“she doesn’t cook or clean👩🍳”
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
- ⚠️ Has your marriage hit crossroads?
🤬 Are you always arguing and fighting?
😢 Feel like you’ve been drifting apart?
💔 Has trust become an ever growing issue?
🙌 We can help!
⬇️ Book a Free 20min Chat (a Faceless, Private call) to see how we can help you: ⬇️
calendly.com/t...
⬇️ Check out how we’ve helped others ⬇️
ismailmarriage...
If you're new to my channel, my name is Ismail and I’ve helped hundreds of Muslim couples stay married and even more Muslims make the right choice before marriage as well as bullet-proof their marriage from the get-go.
Now I've created this channel to share the lessons & stories I’ve learned along the way. So if you find the content beneficial, then please like and subscribe so this can get pushed out to more people.
Jazak’allahu khair!
Disclaimer
Please note that while I am not a licensed counsellor or therapist, the advice and guidance I offer are based on my extensive experience in coaching and mentoring hundreds of individuals. My role as a "Muslim Marriage Coach" is not about presenting myself as a scholar or issuing religious rulings. Rather, it is to offer support, guidance, and practical tools for couples to navigate their relationships, drawing on Islamic principles as well as contemporary best practices in relationship coaching. I seek to complement-not replace-the wisdom of scholars and the guidance from qualified individuals.
⚠️ If you’re married and your expectations are not being met or you’re in need of advice in a private matter
🙌 We can help!
⬇️ Book a Free 20min Chat to see how we can help you: ⬇️
calendly.com/themuslimmarriagecoach/30min
As a woman I do see where the brother is coming from. If my husband needs his trousers ironed I would do it. I clean the house every day and cook every day. However I lived on my own from the age of 16 -23 .so I knew how to look after myself and clean and cook etc. This sister is only just married in a new home with other people and on top of it pregnant. She will find her stride, but give her time. You could iron your trousers in the morning before you go to work. It takes 5 minutes… I have been married for 21 years.
You’re very open minded and considerate about both genders, unlike most men who easily blames the woman for everything. You’re fair and unbiased. I subscribed to you immediately after watching your videos. I’m not married but if I were and had problems you would be the first person I’d reach out for help. May Allah bless you in this world and next life.
Ameen, Jazak’allahu Khair!
Aameen
I couldn't agree more with what you have said. He's fair and in adjust. Easy to relate to and very humble and understanding on both sides. I'm not married at the moment but when I do Insha'Allah he will be my marriage coach. I will be still watching his videos so I can take notes so when I do get married I can add those values to my marriage and improve my relationship. I would come to him for marriage advice also. Alhamdulillah for marriage coach like this Akhi.
I had hyperemesis it is severe morning sickness. I couldnt even look after myself let alone someone depending on me for cooking every day.
It lasted 6 months of my pregnancy...my husband had to learn to cook easy meals plus some takeaways and clean the house, wash clothes and attend to helping me after work.
We got through it alhamdulilah now im healthy i do all of the household chores, cooking, shared children reaponsibilities happily.
Thank you for sharing this. It can help others who may have a more narrow perspective
Yes my friend had the same thing and was in the hospital most of her pregnancy
one other thing I’d add is praise her for the stuff she does 😊 !! It’s human nature to want to do more for others when you feel seen and acknowledged. So on the days she cooks and cleans to your standards, appreciate her and tell her how it makes you feel. Little signs of encouragement can go along way especially since she is pregnant and is probably feeling overwhelmed with this new role
What about the husband? Has he not been pushed into a new role? Or are you assuming he's accustomed to being a husband? Both have been pushed into new zones so both need encouragement but you only want her to be acknowledged? Shows how often husband's and fathers contributions are ignored.
@@floki5182 emm this is a video of a BROTHER asking for advise ? this is not his wife asking ... so exactly why would I give advise to the wife when we're not talking to her rn ... when its the husband who'll most likely watch this video and read these comments. not everything is gender wars lool
@@metroshootu7377 bruh, two things can be right at the same time uno. a brother is asking for advise on his marriage... hence I am giving the advise to the brother.
Alxamdulilaah I thank Allaah for my husband, I never iron his clothes because he has chosen to do it from his past habit when he was single, he does his ironing. I just wash and manage the house & cooking. 23yrs of good marriage. I was married 19 and never new how to cook, but my husband was patient and I started learning how to cook in my new kitchen.
Invest time and patience in your marriage & help eachother & don't compare .
Alhamdulilah, I’m happy to hear from others who’ve been married for decades
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach
Asc habo, waxan rabaa inaan suaal kuusoo qoro ee email kaaga iisoodir plz.
No problem.
ismailcounselling@gmail.com
Salam alaykum most people said my marriage would not survive I reverted to Islam 2011 meet my husband we married 13 years later we are completing half our deen alhamdulliah ❤🎉
Wa’laikum Salaam. Ma’sha’allah!
I've learnt that before you critique someone praise them first. Tell them something you like that they do (e.g making them a packed lunch for work) and then speak about the issue at hand (whatever it is) they will most likely recieve it better and try their best to do whatever their partner has asked of them..I just found your channel, great content btw i thoroughly enjoyed watching this.
This is great advice! Thank you for sharing
Pregnancy in the first few months is actually extremely hard. A lot guys especially from our Muslim community need to learn before marriage what it is like for the woman. Someone can't actually get out of bed because it's physicly debilitating.
This is true for many and the effects of trimesters vary
As long as the wife is not fighting the changes, it'll work out InshaAllah. May Allah bless him for his patience.
Ameen!
Do you think it’s ok for him to expect her to iron his clothes?
Ma sha Allah I liked this style of video. I enjoyed your delivery and approach to the situation.
I think it's very important that the brother and all couples (esp newlyweds) regularly check-in with each other's emotions. In this scenario, how is your wife feeling? How is she coping with wifehood and pregnancy? Does she feel anxious, worried or overwhelmed? What pregnancy symptoms is she experiencing?
It is also very important our brothers educate themselves on pregnancy symptoms and the challenges each trimester of pregnancy brings. First trimester may bring morning sickness and nausea etc and as the pregnancy progresses you will feel fatigue/exhausted.
First year of marriage is hard especially if it’s your first marriage, and being pregnant is also very difficult. May Allah give them both patience for each other, understanding and consideration. The only way a marriage can survive is if the two people have compassion for each other.
living with in laws itself is very hard. I don’t hear him saying she has to cook for the whole family but if he is expecting her to do that is even harder. Most pregnant women can’t do much around the house for the first few months.
I wasn't expecting but cooking everyday more or less and eventually got fed up as it was separate for husband and separate for his family..and never appreciated..more issues and 5 years later it ended in divorce..a.man has to do his bit especially if shes being treated like rubbish too and his family should not expect her to be a servant ..if they all live together...woman isn't a servant...this Hindu culture needs to go..
Mashallah brother . I recently realised love is not a feeling or emotion but a huge commitment. That being said, for the starters, you have both vowed to have each other back in all circumstances. Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns and pregnancy is one of these, trust me is a big deal. If she does love you and putting smile on her face when you come home, that is enough reason to hold her forever . Do not let your emotion ruin your beautiful marriage, having someone waking up beside you, who carrying your child and being loyal to you is a rare. Food and making home is important but is not a necessary. As a sister , my advice is, please have an open communication with her, spend quality time with her and put an effort to know her personality like why she does the things she does? Or why she is not doing the things she supposed to do?. You are a warm hearted brother who has a patient “ what ever you saw you shall reap” so keep the good work .
Alslam alikum wa rahmatu Allah
May Allah keep you steadfast in islam
my nople sister The correct and
obligatory hijab includes covering the face with the whole body , and this is the hijab of the female companions and the mothers of the believers, After the revelation of the ayah of hijab in the Qur’an, the female companions responded to it by covering their faces immediately The
jilbab is a thick, very wide fabric that is placed on top of the head and covers the entire body until it covers the feet and exceeds them in length it does not and must not reveal any part of the body or describe its size even the shoulders
This means that it is not right to wear a blouse or jacket that describes the shape of the shoulder as a hijab which all do, also the hijab must not be adornment in itself,
and if you browse pictures of Muslim women in all Islamic countries 100 years ago, you will find them all covering their faces. Women uncovered their faces after the western colonization and the secular rule, and you are full of good insha'Allah and not less than the previous Muslim women to
strive in obeying Allah and implementing His command
May Allah grant you all success and happy life in this world and
the hereafter
The correct hijab according to the Qur’an| Muhammad tim humble:
ruclips.net/video/xq15cmNFrpQ/видео.htmlsi=RD3ABLP_ejHlDDFC
Manshalah ilaahay ha ku barakeeyo you advice is very true you said the point.
This is solid advice akhi, I’d also encourage the brother to be patient in these types of situations where the wife is pregnant AND living with the in-laws it can be really difficult. Once you have the baby, live separately from the family and work on the communication, things will be much better insha’Allah. May Allah bless their marriage and put barakah in it
Great advice. Ameen!
My wife never ever ironed anything for me, and that's not an issue . If the wife is pregnant, man should do most of the chores even after work .
This is the time you discharge the Rahma and the love that Allah mentioned between the spouses, and mainly, this needs to be initiated by the husband. She will find her way, just be patient, brother.
May Allah bless you, your family and your marriage!
@@Nuri.Z ameen
@@metroshootu7377 I think I'm gonna sit this one out, brother, since you asked the question. Should i carry the child?
However, let me give you some facts It's well known that the Prophet ASW did do chores in his house as mother of the believers Aisha narrated in the famous hadith.
Secondly, didn't you read my post? When the wife is pregnant, there's deviation from what is normal or there's علة motive and reason, for the husband to shoulder bigger responsibility which can easily be deduced from the life of the beloved.
If the Prophet was in the service of his family as Aisha explained he would do more so when the wife is weaker than usual.
Generally family should help one another in what is good وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ.
No1 ever suggested that husbands alone should do the chores or more than the wives. Or is it that you felt the heat because of the ironing thing
Masha’Allah. You’re good husband, and if you’re not married yet you will be good one. May Allah have mercy on you and your family ☺️
@@metroshootu7377 He is not being a simp. He said if the wife is pregnant the husband should most of the chores. He didn't say that about the whole marriage. Being pregnant takes a lot of energy from a woman! I feel sorry for your women if you expect her to do everything when she's pregnant and tired. You're probably single aren't you?
I really believe that having strict roles isn’t something I would recommend. Our fitrah generally means the man works more and the woman takes care of the house but this doesn’t mean that we believe our spouses are robots with no struggle. If the man for example looses his job but the wife is working she should help out of compassion, if the woman has a lot to do and he is free, he should get up and help. I see it as us against everything else. My biggest advice is communication and mercy.
Allah gave women a break from praying when she is on her menstrual cycle. Why can’t he give her a break too
I know where you’re coming from, but the fact that the brother is seeking help so early on, is a testament to him loving his wife and valuing his relationship
That understanding of yours, that husbands have more rights than the wives' parents is more of a juristic conclusion than a Quranic or hadith prescription.
Jannah is under the feet of mothers not the husbands or wives.
The nusoos or texts on parents rights far outweigh that which are mentioned between spouses ..people with literalist understanding of religion always put husbands before the wives parents Go and check how many companions have ordereded their sons to divorce their wives and without questions sons would alway listen to his parents. @metroshootu7377
What i dont understand is why men are capable of washing and ironing their own clothes before marrige but refuse after marriage. If an office job is shattering try carrying a child inside you 24 7 for 9 months.
I hear you, but he’s definitely not refusing, they just need to rewrite the roles and responsibilities whilst she is pregnant and come to a fair conclusion for both
I belive that mostly the timing and circumstances are a problem. Normally when women get married especially ethnic minority we are already taught the household skills, we know to cook or be able to know that we should be cooking and cleaning and rhe laundry and the food shopping and things like this and normally women do their thing when it comes to this. The problem is when women fall pregnant and I think that's when the expectation should be lowered a little bit cause some women got through rough pregnancies and it can be a really difficult time to process since it's almost a year of suffering. Obviously there are some women that are ontop of it while there pregnant which is awesome but I'm sure I'm not wrong in saying that most women struggle and won't be able to do a lot. The only plausible solution I see is to go and live with a family member or perhaps your mum and an or an aunty someone who is a mahram come live with you both to offer a little bit of support with helping you cook or clean and the other stuff until she feels better. And can handle it again
We need more of this 🙌
Great advice, bro. Im a Christian and agree with your recommendation 👍🏼
We call you to islam the true religion of all
the prophets
Read surah *Mary and *Al Imran and *Al
Maedah and *Al Qasas from The Quran online
@@AllahuAkbaruKabirah no, thank you!
Yea but what’s the dynamic with living with family? Because she’s not only cooking for you then, right? Or just cleaning for you two.
That’s a good point. She may feel pressured to also do the same for the rest of the household members
@TheMuslimMarriageCoach we should let her speak so we hear the other side. also i wish he could tell us when he has free time does he get frustrated to clean or cook her something .
That would help, but not everybody wants their session recorded and may prefer complete private coaching instead
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach Then how are you giving advice from one prespective you should coach them together privately.
@@Fireplaceandraindw it’s doesn’t concern u
I really like this style of video🔥
"Brother asked a very good question"
😂😂
There's a consensus among the scholars that a woman has the right to have her own place after she is married off, husband has to provide that...what's with these people taking their wives to cook and clean for others. There's one caveat though, if husbands' parents or that of the wife's mum or dad are ill and need some looking after that's understandable .
Yes this is a good point. But in some cultures, it is the norm to live with In-Laws for a few years and I’ve seen plenty of divorces because of it
Really beneficial video Mashaallah, keep this up
Very interesting conversation 🦻
May Allah bless him for working two jobs and providing for his family. If she wasn’t pregnant I would’ve said she is just a lazy person honestly she is pregnant, which means she is going through a lot. Maybe she can do ironing his clothes but this marriage is very new so give this chance marriage is hard but if you put your trust in Allah and listen to other and most of all respect each other that marriage will be safe in Sha Allah
Solid advice given coach!
Sabr ya Akhi. She does a lot already. Show appreciation. Do NOT let Shaytaan give you waswas that the grass is greener on the other side.
First year marriage is the most difficult. I feel the brother is having unrealistic expectations . Your wife is pregnant please help her with household duties.
I agree to an extent
Why are there so many low key feminists in the comments. I’m a house wife and I believe if your husband is working his backside off day and night to provide food and shelter the the least the wife can do is cook a meal and keep the house tidy. It’s team work. Off both should help each other wife each others roles. Like husband can help with house work sometimes, and the wife can provide emotional support for the husband and go out of her way to make his work life easier
'working his backside off'. What job do these men have? if you get married to blue collar workers who have to work labour intensive jobs then yes I understand. Let's start teaching men to aim higher in life so they can have a non labour intensive jobs so that they can have better physical and mental health
SubhanaAllah life always works the opposite way, I’m married for 4 years Alhamdulillah I do everything in the house for my husband cooking cleaning ironing his clothes whatever he needs I’m always ready with it but the worst part is sometimes I feel sick I get tired or pregnant and he’s like akhhh please don’t tell me to do household things I don’t like it blablabla I just feel hurt deeply and Move on 😢 so in this life you’ll never meet two good couples living together, one Should have more patience in order for them to live together
Absolutely, patience is needed
But normally husbands do come around, and they do know, subconsciously at least, that the prophet helped around when needed
Sunnah is not to cook lavish 3 hour meat dishes everyday. Also the prophet stiched his own clothes so why cant he iron his own trousers that takes 3 minutes. Being pregnant is enough work.
You’re right about the prophet, but It’s not about whether he can or can’t iron his own clothes. It’s about being merciful to each other and finding a balance that works for both
It's sad what we have become why is this comment section for female and males to fight .We should help and encourage each other all this hatred its mostly cuz we don't know the rights thenperson has on us our standards change with what the west wants .let's be kind to each other okaaayyyyy let's appreciate each other .
Oh my lord “make sure my clothes are ironed?”. Who ironed his clothes before marriage?
😅
Maanshaallah my brother
Everything bro mentioned is simple and easy things, man understand don’t tell wife what to do that’s disrespectful to her, because women already know how to handle her if you let her and be patient. Try to do your part is look like you saying I’m out there working all day and she must do cooking, cleaning all that stuff, try asking her her day and if needs any help around the house in that way you’ll be happy family simple and easy
Thank you for sharing
just a question do you think it's right to have your 17 year old eldest daughter should be in the place where you and your wife are "discussing the problems between the husband and wife relationship" and have a family meeting but really arguing? I hope this makes sense.
It’s definitely not ideal but for some people it may help bring unity if an older child mediates.
The arguing should not be happening, that’s why having somebody who is unknown to both parties to mediate helps so well to resolve all marital disputes and keep the relationship going
If that’s something that you’re interested in, book in a discovery call InshaAllah and we can show you how we can help
calendly.com/themuslimmarriagecoach/30min
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach so what should I do? Announce another meeting but instead let me talk about the issue I am seeing or just leave them be. I am not a therapist but I think I know what they are missing in their relationship.. respect.
Oh, are you the daughter in this case? I’m a bit confused
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach sorry my English isn’t t that good. Yes I am the daughter
1. She’s pregnant with your child
2. She is not your maid she is your wife.
Remember there’s nothing wrong with her doing things around the house purely for her husband, and vice versa, as long as they’ve come to an agreement
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach
Salam
A wife will always be submissive to her husband if and when he is making her environment safe and is talking to her with respect.
What I gathered from this short clip it seems like he demands he is speaking to her like an employee and not a spouse.
Make her feel loved and cherished and watch her do all of the things and above.
She’s home all day and doesn’t have a job sis come on she could at least iron and put things away! Let’s not make excuses and he never said he’s looking for a maid did he??? As a women I feel annoyed reading this nonsense. Let me tell you something some girl willing to be a maid will snatch your man if you can’t even do simple things like this
@@faay8912
She is pregnant sis
I’m not sure if you tried carrying a child, but that can be very taxing and some are even bedridden. I’m not sure what you’re on about other women being willing to be a maid? If that’s the case then let them.
According to the seen She is not obligated to do nothing if she pleases to, but of course a decent woman will always contribute to the household by maintaining the house and cooking/ cleaning etc.
@@faay8912
The brother is obligated to provide for her and their kids. It seems to me the brother did not know what he signed up for as he is working 2-3 jobs to provide for them and he is lashing out on her.
He should have mercy on his pregnant newly wedded wife. She will in turn show up for you in ten-fold.
LOL is this for real!!
Let us know what you think
She's not your maid
I hear you, but his wife doing a few things around the house whilst he’s working doesn’t equal maid. But I understand how he phrased it, may come across that he is treating her like one
I’m my husbands maid. Stay mad feminist.
How does that make her a feminist? Why are you mad that the sister wouldn’t accept being a maid. Her husband/future husband won’t treat her like your husband treats you. Hopefully she marries someone that actually loves and values her
By the way she is not obligated to cook for you.
I was going to mention this but Ma’sha’allah you got there first.
And tbh, most sisters are happy to cook for their husband and family so long as they view him as an amazing husband
@metroshootu7377
It's not obligatory on the wife to cook for the husband, you just made the point yourself that its a matter of opinion among the scholars.
Also, scholars did say obeying the husband is obligatory but on that 'فيما هو من 'حَقِّه which is purely his 'right' conjugal comes to mind but everything is within the limits of her ability, without bringing hardship or harm to her.
Pregnancy could fall in to the hardship category. The Islamic legal maxim which is also a hadith reminds us... لَا ضَرَرَ وَلَا ضِرَارَ There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.
The basis of marriage is love, rahma and common sense not which act is obligatory or recommended.
@@metroshootu7377 true but without give and take, the marriage will fail. Especially husband working 2 jobs. Wife could bulk cook stews and freeze even rice can be frozen, then defrosted on the day, just add a salad and juice and it's done.
@@metroshootu7377 it isn't rocket science for one who has some experience, but taking a hardline after marriage also isn't helpful. Discussing ways to make it easier is a good start. Which is why I talked about a weekly food prep and freezing ahead of time if it's difficult to do so everyday. Husbands may also have to discuss organising cooking lessons from a nearby Aunty. Hardline fatwas rarely help in these cases, patience and mercy work better
@metroshootu7377 isn't there a difference of an opinion I heard that if the woman comes from a Houshold where she had maids then that's the standards that a husband should provide and if she come from a household where she would cook and clean in the house then that would be the expectation. And many of the scholars say that the woman is married to be a spouse and a lovable kind character to her husband and a good mother in terms of tarbiyah and affection and kindness to her children not to cook and clean. That can be fixed with employing someone to do that. So is it really far fetched ukhti for a woman to want to not cook and clean when she is married. Especially if she comes from a house where that was already being Done.
Shouldn’t the brother be disguising his voice?
Not really tbh, his identity is still hidden
Wait? Why are they living with other people?
Living with the husband’s family
Does she leave the room when he leaves most likely not I heard soo much stories it's not easy to live woth inlaws mostly the mother is really hard she mostly makes u feel unworthy of her son. May Allah help them move out and work things out .❤❤❤@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach
Men have mostly kept up their part of the traditional contract, but women have not. Women have trained their whole lives to take up men's traditional role, so now many don't see it fit to be a housemaker. Tough times
This is very true so it’s upon the man to vet the women he speaks to for marriage if they fit his ideal
Not Somali women…. It’s normally the other way round where women do the man and woman’s job and don’t complain…. But here u see the men ranting because they are experiencing this for the first time… Wallahi funny
Yeah, it goes both ways. The woman and her family would be blamed if they missed the signs that he was not a good guy, before I suggest any advice in how to change him etc
This is so laughable
Would love to hear your take, appreciate the comment
Perhaps you make du'aa for the sister and the brother in their struggle to hold onto their young family in the face of adversity.
If she don’t want to do nothing then why she married to sit down 🪑 from the morning until the night ?? Why Allah send this amazing Muslim men to who***s! Who don’t want to do nothing…!! Just like to take advantage from this men, gosh he do 3 jobs !!!
They will rectify their issues and I’m sure she will soon realise that she has a good man
Thats quite disrespectful of u we didn't hear her side of the story don't jump to conclusions but he seems like he is hard working and really loves her and wants to mend things and I'm sure she does too and inshallah they will .stop calling pple wh*****s .
@@Fireplaceandrain well, well, well I know lots of Muslim women when the man he do many things and she don’t do nothing and he expecting from him everything without do nothing. A woman who take advantage from a good man is who***E. If it doesn’t suit to you is okay as woman I feel so so bad when God men belong to bad woman. !
feminism...☕
3rd wave feminism is the real issue
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach enjoy watching your videos brother, keep up good work
U got scammed ahki, these tings in the west are a no go.
Not all of them akh, it’s more nuanced than that, but definitely both sides have to play the game differently now
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoachmay Allah bless you ahki. Kind words