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Glad it was helpful!

Thanks! It's a glitch; working on getting that fixed...

I tend to agree; I bring a lot of "critical thinking" to rehab centers as a resource. I think they are often way too commercial. We (providers/professionals) always have to make a living/livelihood, but I think the "famous rehabs" at $40,000 a month or whatever are taking advantage. I know for a fact some of them commit insurance fraud and make tons of money; I don't do that, I'm kind of a "boy scout" for ethics, but that's just me and my value system. I don't have the vacation home or whatever, but I have a clearer conscience (LOL). When someone has a drug or alcohol problem, I've helped lot of guys with this, with or without 12-Step (although there is a noticeable pattern that the ones who do "some" form of program fare better), and a lot of (sustained) recovery can be achieved in "just" outpatient psychotherapy; I know, because I've done this a lot in my career (over 30 years). This is a big topic with lots of layers to it. Thanks for listening to the show, by the way.

A lot of guys like monogamous relationships just for that reason. They make each other feel special that way. In my career (over 30 years) of working with gay male couples (and polycules), I've seen a lot of variations on relationship style work. It all comes down to what is right for the partners involved, and even that can change over time with the same couple.

That sounds like a fun experience! Sudden fun experiences can enhance life over time.

Hi. Yes, my podcast show "feeds" directly via Liberated Syndication into this RUclips channel, audio only.

Sounds interesting! Can you say more about that?

@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLAas a gay man how to get over that one that got away.

@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA imo that ties in with regrets ie not taking a chance with a guy or feeling as if have missed out or ruminating on how things could've gone differently!?

LOL! No, not a cult leader. Maybe I should start one? I'd rather start a gang that dances in the streets like the Jets in "West Side Story" and sings show tunes. That sounds more fun. Cults just sound bummer. Trump is a cult and that's certainly a bummer.

It's fun to hear what different materials guys like. Leather, rubber, metal, Neoprene, etc.

Hey! Thank you so much! Glad it helped!

Good point. We all have things that maybe we "should" tell dates, and we don't always do it. Things like bad dishonesties like holding ourselves out as single when we're actually partnered is a no-no. Or saying that we "want to date" when we just want sex. Or withholding that we are not really available do date long term because we are moving to a different city. Or life facts like being an ex-con or something. Anything that is a "high-level disclosure", though, is something usually kept for subsequent dates and a certain "right to know" basis. It's about discretion -- saying things not too early, and not too late.

Hi. It sounds you've had some really tough experiences; sorry to hear that. If I can be of support in that, please consider doing some work with me. 55 is too young yet to give up. I think you need validation and support for the bad experiences you've been through, but also a strategy for how to move beyond them and give yourself (and other guys) a chance. There are ways to reduce bitterness, which makes for a better time of it in "senior" (if we can call over 55 "senior") years.

Thanks, Ken! I heard you talk about this on your last video I think. Might check it out! I know how much you love the name Thinkific 🤭...

LOL! It's just so hard to say or type "Thinkific." And spell check goes mad! Even something like "ThinkMore" would have been better.

🙄

Since I'm allergic to cats, this is a big deal for me. It makes visiting with the guy uncomfortable and unpleasant. But there's more to the cat issue than just my allergies. Sometimes cat people are so enamored of their cats that they don't realize how unhygienic some of that cat behavior can be. I remember being invited over to a guy's house for dinner. It was clear how important his cat was to him, seemingly as his primary relationship partner. He set dinner out on the dining room table, and went to the kitchen to handle something. As I was approaching the table to sit down, the cat, which was a bushy long-haired cat, jumped on to the dinner table, walked across it and then straddled my plate with its belly hair brushing into the food. When I told my host that I would be unable to eat the dinner on my plate, he was enraged. In my mind, that cat had been in and out of its litter box throughout the day - and God knows where else it had been, and now it was on top of the dinner table walking over the food, and particularly over the food on my plate. That would never be acceptable for me.

That's good point! "Pet hygiene" or "curtailing pet behavior" is a big one. Especially in the bedroom!

That's interesting. I think one of the keys to "healthy aging across the life span" is meeting new people. One of the biggest differences between people who "age well" and people who don't is the issue of social isolation, especially with people of all different ages. As a younger person, and now as a middle-aged person (or, I guess, "early senior") is that I love having friends of all ages. I hang out with some friends (just a couple) who are well over 90, which is wild, and some that are much younger, and some my own age. I think there is a certain "non-monetary wealth of life" when you have friends of different ages (and also races, nationalities, interests, etc.). Another "non-monetary wealth of life" is knowing and appreciating many different kinds of music, from brand-new hits to songs that were popular long before I was born. Even guys who are partnered can have an exciting time meeting new friends, though.

I hear you, but with each of these tips, it's not really faking it, it's just putting yourself in the best light socially to make a good first impression. Then the guy can get to know you over time, and, sure, he will find all your traits (the charming ones, and the annoying ones), just like you will find his. That's what the dating process is like. No partner is perfect, but people partner up anyway and provide for each other the "good enough" partner, which is not the same as "settling", but it's about having realistic expectations that no one (straight, gay, etc.) has the "perfect" partner 100 percent of the time. You can be authentic and still be at your best on a date with these (and many other) tips for making the best impression.

I don't use that kind of terminology to be "trendy" or "woke" or "virtue signaling" or whatever. The reason I use the term "cisgender" is to validate the existential and subjective experience of trans and nonbinary people and not just "assume" that everyone is cisgender (identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth), but rather to demonstrate awareness, validation, respect, dignity, and compassion for gender minorities. I use the term "heterosexual privilege" to point out that LGBTQ+ people DO, indeed, experience discrimination, harassment, bullying, invalidation, violent crime, white-collar crime, harassment, etc. that heterosexual people simply do not; to be free from such manifestations of minority stress in society is, indeed, a privilege. It's a social relief they don't have to deal with that, whereas LGBTQ+ people do, and it sucks, if perhaps to varying degrees for each person. I'm sorry you find it "not the channel for you," but if you're someone who might appreciate content that supports mental health, well-being, and quality of life, I'm hoping that at least one of the episodes might support you in how these issues manifest for you. Even straight people could benefit from some of this content, because while I deliberately focus on the specialized needs of gay men as my area of focus, a lot of this content aims to support, well, everyone in the human experience. Try out some other episodes that strike your fancy and see if there is some value to you from them.

"Cisgendered" really is indicative of low intelligence or psychopathy isn't it? Thought the same thing.

Big blanket statement. I drink but no one who dated me has ever or would have a problem with me because of it. Better to say not to date guys who can't go without it.

​@@simoxehCan you believe that there are people who actually say to their spouse that an Extramarital Affair was caused by their Drinking

Thanks! Glad you find it helpful.

Good point. In cases like that (we've all been there), likely our physical attraction to them is aroused and we get stimulated, including talking a lot or talking too fast. Dame Judi Dench, the acclaimed British actress, talks about this when she played Juliet in "Romeo and Juliet" when she was younger, saying that Juliet "talks fast" when she first meets and is infatuated with Romeo, and that "we've all been there, haven't we?" (in her new book, "Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays the Rent", which is a great (and educational, and funny!) book.

Thank you! I always hope folx find these helpful.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed. Hope you find other episodes that you like as well. Tell your friends! :)

LOL! I hear ya. More people don't know me because I don't have a publicist (not in the budget after podcast hosting and lots of overhead in Los Angeles). But I work with guys all over the world; we just need to figure out the time zone difference, which takes some Googling and planning; some guys in Europe are having their coaching sessions later at night, or in Australia or Hong Kong, Thailand, etc. very early in the morning. We make it work!

Well, u have now ❤😂

Hmmmmm; if you're 36 and never dated, your might have something that's holding you back, that might be overcome if you had help and support. Maybe we should be talking? ;)

@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA I may take you up on that. My leisure time is very limited, at the moment, however I’m taking care of a loved one.

why not.

I understand. I share remote care-taking of my mom in another state, with my sister (also in another state entirely), and it feels like a part-time job sometimes with the various items that just need troubleshooting (lately it's been fighting off scammers!).

At least you know he's open and gets some exercise.

@@BronzeDragon133 🥰

@@FirstLast-dy4gt Oh, please, let he who hath not shown up on a date walking funny and with six loads... Er. I would never do that.

I usually try to have at least a couple of loads in no matter where I am 🤷‍♂️

What does meanhas a load in

Unfortunately yes

Yes, the online world (including over the phone) can be the place for crimes and scams, especially for vulnerable populations like the elderly (my mother was the victim of a phone scam at least twice). There can also be outright dangerous folks "out there", although they are in the minority of guys online. Online dating requires a lot of self care and critical thinking for safety; maybe I'll do an episode on this. It's all about "proceed with caution."

@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA YES, there can be truly dangerous people online such as UK Grindr killer Stephen Port. But Jeffrey Dahmer found victims at gay bars.

They are out there! I hear from many of my single clients, who are GREAT guys, that they want a serious boyfriend/partner so badly and don't have one. I wish I could play matchmaker among my clients, because these are really upstanding guys. They definitely exist, despite all the "date from Hell" types people encounter. If you have a Fundamental Belief in Abundance (versus lack), they are out there. You have to have faith that there are many (many!) guys who would want nothing more than to have a nice date with you on a Saturday night. Dinner, movie, walk, concert, whatever. Tons of guys want that. Just keep putting yourself out there. Maybe if it's not a "dating spark", it could be an interesting new friend and then you can be "wing man" for one another.

That is correct, you should never hide who you are. I showed myself the way I was, and over time I made the best to make my couple show me the person he really was, we were able to work our differences and things are working great.

@@raymondcampusano2991 exactly! 👍🏾

Hey thanks! If you're interested in my courses they are here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men and here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/gay-men-starting-their-own-business. They are kind of really different topics: one is on gay men starting their own business and becoming self-employed after getting tired of working for others, and the second is on improving sexual self-confidence because NO ONE is offering that kind of material, and plenty of gay men need encouragement to "up their game" in the bedroom!

I've worked with guys on this. Have you considered couples therapy or relationship coaching (hint)? I offer this. gaytherapyla.com/services-offered/gay-sex-therapy/ and gaycoachingla.com/relationship/.

I disagree. There is nothing "disgusting" about sex in general or gay sex in particular, especially when the Six Principles of Sexual Health are abundantly present.

This is a very complicated topic, more so than I can reasonably respond to here. What I mean by "moralism" is not really morals, but the imposition of bigotry, antipathy, oppression, etc., kind of the opposites of tolerance and frankly Love. Think "Dolly Parton!"

Thank you for giving us an example of harmful religious moralism. :)

yeah sure that'd be nice if you weren't calling gay people inherently sinful

@@yams190 i dont know how you got that from my comment

@@teehee4096 if the truth is harmful to you then you are extremely weak

​​​@@realteamwallgay people are pretty much born that way. attraction is a normal part of life for most people on the planet, excluding ace or aro people, so youre outting these people's natural emotions as sin which insinuates they deserve "hell" and punishment in the afterlife. it doesnt matter if there's redemption or forgiveness, bc the innocence of two women or two men wanting to hold hands and act like any other cis-het couple is seen as 'outside the natural order' and that message isnt as "loving" as you think.