I was looking for this comment! Classic narcissistic move. she felt him slip away and tried to tie him back to her by pretending to be suicidal. She never planned to take her life. She called the ambulance and then took a non dangerous dose of pills… glad that stunt didn’t work and Adam managed to free himself from his toxic mother.
Completely performative, entirely manipulation. No sympathy for narcissists & this MIL! Always be extra careful if you’re threatened by one in this way, ultimately they do not want to die, they want you to mourn them for eternity and shape your future around your loss of them. Kind of like this MIL already tried to do through his poor father! A narcissist would never give up all the things they can get out of people in exchange for their mortality, hell no. I used to date a narc with anxiety & depression, I also had both, so while being sewerslidal myself I had to determine which of his threats sat in harmony with my own desires for death, and which ones were said with nothing behind his eyes and nothing in his soul. He always said he would end it before he turned 30 because he didn’t want to be ‘old’ and more grey-haired. Guess what, he’s nearly 31: still wealthy af and silver-spoon fed, I just hope that Russell Brand looking face sags down all 6foot5 of him so he can stop creeping on other young girls. He could never give all that up by his own hand, no true narc could, especially a wealthy attractive one. Never fall prey to their empty threats!!! Call an ambulance and/or police and let them embarrass themselves or maybe even receive the help they actually need. Loved ones at victim to these threats should leave things to the ‘professionals’, you can’t have a life-or-death heart-to-heart with someone who only wants you hurt from this.
I hate attention seekers like this myself and my friends that succeed never made it available online we didn't tell people to make them feel bad we just did it without telling anyone
🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️ Nahhhh I agree with John. Adam not procuring other accommodation for himself before showing up to OP’s parent’s house, leaves the burden on OP to have to tell him she doesn’t want him to stay there at this time. He should have gotten a hotel, and followed John’s logic of being available to her in whatever way she wanted him to be, without the expectation of staying with her and her family. TEAM JOHN
I’m with John don’t come with your bags ! The bags feels like forcing yourself on said person and their family . Don’t impose drop the bags off it’s till a grand gesture
John is right! The gesture is romantic, especially because it shows he loves her and is willing to put in effort to fix the relationship. But him showing up with all of his stuff could seem like he’s being too pushy, like he’s not giving her the choice. Showing up to surprise her and fight for their relationship is romantic, assuming she will forgive him and her parents will let him stay there (and not giving her the option for space) is not. I think it’s cute that he actually read the comments and he’s trying to listen. He’s trying to do better. It’s shows he’s introspective and capable of change….But will he fall back into his old ways as soon as he’s back home/ around his mom again?
Right ! Showing up with bags would make him as presumptuous as his narcissistic Mother. Showing up is romantic but showing up w/o bags is Romantic and Respectful (that’s a win move).
27:17 I’m 100% with John, because he is right. The ex fiancé has no right or authority to demand he stay with her at her fathers home, after everything he has allowed his mother to pull.
Yeahhh, the way they were talking about it except for john makes me realize why I barely watch them. They are kind of emotionally illiterate when it comes to some cases.
Sam really needs bigger flags, especially with the mother-in-law story. Maybe a bull fighter cape or just a big red blanket. Also mother-in-law knows exactly what shes doing.
OKOP big red blankets!!! @Boze vs. the World made merch blankets, these guys could too, just a big red soft blanket with “there’s always red flags” in impact text 😂
He felt bad when she got to the restaurant and realized there was no seat for her. But he didn't think to tell them when he and his mom arrived that his wife was coming! I hate this guy!!!
Yep this is exactly what I was thinking. She probably even texted him when she was on the way. He had time to fix the table if he wanted to but nope! 🚩🚩
The mom who leaves when relatives arrive is my heroine! I did Thanksgiving twice for my ex’s extended family and they literally sat like bumps on a log and expected to be waited on. Brought nothing, didn’t help, ate quickly and left with barely a conversation. I actually felt guilty not inviting them again, but I’m not spending 14 hours on my feet cooking and cleaning just to have zero fun. This woman is the queen of boundaries! Good for her.
Not even that… she was a constant abuser and nobody even realized that. She literally blamed her son for “killing” his father after he literally donated his KIDNEY!! Can you imagine!!!
@YoSpongebob I saw that. Comment was posted midway through story. I just didn't change it. I was in a relationship with someone, and their mother was like that. Constantly trying to push me away n out of the relationship. He always took her side cuz she was his mom. So, I left. They don't change, not even with therapy. They don't believe there is anything wrong with themselves so why would they even go? I straight told my exs mother she needed therapy. She literally said "why, therapy is for mentally sick people and there's nothing wrong with me. You need therapy." After dealing with that woman, yes... yes, I went to therapy.
@@chachiem awwwh girl… I am feeling horrible reading what you had to go through. May Allah Almighty bless you with the best guy out there who is mentally strong and capable and doesn’t need his mama to pull his strings because such men are literally dangerous for almost everyone included. I knew someone like that too.. he became mentally unstable because of how his parents ruined his marriage by ordering him and him not knowing better but to cave into their stupid orders. But I feel thats almost on him because he knew they never cared for him before why the sudden interest in him after his marriage? Some people like that like the attention they get from their parents after years of not getting it I feel.
@YoSpongebob thank you. I am currently married to a fantastic man, and his mother and I get along very well. We even go out for lunch and coffee at times. She is a wonderful woman who raised such a great man.
Stories like this will always make me TREMENDOUSLY grateful for my FMIL. She has her own life and understands that her sons have their own lives. My heart goes out to people with the kinds of MILs from these stories. Also, I'm with John. You put people in a precarious situation by assuming they can house you. I love a grand gesture, but at least have a back up plan.
I didnt talk to my mom for an hand of years because of this kind of behavior , I was able to come back to her when I was more clear on my boundaries and can express it without anger . Good op and her husband did keep the story great !
🙅🏻♀💼I get where Sam and Riley are coming from as far making your beloved partner an immediate priority after leaving the airport and not wanting to waste any time in reconciling. HOWEVER, I think what John is trying to express that they (for whatever reason) aren't getting is that to show up *with* the bags can come off as that you EXPECT to be taken in whether your partner actually wants to or not. To just show up with the bags comes off as selfish and entitled. Not something the partner should be forced to deal with, esp. on Christmas Eve when they are already with their family. *** Also, it can indicate (whether it may be the case or not) that you showed up *only* because your felt safe that everything will work out in your favor and probably wouldn't have done so otherwise- which is actually VERY UNROMANTIC and a huge turn-off. So, I actually think it's MORE ROMANTIC WITHOUT THE BAGS. It shows that you are being considerate enough to leave the decision entirely up to your partner. And that you have prepared other accommodations, just in case, so as not to burden your partner any further. And ultimately, it is the greatest gesture of love that even *without any guarantees,* you're still willing to bare your heart, take action, and do whatever you have to in order to do make things work. THAT shows love much more than being impulsive and not taking thoughtful action.
It always baffles me when I read stories where guests don't clean up after themselves. Like you're literally being invited into someone's house and you're not gonna respect it?? I applaud OP for putting her foot down and refusing to deal with her rude in-laws and husband.
I lost my dad when I was 12 and my aunt gave me a journal to help me coop. She told me whenever I felt lonely and missing him to write to him in the journal. I still write in a journal for events happening in my life and it helped me get thru the grieving process
2015, 9 years later, I truly hope they are doing well and are happily married. Going NC was the best decision and he was able to grow and heal so much. I am so happy for them.
I'm with John on the bag issue. I think it's more considerate to at least plan for alternative reservations. Especially in such a layered situation I would feel forced to let him stay especially as it was Christmas. But the gesture still was amazingly romantic and showed OP what Adam really wants. I hope it strengthened their relationship.
Exactly! Romantic is considering what will make op more at ease! Grand dramatic gestures are for when things are going well. Discretion when things are rocky
Couldn’t you just hide the bags cause then what happens if she says yes please come in and stay the night? Oops sorry babe we need to find anything way to get to my hotel that I also spent money on on Christmas Eve….i feel what yall and John are saying but that can complicate things. If he hides the bags outside or if he say rented a car and then left the bags in the car I feel like she’s not really going to notice because it’s not like he came from down the street he came from across the ocean.
@@Raraking4796 leaving them in a rental car is acceptable. Renting a car overseas is complicated. Not all European cities are as carcentric (it's a word now...) as American ones
@catsncrows y Fair enough unfortunately I haven't gotten a chance to travel very often so I only know what I've seen on TV or social media and things like that. There are places that seem like they don't reslly have cars and all and some that do so I never know but what you said makes sense for sure.
Team bags! i would think it if a grand gesture showing up, what he should have said was something like ‘I couldn’t wait another minute to talk but will come back tomorrow if you aren’t up for it now’ that way she doesn’t feel obligated to have him over but shows that she was first and only on his mind, not acquiring a place to keep his bags. Or he could have tossed them in a bush in her front yard 😂
The bag argument was killing me. 😂 But he’s right. Don’t show up with the bags. The bags imply, “I expect you to let me in.” This guy has ZERO balls in his court right now. The lady gets the final say on how things go forward because she has been without a voice up to now. Plus…. It’s her parents’ house.
The fact that he was at the door with the bags. I agree with John. But I agree with Sam and Riley too. Time is of the essence. Adam had the rental car and he could have left the bags inside there. Now he's just ruining the romantic moment with the entitlement of the bags. Like are you there to fix things or to presume you are welcome.
Probably got out of a taxi with his stuff. Should've packed light if only there for 1 week imo... Like why do you need multiple bag(s) for Christmas to New Years?
With regards to bags, I think it is more thoughtful or thought over to put the bags in a hotel to ensure that where he sleeps is not a thing OP has to worry about and that they should just focus on the task at hand which is talking about their relationship. On the other hand, I can see why bringing the bags with him straight to her house is also a gesture of sincerity that he really wants to see her and work things out as soon as possible. I think what is more important is the fact that he really went to her and faced the issue beforehand. And by the looks of it, seems like he really came through for the relationship. Being accountable for your actions is important, but more importantly is putting the work in to resolve things with your partner.
here's how getting over a parent's death happens: it doesn't. you never stop grieving, you just eventually learn to live with it. time is the answer but, even years later something as simple as a photo or a story can make you lose it. dreaming about them is the absolute best.. it's like a visit. i so look forward to dreaming about my Mom. doesn't happen often, but it's awfully nice when it does.
So true, I lost my lovely mum 2 and a half years ago now and it's still not got any easier. It's still a shock every time I realise that I'll never see her again, and I miss her every day. It gets a little less raw I suppose, but the sadness never goes away 😢❤
The only way to have a good relationship with a narcissist is too never see or speak to them! I am happy Adam finally got away from that grotesque being :) what a great ending x
John - You're wrong. You go straight to the house, letting her know you're serious about saving the relationship. Going to the Hotel first would 1) be a d&ck move and 2) show that you aren't really serious because at that point you're just procrastinating out of fear. Get in there son!
I am just so sad for this woman….. there is no change in this MIL or the son. They may love each other…. But it will be worse when they get married. She needs to get out now…. Do not marry him
I'm so thankful for my boyfriend's mom. She tells him all the time that I come first in his life and she's fully okay with that. He's a mama's boy but there are healthy boundaries and she is so understanding if he should ever have to put my needs above hers.
Dealing with the lost of a loved one is a long process. I still have moments where I start crying thinking about my mother, who I lost a little over a year ago. The main thing that helped in the grieving process, was knowing that what she wanted most was for me to be happy, so I felt like I owed it to her to keep living my life and do the things I enjoy. Oh and btw, definitely no bags.
🧳🧳🧳 I'm with Sam on this one, directly from the airport to her, the bags only means that he wanted to go straight to her. It can then be up to her if she wants him to stay in her parents house, maybe they have a guest room to stay in, but I'm sure he would also accept it, if she said to Adam to stay at a hotel. So why even go to a hotel first if the person you go to then say, where are you going, and you say, to the hotel, the person you then go to could wonder why you came just to leave again. So, just go straight to the person,you can just explain that you wanted to see the person first and that you can go to a hotel if that is what you decide on. If someone came to see me and had no back coz they were left at a hotel, I would feel like they came to just leave again. And that's a worse feeling.
Grievings are never easy, my dad passed away 8 year's ago, we were not in a good terms for years. I still not over the feeling of regrets, I made a tattoo of him in my arms as a reminder, of him and of how life is too short to keep feeling of resentment in your life.
In regards to the bags, the text does say “his bags and a rental”, so whether that meant rental car or rental place, he can leave his damn bags there 😂
I'm with John. Leave the luggage SOMEWHERE, even like hide it in the nearest bush, but don't show up with your bags expecting to stay. If I were on the verge of breaking up and a guy showed up expecting to stay I'd be definitely taken aback.
FOR THE GRIEVING... I made a picture book of my dad in his different roles ... son, brother, dad, uncle, granddad, etc. Have people who know him write stories about him. Funny, fond memories, moving, etc. Make and eat his favorite meal, listen to his favorite music. Have a movie night with his fave movies.
@shelbypippin1028 《Hugs》 I know it is so hard! I once heard the expression that grief is love with nowhere to go. It is very true. The only thing I can suggest is that you spend whatever time with him now that you can. You say all the things he means to you (in a letter if talking out loud is too upsetting). You have the opportunity to let him know how wonderful a father is, as well as to get any advice from him you can. Please use it as the last need you need on top of grief is regret!
You go from the airport to your person. It’s not about the bags, it’s about landing and wanting to see OP right away to show they care. Fiancée can get a hotel after if they need to. John is being too overly logical lol, this is a romantic gesture. I don’t think OP is looking at the bag and thinking they have any expectations because the fiancée knows it’s a 10% chance. OP has gotta see her fiancée is willing to put himself on the line for her.
Just keep bags in the car! But also make a reservation at a hotel in case they won't like you to stay. Especially that at Christmas eve hotels might be full so it can be hard to find space by just walking in to random hotel. But i agree with John, showing up with bags at the door is too much.
So, team bags but only if it was generally necessities rather than a large amount for a longer period. A toiletry bag, a change of clothes or two, and some sort of in case of emergencies.
Ok, this is what helped me. My mother passed in 1995 from cancer. When your parent (or anyone) passes from an illness, you have to watch them suffer. What helped was I envisioned (I think I actually dreamed it) this huge field. Big blue sky with fluffy, white clouds. A nice, soft breeze. There was this HUGE
tree in the field. Kinda reminded me of the field in Shawshank Redemption. My mother was standing under the tree, and she had this look of peace. There was no more pain. She waved and smiled. It has been a comfort over the years. When I am having a moment about her passing, I just look to the tree and I am filled with love and peace. I hope you find your peace OP❤
Bruh that last story has me shitting myself. OP is a SUPERSTAR PARENT. Her husband is letting his family destroy the responsibility they have instilled in their children to help around the house, so rather than take it & become a 50s housewife, she is giving them an external consequence & waiting for her stupid ass husband to come to his senses on his own since he refuses to listen & somehow thinks telling his kids to not contribute to chores is a good idea. This can absolutely snowball because the kids will villanize mom for being the only one telling them to clean, for abandoning them, and for "abusing" dad and the family. That man needs to get his shit together and not simp so hard for his parents. He's ruining his children.
I think him showing up to fight for her after not fighting for her, ever, when it comes to mom. It shows he understands it IS gonna be a fight to choose her over mom, and he is making his willingness to do so, clear to her with actions, instead of words. Words she has prob heard a million times.
🙅♀️💼 Showing up with the bags is just saying "hi I'm here and coming in. Where's my room?" It almost feels like he's inviting himself in and didn't take precautions for OPs emotions. Edit: Plus, if he got a hotel and OP said to stay, he could've said "I gotta go get my bags if you want to come with 😉."
When it came to grieving my mom, I was in a toxic relationship at the time, and my ex actually picked a fight with me at her funeral because a male cousin of mine whom he had never met came up and hugged me and I didn't introduce them. I was a wreck, I wasn't thinking about introductions and formalities, etc, I was barely thinking at all. He thought it was some guy that I might have dated or some such. Which was absurd. After that, he would occasionally insult me by saying "you're just like your mom"... My mom and him never got along, and in retrospect, it's clear to me why she didn't like him. I also had a three month old baby with him when she passed (mom got to be a grandma, which was beautiful, despite him) but I went back to work after six weeks of maternity leave and was a busy working mom so I don't think I ever grieved properly either. I miss her all the time. I cry, I regret, I feel guilt. It'll be 13 years without her on the 29th. When your world stops, the rest of the world doesn't, it drags you along with it. I have been considering therapy, because honestly, I believe my unresolved grief is still plaguing me more than it probably should. Love you and miss you Mom 💔
Music Hope and anything that can confort you just regard them with everything they gave you and love them b living your life. Im floored by Reddits power. This is incredible.
🙅🧳I understand John's idea😂 because is not to make them assume "I'm going to stay there" in the house 😅but in that case🤣 I preferred to hide the bags before I knock the parents door😅
I do see John’s point with the bags. It is a little expectant. Just hide the bags in a bush or something til you know you can stay. Sure it would cause quite a laugh too😂
He was abused as well, but you can't ignore all that op went through without him putting his foot down. I'm sure that that was not the only time her face showed hurt and disappointment.
@tayflowers13 but you don't know the mental toll op's husband had either you only hear op's perspective, getting upset at him is just easier then understanding his side
I'm on John's side. Showing up with bags is presumptuous. Let's all remember that he's the only one in a long term committed relationship out of the 3.
Whole family needs counseling and if ANYONE refuses the wedding is off. Edit: Didn't see the last part of the story before writing that. I'm very happy with the ending. My husband is also the victim of a manipulative parent, as am I, but we were both further along in the healing journey when we first met, so it helped bring us closer together. And yes, both of our parents in question have done the fake pretending to commit suicide thing. That's the last straw. No contact for a long time after that.
I think home is right on the dropping off the bags . I'd be low key offended them ASSUMING I'd even take them back after I already asked for space and to probably break up.
Compromise, u rent a vehicle at the air port to jeep ur bags in, if OP takes him back he's got his stuff to stay there, if not he can take the rental to a hotel instead. Alternate method u negotiate with a cab/ Uber driver to keep the bags in the vehicle until Ex finds out one way or the other if he can stay.
Christmas Eve is the worst night for me now. I went to go see my Nana and slipped and snapped my tibia, fibula and broke my ankle in 2022. Worst night ever
It wasn't clear if he expected to stay at fiancé parents home ...he just went straight there..he could still gotten a hotel room..but who goes to get a hotel room first with the relationship on the line.!!??
28:14 🙅🧳 I agree with John as well, she gave him a 10% chance that the relationship might not end and a 90% that it will end. Him making assumptions that he may get to stay with her and/or just being inconsiderate by possibly adding pressure on her to let him stay and work things out because he came to her, really could hurt his chances and he should have thought of how the bags would look to her and her family, even if they did start dating again after.
One more thing. I’m so glad it worked out for them. I’m honestly surprised about it. But happy surprised. And the mother didn’t try to take her own life. She wanted the attention that’s why she called emergency services and slowly took the pills. It was a cry for attention nothing more
It’s a GREAT move for him to show up at the parents house! He’s fighting for the relationship and that’s a major turn-on for a woman in this situation. All women want to feel wanted and be worth fighting for. Now he just needs to learn to stand up to his mother.
The thing is, she didn't try to end her life. It was purely performative. It was a manipulation tactic. She never actually intended to end it
I was looking for this comment! Classic narcissistic move. she felt him slip away and tried to tie him back to her by pretending to be suicidal. She never planned to take her life. She called the ambulance and then took a non dangerous dose of pills… glad that stunt didn’t work and Adam managed to free himself from his toxic mother.
Yes!!!
Completely performative, entirely manipulation. No sympathy for narcissists & this MIL!
Always be extra careful if you’re threatened by one in this way, ultimately they do not want to die, they want you to mourn them for eternity and shape your future around your loss of them. Kind of like this MIL already tried to do through his poor father! A narcissist would never give up all the things they can get out of people in exchange for their mortality, hell no.
I used to date a narc with anxiety & depression, I also had both, so while being sewerslidal myself I had to determine which of his threats sat in harmony with my own desires for death, and which ones were said with nothing behind his eyes and nothing in his soul. He always said he would end it before he turned 30 because he didn’t want to be ‘old’ and more grey-haired. Guess what, he’s nearly 31: still wealthy af and silver-spoon fed, I just hope that Russell Brand looking face sags down all 6foot5 of him so he can stop creeping on other young girls. He could never give all that up by his own hand, no true narc could, especially a wealthy attractive one.
Never fall prey to their empty threats!!! Call an ambulance and/or police and let them embarrass themselves or maybe even receive the help they actually need. Loved ones at victim to these threats should leave things to the ‘professionals’, you can’t have a life-or-death heart-to-heart with someone who only wants you hurt from this.
I was coming to say this. She called before taking anything it was for attention.
I hate attention seekers like this myself and my friends that succeed never made it available online we didn't tell people to make them feel bad we just did it without telling anyone
🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️
Nahhhh I agree with John.
Adam not procuring other accommodation for himself before showing up to OP’s parent’s house, leaves the burden on OP to have to tell him she doesn’t want him to stay there at this time.
He should have gotten a hotel, and followed John’s logic of being available to her in whatever way she wanted him to be, without the expectation of staying with her and her family.
TEAM JOHN
I’m with John don’t come with your bags ! The bags feels like forcing yourself on said person and their family . Don’t impose drop the bags off it’s till a grand gesture
John is right! The gesture is romantic, especially because it shows he loves her and is willing to put in effort to fix the relationship. But him showing up with all of his stuff could seem like he’s being too pushy, like he’s not giving her the choice. Showing up to surprise her and fight for their relationship is romantic, assuming she will forgive him and her parents will let him stay there (and not giving her the option for space) is not. I think it’s cute that he actually read the comments and he’s trying to listen. He’s trying to do better. It’s shows he’s introspective and capable of change….But will he fall back into his old ways as soon as he’s back home/ around his mom again?
Right ! Showing up with bags would make him as presumptuous as his narcissistic Mother.
Showing up is romantic but showing up w/o bags is Romantic and Respectful (that’s a win move).
I think Riley needs his own Green screen so he can have a little producer set to coordinate with the studio!
Riley's laugh in between is so adorable. I agree he does need a green screen :D
💯
27:17 I’m 100% with John, because he is right. The ex fiancé has no right or authority to demand he stay with her at her fathers home, after everything he has allowed his mother to pull.
Just because he has his bag with him doesn't mean he is demanding anything you goober
It comes across extremely manipulative at worst and presumptuous at best.
Sameeee. The presumption would make me even more angry.
You could always go back and get the bags….
@@leftmein8 facts
Yeahhh, the way they were talking about it except for john makes me realize why I barely watch them. They are kind of emotionally illiterate when it comes to some cases.
Sam really needs bigger flags, especially with the mother-in-law story. Maybe a bull fighter cape or just a big red blanket.
Also mother-in-law knows exactly what shes doing.
10000%
I'm just envisioning Sam with like a color guard red flag lmaooo
I second the comically large red flag gag. Flag gag. Hehehe
OKOP big red blankets!!! @Boze vs. the World made merch blankets, these guys could too, just a big red soft blanket with “there’s always red flags” in impact text 😂
@@MorningStarMidnightSunmake it a flipped blanket a green flag on the other side for the rare times they’re used HAHAAH
He felt bad when she got to the restaurant and realized there was no seat for her. But he didn't think to tell them when he and his mom arrived that his wife was coming! I hate this guy!!!
Yep this is exactly what I was thinking. She probably even texted him when she was on the way. He had time to fix the table if he wanted to but nope! 🚩🚩
I agree!! Adam is terrible for his actions or lack there of.
He is soooo dumb. It's life he's on auto pilot and just let's his mom make all decisions.
The mom who leaves when relatives arrive is my heroine! I did Thanksgiving twice for my ex’s extended family and they literally sat like bumps on a log and expected to be waited on. Brought nothing, didn’t help, ate quickly and left with barely a conversation. I actually felt guilty not inviting them again, but I’m not spending 14 hours on my feet cooking and cleaning just to have zero fun. This woman is the queen of boundaries! Good for her.
That future mother in law will NEVER change. No one will ever be good enough for her "boy".
Not even that… she was a constant abuser and nobody even realized that. She literally blamed her son for “killing” his father after he literally donated his KIDNEY!! Can you imagine!!!
@YoSpongebob I saw that. Comment was posted midway through story. I just didn't change it. I was in a relationship with someone, and their mother was like that. Constantly trying to push me away n out of the relationship. He always took her side cuz she was his mom. So, I left. They don't change, not even with therapy. They don't believe there is anything wrong with themselves so why would they even go? I straight told my exs mother she needed therapy. She literally said "why, therapy is for mentally sick people and there's nothing wrong with me. You need therapy." After dealing with that woman, yes... yes, I went to therapy.
@@chachiem awwwh girl… I am feeling horrible reading what you had to go through. May Allah Almighty bless you with the best guy out there who is mentally strong and capable and doesn’t need his mama to pull his strings because such men are literally dangerous for almost everyone included.
I knew someone like that too.. he became mentally unstable because of how his parents ruined his marriage by ordering him and him not knowing better but to cave into their stupid orders. But I feel thats almost on him because he knew they never cared for him before why the sudden interest in him after his marriage? Some people like that like the attention they get from their parents after years of not getting it I feel.
@YoSpongebob thank you. I am currently married to a fantastic man, and his mother and I get along very well. We even go out for lunch and coffee at times. She is a wonderful woman who raised such a great man.
Except herself, of course.
"Mommy knows best."
Stories like this will always make me TREMENDOUSLY grateful for my FMIL. She has her own life and understands that her sons have their own lives. My heart goes out to people with the kinds of MILs from these stories.
Also, I'm with John. You put people in a precarious situation by assuming they can house you. I love a grand gesture, but at least have a back up plan.
I didnt talk to my mom for an hand of years because of this kind of behavior , I was able to come back to her when I was more clear on my boundaries and can express it without anger . Good op and her husband did keep the story great !
🙅🏻♀💼I get where Sam and Riley are coming from as far making your beloved partner an immediate priority after leaving the airport and not wanting to waste any time in reconciling. HOWEVER, I think what John is trying to express that they (for whatever reason) aren't getting is that to show up *with* the bags can come off as that you EXPECT to be taken in whether your partner actually wants to or not.
To just show up with the bags comes off as selfish and entitled. Not something the partner should be forced to deal with, esp. on Christmas Eve when they are already with their family. *** Also, it can indicate (whether it may be the case or not) that you showed up *only* because your felt safe that everything will work out in your favor and probably wouldn't have done so otherwise- which is actually VERY UNROMANTIC and a huge turn-off.
So, I actually think it's MORE ROMANTIC WITHOUT THE BAGS. It shows that you are being considerate enough to leave the decision entirely up to your partner. And that you have prepared other accommodations, just in case, so as not to burden your partner any further.
And ultimately, it is the greatest gesture of love that even *without any guarantees,* you're still willing to bare your heart, take action, and do whatever you have to in order to do make things work. THAT shows love much more than being impulsive and not taking thoughtful action.
It always baffles me when I read stories where guests don't clean up after themselves. Like you're literally being invited into someone's house and you're not gonna respect it?? I applaud OP for putting her foot down and refusing to deal with her rude in-laws and husband.
I lost my dad when I was 12 and my aunt gave me a journal to help me coop. She told me whenever I felt lonely and missing him to write to him in the journal. I still write in a journal for events happening in my life and it helped me get thru the grieving process
2015, 9 years later, I truly hope they are doing well and are happily married. Going NC was the best decision and he was able to grow and heal so much. I am so happy for them.
I’m dying to know how they are doing almost a decade later
I'm with John on the bag issue. I think it's more considerate to at least plan for alternative reservations. Especially in such a layered situation I would feel forced to let him stay especially as it was Christmas. But the gesture still was amazingly romantic and showed OP what Adam really wants. I hope it strengthened their relationship.
I’m with John on taking the bags to the hotel. It doesn’t put pressure on her and IMO likely put her more at ease.
Exactly! Romantic is considering what will make op more at ease! Grand dramatic gestures are for when things are going well. Discretion when things are rocky
Couldn’t you just hide the bags cause then what happens if she says yes please come in and stay the night? Oops sorry babe we need to find anything way to get to my hotel that I also spent money on on Christmas Eve….i feel what yall and John are saying but that can complicate things. If he hides the bags outside or if he say rented a car and then left the bags in the car I feel like she’s not really going to notice because it’s not like he came from down the street he came from across the ocean.
@@Raraking4796 leaving them in a rental car is acceptable. Renting a car overseas is complicated. Not all European cities are as carcentric (it's a word now...) as American ones
@catsncrows y
Fair enough unfortunately I haven't gotten a chance to travel very often so I only know what I've seen on TV or social media and things like that. There are places that seem like they don't reslly have cars and all and some that do so I never know but what you said makes sense for sure.
@@catsncrowsbut but what if I took a Lyft to her doorstep 😢
1st story: I'm so glad they worked it out, and he put his mother in her place and put OP first. He needed therapy and didn't even realize it.
I love this Comment
I'm team no bags. Bring flowers and food or something. I love this episode LOL
So you'd go to the hotel first?
Team bags! i would think it if a grand gesture showing up, what he should have said was something like ‘I couldn’t wait another minute to talk but will come back tomorrow if you aren’t up for it now’ that way she doesn’t feel obligated to have him over but shows that she was first and only on his mind, not acquiring a place to keep his bags. Or he could have tossed them in a bush in her front yard 😂
I think Adam saying he needs a break to process what happened that night at the bar because he also didnt know how to handle this crap with his mom.
The father is basically paying her off to make sure she leaves that mommasimp
The bag argument was killing me. 😂
But he’s right. Don’t show up with the bags. The bags imply, “I expect you to let me in.” This guy has ZERO balls in his court right now. The lady gets the final say on how things go forward because she has been without a voice up to now. Plus…. It’s her parents’ house.
You grieve forever. I celebrate my parents on their bday by doing things we loved to do together.
The fact that he was at the door with the bags. I agree with John. But I agree with Sam and Riley too. Time is of the essence. Adam had the rental car and he could have left the bags inside there. Now he's just ruining the romantic moment with the entitlement of the bags.
Like are you there to fix things or to presume you are welcome.
Keep the bags in the trunk! Have it both ways!
Probably got out of a taxi with his stuff. Should've packed light if only there for 1 week imo... Like why do you need multiple bag(s) for Christmas to New Years?
Girl leave now. He's married to his mom
He changed and got help. Give him some credit.
🧳🧳🧳John, you tripping! Him showing up with the bags doesn't mean he doesn't have a hotel! It means he came straight from the airport!!!
With regards to bags, I think it is more thoughtful or thought over to put the bags in a hotel to ensure that where he sleeps is not a thing OP has to worry about and that they should just focus on the task at hand which is talking about their relationship. On the other hand, I can see why bringing the bags with him straight to her house is also a gesture of sincerity that he really wants to see her and work things out as soon as possible. I think what is more important is the fact that he really went to her and faced the issue beforehand. And by the looks of it, seems like he really came through for the relationship. Being accountable for your actions is important, but more importantly is putting the work in to resolve things with your partner.
here's how getting over a parent's death happens: it doesn't. you never stop grieving, you just eventually learn to live with it. time is the answer but, even years later something as simple as a photo or a story can make you lose it. dreaming about them is the absolute best.. it's like a visit. i so look forward to dreaming about my Mom. doesn't happen often, but it's awfully nice when it does.
It really is like a visit….❤
So true, I lost my lovely mum 2 and a half years ago now and it's still not got any easier. It's still a shock every time I realise that I'll never see her again, and I miss her every day. It gets a little less raw I suppose, but the sadness never goes away 😢❤
The only way to have a good relationship with a narcissist is too never see or speak to them! I am happy Adam finally got away from that grotesque being :) what a great ending x
John - You're wrong. You go straight to the house, letting her know you're serious about saving the relationship. Going to the Hotel first would 1) be a d&ck move and 2) show that you aren't really serious because at that point you're just procrastinating out of fear. Get in there son!
I am just so sad for this woman….. there is no change in this MIL or the son. They may love each other…. But it will be worse when they get married. She needs to get out now…. Do not marry him
Finally someone with common sense
He went no contact with the mother, so there was a change in him at least.
I'm so thankful for my boyfriend's mom. She tells him all the time that I come first in his life and she's fully okay with that. He's a mama's boy but there are healthy boundaries and she is so understanding if he should ever have to put my needs above hers.
Dealing with the lost of a loved one is a long process. I still have moments where I start crying thinking about my mother, who I lost a little over a year ago. The main thing that helped in the grieving process, was knowing that what she wanted most was for me to be happy, so I felt like I owed it to her to keep living my life and do the things I enjoy.
Oh and btw, definitely no bags.
🧳🧳🧳
I'm with Sam on this one, directly from the airport to her, the bags only means that he wanted to go straight to her. It can then be up to her if she wants him to stay in her parents house, maybe they have a guest room to stay in, but I'm sure he would also accept it, if she said to Adam to stay at a hotel.
So why even go to a hotel first if the person you go to then say, where are you going, and you say, to the hotel, the person you then go to could wonder why you came just to leave again.
So, just go straight to the person,you can just explain that you wanted to see the person first and that you can go to a hotel if that is what you decide on.
If someone came to see me and had no back coz they were left at a hotel, I would feel like they came to just leave again. And that's a worse feeling.
Grievings are never easy, my dad passed away 8 year's ago, we were not in a good terms for years. I still not over the feeling of regrets, I made a tattoo of him in my arms as a reminder, of him and of how life is too short to keep feeling of resentment in your life.
Adam sounds like one of those guys that should be on the show called mama's boy
In regards to the bags, the text does say “his bags and a rental”, so whether that meant rental car or rental place, he can leave his damn bags there 😂
I'm with John. Leave the luggage SOMEWHERE, even like hide it in the nearest bush, but don't show up with your bags expecting to stay. If I were on the verge of breaking up and a guy showed up expecting to stay I'd be definitely taken aback.
FOR THE GRIEVING...
I made a picture book of my dad in his different roles ... son, brother, dad, uncle, granddad, etc.
Have people who know him write stories about him. Funny, fond memories, moving, etc.
Make and eat his favorite meal, listen to his favorite music. Have a movie night with his fave movies.
My dad has stage four cancer I’m scared to death to lose him😭
@shelbypippin1028 《Hugs》 I know it is so hard! I once heard the expression that grief is love with nowhere to go. It is very true. The only thing I can suggest is that you spend whatever time with him now that you can. You say all the things he means to you (in a letter if talking out loud is too upsetting). You have the opportunity to let him know how wonderful a father is, as well as to get any advice from him you can. Please use it as the last need you need on top of grief is regret!
Please, She didn’t try to take her own life. She called for help before she did anything. Manipulation.
You go from the airport to your person. It’s not about the bags, it’s about landing and wanting to see OP right away to show they care. Fiancée can get a hotel after if they need to. John is being too overly logical lol, this is a romantic gesture. I don’t think OP is looking at the bag and thinking they have any expectations because the fiancée knows it’s a 10% chance. OP has gotta see her fiancée is willing to put himself on the line for her.
Time puts grief into perspective like nothing else. It dosnt go away but time allows you to learn to manage it.
Just keep bags in the car! But also make a reservation at a hotel in case they won't like you to stay. Especially that at Christmas eve hotels might be full so it can be hard to find space by just walking in to random hotel. But i agree with John, showing up with bags at the door is too much.
So, team bags but only if it was generally necessities rather than a large amount for a longer period. A toiletry bag, a change of clothes or two, and some sort of in case of emergencies.
The argument regarding bags 😂 im screaming!
John is so upset about these BAGS 😂💀
Oooh how this first story is giving me flash backs to my own MIL
He should have showed up with one of his mom’s Burkin bags 😂
🏆#1 answer! 😂
The guys fighting over the bags 😂😂😂
He showed up in the rental car with his bags. So he had an option to leave
I (55F) get where John is coming. Making sure female knows he is not expecting to put him up.
Ok, this is what helped me. My mother passed in 1995 from cancer. When your parent (or anyone) passes from an illness, you have to watch them suffer. What helped was I envisioned (I think I actually dreamed it) this huge field. Big blue sky with fluffy, white clouds. A nice, soft breeze. There was this HUGE
tree in the field. Kinda reminded me of the field in Shawshank Redemption. My mother was standing under the tree, and she had this look of peace. There was no more pain. She waved and smiled. It has been a comfort over the years. When I am having a moment about her passing, I just look to the tree and I am filled with love and peace. I hope you find your peace OP❤
Bruh that last story has me shitting myself.
OP is a SUPERSTAR PARENT. Her husband is letting his family destroy the responsibility they have instilled in their children to help around the house, so rather than take it & become a 50s housewife, she is giving them an external consequence & waiting for her stupid ass husband to come to his senses on his own since he refuses to listen & somehow thinks telling his kids to not contribute to chores is a good idea.
This can absolutely snowball because the kids will villanize mom for being the only one telling them to clean, for abandoning them, and for "abusing" dad and the family. That man needs to get his shit together and not simp so hard for his parents. He's ruining his children.
Hold the boom box outside her window lol.
I think him showing up to fight for her after not fighting for her, ever, when it comes to mom. It shows he understands it IS gonna be a fight to choose her over mom, and he is making his willingness to do so, clear to her with actions, instead of words. Words she has prob heard a million times.
🙅♀️💼 Showing up with the bags is just saying "hi I'm here and coming in. Where's my room?"
It almost feels like he's inviting himself in and didn't take precautions for OPs emotions.
Edit: Plus, if he got a hotel and OP said to stay, he could've said "I gotta go get my bags if you want to come with 😉."
Bags, but follow with a joke that my hotel room wasn’t ready yet…
When it came to grieving my mom, I was in a toxic relationship at the time, and my ex actually picked a fight with me at her funeral because a male cousin of mine whom he had never met came up and hugged me and I didn't introduce them. I was a wreck, I wasn't thinking about introductions and formalities, etc, I was barely thinking at all. He thought it was some guy that I might have dated or some such. Which was absurd. After that, he would occasionally insult me by saying "you're just like your mom"... My mom and him never got along, and in retrospect, it's clear to me why she didn't like him. I also had a three month old baby with him when she passed (mom got to be a grandma, which was beautiful, despite him) but I went back to work after six weeks of maternity leave and was a busy working mom so I don't think I ever grieved properly either. I miss her all the time. I cry, I regret, I feel guilt. It'll be 13 years without her on the 29th. When your world stops, the rest of the world doesn't, it drags you along with it. I have been considering therapy, because honestly, I believe my unresolved grief is still plaguing me more than it probably should. Love you and miss you Mom 💔
Adam is the kind of person that all partners should strive to be for their SO’s.
No bag team. You always can find a hotel after, not before you see the love of your life ❤
Music Hope and anything that can confort you just regard them with everything they gave you and love them b living your life. Im floored by Reddits power. This is incredible.
I second a compilation of John’s “Oh God!”
1000% get a hotel then go over. Especially on a holiday and especially somewhere she’s a guest at.
🙅🧳I understand John's idea😂 because is not to make them assume "I'm going to stay there" in the house 😅but in that case🤣 I preferred to hide the bags before I knock the parents door😅
Im with John on this with the bags!
I do see John’s point with the bags. It is a little expectant. Just hide the bags in a bush or something til you know you can stay. Sure it would cause quite a laugh too😂
I can't, I felt my blood pressure rising with the first story. How does she think her MIL is the only problem?!?!?!?!
Because she was the only problem
He was abused as well, but you can't ignore all that op went through without him putting his foot down. I'm sure that that was not the only time her face showed hurt and disappointment.
@tayflowers13 but you don't know the mental toll op's husband had either you only hear op's perspective, getting upset at him is just easier then understanding his side
@@kzmultiversalstudios4556 true
The mother in law can keep herself warm by wrapping herself in the red flags.
Team John!! That's what it means to think and to actually put her needs first.
The mother didn’t try to commit suicide she was just trying to manipulate her son and try get out of the counselling session.
No bags. Thats presumptuous.
Team no bags!! …but the way y’all were going on about it had me dying 🤣🤣🤣
Bags: Go straight there and tell her you can get a hotel.. sadly NC iS THE ONLY WAY to go with narcs who wont try to get better
Bruh I lost it when I heard the "Rosa de guadalupe" soundtrack jdjdjdj plz add it more often
NEW RULE: never do anything that a romantic comedy would do.
I agree with John just because I don’t hate you doesn’t mean I’m ready to welcome you in
Hella early today!!! Watching OKOP while eating tea
I'm happy it's early too! I got a early work shift today so it makes the commute easier.
I'm on John's side. Showing up with bags is presumptuous. Let's all remember that he's the only one in a long term committed relationship out of the 3.
Whole family needs counseling and if ANYONE refuses the wedding is off.
Edit: Didn't see the last part of the story before writing that. I'm very happy with the ending. My husband is also the victim of a manipulative parent, as am I, but we were both further along in the healing journey when we first met, so it helped bring us closer together. And yes, both of our parents in question have done the fake pretending to commit suicide thing. That's the last straw. No contact for a long time after that.
I'm with John... the bags are assuming and feel like pressure. Without them, I'd probably want him to stay.... also... Riley... marry me?? 🙅🏼♀️🧳💼
He is totally right about the bags. 🙅♀️💼🧳
I think home is right on the dropping off the bags . I'd be low key offended them ASSUMING I'd even take them back after I already asked for space and to probably break up.
Compromise, u rent a vehicle at the air port to jeep ur bags in, if OP takes him back he's got his stuff to stay there, if not he can take the rental to a hotel instead. Alternate method u negotiate with a cab/ Uber driver to keep the bags in the vehicle until Ex finds out one way or the other if he can stay.
Christmas Eve is the worst night for me now. I went to go see my Nana and slipped and snapped my tibia, fibula and broke my ankle in 2022. Worst night ever
He could have left the bags in the car
I would have ended it the second that I returned from the vacation. Game over!
I'm laughing so hard at the romantic argument 🤣 😂 💀
Spill that tea!!
Come to the house with the bags. It isn't a new relationship and it feels like the appropriate level of fighting for the relationship.
It wasn't clear if he expected to stay at fiancé parents home ...he just went straight there..he could still gotten a hotel room..but who goes to get a hotel room first with the relationship on the line.!!??
First OP, I would have made it into a solo trip and did my outings. I would be "see you when I see you".
Marrying this man would be a big nope for me. If you think it’s bad now, wait until you’re married with a family.
28:14 🙅🧳 I agree with John as well, she gave him a 10% chance that the relationship might not end and a 90% that it will end. Him making assumptions that he may get to stay with her and/or just being inconsiderate by possibly adding pressure on her to let him stay and work things out because he came to her, really could hurt his chances and he should have thought of how the bags would look to her and her family, even if they did start dating again after.
Who says the bags are luggage. Maybe the bags are gifts.
The son has zero backbone and his mother is evil. The fact he allows his mother to dictate his life is disgusting.
One more thing. I’m so glad it worked out for them. I’m honestly surprised about it. But happy surprised. And the mother didn’t try to take her own life. She wanted the attention that’s why she called emergency services and slowly took the pills. It was a cry for attention nothing more
Been to Barcelona. It's as amazing as everyone says. You must go in your lifetime. ❤
It’s a GREAT move for him to show up at the parents house! He’s fighting for the relationship and that’s a major turn-on for a woman in this situation. All women want to feel wanted and be worth fighting for. Now he just needs to learn to stand up to his mother.