In person, I find it sad, hear me out, that I (in a way) fall in love with anyone who gives me time/attention like this. It's only because I lacked affection my whole life...I don't even know how to respond to someone who is just healthy, having a healthy conversation with me, making actual eye contact and just happens to care about my feelings. EDIT: Thanks everyone, for the likes! I wanted to add to my comment that several helpful replies have pointed out this feeling is called "limerence". I have looked into it, I want everyone suffering from this to know it's okay to get help. Take care everyone!
This is actually super common, so don't feel ashamed :) The exact thing you're talking about has a term, "transference." It makes a lot of sense. I've experienced similar feelings, which eventually went away while staying positive with those individuals. You deserve to experience that kind of attention all the time from lots of people in your life :)
I went to a counselor and felt like I was paying for someone to focus all of their attention on me, just for 30 minutes. I'm figuring out there's a lot of shame, but have yet to figure out why. I anticipate a rough road, but I must get healthy to share the love I feel. Peace everyone!🙂
Same, I have a few chunks here and there but they all seem to be when I was around 11 or 12, some high school, but that's with friends. It's odd to just not remember much from when I was younger.
Wow I felt so seen! The overachiever, the social anxiety!! Overly self reliant and felt so alone as a child! I’m sending this to my friends Patrick ♥️ I’ve been in therapy for two years but this is just great digestible content to send to others :]
Hit the nail on the head with trying to control being seen a certain way or not wanting to be stuck feeling certain ways. So many people try to suppress social anxiety, but end up carrying a bigger burden. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
I'm an archeologist and that was a great analogy! Unearthing your own memories in a controlled and scientific manner. You really don't know what you will come across in archeology but each piece will help you reconstruct the reality.
Your videos have helped me more than 20 years of various therapists. You communicate exactly what I need to figure this trauma out. I've sent your videos to my best friend from high school because she recently graduated with her masters degree in trauma therapy. She needs to see this! You are awesome.
The part about how your parents' alcoholism at parties engrained feelings of embarrassment for you at parties really resonated with me. When I was a kid, the dinner table was a massive trigger for abuse. Every night I would end up getting screamed at for something, usually because I couldn't finish an adult portion of food. After years of this conditioning, I still feel this almost instinctual stress around mealtime and often opt for quick and easy snacks instead. I'm still unlearning this and trying to teach my inner child that meals are a happy time and that I should only eat as much as I need to feel full. It's okay to leave extra food on my plate, and I deserve a satisfying meal to fuel me.
Procrastination is a BIG one for me definitely. My mom insisted on making me do everything correct the first time, and otherwise make me do it over and over again until I got it right. One time when I was 11, she made me do the dishes after dinner until 3AM. We didnt stop because I got it right, we stopped because she probably got tired of me complaining to want to go to sleep.
Or woken up middle of the night with screams and had to do the dishes until in the morning because just like you, had to all over again. Today as an adult, I can't do the dishes without having a anxiety attack and become paralysed. 😢😢
@@littleninnie I like doing the dishes. It’s like a warm bath. They are only 75% clean, and that’s ok by me. When I read what happened to you it’s so sad. Thank you for sharing.
omg I'm not the only one traumatized by washing dishes My mother was merciless about dishes and forced me to use the filthy water that had been in the sink for days and was full of floating *things* God no wonder I'm terrified of dishes You are not alone, and surprisingly neither am I!
I started crying when you talked about trouble responding to people's text because that's something I've struggled with and felt shame about for YEARS. And also something I brought up in therapy for the first time last week! I feel seen.
I thought I was the only one. Sometimes takes me 45 min of writing and rewriting a simple 2 sentence response. Especially if they offer something to me that I have no problem offering them, ex. dropping my son off at home after a playdate instead of me picking him up when I almost always insist on dropping their sweet son off at his home. Thanks for sharing.
As someone with a painful childhood filled with neglect and abuse, I grew up hating my dad and now I face a lot of self loathing, when you said the shame comes from the child feeling like an extension of their parent it all made sense. He's despicable and I'm so afraid being like him and all of that hate I have for him spills over to myself because I'm from him so I must be bad too. How could a terrible person bring up a good person? It's really hard to disconnect and feel like I'm good, even if I can logically prove I'm good, it's like my mind and my body have two opposing realities and I'm always in a battle to overcome the shame and hate I feel inside me.
Consider that you got the layout for a good personality and ethics at conception. Because there are so many genes, good combinations can come out of bad people when they reproduce--and vice versa. My parents are both doozies so I've given this some thought.
I also felt very angry towards my father and myself and others .After connecting with my angry inner child I felt better . I now choose to forgive my father because he also had cptsd and he does not really get what he has done .I wish I will be a better parent.
I remember when I was 10 I really took to the grunge bands lol I didn't know why but looking back it's because grunge music constantly addressed shame and the need to hide from the world
It can take me literally weeks to reply to correspondence, and I seem to need to treat a letter like an essay, so I laughed out loud when you said that. I stopped having a mobile phone 7 years ago when I lost the one I had, which is easier, as I was always late replying to texts and exasperating people! I think I stopped because I KNEW there was a reluctance to communicate and be contacted, and was sick of it. There's also some embarrassment about someone paying attention to me, but it's not clear to me why. I'm glad you brought this largely unexplored aspect of my life up. It was worth feeling uncomfortable for, and now I want to dive deeper.
Ten inner child run-on issues: 1) rage against men at times when they crowd me or aggressively drive too close in traffic 2) wanting to isolate at times/feeling safer when no one is around 3) Feeling I have to fight mentally to just exist 4) workaholism 5) hyper-vigilance/HSP 6) self-medicating with food 7) picking up others vibes/emotions 8) over responsibility 9) remainign silent 10) resentment
Truely relate to all of these. Would like to ad though, that being a hyper sensitive person can also be a blessing. Yes it makes it a lot harder for us to survive, but after we manage to heal, we can also become a lot happier than the avarage person. From my own experience as well.
I so have the problem of not responding to texts! I don't know I always had it since having a phone, I just have too much anxiety to respond for a month because of stuff going on and then I feel ashamed that I didn't and still don't, and if it's hard to respond to one then it's hard to respond to all of them. I feel comforted by this because no one else ever has this problem or understand it and I could see how some people could be hurt by me not responding but I just can't sometimes
Wish I had a therapist as well spoken as yourself in my city I can always relate to something you say lose me one times but then get me before the video ends really makes me focus on my process
They are hard to find. I had to go across the country to find good therapists. In Washington State there is no such thing because elitist profiteers are running that show (often under the false guise of caring government and non profits), and they are clueless to their own insanities, let alone able to lead things in a healthy direction for the disenfranchised.
Look at ur inner child with curiosity like an archeologist...wow! Omg u nailed what I’m really feeling with my social anxiety! You’re really amazing ty
I'm dyingggggg. The "oh shit" at 8:35. 😂😂😂 I wasn't expecting this to be funny but that really got me. It was so funny but also the exact tone of the voice in my head when someone invites me somewhere.
Thank you so much Patrick, as always your videos hit straight to my heart. For some reason I never cry, even when it seems I should. Only knee-jerk cry when I hear these videos.
Hi Amy I’m one of your subscribers🥰 I love your channel because you’re not afraid to speak on topics surrounding self love and self care. I’m glad to see your comment on this video because it shows your not all talk that you’re actually working on yourself. Seeing your comment also makes me feel less alone. I’m sending lots of love and healing energy your way 💕💜🥰
Damn, you almost made me cry. I can relate to all of the things you mentioned. Thank you so much, Patrick!!!! You made me learn a lot!!! Thank you so much!!!
One of your videos popped up in my recommendations and you seemed pretty level headed. So, I started watching this series yesterday and did the homework (liking the Bradshaw book) and already feel like a ton is off my shoulders. I was getting desperate! House a disaster area, hygiene out the window, no discipline and recently retired. This should be a great time in my life, right? Not! But your videos and the meditations make me feel hopeful since I have a plan at least. Thank you! Keep up the good work 👍 Off to shower and shampoo my inner infant.☺️
Patrick, I am exploring your Inner Child videos and am having profound realizations and shifts. Thank you for sharing this good work. You have surely found your mission.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I’ve been unable to afford therapy for a year now and this helps me try and continue my work while on my own. I greatly appreciate you and your work.
Your inner child (all your past selves ) is everything. Is waiting for the future you to save them . Future you has found god/light and is going back in time to rescue all of them I love you Neha . I am here with solution and this time forever. ❤
I love that "prayer"! I try to tell myself a different "story" about who I am, not the story my family told me about who I am. This prayer is powerful because it is an intention. Setting intention before going out to interact with people helps me be who I intend to be, not react from a negative headspace. Still have trouble responding to invitations and with prolonged socializing. I get drained and long for the quiet, safety and security of my home. But people are interesting to me, I mainly paint portraits.
I just requested the book Homecoming that Patrick recommended from my library for I believe the third time in 2 years. Somehow I feel this time is the time to really get into it. I think I was trying to force it the other times.
Yeah, I remember being scolded so much about being inappropriate as a child, saying weird things, being out of line. Sometimes I wasn't being polite, sometimes I was being too polite, so it was easier to just not say anything, or better, just avoid the gathering at all. Also, my dad was a wildcard in gatherings: either the life of the party, or an incredibly rude person. If my alcoholic uncle was around he might be drunk, so we also had to be really quiet until someone appeared to take him to bed.
Thank you for these very insightful videos Patrick. Your work is much appreciated and helpful... Lot resonating with my inner child. We thank you 🤗 Sharing it with my friends... 🙌
Thank you for these videos. I think they are great . I try to remember that my parents had problems with their inner child too otherwise I find myself locked into bitterness and resentment towards them .
The social anxiety bit really spoke to me, I noticed that I tend to go for events quite late and often want to leave as early as possible so that I can't interact with people within the least amount of time. I'll admit that when I was you her I'd have been the one trying to anticipate other people's needs so that everything ran smoothly but somewhere along the way I lost steam perhaps because I met people who did that so much better than me, enter the crisis in faith in my own abilities. So you speaking in this makes me feel seen. Something that's just occurred to me about the question that you answered, our kids really are kids and they're not sophisticated in what they can discern or make out. So if you didn't feel safe as kid around one or both parents, the inner child is still operating with that understanding even though the grown up you probably have more nuance about why that parent felt unsafe. Rewatching this video and something that's stood out for me is well meaning parents often fail on the emotional nourishment part either overindulge or under indulge the child and by the time the kid is all grown up they're now have to provide themselves with that emotional nourishment which can be hard to stick because it runs so deep
I had to pause the video... I get this feeling like I'm being attacked and I never once felt this way with anyone who is a therapist... I'm really getting over this. Perfect timing with christmas right around the corner. Painful process but will get easier
Holy crap Patrick. It's like I've been struggling to find the question (for many years) so I can seek the answer and you just cut through all that bs and answered the question with clarity. Thank you. I'll be ordering that book today.
Words can’t explain how grateful I am for you and all your videos❤️ You make me feel so understood and that is something money can’t buy. Please don’t ever stop sharing your knowledge!
So gently as a matter of fact stated. In many years of healing, it's only this yeear that I could understand the shame and how it looked in me. Thank you for wonderful videos.
Why would your parents behaviour affect you? Absolutely yes kids do see themselves as extension of parents whether they are aware or not. Very good point 👍
So that's where your outro comes from :) I've been ... enjoying is not the right word here ... finding great value in your videos, particularly those that talk about re-parenting your inner child. Your channel has helped me to contextualize and frame my childhood. I've tried talk therapy at various points in my life and it just never did anything for me. You helped me realize I need "work" to heal. I just started therapy, and hopefully I'm finally on the path I need to be on. I told my therapist about you in our last session, part of explaining what I was looking for. I have a feeling I'll be watching and re-watching your videos more seriously, for more than just educational purposes but to supplement/complement my sessions. Thank you so much for all you do here.
I feel so grateful for discovering your work.. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experience..Each sentence resonates with my behavioural patterns, my thoughts and feelings, my childhood memories.. You actually had me remembering things I had totally erased from my reality. I was diagnosed with BPD and I have been doing CBT for the last couple of years, your work seems to be crusial in order for anyone with PTSD to be able to become a functional human being. I am gonna watch all of your videos and do the Homework!!!
Oh, WoW! That was soooo helpful! I think that the fact that my therapy is feeling so well is beacuse I have all this information provided by Patrick and this amazing well of resources that he's giving to all of us. Thank you again Patrick. You are doing something really really beautiful for Lots of people. I Hope your Channel keeps growing and growing. I Hope all of us have a wonderful week!
I'm so grateful for you, and for the way you have freely offered these videos. I did the homework, which simply allowed all the swirling phrases and experiences to land into pretty obvious categories, and has already let my 66 year-old brain start calming down. In about 20 minutes I had written 67 items, as easily as if they had occured yesterday. For now they are organized into 10 categories and for the first time, I believe I'll be able to objectively look at them and move towards recovery. I WISH you were here when I was 20!
Same here - it just felt like too much But I figure that even though I cant do the photo, I am aware of the inner child, and I can work on parenting that child more than before :) so small steps
I found this super helpful, thank you! I'm having similar issues with finishing things, not responding, etc. as I'm finishing a huge project right now and experiencing a lot of distress around it. I'm definitely assuming the recipients of my dissertation are like my family, yikes.
Wow, that was super useful! So often various utuber therapist examples dont apply to me, but this time, bam!, you hit the nail on the head with that procrastination/overwhelm example. Ive dropped everyone ive ever known in my life, one by one, by not responding at some point. And now im all alone in the world.
Oh wow, never related the weird negative belief that ‘people will think I’m awful’ in social settings to the awful and shame-filled public dinners or outings with my family, where either one of us or worse yet a waitress was publicly humiliated or attacked. I also relate to the debilitating symptom of not responding to people. My gut response when I see a new text or email is “leave me alone” Patrick??
I rewatch this all the time because to me this is the most helpful in terms of building up new inner adult perspectives around childhood, thank you truly sir patrick!
Already having watched Episode 1 and now this #2, I'm going to stop here. I'm in therapy with great PTSD counselors, and have been for almost 3 years now. With me, there's not going to be a quick fix or some epiphany moment of recovery. I'm not going to super charge through this series. Its too important. Thank you for what you're sharing. I'm going to wait to talk with my therapists and to read Homecoming before I continue. Again, thanks, Patrick.
really glad to have found you you are so kind and careful and insightful and this is the stuff i need and you feel like a really good fit for me and your pace and tone of voice and the fact that you are so open and kind with sharing your own stuff so openly and integrally makes you so trustworthy . in the past ive usually felt that therapists want to keep there superior to you stance and like they have no issues at all and you are just a poor person there proffesionally being paid to "treat " . you put yourself in there with us because you know what its like but you have also done your work on yourself so well and learned about these things so well that you can be proffesional without being patronizing and really help us all ,you included ,i thank you so much for posting on u tube you are such a valuable resource and a truly kind and helpful human being . i could never afford therapy being poor and anyway would i even be able to find someone as good as you . many many thanks to you for being here with and for us .you will definately get your wings for this . i feel so blessed to have your videos pop up in my feed . i trust what you show and feel a sense of safety with you and will look forward to whatever you post ( i had a similar chid and adulthood and you are filling in so much understanding of myself and what brought it about and how to approach and heal it now . you are an invaluable gift and so kind of you to share so openly what you know ,i still cant thank you enough and it brings some reassurance that you are there and that people like you exist who want to help and know its needed :) thumbs up lots of them
I really like & benefit from your videos. I love that you offer your services free and aren’t trying to sell a coarse! It makes your messages authentic and respectful. Thank you!
Does anyone else struggle with journalling? I start to write my thoughts and then I stop because it feels foreign. As I'm writing I stop recognizing it as my thoughts and I cant finish it. I usually end up throwing it away. I'm not really sure what to do about it
I've always wanted to do journalling. I have maybe four brand new journals, from the various attempts to start in my life. I gather feelings and thoughts, I get my pencil and book, open it. Blank. I forget everyone I wanted to write and can't think of anything to say. It's usually a few hours after giving up that my thoughts come back. But if I try again, I'm blank minded again. It's very difficult for me, and I'm not sure why. It's always been something I've felt I should do.
Oh yes I can relate to that... With me it was the same at the beginning of my therapy. But I didn't give up on it because I knew it was proven that journaling gives really good benefits. It was totally strange, as you said, to see these thoughts on paper. However, it got better over time, the more I liked myself. I think the issue there may be not being used to being like really inside yourself and feeling ok with it. Or not used to being given attention of any kind. After all, you are giving yourself attention that way. But I think it's more like not being really present within yourself. Then you feel separated from your thoughts. As I said for me it changed, the more time I was spending with myself/getting to know myself. Hope that helps. :)
Yes hard time for me also. In my head so much going on & I go to write & nothing comes out...every once in awhile it works but its not the magic that seems to work for others so well.
It's not about being perfect, it's about having parents who are there, emotionally and physically, when you need. People that listen. Yes, I've seen people who had healthy childhoods... I've also seen people who had a little bit of issues that stem from childhood, but with a little bit of help and effort they overcame them.. but blatant emotional/physical abuse, that's just another story
In my view even based in the examples Dr. Patrick shares about his own parenting, sometimes its the lack of emotional support when we go through general life stuff especially when at places like school or when playing outside or encounting other people. If your parents never made that effort to check on you emotionally and counter some of the narratives you were receiving from there even from mass media that shape how you feel about yourself that is also part of the problem.
@@yveqeshy Thank-you! You put this very well and after a long time thinking about this and my own predicaments of my childhood and life and I safely say now.. I have abandonment issues but also was never encouraged, cuddled or told I was loved as a child. Even in adulthood this is extremely rare. My parents weren't bad,we had a roof over our heads,fed,clothed but not nurtured. I think this goes a bit to why both my brother and I have never married and don't have children through choice. You made a very point and I can definitely see your view and agree that the lack of emotional support and physical support is quite damaging and rather mind twisting. Keep safe and well! 🙂
@@tbeansd6244 I'm so sorry you went and may continue to go through that in some way. Hopefully you're gaining newer skills to reparent yourself. I think it's imperative that kids grow up not just knowing they're loved but being explicitly told through words and actions. You're not alone in this journey
Oh wow, I have watched a number of your videos and on many you describe me, my reactions, thoughts and feelings though I never considered I’d suffered childhood trauma but dysfunctional and ‘looks good on paper’ families definitely resonate with me. Thank you for validating my me as a person! I get really angry with myself for not getting on with things, I’ve tried to figure out why I put things off and after much thought two things came to mind……..1- it’s easier to not try because I can’t then fail 2- I’ve concluded I’m just lazy too! I wonder, I am now 53yrs old and as a full time live in carer for both my parents I am still exposed to the same ridicule and toxic environment but more intense as their health and mobility reduces. I seem to have hit a brick wall (or perhaps it’s consciousness of childhood damage) where I try to validate myself as an adult to them but to no avail. Is this continued childhood trauma or just further triggers from the initial childhood trauma.
I don't think you have to validate yourself as an adult to your parent. You can't control how they see you. I hope you can get some outside help with their care. Caring for seniors is incredibly difficult and emotionally hard. Having to care for seniors that are your own parents is a recipe for burnout on all fronts. Good luck!
ThankYou for making this series on inner child parenting ...as I loved this concept of looking at our own Younger self and Understanding inner child just like we would expect someone else to do that for Us ....I strongly feel n believe that , this Awareness about loving our own Younger self unconditionally itself brings the Joy... In healing ourselves we realise that Only we are here for ourselves and nobody can know us better than ourselves ... So that conversation begins to start forgiving for not knowing why I allowed certain people to walk all over me and didn't confront just thinking it was Respecting or obeying them ....No reality is different from such cruel conditioning where we are asked to respect elders (our parents sisters or brother all included ...)whose children bully us beat us and their parents entertain this knowing they must scold their children... I just can't explain everything but I am glad to find answers to my unnecessary pain I created this year's by visiting those years of my childhood where I was with Narcissist Gang ( Narcissist parents teach their children to be Narcissist and make them believe that makes them Powerful Human....) I am afraid how many children must be getting such up bringing and how difficult it is for a person to come out Healing oneself from such Traumatic past...) People know that they are creating toxicity and they intentionally continue , first I use to become angry but now feel pity because it a viscous cycle they can't get out from n they may change targets to trap innocent people and make fun and njoy their victory of cruel mindset of innocent lives ... It's very soul tearing to know n see this kind of people exist , n experience those Deeper wounds and Scars when we finally Bid GoodBye n walk away ...
Okay, so it was the last section of the video The “May you be joyous” saying, That’s when I teared up. And it’s beautiful that I heard it first in the outro of your later videos. I’d say poetic, but pretty sure that’s not actually appropriate. Anyways, thank you!
I just want to thank you for all the hard work you out into these videos. I've been through so many types of therapy but this one helped me the most. So thank you
Thank you Patrick. Wow, this one triggered me. I thought about my social anxiety and vividly go right back to when I dreaded social/family occasions, aged 10-15 I guess, when my narc mum (i know this now I’m 54!) used to TELL me to play the piano. I hated it, used to make mistakes & she would say in front of everyone “oh come on, you can do better than that!” Or if I said no I would be bullied into it. One year I got the lead in school play & had to sing. I’ve told her on many occasions since that I hated it & she just belittled & called me petty for not being proud. The fear the anxiety still haunts me today & came out strongly in therapy. I find it interesting now that I only play the piano to myself & if I play pieces from childhood I make the same mistakes. I dread social occasions at our house in case I’m asked to play. And at others houses if they have a piano. I’ve talked about it with my wife & she is now aware.
When I graduated highschool (VWO , which means in Holland you are allowed to study at the university)my father said: 1- when your brother would still be live he had done far more better. 2- you did finish because your boyfriend helped you so much (who did the exams??? I asked him) So, this is related to p.a. social anxiety. New way to understand stuff.
This is SO aligned with my most recent conversations with my therapist! it’s amazing and I appreciate a lot the variety of examples and your clear explanations. Also, you have no idea of my level of joy when you said there was homework 😆, because in that moment I was wondering how to work that out after being able to identify it. Thank you so so much for putting this knowledge out here, I truly believe that the world would be a better place if all adults worked on the healing of their inner child. Thank you ☺️❤️
Hitting the nail on the head every time! This is the series you mentioned in response to my comment on a previous video, and I'm here for every episode of it! Will stay tuned for sure! Thank you!
When im at a social event I'm so afraid to make a move or say something wrong, or spill something. I realize now this is because my overly critical father would yell at me whenever I made a mistake. Also I was so afraid to make a move as a child, so even when meeting friends from school I would shut down, and not say anything.
I found myself taking big, deep, calming breaths - in for 4, hold, out for 4 - during the whole of both your first and now this video. Unfortunately for me, my trauma started before I was born. My mother had realised what my father was actually like and what kind of toxic, dysfunctional family she had married into. She already had my older sister, still an infant, and had decided to leave my father. She had planned with her older sister and her husband, to leave and come to stay with them in another part of the country. Once she found out she was pregnant with me she abandoned her plans. I understand that it would have been very difficult to be a single mother with one child and a failed marriage in the 1970s, but she didn't think she could cope with 2 children. My mother never liked me, my father was emotionally absent and I became the family scapegoat. My parents not so much reconciled, but my mother "accepted her fate" and they stayed together and had 2 further children. My first brother, born after the "reconciliation" was the golden child, who can still do no wrong. My youngest brother is still the adored baby of the family, and probably the one with the least damage. Unfortunatley I have problems with my siblings due to the way they were encouraged to treat me by our mother. My aunt told me about my mother's secret plan years later, when I was struggling badly with my mother as a young adult at University. It made sense how my aunt had treated me growing up, very protective, almost my second mother. I know my aunt meant well, but it deepened the resentment I felt towards my family. That's the very tip of a huge iceberg, I have a lot of painn to work through.
You hit the nail on the head so many times. Feeling guilty because I felt like an accomplise of my mother's shenanigans was a familiar childhood feeling
8 minutes in and WOW so much of this resonates. Especially the I get invited to a party and the reaction is....."oh sh*t"......you mean other people have this reaction sometimes also? 😂
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Something I've rephrased/added to the core beliefs list: "I'm more trouble than I'm worth," "If I'm not everything you need, than I'm not lovable."
In person, I find it sad, hear me out, that I (in a way) fall in love with anyone who gives me time/attention like this. It's only because I lacked affection my whole life...I don't even know how to respond to someone who is just healthy, having a healthy conversation with me, making actual eye contact and just happens to care about my feelings.
EDIT: Thanks everyone, for the likes! I wanted to add to my comment that several helpful replies have pointed out this feeling is called "limerence". I have looked into it, I want everyone suffering from this to know it's okay to get help. Take care everyone!
This is actually super common, so don't feel ashamed :) The exact thing you're talking about has a term, "transference." It makes a lot of sense. I've experienced similar feelings, which eventually went away while staying positive with those individuals. You deserve to experience that kind of attention all the time from lots of people in your life :)
I went to a counselor and felt like I was paying for someone to focus all of their attention on me, just for 30 minutes. I'm figuring out there's a lot of shame, but have yet to figure out why. I anticipate a rough road, but I must get healthy to share the love I feel. Peace everyone!🙂
You're not alone.
@@RokiMowntinHi thats great that youre so motivated. its inspiring
@@frommars6887 - thanks. I'm tiptoeing through my baby steps, taking one small thing at a time to work with.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be filled with loving and kindness.
May I be well.
May I be joyous.
Thank you so much! 🙏
... yes.... beautiful ... i agree.
I never realised other people also can't remember chunks of childhood! I thought it was something wrong with me, feels good to know it's not just me.
Same, I have a few chunks here and there but they all seem to be when I was around 11 or 12, some high school, but that's with friends. It's odd to just not remember much from when I was younger.
you are Normal! my Sister & I always say Our Mom could give JOAN CRAWFORD "mean lessons"!
I can only remember some short scenes
Wow I felt so seen! The overachiever, the social anxiety!! Overly self reliant and felt so alone as a child! I’m sending this to my friends Patrick ♥️ I’ve been in therapy for two years but this is just great digestible content to send to others :]
Same here + I always take over the parties to please everyone and afterwards I feel drained
Yes! Very great thing to share
Hit the nail on the head with trying to control being seen a certain way or not wanting to be stuck feeling certain ways. So many people try to suppress social anxiety, but end up carrying a bigger burden. Self improvement begins with self awareness.
I'm an archeologist and that was a great analogy! Unearthing your own memories in a controlled and scientific manner. You really don't know what you will come across in archeology but each piece will help you reconstruct the reality.
Your videos have helped me more than 20 years of various therapists. You communicate exactly what I need to figure this trauma out. I've sent your videos to my best friend from high school because she recently graduated with her masters degree in trauma therapy. She needs to see this! You are awesome.
The part about how your parents' alcoholism at parties engrained feelings of embarrassment for you at parties really resonated with me. When I was a kid, the dinner table was a massive trigger for abuse. Every night I would end up getting screamed at for something, usually because I couldn't finish an adult portion of food. After years of this conditioning, I still feel this almost instinctual stress around mealtime and often opt for quick and easy snacks instead. I'm still unlearning this and trying to teach my inner child that meals are a happy time and that I should only eat as much as I need to feel full. It's okay to leave extra food on my plate, and I deserve a satisfying meal to fuel me.
Procrastination is a BIG one for me definitely. My mom insisted on making me do everything correct the first time, and otherwise make me do it over and over again until I got it right.
One time when I was 11, she made me do the dishes after dinner until 3AM. We didnt stop because I got it right, we stopped because she probably got tired of me complaining to want to go to sleep.
Or woken up middle of the night with screams and had to do the dishes until in the morning because just like you, had to all over again. Today as an adult, I can't do the dishes without having a anxiety attack and become paralysed. 😢😢
@@littleninnie I like doing the dishes. It’s like a warm bath. They are only 75% clean, and that’s ok by me. When I read what happened to you it’s so sad. Thank you for sharing.
omg I'm not the only one traumatized by washing dishes
My mother was merciless about dishes and forced me to use the filthy water that had been in the sink for days and was full of floating *things*
God no wonder I'm terrified of dishes
You are not alone, and surprisingly neither am I!
I started crying when you talked about trouble responding to people's text because that's something I've struggled with and felt shame about for YEARS. And also something I brought up in therapy for the first time last week! I feel seen.
I thought I was the only one. Sometimes takes me 45 min of writing and rewriting a simple 2 sentence response. Especially if they offer something to me that I have no problem offering them, ex. dropping my son off at home after a playdate instead of me picking him up when I almost always insist on dropping their sweet son off at his home.
Thanks for sharing.
@@emagil1474 My anxiety around texting has gotten SO much better since I wrote this comment. I hope the same for you ◡̈
@meghanmagee7764 right on, girlfriend! 🙌 Ty
As someone with a painful childhood filled with neglect and abuse, I grew up hating my dad and now I face a lot of self loathing, when you said the shame comes from the child feeling like an extension of their parent it all made sense. He's despicable and I'm so afraid being like him and all of that hate I have for him spills over to myself because I'm from him so I must be bad too. How could a terrible person bring up a good person? It's really hard to disconnect and feel like I'm good, even if I can logically prove I'm good, it's like my mind and my body have two opposing realities and I'm always in a battle to overcome the shame and hate I feel inside me.
Consider that you got the layout for a good personality and ethics at conception. Because there are so many genes, good combinations can come out of bad people when they reproduce--and vice versa. My parents are both doozies so I've given this some thought.
My inner child sees you (& your inner child!) as Good! Hugs to you.
I feel you, growing up with a toxic father I assume I learned to be toxic as well.
I also felt very angry towards my father and myself and others .After connecting with my angry inner child I felt better . I now choose to forgive my father because he also had cptsd and he does not really get what he has done .I wish I will be a better parent.
I remember when I was 10 I really took to the grunge bands lol I didn't know why but looking back it's because grunge music constantly addressed shame and the need to hide from the world
Dang, the “stuck” part of perfectionism and criticism rang true to me
It can take me literally weeks to reply to correspondence, and I seem to need to treat a letter like an essay, so I laughed out loud when you said that. I stopped having a mobile phone 7 years ago when I lost the one I had, which is easier, as I was always late replying to texts and exasperating people! I think I stopped because I KNEW there was a reluctance to communicate and be contacted, and was sick of it. There's also some embarrassment about someone paying attention to me, but it's not clear to me why. I'm glad you brought this largely unexplored aspect of my life up. It was worth feeling uncomfortable for, and now I want to dive deeper.
It's so nice to see I'm not the only one XD I never meet anyone who has or understands this problem so this video was great
Oh my, same. Corresponding to anything, especially emails give me major anxiety. It’s hard to explain it to others.
Ten inner child run-on issues: 1) rage against men at times when they crowd me or aggressively drive too close in traffic 2) wanting to isolate at times/feeling safer when no one is around 3) Feeling I have to fight mentally to just exist 4) workaholism 5) hyper-vigilance/HSP 6) self-medicating with food 7) picking up others vibes/emotions 8) over responsibility 9) remainign silent 10) resentment
Truely relate to all of these. Would like to ad though, that being a hyper sensitive person can also be a blessing. Yes it makes it a lot harder for us to survive, but after we manage to heal, we can also become a lot happier than the avarage person. From my own experience as well.
I so have the problem of not responding to texts! I don't know I always had it since having a phone, I just have too much anxiety to respond for a month because of stuff going on and then I feel ashamed that I didn't and still don't, and if it's hard to respond to one then it's hard to respond to all of them. I feel comforted by this because no one else ever has this problem or understand it and I could see how some people could be hurt by me not responding but I just can't sometimes
I just wanted to say your ability to communicate ideas is amazing. You are so clear and easy to understand!
Wish I had a therapist as well spoken as yourself in my city I can always relate to something you say lose me one times but then get me before the video ends really makes me focus on my process
They are hard to find. I had to go across the country to find good therapists. In Washington State there is no such thing because elitist profiteers are running that show (often under the false guise of caring government and non profits), and they are clueless to their own insanities, let alone able to lead things in a healthy direction for the disenfranchised.
Look at ur inner child with curiosity like an archeologist...wow! Omg u nailed what I’m really feeling with my social anxiety! You’re really amazing ty
I'm dyingggggg. The "oh shit" at 8:35. 😂😂😂
I wasn't expecting this to be funny but that really got me. It was so funny but also the exact tone of the voice in my head when someone invites me somewhere.
“Everybody knows that I’m bad” wow this is me and triggering to hear.😭
Thank you so much Patrick, as always your videos hit straight to my heart. For some reason I never cry, even when it seems I should. Only knee-jerk cry when I hear these videos.
Also so interesting to hear a therapist’s POV!
Absolutely
Hi Amy I’m one of your subscribers🥰 I love your channel because you’re not afraid to speak on topics surrounding self love and self care. I’m glad to see your comment on this video because it shows your not all talk that you’re actually working on yourself. Seeing your comment also makes me feel less alone. I’m sending lots of love and healing energy your way 💕💜🥰
@@Danielle.Jensen thank you! I see the work you’re doing too! Keep it up!!♥️
Sometimes the rewatch is worth it
I was drawn to John Bradshaw about…1988. So glad to hear your reference.
Damn, you almost made me cry. I can relate to all of the things you mentioned. Thank you so much, Patrick!!!! You made me learn a lot!!! Thank you so much!!!
His videos get to me like no other. I almost cried as well.
One of your videos popped up in my recommendations and you seemed pretty level headed. So, I started watching this series yesterday and did the homework (liking the Bradshaw book) and already feel like a ton is off my shoulders. I was getting desperate! House a disaster area, hygiene out the window, no discipline and recently retired. This should be a great time in my life, right? Not! But your videos and the meditations make me feel hopeful since I have a plan at least. Thank you! Keep up the good work 👍 Off to shower and shampoo my inner infant.☺️
Patrick, I am exploring your Inner Child videos and am having profound realizations and shifts. Thank you for sharing this good work. You have surely found your mission.
I started this series to better understand someone else in my life, but I'm finding a lot of self discovery.
Fellow trauma-informed social worker (in-training) here to say that I really appreciate this series! Thank you! :-)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I’ve been unable to afford therapy for a year now and this helps me try and continue my work while on my own. I greatly appreciate you and your work.
Getting overwhelmed by communicating...yup that's me
Your inner child (all your past selves ) is everything.
Is waiting for the future you to save them .
Future you has found god/light and is going back in time to rescue all of them
I love you Neha . I am here with solution and this time forever. ❤
I always knew something was wrong. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me understand why! 💓
That prayer reminds me of the metta bhavana Buddhist meditation... Love it
Thank you a lot. I have a lot of the behaviors that you describe. I didn't know they were trauma-driven. Now I reflect back, I get it.
I love that "prayer"! I try to tell myself a different "story" about who I am, not the story my family told me about who I am. This prayer is powerful because it is an intention. Setting intention before going out to interact with people helps me be who I intend to be, not react from a negative headspace. Still have trouble responding to invitations and with prolonged socializing. I get drained and long for the quiet, safety and security of my home. But people are interesting to me, I mainly paint portraits.
John Bradshaw's work is amazing. These are terrific videos and an awesome service. Extremely valuable.
I just requested the book Homecoming that Patrick recommended from my library for I believe the third time in 2 years. Somehow I feel this time is the time to really get into it. I think I was trying to force it the other times.
Yeah, I remember being scolded so much about being inappropriate as a child, saying weird things, being out of line. Sometimes I wasn't being polite, sometimes I was being too polite, so it was easier to just not say anything, or better, just avoid the gathering at all. Also, my dad was a wildcard in gatherings: either the life of the party, or an incredibly rude person. If my alcoholic uncle was around he might be drunk, so we also had to be really quiet until someone appeared to take him to bed.
My god you’re literally saving me.. love your videos, keep up the amazing and inspiring work!
Thank you for these very insightful videos Patrick. Your work is much appreciated and helpful... Lot resonating with my inner child. We thank you 🤗
Sharing it with my friends... 🙌
This is incredibly helpful, thank you. I'm looking forward to seeing more of how to re- parent yourself, how to nurture your inner child.
Thank you for these videos. I think they are great . I try to remember that my parents had problems with their inner child too otherwise I find myself locked into bitterness and resentment towards them .
The social anxiety bit really spoke to me, I noticed that I tend to go for events quite late and often want to leave as early as possible so that I can't interact with people within the least amount of time. I'll admit that when I was you her I'd have been the one trying to anticipate other people's needs so that everything ran smoothly but somewhere along the way I lost steam perhaps because I met people who did that so much better than me, enter the crisis in faith in my own abilities. So you speaking in this makes me feel seen. Something that's just occurred to me about the question that you answered, our kids really are kids and they're not sophisticated in what they can discern or make out. So if you didn't feel safe as kid around one or both parents, the inner child is still operating with that understanding even though the grown up you probably have more nuance about why that parent felt unsafe. Rewatching this video and something that's stood out for me is well meaning parents often fail on the emotional nourishment part either overindulge or under indulge the child and by the time the kid is all grown up they're now have to provide themselves with that emotional nourishment which can be hard to stick because it runs so deep
This is me. Never has anything been more me. Thank you for the clarifying weep, Patrick.
I had to pause the video... I get this feeling like I'm being attacked and I never once felt this way with anyone who is a therapist... I'm really getting over this. Perfect timing with christmas right around the corner. Painful process but will get easier
Holy crap Patrick. It's like I've been struggling to find the question (for many years) so I can seek the answer and you just cut through all that bs and answered the question with clarity. Thank you. I'll be ordering that book today.
Yup, always on alert. 🚒 🚓 It’s a constant readiness to “save the day”. Thanks again Patrick for your input 💙👊
Words can’t explain how grateful I am for you and all your videos❤️ You make me feel so understood and that is something money can’t buy. Please don’t ever stop sharing your knowledge!
So gently as a matter of fact stated. In many years of healing, it's only this yeear that I could understand the shame and how it looked in me. Thank you for wonderful videos.
Why would your parents behaviour affect you? Absolutely yes kids do see themselves as extension of parents whether they are aware or not. Very good point 👍
So that's where your outro comes from :)
I've been ... enjoying is not the right word here ... finding great value in your videos, particularly those that talk about re-parenting your inner child. Your channel has helped me to contextualize and frame my childhood. I've tried talk therapy at various points in my life and it just never did anything for me. You helped me realize I need "work" to heal. I just started therapy, and hopefully I'm finally on the path I need to be on. I told my therapist about you in our last session, part of explaining what I was looking for. I have a feeling I'll be watching and re-watching your videos more seriously, for more than just educational purposes but to supplement/complement my sessions. Thank you so much for all you do here.
I feel so grateful for discovering your work.. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experience..Each sentence resonates with my behavioural patterns, my thoughts and feelings, my childhood memories.. You actually had me remembering things I had totally erased from my reality. I was diagnosed with BPD and I have been doing CBT for the last couple of years, your work seems to be crusial in order for anyone with PTSD to be able to become a functional human being. I am gonna watch all of your videos and do the Homework!!!
Oh, WoW! That was soooo helpful! I think that the fact that my therapy is feeling so well is beacuse I have all this information provided by Patrick and this amazing well of resources that he's giving to all of us. Thank you again Patrick. You are doing something really really beautiful for Lots of people. I Hope your Channel keeps growing and growing. I Hope all of us have a wonderful week!
You literally just described me. That convinced me that I do need therapy, despite being a pretty functional adult.
I'm so grateful for you, and for the way you have freely offered these videos. I did the homework, which simply allowed all the swirling phrases and experiences to land into pretty obvious categories, and has already let my 66 year-old brain start calming down. In about 20 minutes I had written 67 items, as easily as if they had occured yesterday. For now they are organized into 10 categories and for the first time, I believe I'll be able to objectively look at them and move towards recovery. I WISH you were here when I was 20!
My therapist wanted me to get a photo but my inner child wouldn't even let me do that.
Same here - it just felt like too much
But I figure that even though I cant do the photo, I am aware of the inner child, and I can work on parenting that child more than before :) so small steps
I feel so understood after whatching this. 😌
I found this super helpful, thank you! I'm having similar issues with finishing things, not responding, etc. as I'm finishing a huge project right now and experiencing a lot of distress around it. I'm definitely assuming the recipients of my dissertation are like my family, yikes.
Wow, that was super useful! So often various utuber therapist examples dont apply to me, but this time, bam!, you hit the nail on the head with that procrastination/overwhelm example. Ive dropped everyone ive ever known in my life, one by one, by not responding at some point. And now im all alone in the world.
Oh wow, never related the weird negative belief that ‘people will think I’m awful’ in social settings to the awful and shame-filled public dinners or outings with my family, where either one of us or worse yet a waitress was publicly humiliated or attacked. I also relate to the debilitating symptom of not responding to people. My gut response when I see a new text or email is “leave me alone” Patrick??
My father used to get mad at me because I didn’t cut a lemon the right way. I am scared of doing anything in the kitchen.
Thank you for your work - I’m heading to the jornal because most of that resonated. Thank you for the prayer.
Namaste 🙏🏻🇵🇹
I rewatch this all the time because to me this is the most helpful in terms of building up new inner adult perspectives around childhood, thank you truly sir patrick!
Already having watched Episode 1 and now this #2, I'm going to stop here. I'm in therapy with great PTSD counselors, and have been for almost 3 years now. With me, there's not going to be a quick fix or some epiphany moment of recovery. I'm not going to super charge through this series. Its too important. Thank you for what you're sharing. I'm going to wait to talk with my therapists and to read Homecoming before I continue. Again, thanks, Patrick.
Your videos are incredibly insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your work on this platform.
Gave myself a hug at the end! :)
really glad to have found you you are so kind and careful and insightful and this is the stuff i need and you feel like a really good fit for me and your pace and tone of voice and the fact that you are so open and kind with sharing your own stuff so openly and integrally makes you so trustworthy . in the past ive usually felt that therapists want to keep there superior to you stance and like they have no issues at all and you are just a poor person there proffesionally being paid to "treat " . you put yourself in there with us because you know what its like but you have also done your work on yourself so well and learned about these things so well that you can be proffesional without being patronizing and really help us all ,you included ,i thank you so much for posting on u tube you are such a valuable resource and a truly kind and helpful human being . i could never afford therapy being poor and anyway would i even be able to find someone as good as you . many many thanks to you for being here with and for us .you will definately get your wings for this . i feel so blessed to have your videos pop up in my feed . i trust what you show and feel a sense of safety with you and will look forward to whatever you post ( i had a similar chid and adulthood and you are filling in so much understanding of myself and what brought it about and how to approach and heal it now . you are an invaluable gift and so kind of you to share so openly what you know ,i still cant thank you enough and it brings some reassurance that you are there and that people like you exist who want to help and know its needed :) thumbs up lots of them
Yup, “everybody knows I’m bad” - spot on
I really like & benefit from your videos. I love that you offer your services free and aren’t trying to sell a coarse! It makes your messages authentic and respectful. Thank you!
Does anyone else struggle with journalling? I start to write my thoughts and then I stop because it feels foreign. As I'm writing I stop recognizing it as my thoughts and I cant finish it. I usually end up throwing it away. I'm not really sure what to do about it
I've always wanted to do journalling. I have maybe four brand new journals, from the various attempts to start in my life. I gather feelings and thoughts, I get my pencil and book, open it. Blank. I forget everyone I wanted to write and can't think of anything to say. It's usually a few hours after giving up that my thoughts come back. But if I try again, I'm blank minded again. It's very difficult for me, and I'm not sure why. It's always been something I've felt I should do.
Oh yes I can relate to that... With me it was the same at the beginning of my therapy. But I didn't give up on it because I knew it was proven that journaling gives really good benefits. It was totally strange, as you said, to see these thoughts on paper. However, it got better over time, the more I liked myself. I think the issue there may be not being used to being like really inside yourself and feeling ok with it. Or not used to being given attention of any kind. After all, you are giving yourself attention that way. But I think it's more like not being really present within yourself. Then you feel separated from your thoughts. As I said for me it changed, the more time I was spending with myself/getting to know myself. Hope that helps. :)
Yes hard time for me also. In my head so much going on & I go to write & nothing comes out...every once in awhile it works but its not the magic that seems to work for others so well.
But I was able to make the list from video 1, his journal prompts are the mist helpful so far for me.
Has anyone ever had a good and healthy childhood? Genuine question. I feel sometimes we chase the perfect childhood but how can that exist?
Perfect? Doubt it. Better? I’m certainly hoping so.
It's not about being perfect, it's about having parents who are there, emotionally and physically, when you need. People that listen. Yes, I've seen people who had healthy childhoods... I've also seen people who had a little bit of issues that stem from childhood, but with a little bit of help and effort they overcame them.. but blatant emotional/physical abuse, that's just another story
In my view even based in the examples Dr. Patrick shares about his own parenting, sometimes its the lack of emotional support when we go through general life stuff especially when at places like school or when playing outside or encounting other people. If your parents never made that effort to check on you emotionally and counter some of the narratives you were receiving from there even from mass media that shape how you feel about yourself that is also part of the problem.
@@yveqeshy Thank-you! You put this very well and after a long time thinking about this and my own predicaments of my childhood and life and I safely say now..
I have abandonment issues but also was never encouraged, cuddled or told I was loved as a child. Even in adulthood this is extremely rare. My parents weren't bad,we had a roof over our heads,fed,clothed but not nurtured. I think this goes a bit to why both my brother and I have never married and don't have children through choice.
You made a very point and I can definitely see your view and agree that the lack of emotional support and physical support is quite damaging and rather mind twisting. Keep safe and well! 🙂
@@tbeansd6244 I'm so sorry you went and may continue to go through that in some way. Hopefully you're gaining newer skills to reparent yourself. I think it's imperative that kids grow up not just knowing they're loved but being explicitly told through words and actions. You're not alone in this journey
12:12 With the 1980's reference this is one of many reasons Patrick T speaks to me :-))
Oh wow, I have watched a number of your videos and on many you describe me, my reactions, thoughts and feelings though I never considered I’d suffered childhood trauma but dysfunctional and ‘looks good on paper’ families definitely resonate with me. Thank you for validating my me as a person!
I get really angry with myself for not getting on with things, I’ve tried to figure out why I put things off and after much thought two things came to mind……..1- it’s easier to not try because I can’t then fail 2- I’ve concluded I’m just lazy too!
I wonder, I am now 53yrs old and as a full time live in carer for both my parents I am still exposed to the same ridicule and toxic environment but more intense as their health and mobility reduces. I seem to have hit a brick wall (or perhaps it’s consciousness of childhood damage) where I try to validate myself as an adult to them but to no avail. Is this continued childhood trauma or just further triggers from the initial childhood trauma.
I don't think you have to validate yourself as an adult to your parent. You can't control how they see you.
I hope you can get some outside help with their care. Caring for seniors is incredibly difficult and emotionally hard. Having to care for seniors that are your own parents is a recipe for burnout on all fronts. Good luck!
Thank you Patrick - this has unlocked a lot of stuff for me.
Wow, just came across your video. I really like the questions and homework. Thanks for sharing your knowledge.
8/2023 Still a great great series. Thank YOU ❤️
ThankYou for making this series on inner child parenting ...as I loved this concept of looking at our own Younger self and Understanding inner child just like we would expect someone else to do that for Us ....I strongly feel n believe that , this Awareness about loving our own Younger self unconditionally itself brings the Joy... In healing ourselves we realise that Only we are here for ourselves and nobody can know us better than ourselves ...
So that conversation begins to start forgiving for not knowing why I allowed certain people to walk all over me and didn't confront just thinking it was Respecting or obeying them ....No reality is different from such cruel conditioning where we are asked to respect elders (our parents sisters or brother all included ...)whose children bully us beat us and their parents entertain this knowing they must scold their children...
I just can't explain everything but I am glad to find answers to my unnecessary pain I created this year's by visiting those years of my childhood where I was with Narcissist Gang ( Narcissist parents teach their children to be Narcissist and make them believe that makes them Powerful Human....)
I am afraid how many children must be getting such up bringing and how difficult it is for a person to come out Healing oneself from such Traumatic past...)
People know that they are creating toxicity and they intentionally continue , first I use to become angry but now feel pity because it a viscous cycle they can't get out from n they may change targets to trap innocent people and make fun and njoy their victory of cruel mindset of innocent lives ...
It's very soul tearing to know n see this kind of people exist , n experience those Deeper wounds and Scars when we finally Bid GoodBye n walk away ...
I died laughing at the “oh shit” with the closeup.
Such an important video. I can't thank you enough.
Okay, so it was the last section of the video
The “May you be joyous” saying,
That’s when I teared up.
And it’s beautiful that I heard it first in the outro of your later videos. I’d say poetic, but pretty sure that’s not actually appropriate.
Anyways, thank you!
I just want to thank you for all the hard work you out into these videos. I've been through so many types of therapy but this one helped me the most. So thank you
Have loved and learned from every video. Lovingkindness is a meditation. There are lots of variants, many of them on You tube.
This was incredibly helpful, something clicked for me. Thank you for sharing all this Patrick!
This series is wonderful. Thank you for laying it out so clearly.
"May I be peaceful and at ease" hearing that somehow released all the tension from my shoulders, what magic is this
Thank you for all the videos. You have helped me tremendously.
Thank you Patrick. Wow, this one triggered me. I thought about my social anxiety and vividly go right back to when I dreaded social/family occasions, aged 10-15 I guess, when my narc mum (i know this now I’m 54!) used to TELL me to play the piano. I hated it, used to make mistakes & she would say in front of everyone “oh come on, you can do better than that!” Or if I said no I would be bullied into it. One year I got the lead in school play & had to sing. I’ve told her on many occasions since that I hated it & she just belittled & called me petty for not being proud. The fear the anxiety still haunts me today & came out strongly in therapy. I find it interesting now that I only play the piano to myself & if I play pieces from childhood I make the same mistakes. I dread social occasions at our house in case I’m asked to play. And at others houses if they have a piano. I’ve talked about it with my wife & she is now aware.
When I graduated highschool (VWO , which means in Holland you are allowed to study at the
university)my father said: 1- when your brother would still be live he had done far more better.
2- you did finish because your boyfriend helped you so much (who did the exams??? I asked him)
So, this is related to p.a. social anxiety. New way to understand stuff.
This is SO aligned with my most recent conversations with my therapist! it’s amazing and I appreciate a lot the variety of examples and your clear explanations. Also, you have no idea of my level of joy when you said there was homework 😆, because in that moment I was wondering how to work that out after being able to identify it. Thank you so so much for putting this knowledge out here, I truly believe that the world would be a better place if all adults worked on the healing of their inner child. Thank you ☺️❤️
Hitting the nail on the head every time! This is the series you mentioned in response to my comment on a previous video, and I'm here for every episode of it! Will stay tuned for sure! Thank you!
When im at a social event I'm so afraid to make a move or say something wrong, or spill something. I realize now this is because my overly critical father would yell at me whenever I made a mistake. Also I was so afraid to make a move as a child, so even when meeting friends from school I would shut down, and not say anything.
I found myself taking big, deep, calming breaths - in for 4, hold, out for 4 - during the whole of both your first and now this video.
Unfortunately for me, my trauma started before I was born. My mother had realised what my father was actually like and what kind of toxic, dysfunctional family she had married into. She already had my older sister, still an infant, and had decided to leave my father. She had planned with her older sister and her husband, to leave and come to stay with them in another part of the country. Once she found out she was pregnant with me she abandoned her plans. I understand that it would have been very difficult to be a single mother with one child and a failed marriage in the 1970s, but she didn't think she could cope with 2 children.
My mother never liked me, my father was emotionally absent and I became the family scapegoat.
My parents not so much reconciled, but my mother "accepted her fate" and they stayed together and had 2 further children. My first brother, born after the "reconciliation" was the golden child, who can still do no wrong. My youngest brother is still the adored baby of the family, and probably the one with the least damage. Unfortunatley I have problems with my siblings due to the way they were encouraged to treat me by our mother.
My aunt told me about my mother's secret plan years later, when I was struggling badly with my mother as a young adult at University. It made sense how my aunt had treated me growing up, very protective, almost my second mother. I know my aunt meant well, but it deepened the resentment I felt towards my family.
That's the very tip of a huge iceberg, I have a lot of painn to work through.
You hit the nail on the head so many times. Feeling guilty because I felt like an accomplise of my mother's shenanigans was a familiar childhood feeling
This has been really helpful, thank you so much for this.
Terrifyingly true ...start till end...#qualitycontent #appreciateMuch 🌻🥂
most insightful videos, excellent work! thank you so much for sharing them with us!
Got the book! Did the homework! Thank you so much for doing this!
8 minutes in and WOW so much of this resonates. Especially the I get invited to a party and the reaction is....."oh sh*t"......you mean other people have this reaction sometimes also? 😂
Sooooooo helpful! Thank you.
11:38 YES! No one else has understood this when I've mentioned it.