I kicked out my pregnant girlfriend… she refused to pay her bills! | Reddit Stories
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r/BestofRedditorUpdates - She stole again. I (26M) threw my pregnant girlfriend (22F) out because she refuses to pay rent or her share of the bills?
r/AITA - AITA for calling my older two kids traitors for saying they want to live with their aunt over me?
r/AITA - AITAH for leaving after my girlfriend gave birth to our disabled child?14213
r/AITA - AITA for cancelling our gender reveal party because I know my husband will be unhappy and possibly leave?
Note: stories are often abbreviated, find the story at the top of the description
#redditstories #reddit #funnyredditposts
OKOP okay op okay storytime ok storytime 
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This guy doesn't realize how serious gambling addiction is. There is no difference between being addicted to smoking crack, and being addicted to gambling. They are not married, thank God. He needs to leave and co-parent or she will gamble Everything away. He will lose his home, Everything in his bank account, cars, etc etc etc. He will lose it all if he stays with this woman. For the love of God RUN! Run before it's too late!
Conspiracy theory (dumb bf story): her AND her family are in on it! She's not their victim. She's their MINION! XD
My daughter was born with bilateral anophthalmia. Her dad dipped. I lost job recently. She's mentally delayed and depends on me 100% for everything(feeding, hygiene etc). It's hard..so hard...but I love my daughter so much that anything easy wouldn't make sense. She saved me too. Oh and op NTA. Not everyone's strong enough or selfless enough
Yeah, I lived with my aunt for a while instead of my ‘mother’ and I can almost guarantee that the two older kids will be resentful of their mother for forcing them to be homeless and the mother could also be toxic and would not have responded in a respectful way …. That’s the only way I could see why the aunt went to the children directly.
I can see a world where the aunt is a safe option and the mom is toxic and prioritizing the special needs child over the other two.
I could also see a world in which the aunt is a toxic, ableist person who is using her money as a lover to tear a family apart.
And, there are probably 100 subtly different possible worlds in between. It is really hard to know.
The guy is not an Ahole for leaving the GF after having a "disabled" child... it sucks he didn't show up to the funeral but he's not involved. Why would u want someone who doesn't love the child to be there? I have a special needs brother Autistic and IDD. It sucks. I would never want to have a child who has a disability. But unlike this guy. I love my brother. Dont get me wrong, my other siblings and I were neglected. But we helped each other and our special needs brother..But it was hard. Children should not be helping raise and take care of other children. Especially a special needs one. My parents let us know and we understood my brother was special and needs special care and its something our brother cannot be blamed or hated for.
Then he doesnt get to feel sad. This is a form of fuckong eugenics. And frankly he could actually work on his trauma instead of being a pathetic excuse for a person. Anyone who walks out on kids is bad end of story. Paying cs isnt good enough imo. He had every right that doesnt make it okay. And it pissed me off that he said learning a child he didnt give a fuck about died was a "gut punch" but does not give a fuck about the childs mother or his own parents. He's self centred due to trauma that he has chosen to refuse to work on.
It may initially sound like he's an asshole for not wanting to attend his sons funeral, but the alternative is a guy being forced to attend a funeral he doesn't want to go to, surrounded by the ex's family who probably are angry that he wasn't more involved, or the fact that he had the nerve to show up. Plus, it feels really icky to shame people for not grieving the "right" way
@@bbdrgn call it eugenics all you fucking want but without modern medicine the successful birthrates and lives of these children was effectively null
It’s not about “not loving” someone with disabilities. When we are talking about a person GETTING disabled or coming out disabled without knowledge that is a completely different choice. A fetus is not a person it has no desire for life no thoughts and no feelings. It is incredibly selfish to PURPOSELY bring a person into life who previously wouldn’t be knowing their life will be constant struggle. A theoretical unborn life is not comparable to an actual living breathing person
NTA sure it seems mean but they made an agreement. She went back on it. He is allowed to stick to it.
1st story: she's addicted. As long as he's supporting her, she'll never change. She needs to hit rock bottom to seek help and change (if ever).
And her losing her kid and being homeless might be a step closer to rock bottom.
She will most likely continue but once she has alienated everyone in her life and is literally sleeping on the ground or ending up in prison, maybe something will click in her.
@josephinemadolobergquist7325 Yes, it's cruel, but it's true.
@@josephinemadolobergquist7325 or she will keep doing it even of she has to commit crime for it, I don't necessarily think OP is an AH but there are centers for this type of addictions or mental health centers where you can check someone in if you think they're a danger to themselves. Specialists will evaluate the situation and decide what has to be done.
Are either one of you therapists or educated in psychology/psychiatry? Because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you have the same perception that most people have that are misguided about addiction. I'm not trying to be mean, even though it might come across that way. Most people that have addictions usually have an underlying reason. And it's until they are ready to address it and accept that they have a problem, yes is instrumental. But so is having a good support system.
If I were to guess, on the very limited information that we're given, and the amount that she spent towards gambling, she turned to gambling as a solution for getting her out of debt, and not so much as a full-blown gambling addiction. You see, gambling addicts would not be concerned with contributing to their bills and/or she would be spending if not the majority of her money, but all of it, if she were a full-blown addict. Her spending only $300 out of the $1400 that she makes lends to her trying to gamble to recover the money that she lends to her family and get out of debt, except that clearly she isn't very lucky or good at it, or maybe even she just started. But everyone is already judging her without all of the facts, which is unfair. Would you want to be, if you were potentially an addict? Or would you want to face being both ridiculed and/or abandoned? You may say that would never happen to you. And it may not. But I also didn't think that my sister who worked two jobs and put herself through nursing school, would become an addict and in addition trigger schizophrenia. We tried letting her fall on her butt, because that's what people convinced us to do, and we almost lost her to overdosing. So no, I wouldn't give out that advice as sound advice. Instead, we ended up supporting her, and while she has her ups and downs, my parents/family can sleep better at night. I also work with veterans, as I am also a veteran, in BH and see a difference between their families who support them versus those who don't.
My daughter is special needs, not born that way it’s from a TBI. She is non-verbal, has spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy and epilepsy. It is very hard to care for a special needs child, it is draining emotionally, physically, financially. But that in no way means you ignore your other children. I’m lucky enough to have a big support system and so I do set aside time with my older child. It’s not perfect and he does feel his sister gets more attention, but he also knows she needs it and we still love him and will give him the attention he needs when he needs it.
I wanted to be sure to give you props on doing your best to be the best parent possible with the situation you’ve all been dealt. I’m sure that has your son gets older he will understand more and more. Just keep doing the best y’all can and loving on your kids. Sending you, your kids and your support system all the love, well wishes and prayers for everything to go as smoothly as possible. ❤️
Props to this, way to make sure both kids feel the love, glad you're doing your best to get it right
things you guys missed on that story with the aunt:
1. The 13 year old child that the aunt's family did not want around was aggresive towards the aunt's daughter. She admits very vaguely in a comment to someone's question that her own children are also uncomfortable with this sibling.
2. The aunt said the 13 year old could not stay. all 4 of them were never kicked out, just the one child. The mom took it upon herself to take the entire family with her into homelessness to keep them all together, in spite of not needing to, out of her own ego.
I feel like people forget that realizing someone has a mental illness and not blaming them for it doesn’t mean their mental illness doesn’t cause harm. The aunt had to put her kids first, if my child told me they were literally SCARED of their cousin that cousin would absolutely be gone
Yes, but she's not gonna dump her child in the streets. Any ostentatious that is told one of you kids has to go (even for good reason) you all go. 13 is a minor & his mother's responsibility.
@@priscillawilliams4113 if you choose to give your children an unstable crappy life your a bad parent. They absolutely do not have to all be on streets together but the mom’s pride is worth more to her than her children.
My mom has forced our family into many situations that have made us homeless or home hopping and yea theres gonna be resentment from those kids trust me. Never having your own space. No privacy. Constantly losing your things from moving downsizing or damage. Never having a stable social life in school if you're transfering districts. These leave lasting marks
I have 2 boys and one girl. I dont think its a gender thats harder, I think it just depends on the child.
I agree. I have two girls and two boys! Truly depends on the child.
I think a big issue that happens a lot is that boys emotions aren’t considered and so girls “require more attention” when in reality they are just not giving their sons the same about of emotional care
Unfortunately, sometimes autism can show in the form of aggression. I feel like op is leaving out WHY the niece is not just uncomfortable but literally scared to be around her autistic son. She mentioned “what kind of mom would I be if I let my kids live with someone else” but what kind of mom would the aunt be to ignore that her 11 yr old daughter is uncomfortable and scared around a cousin and still allow him to live there. Calling her other kids traitors for wanting a home is insanity. I’m just not convinced it was just about the costs of caring for the autistic child. I think it was more about whatever he’s doing to make their daughter uncomfortable
Recently I was curious and asked my dad why they didn't abort me. Because it wasn't legal at that time yet he said, but they loved me from the second I was born. But I do have like my brother a lot of health issues, daily pain and stuff. We both decided to don't have kids, too much bad genes, it's not worth it. With my health I need all my energy for myself also. I would be ok if I wasn't born, I wouldn't know. I also think my mother, who had a lot of health problems too, missed a lot of my childhood because of her health and probably was sad that she wasn't involved in a lot of stuff. If I knew I would be pregnant of a baby who will have all his life trouble or pain, I would abort it.
---- With OP, I don't think he is the AH, he clearly communicated what he wanted and why. She went along until she didn't. And why should he go to the funeral, I only go to funerals of people I love or to support someone I love. I can understand that the grandparents went, if they had contact for 3 years with his ex and the baby, but they have a connection, he didn't. And he has a new wife, his ex made her choice, he paid all that time, otherwise he doesn't owe her anything, maybe harsh, but my opinion.
I don't want to sound tactless, (and now the dreaded "but"), but I agre with you. If I was pregnant and and not cabable of taking care of the child, I would abort it.
Not Cabable: as in finansial, mental or the child having a defect I couldnt handel.
It is not fair for the child if they are born and if the are not born they will never know the difference.
How was pregnancy illegal?
@@Junitunes Belgium is a country with christian royalty. Until 1990 you couldn't do abortion. The king stepped down for a day because he didn't want to sign the abortion law, so he was not king for a day and the goverment signed in his place. I'm born in 1986 😉 You could only get abortion in the Netherlands when I was born. But you had to first go on consultation and only a couple of weeks after you could do the abortion. But by then I would be too old to abort anyway, so they didn't go.
For the second story: you aren’t responsible for anyone’s debt after they die, even a spouse’s. It comes out of their estate and property (if any). BUT in this case, since OP co-signed the loans, she’s on the hook for them unfortunately
If I learned my child had a condition that gave them a poor to no quality of life, I feel it would be cruel to allow them to be born. What is the point of giving life to a child that doesn't have any chance of actually living?
Not only that, but look at how it effected OP's family. You have parents who didn't get to enjoy parenthood and an older brother who didn't get to enjoy his childhood. It was a lose-lose for everyone and OP didn't want to go through it again. Maybe he should have gone to the funeral, but NTA for not wanting to attend considering all the negativity that surrounded it.
For the second story, I want to know why the niece was afraid around her autistic cousin. It could have been an easy out statement to the mother as to why, but there could be more to it as well.
More than likely had violen outbursts, which is understandable if she is scared of him for it
@@alexiatrthis. or even sexual assault.
THIS IS WHAT I'M SAYING
@@alexiatr It could be violet outbursts, it could be sa, and those are both valid reasons to be scared of them, but also… what if they were just scared of the kid stiming (as an autistic I've been shamed for stiming in public and people move away from me) or mannerisms that can't be helped.
There are both valid and not valid reasons to be scared of the autistic child and the reason why would change my thought on it.
Honestly it could have been due to ignorance and lack of education on autistic people. People tend to fear what they don't understand, and I am not certain that the effort was made to educate the 11 year old niece on what is happening to her cousin
3rd story: I, too, have a disabled, much younger sibling. I only had one child myself, who is not disabled, but I'm too scared to have any more. I can somewhat understand where OP was coming from. He is still the AH, of course.
OP's logic is flawed. What if they would've had a healthy child, then later, the child had an accident or illness, making them disabled? What then? Would he abandon them?
Yes, he does seem like that type. I don't think he is AH for talking about his concerns. He is AH for saying he doesn't want and leaves the child. No one wants a child with disabilities. He doesn't want him because he won't get attention. All the attention will go to the child. Red Flag!
I think there's a difference here, and varying degrees. If a child is born healthy and then has an accident that causes them to become disabled, it's usually a physical disability rather than a developmental or emotional disability. I have physically disabled family members and family members with emotional/mental disabilities. I love and genuinely enjoy being around my physically disabled family members.
I struggle with the emotionally disabled one. His behavior is unacceptable, and based on experience, just because there's an explanation for a behavior that doesn't make a behavior right or okay. Everyone says, "he does x because he has y" like that means what he's done is okay or that I should be okay with it. It's not, and I don't want to be around him because of his behavior. I don't care that he has y, what it means for me is that he was allowed to hit me if he didn't get his way and I wasn't allowed to hit him back, yell at him, or take anything away from him. I ALWAYS had to be the bigger person (as a child) and give up my food, my toys, my play time, etc. to make HIM happy. It wasn't right, and he's still the same person he's always been and I resent the hell out of him for it. He's STILL getting away with his abusive behavior as a 30s something man.
When thinking about having kids myself, I could deal with almost any physical disability (unless it seriously affected the child's life like the heart outside their chest thing), but I think I would have to give up an emotionally disabled (and therefore often abusive) child to foster care; I couldn't handle them.
In a perfect world we could all be sure how we would react in certain situations, but the reality is we don't know how we would act until we we're in that situation. I guess the guy is NTA because he made his stance clear on having kids with disabilities, but I have to say I wouldn't want to be with someone who is so wholeheartedly against raising a kid with a disability. Not all disabilities are caused by birth so I hope his next kid doesn't get into an accident that makes him disabled because I have a feeling dad isn't going to want to stick around very long. That is an assumption, but that's the vibe I get from him.
I think it's important for the mother to discuss exactly why they can't have the oldest in their home. There may be ways to accommodate and create stability for all kids. for example: Having an old RV parked on aunt's driveway would be better than splitting them up. Maybe the niece can learn more about autism and grow past her fear (depending on the root issue).
Regardless this shouldn't be the kids' choice. They're under enough stress and will feel guilt no matter what. Having one high support needs child will be easier to house than three kids including the one. There may never be stable housing for the eldest, don't make the kids you can spare from it share the misery.
I agree with Sam.. the guy is not the A**… he was fully upfront with her that he won’t do it .
After his childhood he Mentally could not do it. Shame on his parents
Either way, we can all agree op is in a lose-lose situation
My oldest daughter has special needs, I don't think the OP was an AH for communicating his concerns and feelings to his ex and she agreed to it. But, I do think he was an AH for not showing up to the funeral. I know he wasn't present in his life but it was still his child. I know it was his choice but it still seems like an AH move to not go to the funeral.
I kind of disagree about the funeral thing. Yes he was the biofather but he was never a dad to the child, he stayed away because he wanted nothing to do with the kid. If I had a father that was never there /I/ wouldn't want him at my funeral. It would feel performative to me. He wasn't even grieving.
I am privileged to not have had many people deaths in my life (pet deaths are different) but my experience for all of them was for people who were grieving to get closure. OP wasn't grieving and had his closure before the baby was born.
Feel free to correct me if I'm off base but that was my thoughts.
@@Creaturexblaze I agree, he wasn't grieving. That does make sense.
The thing I don’t understand is why parents willingly choose to have a suffering child.. The kid died after 3 years, he must’ve had something really bad, (that doesn’t seem like a good quality of life.) I feel like that is a selfish decision on the mom’s part. 😢 but also completely abandoning the kid is insane. 😅 btw I don’t feel this about special needs or disabilities per se, just the really bad ones were the child is just suffering.
Story #3: NTA
From experience and from witnessing, it's awful to even consider having a special needs child in my opinion. However I don't mean every child with needs but just kids will not have a proper life. I myself went through grooming and SA by my uncles from age 5-9 and when I thought I finally had a break when we moved to the US, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Life wasn't so great. I was raised in poverty, from a village to a low income household by my single mother and so it was hard. We had to leave my sisters behind with my dad who was only working for his selfish self and sleeping with married women while bringing them into his apartment (my twin witnessed it all) while I was struggling to fight for my poor life. I don't know how I'm still alive tbh and Idk how I'm still willingly living but life is life and this type of life I don't wish it to my worst enemy. I was blessed and I felt like I was ironically protected as well. But because I got to see the darkness of life is why I now don't want to bring children to this world. Specially to a child who can't protect, defend or fight for themselves.
Story 1: op needs to dump the gf. She’s telling him what he wants to hear. He can figure out the child support etc later.
You have to understand the quality of life of that child not just because you won’t a baby and if something happens to you, who’s gonna take care of that disabled child?
I have a family member who has a daughter with Down Syndrome, it's not the worst it can be but it is bad. She is in her 20's now and can never be left alone even if her parent goes to the shops she has to go with them, the stress of looking after her has caused the parents to split up and she will always have to live at home. Due to this I know that this is never something I would want to deal with.
My BFF was pregnant with a child that had no arms or legs not even nubs just a torso she already had a child already and terminated the pregnancy it was very hard for her and gives she had had 2 healthy children since and has 3 healthy happy children one child would of had no quality of life so she made the hard decision she made the right choice
Choosing NOT to subject a person who has no understanding of why they’re constantly suffering, who has no possible resolution in the future, to a pain filled life, even though you want them with you, is the most compassionate thing you can do.
Proud of your friend, and hope she is doing well 💕
The disabled kid story: I get the mom changing her mom. They were young and making decisions based on a hypothetical worst case scenario.
For her, that probably felt like an ephemeral maybe.. something that happens to other people, not to her. For him, it was a nightmare scenario that he had lived through once before...a very real threat.
It is no wonder that she changed her mind when it became suddenly real. Getting 4 second opinions is a clear sign that the possibility wasn't real to her before it was forced upon her. And, it is no wonder that he didn't change his mind. It was aleays real to him, and he had already decided based on his past trauma.
My husband and I both agree that we wouldn't ever have an abortion but when we got pregnant with our first the test was presented to us for Edwards, downs and patau's syndromes we had to face the idea of termination. We chose for us that if it was Down's syndrome we would 100% keep our baby but for the other two there is no chance of life beyond birth so it was something we definitely considered termination for.
I am blessed that we didn't have a high likelihood so we never had to think beyond the theoretical and had a healthy little girl.
I think it's a very personal choice and OP would probably have to go through therapy if he did have a disabled child. There is no guarantee that your child will have full health their whole life unfortunately so I don't think his reasoning makes too much sense unless the disability is incompatible with a good quality of life. I don't think OP would let himself treat his children the way he was by his parents though. 44:42
If he went to his child's funeral I can imagine he might get attacked for his choices. I think it may have been disruptive to mourning the passing of a child for everyone involved.
This is crazy to me as someone who has a genetic condition and got pretty upset with my mom when I learned she knew she had it before I was born, and when talking to my mom it was obvious she had just hoped for the best like that would protect me and there's no recourse since she decided that. She has Marfan's syndrome, or if it is misdiagnosed it is an extremely similar condition.
I've forgiven her, but it's really been hard to come to terms with. She never took me to be diagnosed. I could have had neonatal Marfan's. I've feared for my life since she told me.
It took two of my uncles and my cousin.
She should have told me earlier than she did (when I was 12), I never had an interest in basketball or other taxing sports, and I am not suppoused to sprint. When I do my heart pounds. It's not exactly highly likely but I could have a dissection doing this.
Crazy thing is I don't even have a diagnosis yet. Nor my sister who has a worse presentation. They gaslit her into thinking she doesn't have it.
I took myself to a quack doctor who treated me like a circus freak and a liar for having family dead of this disease and being a young, healthy presenting person. I was given a half ass exam and my uncle's medical records have been lost. HE STILL GAVE ME 6 OF 7 POINTS AND HE WOULD NOT LOOK AT MY THUMB SIGN, 2 POINTS. I should have been diagnosed that day. I was really beat down that day. I felt like if a doctor didn't care if I lived or died I didn't deserve to. I felt like I didn't have the energy to fight anymore. My boyfriend at the time took me to eat a hotdog and I cried as I did.
I have had to gather family history painstakenly because all of these people are dead. This has taken weeks, months.
Genetic testing is not helpful since most mutations are familial and as far as I can tell they look for known mutations; but they insist on it. The familial mutation is not known, they didn't have the tech when my mom was diagnosed. This is a poorly studied condition and it's probably still hard to be diagnosed in countries where it is better understood like the UK.
Now I have to beg the specialty clinic in my state to see me. Even though I had a referral. I've been working on the paperwork for months. I'm terrified of being let down again.
I have had interstitial cystitis since I was a child, I recently learned I had default pelvic floor dysfunction in physical therapy, which has caused incredible pain, puberty caused incredible pain in my spine, I have intestinal issues I am getting extensive testing for, likely mild gastroparesis, and I am getting tested for POTS (in February I fainted while sitting down), I have to eat enough salt to keep my sodium up or I feel like death; probably I will need to be on a medication to not exist in fear of sweating without being able to rehydrate. Probably for life.
I can't have kids. It's 50% heritable and a risk to me physically to give birth. I have to maintain quality health insurance because I need medical care all the time.
I am also extremely, witheringly, sick and tired of ableism. You see so much of it when you look healthy. I am the age my cousin was when he went from healthy to having cardiomyopathy requiring transplant. 27. I don't remember him. Sometimes just pure rage sustains me.
In many senses I'm grateful to be alive, but it hasn't exactly been made easy to be so. That poor kid didn't even have the chance to become grateful to be alive, born into a deathwatch.
I sometimes babysit my friend’s autistic 5 year old son. I’d not want him in my house for any amount of time. He takes hard items and hits everything with them for prolonged periods of time causing damage. He hits me. He does things to piss me off on purpose and exactly the opposite of what I tell him to do. He enjoys getting on everyone’s nerves and getting a reaction. I’d not let him near my dog ever. Dealing with him just for a couple hours every couple weeks feels like too much but these people should’ve thought about it before offering help though. Sucky move to let them move in and then kicking them out.
Try to think of it more along the line of not being in control of it. If he didn't have special needs, he would be behaving differently. I have a son with special needs who has aggressive behaviors at time. I've had to stop myself from reacting in the same way that I would with my other children. If you're going to be around him, it would help for you to research coping with his behaviors and redirection techniques.
@@carlitavega2314 oh yes, I totally understand and I like him. He’s a good kid and he does like me a lot. His mom tells me he repeats my name over and over when I’m not there. I learned to just ignore the bad behavior and he eventually settles down. I also know being around him 24/7 would wear me down.
In my country, is up to the person if they want to be in the childs life. If the mother wants the child, and the father doesnt, is it up to him.
We dont have child support (the state pays that).
I had a friend who only had a mother, becaus the father dident want to be a dad.
If you cant handel to raise a child. DONT.
Huh that's so interesting!
Agreed if you don't want to participate you shouldn't but arguably there's a name for people like that, if you don't want kids don't participate in the activities that make them; akause multiple forms of protection and or get that surgery to prevent kids, if you run out on your kids it might be the right choice but you're still an A hole
Interesting! What country?
Super fair law. I hate it when someone accidentally gets pregnant, and they are forced to have the baby because the other wants it, or the man is forced to be a father because the other changed their mind. It is true that there's always the risk of pregnancy, but when you take all the precautions and it still happens, people shouldn't be forced into parenthood. This man has already gone through it since he was a child and was super clear on not wanting to father a child with special needs. She agreed to it. He 100% had the right to step away. He didn't do anything wrong. The terms and conditions were there from the beginning.
@@iulia.bianca.b unless you were raped, you didn't take all the precautions ...
It's kinda funny, how you told him what to do, he did that and you're upset with him xD
Just for you guys to know going forward, some better language than “severely/mildly autistic” is “autistic with higher/lower support needs” it’s not a huge deal, but if you want to use the language that is most inclusive and kind, that’s the language to use.
Like being pregnant. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it’s not. Either way, there’s really only one degree or pregnant.
When I was 6 months pregnant some blood tests were interpreted wrong and I was told my son could have down syndrome. Immediately after the doctor said that she offered to terminate the pregnancy. I said absolutely not! I read the paper when I got home and it said 0% chance of down syndrome. There was a higher chance of my child being born in a way he wouldn't survive. My boyfriend and I were fine with down syndrome. The thought of losing our son had us upset all weekend. I got into my high risk ultrasound doctor the following Monday and showed her the test results and she said they were nearly perfect with one thing slightly elevated. It wasn't high enough to cause alarm. My son is perfectly healthy and over a year old ! I knew Immediately I wouldn't abort. Especially at 6 months. Over that? Hell no. I couldn't believe it was an option.
My granddaughter had test showing down syndrome and 2 other issues.
Doctors pushed for abortion bit she's perfect with no health problems
Unrelated: the blue and yellow crochet woims are sooo cuteee!! Love the podcast btw!! ❤
Pregnant thief girlfriend: if i was rich idiot id let her live with me until I got dna test results and collect all possible evidence against her then turn her in, strip her parental rights, start my new life with the baby and if it wasn't mine either raise it anyways or go for a private adoption so i can personally find the best possible parents and give them the best chance of a good life as possible. Maybe its a moral gray area but I believe its whats best/ost fair for everyone. She gets a solid life lesson and free apartment for months/years, baby gets the love and care it deserves and I get a peaceful life of limited/if any interaction with her and her drama.
In Story 2.. you guys are missing a point. Her family gave her an eviction which is now on her record for 7 years depending on the state which makes it harder for her to get a place in her name for that time period . They could have just asked her to leave which would give her the opportunity to get a place of her own now she's stuck she is stuck with being in hotels and shelters. Not saying she was right, but the family put her in a position to be homeless
I feel like if the sister had to formally evict op, it's because op refused to leave. If I told my family they couldn't stay with me any longer, I would trust that they would just leave without me having to draw anything up. The fact that it got to the point that the sister got the law involved tells me op was refusing to leave. It also makes sense on why the sister then went behind op's back to ask the kids if they wanted to come back; her relationship with op had soured to the point that they weren't speaking. Based on op's actions and her inability to accept responsibility (she's a full grown adult but can't read loan papers and doesn't understand that her husband is making reckless decisions? sounds like she is either incredibly stupid or willfully ignorant), I think she conveniently left out some of her behavior that led to this formal eviction.
I think it's entirely possible the kids were texting their cousin and going back and forth, and the cousin relayed to the aunt what a terrible situation they are in. And, you know how kids are.....I could see a situation where the 2 kids and the cousin come up with a plan for them to move in, and the cousin says she will talk her Mom into it, (kind of like when kids plan sleepovers before involving the parents). So, I think it's entirely possible that it started with the kids.
I also could see a situation where it wasn't "going behind her back." Maybe the older kids keep in touch with their aunt and text back and forth, which is relatively normal and what you would expect. And the kids say something like, "I wish we could move back in with you." or "I miss staying at your house." And then the aunt says something along the lines of, "Well, if your Mom agreed to it, I wouldn't mind having you stay with me for a while." Just normal conversation in the flow of things.
Then, it spirals into this dramatic thing. OP turns it into "going behind her back" when it may have been a perfectly normal conversation.
This also may have all happened really quickly, and it got relayed to OP, and OP went off about it, before the aunt got a chance to call her and talk to her about it. Maybe the aunt was going to talk it over with her husband, and then call OP. But, OP freaked out before she could get to that point.
There’s something so terrifying about living the same life your parents did, especially if it was a negative one
As an auntie of a severe Autistic nephew. You know what your sibling had to go through with that life of autism. So I think the Aunt is ah for not being more involved with her nephew. I said what I said.
The aunt most definitely told op her and the autistic child had to go and the other 2 can stay. I believe everyone is as big of aholes as they are decent people... If they'd worked hard to communicate respectfully this whole situation would be very different. Op had a job the whole time? Or was aunt either partially/supporting them 100%? Im thinking if mom could at least financially support her and her autistic child aunt would be willing to support the others while all under 1 roof. The deal breaker was the cost's for care of only 1 of the kids due to the circumstances. Aunt likely tried to approach this subject multiple times getting shut down before getting fed up with op being so committed to taking all of them down with her out of spiteful pride.
I agree with you. I think the main hint was in that op was formally evicted from her sister's house. It's on "her record", meaning her credit report or court docs. If the sister went to the length to formally evict op, it means op was refusing to leave as you should when someone politely asks you to. It further explains why the sister went directly to the kids rather than offer it to op; once you get the law involved in a family dispute, the relationship has soured to the point of not talking.
I also think op is leaving A LOT out of the story that will make her seem like the AH. How are you a grown woman and:
1. don't read loan documents?
2. don't pay enough attention to your POST STROKE husband to realize he's making reckless financial decisions?
3. don't have a life insurance policy on your POST STROKE husband that's making reckless financial decisions, ESPECIALLY when you have a severely autistic child?
That guy doesn’t owe his ex wife any emotional support. He had already made it clear to her that he wanted nothing to do with the child and in my mind that includes the child’s death. It sounds AH but he is holding firm a boundary he set in place long ago.
I have a almost 7 year old daughter who was born healthy but due to hospital negligence at 3 weeks old had seizures due to an infection just after birth. Meningitis travelled to her brain and as a result has severe cerebral palsy. It was the most heartbreaking experience of my life hearing the words “it bad your daughter has had a catastrophic brain injury and we have cerebral palsy”. Having a cousin with severe cerebral palsy, I knew what the future looks like. I was sad and grieved the child she was meant to be but I love the little girl and can’t imagine life without her. Sometimes you don’t get a choice you have to live the cards your dealt. I had another baby at a different hospital and was well taken care of and have a healthy abled bodied 2 year old son how is my little helper. I’m a single mum by choice and it’s hard but I have a great supportive mum who helps as much as she can and I make a effort to make sure my son never feels unloved or left out. This story makes me feel sad because I feel his parents would’ve given him time but he just feels resentment against them and the sibling. I had genetic testing with both my pregnancy’s and personally I would’ve have been able to abort unless it was 1000% the baby was either in pain or wouldn’t survive the birth. A friend was told to abort her daughter as she wouldn’t have a good quality of life due to spinal Biffa. She didn’t and this little girl is almost 7 and can walk short periods and has a great quality of life. Yes she has no feeling in her feet but she wears special splints to help her walk when she’s tired she has wheelchair. Cognitively she’s perfect. So sometimes the doctors get it wrong.
Many times when expectant parents get the test to find out if their baby is healthy and receive a test that says there's a chance it won't be, very often that baby turns out perfectly fine and normal so an abortion should not be a question in any circumstance. If you are not prepared to have a baby there's two things you can do to keep that scenario from happening. 1) Sex makes babies, no sex = no babies... shocking I know. 2) have the baby with the intention of putting baby up for adoption. There is an enormous waiting list for infants in America. The child would not end up as a ward of the system. I'm a mother of 2 and refused tests for both. It never mattered what they were born like. They are my children and nothing can chance that. IF they had been born with issues, I may have been forced into seeking other accommodations for them as I wouldn't be able to afford tens of thousands in medical expenses BUT human life is precious so that's my stance. Pretty sad that at this point, people here in america would more readily help a sick dog than a sick child. People literally get pet insurance for all of the expensive medical bills associated with owning a pet and at the same time would be okay with an abortion because they're not ready for a child. Think about that for a moment if you would....😢
The issue with this stance is it doesn’t factor in how dangerous child birth is. It’s easy to tell someone that they have a moral obligation to give birth when you aren’t the one that actually has to do it. It’s easy to tell someone “just don’t have sex”. We have birth control for a reason, and sometimes it fails. It isn’t a black and white issue, and pandering to emotion only makes your argument more flimsy. I’m sure the husband in this hypothetical situation would be kicking himself if, god forbid, the mother dies during childbirth. It’s not going to matter that they made the “correct” choice in giving birth rather than getting an abortion. And with how overextended our adoption system is, just adding more kids is just going to worsen the issue
First story - I had to give up financial control to my partner for like 3 years until I learned responsibility and the value of a dollar
I'm with you, Sophia! I also left Uncut Gems after watching only a small portion of it, and realizing that it was just going to cause me to be stressed out for the entire length of the movie.
Being a cosigner means that if the main person who wanted the loan doesn't pay, it means the cosigner, his wife, is on the hook for all of the debt.
I’m concerned about the woman having a girl because I’m not sure how the husband will treat his daughter considering how I assume he was raised with that brief story about how his father blackmailed his mother into dating him
I question if the baby is his. She disappears and spends money behind op's back. If she gone to spend thousands who she spending it on. Either the family or an affair
Agreed.
Agreed. This op is a complete idiot and gave the gf way too many chances.
Seriously, one cannot take into account all possible possibilities when it comes to kids. There are some health problems that can cost over 100,000 a year.
My son’s dad and I had the same discussion. If my son were to have had certain disabilities, we would have opted to abort. I am so grateful everyday that we didn’t have to make that difficult decision!
One of my cousins has an illness that makes her unable to "mentally mature" past being a baby (i dont know what the name is), her mother has to take care of her forever, who will take care of her after her mother is gone? Probably nobody, she shouldnt have survived past 20. I could never have a child with that sort of disability, everytime i saw her i wanted to cry just by thinking how much suffering it must be for her everytime she shouts and cries because she is in pain. Of course she recieves love and is cared for but I could never do it, it clearly depends on the grade of disability but I would be unable to have a kid who will be unable to fend for themselves in the future in any way, thats not living for me
My thing with the second story is I would personally fear that the aunt and uncle would try and take my kids away from me. Other than that, it’s super sad that they’re going through that.
I love hearing Sam explain issues like he did with the 2nd story.
I was married to an addict for 12 year's and it sound very simular to gambling addiction. They always have you in a tailspin of gaslighting and crisises that you have no idea which way is up and end up loosing your own personality and trust in the world.
OP in the second story is letting her pride get in the way of a better life for her older 2 kids. That’s probably why the sister didn’t offer OP if her older 2 kids wanted to move in, they could because the sister probably knew OP would never relay that msg to her kids, so that’s why she went behind OP’s back. It’s exactly how she’s reacting, “if you kick me out, you kick all of us out,” and, “you’re betraying me,” and, “my sister (your aunt) is hurting all of us by her actions, even you guys.” She’s just trying to manipulate her kids against her sister. The sister did do something fucked up as well by how she handled it, but this is definitely striking me as the sister had no choice by the way OP is acting.
This isn’t about OP feeling “betrayed” this is about her ego and pride being hurt because her kids are choosing family that can actually take care of them and she can’t. She probably also knows that and her ego and pride are already damaged because she knows she’s currently unable to provide for her kids and is probably feeling like a failure. She needs to swallow her pride tho and at least let her 2 oldest be somewhere where they can be housed and cared for by someone. But her reaction is probably also because she’s probably parentified the 2 older kids as well and they also have to take care of the younger brother,
Mom of 5- boys cost thousands of dollars in home repairs and hospital bills and girls cost thousands in therapy .
I had a child at 18 who was diagnosed with a terminal genetic disease when he was 5 ( he died at 7). I was the carrier of the mutated gene and I had to make the decision to not have anymore children as the risk was too high (50% chance of passing on the mutated gene, 25% death sentence). I knew I couldn't emotionally go through something like that again or having to terminate pregnancies that tested positive for the gene.
Would that condition be testable for before implanting when going for invitro?
Make john’s reaction video of watching birth video would love to see that 😂😂😂
He literally did what you guys suggested. He gave her a chance because she’s pregnant. And it but him in the butt. Which is why I yelled HELL NO !!!! When you suggested he let her do maternity stay. 😂😂😂
I'm married to an oil worker and we moved with him 1,000 miles away to me sure he wasn't lonely and could have a relationship with his 4 daughters. He makes great money and yes it's hardworking and dangerous but great pay
The guy not wanting an disabled child is not a. AH. I personally can't image raising someone with health issues. Maybe if I'm pregnant my mind would change but as if for now I will most likely terminate.
So I grew up with a special needs brother, I have already had this conversation with my partner, I want a child more than anything, special needs or not. I do believe like Sophia said there is a quality of life question that comes into play, if my child was born and I knew it was going to die within a few weeks or hours, I would terminate my pregnancy, but if it wasn’t life threatening, no I would absolutely keep my child. I have no sympathy for OP whatsoever.
For the 3rd story, I don’t think OP is the asshole. They had an agreement about certain disabilities. If the child died at age 3 there was clearly something VERY wrong. OP probably couldn’t bear to see the child in that condition. I don’t think the condition was mentioned but imagine the child was hooked up to machines their whole life and unable to even communicate. And funerals mean nothing to some people. My mom didn’t go to either of her parents funerals because to her that’s not them anymore. She was there and held her mom while she died. She didn’t want to see her mom with makeup and not looking like herself anymore. She told me “that’d not her anymore, that’s not mom, mom is gone” She couldn’t go to her dad’s because it was a different country and my dad was in the ICU at the time so she was with him in the hospital, but even if she was there she wouldn’t have gone to the funeral, because again, it wasn’t him anymore.
As a mom of both girls and a boy, GIRLS ARE HARDER!!! Boys are harder when they’re younger. My son was an absolute terror from the ages of 1-6 (he’s 15 now) and then he became my helper. He always tries to help me keep the girls in line lol But my daughters (who are 11 and 13) were angels up until about 3ish. The older they get, the harder they are. Don’t get me wrong.. I love my ladies more than anything in this world. But the whole saying “paying for your raising” is soooo true! They’re double trouble when they’re together. Double the chaos, double the drama, double the smart mouth, double the emotions, double the fighting, and double the high pitched screaming 😂😂 I know they will mellow out over time. But lord have mercy on my soul please… again, I KNOW how truly blessed I am to have 3 healthy, smart, talented children. I definitely count my blessings. I’m just learning more and more patience by the day. ❤️❤️❤️
1st story. She's stealing from him. He's tried helping her and discussing things and she needs a wakeup call. She probably got pregnant on purpose to try to trap him and guilt him into paying for everything
My 3yr old is level 3 autistic because of major speech delay leading to delays in other areas. Im 32 weeks pregnant with our second boy and are so excited to see them together/hope to experience a neurotypical child as well. I am also nervous about my ability to give both of them all the attention they need. If this second boy is also on the spectrum we are definitely done having kids because it is hard.. hes 3 but acts like a really big physically capable 18month old.
Why does Sophia's mic stand have a pigeon? This insult against the Worm Queen won't be overlooked!
The mom with the 3 kids, one being autistic, i think you are overlooking a VERY important aspect, the daughter said she was SCARED of him, in her OWN home. Her parents have a duty to her before op and her children, the aunt reaching out extending an invite to her other kids was actually VERY gracious in my opinion and again, the daughters feelings and respecting her in her own home supercede ANY help for others.
It's true that the aunt and uncles' first priority is the safety of their child. In addition, we don't know why the niece is afraid of her cousin. It could be ignorance, or it could be something else. OP only said that her child had severe autism nothing else. To me, that is suspicious. If it was nothing that was made a big deal out of, then I don't see why she wouldn't explain why the niece is scared or how he son's autism manifests.
"i think if you're not prepared to have a baby with special needs then you're not prepared to have a baby" that is probably one of the single most ignorant things I've heard someone say, you have absolutely NO idea the monetary and mental burden this can have on someone and perfectly healthy children are already incredibly expensive. Plenty of people are prepared to have children without disabilities - not everyone can financially support a disabled child. Mind blowing to hear that sentence.
One of my best friend’s was supposed to be born with Down syndrome according to the tests her mom took while she was pregnant. My friend has adhd, but is otherwise disability free. She is one of the coolest, sweetest, most fun and social people I know. I understand people wanting these tests, but I personally prefer to allow my children to show me who they are rather than entering the relationship with preconceived notions.
Family plot against John! The Pigeon Prince and Worm Queen plotted against Sir John! Nooo!
I would say the guy that doesn't want to stick around to raise a child with disabilities is NOT the AH for not wanting to parent this child that will have extensive needs. At the end of the day, he is probably doing the Mom and Baby a favor by not sticking around. He would be full of resentment, and I don't see how this would be healthy for anybody. However, I agree he does feel like an AH to avoid the funeral. Maybe just didn't feel a connection to the child, or maybe it just feels like a hypocrite, I mean, you are an absent father this child's entire life, then you show up at the funeral? Not sure I can criticize that decision either. No easy answers in this one.
All those children are getting social security benefits. When your parent dies you are entitled to benefits automatically and receive them up to a certain age 18-21. Also college benefits are available.
I hope the OP's new kid doesn't bec0me disabled later in life. What will he do then? He should invest in genetic testing because it seems like it could be something that runs in this family.
For the story where OP didn’t want to have a child if they had medical complications, etc. I’d say he’s not the ahole for dipping out of the relationship or for not going to the funeral. The significant other changed her mind and wanted the child and that’s fine. OP didn’t change his mind and opted out. He did what he was supposed to do and paid child support. What other choice did he have? Be forced to parent a child he didn’t want and would likely not care for?
As for the funeral..he no longer had a relationship with the mother of his child and he had no relationship with the child. Would it have been nice of him to show up? Sure. But did he have to? Not at all.
My cousin has basically sat in a chair and dribbled, unable to make proper eye contact or speak, for her entire life, she has brain damage.
I dont agree that if you're not prepared to have a severely disabled child, then you're not prepared to have a child. Caring for her, including washing her and wiping her arse, into her now nearly 50s has been almost all her parents have done, for 5 decades.
Lots of people just aren't expecting that and might not be equipped to do it, when they may have been perfectly ok with less difficult situation.
Sophia at the 26:05 mark
Me: 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻
If OP has the money, he can get a DNA test before the baby’s born. The more time he spends with his ex, the worse off he’ll be.
The first OP is so dumb, I've never been more enrage at a reddit story
Same. WTAH
First OP is afflicted with smoothbrain.
Disabled baby story, it surprises me that OP is clueless as to why his ex would change her mind about the abortion. First you find out mid pregnancy normally if there is something wrong, so shes been growing a life inside of her, and abortion = murder debate aside, she has been growing this life with the intention of having a family with you. She literally has to decide whether this child will live and exist outside of her womb! Thats way bigger then theoretically taking about a preferred outcome. Because the truth is you dont know what you would actually do until you are in that situation yourself, one you would likely never have to face. It's not the complicated.
The first story, I was an addict to something else when I got pregnant. The second I met my child my whole meaning and duty in life changed for me. So the whole "full custody" thing seems a bit much considering she may in fact turn things around.
And as if he’d even get full custody for some stealing. Or that he can unilaterally decide to kick mom out but he keeps the baby. Obviously no understanding of how family law works.
You can’t kick out a child on their own so there’s obviously a connection.
I wonder what OP would do if their child developed a disability later in life. Like losing a limb or having a head injury causing them high care needs. Would they abandon them then?
Get the pregnant gf an apartment but not your apartment. When the lease is up she’s on her own.
If I were op of the first story, I would offer to pay for her to sign over her rights to the baby.
Some people do not have the mental capacity to deal with an autistic child if they’re not used to it and it disrupts their family with you living there let her except your other two children back until you get on your feet
Going to a funeral for a 3yr old is not supporting someone for a moment - that grief will live with a person. Just my opinion.
I feel we are being hard on the mom. She has been a SAHM for 13 years with that large a gap finding work is probably near impossible. Not only that she is a recent widow. So yes, maybe she is a narcissist or maybe she is a woman who is still heavy with grief trying her best to not make things worst for her 3 grieving teenagers. Not only that, did her sister ever disclose what behaviors were making her daughter fearful? What bills of his were too expensive? My cousin is 19 and severely autistic he doesn't really have any bills related to his autism, that I am aware of.
As a mother to a child who is autistic with high support needs, i wanted to jump through this phone. My other kids could stay with their aunt after we bare knuckle box in their driveway
I'm confused. Are you saying that you would never let the older kids stay with their aunt, or that you would?
30:27 what her sister did it’s SUPER messed up.
They were already there. She was taking care of her son and so they kicked EVERYONE OUT. Then she went behind her sisters back and talked to the older kids. I can understand why she wouldn’t want her kids to go there. What would the aunt say to those kids? Is the aunt going to try and turn the kids against their Mom? I wouldn’t want my kids to be around that aunt. Is that truly a more stable place?
Y’all can’t ever judge on a mother that is grieving from the loss of her husband and then losing everything an now they want to tear the family apart because of a child with a disability. If aunt wanted to help so much, she could’ve helped her find a job. Find a home but not break up with family.
I think op is leaving out some massive details. Some questions that immediately came to my mind:
1. if op has a severely autistic child and her husband has already had one stroke, why did she not immediately take out life insurance on her husband? She would have known she needed additional financial support if her husband died. I would have maxed that baby out.
2. what grown woman signs loan documents without reading/understanding them? that's just Darwinism at work. I've worked in the mortgage industry for years. Those loan documents are in 12 point times new roman font and, as long as you have an 8th grade reading comprehension level, you can understand them just fine. She didn't read them.
3. why did the sister formally evict op? It went on her record, so it went through the courts. Sounds like the sister asked op to leave, and op refused for so long that the sister NEEDED to go through the courts to get op (and the severely autistic boy who was terrifying her daughter) out of her house. Why would you damage your family's relationship to that point? Your sister helped you once, but you're making it so she will never want to help you again. Even if you don't actually love your sister, that's just burning a potential safety point for future use. Bad planning.
4. what did op's son do to the niece that caused her to be terrified? Autistic children can become violent. Since op didn't mention why, I have to assume the worst and that op's son hurt his cousin. If it's between one of my kids and one of my nieces/nephews, I'm taking the side of my kid always.
These were just some of the holes/huge questions I had while listening to this story. I think op is actually a narcissist:
1. she's always the victim (her husband made bad decisions, she didn't understand the loan documents, she tried to get a job but couldn't, her sister evicted her, etc.), nothing is ever her fault
2. she glosses over details that make her seem not the victim (WHY DID YOUR SISTER FORMALLY EVICT YOU????)
3. if you're not with her, you're against her (calling her kids traitors when they want a very reasonable thing)
4. keeping the image an intact family is more important than the safety and happiness of her kids
42:00 idk. They can test for things that a baby can’t survive. They can also test for certain diagnoses and some people aren’t in a financial situation to handle that or in an environment that would be conducive to a happy life. Some people live hours from the nearest hospital, specialist, or mental health service.
pregnant women can work…seriously….being pregnant is not a get out of jail card….this relationship is not going to work…she needs to change on her own before you commit and cohabitate…being with you hasn’t changed her so far, so,what will
This. The only times people shouldn't work during pregnancy is if there are health problems associated with the pregnancy that prevents them from working.
The aunt in the second story while she seems like an angel for the offer shes actually an ahole. Shes choosing which kids she wants to provide for. Like i understand children with autism arent easy but she could have easily spoken to her daughter and understood why she was uncomfortable and figured it out together. She essentially left her family homeless. They should have clearly spoken timelines of when they were hoping for them to move out or if they wanted them to help in a certain way, like she did when she texted the other two kids. Its a huge lack of communication and of standards. This why whenever someone tells me they are going to house a family memeber i always tell them discuss house rules and timelines of how long you anticipate them to stay until they are on their feet again. Like yes she doesnt have the weight of her other two kids but it is a half given offer. Why leave the mom and the other kid out on the street? Why not take them all back and discuss boundaries and have a conversation? The kids have no fault in this.
I've been homeless as an adult. I would've wanted to stay with my mom & brother.
Raising boys is more difficult. I love both 3boys 2girls😊
The 2nd story OP is NTA she's hurt. Her husband screwed her over, then her sister threw her and her children out! Then goes behind OPs back and invites the 2 children who are almost adults and completely healthy to come live with her , but wants to keep the child who needs a lot of help to be homeless. Then Ops 2 children want to leave her and their brother so OP is hurt
I think op is leaving a lot of this story to make herself seem more sympathetic. The number one thing that jumped out at me is that her sister had to formally evict her. OP said the eviction was now on her record, meaning it was filed with the courts. It wasn't the sister going "can you please leave by x date" and op going "you're really hurting me and my family but I will honor your wishes as this is your house". It was op staying in that house long past any reasonable excuse until a sheriff came and forcefully evicted her.
The number 2 thing that jumped out at me is that op apparently didn't have life insurance on her post stroke husband, even though she knew she had a severely autistic child. How stupid do you have to be? And don't get me started on the "I didn't understand what I was signing" sympathy plea. Everyone with 2 brain cells knows to read the freakin' contract.
The number 3 thing is that she glossed over WHY the niece is afraid of the autistic boy. What did he do to her? She doesn't "not like him". She's TERRIFIED of him. What did he do? I get that he's not fully responsible for his actions, but an explanation for his actions does not negate the harm those actions can cause to those around him. Would your opinion change if he say, broke 2 of his cousin's bones? Is the aunt's statement that he needs to leave now legitimate?