This was actually the 1st time I have heard someone speak about being a young gay kid with a crush vs a young straight kid with a crush. I especially loved how you brought these 2 points to light: 1. How gay boys inherently know to keep their crushes a secret without being explicitly told to do so. This being a result of how embedded heterosexual ideals are in so many ways. I appreciate the part about how you gave examples on how sexualized kids actuay are by their straight parents and/or society at large 2. Gay young boys having crushes on older men. You mentioned that you had immature sexual feeling for older men that were on shows and movies that you watched. I as a 23 year old I can relate. Only for me, it was older men that I had immediate access to. The 1st time I ever feel butterflies in my stomach for a man (my substitute teacher) was in 2nd grade. He must have been like 33+ while I was like 7. I loved his muscles, his eyes, his smile, and how his hands and arms were hairy and very masculine. When I was 14 I remember distinctly having a major sexual attraction to the husband of my mom's female friend. He was 40 or so, Bald, chiseled face, in shape, blue-eyed, sweet, and gentle-- oh and he was French and could cook up a storm. I remember I must have thought about him for a month before "chilling out". Similar to you, if I had the opportunity to kiss him or do more, at the time, I would gladly have done it. I'm so glad I didn't ever get a chance because I was most definitely not mature enough for any of that even though I wanted him so bad. Having someone to talk to about this would have helped, but I kept it a secret just like other gay young boys did. Thanks for the discussion Ken can't wait to hear more.
Thank you! I really try to breach topics that either no one else does, or very few do. In full equality, little gay boys have the same types of feelings as little straight boys do, just with a "gay sensibility". It's not about "sexualizing children", which I really abhor. It's about asserting that in Equality Thinking, if little straight boys can have crushes on their female schoolmates, or on female TV/movie stars, little gay boys can, too. It's about "equal access" and equal rights to all feelings and experience. Gay boys' experiences are not (or, should not be) "less than" those of straight boys. But anything about romance or even vaguely "sexual" (if you can even call it that) always needs to be age-appropriate. The problem is, little straight boys get all kinds of info about straight relationships (through TV, fairy tales, books, etc.) and little gay boys don't get info about gay relationships unless they are seeing something (TV, movie) inclusive. All children need positive role models.
Hi, it's really helpful u sharing yr story.. I was thinking back and I reckon I had thing for Luke in farmboy outfit in the 77 star wars i was pretty young when I saw that lol.. I remember a history teacher I had a crush on wen I was about 10.. he was tall and tanned and I thought maybe I was drawn to him as a father substitute as I didn't have one at home or any male figure.. but the class went on a weekend away and one morning it was really early and I walked into bathroom in dorms and he was stripped to waist having wash at sink.. and it was definitely exciting.. I think I stood and watched for a minute.. I actually don't think I'd seen a male chest before unless was in a TV show.. I think I was pretty emotionally deprived at the time tho! I don't think he had any idea of what I was thinking 😂
@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA I completely agree with you on this. I wished i saw your comment sooner--I must have missed it. I'm 24 and even I grew up seeing only like 2 or 3 instances of LGBTQ+ representation in media (TV shows and or Film). The generation under me has more examples of us in film now than ever and I'm soooo happy for that. For instance, there was a Disney Channel show called "Andi Mack" that had 2 main characters that had a beyond friendly interest in each other that was shown in such wholesome (but very clear manner). I actually sat on you tube just to watch this kid show and witness these 2 characters develop to see how quality the representation was...I was actually impressed. I thought to myself my 10 year old self, my inner child, is so happy that young kids get to see this.
@@neilmurphy966 Thanks for your comment, Neil! Your story about your history teacher is SOO Freaking relatable lol. Haha just to think if it was normalized in both of our childhoods that LGBTQ+ characters were on the big screen, if our family members were out, and the stigma was gone, we would have figured these feelings out wayy earlier haha. I mean I knew by 7 that I like boys/men but didn't really say I was gay to myself until 15. I know some guys that have went through these feelings but genuinely struggled with them on and off and really didn't know the were indeed gay or even worse in my opinion, went through life having no attraction to anyone until they meet the one person of the same sex that opens the floodgates. By then, I heard the emotional distress and questioning of one's self is taxing.
Hi Guys! Just a heads-up that my new online course, "Improving Sexual Confidence for Gay Men", is now available, here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men
Ken! This is great, what a comprehensive inventory. No, not easy, agonizing, so much pain/loss to work through. So glad i'm back in therapy👍
Thanks! Hope your therapy is helpful. We all try to be!
This was actually the 1st time I have heard someone speak about being a young gay kid with a crush vs a young straight kid with a crush.
I especially loved how you brought these 2 points to light:
1. How gay boys inherently know to keep their crushes a secret without being explicitly told to do so. This being a result of how embedded heterosexual ideals are in so many ways. I appreciate the part about how you gave examples on how sexualized kids actuay are by their straight parents and/or society at large
2. Gay young boys having crushes on older men. You mentioned that you had immature sexual feeling for older men that were on shows and movies that you watched. I as a 23 year old I can relate. Only for me, it was older men that I had immediate access to. The 1st time I ever feel butterflies in my stomach for a man (my substitute teacher) was in 2nd grade. He must have been like 33+ while I was like 7. I loved his muscles, his eyes, his smile, and how his hands and arms were hairy and very masculine.
When I was 14 I remember distinctly having a major sexual attraction to the husband of my mom's female friend. He was 40 or so, Bald, chiseled face, in shape, blue-eyed, sweet, and gentle-- oh and he was French and could cook up a storm.
I remember I must have thought about him for a month before "chilling out". Similar to you, if I had the opportunity to kiss him or do more, at the time, I would gladly have done it.
I'm so glad I didn't ever get a chance because I was most definitely not mature enough for any of that even though I wanted him so bad.
Having someone to talk to about this would have helped, but I kept it a secret just like other gay young boys did.
Thanks for the discussion Ken can't wait to hear more.
Thank you! I really try to breach topics that either no one else does, or very few do. In full equality, little gay boys have the same types of feelings as little straight boys do, just with a "gay sensibility". It's not about "sexualizing children", which I really abhor. It's about asserting that in Equality Thinking, if little straight boys can have crushes on their female schoolmates, or on female TV/movie stars, little gay boys can, too. It's about "equal access" and equal rights to all feelings and experience. Gay boys' experiences are not (or, should not be) "less than" those of straight boys. But anything about romance or even vaguely "sexual" (if you can even call it that) always needs to be age-appropriate. The problem is, little straight boys get all kinds of info about straight relationships (through TV, fairy tales, books, etc.) and little gay boys don't get info about gay relationships unless they are seeing something (TV, movie) inclusive. All children need positive role models.
Hi, it's really helpful u sharing yr story.. I was thinking back and I reckon I had thing for Luke in farmboy outfit in the 77 star wars i was pretty young when I saw that lol.. I remember a history teacher I had a crush on wen I was about 10.. he was tall and tanned and I thought maybe I was drawn to him as a father substitute as I didn't have one at home or any male figure.. but the class went on a weekend away and one morning it was really early and I walked into bathroom in dorms and he was stripped to waist having wash at sink.. and it was definitely exciting.. I think I stood and watched for a minute.. I actually don't think I'd seen a male chest before unless was in a TV show.. I think I was pretty emotionally deprived at the time tho! I don't think he had any idea of what I was thinking 😂
@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA I completely agree with you on this. I wished i saw your comment sooner--I must have missed it. I'm 24 and even I grew up seeing only like 2 or 3 instances of LGBTQ+ representation in media (TV shows and or Film). The generation under me has more examples of us in film now than ever and I'm soooo happy for that. For instance, there was a Disney Channel show called "Andi Mack" that had 2 main characters that had a beyond friendly interest in each other that was shown in such wholesome (but very clear manner).
I actually sat on you tube just to watch this kid show and witness these 2 characters develop to see how quality the representation was...I was actually impressed. I thought to myself my 10 year old self, my inner child, is so happy that young kids get to see this.
@@neilmurphy966 Thanks for your comment, Neil! Your story about your history teacher is SOO Freaking relatable lol. Haha just to think if it was normalized in both of our childhoods that LGBTQ+ characters were on the big screen, if our family members were out, and the stigma was gone, we would have figured these feelings out wayy earlier haha. I mean I knew by 7 that I like boys/men but didn't really say I was gay to myself until 15. I know some guys that have went through these feelings but genuinely struggled with them on and off and really didn't know the were indeed gay or even worse in my opinion, went through life having no attraction to anyone until they meet the one person of the same sex that opens the floodgates. By then, I heard the emotional distress and questioning of one's self is taxing.
Hi Guys! Just a heads-up that my new online course, "Improving Sexual Confidence for Gay Men", is now available, here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men
Thanks, Ken! I heard you talk about this on your last video I think. Might check it out! I know how much you love the name Thinkific 🤭...
LOL! It's just so hard to say or type "Thinkific." And spell check goes mad! Even something like "ThinkMore" would have been better.
THANKS
You're welcome!