on making my daughter continue to suffer through the attacks as my ex was making her believe stuff. I had to provide photo of the lock that was on the inside of her door for her to believe I didn't lock her in the room. Manipalation to little kids is criminal. Pray one day she comes back and I won't care about time lost... Just want some quality time. I did everything with her including trips to Germany, Paris, austria, and all over Italy.
You will get there, you have a strong foundation where you draw your faith. Keep being true to all all, you child will see this. Good luck
Understand your situation completely.The same has happened to me, except I have 4 daughters. It's been 30 years since I divorced and the effects of parental alienation are still ongoing. They are all grown-up now and have families of their own. I can't even have a relationship with my grandchildren, but what can you do. It's pointless trying to force it, so our true love forces us to let it go, even though it's the most painful ongoing experience. I think and ruminate about them 2 or 3 hours every single day, when I wake up in the morning and make my bed, when I go for a 1-2 hour walk, and when I try to sleep at night, and other times. I used to be gregarious and social, but I now live like a recluse, because I don't trust anyone these days. If you can't trust those that you gave life to, delivered as babies, loved them with all your heart, how can you trust anyone? Deep depression is something I've just had to get used to. No one cares, so I have to deal with it myself. That's life I guess. The quote by the Greek tragic playwright and philosopher that always seems to be most appropriate is this quote by Aeschylus:
"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God".
@@bipolarbear9917 That is tragic and absolutely disgraceful oh my God I feel so sorry for you I’ll tell you want these courts I don’t know how they call them selves Family Court what are they talking about?
@@housekeeping3561 Thanks for showing empathy and compassion. Yes, it's a tragedy for far too many including myself. In the end, we just have to deal with it and get on with life. As they say, 'life goes on'.
@@bipolarbear9917 this is beyond heart breaking. Please take care of yourself- and will be praying for you to find the peace that frees you from this abhorrent erroneous judgement made against you. Live for your best life- the future can become a place to become healed from your traumatizing past. Open the door and go there - take your baggage of the past and go forth in life, it holds your love and pain but it’s nothing you have to be ashamed of. Your experience could be a beacon of light to the world about how unjust this system of ignorant judgements is, how unexposed facts and uneducated lawyers & court systems can manipulate outcomes and have life alternating and devastating consequences. Educated Experts need to be used and not be in any rush until facts have been fully verified.
Wow! Judges, psychologists, lawyers and others need to watch this video and be trained
Or parents need to learn and work things out from the get go
@@rubyrose902 You CAN'T work things out with a disordered person.
And Legislators!!!
@@aloysiusdevanderabercrombi470 You took the words right out of my mouth! These are *not* normal people and are not rational or reasonable. They do not have the best interests of the children at heart. And they want to destroy you and make your life a misery long after the divorce. They are ruthless predators. And the courts and systems give them carte blanche.
Who are 3 people who downvoted this!? Most likely alienators who don't want to admit they are doing it to their children.
this is absolutely correct and true. my mother did this to me when I was 9. I'm 50 now. It completely destroyed my life. I attempted suicide and struggled with drug abuse and married three narcissists. she should have been put in jail for parental alienation. she told me my dad didn't love me. it was horrible
I'm so sorry for your experience. I want to stop this happening to my daughter (now 29), but don't know how to get her to even listen to me. She is still under the spell. It is so terrible feeling - being - powerless to get through to her to try to prevent some of these possibilities.
I'm going through this myself. I never knew this was such a thing until I understood what narcissism was and that I am a victim myself.More devastating is is this is happening to my own son towards me because of his narcissistic father. I want to save him so bad from this. I love my son more than life. I'm loosing him more each day 😭
This is a very accurate video, if only we could get the courts to listen to the outcries of the alienated parents.. Also it would be great if there were specialist in this area who had a greater understanding of parental alienation.
Very powerful and informative video. Why doesn't everyone recognize this for what it is... child abuse!
Parental abuse not child abuse
Why do most courts not see this when evidence is so clear?!?
I found out that the lawyers do not really care about the children. They care about the money.
I've been waiting for years for this to be exposed because there is nothing a single person can do...and it is trauma
It is unending grief. And the narcissist father is very convincing and devastatingly cruel.
Dealing w the same…. It’s beyond cruel. Excruciating pain…. I’m so worried about my child
What about the narcissistic mother? Your comment, like the common narrative about abuse, makes it appear that it's always the male or the father that's the problem. It's this false narrative that's at the heart of the problem. When there are signs and campaigns saying 'Violence against women is a crime', it gives the appearance that it's only men that abuse. The truth is that it's NOT. Why don't these same campaigns remain gender neutral and instead say 'Violence is a crime, and that includes emotional, and psychological violence, not just physical violence'.Considering it's nearly always the mother that gets primary custody, it's the men that are most likely suffering from parental alienation and the mothers that are the ones perpetrating the pathological parenting manipulating the children against their fathers.
Dealing with the same thing. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and drained. But I will never stop fighting for my children. It is domestic violence!
I’m dealing with a narcissistic father as well I feel helpless and hopeless my son is suffering .. it just makes you want to barge in wherever your child is at and take them back.. but we will go to jail and be punished for wanting to love our children it’s crazy I don’t know what to do’
@@mb-qj5yo I'm assuming you mean your ex-husband; the father of your son not your own father.
Narcissism by either gender, and in any form (grandiose narcissist, malignant narcissist, covert or vulnerable narcissist, and communal narcissist) is truly cruel to those they interact with, whether it's their parents, spouse, children, siblings, so-called friends or work colleagues. Their superficial and exploitative relationships and in particular their selfish manipulative behavior and lack of empathy are their most destructive traits.
And, if you happen to be an empath yourself narcissistic behavior inflicted on you is even more damaging to your mental health.
Thank you for this. My daughter and I, in family and individual therapy, were woefully under supported and the difficulties we were having made worse by a therapist who completely missed that PAS was present. The result has been the complete demise of our relationship. As the targeted parent, it truly is an unending grief.
Yep living it with my daughter so my heart goes out to you
Sorry you went through that - I hear ya still struggling with severe anxiety & ptsd over this - hang in there & God bless you !!
I appreciate these videos so much. As a vilified and "murdered" mom, I don't question how heinous this is because it is my life. But all of the people that matter, the judges, counselors, law enforcement, mediators, etc., don't see it. I look like a neurotic, crazy person and he is a calm, loving parent protecting his children and they just help him and give him more power. How do we get the right people to see this so they can stop helping them and start actually protecting our children? Where do we, the "murdered" go for help? Nobody seems to know that this is real and we aren't crazy. It's a very helpless and topless feeling. This monster i don't even recognize stole my babies and destroyed me and my reputation and mutilated my children's relationship with their mommy and how they believe i love them. And the worst part is my babies are living in this conditioning day in and day out with no way to escape as he manipulates their perception of reality. It's unfathomable how a parent can do that to their own kids. And even worse, get away with it and be hailed as a loving parent. There are no words. I haven't been able to breath since he took them. I mourn my children every day like they have died but there's no end... No closure... It never gets better. How do we protect our kids? Who can we go to for help? It is absolutely the worst kind of abuse, yet it seems to be invisible to everyone that is supposed to be trained to recognize it.
*Helpless
Thank you for your post. This is me. I'm at murdered mother too.
Thank you for making this video. I’m going to get help as I have been alienated from my child for two years. I am just getting my strength after the sadness, shock, and just angry this could actually happen.
Not every child that refuses to see a parent has been alienated by the other. When my parents divorced, I shut out my dad for at least a couple years because I knew he left for some younger woman. My parents never fought out loud, there was never any physical abuse, and us kids didn't know they were going to split until the day he bailed. My mother defended him vehemently, but I didn't pay attention to that. I was furious that someone could be so selfish. Of course, as I grew older, I came to realize that people grow apart, fall out of love, and eventually I accepted it. I love my dad, but I'll never forget the hurt my mom felt.
Going through the same thing right now with my kids and their mother. After over 2 years of 50/50 custody, kids are now refusing to have contact with me. Painful is an understatement. Glad to come across content like this to give me deeper understanding of the situation.
I'm in Exactly the same position! Not just myself that my ex has alienated from, it's also my entire family along with their half brother who they were so fond of!
This video should be mandatory for anyone working in family court, family counseling, shelters, etc.
The problem is just like you point out in the video those community "experts" do not realize what they do not know. And that damages family they serve.
I know of a woman who had 2 young daughters with a very loving, caring husband/father. Almost overnight she decided that he was the 'Devil Incarnate'. With the full financial & emotional backing of her family and 4 years of relentless abuse, lawyers, court appearances, defying court orders, terrible disgusting accusations/lies, etc., etc., she eventually drove him to suicide. Even one of the judges called her "a vile, vindictive human being..". On the day of his funeral, she and her mother took the daughters to a theme park then the movie 'Frozen'..
If the truths in this video were to be exposed, the Family Court System would go bankrupt and require a full restructure, the costs of reprogramming judges would mean they would all just have to be replaced. This information will never be exposed to government professionals because it would end their careers. And some judges and social workers would even be made criminal.
Yeah it's all true. It's the evil in this world. It's winning. It's taking all the children and it's winning. My ex is a monster. She is truly evil. I'm pretty sure she's been possessed by some evil entity because she was not always this way. The woman I married would not let this happen to her own kids. She has sabotaged their lives in the worst ways imaginable and she just lives in denial of it and blames me for it. But it's all her. It's evil and it's winning and it stole my babies from me and it's making me insane.
@@jimig399 I’m sorry to hear this. I understand the feeling. I have been alienated for 10 years. The pain and loneliness is relentless and debilitating. You have to work hard and look deep within yourself everyday and fight back. You can’t loose yourself. You must find the good that is still in you and build in that. One day your children will come looking for and want to know you, and when they do, you need to be as whole as possible and available. You need to be strong. You can do this.
@@his3313 I dont believe you. After 10 years you begin to question your own child's lack of courage, curiosity and compassion in not reaching out. It's impossible to remain open-ended optimistic in anticipation of reuniting with your alienated kids. It's not humanly or physically possible. I know because my body is failing after 7 years. If I'm wrong I'm sorry. But I don't think I am. You don't know this topic thru personal experience. I don't know why someone would fake this but I believe you are.
@@jimig399 Wow, how discouraging. I understand that Parental Alienation can be difficult. But there is no reason to lash out to someone who is just trying to help. My pain runs deep and parental alienation has ruined my life. I don’t need to prove that, and I don’t need to spend my time responding to someone who is hateful. I wish you luck and I pray you get the help you need. Hang in there and don’t lose yourself. That’s all you have left. Good luck 🙏🏽
Beyond GRATEFUL to all these specialists who know what they're talking about... Been to over 25 different therapists: marital therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, in-office & online psychologists, too many to list! Thank you for posting this!!! I'm subscribed... permanently...
So sorry to hear of your struggle with parental alienation and sending you the best from our Association in Iceland. In case you didn't watch the individual interviews with each of the specialists, there are links in the description above. Good luck
agree most people think they know PA, they dont have a fckn clue
I can’t get over it!!!
@@Foreldrajafnretti I am a layperson who has spent the last 5-ish years trying to write a book on quickly identifying manipulators, and ended up analyzing many more detailed nuances of manipulation than I thought existed.
I've found two quick markers that are accompanied by one feature that quickly identifies a manipulator.
In the beginning, I tried teaching as many people as I could how to spot manipulators in their life, and to escape or not become involved with the other person if at the beginning of a relationship. That's when I learned that some people who can be genuine victims in situations might also be manipulators themselves.
It boggles my mind hearing thousands of people's stories of being abused, and how many alleged professionals are also abusive.
Until an/the industry is willing to screen out manipulative specialists-in-training, there will be "specialists" who further abuse their clients. No amount of training changes a manipulator into a non-manipulator. The industry doesn't have a method for "changing" manipulators, so why should anyone think that "specialist" manipulators who took the best courses won't manipulate and will magically identify and "treat" "parental alienation" correctly?
The crazy thing is I’m the father and I am the 4 “A’s” and I thought I was the problem, but now I see that the 4 “C’s” are the problem I love and miss my babies so much no wonder I can’t be still yet there over there all happy remarried and calm
FYI: In West Virginia it is a felony to make false allegations against another parent.
You sound guilty.. what does that have to do with what these PROFESSIONALS are teaching and making it aware.. You must be afraid to be found out
@@rebeccachampagne7658 You sound guilty actually. What is your point? As a targeted parent, this sounds fantastic. I wish that was the case here. I endured all sorts of false allegations... all rejected... and even so, I was the one left with a record, I was the one handed a no contact order.
I my case, I was so haunted by police complaints that I would sleep in the forest here in Canada to be safe from the police.
@@fredhubbard7210 and you think I care what you think 😂😂😂
@@rebeccachampagne7658 And you imagine that I think that you think?
I’m been going through this for a year now & have been accused of many things , it’s so cruel . When my son was staying with me I would be diplomatic & try to get my boy to visit his Mum & give her time , even though she would verbally abuse me , I tried to put that aside & focus on my sons need . It’s a horrible thing to be experiencing & so sad . Not only alienating my son from me but this woman who’s name I won’t mention has also tried to mess with my boy from another relationship & trying to control my other previous relationship & sends money to my other ex & trying to get her to block me from seeing my other boy too. I’m reporting this but it’s very difficult to get anyone to listen, the police or social services won’t really help much unfortunately
Stepmom here. The lawyers in our state won't take our case. We spoke with an attorney last year and she was convinced it would go nowhere. We would spend thousands of dollars, months, or years fighting, and end up right where we started. We have witnessed firsthand, the stepdad saying horrible things about us in front of the kids. One of my SKs harmed herself as a teenager and refused to speak with us for 2 years. We found out after she was an adult what happened. Parental alienation is abuse to both the child and the targeted parent. I fully believe if my husband was dealing with this abuse alone he would no longer be here. There is nothing more painful than watching the person you love lose contact with their living children.
Please keep doing this! Please keep fighting for the parents and children subjected to this abuse!
This is what is happening to me right now. My kids and I had a great relationship before the split. Now they believe I'm like related to satan. And there's no way to convince them otherwise. I just hope they grow up and one day see right through her BS
11 Alienators disliked the video.
Wow... brilliant, 10 years and counting ive been the alienated ... unbelievably spot on...every voice in this video is talking about my life
With how many people are affected by this it fits the definition of crimes against humanity.
I am a victim of parental alienation. I suffered a loss of child that I can only see when the other parent feels I am worthy of seeing my son, I cry everyday 😢 when the feeling over powers me. I am the victim of a malicious pare y that used the system to convince the judge that I was a danger to her and my 3 year old son. There are days I would much rather die than live another day in this torment but I am keeping my faith and my God will serve justice one day. Blessings my yourube family.
I am this way. Some days asking for death. I know God loves me. I am working on me and peace to help me through this pain. It won't ever go away, but it can become livable.
@Adlehein Jobbins I'm sorry that you are going through this as well. But you will get over it. Once you get over it, once you do find a way to pay them back with the same coin plus interest. I'm in the process of it now, remember no weapon formed against you shall prosper.
Targeted parent here, been missing my child Gracie that I raised on my own, he hasn't let us have any communication, letters, pictures, calls or visits in 2 years and completely not following the parenting plan where I have a lot of time with her and then uses the agreement to weaponize it and twist words and meanings to his benefit and lying in court and they believed him. Even as so far to have a child therapist make these recommendations without any involvement on my part. I feel so sad for my child she has no voice and would never go against her dad and step mom because she only hears what they all say about me day after day, how can the courts not see this and restrict my parenting time for not one tangible reason. This is not right. I pray a miracle of justice to bring my child back to me. I am fully capable loving and nurturing stable mother. I hope someone can help us and see the real truth. 2 years I missed of Gracie and I love her more than I could explain.
Thank you so much for the interviews. I cried . Since the birth of my first born, her father has alienated her from me. Years in psychotherapy for me since I’m in grief for the last decades.
I don't wish this on any parent. Mother or father. I haven't seen my almost three year old in almost three months and court for custody is slowed down by COVID and by not having an address to serve the defendant a summons for court. Ughhhhhhhh.. Those also going through this, there's still a light at the end of the tunnel. We will get through this :(
My heart is aching for you. Join “One Moms Battle”. I am also here for you.
Sorry your going through this mine was taken from me at eight months and now he's eleven months still nothing. I cry every day.
how is there light at end of tunnel when my best friend can’t compete with lies from her ex? he’s abusing their child. he’s claiming parental alienation. it’s not even a scientific based researched thing. she’s out 350k. child has ptsd. cps is siding w the abuser.
Yes. This is right on. My ex lost her mind and turned our 6 kids against me. It has been her plan to erase me from the family. Trying to make it like I don't exist. It is pure evil. God have mercy on her soul 🙏!
Thank you I feel normal after watching this.
This video reassured me that I am not crazy after all, so hopeful
This is hopeful and there is more to this. I have read a lot about pathogenic parenting which is in essence parental alienation. The alienation begins early behind the other parent's back and before any kind of separation between the the parents. It can happen at the time of divorce when the children are young adults and fall outside of court intervention. So the alienation and abuse continues on with the grandchildren, the alienated parent's family etc. It snow balls and there is no help. In order to begin to solve this problem attention has to be given at the time there are any reports of domestic violence. The legal system has to accept that abuse is not a one the event and only representative of physical abuse. It starts with psychological abuse, escalates to physical abuse and when children are involved parental alienation. This is the pattern. This is what abusers do. They do not abuse one person and no one else. This type of abuser is not just a NPD. They are NPD with other pathologies such as antisocial personality disorders. This does exist outsude of prison. The statistic are wrong because the thinking is wrong. These pathogenic parents are not all in prison like they would like us to believe. This is a death. This is a murder. This is intentional. This is premeditated! This is violence!
Absolutely. You know what is going on. Can confirm they start alienating the children even before you leave (my ex also forced me to have a vasectomy just before too -- reproductive violence).
I wish this was available 33 years ago as I sit here still in daily grief of the loss and alienation of my daughter. Its hopelessness and helplessness forever. Its to late now, I will never have the chance to have this recognized as it should have been, it helps that I see it being talked about now so others dont suffer through this for a lifetime. Nothing can fix the pain. Is there help for those of us many years into this with grown children?
No Anna, I'm sorry to say there is no hope and no help coming to you or your daughter. I don't say that to be cruel. It's just the reality I'm finally beginning to come to terms with after suffering this as you have for 10 long years. You are the answer to your own question. 33 years you've suffered and no one has come to your aide. I'm so sorry for you and your daughter. To mourn the loss of what could have and should have been is a terrible thing that I don't wish on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. You should find someone who needs help and love and love them and help them as you would your daughter. Perhaps it will help to feel the void. I'm so sorry. 10 years I've been dealing with this and I feel sorry for myself and my kids every day. Coming upon your comment and finding you've suffered 33 years with this made me tear up thinking that I have that to look forward to...23 more years. I don't think I will live that much longer. Part of me hopes I don't.
Omg I’m going through this right now with my poor step children
Daughter is targeted parent. We are the targeted grandparents. This has the most fantastic information I have found - thank you❣️❣️❣️❣️
I want to thank the specialists in, and producers of, this video. In addition to seeking counseling and paying attorney's through the years (all professional and caring), this summarizes my journey which will never be over. This video articulates very well the criminal behaviors of alienating parents and the irreparable harm that children and the alienated parent have absorbed. Thank you all.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
And, can we please admit that historically at least 85% of the alienated parents are fathers. Asking the children themselves we find that mothers are five times as likely to badmouth fathers than the reverse.
I realize how risky and costly it is to speak truths women don't want to hear, but if we will respect men enough to hold men accountable, we must also respect women enough to hold women accountable.
I‘m a Birth Mother and i Live in SOUTH AUSTRALIA (SA) AND I LOST MY 3 Youngest of 4 Children to 3 Alienators all working against me.
I‘m also an innocent Victim of a huge Paedophile Cover up
And my own Flesh and blood children were deliberately and systematically turned against me by my Ex- an Aboriginal
He didn't say it doesn't happen to women. Everyone in here has their sad story I would think.
Exactly....love it when they tell us it happens the same amount to women. Women definitely speak up about it more but that's the same about everything.
This video makes so much sense I’ve been dealing with this for years now
Thank you for sharing this.
My heart is broken and my children are adults .. I miss my grandchildren terribly .
it’s unbelievable ..
You are changing LIVES for the better with these videos.
Best video I have seen to teach people ht really want to help. Unfortunately the system are very corrupt to the point that many social welfare employees judges and lawyers are profiting from and empowering the parental alienation
Divorcing parents should be psychologically analysed and managed
I’m being accused of alienating a parent my daughter never liked and is absolutely miserable with. She started cutting, withdrawing, severe depression, 3 hospital visits. Pleading with therapists, guardian ad listen, father, family, doctors and nurses. They all still blame me. She called hospital. She tried to commit suicide. Spend 3 weeks in psych ward and got taken out of public school. His judge is his friend and probably paid off. I have texts of her telling him she doesn’t want to be with him, that she can’t’ handle it. I have recordings. He blows her off, laughs at her, gaslights her, tells her I’m a bad parent, or tells her she is not trying hard enough. She has never wanted to be with him ever. I moved across the country precisely for them to have a relationship. The court is sick. She has nobody
I want to thank you so much for this video. So much of what was said resonated, and I am hopeful the courts will begin to address this issue. Too late for my children, as they are adults. Only one of my four children speaks to me and that is tenuous at best. Hopefully the courts will be given tools to recognize this abuse and targeted parents will get the help they need.
Courts need to see this and be educated about this!!!
I see comment after comment after comment, including my own 2 years ago, of parents this is happening to and yet… no help! Anywhere! Where are these people that can help? Where are these professionals that can save our children??? Save us??? Because I haven’t found one person to help me! Not one person has answered my cries for help. Not one person has advocated for my children. Not one person has heard my pleas, begging for someone to listen. Where are all of these people that know this is real and can help us?
I lived with the narcissist abuser for 20 years.. and then.. 30 years of abusive alienated children.. Easy to see after researching. I grew up with an abusive narcissist father.. I never had a chance of a happy, loving family. Thankfully, I’m in my 70’s and hopefully will die soon so I don’t have to live with this excruciating pain much longer..
Thank you for sharing this video. It took a bit of the loneliness away.
This touched deep. I'm there with y'all.
In my case, I believe it was the sisters of the alienating parent that were also responsible for the alienation. It’s been 13 years now, and it doesn’t get easier to be the alienated parent.
The law and courts don’t recognise this here in Ireland, please keep driving this,,,
No, guys from Ireland, you are actually the only lucky ones in the world! Great news for you: in your country 30 counties out of 31 signed the petition to include PA into the Domestic Violence Bill. I’ll try to find that but now and will post it here
my daughter and I are permanantly no contact now. She is a customized weapon against me even at age 22, she knows what has happened but it doesnt stop her from continueing to do it. many many attempts at self deletion from me and that is her future too. her dad is dead and the teachers and side chicks who helped him arent interested in protecting her now. she is completely alone in this world and always will be. btw the expert in the video is my daughters professor this year at csu
Lived through this as alienated parent. Adult children still estranged. Harming parent gets off scott free--until the Day of Judgment comes. I pray for them all daily. It is a terrible thing to live through. No support for the alienated parent. So glad that there are experts like yourselves who finally get it.
Still "alienated"! Estrangement would indicate you did something for your children to not want to see you. I believe you and I'm sorry for you. I just had to point that out. I too have been living with this for 7 long years. It's nearly killed me. I love my kids and they are being manipulated, brainwashed and damaged by this and they don't have the courage to stand up and face it and no else has stood up for them and everyone involved has prevented me, their greatest protector for standing up for them too! Its more than enough to drive the sanest of people absolutely insane. And that's where I am currently. Going insane with how backwards this is that people are protecting the person who is guilty of child abuse. It's cruel world. And as you pointed out it doesn't seem it will end or be remedied until final judgement. And that is alot of missed time and opportunity with the ones I love most. I can't live with that. I can't.
As a child who was alienated from my parent and now an alienated parent as well. It is very difficult to try to establish a trusting relationship with a parent while morning the loss of my living child.
Sorry to hear this. My daughter was so abusive to me in her teens and early 20s, she exhibits narcissistic traits. After she destroyed two holidays in a row, I told her she wasn't welcome in my home anymore. That is when she cut off all contact with me. Her step-father was the one who was grooming her the whole time. He even told her he was planning to divorce me years before I asked for a divorce, and they kept it secret from me for years. I haven't spoken to her since 2017. It is extremely painful, but I don't want the abuse in my life anymore. I had a dream the other night that we were hugging and crying, but that is never going to happen. I hope you can repair your relationship with your parent, but that will never happen for me. Frankly, I am afraid of her.
Thank you for this video.... As I am watching it, it is ticking all the boxes
Thank you so very much for bringing needed awareness to this abuse. I have spent countless hours (& will continue to do so) in prayer over the mental, emotional, and spiritual health of my alienated daughter. Thank you all! God Bless You
I'm actually going through this right now and I wasn't crying I swear🤥.
The problem is, Court systems don't care and they can't really do anything anyway. I can already see my kids falling into the same pattern I went through. It has been weighing heavily upon my mind recently after reuniting with my oldest daughter, now transgender and pissed off only at me. Most people either cannot understand the problem or they simply ignore it. The future is dark.
Thank you so much for posting this. Parental alienation is evil
I want to share this publicly so others can understand, but am a targeted parent and afraid that it would be used against me some how.
The Trial Judge blamed the father by having no contact with the children. At the first final Trial I tried to explained to the Judge that it was in the Court orders that I could not see them. The Judge just shrugged it off as of no concern.
This video is excellent. All of these individuals are very good at what they do. Please share this. Please inform others. PA is catastrophic and criminal. Anyone who works with children should have a firm understanding of PA and the damage it does.
I'm glad I'm seeing more specialists in the field figuring it out...sadly it's too late for my children and myself being almost 9 years since I've seen them...but my hopes is the experts get past the feminist gates of the family court system and actually start doing what is best for the child instead of just saying those words. In my world my children and myself have been done a great injustice by the family court Judges and all the little social workers that were too feminist and too full of themselves and perhaps to uneducated to do the right thing.
This happens against women just as much. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it shouldn't happen to anyone, it's sick. But it's not feminism that's done this.
@@PrincessMicrowave oh really? How do you back that claim up Amy? I'm going to give you some simple math okay. Here we go...get your pencil ready. I'm going to take Canada as an example. My stats will be close but I haven't looked them up in a while. If in cases of dispute of custody(both parents fighting for custody) Women win the judgement of the court for custody about 86% of the time. Now the other 14% is shared between the father wins and 50/50 split. So let's say fathers get custody 7% of the time to women's 86%. So you think if 86 women have custody and 7 men have custody how exactly do you think it's remotely possible that men are alienating the children the same exact amount as women are alienating the children with that huge difference in control? Now until you sit down and figure that out don't comment to people like me who know what they are talking about. You make yourself look stupid quoting feminist bs.
never happen in my lifetime, too much $$
@@PrincessMicrowave while PA is equal for both sexist, the courts ability to support the female over false accusations is RIFE
Sadly though I’m a targeted parent, I’ve been accused of all sorts by my ex partner, and my middle two children, there is not a shred of evidence to support any claims. I have two other happy and healthy children in my care, I’ve no criminal record, I do not drink, smoke or take drugs, and have no mental health issues, yet he was awarded the children because they are saying they hate me and don’t want to see me, or any of my family. I’m in the UK. I’ve said from day dot that this is PA yet nobody has listened to me. I have a wealth of evidence, and it’s not even been considered. The social worker hated me before she even spoke to me, and has made so many failings. My son is sadly his fathers carbon copy, and my daughter no doubt will be being severely abused. I can’t just sit and wait this out or wait for my kids to suffer any more harm.
I have experienced both death 43 years ago, as well as 40 years of Parental Alienation, of my respective children. With death, there is a fixed date of psychic injury and passage of time sometimes heals all wounds, even one as most grievous as your child's death. The passage of time between that horrible fixed date experience in the past and today, gives opportunity for insights & revelations leading to acceptance.
PAS on the other hand, is an ongoing injury, where the dawn of each new day doesn't only scrape the scab off anew, but it grabs the broken femur that is compounded four inches through one's pants and shakes the hell out of it. If there is a way to heal or accept this dynamic, I have yet to see it.
The above is just the targeted parent side of the coin. This evil is compounded by various forms of abuse inflicted upon the children in their cult leader's environment. These children will never be whole and healed, without their missing parent, as they experience parental phantom limb syndrome, with emotional and cognitive dissonance, leading to addiction and worse.
How does one achieve reunification when the relationships have been fractured for longer than half of one of the children's lives? My sons were 18 and 22 when I understood what has happened. When divorce happened there was literally one person in the circle of friends/family who stayed loyal to me. Literally every other person turned on me and abandoned me. I no longer even know how to contact my sons.
This is my life and has been for 11 years I am the TARGETED PARENT
I have been trying for years the courts don’t recognize parent alienation
And the attorneys definitely don’t recognize Alienation therapist don’t understand parent alienation
But yes I am fighting back 💪🏽
I agree Cray I’m on top of it Now
I’m NEVER giving up 💪🏽
I’m in the fight right Now 🌸💜🙏🏽
Thank you for your support Cray 🙏🏽💜🌸
Couple of Reminders: Situation of Attempted Parental Alienation Is Extremely Serious - Issues of Major Rights & Accusations (direct or implied) ::: The seriousness of this topic is especially high if one parent is using false accusations without any evidence, or using false evidence, and the judge does not allow for proper due process, and/or judge creates positive bias circumstances for the false accuser. Based on hearing and reviewing various cases, it seems the overall issues of attempted parental alienation are often more complex and more subtle than what are often conveyed by certain experts, who sometimes put forward an "ivory tower" explanation of things, or overly simple pretty box explanation, when the real world circumstances and context of definitions are often much more complex. For example, some targeted parents may be dealing with "bi-polar", two-face personality persons, and/or extreme manipulators and liars; and they can encounter subtle attempts of parental alienation for prolonged periods without fully realizing it until later. And the (alienating parent) "manipulating false accusing parent" can be very good at lying and manipulating others to go along with the isolation of the targeting parent, and to encourage the creation of more unreasonable demands by court on the targeting parent which can create more subtle opportunities for additional false accusations. SPECIAL NOTE ON LAWYERS: Not all lawyers are good at advocacy for family rights, and not all lawyers are very knowledgeable about parental alienation attempts, or they may not even agree with the definitions and may be hostile to the strategy of pointing out alienating behaviors by the other party.
Eric Prof_Engineer thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for making this issue more visible and understanding.
I was denied access to my two youngest children by my ex-wife because I divorced her. Her, her mother and a female solicitor did everything within their power to stop me from having contact with my children. Today, they are adults and I do not know them. I suffered with a long-term depression because of it, where it was virtually impossible to function.
There should also be investigations into feminist lawyers whose sole purpose it is to strip fathers of all their rights and finances when it comes to fathers and access to their children. There are feminist layers who are monsters and who relish in alienating fathers from their children and who create false claims and accusations alongside mothers who are bitter in order to destroy a fathers relationship with his child or children.
For too long men, have been victims to this judicial systems and structure, which does not thoroughly investigate false and unproven claims against fathers. I hope the research presented in this presentation will be a step towards changing that.
I wish this channel would follow up with responses to comments where appropriate. The information is great, but there is a significant amount of time between videos with no support. There is so much more information that could be put out to help people with this issue.
I agree. It's taken me 7 years of research to even find this video and begin to finally see the big picture of what has been done to me and my kids. 7 years of no contact and being made out to be the bad guy when I'm just a dad who cannot give up on his kids because I love them and want the best for them. She is damaging them and has all the support in the world. I have had none.
Oh my gosh! This is Exactly what happened to me!
Excellent video. I am clinical psychologist. Please, allow me translate it in Romanian.
Hello Marilena. That would be great. If you send us the translation we can add it here as an option for subtitles.
Hallo Marilena if You see this. I built a website about PA - mainly in Swedish but with some English to help foreign visitors to navigate on it as there are many PA related references linked there.(mainly in English).
I am interested in non-English journals which have published articles about PA - wonder about Romanian. Please let me know if there are such publications in Romanian (my website is ompa.se and at the upper right there is a link to about 110 professional journals which have published articles that deal with various aspects of PA - my email there is bjorn.cedervall /[at]/ ompa.se ). BTW, I agree of course, this video is excellent.
The same question goes to PA interested people in other non-English based countries.
I'm bilingual and would be interested in providing Portuguese subtitles if you're interested. This is very important and in my country it's something most lawyers aren't even willing to open a discussion about (probably because they know it leads nowhere in courts).
I am alienated in a very extreme way. And I am so worried about my son. I feel like I cannot explain why it is that I dont go after my son more. It's because I have no rights. And I dont have the money for a lawyer. My son still loves me, I know. But, he is told he's not allowed to, and he is discouraged, because the other parent doesn't care how it makes my son or me feel. I feel like I was set up, and I am still being set up and it just never ends. Thanks for this video, because it's good to see that I am not all alone.
I'm living this, I've not seen my children for 9 months now 😭
I am so deep down because i am alone, lonely and my wife alienated me and my both kids 6+9 now. Now I can't see them since May and both are witnessing against me. Older in strong loyalty contract with mother. Very tough time for me. I can't describe what I am going thru but thank you for your video. Mean a lot for me. 🙏❤️
Unless experienced 1st hand, I am critical of deemed specialist.
Fantastic video. Amazing work from all you wonderful people. Thankyou. Is there a UK Organisation?
The gap I see in this discussion is an “expert” opinion that if a child favors a parent, it must be that the favored parent is alienating the child. What if the other parent parentifies the child, or isn’t dependable, or isn’t supportive and the child realizes that.
I suggest one shares this video via the phone to the kids old enough to grasp it. It's a wake up call big time.
It is harder when the parent being alienated stays prominent in the child's life. My child is mixed up.. the child knows i play, take care of, am present- but when i discipline, or do not allow child to do something the hate comes out. the other parent has said things.. and it has come out of my child towards me, repeats the words said. But i am a present parent, so the child's anger switches off fast. The child loves me. knows i am there, and will work through this with the child