Lessons from My Ethical Non-Monogamous Household | Luna Martinez | TEDxCSU
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- Relationships are one of the intricate, necessary, and beautiful (sometimes painful) parts of the human experience. A less traditional parenthood among several other factors shaped the outlook of our speaker. We’ll hear the personal narrative of how ethical non-monogamy might be right for you, but that might not always be the case. Luna This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Loved the acknowledgment that there is so much more to life than rushing into “perfection” before being “too old.” You’re never too old to fall in love again and re-invent yourself. These rules don’t work for everyone and it takes intelligence to think independently and create your own rules. It’s about choice.
I’m grateful you had the parents you did
Monogamy shall be a matter of choice, not compulsion.
I would tell the opposite.
Polygamy should be a choice, not the norm
@@omprakashbiswas3254 Totally agreed!
@@omprakashbiswas3254 that's not really the opposite though, is it? I mean, non monogamy doesn't always equal polygamy.
@@omprakashbiswas3254 That's not the opposite at all.
well ofc its a choice, everything is a choice. but most of time not not advisable bcz its not that good of a choice.
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and resources, great job!
I say it all the time. There cannot be only one “the one” in a world of 8 billion people. Love can be abundant and boundless.
Agree 100% (And the world would be a much happier and joyful place if we didn't put such "boundaries" on love!!)
there’s no limits to love. but monogamy and polyamory in especially romantic relationships can definitely be a conscious choice in allignment w each individual
@@nyterpfan 0:30 i
Thats not love, thats horniness
Just say you wanna cheat
Great hearing from a child of a non-monogamous household. Polys need more visibility. 🙌
Without monogamy society can't exist
@@gigifabozzi5433 Lol, that's obviously not true 😂
@@schnuffchen0102 there is no society that was able to thrive without monogamy. Birth rates are collapsing if you want to use current society as an example, if the trend continues we will go extinct.
@@gigifabozzi5433 good.
@Anna Happen. No, poly-relationships do not need more visibility. Let’s not normalise this. 🤦🏻♀️😅
Great talk!
Great to non-monog families coming more in to the light and being open about their experiences around it.
This was fantastic. You’re very intelligent, passionate and a powerful speaker.
Interesting perspective She showed lots of courage to be so honest. Never really considered the poly amorous life style.
Great idea and nice talk. Im not looking at how you perform and how about you talk. I think you will get more better and for me also when you do it consistently . However im looking and listening on what you are speaking of and its great ,love it thanks
Good working TEdx talk but you should broadcast video with subtitles.
I am of the belief that a person has MANY soulmates throughout their life. None more significant of meaningful than others, all with their own grace and charm along with ups and downs. Each soulmate comes into a person's life for a season and for a purpose. Not all soulmates are romantic either. Some people were simply meant to be in your life. ❤❤❤
Bravo
So she sleeps with multiple people to avoid getting hurt and disappointed got it
Fully Support! Great Presentation!Blessings Always!🌈🌎🌍🌏🌌
I have one question about monogamy
It is which is a great numbers among femal &male in z world?
Interesting. I've been brought up in a way that didn't make marriage seem like the center of existence and I've been comfortably single and also feel comfortable about marrying monogamously as now I am almost 30. From my perspective polyamory is a sort of reaction to a feeling of obligation to have a relationship where freedom is found through going from one relationship to more. Personally I've always found freedom in pursuing passions that don't require relationships (arts).
I love this
I hate to be the 70th commenter lol but it's just so sad and pitiful that so many commenters here clearly know nothing about ENM.
Clearly none of you know of the tribes and societies that have existed for thousands of years with poly being a core value in their lives, and has in fact, strengthened their chances of survival.
Clearly the talker has issues that need to be self-investigated and ironed out, and maybe ENM (ethical being everyone involved has consented and is comfortable and happy - why can't people accept this I don't know...) is a helpful tool for getting on the healthiest path for _their_ life; not yours, theirs! Which, NONE of us have a right to tell them how that should look or how they should do it because none of us know what is best for them as we have not lived their life.
It's very clear that the people crying that poly being "unnatural", (which you can't truly believe yourselves when HALF of marriages , the ultimate monogamous goal, end in divorce...) have issues controlling and differentiating their emotions and biases with facts and information. If you're not even here to learn about what ENM can look like, then you're just here cause you like the sound of your own voice and want to make your self feel better about your life choices through the act of projection.
You see how the bio says, "personal narrative", yeah, that says everything you need to know about how this video should be taken, yet you've got your knickers in a twist because it goes against what Disney films have taught you and what society expects from you.
I hope you all have wonderful relationships throughout your lives, I really do, but so far in my life I have only met polyamorous people who are consciously working on becoming responsible and accountable partners, be that in jealousy or how one conducts relationships in general.
Monogamous people have a lot to learn about self-reflection when it comes in comparison to poly people.
It's funny how so many people give their opinion acting like they know what they are saying
"poly being a core value in their lives, and has in fact, strengthened their chances of survival." nah bro they just do what they want and move on with their day. no one who was polygamous think polygamy is a "core value"
as a completely open minded person this was probably the least profound TEDx talk ive watched and ive seen a lot... I respect her position but this is heavily biased and less informative than the podcasts she "cited" (the citations were.... what). I understand this was "lesson I learned", Its just not I came to learn from TEDx about. I heard her and again can respect her point and at the end of the day more women are going to be hurt by men. Men will also be hurt by women. Its beyond me to think that humanity is disolving into a state of distrust and disillusion around the idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. HOT TAKE: STOP BUYING INTO PEOPLE WHO DONT GENUINELY CARE ABOUT YOU
Edit: As humans we have free will. We are responsible for ourselves and what we create. If someone can make this work cool, and to also spout this off at a science convention without someeeeee science or at least have some sort of professional citation instead of "podcast" in the last 30 seconds. I watch this 3 times before commenting, and I can say I didnt learn anything more than a personal perspective of ONE person. Kinda expected more when I search to learn more from an accredited source for bringing in professionals. @ me Its my opinion just as much as I watch 15 minutes of her PERSONAL opinion
Well said
👏 👏 👏
What happened to the marriage covenant, between a husband and a wife!!
I blame rock and roll music
To quote Osho--(a very prolific Buddhist writer)--"Love is not a possession--it is a state of being."
There would be so much more joy and happiness in this world if this quote became the standard definition of love--and if we lived it each day!!
No it wouldn't and it won't
Cool words, but lots of way more reputable people said similar things! Osho (Rajneesh) was not buddhist. He was the *very* controversial leader of a well known cult (check out the documentary Wild, Wild Country!).
@@rayenova I saw that documentary--it paints a somewhat "slanted" picture IMHO. (As far as Osho not being Buddhist read his book "The Buddha Said"--it is obvious that Osho at the minimum was HEAVILY influenced by Buddha's teachings.)
you're a pseudo intellectual spiritual matt stoney, you should never speak your opinion in public again
That's what he whispered to your wife before he took her to his room
Bu benim neden keşfetimde?
Best love language is “MONEY”
Healthy household
Anything about polygamy is getting ignored
Crux Saccra sit mihi lux! Non dracco sit mihi dux
Never in your life complaint ......where have all the good men gone.
I resemble with everything she said except for the love languages part, we all like words of affirmation as much as physical love... love languages are irrelevant, we are all looking for the 5 parts.
I agree love is just a chemical reaction fades away in 1 year.
@@kanekane5216 I feel very sad you believe that. You deserve better of yourself 💜
One dominates the most is usually what that refers to…not that the person is missing one or a few.
You're kinda right on one part ; that we are looking for all 5 parts. But I think how it works is the degree to which you want specific things....
I took the test and receiving gifts was the last love language. But it's not like i don't love getting gifts. It's just that I prefer quality time more than that, maybe not necessarily over that.
@@kanekane5216 you're right about the chemicals, and even the fading away, but that's just the feeling of love. The act of love requires effort to keep the wave flowing, make the chemical reactions in you happen again...to learn about the neurotransmitters and how to keep them going in a relationship, to trust the person vulnerably enough to build your own mental fortitude and faith in your own ability to love (as an action, not just riding a feeling), i guess.
One thing of this non-monogomus arrangement. Most men want it to be one sided. I can't see other people but he can.
What’s stopping you? It’s easy for a woman to get a man. It’s just that the man might not be over 6 feet tall, make 6 figures, and have 6 pack abs.
Well said
@@jizz1488
Thanks
The man doesn’t own you so do what you want
I know a happuly married couple where she has a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, but without all this doublespeak.
Man, there is a lot of hate on here! Most of you seem to set in this cookie-cutter, monogamous, wet blanket of a view on healthy relationships. I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for 10 years now, and my wife and I are miles ahead in communication and happiness, then most of the relationships I know. Non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, but just to hate because it’s not “the norm,” is not only sad. It’s boring.
There is nothing Worse then listening to enm ppl talk about being enm 🤮
Such relationships are for insecure and for people who lack ability to commit.
i agree with you!!! Non Monogamy is like sleeping with your woman, whom had slept with another man a few hours ago, and another man a day ago, and another one the other day and the neighbor's husband last weekend. I see non monogamy like that of an open relationship. Where are the feelings then??
4th?
Third.
@@RamenRecroom Second
@@isobelb First
Non monogamy. Ethical? I don't think the vast majority of human ancestry gave a stuff about the ethics. It has always been about the gratification, balanced with dominance and empathy. Some apes are matriarchal. Others have dominant males. We humans just blunder through relationships and procreation.
Yes, I mainly agree with this
No kidding!!
Ancient culture and civilization was not monogamous. Most animals are not monogamous. It's a very interesting topic
@@Jeeplee_rc
Slavery was also a worldwide institution for most of human history :)
Society will sooner or later stop imposing the ethics and religious beliefs from one section of society to others that need to get with the program.
Absolute mess
What the heck is she talking about? This is what atheistic parenting gets you? This sounds like utter confusion to me. I’m glad that her talk was not the classic perfect sounding TED TALK. She was genuine in that way though I don’t agree with much of what she said. And that’s all good. This is her life and life is about choices, right or wrong.
And who are you to tell another whether their choices are right or wrong?
Mr. Hyde was more coherent
Please don’t make it religious
"Humans are now mostly monogamous, but this has been the norm for just the past 1,000 years." These days it's ok for a woman to have a concubine since things seem so reversed!
FFS.
TEDx will allow absolutely anyone to speak these days 🤮🤮
this is terrible for kids.
Something I can never understand. There is no relationship if it’s non monogamous… whoever says it is lying to themselves
After listening to her I realized that she is just someone who was getting bad men in her life and she was basically convinced that there are no monogamy… and being raised in a family like that.
Which makes me feel sorry for her.
The truth is there are men and women who don’t cheat. And love each other.
Non monogamous marriages have been around and successful as well for thousands of years. And yes a man can love more than one woman. Many cultures still practice this as well.
You must have been really hurt at some point to be small minded enough to believe this. You don’t get to define other people’s relationships as valid or not 🙄 have a seat
@@lilyjones2368 have you have ever interacted with kids of "poly" folks ever. I have and I have known a case where this teenage son was totally disturbed when told that his mom had multiple partners.
It's easy to preach poly relationship as normal but it really isn't and especially a difficult thing for kids of the ones who are into this kind of an arrangement. So I'd say you better have a seat.
@@shivinunitholi2493 I agree, people don't consider the ramifications of these types of relationships. Here is an example so a woman has a relationship with 2 different men she becomes pregnant and she has no idea who the father is. What do you tell the kid, you have 2 daddy's. Now I understand today you can get a DNA TEST but not that long ago that was not possible. My understanding Is today as high as 5 to 30% of men are raising other men babies.
@@shivinunitholi2493 could one case be a sample representative for the entire population of kids of poly folks?
Why is it always decently attractive/normal women with obviously below average guys?
I don't think that's always the case
It is with me lol I’m not obviously below average but I’ve always had the confidence and ability to date what others would be afraid too.
They are with the below average to make sure he'll stay with them and raise their kids. They cheat on them with the good looking ones. I'm the good looking one and can confirm.
@@mateuszg6042 you think that an average woman has numerous below average boyfriends in case one day she has kids and needs childcare? That’s...certainly a theory you have there fella😂😂
Because those below average guys commit while she bangs the guys she likes but that don't commit to her
This is heartbreaking for a child to go through, it's confusing for them and it messes up marriage for them, polyamorous is not the way to go, that is not a healthy construct to go by
Why? She doesn't seem confused. If anything she's empowered. She has been given all the options and SHE, not her parents...not you, SHE has decided what she needs to be healthy.
@@timiadebayo8154 she seems high
All people who are defending this have never experienced real love. If you find the right person, the idea of touching someone else disgusts you and makes you sick to your stomach. If that's not the case then you are far from understanding what love is.
Better ethical non managony then cheating
for non monogamy promotion you have seriously monotonous presentation... school monologues are better than this...
:)) So funny! and so true!
Sorry, but there is really no such thing as "ethical" non-monogamy; no matter how much some people might like this to be legitimized. ( Ie morality actually exists and is not merely a human construct that people can change based on their own personal likes and dislikes).
Why is non-monogamy inherently immoral in your opinion?
You've not even begun a journey of self- awareness. You're basis for this statement is from the auto-pilot assumption that there actually is some kind of Supreme Moral authority i.e. a god of a chosen religion. Not everyone ascribes to such. Morality has been and always will be dependent on your own world view be it religious or not. I'm sorry friend but you're not everyone's moral authority nor is your god, or the god you got your auto pilot default ethics from.
@@annahappen7036 I'm not trying to get religion here but what you imply is there's nothing ethical and nothing moral. In that which case you're endorsing the "anyone can get laid with anyone" idea, is it.
@@henjoyner8788 because monogamy is the basis of society, without monogamy societies can't exist, and if something is a danger to society then its, by definition, unethical.
@@shivinunitholi2493 they very much did not say that. If anything they said that there is no *objective* morality/ethics.
I am so sorry. It sounds like you’ve reverted to open relationships because of hurt of men that you chose, and play it off as if the men you chose are solely responsible for the havoc in your life. You chose them.
Is that bad?
Hypergamy
non-monogamy only exists out of egoism and a lack of interest in the other, otherwise people would'nt try to find a 2nd or 3rd person to give them what they want just like that. ethical.... fhfdsh
Well that's just like... Your opinion, man.
@nevenomar I totally agree with you
Are you in a monogamous relationship?
Non manogamy itself in a relationship is not ethical u believe this cause mommy was a single parent with no ethics thus marrying into an open relationship and telling u its ok to be UNETHICAL just like mommy and new daddy im betting mommy had many side men,unethical hun
Oh yes it is. You don’t know what you’re talking about