5 Extremely Abusive Things Narcissist Do That Don't Feel like Abuse
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2024
- Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
chapters
00:00 introduction
00:56 1. Narcissists gatekeep hygiene from you
02:27 2. Narcissistic parents exploit their children by uploading their videos
03:41 3. Expecting you to work 24 X 7
05:15 4. They use toxic spirituality to gas lit you
07:01 5. They may use their car as a torture chamber
Betrayal Trauma After Narcissistic Abuse:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/livevent
OMG I have known my mother was a Covert Narcissist. But that is a replay of my life except for videos, that was after my teen years . Brain washing. Making you confused.. She didn't drive but would follow and trap you in a room and use scathing comments and ridicule. She was evil. Thanks so much Danish.👍
I never heard anyone explain the fact that being raised by a narcissist leaves you fending for yourself while growing up and then blame you when you eventually get it wrong. Classic!
In all actuality we have always fended for ourselves even as children when you think back over the times.
That is my case too. Never a true guidance or support. Shame and blame and guilt after decades of failing my life in multiple fields. Not that i sign off my own responsibility but perhaps im one of those children who could do better with a proper support or helpful wisdom. Or maybe not. I dont know. But they are narcs💯
The car trap brought back lots of memories; the speeding, the smoking with windows rolled up, the music played, especially if you appeared to be enjoying it, the station would be changed, delaying restroom stops deliberately. Yes, a torture chamber.
My mother-in-law would insist that the windows be kept up and the airconditioner off all the way upp the 99 from Los Angeles to Fresno when driving with my then three year old son. Yes, in the middle of summer. The poor kid was beet red and sweating by Grapevine when I Told het to pull over or I would take over the steering by force, and when we woud start (after he cooled down in the IHOP) we WOULD be using the air conditioner. It ws 101 outside. MIL : My eyes get dry. Me: My kid comes first, sorry. Her: Pouts in Finnish the whole way to Fresno. My son : Stops looking like a soppy tomato and goes to sleep.
@@raquellofstedt9713 I've driven that route over a half dozen times as an adult, so I understand what you are relaying. Crazy!! The heat in that area is quite draining. I liked your description, "...a soppy tomato".
That witnessing of yours reminds me once about some situations I encountered while taking public transit a few times. Like when for example after realizing that the correct number bus I was riding on had started going off route while at the time both the driver and I at the time had believed we were the only 2 people inside that moving bus. When I pointed out to him about the turn he missed then he went into a tirade about how I must be the crazy one for telling him how to drive His bus. If it hadn't been for another passenger who got woken up by his shouting at me after they fell asleep who then started complaining about how the bus driver had missed a turn what could have then started happening to me next if he had made a report to transit watch about me an according to him alleged crazy person who needs to ride the even less reliable often late too disabled transit busses instead?
@@raquellofstedt9713 Great story, Mom. Good job! 💪😘🙏
My narc sister would drive crazy just so she would get pulled over. Her husband is a cop and she was always looking for trouble. Wanted to talk to another cop and brag and BS..she would always say ' im one of you '. She called 911 on me repeatedly bc she knew what to say so she wouldn't get abuse of 911 and my house would get raided. She also stole my inheritance.
I've been married to a narcissist for 30 years and experienced all of these things. The car one is terrifying! I thought he was going to kill our entire family on 3 separate occasions when he started speeding and driving recklessly. We began taking a second car when we had to travel places, so we didn't have to ride with him. I'm saving every penny I can to escape him.
Save every penny, that’s how I escaped after 30 years, lost everything. So much brighter on the other side of the door . Just wished I knew about this sooner. 💜
Hope you get free.
Good luck, I hope that you escape soon and safely. Try to keep it from him as much as you can. Sending love x
I was trapped too. Wish you well save all you can but don't tell anyone your plans.. Best wishes.
ASAP
Yes 💯. Not being taught about puberty, getting yelled at with homework. In a car situation, crazy driving, or given the silent treatment on an uncomfortable ride. Lovely, aren't they.
My mother didn't teach me about how my body would change either... until I came to her at 13 1/2⚠️
This was my parents. I was never given any information or guidance on any subject level. I had to figure it out on my own. Then my mother would criticize the choices I made. This was over 50 years ago.
My husband used the car to scream at me and sling verbal assaults at me like I'd never seen. He will speed up, scream, slam on the brakes in the soft shoulder, and threaten me. Whenever I try to talk, he screams more. He did this to me recently when we were on the way to take our daughter to the hospital. The rage came out of nowhere and something snapped inside of me. I haven't been the same since. I feel broken. But these videos are empowering.
You can leave
My husband treatet me desame. Narcissist, alcoholic, cocaïne
He was en ugly moster. Do you know that song from David Bowie? Scary munsters and supercreaps. That song is about evil people. I wisch you love and power from Holland. ❤
I feel your pain on that
My ex narc husband would do this in the car with the kids in the back seat. He’d play jazz music real loud on the way to church. I’d let it go for a few minutes, then ask if he’d turn it down. Then he’d turn it up and then again, yelling that he knew what good music is and I didn’t. The kids would be crying and I felt so upset and trapped. And it was so insane. Scary. Then he’d blame me and make what he did sound normal. We were married 18 years. Took a long time for me to heal. Final healing came when I found out about narcissistic personality disorder. Glad you brought this up. First I’ve heard it mentioned. He definitely used the car as a torture chamber.
Same. Put up with 14 years of similar abuse.
The car one is very true and rarely talked about. An ex narc of my would purposely start arguments and get physically and verbally abusive in the car because he knew I couldn't escape or defend myself.
Amen. Been there done that.
My narcissistic mother didn't like to bathe kids, I learned to bathe myself when I five so i wouldn't go dirty. She didn't like to buy toothpaste, soap, clothes, and feminine products. She didn't teach us about puberty. She was always screaming and didn't want us to feel emotions. She didn't comb our hair either. She was lazy and Incompetent. She didn't help with homework, all she knew how to do was lay in a bed, sleep, and stay on the phone all day, with her fake friends. She didn't cook or provide food in general really. She's the biggest monster in my life. She married a narcissistic man who's also abusive. He'd abuse me and my sister and my mother would cover up his abuse and act like it didn't happen. She'd take over my life with her own projects, she pressured me and my sister to work for free, and she always saw us as slaves. She wouldn't let me mingle with others to make friends or find a partner. She was always jealous when I found a potential long time partner too, she'd run them off. And she'd tell me I wasn't good enough, essentially. She always tried to destroy my life, and still does. She's always criticizing me about my weight, clothing, hair, and constantly telling me what she doesn't like. When I don't care because I just want to be who I am. She wanted me to be smartmouthed and evil like her but I'm nothing like her. I don't want to be anything like her, she's a monster. And she told me when i was freshly 18 that I was completely emotionally mature (I was not). She's never supported me. I got a job as a teen and started providing for myself. She never taught me anything. I'm a mother now, I have a daughter of my own. And I teach her as much as I can. I want to be the best mother I can be for her, and not be the monster my mother was. She'll start random arguments out of nowhere too. She constantly manipulates and gaslights me over the simplest things. The best thing I can do for myself is to go no contact with my narcissistic family.
I was not allowed a comb or a brush either my hair was down past my waist so it was a living hell❤
@@Amylyn.. Sorry you had to go through this.
Wow, first time I hear about the gatekeeping of hygiene and it reminded so many details of my youth.
My mother didnt even teach us to brush our teeth, it was at school we learnt it, and she wasn't happy...
She wasn't happy because she saw the potential in her children and knew that if any opportunities came by you all will eventually leave her behind.
If not that, some are so jealous and cruel that they won't mind taking themselves down to gutter if it means you'll go to. "Who are you that you think you can better than me?" Mentality
Same here. I remember, that my uncle taught me how to brush my teeth.
As I became a teenager, I only got a book from her, which explained, what is happening with my body and what to do.
I was never told anything as I was growing up. She was only interested in my brothers.
God helped me get through this. I am her only daughter and I wasn't treated right, by either of my parents. Praise be to the father for releasing me from their grip.
I just realised the reason why I’m too afraid to drive and even forgot how to: car trauma. My father was a reckless driver and got us in a horrible accident when I was 6 that left me with bodily scars. I grew up ashamed of my body because of them. My fear of driving increased when my mom forced me to drive my little sister to school when she was in elementary school. Later in life I had a bad car accident that left my car totaled. I decided to not drive again, as the anxiety made me fear for my safety (and that of those that might ride with me). My mother (who is a covert narc) to this day harasses me for not wanting to drive, claiming she “doesn’t understand why”.
Thankfully, I will be soon moving to a place where I don’t need a car and can just take trains or ride a bike. A place far away from the narc
Omg! I don't drive anymore either!!! Too scary!!!
When I was 9 years old my narcissist father bought an extremely fast car. He decided to see how fast it would go with my whole family in the car. He got it up to 120mph and my mother was screaming for him to slow down. I look back now with total disgust that he would jeopardize our lives for something so stupid. Who does that? That was over 50 years ago. I never forgot it. Trauma. 😢
I am so sorry, that must have been really terrifying!
I bet you are one of the safest drivers on the road due to that trauma.
The hygiene and torture chamber! My mother did not want me to bathe everyday as a child. She said it was not necessary. When I became a teen-ager, I did it anyway. I also hand washed my clothes because she would not allow me to use the washer and she rarely did laundry. She would drink and become agressive in the car and start speeding and yelling at me.
The car torture chamber is very familiar. I always hated it. My father played the same songs and god forbid you had an opinion on it. There would be a screaming match. He also loved (and my mom) to smoke in the car, choking me and whenever I dared to ask him not to, i got the whole "this is my car, i do what i want" screaming. Finally, I used to plead with him not to speed down the motorway. Again, screaming waterfall about how he is the driver and I should shut up. I remember hugging my pillow, softly crying, fearing for my life.
My ex narc husband used the car trap for road rage and speeding etc. And of course he decided the music. All other drivers were idiots, rules applied to others not him. It took him 2 years to get the kid a car seat after divorce and he had an issue with wearing seatbelts.
OMG, Thank you for mentioning the bad way of using religion!!!! That was my first Narc!!! I read "his" book and pointed to him and said, "This part is about You. It's the forked tongue that lies cheats and decieves people to get money". That was one of the only rare times he didn't have a comeback.
Like a bad stage mom!! And regularly he would promise to take his son to play basketball & then get all dressed up in a suit & leave by himself. My son got so tired of it he stopped asking. I started taking him myself and then my son said it to me .."Why does he even keep promising to take me and then he always leaves?"😢 God bless him, the look in his eyes said it all. "My dad sucks"!!! He will be 28 in a few days & he still has bad issues stemming from his 'sociopathic narcissist of a father'. I don't want my son to suffer anymore but it's still lingering since he was 12.
If you are a child of a narcissist you are doomed. They have zero emotional empathy that´s why. You are an object for them - to present their friends... What narcissists are good at is giving gifts but they don´t give time or attention to their children. And yeah I don´t know why but narcissists never can sit still a long time - they always have to do something. (I don´t know where they take that energy but yeah they do and also want that from other people. And never fight in a car - stay silent because it is simple too dangerous (just be smart - I know it is difficult for me it is/was too but I stay and will always stay silent in a car. Do yourself a favor if you know you are with a narcissist - don´t look back - LEAVE.
All this is so true! I used to hate being paraded around by my bio Narc Mother. No! They can never sit still because they have restless souls.
They bought me a piano. I was so happy- until they wanted me to play in front of others, so they could take credit for their musical daughter.
those childhood car trips are the reason I cant drive a car till this day without experiencing mild to severe panic attacks..smh
❣🙏 I can relate. My Mother thought a STOP sign meant speed up & may the fastest win!
“Psychological suffocation”… you said it all. The terrifying road rage has been the hallmark of my experience with the narc. Everything and nothing makes him angry.
Absolutely true my mom never even took me to buy a bra, or about the cycle for women, never went to a dentist or doctor
@@lynshively5980 So many of my peers went through this . Awefull.
I know your pain.
Yes one narcissist in a car wouldn't stop the car for hours knowing I had to pee and replayed one song repeatedly
Not sure if you mentioned it, but WHY DO SOME EAT WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN??? HE'S 69 years old! I think it's an intentional way to irritate those around.
That’s right up there with singing the loudest in booming voice in church, only 1/4 step AHEAD of everyone else...Yeesh!
Narracissits love smacking their mouths while chewing Disgusting
I’m am free, I was a slave for 19 years, I did everything and nothing was good enough. He drove fast and never wore a seatbelt with the kids in the car ❤ Escape, find peace and healing and save your life 🙏🏻❤️🦋🦋🦋🦋
The whole thing about" treat you like a slave" is spot on. My X now for 10 years would come home strongly complaint the house was not clean enough...dishes/ laundry is not done,etc list goes on. I was a stay at home mom of a 5 year old and newborn twins. I could never keep up all day I was doing something for one of my children. He would just yell and scream when the house was tidy up and clean to "his standards". And after all this for 15 hours a day with everything else involved in the household chores. When I was completely exhausted. He would demand sexual relations. Then go watch TV for hours while I take care of all the kids. But before that he was exhausted and needed to go to bed because he "worked all day". God forbid I ask for a little help. His reply would ALWAYS be " I worked all day today". He said staying home taking care of three children under 5 all day and keeping big up with the house chores was NOT a job. He was a total fucking narc. Again I can happily say he is my X.
Oh Lord! Thank you for making these videos. Both of my parents are narcissists. Growing up in this kind of environment is extremely damaging; some people don't understand it. My mother would get so upset and angry because, in her mind, she gave birth to a servant. I owed her to be born. She would never ask or demand any sacrifices from my other two siblings, she would always expect me to serve her and make her "happy".
❤I remember whenI caught my period for the first time. My twin had hers a year earlier AND it was super painful for her AND on our birthday to WoodfieldMall in Chicago, we had to drive home- but my mom helped her for 3 days with it
I got a story, my narcissistic husband (he is a RN his name is Justin)knew the suburbans back brakes were completely worn out/gone, did everything in his manipulative power of, trying to minimize, promised, insured, to angry coercive control tried to convince me that the vehicle was absolutely safe to drive from Houston to big bend national park to take my 5 children (he wasn't coming) camping for two weeks. He was cheating on me for years before this trip and I started putting the pieces together after a woman he works with, who also live in our neighborhood started screaming at him at the community pool. So instead of admitting, he just tried to delete me and all five of my children, with an accident the would look just like a terrible tragedy. So that he would have to be confronted, and would get to be a victim of a terrible accident.
OMG! How sick! You can really see the inability to feel love or empathy! I hope he’s out of your life! ❣🙏💪
@@anniekirts6621 He has absolute control of everything
My ex gave me a car with no brakes 3 years ago.
Interesting video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@stanleymason-od4lsTHIS is not the answer. You will lose money and not get her back. Do you want the demonic to come into your life? This is Not what this channel is about. I'm 58 years old and I was married 15 yrs. to a narcissist but I never knew it. He almost killed me. The last time he pulled a gun on me was the last. Our daughter learned how to be a narcissist from him. I didn't even know about this until a year ago until she out of the blue took herself, my 3 granddaughters and my son-in-law out of my life. That's what they do. Do you understand?? You will never be free from everything unless you Walk with God and you understand what you are dealing with. Spiritual advisor... Some terms are used rather loosely and that is one of them. Stanley, I don't know how old you are, anything about you but your comment and the reply screamed HELP!! Take it for what I implore you to take it for. Please let Danish, the man doing this video info you. Subscribe to his channel. He is a licensed psychologist and a narcissist survivor. Let him help you. And I will pray for you. God will help you. Peace and Blessings may they overtake you 😢🙏🙏🙏
Oh! Thank God I finally was told about using a car as a torture chamber. I've had so many terrifying experiences out on the interstate highway. I often thought I'd perish. My narcissist husband was also I to spiritual abuse. He used scripture to torture me and make me tolerate and submit to many things. I was married to this man for 31 years. Thank you Danish
Thank you Danish. This was a little triggering as I've been trapped in the passenger seat of the car while being harrassed non-stop. At one point the narc attempted to remove my seat belt then tried to open the car door to throw me out. I was in survival mode so to try to snap him out of it I swung at him and accidentally gave him a black eye. I ended up with a GBH charge against me and was facing up to five years in prison. My lawyer had my back and I got 12 months probation.
Oh my God!
My mom would shave everywhere for me even when I cried when I was like 12-13. She wouldn’t trust me or teach me to do it myself. She said it was “too sharp.” She likes treating me like a child. I’m 19, which is a child compared to grown adults but still I am blossoming into early adulthood and should be responsible but she wants to make me have the mindset of a child so she can feel powerful and authoritative. A few days ago, at my cousin’s house, I dropped some food on the floor by accident and we literally had an argument because I wanted to pick it up and she kept saying no she will clean it up later. What a bxtch.
I'm glad to see that you are realizing the narcissist abuse now. Yes, you're a young adult, but you're mature enough to make your own decisions, clean up after yourself, and to stand up for yourself. You're a young adult, yet you are an adult. You are capable and you're smart.
Shaving you was definitely an act of control. Yes, the razor was sharp, but how are you going to learn how to use it if she won't let you try? And seriously, how many grown women with years of shaving experience still nick themselves from time to time?
She is trying to infantalize you
She infantilised you, I know because it happened to me. I had to literally yell at my grandmother to stop making decisions for me and speaking for me when someone request or an opportunity for me.
She would say, "Oh! So and so asked if you'd be interested in doing this..... And I told them you wouldn't be interested" Like why would you do that.
She would also wake me up for school and I was in highschool and able to wake myself up. I told her to stop I'm responsible you don't have to remind me of something I do myself every morning which is get ready for school in time.
I was infantilized also. I am 72 now, and mourning the life I could have had.
@honeymoonavenue97 That shaving everywhere sounds sick! Tell her, nobody but NOBODY touches your body except a doctor. Unless you are an adult and legally able to give permission, no one touches you!
First time I was glad I grew up in the 80-90s before cell phones and internet were huge -was when you mentioned that narc parents could video their kids 🤦♀️. … that’s awful and I can totally see that happening 🤦♀️
I wasn't taught about personal hygiene at home; the serious matters on feminity. Because of this I got terribly embarrassed during one of my periods.
And now married to a narcissist, I have to keep quiet and apologize for my fault or not during every argument just to let him win to keep peace for the children's sake.
Makes me worry even more for my grandson that's turning 13. I wish I could get him out of that hell.. but everyone thinks she's so sweet. I know what she does behind closed doors .
I never understood how to apply make-up until I was in graduate school. My mother never showed me. She always said, "You don't need it." And yet she used it. I learned how to do make-up on my own. And I realize now..... my mother just didn't want me to show her up. She was always pathologically jealous. For example, when I was about 6, someone gave me a dress for Christmas, and it was my favorite dress. One time, my mother tried to get me to wear a dress that she bought for me, and I said I didn't like it. OH boy. My favorite dress disappeared after that day............ I asked her about it. She said, "I don't know what happened to it." I'm 52-years-old, and I finally understand. My mother got rid of it. She didn't bother to ask me, "Why do you like that dress?" To hide her toxic shame and jealousy, she just threw it away. If she'd asked, I could have told her it was my favorite color. And I liked the feel of the velvet. But.... I understand now... narcs don't CARE what you think or feel. They really don't.
Yes all true!!! My grandma was the religious narc always used scripture to benefit herself and herself only. Telling me to forgive her narc relatives bc that’s what God wants me to do. Gaslighting me to go to church, not bc she actually wants me to get closer to God, but bc it makes HER look good and she doesn’t want to go alone. Just crazy and loony smh it’s so important that people build their OWN relationship with our creator and not allow these narcopaths to deter you away from God
The car torture. Not married to him and know he treats me in such an abusive manner when it’s just me and him. Or, alone at his place. I’m in the process of being out of the relationship.
@narcabusecoach Danish - bit off topic but related to entitlement and control. Have you heard from others about zero respect for personal space, entering your room without knocking and without advance notice? Even now, at adult age, my father doesn't give a toss about ringing door bell, just walks right in, uses his key feeling totally entitled to do so. Doesn't understand the concept of privacy at all. It's extremely unsettling, intrusive and invasive.
Change the locks, it is an easy DIY.
@@eleonorabartoli2225 well, thanks for the tip. it so happens that bc there is a grandchild involved and my folks have a spare key for times when they pick kid up and take him home from nursery. i think the point here is that regardless of spare key, as i have to to their place, i always ring the bell bc fundamentally it's their space, and as a health human being, i respect that and dont encroach on their private space.
@@lydiagall4335 yes, very rude on their part.
Also, threatening to leave you or your friends on the side of the road when far away from home or no public transportation. Wanting to stop the car in isolated places. Careless about wildlife.
Refusing to stop to check on people who just had an accident.
Omg, yes! And walk away from you in cities you're not familiar with, just leave.
Thanks Danish ... I think point number 5, speeding the car is I noticed very frequently done by narcissists.
The car trap, yes, for sure.
Several times when he (husband) has done that, it is frightening, especially the speeding and reckless driving.
Once, I was driving him in my car. He was mad at me for something (as usual), so he took his heavy work boot and mashed my foot (in a flip flop) down as hard as he could on my ecselerator, to cause us to speed.
Also, yes, sad that all the household chores are mine... everything!
All he does is mow the yard...with the winter off.
While I have all the:
grocery shopping
meal planning
cooking
dish washing
all the cleaning!!!
all the dog care (its his dog)
all the garbage collection and take out
and everything else.
He won't lift a finger inside the house.
Once I was making a nice homemade lasagna. I was very surprised when I discovered that I had forgotten one of the ingredients that I needed.
So I asked husband if he would run up to the store (about 5 minutes away) and get me the ingredient.
His reply "NOPE"...
But, the worst part isn't doing all that work by myself.
It's the lack of respect for what I do to keep the house clean and functioning.
I will clean and turn around and he leaves coffee spilled on the floor or crumbs or soup spilled on the counters...after I have cleaned.
Or hair in the shower,after I have scrubbed out the shower.
It's just the lack of respect for my effort and time.
But, boy, if I was to dirty up his sports car, after he cleans it, I would not hear the end of it!
Funny how he respects what's important to only himself!
The worst part is also that it never gets me any merit or gratitude. I never hear any positive comments or even a single thank you.
Thats the narcissist, they are not grateful, they expect it!!!
All I can say is that I am so grateful my nature/nurture didn't create me to be a narcissist.
They are miserable creatures who lead miserable lives, and they don't even know it...
sounds liikke me I was his slave even gave him half my house now cant do much cuz I have lyme disease cuzyardwas ammess and full of ticks never cleaned garage or car hundreds of mice in garage and shed pee and poo never cleand garbage pail one day I opened it up and full of maggots they are careless and lzy parasites road rage almost killed me they break or steal your stuff I must leave after 38 years cant take it anymore I hope you find a way out of it dont let time slip by so good luck and gods blessing to you
@@renaissance5300 Same to you. I hope you find your better life!
There are many channels on narcissistic abuse, and I have to say, your insights are completely unique. #1 in this video floored me! How perfectly true and I have never thought of that as connected to narcissism. #5 had me laughing right at the opening!!! As you correctly point out, people often say that everyone complains about 'backseat driving' or other such things, but the torture chamber is spot on. Excellent presentations. Thank you for your work.
The 5th was one of the worst experiences with my narc spouse, I was panicked for the safety of me and my kids... 19 years of nightmare..... 😢😢😢
The car trap as described is something of a paradox when the driver and the narcissist are opposing parties in the same car, particularly if the narcissist for some reason does not have a drivers license to begin with.
Say the narcissist has a medical restriction and cannot drive, so you have agreed to drive, then somehow an argument breaks out and they either demand you turn around and go home, or bring them home, just because they're having an argument with you that's irrelevant to where you're driving to. And you refuse to turn around and drive back home because you're already more than halfway there. (I personally would call that a legitimate boundary if you're stuck having to drive them everywhere.)
Or this passenger has a prior and/or recent history of either threatening or attempting to jump out of your (or at least *a*) moving vehicle, so often that the next time you have to srive them you make them sit in the back, where there's a child lock. (Again, a legitimate response that they twist into you holding them hostage in your car.)
Both of the above scenarios, while I hesitate to describe the passengers involved as narcissists per se, are both real incidents involving two seperate regular passengers with no drivers license I personally drove around on a regular basis.
Oh and did I mention that one of these two people forbade me to allow others to smoke in the car, even when she wasn't in it, despite it being my car that I owned independently of her? (Granted, I'm not a smoker but I come from a family of smokers, so that created a seperate host of problems.)
Ever notice how they Block doorways so you can't leave. Cornering you to intimidate you.
Yes Narracissits love to fight or destract you when your driving because you have your hands on the wheel they know you cannot fight back or you will wreck 😢
100% accurate- car fights but covert narcissists I knew(2) wouldn’t speed (thankfully) because they don’t want anyone to pull them over and discover them- covert narcissists make the outside appear perfect, putting on a “show” for everyone else and that includes driving close to the speed limit…
It’s like this video was made about my parents. One example was years ago my stepdad used to buy me books and pamphlets about Buddhism and would always encourage me to be peaceful and loving and accepting of others… meanwhile he practiced none of those things himself and was very verbally and psychologically abusive. I figured this one out on my own luckily, but it’s immensely validating to hear you talking about this in your video, thank you!
I have a tip that worked for me yall. I noticed that the crazy driving gets worse when you’re paying attention to what theyre doing and react. I would usually look entirely away from traffic and look far out the window or in my phone. They live for every hit of the brakes, speeding, turning crazily, almost rear ending vehicles, not properly stopping or yielding and coming out of corners with oncoming cars. It all stopped once i averted my attention. Really they're the only one stressing themselves in that situation. They'll find another way probably loud music or arguing. This is why i kept my headphones with me for back up. Worked like a charm til i could get away. Buds or airpods work cause I used my hair to hide it. Wire headphones seem to trigger them more. Crazy I have to give out advice such as this but I still hope it helps someone 🥰🥰
The moment you said about car and torture chamber... That was enough for me to feel unsettled... So much through it..
The car trap is my biggest trigger to this day
The car... Not allowing you to roll the windows down in a very hot day, smoking in your car, not wanting to help with the driving in an emergency situation where you cannot drive but must to because that's your only way... Damaging your car... Leaving yous stuff there purposely for them to spoil in the sun... Oh my... The memories from "the artistic" slc.
Terrible words and actions (and inaction) to do to anyone, esp a child. I left my narc parents at 16. I’ve been through the car torment. And my first adult boyfriend had to teach me about wearing deodorant at the beach. 🙈 My alcoholic mother loved me but was super codependent to my step father who was a huge man-child narcissist. Great video Danish. It breaks my heart if you went through any of this in your childhood too. 🙏❤️
the car trap game ,so familiar and the deal with your body without any help at all also. I remember fear in the car and shame and embarrassment about my body. I don't think any other videos about narcissism mention these things but for me they were profound traumas with life long effects.
OMG!!! THE TORTURE CHAMBER- THE CAR😮
My mother used to do this!!! She has this "privileged" mindset. This chauffeuring began when I got my driver's license at 15 years old.
I digress.
My car was no longer drivable,[as an adult]she promised to get me a new one. Well, she lied about that and never did, I digress again😊
Whenever I needed her car I'd have to take her to work and then pick her up from work. Ugh! She began using those 8 min trips to RAGE, argue, lie, scream, threaten, Hollar, and rage at me while I'm driving. This went on for 2 years, so much so I'd get anxiety attacks the night before. I began telling her she needed to drive herself to work. She raged then too but I felt so much more peace and still do. 😊 PEACE is worth gaining. I don't tolerate it anymore.
Thanks for pointing this out, as well as the weaponization of a teen's developing body, yeah, she did that too! These people ARE monsters!
I only ride with my narcissistic partner when it is absolutely necessary. He terrorizes me by driving recklessly. That is one hundred percent true about narcissists. I know from personal experience. Both my narcissistic parents used to do that too. It is terrifying. It is the reason I still don't drive as an adult. I have quite a bit of trauma around this. Being behind the wheel of a car gives me intense panic attacks.
It is my mother who experienced the car trap, she was often punched inside the car by my father without having a means to escape. He was also used to just expelling us, my mother and me each time we angered him, he could talk to a woman on the phone and when my mom called him out on it, he just got angry and ordered us to leave his vehicle. I also experienced a lack of personal hygiene but I was also partly responsible I was so depressed that I started neglecting myself but my parents always constantly shamed me for that. I started taking care of my body only when I became an adult. I personally never experienced the "influencer narcissist" who treats their children as their money machine and I pray for these poor children whose lives are just thrown outside for social media to see.
Part of it I experienced with my narcissist mother, the other part with ex spouse.😊 good points, thanks 😊
I did not know the narc parent does not help teach thier children with looking after thier developing body. I was so embarrassed needing a bra, didn't know how the sizing works, begged mom to help me purchase my first bra. I was so embarrassed and ashamed, She didn't agree with me, she said I did not need one. I was being mocked teased and
bullied at school for not having one. My mom finally relented and took me bra shopping, my first bra was a 34b. Turns out my mom's bra was the same size 34b
What confusion, ok for her to wear a bra but not me, when we are the same size, I was so naive about my body and the changes. If I had realized this before shopping I would have STOLEN one of her bra ..
Just a small snippet of my life growing up with two narcs. Dad was a grandiose narc and Mom was a covert narc.
Your videos are helpful, I am able to see more narc behavior so I thank you for this
Point 1 : i can relate that very well. I grown up without knowing the basics.
Omg yes you’re right about the car trap! Happened to me where one lady I was friends with, thankfully no more, she drove me around in circles on the highway! I now realize she did that so she can get attention and talk her head off about her own problems. And she did that too, to trap me into spilling my beans of whatever I was going through. Then later on, she ended up hurting me emotionally with something so horrible. I was so hurt! I actually saw a psychic to find out about her, and I didn’t mention to the psychic anything about her behavior. I told psychic I wondering about her.
It was very weird, she told me that she’s a narcissist! I was shocked to hear that especially because she never met her or knew anything about her! I could finally see the signs after she told me.
After hearing that, I blocked her on social media and never saw her again.
The one about making me do all the work and then when I get fed up and ask for help, then I'm a nag. Also the car trap. Interesting to hear it referred to as a type of abuse specific to narcissists. There were so many things he used to do that made going anywhere with him a miserable ordeal. I'm trying to move on and forget about all the things he did but it's validating to hear these things and helps me realize that it was actually abuse and I'm not crazy.
I spent all Saturday's cleaning..I had a long list
inescapeable for me as just a child, 24 hours of con-drama! thank you so much for sharing your view on the car (and general mobility) becoming a torture chamber. very helpful for me understanding my phobia .
Exactly 😢😢this happened to me... During my early teens...my mom disrespected my developing body in the weirdest way... Oh ..that trauma
Trauma is in the details!
1. Withholding hygiene making fun of children.
2. Exploiting children, sold for money
3. Expected to work 24/7
4. Toxic spirituality to gaslight you
5. Use their car as a torchure chamber
This....things people don't talk about. Thank you for explaining psychological strangulation.
Been through them all
And my children. Blended family, and it was an utter nightmare for everyone.
Made my kids run from Christian's as thr abuse was so deep I still just weep. And most didn't see, but many did
Thank God I finally left for good.
Three ended up homeless while two ride the high horse. What comes around, goes around
This I know and I cling to hope
Bless anyone trying to make sense of this experience and much love and healing to all!
Oh my.. the hygiene part is a immediately trigger for bad memory by my mother. My throat hurts, 😔 it's now I think of it. Sighs, I teach my children to be clean just as anybody else. I try not to overdo it to tell my daughter she's just 15. The other things I don't recognize but that part I do. Who in the world wants their children to be laughed at, abandoned by other children or families etc. Ugh it's so shameful 😞
3:43 working at 24 hours slave I can't agree more. I'm still remembered that I was worked 8am to 6pm as Casino Hospitality. When I'm got home, my Narcissistic Mother will ordering me to help on Household until Midnight 2am. I was still remembered I was crying inside Casino's restroom because I was too tired and don't know what to do at that time. 2am to 6am was not enough of sleep for me.
Everything you said in this video is absolutely correct, I remember my narcissistic gf was driving and I was In the passenger seat, she was smirking and half happy looking and at the same time she would look at me quick and look away then steer the steering wheel left and right quickly and the car shakes, we were going at least 70kms, I told her hey why you doing that stop it’s dangerous not funny, she would look at me either eyes 👀 and laugh abit and say don’t be scared what man are you
These people idk if they people but demons very sick
Narcissistic parents do not guide you. You are afraid to hv meaningful communication when coming into puberty but make a mistake becuz u weren't given knowledge that a parent shd give you; u will be persecuted as the worst human being. As a young girl coming into womanhood, 2 pamphlets were thrown at me as my learning tool. U learn on ur own by trial & error; a really hard lesson
Mr Bashir you are simply wonderful..👍🏾💥🔥💖🖤
Well said Danish....the 5th point was very much appropriate.,,💯💯.I must say very keenly you have observed/gone thru worst experience.i myself has gone as said above.so I can relate it very well.
5. Using their car as a torture chamber
Because I was wasn't the golden child and my parents couldn't trust me to be alone in the house I spent my 17th birthday in a hot car in the middle of August when I was forced to go with my parents over 3 hours away from home as they helped my older brother with early move-in to his freshman college dorm.
The car had automatic windows and they took the keys with them. They left me with just a mug of water. For over four hours I waited for them to get back from registration, move-in, and orientation.
This was a time before everyone had cell phones. Even if I did bring a book to occupy my time, after an hour it would have been too hot to concentrate. I didn't know the campus. I had no where else to go and no money with me. I HAD to stay in the car and wait until they got back.
There was no use complaining. My parents would have turned it all around on me saying I was being jealous and inconsiderate of my brother if I did.
If I were a dog in that situation, I would have gotten better treatment. At least someone would have broken me out, given me some cold water and report my "owners" to the police.
Needless to say, everyone was too tired to celebrate my birthday by the time we all drove back home the same day.
Omg! I almost cried because my parents never taught me how to even wipe myself properly. I had to learn from a friend. They didn't teach me how to take care of my hair. Just bad and sad.
Spouse has many narc. behaviors but when I call him out he really seems to try to moderate… I only wish I had caught on decades ago.
There was religious abuse, and car torture too. (shudderrr)
During long term "marriage", nex would drive terrifyingly fast on winding hilly roads until i was in a state of terror. He claimed i made us late, but he *wanted* to.
Twp vehicles of ours caught fire in strange ways during the years with him, and one was completely totaled from flames. I don't know if he had anything to do with these, but there are details that make me wonder.
Later after we moved to a mountainous state, he tailgated vehicles and drove crazy on the small mountain roads until i;d be hyperventilating, on the floorboard, and sobbing multiple times.
Once during a blizzard, he tried to lose me (i was supposed to follow him in my car) in the middle of nowhere and my daughter and i could have died if she hadn't spotted him way off in the distance.
Another time he called & lured me down a mountain trail to give him a "battery jump" as he was clearing the driveway. He parked his heavy snowplow truck in the center of the trail, got out standing off to the side, and waited for me to descend. As he knew would happen, i lost control on the final steep portion and my vehicle careened down the mountain straight for the truck. I figured out the only thing to do was to turn off the road and let the car plunge into a deep snow drift, which possibly saved my life i now know.
The last time i drove a distance with nex, i vowed to myself i would NEVER put myself through driving with him again, and we finally managed to get away to safety.
Once a narcissist, or any psychotic abuser gets someone in a car, their nature becomes apparent.
Here's to healing & good lives for ALL survivors.
Your angel respects you,Dannish.Thats a very good thing especially these days.❤
Hi Danish, you really can tell so much about a person by how they drive!! Love you, thanks for all you do!!❤
My narcissistic mother would terrorize me in the car constantly as a teen. Yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs non stop! I hate her guts and have recently completely cut all ties with her and I've never felt so much relief!
Thanks, very deep, true, hidden knowledge. I am surprised now I was treated by my parents like this n then by my husband n his relatives. I could not know the reason why this to me this emotional, mental torture. I worked like a slave for all but result in return in nothing. Thanks for such nice speech.
wow. point 5 I have experienced. One time, I really thought my father would kill me. Orderung me in the car, driving by night into the woods, far away from anyone and started screaming at me and verbal abuse, I was so afraid I peed - with 15. What created more screaming, because I did something to his beloved car. He´s dead for a long time. And I still carry this bullshit around.
I often do not comment but i had to let you know how on point you are in this video as well as many of your video''s.I experienced most everything you are speaking of in a house full of relatives. i'am healing as i am learning more on the topic of narcissiism..
Yes, it is true - narcissistic or however you call them - parents, don't tell you about personal hygiene, bodilly care, or any body care practice... I was so embarrassed on my personal hygiene as child at school, and orher settings, about my self care. Narcissistic parents dont care about hygiene of rheir children nor to inform them about facts of life....
each n everything you explained in this video is absolutaly correct about how a narsissist parent deal with his/ her teenage children.i ve seen such kind of father very closely, with his son....🤐🤐 but i was helpless in dealing with that person that time ....
Oh wow !! That was my mom right there ..she never talked to me about my periods growing up and had to figure it out on my own and through my friends ..I’d have accidents and she throw all my underwear away ..I knew at 12yrs old something was wrong with her. She died when I was 33 of a drug overdose..I felt so sad and lost because she became my friend as I got older..never quite a mother to me .
I think I have a real life example for everything actually more than one 😵💫 thanks for sharing your knowledge.
🎉You are the BEST Danish . 🎉Helped me get out of toxic relationships , 🎉and still help me AVOID getting caught again.
Hi Danish, I swear you are psychic! More than once you have left these vids & it’s on something I’m currently or just experienced..❣🙏. Video-pictures not really my genre, lol. But torture car? Oh yes ( especially w alcohol involved). And spiritually? Bullseye. Most frustrating as I am quite spiritual. I just say “stop asking me fake questions to start trouble. You know perfectly well what I believe. Same questions over & over when ur mad at something. You’re just looking for poison frogs to dip your spears into, & take potshots at me. No more. And stop trying to gaslight”. There are times when I think: we’ll maybe this time if I explain it correctly...And something from Above knocks me in the head, & I can “see” why it can never work. A new perspective. Thank you for these videos. As u can probably tell, I’m still dealing with flotsam from the relationship...(I even worry about leaving feedback..I’ll assume that might be kid of “normal” tho...).
Thank you for this Danish!!!!!!
I still remember words from my covert narc aunt who used to say in a story how God truly blesses her because her both daughters got married so successfully. She wasnt comparing me to them but want it or not you start thinking a thought in your head, especially when all your life is a misery and a failure and a challenge and a misfortune after misfortune, and leads you to think that you are probably too sinful thats why you wasnt blessed with good things. And i remember my cousins words to my niece when she took notice of my face skin illness and quietly asked her mom. she replied to her ‘Oh, dear, its not your aunt’s fault for having this issue’. As if innocent comment one may think, as if empathetic but what would you start thinking after hearing this? That perhaps there’s some kind of spiritual punishment with such an incurable desease. Or at least it felt like this. She could have said million things in response but she chose to use the word ‘fault’ instead.
Thank you kind Danish for your efficient, yummy to my soul, postings.
You are funny 😁 😂 that ,, "you should forgive that's why we are here it's our karma " got me rolling 🤣 😜
Thx a lot with help of Ur knowledge , I take decision to leave my narcissistic husband after 13 years
Omg...wow...I have directly and indirectly experienced all of these.
I work with children. I see #1 a lot with neglected and special needs children. Sadly, special needs teenagers and young adults are neglected the most in terms of hygiene. I had to learn to fend for myself in terms of hygiene. I barely have any pictures from high school because I didn't know how to take care of my hair. For #2, when my brother's dad was out of the picture, I was expected to do chores like an adult. I was only 8. This lasted until I left home. I have an example for every single one of these...wow...
so true, thank you!
The first point can swing in the opposite direction too. They can control your self-care so much and yet in a way that doesn't work for you (forcing you to use products that burn your skin or don't work to remove blemishes, and not allowing you to use what you know works, for example) so that makes their insults hurt more because it looks more like you're a fuck-up or not trying hard enough.
The Car one is definitely traumatic for me: there was multiple times where my ex would start speeding, weaving in and around other cars while blaring his EDM music and smoking. I remember I would be curled in the passenger seat covering my eyes and ears. I felt so trapped and tortured. I even threatened him that i would legit throw myself out of the moving car a few times...
Or another time when he was teaching me how to drive, he was screaming at me because i didn't follow his instructions right away. I legit had to pull over and stop because of how unsafe the whole situation was.
When i was finally more confident on driving, he wouldnt let me drive but when i did i still wasnt able to play my music because it was "too emo" and it "gave him an headache" 😑
Number 1 from my parents and number 5 from a friend. The other 3 examples also sound quite insane... 😢
please don´t hurt me no more, i can´t breathe!