@@deedeee6271 This is explained in Emily Nagoski's book Come as you are (which I reference at the end of the video). You can read a summary of the differences in this article here: lifehacker.com/the-difference-between-spontaneous-and-responsive-desir-1828754371
I forgot to ask, there is the whole issue about not refusing sex when the husband asks for it. Is that something that needs to be added to the list I suppose from the man's side, or at least to be discussed?
@@deedeee6271 I did touch on this through 2 questions: the question about consent and the question that says: "what will our approach be if one spouse desires sex but the other doesn't". Also, there are several legitimate reasons islamically when a wife can refuse sex to her husband as long as this is not done maliciously and not done to oppress her husband.
Welcome to the family,Bro.May Allah keep you firm on the deen. First go to the mosque and make friends with some brothers.They can set you up with someone. As a revert you will have a hard time finding random women willing to talk to you. Jazakallah.
@@curiouscat5229that’s not true “as a revert you’ll find it hard to find random woman to talk to you” well no one wants a random woman to begin with a Muslim man would want a Muslim woman who’s righteous and pious etc, and as a Muslim female I don’t mind reverts and often times I find the reverts more passionate and invested in the deen the Muslim born ones But as you said he should go to the masjid or have Muslim brothers in his community set him up with a meeting for a potential wife etc
What I really like about this video is how Amirah acknowledges that sex is a big part of marriage, and that if you're at the stage where you trust each other and want to progress on to engagement/marriage, then it's OK to talk about it! I downloaded the list of questions - they are a good way of gauging the other person's values and boundaries, and expressing your own. Attraction is one thing, compatibility quite another. Best to find out before rather than after getting married.
And you think divorced or reverts would ask questions and assume that the other person is going to be extremely honest and tell you what you don’t want to hear? Which world are you living in? This doesn’t happen in real life. People lie! They tell you what you want to hear, in most cases.
@@PeaPod-11.11 As you said...most cases not all. I've been around more than 5 decades, I've heard almost everything under the sun. Your statement is not absolute, and at the end of the day Allah knows best in all affairs.
To elaborate on his behalf all this is unnecessary as it's littraly all answerd by islam you are not looking for a sex compatible partner as such thing doesn't exist in islam but rather a Muslim guy that knows his religion and is practising it. @@usaidsyeed2743
if they are virgins or inexperienced individuals then in this case they won't be able to answer those question cuz they simply don't know the answers to them. Therefore, I think this conversation should be done right after they get married. Before they have intimacy. And I am sure if they let each other know about their expectations from each other then they won't have all those problems you mention in this video going down the line.
The best of our Nation is the immediate nation during the life time of our Prophet Mohammed ( PBUH). Similarly, people embraced or reverted to Islam from all sorts of Nasty behaviours, practices and believes. But Islam did not recommend this kind of idea!
@@newperson9662 Don't say so. Even reverts are virgin if not all. It all depend on kind of life they live before. Even there are Muslims that are not , yet it doesn't worth it. In Arab world, it is taboo to find your spouse not virgin, you have the right to demand for return of expenses. Even in some places in Africa. Also in Africa some down to core christians are even virgin. Like wise some traditionalist. Also early marriage contribute both in Africa and Arab world. It is not everything that sound logical that maybe moral. These kind of discussion about sex before marriage have nothing Islamic to prove it. Until you able to bring evidence to support.
Mashallah, quite bold to do something like this. all your points are spot on regarding divorce and difficult topic. Many elder they will not talk about this critical topic. Your presentation was excellent, may Allah bless you and informative even to non-Muslims too!
@@asasjsajsare you live streaming the conversation? Many if not most marriages break exactly because of this issue, sexual compatibility. Having this conversation, albeit deep in (as she suggests after you are almost certain you will get engaged ISA), is very important, to know what to expect from each other.
@@asasjsajsthere is lack of knowledge about sex in ummah and its really causes divorces therefore it should discussed before going in a serious job like marriage
Thanks for the video. Most of the questions are experienced based. For people who are virgins - Men & Women, it will be news to them about all these experience based questions. Just my observation
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Thank you so much for making this video! As someone searching for a spouse, I always wondered how we can assess sexual compatibility with a potential partner in a respectful manner keeping within the guidelines of Islam. These questions are a gold mine! Sex will always be an awkward topic to discuss but the wording of these questions makes it much less awkward (at least for me). Thank you!
Most people who are trying to know each other for the purpose of getting married, are not showing their true self to the other. They are trying to show the best what the other person wants to see or hear. It is not possible to know the truth of the other person just by asking him/her. We are just making an extreme assumption that the other person is extremely honest. Also, a virgin person doesn’t even know what they want and what their needs are. It is not possible to determine sexual compatibility just by talking. How would a virgin girl, who never had any kind of sexual experience, even know what she likes and doesn’t like? Every person is different, what one person likes or needs is not the same what another person likes or needs. This is just not possible without experiencing it!
100% right. How would you know if you are a virgin? It's more like practice, patience, and respect from both sides. It took 4 days for me to understand where to start after getting married and months to understand how to control my mind. So you are saying if a man accidentally loses his sexual capability it will make his wife unhappy and lead to divorce!!!! Is this that easy?
The questions weren't about specific positions and kinks and such. You absolutely can know about the questions in the list or have opinions and feelings without having experience. Every question in the list has also been addressed in lectures that you can find on YT. There was a question including how do you feel about using different positions and you can have a feeling without experience. As in, "I feel shy about the idea," "I feel curious," or maybe, "I am curious and look forward to learning." All possible without experience, and useful information. Man gets an idea how shy she is, how much support she might need. Some men with experience would know ahead of time how they feel about nursing along someone fearful and not bold, and see compatibility or that they aren't compatible. The ideal is virgin before marriage, at the same time we know full well it doesn't always happen that way. You will have people determined to do this correctly after failing to in the past who will have more specific answers or understandings. Basically, the list is a good place to start. There are NEVER any guarantees, but having an honest conversation is a big help in cutting back incompatibility. Just the ability to have open, honest, and clear communication is a good sign. Communication is #1. If you can't do that there WILL be more problems in the future.
If the people are serious and want a real marriage not just the IDEA of it they will be honest. You lie here, you WILL have marital problems. Marriage is not a bit of fun, it is not easy, and it can be hard. The LAST thing you need is to shoot your future self by lying now. Lying then is for haram relationships, this is one you want to work because if it doesn't it can be living hell. This is not someone you are trying to trick into a one night stand, you will have to live with this person theoretically for the rest of your life. Lie now and both people will pay for it, that's bad enough but the hypothetical future children also get hit by lying before you even get to the wedding day if that lie makes you sound like someone you are not. If they chose to lie at this point, they will have bigger problems that s xual incompatibility.
@@jewelweed6880 usually when a girl asks such bold questions about sex from a guy, he makes bad judgments about her character. Most Muslim men don’t like bold girls who have experience, encounters with other men or ask such questions. Also bigger problem nowadays is finding if the guy is even sexually capable. Too many men have sexual medical issues and they will never let you know about their shortcomings. Asking questions is one thing and getting a truthful reply is another. Girl who musters up courage to ask such questions would only get rejected. The reason won’t be anything about the guy’ issue, it will be some made up flaw in the girl.
My take on this matter: 1- If you are both virgins, asking about sex is ridiculous, haya’less and can be a setback. You already don’t know about your own-self to question your partner. 2- Even if one partner is not a virgin, still he can’t assume or impose anything on the virgin one. 3- The drive is not predictable or steady in life. It can go up and down due to various reasons. Pressures, hormones, pregnancy, etc.. 4- so the main rule is, if you accept marriage, you have to help your spouse satisfy his/her needs as much as you can. And be patient with each other. 5- sex compatibility was never a reason to choose or marry someone in Islam or in any other religion!!
you said this from a woman’s perspective, now hear this from a man’s perspective it’s in a man’s nature to want sex and multiple women. sexual compatibility is important. if there is a man like myself, who trains 5-6 days a week, has a decent diet, lives a healthy life and is strong as an ox, he’s going to have a high sex drive due to his high testosterone. it’s very wrong of you to just dismiss that also, it’s not haya’less to ask questions about sex. sex is a form of worship, so how can it be haya’less to ask about? this is stupid ukhti. even if both of you are virgins both people obviously still have a sex drive and their own preferences. your first point assumes that if you are a virgin you don’t have any sex drive or any preferences which is a ridiculous notion since pr0nography and zina are major issues in the muslim ummah right now. asalamualykum
Your fourth submission is contradictory to Islamic view on msex and marriage, sex is at the centre of the Marriage, do you know that anyone of the spouse can actually initiate divorce base on lack of sex inadequate of it while saying that this Islam have always preaches moderation and modesty in everything we are not talking about addiction to it but the bearest minimum
@@ibrahim_-_-_she did not dismiss your needs. She made the point that two inexperienced people talking about matters they have no experience in is ridiculous. Telling a woman that you’re a high sex drive male already makes her uncomfortable because she doesn’t even know what you mean. All she knows it’s implying you are entitled to sex and she has to be on all the time you need it, you are already turning her off. Generally any healthy male is ready to go at any time with another healthy woman. This "sex talk" before marriage sounds like it framed from a non Muslim perspective who fornicate and develop standards from that fornication. It’s reasonable for divorcees to have. How you gonna ask a question to a woman who doesn’t know what she’s even into, or if she has high or low drive. A woman’s sexuality is mostly psychological. I doubt it’s hard for you to find studies showing what women say vs what they are feeling are not in sync. There is great emphasis on a women’s pleasure more than a male because she requires more. To think she will have any understanding of sex before marriage is like asking a someone who never swam about what kind of water they like and their techniques. She will default to mainstream opinion of what she heard. From a married man
Confidentiality also should be included in Islamic values. Spouses tell tales on eachother to relatives , friends, neighbours to vent their frustrations
May Allah reward you Sister. This is a very important topic for us looking to get married soon inshallah, and as a man this is food for thought to take into consideration for our future spouse. We appreciate your efforts.
half of these questions two virgins wouldn't know unless they actually experienced it. like how would we know what types of sex would we like, don't like, what our drive is, etc.
your comment deserves to be at the top. Islam asks us to be chaste and protect ourselves from illegal sexual acts, unless it's from their wife (or husband) Seriously though, how can one know, what they desire and like to be treated unless they've gone through it earlier?
@@syahiraamran2800Well why does it matter? You can rephrase that question by asking if you want kids... Sex doesn't need to be mentioned and is very weird to be talking about.
Very much appreciate someone taking initiative on this. Funny thing is sex was never taboo in Islam. It was such a taboo and pushed to the extreme in Christianity that it influenced how sex not just as a concept, just as a word is even spoken. Think about it, it was such a general topic that people didn’t shy away from asking intimate details to the prophet’s wives so they could create rulings out of it. Great job putting this together!
As a much older woman I would have appreciated this video when I was much younger. Many of the subjects mentioned are suitable for all people. Well done!
God has shown my wife and me how to be intimately compatible. Marriage for us was not to have sex but to secure our life together because God has given us so great a love. In a few years penetration was set aside except for conceiving children and our intimacy grew instead in ways far more satisfying, compassionate, selfless and revelatory of the essential unity which God creates in man as male and female. I have found your videos interesting and valuable and supportive of going beyond the narrow bounds of routine intercourse.
I thoroughly appreciate this video as my concerns were how can you know you’re sexually compatible with someone without discussing it and i find that during the chaperoned meetings it would be awkward and difficult to bring up because it would be considered shameful to discuss this matter at hand especially if you’re a woman. But watching this video gives me hope that InshaAllah I bring this conversation to the table when the time is right. JazakAllah for this video.
tell your chaperone to stay in the room but far away so they can't hear. If your walee won't then tell the potential husband the two of you are going on a walk outside alone
I came across this video while in search of topic related to this. Guess how I found your channel? Absolutely educating, I get to saved close to a dozen videos in my to-watch-later album. Kudos, sister. Sending my love from Nigeria.
Masha Allah, great job, daughter Amirah. I have encountered many young people who suffer in silence yet would not talk about what there is to talk about. Our societies and ignorance did that to them. Educated and enlightened people like you are Insha Allah saving them from becoming couples increasingly alienated as they got older. This is true of many faith-centered societies, but it's not the fault of faith: it's ours. I really admire the respectful, professional and educational tone you have taken in your talk.
I don't think that I'll ever be able to ask such questions to my potential wife but seeing a lot of positive comments makes me feel if it is above my sensibility, though i feel i am much more sensible than many other around me.
Very informative MA SHA ALLAH! But I would like to share my opinion about these questions or sex education is that it shouldn't be mutual sharing before marriage rather they should get sex education individually, I think only a few percent open minded people will follow this. First thing for your potential spouse is mental compatibility, then such a sensitive & important topic can be discuss. Thank you 💖
I think it is better that once each and every thing is finalize in that case only potentials should talk to each other and in a single meeting about this topic.
You will expect a rivet or divorced wife to ask this questions but for a traditional first time Muslim wife, my advice is do not ask any of these questions until you experience having sex with your partner and see what works for you, and what doesn't? Asking these questions will automatically make the man feel like you have a lot of experience about sex and he will doubt that you are even a virgin.
so, are you afraid of being asked because you might have experience? HAHAHA. THESE GIRLS are weird. why wouldn't you talk about it with your spouse before getting married? why should sex be stigmatized to dismiss? as long as it is DONE in beneficial and healthy ways. I know so many men who are not sexually quenched due to the negligence attitude of their wives. it could the reason of work, babysitting and so on but there need to be a deeper communication about SEX
Terrible advice. If someone is making judgemental assumptions about you because you've done research and are asking questions, that person is not someone I would recommend choosing as a spouse. Advice like this is harmful because it promotes ignorance and causes people to fear asking legitimate questions. If you are reading, please do not listen to this person's advice. Too many women are taught to be naive about sex only to learn things too late. Remain chaste but find information from people on their Deen like sister Amirah. May Allah guide us 🤲🏿
I’m not a prude or anything, but don’t you think it would be ridiculous and immodest to talk about sex when both parties are virgins? I do think it’s important for them to get sex education before marriage…but not to discuss sex with each other, I mean, they haven’t even experienced it yet! So how on earth would they know what they like? What would they even talk about? Please tell me what 2 sexually inexperienced individuals would be discussing? Because they don’t even know what being ‘sexually compatible’ with another person entails lol. Two virgins are automatically going to be sexually compatible since they are both equally inexperienced, and they have the rest of their lives to learn about their bodies and how to please each other…after marriage (Islamic sex education should prepare them for that, and it should teach them the importance of open communication with each other in the bedroom to prevent disappointment or dissatisfaction). I say this as a virgin myself.
Lovely video Amirah. Please can you discuss contraception and also how to bring up the issue of contraception with a potential spouse. Jazak Allahu Khair
Thank you. There is a question in this video about contraception. I will be creating a video about contraception soon! inshaAllah. Let me know what you found helpful in this video... I'd love to know.
Hello, I’m also a first time viewer and honestly this is so informative. As a Muslim women living in a western society it’s been really difficult find a balance between the two worlds, I have an amazing job, I’m highly educated holding PhD in medicinal chemistry alhamdulillah, all praise is to Allah swt, but I really struggle finding a halal route to all this. I understand the idea behind your questions and they make sense, but one critique to your questions is they need to be more open ended and not leading. I guess it more useful to use as a guide to a conversation. Brilliant though! ❤
What a great introduction it really helps in correcting some misconceptions about ourselves if we talk these things out and in being confident. I loved your introduction. Thank you so much ❤
@AmirahZaky I wouldn't have ever thought to bring this topic up before marriage but you are so right! Sex and sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage so how can we have a successful marriage by neglecting this important topic? Thank you for these questions and for raising awareness On this. Your are changing the toxic beliefs and stigma that we have been conditioned with and we hope we can educate our children in a better way inshaAllah.
Ihr Ansatz ist gut. Aber wie soll jemand Fragen zur Sexuellen komplimentät stellen, wenn in der Regel erwartet wird, dass man vor der Ehe keinen Sex hatte. Da fehlt doch die Erfahrung.
No one is asking these questions to that extent. Our ancestors and parents never needed to ask this and nor do we. A few simple questions is good but the in depth way u go into it is over the top.
But where does the sister get that it's "ok" to ask such questions especially the very personal ones .. from who ? Which scholar..? We need to stick to the Islamic way.. we need to be careful who we take information from especially if they are not learned in the Islam religion. I have never come across anyone, any daa'ee, any scholar saying it's OK to ask such questions May Allah set guide us all ameen
@@lky4414I understand what you say my dear.. If you to listen to her carefully, she said ONLY asking the questions if you are going to marry the man: No scholars are talking about this because, I honestly do not know, it's an Elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about it, .. While the fact that there are married men who astray from his wife because of the sex life in marriage is non existence. I am the witness of family members with cheating husbands because of lack of intimacy. In this lecture, there is one of questions that I find it a must ask to your potential husband or wife that is; Are you willing to go to counseling/educating ourselves ( if we are struggling with intimacy,) and if you will be supporting each other in this matter and compromise ..? That is wonderful questions.. Nothing of it are vulgar.. It's a Yes and No answer .. Of course we are all seeking for Allah blessings and guidance, and I pray for every sisters to find that man who is not only A God fearing but has a maturity, kindness and compassion in handling situation and fair with us sisters. Aamiin🤲🤲
Hi Amirah salam! I’m here after joining your introductory master class yesterday. I love what you do. You speak with clarity and conviction. I found your class yesterday so beneficial, and all your content across your social medias is highly useful , including this video. I’m not married yet but I am looking forward to enter the next chapter in my life, that is to start a family. I believe this is one of the core teachings we need to instil within our families, that is a God-conscious, Islamically-aligned sex education. Particularly living in the internet age today where sex is so widely and readily available in all sorts of forms, in the simplest way to put it; be it halal or haram, I dream of nurturing a generation where respect, value, and safety is put back into the act and teachings of sex because it is undoubtedly a sacred act that God has gifted and granted upon us. We all need to learn how to navigate a positive way to do this, and I truly believe you are laying a massive foundational stone in that path. Keep doing what you do. May this be a lifelong and afterlife sadaqah jariyah for you and your team. Sending love and prayers all the way from Malaysia ❤️
Thank you! Your kind comment means so much to me! Thank you for attending the masterclass and thank you for coming to watch this video. Honestly I am so grateful for this comment - it made my day! May Allah bless you, I truly appreciate your kindness and support!
Thank you for this! I understand it's a bit taboo to talk about it in the Muslim community but I really feel it needs to be talk about more. As the fellow young people grow older have thoughts about marriage, dating..etc Sex does come into the equation especially after you get married or when you are in the process of getting married. Even as a Muslim teens, some have crushes and whatnot.
Thanks… reality is always different from theory. You accepted much more sex after marriage, have some fantasies, dreams.. but when time comes you will get surprised that sex is not a big deal in sustainable marriage. Sex is minor and important but you have to compromise. Women can’t have sex every day or every time. So you have to learn, forget, find other activities to keep yourself busy. You and potential spouse can discuss 100 times in the end you will have to compromise. Women and men are physically , emotionally, mentally different, different sex attitude…
Subhannalla really true!!I get married with out seeing this metter....and we end in divorce....was look that we can't find a way for both she was low in desire for how much I try ..
In the "East," this type of conversation could break an engagement! It has its wisdoms, however here I think for us here we must stick to "developing the right behaviours."🤷 This can be communicated and cultivated in marriage. We've got Allah to sort out for us ultimately.
How many people in Islam actually have discussions about sex when they're getting married? They are usually arranged marriages and even if you meet somebody organically nobody talks about sex it's considered disrespectful and completely uncoothe.
If a potential man ask me this questions before marriage,this is a red flag for me ! And if there is no marriage He knows this private part from me Never!!!!
Instead of "talking about sex before marriage" which is a bit out of the line in going to "break taboo" psychology, just teach them to be OPEN about it to each other AFTER marriage. That is the only thing needed to be done. Couple can learn very well about each other especially about sex if they just let themselves OPEN to each other AFTER marriage. No big deal. The problem is in the continuity of undesirable shyness even after the marriage. Give me one example from the Seerah and Sahaba's life when they talked about sex for 'compatibility' issues. Modesty (Haya) always brings Khyr, and being Shy about such topics with someone before actually marrying them comes under modesty.
Pre and post marriage mentality is very different. Partners will change and it will lead to conflict. Intimacy is not contained in a FAQ list to tick off.
Allahumma barik feek. I did not expect to questions to be so in depth. I’m used to muslims always being on the surface when it comes to this topic. I believe this would be such a big eye opener for men, since in most cultures it expected of the wives to be ‘clean, shaven, light skinned, skinny, submissive and low demanding’.
Bravo! Doing a great Job. Bold and Powerful video. You brought the most important topic most men fight shy of. That is one of many core topics to discuss before marriage.
These are very difficult questions to answer as a man…..because i will get very nervous answering these. I will get afraid that my spouse will judge me
Brother, If someone judges you for asking these questions, they are not the right one to marry. There is no reason to judge, as these are very good and important questions to ask a potential spouse. Also, it's ok and natural to get nervous since sex is a sensitive topic, but since it's needed to be discussed, just take your time in asking and answering. Best of luck to you, may Allah make it easier for you!
It needs so much courage to talk about these topics …i as a man feel nervous 😬..these things should be taught by parents at first place..but unfortunately they give you a shut up call…and we learn from bad sources…god bless everyone..
Sex education before marriage is important(there are books available to educate us) but asking these questions to potential spouse is not appropriate, kindly give reference to your claim that it permissible to ask these questions before marriage, many people will be misled by your video
You need to ask all this with your potential spouse!!!.. always!!...sex is a major thing in marriage, that's why you are getting married!, to have babies and grow your family according to Islam. So you need to know what you are getting yourself into. Especially for women because today the men are addicted to p*rn. So they want all the unnatural things. And a dignified muslim women will mostly don't want to give all that.
It is important to recognize that in the Muslim community, marriage is viewed as a sacred bond that goes far beyond physical intimacy. While it is acknowledged as a significant aspect of a marriage, it is not the sole reason for entering into this union. The beauty of this relationship, bestowed upon us by Allah, is deep and multifaceted. It is about finding a partner with whom we connect on a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level. Character holds paramount importance in this decision-making process, as guided by the teachings of Allah and our Prophet. This commitment is not merely a contract but a journey of growth, support, and love. Your lecture makes it sound like some business contract.When approached with prudence and faith, everything falls into place harmoniously. Trust me people..choose your partner wisely as defined by Allah and his prophet ,we have a very well defined guideline, and the rest will fall in place inshallah
Asalamualikum, i trust this message finds you well. JazakaAllah khair for all the work you do. I wanted to ask how do single abstinent muslims determine the frequency of sex in marriage? If they're practicing abstinence how will we know how much sex is fulfilling? as practicing abstinence prior to marriage we are not allowed to explore ourselves sexually. Please can you give some hints, tips and advice on this. JazakaAllah khair
Wa alaykum salam Rizwana. Thank you for your comment and apologies for our belated response. I have added this as a suggestion for Amirah's upcoming videos. Be sure to follow Amirah on IG instagram.com/amirahzaky/ where she interacts with her followers for Q&As. - Noor, Team Amirah Zaky
This is so important to talk about BEFORE marrying someone, knowing how many marriages end because of sexual incompatibility between spouses. I'm glad someone is talking about this, jazaki Allah khair sis. It's my first time finding ur videos and I'm subscribimg right away.
This is aburd and bizzare topic to have conversation about. The idea is to create a family and not a pleasure party. A composed character does have taken care of all the things required.
2 virgins asking how many times a week they would desire sex? Thats like saying how many donuts shall we eat a week when you’ve never had any, maybe the question about porn addiction is relevant come to think of it 🤔
Assalamu Alaikum i found your viedo full of dignity and an open mind Attitüde towards a Subject which is Allah's blessing but not always looked upon it in a relaxed manner without any complexes, some how associated with unnecessary stress, jazakallah khairan keep the good work going i pray to Allah subhanatala that all men and women benefit from this education and keep ourselves in the boundaries of halal joyful state of mind and body. Jazakallah khairan
Great video. Could you also make a video on how the heck are you supposed to be intimate with your spouse if you live with your parents/in laws? Especially if it's a small house you all live within.
Leaned about the vast scope of questions there are regarding this topic and how important it is to ask these questions before marriage. Unfortunately, these topics are not discussed within the Muslim community.
@@jbeg97 this is one of the very first things we ask thou the house, job, and education .. these are literally top 3 in this order then we ask about family and religion at least in every single arab country i visited/know of ... not sure how it goes in none arab Muslims country
in the fiqh and explanation of islamic marriage and conditions was clearly defined and set out by Allah and His messenger prophet Muhammad peace and blessings from Allah be with Him
@@amirahzaky i realized that since im basically getting married to have sex, i need to bring it up and talk about it beforehand. i especially found 2 questions very helpful. the one about rasing a sex positive family and the one about accepting the female body with all its imperfections. jazakallah khair amirah
I'm pausing. Sister, this is what is needed. A Matter of fact approach. And admissions that Muslims marry for sex. To protect us from Zinna, an expression of love, and it's ibadah and it's sadaqah - the more you do the greater the reward. After that, to have children, inshaa Allah. As you point out, it is primarily about character and communication.
Hello. I'd found the questions helpful and I do think this topic requires plenty of elucidation--especially from the feminine side--and I also firmly believe sex-related questions should be posed to a potential spouse prior to marriage. I disagree with the suggestion of waiting that long to ask the questions, however. Imagine waiting that long to get comfortable, deciding you want to spend the rest of your time together, set a date, only to then realize, "Whoops, we're not actually compatible sexually so guess it might not work out after all." That seed of doubt that plague a mind quite a bit already, and the devil will absolutely take advantage of it. Close the gaps of doubt early without seeming too impatient; I'd say it's best to get it out of the way at least *before* setting a marriage date. Once the date is set, expectations will be there and backing out can cause people who're invested in the union trouble by that point.
@@Kleptomaniac66 yh but that's kinda hard in the halal way, unless she asks her father Infront of him if they can have some space so she can ask some personal questions
During the marital meeting, the wali must be present, however that doesn’t mean he listens in to your conversation. He is there to maintain Islamic guidelines, he may sit a bit further away where he can see you both and make sure nothing haram is happening
This is nonsense, these questions can be asked after marriage, the prophet(ص)and his companions didn't ask these questions to my knowledge But i think that if the couple just have general knowledge in medicine and sunnah it should be suficient
@@marytheraspberry3145 yes you are right and more over i haven't heard that the prophet(ص)and his companions did such thing, for me i wouldn't do it, i would just check if she's truly muslim
Thank you very much for talking about such critical topic, however, the approach you have introduced is not accepted in islamic sunny instructions. I agree with you that a lot of divorce and marital problems, are due to not discussing this topic before marriage, and the way to solve this is actually very simple, that is to discuss it after marriage or after the QARAN contract, and it can be even before the wedding night, but after QARAN contract, not before QARAN, and not during the engagement period.
engagement = marriage because there is a contract (Quran) so they have the freedom to discuss in this period however they want unless they are always followed by the parents everywhere because they too cautious or scared of something bad happening then the couple need to discuss it after marriage but then it would be too late because the conflicts will occur and it may lead to divorce
One of the most questions that should be asked is this: 1- Do you believe that sex is a right for the man on his wife, so wife should give him his right ?. Or it's a shared pleasure that both sides need and seek and share ?.
very important will show you who's a feminist or not , who follows the religion teachings or not, who's a mysogonist or not ... it might sound like it's A or B answer but it's something in-between
I agree with some of the respondents, inexperienced non-sexually active people wouldn't be able to understand some of the questions/answers. Virgins who don't sleep around or have a high sex drive, simply can't come up with these type of questions. Even if they manage to get a reply out they won't really fully understand the answers!
Very hard to watch this video because these are very real topics that I don’t want to confront. Well done. However of course ensure that your sheikh or spiritual leader approves of what you are teaching.
You´re right. Had she asked a scholar it would have been obvious to her that this is unacceptable. In islam, you are not considered married until you´re actually married. Hence, topics that are explicit are forbidden before marriage as you are still not related in any way.
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Thanks for watching! Did you find this video helpful? What questions do you have? Leave a comment below!
@b777 christain apologetics In what way is this rough on Muslims? I'd love to know :)
Can you explain what spontaneous and responsive desire are? They were mentioned while you went over the questions. JAK for a great video!
@@deedeee6271 This is explained in Emily Nagoski's book Come as you are (which I reference at the end of the video). You can read a summary of the differences in this article here: lifehacker.com/the-difference-between-spontaneous-and-responsive-desir-1828754371
I forgot to ask, there is the whole issue about not refusing sex when the husband asks for it. Is that something that needs to be added to the list I suppose from the man's side, or at least to be discussed?
@@deedeee6271 I did touch on this through 2 questions: the question about consent and the question that says: "what will our approach be if one spouse desires sex but the other doesn't". Also, there are several legitimate reasons islamically when a wife can refuse sex to her husband as long as this is not done maliciously and not done to oppress her husband.
the real video starts at 12:26, you are welcome.
God bless since have no time for senseless talk ❤
This was very beneficial. Being a revert I’ve always had shyness on how to speak about this with a Muslim woman, but this was very good for me
Welcome to the family,Bro.May Allah keep you firm on the deen.
First go to the mosque and make friends with some brothers.They can set you up with someone. As a revert you will have a hard time finding random women willing to talk to you. Jazakallah.
I appreciate you..
@@curiouscat52293:55 3:55
@@curiouscat5229that’s not true “as a revert you’ll find it hard to find random woman to talk to you” well no one wants a random woman to begin with a Muslim man would want a Muslim woman who’s righteous and pious etc, and as a Muslim female I don’t mind reverts and often times I find the reverts more passionate and invested in the deen the Muslim born ones
But as you said he should go to the masjid or have Muslim brothers in his community set him up with a meeting for a potential wife etc
not allowed to talk about sex before marriage .
What I really like about this video is how Amirah acknowledges that sex is a big part of marriage, and that if you're at the stage where you trust each other and want to progress on to engagement/marriage, then it's OK to talk about it! I downloaded the list of questions - they are a good way of gauging the other person's values and boundaries, and expressing your own.
Attraction is one thing, compatibility quite another. Best to find out before rather than after getting married.
Thank you ❤
Wondering how one would know about it when they never experienced it before marriage
. Some folk's are divorced, some may be reverts who had prior relations etc..
And you think divorced or reverts would ask questions and assume that the other person is going to be extremely honest and tell you what you don’t want to hear? Which world are you living in? This doesn’t happen in real life. People lie! They tell you what you want to hear, in most cases.
@@PeaPod-11.11 As you said...most cases not all. I've been around more than 5 decades, I've heard almost everything under the sun. Your statement is not absolute, and at the end of the day Allah knows best in all affairs.
Huge props for breaking this taboo and educating the ummah! May you be preserved and may our ummah overcome this issue آمين !!
No
@@Shinobu2506. would you please explain what do you mean by "no"?
Ameen, thank you ❤
To elaborate on his behalf all this is unnecessary as it's littraly all answerd by islam you are not looking for a sex compatible partner as such thing doesn't exist in islam but rather a Muslim guy that knows his religion and is practising it. @@usaidsyeed2743
The fact u mustered the courage to talk about it. Mashallah allah.
Allah not small letter
if they are virgins or inexperienced individuals then in this case they won't be able to answer those question cuz they simply don't know the answers to them. Therefore, I think this conversation should be done right after they get married. Before they have intimacy. And I am sure if they let each other know about their expectations from each other then they won't have all those problems you mention in this video going down the line.
Exactly👍🏼
Exactly 💯. I said something similar on my post. This is uncalled for.
The best of our Nation is the immediate nation during the life time of our Prophet Mohammed ( PBUH). Similarly, people embraced or reverted to Islam from all sorts of Nasty behaviours, practices and believes. But Islam did not recommend this kind of idea!
Most Muslimahs are not virgins at marriage nowadays
@@newperson9662 Don't say so. Even reverts are virgin if not all. It all depend on kind of life they live before. Even there are Muslims that are not , yet it doesn't worth it. In Arab world, it is taboo to find your spouse not virgin, you have the right to demand for return of expenses. Even in some places in Africa. Also in Africa some down to core christians are even virgin. Like wise some traditionalist. Also early marriage contribute both in Africa and Arab world. It is not everything that sound logical that maybe moral. These kind of discussion about sex before marriage have nothing Islamic to prove it. Until you able to bring evidence to support.
Mashallah, quite bold to do something like this. all your points are spot on regarding divorce and difficult topic. Many elder they will not talk about this critical topic. Your presentation was excellent, may Allah bless you and informative even to non-Muslims too!
I'm not getting married anytime soon but i loved the way u spoke about this topic through an islamic point of view
This is such an awkward topic for so many of us. So thank you for doing this vid !
Its awkward and thus to be made in private, not public. Islam does not promote ludeness.
@@asasjsajsare you live streaming the conversation? Many if not most marriages break exactly because of this issue, sexual compatibility. Having this conversation, albeit deep in (as she suggests after you are almost certain you will get engaged ISA), is very important, to know what to expect from each other.
@@asasjsajsyes this is a private topic but it’s also beneficial to learn about it
@@asasjsajsu should always seek knowledge in islam
@@asasjsajsthere is lack of knowledge about sex in ummah and its really causes divorces therefore it should discussed before going in a serious job like marriage
Thanks for this video. I'm a Christian, but I truly appreciate your input.
Thanks for the video. Most of the questions are experienced based. For people who are virgins - Men & Women, it will be news to them about all these experience based questions. Just my observation
Eech membur to thuنکاح merij رجال و »
‹نساااآءwàaaaaaaaa"و fil-erebiyyuh
mey liykly hav haD leeeeeGıl indoRsd kanchrakchooowil/temPrerY merij-beysd exbeeeeryinsiz to "jRaW an/uhpan' ; )
Came to Islam ❤
@@hasheralawi1977 no thanks
Sister please also study and read Quran Really you will enjoy and come to know about the true way of life
Thank you so much for making this video! As someone searching for a spouse, I always wondered how we can assess sexual compatibility with a potential partner in a respectful manner keeping within the guidelines of Islam. These questions are a gold mine! Sex will always be an awkward topic to discuss but the wording of these questions makes it much less awkward (at least for me). Thank you!
Alhamdulillah! Thank you!
Most people who are trying to know each other for the purpose of getting married, are not showing their true self to the other. They are trying to show the best what the other person wants to see or hear. It is not possible to know the truth of the other person just by asking him/her. We are just making an extreme assumption that the other person is extremely honest. Also, a virgin person doesn’t even know what they want and what their needs are. It is not possible to determine sexual compatibility just by talking. How would a virgin girl, who never had any kind of sexual experience, even know what she likes and doesn’t like? Every person is different, what one person likes or needs is not the same what another person likes or needs. This is just not possible without experiencing it!
You're absolutely right! Essentially, sexual compatibility is just a gamble, in my opinion
100% right. How would you know if you are a virgin? It's more like practice, patience, and respect from both sides. It took 4 days for me to understand where to start after getting married and months to understand how to control my mind. So you are saying if a man accidentally loses his sexual capability it will make his wife unhappy and lead to divorce!!!! Is this that easy?
The questions weren't about specific positions and kinks and such. You absolutely can know about the questions in the list or have opinions and feelings without having experience. Every question in the list has also been addressed in lectures that you can find on YT. There was a question including how do you feel about using different positions and you can have a feeling without experience. As in, "I feel shy about the idea," "I feel curious," or maybe, "I am curious and look forward to learning." All possible without experience, and useful information. Man gets an idea how shy she is, how much support she might need. Some men with experience would know ahead of time how they feel about nursing along someone fearful and not bold, and see compatibility or that they aren't compatible. The ideal is virgin before marriage, at the same time we know full well it doesn't always happen that way. You will have people determined to do this correctly after failing to in the past who will have more specific answers or understandings.
Basically, the list is a good place to start. There are NEVER any guarantees, but having an honest conversation is a big help in cutting back incompatibility. Just the ability to have open, honest, and clear communication is a good sign. Communication is #1. If you can't do that there WILL be more problems in the future.
If the people are serious and want a real marriage not just the IDEA of it they will be honest. You lie here, you WILL have marital problems. Marriage is not a bit of fun, it is not easy, and it can be hard. The LAST thing you need is to shoot your future self by lying now. Lying then is for haram relationships, this is one you want to work because if it doesn't it can be living hell. This is not someone you are trying to trick into a one night stand, you will have to live with this person theoretically for the rest of your life. Lie now and both people will pay for it, that's bad enough but the hypothetical future children also get hit by lying before you even get to the wedding day if that lie makes you sound like someone you are not. If they chose to lie at this point, they will have bigger problems that s xual incompatibility.
@@jewelweed6880 usually when a girl asks such bold questions about sex from a guy, he makes bad judgments about her character. Most Muslim men don’t like bold girls who have experience, encounters with other men or ask such questions. Also bigger problem nowadays is finding if the guy is even sexually capable. Too many men have sexual medical issues and they will never let you know about their shortcomings. Asking questions is one thing and getting a truthful reply is another. Girl who musters up courage to ask such questions would only get rejected. The reason won’t be anything about the guy’ issue, it will be some made up flaw in the girl.
My take on this matter:
1- If you are both virgins, asking about sex is ridiculous, haya’less and can be a setback. You already don’t know about your own-self to question your partner.
2- Even if one partner is not a virgin, still he can’t assume or impose anything on the virgin one.
3- The drive is not predictable or steady in life. It can go up and down due to various reasons. Pressures, hormones, pregnancy, etc..
4- so the main rule is, if you accept marriage, you have to help your spouse satisfy his/her needs as much as you can. And be patient with each other.
5- sex compatibility was never a reason to choose or marry someone in Islam or in any other religion!!
Word 💯
Agreed🎉❤
you said this from a woman’s perspective, now hear this from a man’s perspective
it’s in a man’s nature to want sex and multiple women. sexual compatibility is important. if there is a man like myself, who trains 5-6 days a week, has a decent diet, lives a healthy life and is strong as an ox, he’s going to have a high sex drive due to his high testosterone. it’s very wrong of you to just dismiss that
also, it’s not haya’less to ask questions about sex. sex is a form of worship, so how can it be haya’less to ask about? this is stupid ukhti. even if both of you are virgins both people obviously still have a sex drive and their own preferences. your first point assumes that if you are a virgin you don’t have any sex drive or any preferences which is a ridiculous notion since pr0nography and zina are major issues in the muslim ummah right now.
asalamualykum
Your fourth submission is contradictory to Islamic view on msex and marriage, sex is at the centre of the Marriage, do you know that anyone of the spouse can actually initiate divorce base on lack of sex inadequate of it while saying that this Islam have always preaches moderation and modesty in everything we are not talking about addiction to it but the bearest minimum
@@ibrahim_-_-_she did not dismiss your needs. She made the point that two inexperienced people talking about matters they have no experience in is ridiculous. Telling a woman that you’re a high sex drive male already makes her uncomfortable because she doesn’t even know what you mean. All she knows it’s implying you are entitled to sex and she has to be on all the time you need it, you are already turning her off. Generally any healthy male is ready to go at any time with another healthy woman.
This "sex talk" before marriage sounds like it framed from a non Muslim perspective who fornicate and develop standards from that fornication. It’s reasonable for divorcees to have. How you gonna ask a question to a woman who doesn’t know what she’s even into, or if she has high or low drive. A woman’s sexuality is mostly psychological. I doubt it’s hard for you to find studies showing what women say vs what they are feeling are not in sync. There is great emphasis on a women’s pleasure more than a male because she requires more. To think she will have any understanding of sex before marriage is like asking a someone who never swam about what kind of water they like and their techniques.
She will default to mainstream opinion of what she heard.
From a married man
Confidentiality also should be included in Islamic values.
Spouses tell tales on eachother to relatives , friends, neighbours to vent their frustrations
May Allah reward you Sister. This is a very important topic for us looking to get married soon inshallah, and as a man this is food for thought to take into consideration for our future spouse. We appreciate your efforts.
half of these questions two virgins wouldn't know unless they actually experienced it. like how would we know what types of sex would we like, don't like, what our drive is, etc.
She is crazy right 😂
People have been too exposed to everthing. So, they have an idea or atleast it will tell the other spouse of their expectations.
I think some of the question are legit.. for example “do you think sex is for pleasure of procreation?”
your comment deserves to be at the top. Islam asks us to be chaste and protect ourselves from illegal sexual acts, unless it's from their wife (or husband)
Seriously though, how can one know, what they desire and like to be treated unless they've gone through it earlier?
@@syahiraamran2800Well why does it matter? You can rephrase that question by asking if you want kids... Sex doesn't need to be mentioned and is very weird to be talking about.
If the finances are good, there is less pressure in the marriage and you can enjoy yourself better with your wife and family.
Not true
@@afarouk3712 Well are you going to let as wait forever in this amazing cliffhanger or just tell us why its not true?
@@affiniteit7537😂😂
Minu Note wekha mera mood bnay.
Very much appreciate someone taking initiative on this. Funny thing is sex was never taboo in Islam. It was such a taboo and pushed to the extreme in Christianity that it influenced how sex not just as a concept, just as a word is even spoken. Think about it, it was such a general topic that people didn’t shy away from asking intimate details to the prophet’s wives so they could create rulings out of it. Great job putting this together!
As a much older woman I would have appreciated this video when I was much younger. Many of the subjects mentioned are suitable for all people. Well done!
God has shown my wife and me how to be intimately compatible. Marriage for us was not to have sex but to secure our life together because God has given us so great a love. In a few years penetration was set aside except for conceiving children and our intimacy grew instead in ways far more satisfying, compassionate, selfless and revelatory of the essential unity which God creates in man as male and female. I have found your videos interesting and valuable and supportive of going beyond the narrow bounds of routine intercourse.
6:18 - skipping the long introduction, goes to questions / advice
That's the quality I look for but hard to find every male mind think of is sex.
I thoroughly appreciate this video as my concerns were how can you know you’re sexually compatible with someone without discussing it and i find that during the chaperoned meetings it would be awkward and difficult to bring up because it would be considered shameful to discuss this matter at hand especially if you’re a woman. But watching this video gives me hope that InshaAllah I bring this conversation to the table when the time is right. JazakAllah for this video.
tell your chaperone to stay in the room but far away so they can't hear. If your walee won't then tell the potential husband the two of you are going on a walk outside alone
The whole point of having a chaperone is so they can hear and see you, to make sure there is no fitnah @@KS-cl8br
you won'y bring it in the fiest time you meet that's awkward regardless
you will in upcoming meetings
there're other stuff to ask first
Some of the questions are even haram to talk about before marriage. Like you´re still not married.
I came across this video while in search of topic related to this.
Guess how I found your channel?
Absolutely educating, I get to saved close to a dozen videos in my to-watch-later album.
Kudos, sister. Sending my love from Nigeria.
Thank you ❤
Masha Allah, great job, daughter Amirah. I have encountered many young people who suffer in silence yet would not talk about what there is to talk about. Our societies and ignorance did that to them. Educated and enlightened people like you are Insha Allah saving them from becoming couples increasingly alienated as they got older. This is true of many faith-centered societies, but it's not the fault of faith: it's ours. I really admire the respectful, professional and educational tone you have taken in your talk.
As for as I know it’s not permissible to talk about these things with a stranger! I mean before Nikah. And there are so many reasons for divorce
Exactly. Imagine sitting in front of a person you’re not married to and discussing sex with them. That shouldn’t be permissible in Islam.
I don't think that I'll ever be able to ask such questions to my potential wife but seeing a lot of positive comments makes me feel if it is above my sensibility, though i feel i am much more sensible than many other around me.
Very informative MA SHA ALLAH!
But I would like to share my opinion about these questions or sex education is that it shouldn't be mutual sharing before marriage rather they should get sex education individually, I think only a few percent open minded people will follow this.
First thing for your potential spouse is mental compatibility, then such a sensitive & important topic can be discuss.
Thank you 💖
Questions start at 12:25, though I recommend watching before that as she has some valuable info on broaching the conversation.
Yes I’m currently in the process Alhamdulillah. Thank you always for sharing your gems with us. JazakAllah khairan.
Wa iyaki! May Allah make this process easy for you! What did you learn from the video?
I can't believe I came across your name mayamoi, because my name is meryem sharif
@@amirahzakyyou married sister
I think it is better that once each and every thing is finalize in that case only potentials should talk to each other and in a single meeting about this topic.
You will expect a rivet or divorced wife to ask this questions but for a traditional first time Muslim wife, my advice is do not ask any of these questions until you experience having sex with your partner and see what works for you, and what doesn't?
Asking these questions will automatically make the man feel like you have a lot of experience about sex and he will doubt that you are even a virgin.
only if you are living in third word country like pakistan or india
💯
so, are you afraid of being asked because you might have experience? HAHAHA. THESE GIRLS are weird. why wouldn't you talk about it with your spouse before getting married? why should sex be stigmatized to dismiss? as long as it is DONE in beneficial and healthy ways. I know so many men who are not sexually quenched due to the negligence attitude of their wives. it could the reason of work, babysitting and so on but there need to be a deeper communication about SEX
Terrible advice. If someone is making judgemental assumptions about you because you've done research and are asking questions, that person is not someone I would recommend choosing as a spouse.
Advice like this is harmful because it promotes ignorance and causes people to fear asking legitimate questions. If you are reading, please do not listen to this person's advice.
Too many women are taught to be naive about sex only to learn things too late. Remain chaste but find information from people on their Deen like sister Amirah. May Allah guide us 🤲🏿
Wrong, they can all these questions and still be vargin. Stop these insecurities
12 minutes before the actual title of the video is addressed is crazy
😂😂😂
Thanks man
😂😂😂
Wholeee lotta yap
If you don't like how much I talk, you don't have to watch it.
It's very helpful. thank you so much Amirah, I am so grateful I find you here.
Hi
I would definitely bring it up since the girl I'm marrying will obviously be comfortable with having me around
I’m not a prude or anything, but don’t you think it would be ridiculous and immodest to talk about sex when both parties are virgins? I do think it’s important for them to get sex education before marriage…but not to discuss sex with each other, I mean, they haven’t even experienced it yet! So how on earth would they know what they like? What would they even talk about? Please tell me what 2 sexually inexperienced individuals would be discussing? Because they don’t even know what being ‘sexually compatible’ with another person entails lol. Two virgins are automatically going to be sexually compatible since they are both equally inexperienced, and they have the rest of their lives to learn about their bodies and how to please each other…after marriage (Islamic sex education should prepare them for that, and it should teach them the importance of open communication with each other in the bedroom to prevent disappointment or dissatisfaction). I say this as a virgin myself.
Exactly
Agree
Lovely video Amirah. Please can you discuss contraception and also how to bring up the issue of contraception with a potential spouse. Jazak Allahu Khair
Thank you. There is a question in this video about contraception. I will be creating a video about contraception soon! inshaAllah. Let me know what you found helpful in this video... I'd love to know.
This is gold, it's very valuable & important topic for Muslims بارك الله بيچ 🙏
Thank you
بيچ؟؟
First time listener. Excellent, excellent video. Video. By a very knowledgeable and from the heart instructor. Thank you?
Hello, I’m also a first time viewer and honestly this is so informative. As a Muslim women living in a western society it’s been really difficult find a balance between the two worlds, I have an amazing job, I’m highly educated holding PhD in medicinal chemistry alhamdulillah, all praise is to Allah swt, but I really struggle finding a halal route to all this. I understand the idea behind your questions and they make sense, but one critique to your questions is they need to be more open ended and not leading. I guess it more useful to use as a guide to a conversation.
Brilliant though! ❤
Hello can i have a minute of your time?
@@marfa4841 of course…
@@marfa4841 of course :)
What a great introduction it really helps in correcting some misconceptions about ourselves if we talk these things out and in being confident. I loved your introduction. Thank you so much ❤
@AmirahZaky I wouldn't have ever thought to bring this topic up before marriage but you are so right! Sex and sexual compatibility is very important in a marriage so how can we have a successful marriage by neglecting this important topic? Thank you for these questions and for raising awareness On this. Your are changing the toxic beliefs and stigma that we have been conditioned with and we hope we can educate our children in a better way inshaAllah.
Thank you!
Ihr Ansatz ist gut. Aber wie soll jemand Fragen zur Sexuellen komplimentät stellen, wenn in der Regel erwartet wird, dass man vor der Ehe keinen Sex hatte. Da fehlt doch die Erfahrung.
No one is asking these questions to that extent. Our ancestors and parents never needed to ask this and nor do we. A few simple questions is good but the in depth way u go into it is over the top.
Definitely agree ! we must also adhere the shareeah and Islamic manner with regards to asking a potential marriage questions
Also there needs to be a level of hazard modesty. Some of these questions do not show this
7:40 she said you dont have to ask all of the questions
You can pick from the list which one's you feel comfortable of asking.
But where does the sister get that it's "ok" to ask such questions especially the very personal ones .. from who ? Which scholar..?
We need to stick to the Islamic way.. we need to be careful who we take information from especially if they are not learned in the Islam religion.
I have never come across anyone, any daa'ee, any scholar saying it's OK to ask such questions
May Allah set guide us all ameen
@@lky4414I understand what you say my dear.. If you to listen to her carefully, she said ONLY asking the questions if you are going to marry the man:
No scholars are talking about this because, I honestly do not know, it's an Elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about it, .. While the fact that there are married men who astray from his wife because of the sex life in marriage is non existence.
I am the witness of family members with cheating husbands because of lack of intimacy.
In this lecture, there is one of questions that I find it a must ask to your potential husband or wife that is;
Are you willing to go to counseling/educating ourselves ( if we are struggling with intimacy,) and if you will be supporting each other in this matter and compromise ..?
That is wonderful questions.. Nothing of it are vulgar.. It's a Yes and No answer ..
Of course we are all seeking for Allah blessings and guidance, and I pray for every sisters to find that man who is not only A God fearing but has a maturity, kindness and compassion in handling situation and fair with us sisters.
Aamiin🤲🤲
Wow, you really explained everything in detail. And your questions are well written and almost covers all the important topic.
Hi Amirah salam! I’m here after joining your introductory master class yesterday. I love what you do. You speak with clarity and conviction. I found your class yesterday so beneficial, and all your content across your social medias is highly useful , including this video. I’m not married yet but I am looking forward to enter the next chapter in my life, that is to start a family. I believe this is one of the core teachings we need to instil within our families, that is a God-conscious, Islamically-aligned sex education. Particularly living in the internet age today where sex is so widely and readily available in all sorts of forms, in the simplest way to put it; be it halal or haram, I dream of nurturing a generation where respect, value, and safety is put back into the act and teachings of sex because it is undoubtedly a sacred act that God has gifted and granted upon us. We all need to learn how to navigate a positive way to do this, and I truly believe you are laying a massive foundational stone in that path. Keep doing what you do. May this be a lifelong and afterlife sadaqah jariyah for you and your team. Sending love and prayers all the way from Malaysia ❤️
Thank you! Your kind comment means so much to me! Thank you for attending the masterclass and thank you for coming to watch this video. Honestly I am so grateful for this comment - it made my day! May Allah bless you, I truly appreciate your kindness and support!
You’re just amazing my Muslim sister, the way you explained all my fears is just need of the time!
Everything you just shared makes a lot of sense Alhamdulillah may almighty keep you safe and take you from strength to strength Aameen
But if we're virgins, how are we supposed to know?
Very refreshing to see videos on real issues which may be taboos in many societies
Thank you for this! I understand it's a bit taboo to talk about it in the Muslim community but I really feel it needs to be talk about more. As the fellow young people grow older have thoughts about marriage, dating..etc Sex does come into the equation especially after you get married or when you are in the process of getting married. Even as a Muslim teens, some have crushes and whatnot.
Thanks… reality is always different from theory. You accepted much more sex after marriage, have some fantasies, dreams.. but when time comes you will get surprised that sex is not a big deal in sustainable marriage. Sex is minor and important but you have to compromise. Women can’t have sex every day or every time. So you have to learn, forget, find other activities to keep yourself busy. You and potential spouse can discuss 100 times in the end you will have to compromise. Women and men are physically , emotionally, mentally different, different sex attitude…
Okay so i paused the video in the middle and I'm so glad i came across your channel!
Thank you!
@@amirahzakyyou lecture is incredible. Instead say Jazakallahu khair sister ❤. Love you loads 😍
Video starts at 12:30
Subhannalla really true!!I get married with out seeing this metter....and we end in divorce....was look that we can't find a way for both she was low in desire for how much I try ..
In the "East," this type of conversation could break an engagement! It has its wisdoms, however here I think for us here we must stick to "developing the right behaviours."🤷 This can be communicated and cultivated in marriage. We've got Allah to sort out for us ultimately.
It's a worthwhile effort you have made. I believe I should forward your vid to my sons who's are of age for marriages soon, Inn Shaa Allah.
Jazak Allah Khayr (May Allah Reward You) for offering your time and much needed info that can be used to create healthy marriages.
Really
Alhamadulilah may he Allah continue to have mercy on you and your family for this sadaqa
How many people in Islam actually have discussions about sex when they're getting married? They are usually arranged marriages and even if you meet somebody organically nobody talks about sex it's considered disrespectful and completely uncoothe.
Thank you. I was curious about this topic and your video was educational. (Selam from Türkiye😊)
Love your list. Very necessary and will enrich any relationship
Hi can I help you 😮
She is correct. This topic has to be spoken before marriage
If a potential man ask me this questions before marriage,this is a red flag for me !
And if there is no marriage He knows this private part from me
Never!!!!
Yes,It's a matter of discussion in the light of Islam,But not from the source that we got on online.
Instead of "talking about sex before marriage" which is a bit out of the line in going to "break taboo" psychology, just teach them to be OPEN about it to each other AFTER marriage. That is the only thing needed to be done. Couple can learn very well about each other especially about sex if they just let themselves OPEN to each other AFTER marriage. No big deal. The problem is in the continuity of undesirable shyness even after the marriage. Give me one example from the Seerah and Sahaba's life when they talked about sex for 'compatibility' issues. Modesty (Haya) always brings Khyr, and being Shy about such topics with someone before actually marrying them comes under modesty.
Same girly same
These questions are waaaay way to detailed! Some general questions are fine but some are crazy to me!
Thank you so much sister, these are FANTASTIC questions!!
Hi
Pre and post marriage mentality is very different. Partners will change and it will lead to conflict. Intimacy is not contained in a FAQ list to tick off.
Allahumma barik feek. I did not expect to questions to be so in depth. I’m used to muslims always being on the surface when it comes to this topic.
I believe this would be such a big eye opener for men, since in most cultures it expected of the wives to be ‘clean, shaven, light skinned, skinny, submissive and low demanding’.
Bravo! Doing a great Job. Bold and Powerful video. You brought the most important topic most men fight shy of. That is one of many core topics to discuss before marriage.
Very useful video. Thanks for not shying away and keeping it god conscious.
لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا ٱللَّٰهُ مُحَمَّدٌ رَسُولُ ٱللَّٰهِ(ﷺ)💚
These are very difficult questions to answer as a man…..because i will get very nervous answering these. I will get afraid that my spouse will judge me
Possible individual therapy might be in order. And get to the root cause of your feelings, possible childhood attachment.
Brother, If someone judges you for asking these questions, they are not the right one to marry. There is no reason to judge, as these are very good and important questions to ask a potential spouse.
Also, it's ok and natural to get nervous since sex is a sensitive topic, but since it's needed to be discussed, just take your time in asking and answering.
Best of luck to you, may Allah make it easier for you!
It needs so much courage to talk about these topics …i as a man feel nervous 😬..these things should be taught by parents at first place..but unfortunately they give you a shut up call…and we learn from bad sources…god bless everyone..
As a woman I feel the same
@@BEGOOD20081 typical youtube psychologist right here
if anyone came to me with a list like this I'm running away
Yes. Your video is helpful and aa a Muslim ☪️ society. we need to have these conversations.
Sex education before marriage is important(there are books available to educate us) but asking these questions to potential spouse is not appropriate, kindly give reference to your claim that it permissible to ask these questions before marriage, many people will be misled by your video
Why not? Because what if u get married then later on u regret it
You need to ask all this with your potential spouse!!!.. always!!...sex is a major thing in marriage, that's why you are getting married!, to have babies and grow your family according to Islam. So you need to know what you are getting yourself into. Especially for women because today the men are addicted to p*rn. So they want all the unnatural things. And a dignified muslim women will mostly don't want to give all that.
@@greatdanish9417in that case you are allowed to divorce your spouse
5 mins into it still intro sister, way to rock the yt algo
It is important to recognize that in the Muslim community, marriage is viewed as a sacred bond that goes far beyond physical intimacy. While it is acknowledged as a significant aspect of a marriage, it is not the sole reason for entering into this union. The beauty of this relationship, bestowed upon us by Allah, is deep and multifaceted. It is about finding a partner with whom we connect on a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual level. Character holds paramount importance in this decision-making process, as guided by the teachings of Allah and our Prophet. This commitment is not merely a contract but a journey of growth, support, and love. Your lecture makes it sound like some business contract.When approached with prudence and faith, everything falls into place harmoniously.
Trust me people..choose your partner wisely as defined by Allah and his prophet ,we have a very well defined guideline, and the rest will fall in place inshallah
Is it allowed to get married and be physically intimate only once a month?
Asalamualikum, i trust this message finds you well. JazakaAllah khair for all the work you do. I wanted to ask how do single abstinent muslims determine the frequency of sex in marriage? If they're practicing abstinence how will we know how much sex is fulfilling? as practicing abstinence prior to marriage we are not allowed to explore ourselves sexually. Please can you give some hints, tips and advice on this. JazakaAllah khair
Wa alaykum salam Rizwana. Thank you for your comment and apologies for our belated response. I have added this as a suggestion for Amirah's upcoming videos. Be sure to follow Amirah on IG instagram.com/amirahzaky/ where she interacts with her followers for Q&As. - Noor, Team Amirah Zaky
This is so important to talk about BEFORE marrying someone, knowing how many marriages end because of sexual incompatibility between spouses. I'm glad someone is talking about this, jazaki Allah khair sis. It's my first time finding ur videos and I'm subscribimg right away.
بصراحة ، لهجتك الإنجليزية أفضل من لهجة ملكة بريطانيا ومن لهجة بوريس جونسون .!
كم أتمنى أن أمتلك مثل هذه اللهجة الفصيحة جدا .
This is aburd and bizzare topic to have conversation about. The idea is to create a family and not a pleasure party. A composed character does have taken care of all the things required.
Very good, obviously this relates wouldn’t apply to 2 virgins, but Yes- much respect for touching this topic, may you be rewarded for your efforts
Why wouldn't this apply to two virgins?
2 virgins asking how many times a week they would desire sex? Thats like saying how many donuts shall we eat a week when you’ve never had any, maybe the question about porn addiction is relevant come to think of it 🤔
@@hasanjamil3969it does apply to virgins too, OP doesn’t know what he’s talking about
Assalamu Alaikum i found your viedo full of dignity and an open mind Attitüde towards a Subject which is Allah's blessing but not always looked upon it in a relaxed manner without any complexes, some how associated with unnecessary stress, jazakallah khairan keep the good work going i pray to Allah subhanatala that all men and women benefit from this education and keep ourselves in the boundaries of halal joyful state of mind and body.
Jazakallah khairan
Great video.
Could you also make a video on how the heck are you supposed to be intimate with your spouse if you live with your parents/in laws? Especially if it's a small house you all live within.
Thank you. Yes that's a great topic suggestion - I've added it to my list. I'd love to know: what did you learn from this video?
Leaned about the vast scope of questions there are regarding this topic and how important it is to ask these questions before marriage.
Unfortunately, these topics are not discussed within the Muslim community.
move out??
I agree move out, why live with your in-laws it doesn't make sense and leads to problems
@@jbeg97 this is one of the very first things we ask thou the house, job, and education .. these are literally top 3 in this order then we ask about family and religion at least in every single arab country i visited/know of ... not sure how it goes in none arab Muslims country
in the fiqh and explanation of islamic marriage and conditions was clearly defined and set out by Allah and His messenger prophet Muhammad peace and blessings from Allah be with Him
very helpful. may Allah swt reward you immensely
Ameen. Alhamdulillah, I'd love to know: what did you learn from the video?
@@amirahzaky i realized that since im basically getting married to have sex, i need to bring it up and talk about it beforehand. i especially found 2 questions very helpful. the one about rasing a sex positive family and the one about accepting the female body with all its imperfections.
jazakallah khair amirah
@@sarakhan1573 this is amazing! I'm so pleased! Alhamdulillah!
Thanks for taking the topic to understand and get understood by both. The more relationships are without grey areas the stronger bond both will have.
I'm pausing. Sister, this is what is needed. A Matter of fact approach. And admissions that Muslims marry for sex. To protect us from Zinna, an expression of love, and it's ibadah and it's sadaqah - the more you do the greater the reward. After that, to have children, inshaa Allah. As you point out, it is primarily about character and communication.
marry for sex lmao you're in for a reality chk after you get married
Hello. I'd found the questions helpful and I do think this topic requires plenty of elucidation--especially from the feminine side--and I also firmly believe sex-related questions should be posed to a potential spouse prior to marriage. I disagree with the suggestion of waiting that long to ask the questions, however. Imagine waiting that long to get comfortable, deciding you want to spend the rest of your time together, set a date, only to then realize, "Whoops, we're not actually compatible sexually so guess it might not work out after all." That seed of doubt that plague a mind quite a bit already, and the devil will absolutely take advantage of it. Close the gaps of doubt early without seeming too impatient; I'd say it's best to get it out of the way at least *before* setting a marriage date. Once the date is set, expectations will be there and backing out can cause people who're invested in the union trouble by that point.
But how's a sister gonna ask that in front of her dad😭?
I don't know, just don't ask in front of the father or anyone ??
@@Kleptomaniac66 yh but that's kinda hard in the halal way, unless she asks her father Infront of him if they can have some space so she can ask some personal questions
During the marital meeting, the wali must be present, however that doesn’t mean he listens in to your conversation. He is there to maintain Islamic guidelines, he may sit a bit further away where he can see you both and make sure nothing haram is happening
@@xyiaa2327 yh fair enough that's kinda of what I was alluding to when I said she asks her father for some space
I cant lie if i was considering a women for marriage and i found out she made this video i would run for the hills 😂😂
one of the most HONEST Sex Talk online :) Brave girl
Thank you ❤
@@amirahzaky 👍
Very educating and helpful video. Weldone
Can you kindly suggest some books for men to read before marriage.
This is important for couples already married to check if they are actually compatible
This is nonsense, these questions can be asked after marriage, the prophet(ص)and his companions didn't ask these questions to my knowledge
But i think that if the couple just have general knowledge in medicine and sunnah it should be suficient
Ikr.. Plus before marriage you´re still not halal to eachother. So you´re not allowed to talk about intercourse.
@@marytheraspberry3145 yes you are right and more over i haven't heard that the prophet(ص)and his companions did such thing, for me i wouldn't do it, i would just check if she's truly muslim
Thank you very much for talking about such critical topic, however, the approach you have introduced is not accepted in islamic sunny instructions. I agree with you that a lot of divorce and marital problems, are due to not discussing this topic before marriage, and the way to solve this is actually very simple, that is to discuss it after marriage or after the QARAN contract, and it can be even before the wedding night, but after QARAN contract, not before QARAN, and not during the engagement period.
engagement = marriage because there is a contract (Quran) so they have the freedom to discuss in this period however they want unless they are always followed by the parents everywhere because they too cautious or scared of something bad happening then the couple need to discuss it after marriage but then it would be too late because the conflicts will occur and it may lead to divorce
Simply .. no "Haya" remains in women girls of today so you can ask or do anything openly
Don´t generalize. This woman doesn´t know her deen well. That´s HER.
its great. sex starved marriages are s resl thing across many marriages i am aware of. leads to many problems and divorce.
One of the most questions that should be asked is this:
1- Do you believe that sex is a right for the man on his wife, so wife should give him his right ?.
Or it's a shared pleasure that both sides need and seek and share ?.
very important will show you who's a feminist or not , who follows the religion teachings or not, who's a mysogonist or not ...
it might sound like it's A or B answer but it's something in-between
@@GreatTaiwan
But that is the answering my question.
My question is about sex activities, not about the feminist activities.
I agree with some of the respondents, inexperienced non-sexually active people wouldn't be able to understand some of the questions/answers. Virgins who don't sleep around or have a high sex drive, simply can't come up with these type of questions. Even if they manage to get a reply out they won't really fully understand the answers!
Very hard to watch this video because these are very real topics that I don’t want to confront. Well done. However of course ensure that your sheikh or spiritual leader approves of what you are teaching.
You´re right. Had she asked a scholar it would have been obvious to her that this is unacceptable. In islam, you are not considered married until you´re actually married. Hence, topics that are explicit are forbidden before marriage as you are still not related in any way.
It’s very interesting and it’s a good subject to bring up before getting married