Can You Be In Love With Multiple People? | Middle Ground
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- Опубликовано: 21 апр 2018
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Is it possible to love more than one person? What roles do jealousy and attraction play in relationships? What makes a relationship work? We brought polyamorous and monogamous people together to discuss their beliefs on love. SUBSCRIBE for more! 👉bit.ly/SUBSCRIBEjubilee 👈
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![Rich Dunk (Ft. DaBaby) - BIG DAWG [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Pz2ewsSKAEM/mqdefault.jpg)
That boy is madly in love with his wife, I respect that.
When he said he actually loves her more everyday... GOALS
Man*. He has far exceeded that title in all honesty.
Yuritza Ruvalcaba yep 100% respect
the fact that his wife is his first gf 🥺🥺🥺
I agree that's commendable
“most of us have 10-20 friends”
i don’t think so
😂🤣😂🤣
My thought exactly haha
riiiiight
I have one... my fiancé 😂😂
I’m my own best friend lmao
15:25 "I feel like if sex was your first priority. You wouldn't really be in relationships." gosh she's so on point
I left my ex because sex was one of his main priorities.
@@bkw6329 that's not, emm ok
So true. The desire to be in a relationship with someone comes from so much more.
@@bkw6329 Men and Women aren’t the same Men view sex completely differently and it definitely matters significantly does not take away their love for the partner as a person but can’t act like sex isn’t a priority and for most men it’s the reason they deal with women to begin with if we’re honest
@@TmcJordan you acting like only men want sex and women don't 💀💀
The fact that they compare loving a romantic partner to loving your children or having more than one friend makes me wonder that maybe polyamorous people feel romantic love very differently from those who couldn´t do it
it's just an example to explain that the different types of love can be applied to multiple people.
so when it comes to romantic love, the same can be said for some. it's an orientation for some people,, so it's understandable when people don't get it... like I'll NEVER understand straight people
@@chester14rw you'll never understand straight people and you're gay or what are you? I'm straight and I understand gay, bi or transgender people but polyamory is something I can really wrap my head around... Yet
Trueee
Yeah
There's a difference between loving the qualities of a person and actually being in love with a person
How??
Laca-blud fam😂😂😂
@@mamtamitali7201 okay, so i love my boyfriend for example. I love his sense of humor, his voice, his face, you know qualities. BUT, I have always loved those things about him, once we started to date, there was just this different connection of love, like we can't be apart. I still find his face perfect, his voice amazing and his sense of humor funny, but if all of those were replaced, id still be able to love him and him love me back, because we don't love eachother for what qualities we have, we love eachother for the bond we share together.
@@freezingcoldcum5541 got you♥️♥️
Preach.
Guy: Why not just have one friend?
Me as an introvert: B-b-but I only have one friend.
Lol this
That’s ok 👌
I don't have any friends
lmao yes when that guy said '20 friends' I was like huhh how??
Rahera lol this 💯 lol
As an asexual virgin hearing about how sex was apparently vital to a relationship actually was one of the most interesting things about this conversation
The way I see it, it’s important that you and your partner(s) understand each other and are willing and able to accommodate each other’s needs. An asexual person who wants to be in a romantic relationship obviously won’t want to have sex at all, and it’s important that their partner respects and can handle that. I doubt you’d ever want to date someone who wants to sleep with you, assuming for argument’s sake that you’d ever want to date.
You can call yourself Asexual if you have not had sex, that like saying i dont like chocolate but have you tried it? "no?"
@@korkunge well it's more like
Are you hungry?
No
But you haven't eaten anything yet
@@korkunge I've haven't thrown myself into a cluster of cacti yet but I sure as hell know I don't want to
Sex is just one aspect of a relationship and how important it is depends on the people in the association.
It's odd to consider sex as the highest quality of a relationship, certainly when if you ask these people in any other context they will list things like "shared values, sense of humor, kindness" etc. When we start talking about open relationships suddenly people get VERY concerned about sex and only then do they describe it as the highest priority.
I think people should take their finger off of the scale when measuring how important sex is.
Having multiple marriages over time is not like “polyamory over time.” It’s more like monogamy, over time.
More like monogamy for the time.
They were talking about when people marry again after an other relationship
No, monogamy is loving one person how can you love someone else afterwards, if you're monogamous?
@@Starl1ng. monogamy is loving one person, at one time
@@Starl1ng. Whenm you move on or when you fall out of love. The mind adapts (it has to). Polyamorous people can lose interest in their partners as well. It isn't exactly exclusive.
I don’t like how they compare friendships and relationships. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
Exactly they're confusing platonic love with romantic love and love with lust
That's just the thing though, it's not like that for everyone. Some people can feel romantic love and be in love with more than one person. And the comparison to friendship is just a way to make others sort of understand what that would be like.
Imagine if someone claimed with certainty that people can only share platonic love with one person at a time. You'd be like; No, that's not right. Because YOU have experienced feeling platonic love for more than one person at a time. It's the same with polyamorous people and romantic love.
@@sandrah5229 not the same.
@@MiguelSantos-kc6vw You're entitled to your opinion but I find it odd to claim to know what other people experience. Just because the 2 types of relationship aren't compareable to YOU doesn't mean they aren't to others.
@@sandrah5229 I don't doubt that but because your dealing with another person I don't see how you can love multiple people, share yourself with multiple people, and also be fair to all of them. In my mind It's a contradiction, the only way for me to be in love is to only give that love and affection to one person. Of course you can love friends and family too but it's expected to be a different type of love.
redhead: But, monogamy isn't easy . . . (everything she said after that = FACTS!!!)
Yes that was so powerful there was nothing more to say!
yep monogamy takes a serious commitment in life & clearly that orange top girl is taking the easy way out
@@nuwanct3978 "easy way out" just stop please, if someone else lives a different lifestyle that you're not familiar with, it doesn't mean they're lazy...
@Gargee Basak monogamy may be hard but that doesn't mean someone who CHOOSES a different lifestyle is choosing that lifestyle just because it's easier... everyone has their preferences.
@Gargee Basak and youre talking to me like im not in a monogamous relationship myself, im just saying don't be so condescending just because you're not familiar with it.
A partmer should not complete you, but rather compliment you. There are going to be things your partner or you don't relate on, things you don't have in common, "needs" you won't be able to meet, but at the end of the day if you can accept each other for who you are and be "enough" for each other despite all that, then that's what matters.
Very wisely spoken.
No balls?
somebody has been watching cinema therapy😉
I disagree you should be able to have all your needs met. Even in monogamy.
@@mimi.w667 You misunderstood what I meant by my statement. Your partner is supposed to compliment you, not complete you. It is not anyone's job to make you feel whole, but yourself. There are some needs we need to meet for ourselves like for example, doing things that make us happy. Our whole source of happiness cannot come from another person and we can't rely on someone else for everything. We are our own person. Yes, when we are with someone, there are needs that are the responsibility of our partner to meet and vise versa. But that's not what I meant.
Is it that hard to admit that both are okay? There are always going to be people who don’t fit the “norm” and shaming and projecting values is not going to fix anything. If it doesn’t harm anyone then go for it. Monogamy can work, non-monogamy can also work.
Yes i agree with this. In the comments especially, a lot of people are projecting values. I've said this before. For example, you can't project your feelings to justify why non monogamy isn't a valid type of relationship. It may not be for you, but it certainly is a valid and legitimate type of relationship. But I see ppl completely trying to dismantle non monogamy and say it can't be real or valid.
This 💜
I agree! I feel like the poly people were honeslty way more judgey (or at least just that one girl) because they saw the monogamy people as "unenlightened" or "stuck in society's norms" when that's not true, they just have a different preference.
I agree too. Monogamy, polyamory, open relationship or even a harem can work as long as all the parties are consenting adults and you know the consequences of entering such relationship.
Discussion is the only way we progress as a society and it is completly fine, otherwise we'd be like "everything is ok, lets not question anything".
I feel like for example, this discussion allows for certain unhealthy behaviours of classic monogomy to be questioned for the first time ever in a lot of people's minds. It is most definetly the norm and the norm is not always whats best.
My point here is not to "convert" people to polyamory by discussing, but opening people to new ideas so they can truly make informed decisions and formulate more critical opinions.
Someone could also make a similar observation about polyamory and point out what they think are unhealthy behaviours. We can (like in this video) very respectfully discuss that so that everyone can take their new learnings and apply them to their life as they see fit.
We can all learn from each other, which is the beauty and necessity of discussion.
I can't even share my fries, how the hell do I share another human?
Ikr
Same lol
Lmao
@@stephie045 I own the fries in this scenario. If you want some, I'll gladly buy an extra order for you. Just don't tell me you don't want any and end up eating most of mine.
because humans don't belong to someone
If you are on you're 4th marriage. Something is clearly not working.
If the person is happy, then what isn't working?
or you're Ross Geller which is okay!
True. My cousin is 33 and on her 3rd marriage
@Todd Jones too much details lmao
You can be on your 4th marriage and be monogamous. In my opinion, Monogamy and having just one partner in your whole life are not the same thing.
I’ve always felt like there is something precious and sacred about being special and the “only one” to my husband. It’s beautiful to be loved so deeply and be so committed to that there are things we only do and have with each other.
I agree, it is precious to have your person and want to nurture and be exclusive to them. Imho poly relationships disregard everything that’s sacred about monogamy. I find that mono people tend to think about the other person and their happiness whereas with poly it’s more so how it makes the recipient of poly feel.
nerd
I agree with this as well. I feel like there is a lack of commitment with polyamorous relationships and that there is a lack of self-control/self-discpline. Personally it feels to me that polyamorous see people more as objects. They like a few things about this person so they sleep with them, they like this thing about this person so they sleep with that person. The one woman talked about having an open relationship with her partner so that they both are free to go out and find people that cater to THEIR wants and needs so they don't have to cater to each others wants and needs. But how do they progress or further their relationship if there are no expectations of any kind?
For a relationship to get stronger, you have to go through difficult times. You have to talk to each other and work through things. There doesn't seem to be much that is difficult in a polyamorous relationship so I don't know how their relationship progresses.
@@1camry I pity you
@@youtubecommentator6023 Yep. It really feels like poly people are constantly asking "What can this person do for me? How can I add them to my life so that I benefit?" With monogamous relationships, we value what we can do for each other. We value how we can help uplift and support our partner. It's not "me, me, me". Poly people just seem very self-absorbed.
sex isn't 100% necessary for a relationship. it is for some people, but not for all. you just have to talk about it.
7:48
“... but monogamy isn’t easy... loving someone 10, 15, 50 years is hard... you have to find ways to love your partner for truly who they are, for all the good and all the bad... you have to find ways to spice things up...”
There is wisdom in her words.
Tirsit Enbackom I don't agree. Everyone is saying that she is well-spoken etc. But if you truly love someone it is easy. You love them for who they are not what you like. I think people nowadays think you pick up a partner but it doesn't work that way. I love my partner with my whole heart. Yeah, we have ups and downs. But it is perfect. Love should not be hard. Polyamory is hard but in a different meaning. I said it in a very short way. I agree with both sides because both of them are right. For everybody love is different and it should be like that. Also, I hate the fact about friendship. Because you can have a stronger friendship than many perfect relationships. It is not the same thing. But the connection is the same in a very different way.
Ema Gajdošová
I sort of agree with you. I believe loving someone is easy, but keeping the relationship going is what makes it count. It’s one thing to love someone, it’s another thing to still love them that way 10, 15, 50 years from your youth, keeping a relationship together and always being there for your partner is an admirable thing to do.
Tirsit Enbackom I agree but at the same time if you truly love someone you will not want to spice things up because it seems perfect to you. But you always want to better the relationship. It is hard to describe. I am 28 and been married since 20 and in a relationship since 15 with the same person. Every morning I love him even more. And every day I think it is impossible to love him more but I still do. I always want to be better for him and give him more and more. To give him my last. But I also think there's no need to spice things up.
Ema Gajdošová
Alright, there’s not much to argue about there, thanks for your wisdom:)
Im not plyamorous...but that seems to me like a forced marriage or relationship...loving someone should come from within by itself, i mean thats true love...what she says seems to me like forcing yourself to love that person no matter what and that just sounds unhealthy lol...if you love someone you love them, if you dont you just dont...you feel it, you shouldnt have to force it...and it shouldnt be hard.
The point isn't so you get convinced into polygamy, the point of the video is to understand another human being even if their life choices are drastically different from yours.
THIS THIS THIS THIS!!! Thank you!
Honestly, this is why I love this show, any time I debate things, my primary goal isnt to convince someone to agree, it's to help them understand perspective
THANK YOU people are acting like we gonna make them have to be poly, we just want others to understand.
Yess! I'm in a monogamous relationship, but I have so much respect for my poly friends. It takes a lot of work and communication for those relationships. The point of these videos is to recognize that poly relationships exist and are valid❤
no
The monogamous guy is awesome! It's really inspirational to see someone constantly strive to more perfectly love their spouse! I'm a college student -- I hope I can love like he does one day
Get as much as coochie you can. Don't waste time on one.
It’s about loyalty. To give yourself intimately to someone and have it be intentional and meaningful and not just passing and then to have them look you in the eyes and say you’re not enough to satisfy me, I can’t imagine anything more crashing to the human spirit then to be so vulnerable with someone that you’ve given your body and your soul to you and to have them turn to that you and say with all the love and rhetoric they can come up with that they need more that they have to get outside. Human beings are at the end of the day spiritual and intellectual people and they cannot tolerate that kind of anxiety. We don’t simply mate like animals do we create lives together. And that is what makes our monogamous experience so important
I think you can be loyal to multiple people. Any sort of an serious intimate emotional relationship takes work and commitment, not just monogamous ones. It’s not that one partner is not enough, it’s that there are so many amazing humans on this earth and I want for me and my partners to be free to explore the ways in which they can connect with others. No one can meet every single one of your partner’s needs and desires. Knowing this, getting so hurt by that I think really comes from a place of codependency. The idea of an all-in lifelong monogamous relationship I think really glorifies codependency (since this one person has to be your everything forever) and makes people lose themselves. You become so enmeshed with one person that your entire ego and sense of self comes into question if they don’t dedicate all of themselves to you. I think that’s really unhealthy. I don’t think polyamory is necessarily the only way to counteract this glorification of codependency, but it’s certainly one way.
@marshclem 22 it seems like a person who would think this hasn't felt the glory of long lasting and deeply held love. No offense but it's not codependency to be loyal to one person rather than being greedy
@@marshclem2255 Is monogamy truly a ‘glorification of codependency’ or is that simply your own unique experience and personal beliefs & feelings?
@@marshclem2255 if you can be with multiple people sexually and intimately than you are not loyal. Ya'll poly people are just lazy bffr. Want all the benefits of being in a monogamous relationship without actually committing to one person is wild.
Well I've learned what I should ACTUALLY stress about & wat I SHOULDN'T!!!!. Don't put/have UNNECESSARY pressure or expectations on things u CAN'T CONTROL!!.
“but monogamy isn’t easy”
that hit different
No relationship ever is easy, let's be honest 😂
I wonder why if they are only attracted to one person and are happy
I would of liked it better if she said love isn’t easy because monogamy itself is every easy I mean what do you think getting hitched is
Because you're not really in love or you're not ready for commitment
this subject is so complicated. but the simplest way for a successful civilization is majority monogamy . because it creates an inherit network of caring and protection. however, these days. things seem to be changing dramatically (technology). and what lies ahead can not really be known. but there are some decent projections
These are pretty young people. Id love to hear this discussion from older people who have been poly/ monogamous longer. They would have more insight i believe.
Yes!
There aren't really any poly older people cuz cheating didn't really happen back then
Yesss
Did both. Love is abundant, but being is limited. It's about balance and everyone is different
@@doubleminte8369 woman were also severely punished if they were the once caught cheating
A friend of all is a friend of none.
- Aristotle
You get my point.
as a demisexual i roll my eyes hearing someone say that a relationship can't work without sex. Okay, this is it for you, but don't gale like it's a rule for everyone
wtf is demisexual?
@@justynjonn some made up notion that someone made, its basically that your not se xually (spaced because of youtube filters) attracted to someone unless you know them personally. im not sure why it needs a title though just say your not interested unless i know the person
@@featheroml Saying this is way too long
@@mittag983 ok, how about i dont like you sexually till i know you.
@@featheroml they just need more of an emotional connection is all. some people can't just have sex with a stranger, they don't feel sexually attracted to people they've just met or recently met. takes some time. nothing wrong with using the term if it makes someone happy
The monogamous guy is a part of the world’s rarest 1% who are truly madly deeply in love with one person with all they have
So much respect for this man
and if you have someone like that you’re the luckiest person ever
Theres plenty of monogamous men and women out there in the world. But I think alot of people have been hurt or have been let down by their past partner. That can make people more guarded on pursuing future monogamous relationships in the future. I was engaged twice. It didnt work out twice lol. I wasnt a perfect man and I still am not. But I did my best in the relationships. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. It sucks . I hope to find a woman to love and be in love with and have her feel the same way about me and have a family and life with.
Morals and preferences allow him to be the way he is. You'd be surprised to know that there is >1%. In fact, you are surrounded by them each day. I hope you find what you look for and have a beautiful life.
THAT'S still 70 million people
1%? Are you high?
My husband looks away from the tv when there is just girls in bikinis. I tell him every time that it doesn’t bother me and he is free to look. His response has always been “nah I’m good, I don’t want to.” He is always telling his coworkers about his “hot wife” and will get protective if any man is trying to get with me. I am an extremely lucky lady and I have eyes for no one else. I have had many terrible relationships and I don’t regret any of them because I know now that when you find a man like this you never let them go.
I love the girl with the reds hair perspective- she is so calm and peaceful and all of the things she said were so thoughtful and well worded.
I agree! She actually had a good opinion and stayed completely calm.
I'm not poly-- but I really liked and agreed with some of her views.
Heatherly B she was on the monogamy side
fr lmk if you find her @
🌹❤️🔥
Speaking of why you only have one partner, well the difference here is a partner that you truly love also has more time spent with you. Time teaches you about the other person and allows you to bond deeply. You can't physically spend a lot of time with multiple partners, which is why, personally, I think those other "partners" would be friends.
You can't? If you can't, that sounds like a skill issue on your part. I spend as much time with one partner as I do the other. I also don't treat my partner in the same context I would a friend.
i think this video mistakes poly relationships with open relationships which are both completely differents
There is a big difference between attraction and feelings. You can be attracted to other people without having feelings or wanting to be with them. Like, people are attracted to celebrities, but that doesn't mean anything significant. It's not a bad thing if you find another person attractive.
Well said
I have feelings for multiple people. That doesn't mean all my feelings for people are equal.
Jealousy is a valid human emotion, it shouldn't be stigmatized. Its healthy to feel jealousy just as it is to feel sadness.
I agree.
Envy is the bad one. It means that you want to TAKE somthing that someone else has, because you want it. Or maybe just because you don't want them to have it. But jealously is wanting the same thing, or somthing similar, someone else has.
Agreed
Agree. It's how people process jealousy that can make it good or bad.
Aisling Duff I don’t think polyamorous people want to invalidate jealousy, just call it what it is: a negative and destructive emotion. It’s okay to feel it, it not okay to let that feeling hurt those you love.
thank you for this!
“Why don’t we have one friend? why do we need multiple friends?” Jokes on you I have none
looll
I'll be your friend french toast
So me ....
I only have one :/
@XxLaponzoxX don't brag 😂
I could totally be taking this the wrong way but I felt that the polyamorous side was trying to push the idea of having multiple partners like that’s what you should do. Like being monogamous was bad or selfish in some way. That’s what I read from what they were saying. Maybe they didn’t mean it that way and there were probably things that were cut out of the video that addressed that. I’m monogamous because that’s how I naturally love, I can’t imagine giving a similar kind of love I give to my partner to another person at the same time. I can’t handle that emotionally and I feel that is an okay feeling to have. I am not against polyamory it’s just not for me. I can and I do love multiple people in my life but it’s all different forms of love, love is not just romantic or family related. There are many many layers to love. And I believe that every human has the right to romantically love one person only or many partners. It does not matter to me…love is love
this was exactly how I felt
Meeting a person who gave the ideal of being monogamous but in actual reality behaved polyamorous or created excuses not to be monogamous or created excuses to deny actually being polyamorous was one of the most painful experiences to my self esteem I've ever experienced as a monogamous woman trying to understand it and be patient to think his excuses were real.
True, there is no shame in either as long as the people involved are in an agreement and respect it
The married guy is what I would consider perfect husband material, what dedication.
I think that the dedication and the responsibility I would have many people that have turn to polygamy don't actually have anymore. It's something that they did not have in their monogamous relationship. Like the lady in Orange and the guy in the black shirt the white man, like they had both been in monogamous relationships. But maybe they chose the wrong person to be in a relationship with, and that made them answer the question the way that they did. About going to the other side and becoming monogamous again.
Idk he seems like your typical christian guy. Dont know if I'd want a guy like that.
Ikr
Basic Penguin yeah I couldn’t be with a Christian. But i don’t think people like that have to be Christian. I’m like that and I’m more Buddhist than anything. I didn’t know that guys like him even existed
hey ;^)
This reinforces my suspicion that our society has lost track of a valuable category: friendship.
Raymond Morehouse brilliant point!
That's so true, unfortunately. Good point tho
... how??
@@TheBoeboe because people don't value friendships like they do with romantic relationships. People believe friendships are lower than romance simply because they think friendships aren't as intimate
i personally like friendship more than relationships. friendships have the opportunity to truly last forever.
To give my two unasked for cents about the people attending, I feel like the poly people felt rather immature and shallow (in regards of their emotional understanding of others) in a way the mono people weren’t. And like a lot of people pointed out already, seemed to be far more concerned about themselves, but I feel like they were so to a point where it almost became embarrassing about how out of tune they came off with empathy and social skills? Maybe I’m mainly thinking of the poly dude, but all of the mono people seemed far more in tune with their empathic side.
This was really nice to watch. I think both are true and authentic lifestyles, I think monogamy and polymory are a spectrum. I personally am monogamous, wouldn't even be open to a slightly open relationship, but I 100% think polymory can be beautiful and is a valid way to love.
Your comment is beautiful. Thank you - I agree.
The way that the polyamorous individuals spoke primarily of themselves whereas the monogamous individuals spoke more about their significant others was intriguing.
People in poly relationships are more worried about self satisfaction, not to say they don’t care about their partners but people in mono relationships definitely care more about their partner than themselves.
boostmymint trueee
boostmymint nice
I know right? It speaks volumes.
Exactly. They all seem self absorbed and obsessed with their own gratification. That just isnt how I can imagine a relationship.
I don’t think I will ever understood polygamy, but I respect someone’s ability to choose.
Polygamy is slightly different to Polyamory. Polygamy is the act of marrying several people, so one has more than one spouse. Polyamory is the ability to form deep, meaningful connections with more than one individual; these dynamics can manifest in many ways. As they stated here, you can have a Primary to whom you are married, but you might also have an asexual relationship with someone else, or an emotional & physical relationship with someone else, or maybe you form a triad. There's a million different possible dynamics, but the underlying fact is that you share a meaningful connection.
@@89DaddyslilGirl98 Probably should also point out that Polygamy is illegal in the United States. Polyamorous relationships, on the other hand, are not.
Polyamoury is in nature selfish. You are diminishing the other person in some way. You can't have as much love for the person if ur dishing out some to the side...
It isnt selfish if everyone is in the same. If we are a throuplr we are on the same situation, we are dividing our love in two, but we are also receiving two divide loves. Everyone is giving two halves and receiving two halves. An equivalente exchange like in monogamy
@@lukekneubuehl3109 I b eleive that if you are not giving 100% to the person you love even if there is another.... giving 50% is not all of you're love to a person... doesn't someone have a right to 100 percent of someone's love?
humans aren't "naturally" polyamorous, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing either. it's like a sexuality, you just feel how you feel, some people want a fully monogamous relationship because that's simply how they are, same thing for polyamorous people. no side is better or worse, people just live different lives. it's not because sOciEtY tOLd YOu tO bE mONogAmOuS!!! :/
What is natural? Or do you think there is no natural inclination? Genuine question.
true except humans are naturally polygamous but only for breeding purposes so if they want to use that argument then they also have to admit it is only sexual
Scientists agree that people are POLYAMOROUS
@@mossgossamer4093 then humans are naturally straight, and we are all meant to be straight and polygamous
Actually, society did, and does. You just have to know a bit of history
As a person who believes in monogamous, from my experience in the past has ruined my sex drive, same goes with my partner. We don't really have sex that much. But the love, faithfulness, activities we do together, friendship we have and kindness towards each other is what is more important to us. I know it sounds crazy, but sex isn't important to us. Of course it's great, when we get that sudden urge and we feel comfortable about it, but its rare. I think every person is different, I don't really like the sound of polygamous relationships... but as long as it's not hurting anyone and not being forced on people (like my ex partner tried to force it on me), I'm happy for those people. Life is too short for us arguing over each other with what's better and what's not. We're all individually different.
I'll be real with you, being a family with kids drastically changes you priorities.
Once kids go to college and you're financially "free" you'll feel like newly weds again.
I think people confuse sex with intimacy. Sounds like you have intimacy and that can last a lifetime.
@@jeanniemaycrawford4466 i agree, i relate!
yeah, it should be discussed before engaging with other people.
Are you asexual?
I love when people can just sit and share ideas and NOT argue it’s amazing
Emma Sabanovic no, it’s boring and annoying.
@@MasshG stfu
Emma you are SO right about that ! I wish Govt today, (in the U.S.A), could be that way!
Magic of editing
Well they are technically arguing but in a healthy, peaceful and respectful way. I agree though :)
I really appreciate the guy who understands both sides, and still chooses to be unabashedly in love with his wife.
I want to like your comment but i don't want to change the like's number...
Why? The poly people are all equally unabashedly in love with their partners. Why single that guy out? Being monogamous isn’t any more virtuous or dedicated than being polyamorous
@@ethanbarker9811 it is
she like Apple jacks I like Apple sauce Dumbass
Ethan Barker From all the comments, all of the poly people seem to be very argumentative and aggressive for no reason. This person was just making a kind comment about something she admired in the video.
Just because you “can’t” express jealous emotions in every situation doesn’t mean they are not there. A personal relationship is the only area in your life where, if expressed in a healthy way, there are no repercussions.
Monogamy is stability and thats what is so great about it and you cant fully embrace someone as your partner if you are stepping out
Loving multiple kids and friends is NOT the same thing. Lol
@@benjeesilv1596 It's a discussion. Why does it bother you so much how other people live their lives?
Facts
Anna J lol I thought the same thing .. I’m like wtf ? Lol
Maybe not for you. More power to you. I don't see polyamorous people telling you that your perception of love is faulty.
Yes!!!
I’m sorry, but the Matt guy reminds me of the stereotypical guy in the rom com movie where he cheats on the main character and makes some weird spiritual reason why and he would consider it not cheating lmao
LOL accurate!
exactly
😂😂😂😂😂😂
he seems sleazy and empty on the inside
The difference with polyamory though is that there’s no reason to cheat. It’s already out in the open and okay, no reason to lie
There's a big difference between acknowledging that a person is attractive and actually being attracted to them. I'm surprised that didn't come up during that part of the discussion.
Why don't you have 1 friend? Me- only has one friend 🤣
In the love question, I noticed the mono group talked about the other person and the poly group talked primarily about themselves.
Wow , I didn’t even notice that 🤔. That’s put a lot into perspective
It shows a lot, imo
Why should I love you if you don't love you? You know yourself better than anyone. But I do agree with your statement.
There is no suggestion that people in the mono group don't love themselves, I mean that's what Snapchats for. A more interesting reflection would be reviewing the levels at which people love themselves.
Interesting perspective .. I didn’t catch that
"we dont just love one kid, we love multiple children"
ugh i dont think thats the same thing....
It's not. It's better so say that we love people differently. There's no levels of love, only nuance.
Exactly like you automatically love your children, like its not even a choice. You however CHOOSE to love your spouse
Tyra Saffy a better example might be how we can love multiple friends.
Of course one can say everyone has a best friend, a primary love.
But that goes for a lot of poly people too.
For the record though, I have a mate who said clean out he doesn’t have one best friend, he kind of has a lot.
Antonne Turner Well than they aint good people
It's not the same kind of love obviously, but you can split your love between different people.
It'd be interesting hearing about the way they were raised and what kind of relationship they had with their parents (especially how attached they are to them).
LMFAO parent issues have entered the chat
omg i thought you said attracted at first I’m happy I read that wrong
@@nihilisticnirvana yeah it's not like that could have anything to do with the way you view romantic relationships throughout your life colud it. :)
@@christiaan4music it could! i believe in the oedipal/electra complex, and freud's theory of psychosexual development
Hi, I was raised in a happy household with loving and caring parents that I love and respect a lot, and I'm poly. I can't represent all of us of course, but if you have questions feel free to ask me
the monogamous dude is absolutely adorable, i love him
Hate how they compare romantic relationships and regular friendships. I love my friends but I'm in love with my fiance, there's a difference.
There's a difference but that doesn't mean your view on it is the only valid one
Amen I agree with you even tho I don't have a boyfriend I believe in love even tho I consider myself bisexual I love whoever makes me happy with myself ❤️ and doesn't want me for sex .
@@tawanakombora_19 I didn't say my view was the only valid one. All I meant was they're totally different types of relationships, It's like comparing apples and oranges.
Theresa Moore Yes but its still love, its still a relationship, so why you can love many friends and can't love many boyfriends ??? The same way your love for your best friend is different than your love for your mom, your love for your primarly boyfriend can be different from your love for your others boyfriends.
Personaly i cheated on everygirl i had a relationship with, i caused pain in people i loved and i hate myself for that, because i really feel guilty .
And i sincerly love my last ex, still today after 5years, and she know that, but im just different i think, i need others women in my life. She left me and i understand, and its still hard to this day when i think of it, so don't tell me i can't love many girls.
@@Anthonydu01630 I was only speaking for myself, not you.
I think people should learn the difference between lust and love
There is such an important difference tho... i can be attracted to one guy so much that adrenaline starts to over take me when he gets near but his personality stinks and i just can't
Exactly
Love is so much work and effort to build a long unique and lasting relationship! Definitely not love if you’re willing to multitask
@@yungmun4155 I beg to differ. Why limit your capacity to love?
Judith Furmston we all have different desires and needs, if the “lust” of polyamory or polygamy is what you feel comfortable with, then that’s great. As long as it fulfills you. It’s just not love.
Not trying to value one over the other, they’re just two different things
I love how throughout the video they got more comfortable with each other and everything just eased up a bit. Everyone here is so mature and I loved hearing their input.
Comparing Facebook friends to a partner is so odd... I don't even talk to 95% of people on FB. I live, sleep, eat, laugh, cry, and more with my partner. Even with friends, like yeah we hang out but they don't know all my secrets and what not.
Maybe I only think that because I'm in a monogamous relationship lol
Those polyamory peeps must have MAD time management skills lol
Hahaha haha!!!!.
I think it’s unhealthy to have your partner “complete” you. Two COMPLETE individuals make a relationship. Codependency stems from the idea of being “completed” by another individual.
I think that during our lives we made "more" by any loving relation we have I would be devastated losing my best friend and it would hurt just as much as losing a loving partner
crs I fully agree! Your partner is never going to make up half of you, but they will be an important piece in your life, and like any important relationship in your life (long-time friends, family, etc), their presence would feel fulfilling and their absence would make you feel you are missing that important piece, that your life has been made incomplete.
Totally agree with you there Madison! I became a stronger individual from being in a long term relationship but I was born alone and I will die alone
Yes, at that last question Shan was so right. "Romantic love" is not a good teacher. I am in a monogamous relationship, we are two people that are together because we choose to, but we are NOT two halfs. I will be always completed by myself.
well yeah, not to a toxic level but aren't relationships essentially about survival (speaking from an evolutionary point of view) and that would obv mean emotional support and dependency etc amongst partners
I really liked the polyamorous dude. He was super open-minded and I could tell that he wanted to make sure that everyone is comfortable and heard
I'd be interesting to know their viewpoints when they are in their 60s or 70s and have kids or grandkids, see what they learned and what they got. Please bring them back later. You guys are doing a great job.
I love how totally mature and respective this discussion was. These participants came in with an open mind and genuinely seemed to be trying to find a middle ground rather than working to shut down the opposing view. Definitely one of my favourites in the series, thus far.
I enjoyed their discussion but I think if they are trying to win people over to ‘their side’ then it’s pointless. Especially the polyamorous people challenging the monogamous people about being jealous or not just having one friend. It’s like trying to convince fish that land is great. There’s little room for change here but a lot of room for understanding
+revaholic they really aren't trying to pull them to the other side they're defending their own beliefs because the monogamous side is trying to imply that there's something psychologically wrong with the other side not feeling jealous
BR May 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 somebody who gets it
Yes agreed!!
Double chin girl has left the chat
REMEMBER!!!! just because you don't understand does not mean you get to disrespect it.
Yesss
Poly is a disrespect to real love itself
@@leleyang3088 that's kinda unfair to say that don't you think?
I mean I'm poly and I love every single person in my relationship, it isn't for selfish or sexual reasons at all.
It just works better for me, it also makes me feel saver knowing if someone in the relationship has a child we'll all be able to care for it, It might be due to my trauma that I feel a child would be saver in a big family.
We love and care for each other more then anyone else.
The people in the video weren't the best at showing how we really are.
@@leleyang3088 it works for them?
@@leleyang3088 i found you in so many comments section, why hating on polyamorous?
So beautiful that everyone respected each others opinions and were so honest and open. This is what communication is all about. Thank you for sharing your stories
I think relationship jealousy is much different than jealousy in other aspects of life.
Woooow loved the redhead answering how monogamy isn’t easy
They are all very eloquent in how they express their thoughts and feelings and I learned a lot from this discussion because of how they all speak
If it isn’t easy and we must put in effort doesn’t that indicate it’s not how things are supposed to be? Since the dawn of time, even in the animal kingdom STILL “polygamy” rules. It’s just the way it is and will always be we can’t change human instinct. All we’re doing is suppressing it. But for what? Simply to not hurt feelings that’s why. But that doesn’t subside the fact that polygamy is how biology intended things to be.
I was like Yass girl!! hahah. It was just so well said. I do see the point that the other girl had, but the redhead's response just really hit home for a reason
Onzah if we were all “suppressing” our want to be in a polygamous relationship don’t you think there would be high suicide rates and depression among everybody because we are repressing a part of ourselves and don’t you think there would be riots and discussions regarding this? Oh yeah and to poke holes in ur argument, there are many animals such as penguins who have mates for life, which means being in a monogamous relationship for the rest of their lives so no it’s not normal in every animal kingdom. I don’t care if you believe polygamy is the next thing since sliced bread, but don’t go around telling people who don’t want to be polyamorous that we are “suppressing” a part of ourselves and we are naturally meant to have many partners. You aren’t helping your case.
Rubaba Rehman it is wired into mans brain. You can’t “unwire” that. That’s why people cheat. You can’t suppress animalístic urges. They will always remain
I am a very monogamous person but hey, I do feel complete by myself.. like come on, you don't have to have a partner to feel complete!
Agreed! Btw I love your profile pic :)
Good point! I couldn't help but notice your pfp. Do you have a favorite song from the album?
Fact
Love your pfp 💜
yes!!! thank you I was searching for this comment!
7:38 Monogamy was designed hundreds of years ago, but let me tell you , so was polygamy. There were all sets of rules for both the kind of marriages/partnership. We have so many references in our Vedic/ancient scripture here in India, which is still practiced (not a high number though).
I feel, we should give equal importance to the relationship itself, be it monogamy or polygamy. Both requires commitment. now its on you how you define love.
But I have to say, we should'nt equate intimate relation such as marriage, to friends & kids . It's like comparing oranges to potato.
Both kind of setting has it's own set of beauty, let's keep it that way. you neither have to oppose it or validate it.
smartest comment on here tbh
I'd love to see this conversation between elder people from different cultures and generations througout time. It would be a completely different story.
I think the deep instinctual jealousy between partners is rooted in the fact that you only create another human being with one person. You can create many human beings with different people, but in the act of creating, you only do it EXCLUSIVELY with one person. One sperm, one egg. So I think this is the root of it all.
The question whether human being are naturally monogamous or not doesn't solve any problem and the answer, for sure is both yes and no.
I couldn’t imagine having an open/polyamorous relationship but it’s really interesting to hear the other side
Yesss we stan respectful comments
You had us in the first half, not gonna lie
@@terrinarobinson7781 how
@@myacole1272 I thought Raya Ann was going to say something negative about open/polymerous relationship but she didn't
Hi, where are you from?
Polyamory is not for everyone but I think monogamy isn’t for everyone either so just be yourself and live your truth!
love isn't for everyone either, so go be alone and happy....well still have friends.
There is no such thing as “YOUR TRUTH” that’s a made up term. Which makes truth subjective, truth isn’t subjective if it was there would be no real truth.
That still does not give someone a right to give your partner a heartbreak
And polyamary is one of the main reason people do divorce in India because people are too scared to come out to thier partner or society rejects them
@@kimetsunoacademia3528 I mean open relationships are not cheating as the other person know/may also be polygamous.
this is the most chill middle ground conversation. just sharing ideas and understanding each other.
i just love how positive this video was. a lot of these middle ground videos involve lots of arguing but in this video its just people with different lifestyles having a discussion ❤️
"Why don't you have one friend?"
Me: 👁👄👁 I do..
Loyal
damn dude thats so sad
i have none
There is a difference between wanting to pipe it up with multiple mf's and wanting play legos with the homies/homie
@@sana5426 it isn't tho. I've got 3 only 3 friends and every single one is my best friend. I have 6 wives, married them in the most beautiful ways possible and I'll probably be having more. Life has been an adventure with them. And I'm just 25 ffs. I dunno what I'd be without them, they're just so perfect in every way. My life would be a terrible boring mess without them. And no I'm not arab or muslim, I'm hindu. Stop stereotyping people smh
@@meghanachauhan9380 Dude I was not stereotyping you. I just said the love you have for your friends is different between the love you have for you so. You do you. If you want to have 6 wives go ahead. I do not understand why you brought in religion tho. No where in my comment I mentioned anything about religion.
When Ryan said “I love her more everyday”, it melted me. Like, I evaporated.
Duuuuude, me too. 😭
That guy is doing it right.
He's a real man. Ladies I hope all of you get that one day, it's hard to come by. Anyone else a hopeless romantic that thinks about love more than sex?
He was raised the right way 😢💯
Yeah, good for him taht he had one gf that became his wife. I bet their relationship will last even into old age. Honestly that's what I truly want. But it's so hard to find a virtuous Christian girl that's at least cute. I'm sorry but physical attraction needs to be there to some degree.
I think there is something that even the most extreme polyamorous person accepts and that if a relationship starts monogamous and then becomes poly to save it or something it's just a recipe for disaster, i literally never heard of something like that working or affectjng people positively
I love the complete acceptance. Being loved for the fact you can love more than one person! My husband and partner love that about me and it's the most beautiful thing to feel so loved for something society wants to shame you for
the guy is completely enamored with his wife and it's so wholesome
Fr like I want a guy like that🥺
Gay
Cringy
Ikr xD
@Redrustyhill what's codependency when you're in love with someone?? So men cheat by design?? A man isn't secure in himself if he doesn't have multiple partners?? What the fuck??
I LOVE the red-headed girl. She’s extremely fair and intelligent.
You love her because shes pale?
Basic Penguin nooo lol fair as in her arguments are fair and the way she respects others’ opinions is fair
Not fair skin 😂
I feel like she was a bit off the mark with the sex life question, but that may be just my personal stance on the matter.
I like how well she prestented her arguments though. She was not offenicve but did well at defending her point.
Micaela Wearne or maybe cause y’all look alike
@@arianaalmeida7425 😂
17:04
I've literally never once met a person who feels the same way that I do. I have been with my partner for 6 and a half years and I am the same way.
Hearing someone else is like this really comforts me
This is one of the most wholesome middle grounds I’ve ever seen.
Then why don't we just have one friend?
*Well, I do-*
toutito22 introvert squad
Same 🙌
I have no friend
toutito22 I have zero! Lol
@Valerie Rose well duh
Black girl be treating her primary partner like Ash treats Pikachu over his other pokemon
I think she's Indian but I agree lol
@@mikaylavanderheyde2061 How tf do you think she is Indian?? lmaooo
@@mikaylavanderheyde2061 Indian? Wtf
@@DFOlover1 she's half indian so yeah....
Alpha Zulu One she is 50% Indian, 25% black and 25% white so it is not correct to refer to her as black.
Secondly her primary partner is sexually attractive and he is not earning more money than her.
You need to admit that you don’t really know a lot about women.
This has to be my favorite jubilee video. Hearing both sides was so intriguing and hearing various points of view. The poly guy and poly girl with red hair hit so hard in so many ways. For me polyamory is new and liberating, but just like the monogamy red head girl said, it’s hard…any relationship.
It's the "I love her more everyday" for me
Loved the redhead, she spoke so confidently and was spitting straight facts.
Simply A. It couldn’t be straight cuz she’s gay/bi.....
Okay i’ll see myself out😅
Darkrai Gamer2907 so unnecessary.
Simply A. It’s just a joke
Simply A. omg it’s a joke..also being called gay/bi is not an insult girl
Emma • never said it was an insult and never said it wasn’t a joke. i said it was an unnecessary comment.
I don’t like to share. Never have. Never will.
Satisfactory Bagelfreund hahahahaha good one 🤣
Amen
And that’s cool for you, but people should be allowed to be polyamorous if they choose to be as well
Lol I can tell, you don't seem to be sharing your food either huh?
Elizabeth Gomez I’m glad to see your troll face scrolling through the comments, it’s refreshing
Every word that Aliyah ever spoke had reasoning and Wisdom behind it. She knows what she meant. She is serious, Not playing around, being true to herself and is Moral and self-respective.
Yes. I'm in love with her. haha
Yeah
It’s true, you have to come in as a whole person into a relationship. NOT as someone looking to depend on, or latch onto someone and using them as a life source. It’s supposedly a mutually beneficial relationship of growth together, not constantly chipping away at and siphoning each other.
You can really tell the monogamous guy loves his wife.
He trained himself to not look at other women for her.
Such a keeper.
I hope i find someone like him..
For me, witnessing a variety of the different types of beautiful women helps me place my partner in my mind as a unique individual. It contextualizes my view of her and keeps my attraction to her fresh. I was with someone who could not get this concept at all, and she'd throw jealous fits if there was someone else attractive in the room - I had to avoid looking in that direction and even had to look at the ground if a pretty woman was walking towards us on the sidewalk. It was ridiculous.
That said, it's healthy for a guy to break his habit of mentally "shopping" once he's with someone.
@@evenmorenonsense
that is so true specially nowadays.
Romantic consumerism is taking its toll on people's faithfulness, sanity and happiness.
if that person is willing to date you for 6 YEARS they're beyond a keeper
@@camomiletea7357
what do u mean?
i don't get it.
@@rizzamaeong he said he had known his wife for 8 years and they were married 2 years ago
Finally a video without arguing
Comment section: hold my beer
Lol have you watched the men's rights vs feminists video??? Omg I didn't even listen to the video the comment section cracked me up 😂😂😂😂😂😂..... *Check it out if you haven't*
Enid Masai lol I just watched that and Everyone was hating on Derrick
florence pugh is so beautiful ikr
@@enidmasai9384 yes I just came here from that video lol!
The RUclips comment section is extremely toxic.. I hate going to the comment section because, even though I don't comment on anything, I still feel severely hurt to see these people say these hurtful things because someone doesn't agree with their opinions..
She said it, your relationship is what YOU make it. Mono or poly is really just up to the persons involved. Never force it. Never manipulate it. Keep transparency and boundaries set.
Shan is firing lots of subliminals at monogamy. Saying monogamy is "pre-boxed" and just handed to us by society and we essentially are sheeple accepting what was given to us while saying the "power" that polyamory has over monogamy is "seeing each other and figuring out what best works for us"...yea all that is dismissive of that fact that monogamy requires self-control and just because it is widely accepted doesn't make is easier. My question to her is, why is it necessary for her to cast monogamy in that light? To me, that is a defensive tactic...something we use when we feel threatened.
The red haired girl is talking so much sense she honestly knows what she's talking about
Queen Awo yeessssss
Queen Awo right!!!
thank you very much for the kind words! you're all so great!
Honestly, I have nothing against polyamorous relationship, but it sounds so damn exhausting and I can only focus all of my love and attention into one person.
Bree To me it is the opposite and I can't talk to one girl for too long before they want to know who i really am. I hate opening up to people so closed relationships tire me out. Also I refuse to ever share a place of living with any girl cause that is an invasion of my privacy. So it's cool to see how people can be so differint
Jake Miller that’s actually really interesting. Never thought of it that way!
Fair enough! Like they said in the video it's not for everyone.
I've been in poly relationships, open relationship, and monogamous relationships. And at each point in my life that's what I needed idk what I will have next but here's hoping love comes my way soon!
That’s totally reasonable! I’m am personally Poly but that is because I am very much Career driven so being in a monogamous relationship wouldn’t be fair on the other person. Since I am devoting time to my Career, I shouldn’t force them to feel as if they are forced to be with me, when I am not putting as much time into them as they are to me. That’s why I personally believe in Poly relationships in my situation, so they are as happy as I am :) but your opinion is totally valid and reasonable.
You kinda look like Miranda Cosgrove lol
20:07 to 20:24 i felt this ...because at the end of day, we never know what the future holds when it comes to relationships but as individuals i feel like being strong individuals helps alot when you do decide to be in a relationship
I relate to that one guy. Not that I have to suppress or anything but once I am truly attracted or in love with someone I just automatically stop finding others attractive idek how it works I will still find my significant other more attractive than the most conventionally famous people.
I don't really understand people with multiple partners, but I also don't care. It's not my life. Do whatever you want if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt others. I don't want more than one partner, but if you want that go for it. Why should I care about what anybody else do with their life?
We need more people like you
@@eduarddavid7116 well if they say that they have multiple partners, you should support them and respect their decision
Eduard David I don’t think I would care if my relative said that. Yes, it would take some time to get use to, but in the end it’s not my life, and it’s not my decision.
Then why you commenting on a video thats about this particular topic
The closest thing to me having multiple relationships is all the kpop groups i stan calling their fandom their gf/bf
people act as if jealousy only exists in romantic relationships. it exists in all forms of relationships, you can be jealous of a random person on the street or someone on instagram or your best friend. it's about finding ways to sit with those emotions and talk them out, and figure out solutions that work for everyone. at the end of the day, monogamous and polyamorous relationships are both valid, as long as there is open communication and trust, the relationship(s) can flourish. different things work for different people.
@talooshh why are you not the top comment???
Envy and jealousy isn't the same thing.
Jealousy is the fear of loosing something or someone. You can't be "jealous of a random person in the street"
Cat's Eyes jealousy has the meaning of not having something that another person has for example: I’m jealous of my friends shoes or new t-shirt. I have learned in my psychology class that jealousy can be good and bad, being jealous of someone when he does something better than you but using that jealousy as a fire to start doing better it’s the good side, but when someone does somethinf better than you and you just try to do things to make him look bad that’s the bad side and this works in relationships as well, jealousy that leads to more conversation and understanding is the good side but jealousy that leads to insecurity, no understanding and just blaming your partner it’s the bad side.
Cat's Eyes But envy is a form of jealousy
It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you want as long as you both or all of the same intentions.
these kinds of things vary from relationship to relationship. like what one of them said it’s really about boundaries and setting rules for transparency and understanding that if you step over your previously agreed boundaries that’s when it becomes wrong, no matter what set up you’re in. with that said i dont think any of these set-ups are wrong at all as long as no one is forced into it and everyone is fully accepting. and imo it shouldnt even be up for debate because it’s like no one should have to dictate your own choices and what you think is best for you.