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NARCISSISTS ARE NEVER SORRY AND DON'T FEEL GUILT FOR WHAT THEY DID TO YOU
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- Опубликовано: 28 мар 2023
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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A narcissist will murder someone and blame the person they murdered for being murdered.
Its been said they could stick a knife in your back and feel sorry for themself! Unbelievable!!
So true! Or deflect and act like it never happened or say oh that is a lie that’s not how it happened.
Exactly. It's the Devil in Disguise.
Absolutely. Well said without many words. You understand narcissists.
Mine was doing actually that thing by choking me, a and in the end said that if he was doing that I wouldn't stand... Even though, girl from the nearest caffe called the police.. , still I am guilty and twisted in his eyes...
A narcissist can drive a good person toward suicide. We need more channels like this. More poeple need to have this information.🙏
I was on the verge of giving up on myself- thank goodness my belief in God is what saved me. It’s so horrific
So true. I wonder how many have committed suicide because of them.
I was on a path to hurting him or myself 😢 it frightens me that it's in me.
im at that point...
This was me at the end of 2022. I am dealing with a covert narcissist, my ex girlfriend who I have 3 kids to. Everything is about her and to benefit her. Even the kids are picking up on it. She even grounded my oldest for taking a ball to the park. She is so controlling that it's not funny.
Narcissists can make a super intelligent absolutely normal person behave like a freak who keeps shouting like crazy. They can turn a creative and sensitive being into someone who keeps throwing and breaking things.
They are egoistic parasites who feed upon empathetic angels.
Exactly!
Spot on! My narc woman made shout like I never did before in my life!
When your with a Narcissist morals go out the window...
OMG my struggle to the T
“Empathetic angels” ….. ?we are people in need of serious boundary work. As I called myself an empath for years my trauma therapist is helping me see that it is a trauma response to attempt to stay safe in my childhood. We are tails and they are heads of same coin. This binary we good they bad will keep us stuck. We have hard work to do with therapy. Looking at the evil “other”is the easy way….. and it will keep us stuck.
You literally have to just move on. They aren’t sorry, you can’t hold them accountable for anything without them spinning it.
Waiting 3 years … crickets
Very Very TRUE. That's Them All Day Long.
Yep.. It’s like the wheel of damn fortune with them😒except UNfortunate lol
That would be my Narcissist Husband
But how are we sure they are narcissistic ?
What really bothers me is the selective niceness and treat everyone else with kindness.
They rather treat everyone well but the people who know them well!
Narcs wear a mask to shield their true selves. Outside of that mask is a projection of a false self. This is what people see in the narc...what the narc WANTS them to see.
If you are unfortunate enough to get to know the narc better, that's when you see the mask slip, where their true face is revealed...a resentful, hateful, demonic-looking face.
Incredibly on spot..
Honestly, I don't believe they treat other people well. I think they manipulated other people to think they are nice, but actually the narcissist is lying to them. So I think the narcissist gets supply from them and from the abused person who is watching the narcissist be nice to those people. That's a twofer, but honestly I don't know if a narcissist sees it that way.
@@franciscocardenas5758 - I agree, as I don't think narcs selectively see people as objects. I believe they see EVERYONE as objects. Things. Toys to play with.
So true. They want to look like a good person to everyone else. They are charmers. But they abuse their partners and hide it from the world.
It's better not to try to seek compassion with the narcissist because they are pathologically defensive and irrational. You're not gonna break through when you try to convince them of whatever truths you're wanting them to understand. They're devoid of any regard for you and they're devoid of any forms of guilt. All they do is protecting their own fragile ego and blame other people for their own mistakes.
🎯 Spot on
Yes !
Compassion with them is like hugging a Cactus...LOL
You nailed it.
Exactly.,!!
They feel no guilt and throw it back at me with a “sorry you feel that way”. It took me years to realize this person will NEVER change. You have to get away from narcs.
I was told " if it makes you feel better then keep telling yourself that" or "you're delusional or crazy". They are very mentally disturbed people that will never accept accountability for their actions.
@@Bob-zh6dwyup somehow they lack any and all empathy. Its really sad these people are damaging so many
Yeah mine said the same thing "sorry you feel that way" and when I tried to explain further of why she made me feel that way she would say "you're being sensitive and idk what else to say"
Mine said the same thing!
With such persons i would never want to see them again.
Anyone out there healing from narcissistic abuse, you are a hero!
I had absolutely no clue what NPD is until I fell in love with a covert. I've been through a few things in my life, but this is by far the steepest learning curve.
Some days the pain is almost unbearable, but building yourself up after narcissistic abuse is like building a house with bare hands. Some days - especially in the beginning - you'll get blisters and pull some muscles, but each day you'll grow stronger, until your house is built up and you're stronger than ever been.
I know it's hard, but keep building yourself! Worst case you'll end up with a better version of the already strong and beautiful yourself. 💪
Ty day 37 reblocked 6 months almost since seen narc ex gf cheater liar modern woman. Progress. Love bombs I fell for everytime luckily long distance last 2 of 3 yrs nightmare she is evil. I finally stood up to her called out red flags past and present and said u a wh...and a sl...and NEVER going back never respond again ever ty it's arduous and painful and rumination the worst.
So true! I am there, and I am experiencing it all at the moment! And what a beautiful house the new me is becoming! Thank you for the metaphor, spot on 😊
@joanarc7963 ty
Thank you, i need to hear this❤
@@calebkeegan3023😢
Essentially you can't expect a false mask to express true emotions. It's like asking a hologram to give you emotional support.
😮😮
Yep! They’re *FAKE!*
🎯
Fact
Right? Amen to that! 🙏
It's very difficult for us to understand this but...there are people who are just pure evil: they know they are evil, and they don't care.
They don't care about being evil, they just don't want to look evil.
They want to be evil without looking evil.
real
They are total children and so needy! They constantly throw temper tantrums!
I was wondering if this was a sign.
Don’t expect an apology and you won’t be disappointed. Let them know what they have done and “move on”.
STAY STRONG AND SOBER! DO NOT DRINK OR TAKE DRUGS! DO NOT FALL
INTO DESPAIR! THAT IS WHAT THE "ENEMY" WANTS. IGNORE THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS; THEY ARE OF YOUR ENEMY!
YOU CAN DO IT!
My Fix:
Admit Failure
Accept Humility
Assess Pain
Gather Thoughts
Control Emotions
Formulate Plan
Initiate Change
Overcome Direction
Avoid Reduction
Positive CONSTRUCTION!
That is How i Survived...and still got a ways to go...
Navy Vet Persian Gulf War 1995...OG on the PTSD.....
I NEEDED TO READ YOUR COMMENT
The not drinking is so hard because for the last 2 yrs that was the only way to numb my pain just to turn around and be sick.....only when I was drunk or hungover is the only time he was happy
Biggest red flag that I have noticed is they are never holding themselves responsible for anything that goes wrong in their lives and they take credit for anything good that happens in your life! They are egotist to the max. They also like to compete on everything that they feel they can beat you in, but will not compete in anything that you could possibly beat them in. They have no humility, except false humility. They will never recognize the harm they do because they must win.
Think of all the times they could sleep like a baby after saying the most hurtful things you could ever imagine
Covert narcissists are hard to spot. It's usually too late by the time you do. I speak from experience, unfortunately. 🌞🌞🌞👍
What’s amazing to me is how the narcissist has no problem not feeling sorry for what they’ve done or apologizing, but God forbid should you ever hurt their feelings, because you will never hear the end of it, even if you or when you apologize!!
Amen! they will never forget NOR forgive you when they have wronged you!! How broken and sad!!
Absolutely. Narcissists imagine, exaggerate, and magnify offenses. Narcissists are delusional and cannot let go of whatever they imagine are offenses. If you apologize or try to make peace, narcissists will only demand abject servitude and then lose total respect for you. The more you try to appease them the more they will hurt you. That is why you must break emotionally free of them and refuse to let them hurt you no matter how hard they try.
@@ganymeade5151 you are 100%, correct!! Well said!!
NOTHING matters UNTIL it negatively affects the narcissist
NOTHING matters UNTIL it negatively affects THEM
My husband is a master at justification of anything he does, because he sees himself as the victim all the time..
Yea that is Narcissist to a T
They will justify, explain and rationalize that what they did was never wrong nor their fault!
I can totally relate to what you're saying
Literal facts
That was my former mother-in-law to a T.
Knowing that he slept perfect at night, at the same time as I died inside everyday is heartaching…he woke up perfectly and he just lived his terrible life 💁🏾♀️
The pain of good people is what lets them sleep well at night. They can't sleep unless they're doing evil to others.
@@thaistomp oh, SO TRUE. 💗💗💗
Yes I called him the cup with a leak on the bottom. Nothing made him feel fulfilled or happy. Not the new Lexus, the new house, well paying job, weight loss…. nothing!
He was just a miserable human being that made me feel I was the reason that nothing was ever enough.
Amen!! Well said!!
Damn..
Very well said
Sounds like BPD.
Thank you, Stephanie, some people just don’t get how insidious the pathological Narcissism can really be.
After 4 years of marriage my alcoholic wife quit drinking- I always focused on the pain and disgust from what she did and never acknowledged her actions. So…over the last year I determined my focus on her prior drinking was premature, because now I see her as a covert narcissist that could never admit the pain she caused when she drank. Fast-forward to now. I directly and unequivocally tell her how she has hurt me and how I can never have a true and honest relationship with someone as she. We are still legally married but I took control. Moved into another room, plan my life and days with no concern for her opinion. I’m missing out on a meaningful relationship but at my age (69) don’t necessarily need one now. I have sports friends music and family to love and I am a strong person, advice: if you’re young, GET OUT! If not: TAKE CONTROL!
How to know if the issue is the alcool or that the person is a npd, or maybe a bpd?
@@hellosoleil i think mine self medicated w alcohol
I'm 65 now and feeling completely destroyed. Was always believing in love and still do. Much love from Germany 😢❤
Same situation for me. I moved into my art studio.
I, too, have just moved into another room in our "house." Gave him (husband of over 30+ yrs now) the "master bedroom." I am not looking for anything from him, trying to find who I am. I was 17 when we got together, now almost 52. I've also just begun my journey with the Great I AM, husband claims to be agnostic (I believe in the ONE TRUE GOD OF THE BIBLE, not man-made earthly religions) but is like a bi-polar narcissist than a believer at all. Anyway, going to be Grey Rocking it and someday, I hope no contact at all. Praying for us all.
This video is 100% spot on and mirrors my own experiences exactly. Never admitting wrongdoing or apologizing but somehow forgiving me for going no contact after reaching a breaking point of being hurt repeatedly. Setting boundaries and selectively enforcing them to meet their own whims and needs. Expecting sympathy for how they have been affected but completely unwilling to recognize or discuss their own damaging behavior. They exist for one person only and that is themself and everyone else, even their children, are just accessories to prop up their ego.
Facts same Jeremy day 37 reblocked forever
100% agree...and all of this is my life to...no guilt, no empathy, lies, no sorry's, gaslighting, entitled, today talking about seeing a woman as "just lies", said all snarky, in our 45 yr marriage, this was 17 years..causing me trauma. He will never stop...I have read "don't react" and it's just too hard, I'm trying. He's had his wants, needs, feelings and fun met, cannot care about mine....and decides what "i should feel" or "not feel" "to go out to lunch or dinner or not" HE knows what is best for me, pretty much nothing. He says "Its my life and I'll live it my way".
@@gogi682 My ex used to do things to piss me off , and yes it worked. It made her feel in control,wich she was. It's all about control for them. I would stop allowing him to control you, and get the hell away from him. Ask the higher power to help you.
@@gogi682 realise the truth. the person you thought you knew don’t exist. It was just a « mask». A mask created to con you. It was just a confidence trick. Made to control you, and to harvest « narcissistic supply».
They look at us in the same way the queen in a be hive look at a drone. All we are to them, is a means to a end. To harvest energy to create even more drones ( they always have more sources of supply).
You understand narcissists who thrive on repeatedly hurting others to gain control of them and force their will upon them. Narcissists are tyrants. Narcissists are truly evil. Narcissists and their flying monkeys will always take great pleasure in feeling that they have hurt you badly and have defeated you and have humiliated you and have destroyed your sense of self. Therefore, you must break free from narcissists and learn how not to let them hurt, intimidate, or humiliate you. You must dare to be yourself and have self agency and think differently from narcissists. That is very difficult and will take time, practice, training, self therapy, but you can do it. You will have setbacks. However, never stop being strong against evil narcissists Remember narcissists are violating your human rights and your Constitutional rights. There are many books that can help you overcome the tyranny of narcissists. One is You Can't Hurt Me.
It's always all about them. They care no more for your feelings than a chair does and they will leave once you stop meeting their needs.
Their lack of empathy, accountability, and inability to tell the truth is unfathomable!
One of the worst parts is how they will cause serious harm to you and never acknowledge it, and then later they will take issue with the most insignificant issue that they perceive as you wronging them.
The reason it is so hard for them to take fault is that they were shamed or humiliated when they were young. So they are shame-based and cannot sit in that because of the deep wounds.
This reminds me of when we were preparing for my dads funeral. My siblings were furious with me because I was named Executor of the Will. I went to see the Preacher and told him he might notice some tension “because I honestly can’t remember ever hearing these people utter the words I’m Sorry the whole time we were growing up”.
Thankfully as soon as the assets were disbursed my wife and I left and we haven’t had anything to do with them since.
This is my recommendation to anybody dealing with this stuff. Just leave and never go back. The Sanity Protection Program.
May the good lord have mercy on their good for nothing souls...just laugh, they're Satans puppets😂😂😂
Someone has to be.. lol
I don’t mind who but frauds were committed against me. It was very painful and I will not be able to forgive them, even though I try. They stole my Father from me. And the step witch wrote a fake will for my Dad. And was throwing out my cards and deleting my phone messages for over a decade.
Amazing woman who has done a lot of work. IF you had the strength to leave, STAY GONE! don't ever give in.
The only time he's ever apologised is when I've left and he's been reeling me back in. 5 separations over 20 years, always return. Planning my permanent exit as I watch this, I know more now than I ever have before and I see clearly 💞💫🙏
Feeling numb is the exact word that describes the way you begin to feel. Y our self esteem begins to erode. Also they pretend to forget things done or said while under the influence. They try to justify their actions by pinpointing some imagined wrong or fault on your part.
Stephanie, no exaggeration you are literally saving my life with these videos...thank you so much for all the guidance you give.
Amen!!!!!
my ex narc's "apology" was minimising the abuse by saying something like "yeah i did these things and im not saying it was ok but...." and then follow up with some form of justification to abusing me. saying it would never happen again.. and well.. of course it happened again. I've been screamed at from this person for 6 months now and im almost numb to it. I get discarded and then love bombed every couple of days, blocked from everything and then if i dont respond within minutes, literal minutes of him unblocking me then another sea of abuse starts. I watch your videos daily Stephanie to try help me be strong enough to block and not look back. I want to be strong enough to go no contact. im trying.
Almost 6 months since seen her ex narc exactly the same!! Wow!! Day 37 reblocked since last hoover attempt that almost made me move closer to her it's painful but I'm 100 hoover resistant now! Yes she try mutual friend block them too!! She call from diff # w fake tears cuz she's a fake person and a good actress still red flags still blocked on fb and social media whole relationship wow I can't believe it I knew day 8 that first lie to get out looking back wow
If you can go no contact you must do it. If you don't the emotional abuse WILL continue. I went no contact 4 years ago and you can do it. You're stronger than you think. It will be very hard at first but after the first week you will start to feel peace of mind eventhough you don't believe that now. Start with 1 day at a time. You can do this!😊
@@Bob-zh6dw good news. Today after watching this and 4 other videos of stephs I sent him a well thought out email and blocked him. Spoke to my therapist and told her everything. This is my day one and I will keep coming back to these videos when I struggle at times.
@@calebkeegan3023 so happy you’ve stuck to no contact! This is day one for me. I will be saying day 37 soon I hope! This channel and community have been incredible
@@Irn_blu awesome
I lost my self-esteem and identity because the man I married is a narcissist. Some days I feel like taking a bottle of pills. I see the red flags now. I wish I had seen them before I married him.
They can not feel guilt , because that would require empathy. They do not have empathy- they have built themselves up from a child to care only about them.
More chance of Elvis making a comeback tour in 2023.
Very RARE Thank You Baby, Thank You Very Much. (Elvis)
😂😂😂 SO true!!
It is truly insane how pathological their behavior is. You can predict exactly how they will behave. Scary and pathetic!
Yes!! Insane, scary, pathetic and totally incomprehensible to a flawed but normal person as we are!!
@@user-dq6vr5qe3d It's really scary! People with NPD or other personality disorders are capable of ANYTHING. I am so glad I realized my old boss was like this and got the hell away. He is still trying to reel me back in... nope!
@@ed8329NOPE! 😂😅🙂💪👍👈
The strategy my narc uses is subconscious. When she does something truly heinous, she completely forgets she did it within a week. From then on, that is "her truth". She could pass a lie detector test based on it. Obviously there is an element of guilt in there somewhere or she wouldn't force it out of her memory. It's truly bizarre. I've seen it called "memory editing" in a few books.
Abuse from childhood. They had to erase the past to stop mental torture of memories.
Unconscious my ass.
Wow me too yep horrible day 37 reblocked forever
@@christophdollis1955 haha yep ! its called "selective amnesia" with narcs...how convenient for them eh>?
Likely she does indeed remember everything, but she’s lying to you when she says she doesn’t remember. Narcissists are pathological liars. It’s very hard for us neurotypicals to accept this or even truly comprehend it.
They say "i sincerely apologize IF I have offended you....
Gaslight!..
This video gave me such anxiety and made me want to cry. It really hurts when someone you really care about could not care less. 😢
Hello Sharon.... how are you doing today?
Yeah it sucks
My narcissistic ex wife would cheat on me and then would justify herself by blaming everything back to me, she would never apologize or show remorse. It's an awful lot of stress to deal with
OH I've seen that movie!!
Avoid and move on!!! Yes!!! Omg this is the most accurate description/explanation I've heard so far. Thank you for educating us all. I wish I had known this ten years ago. I'm just beginning to heal. They key is to avoid denial about who they are. Accept who they show you they are.
People also need to know that they will come back around eventually. Mine was 3 years after no contact. They only reach out years later to try to get you back on the hook. Missing them. Don't believe any of the BS they say. It's all lies. Please educate yourself and gain confidence in yourself to say no, I don't need your apologies.
Couldn't have said it any better! Amen and thanks for your advice!
This is true. My mother didn't call me for months after my dad died. She was angry because I didn't give her control over my bank account. Ugh! Six months later, she called my husband. SHE NEVER CALLS MY HUSBAND. And asked him to tell me to contact her so I can sign some paperwork to withdraw money out of a foreign account. She's loony toons. She honestly thinks I am going to help her get money after ignoring me for 6 months, and after triangulating my dying dad against me -- claiming I was trying to control her, when she was the one who hoovered me back to be her unpaid maid. Psychotic. Aging narcs are straight up psychotic. Never accept a hoover. Now she's tried to call me three times in the past month. I can only guess she's spent all my dad's money. Creepy. I have kids to take care of, whom she cares nothing for. My kids will ALWAYS be more important than her. How dare she steal from her own grandchildren? That kind of evil will not stand with me. She is dead to me.
His name is Bryan.
He raped my soul.
Viciously maliciously
brutally violently.
I thought he was my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me
and left me alone to die.
Replaced me.
Discarded me.
Like garbage.
So...
I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments
to him specifically, and also generally:
to any person, place, or thing,
on any time continuum,
that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing...
I release all of these things now, and forevermore,
and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came...
Thank you, thank you, thank you
- IT IS DONE! 🙏
And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders:
1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be
2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth)
3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!!
4. When things are tough, change the way you see things...
5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!)
6. It's only temporary (all of it!)
7. You have what it takes
8. You don't need to change
9. Release your need for control
10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep.
11. Remember where you came from
12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!)
13. Remember who you are
Ive been neglected by my husband for years. I had a complete meltdown and threw things accross the room whilst telling him i couldnt cope anymore. He sat and kept watching the football. Its not love its like hes a robot. I cant believe how inhuman he is and just floats around like he has never done anything wrong in his life. Im so broken. I cant accept that all the years of sufferering will never be justified by him even registering what he has done to me 😢
I do know what you mean. I’m a relatively calm person and I was when I got married 10 and a half years ago but that slowly started to fade when the confusion started and being yelled and screamed at, called names and then have been told sorry that it would never happen again, it’s been a constant state of confusion for the last 10 and a half years, I have never been a more confused person than I have been in all theses years I’ve been married, we are separated now but you almost feel a numbness to it all now.
I feel the same way. I get yelled at cussed at and told “what about my (his) feelings) when his wants are to go out alone and look at women that are half naked but doesn’t care how it makes me feel as his wife he watches music videos with half naked women, goes to bars with half naked women as waitresses without wedding ring, and when he can’t go get on their Instagram page to see what they’re doing when I get upset I’m then called controlling and he can’t do it anymore says I’m his mom then I end up apologizing when i cry because he doesn’t care he can walk out of the room and not care or be in another room being okay non chalant while I’m literally weeping in the other room he can fall asleep easily while I cry and this has been for 16 years since we were 16 were both now 31 and I get blamed for taking his Youth when I thought we were building a life together … it truly does hurt when your husband who’s supposed to be your rock is the one throwing stones at you for them hurting you. I truly am sorry
They only get sorry when they get caught and often then it's to late.
The difficult part
Is having to constantly relive the same things over and over again.
My late mother was very much like this. She could never admit when she was wrong. She almost never apologized for hurting me or emotionally abandoning me or my siblings. It's closure we never got.
They don’t feel regret or remorse or sorry for what they’ve done to you is bc they create lies about you in order to make their behavior look justified, and then believe their own lies. They truly truly believe that you deserve what you got. So no, they never feel sorry. And, they 💯 believe and feel that, vengeance is theirs and oh boy, the punishment always well outweighs whatever crime against them that they are accusing you of. Another thing, I couldn’t even have an adult simple conversation with one. He was 14 years older than me and I was in my 40’s, EVERYTHING and I do mean everything you say to them, is a personal attack on them. And they will try to hide this fact from you most of all, bc they are already plotting in their head what they are going to do to you, (of course behind your back bc they are cowards) and they don’t need for you to know that whatever happened to you was all their doing, they just need to know they hurt you. Their revenge in some kind of way. And they NEVER, EVER even 40 years later they will never lose the need for and the taste of revenge from their lips. That is their closure. Their revenge on u. And this is where I think it borderlines with psychopath because they will do very awful things behind your back and never tell and don’t need credit for it, they don’t need u to know that “ this is my revenge on you for what you said to me yesterday”. They just need to know they hurt you
This is 100% my relationship with my now estranged husband - in the last stages of divorce after being with him for 50 years - shows it’s never too late! I just thought my relationship was the norm until someone mentioned narcissist/ borderline personality disorders. So I watched a few videos and sadly these actually described my life perfectly! I did take ownership of being partly to blame for how it ended up - no or very few boundaries but difficult when you’re dealing with a child mentality in an adult - silent treatment, sulking, mental and physical abuse until I decided enough is enough - I’m wasting what is left of my life with someone who only cares about themselves and has no empathy for me or others. Have now set up a new life and have my own home and am finally finding peace and who I really am. I am staying amicable, not gone completely no contact at the moment as using him as part of my therapy to say “no” to him if he asks for a favour or to go somewhere which helps me set boundaries which I have never had before making me a stronger person. Strange I know - a lot of my family and friends also think this but I have to do this my way.
Thanks! I was with mine for 29years. Finally after telling someone (that I didn't know and knew about narcissism) and I shared a few of the traits and characteristics that I presented she identified my wife as a victim(covert) narcissist. I watched numerous videos that only affirmed what she had said and confirmed my ex fit perfectly into all of the descriptions. This huge weight was taken off of my shoulders and I realized that I was NOT insane and imagining all of this!
" staying amicable" - I think you underastimate your oponent, making your healing longer. Please find better way
It’s on a spectrum.. some Narcissists are “work arounds” some are better as “no gos”
I’ve known quite a few.
There was an article in our local paper today about a child molester and the parents of the molested children were more concerned about the molester than their children who were victimized, and no concern for other people’s children (future victims). The child molester was also escalating contact over progressive victims, and will probably rape a child if not stopped by LE.
They're sorry alright.....Sorry they got caught.
Love it!!!!
100%
I'm having a hard time because I don't think about her at all. I see what she is and I'm over it. It's the thought of what she did that I just cant stop thinking about.
me too.
I ran out of empathy and patience to try and understand why they were "feeling" the way they were lashing out. It became too damn ridiculous. I went from... "no baby, if it bothers you, then it's not stupid... Talk to me.".....to 6 months later, "are you kidding me?"
I dont think I've ever wanted an apology, and I certainly never got one. I've just wanted to know why.
this. i just want an explanation. how did you move on without an answer
They are NOT sorry...💯...They go on to do worse things after they apologize
I agree.. I stopped speaking to my narcissist mom, the last two years of her life .When my she was once hospitalized ,she told me she was sorry for things that I had gone through . Not that she was actually sorry for things she’s done to me . Ironically enough,she asked my siblings if I would stay the night with her at the hospital,the night she had died . I’m healing and don’t miss her one bit. I came to terms with how much I despise her and her side of the family from her and generations on back.
my ex has never apologized for the pain he has put me through. He had me feeling like a nobody after the split like i was garbage. blocked me - ignored me as though i had done something wrong when it was him the whole time... i went to therapy to try and find myself again and feel worthy.... thank you for this video it helped me so much to know what a narcissist character really is... i have felt so lonely and depressed by his actions and making me feel like a nobody the whole time.😘
I have dealt with a narcissist for many years. And Stephanie you're right, absolutely right. The truth is that if you have been living with them for a long time, you will realize that a narcissist has no propensity to express any emotion whatsoever. You never see them cry when their loved ones pass away. And they don't have the ability to sympathize. Their emotional growth is stunted due to their lack of ability to introspect. Been through all that and yes it can be quite frustrating. I'm practicing radical acceptance, until the day I move out of that situation completely
I hope you can get out. Being in their orbit is extremely draining. You sound clear and strong. Remember the better you are, the more they secretly (or openly) hate you. Best wishes.
Yes, I'm 52 years old, and I only recently realized last year, that I have NEVER seen my mother cry. She is a pathological liar. :( I was in denial for so long.
When we lose our loved ones the only reason that cry is because they lost their source of supply, and loved ones are not the ones they miss. They come to a realization that there are no longer being put on a pedestal, and no longer a center of attention, which is what the parents used to give to my narcissistic siblings
Sometimes i still catch myself doubting if he really is a narcissit and sometimes i even feel that i was the narc and i get so confused and overwhelmed but then i see that i'm not the one hoovering, actually trying to heal myself and feel the pain while he's in México alredeady sleeping with someone else and texting me at the same time.
Hello dear how are you doing today hows everything going?
@@AS-on1fz I'm doing good thanks for asking...
@@AS-on1fz how's your day going... and where are you chatting from?
@@AS-on1fzI can relate! One breath at a time, dont give up
@@HorizonHipHop thank you 🙏 you too.
You are absolutely right Stephanie
I was married to an extremly evil
narcissist not to mention what I
went through during the divorce , she left me completely broke after
9 years I still have not recovered
emotionally and financialy
It' s horrific
Thank good these videos exist it
gives you a better understanding
Of the problem and let other people that this problem really exists
Hope you can recover soon after those nine years, William.
If you are aware of how a Narc show up, your ahead of the game, they have lost their power over you -Think of it as a narc as a diminutive person a three foot pigmy in a six foot tall elevator -No they can't push that top button
And once they are gone they can't push your button either!!!
This morning me and my ex husband exchanged our son and when he left I was crying because he looks so happy. He betrayed me, cheated, and started dating while we are still married. Everything you said helped me get back to loving me right at this moment. He’s a narcissist. He said I don’t have to apologize to you , I didn’t do anything wrong to you. Knowing I still love him, he kicked me out of the house and the moment he did that started dating. So sad but I’m healing day by day ❤
You have hit the nail on the head for me. My personal life has been truly destroyed in many ways since I was a very young child. I just recently recognized how many narcissists I've been plagued with all my life...family, so-called two-faced phonies in all my school years and career years, along with the current community of so-called neighbors, and lastly, one past and current husband who have betrayed and abandoned me repeatedly leaving me sitting alone in hell. All the above I mentioned constantly blame me for everything. I wasted my whole life putting myself last to help everyone I have ever known and got absolutely nothing in return. No true love and never a bit of apology. My Father was the only one in my life who truly loved and cared about me and I paid him back by looking out for his well being, with no help from anyone else, until the day he died and brought to his eternal resting place. At this moment, I am extremely angry and untrusting of everyone who crosses my path, so now, they will experience MY wrath.
What was really difficult about growing up with my narcissist dad is my forgiving nature would let him off the hook every time he gave a fake apology. He used that to gaslight me more and more. I'm glad I've cut off all contact with him. I thank you Steph for your messages. You've helped me take control of my life.
And I also thank you Stephanie! I could listen to this every night to remind me of just how toxic of a person I was dealing with!
I am a current victim of a sibling who is a narcissist and is using my other sister as her "flying monkey". We are caring for a 96 year old mother..... It has been horrible - I thought I was losing my mind ...however, everything about her finally makes sense.
people, forget about getting an apology - if ever it came, it wouldn’t be sincere anyway. and who‘d want that?
I think the biggest key factor for me in getting out of that situation with the narcissist was realizing and coming to terms with the fact that they were incapable of changing, being introspective or being empathetic. Realizing they never actually cared about you which is why they've continuously subjected you to all of this. So, when I was planning my escape, I just knew that the narcissist was going to "apologize" to me, but the apology was going to be just another form of manipulation in order to guide me back to the status quo. In other words, they were only going to apologize for personal gain and to regain leverage - they weren't doing it out of sincerity so I knew not to take the bait. Since they aren't capable of changing or coming to terms with their own faults, flaws or mistakes, I knew it wasn't possible for her to ACTUALLY be sorry.
And of course, when I responded to the "apology" with something like "I appreciate that but I still want more time to see how I feel about this", her response was a condescending "Okay cool, well I tried. I'll never do that again." Basically saying "Wait, my phony apology didn't make you drop all of your boundaries? Then I'm no longer sorry" as if that's how apologizing and feeling bad actually works.
Then of course months later, I get an accusatory text saying "I don't like what you did to me. I don't know why you say you need space." which effectively invalidated their entire apology that I was initially so terrible for not accepting. It was completely obvious at that point that she was incapable of ever sincerely being sorry or admitting fault or changing but wasn't above giving a fake apology to regain control. And the worst part is, she fully thought she was going to reprimand me and retaliate against me the second she believed I had taken the bait, invalidating her earlier "apology" even further.
"Wait, my phony apology didn't make you drop all of your boundaries? Then I'm no longer sorry" as if that's how apologizing and feeling bad actually works.
The pain has faded away. It was a few yrs ago. Yes, the lack of empathy & aloofness from a person who views themselves as above others did feel desperately cruel. I was left in an awful place but yes, the person seemed deeply unhappy & was used to causing trauma in the relationships of others... without a care in the world... It was as if the person was dead on the inside & just roaming around seeking limerance like a crack addict craving a high...
It's cathartic to see this topic be covered... I don't care any more.. I just lost a few years in a type of limbo whilst the hard face carried on as normal... but I can be grateful that I now have structure in day to day life & plenty to feel contented about 🌳
Was her name tracey henderson?
It wasn't a Tracy but thanks for asking
A narcissist could burn your house down and expect you to apologize to them for having made it so flammable.
My narcissist husband has a well rehearsed "apology". Please hear this one...every time I tell him he hurt me and why, the rehearsed response is "well that's not true I don't feel that way. If I said/did something that made you feel bad it was because you did _______."
Zero guilt.
He also tells me "I never say or do things to hurt other people."
I called out my father for the way he treated my brother and mother. His response was what truly shocked me.
He said "I know I'm not a good father, I know I could've been better, I know I could be better now, but i don't want too. You've reached an age where you technically don't need me anymore and I'm not expecting anything from you and I don't want you to expect anything from me either."
The ‘taking a toy from another kid’. Analogy….that was my daughter! And she’s now 33. Since having a baby last October, oh WOW has her true colors ever been clear….she’s been married for ten years, and has only been present during our once monthly all family get together so she’s been on her best behavior,,,,but after her having a baby, and my staying there 1-2nites per week for four months…well let’s just say, I did NOT EVEN RECOGNIZE my own daughter. She’s like posessed by a Demon…the narc demon!
Narcissists are looking for shallow relationships. These types of relationships are easy to get but of course not sustainable. Empath can't be happy with shallow relationships. So for empath, it is harder to find the new relationship but if empath has learned his/ her lesson well, the new relationship is a deep, valuable one.
I dated a women who is controlling, VERY RIDGED! And many signs of a Narcissist. NEVER wrong, always right, can't apologize, can't say sorry even if they are wrong. Gaslighted me several times, made me feel was I at fault, doubting myself. Finally Left her several months ago. I'm going through my own recovery....
I asked my husband last week,in order to set boundaries in this marriage, we also have to take a look at the truths about ourselves, he said he knows himself and is pretty content. He’s a minister/narc. Uses the Bible/scriptures as a weapon to keep me in this marriage( counting on my ignorance of all scripture) to shame me, to dismiss me. Even Satan knows scripture.
Amen sister!! Hang on to the WORD as you know it! The Lord will give you insight and discernment to recognize the truths from the lies. Many narcs will hide under their identity as a Christian when I in fact have to question whether or not they are a wolf in sheep's clothing! If you haven't done it already watch videos on narc from Shaneen Megji. She approaches this this subject from a truly Christian perspective and biblically supports her statements with scripture. Love her!!
Leave him!
Always the victim.
ALWAYS!!!!!!
No-one waits for an apology. The sheer absence of an apology rather, is an indication to move forward. The lack of an apology is a clear answer.
when you talked about seeing them move on and “be happy” while you’re miserable and struggling .. wow. but you’re so right in that putting in the work, feeling that pain and sitting in the discomfort in order to break the cycle IS the hard way, but also the right way. thank you for this
This was so perfect for me to hear today because his behavior was so unstable and constantly jumped from one interest to another so why was I surprised that he replaced me like a piece of furniture 🤷♀️
Yep! I was thrown out like yesterdays trash!!
All this is a perfect situation coming from my own daughter. She's been this way when she was 16....shes now 44. She hasn't changed.
It's so heart wrenchingly sad to understand that a narcissist with act so detached from everyone and everything because they don't want to love themselves fully and come put of that shame and anger, they rather hurt others with no thoughts or concern. Which really means they never accept real love or love others with that real care and vulnerability......😢😢 this is hard to hear. Knowing this and accepting it smh is heart breaking....and they see nothing wrong with their behavior. And all you can do is walk away 💔
My stepmother came into my life. When I was 13 years old she was 40. It was nothing but yelling, volatility, crudeness, and insults. I didn’t realize it at the time but now that I have children of my own I see how messed up this was. I was a child and she was a grown adult. My father enabled her and was able to convince me that I was somehow the problem in the family. She to this day thinks that she “saved our family by getting married to my dad.
My brother in law is a big time narcissist. He thinks he knows everything but he knows nothing. He knows nothing about others feelings. I feel sorry for my sister to be married to him but she’s also learned to be selfish and a narcissist. Narcissist like to manipulate. They won’t care if your dying or dignity it’s all about “them”
Sounds more sociopathic to me.
That is absolutely true! That is how I discovered my ex was a narc... I googled "lack of remorse". After learning about narcissism, I googled "why I attract a narc" to discover that I was co-dependent. That information about myself is what lead me to change my entire life and way of thinking. And that has made my life WONDERFUL!! Not perfect, but wonderful.
Hey any tips or advice? I am codependent too and dont want to attract another narc. 9 years of abuse then she left me to raise our child on my own.
@@HorizonHipHop Self care eg Join gym or any sport, eat well, get massages, cold showers, make new friends, invite them over for BBQ or dinners, go to social events, apperance buy new clothes. Spend cash on yourself etc.
Good advice, I was left with two boys to raise, understanding that we were mentally abuse helped too, and always thinking:stay strong
@@HorizonHipHop one book/topic that helped me see how codependency looked like in real life was the Drama Triangle and what "victim consciousness" was. I also found a part-time therapist who I could contact when I had to make a "stand firm" decision for the first time. Talk about scary!! But it worked out even better than I could envision and it set me on a path to being able to set boundaries without explosive/emotional behaviors. That is what is so wonderful about my life, not blowing up on people who love me, and the people who love me respecting me.
I've been dealing with this type of people for years and some are family some are just strangers and some are friends that should not be friends. They even resort to stalking and gossip. I have been wanting to heal fully for years I just hoped they would change their ways but they don't.
This woman knows 100% what she is talking about i never heard someone explain narcissists better than her and it`s not that easy because narcissists are psychpaths
I learned the hard way that he will never hold accountability, or apologize. Dont wait around for it. Life is too short, and you'll never get it. I spent so much time hoping he would take a look within and see his enabling mother and how much toxicity it's created. He is just like her!! I know he's seen a glimpse of it in the 1 therapy session he did. I wanted to love this guy forever.. its so incredibly heartbreaking.
Great video Stephanie ❤
Thank you. I was feeling so messed up can’t sleep just non stop pain and she can sleep instantly without a care of how they’ve been treating me, every single thing you said here is exactly what’s going on.
I think that we are living in a parallel universe! 😮
I went my whole life not knowing theses twisted, deranged creature’s walked the earth.. I was tricked, my situation was easy, just boyfriend/girlfriend, once I caught her in the cookie jar, I left immediately, threw a match behind me, blocked her every way Monday through Sunday. It’s freaking terrible you put your trust, and loyalty into someone, and they deceive you.. We are the chosen ones..These people are true mold, I can spot them out of a crowd now..Forward is what we do ..Thank you for your education, and guidance.. 💪🏿🇮🇹
They might not feel guilty because they could not express any emotion when they were child or being vulnerable was bad.
that is part of it
I also think it is difficult to hear a narcissist claim they are sorry and know that it is bullshit. They just want to be praised and be told oh how wonderful you are for apologizing and going through healing and learning more and you know they are conning others
OMG! You word for word explained what my boyfriend of 10 years does to me on a daily basis. Thank you so much for this video, for validating what he always says is bullshit. He is constantly telling me that I should stop watching videos like this and now I understand why. Thank you Stephanie. I needed to know that what I was going through wasn't just in my head like he always tries to get me to believe. Thank you again. 💟
This is SPOT ON. Everything that is mentioned is exactly what I experienced and it perfectly said point for point. Once I asked for a Divorce the manipulation that it's YOUR FAULT starts even at a HIGH level of guilt tripping you.
My sister is a narcissist. My mom had nothing to do with why she is the way she is. She raised all 6 of her children the same way. None of the rest of her children are that way. Her father is a narcissist. Although he didn't raise her, she's exactly like he is. And I do mean exactly! Right down, to the way they speak to people and about people. They seek revenge in a similar way, the treat spouses, siblings, children, and partners the same way. It's extremely disturbing! The only way any of us have been able to cope is to cut them off and go no contact. It's been 6 years and it's been the best years of my life. It's taken some of us longer to catch on then others. But eventually, the sisters have all caught on. She's a truly nightmare of a human being
Am I engaged to your sister? 😂
This the absolute gospel! Every word!! I struggled for the last 4-5 years in multiple ways of our 26 year relationship. I tried everything possible to try and get her to understand how her malignant behavior and lies and gaslighting and insisting she could tell me how I felt about something she’d done or the super competitive environment that was always there and the constant dirty looks of jealousy anytime something good would happen for me I could feel her eyes burning a hole in my back when I wasn’t taking incoming shitty remarks about the good think that happens, or ect…. ect….. a true narcissist will wear down even the strongest of people eventually because they absolutely have to! After the love bombing phase is up for them then they get to work tearing you down layer by layer and nick by nick they chip away at you until you start having mistakes pop up and every single time they document in their mind what you slipped at work on or whatever it was before long it will be weaponized against you. Then they go from loving you so openly and almost in a overly cringy way now into a frame of mind that makes them have zero respect for you and their contempt and hatred for you becomes very evident now and they’ve since out some decent gouges in your soul now to where you’ve begun to struggle more often as confusion and depression sets in and as it does so does their increased amount of trashing you and smearing you behind your back even to the two of your shared children they’ll try to paint you as crazy to discredit you and most importantly to keep themselves blame free and to protect their paper thin self image and grandiose false portrait they try their hardest to give off to everyone else in your life as the poor little supportive loving wife and it’s really sinister, destructive, inhumane and by far the worst shit I’ve ever lived through. Don’t believe you can get through to them or they’ll see the errors of their ways because they won’t and are completely ignorant and incapable of understanding the damage they’ve caused. If anyone reading this suspects they’re with a true narcissist then absolutely DO NOT try to reason or explain anything to them or they’ll punish you even more severely and just get out as soon as possible period!!
Narcs only want to APOLOGIZE so they don't have to ACCEPT, FEEL GUILTY, RESPONSIBLE for ALL the HARM they've caused if you accept their apology !!!
Don't give it to them, don't ANSWER the HOOVER, answering lets them achieve this and Feel JUSTIFIED for what they've done !!! COMPLETELY BLOCK them out and keep moving forward to LOVE, LIGHT, HAPPINESS !!!
I was abused 2 times by my brother, which literally surprised me. He literally threw against a wall. But he literally acted all smug & literally never apologized. When I could've died. Everytime he does something horrible, he doesn't care to say " I'm sorry " or show sympathy. It's like wth happened to him. And he's so manipulative it's so crazy. My only talked to him believing it'll help. I will never forgive him nor forget that. This whole thing made absolute sense.
Sorry to hear that.
Narcissists are twisted! That is the best encapsulating description.
Your videos are keeping me going right now. This relationship is the hardest thing I have EVER gone through. Thank you
Some of my favorites are such hits as "you're hurt by everything", "not everyone is out to get you", "you want to be a victim" among others.
Instead of taking accountability for the way they've hurt you, you're "too sensitive".
It is so FRUSTRATING.
You cannot talk to these people like they're human. Every single time you try to problem solve YOU are the issue, they can do no wrong and NOTHING changes. I hate that all of us here know how that feels.
They have no empathy and often bag about not caring and will tell you they don't care.
Even if you tell them that throwing away all of the love letters and hand made cards hurt you. They'll somehow find a way to make it your problem.
Good GOD.