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How a Narcissist Uses Your Triggers Against You

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  • Опубликовано: 18 май 2024
  • There are just some people, call them unhealthy, that do not want genuine connections. The only thing that is on their agenda is making themselves feel better. They will go to extreme lengths to get what they need to feel better about themselves.
    They will twist the truth. They will use what you have confided in them against you later on. They will see the things that hurt and trigger you the most and throw them back at you to hurt you.
    Unfortunately a lot of us are learning this truth the hard way.
    Thanks for watching!
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Комментарии • 371

  • @nnglnd
    @nnglnd 3 месяца назад +236

    narcissism only works when you dont know that they are a narcissist. once they are found out the power is gone .

    • @dakoderii4221
      @dakoderii4221 3 месяца назад

      They only have the power you give them. Keep that in mind later this year when you are once again mandated to do something foolish. Massive fear coming. Don't give in. It's just FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real.

    • @anneyoung2310
      @anneyoung2310 3 месяца назад +25

      Completely! In fact, it gets to where their attempts at abusing the victim simply backfire, causing them to self-destroy.

    • @annabanana4771
      @annabanana4771 3 месяца назад +27

      So true! Once you see it, you can never un-see it. And then you get pretty adept at seeing it in others rather quickly - narc radar.

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake 3 месяца назад +8

      when the old mask slips off. what ive found it takes some kind of major blowout, and they know all is lost, so no need for any mask any more, to make it slip. when narc ex gf was having her meltdown, and i seen the real her, i encouraged her to get it all out. go ahead, make a total ass of yourself, bla bla bla, while simultaneously laughing in her face, telling her she was the most ignorant person ive ever had contact with in my life. oh boy! that even made her melt down even more. i knew the laughing would destroy her. this is all before i even knew what a narc really was. then after educating myself, all the pieces fit together perfectly.

    • @rapstar4575
      @rapstar4575 3 месяца назад +4

      Facts ❤

  • @samr8603
    @samr8603 2 месяца назад +119

    They certainly are children in adults bodies.

    • @racebannon96
      @racebannon96 2 месяца назад +7

      Emotional immaturity. No empathy for others. It is all about them. They do not get better.

    • @a-light4Christ
      @a-light4Christ 2 месяца назад +1

      @@paolafillippithat’s exactly what it is 💯

    • @An_Gha_
      @An_Gha_ 2 месяца назад +5

      No, I love children and I have 15 in one classroom everyday. Toddlers.
      Narcs are demons.

    • @geoffreybailey3512
      @geoffreybailey3512 2 месяца назад +2

      That comparison isn't being fair to children.

    • @jasonb9152
      @jasonb9152 2 месяца назад

      They are literally b/w 3-9 yrs old. This is when the trauma(s) occurred. If you can see them like this, then they are easy to understand obviously three-year-olds are usually worse than nine-year-olds in terms of self-centred death so that is a good gauge as to how bad they’re narcissism is.

  • @Redeemed1983
    @Redeemed1983 Месяц назад +19

    "It's NOT ALL about YOU, you know!" is one of their mantras when you assert your legitimate needs in a situation.

  • @natsdaley9615
    @natsdaley9615 2 месяца назад +68

    I left
    I survived
    I'm healing 😌

    • @floyd27860
      @floyd27860 2 месяца назад +2

      👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿👍🏿

    • @ba375
      @ba375 2 месяца назад

      Nice 💪🏽

    • @CR-hv7fx
      @CR-hv7fx Месяц назад +1

      Good! Stay strong, life does get better!

  • @daktari3055
    @daktari3055 3 месяца назад +92

    I have a new manager who was raising her voice at me. I have a feeling she may have narcissistic traits. But I looked her in the eye remaining stoic. I started smiling and I said, I’ll get on it. I could see she wasn’t expecting that reaction. An hour later she realized I had already finished what she was asking me to do. She said, You should have told me you were done. I said, “ You were hell bent on being upset, I didn’t want to ruin your moment. She just walked away.

    • @erzascarlet47
      @erzascarlet47 2 месяца назад +12

      This is really badass😂❤

    • @racebannon96
      @racebannon96 2 месяца назад +7

      Impressive

    • @erzascarlet47
      @erzascarlet47 2 месяца назад +7

      My dad's cousin sister (my aunt) was yelling at me for setting boundaries. Since I called her out for asking me really intimate questions about my life. I realised she got more and more excited as I argued back and I was really getting drained. She was enjoying that though. So I went dead silent and kept staring at her. She yelled yelled and got tired. Then I said ''if you're done I'll go back to my room''?. She again re-activated. I simply walked away and closed the door behind me.

    • @daktari3055
      @daktari3055 2 месяца назад +7

      @@erzascarlet47 You know she was wondering what the hell happened. Your aunt is pondering still at this moment.

    • @erzascarlet47
      @erzascarlet47 2 месяца назад +5

      @@daktari3055 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yea she is. Nobody in my family has experienced her going silent. And in my country (India) older people are kept on a pedestal for no reason. Whatever shit they vomit from their mouth is acceptable.
      They can comment on your body, relationships, health status, fertility, sex life, loans, contraceptives, divorce, abortions any damn thing without any shame. And get offended when you say ''its my personal matter please stop asking me about......" They take it as personal insult. In cases like this it's best to go no contact.
      Ex: they'll hand out infertility treatment pamphlets to a woman who has said for years she doesn't want to have kids. Or ask... Is the problem with you or your husband?? The audacity???

  • @1MNUTZ
    @1MNUTZ 3 месяца назад +113

    The thing about narcissists is they're all about preserving their fragile ego. So whatever vulnerabilities you have is an ego boost to them because they don't have empathy. They have a twisted psyche where your weakness is their strength. So they take your your vulnerabilities as opportunities to exploit you. Weaponizing your inner and outer empathy against you. This creates a person who becomes isolated and hypervigilant someone who loses trust and hope in others.

    • @Dandelion0962
      @Dandelion0962 3 месяца назад

      Fear the Narcissists’ Gamgsters Fool . Are your only wasting time, space, and energy to and for the murderous narcissist. Your wrapped tight, and boxed in, bent and bowed.

    • @Dandelion0962
      @Dandelion0962 3 месяца назад

      Survivors in and for hell, couldn’t, wouldn’t, can’t, and won’t see the protected white light veil protector, nor AllMightY Creator ever.

    • @Dandelion0962
      @Dandelion0962 3 месяца назад

      Dumb 2 Dumber 4 Dumbest

    • @Dandelion0962
      @Dandelion0962 3 месяца назад

      Teach your children the wells’ are thickest and deepest and widest spread.

    • @1MNUTZ
      @1MNUTZ 3 месяца назад

      @@Dandelion0962 go into detail about the first post you made

  • @btrixlestrange6432
    @btrixlestrange6432 2 месяца назад +90

    My biggest mistake was over sharing with my narcissistic abuser. Later on he used every single thing that we initially bonded over against me. 😢 It really sucks.

    • @treshasstarr1513
      @treshasstarr1513 2 месяца назад +13

      Same, so I start telling them lies, and watch them throw it in my face when there’s conflict and all I do is just smile and keep moving damn demons

    • @christinelamb1167
      @christinelamb1167 2 месяца назад +6

      Yep, me too! I am learning especially when I first meet someone, during the "getting to know you" stage, it's smart not to divulge everything about myself. I wait until they have shown me they are trustworthy. Then, I share a little bit at a time. And also make sure it's a 2-way street, that I'm not the only one sharing about myself.

    • @MiaK06
      @MiaK06 2 месяца назад +4

      Ditto! They are the devil. Had to forgive myself for allowing this individual into my life and for opening myself up the way I did.

    • @btrixlestrange6432
      @btrixlestrange6432 2 месяца назад +3

      I'm sorry to anyone who has experienced this pain. It's a long road to recovery. My heart is with you.

    • @tenningale
      @tenningale 2 месяца назад +1

      Yep, I share nothing about myself with these people. They're just storing information in their brains so they can weaponize it against you later.

  • @boomshine7
    @boomshine7 2 месяца назад +29

    I stopped exploding when she tried triggering me, and then she left...

  • @gypsy698
    @gypsy698 2 месяца назад +22

    I told my covert narcissist mother that I was planning on getting my Bachelor's degree in Psychology, she said: "You're wasting your time. You'll never get a job doing that." After that, I never mentioned ANY of my interests or plans to her. We're "no contact" right now and she's blocked from EVERYTHING. I'm much happier and calmer now that she's out of my life.

    • @treehugger1640
      @treehugger1640 2 месяца назад +1

      I learned this parental behavior when I saw the Elton John movie 🍿

    • @roadtrip808
      @roadtrip808 2 месяца назад +1

      @@treehugger1640 I'm still standing! Elton John love him and that song!

    • @roadtrip808
      @roadtrip808 2 месяца назад +3

      Psychology lol she could be your first patient. Ask her how does that make you feel? LOL

    • @tenningale
      @tenningale 2 месяца назад +1

      My covert narc mom tried to dictate what career I should do. I pretended to pursue it, then just said I didn't get in rather than deal with her anger and sales pitch. She then told everyone who would listen that I must've failed the interviews because my social skills are bad. LOL!

  • @timwall6187
    @timwall6187 2 месяца назад +15

    I grew up with a narcistic mother, narcissistic oldest brother and sister. I used to think it was me and was a bad person however after I read a book, about the narcissistic family, I was horrified. How can people be so conniving, vindictive and downright cruel. I am glad I found the name of the demon and it is narcissism. They literally sabotaged the important growing years of my life which would have helped me become vital and alive today.

  • @trinity2860
    @trinity2860 Месяц назад +6

    They are the worst. They try to break you.

  • @fabianafran927
    @fabianafran927 3 месяца назад +185

    I feel like the best thing is go no contact or, if this is not possible, don´t share anything personnal, keep the conversation on the surface level and when they try to trigger you practice becoming cold blooded and develop a strong sense of self that allows you to set boundries. Amazing video!

    • @kassandraflores8889
      @kassandraflores8889 3 месяца назад +14

      So so much easier said then done especially when you are already isolated and have a medical condition where I can't drive to get any relief or time for myself

    • @21cormorants
      @21cormorants 3 месяца назад +10

      I agree so much! What’s getting trickier is when you’re still involved in the social circle of the narcissist - or worse, perhaps: the family. I don’t want to go no-contact or grey rock with my parents, but everything I talk to them about seems to come up to the narcissistic sibling. Even just sharing the most mundane things that I expect wouldn’t be shared. Getting to the point where I have no idea how or what to share with parents to maintain a healthy relationship there, but they don’t seem to be able to respect this boundary not to discuss what I’m up to…! 😂 What a constant struggle…

    • @fabianafran927
      @fabianafran927 3 месяца назад +6

      @@kassandraflores8889 I didn´t say it was easy to do, that´s your interpretation. And I also didn´t say it was necessary to get out, I know this is not always possible. But what is possible is to keep for yourself personnal information and maintain emotional distance.

    • @fabianafran927
      @fabianafran927 3 месяца назад +4

      @@21cormorants I completely understand your point of view, I also struggle with this.

    • @steadypace1262
      @steadypace1262 3 месяца назад

      ​@@kassandraflores8889 Yes when you can't drive anymore you do feel like you have lost your independence. If you are older there are agencies that can offer transport to get a break from the home. If you are younger a reliable person in your circle of family, friends or even neighbors may be willing to help with transport. Narcissists want to isolate their partner's they don't want people to help them. Take good care of yourself as much as you can.🕊

  • @nh255
    @nh255 3 месяца назад +59

    misery loves company. its crazy how they will do anything to not feel alone in their hellish world

  • @jansefran1752
    @jansefran1752 3 месяца назад +37

    Sooner or later - narcs broke themselves.

  • @omairhq
    @omairhq 2 месяца назад +21

    I am very familiar with this. They test out a variety of insults and depending on which ones elicit a reaction they repeat those and discontinue the others.

  • @etaokha4164
    @etaokha4164 2 месяца назад +17

    They tried and failed miserably and I still stand very strong like a pillar

  • @annaburns2865
    @annaburns2865 2 месяца назад +19

    This is what I have been thinking lately. They are “insecure.”
    This is a huge problem.
    They have to put you down because they are too insecure to lift themselves up.

  • @leoallan2225
    @leoallan2225 3 месяца назад +19

    Most of the time the things they think is your problem is actually their poblem, like being mad about somthing that happened twelve years ago, or the fact that They have a bad additude, and they make mountains out of mole hills because they are petty. None of that is your malfunction it's theirs, but they most likely won't self reflect, because they are delusional.

  • @cr3062
    @cr3062 2 месяца назад +35

    A narcissist couldn't figure out what my fears were. Frustrated he finally came out and asked me what my fears were.

    • @racebannon96
      @racebannon96 2 месяца назад +4

      I hope you did not tell him.

    • @cr3062
      @cr3062 2 месяца назад +3

      @@racebannon96
      I couldn't think of any at the moment. And that really frustrated him 😉

    • @redefinedliving5974
      @redefinedliving5974 2 месяца назад +4

      My ex covert narc friend will implicitly tell me, I seem like I do not have insecurities. She will also say I am such a mystery. Didnt understand until I showed a vulnerability and shared my deep feelings after 10 years of friendship lol that it was a bait. My autism helped me a lot really because I didnt get social cues 😂😂😂 it also my autism however that made aneasy target sadly. Oh she also told me she loves listening to my family drama (where I got abused by narc relatives and family)

    • @a-light4Christ
      @a-light4Christ 2 месяца назад

      I had one to say to me some years ago, he wished he could know my mind lol it was funny then & its funny now whenever I think about it little did he know was that I knew his & The Lord kept me 10 steps ahead of him EVERY TIME 😆

    • @la6136
      @la6136 2 месяца назад +1

      I would have said my fear is telling you my fears 😂

  • @CherieAltman-ue2bv
    @CherieAltman-ue2bv 3 месяца назад +39

    I'm mad that I'm 64 and we were together 23 years. Just the last couple of years, the "monster" came out. Cheated with a young (35) married woman at work. Humiliated me, caused gossip, started to change and he was done. I was so stupid and I will never understand how he could EVER treat ANY HUMAN so cruelly and enjoy breaking you. 23 years and I don't get any answers, I am hated of course, and he can't even give me any compassion or respect at all. I've been out for 6 years and had no idea what a narc was....i know now. God bless all of you. It does get better but I still ruminate coz I'm so angry! No closure and he denied affair (which is laughable). I never got to say a word coz he threw a tantrum and dismissed me....

    • @jsensefi
      @jsensefi 3 месяца назад +5

      Perfectly understand your pain. Wish you all that you need to overcome it. Be safe! God bless you❤️

    • @sidewinder7766
      @sidewinder7766 3 месяца назад +5

      No contact!

    • @victoryamartin9773
      @victoryamartin9773 2 месяца назад +6

      He must have been really good at faking being human. There is no closure, because they are vacant inside. He'll spend the rest of his life, while you heal and move on, holding a grudge against you for something he did.

  • @intuitivevibes1818
    @intuitivevibes1818 2 месяца назад +19

    I hate how WE have to change just because of these people who exploit others. They should change, not us. I have enough of changing myself just because they are as they are.

    • @a-light4Christ
      @a-light4Christ 2 месяца назад

      You don’t have to change, go no contact, separate yourself & be who you are in peace 😊 leave the toxicity behind, it’s either your peace & sanity or self destruction which is inspired by Satan influencing the mind & actions of a individual that refuses to be helped & delivered

    • @SlumberBear2k
      @SlumberBear2k 2 месяца назад +2

      yeah and if they're your parents then YOU lose your parents as much as THEY lose their children. So you become a person with baggage that doesn't talk to your parents. but if you keep talking to them you become a weak person who tolerates getting bullied.

    • @BAsed_AFro
      @BAsed_AFro 2 месяца назад

      There's typically no possible way for a true NPD case to change anything, as admitting that they have an "issue" in the first place would shatter their delusions of infallibility and of that they are perfect as is.

  • @melliecrann-gaoth4789
    @melliecrann-gaoth4789 3 месяца назад +20

    When we experience extreme manipulations and undermining. We are then very vulnerable to NOT see moderate to lower level manipulations from people who are mostly healthy- my experience

  • @yiyiskblue8
    @yiyiskblue8 2 месяца назад +11

    This is so spot on. My own sister who had me completely fooled is a narcissist. I was shocked at how this all played out in my life with her. I also feel like God and my Mom who has passed on took my sister out of my life and I couldn’t be happier about it. I also felt happy when you mentioned we are strong for removing ourselves from narcissists.

  • @casperinsight3524
    @casperinsight3524 2 месяца назад +10

    They make your life a living h3ll
    They constantly beat you down mentally & verbally

  • @ThaRealHomie
    @ThaRealHomie 2 месяца назад +2

    Both my parents are narcissistic and raised me and my brother to be complete baffoons in the real world. Wasn’t until I had enough of myself 2 years ago and talked to some therapist and realized how backwards I’ve had it the whole time. This is actually the best described video I’ve even watched about this coming from a woman in a car.. even better than dr. Phil and he’s obsessed with it.

  • @BrianHornak
    @BrianHornak 2 месяца назад +6

    Sadly..a narcissist for a mother... which made for a horrible childhood.... a narcissist for an ex wife and an ex girlfriend and her room mate who were narcissists...all I ever tried to do was help..make life easier and better.. the reward so to speak..narcissistic abuse..head games ..triggering my ptsd and pounding in what a horrible..evil..all about me person I am in their eyes... when all I did was put them way ahead of me..way ahead of my needs as they relate to my chronic... life threatening conditions....all I asked for was support..gratitude and for them to step up and help me....and people don't understand why I feel like last nights curbside trash...find it extremely difficult to trust and let anyone remotely close

  • @matthewwozniak9138
    @matthewwozniak9138 3 месяца назад +11

    I'm honest about my insecurities. I don't know what else I can say, "I'm an imperfect human just like everyone else."

  • @stefgoh6160
    @stefgoh6160 3 месяца назад +11

    Thanks so much!!!❤ My inlaws are deeply narcissistic & so my son & I have gone no contact with them for past years (cannot imagine that something good actually came out of having a pandemic!!!:)) No contact is BEST for me because they are resentful, spiteful & lazy people who always seek to steal your resources like energy, attention, money, reputation, etc etc. They will destroy me if they had a chance so I am NOT giving them any chance to gaslight n slander me again. I simply refuse to engage with any of them & my hb knows that I have done nothing wrong but have been forthright & honest & sincere. I honestly don’t care about any of them anymore. Been there done that n they are OUT of my life. Yayyyy!!! My main aim now is to protect my son from them because they will use anything including my son to destroy me.

  • @user-xy8fp1yh2o
    @user-xy8fp1yh2o 2 месяца назад +4

    A narcist must always win, if they loose they loose controle and that's what's all about! That's why they go all the way up to win their fight! They can't loose, because their whole life will fall apart!

  • @naturelover-f6h
    @naturelover-f6h 2 месяца назад +7

    I shared with him that I was SA when I was around 8 years old. He used that against me and then I reacted terribly - he video taped me and then filed a police report. It was horrible and I still have PTSD about that.

    • @queenchiomaofficial
      @queenchiomaofficial 2 месяца назад +2

      That’s so sad. God saw everything.

    • @LouiesLog
      @LouiesLog 2 месяца назад +1

      I believe you. To trigger and entrap seems to be a common trick they use, then the power abuse comes with police. Very similar situation here on my side between an ex therapist.

  • @jeorsea
    @jeorsea 2 месяца назад +21

    They hate it when you point out factual things. Narcissists love to gaslight you. It's like you feel like you have to start recording what you're saying, not literally but conceptually - figuratively.

    • @bluoval3481
      @bluoval3481 Месяц назад +1

      Spot on! They'll say "I never said that" when you know darn well they did. You ask yourself if you should start documenting (or record like you say) every conversation. You start questioning everything you say and do around them. It's exhausting and it may not dawn on you it's happening until much later after the fact. Nasty stuff.

    • @jeorsea
      @jeorsea Месяц назад

      @@bluoval3481 very nasty yeah

  • @northernsegageorge6510
    @northernsegageorge6510 3 месяца назад +11

    My ex gf who is diagnosed bpd she would use my past traumas against me. Constantly threw my ex wife and divorce at me, made snide remarks about my ex wife, when I was going through parental alienation she said “least I have my kids”. Back handed comments, put downs, insults. I was trauma bonded to this abuser, I know this know. Not seen her in nearly 6 months now yet she spent nearly the whole time stalking me and threats of ending herself, and how I abandoned her and blah blah blah. Horrible people.

    • @gracesanity6314
      @gracesanity6314 3 месяца назад +3

      Walk to health. Get away and stay far away. Then do your inner work. Why?

    • @northernsegageorge6510
      @northernsegageorge6510 3 месяца назад

      @@gracesanity6314 T hank you and yes I am staying far away. Funny enough she has tried to message me several times today. Always a crises "i need to talk to you". Makes up google numbers or something to try and contact me. Assume I will need to change phone number again. Near 6 months of this stalking. I've plain told her to stop contacting me, leave my alone etc etc and she just keeps doing it. Yesterday message came through claiming she can't "go on" without me. I wish beyond anything I had never met her.

    • @kapneanimation
      @kapneanimation 2 месяца назад

      i hear you. I Went thru same situation with my ex :( . BPD is so hard and can be so destructive when is not managed. Tons of love and strenght for your healing journey!

  • @TheSeaOfAsher
    @TheSeaOfAsher Месяц назад +1

    It's really sad and pathetic. Often comorbidity of psychological and spiritual problems. Not only are they narcissist but often depressed, anxiety prone, and highly emotionally dysregulated.

  • @Imnotyourdoormat
    @Imnotyourdoormat 3 месяца назад +17

    Thats 1 of the Main Reasons Narcissists study their Empath to absolute extremes...to know their adversary.

  • @treesoul00
    @treesoul00 3 месяца назад +8

    Yes my hubby tore down all my ideas of businesses. Then he took some of the ideas and built a business in his name. Really frustrating. He sends me songs a lot, and instead of sending ones back that mean a lot to me I find something in his style to send him that way if he rips it apart I’m not hurt bc it’s not one I loved anyway. I think he’s in a parallel universe where he thinks things are great just bc I’ve gone gray rock.

    • @21cormorants
      @21cormorants 3 месяца назад +1

      Gosh the thing about sending songs is so real! My narc sent me a song and I told them I liked it even though I generally don’t tend to love the singer’s style. I guess that was insulting. When I sent them one back that it reminded me of, their response was “😐”. Wow. Enlightening. They listened for less than a minute before choosing to respond by just acting above it. What great advice to just sidestep anything that means anything to you, and just cater nonsense for them. Thanks for the lovely advice!

    • @Iam_anHeir
      @Iam_anHeir 3 месяца назад +2

      My own mom did this all the time. Family is suppose to be our safe haven from a not so safe world. I feel like I live on-guard all the time to protect myself.
      Growing up, I knew it didn't feel good, supportive or loving but didn't know what to do or where to go for help. We must be ever so discerning.
      If something doesn't feel right, even if we can't put our finger on it, we need to trust that, what we get inside, our spirits, our gut. It will never lead us wrong, never!

  • @casperinsight3524
    @casperinsight3524 2 месяца назад +7

    You cant be Real, Genuine or Authentic 💔
    You have to fake it to make it with them
    You have to play along to get along
    Who wants to conform to their twisted thinking
    It will turn you inside out and upside down

    • @racebannon96
      @racebannon96 2 месяца назад

      Narcissists are delusional. They do not get better. The only way to win is to get away from them quietly and go No Contact.

  • @michellekavanagh2053
    @michellekavanagh2053 Месяц назад +2

    I noticed it when I hit bottom. Did some reflection on the relationship and went way back, and then I came back fighting for my sense of self. He hates boundaries and flip his boundaries for me onto him. Having fun until i leave😂 he doesnt deserve my authentic self❤

  • @ChiefCedricJohnson
    @ChiefCedricJohnson 2 месяца назад +3

    Proverbs 1:5
    A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:

  • @yoshkebenstadapandora1181
    @yoshkebenstadapandora1181 2 месяца назад +2

    My wife would accuse me of being a narcissist. After her having multiple affairs and trying to forgive and survive emotionally and try to once again grow close, and never feeling like there was any real remorse, and having her consistently blaming me for what she did, it is hard not to see her as the narcissist. It is extremely painful and I just want my family to stay in tact. When she isn't trying to inflict emotional pain, she is a very caring person. It is really a tough situation and I am not perfect either.

  • @user-zo9pi3gj1x
    @user-zo9pi3gj1x 2 месяца назад +4

    I know. It's envy at my strength. The have been trying to break me since I was 10 years old. My resiliency comes from how I view life.
    I'm not going to forgive because this shit never should have gotten started because they were dealing with a child. I wrote a longer post but it failed to register.

  • @tooniceperson2024
    @tooniceperson2024 3 месяца назад +10

    Agree with you. I have found that once I have met such person, I'd avoid interacting with some similar people in the future.

  • @Flotsam7jetsam
    @Flotsam7jetsam 3 месяца назад +6

    They are trying to devalue your best version of what YOU think about you one small or large chip at a time. They're either leveling you down to make them stand above. OR, they're raising themselves up in an ivory tower...or both.
    I believe the Lord showed me an image that was rather helpful. He showed me, me in a plane flying with instrumentation and turbulence. And that rather than having a passenger in the plane with you, sometimes you are navigating, the turbulence of that person outside the plane. You wouldn't open the cockpit to let the turbulence or weather in, nor should you with these problematic people. Know your space.
    And said another way, look for people who you know can make the journey with you, who are partnering and have an attitude of teamwork and mutual respect. The irony often seems that perfect strangers raise you up and give you love and respect while those closest to you seem to tear you down.

  • @user-cx9qy7ky3w
    @user-cx9qy7ky3w 3 месяца назад +12

    Screw Em I'm totally over the dumb stuff I live with a fool who constantly tries to get under my skin I just keep moving and avoid all the contact possible sooner or later I'll escape this stupidity

  • @gracesanity6314
    @gracesanity6314 7 дней назад

    The whole awful experience changed me for the best. I am more introverted which l love. I no longer put up with people using me. I deleted all past people...best thing. Solitaryness saved me from going mad. I like myself so much more.

  • @bamboowomandancing
    @bamboowomandancing 3 месяца назад +13

    It’s an unhealthy relationship.

  • @lucyelander298
    @lucyelander298 21 день назад

    I will not accept negative labels, I believe they do it to feel better about themselves. Hurting people hurt others, they hurt by putting down others, so as to feel better about themselves. Thankyou Stephanie

  • @biozio186
    @biozio186 3 месяца назад +22

    You are the best

  • @Heal..Restore..Moveforward
    @Heal..Restore..Moveforward 3 месяца назад +7

    I had absolutely no idea I was being manipulated. When she switched things got bad and I realised she was trying to trap me and set me up more but it was only months and months after I left that I realised she groomed me, manipulated me and set me up. Looking back I can see I was a target from day 1. She is so so calculating. She is working on her new supply now. She is using me as a way to blame, shame and exploit her. In her eyes I wronged her and so did the new supply.

  • @MiaK06
    @MiaK06 Месяц назад +1

    That is the one thing I will truly never understand. They have some of the warmest, kindest, most empathic and caring people in us. Why would you want to deliberately hurt another person by using their deepest vulnerabilities against them. I appreciate that it can't be explained with logic and reason; my biggest lightbulb moment came when I realised that no solution that would ever satisfy my soul and heart would be forthcoming and that I can either spend the next years in this in abject misery or I can just make my peace with all and cut the cord. Took me a long time to get to that point though.

  • @user-q992
    @user-q992 2 месяца назад +1

    I can't understand why RUclips deleted all my comments mentioning this.
    But treating them like an ancient headmaster would to a five year old, barking orders at them, threatening and giving corporal punishment absolutely works! 🎉

  • @asideofthings2526
    @asideofthings2526 2 месяца назад +2

    ….often way toooooo much effort to still deal with such a person. I think going ‘no contact’ is still the best option. But difficult if it is a parent for example…

  • @GilMcGillivary
    @GilMcGillivary Месяц назад +1

    My stepdaughter & my exwife are both narcissists- my 3 other empathic children(now adults) are learning this, thanks, we’ve been through the wringer.

  • @murraydennett3393
    @murraydennett3393 Месяц назад +1

    As a mental health counsellor, in NZ, I note narcissim is fundamentally egotism. Still, great insight here on the issue.

  • @elipotter369
    @elipotter369 2 месяца назад +4

    I had exes who were all sympathy about my bad family, but as soon as i split up with them (for their bad behaviour), they would throw it in my face & say i was just angry at them because of my bad childhood!!! Talk about mean and below the belt. I was very hurt at the time, but now i see it as just ego hurt from nasty men.
    Also, friends I've dumped who tried to stop me by saying: "you'll have no friends if you dump me" - i never bothered saying: "that would be better than having you" - they'd all been very insulting and hurtful. I didn't care what tbey said, i just wanted away from them by that time.

  • @kassandraflores8889
    @kassandraflores8889 3 месяца назад +8

    Omg I knew I was being "F***ed" with!!! Ty so much

  • @LeighAnnWalters
    @LeighAnnWalters 2 месяца назад +1

    yep, journal & you’ll start to see the patterns of triggers they use/wounds you have. for me, explaining myself/trying to be understood is one of the biggest ones. i finally realized they understood, they just didnt want me to know that (a form of invalidation).

  • @Anna-sb9oj
    @Anna-sb9oj 2 месяца назад +2

    A lot of these ppl also have OCPD. They are mentally ill. If this is the case and you choose to have a relationship with this person and can find a way to stay strong in your boundaries then it can work. You definitely have to set boundaries, ignore a lot of comments and have things you enjoy that fill your life. It’s very painful because they are not capable of providing emotional support because of their illness. If this works for your personality try to view yourself as their caregiver. Especially if they are having a flare up. This puts you in a place of power and control. Knowledge is power.

  • @Slingudwig
    @Slingudwig 3 месяца назад +4

    Great info. In my situation it’s my immediate boss who is doing this but I’m aware of his BS now.

  • @lucyelander298
    @lucyelander298 21 день назад

    My new boundary is, to test the waters for their empathy when sharing personal things about myself. If I get no empathy, or negative feedback, then I stop disclosing, to protect myselfI .
    I also want to practice using the word "no" as a boundary.
    Eg. "No, I don't see myself like that, I was just sharing on the topic, to try and connect with you". I want to implement these 2 boundaries, to protect myself emotionally. Thankyou for the insight into this .

  • @matthewblankenship7968
    @matthewblankenship7968 2 месяца назад +8

    You’re absolutely beautiful..love listening to you talk …..I made it through a narcissist relationship and I’m a survivor..a decade of pure hell ..but you live and learn ..✌🏻

  • @MemezadoGM
    @MemezadoGM Месяц назад +1

    She barely asked anything about me, but asked what would make me feel jealous... what

  • @GFD_VIDEOS
    @GFD_VIDEOS 2 месяца назад +4

    I completely concur with the assertions presented in the video. The elucidation of how narcissists adroitly exploit one's emotional susceptibilities is both astute and profoundly insightful. It is imperative to comprehend the pernicious tactics employed by narcissistic individuals to manipulate and destabilize their targets. This exposition is an invaluable resource for fostering awareness and resilience in the face of such psychological subterfuge.

  • @unknown-lf6zx
    @unknown-lf6zx Месяц назад +3

    Ugh I feel so broken after the coworkers I worked with. And I’m a 51 year old female in medical sales! I’ve never felt so backstabbed by women. You’d think it would get better as you age? I left my job it was so bad and I didn’t like how it was effecting my mental health or family. I just want to do my job and go home. Your coworkers are NOT your friends

    • @Nyumc99
      @Nyumc99 Месяц назад +1

      Your coworkers are definitely just coworkers and that’s why you should see them as just that, rather than blame them for not being as good to you as true freinds . Victim mindset leads to narcissism traits. !

  • @casperinsight3524
    @casperinsight3524 2 месяца назад +2

    Well said 💯
    Never confide in them as they will Always NARC you

  • @brianocallaghan5612
    @brianocallaghan5612 3 месяца назад +6

    So well said! Keep up this great work against narcissist people 🎉

  • @ericagardens1234
    @ericagardens1234 2 месяца назад +2

    i stay away from people like this

  • @shelleyalgar-ff3wr
    @shelleyalgar-ff3wr 3 месяца назад +9

    Thank you so much for your help, l am now single and divorced which has made me happy xxxx

  • @pettylevelexpert984
    @pettylevelexpert984 2 месяца назад +3

    My ex got so mad when I stopped reacting that he told me it was my fault that I was drugged and assaulted because I’m so stupid.

  • @user-hi7ie9xv8i
    @user-hi7ie9xv8i 3 месяца назад +13

    No contact has helped me Greatly.
    Rebuilding myself esteem is taking time.
    Learning to not overshare is something Im getting better at.
    Thanks for being willing to help an share….

  • @blablah3167
    @blablah3167 Месяц назад

    I had the mispleasure to have met one one day, i took him apart from the group and expressionlessly told him in the eyes " predators smell each other" then left, he left the group right after

  • @casperinsight3524
    @casperinsight3524 2 месяца назад +1

    So true 💯 You cant succeed or compare them to others or you will be punished with berated backlask

  • @taliajournee212
    @taliajournee212 3 месяца назад +6

    All of this is very accurate! I would say with playing the game, it's very simple ...go low contact and keep everything surface level. If you know what their interest are, golf, food, whatever...keep the conversation there and nowhere near your personal life or anything you are actually going through. This speaks to the not being controlled and only sharing things with people that are safe. Narcissists are sick and twisted people because they would rather talk down on someone else instead of work on themselves.

  • @janetsantangelo4189
    @janetsantangelo4189 3 месяца назад +8

    I'm on the very last drop. Shocking to the end, Silence is truly golden, gives time to think before you brake, then you can not react like they think you will. SILENCE My time is at its end. Breath-thing, deep I'm gathering the blooms

  • @readingnarcissism
    @readingnarcissism 2 месяца назад +1

    this is explained very well, it is so simple to understand as a result...oversharing is sooooooo bad and its what has caught me up in the past.

  • @ChaiTogether
    @ChaiTogether 2 месяца назад +3

    Love your wardrobe color palate 😊

  • @simonvandoorn8292
    @simonvandoorn8292 Месяц назад +1

    I have gone no contact , it's just so disgusting specially when it's family

  • @kiki07717
    @kiki07717 3 месяца назад +5

    My neighbor is a narc nutcase!!! I do my best to just grey rock them; but then they will do something to my property just to get a reaction from me. Have the misfortune of living next to these nutters for 12 years. I pray everyday for them to move. Sucks when you are forced to see narcs. All I can do is continue to not let them bother me, even when they purposely damage my property. :/

    • @victoryamartin9773
      @victoryamartin9773 2 месяца назад +1

      I would absolutely hate that. Sounds like a situation for law enforcement to step up, especially if you get recordings of their destructive activities.

    • @kevinmccool3719
      @kevinmccool3719 Месяц назад

      My narcissistic neighbor steals from my carport when she sees I'm away. Real pos.

    • @kiki07717
      @kiki07717 Месяц назад

      @@kevinmccool3719 I am sorry; sucks having to live right next door to these crazies. :/

  • @AngryBoomer2024
    @AngryBoomer2024 Месяц назад +1

    You can't be yourself around a narcissist. A relationship with a narcissist is a zero-trust relationship.

  • @mjm5081
    @mjm5081 2 месяца назад +2

    Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise!
    I am currently in the very situation you described.
    Wishing everyone who is dealing with this Peace, Love, Strength, and Freedom!!!

  • @ThaRealHomie
    @ThaRealHomie 23 дня назад

    I love you…I’ve listened to this probably 20 times now. You’re a delicious lady.. you’ll be ok. So will I!!!! ❤

  • @treshasstarr1513
    @treshasstarr1513 2 месяца назад +1

    I needed to hear this, he triggered me and I went off and he just sat there on his phone smiling telling me I’m crazy, and why am I acting like that….feel like he’s trying to drive me crazy, I’m being strong for my kids 😩🥴🤯👿

  • @AmourofgodShinelight
    @AmourofgodShinelight 3 месяца назад +3

    Thank you so much for this Stephanie, Absolutely tremendous, Speaks volumes, Keep shining light and speaking truth, Educating people, You're right dealing with a man child , Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 😃🕊🕆🦁💙💚💛❤💜💗🌌🌈🍏☘🚀😘🍎🦄✌🐎🎆🌹🍄♱⚖🌲👽

  • @InternetJunkie30
    @InternetJunkie30 2 месяца назад +1

    for me it's certain members of my family such as my narcissisticly abusive mom and 4 sisters

  • @jsensefi
    @jsensefi 3 месяца назад +3

    You are a lifesaver! Thank you, Stephanie🙏❤️❤️

  • @marykerssemakers9526
    @marykerssemakers9526 Месяц назад +2

    I think people are good or bad. Unfortunately most are bad

  • @Charlottie1990
    @Charlottie1990 3 месяца назад +5

    It's funny you mentioned at the end that it's not usually a friend. This is why I'm struggling to find help or much content with my specific situation. In a nutshell I have a friend who was my best friend for around 9 years. We literally were soul mates and were so comfortable with each other and connected on say many levels. Then last year he SA me. Of course I was horrified. Didn't go to the police but had no contact for 5 months. Something triggered me to get back in touch with him (Long story) cos I missed him so much (ridiculous I know). Gave him another chance only for him to SA me again. Tried no contact again but on and off in contact with him and just can't seem to help myself even though what he did is disgusting 😞 I've begged to block him (I can't trust myself not to unblock him) and he won't. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this toxic cycle 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • @Charlottie1990
      @Charlottie1990 3 месяца назад

      Sorry that was supposed to say I've begged him to block me**

    • @gracesanity6314
      @gracesanity6314 3 месяца назад +6

      Your in a trauma bond. Research it. It will save you. Blessings.

    • @Charlottie1990
      @Charlottie1990 3 месяца назад +1

      @gracesanity6314 Thankyou. I've looked into it but most stuff is based on relationship 😪

    • @veronikaljungberg7149
      @veronikaljungberg7149 2 месяца назад

      Please block him!

    • @Charlottie1990
      @Charlottie1990 2 месяца назад

      @veronikaljungberg7149 I don't have his number to actually block anymore thankfully. But I asked him to block me on our only means of contact now (discord) and he won't. He keeps saying he wants to be there for me if I find myself in my darkest moments 🤦🏼‍♀️ I've deleted my discord account as a result but he knows I'm weak and would potentially get it back and message him as I've already previously done this. But he just won't block me even though I've told him how much it's all damaging me.

  • @TheMrdoc26
    @TheMrdoc26 2 месяца назад

    I can’t find the one where you said it’s like a high for them. I swear I thought she and the family like it. They love to toss things about at you to trigger you so then you’re the one that’s wrong. I have never had a problem getting along with people. But this family and now my oldest is doing it. You’re speaking so much wisdom!

  • @greendrake2938
    @greendrake2938 Месяц назад

    They use it for manipulation but also they hate to lose so hardly ever give up

  • @anitac1045
    @anitac1045 Месяц назад

    Dealing with this situation right now and appreciate this post Stephanie.

  • @Sam-pl3yd
    @Sam-pl3yd 3 месяца назад +4

    Thankyou Stephanie 💕you are a great coach and I am learning to be healthy and staying in control.

  • @BrianHornak
    @BrianHornak 2 месяца назад

    I've lived this multiple times throughout my life

  • @TheMrdoc26
    @TheMrdoc26 2 месяца назад

    I am saying again thank you. They had me in circles of shame and guilt for so long. People in That family would rail against a child or an inlaw then when they were done turn and blame them for what they had just done to an innocent humane being and at times a child

  • @PB-md3nt
    @PB-md3nt 2 месяца назад

    I have an undiagnosed, who I think is a narc, ex. Before we even started dating, she had asked me what was a major vulnerability about me. I had simply said the silent treatment is the worst thing that you can do to me. Low and behold that became her go to anytime I as much as raised an eyebrow to her. I finally had enough after about 50 makeup/breakups over the past 2 plus years. I don't wish Narc/Avoidants on my worst enemy.

  • @incognito595
    @incognito595 2 месяца назад

    Yes. Dr. Phil told us All of This A few years ago. If you look that up, the video was reposted more recently,but it's the Same video. He says word for word this exact thing. He has Several videos about different Narcs.

  • @dub1951
    @dub1951 23 дня назад

    So accurate bang on the money

  • @zwijdenes1376
    @zwijdenes1376 2 месяца назад +1

    I wrote a letter, 30 years later he responded about it on his own birthday party to make fun of me infront of my son.
    Thats triangulation!

  • @Phoenixx333
    @Phoenixx333 3 месяца назад +2

    Thank you Stephanie! Great information, very timely.

  • @valentinamarkovic4820
    @valentinamarkovic4820 3 месяца назад +1

    Excellent and useful video, like many of your other videos. How do you regain the strength that a narcissist kills with backclash on a subconscious level? Thank you.

  • @annettestevens5276
    @annettestevens5276 3 месяца назад +1

    Excellent video thank you so much for sharing your knowledge❤

  • @rosaliaoliver-qv3gr
    @rosaliaoliver-qv3gr 3 месяца назад +1

    ❤Stephanie Thank you ,absolutely I understand!❤❤❤