Life changing. “…because when other people are choosing their own freedom and making decisions based on what their heart desires and we aren’t that triggers us”.
If someone has low self-worth of does not value themselves that can create all sorts of things like jealousy. Someone can have everything they want, accomplish everything they want, currently doing everything they want and if they can not deeply value themselves they will always feel jealous.
So this kinda lines up with my standpoint for open relationships. I think if open/poly relationships CAN work for some, but only for the people who are wired more for the active dating / on-to-the-next-one mode. FOR THOSE PEOPLE, the source of jealousy probably does lay within envy and seeing an active lifestyle which more naturally suites them. ; What triggers me isn't that I see someone eating and I'm hungry and want food that I'm not eating. Its that I chose to make my partner a delicious meal for both of us and they show up holding a slice of pizza and say "Oh thanks sorry I know you cooked but I just wanted something else." Not just food, not just MY food, but from somewhere else instead of mine. Are they wrong for wanting that? Absolutely not. Its just a set of needs and boundaries which are incompatible in my case. If I ever DO want the kind of feeling I see someone else having and its that thrill of sleeping around and flirting? Thats something that only takes place for me when I'm already single or its a sign that my feelings for a partner have gone and made room for this other need to take its place. For those whom are more naturally geared toward monogamy like myself, I only want to be in a relationship when I know I've found someone who is so good for me I really, truely and honestly do not want to date others. Otherwise I just keep dating. This person meets my needs wholistically and they are my adventure. Its a meal which needs no supplements. Conversely, i believe that many (most?) open-wired people are perpetually in need of that "on to the next one" thrill, of the chase, and feel unfulfilled when they feel like they might be expected to stop flirting, chasing or saying yes, because one person might never be enough for them, perhaps even without regard for how 'good' that partner could be for them.
What i'm in the process of learning is that it's literally impossible to understand someone else's appetite. Some people will prefer pizza rolls instead of steak and potatoes. What an individual has to figure out is do you wanna sit at a table with someone who's honestly and truthfully pigging out on doritos and junk food while simultaneously eating off of your plate? Or would you rather think that someone only eats off your plate exclusively when really they're at krispy kreme twice a week? Appetites are funny like that. Honest Polyamory is when their appetite for junk food doesn't negate them still wanting to eat off of your plate 🤷....I understand It's very hard for people to watch someone buffet out and then still come pick off of your plate. And it's because people are afraid one day, "you won't have an appetite for me anymore." And my plate will be empty by then. And I think the point in this video is to keep your plate so on point and so full and choose who to let eat off of your plate and if they lose their appetite for you; well that happens sometimes. So let your plate stay full regardless. With or without other people. A full plate will inevitably attract people. Monogamy is nice if it works. Most people want to be the apple of someone's eye and have it work out for life. But what happens when you're monogamous for 40 years and someone still walks away? Then you have an empty plate, and you're back in the dating game. Most people don't want to go from person to person, but you have to know how to be full regardless with or without someone. That's how you attract them , and that's how you will attract the next if you have to. Plan for happily ever after with self FIRST and enjoy Whoever comes along ❤🤷......but #stayFULL
Thank you for this video. This came up recently in many ways. For me in my partnership there is the jealousy at times and that does come from a place of not having or wanting what they have. This comes from a place of discomfort. Eye did an exercise for myself. This came up when he was being picked up by someone he desires to help with a task. Eye was emotional and almost not settled. He left and eye cried. Eye allowed myself space to feel out what eye was feeling and then grabbed my things and said what will eye do for myself today??? Then got in the car and just drove. Eye went to the beach and dove in the ocean. Eye played my ukulele and steel tongue drums. Eye even conversed with beings and it felt amazing. Eye had a whole day of excitement to share with my partner when he got back. Eye am ok with this dynamic of polyamory and all but what he has and eye don’t can come up in jealousy and a desire for the sameness. Eye learned a lot that day and that really stuck with me. This video spoke to me deeply and powerfully. Much love and peace ✨💚✨☺️✨🌈✨
Or I just want to be in this situation with my partner and create that memory with him/her. But he/she is creating this memory with someone else. I think that‘s „my jealousy“.
I've never thought of it this way. I appreciate this perspective. It rings true for me and is a powerful motivator to analyze what I want to be doing and feeling with my time and energy. Love and appreciate your teachings so much, Brittany!
I love knowing this so much! I love you feeling empowered and motivated to focus on what you are doing with your time and energy! So much love to you! -Brittany
I say to you and connor all the time how much I love your chanel and how long I've been following it, but I am just so thankful for your existence as a whole. You transformed my life before I was ever in an open relationship, back when you started videos on minimalism. My husband and I chose to take our marriage to being an open marriage. We now see a therapist who is also in an open marriage herself. I have been getting the opportunity to share your videos and website with so many new people!! It is helping them just like it has helped me. I really can't say enough how thankful I am that you, connor, all your partners, and friends who have come on your chanel to share such raw emotions and life events. ❤
Wow!! This is such an incredible message to receive. Thank you so much! I love knowing how long we have been on this journey together! I love reading a little bit about you, your partner, your therapist! How beautiful. Thank you for this gift of connection. Sending you and yours so much love.
This is hard when you are in long distance because you already have all the time in the world to yourself. N the jealousy that comes up feels more about not being able to receive love n comfort from your partner, while they are perhaps able to get it somewhere else, if they are connecting with others.
It's a whole extra struggle when the things you aren't doing are because of trauma related to it, or restrictions on your own capacity/ability due to health conditions that just don't allow for some things.
When I experience jealousy, it's all the things you listed as not being the cause in your scenario. The one you said is most common is the only one it's not for me ever.
I always feel shame about my jealousy , lately they sense it even when i try hide it and i feel ashamed. Cause i dont want to be a jealous person. Im jealous of my friend cause she always bragging and it promoted it forth. It wasnt there before. So sometimes others have a part in it. Other jealousies are insecurity or you want what others have so have to develop your self confidence somehow think.
I have a friend who I care about but am also really jealous of because the things I've wanted for so long and struggle to achieve seem to come to her really easily and it feels unfair. I don't want to give up on the things I want, but seeing someone else just be given these things without challenge make me feel hopeless and undeserving of the same happiness.
Thats seem like a very realistic response. Try find how your friend gets these things. Is it because of personality or has contacts to help get to thier accomplishments. What is it. Write about it
Human beings are hardwired towards jealousy in relationships because of thousands of years of evolution and biology causing us to dislike competition for resources. Relationships, time, and emotions are just as finite resources as food, money, and shelter. Back in our more simplistic times, your partner having multiple relationships was a genuine threat to your survival. More partners means more children means less resources means more competition. Entire tribes could be taken out by one person spreading a fatal STD. Just because we can treat them now does not take away from the fact they are serious risks to one's reproductive health. Ironically enough, unicorn hunters understand this basic human experience because they are looking for a resource for fun sexual experiences instead of looking for a competitor for resources. If you are able to get past jealousy, good for you for placing "enlitenment" as a top priority, but you are wired differently from most people. I wouldn't shame anyone for their jealousy any more than i would shame a a fish being able to swim.
Ooh, I would love to ask her! Maybe we can include it in an upcoming video. She is planning to be on the channel more and she and I would love to do more content together! Thanks for asking! -Brittany
Late to tbe party as usual. Trying to find some educating info on YT to deal with my current situation. I met someone about 2 months ago and we've already had our second threesome two days ago. Im 50 and shes 47 so we are grown ups, but i feel she is emotionally unavailable and starting to see this in her lack of reassurance and ability to just initiate conversation or just talk to me with any depth. This is crucial for me to know I am in a loving relationship but able to explore others together. The first time wasn't great but the recent one was and now I am feeling jealous because i dont feel I get any genuine comfort or a deeper connection with her afterwards. I feel like she wants her fun when its convenient for her. We see very little of each other because she is always busy with her kids/work..I have my time, I just want to know that she values me and I dont think she does.
Wow brittany this resonates sooo much - wanting to live my real truth but feeling like only the other is! Thanks for sharing, feeling like many parts of me are seen by you somehow 🧡 Already did the Jealous programme and truly recommend it!
I love that many parts of you are feeling seen by me! Thank you so much for sharing this with me right now. I feel so touched and impacted by this. Aw yess! I love that you feel this about the jealousy program. Woohoo! Big love to you!
you have the main partners and the others are side pieces to be treated as things. When your partner spends time with their other partner it's no different than a therapy session or a vibrator.
Open relationship it's just a new name for cheating let's be honest if the person you love don't feel jealous of you then he does not really love you i'm talking about the good jealously not the toxic not suspicion
Life changing. “…because when other people are choosing their own freedom and making decisions based on what their heart desires and we aren’t that triggers us”.
If someone has low self-worth of does not value themselves that can create all sorts of things like jealousy. Someone can have everything they want, accomplish everything they want, currently doing everything they want and if they can not deeply value themselves they will always feel jealous.
So this kinda lines up with my standpoint for open relationships. I think if open/poly relationships CAN work for some, but only for the people who are wired more for the active dating / on-to-the-next-one mode. FOR THOSE PEOPLE, the source of jealousy probably does lay within envy and seeing an active lifestyle which more naturally suites them.
; What triggers me isn't that I see someone eating and I'm hungry and want food that I'm not eating. Its that I chose to make my partner a delicious meal for both of us and they show up holding a slice of pizza and say "Oh thanks sorry I know you cooked but I just wanted something else." Not just food, not just MY food, but from somewhere else instead of mine. Are they wrong for wanting that? Absolutely not. Its just a set of needs and boundaries which are incompatible in my case. If I ever DO want the kind of feeling I see someone else having and its that thrill of sleeping around and flirting? Thats something that only takes place for me when I'm already single or its a sign that my feelings for a partner have gone and made room for this other need to take its place.
For those whom are more naturally geared toward monogamy like myself, I only want to be in a relationship when I know I've found someone who is so good for me I really, truely and honestly do not want to date others. Otherwise I just keep dating. This person meets my needs wholistically and they are my adventure. Its a meal which needs no supplements. Conversely, i believe that many (most?) open-wired people are perpetually in need of that "on to the next one" thrill, of the chase, and feel unfulfilled when they feel like they might be expected to stop flirting, chasing or saying yes, because one person might never be enough for them, perhaps even without regard for how 'good' that partner could be for them.
I like your food analogy
What i'm in the process of learning is that it's literally impossible to understand someone else's appetite. Some people will prefer pizza rolls instead of steak and potatoes. What an individual has to figure out is do you wanna sit at a table with someone who's honestly and truthfully pigging out on doritos and junk food while simultaneously eating off of your plate? Or would you rather think that someone only eats off your plate exclusively when really they're at krispy kreme twice a week? Appetites are funny like that.
Honest Polyamory is when their appetite for junk food doesn't negate them still wanting to eat off of your plate 🤷....I understand It's very hard for people to watch someone buffet out and then still come pick off of your plate. And it's because people are afraid one day, "you won't have an appetite for me anymore." And my plate will be empty by then.
And I think the point in this video is to keep your plate so on point and so full and choose who to let eat off of your plate and if they lose their appetite for you; well that happens sometimes. So let your plate stay full regardless. With or without other people. A full plate will inevitably attract people.
Monogamy is nice if it works. Most people want to be the apple of someone's eye and have it work out for life. But what happens when you're monogamous for 40 years and someone still walks away? Then you have an empty plate, and you're back in the dating game. Most people don't want to go from person to person, but you have to know how to be full regardless with or without someone. That's how you attract them , and that's how you will attract the next if you have to. Plan for happily ever after with self FIRST and enjoy
Whoever comes along ❤🤷......but
#stayFULL
is it wrong to love somebody so much that it hurts to see them with somebody else, even while you're with them?
Thank you for this video. This came up recently in many ways. For me in my partnership there is the jealousy at times and that does come from a place of not having or wanting what they have. This comes from a place of discomfort. Eye did an exercise for myself. This came up when he was being picked up by someone he desires to help with a task. Eye was emotional and almost not settled. He left and eye cried. Eye allowed myself space to feel out what eye was feeling and then grabbed my things and said what will eye do for myself today??? Then got in the car and just drove. Eye went to the beach and dove in the ocean. Eye played my ukulele and steel tongue drums. Eye even conversed with beings and it felt amazing. Eye had a whole day of excitement to share with my partner when he got back. Eye am ok with this dynamic of polyamory and all but what he has and eye don’t can come up in jealousy and a desire for the sameness. Eye learned a lot that day and that really stuck with me. This video spoke to me deeply and powerfully.
Much love and peace
✨💚✨☺️✨🌈✨
Or I just want to be in this situation with my partner and create that memory with him/her. But he/she is creating this memory with someone else. I think that‘s „my jealousy“.
I've never thought of it this way. I appreciate this perspective. It rings true for me and is a powerful motivator to analyze what I want to be doing and feeling with my time and energy. Love and appreciate your teachings so much, Brittany!
I love knowing this so much! I love you feeling empowered and motivated to focus on what you are doing with your time and energy! So much love to you! -Brittany
I say to you and connor all the time how much I love your chanel and how long I've been following it, but I am just so thankful for your existence as a whole. You transformed my life before I was ever in an open relationship, back when you started videos on minimalism. My husband and I chose to take our marriage to being an open marriage. We now see a therapist who is also in an open marriage herself. I have been getting the opportunity to share your videos and website with so many new people!! It is helping them just like it has helped me. I really can't say enough how thankful I am that you, connor, all your partners, and friends who have come on your chanel to share such raw emotions and life events. ❤
Wow!! This is such an incredible message to receive. Thank you so much! I love knowing how long we have been on this journey together! I love reading a little bit about you, your partner, your therapist! How beautiful. Thank you for this gift of connection. Sending you and yours so much love.
Would love to see an update on if Conor and Brittany are still together romantically, or are just friends and co-parents now
does the need for healing in the context of polyamory ever diminish?
Healing never ends. End states are an illusion. The only constant is change.
@@maevekeenan5692 trauma too apparently?
This is hard when you are in long distance because you already have all the time in the world to yourself. N the jealousy that comes up feels more about not being able to receive love n comfort from your partner, while they are perhaps able to get it somewhere else, if they are connecting with others.
That's tough....
It's a whole extra struggle when the things you aren't doing are because of trauma related to it, or restrictions on your own capacity/ability due to health conditions that just don't allow for some things.
I really just want to be with my partner like all the time.
What you discuss is envy not jealousy
When I experience jealousy, it's all the things you listed as not being the cause in your scenario. The one you said is most common is the only one it's not for me ever.
I always feel shame about my jealousy , lately they sense it even when i try hide it and i feel ashamed. Cause i dont want to be a jealous person. Im jealous of my friend cause she always bragging and it promoted it forth. It wasnt there before. So sometimes others have a part in it. Other jealousies are insecurity or you want what others have so have to develop your self confidence somehow think.
That was so profound and inspiring! Thank you Brittany!🤗
What if your partner isn't acting the same towards you like there suddenly not attracted to you like they once were????
Thank you for sharing.
I have a friend who I care about but am also really jealous of because the things I've wanted for so long and struggle to achieve seem to come to her really easily and it feels unfair. I don't want to give up on the things I want, but seeing someone else just be given these things without challenge make me feel hopeless and undeserving of the same happiness.
Thats seem like a very realistic response. Try find how your friend gets these things. Is it because of personality or has contacts to help get to thier accomplishments. What is it. Write about it
do you deeply value yourself and self-worth?
Bravo Brittany 👏
Raw, genuine, original. Love your understanding of this emotion ❤
Human beings are hardwired towards jealousy in relationships because of thousands of years of evolution and biology causing us to dislike competition for resources. Relationships, time, and emotions are just as finite resources as food, money, and shelter. Back in our more simplistic times, your partner having multiple relationships was a genuine threat to your survival. More partners means more children means less resources means more competition. Entire tribes could be taken out by one person spreading a fatal STD. Just because we can treat them now does not take away from the fact they are serious risks to one's reproductive health. Ironically enough, unicorn hunters understand this basic human experience because they are looking for a resource for fun sexual experiences instead of looking for a competitor for resources. If you are able to get past jealousy, good for you for placing "enlitenment" as a top priority, but you are wired differently from most people. I wouldn't shame anyone for their jealousy any more than i would shame a a fish being able to swim.
How does Connor's new partner feel about being a metamor? I'm assuming she is new to the world of polyamory.
Ooh, I would love to ask her! Maybe we can include it in an upcoming video. She is planning to be on the channel more and she and I would love to do more content together! Thanks for asking! -Brittany
Thank you Brittney...that was really helpful...great questions to ask yourself...to help unpack the struggle ❤ xo
Amazing. Thank you, Brittany. This has given me so much to reflect on. I appreciate you so much. 🙏
I agree, it's also FOMO for me and looking back one day and be filled with regrets.
Late to tbe party as usual. Trying to find some educating info on YT to deal with my current situation. I met someone about 2 months ago and we've already had our second threesome two days ago. Im 50 and shes 47 so we are grown ups, but i feel she is emotionally unavailable and starting to see this in her lack of reassurance and ability to just initiate conversation or just talk to me with any depth. This is crucial for me to know I am in a loving relationship but able to explore others together. The first time wasn't great but the recent one was and now I am feeling jealous because i dont feel I get any genuine comfort or a deeper connection with her afterwards. I feel like she wants her fun when its convenient for her. We see very little of each other because she is always busy with her kids/work..I have my time, I just want to know that she values me and I dont think she does.
Wow brittany this resonates sooo much - wanting to live my real truth but feeling like only the other is! Thanks for sharing, feeling like many parts of me are seen by you somehow 🧡
Already did the Jealous programme and truly recommend it!
I love that many parts of you are feeling seen by me! Thank you so much for sharing this with me right now. I feel so touched and impacted by this. Aw yess! I love that you feel this about the jealousy program. Woohoo! Big love to you!
parse between jelousy and envy
Love your work
Thank you so much!
I feel sorry for you. This way of thinking is just crazy.
you have the main partners and the others are side pieces to be treated as things. When your partner spends time with their other partner it's no different than a therapy session or a vibrator.
New camera? Looks good!
Thank you for sharing this!!!
You are so welcome!
Open relationship
it's just a new name for cheating let's be honest if the person you love don't feel jealous of you then he does not really love you
i'm talking about the good jealously not the toxic not suspicion
Lots of love.
❤️🙏
✌️ ❤