FIFA 13 (Zero Punctuation)
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- Опубликовано: 23 окт 2012
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This week, Zero Punctuation reviews FIFA 13, with a twist.
Fast-talking Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw reviews a new game each week in this animated series that combines informed critique with cutting humor. Watch the next episode of Zero Punctuation a week early, only on The Escapist.
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Игры
Wow, after searching for "zero punctuation mark of the ninja" several times and getting "FIFA 13" as a top hit, I finally decided to just click on it, and now everything makes sense.
Hah
Same but for Tokyo jungle
One of the best fake out episodes ever.
"On the subject of sex crimes, let's get back to professional football"
Greatest ZP line ever.
IKR
My personal favorite is when he was describing Ride to Hell in his best of 2013
"That's not a game, that's congealed failure"
I quite liked a line from Epic Mickey:
""In third-person games, the camera is like the working class: if you can't control it *it will plot to destroy you!* "
"Hey Yahtzee how's that underwater survival game going?"
"WHO DARES TRESPASS UPON FORTRESS OCELOT ALPHA?"
Adam Johnson has left the chat
This is what happens when Yahtzee's boss forces him to review a game he couldn't give a toss about.
I don't think Yahtzee is ordered to review certain games. Because otherwise he'd be given a slap on the wrist and told to rewrite this episode when he proposed it. He just reviews them at his own pace; which is why his Skyrim review came around over five months after the game came out. This is just his way of saying the games don't interest him and he has absolutely nothing to comment on.
***** Fair enough, though this comment was meant to be taken lightly.
hes had episodes where he mentioned his editor asking him to do certain reviews.
Roldo Mustache do you think they allow him to do it. As of delaying reviews of types. Because, Yahzee is the only thing that people come here for?
probably
FIFA 13 IS A GAME IN WHICH YOU AND YOUR BURLY FRIENDS HELP A SMALL LEATHER SPHERE REALIZE ITS DREAM OF BEING IN A NET" best. Review. Ever.
AND I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT THAT'S BASICALLY A POSITIVE THING, NIGHTY NIGHT
"Then Resident Evil 6 came out and he had to sober up."
I've always wanted him to review Tokyo Jungle, looks like that shit was hiding in this FIFA video that I was avoiding due to me assuming it'd be boring.
You assumed a Yahtzee video would be boring, it's your fucking fault
Wilson Neto Right right, I made a mistake. Chill dude lmao
Did you want Yahtzee to review a stealth action game? Then watch his FIFA 13 review!
Still better than FIFA
Still better than FIFA with Twilight characters
Watch his review on the latest Modern Warfare game.
Once in a blue moon, you get a gem of a Zero Punctuation video that exceeds expectations by being nothing like you expected and instead being much, much better.
Last minute description of FIFA is the best thing he's ever said.
fifa is shit
+Ghanem__q8 Yes, well done for understanding his obvious remark, congladurations!
chickencooger34 XD doog one
chickencooger34 can you quote him?
I believe you meant 'last second'
Oh dear, I've started watching an archived Zero Punctuation. There goes the next two hours...
I love how both the pinecone mirror and wall/root/ash/baby-heart challenges he references are 100% accurate descriptions of what you do in the game.
Indie first person horror adventure on steam?
Damn, times have changed. Once hearing that might have actually cappedmy interest.
Just take off adventure and horror and its fnaf
I love the fact Yatzee doesn't give a fuck about FIFA games :D
And who does anyway? *definately unbiased opinion*
I do! I like Pro Evolution Soccer, not because I play it, or care about soccer, but because it makes EA earn less money with Fifa Soccer (since I dislike EA).
+Kaefer1973 But then you're giving money to Konami, which is arguably just as bad if not worse than EA.
Zorua Hunter
Also true, but to me it's not yet as bad as EA.
I can only wonder what The Escapist thought when he submitted this.
SabreXio here's yee paycheque
This video greatly resembles my attempts to revise for exams.
This is one of the hidden gems of the internet, I swear.
You mean ZP?
I can honestly say this is the most extensive and in depth review of FIFA 13 that I have ever seen.
And that's what happens when the reviewer does not give two sh*ts about a game he's told to review.
***** Well, it is popular around the world, but if you ask me, a game that can end 0 to 0 doesn't sound like something to get into.
Nathan Frankwick Agreed. There are way better things to masturbate to!
I think many people have many different but wonderful tastes; however, I would wholeheartedly recommend a quick wank at the sun. Just don't point the eye directly at it and it really fuses your hydrogen [if you know what I mean [which you do [I'm pretty sure [more sure than I know how many brackets I have left to close... ]]]].
***** True dat.
if you play FOOTBALL with the right people its fun. but i agree that watching it is boring as hell (with a few exceptions)
"I'm glad I don't live in this neighborhood; you probably can't even run yourself a bath until you've arranged twelve Snickers bars under the S-bend and pissed in the sink." lol
Well, the game's set in Italy, so, y'know...
Ah sweet! I've been weighing this decision up for 3 years now. Gonna get me fifa 13.
Thanks Yahtzee
Pro tip; if you do want to try Anna get the extended edition. The puzzels while by no means easier at least have a basis in what a half way functional human mind would call logic.
"Friends helping a small leather sphere realize its dream of being in a net". The new definition of football.
And hes totally right too
So in conclusion Fifa 13 has Yahtzee's approval, right?
Unless you count what he said about not touching it with a 10 foot pole.
he didn't actually say that about Fifa directly.
James Shearer
He was talking about such games in general and his inability to get around to actually talking about this particular game shows what he thinks. He just says it's ok cause as a reviewer he does kind of need to mention the game he was supposed to be reviewing and let people know if he thinks it's any good.
***** Honestly the reasoning for the 10 ft pole was referring to the fact that Yahtzee can't play them very well which wouldn't lead to a good review. Not really the same as mentioning if the games are good in general, then again I'm probably reading too much into it. This is Yahtzee after all.
You're all reading too much into it, he never intended to review it, this was an extended joke.
You see, its this incredible amount of detail and focus that i love about this series.
Best FIFA review ever
Since he loves stealth games so much, I am very surprised that he has yet to review Styx Master of Shadows. It's pure stealth, indie and surprisingly good. (I only ever found it because it was free on PSN one month.)
when he is going to review the tenchu series?
Every now and again one of Yahtzee's jokes will just make me giggle without end. This time it was painting the protagonist of Anna as Mr. Bean.
Every few years I forget the contents of this video and think "Wait, he actually reviewed a soccer game?"
Holy shit I can't breath. You've got yourself a subscriber, good sir.
1:25 I always break out laughing when I see that graphic with the prince from the Little Mermaid's plastic doll head cutting throats. It just looks so bizarre and out of place especially with his blank eyed emotionally look of mild surprise (but then that was the point of the analogy he was trying to make, so "gold star"). XD
All I know about FIFA 13 I learned from watching this video.
believe me That's all you need to know.
This is a great fifa review I feel like I have already played the game
in the year 3333 on the 33rd day of the 33rd month don't worry about the problems they will be sorted soon.
You already played it by hearing the title.
I'm glad that even with his busy schedule Yatzee can get up and say" I'l do a video just for the lulz"
I love how the puzzles he names in Anna are actually 100 percent accurate
I read half the comments to yahtzee's videos with a yahtzee voice. That's probably because they are written in an attempt at yahtzee's style lol. Or maybe that's just my imagination.
actually i think sport games are not worth reviewing. all it has is team updates, new players, and (sometimes) better graphics
I believe they aren't even worth creating. If someone had to give a review about fifa then the only thing worth talking about is how similar it is to previous versions. The creators of fifa must be hungry for money and rely on fifa addicts to spend thousands of pounds.
***** i agree but as someone who plays Fifa, i like the idea of playing a game based off my favorite sport and managing my favorite team, etc. so its all down to opinion. oh and on your point of cash hunger, EA makes most sport games so you should be able to add 2 and 2 here
Pretty much the same as fighting games and racing games... Same stuff, just more of it, or slightly different minor details. Honestly only the first title in a fighting or racing or sports series is worth reviewing or buying.
Kyle Rhulain I disagree. At least in regards to racing games. Some racing games have a story, new mechanics, new tracks, etc. Ones like Forza are pretty much shit though, I'm a Need For Speed man. Or more accurately, I was a Need For Speed boy, haven't played one in ages.
Kyle Rhulain i dare you to play Street Fighter 1 then play Ultra Street Fighter IV, and say that again. Or, alternatively, Super Mario Kart then Mario Kart 8.
I've always hated soccer, but his eight second review makes it sound kind of interesting. Even charitable.
IT'S FOOTBALL YOU UNEDUCATED SWINE
***** Actually, what you should have said was: "IT'S FOOTBALL YOU AUSTRALIAN SWINE!" In Australia football refers exclusively to Australian Rules Football, which is super popular (especially in Victoria and WA), so we refer to what the rest of the world calls football "soccer" so we don't get it mixed up with AFL, the only true and proper football there is.
wildroses2009 It is rough living in Australia and someone brings up football as that could mean 4 different things.... Union, league, AFL and soccer
*****
Actually, it depends on where you live. In the United States it's known as soccer. Elsewhere, mostly in Europe and South America, it's called football. wildroses2009 probably called it soccer because he/she lives in the United States.
Catherine Wallace Actually I live in Europe(Ireland to be exact) and here in Ireland we call it soccer as not to confuse it with Gaelic Football but i myself refer to soccer as football
I think this is one of Yahtzee's best reviews, actually. Because what can you say about bloody FIFA? It's another soulless, corporate cash in, shit out by the most money grubbing game company in the world, to make a quick buck from gullible, stupid sports fans.
Tokyo Jungle actually looks goo- wait... this is about Fifa 14 >.>
*Fifa 13...
Tokyo Jungle is good, but I warn you...it is a hard game. You`ll want to dedicate a lot of time to getting good at it
But on the subject of sex crimes, let's get back to professional football.
*SAVAGE*
"[...]feels like assaulting a bouncy-castle with the back of a spoon." remains my favorit simile used on Zero Punctuation. xD
the best zero punctuation video
Mailbag Showdown, by far.
This is my favorite ZP by a wide margin.
That sounds a lot like me.
Have a certain time to do something, only to get distracted, and end up having something half-arsed at the end.
Nice job, Yahtzee, for getting personal with me.
In Mark of the Ninja, I think the bonus score for 0 kills is absolutely optional in case you want to try the stealth suit that comes with no sword and do a no kill run.
With a twist he said, it'll be FIFA he said
He dodged reviewing the game just like i dodge revising for exams
He actually managed to do it in 8 seconds... Nice.
Yahtzee, you're my hero. XD
"Fifa 13? How the hell's he going to say anything interesting about that?", the creature asks in confusion, drawing the mouse cursor ever nearer to the video's thumbnail.
best and most concise game review ever! 5/5
The only football game I ever played was fifa 2005 because I could replay stuff in slow motion and slide around the pitch like an idiot. Also football sucks
The only American Football game I ever liked was one for the PS1 in which you could tackle about once a second and I just spent the entire match rapidly tackling my dad's players for no reason.
That was the greatest 8 second review I've ever seen.
Wait wait wait you mean FIFA is now a full game? Great! I thought it was just a DLC that was released each year by satin himself.
"I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!"
Football sucks. There, I said it.
amen!
***** however it does kinda suck
If futbol sucks then baseball blows.
Diego Kiefer becaussseee??
TerrmediaReturns Because? If you expect an explanation the least you can do is state yours first to begin with.
your incredibly detailed, and descriptive review perfectly listed everything the game has to offer
Yup
This is literally the best video I've ever watched 😂
Fifa, the most boring game in the universe. Amazing how he kept this video interesting.
Pretty much each and every sports game is a boring "game". And I put "game" between commas because to me this kind of "games" aren't games but simulators.
Guillem Moreno If you put it between quotes, we wouldn't have to pause twice :)
underserf Quotes can be called commas (inverted commas, but still).
I suppose that's what you meant by that.
***** First of all, I'm talking about sports games, which I consider to be simulators, not games. Secondly, I'm not saying they're fake (they are though, that's why they're called simulators), I was implying I don't find them fun becuase they're boring.
***** I think you're not getting me. I'm not saying simulation games aren't games, I'm saying I classify sports games as simulators as well, since that's what they are. Putting the word "game" between quotes was to imply that I relate the word "game" with fun, therefore I meant that simulators aren't fun to me.
Review FIFA 14!!!
***** i didnt know that, but my previous comment is a joke
Now 17
Magic maker is a game on steam reminiscent of the magika games as they both involve combining elements to cast magic
I've watched so many of these in the past few weeks now, and I've enjoyed them all, but none of them got me busting out laughing like I did when he began "Tokyo jungle..."
exactly what i hoped for when i saw a *Fifa* review by Yathzee. amazing!
I've never wanted to play a sports game because you inevitably like it and want a sequel and you end up buying some spreadsheet shit like football manager that somehow sells more than the world has population.
In fairness there's a lot to be said for fifa as far as sports games go (not that I play religiously).
Yahtzee's avoidance made me laugh though
best review ever.
I wish they would put the last 7 seconds on every fifa game going forward, or for that matter every game going forward.
Those high scores were hilarious, getting beat out by a 3 yr old and Stevie Wonder. lmao
...on the subject of sex crimes, let's get back to professional football
Alex Z Funny how I saw your comment when I was in the middle of Claptrap's Birthday Bash in BL2.
chris succee Alex Z's profile picture is CLAPTRAP you fucking tosser
You Know what i love you Yahtzee honstley i do beacause it remineds me (Sorry spelling) im not the only one who thinks straight
still the best review he's ever done...oddly enough...the best review of a FIFA game I've ever encountered as well
*Voice of Heath ledger's Joker*
"It's not about sophistication...it's about sending a message..."
Here's my review for FIFA 13. It's soccer. No more different from the other soccer games except prettier graphics. BOOM! done.
It's football, bro.
Not here in 'Murica!
PS. I know
ILCOVERU It's the same thing, bro.
It called football, americans play watered down rugby
for a nation proud of its tough guy image... they sure like padding themselves to the extreme just to play some rugby...
Fifa 13 received less criticism than portal or the last of us. Just think about that.
Because nobody gave enough sh*t to actually criticize it? ;p
Rhys Gerbiltron That says a lot about the standards in sports games, doesn't it?
Rhys Gerbiltron no, I refuse to spend that many fucks on that game.
Derp Herp the only point he had was that it was too short.
Argeine Thriton
Actually, he didn't say it was too short. He said Portal was short, but that the brevity was a positive attribute, "a good length."
Also, I didn't know it beforehand but this Anna review is exactly what I needed
That's quite the list you guys are amassing there!
the last FIFA i played was 98. has anything really changed since then? i mean, it's still the same sport with the same rules, how much different can new FIFAs be? reviewing each single one really does seem pointless.
guguigugu - Graphics, engine, new features, etc. I'm by no means a FIFA fanboy, but thinking there's no real difference between a game that came out 20 years ago vs one that comes out today is beyond stupid
I can see how Yahtzee couldn't find anything interesting to pull out from FIFA 13.
If his analysis of the game was as in-depth as could possibly be it would be more or less 15 to 20 seconds tops.
Honestly I think that just saing its a football game is alredy an in-depth analysis for any FIFA game
Good luck finding these reviews in the future.
I do watch it on the escapist most of the time, but sometimes i get on a random video spree and end up rewatching episodes.
It amazes me to see so many people who dislike something yet that something is like one of the most popular things on deh planet.
FIFA, Call Of Duty, Twilight, Justin Bieber, etc.
Trollovon Flidder People dislike alot of things, but openly hate it more when many others like it.
The more attention something draws to itself, the more likely it will be scrutinised.
Trollovon Flidder If you were a true COD fan you would call it Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare, not COD Modern Warfare 1
I'm not. I was there in the beginning and I loved the campaign, but I was never that into the multiplayer. As soon as the stories were being taken less seriously, I bailed.
Fifa cuz it's the EXACT same thing every game and you might as well play the sport. COD because they are mostly generic linear brown-and-gray anti-Arab military FPS games whose popularity spawned many copies, Twilight cuz the characters and story are shit and the movies are awful, and JB cuz his music was not that good but he has gained an incredibly large amount of fans (mostly young teen girls, even though he is not that attractive)...
Really, the whole problem is that there are many things that are much better that deserve that popularity much more.
i thought this was fifa lol
Holy shit these old ZP episodes are fucking hilarious!
4:53 Fox Trot reference? Niiiiiiice.
Heres the thing about sports games. They are made for people who are fans of said sport and have already bought, played and splurged over and any attempt at reviewing is a waste of breath because like i said. The only people who would care already bought it and the majority who dont get on with their lives without a single thought for them.
Great video btw lol
I don't understand sports games, you can play the actual sport in real life. Whereas we can't exactly go to the nearest mountain to slay our friendly neighbourhood dragon.
Björn du Toit I think it's in part because of playing by using players and teams from real life. Or creating your own player to compete against them.
Björn du Toit
At least in sports games you don't have to deal with the fucking idiot fans.
It'd be funny to see a riot game mode where rangers fans and Celtic fans battle it out
well you could, but murdering furries is illegal.
Maybe you can play sports in real life. I can't even see my penis.
Not everyone can due to Medical issues. I can't do ANY contact sports anymoe due to medical issues.
Man im surprised he didnt give fifa 13 game of the year in his top and bottom 5, this was his most positive review yet
The only sports game I ever got into was Blitz: The League, on the sole basis of being able to severely injure people and seeing exactly what I damaged in a slow motion X-ray style like it's Mortal Kombat. Though now that I think about it Blitz did X-Ray attacks first.
y'know technically he said it was a good game.
So Yahtzee thinks Fifa 13 is good? Better go pick it up then.
Oh god how I loved this one
wow theres so much variety in fifa! yahtzee should review sports games every week!
What's funny is that even after playing this, he's still never played a "football" game. ;)
Then what is a 'football' game, then?
PMSchut Madden.
anonemuss93 Madden is a Football game, yes. But even if it is called Soccer in America, it still remains Football for the rest of the world.
PMSchut It was a joke, dumbass. The whole point was to make fun of people who call soccer football.
anonemuss93 welp you done fuck up
So is that a positive review for FIFA or?
This is easily one of my favourite ZPs. Keep coming back to either this or Ride To Hell
Those last 8 seconds were quality. 😂😂😂
Great review!
You, sir, are incredible.
this was the funniest review I've ever seen
Thanks for the review
A master at work.
He should do more videos like this
This review is perfect
What i personally love about the fifa franchise and what keeps me coming back is the amazing variation and innovation with each new game. Its amazing to see how different of a game fifa 13 is compared to fifa 14. Truly something more game franchises should aim for