Fear and Gay Shame: Coming Out, Accepting Your Sexuality & Living Authentically | S1 E6
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
- This week's episode is all about coming out. Dealing with gay shame, how and when you should come out and how allies should behave around someone they suspect might be gay.
#ComingOut #Gay #Podcast
Welcome to Happy Healthy Homo! A brand new filmed podcast hosted by Keegan Hirst and Joel Wood. Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, it'd really help us out: podcasts.apple...
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I remember an incident when I was at work before I came out a guy asked me in front of other people if I was gay my response
“ why do you ask… Are you still looking for a date for Friday night?”…… it was wonderful how red his face turned.
Happened to me once, and my reply was - 'what are you willing to do to find out'....
Loved it
I'm stealing this
I am straight, and I love all your social media. What you are doing is essential and gives others hope and courage. Well done, Keegan and Joel ❤❤❤❤❤
Keep it up🙏🙏
I think that Keegan is totally correct in taking control of coming out. I didn’t come out till a couple of years ago at the age of 62 and now feel totally happy in my life. I took the view that despite many years in the closet I was now in the Autumn of my life and wanted to feel free of the burden and just be myself. I have had mixed views from friends and family but it’s their issue if they now don’t like me just because of my sexual preference as I’m still me. I now live with my boyfriend who is 20 years younger then me but age to me is just a number as inside I don’t feel more then 30. The relationship just happened and came as a surprise I think to both of us. I am unsure as to why people feel they have to act in a certain way if they are gay, you have numerous different types of people in the heterosexual world so and no one feels the need to act like other people so why is it a gay think. Growing up in the 70s the only examples we saw were the very feminine types on TV or around the town and I knew I wasn’t like that and was frightened of what people would think of me. It was also more difficult to find like minded people or even magazines showing men etc. I was lucky that I travelled a lot for my job so went to saunas or cruising areas to fulfil my needs without people knowing what I was doing which I found helped as I found that not every gay was overly feminine.
Keep up the good work 👍
I’m glad you’re happy.❤
Good for you but I don’t like how your message has a negative connotation against femininity
Yay you! Go get what makes you happy!
Also, it'd be great if you could talk about bisexuality and the role you think it plays in homosexual dating and broader experience
The Bisexual community needs more validity.
From experience most Bisexual guys have no interest in dating or any romantic relationships with men. Only ever sexual
I’m 46 and just accepting and learning to love that I am bisexual and queer. I beat myself up for years (decades 😭) with alcohol and drugs not understanding why or thinking that my only issue was addictions. I’m finally finding my happy. Not perfect yet , no one is, but much closer. I know now I can be queer and masculine. I can also love and not run from my feminine side. I told my therapist a couple weeks ago, I am a man who enjoys football and flowers so what lol. So happy I found this channel 🩷💜
We love your story! Thank you for sharing with us, we are happy to hear you are feeling more like yourself than ever, that's so important for happiness.
I'm 66 and just came out to my wife as bisexual. She can't accept it, but I have to be me. I like what you said about football and flowers. Throw in some poetry writing and you've got me
I have been out for a very long time...I have an amazing husband and great support from my children and parents. But I still am insecure at the barber and the auto service shop...and I still edit myself when I travel. What you both shared in this podcast made me feel a little less guilty about that...thank you, this was really nicely handled. And much appreciated by this 53-year-old gay man!!!
Best ep yet. Keegan’s articulation, tho. ::Reframe Coming Out:: ❤ Letting people in ❤ Joel’s sharing too.
I really like the idea of reframing coming out as a thing where you are inviting people in. You are sharing a part of you rather than looking to be accepted by other people. I've come out to some people and to others I just don't feel like inviting them into my life more. I used to think that I was falling to internal homophobia for that feeling, but now I can recognize it as not needing everyone's acceptance. It's a privilege to be part of someone's life, not a right. Love the pod, just discovered your both from RUclips recommending it to me (algorithms always know us best lol). Love from Ohio, USA!
Lovely comment. Indeed, others will either want to see you, to truly SEE you, or they won't. No one is entitled to another person, not their presence, not their time. The question everyone should ask themselves more often is: "What is it that *I* truly want?", then pressuring oneself less into things one doesn't truly want, being selective and choosing who (if any at all) one really wants to spend time with and free oneself a bit more in life. If there is one person everyone should spend more time with, it is themselves, the one we all distract ourselves from. For all we experience inside comes from within, true happiness and true freedom were never out there to be found, we always had it but blocked and withheld it, conditioning the good we could give ourselves all the time behind one simple lie: "I cannot be happy unless...".
Wish you happiness and freedom.
Being an ally to someone who is considering coming out is important. Everyone needs to know they are not alone no matter what. Great episode ❤
Take the power back" LETTING PEOPLE IN" Great concept Keegan way to go ❤❤❤❤
I love this concept instead of the term coming out you're letting people in that you want in your life
Coming out is not just a one time event too. You are constantly coming out throughout your life. You meet new people for example or you start a new job. Like Joel said about the man in the Post office,in lots of ways you are coming out to people all the time. Best wishes guys 🌈
"Whether you are gay, straight, or neither, you are welcome here!" Those words are part of my church's welcome every Sunday. I would encourage anyone who is looking for a sense of community to find a Unitarian Universalist congregation near them and attend a service. Many still offer hybrid services (virtual and in person) so you could attend virtually and get a sense of the congregation to see if it's something you would be interested in pursuing. I say all this as someone who's had many issues with faith organizations and never even imagined joining one.
Best episode yet Boys! Aside from a couple of our jobs over the years, "Hubby" and I are VERY lucky to have lived openly for our 31 years together here in Birmingham, Alabama. Now that we're both retired, life is SO much easier for us to be out and open. However, we recognize that many don't have the opportunities we've had. Thanks for reminding us that we all have to deal with life as we see fit. Everyone is different. As long as we're not hurting anyone, no one should be judged for how we try to survive and thrive.
I had this video in my watch later for a minute. I'm glad I watched it and appreciated the openness and nuance y'all offered. Thank you for making this episode 💜
At 26 and finally coming to terms with my sexuality I’m extremely thankful to my family and friends for never asking if I’m gay and respecting my time even though many of them have very strong suspicions, it’s always been other gay men that have tried to forcefully out me even though they knew me very little, it seems like they do it just for the pleasure of being right or finding themselves clever for being the first ones to point out
Great job guys. I really enjoy your podcast......Keegan, so proud of your story when you came out... You opened the door for other athletes. . I admire both of you.....
“Jogan” I’m a 70 proud but not loud gay man living my life in Tulsa, OK and wish y’all were close , just, so I could give the two of you a HUGE Okie hug for the great care and involvement y’all are doing for the community, globally! KUDOS❣️👍🏼🤙🏼 Joel, I so identify with your struggle with the church, for I, too, did the same. However, mine was a tad different being in the “tongue” of the bible-belt & in raised in christian fundaMENTALism. I did 25 years of psychotherapy to help.
Another GREAT show guys! I love changing "Coming Out" to "Letting In". Awesome episode❤🎉
As an old Homo who has been homoing for many years, I think you two are good role models for young gays finding themselves and coming to terms with being themselves. Keep it up guys. 70 year old homo in France.
hahah I love that phrase Mark! Keep on homoing!!
I wish these episodes were longer! Can't wait til the next one❤
Joel; great to hear you on your Christian life.
I came to faith in 1983. In my neck of the C of E woods, you got yourself healed of homosexuality. People were gracious (mmm) enough to understand this took time - or perhaps you were never going to be 'free'. Whatever, at best you were going to be second division. And that lead to my marriage (!) and subsequent outright disaster.
The church concerned distanced itself from me. Chucked me out in effect. When you are on your own, you seek truth and love .
Eventually l got the only 'healing' that matters. Being gay lead me to God for real.
The Church and it's mess had to be revealed for what it was. Then through the clutter and my own hatred to others - gradually I became who I am in God. For all time. Gay and God in one package.
I am proud of that road to reality. And now I live. I guess that's another form of coming out.
Keep at it guys.
'Big man, small Bladder' - there's a podcast if ever I heard one! In all seriousness, what you're doing in this podcast is so valuable and important, I can't even. As one of those older gays who's been out for years, I'm getting so much validation from your conversations and can't thank you enough for championing individuality, personal accountability and just giving yourself a break! Please keep doing what you're doing in the knowledge that you're making a difference - how many people can say that?
Thanks guys for an authentic, vulnerable and pretty normal conversation about something so important. Taking control of coming out and reframing it as a ‘letting in’ really resonated with me. I’m sure lots of people will have found that really helpful.
Yall are some of the most normal gay people and you make me feel okay with being an “average” gay and not one on the fringes. I grew up like Joel. I’m Christian and it is considered a sin to be gay. Thanks for being brave and giving us more power to be who we are unashamedly! 💪🏽💪🏽
I'll admit it, once I came out in '94, I DID push the flamboyance, but it was in response to feeling so suppressed for years. I lived in Florida during the AIDS outbreak and the televangelists instilled so much shame and fear about homosexuality. It did feel liberated and courageous afterward. Coming to terms with myself over the years, I've integrated my "MASC/femme" parts. I love Trixie and Katya, AbFab, Rocky Horror, Golden Girls. It may sound like stereotypes, but I love them and dont need to feel defensive about it.
Hi all
Before we had more equality it was possible to go to support groups but now many find it hard to find support so what your doing is so valuable
I believe sooo strongly in coming out to the people closest to you in writing!! It is the best way it gives them a chance to process… it gives them a chance to say the right thing instead of the first thing on their mind … I think it is unfair to just blindside someone with such a concept and expect a positive reaction… give your friends and family the chance to process…. 😁
Thanks so much for starting the podcast. I'm a 45 year-old gay man in Canada and most of the time being gay is just every day life. I've got a partner of 20 years, a house, a good job, close family. But every once in a while, I feel like my gayness walks into a room in front of me and becomes something I have to hide. Do my neighbours talk to me differently because it's just me and my partner and not the traditional family? Does the guy at the garage? And the barber - horrible. It's that weird tightening guilt and shame of 'do they know?' It feels heavy sometimes and it's good to hear that I'm not alone. Cheers
I have never felt more seen after listening to this episode. I started visibly welling up at work when every experience you've described for yourself, i.e. the barber, the mail pick up, that i've felt that too. This podcast brings me so much comfort and joy as a fellow homosexual and has helped me grow as an individual as well. It helps those insecurities melt away. thank you for doing what you do.
I've been in the process of coming out to various people for over a decade (almost 2) to where it is practically my default to come out to anyone I meet, but even so I'm finding out new things all the time. For instance, I really found your reframing of "not putting yourself out there vulnerable to people's approval but inviting them in to get to know you better" as really helpful, so thank you!
This kind of talk is so important. We lost a generation to AIDS. Only now there is again gay men in their 30's and 40's who can be a voice that gives advice and perspective of middle aged gay. All ages are important but we lost so much in the AIDS years. And as gay in 40's this has been a revelation to suddenly find out that there has been silence in one part of our community.
Great episode. I almost cried about the "texting your parents" part as I could relate so much. Everyone is different and do as they feel. And yes, when you meet someone, do you always ask them "what is your sexuality ?"...nope. Thanks guys for that great episode who will help people for sure.
Joel, I grew up as you did. In a Christian household, the same exact beliefs you described. It took me well into my forties to get to the point you did, still believing in my faith personally, but distancing myself from the church 'organization'.
Anyway, blah blah, long story short. I love watching you and Keegan, individually and together.
My husband and I are somewhat concerned about what's happening here in the states with all the anti-lgbtq bills trying to be put in place. Scary times. Thank you for what you do.
Jeff Abraham, Washington state.
Thank you guys for both sharing your experiences: the fact that Keegan you hid the book and Joel you hesitated at the post office, makes me feel like, ok, I'm ok, others do it a bit too... and chamomile tea is my tea! Love you guys!
❤ I appreciate you both. You are contributing to the forward momentum of the human acceptance.
This was a really good episode, you guys hit on some very important points. There is no right or wrong way to come out, so everyone should tell who they want to tell, when they want to tell them. And the same is true for who they don’t want to tell. It’s your story, so share it as you’re comfortable. And if someone doesn’t accept you, you have to move on, because you are deserving of love and support no matter what. And self care has to come first. ❤❤❤
Hey Keegan, I just watched your Ted Talk and I have so much more respect and admiration for you! Hearing your story is really inspiring and I know so many gay men go through the same struggles, the fear and denial and suicidal thoughts because society and family isn't as accepting and unconditionally loving as it should be. To know that you had the hope, the confidence and the courage to accept to yourself that you are gay and to come out to the people closest to you and that you are proud of who you are and what you have achieved is a testament to you being a happy healthy homo! ❤👏
We don't come out once. Every time I need to include "my husband" in a conversation there is a catch of breath that goes with it - just as Joel said (and we have been together for 27 years). However, it is very important that it is said as it increases awareness and promotes a feeling of 'nothing to see here" that is key for society as a whole. Loved Keegan's switch of coming out to letting in - brilliant!
Really enjoying your podcast, love the topics and your reflections. You brought me to tears when Keegan said, "we've got to be the perfect good little boy..." I might have re-listened that phase 10 times and tears just started to roll down my face.
I've always been shy and introverted as a boy (less now), and my parents used to introduce me as the "good, obedient son". I never wanted to disappoint them. So, I was always good and did as I was told. Being that perfect good little boy, meant they would always love me. But it also, opened the door to sexual abuse (the abusers knew I would not say anything). My first relationship was mentally and physically abusive, and it continued in subsequent relationships. This even extended to my workplace, where the need to be liked and feel some kind of worth, saw me take on more responsibilities, and trying to be perfect all the time.
I've done a lot of work on myself and to be strong. To have the confidence to say NO, to establish boundaries, to protect myself. And also, to protect that little boy and for him to know he is safe now.
Thank you and keep-up the amazing conversations. LOVE you guys!
Love this. So refreshing to see video about being gay that doesn't focus on sex and that you reflect the mid-range. Ie. In this video not wearing rainbows and yet some pink.
Joel said that when someone asks if he is gay, he feels that it is a nosy invasion of privacy. When I ask is someone is gay, it is later in a conversation and it is a straightforward question, as I am wondering how frank or open I can be with an someone without putting them on the spot and obliging them to listen to my gay views and patter.
Thank both of you, your podcast is meaningful and supportive, I am a 67 yr old gay man and I’ve been out and proud to my children (4) grandchildren (8) and most recently great grand daughter (1) and to al of them it is as inconsequential as I have blue eyes , my grand daughter 24 yrs old calls mr the family rebel, doing what feels right and setting an example
I understand how you are both feeling. I have been an out and proud gay man for 16 years, but i still get nervous holding my bf's hand in public, or wondering if parents will get angry at me for being openly gay in front of their children. I also struggle with being open about my sexuality at work, because i'm worried people will treat me differently. The times are changing, but sadly there is still hate left in the world, so having reservations about being openly/publicly gay is totally valid.
As a 62 yrs young man I just "came out" a few years ago. I definitely don't fit in with the nightlife party boys or the over the top flamboyant gays. I have found there is so much diversity just within the gay community. One of the best pieces of advice I was given was to reframe my thinking and instead of "coming out" to people I "invite them in" to my life. Therefore I control my narrative and can surround myself with men who share my values and common interests.
Most important we are so happy you found each other! Joel we’ve never seen you happier. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I think this could be a subject with much more attention going forward.
Joel we hope you can find a place to worship that you find comfortable.
Again, we follow both of all your platforms. Much love~Cara ❤
I lived my young years in a small town and always thought I was alone being attracted to men. I new when I was 4 I liked men. Long time coming before I was able to make the decision to come out to my Mom. I felt really great about it and happy, excited. When we sat down and started to talk and I was about to say I was a happy healthy homo, she shut the convo down saying there were things she didnt want to hear. Say your gay to your mom without saying your gay to your mom. I was disappointed, but I decided that it was her decision not to want to know who her son was/is and her loss also. My attitude was fuck it. And I got on with my life. Mom is 90 now and I love her and she is still a very closed minded person. That saddens me. But what ya gonna do? YOU LIVE YOUR BEAUTIFUL LIFE IS WHAT YOU DO! Thanks Guys!! Love yr podcast❤
Great podcast!! These keep getting better! My husband and I only tell the important people in our lives as well as on a need to know basis. Unfortunately in both of our respective businesses, we have clients that we could possibly lose if they knew or found out. It may be horrible but it is the world we live in. Great job guys!! I really appreciate that you are doing these podcast!!
Loved this episode. I’m always learning and making notes of things to investigate further during your podcasts.
p.s. I watch it on RUclips and thought the lighting during the podcast seemed a bit dark at times!?
Great video! Your videos need to have more discussions on intersectionality and sexuality.
Wow. I'm an experienced 🏳🌈💪Gay. This was still an excellent episode, entertaining, educational and most likely inspiring to the 7,500 viewers❣
The intro music to your podcast reminds me of the intro music to Home Depot “how to” videos 😂
What I find frustrating is that coming out isn't a one time thing. Constantly having to make a decision when I meet new people on whether or not to correct them when asked if I have a girlfriend/missus/wife.
I was brought up as a jehovahs witness so at the age off 22 I came out to my family and was chucked out on the streets, luckily i had a guy i was seeing and he took me in for a few months! But i think some guys have to be really careful coming out certainly at a young age, if you have nowhere to turn to you could easily end up homeless. Coming from a strict religious background has a ripple effect! your friends social circles all gone. My advice is if you are going to be in any harm or have nowhere to go plan very carefully your escape from your repressed situation. And there are a lot of phone services you can call these days compared to what we had in the 90s. Be proud to come out but be safe be sensible.
Such good points! The reality is we spend our entire life coming out…
I resonate with this aspect you guys are talking about of being in control of the coming out process. I’m not out yet because I’m waiting to finish university and be financially independent (and dealing with my dad’s reaction is most likely not gonna go smooth), but some friends are already sus and have asked me if I’m asexual, considering I’ve never had a gf, let alone shown interest in girls. Once, one friend from uni told me 2 of his friends from his hometown were gay (I guess so I’d feel comfortable opening up, and I just didn’t) and then another friend of ours told me he was disappointed because I “didn’t trust him enough”. I’ll always be grateful for the support, but I’m still amazed at how entitled some people feel to know their friends’ struggles and inner conflicts. I know it comes off a bit harsh, but I don’t owe anyone an explanation or an announcement about myself, and if I choose to do it, at the very least I should be the one who decides when and how it’s gonna be.
I came out in June 2023. I’m 48. I didn’t want to come out but there were circumstances. You’re very right about “letting people in” vs “coming out”.
The thing is, I can’t to it. I can’t let them in. My closest friends have accepted me but I’ve severed ties with all of them because I can’t accept myself. I hoped time would make it easier but it isn’t. I don’t see a good end for me. Coming out has made it harder for me to be myself. I regret it more than almost anything I’ve ever done.
I came out to excepting ally friends at 30, to everyone else at 40, it is most definitely a process of your own mental growth.I am not a big extrovert personality but now at 59,very comfortable in my gay skin. I most always wear a rainbow band bracelet to represent , to straight people … I am not ashamed of who I am and to nurture other perhaps not out gays … you can be proud of who you are.
Thank you for what you are doing I came out as gay a few months ago This one the hardest things I forget 56
Thank you Joel and Keegan. Another straight fan of yours and I really appreciate hearing about your thoughts and experiences. I can't imagine ever asking someone if they are gay or not. Especially in a confrontational manner. So rude. I wouldn't do that to a straight person. I hope is coming across in the proper manner. I worry about my gay family, friends and acquaintances. I worry about the violence used against all the LGBTQ+ community. Do you ever have these worries? Edited to say, I don't mean everyone is violent towards LGBTQ+ but it is a huge problem.
As a gay woman, I love your channel. I like to think it's for all gay people, men and women. So many points you both make that are applicable to all of us. I'm getting so much out of your discussions, even though I'm both your ages put together lol. editted to add, about the asking if someone is gay. As a gay woman I like to know that info right away so I know if they are an ally or not, or to avoid the whole 'becoming friends and then oops, I have feelings, what do I do now cuz I dont know if she's gay' scenerio. But yeah, it's in how its done.
Thank you for helping me feel better about how I, as a senior, came out by e-mail. This was the best way for me. Yes, it was my decision to make.
I am one of your straight allies. I am so happy that Joel has found an incredible partner that (hopefully) he can spend the rest of his life with. I've been following Joel's Channel (and Joel and Lia) for years along with the not so great boyfriends. Just so happy that he has found a great guy and can live openly and happily. 🏳🌈
Your videos provide interesting alternative views and are thought provoking. I don’t necessarily agree with every POV expressed, but very much appreciate the testing of assumptions and empowerment associated with challenging dominant gay culture (which can be diminishing and isolating to some if not many). Cheers.
So really loving this content and the topics being covered, valuable and meaningful.
But am I the only one constantly being distracted by Keegan’s calves in those jeans?😂
Rated as blooming marvellous x
Not the strep ball change glitter throw 😂😂💅🏾💅🏾
Something I find grating is when you come out to people and they say "I don't care" meaning like "I don't mind", which meant to be supportive but just comes across dismissive. Like even when my Dad says "I don't care who you date as long as you're happy", I do want him to CARE, it just sounds like it's tolerating not understanding and accepting. It's not as bad as being rejected but it's still harmful. I haven't had a boyfriend yet but when I do and I bring one home I do wonder what his reaction will be. He is supportive but hasn't made any effort to actually understand it
I think we are all struggling with our identity because social media pushes everyone into a box whether you want to go into it or not. Its a constant struggle. Its like you either navigate your way and define yourself or let others define you. So we are constantly held in a state of tension against the forces of society and our own identity trying to assert itself. You begin to fell guilty for wanting to take control over your own destiny. I came out in the most grudging way possible. It wasn't a triumph its was a difficult birth and I knew I would have to face the brunt r waves of resistance from my family and friends not to mind society. Yes I am a gay man in a loving relationship and its the best thing I ever did. It was painful and I am shy and sometimes feel like fish out of water and insecure because I feel as if I am up for judging for being gay. Like I have to wait and see how others will react to me before I can accept myself. its a constant sense of tension. I shouldn't be like that. I have to constantly monitor myself because there is so much hate today and social media brings out the worst. I closed my facebook because I was too honest and I criticised the hypocrisy in how gay people are constantly judged. I don't apologise for having a conversation. I also do not see my Christianity in the same way no more. I do not see God in the same way no more. I studied theology and I think they got Jesus wrong. The roman empire coopted Christianity when it made it the official religion but unfortunately the roman Church and the Vatican left Jesus behind in the making of their man made church. It is one of the most anti Christian institutions on the planet now. All Christian Churches have lost Jesus in translation so I navigate my own faith in my own way.
Many of us still have those times where we get nervous to let people know that we are gay. Because you never know how the one you're telling is going to react or what they will think. Some people's faces change when you tell them you're gay.
Just stumbled across this pod - love the vibe!
You two have a new subscriber.
Letting in not coming out. Brilliant, Keegan.
I came out at 13, Left my homophobic home at 18. I was out and proud masc gay boy, now as another older gay man who met my partner / then husband @ 26, We had a happy, healthy life for 44 years till he passed 4 yrs ago. I was an in-your-face type of guy, who never took crap from anyone. You take the "power" away from homophobes just by being yourself! Also after we were married we referred to each other as "Husbands" Also at the same time He was from Los Angeles and myself NYC where we mostly Lived.
Hello guys I just want to tell you both that I really love watching all of your channels!!!
I loved your new philosophy. I’m not coming out, I’m letting people in!
Guys great work! I'm glad i'm old. I never came out as anything. How does one come out when one's sexuality was killed. There was a partial rehab. My history is bisexual. I could engage the body, but underlying issues were intractable. Can't pairbond. There's a common belief that bi=homo-still-half-in-the- closet. That's naive. I imagine being mono-sexual would be easier. I fired myself from dating. Tons of love in work & w/friends. I'll always wonder🥀
Unless you live in a gay bubble, you are always coming out again and again. Especially if you have a partner/husband. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, and there are still times when I have to decide how I feel comfortable referring to him to others - the postman, the dentist, on holiday, etc. on the phone especially. I have to say, I have NEVER had anyone react negatively - even, as happened recently, to a security officer in South Korea. I am careful what I say in Muslim majority countries, but if backed into a corner I won’t lie. I feel that visibility is very important, but I have to balance that against personal safety, and privacy. While my parents were alive I was a bit more circumspect about how I behaved and what I said, but now I feel much more able to be myself. Interestingly, and referring back to your comments on the importance of friends, I’ve also been slimming down my friendship group. I’ve even ended some longstanding friendships because I’ve come to realise that within those friendships I wasn’t allowed to be myself. I no longer need to please everyone. You’re right, it feels selfish, but in the end a friendship should be liberating, not restricting.
hey hey, another bttm here, just wanted to say: i appreciated your kristin chenoweth joke, even if it went over your top's head :)
Thanks for podcast.
For me coming out as bisexual didn't feel as difficult as I'd imagine it wouldve been coming out as gay because it's like... at least I still like women. Like although my parents were and are understanding and supportive, idk if that would be different if I was full on gay. Also like you I consider myself a pretty masculine "straight acting/passing" guy, so it's not like my whole personality changed. And I think a lot of loud and proud flamboyant gays has so many years of having all that caged up and buried that when they finally came out it just exploded and they went to the extremes of gay stereotypes because they finally felt free, if they grew up with more support and acceptance they probably wouldn't feel the need to be that... ostentatious about their homosexuality
wow! Fantastic episode. It gives me hope that I can come out be who I am and it will be ok.
As a straight Ally, I could never imagine asking someone if they're gay. 'Cause it's really none of my business. And, to me, that would definitely come across as an accusation.
I can still remember an old roommate coming out to me in the early 90s and my response was, "OK, but so what." It was honestly how I felt, but for them, that wasn't what they were expecting to hear. Since then, I try to add something along the lines of, "This changes nothing." Do you two have any suggestions of what kind of response works best or is more helpful when a friend or colleague comes out to us?
I couldn't do that either. I never felt at home in the gay world. I still don't because I dress ordinary too. I don't wear bright colours or crop tops or anything like that. I felt so strange because I didn't really like that. btw we also drink Camomile tea. Its great for digestion. But I love the ones in the cafe's because they get these huge tea bags you can see all the leaves and seeds.
Joel seems to have a very healthy and sensible approach for professional gays.
I totally agree with the statement that most persons ask such a personal question (Are you gay?) because they are nosey and just want to gossip. I also agree that you should do what is comfortable to you, the individual, because noone knows you but you.
Question: Why does one have to "come out"? Where does this come from? Can't you just live your life? If someone shows interest and you are not, can't you just say, "I am not interested "? I am genuinely just asking. Can this concept be explained?
I am 48 years old and had sex with 7 men in my life.
Four of them, I was with in long term relationships.
5 were soccer players.
All of them came out with me.
The drama, shame and trauma I have experienced them going through was unmeasurable. They have never recovered from the shame. They have made many decisions just trying to compensate the shame.
(That is why I have lost all of them to "the scene" later. Heartbreaking! )
It took so much of my time, patience, love, dedication, strength and commitment to help them go through it. I will never do that again.
Thank god I have learned from my mistakes...
Wow, a difficult topic. I came out in a theatrical situation where it was totally open; and then went on to sports/teaching kids, where I went right back into the closet and had almost all straight friends. I have not been brave about being out. I do think that I'm wrong and that what all Gays need is representation. If more people knew we come in all shapes, sizes, degrees of masculinity or femininity, ages, humor types, they wouldn't hate us so much, and we wouldn't have so many self-doubts. I can't believe I am even posting this.
I so wish I could join but I live in South Africa and we have this thing called Load Shedding. So for two hours (for me today between 12 and 2) we have no electricity. No electricity means no internet
No, it is recorded.
Well I also came out by sending a message to my mother 😊. I did it with the help of my gay friend who took my phone and pressed the send button. It was the only method I had the courage to do
I think the process is life long and like decolonization. I came out at 17 am 60 now and have been very political at times. When I forgot my gear at the gym and the assistant who is very high camp gave me his I he to do a lot of self reflection about my still inter loses homophobia of someone who I subconsciously judged as less than
Hello guys, the ambiance light for the last two episodes is just SO DARK. We can’t see Joel’s mimics although we maxed out the screen brightness of the phone 📱. Please do record in a brighter atmosphere , the episodes 9-12 😢
I was just listening to Kiegan and began thinking what nationality is he? So... I looked him up on Wiki and then researched Yorkshire accents. I had no idea about this as I'm in the States. This guy is so great but I do have trouble deciphering some of what he says!
Keegan: I'm a big man with a small bladder.
Also Keegan: Give chamomile tea a go before you sleep.
Wow I support you guys enjoy your life and be who you are
I went through hell with my family back in 1976. Why the song Smalltown Boy resonates with me and then some!
Fuckin loved this episode guys
Another great podcast iam still not out and Iam a mature man I been involved with football so you understand one of the reasons xx
Love u guys!!!! Keep it going
13:10 can resonate with this...
important to consider if you are safe coming out. i too often hear of you people being thrown out onto the streets for coming out, i understand wanting to be authentic and honest but you can be in the proper time. not worth loosing a job or becoming homeless, or worse possibly being physically assaulted.
Really fantastic episode.