This is so interesting. I never liked to get up in the morning because it was the start of everyone else controlling me. First Mom, then teachers, then coaches, then Dad when I got home, then Mom again...I would stay up late and tell myself stories, so I could create and control something. When I was a teen, I would wait until everyone else was asleep and then grab some snacks and watch late night TV by myself. As an adult, I am totally a night owl due to this and it make sense to me now. It's the only time I don't have pressure on me - job, husband, kids - I can just do what I would like. Wow. Thanks for this.
I totally relate to this. I’ve always hated getting up in the morning as it’s the start of having to do things I don’t want to do (like get dressed and go to school), the night is free, in particular free from other humans and there’s something so calm about that. I’d love staying up late watching grown up TV or doing something creative.
@@CJCreativeJuice so many things in life are robotic and with trauma I have trouble being robotic I have times often where I feel like that robot and wanna say F this and just run away but have no where to actually go to lol
Man, you put it into words. To this day I still eat dinner after 9 pm because it was never safe for me to cook for myself while my parents were awake. At night I can cook in peace and take all the time I need.
i relate!! as a kid i stayed up super late and made stories by drawing comics. i'm an artist now but it's still just way easier to relax and focus when working at night than during the day. i've got bad insomnia in general and don't get sleep pressure, it's like my brain wants to run free the later it gets in the day.
Me too. I don't even HAVE a morning anymore, as I never fully wake up before 1pm. I try to avoid the earlier hours as much as possible. Being either asleep or half asleep (and thus too sleepy to think or feel much), and in that blissful, cosy in bed state, is just such a relief.
I frequently wake up with a pervasive, physical sense of doom. I used to carry around a sense like that during days as a child. When you were in bed nobody was after you -- yet. Getting up started the miserable scenarios which were often there or you could anticipate they would be if not that exact moment. More or less acute emotional misery was always pending. So I wake up with that feeling to this day in less my life is going really really well. It takes an act of heroism on a small scale to throw the covers aside, hop out of bed and start the day. Being in bed was my "safe place," but you can't stay there forever or bed, also would stop being a safe place. I am now 79 and still have that feeling lately as I am moving through a moderate depression.
Valerie, exactly how it was. The only safe place I had was sleeping and sometimes reading, which was usually in bed. As I got a little older, even sleeping was no longer safe. Dad started this habit, and I'm not sure why, where he'd wake us up at 2:30 am. I remember a lot of times, he was throwing my brothers outside and ordering them to fight each other right outside of my bedroom window, he'd say beat each other until you can't stand up anymore, I want all the fight out of you (apparently he had heard them arguing at some point, not even sure it was at that time), or he'd wake us up beating mom again, and for about 3 or 4 years there, he'd make us go round up the pigs that escaped the pen - at 2:30 in the morning, middle of winter, snowing, blizzard, school in the morning, it just didn't matter. Back then, and to this day, I always wondered if he was the one letting them out because funny thing, we never found out how the pigs were escaping. The fence was never broken anywhere. That lasted the last few years I lived at home. And to this day (I'm 60), I regularly wake up at 2:30 am and have trouble getting back to sleep. So I guess I'm saying yes, bed was the only safe place, but even that got broken up in latter years. Amazing what some parents act like. When my kids were growing up, I'd often look at them and say, "that's how old I when this happened, or that happened," and I just couldn't fathom what would possess a parent to treat a kid like that. I also hugged my kids a lot when thinking those thoughts. Almost like I hugging my inner child, lol.
When I was in high school I had to force my legs to move it was all psychological but I always worried one day my legs literally would just stop working
I was just saying the same thing to my therapist. Working on family issues can feel very insular. This channel has opened up a huge sense of connection and helped remove much of the shame!
Me and my hubby are the only ones on either side of our families in therapy. Our issue is the healthier we get the more we realize just how unhealthy they all are. 💙💙💙
When I heard the words, I m going to help you and that's too much for you, it made me cry. I dont recall ever hearing those words growing up. That level of kindness . It's an eye opener
It's interesting you made that roommate analogy. When I was still living at home I'd often tell people "my parents don't really feel like my parents, just the world's worst roommates". Mornings have always been super triggering for me - the family home was in complete chaos, my mom screaming that things weren't getting done, weren't clean enough, etc. My dad would scream at the dog for wanting to go potty or wanting to eat, or at the cats if they were rubbing on him to be pet before he left for work. No one approached dad in the mornings. My sister who was eight years older than me would be out late with her friends, sometimes hungover or just tired from being out too late. We didn't have a whole lot of money for food since my mom was constantly switching jobs, and if she did have a stable job she was blowing it on nice cars for herself or spending hours at the mall on clothes and shoes for herself - later on maxing credit cards trying to start a business flipping houses that inevitably flopped. I remember someone from our church actually giving us clothes at one point because they felt bad for us. I was only able to eat by means of my equally narcissistic grandmother (who would use lunch money, food, clothes, etc. to try and lure me to her side and pit me against my mother) or straight up stealing cash from my dad's wallet or the change jar to buy food at school or at the store. Being into scarcity mode lead me to gain weight because I would binge eat. I struggled in school from all of the drama at home along with ADHD and autism and not feeling like I fit in anywhere. I was picked on pretty bad from first grade to senior year and had some pretty toxic relationships - by the time I finished high school I was so withdrawn that NO ONE signed my yearbook that year (I didn't even want one but my mom ended up buying it for me, I just let her keep it when I moved out). I'm in my 30s and still struggling with that "oh shit" feeling and just overall having this "failure to launch" feeling where I just loaf around on youtube watching cat videos all day wondering where time went... these videos are massive wake-up calls. It makes so much sense now. Thank you Patrick for helping me and so many other folks trying to make sense of all this :)
Dang dude, I'm sorry. Sounds like you lived a nightmare. I'm glad you're free from all of that. Best wishes upon you and your overcoming journey. I believe in you, I know you can do it! 💪🧙♂️
I have it too. It's because subconsciously we feel unsafe all of the time. We try to tell ourselves we are, but we don't feel it. The thoughts are only a symptom of the subconscious beliefs of unworthiness.
"The inner child is an expert on the past and the adult is an expert on the present" = bingo! Also "You didn't get any help or parenting growing up and I'm going to help you about feeling prepared." - Thanks, this video was so helpful.
I often wake up in a panic with a racing heart beat. It feels like a very intense panic attack. I feel confused about where I am, and when I figure it out, I realize like "oh, okay, I'm alive", I then start to panic about how my day will go
Yup. Sometimes the "I'm alive" part is the heavy part, like..sigh..I have to keep going. Then quickly mentally download a very long list of all the things I have to do today and all the ways I can fail. I panic constantly in my dreams (often I'm getting attacked or pursued by predatory animals like bears or big cats), wake up panicked, stay awake until I pass out at night, repeat. I'm exhausted to my soul. I feel you on this.
"My family only existed in survival mode." Damn, that really hits home. Thanks, that gives me a lot to reflect on with my recent financial anxieties. Even when we have enough, which thank goodness we do right now, I'm always in survival mode because that's how I grew up. If something comes up short, I always feel like it's my fault somehow because my parents put me in charge of very big financial decisions like whether to move across the country and which house to buy. That's a lot for a 10 year old to bear.
Omg, I remember my dad used to make us sit on the living room floor ALL THE TIME and help him figure out things like, "should I cheat on my taxes, how much... and explain things like how much money they take, how he thinks he could get away with this or that, " or he'd say "we're not making enough money, how do you think I could earn more?" I actually had a brilliant idea once, and he called me stupid. A few years later, after I moved away, I was walking past a store one day and lo and behold, there was my idea for sale. I researched it and the guy who ended up doing it made a fortune. He'd keep us there for hours, sometimes all day, and a few times, the entire weekend trying to help him figure out ways to save money on expenses, or make more money on a business venture (or how to cheat on taxes or whatever) or how to get a personal loan, etc. We were fcking little kids! How would we possibly know what to do? Yet we weren't allowed to leave until "somebody comes up with a good idea." Of course, nothing we ever said was good enough, and usually ridiculed or called stupid. I remember when I asked a lot of questions about taxes, I finally said I don't think you should try to cheat on taxes, Dad, and explained why. Boy. He did not like that answer, lol. Sigh. How crazy, making your kids sit there all day or all weekend trying to solve adult problems. 🤔
In recovery when I became aware of the morning anxiety, I handle it by taking a long run or some kind of aerobic exercise. My parents were in survival mode every morning. I was ignored. The No Talking rule was not broken. A heavy silence.....only sound was the radio news. I was so alone. I simply stopped going to school at the ninth grade. No one commented. Now I can be good to myself. I gave myself permission to enjoy life and to like myself. Thank you for these helpful videos.
I thought I was the only one who had heavy emotions in the morning. It was worse on weekend and holiday mornings since the whole family was at home. Oh and Friday evenings too, it was my brain anticipating the stressful weekend, I realize. I don't get them as often since I started meditating and processing my emotions. I used to search "morning depression" on google and didn't really find anything useful. Thanks, Patrick. I loved the example that you gave about telling your son the things you would do with him after school. I also started doing that with myself, like saying I'd cook a nice meal or phone a friend or relax in my bed and that made me feel better than I had woken up feeling. Your son is lucky to have you :)
Call me anything, just don’t call me in the morning! I wake up filled with anxious or angry thoughts every day and have been in survival mode all my life. It takes me a couple of hours after waking up before I can handle even dealing with other humans. Really want to work on this!
Me too, Lisa.. isn’t it awful? It’s so jarring and then I start out the day feeling like a bad person. Im sorry you have rough mornings, too. Let’s keep trying to be kind to ourselves 💕
I used to wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake to avoid that feeling I'd get when the alarm rang. It helped me bypass that anxiety but I was exhausted and fearful that it would just come in the night
@@chelseajones2112 feeling like a bad person is so useless and wasteful of our energy. Why do we believe we are bad so readily and come back to that as a fact?
My Mom was awful, I would be afraid to say hi in the morning. If I did she would have a nasty face on and say hi in a nasty tone. When I look at child pictures of me, I usually feel sad because I can remember very clearly what that felt like. She also hated our dog and would scream at him. She would tell him to choke on his food and die. Yeah, then I had to go to school with a learning issue that was never helped but got yelled at for by my father because he wouldn’t pay for a tutor.
Thank you for sharing! It helps me to know that I'm not the only one who gets sad when I look at old pictures of myself. I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason but what you said is it. I remember forcing myself to smile or look happy for the camera when my covert narcissistic mother was the one taking it. I was never happy around her, nor my dad, and most of my extended family on both sides.
‘Reclaim the morning’ yes! I am reclaiming my life. I don’t have to be a misery/chaotic/stress ball. I can be peaceful, mindful, and enjoy my life with calm and ease. My inner loving parent says I love you, let’s stretch and look out the window at the morning.. I can take the time I have always needed and I can discard the desperate gloom and catastrophe that is not mine and never was. 🙏 Thank you
I grew up in chaos and stress too. I have those "Oh, Fuck!" mornings every day. Survival mode. Every. Single. Day. Listening to this at 5am. Thank you!!!
Your comment about needing lunch money hit me very hard. Everything I needed was a burden and took away from what little money there was. Being reminded of how poor we were made me feel I was a thief and my fault we were poor. As an adult I still have big problems with money. This is so hard to break through. I have lots to work on
In my case they gave money to their elder son very easily. He was treated like royalty. But even the sight of me was a burden for my parents. Now that I live away from them, they try to snatch money from me so they can serve their son better. 🤮
I've had several therapists over the years that I have loved dearly. I've never had anyone truly help me the way you do. You're extraordinary. Your creativity and style of approaching teaching is a carefully honed talent. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I truly thank you.
It's a foggy memory, but in maybe grade 2, I began being in charge of making and packing mine and my younger sibling's lunch and walking us to school alone. As a kid, I remember feeling excited and that getting responsibilities was a reward for being "good." But I'm starting to wonder if it really was positive since some of this resonates with me.
I started packing my own lunches and getting myself ready at an early age too. My mom used to say I was independent and very responsible, but I think I was just too difficult to deal with and she was too busy doing other things and helping my siblings with ADHD. I was considered the “normal” one despite feeling super shy and keeping to myself often. I now know that I have autism and am extremely good at blending into whatever situation I am put in. Thank you for these amazing videos! Though confronting my repressed past scares me, I am slowly improving and healing with your help. ❤️
There is probably a big difference between helping out and taking over a parenting duty. If your parents had you help with the task, it would probably have been a way to learn responsibility and bond, but it sounds like you were taking over parental responsibilities at a really young age.
Perhaps you felt mixed emotions, depending on the number of occurences or depending if you had to do it without being "told" that you were in charge, or if your parents verbally informed you of that responsibility at such a young age : stress (and neglect) of being in charge of your siblings, pride in having been able to take care of the situation and burden of thinking you would have to do it "from now on".
As an adult, I literally woke up & hit the ground running. Reminiscent of being woken by a pitcher of ice water as a child...thank you for helping me understand my inner child is who wakes from the night terrors and such.
Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wake like this sometimes as well. My dad used to wake me up in the morning with a spray bottle of cold water to the face.☹️ When I wake up with that panicky feeling I've called it my "good days", when I am flooded with excess adrenaline instead of lethargic...Thank you for sharing❤️Much love
My mother threw ice water on my in the morning at least a dozen times. Really hurt my ability to sleep longer if I needed more sleep. Working on my sleep hygiene has awakened me to those memories. Your vid makes it make sense
I felt this on so many levels. I’m always scrambling for clean laundry and to get ready on time. Waking up is actually painful for me. I grew up with a narcissistic mother.
I am 62 years old. My parents, (mother and stepfather), literally fought from the time they woke up until the time they went to bed and it didnt stop until he died in 2013...40+ years of that. The mornings were the worst. Thank you for highlighting this detail. I wake up hours before anyone else. I have to have low lights, quiet and serenity for a couple of hours to not be anxious all day.
I wake up most mornings with dread, fear, terror, anxiety. It's just so hard living like this. I'm so glad you made this video. I quit caffeine a few months ago. I'm reading Control Your Anxiety by Albert Ellis. I'm going to try your suggestions in the morning. Thank you ✌️
Me, too. I'm 62 & wake up shaking in the mornings - no matter how much i tell myself i'm not back there, it sure feels like it. I was bullied at school from day 1 when i was 4yrs old until i left because i had a foreign mother - i felt like an alien who didnt deserve to live here. I never knew what i'd be walking into at school, & there would be girl gangs after me. I also never knew what i'd be going home to either as my father was a very violent man who would always be belting me & my mother, shoving her down the stairs, geabbing her by the throat & raping her. I lived my life on high alert & it seems my nervous system's stuck that way. I started experiencing deep depression age 14 & still battle with it today (i also have ME & fibromyalgia among other things so my energy is depleted, meaning i get ill if i exercise or walk too far). My mother realised the only power she had in the house was over me so started being cruel to me. The youngest of my two brothers' strategy was to become even more violent than our father - my brother was the only one who could make him do things - mother clung to him & made him the golden child as he could protect her better than i could, eventhough i would stand in front of her & take the blows from my father which were meant for her. Unwittingly i married out of one dysfunctional famaily & into another, where the mother was a covert narcissist & ruled with an iron rod -everyone was scared whitless of her except me, she hated me & poisoned her whole family against me because not only did i take her 'little boy' away from her, i went on to have the daughter she always wanted & blamed her husband for not giving her. He was the weak enabler & my husband's brother was the golden child - a real mama's boy who was not allowed a life - she would make up illnesses for him, convincing him he was too ill to go anywhere or have friends, & made sure he knew she was the only woman he needed in his life as no other woman would understand him like her. She always said she has to protect him from women as he cant 'perform'. She wanted to keep him as a baby, bathing him, washing his hair in his teens & 20s, & even sleeping with him. She made him buy the house they were living in so he couldnt get a place of his own & he looked after her until she died in her 90s two yrs ago. Most of the people who caused me such harm have died now, except my father with whom i have minimum contact. It's like they'v all sodded off to eternity & i'm still left to deal with all the fall out & aftermath. I cant talk about it to my husband as he just gets angry -he thinks i should be able to just put it all behind me, like he does, as it all happened so long ago. If only it was that easy. Living with childhood trauma is a bit like living life as an amputee because the body keeps the score - people who have lost a leg still feel their foot itch, even though its not there anymore. The inner hell doesnt just stop because the outer hell has slowly ground to a halt. Some days its all i can do lift my head off the pillow, let alone get out of bed, wash & dress. I'm so glad i found this site & that i can identify with others who have morning anxiety like me. The dread & feeling of pending doom hits me like a brick in the stomach when i wake & i can feel all the excess adrenaline sloshing around in my stomach, arms & legs. I also get burning sensations in my brain as a warning before a depressive attack - probably where my father used to hold me down & punch me in the head from age 3. He used to tell me all his marital problems were my fault, & my mother expected me to be her therapist, telling me stuff no kid should hear. Strange how their marriage never got any better when i moved out - i honestly naively thought it would!
Crazy, I actually woke up this morning (it’s 11am where I am right now), stomach churning, hot and just feeling all over anxious. Can definitely relate to the ‘survival mode’ family I was brought up with and two high-stress, co-dependant parents with narc traits so this makes a lot of sense. The timing for this popping into my subscriptions is amazing, especially as I’m working through a lot of this at the moment.
"hot and just feeling all over anxious". Sounds familiar! Have you tried this: How to immediately calm down in 30 seconds | diving reflex dbt tipp skills ruclips.net/video/Ku_s8hJRyyQ/видео.html It really works, at least for me.
I wake up with heart palpitation and cortisol spiking through the roof. A lot of what you say rings very true. Mornings were a start to an excruciating day of stress, being bullied, doing things I didn't want to do, being pushed around, being a pawn in others' agendas. Thank you for this! Love your videos, I've been working for a very long time to release childhood PTSD from my body (3 years of therapy) and only now "wordy therapy" resonates
You’re such a comforting & calming presence, Patrick. Thank you for working so hard on your own recovery to become the wonderful healer that you are. May you always be blessed. 🙏✨💕
What does one do if they are unable to parent their inner child? Mine is destroying my life more and more the older I get. As long as I can remember there have always been two versions of my mind and they argue constantly. One is calm and rational and self motivated, the other is wild, irrational and lazy (like a toddler). I try to force myself to get things done like dishes, laundry, work etc but I'm rarely successful. Up until last week I didn't know about an inner child from childhood trauma but it fits my background and so far everything you're discussing matches my daily struggles.
I know this is really late, but I think the first step is to find a time when your inner child is starting to feel "wild and irrational", and just sit with that feeling and validate how your child feels. That's what we needed as kids and didn't get from our parents. From their perspective and experience, what they are doing is justified, and indeed necessary for survival. Acknowledge that they had to be that way when they were little, but that you are an adult now, and you are safe--they aren't in that situation anymore. An example would be: "I know you grew up in chaos, and you're starting to feel really overwhelmed right now. You were so little and you shouldn't have had to deal with that. But I am an adult now, and I don't live there anymore. I'm going to take care of this so you don't have to." No shame, no blame. Start small. There is no quick fix, and I myself am still working on this (actually having a pretty horrible day today), but when we validate people's feelings (including our own), it really does help to diffuse a situation.
Check out IFS or Internal Family Systems to begin to understand the role that those parts play and have played in helping you manage your life. Oftentimes our “parts” crave authentic validation…being seen heard and understood…which is something we can now give to those parts as we are now adults. It’s been a beautiful process and the best part is, the investment is in ourselves always yields a return…and over time, the compounding interest is not only evident but also a huge encouragement. Be well!
My mornings were super stressful and I absolutely wake up in survival mode. I hadn't realised but actually I've been building calm into my mornings to counteract that for a while now - I give myself 3 hours between waking up and starting work to go slow; walk the dogs, get breakfast, do yoga, check in with myself. Slowing my mornings down so much has been really helpful because then when I start my work day I feel more in control and capable, rather than stressed and overwhelmed.
I have anxiety every morning. Once I get out of the house I’m fine, but when I first wake it’s so awful. Then I also just have this feeling of I didn’t sleep well and I was anxious all night. My early childhood was tumultuous and I had an addict in the house. But my teenage years were better. I essentially just feel general anxiety but there’s no thoughts really. It’s very hard to describe. It’s just an underlying anxiety.
@@rhondajones6219 I still have a lot of anxiety and I take buspar now. It helps to an extent, but another thing that’s helping is exposure therapy for some anxiety that I didn’t realize until recently are ocd issues.
I'm glad you have some relief. Mine's getting worse with age as I care for and worry about aging parents in their 80s, one with dementia and in 2 different parts of the country and no other family to help. Ugh. 😕😓
@@rdoodoo2021 That's a lot of responsibility. I hope you are doing a lot to care for yourself. Keep learning to cope. Please take advantage of every opportunity for self care and help. I will pray for you if you want.💛💛💛 Sincerely, Shandalay
I woke up and a sister was gone. No explanation. She had died during the night.after 2 years of cancer with no medical or caring attention. It was blamed on her thoughts. A few years later, another sister is gone. My twin. She was in a camping accident and her skull and leg were crushed. My parents asked the OD who delivered us at home to sew her head and set her leg in their bedroom. He insisted she be taken to the hospital. A scary thing to have to choose medical help. This is how i woke up. Thank-you so much for your videos. I feel like that child almost every day. I have such a hard time feeling like an adult. I cherish your ending words on your videos. I am learning so much with your suggestions on how to handle this. The anxiety of rarely feeling safe seems to never go away.
In listening to this, I feel like having the adult take control over the inner child is like splitting myself into 2 people. I get where many of my issues come from having grown up w/a rageaholic, alcoholic dad w/6 siblings in a very small house & many, many traumas occurring. I only realized nearly 5 years ago that I even suffered from trauma when I was taking a course to help the students I worked w/as an elementary counselor. Funny how we can help others & yet ignore or have no clue about our own trauma...we just learn to live with our issues somehow. So finally, 2 years ago, I began working on my trauma issues at the age of 59. I have never in my life shed so many tears. Anyway, anxiety is still a big issue for me & I'm not sure talking to my inner child will work for me, but I definitely have to get a grip when the tremendous feeling of overwhelm hits me. And taking care of my mom who is in a nursing home really compounds the issue at the start of my day. I can get calls at any time of night or day about her feeding tube issues among other things. Last Monday was so bad, I just came unglued & could not stop crying to pull myself together to get to the nursing home. It was awful. You would think I would be over all of this at my age, but when you have let issues lay buried for most of your life & have pushed yourself to achieve, at some point it all surfaces when triggers hit.
Who would of thought this was a real thing, as a child I always felt I was on my own and that’s exactly how I feel when I woke up very vulnerable and unprotected. But why do nights for me feel so different? I love the quietness and stillness of the night, I feel like I can do more during the night. Thank you for your video! I need really need to have a talk with my inner child tomorrow morning.
This!.. My frame of reference all my life has been ,"I'm just a night owl"..I'm late for work already today. I have "no clothes to wear." (life mantra, literally 5 shirts) no good food in fridge, glasses are all f'd up need replaced. My fav time of day is 10 pm, when no one wants anything from me. Blessings to u , and to u as well Patrick, lots to process. 🙃🙂
This Morning I Woke Up Afraid I Was Going To Live- is the most relatable chapter title from the book Prozac Nation. Yes,every morning i wake up and go, ugh, not again. Unless my cat wakes me up. Then im reminded that another soul cares about and relies on me. I feel loved and needed. Morning bubble bath is my most important routine. Helps destress before i start my day. Your videos are so helpful, thank you.
My mom has been depressed, moody,angry all of my life,my dad on the other side would wake up happy,singing, totally ignoring my mom's feelings. She would make breakfast every morning and make sure nobody gets out the door hungry, but there was no joy, no happiness. She would be terribly miserable and bitter towards my dad who would only think of himself and his needs. I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread,I am always moody, stressed, anxious. I don't know....
I had the physical symptoms of morning anxiety especially just starting now, acid reflux and easy gag reflex. I used to always feel unsafe when I was younger in the morning having to protect myself and knowing my parents were not there for me, when I was afraid of predators. I think that could be the connection?
i thought i was having intense nightmares, without remembering them.. somehow. This is so helpful. I'm no longer thinking abt "how to get rid of nightmares" and now i'm thinking abt myself and my past and things are feeling clearer. Thank u Dr Teahan so much for all you do. Everyone reading pls support his Patreon!!! Healing can change the world and the more tools out there the better.
I never realized this before! I get panicky every single morning after I shower, because it feels like "Oh God, now I have to start my day." There's this huge burden of expectation on me - I was expected to be an extremely high achiever, and to walk on eggshells in the morning (hungover mom), God forbid I make us 1 minute late for leaving the house, I was screamed at in the car all the way to school. Told I was a mistake, a child from Satan, told she'd send me away. I was terrified most mornings. I just never connected how I feel today, to how it was then. Thank you for the practical tools, I'm going to try that.
I go to bed and fall asleep fine. But at some point in the morning before I wake up I just get tense, and busy in my head, and churned and balled up and my face all scrunched up. I don't wake up peacefully, I chaotically surface through a wall of busy thoughts and inner noise. I wake up tense, I roll out of bed and dry heave into the sink, I feel tied in nots and instead of looking forward to anything in the day, I just feel like "what is expected of me today." Lovely reflection of mornings in my adolescence when I was completely overrun with too high of expectations, and waaaay too much on my plate, but not feeling like I had any choice after my mother told me on no uncertain terms who she wanted me to be. Expectations were high, and everytime I succeeded or did well, got good grades, signed up for another extracurricular, it felt like the bar was just raised higher, and if I fell below it I was a disappointment. I thought those days were behind me, but maybe I'm still waking up to that pattern of my first thought being "what pleasing mask will I have to wear today? What responsibilities do I have to buckle down and be perfect at, shoving away the any feelings of "I don't want to" because that means I'm "lazy and have no ambition" like my mom said." *sigh*. The hardest part is that she has a completely different version of events than I do, and no memory of the moments when she made me ashamed for not being perfect, or for not getting things right the first time. And if I bring any of it up, it breaks her because she's "always loved me so much and wanted to protect me from pain." And cannot handle hearing anything different. Both of my parents will flat out say that things I remember didn't happen. Makes me feel fragmented and crazy.
When you said for the adult to say to the child "let me handle the anxiety and stuff we have to do today that's too much for you" I just burst into tears. I've been feeling so overwhelmed recently and couldn't figure out really why and now I'm starting to get it.
My biggest emotional caretaker in high school was a school administrator who was ten years older than me and basically became my older sister/aunt. We are still good friends.
I grew up with two very conflicting parents: my mom was always working to support us so she was only ever home in the evening and was sheltering. My dad (who I've realized now as an adult is a narcissist) wanted to be my friend rather than an authority figure so there were no rules with him.
It is the feeling of helplessness that hits me the hardest. Helplessness coming from knowing something is wrong but not being able to do anything about it.
I used to get up in the morning and had to be extremely quiet (on school days), so as not to wake my parents/ mum she didn't want to be woken early. I had to feed the dogs and cats, make breakfast for me and my brother, make our sandwiches. Make sure the aga was still burning. Sometimes I would wash just the collar of my shirt and dry it on the aga top. Before I went to school I would have to make toast and coffee for the parents and leave it by the bedside tables, waking then gently. ON the weekends we had to stay in bed or our rooms until they got up. Sometimes if we were really careful my brother and I would slip down stairs and put the tele on quietly to watch cartoons.We couldn't have breakfast until the parents had had theirs so if they did not get up til, 11, 12, 1, we had to wait. It usually came down to a thump on the floor where I had to go up and find out what they needed. I had to make their breakfast first. If we had been naughty, ie woken them up by going down stairs, we had to sit at the end of their bed in the dark, while they went back to sleep and not move.This happened often. Getting up in the morning meant chores for me, not a few things you'd expect to do but doing the family laundry, clean the house, put the fires on, do the washing up , prep the food for the family meals, in between running up and down stairs with supplies from the knock on the floor. Every day I wake up tired. and it lasts through til about 10.11.am. I never realised until now, how much of that relates to my childhood. Finding these videos has been an eyeopener.
Every clip, including this one, is like finding someone who's lived my life besides me, but who is able to explain the thoughts in my head and help me acknowledge it and take steps to heal. I wish I'd discovered you years ago but, hey, better late than never! Thank you from England, UK.
Thank you so much for this. I've just recently realised how much my childhood could be responsible for my anxiety. I finally feel like I might be able to improve now working through these excersices
Waking is dread, then disappointment then collapse if any energy. As a kid I woke up unbearably cold had to strip and putting on frozen cloths that kids made fun of and were never cute more like old lady cloths always too big or too small always out dated, breakfast was always some flavorless cereal like total or Raisin Bran mom bitching to hurry up and eat bitching about my thin straight hair and ripping my hair and pulling and scraping my scalp cus the barrels would keep slipping like it was all my fault she’d put those barrels in too tight it would pull my hair out I could hear my hair ping for hours head ache feeling ugly . When I was 4 my father would hit me for using my left hand make oat meal and if I threw up into my bowl he’d make me eat that too. Drag through school wondering why I look funny teeth and all no friends come home struggle with homework for hours if I asked for help I got hit and screamed at . 3 days a week we had to sit through a total of 5 hours of Kingdom Hall meeting I had no friends there either . Thursday was a complete wash. School religion getting hit for wiggling the least bit home bed do it again.
I hated going to school growing up. Was the only minority at an all white school. Experience extreme racism from students and teachers. Plus grew up in an alcholic household. In college and as an adult mornings always been difficult. I will try these techniques.
I'm happy you are trying. Just take a step every day. Just one step is enough, even if it's just watching these positive videos. You will eventually realize that you can feel you are on the right track. 😌
Never had I thought I’d get this problem validated. I’ve always woken up with dread and chaos, and this is the first time I feel seen. Patrick Teahan you have done some revolutionary stuff here, thankyou!
Thanks for being delightful discussing opening our eyes that now in adulthood is the perfect time to take baby steps to not imitate the morning drama modeled by the toxic adult(s) that raised us.
When I wake up in the morning, it's like a huge chandelier is falling on my head two seconds after becoming concious. Just awful. This morning I have, while having panic attacks, mentally shouted at my inner critic to shut the f* up and leave the little one alone with any criticism and overwhelming expectations to perform. That really helped. I wish somebody would have shouted at my parents like this when I was small.
What if you are trying to do the Inner Child/Adult Comforter role-play with yourself but you struggle with trusting your adult-comforting talk because the adults around you were not trustworthy or didn't follow through with what they said to you so now you can't even trust yourself as an adult.
For me, it wasn’t an automatic jump to trust. The auto trust (you’re an adult, you get trust) caused a lot of trauma for me in my past. My adult had to earn my child’s trust. Part of that has been checking in with the inner child to ask if it’s feeling respected or heard, and most importantly being open to try again when I’ve failed. There are still many times when I realize my adult didn’t do what the child needed. The reflection piece for me is crucial; it gives much needed feedback, and it helps me move beyond the initial feeling of “I suck, I didn’t stand up for myself.”
I would say it's okay that you feel that way. It's okay you don't trust yourself straight away. It will take time. Building trust takes time. Just keep taking steps forward and be proud that you are TRYING, because that's BIG. That's great! And you will make mistakes. We all do. Just apologize kindly, without self rejection, hug your child if they'll allow it, stay loving and go on with your day. I mean, that's what I'd do. 💛😌
Also, consider giving your inner child a genuine compliment every day. Not trying to convince him of anything. Not trying to coax him to DO anything. Just saying something nice, daily. Even set an alarm. Remind yourself. Maybe it could even be your only obligation if you need.
Thanks Patrick for this! I have my little me time every day for a week. Even when I don't feel like it. I had panic attacks years ago before getting ready for work. And felt like I was also rushing. Even prepared the night before. I am grateful I no longer work that toxic job. However I dreaded most mornings and have PTSD flashbacks early. Now its chill little me time. Talking and journaling to myself. Telling little me we gotta go look for work and all the grown up things today. I have a set of childhood fun things to reward myself with at the end of my day. Things I didn't get or actually enjoy. Like a princess coloring book, finding objects books, stickers! I love stickers and if weather permits walking in a park. And not rushing the walk. More of a stroll. Zooming out and taking in nature. I loved being outside and unfortunately spent most of my play time alone. But I am at peace with that. I also began seeking out arts and crafts groups. Whatever I enjoy. My family doesn't like the majority of my hobbies. We are all so very different. Which is okay. Thanks again Patrick! I hope to find an PTSD $exual abuse childhood therapist on my insurance soon.
I had nightmares for years and years after leaving the narcissist family system that I was unprepared for a test. Or I showed up without clothes on. I am in a panic every morning even 50+ years later. I have found your inner child work videos, VERY helpful. TY!
Thank you! Morning anxiety has always been a huge issue for me. I did not realize the connection to my traumatic ,chaotic childhood. Lack of “safe home base”. Thank you!!!
Thank you Patrick and everyone sharing your stories. My mom woke me up by kicking the door and shouting, "wake up!" One time, the door wouldn't open and she persisted kicking a hole in it. Someone was always in trouble so mornings were scary...
Mornings are the worst. I consider myself a morning person but I feel such intense anxiety in the morning. It's also not uncommon for me to wake up at 3-4am and ruminate, like the thought just came out of the blue and it won't leave me alone. I used to call it, waking up to my mother. I'm now better understanding what's going on within myself and this has allowed me to recognize this unnecessary anxiety. I struggled at first with the concept of inner child work but I get it now.
Thankyou for this. My mother always slept till lunchtime so i had to get myself and my little brother ready for school. My severe morning anxiety as an adult led to me needing valium after waking up just to get myself and my child out the door. I didnt know it had to do with my childhood.
This is really good. I’ve awoken with fear and dread all my life. I jump out of bed to avoid the feelings. I’m excited about trying this. Also love your role playing videos. I’ve understood the concepts of narcissism, but when it’s played out in familiar scenarios, validation of my knowing things were wrong and emotionally abusive clicks in.
Wow. I’m not sure how I even stumbled upon this video or why the algorithms led me here, but I really needed to see this. I’ve never related my anxiety and panic attacks in the mornings to my childhood. You hit the nail on the head though. I grew up in a “survival mode” family. Thank you so much for making this video. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with this issue.
30 seconds in and I’m crying listening and I don’t even know why. But before my eyes are open in the morning and I’m fully conscious, I’m feeling heavy anxiety. This is for as long as I can remember. Never connected it my childhood but this is it. “Waking up and immediately feeling overwhelmed and unprepared”…oh my gosh! Yes! This explains so freaking much. My mind is blown and I’m so excited to try this techniques to move through this
Healthy families have the ability to organize and plan!!! Oh my gosh the two things I STRUGGLE WITH the most being a parent and scared to death I’m scarring them because I can’t get my Sh@t together.
I really needed this. Sometimes I wake up having a panic attack & this can last several hours. Just getting out of bed can leaving me shaking & sobbing because mornings were so difficult for me growing up. I sometimes fall asleep having a panic attack as well
The sincerity I perceived in your closing well-wishes to your audience made me tear up a little. I would have rolled my eyes internally at the sentiment a decade ago, but here, at 31 years of age, I’ve come to learn just how potent and impactful simplistic human compassion and decency can be when you’re struggling internally. I’m fortunate enough to have an incredible wife who cheers me on every second of the day, but so many people aren’t as lucky.
I find that if I don't go on my phone at all for the first 15-20 minutes (at least) after waking up, it really makes a big difference of collecting myself for the day. If I do go on it right away on the other hand, I pretty much set a pace of having increased anxiety that seems to last the whole day.
I have really bad morning anxiety. So bad it starts the night before. Love the coffee tip, I do this. It seems so ridiculous but because I struggle so much it makes a huge difference!
I did something similar. when I I was raising my children on my own and working long hours (being the savior at work too, because I’m codependent as F. ) Anyway, back when we used to think it was safe to leave a slow cooker going during the day I would set it in the morning and when I came home (feeling like a walking nerve ending) it would be as if someone cared about me when I smelled dinner ….it makes me cry now just thinking back on that and I’m 61. Complete survival mode Sending you peace and healing 🤍
This morning was so much better from watching this particular video. It made me realise why I feel so anxious in the morning, when I have an early appointment (and when I go to bed the night before). As far as I can remember my childhood, I was a slow "waker-up" and I found out (in therapy) that I needed silence and calm to gather my energy and thoughts for the day to come. The dread came from my mother bullying me into rush mode and invading my space and mind in the morning, with constant reproach about the things she had to do for me and my siblings. Now that I am a happy retiree, I can see how it felt so violent to me to have to wake up early and get ready to go to work and interact with people so early in the morning, even though my coworkers were amicable. Thank you again Patrick for this enlightening and reassuring message.
Thank you for this! I now try to ease myself into the day and treat myself like a child resisting to go to school in the morning, instead of yelling at myself and get disappointed in me I just take it easy. Like a manual car that needs to go on first gear before the next.
I started doing self care a couple of years ago, and got a routine down so there isn't confusion in the morning. I give myself an hour head start to wake up, feed my pets, do coffee, start a load of laundry, take my dog out, write my gratitude list or pay bills. I started feeding myself a good breakfast and taking vitamins. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes, but when I come home from work I'm able to relax now and sleep at night. Your videos are super helpful! You rock!
Wonderful video. No longer do I wake up with stomach in a knot and anxiety. I've come thru much inner healing. Thank you for the coping tips... I will use them should I have a "bad" morning. When I was a child, until I hit 50 yrs old., I could have a panicked start to a new day that sounded/felt like this... "oh, sh**, here we go again." As a child, the screaming, yelling, physical punishment, verbal abuse, internal emotional distress of living in that household until I was old enough to leave (I would count the years, months, days until I was 18), tip toeing around... the never know what would cause the next blow up and who would be the object(s) of wrath. Alcoholism, physical, verbal, emotional abuse, etc... all those things created that desperate, sinking, sad, frightened feeling in my entire being as a child. In adult years, before I got inner healing, the panic would be the uncertainty of my day as a single working mom. That carried over to married life with the wrong partner. That "not knowing" anxiety is horrible. I am grateful for healing.
I don't always wake up like this but when I do, it's a feeling of dread that I am either not properly organized for my day, or that I've forgotten something I was supposed to do etc. Sometimes I wake up and I just don't feel like being an adult because it just feels overwhelming. I can definitely trace this back to school years, especially high school. My way of trying to cope with this so far has been to write a list of things I need to do the next day every night and put it on the fridge where I can see it. I just keep trying to reassure myself that I can handle my responsibilities, and if I forget something, probably no one is going to die. Missed appointments can be rescheduled, late bills can be paid, and as long as I communicate with my teachers (college) assignments can be handed in late. Early morning catastrophizing is just no way to wake up!
Thank you for this. I always thought I was an oddball being anxious in the morning. In a weird way I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I read comments and my heart breaks for the others here and I invalidate myself because my problems & childhood "weren't that bad." Then suddenly an answer for why I feel this way in the mornings hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying. Tomorrow I will do better. For myself and my children.
as someone who rarely wakes up in the morning, there are certain events on that time that triggers my awful childhood memories, like there is one time when my dad bought home a puppy when I was 9 or 10 years old, and then the next day he return it without me knowing it. In my mind, the dog went missing and I was bawling so bad that my mom isn't there to comfort me. Yeah, that one crushing memory hits me so bad to this day... thanks for this vid btw
Your teaching is wonderful and intelligent wise and I dare say INSPIRING. I have listened to other therapists who are excellent too. You have a way of being pragmatic down to earth and addressing important issues in a very understandable way. I never even related some of my challenges to childhood. May you be blessed in your life and work.
I've struggled with overwhelming anxiety before I even open my eyes in the morning, an avalanche of fear, worry, dread. The alien in me is releaved to know I'm not alone. I couldn't have found this channel at a better time as my inner child has the reigns and she doesn't know how to drive. I'm so grateful.
I think the amount you can do for your inner child as an adult is somewhat based on the strength of your inner child. So it can be hard at first because even as an adult you might not be able to take on much. But taking on some helps the inner child take challenges within its range, which helps it get stronger, which helps you as an adult get stronger, so you can help your inner child take on appropriate challenges. And so on, in a self supporting loop.
Wow! Awakening! I have always felt sad, or something of not liking the "it" that feeling when I wake up in the morning. I never related it to my trauma as a child. I remember how horrible it was. I was neglected, or blamed for being bad if mom had to fix something to eat. She always told me how bad I am. Most of the time I was hungry, Afraid and felt I was a burden. My Mother's angry look on her face, and I just stayed out of her way. During my grade school years it was not joyous at all! The Worst times was School Picture time. The night before school Picture taking day My mother felt the dreaded task of making me look good for The School. I would get my hair pulled by my Mother, She put hairpins, tight curls in my head. So my hair would be curly and look fixed. She would brush my hair extremely hard, pull my hair. She would yank my hair, yanked me down by my hair, to sit on the hard floor, sit me down hard, it hurt me, in front of her, my back towards her. She would dig her finger making a curl in top of my head, to my forehead, and dig the hair pin in my head. All over my head. It was torture. Im sure at times I drew blood. She would slap me with the hair brush, hit my head with the hairbrush if I cried. Hit my head hard with hair brush while brushing my hair, It hurt me and I hated it. Talking to me in her evil voice, Don't Move! sit here! Damn School!, and school Pictures! You gotta get your picture taken! I have to do your hair! SIT HERE! DON'T MOVE! damn you! While my dad watched and seem to think that behavior was normal. He never saved me, or protect me from her. When she was done, she would say now get the hell out of here! Go to bed! My head hurt all night long. In the Morning I dreaded her taking the hairpins out. At the same time I wanted those hairpins out! She brushed my hair so hard, it hurts and I hated it. When I was at school the time came for the Picture to be taken, I remember having a difficult time Smiling. I do not ever remember ever seeing any of my school pictures. I do remember how HORRIBLE most Mornings were. I feel that hurt unwanted feelings, the fear to this day. I am 63 years old. I have always tried to shove that feeling away, because really I'm genuinely a Happy person. That's why my mom hated me. I did spend most of my childhood lonely. So I would create toys out of almost anything. I drew pictures, made a nice pretend home from boxes. I would pretend I lived somewhere else. I feel so much better now that I do understand why I would have those horrible feelings. What took me so long? I just wanted it to go away.
Wow, I wake up with paralyzing anxiety, but I never thought about that starting with trauma in my childhood. I have PTSD so nightmares contribute to my morning anxiety; it actually took me having a happy dream to even realize that. Thanks again 🍀🍀🍀
I had two physically and emotionally unavailable parents. I had to be "the adult" starting at age 7. This morning, instead of getting out of bed an immediately doing adult things I got a cup of milk (my favorite as a child) and sat with my inner child and we watched bugs bunny together for a few minutes before I made coffee and watched this video. I'm loving your suggestions and experience. Patrick has made such a difference in my thinking about what it means to be healthy.
Hugs! I make myself a diet coke with Sonic Ice and lemon! Or some tea with lemon! My morning treat! I loved lemon as a child. This really helps my anxiety stop and be present.
This is so interesting. I never liked to get up in the morning because it was the start of everyone else controlling me. First Mom, then teachers, then coaches, then Dad when I got home, then Mom again...I would stay up late and tell myself stories, so I could create and control something. When I was a teen, I would wait until everyone else was asleep and then grab some snacks and watch late night TV by myself. As an adult, I am totally a night owl due to this and it make sense to me now. It's the only time I don't have pressure on me - job, husband, kids - I can just do what I would like. Wow. Thanks for this.
Similar. The night is quiet and safe.
I totally relate to this. I’ve always hated getting up in the morning as it’s the start of having to do things I don’t want to do (like get dressed and go to school), the night is free, in particular free from other humans and there’s something so calm about that. I’d love staying up late watching grown up TV or doing something creative.
@@CJCreativeJuice so many things in life are robotic and with trauma I have trouble being robotic I have times often where I feel like that robot and wanna say F this and just run away but have no where to actually go to lol
Man, you put it into words. To this day I still eat dinner after 9 pm because it was never safe for me to cook for myself while my parents were awake. At night I can cook in peace and take all the time I need.
i relate!! as a kid i stayed up super late and made stories by drawing comics. i'm an artist now but it's still just way easier to relax and focus when working at night than during the day. i've got bad insomnia in general and don't get sleep pressure, it's like my brain wants to run free the later it gets in the day.
My first thought is i want to go back to sleep. It takes a great deal of effort to get out of be and do what is needed for the day.
Me too. Often times I feel like I haven't slept at all and I just want to start the night all over again.
Me too. I don't even HAVE a morning anymore, as I never fully wake up before 1pm. I try to avoid the earlier hours as much as possible.
Being either asleep or half asleep (and thus too sleepy to think or feel much), and in that blissful, cosy in bed state, is just such a relief.
@@ladybaabaa3294 ❤️Right there with you
Omg I feel like someone finally understands me. I also tend to sleep more on bad days.
Holy shit!!! I love yoU. ME TOO. I thought there was something wrong with me.
I frequently wake up with a pervasive, physical sense of doom. I used to carry around a sense like that during days as a child. When you were in bed nobody was after you -- yet. Getting up started the miserable scenarios which were often there or you could anticipate they would be if not that exact moment. More or less acute emotional misery was always pending. So I wake up with that feeling to this day in less my life is going really really well. It takes an act of heroism on a small scale to throw the covers aside, hop out of bed and start the day. Being in bed was my "safe place," but you can't stay there forever or bed, also would stop being a safe place. I am now 79 and still have that feeling lately as I am moving through a moderate depression.
Valerie you have put into exact words how I feel!
Sending love and care 💖💗
Valerie, I am 61 and feel similar. Sending you love and peace 🤍
Valerie, exactly how it was. The only safe place I had was sleeping and sometimes reading, which was usually in bed. As I got a little older, even sleeping was no longer safe. Dad started this habit, and I'm not sure why, where he'd wake us up at 2:30 am. I remember a lot of times, he was throwing my brothers outside and ordering them to fight each other right outside of my bedroom window, he'd say beat each other until you can't stand up anymore, I want all the fight out of you (apparently he had heard them arguing at some point, not even sure it was at that time), or he'd wake us up beating mom again, and for about 3 or 4 years there, he'd make us go round up the pigs that escaped the pen - at 2:30 in the morning, middle of winter, snowing, blizzard, school in the morning, it just didn't matter. Back then, and to this day, I always wondered if he was the one letting them out because funny thing, we never found out how the pigs were escaping. The fence was never broken anywhere. That lasted the last few years I lived at home. And to this day (I'm 60), I regularly wake up at 2:30 am and have trouble getting back to sleep. So I guess I'm saying yes, bed was the only safe place, but even that got broken up in latter years. Amazing what some parents act like. When my kids were growing up, I'd often look at them and say, "that's how old I when this happened, or that happened," and I just couldn't fathom what would possess a parent to treat a kid like that. I also hugged my kids a lot when thinking those thoughts. Almost like I hugging my inner child, lol.
When I was in high school I had to force my legs to move it was all psychological but I always worried one day my legs literally would just stop working
I never thought that those heavy feelings when I woke up was coming from my childhood. This is very eye opening.
I know I’ve always had it .
Same here. Hugs.
Same 🤯
yeah this was beautiful "let me take care of that now, this is too much for you"
Same!!
Your talks diffuse the isolation of my perceived uniqueness of my family's dysfunction. For me this dissolves some of the loneliness and self doubt.
I was just saying the same thing to my therapist. Working on family issues can feel very insular. This channel has opened up a huge sense of connection and helped remove much of the shame!
Me and my hubby are the only ones on either side of our families in therapy. Our issue is the healthier we get the more we realize just how unhealthy they all are.
💙💙💙
That's such a great description, i feel the same way
Exactly!
When I heard the words, I m going to help you and that's too much for you, it made me cry. I dont recall ever hearing those words growing up. That level of kindness . It's an eye opener
Nope. All I recall for help was my grandpa helping my plastic zoo animals stand up.
It's interesting you made that roommate analogy. When I was still living at home I'd often tell people "my parents don't really feel like my parents, just the world's worst roommates". Mornings have always been super triggering for me - the family home was in complete chaos, my mom screaming that things weren't getting done, weren't clean enough, etc. My dad would scream at the dog for wanting to go potty or wanting to eat, or at the cats if they were rubbing on him to be pet before he left for work. No one approached dad in the mornings. My sister who was eight years older than me would be out late with her friends, sometimes hungover or just tired from being out too late. We didn't have a whole lot of money for food since my mom was constantly switching jobs, and if she did have a stable job she was blowing it on nice cars for herself or spending hours at the mall on clothes and shoes for herself - later on maxing credit cards trying to start a business flipping houses that inevitably flopped. I remember someone from our church actually giving us clothes at one point because they felt bad for us. I was only able to eat by means of my equally narcissistic grandmother (who would use lunch money, food, clothes, etc. to try and lure me to her side and pit me against my mother) or straight up stealing cash from my dad's wallet or the change jar to buy food at school or at the store. Being into scarcity mode lead me to gain weight because I would binge eat. I struggled in school from all of the drama at home along with ADHD and autism and not feeling like I fit in anywhere. I was picked on pretty bad from first grade to senior year and had some pretty toxic relationships - by the time I finished high school I was so withdrawn that NO ONE signed my yearbook that year (I didn't even want one but my mom ended up buying it for me, I just let her keep it when I moved out). I'm in my 30s and still struggling with that "oh shit" feeling and just overall having this "failure to launch" feeling where I just loaf around on youtube watching cat videos all day wondering where time went... these videos are massive wake-up calls. It makes so much sense now. Thank you Patrick for helping me and so many other folks trying to make sense of all this :)
Dang dude, I'm sorry. Sounds like you lived a nightmare. I'm glad you're free from all of that. Best wishes upon you and your overcoming journey. I believe in you, I know you can do it! 💪🧙♂️
Hugs.
I think you are brave:)
I am glad you found this channel. You are here among others who can relate, sympathize and encourage.
Thank you for that comment. Thank you for sharing. I wish you all the best.😌
“Kindergarten sounds luxurious to you as an adult but to them, a 6 year old, it is stressful”🤯
I usually just wake up with that dread/anxious feeling without the actual thoughts yet.
Yes, i do, too. A feeling of pending doom i cant put my finger on, & i shake - it's like my nervous system is stuck on overdrive.
I have it too. It's because subconsciously we feel unsafe all of the time. We try to tell ourselves we are, but we don't feel it. The thoughts are only a symptom of the subconscious beliefs of unworthiness.
"The inner child is an expert on the past and the adult is an expert on the present" = bingo! Also "You didn't get any help or parenting growing up and I'm going to help you about feeling prepared." - Thanks, this video was so helpful.
I often wake up in a panic with a racing heart beat. It feels like a very intense panic attack. I feel confused about where I am, and when I figure it out, I realize like "oh, okay, I'm alive", I then start to panic about how my day will go
I also experience this
If it is due to nightmares that is a ptsd symptom
Yup. Sometimes the "I'm alive" part is the heavy part, like..sigh..I have to keep going. Then quickly mentally download a very long list of all the things I have to do today and all the ways I can fail. I panic constantly in my dreams (often I'm getting attacked or pursued by predatory animals like bears or big cats), wake up panicked, stay awake until I pass out at night, repeat. I'm exhausted to my soul. I feel you on this.
It's a horrible cycle every single morning and throughout the day 😢
This happens to me too.
"My family only existed in survival mode." Damn, that really hits home. Thanks, that gives me a lot to reflect on with my recent financial anxieties. Even when we have enough, which thank goodness we do right now, I'm always in survival mode because that's how I grew up. If something comes up short, I always feel like it's my fault somehow because my parents put me in charge of very big financial decisions like whether to move across the country and which house to buy. That's a lot for a 10 year old to bear.
I had a similar experience in childhood. Always my responsibility to make huge decisions at too young an age. 😭
Omg, I remember my dad used to make us sit on the living room floor ALL THE TIME and help him figure out things like, "should I cheat on my taxes, how much... and explain things like how much money they take, how he thinks he could get away with this or that, " or he'd say "we're not making enough money, how do you think I could earn more?" I actually had a brilliant idea once, and he called me stupid. A few years later, after I moved away, I was walking past a store one day and lo and behold, there was my idea for sale. I researched it and the guy who ended up doing it made a fortune. He'd keep us there for hours, sometimes all day, and a few times, the entire weekend trying to help him figure out ways to save money on expenses, or make more money on a business venture (or how to cheat on taxes or whatever) or how to get a personal loan, etc. We were fcking little kids! How would we possibly know what to do? Yet we weren't allowed to leave until "somebody comes up with a good idea." Of course, nothing we ever said was good enough, and usually ridiculed or called stupid. I remember when I asked a lot of questions about taxes, I finally said I don't think you should try to cheat on taxes, Dad, and explained why. Boy. He did not like that answer, lol. Sigh. How crazy, making your kids sit there all day or all weekend trying to solve adult problems. 🤔
Why do they do that? Similar for me, they abused and ignored then a big decision comes…..I don’t get it
In recovery when I became aware of the morning anxiety, I handle it by taking a long run or some kind of aerobic exercise. My parents were in survival mode every morning. I was ignored. The No Talking rule was not broken. A heavy silence.....only sound was the radio news. I was so alone. I simply stopped going to school at the ninth grade. No one commented. Now I can be good to myself. I gave myself permission to enjoy life and to like myself. Thank you for these helpful videos.
"I gave myself permission to enjoy life and to like myself" ... ♡
I love that...."I gave myself permission to enjoy life and like myself"...thank you for that!
I thought I was the only one who had heavy emotions in the morning. It was worse on weekend and holiday mornings since the whole family was at home. Oh and Friday evenings too, it was my brain anticipating the stressful weekend, I realize. I don't get them as often since I started meditating and processing my emotions. I used to search "morning depression" on google and didn't really find anything useful. Thanks, Patrick.
I loved the example that you gave about telling your son the things you would do with him after school. I also started doing that with myself, like saying I'd cook a nice meal or phone a friend or relax in my bed and that made me feel better than I had woken up feeling. Your son is lucky to have you :)
You're a wonderful man, Patrick Teahan.
I second that. You are an absolutely wonderful man, Patrick Teahan! Thank you.
I agree too. So so relieved I found this channel. You've clearly done "the work" Patrick. Bless you.
I agree; after a dozen+ videos, I am so much more aware and less angry 😊
He really is! A great Dad too, we can all tell. I'm truly happy for his kids.
Call me anything, just don’t call me in the morning! I wake up filled with anxious or angry thoughts every day and have been in survival mode all my life. It takes me a couple of hours after waking up before I can handle even dealing with other humans. Really want to work on this!
Me too, Lisa.. isn’t it awful? It’s so jarring and then I start out the day feeling like a bad person. Im sorry you have rough mornings, too. Let’s keep trying to be kind to ourselves 💕
I used to wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake to avoid that feeling I'd get when the alarm rang. It helped me bypass that anxiety but I was exhausted and fearful that it would just come in the night
@@chelseajones2112 feeling like a bad person is so useless and wasteful of our energy. Why do we believe we are bad so readily and come back to that as a fact?
My Mom was awful, I would be afraid to say hi in the morning. If I did she would have a nasty face on and say hi in a nasty tone. When I look at child pictures of me, I usually feel sad because I can remember very clearly what that felt like. She also hated our dog and would scream at him. She would tell him to choke on his food and die. Yeah, then I had to go to school with a learning issue that was never helped but got yelled at for by my father because he wouldn’t pay for a tutor.
Thank you for sharing! It helps me to know that I'm not the only one who gets sad when I look at old pictures of myself. I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason but what you said is it. I remember forcing myself to smile or look happy for the camera when my covert narcissistic mother was the one taking it. I was never happy around her, nor my dad, and most of my extended family on both sides.
🤗😢
Same, madusa mums are us!! All to play for 👍
poor dog, dogs have feelings too. sounds like she was mean to anyone smaller than her, what an abusive bully.
@@rukisar6312 I am so sorry for them both, the children and the dog. This is all too familiar for me:(
‘Reclaim the morning’ yes! I am reclaiming my life. I don’t have to be a misery/chaotic/stress ball. I can be peaceful, mindful, and enjoy my life with calm and ease. My inner loving parent says I love you, let’s stretch and look out the window at the morning.. I can take the time I have always needed and I can discard the desperate gloom and catastrophe that is not mine and never was. 🙏 Thank you
I grew up in chaos and stress too. I have those "Oh, Fuck!" mornings every day. Survival mode. Every. Single. Day. Listening to this at 5am. Thank you!!!
I can remember getting up and quickly leaving the house and coming back late at night. My whole childhood was an anxiety.
Me too. But things never got better. Some people are impossible to deal with
Your comment about needing lunch money hit me very hard. Everything I needed was a burden and took away from what little money there was. Being reminded of how poor we were made me feel I was a thief and my fault we were poor. As an adult I still have big problems with money. This is so hard to break through. I have lots to work on
In my case they gave money to their elder son very easily. He was treated like royalty. But even the sight of me was a burden for my parents.
Now that I live away from them, they try to snatch money from me so they can serve their son better. 🤮
I've had several therapists over the years that I have loved dearly. I've never had anyone truly help me the way you do. You're extraordinary. Your creativity and style of approaching teaching is a carefully honed talent. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I truly thank you.
You’re so welcome!
It's a foggy memory, but in maybe grade 2, I began being in charge of making and packing mine and my younger sibling's lunch and walking us to school alone. As a kid, I remember feeling excited and that getting responsibilities was a reward for being "good." But I'm starting to wonder if it really was positive since some of this resonates with me.
Same I remember cooking breakfast and being happy before school only to be yelled at that the house smelled like bacon.
I started packing my own lunches and getting myself ready at an early age too. My mom used to say I was independent and very responsible, but I think I was just too difficult to deal with and she was too busy doing other things and helping my siblings with ADHD. I was considered the “normal” one despite feeling super shy and keeping to myself often. I now know that I have autism and am extremely good at blending into whatever situation I am put in. Thank you for these amazing videos! Though confronting my repressed past scares me, I am slowly improving and healing with your help. ❤️
There is probably a big difference between helping out and taking over a parenting duty. If your parents had you help with the task, it would probably have been a way to learn responsibility and bond, but it sounds like you were taking over parental responsibilities at a really young age.
Perhaps you felt mixed emotions, depending on the number of occurences or depending if you had to do it without being "told" that you were in charge, or if your parents verbally informed you of that responsibility at such a young age : stress (and neglect) of being in charge of your siblings, pride in having been able to take care of the situation and burden of thinking you would have to do it "from now on".
As an adult, I literally woke up & hit the ground running. Reminiscent of being woken by a pitcher of ice water as a child...thank you for helping me understand my inner child is who wakes from the night terrors and such.
Wow I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wake like this sometimes as well. My dad used to wake me up in the morning with a spray bottle of cold water to the face.☹️ When I wake up with that panicky feeling I've called it my "good days", when I am flooded with excess adrenaline instead of lethargic...Thank you for sharing❤️Much love
@@nina-mill yours doesn't sound much better, but I am just so glad to have found others in this messed up journey. Sending you blessings for wellness
Same!
Love to you both, and anyone reading this who had similar experiences. That’s so hard, I’m very sorry 💙
My mother threw ice water on my in the morning at least a dozen times. Really hurt my ability to sleep longer if I needed more sleep. Working on my sleep hygiene has awakened me to those memories. Your vid makes it make sense
I felt this on so many levels. I’m always scrambling for clean laundry and to get ready on time. Waking up is actually painful for me. I grew up with a narcissistic mother.
I am 62 years old. My parents, (mother and stepfather), literally fought from the time they woke up until the time they went to bed and it didnt stop until he died in 2013...40+ years of that. The mornings were the worst. Thank you for highlighting this detail. I wake up hours before anyone else. I have to have low lights, quiet and serenity for a couple of hours to not be anxious all day.
I wake up most mornings with dread, fear, terror, anxiety. It's just so hard living like this. I'm so glad you made this video. I quit caffeine a few months ago. I'm reading Control Your Anxiety by Albert Ellis. I'm going to try your suggestions in the morning. Thank you ✌️
Ditto. I feel your pain, mate.
Me, too. I'm 62 & wake up shaking in the mornings - no matter how much i tell myself i'm not back there, it sure feels like it. I was bullied at school from day 1 when i was 4yrs old until i left because i had a foreign mother - i felt like an alien who didnt deserve to live here. I never knew what i'd be walking into at school, & there would be girl gangs after me. I also never knew what i'd be going home to either as my father was a very violent man who would always be belting me & my mother, shoving her down the stairs, geabbing her by the throat & raping her. I lived my life on high alert & it seems my nervous system's stuck that way. I started experiencing deep depression age 14 & still battle with it today (i also have ME & fibromyalgia among other things so my energy is depleted, meaning i get ill if i exercise or walk too far). My mother realised the only power she had in the house was over me so started being cruel to me. The youngest of my two brothers' strategy was to become even more violent than our father - my brother was the only one who could make him do things - mother clung to him & made him the golden child as he could protect her better than i could, eventhough i would stand in front of her & take the blows from my father which were meant for her. Unwittingly i married out of one dysfunctional famaily & into another, where the mother was a covert narcissist & ruled with an iron rod -everyone was scared whitless of her except me, she hated me & poisoned her whole family against me because not only did i take her 'little boy' away from her, i went on to have the daughter she always wanted & blamed her husband for not giving her. He was the weak enabler & my husband's brother was the golden child - a real mama's boy who was not allowed a life - she would make up illnesses for him, convincing him he was too ill to go anywhere or have friends, & made sure he knew she was the only woman he needed in his life as no other woman would understand him like her. She always said she has to protect him from women as he cant 'perform'. She wanted to keep him as a baby, bathing him, washing his hair in his teens & 20s, & even sleeping with him. She made him buy the house they were living in so he couldnt get a place of his own & he looked after her until she died in her 90s two yrs ago. Most of the people who caused me such harm have died now, except my father with whom i have minimum contact. It's like they'v all sodded off to eternity & i'm still left to deal with all the fall out & aftermath. I cant talk about it to my husband as he just gets angry -he thinks i should be able to just put it all behind me, like he does, as it all happened so long ago. If only it was that easy. Living with childhood trauma is a bit like living life as an amputee because the body keeps the score - people who have lost a leg still feel their foot itch, even though its not there anymore. The inner hell doesnt just stop because the outer hell has slowly ground to a halt. Some days its all i can do lift my head off the pillow, let alone get out of bed, wash & dress. I'm so glad i found this site & that i can identify with others who have morning anxiety like me. The dread & feeling of pending doom hits me like a brick in the stomach when i wake & i can feel all the excess adrenaline sloshing around in my stomach, arms & legs. I also get burning sensations in my brain as a warning before a depressive attack - probably where my father used to hold me down & punch me in the head from age 3. He used to tell me all his marital problems were my fault, & my mother expected me to be her therapist, telling me stuff no kid should hear. Strange how their marriage never got any better when i moved out - i honestly naively thought it would!
God I've been waiting for morning anxiety videos! I've been suffering with this FOREVERRRRR
Crazy, I actually woke up this morning (it’s 11am where I am right now), stomach churning, hot and just feeling all over anxious. Can definitely relate to the ‘survival mode’ family I was brought up with and two high-stress, co-dependant parents with narc traits so this makes a lot of sense. The timing for this popping into my subscriptions is amazing, especially as I’m working through a lot of this at the moment.
"hot and just feeling all over anxious". Sounds familiar! Have you tried this: How to immediately calm down in 30 seconds | diving reflex dbt tipp skills
ruclips.net/video/Ku_s8hJRyyQ/видео.html
It really works, at least for me.
@@jolandak8556 0
I wake up with heart palpitation and cortisol spiking through the roof. A lot of what you say rings very true. Mornings were a start to an excruciating day of stress, being bullied, doing things I didn't want to do, being pushed around, being a pawn in others' agendas. Thank you for this! Love your videos, I've been working for a very long time to release childhood PTSD from my body (3 years of therapy) and only now "wordy therapy" resonates
You’re such a comforting & calming presence, Patrick. Thank you for working so hard on your own recovery to become the wonderful healer that you are.
May you always be blessed. 🙏✨💕
So well said
What does one do if they are unable to parent their inner child? Mine is destroying my life more and more the older I get. As long as I can remember there have always been two versions of my mind and they argue constantly. One is calm and rational and self motivated, the other is wild, irrational and lazy (like a toddler). I try to force myself to get things done like dishes, laundry, work etc but I'm rarely successful. Up until last week I didn't know about an inner child from childhood trauma but it fits my background and so far everything you're discussing matches my daily struggles.
I know i wouldn't be a good parent, how should i be able to be good to my inner child? Either it pushes me around or i want to choke it
I know this is really late, but I think the first step is to find a time when your inner child is starting to feel "wild and irrational", and just sit with that feeling and validate how your child feels. That's what we needed as kids and didn't get from our parents. From their perspective and experience, what they are doing is justified, and indeed necessary for survival. Acknowledge that they had to be that way when they were little, but that you are an adult now, and you are safe--they aren't in that situation anymore.
An example would be: "I know you grew up in chaos, and you're starting to feel really overwhelmed right now. You were so little and you shouldn't have had to deal with that. But I am an adult now, and I don't live there anymore. I'm going to take care of this so you don't have to." No shame, no blame.
Start small. There is no quick fix, and I myself am still working on this (actually having a pretty horrible day today), but when we validate people's feelings (including our own), it really does help to diffuse a situation.
Check out IFS or Internal Family Systems to begin to understand the role that those parts play and have played in helping you manage your life. Oftentimes our “parts” crave authentic validation…being seen heard and understood…which is something we can now give to those parts as we are now adults. It’s been a beautiful process and the best part is, the investment is in ourselves always yields a return…and over time, the compounding interest is not only evident but also a huge encouragement. Be well!
My mornings were super stressful and I absolutely wake up in survival mode. I hadn't realised but actually I've been building calm into my mornings to counteract that for a while now - I give myself 3 hours between waking up and starting work to go slow; walk the dogs, get breakfast, do yoga, check in with myself.
Slowing my mornings down so much has been really helpful because then when I start my work day I feel more in control and capable, rather than stressed and overwhelmed.
I have anxiety every morning. Once I get out of the house I’m fine, but when I first wake it’s so awful. Then I also just have this feeling of I didn’t sleep well and I was anxious all night. My early childhood was tumultuous and I had an addict in the house. But my teenage years were better. I essentially just feel general anxiety but there’s no thoughts really. It’s very hard to describe. It’s just an underlying anxiety.
I'm so sorry about that. I feel the same way. Just wondering if things got better for you in taking Patrick's advice from the video above?
@@rhondajones6219 I still have a lot of anxiety and I take buspar now. It helps to an extent, but another thing that’s helping is exposure therapy for some anxiety that I didn’t realize until recently are ocd issues.
It is only now in my 40s that I dont wake in survival mode.
I'm glad you have some relief. Mine's getting worse with age as I care for and worry about aging parents in their 80s, one with dementia and in 2 different parts of the country and no other family to help. Ugh. 😕😓
@@rdoodoo2021 That's a lot of responsibility. I hope you are doing a lot to care for yourself. Keep learning to cope. Please take advantage of every opportunity for self care and help. I will pray for you if you want.💛💛💛 Sincerely, Shandalay
Thank you. It's good to realise that I'm not alone
💕 I feel the same way.
Yes!!, 😊😼👏👏
I woke up and a sister was gone. No explanation. She had died during the night.after 2 years of cancer with no medical or caring attention. It was blamed on her thoughts. A few years later, another sister is gone. My twin. She was in a camping accident and her skull and leg were crushed. My parents asked the OD who delivered us at home to sew her head and set her leg in their bedroom. He insisted she be taken to the hospital. A scary thing to have to choose medical help. This is how i woke up. Thank-you so much for your videos. I feel like that child almost every day. I have such a hard time feeling like an adult. I cherish your ending words on your videos. I am learning so much with your suggestions on how to handle this. The anxiety of rarely feeling safe seems to never go away.
This is so triggering. I hope you can find peace now from their actions.
a good coffee made by the local barista who starts making my coffee as I walk in and serves it with a smile is my happy moment every single time.
In listening to this, I feel like having the adult take control over the inner child is like splitting myself into 2 people. I get where many of my issues come from having grown up w/a rageaholic, alcoholic dad w/6 siblings in a very small house & many, many traumas occurring. I only realized nearly 5 years ago that I even suffered from trauma when I was taking a course to help the students I worked w/as an elementary counselor. Funny how we can help others & yet ignore or have no clue about our own trauma...we just learn to live with our issues somehow. So finally, 2 years ago, I began working on my trauma issues at the age of 59. I have never in my life shed so many tears. Anyway, anxiety is still a big issue for me & I'm not sure talking to my inner child will work for me, but I definitely have to get a grip when the tremendous feeling of overwhelm hits me. And taking care of my mom who is in a nursing home really compounds the issue at the start of my day. I can get calls at any time of night or day about her feeding tube issues among other things. Last Monday was so bad, I just came unglued & could not stop crying to pull myself together to get to the nursing home. It was awful. You would think I would be over all of this at my age, but when you have let issues lay buried for most of your life & have pushed yourself to achieve, at some point it all surfaces when triggers hit.
Who would of thought this was a real thing, as a child I always felt I was on my own and that’s exactly how I feel when I woke up very vulnerable and unprotected. But why do nights for me feel so different? I love the quietness and stillness of the night, I feel like I can do more during the night. Thank you for your video! I need really need to have a talk with my inner child tomorrow morning.
Nights are like a balm.
This!.. My frame of reference all my life has been ,"I'm just a night owl"..I'm late for work already today. I have "no clothes to wear." (life mantra, literally 5 shirts) no good food in fridge, glasses are all f'd up need replaced. My fav time of day is 10 pm, when no one wants anything from me. Blessings to u , and to u as well Patrick, lots to process. 🙃🙂
@@lostcoast2565 You are my people. Welcome home!
This Morning I Woke Up Afraid I Was Going To Live- is the most relatable chapter title from the book Prozac Nation.
Yes,every morning i wake up and go, ugh, not again.
Unless my cat wakes me up. Then im reminded that another soul cares about and relies on me. I feel loved and needed.
Morning bubble bath is my most important routine. Helps destress before i start my day.
Your videos are so helpful, thank you.
For years I’ve had “the morning blues” but never connected it to the sub conscious/inner child
My mom has been depressed, moody,angry all of my life,my dad on the other side would wake up happy,singing, totally ignoring my mom's feelings. She would make breakfast every morning and make sure nobody gets out the door hungry, but there was no joy, no happiness. She would be terribly miserable and bitter towards my dad who would only think of himself and his needs. I wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread,I am always moody, stressed, anxious. I don't know....
Mixed feelings I’m sure.
I had the physical symptoms of morning anxiety especially just starting now, acid reflux and easy gag reflex. I used to always feel unsafe when I was younger in the morning having to protect myself and knowing my parents were not there for me, when I was afraid of predators. I think that could be the connection?
i thought i was having intense nightmares, without remembering them.. somehow. This is so helpful. I'm no longer thinking abt "how to get rid of nightmares" and now i'm thinking abt myself and my past and things are feeling clearer. Thank u Dr Teahan so much for all you do.
Everyone reading pls support his Patreon!!! Healing can change the world and the more tools out there the better.
This is so fantastic. The dodgeball thing that was total trauma.
Yes! Dodgeball and "red rover" was the absolute worst! lol
A lot of my 70s and 80s gym memories are vaguely traumatizing. I don't think about it. Strange times.
Anybody remember “towel hockey”? 😬🥵
Yes!!, 😾 I see im not alone..
I never realized this before! I get panicky every single morning after I shower, because it feels like "Oh God, now I have to start my day." There's this huge burden of expectation on me - I was expected to be an extremely high achiever, and to walk on eggshells in the morning (hungover mom), God forbid I make us 1 minute late for leaving the house, I was screamed at in the car all the way to school. Told I was a mistake, a child from Satan, told she'd send me away. I was terrified most mornings. I just never connected how I feel today, to how it was then. Thank you for the practical tools, I'm going to try that.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and healing words. I appreciate your time and energy creating these videos to cast all over the world.
I go to bed and fall asleep fine. But at some point in the morning before I wake up I just get tense, and busy in my head, and churned and balled up and my face all scrunched up. I don't wake up peacefully, I chaotically surface through a wall of busy thoughts and inner noise. I wake up tense, I roll out of bed and dry heave into the sink, I feel tied in nots and instead of looking forward to anything in the day, I just feel like "what is expected of me today." Lovely reflection of mornings in my adolescence when I was completely overrun with too high of expectations, and waaaay too much on my plate, but not feeling like I had any choice after my mother told me on no uncertain terms who she wanted me to be. Expectations were high, and everytime I succeeded or did well, got good grades, signed up for another extracurricular, it felt like the bar was just raised higher, and if I fell below it I was a disappointment. I thought those days were behind me, but maybe I'm still waking up to that pattern of my first thought being "what pleasing mask will I have to wear today? What responsibilities do I have to buckle down and be perfect at, shoving away the any feelings of "I don't want to" because that means I'm "lazy and have no ambition" like my mom said." *sigh*.
The hardest part is that she has a completely different version of events than I do, and no memory of the moments when she made me ashamed for not being perfect, or for not getting things right the first time. And if I bring any of it up, it breaks her because she's "always loved me so much and wanted to protect me from pain." And cannot handle hearing anything different. Both of my parents will flat out say that things I remember didn't happen. Makes me feel fragmented and crazy.
Because for them, it was just another tuesday. ❤️sending a hug
Wowww
When you said for the adult to say to the child "let me handle the anxiety and stuff we have to do today that's too much for you" I just burst into tears. I've been feeling so overwhelmed recently and couldn't figure out really why and now I'm starting to get it.
Thank you, sir. It's so important for people like us to learn to parent ourselves. You're helping people!
Yep, I grew up in stress, chaos and domestic violence. Early mornings were met with anxiety and depression. Consistently overwhelmed
My biggest emotional caretaker in high school was a school administrator who was ten years older than me and basically became my older sister/aunt. We are still good friends.
I grew up with two very conflicting parents: my mom was always working to support us so she was only ever home in the evening and was sheltering. My dad (who I've realized now as an adult is a narcissist) wanted to be my friend rather than an authority figure so there were no rules with him.
It is the feeling of helplessness that hits me the hardest. Helplessness coming from knowing something is wrong but not being able to do anything about it.
Wonderful video Patrick... or grew up with a chronically depressed parent.. complete energy vampire parent..
I used to get up in the morning and had to be extremely quiet (on school days), so as not to wake my parents/ mum she didn't want to be woken early. I had to feed the dogs and cats, make breakfast for me and my brother, make our sandwiches. Make sure the aga was still burning. Sometimes I would wash just the collar of my shirt and dry it on the aga top. Before I went to school I would have to make toast and coffee for the parents and leave it by the bedside tables, waking then gently. ON the weekends we had to stay in bed or our rooms until they got up. Sometimes if we were really careful my brother and I would slip down stairs and put the tele on quietly to watch cartoons.We couldn't have breakfast until the parents had had theirs so if they did not get up til, 11, 12, 1, we had to wait. It usually came down to a thump on the floor where I had to go up and find out what they needed. I had to make their breakfast first. If we had been naughty, ie woken them up by going down stairs, we had to sit at the end of their bed in the dark, while they went back to sleep and not move.This happened often. Getting up in the morning meant chores for me, not a few things you'd expect to do but doing the family laundry, clean the house, put the fires on, do the washing up , prep the food for the family meals, in between running up and down stairs with supplies from the knock on the floor. Every day I wake up tired. and it lasts through til about 10.11.am. I never realised until now, how much of that relates to my childhood. Finding these videos has been an eyeopener.
OMG I am sorry you had to go through this.😢
That’s crazy sad I’m really sorry
Wowww😮
"you are safe now". That's what I needed!
Often what gets me out of bed in the morning is that I get to have a cup of tea. "Oh! Tea! Yes!"
Every clip, including this one, is like finding someone who's lived my life besides me, but who is able to explain the thoughts in my head and help me acknowledge it and take steps to heal. I wish I'd discovered you years ago but, hey, better late than never! Thank you from England, UK.
Thank you so much for this. I've just recently realised how much my childhood could be responsible for my anxiety. I finally feel like I might be able to improve now working through these excersices
Waking is dread, then disappointment then collapse if any energy. As a kid I woke up unbearably cold had to strip and putting on frozen cloths that kids made fun of and were never cute more like old lady cloths always too big or too small always out dated, breakfast was always some flavorless cereal like total or Raisin Bran mom bitching to hurry up and eat bitching about my thin straight hair and ripping my hair and pulling and scraping my scalp cus the barrels would keep slipping like it was all my fault she’d put those barrels in too tight it would pull my hair out I could hear my hair ping for hours head ache feeling ugly . When I was 4 my father would hit me for using my left hand make oat meal and if I threw up into my bowl he’d make me eat that too. Drag through school wondering why I look funny teeth and all no friends come home struggle with homework for hours if I asked for help I got hit and screamed at . 3 days a week we had to sit through a total of 5 hours of Kingdom Hall meeting I had no friends there either . Thursday was a complete wash. School religion getting hit for wiggling the least bit home bed do it again.
Barrettes not barrels- my phone is ridiculous
My phone does that, too
This experience resonates with me. Thank you for sharing. Thank you SO MUCH!😌
Thank you for sharing your story
I am so sorry what you had to go through. Peace and kindness:)
I hated going to school growing up. Was the only minority at an all white school. Experience extreme racism from students and teachers. Plus grew up in an alcholic household. In college and as an adult mornings always been difficult. I will try these techniques.
Chronic fatigue from poor sleep, whose origin is poor metal health since teens. So permanently overwhelmed and jangling nerves.
Yes, I can relate. I try so hard to help myself, but it's just a neverending cycle.
I'm happy you are trying. Just take a step every day. Just one step is enough, even if it's just watching these positive videos. You will eventually realize that you can feel you are on the right track. 😌
@@prisonerohope6970 Thank you. 😉
Never had I thought I’d get this problem validated. I’ve always woken up with dread and chaos, and this is the first time I feel seen. Patrick Teahan you have done some revolutionary stuff here, thankyou!
Thanks for being delightful discussing opening our eyes that now in adulthood is the perfect time to take baby steps to not imitate the morning drama modeled by the toxic adult(s) that raised us.
When I wake up in the morning, it's like a huge chandelier is falling on my head two seconds after becoming concious. Just awful. This morning I have, while having panic attacks, mentally shouted at my inner critic to shut the f* up and leave the little one alone with any criticism and overwhelming expectations to perform. That really helped. I wish somebody would have shouted at my parents like this when I was small.
What if you are trying to do the Inner Child/Adult Comforter role-play with yourself but you struggle with trusting your adult-comforting talk because the adults around you were not trustworthy or didn't follow through with what they said to you so now you can't even trust yourself as an adult.
That's interesting. I don't trust myself as an adult, I feel very incompetent. My dad put me down a lot, I think that's why. Good luck to you. ✌️
For me, it wasn’t an automatic jump to trust. The auto trust (you’re an adult, you get trust) caused a lot of trauma for me in my past.
My adult had to earn my child’s trust. Part of that has been checking in with the inner child to ask if it’s feeling respected or heard, and most importantly being open to try again when I’ve failed.
There are still many times when I realize my adult didn’t do what the child needed. The reflection piece for me is crucial; it gives much needed feedback, and it helps me move beyond the initial feeling of “I suck, I didn’t stand up for myself.”
I would say it's okay that you feel that way. It's okay you don't trust yourself straight away. It will take time. Building trust takes time. Just keep taking steps forward and be proud that you are TRYING, because that's BIG. That's great! And you will make mistakes. We all do. Just apologize kindly, without self rejection, hug your child if they'll allow it, stay loving and go on with your day. I mean, that's what I'd do. 💛😌
Also, consider giving your inner child a genuine compliment every day. Not trying to convince him of anything. Not trying to coax him to DO anything. Just saying something nice, daily. Even set an alarm. Remind yourself. Maybe it could even be your only obligation if you need.
@@prisonerohope6970 I love your comments! So insightful and thoughtful. I didn't consider some of this. Thanks. 👍🧡
Thanks Patrick for this! I have my little me time every day for a week. Even when I don't feel like it. I had panic attacks years ago before getting ready for work. And felt like I was also rushing. Even prepared the night before. I am grateful I no longer work that toxic job. However I dreaded most mornings and have PTSD flashbacks early. Now its chill little me time. Talking and journaling to myself. Telling little me we gotta go look for work and all the grown up things today. I have a set of childhood fun things to reward myself with at the end of my day. Things I didn't get or actually enjoy. Like a princess coloring book, finding objects books, stickers! I love stickers and if weather permits walking in a park. And not rushing the walk. More of a stroll. Zooming out and taking in nature. I loved being outside and unfortunately spent most of my play time alone. But I am at peace with that. I also began seeking out arts and crafts groups. Whatever I enjoy. My family doesn't like the majority of my hobbies. We are all so very different. Which is okay. Thanks again Patrick! I hope to find an PTSD $exual abuse childhood therapist on my insurance soon.
I had nightmares for years and years after leaving the narcissist family system that I was unprepared for a test. Or I showed up without clothes on. I am in a panic every morning even 50+ years later.
I have found your inner child work videos, VERY helpful. TY!
Thank you! Morning anxiety has always been a huge issue for me. I did not realize the connection to my traumatic ,chaotic childhood.
Lack of “safe home base”.
Thank you!!!
Thank you Patrick and everyone sharing your stories. My mom woke me up by kicking the door and shouting, "wake up!" One time, the door wouldn't open and she persisted kicking a hole in it. Someone was always in trouble so mornings were scary...
Mornings are the worst. I consider myself a morning person but I feel such intense anxiety in the morning. It's also not uncommon for me to wake up at 3-4am and ruminate, like the thought just came out of the blue and it won't leave me alone. I used to call it, waking up to my mother.
I'm now better understanding what's going on within myself and this has allowed me to recognize this unnecessary anxiety.
I struggled at first with the concept of inner child work but I get it now.
Thankyou for this. My mother always slept till lunchtime so i had to get myself and my little brother ready for school. My severe morning anxiety as an adult led to me needing valium after waking up just to get myself and my child out the door. I didnt know it had to do with my childhood.
This is really good. I’ve awoken with fear and dread all my life. I jump out of bed to avoid the feelings. I’m excited about trying this. Also love your role playing videos. I’ve understood the concepts of narcissism, but when it’s played out in familiar scenarios, validation of my knowing things were wrong and emotionally abusive clicks in.
My thoughts the entire day are Oh fuck!
Wow. I’m not sure how I even stumbled upon this video or why the algorithms led me here, but I really needed to see this. I’ve never related my anxiety and panic attacks in the mornings to my childhood. You hit the nail on the head though. I grew up in a “survival mode” family. Thank you so much for making this video. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with this issue.
30 seconds in and I’m crying listening and I don’t even know why. But before my eyes are open in the morning and I’m fully conscious, I’m feeling heavy anxiety. This is for as long as I can remember. Never connected it my childhood but this is it.
“Waking up and immediately feeling overwhelmed and unprepared”…oh my gosh! Yes! This explains so freaking much. My mind is blown and I’m so excited to try this techniques to move through this
Healthy families have the ability to organize and plan!!! Oh my gosh the two things I STRUGGLE WITH the most being a parent and scared to death I’m scarring them because I can’t get my Sh@t together.
I really needed this. Sometimes I wake up having a panic attack & this can last several hours. Just getting out of bed can leaving me shaking & sobbing because mornings were so difficult for me growing up. I sometimes fall asleep having a panic attack as well
The sincerity I perceived in your closing well-wishes to your audience made me tear up a little. I would have rolled my eyes internally at the sentiment a decade ago, but here, at 31 years of age, I’ve come to learn just how potent and impactful simplistic human compassion and decency can be when you’re struggling internally. I’m fortunate enough to have an incredible wife who cheers me on every second of the day, but so many people aren’t as lucky.
I find that if I don't go on my phone at all for the first 15-20 minutes (at least) after waking up, it really makes a big difference of collecting myself for the day. If I do go on it right away on the other hand, I pretty much set a pace of having increased anxiety that seems to last the whole day.
I have really bad morning anxiety. So bad it starts the night before. Love the coffee tip, I do this. It seems so ridiculous but because I struggle so much it makes a huge difference!
I did something similar. when I I was raising my children on my own and working long hours (being the savior at work too, because I’m codependent as F. ) Anyway, back when we used to think it was safe to leave a slow cooker going during the day I would set it in the morning and when I came home (feeling like a walking nerve ending) it would be as if someone cared about me when I smelled dinner ….it makes me cry now just thinking back on that and I’m 61. Complete survival mode
Sending you peace and healing 🤍
This morning was so much better from watching this particular video. It made me realise why I feel so anxious in the morning, when I have an early appointment (and when I go to bed the night before). As far as I can remember my childhood, I was a slow "waker-up" and I found out (in therapy) that I needed silence and calm to gather my energy and thoughts for the day to come. The dread came from my mother bullying me into rush mode and invading my space and mind in the morning, with constant reproach about the things she had to do for me and my siblings. Now that I am a happy retiree, I can see how it felt so violent to me to have to wake up early and get ready to go to work and interact with people so early in the morning, even though my coworkers were amicable.
Thank you again Patrick for this enlightening and reassuring message.
Uninterested in making sure I was prepared, clean, or fed. Self involved…survival mode eternally. Bless you Patrick.
Thank you for this!
I now try to ease myself into the day and treat myself like a child resisting to go to school in the morning, instead of yelling at myself and get disappointed in me I just take it easy. Like a manual car that needs to go on first gear before the next.
Love this ❤
I started doing self care a couple of years ago, and got a routine down so there isn't confusion in the morning. I give myself an hour head start to wake up, feed my pets, do coffee, start a load of laundry, take my dog out, write my gratitude list or pay bills. I started feeding myself a good breakfast and taking vitamins. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes, but when I come home from work I'm able to relax now and sleep at night. Your videos are super helpful! You rock!
Is it weird I can't remember much of anything from my early years? There was definitely trauma.
Count yourself lucky. I remember too much and how everything SUCKED. All you can do is put it all behind and it has no more power over you.
Wonderful video. No longer do I wake up with stomach in a knot and anxiety. I've come thru much inner healing. Thank you for the coping tips... I will use them should I have a "bad" morning.
When I was a child, until I hit 50 yrs old., I could have a panicked start to a new day that sounded/felt like this... "oh, sh**, here we go again." As a child, the screaming, yelling, physical punishment, verbal abuse, internal emotional distress of living in that household until I was old enough to leave (I would count the years, months, days until I was 18), tip toeing around... the never know what would cause the next blow up and who would be the object(s) of wrath. Alcoholism, physical, verbal, emotional abuse, etc... all those things created that desperate, sinking, sad, frightened feeling in my entire being as a child. In adult years, before I got inner healing, the panic would be the uncertainty of my day as a single working mom. That carried over to married life with the wrong partner. That "not knowing" anxiety is horrible. I am grateful for healing.
I don't always wake up like this but when I do, it's a feeling of dread that I am either not properly organized for my day, or that I've forgotten something I was supposed to do etc. Sometimes I wake up and I just don't feel like being an adult because it just feels overwhelming. I can definitely trace this back to school years, especially high school.
My way of trying to cope with this so far has been to write a list of things I need to do the next day every night and put it on the fridge where I can see it. I just keep trying to reassure myself that I can handle my responsibilities, and if I forget something, probably no one is going to die. Missed appointments can be rescheduled, late bills can be paid, and as long as I communicate with my teachers (college) assignments can be handed in late.
Early morning catastrophizing is just no way to wake up!
Thank you for this. I always thought I was an oddball being anxious in the morning. In a weird way I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I read comments and my heart breaks for the others here and I invalidate myself because my problems & childhood "weren't that bad." Then suddenly an answer for why I feel this way in the mornings hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying. Tomorrow I will do better. For myself and my children.
Thank you so much for these videos. They are SO helpful. You are so wise, empathic & calm. I am so happy I have found your videos.
as someone who rarely wakes up in the morning, there are certain events on that time that triggers my awful childhood memories, like there is one time when my dad bought home a puppy when I was 9 or 10 years old, and then the next day he return it without me knowing it. In my mind, the dog went missing and I was bawling so bad that my mom isn't there to comfort me. Yeah, that one crushing memory hits me so bad to this day...
thanks for this vid btw
Your teaching is wonderful and intelligent wise and I dare say INSPIRING. I have listened to other therapists who are excellent too. You have a way of being pragmatic down to earth and addressing important issues in a very understandable way. I never even related some of my challenges to childhood. May you be blessed in your life and work.
I've struggled with overwhelming anxiety before I even open my eyes in the morning, an avalanche of fear, worry, dread. The alien in me is releaved to know I'm not alone. I couldn't have found this channel at a better time as my inner child has the reigns and she doesn't know how to drive. I'm so grateful.
I think the amount you can do for your inner child as an adult is somewhat based on the strength of your inner child. So it can be hard at first because even as an adult you might not be able to take on much. But taking on some helps the inner child take challenges within its range, which helps it get stronger, which helps you as an adult get stronger, so you can help your inner child take on appropriate challenges. And so on, in a self supporting loop.
I never realized how much of my anxiety was tied to my messy childhood. And most thought I had a normal childhood.
Your voice is so gentle and soothing. Thank you for giving your time and compassion to share your experiences and wisdom.
Wow! Awakening! I have always felt sad, or something of not liking the "it" that feeling when I wake up in the morning. I never related it to my trauma as a child. I remember how horrible it was. I was neglected, or blamed for being bad if mom had to fix something to eat. She always told me how bad I am. Most of the time I was hungry, Afraid and felt I was a burden. My Mother's angry look on her face, and I just stayed out of her way. During my grade school years it was not joyous at all! The Worst times was School Picture time. The night before school Picture taking day My mother felt the dreaded task of making me look good for The School. I would get my hair pulled by my Mother, She put hairpins, tight curls in my head. So my hair would be curly and look fixed. She would brush my hair extremely hard, pull my hair. She would yank my hair, yanked me down by my hair, to sit on the hard floor, sit me down hard, it hurt me, in front of her, my back towards her. She would dig her finger making a curl in top of my head, to my forehead, and dig the hair pin in my head. All over my head. It was torture. Im sure at times I drew blood. She would slap me with the hair brush, hit my head with the hairbrush if I cried. Hit my head hard with hair brush while brushing my hair, It hurt me and I hated it. Talking to me in her evil voice, Don't Move! sit here! Damn School!, and school Pictures! You gotta get your picture taken! I have to do your hair! SIT HERE! DON'T MOVE! damn you! While my dad watched and seem to think that behavior was normal. He never saved me, or protect me from her. When she was done, she would say now get the hell out of here! Go to bed! My head hurt all night long. In the Morning I dreaded her taking the hairpins out. At the same time I wanted those hairpins out! She brushed my hair so hard, it hurts and I hated it. When I was at school the time came for the Picture to be taken, I remember having a difficult time Smiling. I do not ever remember ever seeing any of my school pictures. I do remember how HORRIBLE most Mornings were. I feel that hurt unwanted feelings, the fear to this day. I am 63 years old. I have always tried to shove that feeling away, because really I'm genuinely a Happy person. That's why my mom hated me. I did spend most of my childhood lonely. So I would create toys out of almost anything. I drew pictures, made a nice pretend home from boxes. I would pretend I lived somewhere else. I feel so much better now that I do understand why I would have those horrible feelings. What took me so long? I just wanted it to go away.
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Wow, I wake up with paralyzing anxiety, but I never thought about that starting with trauma in my childhood. I have PTSD so nightmares contribute to my morning anxiety; it actually took me having a happy dream to even realize that. Thanks again 🍀🍀🍀
I had two physically and emotionally unavailable parents. I had to be "the adult" starting at age 7.
This morning, instead of getting out of bed an immediately doing adult things I got a cup of milk (my favorite as a child) and sat with my inner child and we watched bugs bunny together for a few minutes before I made coffee and watched this video.
I'm loving your suggestions and experience. Patrick has made such a difference in my thinking about what it means to be healthy.
Hugs! I make myself a diet coke with Sonic Ice and lemon! Or some tea with lemon! My morning treat! I loved lemon as a child. This really helps my anxiety stop and be present.
@@hotcarmel12 Hugs !