As a revert I am nowhere near ready to marry but I am preparing in all aspects of Islam. I have to catch up in some sense, so I am learning a lot everyday.
Im not looking to get married now, but when I watch videos like these, it’s like a slap in the face and a reality check because I always have a lovey-dovey, Romeo and Juliet perception or outlook on marriage because I cant help it, come on who cant? I believe many young people go through that phase where they want to be married so badly because they may have the physical maturity, but not the mental capacity to deal with the realities and responsibilities of an actual real life marriage whether they realise it or not. You’re helping me understand what I really want and what to look for, may Allah place barakah in your life and reward you greatly!
Hey, regarding the question about asking about the relationship dynamic between a potential spouses parents, I’ve seen when people want to ask this question a lot is assumed. Some people grow up with the roles between their parents being one way and wanting something completely different for their own marriage. I don’t understand how its fair if a man or women who dealt with the absence, death, toxicity etc. of a parent(s) and is seeking a good spouse is not considered or rejected because of this, when is not their fault being brought up in those circumstances. If they grow to be an actual practicing Muslim, improving their wellbeing, seeking help from their traumas and baggage (which is what everyone should do anyway), while wanting a good spouse why should they be pushed aside because they don’t have 2 parents? Not everyone grew up in a two parent household with loving parents or a healthy environment, I see that those people are often left to feel shamed and blamed for what was out of their control. Ive literally heard, “don’t marry her if she doesn’t have a Father,” “If the Mother is more talkative than the Father upon meeting them then the daughter is more likely to want control in your marriage with her.” Let me know, what do you think about this?
I hear you and understand where you’re coming from The question is there so that you can get a better understanding of the person you’re marrying. You can draw patterns and assess compatibility. It’s not a question that should be used as a litmus test. Some of the best sisters have had no father in their life and asking that question does not mean it’s the end. But it may tell you that if you do get married to her, just be a little bit more patient as she hasn’t had a male figure around as much
I come from a small family that’s not well connected where should I look for a spouse. The proposals my parents do show me are not very suitable, I’ve reached out to mosques but not found them helpful.
Please talk about how boundaries are made about physical intimacy there is a lot of new ways of doing physical intimacy that seems gross and not acceptable sometimes to people
Asalam Alaikum, JazakAllah kheir for making very helpful RUclips videos. I have a question : If I get a potential spouse proposal, and the man is in the beginning of his career , he has a decent job and he's very ambitious with goals ahead. What are some good questions I can ask to gage his financial status right now? And how can I make it clear to him that I don't want to go into a marriage with the expectations that I have to pay bills.
Wa’laikum Salaam So you need to clearly state to him what your expectations are in terms of finance and the best way to do this is to draw out what your ideal lifestyle is and the cost of it So for example, you want to live in a respectable studio flat in a particular area (find the cost of this) and add in the all the expenses and find a rough total cost. Ask him if he can cover this cost which is made of all the major bills If you’re working and you don’t want to contribute to household bills, then majority of household duties are on you except for a few and this is the only fair way to run it. You will have to come up with a way manage this effectively Hope this helps
Yep we do. Feel free to book a session: calendly.com/themuslimmarriagecoach/30min Or check out how we’ve helped others in the same position as you ismailmarriagecounselling.co.uk
Good questions But I have doubts with the question of virginity How can you know if she’s a virgin or not? What about if she’s not virgin and has all other good qualities? Repented and pracicticing muslimah , with good manners and she’s beautiful ?
I agree tbh, in hindsight, I could’ve spoken about this a bit more. It’s a nuanced topic and if they’ve repented and practicing etc they shouldn’t be put in a position in exposing themselves
Do you know the definition of sunnah, in not so many words it's the behaviour and manners and lifestyle decisions of the prophet Mohammad saw may peace be upon him.
He should not have a bad relationship with his mom but definitely not a close one. Run for the hills if he has that Islam does not tell a 30 year old man to let his mother dictate his life , his marriage and act like she owns the wife as a slave. He should not spend all his free time with ma or let her come over all the time and cross all the boundaries of his wife and let her invade his wives space. He visits his mother for an appropriate amount of time in a week and he does not let.his mother say a single word about his wife. Is she still a toddler that cant accept life is about letting go ? Islam does not tell a man of 30 years old to sit on his mothers lab. Please tell things how they are and where it hurts! Her son is NOT her husband and the mother his not his wife. And his wife is not a second mother and she should not act like that either Be a grown up man , spread your wings and you should emotionally completely detach from your parents in order for you to be able to function as a husband. Your father is responsible for her bills, clothes. Your father should give her affection and love. Your father should give her warmth and closeness. He should function as a husband and he clearly was neglectful because mothers try to fulfill the unmet needs through her ADULT son who is now married. And even tries to ruin it. And now people want to cover things up try to make it sound like its okay. Christians always are clear about these matters and now we are acting like islam does not teach boundaries between mother and son and father snd daughter. There are boundaries and some mothers cannot stand how a wife can cross those boundaries🤌 Also, a son should not sleep with his sister in one bed growing up either. I lost my appetite to get married ever , i just earn my money and avoid men at all cost as i respect myself too much to lose my time and sleep over potential drama and silly things. He and his mother should grow up and stop abusing religion in their favor whenever it suits them
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
As a revert I am nowhere near ready to marry but I am preparing in all aspects of Islam. I have to catch up in some sense, so I am learning a lot everyday.
Im not looking to get married now, but when I watch videos like these, it’s like a slap in the face and a reality check because I always have a lovey-dovey, Romeo and Juliet perception or outlook on marriage because I cant help it, come on who cant? I believe many young people go through that phase where they want to be married so badly because they may have the physical maturity, but not the mental capacity to deal with the realities and responsibilities of an actual real life marriage whether they realise it or not. You’re helping me understand what I really want and what to look for, may Allah place barakah in your life and reward you greatly!
Ameen! I’m glad to hear that it has helped
Hey, regarding the question about asking about the relationship dynamic between a potential spouses parents, I’ve seen when people want to ask this question a lot is assumed. Some people grow up with the roles between their parents being one way and wanting something completely different for their own marriage. I don’t understand how its fair if a man or women who dealt with the absence, death, toxicity etc. of a parent(s) and is seeking a good spouse is not considered or rejected because of this, when is not their fault being brought up in those circumstances. If they grow to be an actual practicing Muslim, improving their wellbeing, seeking help from their traumas and baggage (which is what everyone should do anyway), while wanting a good spouse why should they be pushed aside because they don’t have 2 parents? Not everyone grew up in a two parent household with loving parents or a healthy environment, I see that those people are often left to feel shamed and blamed for what was out of their control. Ive literally heard, “don’t marry her if she doesn’t have a Father,” “If the Mother is more talkative than the Father upon meeting them then the daughter is more likely to want control in your marriage with her.” Let me know, what do you think about this?
I hear you and understand where you’re coming from
The question is there so that you can get a better understanding of the person you’re marrying. You can draw patterns and assess compatibility.
It’s not a question that should be used as a litmus test.
Some of the best sisters have had no father in their life and asking that question does not mean it’s the end. But it may tell you that if you do get married to her, just be a little bit more patient as she hasn’t had a male figure around as much
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach I always appreciate your insight, I’ll definitely be sticking around to view more uploads:)
Really good questions Masha Allah
This is a video needed. Thank you!
🤲
I come from a small family that’s not well connected where should I look for a spouse. The proposals my parents do show me are not very suitable, I’ve reached out to mosques but not found them helpful.
I understand it can be very difficult. You can try any halal apps that have the wali involved from the beginning
Try pure matrimony sunnah match
AMAZING
Please talk about how boundaries are made about physical intimacy there is a lot of new ways of doing physical intimacy that seems gross and not acceptable sometimes to people
Can you elaborate more?
Asalam Alaikum, JazakAllah kheir for making very helpful RUclips videos.
I have a question :
If I get a potential spouse proposal, and the man is in the beginning of his career , he has a decent job and he's very ambitious with goals ahead.
What are some good questions I can ask to gage his financial status right now? And how can I make it clear to him that I don't want to go into a marriage with the expectations that I have to pay bills.
Wa’laikum Salaam
So you need to clearly state to him what your expectations are in terms of finance and the best way to do this is to draw out what your ideal lifestyle is and the cost of it
So for example, you want to live in a respectable studio flat in a particular area (find the cost of this) and add in the all the expenses and find a rough total cost. Ask him if he can cover this cost which is made of all the major bills
If you’re working and you don’t want to contribute to household bills, then majority of household duties are on you except for a few and this is the only fair way to run it. You will have to come up with a way manage this effectively
Hope this helps
@@TheMuslimMarriageCoach JazakAllah Kheir, this is very helpful
Really good questions mashallah thanks got me thinking
Great watch 👍
Thank you!
Do you speak to people looking to get married?
I’m starting to think I’m not doing something right…
Yep we do.
Feel free to book a session:
calendly.com/themuslimmarriagecoach/30min
Or check out how we’ve helped others in the same position as you
ismailmarriagecounselling.co.uk
Good questions
But I have doubts with the question of virginity
How can you know if she’s a virgin or not?
What about if she’s not virgin and has all other good qualities? Repented and pracicticing muslimah , with good manners and she’s beautiful ?
I agree tbh, in hindsight, I could’ve spoken about this a bit more. It’s a nuanced topic and if they’ve repented and practicing etc they shouldn’t be put in a position in exposing themselves
Yh this and also if it’s a revert who’s lived a westernised lifestyle, this question might not be relevant in this scenario
Well said 👏
Thank you
Salam alaikum Brother, would you allow me to make a Video in German Translation out from your Video ? 😊
Email me InshaAllah
Brother to marry a second wife is not sunnah, it is a common misconception. Look it up!
I know where you’re coming from but it’s still a beneficial question to ask, especially if the brother is wealthy from the get go
Really? Could you please elaborate on this? 🙏
Do you know the definition of sunnah, in not so many words it's the behaviour and manners and lifestyle decisions of the prophet Mohammad saw may peace be upon him.
📝
He should not have a bad relationship with his mom but definitely not a close one. Run for the hills if he has that
Islam does not tell a 30 year old man to let his mother dictate his life , his marriage and act like she owns the wife as a slave. He should not spend all his free time with ma or let her come over all the time and cross all the boundaries of his wife and let her invade his wives space. He visits his mother for an appropriate amount of time in a week and he does not let.his mother say a single word about his wife. Is she still a toddler that cant accept life is about letting go ?
Islam does not tell a man of 30 years old to sit on his mothers lab. Please tell things how they are and where it hurts! Her son is NOT her husband and the mother his not his wife. And his wife is not a second mother and she should not act like that either
Be a grown up man , spread your wings and you should emotionally completely detach from your parents in order for you to be able to function as a husband. Your father is responsible for her bills, clothes. Your father should give her affection and love. Your father should give her warmth and closeness. He should function as a husband and he clearly was neglectful because mothers try to fulfill the unmet needs through her ADULT son who is now married. And even tries to ruin it.
And now people want to cover things up try to make it sound like its okay. Christians always are clear about these matters and now we are acting like islam does not teach boundaries between mother and son and father snd daughter. There are boundaries and some mothers cannot stand how a wife can cross those boundaries🤌
Also, a son should not sleep with his sister in one bed growing up either. I lost my appetite to get married ever , i just earn my money and avoid men at all cost as i respect myself too much to lose my time and sleep over potential drama and silly things. He and his mother should grow up and stop abusing religion in their favor whenever it suits them
Jazak’allahu khair