Parental Alienation: An Attachment-based Model
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
- Filmed at the California Southern University School of Behavioral Sciences. Please visit: www.calsouthern...
Presenter: Dr. Craig Childress
Description:
This lecture will describe an attachment-based model for understanding the psychological and family processes surrounding what has traditionally been referred to as “parental alienation” in high-conflict divorce. The presentation will cover the family systems origins, the contributing personality disorder factors, and the attachment-system foundations that lead to parental alienation following divorce. A set of three diagnostic indicators in the child’s symptom display will be identified that can reliably identify the presence or absence of parental alienation as the cause of the child’s rejection of a relationship with a parent.
Learning Objectives:
Those who attend this lecture will be able to:
Understand the family systems origins of parental alienation following divorce.
Understand how parental personality disorder dynamics create the family processes associated with parental alienation.
Understand the origins of parental alienation in disturbances to the alienating parent’s own attachment system.
Recognize and describe the three key diagnostic features of an attachment-based model of parental alienation.
Bio:
Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in child and family therapy, parent-child conflict, marital conflict, and child development. Dr. Childress has an additional background specialty in early childhood mental health involving the attachment system and the neuro-development of the brain during childhood.
Prior to entering private practice, Dr. Childress served as the clinical director for a children’s assessment and treatment center operated under the auspices of California State University, San Bernardino. He also was on medical staff at Children’s Hospital of Orange County as a pediatric psychologist, where he served on a collaborative project with the UCI Child Development Center regarding the early identification of ADHD in preschool-age children.
In addition to his private practice, Dr. Childress currently teaches graduate-level courses in child development, diagnosis and psychopathology, psychotherapy and treatment planning, and research methodology through the University of Phoenix. He has written extensively on an attachment-based model of parental alienation on his website (www.cachildress.org) and blog (drcraigchildressblog.com), and he has served as an expert consultant and witness in legal cases involving “parental alienation” across the United States and Canada.
This happened to me as a kid. Still recovering today at age 22. This guy is extremely intelligent and the first person to be spot on about what happened to me. Wow. One difference that I would like to point out though in my scenario growing up was that I didn’t believe that the targeted parent was bad and I was more so trapped in that situation with the narcissistic parent. I think it’s not so black-and-white that the kid will eventually think the targeted parent is bad and that they will ultimately become borderline or narcissistic as an adult. There are so many factors that go into it.
What would you suggest the target parent do while the child is younger. Is there anything they can do to help
@@revelationknowledgeinc My mother, the target parent, was often very emotional in court. That didn’t help our case unfortunately and it made it worse. I’d say keep a level head. Show your child that there is always safety with you through consistent actions. Show them the best of you. Don’t play into the mind games- or games in the court system (if it’s a divorce or custody case) by letting the other parents actions get to your head/or doing games yourself. Don’t talk about how bad the other parent is to your child. Give your child normalcy, love, and security when you are with them and I believe they will learn the truth on their own.
same, I'm now 24. the only kicker: i have 0 siblings & I'll never have one (my mom convinced my dad to get fixed before I was even 10). So, my therapist had the depressing job of informing me that because I never had a witness to the abuse I endured, nor did I have a union of siblings to regulate with from the abuse/defend me, thus: I was simultaneously treated as the high-standard, unrealistic expectations of the eldest, the minimization/neglect of my emotional needs (middle child), and additionally undermined or patronized as if I'm too underdeveloped to know reality as it is right in front of me (the baby). This alone, at 16, was enough to send me down what is now the deepest rabbit-hole ever. I am blessed to still know who I am and know my identity core instead of letting the chaos of being treated as I'm 3 different types of "child," sadly even still to this day, only with way more emphasis on the middle and youngest roles. My parents do not attribute the one role I chronologically am (the first born, "oldest"), which now because of Craig's angelic-a$$, I realize is definitely because it doesn't come naturally to my mother's mind because her mind distorts reality in order to protect her fragile ego and personality defects which also directly influence my super-obedient sheep of a dad.....Craig is such an angel. I can't believe I'm only just discovering this!!!!!!
@@sondrahaywood4781 thanks for sharing, good advise 🥰🥰
What if the child intuitively knows the true personality types of each parent from a young age, and has discerned how both personalities differ in day to day function. One cannot dissuade the child from refusing to take sides? My argument from age 7 was always that the relationship l have with anyone, is mine. Not reliant on others opinions.
No two relationships are the same as we are dealing with two individuals. I explained this to my mother aged 12 - my relationship with my father is that of child to parent. And the same for you. As l am not married to my father, the issues you have with him are yours and yours alone.
To attempt to implant me with your personal feelings of him or his of you, would be bizarre.
It took her 24 years to figure that out. I helped get her there because I didn't pick any side except my own and my own experiences of both of them -- good _and_ not so good. Saved me a lot of wasted energy and unnecessary stress.
Divorce when you're 12 and no siblings around, calls for more common sense than many adults l have met, do not have at the Last Gasps of a rubbish marriage.
Middle aged parents with Young heads on old shoulders is not always the result of their own parentally learned behaviour.
Some people are *born* with Old Heads on young shoulders.
No prizes for guessing the kind of careers/jobs they go on to do or the intellect/reliability of the close friends they choose in their lifetime.
x
This man truly cares about helping children and families. Thank you Dr. Childress.
He’s the best clinical psychologist for this! He cares!
Amazingly accurate information. It is a tragic mess. It shocks me how few people understand what is really going on. Nothing is as it appears.
I'm not a psychologist but this is extremely validating, and reflects fully the experience of children of narcissistic parents, and ex-partners of narcissistic spouses. It also provides an easily understandable description of borderline splitting. Narcissistic parents blame their children for family conflict throughout life, and present themselves as the victim. The only healthy solution for the child in adulthood is either no contact, or a superficial 'civil' relationship, rejecting all attempts by the narcissist to feed off any problems they might have. Unfortunately society says, "6 of one half a dozen of the other" and - even worse - "she's your mother for heaven's sake, you won't have her forever", further invalidating the child and rejecting their personal experience and feelings - exactly as the narcissistic parent has always done - thus compounding the problem.
I want to affirm your experience and I hope it resolves and you are reunited with your child(ren). Please remember the alienating adult does not necessarily follow gender. I’m the mother and I am alienated by the efforts of my mother (grandmother) who enlisted the support of my ex fiancée whom she always hated when we were a couple and family.
I was a single mother and had my daughter on my own without the presence of her birth father. My sister even tried to first convince me to abort her and later she wanted to take her away from me.
I put myself through college, professional school and built a stable life. I educated myself to create a life where I could support and provide her a healthy life. My dad (her grandfather) was my only real emotional support. It as after his death that my mother vamped up her manipulation to create more crisis to cause partial to total alienation from my daughter and entire extended family.. I haven’t seen my daughter in over six years. My husband was dying when my daughter was graduating from college. I had booked a hotel to attend and celebrate her achievement. I made a mistake and said “It’s my day” but I didn’t mean as the star. Of course it is her achievement but I was celebrating as a happy and proud parent! I dreamed of her having a college degree and we would look at schools on the internet when she was in elementary school. She was more successful than my dreams! She has two bachelor degrees one in Chemistry, the second in Biomedical Sciences and a minor in Math. I was heartbroken when she called not only forbidding me to attend her graduation. She also told me I wasn’t any good for her and she never wanted to see me again.
*Her birth father contacted me when she was 13. I agreed that if she wanted with contact with him that she could. I am not the issue.
@@Maiden_America your kind comment means the world to me. I text my daughter but no response.
@@Maiden_America
No, this is dangerous. In his presentation, he is identifying the “protective patent” as the narcissist. Don’t be confused. What an abuser and/or narcissist claims is “parental alienation” and is actually DOMESTIC ABUSE BY PROXY!
How do you get get peace form this will I always live in Misory and blame myself?
I wish every family court judge were ordered to listen to this.
Anyone involved with family courts should be aware of this disorder. It happens. Children are being subjected to horrendous treatment from a parent that is supposed to love and care for them.
Amen. I wonder how to, or what process could get maybe a more condensed version that doesn't require a judge to dedicate quite as much time.
I mean beyond those that pursue this at their own interest.
I wish I could like this more than once. 👍🏽👍🏽 Couldn’t agree more.
Judges are dysfunctional themselves. They're nazis. They perpetuate this shit. They could easily stop it but they take the woman's side every time. They have no morals. Biden people.
None of these people are truly nice or sweet or have feeling or love. Just cold and angry. Total assholes
Both of Dr Childress’ lectures should be ORDERED for judges and therapists to study! It’s like he put a camera in both my childhood home, and my adult home during and after divorce
This specific subject is so important! It is incredible that this is not common knowledge between the psicologists that work with children.
Absolutely 100% on point!
Everything Dr. Childer’s described is exactly what took place in the high conflict divorce, that the XN wanted.
His review of the narcissistic parent’s symptoms is exactly what she displayed in her pathological behavior.
The XN came from a dysfunctional home where her father was a physically and verbally abusive parent.
She relived her childhood trauma, projecting her pathology onto our child through triangulation.
Sad!
I have been divorced from my adult childrens father for almost 20 years I was not the custodial parent. We have experienced this first hand. I want my children to be able to have healthy families if their own.
Thank you, Dr. Childress. This explains it perfectly. Well worth the watch all the way through. The only thing I would add is that the parent being alienated can develop a significant amount of anxiety and depression through this process of being the targeted parent and from years of verbal attacks and badgering, PA is so unbearably heartbreaking. And extremely destructive for the children whom suffer the most. I just cannot understand how anyone would want to do this to their children. Yes, the alienating parent does lack empathy altogether. Just continue to love your children unconditionally and hold on to faith that through your love the children will come out on the other side of this. Every parent and child relationship is important.
Yes, this is how it works. The disturbed parent uses the children as weapons against the targeted parent. When the targeted parent reacts with despair and anger, the disturbed parent uses those reactions to justify further alienation.
Yes.
Thank you. I have been going through this for 6 years. The anxiety and depression are reoccurring; as if the stages of grief repeat.
Julie it IS absolutely brutal and devastating. Wholly struggling here to navigate through the constant onslaught.
It's not perfect. It's good but not perfect.
Spot on. Every judge needs to be retrained to understand everything this guy is talking about. The family law system needs to be completely retrained to utilize this information when hearing evidence and forming orders for families
Amazing, been up for over 7 years without a single thumbs down.
He's so passionate and has so much to say it seems like he's struggling to calm down. Thanks for your work sir.😊
That’s because they damage people to prove this and make it into exsistance
You hit them with a trauma syndrome while coming to you to heal from other trauma and ask them to come out ok instead of rationalize what happened by not working a case but change it to trauma bombs
I really think your abusive for doing this to me and the 40 others people and sealing that much more damage instead of help every time I spoke up you denied it and I am still fighting it about to go to trial to prove I didn’t do this I tried to survive it.
This is not authentic your plan. I felt the betrayal of a natural bond that is covered under the constitutional right to keep my bond and what’s familiar I looked it up. So already it’s not normal and healthy way to do therapy to trauma clients
It’s a constitutional right you violated and your getting me mixed in this. But I know how to find all predators now to. I need a safe environment to heal and it was a land mine of trauma bombs nobody can heal in war zone.
Dr Childress you are a rock star. As a targeted parent the information you provide is invaluable to speaking with my child therapist. A therapist whom has no knowledge or awareness that this scheme by another parent could even be a possibility.
Your work and teachings of parental alienation give a voice and provides a vehicle for change in a broken system. All of which benefits children
Thank you for sharing.
You present critical information to unpack lived conflict. Diagnosis is critical to healing. For years I struggled to keep him in only to divorce eventually. So nearly lost my mind from being pushed out and away by the children.Cannot thank you enough.
Thank you Dr. for the presentation! I have encountered this presentation by mistake looking for divorce with BPD partner, expecting the usual blurb but only 10 min into the session I am getting the chills .. its like someone took a 24/7 video cam in my home and explained what's going on.. the part of BPD parent influencing the child to feel anger and resentment instead of mourning and longing, because the BPD parent's lack of processing of separation / childhood trauma.. it just fits like a glove.
I am an adult child of PA-this model describes my life with my BPDparent exactly. It gave me chills as well.
joe boe I agree!!!
I am a child of PA, and a targeted parent. Fits me like a glove, too
@@sviatayavoda - Do you know about the Facebook site ‘Victim to Hero’? You said that you are 'a child of PA’. Well, at the Victim to Hero site (which is quite new, less than a year old) , which is about Parental Alienation, there is a private group you can join that consists entirely of adults who were alienated when they were children. And some of them were also alienated from their own children as well, just like you were!
At the ‘Victim to Hero' site, these ‘adult children of parental alienation’ do a once-a-month 1-hour live video talk/interview, usually with maybe 3 or 4 adults who were alienated as children. When the live videos end, they are then posted on to the FB page. So if you go to the ‘Victim to Hero’ FB site, you can find some of the previous video interviews...
You can choose to join the *private* ‘adult children of parental alienation’ group, where you can communicate privately with the other members who had the same experience as you had as a child. But you can also choose, if you feel up to it, to participate in one of the monthly video interviews as well.
The woman who started, and runs, the ‘Victim To Her' FB page is named Petra Deeter, and she was alienated herself as a child from her father - unfortunately, by the time she started searching for her father, he had already died . (I’m not 100% sure, but I believe that she is ALSO now alienated from her own 2 children as well).
It is so important for as many voices as possible to be heard. The numbers of voices are growing, and more and more alienated mothers, fathers, and children are telling their story.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this as both a child and an adult. It is so painful :-(
Thank you for your kind words and honesty. It is amazing how sometimes we stumble upon things that resonate with us in ways we never expected. It's almost as if the universe has a way of guiding us towards the answers we seek, even when we weren't consciously looking for them. It's a powerful realization to see the parallels between your own experiences and the insights shared in the presentation. It reminds us of the interconnectedness of human experiences and the impact our past can have on our present behavior.
The first time I heard of this was from a psychologist I sent my children to for individual and family therapy during the divorce. He spent over 2 hours on the phone trying to explain to me that my children were being manipulated by their other parent. But I thought that's their parent too and they need a relationship. I didn't realize I needed to take specific steps. Just thought the psychologists words were a heads-up, but I knew their dad was abusive. I had committed to try and be transparent BUT I now know that was the WORST stance. My children still keep me at arms length. After 25 years and for my mental health, I now keep my distance from my own children. It's just too painful.
why is it that it ia assummed is there is a narc there must be a borderline
Thank you Dr Childress! I can't say thank you enough. We really need your knowledge. This knowledge will quite literally change lives for generations to come.
Wow... wow wow wow...This just put the pieces of the last 15 years all together. Wish my husband and I (I'm 2nd wife) had seen this years ago. We spent years trying to understand how a mother could lie to make the kids hate their father...Thank you, this all makes sense.
Loved the presentation. I find I agree with all the information except at the very end. He explains the personality disordered alienating parent is a hurting person themselves. He stated there are no bad humans. No.
When you call out an alienating parent on their lies and how damaging it is to the child and they laugh in your face...they are definitely a bad human being. They may be themselves hurting but I do not give them a pass. Their pain does not excuse the devastation they cause.
I stopped taking the attacks from the NPD parent personally. If you are able to view this through the lens of psychology, then you're able to understand the pathology driving their behavior. It is a delusion...their behavior is delusional. Although it is very personal on the surface, the targeting parent, first of all, cannot recognize that their behavior is wrong. Second, the targeted parent MUST be portrayed as the villain to support the justification of the delusion. It becomes child abuse when the targeting parent persuades the child to accept the delusion. The targeting-NPD parent IS a hurting person with unresolved trauma of their own. That's essentially the crux of the issue. What we're really talking about is the complex nature in which this trauma of the NPD parent is passed to the child and how the blame for it is assigned to the targeted parent without even making the accusation. I also believe (from experience with the courts) that if you do take it personally, it only serves to strengthen the targeting parent's case against you when you try to defend yourself. We have to focus on the core of the problem, which is of course, the pathogenic parenting practices of the targeting parent and the covert psychopathology driving the overt behavior.
@@pogey040731 That the courts also fail to recognize the history of one parent targeting and alienating the other is also problematic, and it perpetuates the damage to children, as well as to the alienated parent. At the same time, how is a court meant to sort it out?
Right and courts are not equipped. The person who has the most money and influence wins.
@@pogey040731 .. of course its personal .. a serial rapist may hav 'delusions' a woman "deserved" being mutilated and killed .. but that doesnt reduce the damage or accountability for their actions .. scaily, psychologically destroying your own child is just as bad (who does that ???) but its a very real casualty of PAS .. I giv no psychopaths like that a "pass" . No .
The alienating parent is obviously not well. No parent would willfully do such a thing to their own child.
Their npd behavior today could be routed behaviours of peoplea and traumas experienced generations ago.
Put yourself in the life of the npd parent. How could you not have empathyfor a person experiencing such pain and damage
Fantastic seminar. Very insightful. My 2 daughters rejected me 23 years ago - when they were 10. I recognise almost of the behaviour that Dr Childress describes and the motives and mechanism makes perfect sense.
I do not find it surprising that the child (because of the AP) rejects the TP's grandparents (brought up in the Q&A). This part of a "scorched earth" strategy by the AP which ensures that the "shared delusion" is not challenged by the TP's extended family - or indeed questioned by the child after visits/experiences that might not fit the AP's narrative. The narcissist cannot risk losing their "property" (the child), and all steps must be taken to close off possible mechanisms (people) who might damage/loosen the coalition between the AP and the child.
This activated all my systems, even ones I didn't know existed.
The predator needs the energy the child needs to develope himself. And cause a child as an adult to be scared to ever let go because the stunt is so deeply rooted.
Or herself.
Thank you so much Dr Childress! It's all so clear to me now, after 40 years of being allianited from my father.
I couldn't thank you enough
My son is emeshed with his dad. He is the protecter of his sister, (our daughter) I have not seen or spoken to them in 2 years. I wish you were here to teach the therapists in boston
and in Chicago, and in Florida.. and everywhere
Whats going on now??? Updates for hope?
@Gemma Dann I’m a mother and the alienated parent.
@Gemma Dann in the past when I look to female friends they threw this in my face. “You must be an awful person for your own daughter to reject you.”
It sounds like your son has taken on quite a big role in the family dynamic as a protector of his sister. It must be difficult not being able to see or speak to them for so long. While it's natural to wish for outside help, like a therapist, it's important to remember that ultimately, healing and change must come from within the family itself. Maybe reaching out to them in a different way could help break down some barriers and start the process of reconciliation. Just a thought.
This is deep, but it does make sense. I never even looked for any of this stuff.
I am a mother who is dealing with PAS from my ex-husband, and father of my three youngest daughter's. I must learn how to deal with him effectively, how to reunify with my 15-year old and help my 11 and 9 year old's avoid problems. I appreciate these videos. Also, any guidance on getting assistance with this in South Florida, is greatly aprpeciated.
Luna Blue Creations. Since your kids are so young I’m think you’ve got a fighting chance. Mine are 3 boys, ages 15 (was sweet, turning cold now), 17 (totally brainwashed and fully rejects me, his mom, so awful), 18 (still around in my house as there’s plenty of food for him and is pleasant, but very self centered).
Watch Amy Baker too (Conference from Toronto on RUclips is excellent. ...gives lots of practical advice on reunification and says DONT EVER GIVE UP on your kids!
Wish you the very best, and a sending big hello and virtual hug across the country from California. 🤗
Firstly, I must extend my deepest empathy for the challenging situation you find yourself in. Navigating Parental Alienation Syndrome is undoubtedly a difficult and emotionally draining experience. It is admirable that you are seeking guidance and support in order to effectively deal with your ex-husband and reunite with your daughters.
In terms of assistance in South Florida, I recommend reaching out to local mental health professionals, family therapists, or support groups specialized in dealing with PAS. Additionally, legal advice may be beneficial in
This groundbreaking petition is the only step in the right direction that I have seen you in my entire life!
Dr. Childress is correct in seeing alienating behaviors as flowing from characterological disturbance. Parents who are targeted do not know they are targeted at first. My son and I very narrowly escaped being alienated. It is frightening to think how dangerously close it came. Targeted parents have to get clear that they are targeted and take definite steps to (try anyway) to inoculate their relationships with their children.
I agree 100%. It's just, what are the correct definitive steps I should take with my son so he sees what is really taking place, and who I am really versus what he is taught that I am
Like, what are some steps you took?
He has asked me before, who should I believe, you or mom?
I don't want to talk negatively about her, so how can I explain to him that I am telling him the truth, and she is only projecting or making up her own (truths)
@@mr.rogers3797 The censors are at work here. Twice I have posted replies to you, suggesting that you contact me through my email account. Why would the censors worry about such a gesture?
I’m extremely tempted to send the link to this presentation to my alienated daughter.
Yes, this is pretty amazing. Who'd have predicted divorce would be such a motherload of research for revealing the processes of NPD parents?
And in the year 2022, he is being attacked even more. Every parent (good and bad) that loves their children should watch this. I share this with friends, enemies, acquaintances and total strangers because it's a great opportunity learn how to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves 🕊
This is the most important talk I've ever seen regarding the havoc of those with NPD/BPD. I'm going through this very situation and I just don't know what to do. We are going through a divorce now. Lifelong parental alienation? Oh no :( This is not about child custody but about child PROTECTION. I see all of this happening. I'm the father of a 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl.
Take care of yourself first. Self care is so important when going through this. You are in a battle for your child’s mental health. Be prepared for “smear campaign “ never give up!
At four and five years old, I was calling my dad, Robert. I was telling him that I hated his guts and that he doesn't love me.
I didn't feel comfortable calling him dad until 13.
Funnily, I don't remember calling him dad or daddy but I must have because I remember how it felt to call him Robert(it was new and different).
That's how young I was when I was, initially, alienated.
All promoted by my mother.
I'm 37 years old and I'm still trying to regenerate a relationship with my father but I can tell he is still hurt. I have to almost teach him all of this as proof that it wasn't me but my mother because this information is new to him and also because he spent many years on drugs(guilt and natural makeup of brain chemistry does not function normally).
Sooo much bs.
My mother didn't meet her father until 16 but he and my grandmother were married and had three children. Sounds like multi-generational curse!
This crap stops here!
@KingofGrace: It sucks, to try to recover lost years, with a Parent who is now no longer themselves, and you cannot reverse the clock, to see what could have been. It is criminal, but the justice system / Family Court will 'none-of-it' - it is business as usual - you win some you lose some, seems to be the attitude, no one held to account. Society is damaged.
@@blueplanet8750 - The article that I’m quoting from here (see link at bottom of my comment) is very interesting in that it contrasts how differently the UK government/courts deal with the following 2 situations:
Situation 1: PARENTAL ALIENATION (UK):
Alienated parents can often do nothing, and have very little recourse other than taking the situation to court, when it’s their turn to have their custody time with their children but the children refuse to come to them.
Situation 2: SCHOOL ATTENDANCE ( UK):
ALL parents who refuse to force their children to go to school are sent letters from the government explaining that they will be fined significant sums of money (up to thousands of British Pounds) if they continue to allow their children to not go to school. (THIS HAS BEEN A VERY EFFECTIVE TACTIC TO KEEP KIDS IN SCHOOL)
So in the first case, concerning Parental Alienation, the UK government appears to have NO POWER in FORCING kids to go with their other parent when it’s the other parent’s turn to have the kids.
But in the second case, concerning children absent from school, the UK government appears to have A LOT OF POWER in FINING parents in situations where the kids are not regularly attending school.
The title of the article is ‘Finding alienation on a bigger map’ by Nick Child - 28 Sept 2018
@@beautifuldayzee5942 there's absolutely a correlation between the children's absence at school and the alienating parents neglectful relationship with them. One that I tried to address in the American family court system and they would have nothing of it. My ex wife (the borderline, narcissistic, alienating parent) is a school teacher. She systematically flunked all 3 of our kids out of school and the school let her do it. My kids each had 40 plus unexcused absences in their junior and senior years of school. Something that should have set off some red flags. Should have at least warranted a closer look from a truancy official. It should have. It didn't. My wife somehow disabled the protections put in place to prevent kids from falling thru the cracks and being victims of neglectful parenting. She used her Knowledge of the school system and her position within the district to enable her to flunk each of my kids out of school and to get away with it. I told everyone who would listen what was going on. No one would believe the story I told them as possible because it cast a kindergarten teacher of 20+ years as a predatory psychopath who was damaging her own kids. No one would believe it. Including my own kids. She has them convinced that they flunked themselves out of school. My wife and I met at University. We both hold advanced degrees in education. Our kids will never see higher education as a result of her manipulations. This ruined me and my kids. And my wife still goes about her daily life as if it's all fine. She feels nothing for what she's done. It's her denial of her own mental illness and the things it has caused her to do to her own kids. If she ever faced it I think it would destroy her mind and she would choose to commit suicide rather then repair anything she's done... as is the tendency of borderlines. So she remains in blissful denial of all of it. Unfortunately for me I live in reality and face things head on and am I able to ignore or reconcile what she's done. I ruminate constantly about all of it. What could have and should have been for my kids and is not because of failings by many people within a system that is supposed to be designed to protect and educate children. I'm beyond bitter about it.
God Bless this man and his work!
Here in 2022 and this is mind-blowing to me. I've been trying to articulate what I know to have been going on, but found it impossible. Would that I had found this video YEARS ago.
Everything you're teaching is what my child and I are experiencing! This has me shaking. I have been very distressed for many years ( at least 6 years ) My son see's dad as all good and me as all bad. ( I recognize he has Split. How can I help him?) I had to hire Dr Stienberg to help. She has All the court documents/police reports, also, I am trying to get Brian Luderman to help with my case. I am so depressed, I see clearly what is happening to my child and it makes me ill! I am fighting for my childs mental well being! Help
@JR Rhoads - How are things going for you now? It has been 7 months since you posted your comment here. I understand fully your desperation, I have gone through that too. My situation did not go through the courts though. My youngest is 20 now. I think the most important thing we can do as alienated parents of children who are bonded to their Narcissist or Borderline parent, is to keep healthy and strong.... because we are the only ones who can lead our children out of this dark place that they are now inhabiting. Try to stay both physically and mentally strong, get help with that if needed. I was (and sometimes still am) desperate to ’save my child’. It is definitely a fight for our children’s mental health and well being. But we are the only ones who can save them, and we need to be strong to do that. I think ‘fear’ is our worst enemy, and we need to find ways to conquer it - it doesn’t help our children, that’s for sure!!
Hope things are better, struggling with the same issues
This is incredible. So well explained. Thank you, sheds so much light on my husband's situation with his ex wife. A deep exhale of sane, yet incredibly sad understanding.
This information is priceless! It happens often and the parent gets away with it. Thank you Dr Childress. Reading the pathology of ABPA is like a playback of my divorce.
Not another word required...this man's voice paints the picture.
IT DOES. IM SO SAD AND MAD. I WANT TO HELP MY GROWN BABYS SO BAD...
This NEEDS TO BE MORE DISCUSSED AND TALKED ABOUT. Women everywhere are doing this to men. The courts are the reason .
@@EW-uw7dg women are the reason. Screaming for empowerment.. yet they rather lock us men up for no reason make stuff up. Moms Kick us out when we turn 18 or sooner .. take our dads from us , at a super early age that way we Get 0 guidance from a father figure just emotional women and their blaming and accountability problems .. I’m honestly going insane I grew up around all women... having a son was the biggest blessing god could give me... I never even got to understand myself, losing him was the biggest double edged sword that’s gone thru my heart. What worse is that My sons mom is passing on the judgement to him that I’m left her prob cheated and was abusive .. even though it was the complete opposite way around.. she was abusive , she cheated and couldn’t even accept
Accountability instead blamed me than left me and replaced me and is having kids with another man
im an hour in. Such a great explanation of how the parents own childhood trauma (abusive and protective parent) manifests itsself in the alienating parent onto the child. So many family law psychologists in Australia have no idea.
Sometimes threat activation and parental alienation begins long, long, long before divorce- and is the long-standing underlying cause of family destruction and divorce itself. Unfortunately, this family dynamic isn't recognized by the targeted parent until it's too late, the child is grown, and the attachment to the "bad" parent is obliterated beyond repair.
YES - you are very correct, that activation of threats and of parental alienation can begin long long before divorce. Certainly this is what was happening in MY case. It was only from looking back, in hindsight, that it became clear to me that my husband had been alienating the children from me for a long time before we physically separated. I just didn't know at the time how to recognise it for what it was.
Nanc Neumann YES! In my case the alienation started years before the divorce...or I’d rather call it “the final discard”. My Narcissistic spouse checked out mentally from the marriage many years before it ended. He was living a secretive double life for years.
@Narc Meumann: Too true. Marriage isn't all that it used to be, it appears to be an environment fraught with lack of respect and trust, as well as a haven for Machiavellianism, Malignant Narcissim and Psycopathy (The Dark Triad traits). 'Can rope in outsiders and extended family in the onslaught. The institution is placed under attack from all angles and alienation is just just of the nuclear bombs thrown in to totally anihilate it, it invariably has two chances of survival - (i) SLIM and (ii) NONE!
@@blueplanet8750 from experience, I wholeheartedly agree. My hope lies in my faith. Healing after this is a long road.
@@aleksandersmile3056 i should NOT have said BEYOND REPAIR. I should have said SEEMINGLY beyond repair.
Because where there is tremendous patience, gentle dedication, and boundless courage & maturity in the face of long term rejection grief and loss...there IS hope
- in re building a relationship (albeit a whole different kind ) with the child you lost.
This is really the first time I’ve heard someone explain what is going on with parental alienation. Dr Childress describes my experience perfectly. As others have also said below, this is wonderfully validating! Thank you 🙏
Brilliant work! I see all these factors in my case. He nailed it!
There needs to be this guy in every family court room for every court case he’s awesome
I am a divorced woman, and I say shame to every man and women who calls themselves parents and does this to their children. I worked with someone who was going through it and many times I had to listen to some horrific things. Professional couple too. Goes to show you that the smarter you are, the crazier you can get, especially if you have resources.
Come on, we all know it's Mostly WOMEN alienating men from their kids
It’s mainly women doing this
@@thesoulclinic_ Men just kill the entire family. They don't bother with mental torture.
You are absolutely brilliant. I am the target parent for a second time in my life currently. Two separate alienating parents/husband's on which the second witnessed 3 years of fighting alienation and custody of my first two children and this life of hell from my first husband. You have said everything that during both time periods I thought to be common sense and clearly visible. But until your podcast, it's been nothing.mkre than miscalculated and ignorant confusion in all of it. I cannot thank you enough for your time, your knowledge and the comfort that you have brought me. Not that I think things can be turned around now that my second husband has alienating my 2 adult children from precious marriage and now the 16 year old that he and I share, but you complained what has happened into out life and in a simple format to make sense of it. I will be spending this to all 3 of my children with hopes of something you've said to trigger what should look familiar to them. Thank you again, you have been a blessing to me.
This is entirely plausible, except when it isn't. My father was an alcoholic latent homosexual sadist who visited rage and physical abuse on my mother her entire marriage. She was a devout Catholic and resident alien who felt trapped. She quit school at 16, and lived in fear that my father would get custody if she shamed her family (she believed) and escaped. We relocated to Florida after he had made a public scandal of himself in my hometown. She finally filed after he had abandoned us for months, as no fault divorce became public policy. He only managed his $30/week child support payments for about a month, before he stopped his weekend visitation and disappeared. My mother was too terrified of him to file for non-support. I had to drag information out of my mother, years later.
My mother wasn't perfect, but there is no question in my mind that her two sons meant everything to her.
Aged 60 & still have no idea why I was unwanted/unloved.1 of 4 & loved my mum so much it hurt.My children missed out on grandparents, aunties,uncles,cousins etcI was widowed young(40)youngest was just 2 yrs old.Not 1 person from my ‘family’ visited any of us.No support in over 20yrs.Trying to understand how any mother could ignore the suffering of myself & my children is beyond me
excellent presentation and explanation,,, I've shared it many times with folks going through hell because of the other parent;s abuse.. THANKS
Dr childress you are a genius pioneer and a good man
This is my situation to a T, I can't believe the textbooks got the ex figured out so well.
i am so happy that I watched this, I have an understanding of what's been happening. . . he's not evil... he's just a narc.
Very spot on and informative. The problem though, is how to get the courts to recognize it?
It would have to be shown that it is not in the best interest of the child, and put into law, though they already normally put stipulations into the court orders/judgements that people have, that says the parents must be able to speak to the child each day and that the other parent is not to interfere with the bond with the child and the other parent. Unfortunately it is violated, and the issue is that courts do not adequately address this problem. They almost always require the non custodial parent to prove it is happening, instead of protecting the child after repeat offenses. I agree with you.
This has been so far the most detailed intelligently Presented informative educational video ever, in which is extremely important to me that I watched entirely, so complex, can watch it a few more times, I've watched all from start to finish, All Facts, all of true nature , I & my Daughter are victims of parental alienation, my daughter was born 2002, But my ex is a Victim of post traumatic stress disorder, I understand your pain of loss, my Goal, is to be your friend & help you , I'm not your enemy, I need you to be happy so that my daughter can live a happy life, but turning my daughter against me is not a happy woman, Refresh your state of mind with all considerations to my daughters future
Hey Steve, hope you are doing well. How have things gone for you and your daughter, since you posted this?
@@Ida-Adriana Not Good, Little one has followed her mothers guidance of Hate & drifts around without looking back, anything else if I said about her or them wouldn’t be good to state, conclusion, forever lost.
They enjoy tormenting me , therefore Happiness can only be for me not to look back, all I can say now
@@SteveSolaka Remember, hurt people hurt people ☹️ I’m sorry your relationship with your daughter has suffered
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with parental alienation and your desire to improve the situation for your daughter. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to acknowledge the pain and challenges that come with such a difficult situation. It's clear that you have a deep love for your daughter and a genuine desire to see her happy.
In times of conflict and trauma, it's incredibly important to maintain a sense of empathy and understanding towards not only ourselves but also towards those who may be causing us pain
@@Ida-Adriana my daughter has reached out to me through instagram, i eventually asked her fir her phone# , communicated s few times, theirs soo much damage to both of us I’m scared to seeing her, that i’m going overboard on an addiction to be over w the addiction, only making me go in a deeper hole, i’m ok now, she reached me on may 2024
The most amazing thing is, her birthday month & day same exact as my dad that was murdered by Remdesivir when he caught covid , ventilator ruptures lungs when cranked ho too much, all covid patients were murdered at hospitals!
Thanks for asking
I cannot watch the video. I just clicked because I saw the topic & wanted to comment. I was the pawn in a game of parental alienation so I see it from a kids angle. It’s a very tough subject for me to talk about or listen to, but there is no excuse for it. I was ripped away from my paternal side of the family for reasons I didn’t quite understand & spent most of my childhood with a narcissistic grandmother & a mother who I can best describe as passive &/or woefully unaware. Not even sure why I came on to comment, as it’s been decades & im still angry. I feel for you dads. Not sure if times have changed since I was in the thick of this, but I think kids should be mandated into counseling (without either parent hovering over) have a court appointed attorney & be required to visit the absent parent, with court appointed supervision, if necessary! I think if I had those things, I might not have been sucked into the abyss so quickly & completely.
All of this rings true & fits with my lived experience. It also argues for forgiveness because it shows how none of it is deliberated evil. All involved are limited & harmed by their previous experiences. It is very sad that it becomes multi-generational.
Thank you for explaining my ex daughter in law and many other things to watch for. So much information I’ve been trying so long to understand.
OMG - this is so good. Listen to the whole thing. At 47min - explains the rejection.
I just watched this. I appreciate the valuable content, and how you were able to put the pieces together in a coherent way.
What was described in this video was very haunting in way do to the sheer accuracy in how it played out in my own experience.
For those parents that want to know if these kids ever come around. I suspect that many of them do not, however I believe this can change.
This version of alienation is what I experienced as the child component, the parents separated prior to my memory at 2 years of age.
There was a custody conflict in court that went on for about 4 years.
I want to be able to take my experience regarding this to assist generating awareness on this subject, to hopefully help others , and to bring a sort of sanity check (for these kids, and targeted parents) to those like myself that have been living with their mal-adaptions as a result of the experience.
If anyone knows anyone that is working on something regarding this, and needs these sort of kids for interview to begin to paint the "later in life picture", I am open to discussion (turning 40 this month).
Please click here to view a follow-up lecture from Dr. Craig Childress: ruclips.net/video/ezBJ3954mKw/видео.html Treatment of Attachment-Based "Parental Alienation"
EXCELLENT content.
Extremely factual, helpful, and empowering to the targeted parent.
Eye opening!!!
Many blessings to you if you are dealing with the aftermath caused by the pathologic parent and their tribe of sick enablers.
This brother
Is on target no doubt
He has done his due diligence. He is the real deal
Gets to the root of this psychological and spiritual
Generational trauma curse.
I have had 36 stitches in my knee, thrown glasses of soda with ice cubes at me, and he kicked us out and I went back until I realized I had to leave to protect my daughter. Now, after being the primary parent for 12 yrs he has a new relationship with a woman who wants her to call her “mom” and me “birthmother” also “I’m fkn nuts” “crazy” “crackhead.” because of several health issues, I am on disability and will go back to work after the surgeries but they told her that “there’s nothing wrong with her she just doesn’t want to work” or “She’s living off the government.” After she had decided to have a complete uncontrollable screaming fit and wedging a chair to lock me out slamming doors, breaking a window with her hand,and grabbing/pushing me, throwing phones and saying “I HATE YOU!” She wasn’t abused by me and if I thought she was being abused I would immediately take her to her Dr. NOT TO SCHOOL! What is going on?! After being cleared of 2 DHS reports against me for abuse and neglect and all charges were dropped. I recorded me and my daughter and she tells me the truth about what her dad told her she had to say;not to talk to mom (the counselor did tell her to talk to me)and so many things they made her do when she was here (milk was out of date, or a crockpot of beans hadn’t been washed )and he told her to take pics and send them to him.I had just had surgery 7 days prior and was recovering and he texted me that I needed to get back to work. He offered to pay me $25/week bc “she likes to eat a lot.”He told his family that if I needed someone to pick her up if I had OT to say no they can’t. What a great family! Then in May a double trauma in one night on his weekend resulting in our child’s being thrown from an ATV accident and her dad’s trailer burning down after leaving boiling oil on the stove. Bullets were left out and were shooting and a fireman scooped her up and headed to safety. He refused medical care for our child, her friend was airlifted to the hospital and he said they would not pay her medical bills because she was fine. The broken fence has not been fixed. She has moderate PTSD and I am alienated because I am deaf and needed cochlear implant surgery and don’t earn as much as I did when I was working.. I literally have a text of him telling me that I need to get to work 7 days after my surgery. I have SO much evidence via texts and voice recordings. But I’ve lost her. She has a brand new trailer, they have two incomes whereas I am on disability, and though we were so close for those 10 years it wasn’t enough. I’ve been through counselors who were charmed by his affect and the live in girlfriend has lied on several of my child’s medical reports. She is 12 and I am having to sue him for custodial parent but she is told that because she is 12 she can tell the judge who she wants to live with and he will automatically grant her wishes and it’s like handing a baby to a predator every other week until we go to court! Tytyty for this tutorial! You have nailed it. I hope no other mom has to feel like they are SO terrible they don’t deserve their child in their life. It’s beyond heartbreaking. No child should have to endure the grief another child suffered. Wow. He really understands EXACTLY how it’s been for me for three years.
Update: I lost custody temporarily due to passing two drug tests. I filed for custody in December and they served him in January. They did not take their drug tests until March. The filed a counter petition in March and I took a follicle test in May and a nail bed test in June.
The judge said I was not credible in her opinion, and that she didn’t believe me. I saved up $3400 to a “Family Court Attorney” and met her twice:the day I hired her and the day I was charged at our hearing for contempt of court. 6 mos in jail suspended if I am compliant(not even a minute late) my daughter again was told what to say to the judge and his attorney practiced before the hearing. Mine did not. Why would a child testify at a Contempt of Court Hearing about drug testing? There wasn’t any stipulations on either paper that we had to do this and I was just getting my SSD and having another surgery: I did not have $200 for the test nor did I have long enough nails due to clubbing and slow growth in my hair, nails, and skin. The judge awarded him temporary full custody and I have visits every other weekend from 9-5-no overnights, and had to pay his lawyer $1500.
She’s changed schools and he refuses to get counseling for reunification. My lawyer completely screwed this little girl that I tried for 20 years to have. And then fired me after my daughters testimony. I’m now 750 miles away from her and in January we are going g back to court over custody. And all the evidence I have doesn’t matter bc ultimately it’s my daughters choice…I meant it’s her dads choice. She talks to me horribly, calls me a crackhead, I’m nasty, I am mean to her, etc. counseling where we live has no specialists in ABPA…is there a list of professional psychiatrists available?
You are brilliant. I can’t even tell you how much this has helped me understand the alientation.
This is some of the most valuable content on RUclips.
Living this now. Thankfully I think I’m disrupting it quick enough but not before she had me arrested and now needless court cost. Kids college money soon to be gone.
Thank you so much for this research and education. I’ve been living this for 10+years and only understanding small parts of it. I wish I had known what to do when it was going on. I’ve lost all three kids in the court (neglected to enforce adjudicated contempt) when we were positively and securely attached prior to systematic alienation.
Hugs. I hope u can find a way to heal the situation and that ur kids see through the lies.
I loved this! I’ll be sharing with many. I take exception with only one thing - my youngest daughter, one day, after I’d said that I was tired of hearing “mom”....for the hundredth time that day (possibly not an exaggeration, I had three young daughters), decided to replace “mom”, with my name - she was three, and never called me mom again. She then proceeded to call all adults by their first names - dad, grandparents...all of us!
It’s doesn’t always mean it’s pathological. Maybe she is just a sensitive smart kid?
That's very common with alienated kids... is she alienated?
It's almost like your children died. While you know their still living. I wish someone could change this. No good parent should have to live without their child.
All of this! Minute 47 Mark was what I had to listen to twice. Explained my kid perfectly to me.
I'm so glad I came across this video. I liked ,subscribed , and turned on the bell. This is exactly what happened to my daughter. I went to court so many times and won and one day I was called up when she was at visitation with her dad and step mom and had convinced her to stay with them and she didn't want to see me for a long time. She's 30 now we have a very traumatic relationship. My daughter has alot of mental health issues. And I always wondered how could our bond be so broken. I love her so much and have the mother baby bond with her til this day. She has detached her feelings from me. They are temporary. It's very sad. It finally makes sense. Thank you for the information! Wow! My heart is so broken but I finally understand why after all these years. 😞 Her relationships in her lifetime have been ruined. It's tragic to be a part of. I try to fix it . But I never knew exactly what to call it. And this is exactly what happened to us when she was 7 and finally 9 yrs old she surrendered to stay with her father. And that's when it all started. And has lasted all her life! In all her relationships! I'm so broken their was no one to help me see this back in the late 90's.
I fight developing personality disorder because my ex husband pushed me. I definitely have relationship trauma and I try to have patience. I research and go to therapy to keep myself mentally healthy. Toxic individuals try to bring you into their disorder. They try to heal themselves at your expense
What a light bulb of information Thanks Doc for turning it on!
Thank you Dr. Childress!
The kids suffer the most. And papers saying the kids are suppose to see Both parents mean nothing if the kids are old enough and say they dont want to see you. I've went from being the best mom in the world to an awful mom who they never had 1 good Christmas with. My exs gf is mom and I am called by my first name. This needs to be evaluated so no one has to be put thru this pain and loss. This is abuse.
This describes my family dynamic in a very disturbing way. Because my parents never did divorce, both were narcissistic, and neither protective, we grew up in a Cold War with occasional outbreaks of violence.
Dr Childress has perfected the model. Parental alienation is in the DSM and recognized by leading clinical organizations. We have learned so much since the early pioneers of parental alienation scholarship Douglas Darnell, Richard Gardner, and Jayne Major, all now passed. For one, it is not a syndrome. It is a family dynamic and alienation is a symptom. It also is a form of domestic violence and recognized by the top experts as child abuse.
Leading clinical organizations recognize PA. Parental alienation is in the DSM. The solution is contact between the alienated parent and child. Parental Alienation is in the DSM.
The child is easily brainwashed. A child is turned against a parent by badmouthing and preventing access.
Continued "normal life" contact is essential to refute the alienation. The truth in a relationship refutes the false beliefs, called cognitive dissonance. Keep the lifeline going. Avoid a tone of hurt or conflict. Love is the answer. Be the responsible, warm, respectable adult.
This is a well-established phenomenon that occurs in the context of the conflict of divorce and the alienator typically has a personality disorder in which, by huge amounts of research, that person causes alienation when under pressure. It is closely related to splitting.
Dr Craig Childress has perfected the model, and I encourage everyone to see his work.
Children later usually say they did not mean it and have remorse. (Gottlieb; Warshak). PA is child abuse.
The alienator will tell false or distorted stories, remove pictures, force the child to call the parent by first name, erase history, make false testimony…
1) Here is a paper by DSM Sr Editor William Bernet and other MD child psychiatry scholars explaining the DSM diagnosis:
www.researchgate.net/publication/303095312_Child_Affected_by_Parental_Relationship_Distress
Also by Bernet, an excellent diagnosis tool of parental alienation related to splitting:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1556-4029.13625/abstract
2) Dr. Childress's clinical tools, DSM diagnosis, explanation of psychological model. Childress has developed easy to use tools for clinicians that are predictable, reliable, provides diagnosis, points to the therapy, and rooted soundly in a proven model and sound psychological models:
www.drcachildress.org/asp/Site/ParentalAlienation/index.asp
What Dr. Childress's excellent lectures and talks at RUclips.
3) Veteran clinician scholar Linda Gottlieb's Amicus Brief on DSM diagnosis and child abuse: endparentalalienation.weebly.com/dsm-5.html
4) Amy J. Baker has MANY works, this being a symptoms summary: www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml
5) PA description by Warshak, the Texas Bar, and University of Texas Law School: MUST READ for the legal and legislative community: www.warshak.com/store/cr57.html
Also read his excellent book "Divorce Poison," a great first book for non-clinicians.
6) PA Pioneer Jayne Major paper: www.majorfamilyservices.com/parental-alienation-syndrome-pas-its-causes-cures-costs-and-controversies.html
7) "Is the Child's Therapist Part of the Problem. What Judges, Attorneys and Mental Health Professionals Need to Know": lyngreenbergphd.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/child-therapist2.pdf
An aligned therapist may accidentally help or orchestrate brainwashing. Also read Margaret Thaler Singer's "Cult's in Our Midst."
8) Sue Cornbluth videos at RUclips.
See the papers in the FILES section of this site. See the pinned post.
Professionals need to better follow the DSM.
Thousand of victims are in Facebook support groups. The books from victims have been pouring out at Amazon, including from kid victims and parent victims. Warshak estimates the number of victims to be into the tens of thousands.
The American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children recognizes parental alienation in the 2017 Practice Guidelines for the Investigation and Determination of Suspected Child Psychological Maltreatment of Children and Adolescents.
The American Psychiatric Association recognizes alienation, especially by people with personality disorders under pressure, in the official APP Textbook of Personality Disorders.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes PA as harmful to children in an official position.
Keep positive and “normal” contact attempts going -- even without reply.
Parental Alienation is recognized by leading clinical organizations including the DSM:
THE DSM
309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct
V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem
V61.29 Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Suspected/Confirmed
Parental alienation is in the DSM and recognized by leading clinical organizations. It is child abuse.
Professionals need to start following this or be reported to licensing agencies.
Thank you for providing more information. Do you know a specialist in Georgia?
You say "Warshak estimates the number of victims to be into the tens of thousands". It would be hard to believe that the numbers are that low (i.e. under 100 thousand). Anyway, it's a meaningless statement - what does 'number of victims' mean anyway, who is Warshak referring to as 'victims'? Alienated parents are as much 'victims' as the alienated children are, for one thing - so are alienated parents included in this statistic? Additionally , alienated children grow up to be adults - so as adults are they still included in this number? A clear definition of 'victims' is really important, and a source for these numbers is too. There are tens of thousands of alienated parents on Facebook 'Parental Alienation' groups alone, and one could probably safely estimate a statistic of at least 2 alienated children per alienated/targeted parent.
Thanks for all the links - good stuff
Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow. I am crying tears here as my stepchildren are going through this very thing with their parent. 😭
And it is all based off of the narcs feelings. Living to please a broken coward person.
Amen to that, short and succinct and spot on! It is all about them, and THEIR feelings. "Broken coward person" = great description.
I’m one of these children, I can relate it’s almost as if you just described my life
It causes long term affect for the child to no be able to think on his own when he needs to.
@yeah yeah: Throw in toxic malicious extended family, lurking in the shadows, acting through surrogates and you have a lethal concoction. They act 'nice', but have underlying unholy intentions. They do not wish to see a good thing succeed.
this is so on point. good vid.
+Kennessey Williams I just came here to say this. It's one good insight after another.
I respect what you're doing here doctor and your intentions.
But- what you're talking about here is the streamlined easy version of "Parental Alienation".
I use quotation marks because my "co-parent" attempted to bring in an "expert" at our last hearing named Barry Goldstein, who was promptly disqualified as an expert, but nonetheless is nationally prominent as an expert witness who opposes the entire concept of "Parental Alienation".
In the meantime, my Daughter and I have been suffering the effects of this "imaginary syndrome" for nearly the entirety of her almost 10 years.
Case in point: we first started working on a Parenting Plan in 2018 and have yet to actually put anything more than an "interim plan" in place because each time we come close to progress there's a new allegation.
I am so grateful I found your video. I am the rejected parent. It's been 8 years. Please help.
I hope things are better
What an absolutely fantastic resource. Thank you Dr Craig!
Omg this is exactly what is happening to us to a T. It's such a scary thing.
I thought my grandmother and all of the relatives on my fathers side were horrible people. Years after they died, I realized I had only seen them be kind and nice.
Now my nephews think I am that horrible person, which is very sad. I haven’t seen my family in 8 years, because I was uninvited for being concerned about a child.
This man is brilliant! This is exactly what is going on in my situation.
I share this video n the other at least twice a day each day.
Thank you so much for your work.
My own sister Is doing this to her husband. They r going through a divorce now, and u r right, alienating starts before the divorce. My sister tried to get everyone to believe her husband was narcissistic. So he left her. And now she is a majorly active in the role of parental alienation. This behavior of hers is something I can't condone. It's sad
And it all starts with courts, the judges need to put a stop to it, and it begins with those powerful people, who don't use their power for the good. Too many children are going through this. It will be a lifetime of counseling to get these children through the rest of their lives without living in this fake reality that the alienating parent created.
So sad.
Wow that crazy! Sorry your nieces and nephew are going through this! How've many people in the family believe her. Do people in your family believe the ex ?
This is a good argument for people to be more discerning when choosing a mate.
You are signing up for life with that person when children are involved, lest you have the misfortune of coupling with someone who turns you into a target. Then you'll either experience being target practice for life, or experience your own death within the relationship structure if they are successful in hitting their target.
Selfless people matching with other selfless people will allow for our world to heal. Let them mate, let them bring forth the next generation.
I think it’s important to also say that the narcissistic alienating parent is just as narcissistic leading to his/her divorce. This is simply the next devastating step for the targeted parent to walk away from a toxic person. It has now been five months since I have seen my daughter, and she tried to take her life the other day. She is 14. My own trauma has just continued into a more anguish field trauma now that my daughter has been pulled completely into what I had spent years protecting her from.
I am so sorry I hope things are getting a bit better for you both. 🙏
1:37:05 "Undifferentiated Ego Mass"
Perfect description of the family cluster-dynamics i observe with my son.
I was the victim of domestic abuse in the marriage, then I became the targeted parent in PAS. It was so extreme that I refused to be alone with my children for fear of more accusations of child abuse, I was bombarded by legal actions, children's hearings and felt that social workers are in fact alienators themselves so never see this problem, everyone was therefore repeating what a wonderful parent my ex was, when I knew he abducted my kids and that they were displaying emotional & behavioural problems and violence towards me. I gave up and left my kids with him, assuming that my children would 'grow out of this delusions' in time. They are now in their 20's and have reached out to me, but only in so much that they continue to blame me for everything. I hate this sickness. I suffered terrible trauma at the time, which I made the effort to recover from and get therapy for. What can I do when both my kids are still playing the victim role? My daughter told me 2 weeks ago that I am to blame for put her through hell and that I terrorised her in childhood by sending her gifts in the post!!! seriously, I don't understand this reactions. I grieved for the loving children I once had, I have boxes of photos showing how normal everything was, normal loving bond with my kids, before the divorce and this brainwashing things started. My kids both suffer a lack of independence after leaving home and depression and inability to move forward or form relationships. They were refused any contact at all with any member of my family by their father, not just me. I only recently found out about PAS because no one told me anything about this, I blamed myself for a long time. If truthful I would say that I am terrified of having a relationship with my own kids unless I see that something has changed. I know they need help, but I have been saying that to anyone that would listen for last 15 years. They don't see me as a real person, so there is no trust and they disbelieve everything I say. I still feel helpless. I feel utterly helpless.
I AM EXTREMLY SORRY THIS HAPPEN TO YOU..I AM IN SAME EXACT SITUATION NOW..I AM NOW GOING THRU COURT PROCESS AND CAN REALLY USE YOUR ADVISE BEFORE THIS GETS AS FAR AS YOURS HAS..I HAVE REACHED OUT TO ANYONE THAT WILL LISTEN THE ONLY ISSUE IS THEY GET HIS SIDE OF THE STORY FIRST AND IT MAKES ME LOOK CRAZY WHEN THATS THE PICTURE HE PAINTS TO THE HELP I TRY TO GET.. PLEASE E MAIL ME MINDYLOULOUFIGUEROA@GMAIL.COM OR FACEBOOK ME IS BETTER I DONT ALWAYS CHECK EMAIL BUT I DO FACEBOOK DAILY WITH MY MOM..I REALLY NEED ADVISE FROM SOMEONE THAT BEEN THRU THIS..AND WHO KNOWS I THINK THIS WILL GIVE ME SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE IV BEEN IN NEED AND SEARCH FOR...THANK U FOR UR HELP FOR ME AND MY BABIES FACEBOOK QUTIELOULOUNASEEF
I think you can't stop this problem as you are already in that situation. Legal actions won't resolve anything if the other parent is determined not to share parenting with you.
Sounds like you need an expert Dr. witness to testify that this syndrom is real and criminal and very damaging to the children. I would try to get ahold of Dr. Childress and see if he knows of anyone in your area. It will probably cost some major money but in the end you may be able to save your relationship with your kids. Make sure you have a good lawyer who is willing to help you fight by using expert witnesses etc. if the one you have now doesn't want to toe the line, get another one. This is your children's lives at stake.
trishden This has already happened to us, my 'kids' are 22 & 19, there is no legal case, my children are adults. Maybe read what people say without make it into an argument.
Angel, I was replying to Mindy. I even clicked on the word reply under her comment, I don't know why it didn't go under her comment and tag her. I have no idea what you are saying about "Maybe read what people say without make it into an argument". I was trying to offer help to Mindy as she sounds like she is in a desperate state, I don't know how that is making anything into an argument. JEEESH!
What can we do??? My children are adults now...but been going on 10yrs when they were pre teens...I hurt seeing them suffering mentally ... I don't know how to help them
Parental alienation can begin before divorce.
R.A. Andrews He actually addresses this comment in the Q & A @1:15:00
@ R.A.Andrews: It almost always does, triggered by insecurity and fear of abandonment, rooted in unresolved childhood abandonment trauma. It may not be noticeable then, until the escalation and it is done cold-turkey, to turn up the heat. Often it is not done for the love of the children, but is yet another phase in obtaining "SUPPLY", the real underlying objective. The children are merely weaponized as 'granades' against the Targeted Parent. At its worst case it involves all the Dark Triad tools, which can leave one feeling like they have just been through a hurricane / tornado.
Long before, it can begin as soon as baby comes home.
@@blueplanet8750 custody hurricane survivor
@Gemma Dann I think you've misses the point all together. Babies need a man's chest just as much as the mother's. The difference is that they need the mother's chest for food. Need the fathers chest for support and protection. Everything isn't about the mother. You forget that in nature there are mothers that reject abandon or kill their offspring. You see that in humans as well, but mothers don't seem to be held to the same standard as the fathers. Fathers, although not physically feeding the child is responsible for the safety of the family and will go to any lengths to do that. Check the prison rolls. What percentage of inmates are in prison for killing their children. You may be surprised at what you find. Problem comes when it's the mother that is the source of this danger. And don't tell me that mother's aren't the problem. The mothers generally take the roll of the victim (true or not) and shield themselves. Domestic violence happens on both sides equally, but where are the shelters for the men that have wives that pour boiling water on them, beat them as they sleep, hire others to harm or murder them.
What we need isn't necessarily getting back to nature as in natural conception v. IVF..WE NEED TO GET FATHERS BACK IN THE LIVES OF THEIR CHILDREN, preferably in the home. The whole feminist movement has removed all responsibility and culpability of the mother. If you disagree I suggest you look at family court documents with an open mind. Not all women are like that (NAWALT) Well, NAMALT either. Your post is biased at best.
A wonderful thought provoking manner of evaluation parent alienation
Wow… the child refusing to leave the car to meet the alienated parent and the excuse by the mother said exactly that: what do you want me to do - drag the child out of the car. This is amazing seminar