The Mind Games and Learning to Trust Your Intuition
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- Опубликовано: 11 апр 2023
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#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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I now realize after 45 years that my mom says EVERYTHING in order to trigger me. Literally every single thing. It’s fascinating to watch the wheels turn in her head and the sewage that spews from her mouth as she tries desperately to gaslight me….I told her recently that her stories/theories/accusations/nightmares about me aren’t true simply because she says so. She is not God, she cannot simply speak reality into being.
OMG!! I have the same mother.. 51 years old haven't talked with her in 3 years. Best thing I ever did. It Truly is so much peaceful.😊
Well. I dumped my mother years ago. No regrets. I am not a monster as my younger brother is more than happy to take care of her. My mother messed up the entire family. In my wife's family this role played her younger sister. Her (the sister) need to control was so strong that she even showed up "unexpectedly" during our honeymoon trip. I did not mind as she was a very attractive blonde. It blinded my judgement, but I noticed that she was very cold. Fortunately, my wife was a fantastic woman. We both were victims of narcissistic abuse in our families. We survived. :)
When they realize you're hurt and tears don't matter.
The time to leave has come.
It's truly over.
Never let a woman see you cry. They subconsciously see it as weakness.
20 years of hell with a man who gaslit me constantly and twisted everything around so that it was always my fault. I didn’t recognise his narcissistic abuse because of the guilt I felt over my own mental health struggles (depression and anxiety) combined with my crippling lack of self-esteem. It was so easy to blame me for everything; he even pinned the seven years of his infidelity on me. I wasted a huge chunk of my life and my inheritance on a lie, and now he is married to that woman and tells me I’m bitter and jaded. Well, I am, and I don’t know if I will ever get over the betrayal and rage that I feel.
I've been in a few narcissistic relationships and I've finally found the words to describe how to know it's intuition... It's a story that's whispered in your ear so fast that you can't articulate it. But then very quickly thought takes over
Healing after far too long being bullied and manipulated by a narc, was litteraly the only person i couldn't get along with and he blamed me, saying its because i dont know how to communicate yet i only had this problem with him, he was the problem not me.
Find INNER STRENTGH through BOUNDARIES!!! When we are Brave enough to set Boundaries we will begin to feel a sense of empowerment over our emotions....whew....
I've learned to trust my gut , even more or at least as much as logic .
Don't let your emotions control , if in doubt trust your gut.
She's good !
I am 60 years old . Growing up I was bullied . By the very people that should have been my safe place to be around . At school and at home I got picked on for my weight . I was never trusted in my teen years although I wasn't doing anything wrong . After being accused of doing wrong simply because I was a few minutes late past my curfew I did start being rebellious and purposely staying out past curfew. All my life I had someone domineering telling me what I can and can't do manipulating me to do what they want me to . Because of that I never had any self esteem . I just started watching these videos and I'm on a waiting list for counseling . Both my daughters are very proud of me for finally seeking professional guidance and hopefully gain self esteem and self worth . Thank you Stephanie your videos are easy to follow and I appreciate you sharing your knowledge.
My really big red flags were constant disagreements or ridiculing about anything and everything I said, that seemed to increase over time to the point of absurdity
Okay yeah! I resonate with this. Why do they do that? I have started to believe they just hate me, because why else? And they are completely unmoved even if they make you cry.
And one of them actually said they hate me, but of course when I confronted them later.....they denied saying it! And even said that they actually said "I love you" huh????
My last ex who I think is one, played mind games with me all the time and I think he really enjoyed making me upset and hurt, it made me a wreck at the end.
@Dumb Duck That is what they like doing, it's part of their disorder. He would ask to meet me then when I txt I was there he wasn't there and didn't answer phone I was soaked one night crying and left him a message, upset, he immediately rang me and said he was with friends and didn't see messages, I stupidly met him just after and I wanted to hit him, I should of went home and just ended it but I was stuck on the hamster wheel.
You explained gaslighting perfectly, thank you for making this video, I needed to see it 🙏
Trusting your intuition, to look within, trusting yourself is so powerful ✨️ 🙌 I had to learn to be quiet & listen, it really helps me to stay connected, be true to myself & stay protected, so important in self-love. Thanks for the reminder Steph I needed to hear this 🙏 🌟
Thank you Stephanie, your videos help so much. I’m trying to wade through the waters, figuring out what is best for me. I’m so tired of feeling this way. Constantly have a headache and pounding heart. I am constantly walking on eggshells having to think through things deeply before I speak and there’s still pushback and arguments. Sadly at times I feel more free in my car, at work and at the gym than I do at home.
Wading through the waters is so true, it's hard to push those boots through the currents of the flowing waters, the resistance pushes back, exhausting us further. ❤
So deep, I hope you figure it out !
❤
@@tikax2085 gn
Leave before that COBRA SQUEEZES YOU TO DEATH!!!!💀
Manipulation and controlling
Stephanie, thank you for all that you do. u have taught me a lot about this topic. i am so glad you did, as i cut them out of my life. keep on doing the great work you do...💯💯
My sense of self has been diminished from alot of these n
People, so i really need some uplifting to come back to myself. Thanks for the video.
I totally resonate with everything in this video!
I am starting to see what's happening. I feel throat knots and tense body and headaches and body pains/extremely nervous/fatigue.
I now KNOW the answers, before i let it slide.
So powerful. I'm now learning about being me. It's tough. Realizing who " I am" not the person they wanted me to act like
❤
Keep pushing on ! Learn to love yourself . I'm 60 and just now starting the road to recovery after years of emotional abuse from childhood and beyond. Keep your head up
Thanks for your excellent and extremely important guidance and wisdom. The voice of our intuition is the whispers of our Guardian Angels and our Highest self. Silence is Golden.
Enjoy being single
It’s the best
She's married.
What are you trying to accomplish by commenting this?
Deliberately trying to make someone feel less valuable in this way is narcissism lol like why are you even watching this?
@@ashleighkingsbury7687 this can be understood as enjoy being single so you can learn to love yourself (like she says in the video) and see what your triggers are.. OR enjoy being single in a sassy flippant way. I believe it’s the first.
@Ashleigh Kingsbury the context of the comment is being assumed here, and also getting triggered by something so trivial is giving your power away.
This completely resonates. Great insight. I’m yellow rock with narc coworker. I’m now listening to my intuition- I thought I was just being paranoid. Nope, red flags were being throw in front of my like penalties at a football games. Now I see him for what he is, and better equipped to deal with the mind games
I have learnt so much from you .I will be greatfull to you my entire life ❤️
❤ slowing down has been so important for me to be able to pay attention to another person’s manipulation &
❤️ listening to my body first has been a game changer for me & practicing yoga 🧘♀️
This is absolutely incredible that someone would intentionally do this to someone - even the spouse that “vowed” that they would Cherish you”!!!
I went thru this for 20 years. Confusion is a tough one!!! And, the Silent treatment- so bad!!! It took an 8 year battle & a lot of money to divorce him which the courts label as “a high conflict divorce” which only gives them continued power. So happy I lived through all that and that your videos are the voice of Truth so many of us need to hear!!! Thank you such important content. Its in the Understanding that helps to heal those wounds and to learn what it was that happened!! Thank you!!
Funny. The silent treatment never worked on me. I'm an ambivert, and having to deal with all of the nasty things my "mother" would say, the silent treatment was more of a blessing...she soon figured that out though...
Great advice! Shoutout to that baby blue pillow 👀🤣
Thank you so much for this Stephanie, Absolutely tremendous, Speaks volumes, I do trust myself and my intuition, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 😘⚖🌌✌😃💛💜💙💗❤🌈🦁♱☘👽🕆🐎🍄🌲🌹🕊🦄
The part where it was mentioned on how one client of yours didn't stick through to do the work stood out to me. From my personal experience, when I didn't do the work needed requested by my counselor, it was because I detached from things that would cause me to feel overwhelmed. I knew I needed to do certain things, but for some reason, I struggled to stay on task. It was never done on purpose, and I definitely wanted to get better, but I didn't expect the struggle to come on as it did. I'm taking it one day at a time now. Your videos are helping.
The folk are everywhere nowadays !
I lightly encountered one, starting with her
'love bombing' a version of the tactic called
' bait and switch'.
I never bought her deceiving act, and so bye and bye I witnessed the definitive 'rage fit'
over an intended compliment, she interpreted as criticism - narcs can not even tolerate a perception of a criticism 🤔
The contrast in her demeanour after her rage fit was breathtaking, as if she was another person.
Narcs are really a combo of a con artist and a academy award actor.
My husband is such a gas lighter but I’m way more spiritual than him and it doesn’t work on me anymore lol. I never knew what it was for years why he gas lit. Now I understand 200 percent now. It was to take my confidence away. Thank you for this video for confirmation and again🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
Your a angel ...... you have no idea how you save my life....thank you from me and my kids
Yes👏Intuition is my superpower- learned to honour it💯🙏🌹
Oh nooo- that’s me, that client with videos 🫣🫨🫨🫨 postponing it and it’s not my personality 🥹oh my, thanks Steph❤
❤❤❤❤❤. You save me. Hang off every word. Bless you, Girl.
So when I knew my step mother was trying to upset me I realized this and how inappropriate she was being and I just called her out on it. She was telling me how one of my daughters is so misguided and needs help. Instead or arguing back to her I just said "and this is why she does not ever want to visit here ever again" I chose not to get upset. She was quiet and stopped speaking.
This has been such a big issue for me. I definitely give too many chances to people who prove to be untrustworthy and it's usually because I tend to ignore my intuition in trying to be "nice." I don't know when I learned that that's what I should do in most situations but I am trying to teach myself to distance myself from problematic people instead of wanting to been seen as nice or accomodating. Most of the time people show you who they are and will continue to treat you however you allow them to. Hard lesson learned. As I get older, I am learning to keep my distance from people I can see are going to be trainwrecks from a mile away. I feel less and less need to be nice to people who are likely are going to cause me problems I could avoid. It makes me feel safer in my space when I know I can just trust that my first impression of the person was most likely correct and just walk away.
I’m in so deep. Twenty plus years of living with a wife with NPD & BPD, which she says she doesn’t want to put a label on, when I confront her with it. Funny though she admits to being treated for DD, GAD, & PTSD. Yet when I pull out the DSM for NPD & BPD it’s suddenly no labels. Since I’ve uncovered the FULL extent of exactly who she is, and can just no longer tolerate the abuse, I’ve come up with a plan to get out of the relationship. However it will take me a couple years to save the money, because she’s had ultimate control over our finances, and I’ve never been allowed to have my own money. Thank you so much Stephanie, your videos have helped tremendously!
Unless you are a licensed mental health care professional, you shouldn’t be diagnosing other people. The DSM isn’t the Book of Shadows.
My "mother' uses "clinical depression" has her excuse. I never really fully bought it though, now I don't buy it AT ALL! My stepdad unfortunately does, and I when I get genuinely upset about something he'll tell me "there was no reason for that" when she gets a free pass for her gaslighting and even publicly humiliating me in front of him, my dad, and my counselor because "she has a mental illness and can't control herself"...when SHE CAN!!!! Like, for fucking real though?!? I feel like he shouldn't be supporting an abuser while devaluing the victim. he even has a *heart condition* and I'm afraid one day her rages will make him go into a heart attack! Yet...he *won't listen to me* when I try to warn him. It's so damned scary!
Yes!!! You ❤ are amazing thank you !!! U are a blessing
Thank you so much!!!
What a wealth of information! Thank you!
So very important, Stephanie! Thanks for the reminder! 🌻
Thanks for the video. I always feel less alone when you post.
He would steal stuff and deny it, or tell me something is not mine when it is, then get angry for days
Your videos are really helping me. Thank you so much.
I can generally read people anyway. My problem is ignoring the red flags and misbelieving if I show them enough empathy and love, it may make those red flags less severe.
Love the videos. Keep up the good work.
Same
@KaDeija Dalrymple Have you learnt from these experiences? Discovered strengths you never knew you had during them? I learnt many things from them and am still learning. My biggest lesson is focusing on postives in my life and world, regardless of the negative experiences I've been through. And continuing to show everyone love, empathy, and respect, regardless of those scenarios. Because if I allow them circumstances to change me into someone I don't want to be, the people who instigated them are still winning. So, be brave, stay strong, keep smiling, and have a wonderful day.
@@titantitan9735 I did learn & still learning. Setting boundaries is key as well. Hope uu have an amazing day as well ☺
@@kadeijadalrymple137 Thank you. Your empathy and kind words are truly appreciated.
We're so often told that reason and patience are keys to helping people, making them see the best of us, and coming to an understanding...it can be an extremely toxic notion.
Yes so true and so sick. People figure it out in time you just have to be present.
❤Thank you ❤I will keep in ❤mine your advice ❤
You are so right. It's amazing all the things they do. Trusting your gut is so right on. Single but it's been going on for years. Thank you.
WHat's creepy to me is that some people say you should follow rational thinking instead of intuition, which is scary as hell!
I love your videos. They helped me open my eyes so I could leave my relationship and they are helping me get through this.
Thank you 😊
Another good message. Thanks Beautifully lady for your time and effort
The narc I dealt with tried to tell me not to trust my intuition. I made the mistake of telling him that my gut feeling about him was bad. He was really adamant about telling me not to "Trust my gut."
I did not listen to him. I glad I did not.
Unfortunately, some people actually encourage this. I've heard this is not only some of the atheist communities, but also some of the religious communities as well.
Great video Stephanie, thank you! I have decent example of this. My spouse will make a seemingly innocuous statement, like "it seems like you were avoiding your family members this weekend." My spouse knows I don't have a great relationship with these family members, so this multipronged approach of triangulation (splitting), gaslighting (as I wasn't actively avoiding them, I was just doing my own thing), while essentially kicking off an argument because she knows I'll disagree with her. Guess what followed? Exactly what she set up. I fall for it every damn time...
Your videos are phenomenal! I always learn so much from your content ! Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
Thanks for good information!🙏🙏
Thank you Steph for another amazing video filled with knowledge!
Perfect timing for this info!!
Wow! Today I went to get makeup I had a budget to spend I went over I felt my body getting real hot I stop and ask myself what’s going so I told myself put back what you really don’t need because I had some of the things already! Then as I was getting in the car I knew that was the Holy Spirit warning me don’t go crazy spending because I was looking at my makeup like I got most of these things!❤️
Thanks!
Thank you for great observations and advice.
Thank you 🙏
Thank You
If I haven't said it before, thank you so much for the insight
Thank you
Thank you!!
You help me a lot thank you so so much
I’ve been watching your videos for 3 years now and this is probably my favorite one!
Thanks for the video. Very informative and helpful.
Thank you so much
❤ as always the good therapist giving us the tools to survive in this volatile world 🥃 🍷
I'm 64 now and I like it easy. Sorry lol. Getting close to God is so nice. Thank you sweetheart 😘
After I turned 60, the best time of my life has begun.
Well done, Stephanie. You put a lot of thought behind your talk today, especially with everything you have going on. I’m going to enjoy being single while I work through some things.
They love inducing anxiety!
Very valuable advice. Thank you!
Thanks Stephanie ❤great video you have helped me so much I’ve uncovered so my about my past and now present I now realised I come from a line of narcissistic behaviour ,if it wasn’t for you and other videos I would never have known about narcissistic and toxic behaviour for years I blamed my self
So thank you I will continue to watch and learn set boundaries and selfsoothe❤
My favorite video so far! It describes exactly what I’ve been going through with my mom and brother. It’s been a nightmare for me, but entertaining for them! Makes it especially hurtful when it’s your own family that you thought loved and cared about you. Thankfully I see it now and your videos really do help me try to understand the madness. Thank you!❤
Manipulation - learned how to heal my emotional wounds 17:59 ❤
Control - learned how to have stronger boundaries and a stronger sense of self 💪🏽
The Con - learned how to trust my intuition & pay attention to actions and not words 💃🏽
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this, Stephanie, The universe guided you to me, I trust my intuition, Always, I don't doubt myself, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😀💚💜🧿😁😊🐉🥰👁🤍🌹🐺🌌🐴💞🌈🧝♀️🛸😘💎🦄😃
This is what I struggle most at the moment.
Thank you soo much for this absolutely AMAZING thank you for helping me and many others this is really helping 👍👍👍👍👏👏👏👏👏😁😁😁❤💜❤💜❤💜❤
Education
EAGLES DON'T FLY WITH CROWS
Very kind very beautiful 💖
Thank you for the great work. Would I suggest a video to overcome the addiction like food, drinks etc,. Many of us will thank you for that. These take charge when we try to overcome past trauma.
A city without borders will be easily invaded. Being single is a gift when recovering from heart wounds. Rebuild the walls that were broken down by brutal narcissists and trust in God. Feelings can often betray you.
My narc cheated on me and blamed me as the reason for her cheating... They still can't admit they've done anything wrong. I feel like I'm going crazy!!!!!
Everything a narc does, all of their tactics, in my opinion, is for one of two reasons, or both… to avoid responsibility and to get what they want.
Yes , enjoy being single. Haven't dated in 14 yrs.
As narcissistic as it may sound, I recently found out about autoromantisicm, and it's been so empowering for me as someone who is still living with a narcissist for 35 years straight
Triangulation. I am in New supply situation.. Hahahha :D thank you mam. I understand now my situation.. I am still with her.
As someone that *cannot physically leave* the abuse, I learned to ignore my intuition, or at least partially. Once i learned how to reason, how to rationalize, and how to justify and make excuses, that's when I turned a blind eye to my intuition, but always found myself walking away from it and looking back. It never completely broke me for some strange reason. I'd go through phases of self hatred, only to come back on top, then come crashing down again when the tantrums and even physical abuse started.
I imprinted on nonhuman creatures such as primates and guinea pigs because I could sense the lack of love my "mother" had for me. Even as young as 6 I could tell something was...off, even when she was being all nice and love bombing me. It was so fucking confusing, because society tells us we should love our mothers and that "everyone has good in them somewhere!!!!!" toxic positivity nonsense. Also we're often told about critical thinking and to be "rational" instead of following our intuitions, which can be extremely harmful!
For some reason, I didn't hate myself as a 'being". I *DID* hate myself for being the biological creature that I am, with the ability be manipulated and feel such intense levels of pain, so I hated the "human" aspect of myself. It didn't help that my narcissistic "mother" would constantly tell me "YOU ARE A FUCKING HUMAN! YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING GOD DAMNED MONKEY! YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING ALIEN!" and so on...in fact, she *still* does if I ever act upon my imprinted behavior. So now I refuse to go out in public with her unless we're at the zoo.
I think some of it had to due with my schizotypty manifesting into mild auditory and even tactile hallucinations of my imaginary friends (the aliens) giving me praise in the middle of the night as I would cry myself to sleep, or even something like a full body hug that would snap me out of my dissociative states.
my ex, she systematically seperated me from my own intuition; she trained me to not trust myself
Many older men like being single. Many don't even need to date anymore it's not worth it.
My ex totally destroyed me , the manipulative gas lighting and then followed by violence from her when I reacted … 9 years of my life destroyed and left with nothing but depression and not believing in myself or anybody else … o signing remorse from her , I was completely ghosted and blamed for everything
Omgoodness she triangulated with me and her daughter 😮😮😮 I never thought she was a narc I ignored all the red flags!!! She seemed so sweet and I was attracted to my wounds yuck I’m healing these traumas!!!! 6:29 and she did all of it to me. Stonewall, silence me and projecting about me want her to agree with me and it was actually all of her. I swear I don’t ever want to attract a sociopath again . I am going to HEAL this ….
Hi, firstly thank you so much for helping me get out of my NPD relationship through understanding NPD, but how does one stop intergenerational passing down of shitty NPD behavior
Trying to stay strong for my child. But damn her mother did a lot of damage to me and then discarded me after loving and being loyal to her for 9 years. Idk if im gonna make it.
Yes u will
I’m sorry for what you’re going through and I know from personal experience how hard it is. So I say this with love: stop being so immature and dramatic. Yes you will make it. Get some support, find a good therapist, maybe join a church or some kind of community organization, get involved in your kids school, join an amateur sports league, whatever. Just quit wallowing in self pity and go do positive things to take care of yourself and build a healthy support network. You owe it to your daughter to demonstrate how to handle this situation in an emotionally healthy way, and that includes managing the destructive and despairing thoughts in your head.
@@Seliz463 my daughter is good. Nothing destructive is happening. Just lots of crying in the bathroom 😆
You can do this. It's natural to mourn after the loss of such a long relationship, even if it was painful being in it. But you are now in a better place for you and your child. Get support if you need it, either from a counsellor or a friend. Remember who you were before and start learning to love yourself again and the rest will come, in time.
Sometimes they tell my mistakes and not tell me they did that
It is called ultra instinct, it is a fighting style in mma or Dragonball ❤
One if the major mind games is push and pull .
I love your content! You also introduced me to Lisa A Romano. The two of you basically saved my life a few years ago and counting.. Thank you for all your work
I have a question: is our intuition actually our inner child speaking ? Can you please explain?
Interesting question! Children can tend to spot untrustworthy people, but over time, we're told to ignore it, or at least expected to. That could be why we assume the best, couple that with such sappy sentimental toxic positivity statements like "everyone is good in some way just give it some time" nonsense.
I'll wait till I get to Heaven. Unless Miss right comes along.
Hi Steph
Proverbs 1:5
A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: