What really irks me is how they can abuse you in any way imaginable & when you've finally had enough & leave they act like the victim!! Absolutely sickening!
Right On! They do such horrific things to the people around you and never feel bad for what they did. When you remind them of what they did back in the day, they get nasty, resentful, and upset saying "Why are you bringing that up from all those years ago!" Their parents are the reason in my opinion. They give their child everything and they get away with everything. They never think for one minute that their actions affect the folks around them.
@@laminage yes! Or they will look at you like you’re crazy and say they did not do that. They have no idea what you’re talking about. They never reacted like that or blew up like that.
Yeah. I think you just have to learn to let people be and think what they want to think. You just have to learn to keep it pushing. You are to be focused on self-control. Not trying to attempt to control others.
9:16 Anyone who harbors resentment can have mood swings... spot on. Dealing with someone who is mentally and emotionally immature is absolutely draining.
@aaishasingh3565 We can try our best to explain, teach, train, etc, but we can't change anyone. People only change out of their own will. If they change for you just to make you happy, it may come back and bite you in the butt because eventually, their resentment may climb to the sky and then blame you. If one is not mentally and emotionally at the point of life to wake up and realize they want or need a change, nothing can be enforced.
@@aaishasingh3565 If you can apply an advice, you are a rare person; if so, this is my experience: it is just draining, useless etc. If possible, just avoid such people even if you may feel lonely in some periods of your life.
Yes. It really is. And since they are underdeveloped emotionally. They will not be willing to acknowledge it. You generally have to pull away from them all together more often than not.
@@ladennayoung2939you’re so right. I could make a list of my wife’s behaviors and of the way they make me feel (which have been discussed a thousand times) and tell her that she’s emotionally abusing me and she will deny it. But being invalidated is what I’m used to.
When you discard them first to protect yourself, they will be merciless with the slanders and victim-playing. There’s no low they won’t stoop to in an orchestrated attempt to humiliate and ruin you. They can spend years smearing you.
You need an even thicker skin after the break-up/discard than before! One very important thing to keep in mind, as Stephanie says: "If you take the bait, you're still being controlled". The most important step in healing: DETACH!
Facts!!! in the beginning stages (especially if it's a younger scapegoat to an older narc) they think they have everything figured out. Once you gain your strength and push them to the side they are weak and miserable. The mask has fallen off.
When you know you grow and cultivate self respect by holding yourself accountable which establishes your own boundaries. Keep your focus on maintaining your own stability and detach from their negativity by disengaging yourself from them. When you don't NEED anything from them they have no hold on you.
I wish I knew all of this when I was 17 or 18. I am going through all of this now and I’m about to turn 50. I always feel so sad that my life could have been so different If I would have put up boundaries as soon as I saw the first red flag. I’ve been dealing with all of these things that you discussed in this video, and I feel hopeless that I’ll ever have a normal, happy life without an abusive, controlling person in it. I try to stay positive though, and these videos really help. Thank you.
I am experiencing a lot of resentment and aggression and I just don’t know where it’s coming from it’s a lot of things like “no one likes you”, “ no wonder you can’t get a job”, “you have no friends”. If I try and stick up for myself it’s like a bomb goes off. I also get a lot of “there’s something wrong with you” and the worst part is this individual goes around telling others, they then also feedback to me on what others say, telling me how much of a bad person I am.
@@sunflowerroark5170 I am working towards that goal, my biggest issue is finding a job I have recently retrained as a software developer and it’s tough getting into a job because I am charging career.
OMG I was almost done with a longish comment and it disappeared on me! I am glad I'm here and glad I found you Stephanie Lyn. My 45-year-old son is my narcissist, who I'm currently not speaking to on the phone and he resides 4 hours away. He has no one else except a friend from prison. I do not want to let things slide back to the way they were because I just can't take it anymore. I'll be 63 next month and I've had four kinds of cancer, now in remission. Life's too short for any more crap. Something about having to come home with oxygen last week after having trouble with my breathing flipped something inside me. I'm just NOT participating anymore. I'm going to post this and then clean my kitchen! Part of me will always be horrified by the things my kid has done to me. He's really got some severe problems.
It makes sense. I got tired of the bs, because they were manipulative, and I felt borderline psychotic. I left and my life is sooo much better😄. Thanks for the info.
The worst part of Narchs is the way they turn family against you, why are they automatically believed??… They always come up smelling of Roses through their lies and bitterness & all you have done is confronted them & stood up for yourself, but you always end up the scapegoat in the family, they are pretty good at dishing out favours to other members of your family to gain brownie points & it works! So, the only way out is distancing yourself from them , these people are so dangerous!… Very informative video thank you!
I had a traumatic experience with my former boss. I couldn't understand what I did for her to have so much hate towards me. She barely knew me and I tried to be professional. This makes so much sense thank you.
I have a toxic narcissistic coworker who DESPISES me so much!! All I do is my work, don't give any trouble and I help as much as I can. I haven't had a chance to take a week of vacation!! However my coworker has taken lots of vacation while I have to stay back and cover. This coworker who is a senior and complains so much about me, gives me nasty attitude, doesn't help me when I need it and gives me the silent treatment. This toxic narcissistic coworker craves and needs Higher Management's attention. To make things worse, this coworker is Higher Management's favorite!!! Then I go home to deal with another toxic narcissistic person. I feel like now the manager where I live, has been turned against me by the narcissistic person whom I live with. I'm definitely being made to look like the bad person at home and work. Both narcissistic people in my life are playing the victims!! I'm working on moving to another home and then look for another job. I've dealt with a lot of backlash from narcissistic people! And I'm tired of it!!
This resonates So Much with my experience: In a 50 year friendship I started healing and growing, no longer relating to my friends toxic thinking. I fed into her supply and never held her accountable because I too was broken. Our relationship started shifting when I did the work and started realizing we had unhealthy mental health/behaviors. I discussed the Elephant in the Room with a deep conversation. She did not like it. She backlashed with passive aggression and smearing name. I simply texted her a message: "We no longer ebb and flow. This is okay with me." After this, I never looked back and blocked her number. I have no regrets and am proud of my growth and respecting my boundaries.
I, as a dude, just got rid of a male friend like this too. Like you, I started "feeding into their supply" when I was going through the toughest of times. Shortly but surely-- they were all sudden getting bossy at their own apartment at me. Enough was ENOUGH after a while and I went no contact. Too bad they had ruin a 15-yr friendship... But if you look up the word narcissist it's not going to be my worst ex-girlfriend nor my family of origin who lean towards or are on that side of the spectrum. If you look up the word narcissist - your ex-friend and my ex-friend are both next to the word in WITH THEIR PHOTO NEXT TO IT in the Webster's dictionary basically. I am now SO GLAD to have finally gone NO CONTACT for the last time recently! PS--it's funny how they go from being your biggest supporters (their MASK, that is.. God knows what they were saying behind my back at that time) to picking on you out of nowhere at your worst times. People like those are all about FEINGED SUPERIORITY and you'll recognize it in the way that they talk about other people and talk down about other people that they shouldn't too!) PS--just like you, it was actually the "PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE" BS that finally pushed me over the edge
@@OkieDokie-ft5pm 35+ years of being blessed to live my life with a same small group of old friends. Then I had to release that bonds in the moment of truth. It is not about who is right or wrong, sometimes you just have to let that go. It is sad and lonely feeling, but it is worth of you staying alive and moving on.
I just walked away from conversing with toxic pple because they have wasted decades of my YOUTH leaving me with very toxic outcomes. Wanting them to leave me & my family alone might mean taking certain actions to stop them from approaching us. Pls pray for me & my family, that these narcissists will be kept so busy in their own realms of toxicity that they wouldn’t have time to come & bother us! 😓🙏
I have had a friend that went out of their way to ruin my life after he told me he developed feelings for me and those feelings were not reciprocated. I also have experienced this behaviour from neighbors in a small village. It really is so challenging to manage because its so unexpected and people go to great sometimes dangerous lengths to cause you harm
My ex narc friends would always take their own destructive behaviors lightly as if harmless or pretend they don't know what they do wrong while they Knooow what they are doing and are enjoying doing it like pigs in the mud, trying to get a reaction out of you to get you dirty with them...
Excellent video. Just went thru this with a relatively new friend who all of a sudden started picking me apart without merit. Decided to walk away. I was really disappointed b/c I thought this person was going to be a good friend. So disappointing
Yep, I called out my cousin on a lot. Our relationship has never been the same since that day, years ago. I miss her at times. But it is what it is. At some point in time, they have to hear the truth. It is not always someone else, sometimes it is them.
This hits right on with one of my "friends" , it's finally hitting me how toxic she has been! Slowly dististancing myself . Thanks for reassuring everything I've been feeling / experiencing!
people as a whole, narc/non nark alike are so jealous of everything, anything. small lil people they are. its rare anyone is truly happy to see another succeed at anything.
YUP!!!! He totally made all the people around him hate me even though not one of them has met me. Says a lot about him and his so called "friends" that were never there for him when he needed help. I'm so sick of it.
This is my sister exactly. Any time she's around someone who intimidates her, is smarter, more talented, more confident or prettier than her she immediately looks for someone to be speculative & snide with about that person. She is one of the biggest losers I've ever met & I can't stand her.
Please make a video about co-parenting with a narcissist and how to deal with a narcissist using my kids as pawns to hurt me. Thank you! I love your videos!
I concur. No contact has been the remedy for me to get the respect from my mom and envious sisters. Thank God, my dad is the peacekeeper. Well now, never talking or seeing them is acceptable. God knows. 💝🙏❤️
My sister was my best friend,until she got in a relationship and totally ditched me,everything we did together,she does with her partner, fair enough you spend more time with your partner but she's completely trying to push me away ,hurts big time,now ive made new friends and hobbies ,now I detect envy from her ,as she's pushed me away again saying she's starting new hobbies,im tired of getting hurt,im upset about this ,but she's got no emotion,very odd vibe to say the least 😢
You are honestly the best therapist in the world lol. I have seen so many people in person and virtually and watching your videos has helped me more than any of them. You are a gift from God and thank you so much for what you do!
It's not a loss of a marriage. It was never a marriage to begin with if you got with a narc. They are living a lie, therefore you married a lie. They often have sham marriages, and usually it's after tying the knot when the narc feels like they've finally won you and don't have to act around you anymore. It's often the beginning of the end.
Switching has happened a lot or rather a repeated cycle of manipulation. Seven years, i have been in a very difficult situation, which has left me not knowing where I am in the relationship. Additionally, drug addiction has played a massive part in the levels of secrets being hidden. Learning the several webs of lies a person will use within the relationship, too, it all hurts the moment you stop and take in what's going on. Breaking free is the hardest part when you love and care. The biggest help was a talk on raising your own values and standards, I'm now slowly healing from living with a narcissist. Thank you.
Whatever happens, dont let them trigger you. I wasnt able to take their behaviour anymore and after a year of poking I flew into a rage myself and now she uses it as ammo to make me look bad.
I met a woman who had lost her husband about the same time I lost my husband. We became fast friends. Doing things together lie shopping eating out etc. Fast forward after being yelled at on the phone when I didn’t agree with her. Well it was like getting slapped in the face. It woke me up and it was like coming out some kind of fog. Figured out I was being manipulated and she was a narcissist. Thank goodness I woke up and have set boundaries and broke off the friendship. But know I’m the bad person. She is so snarky and tries to get me into conversations which I refuse to do. The bad thing is we both go to the same church. So tired of the dirty looks and hateful remarks. She tries to bate me so I will say something and get mad at church so I look like the bad person. Thank you so much for this video.
Thank you Stephanie! You were the first person to get me through and heal me from narcissistic abuse. So glad to receive this jewel of knowledge from you!
It horrified me at an early age. When I realized it about my older brother. That it doesn't matter what you do a narcissist will move forward to more chess board like moves until you are puppets or subdued or buffered or destroyed or manipulated. Quietly working against you. That it's all about them and what they want.
Wow, this really spoke to me. With my Narc ex, I've been very firm and assertive and I learnt how to deal with him, in how I respond and things I choose not to respond to and engage him in. But he's been using our children to vent and express his frustrations and bitterness to attack me. We co-parent unfortunately. But the children know his wrong and can see through the lies thank God.
Very helpful! I've suffered with family drama my whole life, and am dealing with some now. One last member of my family to deal with (brother) and this helped me see a lot of what I'm seeing from him. Thanks.
during my divorce the true reality of my so called family came to be. over the yrs, one by one they all did, or said things that made me cancel their tickets. i have 0 contact w any of them, and im totally ok with it.
@@lilfairycupcake Some times the toxic dynamics are spread across entire families. Weak people tend to fail to self reflect and as a result a group of weak people can all wind up dysfunctional. Best to cut ties particularly when there is no self reflection. No self reflection means they're never going to understand themselves or grasp why they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior. There's absolutely no reason to torture oneself if you're the only one in a group engaging in self reflection.
@@LegalTyranny could not agree with you more. self reflection, self worth, self respect, are hard things to come by these days. not only do they not grasp they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior, they dont care. ive been a huge fan of cutting ties with anyone who does me wrong, in any way, for 16yrs now. no contact = no more problems.
@@lilfairycupcake We're on the same wave length. :) I hope you have a lovely day. Look out for yourself because you're the only one with your own best self interests at heart.
This is what I found after suffering a stroke last month- BOTH parents, instead of being supportive of my situation, went onto make the situation about themselves, resorting to resentful behavior toward myself and my wife, whose only fault was notifying them of what happened. It was then where I knew who was my REAL family was, and it wasn’t my biological family, that’s for sure.
My narc bro is living 1 floor below me. Whenever i walk downstairs he shouts stuff thru the wall like "oh he is making gymnastics in the stairway again!" (meaning, the narc is not able to speak to me directly, that he is annoyed that I'm too loud in the stairway.) But I'm not, I'm just walking up and down like always. My bro is very jealous of me for whatever rason. How to react to that? Not reacting at all?
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm learning so much about what happened in my past and understanding why this person did what they did to me and it's helping me a lot to move on slowly but surely
Good idea! The world is so crazy these days I wouldn't trust the dating pools. Lol Best to find something you enjoy and are passionate about and focus on that. I myself started acrylic painting in February 2023 and am very surprised how well I am doing. RUclips has tutorials on just about everything. I also play a couple instruments. Trust me find something you have always dreamt about and do it. The painting takes up all my free time and I love it and am glad I decided to try my hand at painting. The busy mind/body has no time to think about what they might not have. 😊
When you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, there is no way to win. “We’re not trying to win, we’re not doing that anymore - we’re trying to get them to leave us alone”.💯💯💯. No contact is the only way to go- cut off their supply and do not respond!
8 year trauma bond and my body has gone into shock the withdrawals are too much! Your videos are helping me cognitively and thank god your videos aren’t hours and hours long. Straight to the points. The amount of flashbacks I’ve had of things I forgot is astounding. My narc ex lives 5 doors away so my fight or flight response is triggered a lot! It’s draining and exhausting. Any tips for elevated levels of cortisol please? Xxx
These videos have seriously helped me understand and come to terms with the relationship I have with my brother. I cannot explain how much you have benefitted me. Thank you for being a healthy, guiding hand, and thank you for being a free resource I can tap into when I need the extra help. I'm changing my life, and I couldn't have done it without your channel. I appreciate what you do immensely!!! ❤
Very good video again! I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic toxic person very close to me for a few years, and now that she’s gone, me and my wife are dealing with backlash and this person gone. Because it is a very close family member, it’s been tough but your channel is one of the best I found to help me better understand why it is this way, and how to deal with the situation. Keep up sharing your good work !
Yes so true you stand up foe yourself or someone else and then your the Villain yet they fail to see why your let them have it! If narcissistic people have it coming and when they get it they are so unprepared
So good to remind me about things to keep vigilant about. Also watch out for the preachy ones who masquerade as the spiritual moral leaders, with the air of authority and wisdom . Its taken me years to disentangle myself from this person.
I am very curious if men that are religious leaders have a higher possibility of being extremely narcissistic? I have dated one who pushed for marriage real fast , telling me all that’s wrong with me on a daily basis and that I was over sensitive . I have never met someone like him, so critical of everyone around him, aggressive and putting people down and being in a constant negative mindset. Needless to say that I ran as fast as possible after 6 months of dating. I feel totally drained from this experience.
Oh, absolutely. They envision themselves as extraordinarily entitled, far more special & important - literally god's anointed chosen one here on earth. They're the arbiter of what's right & wrong, while others exist primarily to serve them & their desires. What could possibly go wrong.....?
Thank you! For such an informative video. It’s exactly what I needed at the moment. I was praying 🙏 & your video pops up & puts everything into perspective!!!
If I'm experiencing resentment and I'm triggered then I take accountability for my next steps. I take action to improve my circumstance and change my environment. Don't stay stuck
Thank you so much for this video. You are answering questions I have from an encounter with a narc a few days ago. Your advice is spot on. Thanks for making this video.
Being entangled with a Narc is like being in a Fight you don't recognize as a Fight , only when one climbs out of the pit does one know one was ever in the pit . And the Narc owns the pit and wants to keep it , he / she really doesn't care who joins them in the pit so long as the flames are licking anyone but them.
What really irks me is how they can abuse you in any way imaginable & when you've finally had enough & leave they act like the victim!! Absolutely sickening!
Yes it's disgusting
They are always acting like the victim and, yes, it’s sickening.
@@genataylor6422 yes it's olddddddddd
they will tell people they have no idea why you blocked them when they know exactly why you did
@@ThimbleFox350 bingo
Because they CANNOT control you anymore!!!
Bingo
Yes, you are saying the truth.
This! 👏🏾
True
This the one!!
They are resentful because they are just jealous of your success.
I learned narcissists do not take ownership of what they did wrong and take no responsibility. Narcissists have absolutely no empathy!!
Right On! They do such horrific things to the people around you and never feel bad for what they did. When you remind them of what they did back in the day, they get nasty, resentful, and upset saying "Why are you bringing that up from all those years ago!" Their parents are the reason in my opinion. They give their child everything and they get away with everything. They never think for one minute that their actions affect the folks around them.
So true🎉 its always other peoples fault🤷🏻♀️
That's the worst part - we want them to feel badly like they made us feel badly, but they can't because they have no empathy. Frustrating.
They’re not strong enough or reasonable to be able to do that
@@laminage yes! Or they will look at you like you’re crazy and say they did not do that. They have no idea what you’re talking about. They never reacted like that or blew up like that.
I dont mind being the bad guy anymore.
I think its needed to keep them away.
Yeah. I think you just have to learn to let people be and think what they want to think. You just have to learn to keep it pushing. You are to be focused on self-control. Not trying to attempt to control others.
...bad guy? no. congratulations... you've had enough of rules and dignity anymore and you are now a narcissist SLAYER!
100percent
You are not the bad guy! You are simply taking care of yourself!
They can’t handle the truth
It tells you what's inside of them
9:16 Anyone who harbors resentment can have mood swings... spot on. Dealing with someone who is mentally and emotionally immature is absolutely draining.
Man, what can I do about this.
@aaishasingh3565 We can try our best to explain, teach, train, etc, but we can't change anyone. People only change out of their own will. If they change for you just to make you happy, it may come back and bite you in the butt because eventually, their resentment may climb to the sky and then blame you. If one is not mentally and emotionally at the point of life to wake up and realize they want or need a change, nothing can be enforced.
@@aaishasingh3565 If you can apply an advice, you are a rare person; if so, this is my experience: it is just draining, useless etc. If possible, just avoid such people even if you may feel lonely in some periods of your life.
Yes. It really is. And since they are underdeveloped emotionally. They will not be willing to acknowledge it. You generally have to pull away from them all together more often than not.
@@ladennayoung2939you’re so right. I could make a list of my wife’s behaviors and of the way they make me feel (which have been discussed a thousand times) and tell her that she’s emotionally abusing me and she will deny it. But being invalidated is what I’m used to.
They don't like being called out. Too bad for them.
I notice they try and provoke you and then you get angry it fuels them and its another weapon thrown at you
Who can thrive with someone who sees your strength as a weakness ?
A psychotic narcissist abandons you and blame you for abandoning them.
Not just relationships or friendships it’s also in family as well.
Oh yeah it's can be inherited
And also between neighbours
Interacting with family is a form of a relationship as well. It just isn't a romantic relationship.
This explains a lot, thank you.
Why? The age old reason: ENVY & DEEP INSECURITY
When you discard them first to protect yourself, they will be merciless with the slanders and victim-playing. There’s no low they won’t stoop to in an orchestrated attempt to humiliate and ruin you. They can spend years smearing you.
Wow, you are so right.
You're dealing with a 6 yr-old, and now that I think about it, my own child had a better sense of what was right at that age.
They both understand what is “ right” your child is simply more mature and take accountability more than many adults. It's a choice
Once I stopped dating, I stopped encountering this type of behavior.
Even after I stopped dating these people come into my life and try too tear me down and humiliate me, straight up bullies... 9/10 times it's a woman
Same. Women like that are honestly rancid@@TheUnplugged1
Very true
Good idea. Im following your lead
You need an even thicker skin after the break-up/discard than before! One very important thing to keep in mind, as Stephanie says: "If you take the bait, you're still being controlled". The most important step in healing: DETACH!
THEY'LL always resent the SCAPEGOAT, because we're strong and keep getting stronger, and we remind them how weak they are !!!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
Facts!!! in the beginning stages (especially if it's a younger scapegoat to an older narc) they think they have everything figured out. Once you gain your strength and push them to the side they are weak and miserable. The mask has fallen off.
When you know you grow and cultivate self respect by holding yourself accountable which establishes your own boundaries.
Keep your focus on maintaining your own stability and detach from their negativity by disengaging yourself from them.
When you don't NEED anything from them they have no hold on you.
Well said
I wish I knew all of this when I was 17 or 18. I am going through all of this now and I’m about to turn 50. I always feel so sad that my life could have been so different If I would have put up boundaries as soon as I saw the first red flag. I’ve been dealing with all of these things that you discussed in this video, and I feel hopeless that I’ll ever have a normal, happy life without an abusive, controlling person in it. I try to stay positive though, and these videos really help. Thank you.
You will have a happy(most of the time) life.
Atleast you know now 😊
You can and will. I declare it in the name of Jesus
I'm entering my 60s, I so hear you...I feel the same, this should be taught in schools
@@stephaniehoward2168 yes it should be taught in schools
I am experiencing a lot of resentment and aggression and I just don’t know where it’s coming from it’s a lot of things like “no one likes you”, “ no wonder you can’t get a job”, “you have no friends”. If I try and stick up for myself it’s like a bomb goes off. I also get a lot of “there’s something wrong with you” and the worst part is this individual goes around telling others, they then also feedback to me on what others say, telling me how much of a bad person I am.
Move away if you can.
@@sunflowerroark5170 I am working towards that goal, my biggest issue is finding a job I have recently retrained as a software developer and it’s tough getting into a job because I am charging career.
OMG I was almost done with a longish comment and it disappeared on me! I am glad I'm here and glad I found you Stephanie Lyn. My 45-year-old son is my narcissist, who I'm currently not speaking to on the phone and he resides 4 hours away. He has no one else except a friend from prison. I do not want to let things slide back to the way they were because I just can't take it anymore. I'll be 63 next month and I've had four kinds of cancer, now in remission. Life's too short for any more crap. Something about having to come home with oxygen last week after having trouble with my breathing flipped something inside me. I'm just NOT participating anymore. I'm going to post this and then clean my kitchen! Part of me will always be horrified by the things my kid has done to me. He's really got some severe problems.
It makes sense. I got tired of the bs, because they were manipulative, and I felt borderline psychotic. I left and my life is sooo much better😄. Thanks for the info.
The worst part of Narchs is the way they turn family against you, why are they automatically believed??… They always come up smelling of Roses through their lies and bitterness & all you have done is confronted them & stood up for yourself, but you always end up the scapegoat in the family, they are pretty good at dishing out favours to other members of your family to gain brownie points & it works! So, the only way out is distancing yourself from them , these people are so dangerous!… Very informative video thank you!
I had a traumatic experience with my former boss. I couldn't understand what I did for her to have so much hate towards me. She barely knew me and I tried to be professional. This makes so much sense thank you.
Same here, didn't know her like that, she went behind my back and changed my schedule then fired me for no call no show
I have a toxic narcissistic coworker who DESPISES me so much!! All I do is my work, don't give any trouble and I help as much as I can. I haven't had a chance to take a week of vacation!! However my coworker has taken lots of vacation while I have to stay back and cover. This coworker who is a senior and complains so much about me, gives me nasty attitude, doesn't help me when I need it and gives me the silent treatment. This toxic narcissistic coworker craves and needs Higher Management's attention. To make things worse, this coworker is Higher Management's favorite!!! Then I go home to deal with another toxic narcissistic person. I feel like now the manager where I live, has been turned against me by the narcissistic person whom I live with. I'm definitely being made to look like the bad person at home and work. Both narcissistic people in my life are playing the victims!! I'm working on moving to another home and then look for another job. I've dealt with a lot of backlash from narcissistic people! And I'm tired of it!!
I can relate with your comment 100%. It’s shocking to know that this happens and not just to myself
This resonates So Much with my experience: In a 50 year friendship I started healing and growing, no longer relating to my friends toxic thinking. I fed into her supply and never held her accountable because I too was broken. Our relationship started shifting when I did the work and started realizing we had unhealthy mental health/behaviors. I discussed the Elephant in the Room with a deep conversation. She did not like it. She backlashed with passive aggression and smearing name. I simply texted her a message: "We no longer ebb and flow. This is okay with me." After this, I never looked back and blocked her number. I have no regrets and am proud of my growth and respecting my boundaries.
I, as a dude, just got rid of a male friend like this too. Like you, I started "feeding into their supply" when I was going through the toughest of times. Shortly but surely-- they were all sudden getting bossy at their own apartment at me. Enough was ENOUGH after a while and I went no contact. Too bad they had ruin a 15-yr friendship... But if you look up the word narcissist it's not going to be my worst ex-girlfriend nor my family of origin who lean towards or are on that side of the spectrum.
If you look up the word narcissist - your ex-friend and my ex-friend are both next to the word in WITH THEIR PHOTO NEXT TO IT in the Webster's dictionary basically.
I am now SO GLAD to have finally gone NO CONTACT for the last time recently!
PS--it's funny how they go from being your biggest supporters (their MASK, that is.. God knows what they were saying behind my back at that time) to picking on you out of nowhere at your worst times. People like those are all about FEINGED SUPERIORITY and you'll recognize it in the way that they talk about other people and talk down about other people that they shouldn't too!)
PS--just like you, it was actually the "PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE" BS that finally pushed me over the edge
@@OkieDokie-ft5pm 35+ years of being blessed to live my life with a same small group of old friends. Then I had to release that bonds in the moment of truth. It is not about who is right or wrong, sometimes you just have to let that go. It is sad and lonely feeling, but it is worth of you staying alive and moving on.
I just walked away from conversing with toxic pple because they have wasted decades of my YOUTH leaving me with very toxic outcomes. Wanting them to leave me & my family alone might mean taking certain actions to stop them from approaching us. Pls pray for me & my family, that these narcissists will be kept so busy in their own realms of toxicity that they wouldn’t have time to come & bother us! 😓🙏
Me too!
Family full of them including their partners and children. I went no contact to survive.
I have had a friend that went out of their way to ruin my life after he told me he developed feelings for me and those feelings were not reciprocated.
I also have experienced this behaviour from neighbors in a small village. It really is so challenging to manage because its so unexpected and people go to great sometimes dangerous lengths to cause you harm
My ex narc friends would always take their own destructive behaviors lightly as if harmless or pretend they don't know what they do wrong while they Knooow what they are doing and are enjoying doing it like pigs in the mud, trying to get a reaction out of you to get you dirty with them...
Excellent video. Just went thru this with a relatively new friend who all of a sudden started picking me apart without merit. Decided to walk away. I was really disappointed b/c I thought this person was going to be a good friend. So disappointing
Yep, I called out my cousin on a lot. Our relationship has never been the same since that day, years ago. I miss her at times. But it is what it is. At some point in time, they have to hear the truth. It is not always someone else, sometimes it is them.
Even in their 60s, they act like little kids when you call them out. They will always be screwed up and know there are many other people in the World.
I must admit when this kicks off,I switch off and it goes in one ear and out the other.
Anger leads to resentment which leads to the worst of all, bitterness. Bitterness will destroy you and the ones you love.
This hits right on with one of my "friends" , it's finally hitting me how toxic she has been! Slowly dististancing myself . Thanks for reassuring everything I've been feeling / experiencing!
people as a whole, narc/non nark alike are so jealous of everything, anything. small lil people they are. its rare anyone is truly happy to see another succeed at anything.
YUP!!!! He totally made all the people around him hate me even though not one of them has met me. Says a lot about him and his so called "friends" that were never there for him when he needed help. I'm so sick of it.
This is my sister exactly. Any time she's around someone who intimidates her, is smarter, more talented, more confident or prettier than her she immediately looks for someone to be speculative & snide with about that person. She is one of the biggest losers I've ever met & I can't stand her.
Please make a video about co-parenting with a narcissist and how to deal with a narcissist using my kids as pawns to hurt me. Thank you! I love your videos!
Yes please!!
Resentment is very difficult to handle.
How can you be successful as a person or a couple when they constantly feel threatened and silently sabotage you or the relationship ?
I concur. No contact has been the remedy for me to get the respect from my mom and envious sisters. Thank God, my dad is the peacekeeper. Well now, never talking or seeing them is acceptable. God knows. 💝🙏❤️
they dont have a clue about my strength, they recent themselves for being cowards and thinking people cant see thru them... coward's I said
that is exactly what i have gone through with my sister for 50 years. over and over
My sister was my best friend,until she got in a relationship and totally ditched me,everything we did together,she does with her partner, fair enough you spend more time with your partner but she's completely trying to push me away ,hurts big time,now ive made new friends and hobbies ,now I detect envy from her ,as she's pushed me away again saying she's starting new hobbies,im tired of getting hurt,im upset about this ,but she's got no emotion,very odd vibe to say the least 😢
You are honestly the best therapist in the world lol. I have seen so many people in person and virtually and watching your videos has helped me more than any of them. You are a gift from God and thank you so much for what you do!
Narcissism is on a continuum. If they get more upset, the stronger you are than get away from them.
There should be no competition. No one wins when there is the loss of a marriage....NO ONE
They do cause it's your fault , even if their first marriage failed too ! Lol
Except the divorce attorneys.
@@rushrush1209 You got that right, and it's a shame
It's not a loss of a marriage. It was never a marriage to begin with if you got with a narc. They are living a lie, therefore you married a lie. They often have sham marriages, and usually it's after tying the knot when the narc feels like they've finally won you and don't have to act around you anymore. It's often the beginning of the end.
You’re right, diagnosing then is not going to help. They’ll become even more indignant.
They want puppets.
Switching has happened a lot or rather a repeated cycle of manipulation. Seven years, i have been in a very difficult situation, which has left me not knowing where I am in the relationship. Additionally, drug addiction has played a massive part in the levels of secrets being hidden. Learning the several webs of lies a person will use within the relationship, too, it all hurts the moment you stop and take in what's going on. Breaking free is the hardest part when you love and care. The biggest help was a talk on raising your own values and standards, I'm now slowly healing from living with a narcissist. Thank you.
Whatever happens, dont let them trigger you. I wasnt able to take their behaviour anymore and after a year of poking I flew into a rage myself and now she uses it as ammo to make me look bad.
That's what happened to me. I later found out it's called reactive abuse where you just snap..then they sit back with a stupid look on their face.
Perfect description for “what is going on”.
We will win at the end of the day.
I get where you're coming from. But what do you "win" exactly?
I met a woman who had lost her husband about the same time I lost my husband. We became fast friends. Doing things together lie shopping eating out etc. Fast forward after being yelled at on the phone when I didn’t agree with her. Well it was like getting slapped in the face. It woke me up and it was like coming out some kind of fog. Figured out I was being manipulated and she was a narcissist. Thank goodness I woke up and have set boundaries and broke off the friendship. But know I’m the bad person. She is so snarky and tries to get me into conversations which I refuse to do. The bad thing is we both go to the same church. So tired of the dirty looks and hateful remarks. She tries to bate me so I will say something and get mad at church so I look like the bad person. Thank you so much for this video.
Now we abandonment issus from the discard
This is sad but true.
Who knew! I am married to a narcissist. I don’t know how to get out of this
Just do it like Nike
Thank you Stephanie! You were the first person to get me through and heal me from narcissistic abuse. So glad to receive this jewel of knowledge from you!
It horrified me at an early age. When I realized it about my older brother. That it doesn't matter what you do a narcissist will move forward to more chess board like moves until you are puppets or subdued or buffered or destroyed or manipulated. Quietly working against you. That it's all about them and what they want.
"Quietly working against you." Well said.
I respect you, because you are strong. I have grieved more for the living than the dead.
Lol at grieving more for the living than the dead.
Truly the best quote I have ever read. I agree.
You have given me serious help I have cpstd due to childhood trauma I'm 57 these videos have help me stay grounded thanks
They harbour resentment for their own actions and behaviours? That's just another level of insanity.
Wow, this really spoke to me. With my Narc ex, I've been very firm and assertive and I learnt how to deal with him, in how I respond and things I choose not to respond to and engage him in. But he's been using our children to vent and express his frustrations and bitterness to attack me. We co-parent unfortunately. But the children know his wrong and can see through the lies thank God.
Very helpful! I've suffered with family drama my whole life, and am dealing with some now. One last member of my family to deal with (brother) and this helped me see a lot of what I'm seeing from him. Thanks.
during my divorce the true reality of my so called family came to be. over the yrs, one by one they all did, or said things that made me cancel their tickets. i have 0 contact w any of them, and im totally ok with it.
@@lilfairycupcake Some times the toxic dynamics are spread across entire families. Weak people tend to fail to self reflect and as a result a group of weak people can all wind up dysfunctional.
Best to cut ties particularly when there is no self reflection. No self reflection means they're never going to understand themselves or grasp why they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior. There's absolutely no reason to torture oneself if you're the only one in a group engaging in self reflection.
@@LegalTyranny could not agree with you more. self reflection, self worth, self respect, are hard things to come by these days. not only do they not grasp they may have caused someone else problems from their behavior, they dont care. ive been a huge fan of cutting ties with anyone who does me wrong, in any way, for 16yrs now. no contact = no more problems.
@@lilfairycupcake We're on the same wave length. :) I hope you have a lovely day. Look out for yourself because you're the only one with your own best self interests at heart.
thanks. very sad, but true.@@LegalTyranny
That s so pragmatic Stephanie...so exactly mirroring my rough sail ...every word resonates
Exactly! They are over on the other side of the fence, in a completely new relationship, STILL focusing energy on you. It's really quite sad
This is exactly what i experienced with a colleague at my former work place.
This is what I found after suffering a stroke last month- BOTH parents, instead of being supportive of my situation, went onto make the situation about themselves, resorting to resentful behavior toward myself and my wife, whose only fault was notifying them of what happened. It was then where I knew who was my REAL family was, and it wasn’t my biological family, that’s for sure.
My narc bro is living 1 floor below me. Whenever i walk downstairs he shouts stuff thru the wall like "oh he is making gymnastics in the stairway again!" (meaning, the narc is not able to speak to me directly, that he is annoyed that I'm too loud in the stairway.) But I'm not, I'm just walking up and down like always. My bro is very jealous of me for whatever rason. How to react to that? Not reacting at all?
Yes Stephanie I now know myself worth and getting my power back!
🙏❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for making these videos. I'm learning so much about what happened in my past and understanding why this person did what they did to me and it's helping me a lot to move on slowly but surely
Really needed to hear this today. Thank you 🙏🏼
Good idea! The world is so crazy these days I wouldn't trust the dating pools. Lol
Best to find something you enjoy and are passionate about and focus on that. I myself started acrylic painting in February 2023 and am very surprised how well I am doing. RUclips has tutorials on just about everything. I also play a couple instruments. Trust me find something you have always dreamt about and do it. The painting takes up all my free time and I love it and am glad I decided to try my hand at painting. The busy mind/body has no time to think about what they might not have. 😊
Absolutely baffling.
They have turned the stories around on me and they have manipulated everyone around them and me
When you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, there is no way to win. “We’re not trying to win, we’re not doing that anymore - we’re trying to get them to leave us alone”.💯💯💯. No contact is the only way to go- cut off their supply and do not respond!
the very first narc vid i ever watched, the narrator ended the vid with "all narcs live a living hell". i never forgot that.
So True. Saw it all. Eventually they will attempt to destroy your strength everywhere
This is really good systematic sensible no no nonsence advice. Needed this right now. Thank you!
Resentment against a grandiose narcissist is normal for the target to feel.
8 year trauma bond and my body has gone into shock the withdrawals are too much! Your videos are helping me cognitively and thank god your videos aren’t hours and hours long. Straight to the points. The amount of flashbacks I’ve had of things I forgot is astounding. My narc ex lives 5 doors away so my fight or flight response is triggered a lot! It’s draining and exhausting. Any tips for elevated levels of cortisol please? Xxx
Your 100% spot on.what about the people that believe them,are they not just as bad.
Yes they are
They will be the next target when your not availleble
These videos have seriously helped me understand and come to terms with the relationship I have with my brother. I cannot explain how much you have benefitted me. Thank you for being a healthy, guiding hand, and thank you for being a free resource I can tap into when I need the extra help. I'm changing my life, and I couldn't have done it without your channel. I appreciate what you do immensely!!! ❤
Your always on time with a good one Stephanie! 👍🏼❤
Very good video again! I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic toxic person very close to me for a few years, and now that she’s gone, me and my wife are dealing with backlash and this person gone. Because it is a very close family member, it’s been tough but your channel is one of the best I found to help me better understand why it is this way, and how to deal with the situation. Keep up sharing your good work !
Thank you very much ❤
Yes so true you stand up foe yourself or someone else and then your the Villain yet they fail to see why your let them have it! If narcissistic people have it coming and when they get it they are so unprepared
So good to remind me about things to keep vigilant about. Also watch out for the preachy ones who masquerade as the spiritual moral leaders, with the air of authority and wisdom . Its taken me years to disentangle myself from this person.
They love supply!! Aww you poor thing.
I’m glad you’re finally talking about my stepmom
Spot on Stephanie! Good stuff
I am very curious if men that are religious leaders have a higher possibility of being extremely narcissistic? I have dated one who pushed for marriage real fast , telling me all that’s wrong with me on a daily basis and that I was over sensitive . I have never met someone like him, so critical of everyone around him, aggressive and putting people down and being in a constant negative mindset. Needless to say that I ran as fast as possible after 6 months of dating. I feel totally drained from this experience.
I'm so glad you ran! Amen. Their behavior does not line up with Gods character! Run!
Oh, absolutely. They envision themselves as extraordinarily entitled, far more special & important - literally god's anointed chosen one here on earth. They're the arbiter of what's right & wrong, while others exist primarily to serve them & their desires. What could possibly go wrong.....?
@@caseymarion2494 very well said !
Power positions attract narcs
Wow this is me right now and my mother
Thank you! For such an informative video. It’s exactly what I needed at the moment. I was praying 🙏 & your video pops up & puts everything into perspective!!!
Same for me! She is such a blessing to us!
If I'm experiencing resentment and I'm triggered then I take accountability for my next steps. I take action to improve my circumstance and change my environment. Don't stay stuck
My older half-brother and a close so-called friend. So sad but finally I have emotionally detached from them.
Thank you so much for this video. You are answering questions I have from an encounter with a narc a few days ago. Your advice is spot on.
Thanks for making this video.
❤ You are amazing ❤️
Being entangled with a Narc is like being in a Fight you don't recognize as a Fight , only when one climbs out of the pit does one know one was ever in the pit . And the Narc owns the pit and wants to keep it , he / she really doesn't care who joins them in the pit so long as the flames are licking anyone but them.