One real problem with online dating: There are a plethora of frauds, guys who pose as potential partners but really just are looking for money without even meeting. I have been contacted maybe 20 times by various people claiming to be the Crown Prince of Dubai. They always end up asking for money. 👎
Hmmmmm; if you're 36 and never dated, your might have something that's holding you back, that might be overcome if you had help and support. Maybe we should be talking? ;)
I understand. I share remote care-taking of my mom in another state, with my sister (also in another state entirely), and it feels like a part-time job sometimes with the various items that just need troubleshooting (lately it's been fighting off scammers!).
I’m married now but this video reminded me how much I loved dating (before Grindr) it was always so exciting meeting new people and each one is so different I found so many different musical groups from each person and just the overall excitement of being with a person who could possibly be your match that’s why it’s so sad the gay bars are closing in person meeting is so much fun and nerve racking at the same time.
That's interesting. I think one of the keys to "healthy aging across the life span" is meeting new people. One of the biggest differences between people who "age well" and people who don't is the issue of social isolation, especially with people of all different ages. As a younger person, and now as a middle-aged person (or, I guess, "early senior") is that I love having friends of all ages. I hang out with some friends (just a couple) who are well over 90, which is wild, and some that are much younger, and some my own age. I think there is a certain "non-monetary wealth of life" when you have friends of different ages (and also races, nationalities, interests, etc.). Another "non-monetary wealth of life" is knowing and appreciating many different kinds of music, from brand-new hits to songs that were popular long before I was born. Even guys who are partnered can have an exciting time meeting new friends, though.
Big blanket statement. I drink but no one who dated me has ever or would have a problem with me because of it. Better to say not to date guys who can't go without it.
Good talk, however if you meet the right person you can be whatever you are and nothing will matter. Though when the relationship starts then you can begin to find the little kinks that needs smoothing and you all go from there. Over manicuring during first dates always if not often leads to concealing something’s that needed to be seen, said and get over with right at the get go. If it’s not a match then don’t force it. It’s not a match. However, you do you!
That is correct, you should never hide who you are. I showed myself the way I was, and over time I made the best to make my couple show me the person he really was, we were able to work our differences and things are working great.
Ugh. Today I was talking with a guy (I don't think he's gay and not flirting but he was cute) and I just blabbed and blabbed!! It started out great - I got him to talk about himself but then I just forgot and wow.
Good point. In cases like that (we've all been there), likely our physical attraction to them is aroused and we get stimulated, including talking a lot or talking too fast. Dame Judi Dench, the acclaimed British actress, talks about this when she played Juliet in "Romeo and Juliet" when she was younger, saying that Juliet "talks fast" when she first meets and is infatuated with Romeo, and that "we've all been there, haven't we?" (in her new book, "Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays the Rent", which is a great (and educational, and funny!) book.
Hey thanks! If you're interested in my courses they are here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men and here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/gay-men-starting-their-own-business. They are kind of really different topics: one is on gay men starting their own business and becoming self-employed after getting tired of working for others, and the second is on improving sexual self-confidence because NO ONE is offering that kind of material, and plenty of gay men need encouragement to "up their game" in the bedroom!
This advice just feels like faking someone I'm not and walking on eggshells. Hiding so much of youself might lead the other person to think you're someone you're not.
I hear you, but with each of these tips, it's not really faking it, it's just putting yourself in the best light socially to make a good first impression. Then the guy can get to know you over time, and, sure, he will find all your traits (the charming ones, and the annoying ones), just like you will find his. That's what the dating process is like. No partner is perfect, but people partner up anyway and provide for each other the "good enough" partner, which is not the same as "settling", but it's about having realistic expectations that no one (straight, gay, etc.) has the "perfect" partner 100 percent of the time. You can be authentic and still be at your best on a date with these (and many other) tips for making the best impression.
Thanks for listening, guys! Appreciate all the nice comments. Please get in touch if you're interested in psychotherapy (California residents), or Coaching (California or USA or worldwide). Also LMK if you have suggestions for future episode topics!
Since I'm allergic to cats, this is a big deal for me. It makes visiting with the guy uncomfortable and unpleasant. But there's more to the cat issue than just my allergies. Sometimes cat people are so enamored of their cats that they don't realize how unhygienic some of that cat behavior can be. I remember being invited over to a guy's house for dinner. It was clear how important his cat was to him, seemingly as his primary relationship partner. He set dinner out on the dining room table, and went to the kitchen to handle something. As I was approaching the table to sit down, the cat, which was a bushy long-haired cat, jumped on to the dinner table, walked across it and then straddled my plate with its belly hair brushing into the food. When I told my host that I would be unable to eat the dinner on my plate, he was enraged. In my mind, that cat had been in and out of its litter box throughout the day - and God knows where else it had been, and now it was on top of the dinner table walking over the food, and particularly over the food on my plate. That would never be acceptable for me.
Hi Guys! Just a heads-up that my new online course, "Improving Sexual Confidence for Gay Men", is now available, here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men
LOL! I hear ya. More people don't know me because I don't have a publicist (not in the budget after podcast hosting and lots of overhead in Los Angeles). But I work with guys all over the world; we just need to figure out the time zone difference, which takes some Googling and planning; some guys in Europe are having their coaching sessions later at night, or in Australia or Hong Kong, Thailand, etc. very early in the morning. We make it work!
LOL! No, not a cult leader. Maybe I should start one? I'd rather start a gang that dances in the streets like the Jets in "West Side Story" and sings show tunes. That sounds more fun. Cults just sound bummer. Trump is a cult and that's certainly a bummer.
Good point. We all have things that maybe we "should" tell dates, and we don't always do it. Things like bad dishonesties like holding ourselves out as single when we're actually partnered is a no-no. Or saying that we "want to date" when we just want sex. Or withholding that we are not really available do date long term because we are moving to a different city. Or life facts like being an ex-con or something. Anything that is a "high-level disclosure", though, is something usually kept for subsequent dates and a certain "right to know" basis. It's about discretion -- saying things not too early, and not too late.
I don't use that kind of terminology to be "trendy" or "woke" or "virtue signaling" or whatever. The reason I use the term "cisgender" is to validate the existential and subjective experience of trans and nonbinary people and not just "assume" that everyone is cisgender (identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth), but rather to demonstrate awareness, validation, respect, dignity, and compassion for gender minorities. I use the term "heterosexual privilege" to point out that LGBTQ+ people DO, indeed, experience discrimination, harassment, bullying, invalidation, violent crime, white-collar crime, harassment, etc. that heterosexual people simply do not; to be free from such manifestations of minority stress in society is, indeed, a privilege. It's a social relief they don't have to deal with that, whereas LGBTQ+ people do, and it sucks, if perhaps to varying degrees for each person. I'm sorry you find it "not the channel for you," but if you're someone who might appreciate content that supports mental health, well-being, and quality of life, I'm hoping that at least one of the episodes might support you in how these issues manifest for you. Even straight people could benefit from some of this content, because while I deliberately focus on the specialized needs of gay men as my area of focus, a lot of this content aims to support, well, everyone in the human experience. Try out some other episodes that strike your fancy and see if there is some value to you from them.
One real problem with online dating: There are a plethora of frauds, guys who pose as potential partners but really just are looking for money without even meeting. I have been contacted maybe 20 times by various people claiming to be the Crown Prince of Dubai. They always end up asking for money. 👎
Unfortunately yes
A lot to take notes here. I’m 36 and I’ve never dated.
Hmmmmm; if you're 36 and never dated, your might have something that's holding you back, that might be overcome if you had help and support. Maybe we should be talking? ;)
@@KenHowardLCSWGayTherapyLA I may take you up on that. My leisure time is very limited, at the moment, however I’m taking care of a loved one.
why not.
I understand. I share remote care-taking of my mom in another state, with my sister (also in another state entirely), and it feels like a part-time job sometimes with the various items that just need troubleshooting (lately it's been fighting off scammers!).
I’m married now but this video reminded me how much I loved dating (before Grindr) it was always so exciting meeting new people and each one is so different I found so many different musical groups from each person and just the overall excitement of being with a person who could possibly be your match that’s why it’s so sad the gay bars are closing in person meeting is so much fun and nerve racking at the same time.
That's interesting. I think one of the keys to "healthy aging across the life span" is meeting new people. One of the biggest differences between people who "age well" and people who don't is the issue of social isolation, especially with people of all different ages. As a younger person, and now as a middle-aged person (or, I guess, "early senior") is that I love having friends of all ages. I hang out with some friends (just a couple) who are well over 90, which is wild, and some that are much younger, and some my own age. I think there is a certain "non-monetary wealth of life" when you have friends of different ages (and also races, nationalities, interests, etc.). Another "non-monetary wealth of life" is knowing and appreciating many different kinds of music, from brand-new hits to songs that were popular long before I was born. Even guys who are partnered can have an exciting time meeting new friends, though.
If you don't drink liquor don't fall for a man that does
Big blanket statement. I drink but no one who dated me has ever or would have a problem with me because of it. Better to say not to date guys who can't go without it.
@@simoxehCan you believe that there are people who actually say to their spouse that an Extramarital Affair was caused by their Drinking
This was great. Practical, hilarious and real. Thankyou ❤
Thank you! I always hope folx find these helpful.
Good talk, however if you meet the right person you can be whatever you are and nothing will matter. Though when the relationship starts then you can begin to find the little kinks that needs smoothing and you all go from there. Over manicuring during first dates always if not often leads to concealing something’s that needed to be seen, said and get over with right at the get go. If it’s not a match then don’t force it. It’s not a match.
However, you do you!
That is correct, you should never hide who you are. I showed myself the way I was, and over time I made the best to make my couple show me the person he really was, we were able to work our differences and things are working great.
@@raymondcampusano2991 exactly! 👍🏾
Ugh. Today I was talking with a guy (I don't think he's gay and not flirting but he was cute) and I just blabbed and blabbed!! It started out great - I got him to talk about himself but then I just forgot and wow.
Good point. In cases like that (we've all been there), likely our physical attraction to them is aroused and we get stimulated, including talking a lot or talking too fast. Dame Judi Dench, the acclaimed British actress, talks about this when she played Juliet in "Romeo and Juliet" when she was younger, saying that Juliet "talks fast" when she first meets and is infatuated with Romeo, and that "we've all been there, haven't we?" (in her new book, "Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays the Rent", which is a great (and educational, and funny!) book.
Fantastic talk! Very specific. Look forward to the course
Hey thanks! If you're interested in my courses they are here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men and here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/gay-men-starting-their-own-business. They are kind of really different topics: one is on gay men starting their own business and becoming self-employed after getting tired of working for others, and the second is on improving sexual self-confidence because NO ONE is offering that kind of material, and plenty of gay men need encouragement to "up their game" in the bedroom!
This advice just feels like faking someone I'm not and walking on eggshells. Hiding so much of youself might lead the other person to think you're someone you're not.
I hear you, but with each of these tips, it's not really faking it, it's just putting yourself in the best light socially to make a good first impression. Then the guy can get to know you over time, and, sure, he will find all your traits (the charming ones, and the annoying ones), just like you will find his. That's what the dating process is like. No partner is perfect, but people partner up anyway and provide for each other the "good enough" partner, which is not the same as "settling", but it's about having realistic expectations that no one (straight, gay, etc.) has the "perfect" partner 100 percent of the time. You can be authentic and still be at your best on a date with these (and many other) tips for making the best impression.
Thanks for listening, guys! Appreciate all the nice comments. Please get in touch if you're interested in psychotherapy (California residents), or Coaching (California or USA or worldwide). Also LMK if you have suggestions for future episode topics!
Great advice, I enjoyed this.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed. Hope you find other episodes that you like as well. Tell your friends! :)
Also, too many have cats.
🙄
Since I'm allergic to cats, this is a big deal for me. It makes visiting with the guy uncomfortable and unpleasant. But there's more to the cat issue than just my allergies. Sometimes cat people are so enamored of their cats that they don't realize how unhygienic some of that cat behavior can be. I remember being invited over to a guy's house for dinner. It was clear how important his cat was to him, seemingly as his primary relationship partner. He set dinner out on the dining room table, and went to the kitchen to handle something. As I was approaching the table to sit down, the cat, which was a bushy long-haired cat, jumped on to the dinner table, walked across it and then straddled my plate with its belly hair brushing into the food. When I told my host that I would be unable to eat the dinner on my plate, he was enraged. In my mind, that cat had been in and out of its litter box throughout the day - and God knows where else it had been, and now it was on top of the dinner table walking over the food, and particularly over the food on my plate. That would never be acceptable for me.
That's good point! "Pet hygiene" or "curtailing pet behavior" is a big one. Especially in the bedroom!
This is great!
Thanks! Glad you find it helpful.
Yes everythings gotta be perfect.
Hi Guys! Just a heads-up that my new online course, "Improving Sexual Confidence for Gay Men", is now available, here: ken-s-site-cf15.thinkific.com/courses/improving-sexual-confidence-for-gay-men
Worldwide? Why haven’t I ever heard of him?
LOL! I hear ya. More people don't know me because I don't have a publicist (not in the budget after podcast hosting and lots of overhead in Los Angeles). But I work with guys all over the world; we just need to figure out the time zone difference, which takes some Googling and planning; some guys in Europe are having their coaching sessions later at night, or in Australia or Hong Kong, Thailand, etc. very early in the morning. We make it work!
Well, u have now ❤😂
Guys this is a self proclaimed life coach and sex therapist are we sure he isn’t a cult leader?
LOL! No, not a cult leader. Maybe I should start one? I'd rather start a gang that dances in the streets like the Jets in "West Side Story" and sings show tunes. That sounds more fun. Cults just sound bummer. Trump is a cult and that's certainly a bummer.
and what you are not telling your date....
Good point. We all have things that maybe we "should" tell dates, and we don't always do it. Things like bad dishonesties like holding ourselves out as single when we're actually partnered is a no-no. Or saying that we "want to date" when we just want sex. Or withholding that we are not really available do date long term because we are moving to a different city. Or life facts like being an ex-con or something. Anything that is a "high-level disclosure", though, is something usually kept for subsequent dates and a certain "right to know" basis. It's about discretion -- saying things not too early, and not too late.
They came on the date with a load in them
At least you know he's open and gets some exercise.
@@BronzeDragon133 🥰
@@FirstLast-dy4gt Oh, please, let he who hath not shown up on a date walking funny and with six loads...
Er. I would never do that.
I usually try to have at least a couple of loads in no matter where I am 🤷♂️
What does meanhas a load in
Ah the buzzwords of identity politics - cisgendered, heterosexual privilege etc. Not the channel for me.
I don't use that kind of terminology to be "trendy" or "woke" or "virtue signaling" or whatever. The reason I use the term "cisgender" is to validate the existential and subjective experience of trans and nonbinary people and not just "assume" that everyone is cisgender (identifying with the gender they were assigned at birth), but rather to demonstrate awareness, validation, respect, dignity, and compassion for gender minorities. I use the term "heterosexual privilege" to point out that LGBTQ+ people DO, indeed, experience discrimination, harassment, bullying, invalidation, violent crime, white-collar crime, harassment, etc. that heterosexual people simply do not; to be free from such manifestations of minority stress in society is, indeed, a privilege. It's a social relief they don't have to deal with that, whereas LGBTQ+ people do, and it sucks, if perhaps to varying degrees for each person. I'm sorry you find it "not the channel for you," but if you're someone who might appreciate content that supports mental health, well-being, and quality of life, I'm hoping that at least one of the episodes might support you in how these issues manifest for you. Even straight people could benefit from some of this content, because while I deliberately focus on the specialized needs of gay men as my area of focus, a lot of this content aims to support, well, everyone in the human experience. Try out some other episodes that strike your fancy and see if there is some value to you from them.
"Cisgendered" really is indicative of low intelligence or psychopathy isn't it? Thought the same thing.