Yeah, since when is maternity or paternity leave relaxing? Reminds me of the office episode after Jim and Pam's second kid is born and they take extra leave. At first they were all mad until they realized it was chaos, not a vacation. Parents don't really get to relax, especially while the kid is young. I think the Mom who actually delivered the baby should get the most rest during this time. Not to mention if they are breast feeding.
I hate the word help, its not helping, its parenting, a father needs to step up and stop thinking parenting and taking cqre of a newborn is exclusive of the mother until the baby is "grown" enough for them to step in and finally be a full time parent
There’s a new update for the first story, OP’s MIL gets mad at her son for the way he’s treating his wife, but still wants OP to talk to him in person so she does with her sister present, husband ends up shoving her and sister and then locking himself in the bedroom with the baby and police are called. No arrests, since the baby was ok but OP is thinking about getting an emergency custody!
I actually agree with Sam this time - I think he meant IF the husband apologizes and admits he was wrong and if that was literally the only issue they’ve had. But with his texts I also agree that there most likely already were red flags and he must have just been “hot” for her to ignore his selfishness and bad attitude.
I feel like she’s not mentally in the place to divorce him yet because she let it go pretty far before she left and even then she worded it something like I don’t think he’s ready to help me YET. It sounded like she didn’t completely right him off.
He’s a narcissist. Only a narcissist would interpret paternity to leave to mean “his time to relax” and only a narcissist’s first thought is “you made me look bad” when their partner collapses in front of other people. Only a narcissist would persist in such selfish and juvenile thinking to the degree that he did. He probably love bombed her in the beginning (because that’s what narcissists do) and that’s why she’s with him. She probably doted on him before the baby and as long as she was doing that, he was happy so these traits weren’t necessarily obvious. True narcissists lack empathy (among other impossible to make sense of behaviors). She should cut her losses and run NOW! I say this from experience.
I'm wondering if it was a trap her baby. Didn't really want it but he wanted to have an obstacle to her leaving. That's probably why he felt it was time for the mask to slip.
I came to the comments just to say this, also the messages are a giant sign of a narcissist losing control and trying to regain it, by lashing out and trying do a little damage control
If a man is acting like an asshole when he just had a baby, it will only get worse. It is 100% time to start planning your exit strategy. Raising a child alone is easier than coparenting with someone this immature.
8:59 there's also a reason for her to leave since she communicated she needs help with the baby and he just makes it all about him and even ignores his own child
I doubt he is, "hot" it seems to me, he is just good at deception. He told her what she wanted to hear, and then when he had her trapped, he dropped the mask. That is what it sounds like to me, anyway.
story 1: The back and forth that guy is doing to try to get her to come back is classic abuser manipulation. A lot of times there are signs of something behind off but they can be pretty minor until the abuser thinks that the victim is fully trapped in a relationship with them. Frequently this is after the birth of a child. Then they ramp it up to the nth degree because there's no need to wear the mask anymore. Not saying that is the case here, but it's walking like a duck and it's looking like a duck.
For anybody that reads these and is a mother or soon to be a mother, you baby's father is equally responsible for taking care of the baby from the moment is out of your body, PERIOD. He is not a helper, he is an equal parent to that child Do not enable him to be incompetent at his role by doing the little things like always making the diaper bags, bottles, snacks or food, getting the baby dressed or changed, knowing the primary doctors and knowing where the important documents of that baby are. he needs to contribute and learn how to do all those things as well, do not contribute to his weaponized incompetence. If you are planning or expecting, these are the important questions and conversations to have with your partner It does not matter if he is the breadwinner, or you just work part-time or are wfh or a stay at home parent, parenting is not a role you convert into on your own, it takes 2 to tango If you are ok with certain discrepancy on you roles and it has been spoken and agreed beforehand, then thats ok, my point of for anybody thats not ok with carrying all the parenting weight and having a lazy parent thats only present at their convenience Parental leave in the US is bullshit and i wish more people fought corporations and governments to make it better and equal for both parents, it should be paid time leave and sufficiently long enough to have a healthy bonding time with that baby
Ours is 3 months. You can both take it at the same time or ( what my brother and wife did) mum takes the first 3 months and then dad takes his 3 months. 12 weeks of maternal/ paternal leave. If your job allows, you can work from home for up to 12 months post baby after maternal leave. It's optional. America sucks. I'm grateful to never have been born there.
So many parents (to be) take the mother's presence for granted. Death usually doesn't announce itself. If mother is lost, father needs to be able to keep the child(ren) alive and well. The mother can get post-partum, have a stroke, find out she can't handle motherhood and decides to leave. Finances can change where she may need to work fulltime and dad needs to solo during her evening shifts. And above all: all parents need to learn what can harm a child at what age. My sister's ex is extremely stubborn and believes kids can handle things way too young. Babies can't eat solids and todlers can't operate sharp tools. 5 year olds shouldn't go on trampolines because their leg bones are still squishy. Too many fathers don't know the basics (let alone the full package) because nobody expected them to know or be taught. My sister's current partner didn't know off the jump, but he listened and read up on his new step-kids age bracket. If they're willing to neglect a baby or help you to "call your bluff," they'll never be the partner you want to be with.
Even once you’re pregnant imo. It’s is baby too, im carrying it, he should make sure im well. If he loves me and loves his future baby, he’ll put in the efforts that reflects it.
@@BcOriginal exactly! You can carry out your "are we ready to have a child" experiment and save an old baby from dying sad and alone in a depressing shelter
YESSSS! I was thinking the same thing. It gives the senior dog a nice retirement with people who will treat it with all the love it deserves in their last portion of life. 🤍 It also would be great for the “test” they were talking about. But also would see how the relationship deals with possible medical problems (like a child could) as well as seeing how the relationship deals with the complicated emotions that will come along with the dying process and death.
The first story I can relate to personally. That's exactly why I left my daughter's father. Long story short... my awakening Started with me needing to go into an emergency c-section because my lung failed during birth. He left me in a coma by myself, and our daughter in NICU alone to recover. When I was out of my week-long induced comatose, he came to the hospital to tell me there was a house inspection the next day and told me I was well enough to leave the hospital to come home and clean before the inspection. I still had baby blues but was given an ok by my nurse that I could leave and come back - I was too afraid not to go home to clean because I knew he would risk us losing the house rather than help me. After my daughter was deemed safe to come home... I couldn't feed because I wasn't sleeping, eating, or getting a rest to heal from my lung and C-section I'd had. He would purposefully start arguments with me so he could leave the house and make me feel like it was my fault. In the end. I figured if I was doing everything on my own and he didn't give an ounce of care for me, I might as well leave. So I did. I hope she is happier, loved, and that her daughter is doing well.
What do you mean “nothing has really happened?” Such emotional abuse and narcissistic behavior. So telling that he was mad at her for passing out. No way that is the first time he has treated her like this. OP sounds like she is conditioned to accept this behavior. Hope she is able stand up for herself with her support people.
Btw getting a dog or raising a puppy is nothing compared to raising an infant/child. Although, i agree, raising a puppy can be used as a trial to see if you're capable of taking on a challenging life as a parent in the years to come. After child birth, the mom needs time afterward to literally recover. She can't be doing labor the keeps her on her feet for long periods of time. Ops husband knows what he's doing and instead is using that paternity leave as a vacation.
As someone currently pregnant I'm outraged at that "dad". I'm sure there were red flags during her pregnancy that she might just be brushing off and not including just because she's not thinking clearly right now. If my husband did any of that behavior I would not stick around and divorce him ASAP because the reaction to her leaving would solidify that I would be raising the baby alone and would rather start building my support tribe sooner than later.
He is a narcissist, the red flags have been there the whole time but she didn't see them until she had her daughter. She is now protecting her baby, and is realizing how horrible he actually is.
The father that is a deadbeat is so infuriating to me it's people like him that make it so easy for fathers to be looked at as second class parents it's s*** like that why court systems are so f***** when it comes to custody
Sounds like a narcissist to me. When I was younger there was a period of time were I would get fainty often. Anytime I did, my narc husband would get mad at me for "ignoring him" while I'm sitting there trying not to pass out. One time it happened while we were grocery shopping, I sat on the floor waiting for it to pass. He made no effort to help, instead he spent that time standing there apoligizing to people walking by for me sitting there. They can't stand it when the attention is not on them, and they will throw a fit about it. She needs to get herself and her baby away from him.
OP's husband is a textbook narcissist. I only learned what a narcissist even was after being married to one for 10 years. My ex-husband used to do the same thing to me after he did something wrong. The messages would go, "please come back so we can talk about this" to "You're a dumb B**ch and you don't know what you're doing" then back to, "Please babe, I miss you, I'm crying" and back to "I'm called the cops on you because I think you're a danger to our baby", when he's the one who after neglecting us then tried to rip a newborn out of my arms because of a disagreement. His messages went back and forth at such a rate, It actually felt like whiplash.
These reddit stories are great cautionary tales of what happens when you marry the wrong person. Watch how the guy treats others and their family. My husband was a care giver for his grandparents and they lived in his house. Now he is the best girl dad and husband who was my caregiver when I almost died.
Guys--just adopt a senior dog. The needs still won't be nearly as high as those of a newborn human, but you'll only be responsible for a few years, plus you'll give a dog a nice final few years.
If my child’s father acted like that when I just had our daughter I would have immediately left him. That is unacceptable period. I got to that point because I refused to accept help. We got into a huge fight over the fact that I wanted to take soul responsibility of our daughter when she was first born and all he wanted to do was help.
It isn't kidnapping unless the parent doesn't have any custody..... that came from my lawyer friend. If she denied him seeing his child, that's different.
Paternity leave is not for the father to lay around and do nothing it's so that he can assist the mother and bond with his child. And she should not have allowed it to get that far because as soon as he started talking about he wanted to relax on his paternity leave I would have told him no maternity leave is not for you to relax it's for you to be here to bond with your child and to help me with your child and they're crazy and if you don't want to do that then you can carry your ass
23:31 personally I don't think OP is safe with that man around, I understand it's not ideal to divorce yet but a separation needs to be made and if they ever going to talk face to face OP has to have a plan to ensure both her and her baby safety. At this point it's really about safety
Omg Sam just broke Rileys bee hive analogy. 😢 And I liked it too..... I'm mean he's right, a bee hive does have copius bees but shelving that fact about bees, the bee going to all the flowers to just come back to the beehive was the BEST analogy for cheaters I have ever heard! Don't be a beehive!
I tried to pitch my brother on the "dog test run" principal when he talked about trying for a kid with his wife. They got a pit mix puppy... And then got pregnant that same year. It's my parent's dog now.
We had 4 kids and my husband changed about 20 dippers between all of them. He didn’t help me with the kids. 99% for the baby stuff was on me. I had c-sections and he sleep and night and I couldn’t get him up to help me.
My dad only changed our diapers. Tbh he wasn't a attentive dad til we were older. My dad didn't have a paternal bond with my youngest brother whe he was a baby cause h didn't want a 3rd kid and it showed some at first for awhile. They are bffs now and it irks me cause he get moreof my dad's time Than I do and I beg
My ex was like this. He’d come home from work, then head straight to his man cave and hang out with his friends and smoke the devils lettuce with his friend until 8:30pm while I was in the house by myself with his newborn. I spoke to him about him numerous times and it’d stop for maybe a week and then go back to it. If I asked him to take the baby he’d complain after 20 minutes that his friends wanted to come over and he needed a break. The one time i left him to go to the shopping Centre I called to check after 3 hours, I could hear the baby screaming in the background because she was hungry. He had missed her feeding time because “his friend needed a ride home” by a certain time so he prioritized his friend over his daughter eating. There’s more but this is the main reason we are split.
Good for op for leaving to go to her mom's. The husband is a bad dad and husband. He made himslef look bad! AND he is ignoring the baby since he's mad at OP?!?!?!?! Stinky man
It's interesting, as an older mom that has witnessed numerous Friends go through this. It never lasts, the dog things doesn't work, they are always excited to see you and don't cry through the night.
So he called her a b**** and it's not yet divorce worthy?! Regardless of the fact that this was on top of major ah behavior?! Oh and by the way, there is another update. Sorry if my message is rude, but sometimes I really get frustrated at you guys for not understanding how it is to be a women. First sign of aggressiveness should never be considered "not divorce worthy". You might understand better why after reading the second update. But they are millions of situation like that every day.
Fightman is a classic. When she shows she can take care of herself, he feels the urge to prove to her he can still protect her and isn't "useless." I don't think he even realizes that he does it. Personal safety probably won't be an issue apart from getting caught in the crossfire, but they're definitely not compatable
We have what we called "Monthsary." It can be use to celebrate every month of the baby before it gets 1 year old.. This is also applicable for new couples before they celebrate their 1st Anniversary 😁😁😁😁😁
Sam, bless your well-wishing heart for not seeing the first husband for what he is. Divorce is DEFINITELY what needs to happen. That man got his wife exactly where he wanted her through manipulation. He was never going to help with the baby. He wanted to control her and a baby is the easiest way to do it. By keeping people exhausted, it is much easier to control them. They have no mental or physical capacity to leave or fight back. Control 101. He is a narcissist that only cares for himself and the optics of the situation. He is gaslighting her, manipulating her, and trying to control her. By the hundred+ messages that he sent, what he was doing was throwing every weapon in his arsenal at her to get a reaction. That is obvious by the constant roller coaster of emotional ploys he was dealing out. He will NEVER get better. I really hope that there is an update soon and that you share it with us because that woman needs to run fast and FAR.
To Sam's dog trial. If the relationship can handle a dog from puppy to maturity then I think it passes the trial. The dogs "teenager" phase is the worst part of the dog once they are at maturity it's pretty easy from there.
I checked on the first story and in a comment she wrote that he used to be more supportive. The last update was totally unhinged. I think it was that he now thought he had her "locked" and his true colours were showing.
John asked if you can kidnap your own child. The answer is yes. However, the situation with my family was that my mother took me and my sister away from our abusive father when my sister and I was toddlers and eventually when I was five she was in a relationship again with a Native American man and my brother was born when I was six and by that time his father was also pretty toxic and violent so my mom took the three of us away while the guy was in prison. My brother was 4 when he was abducted and we didn't see my brother again for three years. My mom missed my birthday while she was in Canada fighting to get my brother back from not only foster care but also the tribe who didn't like the idea of her taking him because she's white and Native American babies are often stolen from tribes and adopted by white people who take away their culture. At the time the father was in prison again. I waited to celebrate my birthday days late when mom came home with my brother and he was the best present there. We never stopped him from embracing his culture and heritage. He's an adult now.
Ok this dog relationship test actually makes sense. When the dog dies how does this relationship handles death. How does this relationship handles raising a being that doesn’t speak the same language. I understand this and I finally agree with Sam.
It’s times like this that make you realize that you’re with a narcissist. It’s hard to figure out. There’s no point in giving chances because changes are temporary and it goes back to the same bullsh*t
The minute my husband said “but baaaaabe, I only get 6 weeks!” I would’ve been like “Well, let me just see myself out to somewhere I have support. And you can rest. Make sure to sign those divorce papers!”✌🏻
Sam went way too hard with the dog idea 😅 I think his original idea was that it tests how well the couple can divide responsibilities and work together to care for another life. But he def went a bit far 😂 though the comments here can chill some 😅 I think most of his arguments are just for the humor of it at this point 😂
Foster dogs or cats as a prep to see if you are ready for a child. So you don’t have to make the full commitment but can still help them and have a temporary commitment until they find their forever homes! (With a possibility of a foster fail 😂❤️)
There is a new update and he Went crazy to say the least.His mom yelled at him He blamed OP for it.She went over to get her stuff with her sister for safety.And he ended up pushing not only o.P , but the sister and she had to call the cops because he hid in a freakinfor over thirty minutes with the baby refusing , To give the baby back the cops never arrested him but she is filing for temporary emergency custody CRAZY!!!!!
I’m 23 min in and NO! DIVORCE! This is not a “change”, she just didn’t notice before how little he does until the baby came and compounded her workload! I had 23 years of experience with this!
Story 1: that dad doesn’t care about his wife OR his baby. If the mom is THAT exhausted, imagine what could happen if she’s left alone with their newborn and collapses!
Sometimes you’re in a red flag relationship and you don’t wake up until it’s no longer just you at the hands of the which ever kind of abuse you endured.
Story one: When you are with a narcissist and you stay, chances are you struggle with low self-worth, and / or that behavior has been normalized to you within your family. Having a baby changes this dynamic ALOT. Suddenly, you have a child that you, like op says, love more than yourself, and there for you will see things more clearly in order to protect them. On top of that the narcissist is no longer your top priority, so they tend to act out in much more evident ways. Hence why she was able to be with him so long.
The best option is to adopt an older dog from a rescue. 1. You're helping a dog in need. 2. The dog will need extra care and attention. Due to it being a rescue. So you get an abundant amount of experience. You wouldn't get from a bred puppy. 3. The dog will have already lived half or more of its life. So your commitment window. Is less time. In the event of a relationship breakdown. 4. Unfortunately a lot of the time. They have no training. So although they are older they still provide the opportunity for training. This means you get to deal with poop, pee, messy, chewing, climbing, barking, chasing, and destroying things. 5. Everyone should only get rescues. It's better for both people and pets. As well as the environment.
Hi guys I recommend in looking into some trauma advocacy type material as sometimes an abusive partner doesn’t let their facade drop until a major life change where they feel the victim is trapped it could be marriage a baby or a big move it’s not unheard of for these people to be ideal partners then it’s like a switch it flipped I actually think she should divorce for her and her babies safety
The answer to Doggate is pretty obvious: if the focus is on the *trial of having a dog in preparation for a baby,* then limiting the dog to a breed that dies within 5 years of you getting it IS planning for failure, because why not just have a longer living dog, do the trial for the same amount of time, and then just have a dog and a baby? If the argument is "then you gotta deal with dog custody AND kid custody if things go wrong," that's not the test anymore. The test was passed after 5 years by this logic, the dog dying doesn't matter.
My partner and I got two dogs together. Within the year I was pregnant. The baby is 4 months old. He is completely different with the dogs vs the baby. Our culture differences made it hard to have the dogs together.
This is exactly what my ex husband did!!!! The second our daughter came he changed, because he knew I was trapped. It will never get better, leave while you still can!!!
Maternity leave is for the woman to heal from giving birth and to bond with baby. The dad did not give birth so what does he have to relax from? That’s also his time to bond and care for baby. Throw the whole man away. He’s a do nothing and a narcissist.
Me and my husband got two cats when we were still dating and decided we anted to live together. Then we got engaged and adopted a third cat. We are planning for a child and I WISH children were as easy to raise as my cats 😂
Ah you did it wrong. You were meant to get a dog because cats raise themselves. At least you are prepared for the teenage years where they just expect you to feed them and only accepts attention on their own terms 😂
ugh! Paternity leave is not for dad's relaxation, it is for dad to help mom.
I agree! Its basically for being a dad. I dont even consider it helping but taking responsibility for having a kid.
Yeah, since when is maternity or paternity leave relaxing? Reminds me of the office episode after Jim and Pam's second kid is born and they take extra leave. At first they were all mad until they realized it was chaos, not a vacation. Parents don't really get to relax, especially while the kid is young. I think the Mom who actually delivered the baby should get the most rest during this time. Not to mention if they are breast feeding.
I hate the word help, its not helping, its parenting, a father needs to step up and stop thinking parenting and taking cqre of a newborn is exclusive of the mother until the baby is "grown" enough for them to step in and finally be a full time parent
It's for bonding with the baby as well.
My husbands family used my paternity leave as a way to see him since he’s in the military instead of helping me after a traumatic birth
There’s a new update for the first story, OP’s MIL gets mad at her son for the way he’s treating his wife, but still wants OP to talk to him in person so she does with her sister present, husband ends up shoving her and sister and then locking himself in the bedroom with the baby and police are called. No arrests, since the baby was ok but OP is thinking about getting an emergency custody!
Thank youuuuuuu!! Wow that's horrible, hope things go well for OP & her baby.
Omg thanks soo much
No all Hero’s wear capes
This is so concerning, but not shocking. He had shown all the red flags and she needs to stay away from him and get full custody of that child.
Wow so he is a complete moron, who blundered the first real gesture of common sense from his mother
That is crazy 🤬 NOT -Ahole OP
"get a dog to find out if you want kids" 😂🤣 Sam over here with the new type of practice family 😂
I mean it's not bad if a dog is stressful then you're not ready for a tiny human.
Lol Sam, what is the line for divorce then? I think it was divorce worthy when she passed out and he fricked out 😅
I actually agree with Sam this time - I think he meant IF the husband apologizes and admits he was wrong and if that was literally the only issue they’ve had. But with his texts I also agree that there most likely already were red flags and he must have just been “hot” for her to ignore his selfishness and bad attitude.
Yeah, I just feel like all we heard about him was bad in general 🤷♀️
I feel like she’s not mentally in the place to divorce him yet because she let it go pretty far before she left and even then she worded it something like I don’t think he’s ready to help me YET. It sounded like she didn’t completely right him off.
He’s a narcissist. Only a narcissist would interpret paternity to leave to mean “his time to relax” and only a narcissist’s first thought is “you made me look bad” when their partner collapses in front of other people. Only a narcissist would persist in such selfish and juvenile thinking to the degree that he did. He probably love bombed her in the beginning (because that’s what narcissists do) and that’s why she’s with him. She probably doted on him before the baby and as long as she was doing that, he was happy so these traits weren’t necessarily obvious. True narcissists lack empathy (among other impossible to make sense of behaviors). She should cut her losses and run NOW! I say this from experience.
Also, its very common for abusive narcissistic men to seem completely normal and loving, then change completely when pregnancy or baby comes
I’ve been there. I agree with your theory 10000000%
I'm wondering if it was a trap her baby. Didn't really want it but he wanted to have an obstacle to her leaving. That's probably why he felt it was time for the mask to slip.
I came here to say this. I have three exes who were all narcissists. I can sniff them out a mile away now.
I came to the comments just to say this, also the messages are a giant sign of a narcissist losing control and trying to regain it, by lashing out and trying do a little damage control
Riley prepping for being a dad and Sam explaining why he needs therapy for his commitment issues lol
If a man is acting like an asshole when he just had a baby, it will only get worse. It is 100% time to start planning your exit strategy. Raising a child alone is easier than coparenting with someone this immature.
I mean at this point she’s basically a single mom who is married lol
Amen Sister!🤚🏼
8:59 there's also a reason for her to leave since she communicated she needs help with the baby and he just makes it all about him and even ignores his own child
He made her fainting about him. Everything revolves around him it seems like
I doubt he is, "hot" it seems to me, he is just good at deception. He told her what she wanted to hear, and then when he had her trapped, he dropped the mask. That is what it sounds like to me, anyway.
story 1: The back and forth that guy is doing to try to get her to come back is classic abuser manipulation. A lot of times there are signs of something behind off but they can be pretty minor until the abuser thinks that the victim is fully trapped in a relationship with them. Frequently this is after the birth of a child. Then they ramp it up to the nth degree because there's no need to wear the mask anymore. Not saying that is the case here, but it's walking like a duck and it's looking like a duck.
Hope she gets full custody and his an ex too
Tell the dad to come get his baby while mom relaxes at grandmas house. I bet he wont come.
For anybody that reads these and is a mother or soon to be a mother, you baby's father is equally responsible for taking care of the baby from the moment is out of your body, PERIOD. He is not a helper, he is an equal parent to that child
Do not enable him to be incompetent at his role by doing the little things like always making the diaper bags, bottles, snacks or food, getting the baby dressed or changed, knowing the primary doctors and knowing where the important documents of that baby are. he needs to contribute and learn how to do all those things as well, do not contribute to his weaponized incompetence.
If you are planning or expecting, these are the important questions and conversations to have with your partner
It does not matter if he is the breadwinner, or you just work part-time or are wfh or a stay at home parent, parenting is not a role you convert into on your own, it takes 2 to tango
If you are ok with certain discrepancy on you roles and it has been spoken and agreed beforehand, then thats ok, my point of for anybody thats not ok with carrying all the parenting weight and having a lazy parent thats only present at their convenience
Parental leave in the US is bullshit and i wish more people fought corporations and governments to make it better and equal for both parents, it should be paid time leave and sufficiently long enough to have a healthy bonding time with that baby
Ours is 3 months. You can both take it at the same time or ( what my brother and wife did) mum takes the first 3 months and then dad takes his 3 months. 12 weeks of maternal/ paternal leave. If your job allows, you can work from home for up to 12 months post baby after maternal leave. It's optional. America sucks. I'm grateful to never have been born there.
So many parents (to be) take the mother's presence for granted. Death usually doesn't announce itself. If mother is lost, father needs to be able to keep the child(ren) alive and well. The mother can get post-partum, have a stroke, find out she can't handle motherhood and decides to leave. Finances can change where she may need to work fulltime and dad needs to solo during her evening shifts.
And above all: all parents need to learn what can harm a child at what age. My sister's ex is extremely stubborn and believes kids can handle things way too young. Babies can't eat solids and todlers can't operate sharp tools. 5 year olds shouldn't go on trampolines because their leg bones are still squishy.
Too many fathers don't know the basics (let alone the full package) because nobody expected them to know or be taught. My sister's current partner didn't know off the jump, but he listened and read up on his new step-kids age bracket. If they're willing to neglect a baby or help you to "call your bluff," they'll never be the partner you want to be with.
Even once you’re pregnant imo. It’s is baby too, im carrying it, he should make sure im well. If he loves me and loves his future baby, he’ll put in the efforts that reflects it.
OR....HEAR ME OUT.... ADOPT A SENIOR DOG!! It's just like taking care of a baby that can't take care of itself
This is exactly what I was thinking or even just an older ish dog that's like 5 years or something 🤷🏼♀️
@@BcOriginal exactly! You can carry out your "are we ready to have a child" experiment and save an old baby from dying sad and alone in a depressing shelter
Get a rabbit lol
YESSSS! I was thinking the same thing. It gives the senior dog a nice retirement with people who will treat it with all the love it deserves in their last portion of life. 🤍
It also would be great for the “test” they were talking about. But also would see how the relationship deals with possible medical problems (like a child could) as well as seeing how the relationship deals with the complicated emotions that will come along with the dying process and death.
You are a genius 😲
Thank goodness we have Riley to reign Sam and John in! 😂
If he can handle these children then he can handle his own 😂😂
The first story I can relate to personally. That's exactly why I left my daughter's father.
Long story short... my awakening Started with me needing to go into an emergency c-section because my lung failed during birth. He left me in a coma by myself, and our daughter in NICU alone to recover.
When I was out of my week-long induced comatose, he came to the hospital to tell me there was a house inspection the next day and told me I was well enough to leave the hospital to come home and clean before the inspection. I still had baby blues but was given an ok by my nurse that I could leave and come back - I was too afraid not to go home to clean because I knew he would risk us losing the house rather than help me.
After my daughter was deemed safe to come home... I couldn't feed because I wasn't sleeping, eating, or getting a rest to heal from my lung and C-section I'd had. He would purposefully start arguments with me so he could leave the house and make me feel like it was my fault. In the end. I figured if I was doing everything on my own and he didn't give an ounce of care for me, I might as well leave. So I did.
I hope she is happier, loved, and that her daughter is doing well.
Yall, they all want kids and we know Riley has had being a dad on the mind for a while now. I think he just found his person and is planning ahead.
Agreed!! I’m so happy for him❤❤ I hope it works out
@@KalamitySnow me too!
What do you mean “nothing has really happened?” Such emotional abuse and narcissistic behavior. So telling that he was mad at her for passing out. No way that is the first time he has treated her like this. OP sounds like she is conditioned to accept this behavior. Hope she is able stand up for herself with her support people.
Btw getting a dog or raising a puppy is nothing compared to raising an infant/child. Although, i agree, raising a puppy can be used as a trial to see if you're capable of taking on a challenging life as a parent in the years to come.
After child birth, the mom needs time afterward to literally recover. She can't be doing labor the keeps her on her feet for long periods of time. Ops husband knows what he's doing and instead is using that paternity leave as a vacation.
As someone currently pregnant I'm outraged at that "dad". I'm sure there were red flags during her pregnancy that she might just be brushing off and not including just because she's not thinking clearly right now.
If my husband did any of that behavior I would not stick around and divorce him ASAP because the reaction to her leaving would solidify that I would be raising the baby alone and would rather start building my support tribe sooner than later.
Every three weeks babies go through a growth spurt so it makes sense, particularly if OP is nursing, that the baby would be up every hour.
He is a narcissist, the red flags have been there the whole time but she didn't see them until she had her daughter. She is now protecting her baby, and is realizing how horrible he actually is.
The father that is a deadbeat is so infuriating to me it's people like him that make it so easy for fathers to be looked at as second class parents it's s*** like that why court systems are so f***** when it comes to custody
If she decides to talk to him, he will gaslight her. If she talks to him she needs a Meditator to protect her
Sounds like a narcissist to me. When I was younger there was a period of time were I would get fainty often. Anytime I did, my narc husband would get mad at me for "ignoring him" while I'm sitting there trying not to pass out. One time it happened while we were grocery shopping, I sat on the floor waiting for it to pass. He made no effort to help, instead he spent that time standing there apoligizing to people walking by for me sitting there.
They can't stand it when the attention is not on them, and they will throw a fit about it. She needs to get herself and her baby away from him.
The close up of Sam + John smiling.when Riley asked about paternity leave was the CUTEST
OP's husband is a textbook narcissist. I only learned what a narcissist even was after being married to one for 10 years. My ex-husband used to do the same thing to me after he did something wrong. The messages would go, "please come back so we can talk about this" to "You're a dumb B**ch and you don't know what you're doing" then back to, "Please babe, I miss you, I'm crying" and back to "I'm called the cops on you because I think you're a danger to our baby", when he's the one who after neglecting us then tried to rip a newborn out of my arms because of a disagreement. His messages went back and forth at such a rate, It actually felt like whiplash.
These reddit stories are great cautionary tales of what happens when you marry the wrong person.
Watch how the guy treats others and their family.
My husband was a care giver for his grandparents and they lived in his house.
Now he is the best girl dad and husband who was my caregiver when I almost died.
Guys--just adopt a senior dog. The needs still won't be nearly as high as those of a newborn human, but you'll only be responsible for a few years, plus you'll give a dog a nice final few years.
If my child’s father acted like that when I just had our daughter I would have immediately left him. That is unacceptable period.
I got to that point because I refused to accept help. We got into a huge fight over the fact that I wanted to take soul responsibility of our daughter when she was first born and all he wanted to do was help.
*sole
Y'all should do a reddit post update series for all the cliffhangers
It isn't kidnapping unless the parent doesn't have any custody..... that came from my lawyer friend. If she denied him seeing his child, that's different.
Paternity leave is not for the father to lay around and do nothing it's so that he can assist the mother and bond with his child. And she should not have allowed it to get that far because as soon as he started talking about he wanted to relax on his paternity leave I would have told him no maternity leave is not for you to relax it's for you to be here to bond with your child and to help me with your child and they're crazy and if you don't want to do that then you can carry your ass
23:31 personally I don't think OP is safe with that man around, I understand it's not ideal to divorce yet but a separation needs to be made and if they ever going to talk face to face OP has to have a plan to ensure both her and her baby safety. At this point it's really about safety
Omg Sam just broke Rileys bee hive analogy. 😢 And I liked it too..... I'm mean he's right, a bee hive does have copius bees but shelving that fact about bees, the bee going to all the flowers to just come back to the beehive was the BEST analogy for cheaters I have ever heard! Don't be a beehive!
I tried to pitch my brother on the "dog test run" principal when he talked about trying for a kid with his wife. They got a pit mix puppy... And then got pregnant that same year. It's my parent's dog now.
At first I read “when we”
Sweet home Alabama started playing in my mind until I reread that sentence lmao
We had 4 kids and my husband changed about 20 dippers between all of them. He didn’t help me with the kids. 99% for the baby stuff was on me. I had c-sections and he sleep and night and I couldn’t get him up to help me.
I am surprise you survived. Are you guys still married??
That's inexcusable. Childcare must be shared equitably because he's the father!!!
Same with my ex-husband. Never helped me with anything.
I am not clear on why he's still your husband or why you had another child after he did this with the first one.
My dad only changed our diapers. Tbh he wasn't a attentive dad til we were older. My dad didn't have a paternal bond with my youngest brother whe he was a baby cause h didn't want a 3rd kid and it showed some at first for awhile. They are bffs now and it irks me cause he get moreof my dad's time Than I do and I beg
My brain the whole time I was listening to the first story: "DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE"
Riley is having a baby 😵💫 haha
There's an update on the mom who had to sleep. Proud of her for making the right choice but that got scarier than I expected 😮 22:19
My ex was like this. He’d come home from work, then head straight to his man cave and hang out with his friends and smoke the devils lettuce with his friend until 8:30pm while I was in the house by myself with his newborn. I spoke to him about him numerous times and it’d stop for maybe a week and then go back to it. If I asked him to take the baby he’d complain after 20 minutes that his friends wanted to come over and he needed a break. The one time i left him to go to the shopping Centre I called to check after 3 hours, I could hear the baby screaming in the background because she was hungry. He had missed her feeding time because “his friend needed a ride home” by a certain time so he prioritized his friend over his daughter eating. There’s more but this is the main reason we are split.
My great dane just turned 5 and he still acts like a giant puppy and has so much energy
We had our great dane, Mouse, for 6 years. We suspect her hear gave out, which is very common for their breed. We loved that big baby. ❤❤
51:32 Jon says we're just grasping at straws, am I the only that thought he was continuing the jokes and laughed? lol
Hubby and I have been together 26 years, dogs are still in my name only. Priorities people, priorities.
Good for op for leaving to go to her mom's. The husband is a bad dad and husband. He made himslef look bad! AND he is ignoring the baby since he's mad at OP?!?!?!?! Stinky man
You cannot kidnap your own child unless it is in violation of divorce orders
20:31 LOL he is so disappointed there isn’t another update 😂
It is RARE that a Great Dane lives 10 years..
If you can't agree with your partner on which breed dog to adopt, you will have a strained parenting relationship 100%.
It's interesting, as an older mom that has witnessed numerous Friends go through this. It never lasts, the dog things doesn't work, they are always excited to see you and don't cry through the night.
New puppies do I thought?
So he called her a b**** and it's not yet divorce worthy?! Regardless of the fact that this was on top of major ah behavior?!
Oh and by the way, there is another update.
Sorry if my message is rude, but sometimes I really get frustrated at you guys for not understanding how it is to be a women. First sign of aggressiveness should never be considered "not divorce worthy". You might understand better why after reading the second update. But they are millions of situation like that every day.
I like the Beehive analogy. I think it fits well.
GUYS!!! Why cant you have both an alive dog AND a baby!! The dog doesnt have to die!!
Right?! After some years you have the test, and then you have a good buddy for the kiddo (or a lesson in bodily autonomy and socialization.)
Why isn't the test fostering dogs together? So if it doesn't workout nobody's harmed?
Fightman is a classic. When she shows she can take care of herself, he feels the urge to prove to her he can still protect her and isn't "useless." I don't think he even realizes that he does it. Personal safety probably won't be an issue apart from getting caught in the crossfire, but they're definitely not compatable
30:08 i love how the idea of adopting an older dog from a shelter doesnt even come up as an option 😂
We have what we called "Monthsary." It can be use to celebrate every month of the baby before it gets 1 year old.. This is also applicable for new couples before they celebrate their 1st Anniversary 😁😁😁😁😁
Awwww!!! We call it a monthaversary too! Every 5th is a mandatory date for my husband and I. We started dating on a 5th and got married on a 5th
Sam, bless your well-wishing heart for not seeing the first husband for what he is. Divorce is DEFINITELY what needs to happen. That man got his wife exactly where he wanted her through manipulation. He was never going to help with the baby. He wanted to control her and a baby is the easiest way to do it. By keeping people exhausted, it is much easier to control them. They have no mental or physical capacity to leave or fight back. Control 101. He is a narcissist that only cares for himself and the optics of the situation. He is gaslighting her, manipulating her, and trying to control her. By the hundred+ messages that he sent, what he was doing was throwing every weapon in his arsenal at her to get a reaction. That is obvious by the constant roller coaster of emotional ploys he was dealing out. He will NEVER get better.
I really hope that there is an update soon and that you share it with us because that woman needs to run fast and FAR.
To Sam's dog trial. If the relationship can handle a dog from puppy to maturity then I think it passes the trial. The dogs "teenager" phase is the worst part of the dog once they are at maturity it's pretty easy from there.
I've never heard of anyone having shared custody of a dog after a breakup. One person gets the dog.
dogs can live longer when they have good homes, I had one growing up that got to 14 human years
I checked on the first story and in a comment she wrote that he used to be more supportive. The last update was totally unhinged. I think it was that he now thought he had her "locked" and his true colours were showing.
The only thing I can think of rn is the pigeon 🐦 from that Mike Tyson cartoon 🤣
John asked if you can kidnap your own child. The answer is yes. However, the situation with my family was that my mother took me and my sister away from our abusive father when my sister and I was toddlers and eventually when I was five she was in a relationship again with a Native American man and my brother was born when I was six and by that time his father was also pretty toxic and violent so my mom took the three of us away while the guy was in prison. My brother was 4 when he was abducted and we didn't see my brother again for three years. My mom missed my birthday while she was in Canada fighting to get my brother back from not only foster care but also the tribe who didn't like the idea of her taking him because she's white and Native American babies are often stolen from tribes and adopted by white people who take away their culture. At the time the father was in prison again. I waited to celebrate my birthday days late when mom came home with my brother and he was the best present there.
We never stopped him from embracing his culture and heritage. He's an adult now.
Lol the dog convo
His logic is 🤯🤯😂
Ok this dog relationship test actually makes sense. When the dog dies how does this relationship handles death. How does this relationship handles raising a being that doesn’t speak the same language. I understand this and I finally agree with Sam.
Riley asked about MATERNITY (mother) leave… not paternity(father) leave. Is he asking for Sophia? 😂RileyXSophia? 👀
It’s actually for bonding with baby by definition in the States. Technically to help out the mom to rest while recovering.
The girl for Sam should be extremely extroverted, dynamic, experimental, impulsive and have the energy of a 5yo.😂
It’s times like this that make you realize that you’re with a narcissist. It’s hard to figure out. There’s no point in giving chances because changes are temporary and it goes back to the same bullsh*t
Pigeon Boy saving the planet one dumpster at a time
Hey y'all. Much love, just put kiddos down for a nap gonna play this while I clean now ❤
I'm just getting mine to bed for the night ❤️
The minute my husband said “but baaaaabe, I only get 6 weeks!” I would’ve been like “Well, let me just see myself out to somewhere I have support. And you can rest. Make sure to sign those divorce papers!”✌🏻
Sam went way too hard with the dog idea 😅 I think his original idea was that it tests how well the couple can divide responsibilities and work together to care for another life. But he def went a bit far 😂 though the comments here can chill some 😅 I think most of his arguments are just for the humor of it at this point 😂
As someone who has 5 dogs before having a kid and then had a kid, dogs are not comparable. Too easy
I feel like we had a dog/puppy/death filibuster on today's episode 😂😂😂
Foster dogs or cats as a prep to see if you are ready for a child. So you don’t have to make the full commitment but can still help them and have a temporary commitment until they find their forever homes! (With a possibility of a foster fail 😂❤️)
49:48 She believes she "settled" for the OP but by not taking her back OP is showing her that he does NOT settle for her.
There is a new update and he Went crazy to say the least.His mom yelled at him He blamed OP for it.She went over to get her stuff with her sister for safety.And he ended up pushing not only o.P , but the sister and she had to call the cops because he hid in a freakinfor over thirty minutes with the baby refusing , To give the baby back the cops never arrested him but she is filing for temporary emergency custody CRAZY!!!!!
I’m 23 min in and NO! DIVORCE! This is not a “change”, she just didn’t notice before how little he does until the baby came and compounded her workload! I had 23 years of experience with this!
🎵Pigeon boy, pigeon boy. He poops on cars and eats popcorn.🎵
Story 1: that dad doesn’t care about his wife OR his baby. If the mom is THAT exhausted, imagine what could happen if she’s left alone with their newborn and collapses!
Sometimes you’re in a red flag relationship and you don’t wake up until it’s no longer just you at the hands of the which ever kind of abuse you endured.
Story one: When you are with a narcissist and you stay, chances are you struggle with low self-worth, and / or that behavior has been normalized to you within your family. Having a baby changes this dynamic ALOT. Suddenly, you have a child that you, like op says, love more than yourself, and there for you will see things more clearly in order to protect them. On top of that the narcissist is no longer your top priority, so they tend to act out in much more evident ways. Hence why she was able to be with him so long.
The best option is to adopt an older dog from a rescue.
1. You're helping a dog in need.
2. The dog will need extra care and attention. Due to it being a rescue. So you get an abundant amount of experience. You wouldn't get from a bred puppy.
3. The dog will have already lived half or more of its life. So your commitment window. Is less time. In the event of a relationship breakdown.
4. Unfortunately a lot of the time. They have no training. So although they are older they still provide the opportunity for training. This means you get to deal with poop, pee, messy, chewing, climbing, barking, chasing, and destroying things.
5. Everyone should only get rescues. It's better for both people and pets. As well as the environment.
Hi guys I recommend in looking into some trauma advocacy type material as sometimes an abusive partner doesn’t let their facade drop until a major life change where they feel the victim is trapped it could be marriage a baby or a big move it’s not unheard of for these people to be ideal partners then it’s like a switch it flipped I actually think she should divorce for her and her babies safety
The answer to Doggate is pretty obvious: if the focus is on the *trial of having a dog in preparation for a baby,* then limiting the dog to a breed that dies within 5 years of you getting it IS planning for failure, because why not just have a longer living dog, do the trial for the same amount of time, and then just have a dog and a baby? If the argument is "then you gotta deal with dog custody AND kid custody if things go wrong," that's not the test anymore. The test was passed after 5 years by this logic, the dog dying doesn't matter.
“In 5 years!?!?!!” Thank you Riley….
My partner and I got two dogs together. Within the year I was pregnant. The baby is 4 months old. He is completely different with the dogs vs the baby. Our culture differences made it hard to have the dogs together.
At least he's not suggesting to get a parot as a trail baby 😂😅
I have never in my life met someone that had a dog with an ex that they shared after break up lol
This is exactly what my ex husband did!!!! The second our daughter came he changed, because he knew I was trapped. It will never get better, leave while you still can!!!
I agree with Sam, I reconsidered motherhood after adopting a husky lol
Dogs aren’t an object to test your relationship…. Get a dog because you want and would love a dog, not because you want it to die soon
Maternity leave is for the woman to heal from giving birth and to bond with baby. The dad did not give birth so what does he have to relax from? That’s also his time to bond and care for baby. Throw the whole man away. He’s a do nothing and a narcissist.
Sam’s whole thing about getting a dog as a test just sounds freaking awful no matter how he spins it.
Get a senior dog Sam!
Sam! Dogs and babies are SO DIFFERENT!!!
Me and my husband got two cats when we were still dating and decided we anted to live together. Then we got engaged and adopted a third cat. We are planning for a child and I WISH children were as easy to raise as my cats 😂
Ah you did it wrong. You were meant to get a dog because cats raise themselves. At least you are prepared for the teenage years where they just expect you to feed them and only accepts attention on their own terms 😂
@@rachellecarmichael5690yeah cats are like the parentified oldest sister
First one divorce! He thought he had control once she had his child 😮😮thrown the whole man out!